#idk maybe i’ll delete this post later

[reyenii]

“the boys in the boat” bts photos

[artheresy]

No but I don’t think anyone understands how deeply I need to witness Blade identity crisis content like, the focus on identity usually with the HCQ and the struggles usually centers around Dan Heng because of course! We get the content in canon touched upon, expanding on it with your own view is so much fun and I want to do it myself at some point.

But the potential of Blade? And exploring his fucked relationship with his identity and with Yingxing? MWAH, delicious, and not done enough compared to something I do see a bit whenever the topic comes up which no hate to anyone for but I have my own opinions on it

Like, shit Blade has HUGE issues with dehumanizing himself as a result of Jingliu’s teaching in which she projected her own self dehumanization onto him and taught him to turn his body into a weapon and remember the feeling of death. He doesn’t view himself as being a person, he is nothing more than a sword for slaying, a weapon whose path is soaked in the blood of both his victims and himself. And UGH listen, I’ve already ranted about this so many times that y’all are probably tired of hearing me talk about it.. it truly is one of my favorite topics, the disconnection between Yingxing and Blade that does exist in canon to certain extent. Though he takes on the weight of his sin as his own and his duty to repay it (and make sure Dan Heng repays it too), the ways in which he doesn’t connect to Yingxing in other matters is used in such a tragic way when you peel back the layers upon layers that can relate to the simplest things. Like fucking hell, not to mention it again but the use of craftsmanship between the two of them is heartbreaking as crafting represents not only what he happened to do as apart of the HCQ and in the end his legacy, but how it is used as a representation of his passion that Blade does not share, how it represents the revenge that dominated his life as Yingxing built on the pain and trauma of losing his entire family and home while still such a young child which Blade probably doesn’t even fully remember anymore let alone connect with. I swear, that hurts, it hurts me every time I think about it.

I also just have a lot of my own headcanons that I firmly don’t think are canon, but are things I instead sprinkle in like finishing salt into my wounds to make myself even more sad. Like thinking about Blade in a way constantly being in mourning, not solely for Baiheng, but genuinely in mourning for Yingxing as well. Although he used to be Yingxing, that man is still dead and gone and never coming back, never in a way that will actually be Yingxing. So I like to imagine he mourns for him as well. Not just his death but mourns the severed connection between them. The passions he cannot submerge himself in, the pure dedication he cannot fathom, the love and happiness he cannot even begin to imagine the feeling of. Or at least not the warmth of them, he only feels the bitter shards of those feelings left within him, making his hatred all the more agonizing and deep set.

Hm… I wonder how we’re going to see Blade progress as the story keeps going on. I do truly hope we get more of an exploration of this. I need to see what happens to him. I need to see how his mindset ends up evolving or instead of evolving, the sheer amount of shit it ends up getting him into. God do I love this man, sorry that my love manifests in needing to see him suffering. It just comes with the territory

[the-lonelyshepherd]

aha yay. i drew like 30 of these

[nostalgic-bee]

Hosting a ship week seems so fun I actually want to try hosting one eventually

[bajaja-blast]

tw/ sexual assault

does anyone know what’s up with the Melanie Martinez allegations?

ik this is nothing new anymore, and even though I love Meanie’s music I would much rather side with a victim of SA. I did find this Reddit comment on a post about it from a year ago and I was wondering if any of the things in this comment are still relevant.

[karetyto]

I’m not very good at remembering that I have social media so a reminder that moots can always message me on discord, even just for random chatting!

Or like this post if you wouldn’t mind me messaging you first!

[lookitsgrim]

I had a post with this link but I deleted it because it wouldn’t let me edit it to add tags that I forgot about so here’s the link again. Chapter two is officially UP if you want to read it!! If you do I hope you enjoy ❤️❤️

[disasterousduo]

I’m just going to do a little rant

I get annoyed when I make art, but people focus more on the random thing I had in my head, or something I reblogged

I know I should fee happy that someone else art, or rant, or whatever is being liked, but that’s what most people like other then my random non-art things (except my rants)

I spend hours on something and then something else I write or made in like 30 seconds gets more likes and reblogs! I’m not trying to sound selfish or anything, but it makes me tired and not want to make art, or just not post it here.

The main reason I post it here is because, first of, I want other people to see my art, beside my family. Second, I want constructive criticism, feedback, how I can make it better, most of the art here I don’t even show my parents it, because a) they won’t understand anything the arts about or aren’t interested in what I’m into, and b) I know they’ll give me feedback, but it feels like they say they like it even if they don’t really like it (it’s probably just how I feel and not how they actually feel but still)

This was a longer rant then what I anticipated, and I know I’m probably just being selfish or whatever, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

[e77y]

Umm perhaps taking a brief hiatus from the internet altogether. Unless I feel better in the morning (I probably will) lmao

[pepprs]

it’s that time of year where i want to remake my blog so so so bad it’s unreal and then i don’t. lol

[digyoman]

thinking about earlier this year and even last year when i was so deeply hyperfixated on lloyd & he was all i could think about and yet i barely shared any of my thoughts on here. i kind of want to kick myself about it now actually because i know i had so many things to say and so much i wanted to do but i never made it happen. why was i a coward.

[hongtonie]

tbh it kinda sucks ass how whenever new stuff comes out it’s a race to see who can gif the fastest and only the first ones will get notes

[belovedrm]

anti: yeah i genuinely hate dream he’s a piece of shit

me:

[bitterpngs]

authors that make me feel a deep sense of disgust and revulsion toward post defection geto i love you

[princessmuk]

Depressive rant under the cut

What do you do when you just. Can’t?

I’ve missed so much school this semester. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. My depression and ADHD are so bad all the time. I have no personal or social life. My friends haven’t talked to me in months. All I do is work and school and nothing else. I’m exhausted all the time. I just don’t understand.

What happened to me? Why can’t I hold it together? Why am I never enough? Why can I never just get through life like everyone else?

Why am I so fucking tired all the time?

I’m just. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted with life. And no, don’t worry, I’m not suicidal or anything. I want to live. I want to live and be happy. I want to have energy. I want to enjoy my existence. I just want to go to school on time and not cause myself more stress, I want to have energy when I get home, I want my meds to work, I want my friends to exist again, I want my mind to be calm…

I just. I can’t. And no amount of therapy, or meds, or trying is seeming to change that.

Everyone tells me I’ve been working so hard. That they can see the progress I’m making. But I feel worse than ever. And I just want it to stop. I just want to be okay.

Why can’t I be okay?

[whimsyprinx]

fun fun thing about me is that even if I did end up in a romantic relationship (unlikely, if I did it would probs end after a month as usual) it would prove not work out for a few reasons, one of the bigger being that at least as it stands now i don’t like trust any romantic relationship to almost every relationships I’ve had as example has been toxic and either ended because it’s toxic or continues and is still toxic or it’s normal but I’m on edge wondering when the relationship will end, which is bad of me but not a feeling I can easily shake