#idk man it’s just the way they’re each other’s port in the storm and they keep each other alive and they do it in a way they’ve been taught

[lemmetreatya]

idk why but I would love to see Eren, Connie, Jean, etc. working as security guards lmao! I just feel like they would be very unserious.

girl?!?!?! you already know the diabolically STEWPID shit they’d get up to 😭😭

the three of them would be the late night shifters so most the stuff they get up to would take up most of their time

have a feeling theyd be security guards for like a hotel or something so a job where most people aren’t disturbing them at that time of night

but man the antics theyd get up to?? so bold in how theyd hop into the kitchen and start cooking up a storm with the continental breakfast that’s for the customers in the morning

frying up about 5 sausages, bacon and eggs each 😭😭 drinking up all the cereal and milk whilst they play loud drill via connie’s phone in an empty cup for a speaker

since theres barely any trouble around that time, they’d watch F1 and UFC matches on the display tv in the reception area — feet kicked up on the desk as they gamble and make bets between each other

there’d only be two hotel staff onsight and most of the time hotel night workers are getting linen and press ready for the morning and working on imports, so if theres trouble within the hotel, they’re first port of call

and ofc sometimes people be smoking up in the rooms and doing things against the rules and theyd have to sort it out — and they always take that job SO seriously 😭😭

“hey, guys?”

the soft voice of the team member petra called out towards the three men who were loitering by the reception.

turning round with his thumbs round his belt loops, connie nodded upwards at her

“yo, wassup?”

shifting her weight from foot to foot, the ginger haired girl looked nervous as she said her next words

“uhm… someones smoking in room 312. i knocked for them to open up so, so that they…so i could tell them to stop but they didn’t—”

eren cuts in to put his hand up in petra’s face, his expression serious.

“don’t worry. we’re on it.” turning round to jean, eren throws him his lighter. “which plan we doing tonight?”

jean catches erens lighter with one hand whilst he places down his plate of food with the other.

“they sound hostile so maybe C. although let’s try A2 first, just to avoid filling out any risk assessment sheets.”

these men would purposely intimidate anyone who tried this shit. they’d ask the hotel staff to ring up the name of the individual who booked the rooms, they’d put their walkie talkies on loud so they could sound like cops communicating to each other — gosh they’d even rapt the doors with their knuckles, ears to the wood, and put on fake authoritarian tones

theyd definitely play good cop bad cop whilst the other confiscates shit off them, pretending to be on their side

“look if you just give me the roll ups, ill tell the staff not to put a flag under your account name, alright?”

they dont give two DAMNS about that shit, they just see it as a way to get free cigarettes/weed/poppers

although all three of them are still great guys to have as security staff! if there’s anyone in a vulnerable position that runs to them for help, they’re on it!

working in a hotel means they see a lot of people coerced into rooms and situations they either dont want to be in or not in the right mind to be in

even tho they like to play cop, when the actual cops come, they make sure they protect those who are the victim in the situation or the ones who didn’t instigate

“so you didn’t see the person who totalled the car come this way?”

connie juts his bottom lip out as he shakes his head

“nah man. as i said, i heard a loud screech, ran outside to check, saw a turned over car, but when i checked the car? nobody.”

the cop eyes connie up and down before scribbling in his notepad.

“alright, if you say so.” he pockets the book in his back pocket. “but if you see anything, you’ll say right?”

“of course officer! totally officer!” he lies

little did he know, jean was attending to the light wounds of the woman behind the desk of the reception whilst eren was using her phone to call her sister to come pick her up

all in all, theyd still do their job to the standard they should!!

they definitely conspire with each other beforehand when they each log in their timetable dates so they can be on the same shift

but theyre good pals regardless and even if its just two of them on a shift its still a vibe lool

[solasan]

thinkin bout sobi first kiss drama no one look at me

[rek1s-headband]

I'd really like to see some headcanons for a polyamorous relation between y/n, kaoru, and kojiro because I just want these boys to hug each other and me.

Thanks for the request! This was fun to write, because I too would love to be sandwiched between these two. Enjoy!

➯ random boyfriend headcannons

➯ characters: cherry x joe x reader

➯ warnings: none! Just fluff for now. I do swear a bit in my work though, please tell me if this is an issue!

-Yall literally take turns annoying the shit out of each other around the house. You’ll sit on the counter while Joe attempts to make dinner, you and Kaoru mixing his spices around and sticking labels on the wrong packets. You’ll rest your head in Kaoru’s lap while he attempts to get some calligraphy work done or make some adjustments to Carla, Joe talking the ear off him while he tries to concentrate.

-Joe has caught you and Kaoru in the parking lot of a McDonalds on more than one occasion.

-You and Kaoru will go on “dates” to Joe’s restaurant while he works, and pretend you have no idea who the man in front of you is. The two of you will go so far with it too. Joe has had to sit through “birthdays” (yours wasn’t for another eight months), marriage proposals(the poor man had to bring the two of you cake), fake breakups where one person would storm out and cause a scene in the restaurant, the list is endless.

-On the other hand, you and Joe will go to Kaoru’s exhibitions, and absolutely mortify him. The two of you will be shouting various words of encouragement(?) at him, while the poor man just tries to do his work. Yes you’ve gotten a few stares. Yes you’ve been kicked out by security on multiple occasions.

- “WORK THAT BRUSH BABY” “WRITE MY NAME😩” “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME WE WERE JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE”

-Idk how many of yall have seen that tweet where someone got a label maker and labelled everything in their pantry stupid shit like “mini bagels” (Cheerios) and “ghost broccoli” (cauliflower) but that’s 100% something you and Kaoru would do just to piss Joe off when he’s trying to cook.

-The three of you regularly make shitty edits of Adam in those ghetto clouds every time he gets into a new scandal and make memes out of pictures you take of him every time he shows up at S.

-Joe would carry you around this house at his side and ask you stupid questions while you reply in a robot-like voice to mock Carla and piss Kaoru off

-“Hey Clara(cause yall are original), can you tell me where Kaoru is?”

-“Hello Joe, Kaoru is in the corner reading a book like a little nerd”

-He acts like he hates it, but you and Joe find it hilarious, so even he can find himself smiling at your antics.

-The three of you will sit in a line sometimes, you in Kaoru’s lap, and him in Joe’s, and yall will just sit and braid each other’s hair while watching TV. Sometimes you and Kaoru will take turns trying to put mini braids in Joe’s hair, sticking bows and clips in it anywhere they’ll stay. The two of you have given Joe hair extensions before, and he absolutely adored them.

-Joe and Kaoru are already awful when it comes to skating together, so if you can skate, you can imagine the absolute chaos the three of you would cause at S. Instead of acting like a mediator, you’re just as much of a little shit as them, yelling stuff like “BEAT HIS ASS” or “place your bets now folks!” If you’re not joining in on the fighting as well.

-The three of you sleeping can go one of two ways.

-One, a triple spoon(I’ll let you decide who’s where, maybe you swap) or yall will just be overall comfortable. No kicking or shifting in the night, just pure peace.

-Two, an absolute free-for-all of limbs and heads. Maybe your head will be on Kaoru’s chest, maybe your foot will be in Joe’s armpit. Someone nearly always ends up without a blanket, or on the floor.

-Carla has a charging port in your room, and when she randomly says stuff in the middle of the night you’ll shoot up in bed, scaring the shit out of yourself and the other two. That place quickly becomes a panic room of “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING” “THAT DAMN ROBOT” “the forecast for tomorrow seems to be cloudy, with a chance of rain.” “BE QUIET CARLA” “sorry, I couldn’t find anything for ‘night garden’, would you like me to search again?” “CARLA”

-Joe is awful for snoring. You and Kaoru will take turns beating the shit out of him with a pillow until he shuts up long enough for the two of you to fall asleep. If he doesn’t stop, you need to violently shake him to make him wake up, this man is a DEEP sleeper. He does that dad thing when he wakes up yknow the big inhale through the nose and the bleary eyes.

-Your house is decorated from top to bottom with artwork. Most of it is because Kaoru liked how it looked, other times it’s simply because you and Joe thought it looked funny. You’ll have various pieces of art hanging in your house that Kaoru thought you and Joe just liked the look of, when in reality the two of you thought it looked like a dick.

-idk how many of yall have seen that TikTok (if not I’ll link it here) where they’re ordering McDonald’s and start fighting in the front of the car while one person vibes in the back, but yall have done that multiple times unironically. I’ll let you decide who’s where, because it changes OFTEN.

-Your birthday cakes are always TOP NOTCH. Joe pours his absolute heart into baking them, while Kaoru helps decorate it and make it perfect for you.

-The three of you are banned from Target because you and Joe decided to mess with the kids toys and set off an alarm.

-Yall regularly do that thing where two of you will be together and the third (usually Joe) will come up to you and start screaming like “HOW COULD YOU?? I LOVED YOU AND YOURE OUT HERE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? GO TO HELL.” And storm off.

-Yall fight over the front seat of the car. Like, the two who aren’t driving are sprinting towards the car, shoving each other out of the way like little kids. Yelling “shotgun” means nothing to yall if u manage to get there first. Whoever’s driving won’t unlock the car for ages, letting the other two battle it out watching from a safe distance.

-The three of you had to make a chore list because of how petty you were. Once the trash went without being taken out for like a week because you’d just keep piling shit on top, trying not to make it collapse.

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[phoebehalliwell]

Piper/Kyle, except it's an AU where Kyle's parents were never killed by demons, so he lived a perfectly normal, happy childhood and grew up to follow their footsteps into teaching and Kyle's a normal, maybe even a little boring archaeology professor who secretly dreams of having his very own Indiana Jones moment - up until the day he opens some dusty old chest and unleashes a demon that tries to kill him, and he barely gets away only to run into this petite brunette woman who proceeds to blow the demon the fuck up, and Kyle's never believed in love at first sight before, but he's pretty sure he can make an exception for Piper

wait omg mentally stable kyle au okay wait i gotta wrap my head around this kyle but not absofuckinlutely insane whatta picture omg. okay. i feel like he’s still gotta have this belief in the supernatural i feel like that’s a large part of the charm in literally any kyle dynamic with the sisters is Witch Who Gets It and Man Who’s Only Got Raw Data. there’s an appeal to that. seeing things from different angles all that. so we can say kyle ever good at puzzles has taken his parents notes and everything he knows and various texts and kinda pieced together okay magic does exist. but in this au he’s a professor and not an fbi agent so he can’t just walk around saying Magic Is Real because um he needs this job. also he’s never seen it. but like. the data does not like. like. like it’s real man like are you kidding me. and we’ll say he has one normal friend because he’s normal in this au and he’s like okay here me out tho magic is real and his friend is like ......okay. because like. it could be, i guess? i’m not gonna fight you on this. and kyle also definitely read a lot as a kid he reads a lot now and he’s always kinda like. like you know wondered what it might be like to be a man of action not someone stuck behind a desk all day seeing the world through books. so when he starts to see markers of the gathering storm,,, well. these are the times that make a man. he can either be a pussy about it and keep living his life through paper and ink, or he can follow his intuition. blah blah blah this leads him to get kidnapped by pirates which like. excuse me??? and kyle’s kinda kicking himself because he Wanted to be like a character in an adventure book and well like bada bing bada boom you get what you ask for. which. all due respect on his part. is smart enough to outwit them and escape. he might have dropped his wallet there tho. but when he goes back the same route wandering through the thick fog, all he finds is a solid wall of rock. so i guess he’s fucked in that regard. whoops. but!! magic is real. so that’s a dub. digs a little bit more into the blackjack cutting lore, maybe finds the x marks the spot on where their main hideout was, road trip to. seattle? i guess? port city that isn’t san francisco but is more reasonable to drive to that like. nola or boston. and lo and behold he finds it and find their documentation of the gathering storm accidentally trips a booby trap and jesus fucking christ pirate skeletons with sword which - respectfully - kyle is holding his own for the most part, not getting immediately worried, but there’s no way that would have lasted had the three skeletons not been blown to pieces. and he looks over and sees three brunettes and the one in the center is like who the hell are you? to which kyle really feels like He should be the one asking that question but after stammering out some kind of response about how he’s a professor and he was just looking for some soil samples something generic archaeological because hey. he doesn’t trust these women. he doesn’t know what side they’re on. and he’s not just gonna sacrifice the information he has on the gathering storm. and it’s obvious they don’t believe him, but they don’t kill him either. instead, the one in the center just says be more careful where you leave your stuff and tosses his wallet back to him.

and later at the manor paige is like we just let him go?? and phoebe’s like yeah how to we know he’s not a demon? he wouldn’t be the first to pose as a mortal in the mortal world (because phoebe went to the university to return kyle’s wallet because like it has is ID in it employee id all that under the guise of like. giving a lecture to some of the student’s there as the bay’s leading advice columnist oh hey is there a kyle brody here yeah haha he’s a friend of a friend anyone seen him no he’s on vacation right now? left real abruptly? and then immediately went into his office and touched every surface trying to get a premonition (au in which phoebe didn’t get her powers stripped) and concluded that he’s just Some Guy. like he like has friends and a nine to five and an apartment. so a guy). but piper’s like we don’t know. but we also don’t know what he’s up to or what his connection to the pirates was, which is why i cast a tracking spell on the wallet. and both phoebe and paige approve and in this au again phoebe didn’t get her powers stripped so in styx feet under it’s her and paige on mission and as paige is the one who cast the protection spell and as paige is also very stubborn and also refuses to let innocents die she is the one who gets to become death. she also has a very compelling relationship with death because like. she watched her parents die. and she’s prue’s replacement. the replacement for the dead girl. also fun paige/prue parallel! meanwhile right Should state in any piper/kyle au we just extend pleo’s divorce era by having him remain an elder and keeping that early s6 vibe. so piper’s definitely like a bit more neurotic than normal because you know things haven’t gone great for her and those pirates were warning about the gathering storm and honestly that better not be something that’s gonna hurt her boys because she really could not bear to lose another family member so she’s doing some digging which begins to imply that kyle knows more that he let on so where is he now? the university? great.

and kyle’s you know minding his own business in his office when the same woman practically kicks down his door and is like alright i’m gonna ask again who the hell are you and this time you better answer me honestly. to which: wow. like wow. she’s. she’s a force to be reckoned with and also kinda immediately gains points in kyle’s book for like a) kinda confronting him about knowing more because he’s pretty good at covering his tracks all that so if he’s been Found Out it’s by someone good and b) she also disintegrated evil pirate skeletons so like. 👍. But. he does not trust her for shit. no. absolutely not. he has no reason to. but piper’s not yielding blasts a hole in the wall near his head like quickly now or next time i won’t miss but kyle’s so fuckin stubborn he’s like 🤐 and piper’s. i mean, she can’t kill an innocent. she doesn’t know if that’s who he is, but she can’t run that risk. and kyle’s not saying shit, so she leaves.

then it’s the guardian angel episode where the charmed ones are there on instruction (though they don’t know what they’re looking for. maybe they were just scrying for information) and kyle’s there on a hunch and piper and kyle see each other and it’s um. mac charlie see each other from across the room reaction image. both like. what the fuck are you doing here? and in this one paige is still the one to get her guardian angel stolen and piper’s immediately on high alert because you know big sister/mom mode activated. but they don’t know what they’re looking for and kyle’s like it’s her guardian angel. and piper once again snaps to him firey look in her eyes but kyle’s really just trying to place nice here so he’s like guardian angels. they’ve been going missing being stolen whatever. he’s got the research on it. and piper doesn’t want to trust him but paige is really in grave danger. so, as the sister with the offensive power, she’s going with kyle, and phoebe has to make sure paige doesn’t like. pull a grams. (which for the record i do not accept prewitched as canon but like the elders definitely killed grams <3)

so blah blah blah piper’s now and kyle’s place which is ten times worse than his office because this is where he does his real work and he’s got all the guardian angel shit up and out and is explaining it to piper and it’s making sense but what catches her eye is something on the gathering storm that kyle left out now they’re talking about that they’re starting to realize they’re on the same side. blah blah blah save paige. next episodes what werewolf episode. skip. then!! idk paige still runs magic school right so she’s in the library and she calls piper and she’s like hey remember when you told me to keep an eye out on the gathering storm? and piper’s like yes yeah what is it? and she’s like well we’re inventorying the library and we have books on them and piper’s like that’s good news ! ? and paige is like yeah but we’re missing one. book five. in this something something series. and piper knows Exactly where that book is because she fucking saw it on kyle’s kitchen counter. so now she’s barging into kyle’s place which is getting to be a common occurrence at this point and kyle kinda wants to complain but this is by far the most interesting his life’s been ever and honestly? he’d be kinda bummed if piper stopped kicking down his door. wait actually scratch that you want my book no fuck you changed my mind. to which piper’s like look we’re looking for the same goal here right so give me the book because i have the rest of the series and this could be the missing puzzle piece and kyle’s like okay fine i’ve read the book cover to cover give me the rest of the series and i’ll get you your answers and piper’s like okay let’s get things straight here i’m the witch you’re some two bit archeology professor so when it comes to the handling of sacred magical tomes i’ll be taking the reigns here and kyle’s like fine then you won’t be taking the book. and piper’s like wanna bet and the next think kyle knows he’s hearing the door slam his book’s gone and he’s hearing tires peel out onto the street and he has no idea how she did it. 

back at the manor piper’s got her reading glasses on an volume one open and god this fucking sucks. so she makes phoebe take a stab at it and she hates reading it too. paige also starts it and is like respectfully no. piper’s the only one who did the reading in high school. this is her turf. but my god she cannot make it through all eight of these fucking books. So. she calls kyle. he has to come to the manor because there’s no way she’s giving him the books and there’s no way she’s letting him in magic school so. hi. welcome to the house. but!! by a contrived plot device!!!! a gnome has been shot in magic school this book was the only thing at the scene and paige wants to investigate further but she can’t just leave it out there so she brings it back to the manor she’s gonna cast some spell to find out if there are already spells on the book how to reverse it she just needs to find the spell first and like. there’s no way in hell paige ever wears an outfit with big enough pockets to keep the book on her. so she leaves it on the table. to which kyle asks how this is relevant to the collection. to which piper says don’t open that!! whoops. see, this is why i said we don’t let two bit archeology professors near magical books! piper/kyle charmed noir..............

[duckybeth99]

Children (Pirate!AU)

[thecorteztwins]

@survival-cfthe-fittest Did you want a healthy dose of Farouk this morning? OF COURSE YOU DID! HERE’S A HEAPING HELPING OF HIS GROSSNESS AND HIS HISTORY WITH PSYLOCKE

X-MEN (second series) #77: PSI-WAR PART ONE

Storm gets a message from her Kenyan foster mother, Ainet, and she and the other X-men teleport via some new abilities of Psylocke (Psylocke could teleport through shadows at this time due to...I think her experience with the Crimson Dawn, which is what gave her the red tattoo over her eyes for awhile) to her homeland. Turns out Ainet summoned her to introduce her to a god who is controlling Ainet and the villagers...and the god wants to marry Storm. It seems to be the spider trickster figure, Anansi (spelled as Ananasi in this comic) and he refers to Storm as a "delicious bride" so honestly you already know where this is going. Oh yeah, and he also wants to absorb her power, just as he claims to have absorbed the souls of her people.

Then he sucks out the souls of the X-men around Storm, and they're inside him now, his to play with.

He torments Sam/Cannonball with his dead father saying he's ashamed, but since Marrow, Maggot, and Dr. Cecilia Reyes are relatively new, he goes a different route with them. He tells that they're in a place where truth can be seen, and masks are stripped away. He makes Marrow's horrible bone protrusions vanish, and Maggot's slugs go away, and says he's giving them this gift because "you three have not yet been tainted by the X-men's lies" and then shows them a feral, animalistic Wolverine, who is chained up growling on the floor, and says that he's showing them the X-Men as they really are "without their righteous lies and pretty costumes. I give Xavier's dream and show you it's a nightmare...if you'll listen. So...shall we begin the dishing?"

Basically, he makes them think he's freed them from the nasty, painful parts of their mutation, presents himself as a truth-teller, and makes it seem like it's the X-Men who are not to be trusted. Since these three are newbies, and may not even really want to be there (idk about Maggot but Reyes always wanted to stay out of mutant business, and Marrow doesn't seem to like the X-Men at all despite being one of them) he knows they're most inclined to listen. And, of course, neither they or the readers know he's the Shadow King at this point.

Meanwhile in the real world, Storm is cradling Ainet and saying how she's going to make Ananasi pay, Ananasi starts to taunt her but then is ripped down the middle from within by Psylocke, who comes out of him.

"Has anyone ever told you people how difficult you make baroque posturing?" he complains, as Psylocke quips "Sigh...a typical man...splitting on you the moment you choose to assert yourself. Story of my life."

She explains to Storm that they're not dealing with a spider god, they're dealing with a telepath, and one "of the highest order". Ananasi, however, insists he is a god, and Storm asks Psylocke who he really is, but Psylocke says she can't tell, she can't breach his psychic defenses.

Ananasi changes tactics, telling Storm to be careful keeping counsel with this one (Psylocke) and then taunting Psylocke about how she's been transformed and posessed and reborn so many times she can't tell fantasy from reality.

In other words, he's caught in a lie he knows Psylocke can see through, so he's trying to make both Storm and Psylocke doubt Psylocke's sanity and/capabilities.

"You're everyone's plaything. A mismatched freak. A broken toy who isn't even sure if she exists."

Psylocke retorts coldly that she knows he's frightened of what she can do. I'm betting she's right. She tells Storm to take her hand, and they journey inside him, on his section of the astral turf where Storm's people and the X-Men are imprisoned, while he yells NO! YOU LITTLE WITCH! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!

Storm gets referred to as his bride once again because gross, and he and Psylocke start to do battle on the astral plane, "Ananasi" belittling Psylocke the entire time. Storm cries out to Psylocke that "Betsy! This is a trap! It's not me he wants! It's--"

And then she's silenced but I think it's pretty obvious it's gotta be Psylocke he was really after all along. He's always had a very strong interest in Storm, since his first appearance, so I have no doubt he wants Storm too, but Betsy is his main target here. We just have to find out why.

He keeps taunting her, insulting her, messing with her head, hitting all her insecurities, until she lashes out at him with all her power.

Which, it turns out, was EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED HER TO DO

She falls "mind first" into a trap. We don't know the details yet but Ananasi reveals himself as LOL THE SHADOW KING ALL ALONG!

The psychic backlash of whatever he does to Betsy is SO HUGE that it cleaves through the entire psionic plain, and actually affects people in the real world---worldwide. Normal people experience things like headaches and deja vu, whereas telepaths lose their telepathy (which would apply in other comics, and span several issues) This extends not just to people like Emma Frost, but also people like Spider-Man (with his intuitive "spider sense") So it's not just mutants who are effected, but everybody with even the slightest psionic abilities.

X-MEN (second series) #78: PSI WAR PART TWO

The next issue opens with society in chaos. There's car crashes, there's a dude in a pink apron chasing another guy in an art museum, a guy who thinks he's Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, people choking each other, others laughing maniacially, and from the astral plane, the Shadow King relishes it all.

"Rain anguish and chaos on your fellow man! Flood the earth in misery, that your master may drink his fill! That the Shadow King may rule a world of madness! Ah...all that delicious suffering...glorious, don't you think?"

Betsy, whose form on the psychic plane is a melted, multi-faced mess of herself, can only gurgle in reply. The Shadow King says she's embarrassing him with such praise, and says he couldn't have done it without her, adding that he can only imagine the torment she must be in. He explains that thanks to her, any possible opposition to him has been rendered impotent (meaning, all the other psychics are depowered).

He then tells us how after his "humiliating" defeat on Muir Island, he went into a sort of "hibernation" during which he was "hiding from your cursed mentor, Xavier, in wretched host bodies as my strength returned." Finally, when Onslaught happened, "the dissolution of Xavier's mind and power left the psionic plane without its preminent guardian. Only he could have sensed my subtle machinations. With him gone, I could make my move."

Thus he subjugated Storm's people and used Ainet to bring him "new X-Men to tempt, old X-Men to torture, and one foolhardy telepath to trick."

He says he'd stay and watch Psylocke crumble to dust but "I have some X-Men to corrupt. Even god needs apostles."

As he departs, Psylocke's twisted form calcifies, screams, and shatters.

Shadow King returns to the new X-men--Maggot, Marrow, and Cecilia Reyes---and Marrow's bone spikes return, as painful as they ever were, and he reveals his real self. He tells them he can sense the pain they're in and that he would like to see it abolished, and that he can help them as easily as he temporarily did Marrow...if they will turn their backs on the X-Men and pledge themselves to him.

Cecilia says that the X-men are "a royal pain at times" but that they are "good people"

The Shadow King challenges that, pointing out lots of ways they've wronged the three of them...and seems to be tickling Cecilia under the chin with some kind of feathery thing? Dammit Shadow King, can you NOT make this pervy?

"The X-Men offer you nothing but more pain...more lies...whereas I can turn dreams into reality!"

He tells Cecilia, a doctor, how with his help she could go back to saving lives, how he could put the knowledge of the best surgeons in her head. How Maggot could control his slugs and become the hero he wants to be. How Marrow could walk among the surface people, be pretty, be loved, be touched without pain, be looked at without pity or revulsion.

And these poor people, they seem to be enticed. Not agreeing, but tempted for sure.

"A surgeon...I've never dreamed..." "No more pain..." "Could it be true...an oke like me...a real hero?"

But then Cecilia asks what's going to happen to the X-men. The Shadow King doesn't answer, just says they wouldn't show HER the same concern. She still wants to know. He tells her that he's going to try to help them overcome their own trials and tribulations.

LOLOLOLOL

Cut to Sam/Cannonball, who is being berated by the seeming ghost of his dead father, as the Shadow King tells them he's getting "quality time bonding with his deceased father"

Wolverine, tormented on a chain like a beast ("Stripped of his bestial nature, one layer at a time, until we find the man inside")

Storm being swarmed by skeletons covering her ("My lovely wind goddess, I'm already helping her with a crippling case of claustrophobia. She's making wonderful progress.")

UR A DICK, FAROUK

Meanwhile, the broken shards of Betsy Braddock have come together to form her once more...but not as she was. She's a being of solid darkness in the shape of a woman, wondering why she isn't dead as she should be. She realizes it's due to the arcane energies of the Crimson Dawn saving her life. I do not totally know what the deal with the Crimson Dawn is, but as mentioned earlier, it is responsible for her shadow-porting abilities and her red face mark. I don't know the whole story but I think she died and Archangel used the Crimson Dawn to bring her back to life, in exchange for some of his own soul. Don't quote me on this. But yeah, she should have died from what the Shadow King did, but the Crimson Dawn is magical so it saved her.

Ainet, still trapped in the astral plane, appears and begs Psylocke to "stop the beast". Together, they go to find Storm in the "prison" that the Shadow King has her in, "a perpetual nightmare" that is "her private version of Hell"

Meanwhile, the Shadow King is delighting in infecting people all over the world, feeding more chaos and suffering, and gloating about how he can now "Defile any mind'

DEFILE ANY MIND

HE HAD TO SAY IT LIKE THAT

As for Storm, yeah, still buried in skeletons, paralyzed by her deepest fears. A child Storm is there too, telling them how this punishment for bad things she did.

But Psylocke and Ainet help her work through this and it's awesome.

But the Shadow King is being gross again, talking to Maggot, Marrow, and Cecilia, saying that "So? Are we ready to make a deal? Talent? Fame? Beauty? All can be yours if you say the magic words..."Hurt Me Daddy." All together now.."

AND THEN PSYLOCKE SHOWS UP TO KICK HIS ASS

WHICH, NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON

HURT ME DADDY

I CAN'T EVEN ' WHO WROTE THIS

I DON'T THINK IT WAS CLAREMONT, THE DIALOGUE STYLE IS DIFFERENT

SO I CAN'T EVEN BLAME HIM FOR THIS KINKY SHIT

Naturally, the Shadow King has to voice his surprise at Betsy's return and her new look by creepy-touching her face and telling her how "ravishing" she looks like this CAN WE PLEASE GET RID OF HIM FOREVER

Psylocke thinks that his touch feels like maggots crawling through her skin. I think that's very mean to maggots.

Shadow King says "I haven't been this surprised since I underestimated a certain balding American" and HE TOUCHES HER CHEST

NOPE NOPE NOPE

NOT OKAY

BAD TOUCH

WE NEED AN ADULT

He then offers her the chance to rule by his side as his queen. Because if you can't kill her, fuck her, I guess.

While they have this lovely chat, Storm frees Maggot, Marrow, and Cecilia. Shadow King talks about how Psylocke is going to BEG him for the power she so DESIRES and how he is going to "devour every mind on earth at once!"

Figures. He gets all this power and he just wants to eat.

The X-men's souls are now out of him and back in the real world, but he's still got the real prize, that he's going to get into "the collective subconscious of humanity" and "all the delicious suffering of humanity, one morsel at a time!"

He seems to frame things in terms of food/eating a lot, which I guess makes sense.

AND THEN PSYLOCKE HAS TO SAY *THIS* LINE: "He's...he's doing it...touching them all...EVERYWHERE!"

there is no way this phrasing is not meant to be deliberately suggestive ew ew ewww

And she thinks about how the sensation of it is "intoxicating. Saints protect me...I want it!"

ALL ABOARD THE TRAIN TO NOPESVILLE!!

"But more to the point...so does the Shadow King...at any cost. His thirst for power is so great...his lust so consuming...that he's getting lost in the rapture of it all...stretching himself to the limits, and BEYOND."

And that stretching lets Psylocke get a little sneaky psychic blow in, right at the Shadow King's personal nexus. And so her "subtle attack begins the block the Shadow King's far flung talons from the locus of their power" and his influence on people fades, restoring sanity to the world.

The Shadow King howls that this cannot be, that Betsy is nothing, and Betsy returns that "You are one mind! One consumed with greed, conceit, and pride! And one mind can't possibly poison millions without leaving itself open to attack!"

In other words, he got too greedy, opened himself up to much trying to get to others, and didn't think to close even a little to avoid any attacks getting in, because hey, Betsy, is nothing, what can she do against him, right?

The Shadow King, yelling it's not supposed to end this way, is then imprisoned in Betsy's mind. He points out that she's just one mind too, so the moment she uses her telepathy for anything other than containing him, he'll break free. Thus begins the era of Psylocke being just a telekinetic and not a telepath. Or did she not have telekinesis either at this stage? Her powers change around a lot after the Kwannon thing due to various events like this, so it's hard to keep track. But yeah, Betsy's head was his prison for a long time after this, up until she died in X-treme, freeing him to come after Rogue, and you know how THAT went---he just ended up imprisoned with her instead!

[sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog]

Why do people ride scooters?

"Why do people ride scooters?

Those look gay!!! I hate to see scooter on the road because they're too slow that may cause traffic.

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My husband's name is the only one listed in the car insurance. I recently just got my driver's license, should I include my name in the insurance? What's the advantage or disadvantage of doing that? Would our insurance payment increase?""

Did you see the left/right coalition letter against the health insurance mandate?

March 19, 2010 Dear Member of Congress: On behalf of our organizations and the millions of people we represent, we strongly encourage you to oppose the individual mandate in the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act of 2009. Our groups and members may disagree on what are the best solutions to our health care problems, but this unprecedented coalition of organizations from across the political spectrum agrees that forcing individuals to buy insurance from private companies under the threat of fines or jail is not the reform we need. The individual mandate is a section of the bill that requires every single American to buy health insurance-whether or not they want it or feel they can afford it-or break the law and face penalties and fines. Consequently, the bill does not actually cover 30 million more Americans-instead it makes them criminals if they do not buy insurance from private companies. We hope you agree that it is unconscionable to force people to buy a product from a private insurer. This would effectively be a tax-and a huge one-paid directly to a private industry. Enacting this mandate would be a major victory for the insurance companies at the expense of the American people. It should be no surprise they support the government forcing everyone to buy their product. Imagine how the hamburger industry would respond if the government forced everyone to have hamburgers for lunch or pay fines? According to the President's Council of Economic Advisers, the average annual premium for single coverage is $4,321. If the 46 million uninsured are forced to purchase private health insurance at that price, then the insurance industry stands to bring in up to $200 billion in new insurance premiums per year. The Senate bill also includes an estimated $630 billion in corporate welfare for private insurance companies in the form of subsidies over the next 10 years, creating even less incentive than currently exists for private insurance premiums to be lowered. To make matters worse, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services estimates that 19 million Americans would not buy insurance and as a result would be forced to pay $29 billion in taxes/fines. The Joint Committee on Taxation has made it clear that failure to pay these fines could result in jail time. Thirty-six states have passed or are considering measures that would allow their residents to opt out, including Virginia, Utah, Pennsylvania, Florida, Minnesota, Michigan, Georgia and Ohio. Given these fact, it is not surprising that a recent NBC News poll finds 57 percent of Americans do not want the government to create a law that requires everyone to have health insurance coverage and that only 38% of Americans favor the mandate, making it the least popular part of the bill. The American people stand in firm opposition to the individual mandate. We stand with them. We hope you will, too. Sincerely, Americans for Tax Reform, Grover Norquist, President Democrats.com, Bob Fertik, President Healthcare-NOW!, Katie Robbins, National Organizer FreedomWorks, Matt Kibbe, President and CEO Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Tim Carpenter, Director Campaign for Liberty, John Tate, President 60 Plus Association, Jim Martin, President Liberty Tree Foundation, Ben Manski, Executive Director Hector Barreto, Chairman, The Latino Coalition National Taxpayers Union, Duane Parde, President National Coalition of Organized Women, Consuela Sylvester, Ohio Director Citizens for Health, Jim Turner, Chairman Competitive Enterprise Institute, Gregory Conko, Senior Fellow American Association of Small Property Owners, F. Patricia Callahan, President U.S. Bill of Rights Foundation, Dane vonBreichenruchardt, President Institute for Liberty, Andrew Langer, President Santa Monicans for Safe Drinking Water Coalition, Gene Burke, Founder, Director Alliance for Natural Health USA, Gretchen DuBeau, Executive Director Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, Dr. Jane Orient, Executive Director Fairfax County Privacy Council, Mike Stollenwerk, Chairman The Rutherford Institute, John W. Whitehead, President Pain Relief Network, Siobhan Reynolds, Executive Director American Policy Center, Tom DeWeese, President Justice Through Music, Brett Kimberlin, Director Velvet Revolution, Brad Friedman, Co-Founder After Downing Street, David Swanson, Co-Founder Project Vote Smart, Mark A. Adams, Founder Democracy in Action (DIA), Dorothy Reilly, Organizer Squadron13.com, Gordon Sturrock, Founder Democracy for America - Tucson Chapter, Richard Kaiser, Co-chair DownWithTyranny.com, Howie Klein, Publisher Center for Financial Privacy and Human Rights, J. Bradley Jansen, Director DownsizeDC.org, Inc., Jim Babka, President Cyber Privacy Project, Richard Sobel, Director Citizens For Legitimate Government, Lori R. Price, Managing Editor Republican National Hispanic Assembly, Minnesota Chapter, Rick Agui""

Insurance quotes for a 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse ??

i'm 16 and i need to know where i can go online to get a quote, without people calling me. i just want to know how much it's gonna be every 6 months or every month, etc. online .... THANK YOU ALL !!!!""

Its about car Insurance?

hi guys i was wondering ive recently looked at a car ad the cars insurance saids 15E its and 2003 ex police car 'volvo s80' at the age of 21 is that going to be expensive. ??????????

Whats the average price for a new rider's insurance in Canada?

In Ontario

Do you know how much your health insurance premium will be going up?

I just received a newsletter from my health insurance company with these items: Health Insurer Fee to be phased in starting 2014: There will be a Health Insurance Provider Fee on premiums charged by health insurers. Some plans will be exempt, for example: Medicare, Medicaid, etc. It is estimated this will add at least 3 percent to insurance premiums. Congress anticipates $455 billion savings from cuts to both Medicare and Medicaid. Providers and healthcare facilities are expected to cost-shift expenses to commercial plans. The U.S. faces a shortage of primary care physicians (40,000 in the next decade), Oncologist (3,000 to 4000 already today), Nephrologists and -- perhaps the most scary -- Nurses (300,000) in the future according to one study. These figures do not account for the demand created by health care reform. So, we have a ways to go before we have reached our goal of affordable healthcare for every American. The Affordable Care Act is a good start toward that goal. What is the Affordable Care Act? .""

Driving without Insurance charge - I have Insurance?

A couple of weeks ago I got pulled over for an outdated sticker. When I handed the officer my insurance, it was last years paper (I cleaned out my purse the week before, I obviously took the wrong paper out). He gave me a ticked for the outdated sticker and a court summons for driving without insurance. He told me that if I brought proof of insurance to the station, he would cancel the court date (proof I had insurance before that date). So I brought the paperwork to the station, had another office photocopy it and leave it for him but I haven't heard anything. I don't want to assume that it's been dropped without having been told it is. Should I show up to court on the date just in case? What can I expect if I do? BTW I live in Ontario if that helps.""

Why do people ride scooters?

Those look gay!!! I hate to see scooter on the road because they're too slow that may cause traffic.

How much is health insurance in arizona?

How much is health insurance in arizona?

Life insurance question?

is there a insurance company that deals with people that has had a illness/disability that was before 18 or like started at birth? i forgot the actual word for it.

What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?

What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?

Can I get motorcycle insurance without a license?

Can I get motorcycle insurance without a license?

What are my best options for cheap car insurance?

I have just passed my driving test and I am looking to buy a car. I'm 21 year old female, and obviously I haven't got any no-claims or anything! Ideally I am after a little 1.0lt KA or Corsa. I've had a look on Compare the market etc and I've been quoted at 2,100 as being my cheapest offer on my own policy! My dad drives, but he is taking some convincing when it comes to insuring me on his policy! Basically I am wondering what the best way is to obtain cheap insurance!""

Im pregnant and need insurance. Is there affordable prenatal insurance besides medicaid?

Medicaid denied me because I make 25 cents more than the allowed amount. I am 4 months pregnant and have not had any prenatal care due to lack of insurance and fighting with medicaid. Is there AFFORDABLE coverage that anyone knows about?

Anyone know of cheap car insurance in California?

Anyone know of cheap car insurance in California?

What's the best car insurance company 2 get the lowest price rates on a 74 caprice classic?

What's the best car insurance company 2 get the lowest price rates on a 74 caprice classic?

Can there be two different auto insurances on the same car?

Im a new driver, im 17 and im in the state of illinois. I dont have a license yet, just a permit. My parents only have one car and i cannot afford my own at this time. My parents have allstate and their rates are too high for me. So i contacted another insurance agency and their rates for liability were lower. So, can one car be insured with two different insurances?""

What to do when i want to get a car and how much is insurance for a 2000 jetta ? how does payments work?

What to do when i want to get a car and how much is insurance for a 2000 jetta ? how does payments work?

Cheapest car insurance south australia?

what is and the price, for the cheapest car insurance places in south australia for a japanese import car with a turbo for a p plater, 16 years old, nealry 17? thanks""

California insurance--driving a friends car???

I'm not an insured driver, but is it illigal if I drive a friend's car (that is insured) in California? What happens if i get in a wreck? I dont normally drive, but in case my friend's been drinking sometimes she'll ask me to drive her home. thanks.""

""Im an 18 year old male and im about to get my drivers license for the first ime ,how much is my insurance ?

about how much is my insurance looking to cost me ???

Is the Nissan 300zx (1991) a good first car for a teenager?

I just want to know, I'm shopping for my first car. I have about $3500 and I want a car that is sporty. I like the nissan 300zx, and I need to know if its a reliable enough car and a good buy for my first car. I f anyone has any advice or knows about the car, let me know. Thank you!""

Would abortion be commonplace and covered by insurance if men got pregnant?

I think it would be.

Where to have my car insurance?

My insurance is up for renewal soon and I have a little dilemma. 4 days a week I work away from home living with realatives close to my job and the other 3 days I am at home. not the best situation but as I can't take my kids out of school I have to go where the work is. Now If I insure my car at my realtives address it is 200 cheaper then at my family home but can I legally insure my car away from the family home.

I need cheap insurance for saxo 1.6 vtr?

ive just passed my test and already had a car which is a citreon saxo 1.6 vtr, ime 26 and getting quotes for 5000. i only paid 600 for the car. does anyone know where i can get cheaper insurance on that car. thnks""

How to rebuild credit score?

I can't get approved for a credit card because I couldn't pay my car payment or car insurance for 2 months cause I lost my job. Although my credit score is around 530, which isn't too bad. But I have a lot of inquiries on my report from trying to get a car loan a couple years ago.. Now I'm trying to get a loan for school.. So what are my options?""

Medicate and your own private insurance ?

A friend of mine stated that even If u have insurance (private insurance at that) that u can sign up for emergency Medicare If your insurance only covers a certain amount of your procedure. Is that true? I find that to be nonsense!

What insurance is available for those who are between ages 18-24 and can't qualify for Medicaid?

Any low cost health insurances out there?

Are you required to pay insurance?

Once you get your drivers liscence do you have to pay insurance ??

Why Do I Pay More For Health Insurance Now?

I'm a recent graduate, female, non-smoker with a healthy weight and eating/fitness habits. I'm not rich by any means, but my health insurance rates have gone up a lot since ...show more""

Will Health insurance costs be lower now that they are making us get it?

How much will we be Taxed if we still can't afford it ?

Auto insurance cost for 2007 toyota camry?

Auto insurance cost for 2007 toyota camry?

Go doctor's without insurance?

i haven't been feeling well and i think it's about time i have a check up at a clinic....im interested in a walk in clinic that's not to expensive because my insurance does not work here. anyone know any good clinics around buena park, california???""

Why do people ride scooters?

Those look gay!!! I hate to see scooter on the road because they're too slow that may cause traffic.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-does-buying-horse-require-jayden-graham/"