#idk making this blog was an impulse decision and we all know how often i get those aiudjasd

[l4verne-archived]

maaaaaaaay move oz back to my multi.........

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

GIVE ME YOUR HEADCANONS FOR YOUR FAVORITE BOY. BEST BOY. KARR!

holy crap.  the universe does not want me to make this post I SWEAR.

I was having difficulties answering one of the segments of the format you were asking for, so I shelfed it for a bit to think on it.  I never came to a conclusion HASODH-

I scrolled thru asks and saw this.  Holy moly you have been waiting for so long, if you are still here I would just like to say that I am so sorry for that like.  I really meant to get to this sooner--

Well, if the wait has been this long, I had better make my response worth it right.  So I’d better get the text format.

wait where is it.

I scrolled through old posts and old asks for like 20 minutes to find the format.

I did not find the format

I typed up a long intro explaining this whole situation, and got started writing the ask

THE PAGE REFRESHED.

TUMBLR AUTOSAVED NONE OF IT.

I also thought I lost THIS draft for a second and nearly screamed.  luckily I did not I was just on the wrong blog

this is try number.  across all of the times I’ve touched it I don’t actually know.  Time two today tho.

Anyway AHSOD I am so sorry for the long wait AND that I will not be using the original format because it has Disappeared.  If I do eventually find it, I’ll probably revisit this with anything I missed, but for now I will just be doing my best with what I remember and adding some other nonsense Just Because.  I hope this is good asdioh-

Headcanons about Canon and not AUs for once in my life

You know how in TDR, they have that really zoomed out shot at the end of the chase before Karr careens off a cliff where they do a bit of an Oopsie.  That oopsie being “there is a very clear way out of this situation.  that way is turning left instead of right.”

And you know how in KvK, Karr’s self preservation programming is basically thrown out the window?  So that they could throw model cars at each other or sumn I’m not being sarcastic there’s actually a few split seconds where you can see them throwing model cars at each other it’s so freaking funny I highly recommend going back and looking for it if you didn’t see it, it’s like behind the explosion I think, idk the exact timing bc it’s been a while but Yeah

Well.  The IRL explanation for these things is almost definitely “because it looks cool”, and I’m definitely making way more of it than there is, but behold.  I have basically informed my opinion on Karr’s personality (behind the whole scared for his life thing) from these things.  Because, as a hyper-intelligent AI, he really shouldn’t be able to make these sort of “dumb” mistakes, right?

The best I’ve got, then, is that he’s a LOT more influenced by emotions than Kitt is.  I don’t know whether I’d go as far as to say that he experiences them MORE, because Kitt clearly does have them... I think he’s just more cautious by nature, so he doesn’t really let himself act on them much.  Karr, though?  He’s impulsive, and easily swayed off course by panic, anger, sadness, etc.  That’s why, despite being just as smart as Kitt is, he often makes far less rational decisions.

He drove off a cliff because he was so scared that he just acted on impulse without doing any of the AI rationalizing stuff we’re used to seeing from Kitt.  If he’d have cleared his mind enough to scan ahead and process the routes as he drove, he would have made a different decision.  That’s Kitt’s biggest advantage in their fights, and it would be his greatest contribution if the two were ever to team up; both of them can smash things, but only one of them can work properly under pressure.

Even down to his programming--code can be changed, so it’s not the law that we often think of it as.  It’s just a very, VERY strong suggestion.  Kitt has never tried to change it; he’s never even CONSIDERED it.  Karr, though?  He reached his breaking point.  The thought of continuing to live his life on the run, unable to trust anyone or stay anywhere, was enough to drive him crazy.  He COULDN’T bring himself to continue with FLAG--and specifically Michael and Kitt--constantly on his tail.  So, he snapped and overrode his very foundation.  He’d either get rid of them or die trying.

That’s probably the core of why Devon was so scared of him, without providing much of a concrete reason.  Because Karr’s unpredictable, far closer to human than they’d ever expected him to be.  Even when he was on their side, they didn’t think they could trust him not to change his mind, or make a snap decision that endangered everyone involved.  I think he could have gotten control of it over time, but it definitely makes more sense that they wouldn’t want to work with him in this state.  Their response to it is still immoral imo, but if they didn’t fully realize his sentience and just saw it as a programming fluke, then I could see where it seemed necessary.  Especially if an accident like that had already happened... Not gonna elaborate on that here; I’ve made a post about it, and tbh I probably shouldn’t have because it wasn’t my idea in the slightest.  It’s just such a good headcanon that I basically adopted it immediately AHSIDO (Yes I did credit the fren in the original post, but it still just wasn’t the ideal way to go about it tbh, that’s why I’m not linking either.  If you really wanna scroll for it, it is still there so go for it ig best of luck to ye IASHDOHSA, but otherwise it’s really not mine to tell)

Headcanons that are so extremely Not Canon / for AUs

While the Karr that is in canon hasn’t had much time to be in the world, and thus is far less worldly than Kitt is, I would think that it would come much more naturally to him than his brother if given the chance.  I mean heck, he developed a whole salesman personality underwater sooo /lh  That probably means that he also does that copying thing really well, too.  Like, how Kitt picked up on the Trucker jargon that one time and got excited and parroted it for a bit... it happens pretty often, but that’s the clearest example I’ve got right now oops.  Anyway, I think Karr does that, too, but incorporates it in a somewhat more stealthy way.  Because if he messed up people will be Trying to Murder Him Again.

All I’m saying is.  One of them might have a chance of understanding meme culture and that one sure as heck isn’t Kitt.

Like, I actually think that Karr and Michael would have... shockingly similar personalities if Karr actually got to understand the world and himself better?  If they’d stop hating each other for a second, I think they’d get along really well.  Both loyalty driven, both impulsive due to emotionality, both sometimes make dumb decision because they just care too much... bothwouldprobablydieforKitteventhoughhedhateit oops what’s that my brothers bias showing????

Anyway, how this applies in Human!AU is that Karr can blend into human life really well.  Like, he’s just as curious and unsure as Kitt is, but he quickly picks up on the basic behaviors that people around him are routinely using and integrates them so as not to stick out.  And then, as time goes on, he just would kind of figure out what it all means himself, to the point where he’s reverse engineered how to be human with quite good accuracy.  Whereas Kitt is always very curious and is quite open about it, because why wouldn’t he be y’know he’s not used to hiding, so he’d probably stand out a lot more at first if he didn’t have Michael there to do most of the talking and explain things for him.  Idk if that makes any sense but yeah.  I just love the thought of Karr actually being the knowledgeable older sibling because he’s had much more time to adjust to his new form, and like he actually has a whole life of his own going on that he’s basically just disappeared into until Michael and Kitt show up.  Kitt asks him stuff, and he almost always has an answer.  On occasion, those answers are confidently incorrect.  But he’s trying OAHSDOIHSA

Also Karr and Michael bickering about basically everything, things that don’t matter in the slightest, while Kitt’s just standing there making sure it doesn’t go too far.  The second it starts going south “Why does it matter anyway?” and everyone’s just dead silent.  It didn’t matter they just had a bad case of the Himbos.

Like, it’s pretty easy to forget that Karr’s an AI after you’ve been talking to him for a while.  But then you ask him something when he’s not worked up about anything, and he provides this Giggachad Massive Brain response and it’s like “oh YEAH”

Love Language

BECAUSE WHY NOT

Actually tho, I genuinely think love language is so important to his character specifically.  You can take it as romantic if you want, that’s not how I personally mean it in this case tho.  I mean how he addresses the people that he cares about, no matter what the nature of it is.

See, a lot of the (in my mind) misunderstandings about his character stem from how he acted whenever he got a new pilot.  Like, with Tony and Rev, it could be easy to think that he was being walked all over by them and that he was entirely aimless.  It would also be easy to think that, no, he did have a motivation, because he wanted to steal things + kidnap people.  Same with John to a lesser extent, because John never told him to do the bad things, just also didn’t really try to get him to do good things either.  So surely Karr chose to do bad because he really, really just wanted to?

But I think that, while it doesn’t excuse his bad decisions (ESPECIALLY not the ones that put people’s lives in danger), a lot of it can be explained by love language.  Karr, simply put, has the Acts of Service love language.

The reason Karr let Tony and Rev direct him however they wished is because, after they inadvertently rescued him from deactivation, he felt indebted and was genuinely grateful.  He showed it by DOING whatever they asked of him.  And all he hoped was that they would get him help in exchange, which they did in about the most awful way possible but yeah.

And then John came along, and Karr is DESPERATELY trying to do the same thing... John never asks for his help with, anything really, but Karr is proactively trying to get him to ask for something.  Doesn’t matter what, he’ll do it.  It becomes increasingly frustrating when his acts of service aren’t seen as good enough, when he technically had what he needed but was still sorely lacking a friend.  And then he started going to truly awful extremes to show through ACTION that he was a loyal friend, that whether John thought he needed a companion or not, he’d be there, he PROMISED.

He also, to a somewhat lesser extent, takes action against those who have wronged him, as if to say “I’m done caring, and I’ll SHOW you how”, y’know?  A lot of it was out of self defense, but still important to mention ig.

You could say that this is due to the nature of them being AIs right, like built to provide a service from the beginning so I’m SURE they do feel that way yea.  However, I honestly feel like Kitt would express care through basically anything other than that.  Like, acts of service are the bare minimum, he’d do THAT for anybody because he was made for it.  If he goes out of his way to spend time with you, though--or in an human!AU, if he leans into a hug--then he really does care.  So, I really am not just defaulting to this.  I think Karr specifically thinks of it as more than his obligation, it’s his great joy to show how much he cares.

I think there were more things, but also this post is so long already what IOASHDOSAD- I’m also .  kinda sleepy so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense oo f- And I hope that it’s worth the wait aa ahhh

[tonyglowheart]

Idk who to talk to about this but last year I came across a white couple that got married as Wangxian and am kind of dreading people getting married as bride!XL (I mean I don’t think I’m comfortable with it even when they’re cosplaying the character’s Period but I’m trying(maybe failing) to be generous) bc it’s specifically CHN marriage tradition. Knowing how people can love EAsian media yet be racist towards us anyway, the growing global sinophobia just makes this feel worse. Am I overreacting?

Hi anon!

I don’t necessarily think you’re overreacting because your personal sore points are informed by your specific life experiences and the kinds of racism and microaggressions you’ve encountered and grown weary and leery of. I know I have points where I react to/against, that doesn’t affect everyone, and may not even affect a majority. At the very least, there’s reasons why I shy away from engaging with fic and specific fandoms in certain spaces, that I know are valid for me, and may be discussed as far as how it parallels or plays into wider trends, but that that doesn’t necessarily mean it translates to blanket prohibitions or guidelines or such.

From what you’ve described to me, I think I’d be wary of it, but not altogether against it? I think if someone is doing a cosplay wedding.... that’s kind of whatever to me. When something becomes a media franchise like that, I kind of feel like that kind of thing is going to happen. It may not be perfectly equitable as far as like playing into issues of Orientalism and colonialism/postcolonialism/neocolonialism go, but also from a more personally pragmatic point, there’s only so many fucks I have to give, and there’s things that, if for no other reason than personal sanity, I have learned and am letting to let go. We can’t redo the history of the world so as to completely erase or eradicate Western colonization or the structures and patterns laid out in history for neocolonialism.

Another thing I have to grapple with, is that we/I shouldn’t turn our ire to the individual. On an individual level, the specific person isn’t enacting systemic inequality, even if their actions play into it. The best we can hope for, if we have the energy and means, is to reach out and try to connect with people and explain our perspective and our history, to see if we can connect with them in such a way that they understand what we’re saying and where we’re coming from. That’s not something that can be forced or brute-forced.

The bride!XL matter... yeah is more of a sticking point - although to me, bride!XL’s costume is still a costume, its patterns and motifs are slightly atypical for your traditional bridal attire. I do also want to kind of point out that the “traditional” Chinese wedding attire tends to be based off a Qing dynasty style and design, which has a further internal complexity of it being “Chinese,” but not being traditional Han ethnic clothing and rather based more on Manchu traditions. Similar to the topics ppl grapple with regarding the qipao/cheongsam, and part of the reason for the hanfu revival movement.

For me personally, I find it... unideal for people to be dressing up in a “costume” for marriage, especially when it DOES tie into the culture, but at the same time I feel like if people are going out of their way to dress as bride!XL (and not just “oh I found this “bridal costume” and thought it would be cute”), then that means Xie Lian and TianGuan means something to them. Watching wedding dress shows, the whole Western tradition of white or close-to-white gowns IS very strong, if not with the bridal party then with the families, so poteeentially for them to break from that, hopefully to me means that it DOES mean something to them, even if it may not be what I or we want it to. I think for me, if people were co-opting marriage traditions or customs in an uniformed matter, I’d be more tilted about it lmao, but that’s me and my comfort level.

I feel you tho on racism and sinophobia and people who will consume EAsian media but still be racist towards people. I think that’s a valid point of contention. I think you see it played out in the greater fandom :/ Not, tho, always in every case that’s popped up as a “racism” issue. But I do think it’s there, and I think some of the recent discourse on racism in fandom - which was prevalent what feels like a year ago but was actually a couple months - also has roots in real issues and trends.

Hrmm tl;dr tho? I think you’re valid and not necessarily overreacting, because there IS a lot of history and honestly, contemporary actions and trends, which make that uncomfortable and possibly even damaging. But at the same time.... I think generally on a fandom level, these individual situations are somewhat inevitable especially for larger-reaching fandoms (as far as like the fandom bell curve goes), and aren’t necessarily single-handedly enacting and enforcing all of those bevvy of -isms. And even then, as an individual, we can’t stop other people from making the decisions they make and doing the things they do with their own lives. The topic is complicated bc we have the the confluence of fandom competing needs and racial/social justice competing needs which is, you know, complicated by additional swathes of intersectional identities and issues. 

I’m sorry I don’t really have an easy answer for you or any kind of reassurance or anything. But I don’t necessarily think you’re discomfort is invalid, but at the same time I think it’s a good opportunity to try to reflect on it, interrogate what might be some more extreme impulses you might have as far as reacting or responding, and practice self-care where you can as far as curating your experience to be as harm-free for yourself as you can and focus as much as you can on the aspects you can control instead of remaining in the agonizing of the factors that are outside of your control. Because as much as it might gall me, there ARE factors I cannot personally control or influence, and that can even include people who are, on paper, in my immediate sphere of influence. If they don’t want to listen to me or find other competing needs more compelling, I can try to reach out and explain where I’m coming from all I want, but I can’t force anyone to reciprocate or honestly, even listen. So instead of focusing my energy onto the minds I can’t change, I think in the long run it’s more productive and more enjoyable to focus on the things I CAN affect. And on some things, I find I’ve had a better/more enjoyable time blacklisting instead of focusing overly on the factors outside of my control and trying to force things outside of my control to somehow happen anyway.

Now of course, it’s easy for me to SAY that now lmao. I mean, I know I’m not without flaws or salt. My saltmines run deep and my wounds remain rather sensitive and not yet numbed by time and my salt does indeed runneth over, maybe more often than ppl who aren’t me and who are following my blog for specific things would rather. And I don’t have it in me to always be magnanimous or extend people good faith without a second thought, especially if it’s something that hits a trigger. But idk, psychologically speaking, and even just from a personal level, it’s not helpful to me or even potentially to others to be so focused on things I can’t control or influence and to like be stuck in suffering so much. We only have so many hours and so many brain cells to devote to things.

...I literally have no clue how to wrap this up oh god. uhhh real tl;dr ig: anon I think you’re valid, but also like... from my personal experience... I’m suffering either way so for me I’m like. might as well learn to let it go so I’m not actively suffering over this particular thing and either free up braincells to try to building towards thriving or so I can suffer about things that are due to “me” reasons, or short of that, I do not see.meme it so at least I’m not being actively triggered by it (I think this is more where I’m at right now,,,, lmao,,, F). Ur valid tho, I know the struggle of “am I the one being issues” but that ALSO becomes stifling (or it did for me), when I felt like I had to shut up and behave so as to not ruffle Westerner feelings. But also suffering is rough and I encourage you, for your own peace of mind, to explore ways to lessen your suffering, bc that shit is rough.

[vandergeld]

                  hey  everyone welcome BACK to my blog  ,  hi  , how  are  ya ?   i’m   RUZZY   (  or  ru  ,  rudy  idk  if thats too  much  lmAO  )  &  i  have  not  been  apart  of  a  group  in  84  years ............  that  graphic  is  so  extra  but  i  was  bored  &  first  impressions  are  everything  ,  ANYWHO  this  is  my  mans WARNER  played  by  my  mans  GRAYSON DOLAN  ,  who  lacks  f’n  resources  so  i  gotta  work  some  magic  w/  all  these  gifs  on  tumblr  lmao  so  any  gif  icons  are  noT  mine  for  the  most  part  they’ll  be  taken  from  gifs  alr  created  (  s/o  2  the  fly  hunnies  that  made  ‘em  )  anyway  ya’ll  don’t  really  care  abt  me  lmao  soooooo here’s warner ! PLS  feel  free  to  hmu ANYTIME  for  the  plots  &  things  of  that  nature  u  could  lit  never  bother  me  idc ,  my  discord  is  𝐫𝐮𝐳𝐳𝐲𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐳𝐢#1643 if  u  everrr need  to  get  ahold  of  me  when  im  not  on  tumblr  !

         𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍, cismale, he/his. → look out, there’s 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐃. you know, the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘  year old 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 of 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐀 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 𝐌𝐔. you know, i overheard someone say that they were 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 , 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  and 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃. but that’s just rumours. fresh new pairs of air jordan 1's, the roar of a crowd in a stadium, and lost weekends come to mind when i think of them. what about you? [ ruzzy, he/him, 18, est ]

TW : CANCER MENTION  ,  SMOKING  MENTION  .

//   »    GENERAL      :

FULL NAME   :   warner     evangelino   alexander       vandergeld       (   inspired by the antagonists of white chicks lmaooo   )     .

HOMETOWN  : new  york  city  ,  new york  .

NICKNAMES   :   dumbass   .

AGE   :   twenty  .

BIRTHDAY   :   october twenty-first   .

ZODIAC   :   libra   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   german  ,   italian  ,  irish   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   golden boy   ,   the   lothario   ,   the   jock   .

TROPE(S)  :  chick magnet  ,  hormone-addled teenager  ,  unwitting pawn  , upper class twit  ,

OCCUPATION   :  college student  &  collegiate football player  & full time frat bro  .

FRAT : beta lambada mu  .

MAJOR   :   environmental science  .

POS  : charming  ,  charismatic  ,  brave  ,  athetic ,  dedicated  ,   eco-friendly  ,  high-moral compass  ,  book smart  ,  kind  ,  energetic  ,  optimistic  , loyal (  most of the time  ) ,  respectful  ,   well-rounded  ,  level-headed  , ambitious  ,  debonair  ,  life of the paty  .

NEG   :  compulsive  ,  easily-influenced  ,  dimwitted  , hypersexualized  ,  problematic  ,  addictive  , rebellious  ,  bemused  ,  defensive  ,  clingy  ,  hopeless-romatic  ,  overly-competitive  ,  envious .

INSP  : nate archibald  (  gossip girl  )  

//   »    PAST      :

          warner   was  born  &  raised  in  the  city  that  never sleeps  and    is  the  product  of  evangeline   moretti-vandergeld  , an   intelligent   american-italian  socialite  turned   environmental   politician  ,   and  captain  william   vandergeld  ,  a  former   navy   captain  ,   and  now   a   shareholder   in   some   boring   fortune   500   company   that   allowed   his   wife   and   son   to   live   an   affluent  ,   and   privileged   life  . his   mother  however  ,   was   the   real deal  ,   often   using   their   sum   of   wealth   to   donate   to   multiple   charities  ,  organizations  , etc, she was  dedicated  to  keeping  new  york  city  (  and  all  who  lived there  )  clean  and  safe   , and  she instilled  those  same  values  onto  her  son.

          some people are born lucky  ,  and others  ,  lucky  to  be  born  .   warner  was  the  first  option  .  his childhood  was  nothing  short  of  happiness  ,  and  happiest  days  were  with  his  mother  ,  for  as  long  as he  could  remember  ,  any happy  moment  in  his childhood  was  faded  right  into  her.

          things  took  a  drastic  change  his freshman  year  of  (  private  obvy lmao  )  high-school   .   warner’s  mother  was  diagnosed  with  breast  cancer  ,  and  little  to  his  knowledge  ,  it wasn’t  looking  pretty  from  the  start  .  she was  frequently  in  and  out  of the hospital  for  a  few  months  at  a  time  and  it  was  not  looking  good  on  any  fronts  .  one  day  when  she  went  to  the  hospital  it seemed  like  she  never  left  ,  maybe  she  didn’t  ,  those  days  were  a blur  for  warner  to  be  honest  .  watching  his  mother  lose  life  , every  single  day  was  not  a task  he  was  up  for  .

          by  then  it  was  just  warner  and  his  father  ,  they  were  all  they  had  in  the big  city  . (  when  he  wasn’t  always  away  on business  )  warner  grew  up  in   that  big  luxy  town  house  all  by  himself  ,  with  the  company  of  loyal  maids  ,  chefs  ,   and  nannies  of course  .  but  in  high  school  , the  more  he  really submerged  himself  into  it  ,  it  was  a  crazy  world  &  he  loved  it  .  whilst  getting  demands  from  his  father  in  tokyo  to  attend  those  boring  sailing  classes  ,  warner  instead  headed  out  to  their  beach  house  in  the  hamptons  for  an  early  20  rager  .

       warner  undoubtedly knew  the  power  he  possessed  ,   big  man  on  campus  type  &  it felt  good  , until  about towards  the  end  of his  junior  year  he  was  honestly  all   partied   out  ,  but  of  course reputation  is   everything  ,  in  order  to  keep  up  thats  when  he  picked  up  the   real  ugly  habits  ,  that  were  of  course  fun  .  smoking  numerous  amounts  of  marijuana  ,  various  girls  in  -  and  -  out  every other  day  was  a  feeling  like  no  other  ,   he  knew  it  was  wrong  ,  he  knew  his  mom  would  be  ashamed  ,  him  doing  all these  things  and  not carrying  on  her  legacy  in  some  way .  but  he  couldn’t  help  himself  in a  all  honesty   ,   and   no  doubt  some  of  that  transitioned  over  in  college .

//   »    AES   :

          lost weekends partying  ,  chicken  wings  &  french  fries  ,  air  jordan  1′s  ,  gucci  guilty  cologne  ,  friday  night  lights  ,  clouds  of  smoke  &  red  eyes  ,  diamond  encrusted  jewelry  glistening  under  bright  lights  in  a  dark  room  ,  nike  sweatsuits  ,  game  winning  moves  ,  new  york  city  at  night  ,  hamptons  in  the  summer  ,  spring  break  in  miami  ,  impulsive decisions  .

//   »    TL;DR   :

(  and  some  stuff  i  probably  missed  oops  )  warner  is  a  conflicted  mama’s   boy  who  knows  half  the  shit  he does  is  wrong  but  can’t  stop  .  after  his  mothers passing  he had  an absent father  who seemed  to  always  be  away  on  business  ,  only  in  town  for  a  month  or  two  ,  missing  his sons’ multiple  feats   to  keep  himself  distracted  from  the  fact  that  his  wife  was  no  longer  with  them. created  immense daddy  issues  for  warner  ,  especially  since  he  was  a  standout  football  star  &  2x   stage  champ in  high  school  ,  and is  currently  playing  collegiality  for  the  irish ,  with  dreams  of  making  it  in  the  nfl  cause  screw  his  dad  he  don’t  wanna  go   2  the  navy   ,   or  work  for  dat  company # not  gonna  happen .  warner  took  great  advantage  of  wealth  &  his  fathers  absence  ,  but  he’s  lowkey  partied  out  in  college  ,  or  so  he likes  to  say  but  he fakes  it ‘till  he  makes  it bc  he  doesn’t  his  brothers  to think  he’s  lame . HE’S  LIVING  FOR  EVERYBODY  BUT  HIM  BASICALLY .

//   »    HEADCANONS    :

warner  is  on  a  football  scholarship  majoring  in  environmental  science  bc  although  he  most  likely  won’t  do  shit  w/  da  degree its  for  mommy  .

he can EASILY  be  manipulated  or  taken  advantage  of  ,  he’s  book  smart  but lowkey  dumber  than  a  fucking  box  of  rocks 

immastonerbyyoungthug.mp3  .  occasionally ,  but  ,  more  so  than  that  ?  he  always  manages  to  flush  out  his  system  in  time  if  needed  be  ,  but  he  loves  2  roll  up  #  stress relief 

a  BEAST  on  that  field  (  student  athlete  meme  here  )

has  all  the  canon  gray  tattoos  bc  fuck  what  dad  thinks  .  he  wears  a solid  16 inch gold  chain  ,  and  another  of  the same  length with  his  moms’  name  on  it  , never  fucking  takes  it  off  ,  showers  with  it  cause  he  can  .

ok  ........  he  rich  ,  but  like  not  i  can  do  whatever  i  want  rich  ???  he  may  not  ever  have  to  work  a  day  in  his   life  ,  but  he  don’t  got  the pull  u  think  he  does  w/  his  dumb  ass  u  probably  couldn’t  even  tell  he’s  got  money  with  his  minimalist  fashion  sense  .

he  has  a  higher  moral  compass  than  most  of  his  frat  bros  ,  but  the  stupid  shit  he does  ,  u most  likely  won’t  even  be  able  to tell  ,  he’s  definitely  a  serial  romeo  and  a  heartbreaker  ,  one  compliment  ?  he’s  ready  to  drop  his  pants  &  fall  in  love  w/   u  .

HE DUMB  ,  but  like  he  can  talk  his  way  into  &  out  of  anything  ,  most  of  the  time  ,  batting  those  big  brown  eyes  &  a  million  dollar  smile  has  saved  his  ass  on  multiple  occasions  .

//   »    WANTED CONNECTIONS   :

EX-GIRLFRIEND :  i’m  thinking  his  first  &  only  “  serious  “  relationship  while  in  college  .  were  going  pretty  steady  until  he  cheated  on  her  (  hmm wc  on  who  he  cheated  on  her w/ ??  ) ,  she  never  found  out  but  that  guilt  ate warner TF UP  so  he  cut  things  off  with  her  via  text  message  and blocked  her  number  ,  ignores  her  any  chance  he  gets  ‘till  this  day  ,  cause  he  doesn’t  have  any  balls  and  cannot  face  his  fears  .

FRAT BROS  : lowkey  what  i’m  MOST  excited  for  asdfgh  like  whoever  is  in  beta  lambada mu  hit  me  the  fuck UP so  we  can  discuss  dynamics  ,  roomates  ,  allat  .

FOOTBALL TEAM  : same  for  above  ,  he’s  lowkey  cocky  &  got  sly  comments  when  he’s  on  the  field  ,  he constantly  humbles  himself  but  can’t  helps  it  ,  he is  hot  shit  and  he  knows  it  , how does  his  team  feel  ab  that  ??  w/  his  defensive  ass  !

GOOD-LUCK CHARM  :  prolly  a  girl  (  bonus  points  if  a  cheerleader  ???  im  not  picky  tho  i promise  if  ur  muse  don’t  shake  poms  idc  )  it  happened  out  the  blue  ,  they  screamed  his  name  while  the  team  was  walking  out  for  a  game  ,  and  she  called  that  he’d  get  3  td’s  and  thats  exactly  what  he  did  now  they  joke  ab  it  and  shit  (  maybe  a  goodluck  kiss b4  games  bc  its  warner lolol  ) idk  i  came  up  wit  it  on the  spot but  i love  it.

//   »    MISC   :

i’m a dumbass  &  this  got  way  longer  than  i  expected  but  if  u  made  it   all  the  way  thru  ily . 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

So this’ll probably be a multiple part submission, but again it’s the “ISTJ 4w5” anon here with more info about myself for better typing. Sorry it took so long to get back, I was out of town. So I read your post about what information is helpful when typing so I’ll do my best. Basically, I’ve gone back and forth with all different types, trying to find my best fit. A friend of mine who’s pretty knowledgeable about mbti was the one who suggested I may be ISTJ for a few reasons: I usually (1/?)

think everything through at least a little-as I’ve gotten older I’ve become a lot more spontaneous and adventurous about things, I love new experiences too-but even with these things I still think about how I’ll get it to work, what the possible repercussions will be, exactly what I need to do to accomplish things, etc., so Judging would make sense for my personality. I do actually do tons of research on most things beforehand, sometimes I’ll get lazy and “just do it” but I almost always (2/?)

go into something with at least a little foreknowledge. I also make decisions with my head, so for that reason it seemed like it made sense for me to have thinking as my dominant judging function, because I always choose the most logical option/what will yield the best result, sometimes based on what has worked in the past. But I’m not against new suggestions, because I look at what will work the best or yield the best result as I said before. But I will lean towards things that have worked(3/?)

before if they seem to be the best solution. I didn’t think I could be a Thinking dominant because for me there’s no way I could have inferior Feeling, which is why the stackup of a Perceiving function followed by Thinking and Feeling made sense-because I always check in with my values/feelings before making a decision but always rely on objective logic first-which I’ve heard is a staple of Te vs Ti subjective logic. But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it.(4/?)

Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details when someone is telling me a story, or relaying something that happened, because I like to know specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing(5/?

(Im starting from where I think I left off bc tumblr wasn’t sending them) But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it. Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details (6?/?)

and specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing things too, like my conclusions need to match up with the objective logic I use. I’m not much for rules or traditions like most ISTJ stereotypes go, but stereotypes are just that and aren’t what’s important to look at when typing. I have certain traditions that I appreciate but I’m almost always open to an adventure or new experience. I like the idea of making new memories as well, and I love learning new things.(7/?)

Idk how much of the last asks even sent, ugh. Anyway: I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant in some way. My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch (8/?)

I can be spontaneous, but I’m not reckless because I always think things through at least preliminarily. I just believe in seizing the moment and making the most of an experience, so I love “adrenaline junkie” activities. Usually that’s an Se stereotype, it’s something I can relate to but I wouldn’t call myself impulsive because I analyze pretty much everything. I just have noticed that I can be more adventurous than my Se dom friend, which is interesting. But it’s all about how one thinks.(8/?)

For the zillionth time my tumblr was acting all wack and idk how many parts of my ask sent, so let’s hope they did... I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant somehow(8?/?

My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch with my 5 senses, always. I often pick up on details other people miss but I can be as oblivious as anyone else on a bad day. I would consider myself a fairly intuitive person, but definitely not an abstract iNtuitive-type. Im just pretty perceptive about things, it’s something those close to me always tell me. I get senses or vibes from people when I meet them, and I’ve had plenty of experiences where I’ll get a certain vibe from (9/?)

mom sometimes, but that could be due to maturity. I used to think I was an iNtuitive, but I realized I am actually most likely a sensor who was mistyped thanks to bad descriptions due to intuitive bias. I know the only real difference is Sensing focuses on the here/now and the past, drawing on resources and memory, and using concrete, linear thinking, likes details and being in touch with surroundings, etc. I really dislike abstract thinking and I always need practical real life examples (10/?)

applications in order for me to care. I like the abstract symbolism in art, music, etc. And in that sense I like to determine what the real meaning is. So I don’t hate abstractions but they’re not my favorite, so an Ne weak spot in that department would make a lot of sense for me. I just hate abstract theories on things that have no real use or meaning to me. I also know that an “I” type doesn’t always mean one is a true introvert because it’s all about functions, but I’m almost positive I(11/?)

am one because I’m definitely an introvert and my primary thought process is always done internally. I’ve done so much research on mbti and enneagram, which my friend also thought could be due to wanting to discover my true identity, which I’ve heard is an enneagram 4 thing. Discovering my identity is very important to me. Obviously I’m not an expert, I’m just a person who wants to understand themself and has researched and read a lot to be able to do that (12/?)

There’s definitely parts of personality theory that I don’t know, but I definitely know more than anyone else I know personally in my life, it’s kind of become a hobby I guess. I just really want to know my type, not to flaunt it like some badge of honor for being a super “rare” or “cool” type; I want to know so I can grow as a person and understand myself and how I think and make decisions so I can see my reasoning and improve myself. Anyway I hope this info helps, I love your blog (13/14)

and thanks for taking the time to read all this horrific mess. (14/14)

---------------------------------------

I wrote a much longer response but it was very piecemeal as these came through.

In short: my guess would be SFP, either ISFP or ESFP.

Reasoning: I think in your attempts to avoid intuitive stereotypes you fell into a whole lot of stereotypes about Se that led you not to type as using it even though you seem very clearly a high Se user to me. You don’t provide many specific examples, ironically enough (eg: a lot of people say they get vibes, but there is a difference between ‘I regularly guess information about people that they are shocked I could figure out’ and ‘I can tell when people are sad sometimes’ and people use ‘vibes’ for both), so Ti vs. Fi is more difficult as you don’t really provide examples of your logic and there’s a lot of tautology. That said your motivations for MBTI as true identity (which...it is not your true identity, please do not think of any personality theory as such, they’re all generic archetypes of your identity) seem more in line with Fi as do some other things. Some observations:

-most people think their actions through to some extent. Some more than others but even spontaneous Ne and Se users have like, a thought and don’t just leap blindly. You don’t really provide an example here of your planning or your adventurousness.

-”I make decisions with my head” and “I always choose the most logical option” are actually signs to me that you don’t have a great sense of self-awareness. No one always chooses the most logical option unless they’re a robot. We all do irrational things sometimes, and honestly, how do you even decide what’s more logical in a lot of decisions?

-while it is true that Te uses objective logic and Ti uses subjective logic, people are very bad at telling which they use - which isn’t a judgment on them or you, but it also means that if someone says “I use objective logic” it doesn’t really mean anything. You need to tell me what decisions you make that are objective.

-If you have moral stances but do things that completely contradict them...then you don’t have moral stances, you just say you do. So this is tautological.

-Lots of people can be stubborn; dependability is more stereotypically judgers but I’ve met some exceptionally reliable perceivers; it’s a learned skill that smart people learn to develop regardless of type.

-contrary to stereotype, while some Si-doms do have a great memory (I think mine is better than average) plenty don’t; the capacity to remember details is more sensing because of the detail-oriented nature.

-similar to the objective logic statement it would be helpful to understand what you mean by external logic.

-being always open to an adventure or new experience is not really likely in high Si users until they’re pretty old. I mean, I am as discussed in the midst of a bunch of new experiences and while I’ve moved and started new jobs/school a few times and am used to it I am still kind of constantly fighting the urge to just hide in my new apartment (not having wifi in it is ‘helping’). The fact that you also are an adrenaline junkie is really not typical of Si-doms at all.

-Finally: introversion. Your writing style strikes me as extroverted. You don’t provide examples. I would need to know more about what you mean by “your thought process is internal” because like, that is what thoughts are - internal. Extroverts still have a full inner monologue.

My guess is you’re a type 4 ESFP who is in the midst of tert-Te development and so you are currently identifying very strongly with logic and productivity. However, it’s also very possible you’re an organized ISFP; my ISFP sister is one of those. As mentioned a lot of people realize that being flaky isn’t really a good look; a lot of SFPs are also very practical (high Se) and place a high value on reliability as a moral trait or identity trait. I find the nature of Fi and Ti is such that it’s really hard for people who use them to always know which one they use because they’re so subjective by nature; high Fi users often see their moral decisions as logical and high Ti users often see their logical decisions as also moral (unless they are of the edgy, “I have no morals” sort).

[kpopcinnamonswirlroll]

50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @abangtanfangirl​ ^-^

1.       What takes up too much of your time?

Work, Youtube, Anxiety/Depression

2.       What makes your day better?

Music, sleep, cuddling with loved ones(without them teasing me for wanting attention)

3.       What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

umm... it’s only like 1:30pm..? I guess having ice cream for breakfast..?

4.       What fictional place would you like to go?

Hmm... probably Hogwarts.

5.       Are you good at giving advice?

I guess so? A lot of people repeatedly come to me for advice, even for subjects I have no personal experience with (ie dating, sex, relationships, how to run a business). I guess I’m just blessed with wisdom.

6.       Do you have any mental illnesses?

Yeah, it’s great, lemme tell ya

7.       Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

I don’t think so, if I did I was a baby.

8.       What musician inspired you the most?

I guess BTS..? Idk, I don’t really think about this.

9.       Have you ever fallen in love?

I... don’t know. Like, I get crushes on people very easily, I get lovestruck/starstruck quickly; like if I spend a couple hours getting to know someone after I already knew I was attracted to them, there is a really good chance of me just going 😍 & wanting to date them asap. When it comes to my romantic feelings, I’m fairly impulsive. However, I’m not sure if I can call these emotions love.

10.   What’s your dream date?

I’m not sure. Normally I’d say “cuddling in bed/on the couch watching movies/youtube videos”, but that’s most definitely what will happen if someone dates me. So, I’m gonna go with this instead; Go on a trip. It could be nearby, or we could go to a different country. I think it’d be cool to travel somewhere together, do some sightseeing, go shopping, eat food from that culture(if we do go to a different country). It’d be nice to relax and spend time with the person I care about most; without the worries & stressors of everyday life. Cuddling is a must, tho. I must be showered in physical affection. Holding hands, back hugs, & cute little kisses, no matter where we go.

11.   What do other people notice about you?

I’m not quite sure. I’ve had people say I’m cool. For the most part, it seems to be a consensus that I’m a sweet, smol little baby bean/crab/koala/bunny that must be protected.

12.  What is the annoying habit you have?

I have somehow developed the belch of a trucker & idk how to get rid of it. Even if I only had 6 oz of soda, I will burp, and it will be a gross trucker one. I hate it.

13.  Do you still talk to your first love?

Nope.

14.  How many exes do you have?

Gotta have dated someone to have an ex.

15.  How many songs are on your playlist?

Lmao which one? (This is just gonna be the ones on Spotify that I hearted: 478. I’m not gonna sort it by genre. Too much work lol.)

16.  What instruments can you play?

I can sing. Does that count?

17.  Who do you have the most pictures of?

Kim Seokjin... 😅

18.  Where would you like to go before you die?

I want to go to Asia before I die.

19.  What is your zodiac?

Gemini/Cancer! I’m technically a Gemini, but my sun is literally like half in Gemini & half in Cancer.

20.  Do you relate to it?

I relate to Cancer more than Gemini, but I have aspects of both, so yes.

21.  What is happiness to you?

Sleeping, Music, and Cuddling

22.  Are you going through anything right now?

Define “going through anything”.

23.  What is the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Ummm.... I dunno. I made a few bad ones when I was 17.

24.  What is your favorite store?

I like Barnes & Noble, but I also like Torrid...

25.  What is your opinion on abortion?

I am pro-choice. Idk about which trimester the person should get it in. Even if I don’t always agree with it, I still think someone should be able to choose whether to get one or not.

26.  Do you have a bucket list?

Nah. I might make one in the future. idk.

27.  Do you have a favorite album at the moment?

Surprisingly, I do! I really like Attention by Shinedown at the moment. I love all the songs on there.

28.  What do you want for your birthday?

Sleep, a Painless Death, A Nap in a Bottle™️, Money, someone that likes me back & actually wants to date me.

29.  What are most people’s first impression of you?

I’m pretty big/thick/fat & I don’t normally smile at strangers(unless I’m at work #CustomerService), so I probably intimidate them at first.

30.  What age do you seem according to most people?

A lot of people think I’m a bit older than I actually am. My boss thought I was 21; I’ll actually be 20 in June. I do have a baby face, tho. So online people think I’m younger than I really am. (Someone said I was 9 🙄)

31.  Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On my desk near my bed. I use it as an alarm clock and it charges in the alarm clock that my brother got me for Christmas. It’s just figuring out how to set the alarm on the clock that’s a pain in the ass, plus, I have BTS songs set for alarms on my phone so I’d rather wake up to BTS singing in the morning. (jskskjsksjskjsks I’m choking. thanks for writing this for me. XD)

32.  What word do you say the most?

Tbh I think I make random noises & scream in fear/surprise more often than any word I’d normally say. Maybe “I can’t English”, otherwise the screaming/noises.

33.  What’s the oldest age you would date?

Realistically, I think I’d do 3-4 years older than me(since I’ll be 20 in June, 22-24). Just because I haven't had any experience with dating, so I’d want them to be closer to my age.

34.  What’s the youngest age you would date?

18

35.  What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Something with numbers

36.  What’s your favorite music genre?

I dunno. I listen to whatever I like. I don’t really care about the genre.

37.  If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I am very happy living in the U.S. rn. If anything, I’d wanna live in Spain, I was there for 2 weeks & I loved it(also I can speak some Spanish), or Britain.

38.  What is your current favorite song?

RIght now I really like Kill This Love by BlackPink, What I Need by Hayley Kiyoko, Perdido En Tus Ojos by Don Omar, All I do by Monsta X, & BABE by HyunA

39.  How long have you had this blog for?

Idek, bro. 

40.  What are you excited for?

My birthday.

41.  Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener.

42.  What is the last productive thing you did?

Dropped off a prescription at the pharmacy this morning.

43.  What do you want for Christmas?

A significant other

44.  What class do you get the best grades in?

Math classes & Economics.

45.  On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling?

3. I’m tired, suffering, & have been put through the wringer.

46.  What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

Hopefully getting my own place to live in.

47.  When did you get your first heart broken?

Age 8. I was a silly 3rd grader.

 48.  At what age do you want to get married?

26 or 27 sounds good to me.

49.  What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be famous. A singer/songwriter.

50.  What do you crave right now?

Death, a nap, food, love, cuddles

Tagging: @btssavedmylifeblr @holy-kpop-hoe @angstchim @mxrvelspidey @requestfairy

omg i started this 2 hours ago

[sarahboseman]

WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT (PART 4)

CHADWICK BOSEMAN X READER

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

WORD COUNT: 3300 but many conversations, very fast to read!

WARNING : SMUT - Cursing

TAGLIST:

@greenswishbish @wakandanmoonchild @tchallaswife @sisterwifeudaku@captiansaveasmut @heyauntieeee @royallyprincesslilly @wakandanblogger@wakandawinning @wakandankings @kumkaniudaku @airis-paris14 @ashanti-notthesinger @zforzathura @90sinspiredgirl @imgabbyrae@brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @skysynclair19 @ljstraightnochaser@zxddy-panther @stressedgyal @bubbleboss17 @ovohanna24 @starsshines-blog @leahnicole1219 @texasbama

At the beginning of the chapter, the Reader is at the present time, then she makes a leap of time remembering what happens a few days after the casual meeting with Chadwick and after their conversation at her house … after that message.

I HOPE THE TAGS WORK!!! LET ME KNOW PLEASE! Reblog if you like it ❤❤❤

NOWADAYS

“Can you stop looking at that phone and have fun?“ Aisha tells you trying to get your iPhone out of your hands. “I’m not doing anything wrong!! just checking my e-mails”

“Yes, your damn e-mails … it’s called WEEKEND for a reason Y/N, enough work! it’s Friday night come on!!! it’s me, you, two beers and lots of nice guys having fun. I wanna have fun and you too need it, you must forget and distract yourself!”

Rebounding is not really your lifestyle, you’ve tried several times but it never worked. Your last “love story”, if you can call it that, wasn’t that great. He was a very nice guy, but there was no feeling. You dated a couple of times, but that kiss was just disgusting, too wet, too much tongue, too much of everything.

"I pass thanks, I’d rather be alone than go out with someone like Jordan again”

“Come on, he wasn’t so bad! He was nice, very good looking. Did he sink the pink?” Aisha asks you, bursting out laughing

“AISHA !!! Nope!!! He kissed me once, while he was taking me home and afterwards … I deleted his number”

“Damn … was he so bad??”

“very bad … trust me”

You sip a bit of your cold beer trying to quench your thirst and shake off the heat and, above all, trying to erase the memory of that kiss. The place is really nice, almost in the center of London and outdoors, there’s a bit of background music, soft lights, a very nice atmosphere. It’s crazy hot outside, but for a quiet Friday night it’s a great choice. Full of boys and girls having fun, chatting, just like you and your friend. You really didn’t want to stay home alone, lately you struggle.

Too many thoughts on your mind, you need to stay busy, even if it’s not easy not thinking. By now you’ve resigned yourself, the constant thought of him will haunt you for life. Like a sentence.

Now It’s as if the situation reversed. Now, he is the one who disappeared without saying a word, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth, without knowing where and how to contact him, write to him, ask him what happened, if you’ve done something wrong, if he changed his mind, if his words were just empty words. It’s as if he wanted you to experience the feelings he felt that day YOU disappeared from his life. It sounded like a kind of revenge and it hurt you.

Since that night in February of 5 months ago, you haven’t seen and heard him. Well, it’s not really correct, you’ve heard him for a few days, then nothing……….. ………………………..

Five days after that message he sent you, after leaving your house, you wrote him, pondering a lot about your decision. At first it was a harmless message, you complimented for Black Panther that you were finally able to see at the cinema … then the conversation continued taking a turn that had nothing harmless.

You opened Whatsapp, clicked on “new message” and in the list you looked for his number already saved.

- “The wait was really worth it. One of the most beautiful movies, and you’re always outstanding Boseman"

His answer doesn’t wait long, despite the time zone.

-“Thanks Y/ really glad u like it … but what a surprise … I wasn’t expecting to hear from you anymore. I had lost hope and didn’t dare to write u.”

-“That was the intention, but I couldn’t not compliment you"

-“Disappear another time then?“

-“And what should I do?”

-“Idk"

-“precisely"

Message displayed and not responded until the next day.

-“Forgive me, but last night I fell asleep while you were writing. Don’t be mad at me Y/N “ -“And btw, you’re very beautiful in the profile picture”

Naturally you wait a long time in answering, even if his compliment leaves you flattered …

-“I’m not mad Chadwick … Last week we screamed against each other all our resentment, hoping it would help us, I don’t know how much helped me. That message left me very perplexed. You told me some very important things, and what should I do now? What are you asking me again?”

-“I’m not asking you anything, I needed to tell you how I felt and what I felt for a long time and that despite everything I still feel, I don’t see any harm in it. I’m tired of keeping it all inside. Whatever it is.“

-“Okay and you’re right saying what you think, but according to you, was it a nice move telling me you’re engaged and when you’re with your girlfriend doing your things you think about me?”

-“My relationship is not so healthy … I would like something more"

-“These are not my business"

Silence for hours

-“You’re right"

-“I know I’m right"

-“Can I call you?“

-“It’s not the right moment …”

-“What are you doing?“

-“A hot bath, I’m trying to relax after a very stressful working day, what are u doing?”

Silence for a few minutes, but you involuntarily know that you’ve caught his attention.

-“I’m in NY, arrived at the hotel a half hour ago, a stressful journey. I rest before the show tonight, I have a live interview“ He writes to you while he takes off his shirt and jeans starting to bother him for the trip. He moves his bag to the foot of the immaculate bed, then throws himself on it and spread out.

-“You’re a busy and successful man now”

-“I’m always Chadwick. But let’s not think about me, you said you’re taking a hot bath?“He writes with a grin on his face.

-“Yes … I’d be trying to do it”

-“Are you naked in the bathtub talking to me then?“

-“I am”

-“Y/N …“

-“What??”

You know perfectly well you DON’T have to do it, you know perfectly well that it’s NOT correct and the right thing to do is to TURN OFF your phone at that moment!

But you don’t. The thought of knowing that somehow you still have some effect on him makes you feel mischievously good. And anyway your ability to complicate your life exceeds all limits.

-“Damn Y/N” You hear him breathing hard, like a resignation.

-“What’s Chadwick? … you never do a bath? It doesn’t sound like an exciting thing “

-“Well … picturing yourself naked, inside the bathtub, beautiful as the sun … yes it is”

-“Be good … “

-“Can I keep you company on the phone?”

It’s time to BREAK OFF the conversation and say goodbye, you have to put it DOWN. What the hell are you doing ???

-“Of course you can keep me company"

-“You’re alone?“

-“Mmm mmm … u?”

-“Thank God yes. Alone for a few days"

-“Chadwick …“

-“I told you I’m not good and it’s not a healthy relationship”

-“So why not disengaged yet??“

-“Habit, I think”

-“Habit isn’t good for love relationships"

-“I know well. It’s all a mess, I have to stop for a moment and understand what to do”

-“it sounds a little like cowardice to me”

-“Maybe I am. It’s not easy”

-“are u tired?“

-“A lot, too much has happened too quickly, I’d like to take a break from everyone and everything, I should leave and turn off the phone”

-“just do it"

-“How despotic"

-“You have to take care of yourself first of all"

-“And who takes care of you?“

Here we go…

-“Not talking about me Chad”

-“But I’m curious"

-“I don’ think you’re in the right position to be"

-“Anyone reach you later or u sleep alone?“

-“Chadwick …”

-“At the party for your promotion you didn’t seem to be in company"

-“I was not”

-“So anyone comes for the night?“

Silence, you don’t answer

-“Y/N? You there? I see you’re online”

-“I sleep alone, nobody comes"

You don’t know why, but it’s like he’s smiling, and looking at the screen of his cell phone with that unmistakable smirk.

Until a few days ago you didn’t even know where he was, what he thought, what he did. You had no contact, maybe you didn’t even want a contact. You’re so torn up with yourself that you don’t know how to behave.

Yet you’re an adult person, impulsive but at the same time very conscientious, you always thinks a lot and evaluate every aspect of things and then throwing yourself headlong. You’re used to making lists of pros and cons before doing anything and taking any decision, even if your instinct has the upper hand (more often than not) …. and your instinct was always right.

But now it seems everything overlaps in logical and illogical reasoning, all seems to be a big contradiction. You think about a thing, and you do exactly the contrary. Your instinct maybe???

Or maybe you too need a trip alone, without your phone. Already you’re imagining yourself lying in the sun in front of the ocean, without worries and thoughts.

He writes you and you answer him as if he were always with you. But years have passed, too many years.

You’re torn, a multitude of sensations invade your mind and your heart, you’re angry, a little disappointed, very jealous of his girlfriend (?????) in love perhaps, surely still attracted, curious, eager …

Your psychologist (speaking about Chadwick who is the topic of your sessions more often than not) has always told you to clarify this story, as soon as possible, and then close it definitively, for your own good, to go ahead and look for a man who loves you and stand by your side.

According to his advice you had to delete his number days ago, breathe and move on. But you know perfectly what your expectations are and you’re now aware that all the money spent on your sessions has been lost.

You’re stubborn, you’ve always been, you’re impulsive despite your weighting, but your instinct have never been wrong.

Water is almost cold, you empty the tank a little and reopen the tap to let boiling water down. You’re not going to get up from there until you feel your legs become jelly. You need to relax. And you have in mind a way to relax as you would, to relieve tension, to let the adrenaline flow, to feel so exhausted as to fall asleep and sleep satisfied for hours … but you lack the raw material, a man. A man worth it, outside and inside the bed.

You could do it alone, but you know it’s not the same thing.

At that impudent thought, your phone begins to ring. You’re tempted not to answer, but you want to hear his voice.

“Hello?”

“Tell me you’re still in the tub”

Shit

“I heard you swallow and gasp at my question, Y/N … are you still in the tub?”

“Yes … I’m still in the tub”

“I don’t think I need to tell you what I’m thinking about and what this moment reminds me…”

No indeed, you don’t need it, you’re thinking about the same thing …

You were both thinking about that night, when after your last semester exam you found yourself together in your bathroom, half drunk, having a bath together.

It was inevitable, at the party someone covered you with beer, and you don’t know what else, overturning a huge glass on you, you smelled of alcohol from head to toe. Chadwick had only offered to help you undress and get you into the tub without you slipping and hurting yourself.

But then you pulled him in with all his clothes on. You kissed and his hands touched you everywhere under the surface of the water.

Somehow you tried to undress him, because the desire to have him inside you was so great. You took his shirt off while he pulled down his shorts and boxers and somehow you found yourself leaning with your back on his chest. Your legs wide open out of the tub and the fingers of one of his hands on your clit, massaging in a circle with constant pressure, while two fingers of the other hand came in and out of you rhythmically, frantically, quickly. The small bathroom amplified the sound of your voice as you called his name over and over as the refrain of a song.

“…I … I think I have the same memory in mind. Chad … ”

You close your eyes and the heat spreads throughout your body at the thought of that moment, and instinctively you start to caress and touch yourself.

“Put me on speaker … I know you need both hands free”

Without thinking twice you do as he asks, placing the phone on a towel on the edge of the tub, near your head, being careful not to drop it. Loud volume.

“Y/N … tell me what you’re doing now”

God bless your new cell phone!! It was like having him right next to you.

“I can’t …” you answer almost moaning

“Yes you can … come on.”

"I’m touching myself”

“Imagining it’s me?”

“Yes …”

“Fuck …”

“I know it’s wrong what we’re doing, but … talk to me please”

“Y/N … You’ve no idea how much I’d like to be there and be able to touch you. Feeling your skin rubbing against mine, feeling your movements against my body while my hands are moving around your soft curves …”

"Yes …”

“Imagine my mouth on your ear, imagine feeling my breath. My lips kissing your neck and me sucking that point that I only know … sliding my tongue on your skin. It’s just me that I know it, right?”

“Just you Chad…just you”

You’re a moaning mess, and you’re not ashamed he hears you.

"Imagine my hands on your breasts, feel my fingers on your nipples clutching and stroking in a circle, can you feel me Y/N? Do you feel my hands and my mouth?”

“Yes, I feel you Chad … keep talking”

And in the meantime you feel that he’s touching himself, you feel his breath being short and breathless, you hear the sound of his hand that, skin against skin, slides up and down.

“I’d like to have you here Y/N, I always want you here, fuck! …”

“Baby, now slide a hand between your legs and with two fingers begin to stroke up and down, when you reach down, press, more and more, a little at a time, until you feel wet”

“I’m … I’m …. already wet”

You hear him smile and moan.

You remember very well his expression lost in pleasure. You liked watching him while you were on top of him. You never took your eyes off him. You looked at him at your every move, when he opened his lips, he closed his eyes …

“Well, now put a finger in while your thumb keeps to stroke you … you feel me, do you like it?”

“I like it, but my finger isn’t enough … it doesn’t do you justice”

“I know … I know … Y/N fuck, I wish you were here to take care of me now. Are you still touching yourself?”

“Yes … I’m almost there”

“Good … I want to hear when you cum”

“I’m coming … ”

You slide off your finger to focus on your most sensitive point. Your fingers continue the massage by increasing the rhythm and pressure. With one hand you widen your lips and with the other continue to massage yourself, imagining that it’s Chad giving you pleasure.

In the meantime you hear him gasp and grumble incomprehensible and stifled words, you hear him calls you as he always did when he repeatedly fucked you leaving you almost senseless.

You feel your stomach, your belly and your legs muscles contracting and your toes curl up.

"I want to hear you call my name”

You don’t even need him to ask you, while you’re coming you start calling his name and his middle name too. You throw your head back enjoying the moment and the longest and most intense orgasm of the last few years.

“Good girl …”

After a few minutes of recovering, with your head still resting on the edge of the tub, you smile and remember that Chadwick is still on the phone.

You remove the speakerphone and put the phone back on your ear

“Hey …”

“Hey, welcome back, you’re all right?” He says sweetly

”Mmm mmm …“

“Fuck, I miss you”

You sigh, closing your eyes, you miss him too, to die for.

"I’m a fucking mess I know. I know that my behavior is wrong, I know I look like a coward, I know I should have disappeared as soon as you left your apartment. I know I shouldn’t have sent you that message. But you … you … you’re so fucking you. It’s always been you. If only I hadn’t seen you the other night, maybe it was better for both of us”

“Already retracting everything?” you say in a muffled tone, stifling a hysterical laugh.

"No, NO! Please don’t get me wrong. I have such a confusion in my mind, I’d like to tell you so many things, make sensible reasoning, but in the end I mix every things … I look like an idiot, I say the opposite of what I’d like to tell you “

You sigh, trying in some way to collect your thoughts and be as understanding as possible, trying to put yourself in his shoes too.

"I got it Chad, no worries. I think we’re both confused and we have to think carefully about what happened to us. About the words we exchanged, and think about the causes and the effects. Both of us had a wrong ideas later found to be wrong. We had a wrong idea of each other. We acted like two kids, maybe we were actually .… You haven’t stopped thinking for a moment, and me neither. So I don’t know … I don’t know what to do”

“I don’t want to lose you again Y/N“

"me neither … bu Chad … you’re engaged”

“It’s a situation to be solved”

“But for the moment you are. And you have to consider what to do. If it’s a relationship that lasts a long time you have to consider whether it’s worth giving up everything or trying to recover the recoverable.”

"But whose side are you on??”

“No one’s side. Believe me, it’s not easy to tell you what I’m telling you. It’s against all my interests, but it’s the most correct and most adult reasoning that I can tell you now “

"I know …”

“Well, here it’s quite late and you have to rest, we’ll talk soon if you want"

“Sure I want … can I ask u something?”

“Shoot”

“Even if we’re far away … Did you like it? Do you still love hearing my voice?”

You smile at his question … “I craved hearing your voice Chad, you know I love it. And yes, I liked it, a lot …Good evening Chad …”

“Good night Y/N”

It’s been a couple of days since that intimate and erotic phone call and you didn’t write to him yet. As usual you told everything to Aisha who cheers for you and makes you think about him and look for a solution to try to stay together. In short, with her fantasies she’s already booked the location for your wedding and chose her dress.

“Since you two have clarified your feelings … let’s say more or less … and you’ve vented, you seem to feel better, you SMILE more and when you name him now, you don’t have that dark gaze, but your eyes almost shine. Almost … without exaggerating ”

It was true, you felt a little better, you were hurt, a lot, but that weight seemed to ease.

That same evening, while you were cooking, you thought of him, you missed him, you missed him so much, that lack was like a stomach grip.

- “I miss you” you texted him

You didn’t think twice about sending him that message. Impulsive, too impulsive.

He too hadn’t made himself heard in the next three days, but you didn’t worry a lot. You were very busy and you thought he was too … trips, interviews, work, commitments and more. He didn’t answer immediately.

You finished eating, and while you were looking for something on TV,  you checked your phone opening your Whatsapp conversation list.

Chadwick had read the message but his profile picture was gone.

He had blocked you…

TO BE CONTINUED ….

I HOPE THE TAGS WORK!!! LET ME KNOW PLEASE! Reblog if you like it ❤❤❤

[pixeltownies]

simself tag I was tagged by @fussysim I tag any of my followers that want to do this

take a shot every time I say “my boyfriend”

traits: goofball, foodie, clumsy aspiration: friend of the world 1. What is your full name? tristan egbert 2.What is your nickname? tris/tj 3. Birthday?‪ december 14‬ 4. What is your favorite book series?  I don’t,. really read that often 5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? Y E S 6. Who is your favorite author? once again I really don’t read 7. What is your favorite radio station? pop + alt 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? mango, fruit punch, etc etc, I like fruity things 9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? “holy shit!” 10. What is your current favorite song? I have too many favs at all times for this 11. What is your favorite word? curse words lots of curse words 12. What is the last song you listened to? self esteem - the offspring 13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? ‪jane the virgin, how I met your mother, izombie, Gotham, hmu for more recs ‬ 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? marvel movies + childhood movies 15. Do you play video games? mostly sims, I have others but I don’t have the accessibility to play them hh 16. What is your biggest fear? being alone 17. What is your best quality in your opinion? I’m good at listening and I’m a big people pleaser 18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? how lazy I am and how quickly I get peeved/angry 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? cats! 20. What is your favorite season? autumn 21. Are you in a relationship? yes :D 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not much if I’m being honest 23. Who is your best friend? my boyfriend 24. What is your eye color? yellow, red, forest green and royal blue 25. What is your hair color? split pink & black but naturally dirty blonde 26. Who is someone you love? my mom + dad & my boyfriend & my siblings 27. Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend 28. Who is someone you think about Often? m y b o y f r I e n d 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? starting testosterone :) + meeting my boyfriend next year 30. What is your biggest obsession? uHh. cc, sims, Netflix, marvel, my boyfriend 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? hannah montana, icarly, victorious, sam and cat, there are so many more but I’m absolutely blanking rn 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? I don’t really have many friends that are girls .. oops? 33. Are you superstitious? 50/50 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? none that I can really think of 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? kind of both 36. What is your favorite hobby? PHOTOGRAPHYYYYY 37. What is the last book you read? i. don’t. read. 38. What is the last movie you watched? fantastic beasts with my boyfriend and his best friends 39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? I am trying to learn guitar but I have ADHD/ADD and I have a hard time self-teaching 40. What is your favorite animal? panda, red pandas, fox, raccoon, turtle, cats. 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I just started out. pls. 42. What superpower do you wish you had? I just wish I wasn’t this dumb ((I’m keeping ur answer, I’m wheezing)) 43. When and where do you feel most at peace? when I’m on the phone with my boyfriend 44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, sims, music, photography 45. What sports do you play, if any? none 46. What is your favorite drink? monster mango loco + pacific punch 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? recently I keep a journal of notes to my boyfriend 48: Are you afraid of heights? y e s 49: What is your biggest pet peeve? misophonia, look it up 50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah 51. Are you vegan/ vegetarian? no, I honestly don’t have the motivation or willpower to do it but when I move in with my boyfriend that’s gonna stop HDHBD 52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? cosmetologist/ photographer 53: What fictional world would you like to live in? I can’t think of the name but the place in guardians of the galaxy 54. What is something you worry about? being alone, dying, people not liking me, embarrassing myself. 55. Are you scared of the dark? no, and yes 56. Do you like to sing? yes but I’m not good at it 57. Have you ever skipped school? I dropped out bc of it so yes 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? anywhere my boyfriend is 59. Where would you like to live? U.K. 60. Do you have any pets? 5 cats 61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset 63. Do you know how to drive? yes but I don’t have driving license oops 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? no, but I need them 66: What is your favorite genre of music? pop punk + indie + pop + basically anything but country, folk, classic dhsjsj shit like that ion like 67: Who is your hero? I don’t think I necessarily have one? 68: Do you read comic books? yes 69: What makes you most angry? misophonia, being blamed for things I didn’t do, not being listened to, being undermined, etc things of the sort 70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? both tbh 71. What is your favorite subject in school? art 72. Do you have any siblings? 10 73. What was the last thing you bought? I can’t remember   74. How tall are you? 5 foot 4 75. Can you cook? not exactly 76. What are three things that you love? boyfriend, music, my cats 77. What are three things you hate? anxiety, fear, abandonment 78. Do you have more male or female friends? male 79. What is your sexual orientation? homosexual but panromantic 80. Where do you currently live? united states /: 81. Who was the last person you texted? my boyfriend 82. When was the last time you cried? idk!!! 83. Who is your favorite youtuber? jacksepticeye 84. Do you like to take selfies? yes I am very insecure but also very vain ((god we are the same person)) 85. What is your favorite app? twitter 86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)?  kind of don’t like necessarily like them but I don’t hate them 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? British accents but this is biased bc of my boyfriend 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan 89. What is your favorite number? 14 90. Can you juggle? nope 91. Are you religious? I don’t.. know… 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me ((keeping this too)) 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? impulsive but not daredevil 94. Are you allergic to anything? freshly cut grass tbh 95. Can you curl your tongue? no 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? normally when it happens if I catch on, if I didn’t realize I was wrong I admit when it’s pointed out 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest 99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? uh I haven’t really gotten any 100. Are you a good liar? unfortunately yes 101. What is your Hogwarts house? hufflepuff 102. Do you talk to yourself? when I’m pissed 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but they’re more like love notes to my boyfriend 105. Do you believe in second chances? yes and I give more than that bc I’m weak and too nice for existence 106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? …. id be lying if I said I’d turn it in right away, I would have to contemplate that 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help 108. Are you ticklish? yes 109. Have you ever been on a plane? nope, will be next year 110. Do you have any piercings? eyebrow, labret, septum, tongue, my ears are stretched, and I have more piercings planned 111. What fictional character do you wish were real? … uhhHhh I’m blanking 112. Do you have any tattoos? I have an XØ and a fiatp symbol on my left wrist 113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? following my boyfriend back when he followed me, to begin with 114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses 116. Do you want children? 2-3, I’m adopting though 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my boyfriend 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I have many 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time 120. What color are most of your clothes? black or my fav colors 121. Do you like adventure? YES 122. Have you ever been on TV? nope 123. How old are you? 19!! 124. What is your favorite quote? If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)

[mysamcedesmadness]

Steerio Hearts Stuff & Stuff

White Devils and the Demons They Serve (Chs 15-17)

I was gonna do two seperate posts, but you two are the ones who do most of the reading and y’all actually read EVERYTHING, so I figured, even if it’s as long as a chapter, y’all would’ve read it anyways.

@sweetiedee85

Stevie can’t even sniff his fingers with Bukowski breathing down his neck. What is Bukowski up to with Cheerio? 

I. Am. Still. Crine. Over this comment. That is all. (Because, you just found out in Ch 17 what Bukowski was up to.

But I guess it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.

Even though this is regarding Tesla, this is actually a fantastic summary of most of the characters in this story, hell - in the series. People often accept what their life seems to be instead of fighting for what it can be. That DEFINITELY happens in the context of having a mental illness, because everyday life can be overwhelming enough, so taking extra risks and chances are sometimes astronomical.

What’s sad is they would rather do that than come see their child. Time is more value, and we see they don’t care enough to spend any with her.

The Robinsons are the worst. I just have no other feedback of them for right now. Radja more than Champ - but they are a team and that team should’ve included their daughter and never does. In fact, I have a little arc that involves Radja coming up shortly and yes, she’s just the worst in it. 

But then those dang nightmares and training haunting the poor guy. I know it’s something he struggles with even after their married. He has triggers, and they usually lead to him growing and learning something different about himself and the way he views things. It seems that this is only the beginning of that journey.

Stevie sometimes suffers from psychosis, so he’s forgotten a lot of things that he’s been exposed to, because his brain was just unable or unwilling to process the trauma - much like his breakdown after Mary died. This is why later he still has repressed memories punching him in the gut and why it’s important to him to be a realist. He seems like an asshole a lot, for “Just being realistic,” but he knows himself (particularly after he’s out) and he just wants to make sure he’s trying to assess things normally and naturally, so that he doesn’t unintentionally wind up in a state of psychosis... Now, WE know that sometimes, it’s going to happen, anyway. But, these glimpses into his episodes are here for me to try to explain why Stevie is such an “asshole,” OUTSIDE of his racism. That’s a completely different issue which I’d never justify. Lol.

I do wonder if Tesla wants this footage. I doubt Bukowski has any good in him so is it his self need to have every part of Tesla in his grasp, under his control? Will she be somehow grateful he’s gotten this back? Idk but just the thought makes me sicker.

Tesla does NOT want this footage, wants no part of this footage, was alarmed by Bukowski and Stevie even MENTIONING this footage, and has absolutely no need for this footage. This is primarily about Bukowski’s control, and also his fetish. He enjoys watching. He enjoys knowing things. It makes him feel powerful to know things and to be able to see things. She MAY be grateful that he’s gotten it, but honestly, she’s still suffering from the damage of the event. She knows that it has already been done, and whether or not there is footage, she’s already suffered and has to live with it. Be sick, be very sick. It’s meant to be deeply sickening.

Anyway, Stevie is out of control lol threatening Derek was un called for. We know at this point she’s the one exception to that word, and that’s recent so I wasn’t surprised when he said it. I thought Cheerio would at least consider turning down Stevie’s offer but nope lol She just as toxic in love as him, and she sees beyond his training. I doubt I could have it in me.

Stevie is often impulsive in his decisions, but sometimes, they’re premeditated. Sometimes, he thinks things out, knows that his decision isn’t great and does it anyway. He gets so much better about this as he ages, but Teenage Stevie is deeply territorial and no matter what he says, he feels like he owns Cheerio.

And, no ma’am. I can’t relate to her, in that regard. A chick called me “Kunta Kinte” in 2007. I tried to beat her with a beer bottle in her own trailer, had to get dragged out of there and brought home and I still will call her a bitch, if I see her today.

  Angelwings

Ok... Who is Bukowski even using to make Tesla (Ally) jealous? I mean agh.

This had me cracking up SO HARD. You would be surprised the kinda pink dick pandering out there on the innanets. Whenever I had a successful porn blog, right here on Tumblr, I seen some shit. And there are folk less attractive and less charming that can somehow manage to get little sex games going with people, especially if they’re in a fetish niche (which gingers are).

ok so Tesla told her to have sex in the shower? If she's in the bathroom they accept verbal... side eyeing and looking all squinted eyed trying to imagine how they WON'T get caught.

This is because the orderlies won’t generally just burst into the bathroom while a resident is in the shower if the resident seems fine and is willing to peek out and show their face. They’ll only barge in if the resident seems off (trying to pretend that they’re fine) or is not responsive. They want to value their privacy to a certain extent, but not to leave them vulnerable, if they somehow got hold of a weapon or something.

It just goes back to what Stevie says to Sam. He has to constantly battle with his thoughts. At least he does that.

I touched on this a little bit with Dee. Stevie HAS to do this, to make sure that he keeps himself grounded. His triggers are so dynamic that they literally take control of his mind, for a time. He wants to not have to experience that, and he never wants to hurt the people he loves because of some type of break.

Hmm so Dani is trying to work at a library. That's kind of perfect. Hope she gets it and keeps up her therapy and stuff. It always makes me upset to see any hospital release patients before they are ready. I really hope Dani can transition back into society.

Oh, no - she’s not trying to work at the library. The library is one of the few places that poor people can have access to the Internet and by this time, even though the story is set for several years ago - a lot of the jobs and such are available to apply online. Dani would most likely apply online, because she knows that she might appear to not be normal when going in to get applications and people might “fire before you hire” her upon seeing that she’s not very normal. Sorry, I didn’t explain that. I know that the Texas Workforce Commission has access, but I didn’t feel like researching how unemployment works in Ohio, so I just went the library application route. Dani’s story isn’t over yet, so you’ll definitely find out how life went for her.

They function as a community, one for all and all for their cause. People can do anything when they work together even create monsters and killers.

People who lead abusive lifestyles often see their behavior as normal. Hence arguments TO THIS DAY of “My mom beat me and I turned out fine” or “People are this way because they don’t get beat enough.” Contrary to the cases upon cases of research and information that hitting children only causes trauma. Now, generally - children of abuse do NOT turn out to be killers and horrible criminals. Some go on to be kind humans and productive members of society... But even those generally have to address the trauma that was caused by their toxic environments.

Inevitably we know the fate of the hospital but in the other stories we never hear of the other characters. I hope they get the help they need wherever they go.

I have stories plotted out for most of the ones that we know. It’s gonna be a moment to get to some of them, but I’ll try not to drop the ball, completely.

Stevie was angry with Bukowski for hurting his Bust it Baby- learning so much. I had to look that up. That is Cheri by every definition if not now then later. She is well on her way. That exchange was cute the way Cheri acted. 

Bust It Baby Pt 2 was ONE OF MY FAVES in the club. (Telling my age, now. LOL) But, THEY would have been teens/kids around that time, so I didn’t feel bad referencing that mug. Bwahahaha. Cheri DEFINITELY becomes all of that for Stevie. But, yeah - she was a little bashful about it being said in a group setting.

Even Tanisha had to tell him about himself with Stevie. It's like Stevie was punished for all the children, well Mary got to Stacey but Sam was golden. Some couples should not procreate. 

I think it took a while for Dwight to comprehend that just because Stacie and Sam ‘turned out okay,’ that didn’t MEAN that he had been blameless in helping to shape Stevie the way that he did. He never saw himself as having anything against Stevie, because he loved him as much as he did the others (or so he thought - he just wasn’t CLOSE to him). And Mama T was able to see that Dwight’s not being close to Stevie affected how he handled him, whether or not he did love him - which she believed and trusted that he did, but she needed him to get that STEVIE needed to believe and trust it.

This Entire Review: I Have a Lot of Responses, Love

Bukowski is blinded by crazy. Any half decent individual would see red flags. DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! What an idiot. Poetic justice would be if Tesla killed his awhen he drugged and kidnapped her or whatever his chosen crazy decides to do. I just don't see him living after he knocked on that door.

Unfortunately, Bukowski’s time is not yet up. But, he has definitely poked a bear by reaching out to Max. Stevie making deals in an institution with a demon eww. Stevie has his number already, is he blinded by the vajayjay?

Stevie is blinded by both the caviar and his inability to access, the way that he would like to. He’s a teenage boy trying to squeeze quickies in all day in between heavily monitored times. That argument between Stevie and Cheri was like imagining popcorn pop. You know the explosion is coming. When it does your like damned that's some Good popcorn! I kept saying Oh, and scrunching up my face like Stevie's next words are gonna get him smacked and then he did it. He said the ultimate, ONE word that is complete Taboo in anger no less. *SMACK* ! Round two lol!

Stevie often feels attacked when nobody is attacking him. I blame Dwight for this, because Stevie spent most of his life feeling like he had to explain and defend himself, to the point where his mentality is paranoid and he thinks that he has to fight whenever a conflict or challenge arises. Cheri is not a violent person, but whenever she gets angry (Teenage Cheerio) will lash out, because she’s in a position where she can’t just go to the spa or have a smoothie. She’s relaxed more later because she has the freedom to simply escape for a moment. Here, she’s a caged bird. Cheri is hella patient with him and I get it. I have had to explain blackness to other races, as if EVERY race and EVERY culture and EVERY class does not have their own innuendoes and humor. Even his Arian idiot family. Like the lady at work told my coworker with at straight face 'Don't all y'all like fried chicken? I said what did you do? My coworker said I took a deep breath and saidNo! And what you just said is considered racist. Of course she asked how? My coworker said she just walked away. I probably would have a. been patient and broke it down, or b. said ungh hungh just like all y'all like caviar and filet minion. Just would depend on my mood but Cheri is time enough for Stevie. Most of how she handles Stevie I agree with.

I don’t. It’s not my job to bear the burden of educating people who (if they gave a fuck) could access resources to educate themselves. I made those mistakes when I was younger, and that shit was nothing but additional emotional labor added to the constant processes I had to go through, throughout the day in my black ass skin. I watch racists getting beat up for being trash on YouTube all the time. That’s handling that I agree with.Lol. Now there is no way in hell any man would not take Derek's behavior as a challenge or threat. I felt like he was trying to purposely show Stevie he could reach Cheri in a way Stevie could not and do things with Cheri that Stevie could not just to put it in Stevie's face then try and hide behind a smile and laughter like he didn't have an agenda. Even if he doesn't like her like that he KNEW Cheri was with Stevie. He should have acted accordingly. I think Derek was trying to be sneaky. Yes Stevie is a jelly monster and he is territorial and possessive but that is Stevie. Like Mason calling Cheri Ri Ri then correcting himself in front of Stevie. Mason is not deliberately trying to poke the bear. He calms all that down in front of Stevie and Stevie eventually learns that Cheri has to have other friends. I don't think that was Derek's mind set, befriend Cheri and Stevie. He just liked having the attention sounds like from everyone, in a mental hospital. Stevie is not stupid. Cheri is a little Naïve I think, especially when she meets Max. To me she made a couple mistakes with that. Trust no one. Describe new people in addition to looking up tags. 

This is highly problematic, in my opinion, for many reasons, all of which - I’ll respectfully address. Firstly, any man or person in general that takes the friendship of someone else with their partner as a threat is toxic, and possibly abusive. Control and possessiveness are not key points of love. They are key points of obsession and obsession is almost always dangerous when it involves people as the object.

I don’t think that I wrote anything to indicate that Derek was in any way trying to challenge or compete with Stevie, so that feeling seems to be some internalized antiblackness or at the very least, sympathy for the devil - in this case, that’d be Stevie. Because HE was wrong and he reacted. There is nothing wrong with a black kid getting attention from people or trying to impress or please people, so I’m not sure why that would be considered poking the bear or purposefully trying to upset Stevie. 

They are ALL in the mental hospital, and while Stevie definitely isn’t STUPID, he certainly is psychotic. He’s not always right. Even his instincts are frequently off, at this juncture of his life and it isn’t the responsibility of a black boy, who is here for his own mental health to coddle Stevie and think about all the ways that he may or may not be offending him by being generally friendly to everyone around him, which is literally all Derek does in this chapter. I only wrote him making jokes and being jovial, up until the point that Stevie threatened him, out of paranoia, after being told multiple times that he shouldn’t bother with it.

And Cheerio is definitely naive, but that also doesn’t mean that she should have had all the answers as to why not to suspect everybody that she met. She did her part to try to keep herself safe, and of course, Max would have had avenues set up as to not tip her off. He’s been trained to deceive. Saying that she made some mistakes sounds a little bit victim blaming to me, especially considering that she followed the rules that were given to her, and whenever she was abducted, she was run off of the road and taken. She hadn’t met up with him in the woods, or something. 

She was extremely paranoid (affecting her mental state and her peace of mind), because of everything that they had told her and she had no way of knowing that someone who’s information came back clean was someone else. I feel like this must be stated - Max doesn’t just LOOK like Max Giardi when he greets her. He’s not going up to her looking like somebody that she could Google and she’s just put her thumb in her butt and calls it a coincidence. He’s tactical. He purposefully entered her world. He wouldn’t do it in a way that any normal person would notice that anything off, much less someone that he would presume has been told to look out for him.

Bonus Face Claim:

Ashlee Brian as Derek (Originally a dance crew member in “The End of Twerking” episode.

[danandthereader]

Could you maybe do a fic where Dan and the reader have been dating. But the reader hasn't really gotten very far with Dan because they're super insecure with their body due to stretch marks, hives, scars, etc. Dan eventually finds out and just starts being cute and what not to try to reassure the reader and cheer them up? Idk I thought it would be cute. I wasn't sure if you were accepting requests though. Anyways I love you/your blog/your writing. 💕

A/N: Hey there lovely ! I am always taking requests, so I will happily fill this prompt for you. This hits pretty close to home for me - as with a lot of others - as I’m pretty insecure myself with parts of my body. As time goes on, though, we grow, and change, and our perception of ourselves does too. Sometimes, though, we need a little help along the way on the road to loving ourselves, and hopefully, with this, you can come back to it and see that I (and of course Dan) love you for you. Thank you for the prompt, and I hope you enjoy. ♡

WHO YOU ARE

Looking at yourself in the full-length mirror, you turned to the side, studying the curvature of your body. The maroon garter belt was secure, both around your waist and to the knee high stockings, and everything looked to be on right.The only problem, as it always was, was the very faint but defined stretch marks running up your stomach. They looked carved in, like you were a pumpkin or a chuck of clay someone had started to sculpt but stopped. Some days, they didn’t bother you; they were just another part of the skin you were posed to live in. Other days, though, you wanted to actually carve them off, make them go away, pour shea butter and cold water on them to make them fade and snap back to their normal, pretty, perky position.Continuing to study yourself, your mind concluded that it wasn’t a good idea, this purchase, and it would go in the back part of your dresser drawers to gather dust until you looked… Prettier. You’d actually have sex with your boyfriend, get all dressed up and make a big deal out of it, another day.

“Whoa, baby!” You jumped, looking over to see Dan in the doorway, eyes wide with surprise and a stupid, particularly boyish grin on his face. You thought the door was locked. “Oh - Oh, shoot, Danny - Uh -” Scrambling, you snatched up your pajama shirt, throwing it over your ensemble. It didn’t do much for the stockings or the garter belt, but you were turning as red as your undergarments; he was approaching, and shoot shoot shoot, he’s seen it, he’s seen me, he’s seen the scars…“Why’d you cover up?” It was a simple question, but there was the gentlest tone of something more in his sweet voice. “I - It was just - I don’t even know why I bought this… An impulse purchase… I -” With less than an armslength of distance between the two of you, you couldn’t even look him in the eye. “I liked it,” he replied earnestly, though not pushy. “If all your impulse purchases are going to be like this, I should let you spend your money more often.” He laughed, and you did too. There was a slight pause, because you were thinking, the guilt elbowing you in the chest. Dan had his on-stage persona for a reason, got a lot of his sexual cravings out by singing about them, that had to be why Danny Sexbang was what he was, but your boyfriend’s eyes were still a little more blown-out than normal as he continued to look at you. He wanted it, and you couldn’t give it to him. “You know I think red looks good on you.” Sparing a glance at him, he was still smiling; he was teasing you too, for the blush. “Yeah, I know…” There’s just the problem of my stretch marks. You didn’t think tonight was going to be one of those nights where you were going to have to talk about your self-esteem issues again, but it was shaping up to be that way. Plus, Dan was always so easy to talk to, all warm eyes and welcoming demeanor.However, he didn’t push much farther than that. “Hey, it’s okay. C’mere.” He pulled you into a quick hug. “You’re pretty in or out of lingerie.” Lifting you off your feet suddenly, you squealed with delight, wrapping your arms around him tightly, laughing as he half-tossed you onto the bed.

Back against the mattress, Dan appeared above you only a moment later. There were his eyes again, darkened with excitement and pupils dilated, like you were a one-person crowd on a big performance night. “You are absolutely adorable, y’know,” he told you, hands coming to rest on either side of your head. “Especially when you’re trying to be sexy.” A gentle laugh. “I mean, a garter belt and thigh-highs? You know how to make a man weak.” You laughed too. “Every man’s weakness is a garter belt and thigh-highs,” you countered from below him. “This is true.” He nodded. “However, you’re not for every man. You’re mine.” This was also true, and both of you knew it. Your heart was entirely his, and if you weren’t so hard on yourself, your body would be too.With a little shift, he leaned back, hands coming away from their spots and finding their way under your overshirt. “Whoa, hey, wait-” He stopped, fingertips just barely brushing against your bare stomach. “That’s - There’s -” An eyebrow raised. “Your stretchmarks, yeah. I know. I’ve seen you naked before, babe,” he told you. He made it sound so casual, but the few times you’d shown him you were getting changed, or you were getting in the shower; there was never an intimate moment with them around. A pause, then his eyebrows raised. “Is that why you’re wearing the shirt?” That’s why we’re not having sex? It was then, you supposed, that he finally understood. You looked away. “It’s always why I wear the shirt, Danny.”There was a long lapse of quiet, his hands still just under the hem of the shirt. It shouldn’t have taken this long to talk about your stretch marks, it shouldn’t have taken this long to tell him why the idea of getting naked and intimate made your stomach lurch with anxiety. He knew it; you did too. But he hadn’t moved from his position, legs straddling your waist, weight almost comforting, grounding. “Can I?” Fingers took the hem of your shirt and tugged gently. A small sigh came from your mouth. “Well, we’re all ready here. Might as well,” you replied with a little shrug. The big shirt didn’t come all the way off, but it was hiked pretty high, just under your bra-clad chest. Then his fingers found the scars, the feeling of someone else’s fingers tracing over them making your heart flutter like a hummingbird’s wing.After a soft silence, he replied in a murmur, “They’re pretty.” Another huff. “You’re just saying that.” He looked at you, eyes wide. “No, honest! They’re really pretty. Kinda cute, actually. They look like lightning bolts.” All right, that was kind of a cute way to put it. You’d heard it before, always thought comparing lightning bolts to stretch marks was childish, but the way Dan said it was almost romantic. “I like them,” he continued as his thumbs followed each indent on your stomach. “And I love you. So.” As it went, he was one of very few gentlemen who were okay with your stretchmarks, one of the few who actually said they were something other than ugly or weird or unflattering. That meant a lot to you. “Are these the only ones?” Maybe it was an invasive question, maybe a mean one, but you didn’t take it that way. “Yeah, just these ones. I’ve had ‘em a lot of my life,” you explained. Another shift; he was scooting off of you, his hands letting up, and your eyebrows furrowed. What was he-?

Hands were one thing on your stretchmarks, but a mouth was something completely different. It was much warmer, much softer, no callouses or catches to speak of. Dan kissed each scar gently, not trying to be arousing but failing beautifully. “They’re beautiful,” he told you. Kiss. “Your beautiful.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “And I love your scars.” Kiss. Sure, you were totally putty in his hands by that point, all red cheeks and racing heart, but you had a choice. Your body, your decision on what to do for the night.“All right, loverboy.” You laughed, threading your fingers through his hair as he came back up to meet you. “None of that. You’ve got a concert in two days, save all that raw sex appeal for then.” That made him laugh, a genuine and warm laugh.Yes, you weren’t quite ready for sex, not just yet. But the two of you had just made progress, taken a step in acceptance and love, together. That’s how it needed to be; you couldn’t be more grateful that it was with him.