#idk this became a mini tag rant sorry lmao

[posi-pan]

I know we’ve all had this conversation a million times but I always get so... almost irrationally annoyed when I see a few people call a character from media I enjoy is bi and then everyone else just decides that that’s 100% IT and there’s no debating it or disagreeing. I want bi rep just as much as I want any other lgbt rep, but as a pan person I want pan rep too, and it’s so tiring when people continuously look over other mspec identities that may also fit characters and act like they can ONLY be bi. And then whenever someone brings up other identities or says they see characters differently, they get shot down as “biphobic” more often than not. It just really sucks. I wish we weren’t so horribly overlooked by nearly everyone all the time :(

i’m kind of glad it took me a while to get to this message, because yesterday i was scrolling through the replies on a tweet about how barbie “has a girlfriend” and saw someone say she’s a bi icon and other people were pointing out that she could be pan or ply or omni or multiple/all of those, and oh my god all the hate those replies got........people spamming them with “no”, yelling at them about how those labels are biphobic and transphobic, and accusing them of “derailing bi posts” and it’s like.....y’all hate us so much and are so buried in “discourse” that you’re this aggressive over people interpreting a literal fucking DOLL’S sexuality differently???

but yeah. it’s frustrating. and shitty. and isolating.

[kaiavaroe]

So, I was thinking about it earlier and decided to come out and make a long post about who I am and why I supported Onision for so long. This is a long post but I think it’s worthwhile reading.

My name is Gen, I’m 16 years old, and I used to be morbidly obese. I’m 5’3” tall and I used to be 250+ lbs. I currently hover right around 150 and will probably be about 135 once I have loose skin removed. I lost all that weight in roughly two years after pretty consistent gaining. I work hard consistently to keep it all off and it will be a struggle I have for my whole life. But how does this tie into Onision?

Well, you guys all know his schtick. He trashes on depression, fat people, meat eaters, and people with mental disorders. I struggled with my ED (binge eating disorder, food addiction, in addition to depression) from the age of about 6 to 14 due to some trauma that’s too personal for tumblr dot com. I went to doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, and nothing helped. Medicine made me feel like a zombie and I snuck food in any way I could. It’s embarrassing but I did a lot of really shitty things to get what I wanted. It was a full blown addiction and I was a kid struggling. I found Onision’s videos one day when I was on youtube. I still remember it because I was literally eating a full bag of mini powdered donuts and I felt sooo disgusted with myself when I watched him rate girls with my dream bodies and tell them they were fat. I should mention that through all my mental issues I was never unpopular at school. I actually had a decent amount of friends and most people weren’t mean to me. Seeing Onision tear girls apart like that made me feel like trash.It really hit me then that was how people saw me. They saw me as fat, useless, gross. I can’t find the video that made me feel this way and honestly I don’t want to watch any more of his videos than I have to, so sorry.

Anyway, I ended up following Greg religiously along with a few other Youtubers. He wasn’t the only one and he was far from the ONLY reason I got in order. His “brutal honesty” struck a chord with me though. I lost a lot of weight. I was full vegan for a while, now I’m more of a flex-atarian because I’m working on gaining muscle mass and stuff. Anyway, I began to see people like Greg does. I judged people. I believed what he said about his personal life because he helped me. No one had helped me that successfully before, so I took every word he said as truth.

I found the Anti-O community by accident. I had a personal tumblr where I documented my ED and the challenges I faced (and a lot of Miraculous Ladybug stuff lol). I stumbled across the anti community when I was on the onision tag here (I’d never looked at his tag on tumblr before). I made Pronision as a side blog. On my main I had a lot of personal information. School, full name in a post or two, etc. I was stupid and reblogged some stuff to the wrong place and someone sent me a message on my main. No, I don’t know who and even if I did I wouldn’t say because it doesn’t matter. I panicked, deleted the whole tumblr, and remade my blog. I continued to be volatile while defending someone who didn’t deserve it. A lot of people said horrible things to me and I flipped the fuck out lmao. I hate when people blame mental illness for them being a shitty person but…. Idk I feel like it put me into a deep depressive slump. It was rough and stupid and I did it to myself. I haven’t deleted anything from my blog from that time, so I could go check and give a play-by-play of how I was feeling, but honestly I just don’t want to. Basically, I realized the guy who helped me out of a lifelong ED (which I had been professionally treated for 2 years for) was a piece of garbage. You guys know the rest because I’m here now, but I wanted to rant about this a little.

Onision is a shitty person who hurts a lot of people. I think he even hurt me some. I became mean and condescending when I followed his views. I see that it’s not right now and I’m working to improve myself and to think more critically moving forward. I maintain that some of you guys are assholes, but I was/am one too. Onision helped me and I defended him. I don’t regret it though because, in the long run, the experience changed me for the better. Please remember, for every “pronision,” there’s a teenage girl hiding behind the account, most likely clinging to Greg as a form of validation.

Thanks for reading if u made it this far xoxoxo