#idk the esoteric implications work

[caraecethrae]

I need to buckle down and figure out what my personal understanding of Ceirt/Cert is.

it's fascinating how it seems to have these two diametrically opposing possible meanings (not unlike nGétal), one being tied to coir and right judgment and kingship, which actually fits apple extremely well folklorically, and one connected to madness, misfortune, sacrifice, and illness, which fit both potential etymologies of either Rag or Bush.

it seemed clear to me in the past that the secondary meaning had to be original, especially given my/the bias against the crannogham, but it's still very frustratingly simple that the current Modern Irish meaning is Rightness.

perhaps the meaning of the word shifted to match the evolving understanding of the fid, given the medieval love for the arboreal and more recentness of the Immrama? of course that's a reach but ...

[adventurefried]

Past Episode Thoughts (1/2)

this is also how i feel when i throw away perfectly good food bc of irrational paranoia

Archiving my past liveblogs to clean out my media tab, unforch i had some thoughts that weren't attached to images but don't feel like fishing for them. But some additional thoughts on past episodes are here too!

Sorry this isn't going to be organized by episode or anything I don't feel like doing alladat.

this is the writing the later seasons could not reproduce

PB's pet rat one of those forgotten lore things...

sugar finns are so goofy in an appealing way.

remember the episode where finn got turned into a bad touch werewolf (additional commentary) this is one of the most innuendo heavy episodes lol

i love paper plate demon mask finn extremely cute. jake looks cool. every now and then jake shows that he can alter his anatomy a little like changing his teeth. I imagine "stretching" this tissue is harder though which is why he doesn't usually do it.

looking back... what did this mean... that transition would have saved her? she was sexy btw (additional commentary) after watching the episode again i still don't know. Did orgalorg just want to be a sexy lady deep down?

this was fucked up lol (additional commentary) i think Simon actually on some level had a recognition towards Marceline which is why he's never shown attraction to her before (well also because she wasn't a princess ig). He only goes for it here from misinterpreting Marceline's interest and ice king will take any woman at the end of the day. Still, this was a pretty dark joke haha.

everyone knows how disturbing this scene is bc it shows how fucked up PB is but it's also so fucking funny that this is her winding down before bed activity

esoteric joke

One of my favorite episodes just because of how wildly sick and twisted it is. What even was this, felt like commentary on shipping/fanfiction haha, but I'm not sure what it was saying...

David OReilly, another artist I was a fan of before he contributed to Adventure Time, and another artist that has since disappeared (because he got criticized once then died lol). But this episode was pretty fun - but ironically I like the episode that was mimicking him, guardians of sunshine, a bit better than this one.

i do this... (additional commentary) but just recently i put it all IN A BOX!!! HAH! take that implication that im as dysfunctional as the ice king

ah yes, the wet dream episode (additional commentary) I have mixed feelings about this episode I feel like it really hurt Finn's reputation haha, I dunno it was just extremely malicious making his girlfriend fight because it got him off. Also extremely weird that they went there.... why. I know Finn is a good boy deep down so I forgive him... but still this kind of felt unnecessary. I remember /co/mrads would often complain that the male members of the crew were projecting their masculine insecurities onto finn. I don't necessarily disagree, but I also don't think it's always a bad thing... I dunno, there needs to be balance, author insecurities can give work a depth but it does get tiresome when it crosses into loathing self-hatred territory.

Finn you were once yuri (additional commentary) something that needles away in my brain about Shoko is how she kinda similar to Marceline... was there a meaning to that... or maybe just a reason PB took to her (unclear if this is before or after their breakup but i see it as after)

she's dressed similarly here, she's not wearing the necklace but she probably didn't always wear it idk. PB talks about the Candy Kingdom being smaller when they used to hang out, and she meets Shoko as she's expanding it. PB also shown knowing Marcy when she has short hair and looks quite a bit younger imo.

ok girl damn (additional commentary) the storyboard artists not at all disguised fetish

on that note, another instance of finn talking about his teen body for some reason

what was the age gap here (additional commentary) but I guess in a way cinnabun only just matured since he's never been fully baked before. This was also one of the weirdest/unexpected AT couples. I sort of dig it for that reason but it's also still very ???? whenever i think about it.

just a strange episode. idk how they expected people to react lol. we're retconning the arm but in exchange finn loses his virginity! ...to LSP (additional commentary) the episode that "ruined" Adventure Time to a lot of people. I was sort of one of them, my investment in the series went down after this ep and I became more passive towards AT, not caring if I missed an episode every now and then. I know this episode wasn't completely their fault, I know some suit probably didn't let them change Finn's design long term at the time, but did you really have to... package it like that lol?

It was... an episode that was controversial for good reason. But AT didn't die here, the rewatch reminds me there was still a lot of good episodes after this even if it became more heavily hit & miss.

this ep was cute... at the time i think it was thought of as a "see they can be friends" ep but i think it was sort of neutral/showed they still have a connection. they always kind of play it like that, even at the ending.

Had to make a part 2

[hydrangeyes]

Cloud Meadow Rambles #2

shout out to @chess-blackmyre for giving my the Lab Dialogue from their play-through and feeding my obscene obsession!

(I swear at some point I'll eventually calm down, but for now this is what my brain decided to cling to rn)

Here are some notes I made through out the doc! Spoilers ahead duh

Please be aware that this is purely my own speculation and self world building! In no way do I believe or think what I am rambling about here will become canon or fact.

Giev: Too many. The Liberation was our greatest fight, it cost us our ability to leave this plane, but in exchange, the greatest extant threat to this world, and possibly all worlds was removed.

Me: This part is interesting. That wizards' can apparently move between planes but because of something they did during the war, they are no longer able too. so then where is Giev exactly when we visit him? But also the implication that there is more than one world, which duh other planets but idk the way it's worded after that statement has me thinking.

-------

Giev: No, I’ve made the best of it, but...The Firmament will never be my true home.]

Me: Is this a wizards are from somewhere else or is it a Giev specifically isn't from this world? or does he just mean this area?

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Protagonist: Naga..Dragon...but it’s much more squat and bipedal? What in the...

Me: I won't lie when I first saw them they logged like that frog in town just on steroids and feral.

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Personal Log Entry 12: A dozen egos crammed into a hall and given a problem, spending days debating a hundred solutions, testing, re-testing, it was...Magnificent. What stands out to me now is Makaris’s hypothesis. Makaris was like a singularity of genius through which esoteric ideas flowed. Makaris posited research into the Mirror World, a dimension that souls entered where they died. Their requests for resources to research further into it were denied. We had deemed the Mirror World too dangerous for further study...Well, save for Kuttler.

Me:

So clearly Makaris worked on this "Mirror world" Idea on the side. which could fall into my theory on him potentially taking over Tro's body or rather someone else taking his body from said place because the rift I am assuming has been opened if He could communicate with makaris despite him being dead. Kuttler could have been in on that as well

Personal Log Entry 12: They, Makaris, invariably suffered the same fate as any who had made forays into investigating the Mirror World. One day they went too far with their research and was...unmade. Was it pride that led them to disobey us, or were they driven by something else?

(Note idk if they is in a sense of Makaris' pronouns or the group that helped plus makaris. through out my notes I flipped between he/him and they/them pronouns for makaris)

Me: Yeah see here, they kept researching anyway. but what does unmade mean? It's clear Tro can say killed/died, but what does Unmade mean??? wait wait, what is this is why Garst doesn't recall who he was???? was reverted and unmade?

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Personal Log, Entry Unknown: P-Personal log, entry...I don’t know, look. I heard them today. Makaris. They...They’re dead! I watched them get unmade in the heat of battle, using a blasted Mirror World Equalizer! There’s no way to recover from that, it’s the same sort of technology we used to ensure the Tyrants’ egos were WIPED from this world…

Me: This… these seems like a case of teleportation issue. rather Makaris actually managed what he was seeking, to access the mirror world, but it ended up dragging him into it as well?? Does this perhaps mean that the Tyrant's egos are there rather than dead?

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Personal Log, Entry Unknown: If their research allowed them even an inkling of ego to exist beyond death, and even to contact me...What if...What if I could undo that wrong while also keeping the world from suffering the Tyrant’s return? A thought for later, I’m going to rest my mind for now, log end.

Me: The use of ego here in substitute of spirit/ghost, is giving proxy vibes. Like I wonder if it's the same type of ego situation as with the Tyrant's egos? and what does that imply?

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[Protagonist: What’s DNA? Giev: Shh! Wizard business!]

Me: This QUESTION. Gods there are a lot of moments where it feels like the protagonist while supposedly the top of their class, doesn't even know the foundations of most topics. Primarily in science and geography to be honest. It also feels interesting Giev's response to this. How does someone who breeds creatures for a living not know what DNA is??????

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Personal Log, Entry 111: Breakthrough! While I was observing my newest patient, by the by I’ve taken to calling it Atlas, I made an amazing discovery! I took a small sample of its blood to see if it would need any particular nutrients, and while studying it, I witnessed a mutation!

Me: Atlas, the alien/creature thing that we release? (Me finding out their name lmao)

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Personal Log, Entry 111: I tried a few more experiments with it, and decided that I could take this small risk, with great success! There are a few errors with this new strand of DNA, but nothing I can’t repair with some ingenuity. Makaris is even here with me now. They’re phantasmal, perhaps composed of some form of psycho-kinetic energy? It’s clear that their experiments were a success too!

Me: so again does that mean the TYRANT'S aren't dead????? since assuming this Makaris that they two can think of using whatever method he is using?

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The capsule of fluid lightly bubbles around a strange, humanoid creature. Your gaze snaps down to the flickering display which activates as you lean closer. The symbols on the screen force your eyes to strain, and through beads of tears, you can somehow glean meaning from the arcane runes…

Me: WHAT IS ATLAS? I mean I would it it's an ego or tyrant variant but wouldn't Tro have mention the similarities. However it WAS with it's DNA that helped further Tro's experiment to the next step.

Edit: On the first not, what are. There are several instances where we could somewhat read apparently ancient or obscure runes/languages.

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The sound of the creature’s body crashing against the ground betrays a density you were not expecting. The creature stirs, pulling itself up as though it were weightless. As you get a clear look at it, it’s featureless face seems to peer through you.

Me: so looking at the image.. I won't lie it does lowkey looking like Tro….. just a smudge...

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Scientific Log, Entry 45: It can within-- ...inject – and transform the wearer into a Saurian! --nly that, but ther is potential for more config—ations! I have – Atlas Strain into three different -ules. Currently the on-- one I have on-hand is the Saurian configuration, but I-- on utilizing the other later. I will store the b-prints in here for –er use!

Me: idk why but feel as tho there are implications of different types of egos/servants. wait- is it egos or servants? is it like a hierarchy, tyrants egos, then servants?

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Personal Log, Entry 153: It has also come to my realization that the Genodrive is too resource-intensive to mass-produce...but there is appeal in having several specialists. Obvious military use aside, imagine the data we could gather from having someone, even if in body, perfectly replicate a species and its powers!

Me: sooo similar to what we are doing with our own farm creatures? the whole cross breeding to get better or worse stats?

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Personal Log, Entry 153: I think I’m almost ready to start presenting my research to my peers. I’ll start with Giev, winning them over will--

Me: Throughout reading this I love the implications that in comparison to every other supposed wizard, Giev is actually a softy?

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Giev: Both...they failed because they believed that the Servants were anything but the creation of their Masters...and succeeded because they brought them back.]

Me: Again. Are Egos servants? or vice versa, we already know tyrants are at the top of the food chain but still. as from this servants are made by the tyrants aka their masters (?) while egos tried to make themselves into beings better FOR the tyrant's.

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Giev: Blast...careful Lilith, it takes a great strength to kill a Wizard. Leaving is advisable.

Me: hmmmm, I do wonder about that

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Last Log: It...It took *cough cough*. Everything I had to put them down. But still it wasn’t enough. I know you came to find your dinnerware set, but I am afraid that it was a lie, much like the small cakes I also promised. A ruse, to further my work. Please, collect my research, preserve it.

Me: "But it still wasn't enough." is this implying that some may have gotten out?????!!!

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Last Log: We made a mistake in rendering them extinct...But I still believe we can reverse that error...someone else, with a more sober mind than I should be able to do something...to see where I failed and not make the same mistakes. I think...I think I can hear Makaris again...strange...he sounds different than when we…

Me: and so comes the area that makes me wonder if Makaris was even talking to him to being with or, rather if someone else swooped in before makaris could guide him the the mirror world with them.

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And there you have it!!! lol long read but fuck it we ball.

There are other dialogue aspects I wanna closely examine as the player's past has me just as curious, but that's for another time~

Again, this is all speculation on my end using the dialogue from the lab quest! I'm gonna wait speculation on the ,main plot tho as it has yet be fully release, tho I am curious about the whole why an apparent high end boss is collecting so much essence (ugh) and what not.

[leohtttbriar]

the minor debate in the tags concerning the legitimacy of the urge to beat the shit out of some englishmen set aside lol, i so so agree with you op. it is by far the most unsophisticated part of star trek writing--the monolithic cultures. i know there are complaints about the science and technobabble nonsense, but as far as we know, such nonsense is just an imaginative end to the question of "what might make this weird thing happen?" (the answer almost always according to star trek writers: quantum particles, like fermions or whatnot. which seems fair to me bc actual knowledge of quantum mechanics remains Weird as far as i can tell). but human culture and language is so varied and recorded in easily accessible material, it feels like, as a audience member, there was no real excuse to not try to emulate that in the show's cultural speculation.

like, the original narrative utility of the monolithic culture in the original series became fairly outdated by the time tng came out? the sort of progressive aesthetic of having several different human cultures represented on a space-ship along with a couple aliens who look as much like humans as the rest was a progressivism distinct to the era. it needed expansion as the special effects and makeup capabilities expanded in the show production. (as well as based on the fact that half tng run technically being post-cold war.)

i genuinely don't mind that every new recurring alien written in a star trek series is just a new kind of forehead/ear prosthetic (actors being able to act is fairly essential for storytelling--prosthetics anywhere else would not be helpful). what i really want is not just a diversity of culture within an alien species, though that's Essential; i want the show to demonstrate that aliens are products of immense world-histories, both natural and cultural. even if there's no time to dig in to those histories on the show, just small hints about a diversity of dialect or food would work--dialogue like "this fruit only grows along the equator on Qo'noS and only the klingons who grew up there can withstand the radiation emitted by its fibers. also it's gross," or "did you understand what he was saying, worf?"--"no one can understand that accent. he's from the hamar mountains." etc. etc.

i mean, what if "warrior's spirit" meant different things based on, idk, something as esoteric as astrology? what if the northern hemisphere constellations on the planet culturally meant that klingons born there were explicitly warriors of like only hunting and it was a crime to hurt another klingon bc that would mean treating them like an animal and then this sort of culture faded as certain developments in agriculture in the southern hemisphere meant that calorie-dense food could be made available, fuel armies, fuel spacefaring, change the landscape, and undercut certain cultural practices, but the stereotype still remains that a northern hemisphere klingon is not the best conqueror and so they are left out of space-empire building. maybe instead of just replicating medieval lord-bondsman poetic culture (that was always more politically rich than even rich medieval poems about said culture could portray), they could've imagined all the material realities that contribute to culture-building and then expanded on what the original series had started. and then they could've hinted, maybe, that (as op pointed out) cultural biological urges are not as biologically inherent as the show might portray. you can still have your allegorical-narrative cake and eat it too by not implying that some conscious human-looking creatures are forever plagued by biological mandates, thus being closer-to-nature than the cerebral humans who never succumb to such body-demands. the implication of the writing always feels like: "this Othered being is, perhaps, dare i say it, ... primitive" and that is not a thing you want your speculative and imaginative science-fiction writing to imply.

this isn’t anything new or revolutionary to say but i hate how star trek portrays alien cultures as a monolith, maybe with two or three different subgroups at most. first of all it contributes to a lot of the weird bioessentialism written into the show second of all that’s just not how culture works. look at all those posts going around here joking about how what’s considered rude in one culture is polite in another, and that’s just in humans! “all klingons inherently have the Warrior’s Spirit” can you imagine if we said that about humans. sorry guys my ancestral scottish highlander genes are calling me to go beat the shit out of some englishmen i’ll brb

[hms-no-fun]

do you feel classpecting is a useful tool for writing characters (in godfeels at least) or should it just be left as a silly game mechanic of the past?

i've said in the past (i think particularly in my episode of pgen about the terezi route) that i don't really think about classpects that much. i'm not gonna say that's changed, necessarily? i've never been much for esoteric classification systems like, for instance, the zodiac or myers-briggs shit. i think these systems can be an interesting mirror to reflect ourselves in, but the mistake a lot of people seem to make is thinking that they're somehow objective? and like personally i think it's completely fine to have a symbolic relationship with the mysteries of the universe or the conscious mind, but they only physically determine the course of your life if you let them do so. i've never found these things personally very useful because like everything they're just arbitrary categories people invented to make sense of themselves (and, to some extent, to judge human beings along a qualitative axis, which is uh... not great) and i find they just kinda obfuscate the really interesting weirdness of existing. they're a way of imposing a false order on chaos, and i'm the kind of freak who thinks chaos is actually pretty cool [cue joker voice].

so i very much see classpects as like, what if there actually WAS an objective esoteric personality classification system rooted into the universe? which to my mind immediately sticks out as inherently oppressive and unfair. but i've largely ignored classpects up to this point (with the exception of exploring new evolutions of certain characters) because gf2 and the beginning of gf3 were basically slice-of-life stories where these things don't matter much anymore?

but for me classpects are a lot more interesting when the characters in question are pushing against them? which maybe ties into how gender is often portrayed both in homestuck proper and in godfeels. which i recognize isn't really how classpects are typically explored? or maybe they are idk i'm behind on my fanworks reading list.

so when it comes to how i write the characters? no, i don't particularly think about classpects. i see them as a useful shorthand to describe the kind of character they are, maybe? but narratively they interest me a lot more as a textual system with existential implications rather than as a writing tool. and i think going forward you'll see this attitude shine through in godfeels in some really interesting ways.

that said, i don't judge anyone who likes classpecting characters or finds them a useful writing tool! and i even enjoy reading classpect analysis. homestuck is huge and full of weird bullshit and the joy of making fanworks for it is that everyone can pick and choose the elements they want to emphasize and it still works!

[midnightsillyhour]

Like I’ve been wondering and pondering about how certain fictional areas that I have some control over should represent “who I really am” or what I’m about and like... When it really comes down to it, the one desire and core meaning to me is that I have always just wanted to make other people happy? Like I for example have spent so much time just thinking of Pokémon teams that represent my interests and all these “aspects” of me when all along the three I loved the most have been steady and cohesive to what I really want from life yet have been avoiding for so long. I love Blissey’s ability to just sense when someone is feeling down and to magically amend that. I love Altaria’s musicality and ability to produce wonder in others. I love Togekiss and how it brings about miracles and can just avoid negative vibes in general as it pleases. Like sure introspection is fine and good and necessary but in the process of doing so I’ve just been avoiding the one core wish I have for myself in the long run. I want to inspire and create positivity in some profound way despite how anxious I am in my interactions with others. I want to be the star in the dark night or the rainbow in the rain. And these days I’ve just been caught in this negative loop of failing to do so and becoming more and more cynical as a result. And idk I guess instead of facing the fact that you can’t be a light in the dark if you’re scared of the dark, I’ve just been running when things don’t work out as I idealize. Maybe it’s because I so desperately rely on those people and things that act as beacons of light when everything else is just dismal and depressing that I want to be one so much. But it’s just so hard and that’s what makes it admirable I guess but it’s hard to not be depressed when I fail at it anyway. It’s so hard to not be judgmental or sardonic when bad things happen. So hard to not deflect onto others when negativity is shone on me. I want to be light and love and hope and all these abstract concepts of good in the world. But I keep falling back into these little bouts of viciousness and petty behavior. I say the wrong thing so much. I have so many moments where I’ll greet someone less friendly that I meant to and immediately wish I had been more warm. I mess up constantly in endeavors to help others. I forget about conversations or just avoid continuing them for some reason I can’t even explain. How am I supposed to help people when all I can do is be distant in the fear of even interacting with them? Idk it’s hard to accept. That despite my best intentions, my actions create situations and relationships where I’m likely irrelevant in the lives of those I consider myself closest to because I actively fear yet entrap myself in isolation. But I want to connect and reach out so much! But I can’t. For some reason whenever the opportunity comes I just can���t? It’s like some wall. It’s a horrible invisible little wall that I can never cross. Why can’t I cross it? In this regard I feel like fiction, the thing I rely and base myself around so heavily for the brief and effortless outlook on connection it gives me, has so utterly betrayed me. It’s been my only friend for so long that I’ve become addicted to its heavy concepts and themes and narratives that I miss all the mundane blocks of actual life that would actually build up into the tangible forms of those concepts. These big words that I want to be aren’t some grand miracles of fictional works created by grand acts of heroism. At least not always. But it’s so hard to reconcile that with these grandiose ideals I have. I want to feel genuine satisfaction with real life through the realization of my ideals even in the most mundane forms. But that’s impossible if I can’t even recognize those forms with my vision so clouded by the perceived notions I have of what they should be.

Idk man. Being starry eyed and dreamy sounds so nice in a story where those traits have merit in that they lend themselves to realization of there actually being magic and wonder in all those esoteric forms they might take in a fictional world. Someone with my disposition might find sustainable worth in pondering the starlight or the whims of some knowable god. But here it just makes me miss so much surface level stuff. I’ve been in mutual love before but I squandered it because my little ideals made me think it wasn’t real compared to my fantastical notions of what it should’ve been. And thinking back on it, I realize that I destroyed something precious to me. I’m so obsessed with finding the “truth” but I fail to see that the truth is actually super apparent. It’s something that I’ve had for so long but when confronted with it I shun it because it isn’t what I want it to be? Love isn’t just going to come one day and last for eternity as an all consuming pink petalled rose that surrounds life in some cloud of perfume and pleasure. In fact I have so much connotation and meaning in the word that I want to avoid it all together. The word immediately conjures what I want it to be. I want to escape words and just feel what I need to without having to conjure up a name for it. Why do I do that? I see the dawn sky and instead of appreciating it I think of its name and all the connotations I have with it. Perhaps each sunrise doesn’t need the same meaning. Each sunrise doesn’t even look the same. And sure some of them can mean hope and renewal and whatever else, but some of them will mean dread for the day to come and some of them will just be a new day with no other significance. I need to escape my imagination. It’s clouded my head for so long. I just want to live in the world without having to assign definitions and gods and names for everything that occurs. I just want a conversation to be a conversation without looking for cues and hints to intentions. I want to just look at things and be in the moment. I want an empty head content to simply observe instead of approaching everything as if it were some artpiece that needed a thousand meanings derived from it. A picture can mean a thousand words but it doesn’t have to. I’m so tired to not being able to just live in a moment without wondering what it means. Fuck implications and intentions man. I just want to feel alive instead of being some ghastly spirit analyzing my life like it’s a narrative with plots that must be investigated. Idk maybe being suicidal for so long has left me clinging to any meaning life might offer so I don’t feel meaningless. But in the pursuit of the answer to the question “What does my life mean?”, I’ve ignored the very obvious answer within the question: “It means nothing if I don’t live”. But even that presents itself as some poetic truth in trying to assign and idk I’m just so frustrated. Why do I need a reason to live????? Why can’t I just go out there and experience the world without needing a reason???? I’m tired of it!! I don’t want to justify my existence I just want to exist!!! It’s so bad that I feel the need to justify why I am here even to myself! Such a horrid and rotten thing. I feel like some fucking robot that needs input from the world to even act. Why am I like this?? People in my life want all these answers and it’s like??? All my life I’ve just been asking questions but I have no answers. What do I want to do?? I don’t know! What makes me happy? I don’t know! What’s wrong with me? I don’t know! I don’t know who I am anymore? I don’t think I ever knew. I’m so lost and confused. And I guess the big difference between now and before is that I had friends to fill in those blanks before hand. But even then I was only a person when given around those people. I was a drunk when my friend needed someone to drink with. I was a gay joke when my straight friends wanted validation. I was a quiet child when my parents had too much to deal with. I’ve been whatever the person near me has wanted for so long.

Idk I’m so based on the needs and wants of others that when I fail to meet those standards or when there’s no one around to tell me what to be I have nothing. I feel like I am nothing. I’m alone this year and that means I’m nothing. What am I? No one can tell me. I guess I’m nice?? Vaguely nice?? Acocomodating sure? I need meaning. I crave it so much. And like even the one I came up with earlier in this post doesn’t even sound like a tangible one? Making people happy? Isn’t that just me doing what everyone else wants like always? I’m tired of it. This year has made that blatantly clear to me. I broke under pressure this year. I lost so many friendships this year to negligence. I’ve realized that I can’t even hold a conversation without donning whatever false persona I think will resonate with whoever I’m talking to. I guess that’s why I feel so lonely all the time. Because no one knows who I am and yet I’m sure they all do now that I broke. I let the mask slip and that’s so distressing to me. People know that I’m as lost and sad as I appear. There’s no substance behind that either. There’s just nothingness. I’m vacuous and hollow. Selfish in my selflessness. A black hole that devours purpose like a drug but loses it as soon as the source is gone. God I hate metaphors. I hate that I rely on them so much. It’s just an extension of my need to prescribe meaning. Because I have no meaning. Why?

I wish I was like an animal or something else. I wish I had instinct to guide me. Like for an animal death is scary because life in itself is the entire purpose. To be alive. To propagate life. But to me death is only scary because I’m afraid it won’t have meaning. That there will be nothingness in the afterlife too. I’m so tired of it. I’m so terrified of it. This hollow feeling. It dominates everything. I can’t even run from it anymore. Usually maybe a friend or even someone who just felt bad or possibly just felt bored would try to help even subconsciously. But I’m like an old toy and there’s so much else this year to distract from giving life to something that offers nothing in return. It must be so frustrating to associate with me. Like talking to a wall or a stuffed animal. Talking to an empty shell, coaxing a flower out of bloom just for it to wilt as soon as you stop talking to it. A ventriloquist talking to a puppet. I want to scream and reach out but in the end I have nothing to say. I have no excuses just apologies to repeat. Just little words and catchphrases and funny little ways of repeating back what was just said to me. I’m just an echo. And that feels like such a negative conclusion to reach but I don’t know what to do with it to make it positive. It’s like stating that a room is empty without any idea what to fill it with. I’m empty and alone and now that no one is around anymore to notice, I feel like I’ll be that way forever even if theoretically that’s not even true.

And to prove my point I’m gonna use a piece of fiction as a metaphor for who I am. There’s this story in Leigh Bardugo’s anthology book Language of Thorns. It’s a different take on the nutcracker story where the Nutcracker slowly comes to life and realizes he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or be without the influences of others. Since their desires for him are literally the reason he even has his burgeoning sense of sentience, he doesn’t know at all what he is without them. But the end is somewhat ambiguously happy. The rat king tells him how he too used to be empty but he felt a desire for himself divorced from the narratives of others and that led to him breaking free of their expectations. Just that first want. The nutcracker decides that just going outside and seeing what lies beyond the street is enough for him in the moment. He presumable gets away from the emptiness. I’m stuck on that step. I don’t know what I want but I ironically want to find it. So I guess that’s my ambiguously positive end to this weird rumination on myself? That while I’m currently empty and devoid of meaning I at least want to change that. Maybe that’s the first want that will get me somewhere else. That’s kinda lame and corny but I need to end this and my stupid idiot brain won’t let me end it without some poetic conclusion so there you go I guess.

[earthstellar]

No worries, LMAO I could add to the wrench lore all day tbh 

like the fact that Arms Micron Ratchet Spanner exists 

it’s a little mini-con that modelled it’s appearance off of Ratchet’s frame type, only of course, massively scaled down lmao 

for anyone unfamiliar with all the Arms Micron stuff, oh god, here we go

alright, ok, so: 

the Autobots have a bunch of mini-cons who started out as benign Cybertronian objects and weapons, but after being contaminated by the energon found on Earth (which is saturated with Unicron’s dark energy), this gave the objects/weapons some degree of sentience and the ability to transform 

the implications of this are honestly massive (objects/weapons of Cybertronian origin having the ability to develop a spark/processor/t-cog/etc. is WILD) 

but because the USA-centric / Western audiences don’t usually get toy-based gimmicks/tie-ins such as this (for a variety of reasons), Hasbro never marketed it outside of Japan 

it probably doesn’t help that TFP never had a particularly strong toy release in the West (in comparison to prior Transformers media and the related toy lines like for TFA), and it’s still bizarre to me that they kinda flubbed a lot of the TFP figure releases 

because the TFP series was a huge fan hit and the character designs are still well liked and SIGH I wonder how much of the S3 fuckery played a role in some of that towards the middle/end of the series, idk people signed NDAs so we’ll never really know lol 

but anyway, Takara Tomy handles all the Transformers stuff in Japan anyway (for the most part) so it was sort of left in their hands to do whatever with, within the Japanese/Asian Regional toy market 

so there was never a lot of really coherent lore built up about the Arms Microns beyond the toy back-of-the-box copy from Takara Tomy, as well as little bits and bobs here and there from Japan-release only TFP shorts (I think, anyway? there were a few TV spots for a couple channels, if I remember correctly, but I’m not sure so feel free to check me on that)  

it’s a whole mess lol, here’s the main TF Wiki page about it 

lore implications: literally nobody even knows LOL

either way, because there’s no super coherent lore beyond the central premise of “items that come to life animated by Earth’s contaminated energon”, and because it wasn’t integrated in any detail into any canonical lore in the Western material, there is SO MUCH that could be done with this concept but we don’t have any further info to work with 

the implications that the Arms Microns were granted sentience and are essentially fully functional miniature Cybertronians via the CORRUPTED ESOTERIC POWER OF EARTH’S POISONOUS UNICRON-SATURATED ENERGON is wild as hell, 

and kind of makes me think that this concept may have been developed a little further removed from the core TFP Hasbro team (I’m not sure how much input or back and forth there may have been between Hasbro and Takara Tomy about this stuff) or at an earlier stage in series development overall before certain key consistencies were developed for the series, like dark energon being toxic / raising the dead, etc.

because that would at least make it make a little sense, sort of. 

but there’s like zero elaboration of any canon beyond the basic premise, so nobody has a clue, really, as far as I’m aware anyway 

like even the TFWiki is like, yeah, we don’t know either lol 

Ratchet Spanner and the other Arms Microns with robot modes resembling larger show-cast characters are considered separate characters by this wiki on the grounds that the only fiction we have on them is the over-arcing backstory of the Arms Microns: non-living weapons were exposed to special Earth energon and turned into living miniature robots. Obviously, being a new form for Ratchet doesn't really work with this. So until something official says otherwise...

Obviously, we never really got anything official, as far as I am aware, and since Arms Micron wasn’t a thing in the Western regional market, it just sorta was ignored altogether 

soooo what I’m saying is that because we don’t have any canonical information otherwise, 

feel free to have fun imagining a tiny mini-bot version of Ratchet running around the base, whenever it’s not being used as an actual wrench LMAO 

because technically, since this is at least canonical enough to be a Whole Thing, that is 100% something that happened at some point 

it is also very fun to imagine “living tools” in Ratchet’s work area 

like does he put out a bowl of energon for the mini-cons, like an automatic hamster water feeder thing or something, or just a rectangular tray-type cube of energon like a fucking trough LOL 

or are there a bunch of tiny energon cubes and he just rounds them all up for like breakfast refuelling like a boarding school teacher trying to get all the kids fed before everyone has to start doing shit 

if he “loses a tool” he can just like, call it’s name and it’ll show up like “me!” and just transform into a screwdriver or whatever 

imagine the kids discovering this 

imagine the kids playing with a whole little team (a toolbox!!!) of Arms Microns (not the ones that turn into weapons LMAO) 

Miko would probably put a rope harness on one and sit on its shoulders like riding a horse or some shit, it would be chaos.

fair enough though, the tone of Arms Micron may or may not have worked in other regional markets/with other audiences 

obviously the tone of the Arms Micron stuff as well as the provided (but limited) backstory was probably just deemed not workable with the tone of the show as it was presented to other regional audiences outside of Japan 

like how would you market Arms Microns in the USA alongside the vibe of the series as it was presented to Western audiences as being an intentionally more tonally heavy series 

I mean TFP is a show in which two main characters commit a very blatant war crime and it’s framed as a good idea and totally okay to do, and nobody ever talks about the fact that they had a literal child actively assist in facilitating the carrying out of said war crime 

so I feel like Arms Micron as a whole thing is maybe a little tonally dissonant for the Western audiences, who are like, “hey remember when Bulkhead beat Starscream to death that one time and it was scary as shit” because yeah 

I mean the Japanese TFP release is absolutely fascinating to me because they made some very specific major changes that are just so interesting since they deviate so far from pretty much every other release/translation/edit of the series as intended for broadcast as far as I know 

so it’s pretty clear that the Japanese release of TFP was a very different approach overall, and it’s not surprising the toy line also deviated massively to cater to that regional market/audience -- it’s not an uncommon thing at all, but it’s a little uncommon for the differences to be so extreme, which is why I feel like TFP is a little bit of a special case of sorts 

like infamously, everything about Airachnid in the Japanese release of TFP is just so incredibly, bewilderingly far from any other regional release as far as I’m able to tell (I don’t have access to English subtitled non-English language releases of the series despite my best efforts to find as many as possible, aside from the Russian TFP dub which I’ve watched in entirety on YouTube even though I still can’t understand 99% of it lmao I’m doin’ my best) 

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TL;DR I love Arms Micron Ratchet Spanner, but everything about Arms Micron in general is somewhat bewildering, and I fully admit this is because I am nowhere near as familiar with the Japanese TFP content as one would need to be in order to contextualise this properly within the region-specific lore and the shifted series tone overall due to various translation and regionalisation changes 

TL;DR 2: there is canonically a tiny Ratchet mini-con who is himself a wrench and I think that’s neat 

I’m so sorry I wrote this much about fucking Arms Micron LMAOOOO

Credits to 🦌