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#idk to me I don’t feel like what I’d said was all that bad but now I’m freaking out thinking it really upset you or something
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🎈emoji so I’ll see it:
AITA FOR NOT HUGGING AN AUTISTIC KID? (Long read ahead)
ok so I’m a middle schooler (M), yes I’m 14 (old enough to be on the site) and today we were doing some end of year activities (eg. signing yearbooks, playing games, etc etc). And I was talking to a friend of mine we’ll call her V. Suddenly I was approached by a teacher who said that a kid (let’s say Jessica) wanted to talk to me. I was like “oh ok sure.” Jesica approached me and brought me a card. Now some background on Jessica:
So Jessica is autistic and in all different classes than me. I’ve interacted with her a few times, she seems to have some friends? I don’t really know. In the past I tried to be her friend not knowing she was autistic (this is the possibly asshole part) but her behavior was really strange as she would often say odd things that made me uncomfortable (not perverted or anything but just really awkward) and would really kinda creep me out so once my class with her was over I never spoke to her unless she initiated it which only happened once or twice. Another thing that really bothers me is that I co-lead our showchoir group with V and another student and it’s a difficult job that requires a lot of participation and effort from all the members. Yet Jessica hardly ever does anything, she just sits in a chair half the time while everyone else is working hard. I know that it’s a spectrum and not all autistic ppl are the same but there’s two other autistic dudes who both work super hard and help out a ton!
Anyway she insisted that it had to be a surprise and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I absolutely hate closing my eyes in public due to the worry that someone will touch me while my eyes are closed but I didn’t wanna upset her so I did it anyway. When I opened my eyes she’d placed a folded over piece of paper in my hands. She’d written a card in pink magic marker, it was almost illegible so all I could make out was “my full name and grade, the date, summer (have a good summer?), and school. She asked me to read it out loud so I mumbled a bunch of sounds together to make it seem like I was reading it even though I couldn’t tell what it said on account of the handwriting. She seemed satisfied so I thanked her telling her how much I appreciated and moved to leave when she said “and what do we say?” Confused I said “thank you”. I think that was the right answer? She then put out a hand toward me which is a pretty normal gesture in our school meaning you want the other person to dap you up. So I did, to which she seemed confused and tried to shake my hand. She then said “don’t I get a hug? You have to hug me right?” I HATE hugs. It brings back traumatic memories and I really really could not bring myself to hug her epesecially since I didn’t know her well. “I told her I’m sorry but I don’t do hugs. I just really don’t like them.” She looked disappointed at that and then said “that was really sweet of me right, writing you a letter?” I didn’t know how to reply to that so I said “yeah it’s great.” She replied saying I had to right her back and that I should “write it at home and give it to her the next day”. Knowing I’d forget, I just grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it to her right there. It was a simple paragraph on a different sheet of paper with the usual stuff, “have a good summer, you’re really cool, good luck in hs” the kind of stuff you write in someone’s yearbook. she seemed satisfied and she put her hand out again so I dapped her up again. She then shook my hand vigorously and walked away saying she’d see my tommorow.
I hated everything about this encounter but I still feel like I did a good job being nice and stuff even though I have a hard time being patient with people that pressure me to do things (eg. Writing her another letter, hugging, affirming her over and over, the handshake thing). Idk V said it was a strange situation and I handled it fine but again was not hugging her bad of me? Or like did I mess up in some other way? I have no beef with autistic people at all and I’m friends with a few of them but is it wrong of me to just not like her?
Also thanks for reading all that but if it was too long:
TLDR: autistic girl wanted me to hug her as thanks for her writing me a letter and I declined, aita?
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outermaybanks · 3 days
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JJ shows kook!reader what she's missing part two to this request
a/n: i dont know if this is fluff or me living out a fantasy idk but here it is regardless
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You hated events like this, you always had to be on your best behavior, and forcing a smile hurt your cheeks by the end of the night. The dull conversation you were currently trapped in was interrupted as John B’s van parked on the street, blasting loud music.
“What the hell-” Your dad mumbled from beside you, everyone had turned to see the source of the disruption. “I invited them,” You spoke up, making everyone, even Kiara, turn to look at you just as the three boys climbed out of the van. 
JJ locked eyes with you as they walked over to Kie, doing some form of handshake before stealing her away from her parents. You couldn’t help but watch with envy. Kiara had broken free of her parent’s expectations, something that seemed impossible to you. You let the feeling of disappoint wash over you as you quickly realized that while JJ had accepted your invitation, he had no intention of hanging out with you. 
You were surprised to find yourself eyeing their group all night, and even more surprised at the low profile they maintained, nothing like the rumors you’d heard of their disruptive and volatile tendencies. But mostly, you were surprised by the deep urge to abandon the people talking to you in favor of sitting with the Pogues. 
You were well trained, knew that these events required a certain level of acting, forcing smiles and pleasantries even to families you’d heard your mother bad talk in the privacy of her home after one too many glasses of wine. This sort of masquerading was the real cost of being a Kook.
“Hey y/n!” You turned at the call of your name, finding John B standing at the table the rest of his friends were sat at. You looked around carefully before walking over. “Thanks for inviting us,” John B said as you reached their table.
“Yeah, it was actually kind of cool of you,” Kiara spoke up. You honestly didn’t know her that well, just knew she was friends with the Pogues, and preferred to spend her time with them. Your mother had sometimes spoke about it in a rude jest.
“I wanted to thank you for giving me a ride the other day, and JJ for all his hard work,” you said softly, with a well rehearsed smile; still in Kook-mode. JJ noticed it immediately, because if JJ knew one thing about you, this whole making-yourself-smaller thing was not you. 
“We were about to head out, have a bonfire at the Chateau, you should come,” John B offered. You were in disbelief, then you wondered if this is how JJ felt when you invited him to the barbeque. “Yeah, wanna ditch this lame fest and see how a real party is done?” JJ said, which surprised you. “Um…” you quickly looked over your shoulder at your father, still stationed at the grill, and your mother who was surrounded by other women, Kie’s mother included. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds really fun, I’d love to.” “Perfect, let’s go,” John B said, standing back up.
You quickly followed them, hoping neither of your parents noticed as you climbed into the van, readjusting your dress meticulously. As John B got in the driver’s seat, you stared out the window, trying to see if your parents noticed your disappearance. 
“What happened to the girl who had daddy wrapped around her finger?” JJ questioned, beginning to roll a blunt.  “Ignore him, I usually do,” Kiara spoke up, making you smile a bit. 
“I know how to get her to relax, don’t I, princess?” JJ said, finishing rolling and held up the blunt. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, watching to see what you did. The moment felt bigger than the last time you hit JJ’s blunt, this felt like you were making a choice between the life back at the barbeque, and the life staring at you while it held out a blunt. You grabbed it from him and put it between your lips, letting JJ light it for you.
When you got to the Chateau, the others stayed outside to build the fire while you went inside to use the bathroom. After, you couldn’t help by look around the place. It was smaller than you expected, but as you walked around the home, it felt like just that, a home, not a house, not a mansion, a real home. It was filled with pictures, knick knacks, everything wasn’t tucked away just right, it was messy and lived in and it looked so comfortable.
“Sorry it’s not Buckinham Palace, but it gets the job done.” You turned to see JJ watching you. “No, I-I love it. It’s so… nice.” JJ chuckled. “Nice… yeah. Sure.” “No, I mean it. This place makes my house feel… I don’t know- nevermind. I didn’t mean anything bad, I swear.”
JJ didn’t respond, just kept his eyes on you. You walked over to the wall of pictures, smiling at pictures of a young John B, with a young blonde beside him that you presumed to be JJ. 
“Wow, you used to look so sweet, what happened?” You teased. “Okay, show’s over-” JJ inserted himself between you and the pictures. “Hey!” you giggled as you tried to look behind him. “Thought you came here for a bonfire, c’mon,” JJ shepherded you towards the door, until finally you relented and just went outside, the others sitting around the fire. You felt a weird mixture of comfortable and uncomfortable, this was way outside your element, so different from everything you knew, but hearing them talk and laugh with each other, seeing a side to JJ you never knew existed somehow made you want to keep enduring the uncomfortable. 
The Pogues were nothing like what you had heard, nothing like anything you were used to. In Kook world, you had to be perfect, you couldn’t say the wrong thing or laugh too loud because your social standing could be ruined in an instant, which is what you had lived in your whole life, and now watching these genuine friends be themselves around each other with no fear, it honestly started to upset you. In the few hours that flew by, you had heard at least a dozen things that if you said, you’d earn a stern look from your parents, but they felt no fear in saying them. You started wondering if the trade off of wealth was really worth having to water yourself down all the time, and that’s when you decided it was time for you to go. 
You stood up suddenly, your thoughts swimming and your heart racing as you tried to calm yourself. “I- Oh shit, I- it’s late, I should probably get going,” you stammer out, trying to maintain your cool. After committing a social faux pas and leaving your family’s party, the last thing you needed was to weird out the Pogues.
“Oh- are you sure? Want us to take you home?” John B asked. “I don’t want to be a bother, it’s fine-” “I’ll drive her, y’all just wait for me. Don’t drink all the beer while I’m gone,” JJ said, standing up from where he sat. “No promises!” Pope called.
You were a bit taken aback, but you followed JJ to the driveway as he walked over to his bike, throwing his leg over. He handed you his helmet. “Safety first, princess.”
You took it from him and put it on your head, and tried to climb on but he stopped you, beckoning you closer before tightening the strap under your chin.
You and JJ couldn’t really talk while he drove, which was probably for the better as you were trying to not cry. Seeing a peek into the Pogue life, had you feeling lonelier than ever, and a part of you was angry at JJ for showing it to you. But even in your upset state of mind, you knew that wasn’t fair.
When JJ parked the bike in front of your house, all the other cars gone except yours and your parents’, you climbed off the back of his bike, handing him back his helmet.
“Thanks for the ride, JJ.” “No problem, princess. Hope we didn’t scare you too much,” JJ said softly. “Are you kidding me? Your friends are like… the coolest people I’ve ever met.” “Oh but not me?”
You couldn’t help but smile, and you realized you were blushing so you put your head down. “I didn’t say that.”
"You're not so bad yourself, princess," JJ said softly before he swallowed, biting his lip before putting his helmet on. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, back in the real world.” “Oh, this wasn’t real?” “No,” JJ scoffed with a chuckle. “Tonight was… a vacation for you.” “That so? Because you’re such an expert on me?” You teased, JJ smiled and looked down.  “You know what I mean. See you tomorrow.” “Wait!” You blurted out suddenly, making JJ freeze. “I… I was wondering about something.” “Shoot.” “You say you hate Kooks-” “I do.” “Right, but you’re friends with Kiara… why?” “Because Kooks are arrogant, entitled assholes who don’t care about anyone but themselves.” “Yeah you've said that-” "Kie isn't any of those things. She's not a Kook."
Your eyebrows furrowed together as you thought his words over. “So… if someone isn’t like that, or-or doesn’t want to be-” “Then it sounds like they’re not really a Kook. A real Kook has no problem with being one.” JJ started up his bike, his engine revving loudly. “Goodnight, y/n.” “Night JJ…” You said softly as you gave him a wave goodbye. 
July 13th
Now, you had found the shoe on the other foot as you really couldn’t bring yourself to face JJ. After hanging out with him and his friends, and seeing how they lived, you couldn’t help but feel lackluster in your own life. You went through the motions, doing what was expected of you, and you tried to shove down the feeling, the yearning for more; chasing after happiness in the comfort of routine rather than the unknown. 
You watched from the doorway as your parents packed, your mother pacing in and out of her walk-in closet.  “And you have the number of the neighbors in case of an emergency?” Your dad asked. “Yes, daddy, really I’ll be fine, it’s just a week.”
“I just want to be sure. This is the first trip without you.” “She’s very responsible, aren’t you honey?” Mom asked. You nodded fervently, “Yeah, everything’s gonna be fine, swear.” “Okay. We’ll be back by noon on the 21st, okay? I left the numbers of all staff on my desk. Invite your friends over if you get bored, but stay out of the liquor cabinet, we’re only fine with you drinking when we can supervise you.” “I promise I won’t touch it.” “Good girl.” Your dad praised before pressing a kiss to your head.  “You can always call us, I don’t know why your dad is fretting so much, we’re going to Austrailia not Guam,” your mother joked, and you forced a chuckle, wanting to get them out as soon as possible. 
You waved goodbye from the front porch as their driver pulled out of the driveway, it was then you locked eyes with JJ, who was once again mowing the lawn. You gave him a small wave, but when he just stared at you, you went back inside, hiding in shame.
But this wasn’t the time for an existential crisis, this was the moment you had been waiting all year for. 
The third day your parents were gone was the promised day. You had told your friends months in advance, so once you relieve your dad’s employees for the day, you started preparing for the party; putting out snacks and putting drinks in the cooler. JJ had kept his promise and stayed away, and you had started regretting that decision, but this took priority. This party was your key to gaining more status, by now you were really the only kid in your grade to not throw a house party since your dad hated leaving you alone. 
By the end, you were proud of yourself, the house looked nice and you cleared a space in the livingroom for dancing, you had plenty of snacks and drinks, you had hidden away any fragile antiques, but the glistening of the fairy lights reminded you of the bonfire at the Chateau, and for the first time in your life, you found yourself doubting whether or not this was what you wanted. 
But you could worry about that after the party, this was already set in stone in your mind, there was no backing out. Canceling a party last minute would be even worse than a bad party. So, when your friends starting arriving, bringing their boyfriends, and their boyfriends’ friends, you were reminded what all of this had been for. You decided to pin the thoughts that had been plaguing you on the fact that none of your girl friends had come over since your dad hired JJ, because once you were in their company again, your other personality came to the surface like a habit you can’t break. You were having fun, drinking, dancing, even smoking with a few boys on the back porch as the music boomed from inside.
You were having fun, until you came in from outside to overhear a conversation that starred the voice of your best friend, Amelie, and Hannah, the girl from the bonfire.
“See? I told you it’d be worth it,” Hannah said. “Yeah, you were right. This party is pretty cool, glad I waited to ghost her.” “I’m just bummed JJ isn’t here. I was hoping to catch him cleaning the pool.” “Hannah! That’s so bad.” “Not as bad as you pretending to still be her friend just so you could still come to the party. She was a total weirdo that day at the beach. Did you see her sneak off at the barbeque? Then she has the audacity to act better than me, at least I’m honest about my intentions to get in JJ’s pants, meanwhile little miss perfect wants her cake and to eat it too.”
Both of them laughed, and you felt like you had been punched in the stomach, and maybe it was that feeling, or maybe it was the alcohol, but you needed to throw up. You ran up the stairs, going into the first room you saw, which was your father’s office, which luckily had a bathroom attached.
As you emptied the contents of your stomach, you realized you had started crying, and the realization just made you cry more. You were sure your makeup was running down your face, and you didn’t want to give those girls the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You didn’t know what to do, you had never felt this bad before. As you racked your brain, you noticed a sticky note on your dad’s desk, with the name JJ on it, and a phone number. 
Fuck it.
This is JJ. You know what to do. Beep.
“JJ-” You breathed out, still out of breath from sobbing. “It’s y/n. I- God I hope this is you and not someone else named JJ. I’m at my house and-” you started to cry again, just thinking about what happened to get your words right. “Oh my god. What am I doing? I’m such an idiot.” You said to yourself before hanging up the phone. You hated yourself for feeling so pathetic, and what would be even more pathetic would be making this JJ’s problem. God, you were so pathetic. He probably didn’t even consider you a friend.
JJ never answered unknown numbers, since usually it was bill collectors trying to find his dad, but bill collectors didn’t leave voicemails.
“JJ, it’s y/n, I’m at my house and- oh my God, what am I doing? I’m such an idiot.” You hung up. In the short voicemail, it was obvious you were crying, and from the music in the background, JJ assumed tonight was your party. So why were you crying? JJ didn’t know, but he intended to find out. 
When he pulled up to the party, the driveway and street were filled with cars, but he had no problem parking his bike in the lawn. He ran into the house, a small collection of gasps as he opened the door, but he ignored it as he immediately began searching for you, weaving through the crowd to make his way to the back yard, then the kitchen, then upstairs. 
“y/n?” he called out, it was quieter up here, but still pretty loud.
A small creak of the door to his right opened. “JJ?” your small voice came out, as your eyes found him. Your face immediately scrunched up as you began to cry again. JJ quickly squeezed past the door, shutting it behind him. “Hey, hey, sh sh, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay…” JJ said softly as he pulled you into his arms, rubbing your back gently as he tried to calm you.
When your crying subsided, JJ took your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him.
“What happened, y/n?” “I- I was smoking with these guys, and when I came back in, I heard Amelie talking about me-” you were out of air and needed a big breath, “and she said she was gonna ghost me and she just wanted to come to the party and- and they don’t like me because I didn’t like that Hannah said she wanted to find out if you were a munch, and they’re not gonna be my friend now.” You word vomited as you held your head back to avoid your tears messing up your makeup any further. 
“Here, come sit down,” JJ’s soft voice said as he led you to your father’s office chair.  “Kay so Amelie and-and-” “Hannah,” you hiccuped. “Right, Amelie and Hannah, they said they didn’t want to be your friends because I’m a munch? How do they even know that?” “Noooo” You whined, giving up on your makeup as you drunkenly wiped your eyes. “At the beach Hannah said she wanted to find out if you were a munch, and I didn’t like that she was turning you into a sex object so I left, and then John B got me in the van-” “Ohhhhh okay, okay, so Amelie and Hannah don’t want to be your friend anymore and they were just pretending to come to your party?”
“Well,” you sniffled. “Hannah wasn’t really my friend. Amelie was my best friend.” “Sounds like you need better friends.” Your face began to screw back up as tears filled your eyes, and JJ quickly realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was mean. Okay, well, why don’t you just kick everybody out? Fuck these guys, man.” “And be the laughing stock at school? No, no I have to figure out a way to get Amelie to be my friend again.” “Why? She’s a shitty friend.” “Because she’s more popular so our friends are gonna take her side-” “So all your friends are shitty?” “JJ!” “Sorry, uh- I just don’t really get why you’d want to be friends with someone who sucks.” “Because it’s better than no friends!” you finally admit, and the second the words leave you, you realize just how pathetic you sound. You started to cry again.
“You were right to hate Kooks, JJ. We fucking suck.” “Well, you don’t suck so bad. I know you’re the reason behind my sudden pay raise. That doesn’t seem like something someone who sucks would do.”
His words make you smile, and JJ is relieved to see it again. You two sit in silence for a moment as you take in his words, and he waits to see what happens.
“That day at the beach,” you finally say, “where I left, and you and your friends had to give me a ride home… Hannah suggested we were sleeping together, and… and that I was just keeping it a secret because I was too embarrassed to admit I was fucking a Pogue,” you confess. JJ’s smile fell. “Oh.” “And in that moment I realized how right you were to hate us. I hated us. I hated being apart of people like that, people who could say stuff like that.”
JJ’s eyes met yours, and suddenly you felt warm, and began to fan yourself. “Hot. It’s hot-” you breathed out. “Would you?” JJ suddenly asked, catching you off guard. “Huh? Would I what?” “Would you’ve been embarrassed to admit you were macking a Pogue?”
You thought over his words carefully. 
“Half of me wants to say no, never… but I also know how this whole... thing works. Fuck, I mean… You’re like… the coolest person I’ve ever met and I tried to get you to quit just so my ‘friends’ could bring their shitty boyfriends to my party,” you admit, putting the word in airquotes. JJ bit his bottom lip, and you were nervous. Why were you nervous?
“But, I mean… I don’t… I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be an asshole Kook. I want to… be like Kie, one of the good ones, y’know?” “Oh yeah? What else do you want?” “I want these people out of my house for starters.” JJ chuckled. “Okay, what else?” “Better friends…” “I think I can help with that.” Your eyes flickered from JJ’s eyes to his lips, then back again. “I want to be friends with you.” “With me?” “Yeah, with you.” “Just friends?”
Your heart fell into your stomach as you felt like you had been caught doing something you didn’t even know was wrong. 
“That’s not funny, JJ.” “Funny? I just asked a question. Do you want to be just friends with me?”
Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, but you decided to be honest. “No, not really.”
JJ smiled, the sight made your heart flutter.
“Good. I’m gonna ask you again in the morning, but for now, I’m gonna get these assholes out of your house,” he said, standing up, but you quickly grabbed his arm. “No, JJ, I don’t want you to go.” “Relax, princess, I’ll be right back, okay? I’m gonna go give those boring Kooks something to talk about, then I’ll be back with a bottle of water and we’ll see if we can’t sober you up, so we can finish this conversation.”
You reluctantly let go of JJ’s arm, and he watched you intently before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll be right back.”
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hellsite-hall-of-fame · 11 months
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Hi! I'm the anon who originally asked you to tag your asks, and I just want to say you shouldn't have to apologize to those mean anons. This is your blog and you can post whatever you want. I'm really grateful that you were kind enough to tag your asks so that they can be filtered, but if those anon can't appreciate you going out of your way to do that, they should just unfollow you and find another way to see heritage posts. No one should be berated for using a feature their blog came with. Answer as many asks as you want and ignore those hateful anons. You're awesome for running this blog and you should be able to interact with your followers, especially if they want to interact with you.
this is such an articulately worded ask and I appreciate it, thank you😭
and like the prev anon wasn’t really mean, but I just normally am able to come up with a better and more eloquent or funny response to those kinds of asks but I just. don’t. have. the. energy rn lol
no but I appreciate what you said, especially coming from you! and yeah I did legitimately spend hours tagging and mass editing all of my posts to make a cohesive tagging system, so I thought I solved the problem lol but alas
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dread-knight · 10 months
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Why do you have to write a story for other people to see it I feel like my brain is being stretched in twenty different directions with all the shit I want to make but low energy & not enough time & my own sense of shame makes it so that I’m not doing anything. Gahhh
#Remembered Petrichor and that little story I wanted to do with her…. Baby I have ignored you so hard I’m sorry I promise I still love you-#-ya dumb little freak#There’s also the Carsoro stuff and then the AU with that Sage I posted and I also wanna share dracula bs and like dread knight stuff and aa#Ahhh!! Do you get it!! Why do I have to work a job why can’t I draw little guys. I say knowing in my free time I just decompose watching-#Youtube videos about shit I don’t really care about and playing Isaac for the millionth time in a row#Idk if all rogue likes would be like that for me but Isaac is like. Bad. Edmund I think said he had adhd. That makes sense bc that game is-#-like. The perfect time waster for my brain with its broken ass reward system#My doctor was suprised I wasn’t being treated for my adhd maybe I should bite the bullet and try to see if being on smth for it would make-#-me feel less. Ehhhh#Or at least off antidepressants. Like Christ I feel like water with no ice a lot of the time that can’t be normal#Chatter#I’d say sorry for goign off on a rant but this is my blog I do what I want#I think a big problem is I’m lonely and want irl friends but like. How the fuck do you do that. I was not socialized enough as a puppy#Also I want to. Be open about being Toby but like Christ I’d be jumping in headfirst without even knowing where to begin#I haven’t researched like. Dick or shit about the medical side of it and even just socially transitioning like how the fuck would I explain#Idk. I don’t want to be like. Hated by my own family. I don’t think that would be the case but god. God. I have a fucking anxiety disorder
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toothmarqed · 11 months
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fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
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cetoddle-archive · 1 year
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my (former) coworker would ask me to babysit her kid every so often but it usually never happened for one reason or another but she wants me to watch him today during her dr appointment and i couldn’t think of a reason to say no so i guess i’m babysitting later 😐
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vacantgodling · 1 year
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After years and years of my mom trying to convince me, I think house is what’ll finally make become a doctor lol
#No context#My mom is like this is all it took#The medical malpractice show#And I’m like *shrug*#I had a phase where I was like virulently against the idea of being a doctor#But I think it was just because of my mom saying it so often and to other people too yk#She said it was a joke but idk So many people have such high hopes for me#like people unirnocaly#unprompted#say you’re gonna do big things#curse of a gifted kid#And it’s a lot of pressure so I had always toyed with a video games or creative career just to be like what if I want to be mediocre#what if I don’t want to change the world and I just want to be comfortable and happy what then#And with my mom; She had wanted to be a doctor but her parents didn’t support her#And then She fully went back to college pre pandemic to go to med school#She was almost done preparing for the MCAT and then the pandemic hit#It sucked so bad to see#And after that I was always annoyed cause I thought it was some sort of vicarious thing#Like I know I’m smart enough I definitely have the capacity to be a doctor#I honestly think it was just my mom being seripsuly open to another option that made me reconsider medicine lol#I was jonesing around with going into game design or some thing now creative#But with the tech bubble and ai the way it is I don’t think I’d feel very comfortable#Welll whayevwr I still have a lot of time#It’s just what major I’m cool enough with to apply to college as#I can change it later#But I need to be passionate enough about it to pull off getting into college lol#Well anyways#Rant over#hilson 4evah!
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insanechayne · 4 months
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~ ~ ~
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eversncenewyork · 4 months
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went on my date last night
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fingertipsmp3 · 9 months
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Why is my friend’s brother messaging me
#i know this doesn’t sound concerning in any way but consider: i do not care for this man#i mean i don’t dislike him but i don’t want to speak to him because i genuinely never have any idea what to say to him#he’s one of those people who you feel like you can’t have a conversation with without being wrong#not that he’s critiquing what i say or anything. it’s just like. we are so categorically not on the same page. ever#i’m not even sure we’re reading the same book#like to give an example; the last time i saw him was on tuesday right. the FIRST thing he says to me (no hello; no how are you doing)#is ‘still crippled???!!?’ which… first of all yikes; second of all who told you about the knee. idk what i said. i think i just stared#then he follows it up with ‘are they operating on your knee then??’ ‘well no; it’s not as bad as all that’ ‘so what are they doing to fix it#‘well i’m in physio and i’m doing my exercises—‘ ‘so have they given you a timeline then?’ ‘well… no? recovery isn’t really a linear process#‘so what are you doing for work now’ ‘well i’m not working’ ‘because of the knee? that’s a bit shit then. you need to find something where#you can sit down’ ‘yeah i know. thanks’#this is how pretty much any conversation with him will go. like he just sort of steamrollers over you with no tact#plus he thinks anyone who’s unemployed is useless and iiiiii am unemployed#we just have zero common interests and i don’t know why he wants to talk to me because i sure as hell don’t want to talk to him#amazingly enough i don’t enjoy being grilled on my employment or medical history by people i barely know#and his only other conversation topics are cars; how stupid he thinks liberals are….. yeah that’s about it#my friend said the other day that apparently he wants to take me out to dinner and i was like. what. why#PLEASE prevent this at all costs like genuinely i’d rather spend two hours in the seventh circle of hell#i just don’t get it. at all. like pick on someone your own age AND your own size who likes cars and is ablebodied and employed. PLEASE#personal
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neofelis----nebulosa · 11 months
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Ugh I accepted a job and I’m starting to have second thoughts
#it doesn’t pay well and it’s pretty far away from me#I can’t drive ​and my city has bad public transit so getting there and back is a hassle#just a lot of work for not much money#I won’t say exactly how much and I wanted to negotiate but I didn’t want to risk losing the offer#there’s aspects of the position that seem exciting which is what made me say yes but ugh the reality of it is starting to set in#I am going to try to learn to drive but it takes time and I’d have to take the highway so it might be a while before I’ll get to the point..#…where I’d be comfortable with it#I want to leave my parents house I hate living there it’s like I have no freedom at all but with this kind of money it’s not in the cards#I really don’t plan on staying for longer than a year it’s more of a foot in the door type thing#once I get a year of actual experience in the field I’ll be qualified for significantly higher paying positions in the field#I guess I was just hoping for more#during the interview the recruiter said she should be able to get me close to what I said was my desired pay but the offer was a lot lower#I really don’t like having to be so focused on money it’s so superficial and I don’t want to be the kind of person who only thinks about…#…money#but the fact is I will need to make decent money if I want to accomplish what I’m hoping to accomplish#idk this is all just word vomit and totally incohesive but I’m just feeling anxious about this whole transition#there’s aspects of retail I’m happy to be done with but at least I knew how to play the game with retail#and I know I’m good at it#I’m going to maybe try to make some money on the side#I’m thinking of setting up a red bubble with my photography to help bring in some additional money#or once I get used to the schedule of the new job work sometimes at my store too#I’d also like to use red bubble as like a wildlife conservation fundraiser#where like a portion of the proceeds for each photo would go to a related charity#like a photo of a tiger wild go to the organization Panthera for example#*would#but idk how to track all that#much less how to get traction on something like that
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verstappen-cult · 2 months
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hiii idk if youre doing reqs rn but how about lestappen x reader where shes unused to being taken care of, having to succumb to the fact she needs help after an injury (nothing too graphic like maybe a sprained ankle or a broken wrist) and max and charles trying their best to make her understand that they *want* to help and that she has to let them and her yk kinda warming up to the idea idkkk😭 feel free to ignore it i js thought it was sweet✋️😔
You turn on the kitchen lights and Charles and Max are immediately pausing the game and turning around, surprised to see you supporting all your weight in your left leg, while keeping your balance by leaning against the wall.
Max is up in a blink of an eye. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” He helps you walk to one of the stools by the kitchen counter.
“I wanted something to eat.” You say, sitting down and trying not to show how relieved you are. Your ankle is still hurting but you don’t want to worry them.
“You could’ve just told us.” Charles joins you and Max in the kitchen. “What do you want?” He asks you while walking towards the fridge.
You wince, looking down at your hands. “I can prepare something. You’re busy.”
“We were just playing FIFA.” Max leans down to leave a kiss on your cheek. “We weren’t exactly busy.”
“Still,” You argue back, this time looking at your blonde haired boyfriend. “I can do it myself.”
“You’re supposed to be resting, or you’re not gonna get better.”
Charles is right.
And just because of that you accept his offer to make something to eat.
“I’d like some pasta, if it’s not too much trouble.”
Charles frowns as he takes all the ingredientes out of the fridge. “If it’s not too much trouble? Are you hearing yourself?”
Max gives him a disapproving look when he sees you look away.
“You sit here and we’re gonna take care of it, okay?” Max smiles before helping his boyfriend to avoid any incident like it always happens when Charles cooks. Or tries to.
While they’re occupied you think that is a good idea to take a shower to feel fresh and clean before dinner.
But the second you move to get up, Charles is by your side ready to help you.
It makes you feel a lot of things, some good and bad — especially some bad ones. Because the last thing you wanted was to cause trouble and have them running behind you to help with whatever you need, forcing them to cancel events to stay at home with you. Which is exactly what happened.
“What do you want?”
You groan, “I’m gonna take a shower.”
“I’ll run a bath for you.” Charles smiles brightly, forcing you to sit back down. But you don’t let him get away, grabbing his wrist.
“I can do it,” You feel stressed and a burden, and there are tears pricking your eyes. “You don’t need to do everything for me.”
Max stops chopping the vegetables to pay attention to you. “We know that,” He says with a weird expression on his face that you don’t really want to think about right now. “we’re trying to help you. You fell down and are in a lot of pain even if you want us to believe otherwise.”
You blush because you thought you were doing a pretty good job hiding how bad you actually feel.
“When we said that we want to take care of you, it was because we mean it. Nothing is more important than you.” Charles rubs his thumb over your knuckles, while you feel really small and scolded like a little kid.
“I just–,” You hide behind your hands, finally letting the tears fall freely down your face. “I don’t wanna be a burden.”
They stay silent for a few minutes. And then, you feel Max arms on your back while Charles lifts your chin up with his fingers. They look softly at you which only makes you cry harder.
“Oh, princess.” Max wipes the tears with the pad of his fingers. “We love you. Of course we want to take care of you and help with anything you need. You’re never gonna be a burden for us, okay?”
“I know you’d do the same for us.” Charles lets you rest your head against his chest as the both of them hold you in their arms. “Will you let us take care of you?”
You want to say no, but deep down you want to be taken care of. But you’re so used to doing everything by yourself, you never had someone worrying this much for you, never had someone who cared. And now you don’t have one but two people willing to drop everything just to take care of you.
You nod against Charles’ chest, tears still flowing down your face, and whisper, “Okay.” Even if you still want to fight against it and do everything by yourself.
Maybe things need to change a little.
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lovelyjj · 6 months
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hey there! I was wondering if you could do one where reader is John B's sister and he knows that JJ and her have a thing for each other but he won't allow it. Then something happens where she needs comforted and JJ gets to her first and John B realizes that JJ does really love her..? or something idk 😍💕
John B’s Sister
jj maybank x reader
wc: 2.6k
*some bits of dialogue is from season 1: episode 1*
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The music was blasting. The party was in full swing at the boneyard. You were at the center dancing your heart out. JJ was watching you longingly. John B was right next to him overseeing JJ’s actions.
“Don’t even think about it,” John B warned.
“Think about what?” JJ questioned.
“Dancing with Y/N.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it mate,” JJ retorted.
“Right.”
“I’m gonna get another drink,” JJ shared.
When JJ went to the drink area he ran into you. You were getting yourself a drink and taking a break from dancing. You were all sweaty but JJ thought you looked ethereal.
“Here let me,” JJ filled your cup up with beer and handed it to you. Your fingers brushed against each other’s when he handed you the cup. You felt sparks shoot through you at the contact.
“Thanks,” you smiled.
“You look really pretty,” JJ commented.
“You think so?”
“Yeah I do,” JJ smiled.
“Thank you.”
“I’d ask you to dance but John B would have a cow,” JJ laughed.
“Aw screw him!” you voiced.
“Are we really gonna let John B become between us?” JJ spoke.
“He’s my brother JJ, and I love him. He’s just trying to look out for me. I don’t want to make him mad,” you stated.
“Well he probably doesn’t like the idea of me with you, given my reputation.”
“Probably not.”
“I’d do anything for you I hope you know that. Your worth all this chaos, so damn worth it.” JJ spoke sincerely.
“You’ll wait for me?” you asked.
“Of course i’ll wait for you, I’d wait a hundred years just to see you smile, let alone date you.”
“I promise one day we will be together.” You smiled sadly.
“Can’t wait,” JJ then kissed you on the cheek.
You both got swept up in the party and went different directions. JJ went to where John B was and he soon began to think that was a bad idea.
“I saw you talking to y/n. You know she’s off limits right.” John B began.
“Jesus dude, I know you think I’m trying to get in her pants but I really do love her. Of course i’m not gonna act on it. I know the rules and I wouldn’t do that to you,” JJ confessed.
John B clapped JJ on the back, “Good on ya mate, I appreciate it.”
“Yeah yeah yeah.”
The party eventually died down around 2am. It was dark and the keg was practically empty. You retired pretty late and crashed in your room. Unbeknownst to you JJ was also crashing at your place.
When you woke up the next morning you could feel the hangover. You made your way to the kitchen for an Advil and some water. You didn’t expect to see JJ sitting on the couch.
“Good morning,” JJ spoke.
“Morning, my head is pounding,” you acknowledged.
“I’m sorry wish I could help.” JJ responded.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah but I could of told you to take it easy on the drinks.” JJ countered.
You laughed. You weren’t sure if you would’ve listened to him if he told you that, but he didn’t need to know that.
“It’s ok things happen.”
“Do you want to hang out with me?” JJ asked.
“Um yeah sure I have to go to the grocery store at one point but other than that Im free,” You explained.
“Alright let’s go.”
The grocery store wasn’t that busy and you were thankful it wasn’t.
“What do you need?” JJ questioned.
“Well, I need cereal, butter, fruit, bread, cheese, chicken, and beer.”
“That’s not too bad we should be in and out of here pretty quick,” JJ responded.
The two of you went up and down each and every aisle. You used teamwork to complete the list.
“Just think one day when we live together we will do our grocery shopping together for our apartment,” JJ said excitedly.
“Yeah that would be fun.”
JJ put his hands on your waist to scoot behind you and reach something on the top shelf. You felt dizzy from the proximity and the feeling of his hands on you.
JJ put the item in your cart and continued looking for more.
“Hey after this do you want to hit the beach?” you asked him.
“Yeah sounds good.”
Eventually you finished up at the store and got everything you needed. You went to the château to change and out the groceries away. Then you were off to the beach.
When you arrived you decided to lay out your towels and lay on the sand. It was nice to hang out just the two of you. John B was probably off with Sarah and therefore not supervising you and JJ.
“This is nice,” JJ voiced.
“Yeah it is,” you laid your head on his shoulder. JJ’s arm came up to wrap around your waist to pull you closer.
The two of you talked for hours on the beach enjoying each other’s company.
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A few weeks later you were out on the boat. It was a nice day for boating. You and the pogues were out on the marsh exploring the sunken boat.
The salty air flowed through your hair as you sat in your bikini top and shorts. The smell of the ocean brought you a sense of peace, being out on the water was therapeutic.
Of course you were interested in the shipwreck but you loved being on the water. John B went to dive under using the scuba gear from Ward. Then the cops came while he was still down there.
Once they finally left we were all anxious about John B. Was he ok? He ran out of air that’s for sure. Thankfully John B emerged from the water and seemed to be alright.
“There his is!” JJ exclaimed.
“Oh, God! Jesus Christ!”
“Thank god,” you breathed.
“Don’t scare us like that!” Pope said.
“How’d it go down there?” JJ asked.
John B put up the ok sign.
“Did you find anything?” JJ questioned.
“Did I find anything?” John B breathed.
He brought up a black duffel bag.
“Yeah, there we go! That’s my boy!” JJ excitedly called out.
“Jeez dude!” Pope gasped.
“You okay?” Kie voiced her concern.
“Yeah, I ran out of air,” John B panted.
“You sacred the shit out me.” Kiara expressed.
“Yeah same here,” you stated.
“Yeah, the cops were up here, but, uh… took care of ‘em.” Pope went on.
“My Bad.” John B announced.
“You’re all good.” Pope replied.
“Yeah, you kinda missed the show, brother.” JJ stepped in to say.
“Hey guys? Guys, bogey, two o’clock.” Kiara announced.
“What?” JJ spoke.
“Do you recognize that boat?” Pope asked.
“I’ve never seen it,” Kiara responded.
“What are they doing here? The marsh is closed,” Kiara went on.
“I don’t know but let’s not stick around and find out.” JJ suggested.
“I think their coming right for us.” You voiced your opinion.
“JJ get the bowline.” John B ordered.
“Yeah.”
“Should we wait on ‘em?” Pope offered.
“No, we’re not.” Your brother spoke.
“Go get the stern. Go!” John B ordered.
“Are you joking? JJ, hurry up.” Kiara hissed.
“Guys, don’t wait for me. Go.” JJ said urgently.
Kiara requested, “Let’s go!”
“Pull out the stern.” Pope warned.
“I don’t like the look of this,” John B put out.
“I don’t either,” you spoke.
“Maybe they’re fishing,” Pope suggested.
“Go, go, go, go!” JJ ordered.
“Go into the marsh,” Pope said.
“Hey, guys, they’re following us.” Kiara shared.
“This can’t be good,” Pope voiced.
“Shit!” John B exclaimed.
“Oh no,” you shouted.
“Dude, you gotta go faster!” JJ put out.
“I’m going.”
As the boat with the two big men on it chased you and the pogues further into the marsh, you looked behind you realizing that they were getting closer.
“John B,” you cried.
“I know Y/N.”
Then to your surprise you herd gunshots.
“What the…” Pope began.
“Holy shit!” Kiara cursed.
“John B, get down,” JJ yelled.
They continue shooting at you guys.
“Oh my god we’re gonna die!” Pope shouted.
“Y/N! Get down” John B called.
You were starting to have a panic attack and you didn’t know what to do. You were trying to stay down but we’re having trouble catching your breath. You must of not been hidden enough because you felt a sharp pain in your gut near your hip.
You looked down and saw crimson blood painting the area. Now this is where you really started to panic. Everyone was cheering because Kiara threw out a net to stop the boat and it worked. They couldn’t move, they were stuck and they were no longer right behind you. They did however fired one last shot.
Your heart was pounding and you were shaking. You were full on panicking. Your chest felt tight and you could feel yourself getting dizzy.
Everyone was still cheering when you whispered, “I’ve been shot.”
“What did you say?” JJ questioned.
“I’m shot.”
“Holy fuck.” JJ roared.
“JJ,” you called for him reaching out you hand. Your breathing was ragged. The scene before you was starting to blur.
“Oh my god. Oh my god.” JJ blubbered. JJ was shocked he didn’t know what to do but he did know that his girl was in distress. He needed to be there for you.
He took your hand in his hand and cradled your head. “Breathe baby, I’m right here.”
John B who was watching the interaction intensely, took off his bandana and gave it to JJ. He was at a loss for words.
JJ took the bandana and placed it over the wound, and applied pressure. You let out a whimper.
“We got to stop the bleeding.” JJ said urgently.
“Pope take us to the hospital,” John B ordered as he let Pope get behind the wheel.
Pope did his best to smoothly get to shore.
JJ pulled you into his lap and put his hands over your hands to press the bandana on the wound.
“JJ i’m pan- panicking,” you mumbled.
“I know baby I know, I’ve gotchu.”
“Your gonna be ok. I know you are you have to be.” JJ went on.
JJ started stroking your hair with the one hand that wasn’t pressed to your side. He kissed the top of your head and whispered reassuring words.
John B started to call and ambulance for when you get to shore. “I need an ambulance for my sister, she’s been shot, if you can meet us at the dock.”
John B was watching how JJ was comforting you. He was being to gentle and caring. It looked like he was doing a good job at calming you down.
Eventually you got to shore and the ambulance was waiting. JJ and John B were on ether side of you helping you walk. You however seemed to hang off of them as you leaned on them for support.
“I can’t have all of you back here in the ambulance,” the EMT said.
“I want JJ with me,” you croaked out.
“We will meet you guys at the hospital,” Pope announced, him and kiara walking off to get to Kiara’s car.
John B and JJ hopped in the back of the ambulance as you got on the stretcher. The ride to the hospital was bumpy and your were screaming in pain.
JJ held you hand the whole ride to the hospital. You would squeeze his hand occasionally. John B watched how you stared at JJ like you needed him.
Once you finally arrived they rushed you into the hospital. the EMT spoke, “We got a female with a gunshot wound to the gut.”
“She needs to be in surgery right away,” one of the doctors called out.
As they wheeled you away, JJ and John B waited in the waiting room with their nerves at an all time high.
Pope and Kiara arrived and waited in the waiting room as well. John B was pacing back and forth. JJ sat in one of the chairs with his head lowered and his hat in his hands.
John B went to speak with JJ. “Do you think she’s gonna be ok?” he asked.
“Yeah she’s a fighter,” JJ replied whipping his eyes.
“You really love her don’t you?” John B asked.
“Yeah, I do,” JJ responded.
“I can see that now. I want to give you my blessing.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I can see that you both love one another more than anything.” John B shared.
“Thanks man I appreciate that,” JJ took hold of John B’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
JJ was on the edge of his seat he was worried for you. He didn’t know what he would do if something happened to you. You were the light of his whole life.
After what felt like a eternity, a doctor came out and calmly spoke, “The surgery went well she’s resting now. She needs to stay overnight for observation but she can take visitors but only one at a time.”
“Go ahead,” JJ nodded towards John B.
John B entered your hospital room to be met with your eyes closed. You woke up when you herd the sound of feet shuffling.
“Hi Bree Bree,” you spoke softly.
“Hey y/n/n, how you feeling.”
“Better,” you smiled.
“I’m glad.”
“Can you tell me when you fell in love with JJ?” John B questioned.
“How did you-“ you were shocked.
“Oh please, I can see it in your face when your around him and the “I want JJ with me.”
“Well it started out as a little schoolgirl crush and then I just fell for him and it consumed me.”
John B debated if he should tell you he gave the two of you the green light but figured JJ should do it. So instead he gave you a smile.
“I’m glad your ok y/n/n.”
“I’ll send JJ in.” John B finished the conversation.
“Bye Bree Bree.”
After a few moments JJ came strolling in. He was happy because he now could be with you. But of course he was worried about you and your recovery.
“My poor baby, how you feeling?” JJ cooed.
“I’m doing ok,” you responded.
“I’m so thankful you didn’t get shot in the heart or the head.” JJ breathed.
“Yeah I guess i’m lucky, it could of been a lot worse.”
“I have something to tell you, scooch over.” JJ got in bed beside you.
“What is it?”
“Your brother gave us his blessing!” JJ exclaimed.
“Are you serious?!” You looked at him in disbelief.
JJ nodded his head, and you squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck in a hug.
“Careful love,” JJ spoke cautious of your movements.
“I’m so happy,” you expressed.
JJ cupped your cheek with his ringed hand. He used his ringed thumb to stroke your cheek.
You were looking into his baby blue eyes when your gaze flickered to JJ’s lips.
JJ was looking at your lips when you finally closed the gap between you. The kiss was gentle and soft at first then grew more heated and frantic over time.
Your lips were locking together and you slid your hands into JJ’s hair. You pulled on the strands a little and he let out a groan causing you to melt. When the need for air became to strong you pulled away.
“Ya know I really do love you.” JJ explained nudging his nose with yours.
“Yes I do and I love you.
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gender-euphowrya · 2 years
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thinking about that one time i got called a lesbophobe for saying that i as a bisexual person did not know what it was like to only experience attraction towards one gender
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kyber-crystal · 15 days
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red thread || jake “hangman” seresin
summary: fate has a funny way of bringing people together, and it’s made no exception for you and hangman. you’ve grown up together; there's not a day that goes by in which you aren't glued to each others' sides. as kids, you promised each other that if you were still single at 30 you'd get married. but when that day finally arrives, you wonder just how much things will change.
words: ~2.3k
warnings: nothing. unless you’re like me and commitment scares you, then yeah lmao. hangman is an absolute gentleman in this though :) biggest TW is my writing...sorry. idk what happened. some slight mentions of angst and injury but nothing graphic :)
a/n: mannn my writing has gone downhill idk how yall other talented writers do it. i wish i could write that well 😭but, i’m proud of this...plotwise, at least! (my fics are doing so bad for some reason while everyone else seems to be blowing up??? idk) btw, the first part of this fic takes place two years before tgm
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It was 1:30 a.m, and you couldn’t fall asleep. 
It seemed that Hangman had the same idea as you as he told you to meet him outside the Hard Deck in five. The coastal air and Jake Seresin was the perfect combination to help you unwind, so of course you said yes. 
“There she is,” he grinned as he offered a helping hand. “My favorite fellow insomniac.”
“Nightmares keep you up, Jake?” you teased. “What’s the matter this time?”
“Same as you. Don’t feel like sleeping yet,” Hangman answered. “Can you believe it? We’re awake, and Fanboy and Payback aren’t.”
“Now that’s a first,” you laughed. “Thought I’d never live to see that day, but here we are.”
“We’re making history day by day.”
“You know…sometimes,” you breathed out as you rested your head on his shoulder, “I wonder what it’d be like if we never met.”
“Didn’t you ask that same question fifteen years ago?”
“We were much younger back then. It’s different now.”
“Well, then…I don’t like to imagine it.”
Your brows furrowed. “Why not?”
“It’d be weird. You’ve always been a big part of my life, so to think you almost could’ve not been in it…it’s weird. Uncomfortable, even.”
“Yeah, it is weird…” your voice trailed off as you lingered on the thought. You’ve always done everything together. How different would your lives be now if you hadn’t become friends; hadn’t stayed in touch through college? “But don’t be sad, because I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.”
Hangman gave you a light punch in the arm. “I’m not complaining.”
“Good.”
“You know, Y/N…there’s one more thing.”
“Uh oh.”
“Hear me out,” he started. “Remember that deal we made when we were kids?”
“The one about helping each other bury a body if needed, or getting married?”
“The second one…I thought the first was a given since the day we met. That’s something all friends are supposed to do for each other, right? Bury bodies, hide their trails…all that good stuff.”
“What about the second one?”
“We’re turning 30 soon,” he recounted. Any and all traces of cockiness were completely wiped off his face. “And we said that if we’re both still single by the time our 30th birthdays roll around, we’d get married.”
You smiled as you revisited the memory: wide-eyed and curious, and so blissfully unaware with the only worry in the world was whether you’d grow up together or not. “You still remembered all that?”
“Of course I did. You still in, or what?”
“I guess so…I mean, what else do I have to lose?”
The two of you fall back into your comfortable silence, and he wraps you up into his arms. 
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TWO YEARS LATER
As usual, the base is busy and rather chaotic: day after day you’re busy filing reports and training. This causes you to become prone to forgetting the littler things in your life, so you assign Bob to keep track of them for you. He had the best memory of anyone you knew—that man kept mental notes of everything. 
“What do I have to do today, Floyd? Any events…”
“Uhhh…” Bob thought for a moment as you took a long drink of water. “Dinner with Phoenix. Do laundry. Don’t get yelled at by Cyclone for the 19th time (You’re only one point behind Bradshaw, he’s at 20). Grocery shopping. And most importantly…yours’ and Hangman’s birthday.”
“Oh, shit, I completely forgot,” you swore under your breath. “How could I forget…”
“You have some time, so don’t worry. Five days.”
“Only five days?” your eyes widened. “I have to run through four more simulations over the next two. I can’t plan everything in the remaining three.”
“If you pay Garcia in Doordash deliveries, he’ll help out. You know he minored in art.”
“That’s…actually not a bad idea.”
After you finish your final exercise that week, you pass out, but luckily, Hangman’s right there to catch you so you don’t get a concussion. Bless that man—he always seemed to be around wherever you went and you were very grateful for it. 
You were delirious and couldn’t walk straight, so as much as you claimed you were okay, he wouldn’t believe you. 
“I’m taking you home because you’re in no condition to be wandering around by yourself. The birthday planning can wait. You’ve tired yourself out enough as it is and you don’t want to make things worse.” So you let him help you get into his car, then drive you home and lead you inside. Then, he forced you to go upstairs to take a hot shower and relax while he cooked up dinner for you. 
Though Hangman admired your determined spirit, it scared the hell out of him because you wouldn’t know when to stop yourself. 
“I got that from you though! Who’s the one I spend the most time around?” you’d claim in response to that  argument. You weren’t wrong—it was a quality you picked up from him many years ago.
You woke up the next morning to the smell of French toast and jam, which lessens the tension in your shoulders right away. Amidst the early morning light drifting through the windows he stands out like a priceless work of art in a museum. You struggle to tear your eyes off him. 
Rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes, you rested your chin on his shoulder and exhaled. “Hey.”
“Morning. You sleep okay? How’s that headache of yours?”
“I’m alright.” You closed your eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of cinnamon sugar. “This smells nice.”
If Hangman was tired, you couldn’t tell. “Woke up at 6:30 to relearn the recipe for you. It’s been a while, it took three burnt batches to get the hang of things.”
“You woke up an hour early to cook for me?” 
“Why else? Of course I did,” he stated matter-of-factly. 
You sat down at the kitchen island together and ate your breakfast in silence. Something about this moment feels more domestic than all the others you’ve shared in the past, and you can’t help but smile. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of eternity like this...
“Y/N, there’s some honey on your chin.”
You blinked, trying to find it. “Where?”
“Hold on a sec.” Hangman took his napkin and rubbed gently at the corner of your lip to wipe it off. For a brief moment, you could feel his warm breath fanning across your face. You stayed as still as possible. “There.”
If anyone looked in from the outside, it was another simple day in the life of a longtime couple. But for you and Jake, it’s always been like this. Showing up at each others’ place wasn’t unusual for either of you; if anything, it was quite normal. 
“...Thanks.”
“Yeah. You got any ideas in mind? For the big day.”
“Whatever you want is what I want.”
“Funny enough, that’s what I was about to tell you,” he replied.” 
You locked eyes with each other and laughed. “We’ll figure it out. I’m sure we will.”
Less than three days until everything as you knew it would change forever...if you were being honest, you were absolutely terrified. What if he changed his mind and left you in the dust, all alone? You weren’t ready to face the cold truth. 
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Hangman offered a simple celebration: food and drinks at the Hard Deck with the crew, then some karaoke if you were up for it after. He starts it off by serenading you at the bar, reaching a hand out to you as he sang your favorite Billy Joel track. You let him lead you out to the dance floor and spin you around, and he’s equal parts addicting as he is entertaining. 
Thirty candles, and you agree on blowing out fifteen each—somehow, by some miracle, you manage to do exactly that, and it’s perfect. Then Fanboy yells that he and Rooster want a rematch with you in Just Dance…so you go at it for two hours straight, until sweat is dripping down your face and your sweater grows hot. 
You’re burnt out, and he can see the look in your eyes as you step aside to let Phoenix play. “You want to head out? There’s something I want to show you.”
You nod. “Okay.”
He gives Maverick a look, and the captain shoots him a subtle nod in return. He takes this as his signal to put his hand on the small of your back and lead you out the door. 
You can’t help but laugh a little as you get outside. “Is this Mav’s motorcycle?”
“No…” Hangman shifts from foot to foot, feigning cluelessness. 
“Did you steal it?”
“Of course not.”
“It’s his, isn’t it.”
“Look, he let me borrow it for the night. It’s not stealing if he says it’s okay…besides, he never noticed when I did steal from him last week—”
“What did you—do you even have a motorcycle license?”
“Got it a year ago. I thought, ‘maybe I’ll take my best girl on a ride someday, so who knows if it’ll come in handy’. So here we are now.”
“That’s very sweet.”
“Alright, now come on.” He swung his leg over the side and motioned for you to sit behind him. The cushion was not in fact, cushiony, and you found yourself growing colder by the second.
The bike burst forward without warning. You let out a small yelp and immediately wrapped your arms around Hangman’s waist—which was ridiculously firm…had he been working out more lately?—as you went speeding down the road. 
“If I die, I’m gonna kill you and haunt you in your sleep,” you mumbled into the fabric of his jacket. “Even in death, I’ll stick to you always.”
“That sounds both morbid and weirdly romantic.”
“Shut up.”
Several minutes later you found yourselves by the cliffs, standing high over the ocean, and deja vu hits almost right away. After we go on this make up date, he had said, I’m going to find that guy who messed you up and mess him up. Then we’re going to go home, I’ll let you wear any of my sweatshirts you want, and we’ll watch true crime. One where someone like that jerk dies. Okay? Okay.
You’re miles away from Top Gun, miles away from your jet and your uniform and everything you’ve ever known, but you’ve never felt more at home than now. It’s in this moment in which you realize all you really need in the world is Jake, the sky above you, and the sea below you. 
Out of the corner of your eye you noticed that he’s getting fidgety. He can’t stop stuffing his hands in and out of his pockets or running them through his hair—he’s restless. The action takes you by surprise a bit. 
“Why are you all tensed up?” you questioned. “It’s just me and a nice sunset. We’ve done things like this many times.”
“But it’s not just you and a sunset,” he explained. “I’m supposed to be asking you the most important question of our lives. That’s a big deal, sweetheart.”
Your heart spluttered to a stop. “Are you…”
“Let me finish,” Jake cut in. “If you could be quiet for a few minutes…that would help. I’m nervous.”
“Jake Seresin, nervous?” you teased. “That’s a first.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Give me a break.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll be nice…for now.”
“I haven’t slept at all in the past week. I went to eleven different jewelry stores around San Diego but nothing seemed to scream ‘Y/N’. So, I decided to take a trip out of state.” He cleared his throat, and reached into his jacket pocket. You saw his hand shake as he did so. “Out of the country. That mini mission I went on while you were training? I was in Canada. Victoria, to be specific. Maverick and Rooster came along to help out.”
Now in his hand was a small velvet box, and inside was the most breathtaking ring you’d ever seen. “Diamond and ruby. They don’t sell plain red strings for rings…so I had them design this. The red thread of fate…the one that brought you into my life. We were kids when we promised to spend our lives together, if circumstances permitted. And I know we might’ve been young, but I’d be lying if I said I could imagine myself with someone that wasn’t you. There was a part of me that wished you wouldn’t find anyone before this day came along. It’s you, Y/N. It always has been.
“I’m not going to get down on one knee. I’m not going to give you a long, cheesy speech about divine power and soulmates. But I’m going to tell you this: you’re my forever, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s getting cold out so I’ll cut to the chase: what I’m saying here is that I’m asking you to marry me.”
The world fell silent as you replied with a shaky nod, holding out a trembling hand as Jake slid the golden band onto your ring finger. Neither of you made a sound, and you swore you felt time stop and the ground crack wide open beneath your feet.
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