#idk who i hate more at this point sand or ray they basically make the drama impossible rewatch lol

[forcebookish]

the topsand kiss fills me with such a surge of instant rage lol

[metricanxiety]

for diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me

Genre: oneshot- idk. 

Pairing: Phan. (dan and phil in case you didnt know that already.)

AU: Highschool/sixth form. Whatever you prefer. 

Warnings: Swearing, underage ??, mentions to sex 

Summary: After two years of heartbreak, Dan ends up sleeping with Phil off a drunken decision, and old, unexpected feelings come back up. 

Author’s note: i am aware that this is really crap, but i am trying to improve, so please send me requests of prompts, hc’s, etc, because I will write them for you when I get the time. I’m kinda new to posting on tumblr sooooo. PLease keep this out of the main tags, (i.e danielhowell, danisnotonfire, amazingphil, philllester, etc) because i did not write this for them to see. If you are uncomfortable with mentions of gay sex/same sex relationships then im pulling a mannymua and telling you to please dont fucking read it. 

“Pretty pretty.” Phil kissed the dimple adorned on the boy’s cheeks, making them turn a deep crimson. It wasn’t often they could be alone, where it was just the two of them, and they could do whatever they wanted. Dan was completely content. He was wrapped in the arms of Phil Lester, the guy that he’d completely fallen for. And although they were only young, he could sense something really strong between them. 

Phil was warm, having his Adventure Time sweatshirt pulled over him, and a blanket draped over his legs. Dan rested comfortably between Phil's knees, back to his chest. The blanket, which they were sharing, was up to Dan’s chest, as he didn’t have a hoodie on. Phil’s arms crossed over Dan’s chest, with no plan of letting go. It was moments like these that Phil longed for. He couldn’t wait to have someone special to him, so they could be entertained just from the company of one another. And he finally had it. 

Dan couldn’t help but to think about how lucky he was in that moment. Normally, on Fridays, Phil would be off with friends, spending time with them, but due to a holiday trip, they weren't going to be doing anything all together this summer. Which meant Dan had Phil all to himself. 

Phil leaned down, pressing his lips to the skin poking out of Dan’s tee, and it may have been the cold, but Dan shivered under the touch. This was all new to him, he’d never been in a proper relationship before, or had anything romantically special with somebody before. So he was still growing accustomed to the constant affection, not that he didn’t like it, but everything was so new. 

Dan turned his head slightly, only to see Phil, resting his chin on his shoulder. Phil tilted his head to look at Dan, and they both smiled, bumping their noses together. 

It was Dan to finally close the gap, kissing Phil, just because he could. 

- 

When Dan was awoken this early morning, he wasn’t aware he had company. His eyes fluttered open when the rays of sun washed over his face, blinding him. The curtains were never closed the night before, because well, he didn’t even remember half of last night. The sun light lit up Dan’s bedroom, making the edges of his desk shine bright with the natural highlight accentuating the sharp corners. His plant drank up all the light it could get, as it never got much in the first place in it’s dark corner of the room. The pictures that littered his wall had a glare, making the faces unidentifiable, but Dan knew them well enough to know who was being blurred out. 

Dan’s hand formed a fist, and rubbed both eyes, as if it would help him wake up, wipe away his constant feeling of restlessness, but alas, it never worked. He yawned, leaning over to check his electric that sat on his bedside table. The numbers lit up in read told the brunet that it was half past six. Dan groaned, throwing the white duvet over his waist, as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, getting ready to be up for the day. A chill washed over his skin, giving his goose flesh up and down his arms, realizing that, yes, he was completely naked. Not a cloth bared on his back. 

Dan decided that maybe a few more hours of sleep would do, even though there was probably people piled in his downstairs level of his house from last night’s endeavors. They’d be okay for a little while. 

Dan was known for his awesome parties, that’s the only thing keeping his name high in the food chain at school. And lat night was special: the first party of their last year of sixth form. It had to be amazing, because there was now a countdown to the very last party of their secondary school life. Everyone knew Dan would do well with this important night, and judging on what he remembered, he nailed it. 

He tugged the duvet back up, flopping down onto his side, and was startled when he saw a body directly next to him, in his own bed. 

And it wasn’t just a random stranger from his class, no, it was Lucifer himself. 

Phil Lester. 

Dan couldn’t believe it, because holy fuck he actually gave into this bastards antics, after two goddamn years of rejection, Dan finally gave in. And he hated himself for it. 

You see, Dan never got on with Phil. At least, that’s what Dan told himself. When they were both sixteen, they had this fling over the summer, but they never took it farther than cuddling and holding hands. But, before school started, Dan thought he was finally with the guy of his dreams, but then dumped because friends got back from holiday. Specifically, Phil’s friends. 

Dan was so heart broken, he didn’t ever think he would be able to leave the safety of his bedroom ever again. He never thought that Phil, his Phil, would ever hurt him after what happened between them. Sadly, however, people make promises that the probably will not keep, which Dan had learned the hard way. 

Ever since, Dan watched Phil, seeing that he wasn’t the only rose petal being ripped apart by Phil’s hands, he wasn’t the only broken heart in the school. Poor, sweet, Liz Brekell, thought Phil was the love of her life after being asked out by him. She swooned over his exterior, and, even Dan admitted, was pretty fucking hot. Phil had muscles in all the right places, with straight, black hair that swept to the right, and his fucking smile, it definitely stole the show. But sadly, Liz was dropped for well, the net girl to drop to her knees. It was disgusting to Dan, that he too, had fallen for the scumbag called Phil Lester. 

Dan gasped, brown eyes met blue, one screaming out of horror, disgust, the other of smug, and satisfaction. Phil had a fucking smirk spread across his cheeks, and Dan tugged his duvet away, covering his modesty. Phi, however, didn’t budge. The look in his eyes began the memories to flood back into Dan’s mind. 

The alcohol, the kissing, the dancing, all the way until They stumbled into Dan’s bedroom, lips attached, zippers being pulled, buttons being ripped. Everything happened so fast, Dan felt as if he couldn’t breath. 

“Morning, sunshine.” Phil’s voice was deep, raspy from its lack of moisture, and the strum of his vocal chords was probably the most sexy thing Dan had ever heard in his entire life. And if he didn’t have self control, he would have melted in Phil’s fingertips right then and there. Instead, he built up his walls of defense mechanisms. Last night was a mistake, he decided. 

What Dan didn’t know, was that Phil thought it was hilarious that Dan hated him. He loved it, actually. Phil always liked a challenge. But when the rumors spread, about Dan and him, he was broken to have known Dan was no longer interested At least, that.s what Kyle Lockins said. So Phil did what any man would, moved on, and tried to make him jealous. He only succeeded at one of those things. He only really wanted the boy he had grown close to that one summer, the boy he kissed for the first time in the flatbed of his dad’s truck, under the stars of the country side. 

A true night to remember, one of the best nights of Phil’s life, and he let the precious diamonds slip through his fingers, mixing with sand after returning to the rocks he was used to. Dan shined brighter than any gem in the treasure chest of their student population. But Phil could never say that out loud. Picking up pieces of the diamond you lost is more difficult than thought. 

Phil shifted closer to Dan, trying to edge himself to the point of human contact, just to be able to touch him, but Dan had other thoughts. Dan did not want Phil any closer than the 38 centimeters they had between them, and ended up falling off the bed on the process. In some degree, Phil was hurt, but at the same time, he needed to take the situation in Dan’s perspective. He, as dd Phil, barely remembered last night, and was woken up to be naked in the same bed with the person he hated for two years now. He had to give the guy a little space. 

“Oh my g-” Dan couldn’t even finish his sentence, before covering his entire face with his hands. the duvet flopped down over his waist, but was still half on the bed, over Phil. Dan wasn’t a monster, so he left it. 

Phil too had his defense mechanisms, his just wasn’t as effective as Dan’s. He hid his emotions through flirting, being an asshole, basically turning into someone he isn’t. It was a barrier that very few people had broken down, but unfortunately for Dan, they built back up for him, without a realization he’d even torn them down. 

Last night, Phil didn’t even know how he convinced Dan to sleep with him, because any time Phil tried to get Dan’s attention, he’d get shot down. Fuck, he wasn’t even personally invited to this party, like everyone else was. (Phil had no idea how Dan had talked to so many people to invite them to a party, because usually the entire class, plus more showed.)

“Dan, let me-” Phil began, but was interrupted by a sudden jolt, seeing the boy that was in his arms not ten hours ago, hide under the duvet. 

“Just get your clothes and go.” 

His beautiful voice, in Phil’s opinion, was muffled by the thick fabric separating the oxygen into two. He could never have Dan like this again anytime soon, but had to respect his wishes. Phil rolled off the bed, sliding on a pair of boxers, followed by his jeans. He didn’t want to waste too much time, as the embarrassment of the situation was worsening by the second. 

Dan heard the door slam shut, and took it as the all clear. Well, not really. Nothing was cleared but his room. His mind had no source of ever being the crystal form of relaxation ever again, even if he only had that at rare times. 

He had just broken every single rule in his book. That is, he only had one rule, (never fall for Phil again) but he seemed to be having trouble with that. You may be thinking that two years must have been enough time for these two to recover, and get over the bridge of heartbreak, but their connection was so special, Dan thought about it all the time. Sure, Dan had dated a few guys since, but they all just seemed to be short, no longer than two month, flings. Phil was no different, the only thing keeping him out of this category is the fact that Dan and Phil were never dating. Phil was never Dan’s, and Dan was never Phil’s. Yet, it seemed to be the opposite at the time. 

The time Dan and Phil became a thing, Dan had just turned sixteen, and Phil brought him on a date as a birthday present. They’d been talking quite a bit before, but Phil thought this would be his big break with Dan. He was head over heels for the curly brunet, and only wanted him to be happy. He truly was the diamond in the rough in Phil’s eyes. 

He hadn’t kissed Dan until three weeks into the summer, when his dad finally let him borrow the truck. There was a scheduled shooting star shower happening that night, and it was the perfect setting to finally feel Dan’s lips against his own. Phil thinks about that moment every night, to this day. The electricity shared between the two could have lit up a city. And if I’m honest, things may have gotten heated, but Phil never pushed Dan. He was younger, and barely sixteen, and Phil was like, the third person to commit to him. (Dan doesn’t consider the other two important because he was so young.) 

Phil regrets every decision he made by the end of that holiday, however. His friends hated that he was spending too much time on a boy that wouldn’t last, so he kicked Dan to the curb. Rumors spread, and that was it. Yes, he did find it funny that Dan hated him, but there was always apart of him that wanted to prove to Dan that he wasn’t the piece of shit Dan had mad him out to be. 

Dan kicked himself, for he didn’t even remember the feeling of the touch of Phil’s lips against his own last night, Even though he didn’t plan on going back to Phil, he wouldn’t trade what they had for the world. Maybe he needed a reminder, how he felt with him, even if those feelings are no longer adamant. 

But for god’s sake, he fucking slept with Phil. He’d done something that his sixteen year old fantasies were based upon, and he barely remembers it. 

Dan threw his duvet back up onto his bed, walking over to the closet that held his clothing. He felt the same as he did two years ago. Betrayed. Used. Desperate. Feelings he hasn’t felt with anyone else, and he gets so drunk on it. The taste is so bitter, yet so addictive. 

Pulling up a pair of sweat pants, Dan thought he’d kick everyone out now, so he’d have the house to himself. He didn’t want to deal with his feelings, but pushing them away would only make then blow up in his face later on. He didn’t bother with a shirt, nor boxers, but it’s not like he wasn’t going to try and scrub off all of his shame in the shower in ten minutes. 

The minute Dan opened the door out of his bedroom, he regret every substance he allowed into his house. Because not only was there a pungent scent of alcohol lingering in the air, he could smell the weed that people decided to smoke in the living room, which meant he had to wash the fabric until it was gone. Fuck. 

Dan wasn’t really one to say no at parties, but everyone knew they had to at least ask. For example, the first time somebody brought alcohol, they asked Dan if he’d allow it, because it was his house after all. Until it caught on that yes, Dan wants you to bring all the alcohol your heart desires. Other questions consisted of if body shots were allowed, stripping, cigarettes, and now, I guess, marijuana. He doesn’t remember denying the question of weed, so he must have taken a drag last night. Usually he’d be against the whole ‘drug use’ thing, but when he’s drunk, his decisions can be unpredictable. Hence, the fact that he slept with Phil. 

There wasn’t as many people sleeping on his floor as he expected, making his job much easier to complete. He stepped up onto his coffee table, bringing his hands to cup around his mouth. 

“Everyone out!” He yelled. “My parents are on their way!” 

And yeah, he may have been lying, because his parents both traveled for a living, so he still had four days until they’d be home. It was the best solution to get people to wake up, and scatter. People thanked Dan as they headed out the door, a thanks for an amazing night and a night to remember, a party that can only be topped by the final one. He put on his most believable smile, giving brief, friendly hugs to the last of the fish in the sea that was his own home last night. 

The door clicked shut, and Dan immediately fell against the wall. His back slid down to the floor, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, as if he was protecting his heart from shattering, which, in some ways, he was. It took Dan so long to accept that Phil chose his friends over him, that now, it just felt like Phil was hurting him on purpose. He was slowly shattering into millions of pieces of heart break, all over again. 

Dan felt sixteen again, going through the same process of regret, and hurt, all starting with shame. 

He was really glad that last night was not the night he lost his virginity, because that would have made this situation even worse. Even though, that guy wasn’t all that great either. 

His name was Henry, and he was the person to comfort Dan in his mourning over Phil. And, Dan was brainwashed, thinking that some guys are better than the one he fell for, gave him everything he had, but not four weeks later, did the end things. Dan thought he was doomed ever finding any sort of real love. Because even though Dan had Phil for a few short months, he still felt something more than just attraction. 

He wished he remembered last night, to feel how Phil touched him, kissed him, felt him. How they connected in a way that they’ve never before, but both under the influence of alcohol running through their veins, making decisions for them before their minds could interfere with all the consequences that would follow. 

Dan just felt like crying, because all of his feelings for the boy who had taken him for granted were flooding back like tidal waves, and if he just hadn’t fucking slept with him everything would have been fine, you dumbass, I can’t believe you-

He dragged his feet back up the carpeted stairs, just enough to turn the tap on his shower. Dan hadn’t quite seen himself that morning yet, so the surprise bruises scattered around his neck was quite the scare he saw in the mirror. 

Hickeys were never something Dan liked, his neck was too sensitive for him to allow people near it, but well, Phil was an exception, he guessed. The marks were deep purple, fading into a red, then his skin tone. They were fucking dark. And they went from his neck, around his collar bones, to his V-line. The thought of having Phil’s mouth all over him made his skin crawl, and shiver. When he was sixteen, he dreamed of Phil’s mouth all over him, and now, after it happened, he only wanted more. 

Phil was always so talented with everything he did, especially kissing, Dan decided. His plump lips were always so smooth against Dan’s, and the one time he actually moved to Dan’s neck, he never left a mark. Now, his neck is sensitive, and his actual skin is no different. He was so surprised when Phil pulled back, leaving no evidence that he was even there. And god, did Dan want proof Phil actually kissed his neck. 

Looking at himself in the mirror now, was like a dream. This was his past self’s goal in life, to be marked up, claimed by Phil Lester himself. Dan had a sudden urge for more, to be covered in hickeys that Phil would have to suck and bite him to leave. Every sad emotion he was having before just turned- dirty. He wanted Phil to come back over, and have sex so they have something to remember by. It could be his teenage hormones, or it could be his crazy talking, but we all know it was both. 

It would have been so easy to just ring him back over, logistically, but Dan had literally kicked Phil out earlier, so he wouldn’t be surprised if Phil hated his guts now. Could he blame him though?

Suddenly, after two years of telling himself no, Dan was saying go for it, despite his rule. Because maybe this was his shot again. Maybe Phil wasn’t an asshole, and had actual reasons to break up with Liz and every other person to ever date him ever, maybe Dan was different. 

All this hype, and confidence, made Dan take the fastest shower he’s ever taken, because ohmigod he was actually going to do this, he was going to make the first move, he was going to invite Phil back over-

He was going to get Phil back. 

Just the though made the sixteen-year-old Dan squeal, and tap his toes on the floor out of impatience. He denied his feelings for Phil every day, and suddenly, his entire path changed. It took a complete 180, because he went from hating Phil with every drop of blood in his body, to trying to get him back. 

Even if it ended up only being sex. 

Dan couldn’t stop staring at himself in the mirror. The marks on his skin, he knew, would turn into some type of drug for him. He loved it. He wanted to look like this all the time. The feeling of being claimed really turned him on, which was, apparently, a kink he had discovered this morning. But it wasn’t just being marked up, and claimed, he wanted it to be done by Phil. 

A simple, comfortable outfit, would have to do for Dan, because, if Phil were to come over, he would need something easy to take off. Joggers and a t-shirt was the best he could do. And as Dan lunged for his bedside table to text Phil, tell him to come back over, he was notified that well, Phil had beat him to it. There were two notifications waiting to be read on his lock screen, both next to the simple name, of just Phil, no emoji, or anything to mark him as someone special. 

Dan- sorry for last night, i understand if you need some space, but i really need to talk to you 

text me if you decide you want to, i guess

Dan’s heart sank like a rock being thrown into the ocean, floating all the way to the bottom before being engulfed by the murky water, making the ocean floor not visible. Dan could’t just invite Phil over now, I mean, it hasn’t been forty minutes since Phil has left, and now things would be awkward, especially since Phil needed to apologize face to face, Dan thought that had to be the reason. 

Then the memory of Liz, having her heart ripped out, and thrown in the garbage, right next to her v-card, by Phil was drawn back into his mind. Liz, who cried for months over Phil, probably never got an apology. What Phil did to Liz, was probably going to happen to Dan, for the second time. 

The urge he had for Phil still remained, however. So Dan did what any person would do, wait it out. 

Phil, on the other hand, was also freaking out. He too, still had feelings for Dan, obviously, and he doesn’t even know how he finally convinced Dan to give him a chance. He thought that after they reconnected, (literally, in this case,) he wouldn’t feel guilty, and everything would be great, and Dan wouldn’t hate him any more than he already did. 

Except not really, they were both drunk and happen to hook up. It wasn’t really Dan giving him another chance, but more so, not saying no. 

Phil could see it now, the broken pieces were coming together, but only if he doesn’t fuck up like he did again. 

-

Phil scrambled for his phone, as he had left every conversation on do not disturb, except for the only person he cared to talk to, and his phone had finally chimed for the first time in two weeks. And it was exactly who he wanted. His beautiful diamond had finally shined over the sand again, and his was so grateful. Phil couldn’t get Dan off of his mind, because unlike Dan, Phil actually remembered that night with Dan more as time went on. And god, did he want Dan like that again. 

He remembered having Dan all laid out in front of his, and he only wanted to kiss him, mark him, because he knew Dan loved it. After two years of trying to get him back, (well, trying to get him to go out, but he was never good at expressing that, as in, he attempts to make Dan jealous) this could finally be it for him. Phil wanted to kiss Dan like he did when they were sixteen. 

He wanted to go back to that summer and change his decisions, so maybe he could have had Dan for as long as he wanted. Because even though Phil dated a few people, he never liked them, and appreciated them, as much as Dan. And they were purely to try and get Dan’s attention back on Phil. It never really worked. 

“Hello?” Phil slid the screen so fast, it may have seemed desperate to Dan, with how quickly he answered. 

“uh, hi, Phil. Look, I’m really sorry about kicking you out the other day, I was overwhelmed and I didn’t know what else to-”

Phil interrupted the sweet voice he had fallen in love with, even though he didn’t want to cut his time short from hearing it. “It’s okay, Dan, I came on too strong, and it was your house, you had the right to do it.” Phil exhaled. He seemed to talk faster and faster as his sentences dragged. Phil could hear Dan’s voice stutter, as if he was about to laugh, but held it back. 

“In the text you sent me, um, you said you needed to, um, talk?” Dan could barely spit out his words. This moment had him so anxious these past two weeks, he basically forced his hand to hit the call button. And even then, he nearly hung up immediately. 

Phil’s eyes lit up, because Dan actually remembered, but Phil didn’t. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what he needed to tell Dan. Of course, he could go with the plain obvious, and just fucking say how hopelessly head over heals he was for Dan, but there was something more, something that was perching on the tip of his tongue, but couldn’t quite spit out. 

“Phil? If you don’t have anything to say, then I should probably-”

“Wait, sorry, just, uh, can we, um, meet?” Phil stumbled. He got onto his knees to attempt to search for his shoes under his bead, eventually pulling out the worn black converse. He held the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he awaited a reply. 

“Like, now?”

“Um, yeah? If that’s okay?” Phil laced up his shoes, and shrugged on a light jacket- the England weather had turned quite shit, with rain being the most common in their area, oppose from the lovely sunshine they had a little bit ago. 

“I don’t know, Phil, I-”

Yeah, two weeks ago Dan was literally ready to have Phil back, but he was glad he gave himself time to think. Because maybe he didn’t want his fucking heart broken again, by the same person that ripped into pieces in the first place. He couldn’t make it that easy for Phil to just waltz back into his life.

“Please? I can be quick, i just don’t want to do this on the phone.” Phil took a deep breath, about to walk out the front door of his house, still not remembering what he had to say to Dan. 

“Fine.”

Phil cut the call, running out to his car, and speeding to get to Dan’s house. 

Dan hadn’t been to keen on letting Phil come over again, but he needed closure, and if having a cup of tea in the awkward silence of his living room meant closure, then so be it. The marks on his neck had faded drastically, but you could still see the ghosting of where there was one before. That wasn’t fun explaining to his parents. 

He really just wanted to take back everything that happened at the party, because it brought up old feelings that he really didn’t want anymore. Dan sighed, running a hand through his hair. What was Phil Lester doing to him?

Dan had his music on the speaker in the leaving room, trying to calm his nerves as he waited for Phil to arrive. And all that was running through his mind was  ohmygodwhy on repeat, but it was too late for him to cancel. He didn’t even know what to expect from Phil this time, if he was looking to just hook up again, or if he was going to apologize, he had no idea. 

Dan tried to distract himself, counting the freckles going up and down his arms, rearranging the cushions on the couch, changing his outfit for the billionth time, he just had to keep himself busy. 

Dan was feeling so anxious over this, he couldn’t stay still, so when he heard the doorbell, his jitters intensified, and he could barely walk to the door without stumbling. He yanked the door open and it looked like Phil was in the same state of him. 

He was wearing all black, and god, did he look so hot, in that form fitting t-shirt, and when he saw Dan, his smile was just so- calming, knowing that yeah, this is Phil. This is the Phil that he care for so deeply two years ago, he was standing right in front of him.The eye contact they shared, it made Dan feel like they were sixteen, both with very awful taste in clothing, inexperienced, and much shorter. 

Dan had forgotten how much Phil actually meant to him, as all he did was suppress the pain he went through when Phil left him.The only reason he didn’t grab Phil’s face, and kiss the life out of him, is the fact that Phil came here to talk. 

“Dan, I-” Phil started, but Dan flung the door open, letting him in. He didn’t want Phil to talk while standing outside, because A) its rude, and B) he didn’t want Phil to just be in and out. 

Phil smiled, walking in, letting Dan lead them to the couch. “Do you want some tea, or anything?” Dan asked, procrastinating this talk even more. Phil chuckled, grabbing Dan’s hands, and pulling him down onto the couch. Dan took a deep breath, trying to relax himself. It was just Phil. 

And that thought scared him. 

Even though he was looking at the Phil he fell for, two years ago, he couldn’t forget about all of the awful things he had done in the time between now, and when they broke off. He just wanted his Phil back.

 “Dan, I wanted to talk to you about what happened between us,” Phil started. Dan sat on one of his leg, so he could face Phil better. He sighed, running a hand through his curly hair.

 “It was a mistake, Phil. We were both drunk, and our bodies did things before our minds could inter-”

“I wasn’t really talking about that. I meant, um, two years ago.” Phil gave a small smile, and Dan’s face fell.

 Dan didn’t really like talking about him and Phil a whole lot, he didn’t want to remember what he felt for Phil, so his solution was to just not say anything about it with people. He hated remembering how happy Phil made him, because it only made him feel responsible for all the shitty feelings people had when with Phil, even though he had no reason to feel that way.

 “Oh.”

“Yeah. I just, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after I made the clearly wrong decision. You were always on my mind, everything I saw reminded me of you, and it was like anything just screamed ‘Dan Howell’ to me, and it honestly was destroying me.“But I couldn’t just go back to you, no, my fucking choice was to try and make you fucking jealous, and end up hurting you more, and I was hurting others because I just, it didn’t feel the same. 

“Now don’t get me wrong, I loved the fact that you hated me. I have no idea why, it was just, I don’t know, I found it so hot that you didn’t like me, or some god awful reason, and it was like a challenge for me to win you back.” Dan’s frown was slowly turning into a smile. 

Phil wasn’t even looking at him as he spoke, but his hands were moving all around, expressing so much passion into this conversation as he rambled. Dan couldn’t believe that this was all about him, Phil was talking from his heart, and he was falling for him all over again.

 “And I thought I was over you, I really did, but when you started dating someone, it would make my skin crawl.” Phil laughing slightly when Dan did, and Dan moved a little closer to Phil, laying his arm across the back on the couch, as if he had his arm around Phil, without touching him. “I couldn’t even imagine somebody holding you under the stars like we used to do, because I was supposed to be the person doing that. I was supposed to be the person holding your hand in the car as Muse blasted through the speakers, I was supposed to be the person running my fingers through your hair when you were stressed, and couldn’t deal with anything else. I hated the fact that I had taken the connection we had for granted.”

Dan blushed, looking away from Phil. His words were magic, and he could tell Phil had thought about this a lot. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand, bringing his attention back to him. And Dan let Phil hold his hand, something that Phil thought he would never be able to do again. His slightly calloused fingers slotted perfectly into his, and he swore he felt sparks when they touched. 

“And then we fucking slept together. We slept together, Dan! I barely remember anything, but I knew I had convinced you, I had kissed you, and I hate myself for it, because I didn’t have the guts to tell you how much I fucking like you sober. Because I do, god, I do. And I just, I’ve wanted you back since that summer. Since our summer had ended.” Phil had moved himself so they were almost on top of each other. Dan’s mind was racing, everything he had just said made him want to cry. Nobody had ever spoken about him that way, and the feeling was so indescribable.

They sat there, remaining eye contact with one another, hand in hand, processing the feeling just exchanged, and Dan did it. He launched forward, smashing his lips against Phil’s, nearly knocking him over. Phil responded immediately, letting go of Dan’s hand, and bringing them to his back. Dan brought his hands around Phil’s neck, and pushed him, so he was laying on top of Phil. 

Both of them laughed, when they separated for air, bumping their noses together. Phil leaned back up, pressing their lips together. They had forgotten how amazing their kissing was, electricity was flowing through their bodies, sparks were flying, because fucking finally, they realized hoe meant for each other they were. Their lips moved together as if it were natural, like they were made to do this together. 

-

“Are you sure it’s tonight?” Phil asked, he hugged his hoodie closer, as Dan practically dragged him to the pickup truck in Phil’s driveway. Dan rolled his eyes, throwing the blankets into the flatbed. 

“I promise. Now c’mon, I don’t want to miss it.” Dan threw the keys at Phil, who caught them with surprise. 

Today was the day Dan was supposed to throw the last party of sixth form. Everything was planned as well, Dan’s parents were out of town, again, Phil had helped spread the word, and they had a shit ton of food. But when Dan found out about the meteor shower happening, he dropped the party like a hot cake, and was dragging Phil out to the county at eleven p.m. 

They were relaxing on the couch, with Dan’s head in Phil’s lap. Dan was paying attention to the anime on the telly, but Phil had his eyes on the iPhone game, while the other hand played with the curly locks of the boy he loved, when Dan suddenly sprang up, remembering the exact reason he had cancelled his party that night, why they were at Phil’s house instead of Dan’s, and dragged Phil out the front door, leaving the warmth behind, and entering the bite of the cold outdoors, even though it was June 

Phil didn’t mind though. The only thing he cared about was the beautiful diamond that he had to hold in his arms tonight, because he finally collected all the pieces he had lost. It was nice to call Dan his after so long of a disconnection, he’d do anything for his Dan. And if that meant going out to sit in the middle of nowhere to see shooting stars that probably won’t be very visible, then he’d damn well do it. He’d do it just to see the little crinkles in Dan’s face when he smiled, the sparkle in his eyes when he’d finally see what he was looking for, or the way he’d get jumpy, and excited during times leading up to plans. It was Phil’s favorite. 

As Phil drove, he realized that he lived for these moments with Dan, he couldn’t imagine his life without Dan by his side anymore. All his future plans revolved around him,(but Dan didn’t know that) Dan was the actual reason of his existence. Just the thought of not waking up in the morning and not having his usual ‘good morning, love’ text from Dan made his face fall. 

Phil really didn’t know what he was missing out on during their two year gap. 

But all that mattered now, was that he was heading out to go watch the stars with his favorite person on the planet, and he couldn’t have been more happy to say that. 

//hello hi this is the end. I really tried w this one, but i didn’t like the end result as much as i hoped, sorry the quality went to shit after the first bit lol. tanks for reeading :) also the theme didnt really keep up but its whatever im sorryyyyyy

[fuckinnproblems]

1-150 if ur not a pu$$y

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? •lick def2. What is home to you? •home is a lot of things to me. Home can sometimes be my actual house. Home is my family in KY and the little house my nana lives in and the farm my grandpa own. Home is Bowling Green , which is connected to the same family. Home is the softball field I grew up on. Home is hunter’s arms. Etc. 3. What was the last lie you told? •idk I don’t lie?? But i think I did tell someone I would call him back and I had no intentions of doing so lmao 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? •woah tf …. uh. I’d say so yes. Yes. 5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? •those fuckin dolls like idk what they’re called but good god 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. •oh good heavens. My mind is really going to this one time when I accidentally dined and dashed but idk if that’s what this question is asking. 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.) •giving directions, like I would much rather show you where than try to tell you. And idk I think it’s easier to show someone how much you care for them instead of just trying to find the right words (in most scenarios)8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? •few months ago 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? •not a ton tbh I’m weak 10. If humans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? •with our hands11. How many romantic “things” or “flings” have you had? •wtf does this mean um well as far as girls go,l I’ve had 3, including hunter right now. Guys… lmao …. let’s just say 3-4 roughly lmao. 12. What is your paradise? •a gorgeous beach with bright blue water with sailboats and white soft sand 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) •I personally love piano music in the background tbh OR waves crashing 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? •well I don’t make it my goal to have a running count of broken hearts , I want to say 1, maybe 2 , let’s say 1.515. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? •I think electronics are an amazing way to keep in touch with not only your close friends and family, but the world and it can allow you to educate yourself and learn things. I guess this suggests I’m a pretty progressive person lol and I’m all about learning. 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? •People care about celebrities because everyone likes to have someone to “idolize” or to “mimic.” I don’t care about them on this level because they’re just people, but if there are celebrities doing really good things with their “power” then I’m here for that And if they’re acting ridiculous then sometimes I gotta catch up on the beef. 😌😌😌17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you?•sit there and crunch on some food and chew obnoxiously 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? •oh yes all the time, I’ve gotten bad at it but you can always tell I’m joking so I mean I never do it to cause harm. 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? •yesss clarinet 3rd chair wooooooo & I had a brief date with the piano 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? •uh well sometimes I do and then other times I hate it because when I decide I wanna take them it’s usually Bc I feel like I’m lookin good and then I take a selfie and I’m like AHH WHAY A MONSTER21. List 3 things you like about yourself? •my eyes, my smile , my arms22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? •I have received a lot of amazing advice over the years honestly, like I could @ a lot of people right now and I’m truly blessed to have had that and on so many different aspects. It really depends! But honestly the most recent advice was just generally how to not let people walk all over me (although it was said much prettier)23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? •well not now but I like to think I will eventually. 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? •who said I cheer myself up 👀👀 nah jk, a lot of the times if I’ve had a bad day I treat myself to some Starbucks 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? •like an hour ago . Basically 24/726. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? •introvert all the way. Like literally took a test in psych and I got a perfect 10 in introvert and not a single point in extrovert. 27. What constitutes a good friend? •this is tricky. There are different levels of friend!!! Lmao. Honestly a GOOD FRIEND will support you and never try to change who you truly are. Like above all. 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? •one bff29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? •Idk what this means like I’m taking that three different ways 30. What is your dream job? •right now an orthopedic PA 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? •hardworking 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? •33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? •LMAO many things but honestly how you ride a bike with a dick34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? •I don’t do fantasy N/A35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. •IVE HAD SO MANY WINNERS. Honestly the cake goes to the most recent someone that was my close friend for an entire summer, learned me, talked about serious stuff with me, cared, etc and then suddenly dropped me and then talked shit and then told lies and then told people I was gay and her reasoning for why she thought I was gay (when she had literally made me feel so safe months before) and the reason was an extremely personal story. :) but honestly there’s another one that prob beats her but I just can’t even rn. 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switch back. What do you do? •make the most of it I guess idk 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? •I have mixed feelings on this because I’ve always wanted to live forever while at the same time I think that would be miserable so 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? •I took a finances class it was good 39. Name the last book you read. • I think “love anthony”40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? •it would suck not being able to show people I was happy to be with them and it would suck being trapped in my own mind 41. When was the last time you made the first move? • @ hunter have I ever 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? •I’ve listened to both. I don’t shut down either. But I’m not some big fan. 43. What was the last movie you watched? • I watched a documentary the other day about the NCAA I can’t remember what it was called 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? •rn I do like my life and I appreciate life in general 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? •I suppose. 46. When was the last time you cried? • 4 or 5 days ago I think 47. What are you scared of? •death, heights, spiders etc 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? •there is so many tbh but the one in mind rn is when I walked right by this sweet sweet Spanish teacher as a senior and she said “hola, coma Estas?” And I looked at her…. smiled…. and walked right by her. KMS on that one 49. What are some of your hobbies? •photography is my biggest tbh 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? •I don’t know but I’m sure it’s something 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? •I think I’m pretty good I’m pretty chill I give lots of chances I give advice etc 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? •some better than others but at some point yes 53. What have you learned the hard way? •not to stay with people that are bad for you just because you think you owe it to them 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? •respect for yourself 55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) •writing or photography 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? •I feel like logical 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? •I don’t know lol58. What is your ideal meal? •pasta is always a go to but idc I’m not picky 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? •not speak or be interesting 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? •love them. Love tigers a lot and sting rays 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? •62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? •yes 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? •the ability to search for wonderful tutorials 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? •yes imma fuq u up on Mario kart 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society? •it’s twisted and fucked up and honestly fuck society 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? •no and between 930-10 usually 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? •I love me some finding dory or finding nemo 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? •I go back and forth on this one. 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? •ocean 70. What are the best things about winter? •getting to wear hoodies !!! 71. What scares you most about the future? •inadequacy 72. What makes you feel old? •little kids I played with as a kid that are suddenly about to enter high school , movies I loved as a kid 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? •eh i dunno. I check my phone all day but I don’t really sit downnnnn on it but a few times a day74. What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? •to better myself, workout gains, and as always , grow 75. What is your life story in 6 words? “Struggle, fight and the come up 76. Describe yourself in one word. •shy77. What bad habits do you do? •bite on pens, pick nails, etc 78. What genre of music do you listen to? •literally everything except country tbh 79. Most prominent childhood memory?rn my head is going to rolling acorns down my grandpas steep driveway idk why 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don’t, how would this change your life? •I feel like it would change how I didnsports and how I interacted with people 81. Spirit animal? •tiger or panda 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? •eh whatever they’re fun 83. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given? •once you’re not s teenager, this will all get better”84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. •hunter, kayla, Avery/alex85. Favorite memory of your family. •too many to choose rn 86. What do you look for in a relationship? •not controlling behavior lmao 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? •i do and mostly because of the time I was going trough and how they were for me 88. What is your opinion on social media? •it can be super good it can be super bad 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? •eh sometimes both 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? •feminine hygiene products tf, bottled water, real necessities 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? •I’d rather not 92. What superpower would ruin the world? •WTF IDK PROB INVISIBILITY 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? •I swore I’d never ever even date in high school but I totally did 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? •idk the movies but really just to not ever give up 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? •I wanna do lots of traveling so anywhere 96. How do you approach people? •I let them approach me :)))) or I do it prob awkwardly 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? •they can be impactful even falsely, and I’m awful at them 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? •I used to collect those pressed pennies 99. What languages can you speak? •English barely 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? •at this rate a fuckin DISASTER 101. What do you do on your lazy days? •I spend time outside or I read 102. What ended your last relationship? •extreme jealousy and controlling abusive behavior 103. Favorite food? •idek im not picky I love pasta 104. What is the most terrifying dream you’ve ever had? •school shootings 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? •few months ago. Prob either February or April. 106. What was the last friendship you broke? •few months ago also 107. Do you have any pet peeves? •TONS108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? •coach terry109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? •today 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? •how forgiving it tends to be 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? •hunter tbh like she stays giving me fire advice and helping me out and is my best friend 112. What is your biggest motivation? •those who doubt me 113. What did you want to be when you were little? •this is funny but I went from wanting to be a “baby doctor” (basically OB/GYN) to the flag waver at NASCAR races (I don’t even watch NASCAR) 114. What are some things that you are good at? •I’m good at sporty things usually, photography I think, etc 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? •piano 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? •noise 117. How important is privacy to you?•I like privacy tbh so I guess fairly important but in the right times 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? •acceptance 119. What’s the craziest lie you’ve ever told? •I used to be a cheerleader 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? •nothing ?? Idk121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? • idk I see some dumbass shit on insta daily 122. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone? •pretended I was into things I wasn’t 123. What is your morning routine? •I wake up and eventually go in the bathroom and brush my teeth and wash my face and pee 124. What’s the last thing you did that is worth remembering? •last night w hunter 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? •I’m sure hurt me idk 126. What is your opinion on playing “hard to get?” •tf even stop it 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? •it can be good because you know straight off the bar but it can also mess with people who have been thru stuff or are quiet or unsure and it could spook them 128. What do you consider “leading” someone on? •letting someone believe they have a chance when really they don’t 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? •friendzoner130. What do you admire most about your friends? •their passion for their interests 131. What do you admire most about your family? •their humor 132. What is your opinion on “going with the flow?” •it’s a great concept how do you do it 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? •listening 10/10134. When is it time to end a friendship? •when it is no longer benefiting you and making you question yourself 135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? •my phone was just on the fritz tbh 136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken? •some AP history 137. What are your favorite baby names? •I love girls with “boy” names, so like Carter or something. I also love the game Jay or Alex or 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? •today kinda 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? •no longer conversations but TELLUNG 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. •check the anon tag tbh. Turn on: lip biting , apparently aggressiveness and teasing and hair pulling etc Turn offs: bad breath, weird talking 141. Biggest disappointment. •shit myMom did 142. Do you have any self-restraint? •yes143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? •it’s been a while 144. Prized possession(s)? •idk that I have one tbh. 145. What is your opinion on second chances? •well I seem to give them out like candy so . But nah they can be worth it for sure 146. Text or call? •text unless you’re hunter then I don’t mind a good call 147. What do you like about the 21st century? •technological advancements 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? •this sucks and I know you don’t like a whole bunch right now but this seriously will get better and you don’t have to believe everything you hear and you can learn to love yourself and you don’t need to let people manipulate you. 149. How organized are you? •very150. Favorite mode of transportation. •car for the naps but don’t mind planes these days