#idk why ive been extra sensitive about this lately

[aux-array]

yes i am originally an introject of a 5 year old cartoon character (i formed when we were 4) yes kidcore brings me joy yes i like bright colors and wearing pigtails and watching cartoons yes both characters we have introjects of are cartoon characters *no this does not give you the right to call me or my system childish* and theres no need to compare us to yours! no felix's body dysmorphia is not less distressing than urs just because the character hes an introject of is from a cartoon!

[prince-of-calydon]

.

[snootyfoxfashion]

GOD navigating the world being on the aromantic spectrum really is a fucking experience isn’t it? SO MUCH of the world is rooted in romance and the second a person says “actually I don’t think this is for me” y’all shit a brick and are like “??????? What do you mean???? How could you not ~romance~??” and then get mad AT US for existing. 

An arospec person could be talking in-depth about QPR’s and alloromantics will bend over backwards telling you that’s ~~just friends~~ when they have NONE of your lived experience NOT EXPERIENCING ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. Like?? 

It’s hard! And it’s weird! I cannot relate to so many of the people around me and it’s extremely alienating! 

It’s just really incredible to me that so many people cannot possibly conceive the idea that some individuals not only do not want anything to do with romance, but also don’t experience attraction that way at all. And when we talk about our experiences we’re met with outrage and told our lived experience isn’t real. And it sucks even more when it comes from within the queer community from people experiencing the same exact thing, like trans and nb and mspec people.... idk there’s not really a point to this post I’m just yelling into the void

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Am gonna vent here bc don’t really wanna vent anywhere else rn tbh man idk why. Everything feels like it’s so much harder now a days, and even if it’s not my tolerance levels are so much lower, like the other day I almost completely stopped working out just bc my mom yelled to ask me what the sounds were, and that completely dropped my mood. Or my fam implied I do nothing, and sometimes that’s true, but since I’ve actively been doing more now it just made me feel worse and almost want to completely stop trying at all. even if I start cycling up wards or get excited about something, I just cycle back downwards bc I remember that I’m being annoying or no one cares, or that I’m still in the wrong, or just other bad stuff. Like I’ll get talkative and wanna talk about a bunch of stuff or share stuff just to remember tht no one Ik actually cares or wants to listen or talk to me about stuff, at least not the way I do where I talk way too much and am just super annoying, just they don’t care at all about the thing or not in the same way I do. Or they don’t ever want to do any of the things I want to and like Ik that’s normal and u can’t force it but it’s still uncomfy. But I’m also super impulsive rn so I’ll keep doing things over and doing more stuff only to constantly keep reminding myself why I shouldn’t be, like with talking to ppl, and that bleeds into everything too and then I’m just like remembering “oh man, why do I even bother to try? I should remember to stop doing stuff”, etc. I’m just,,, idk man I suck and I’m like too stupid, and annoying, and wrong, etc. etc. I could literally go on forever about how much I suck and all the different various ways that I suck so much. And so it’s just like obviously everything goes wrong bc literally I’m there and I’m the problem.

[with-the-same-tattoos]

I love that you are so willing to take constructive criticism and reflect on your art, I really do, but these anons come off so aggressive sometimes...?

Like DUH, I know it's not directed at me, and I know this is totally on me, but if I got anons like these I'd think they were kinda rude? It's not even that they're blunt, like I'm blunt as fuck, but there's something about the way they're worded that makes it come off less as constructive criticism and more like annoyed complaints.

Again, I know that's just me, you handle it a lot better than I ever could, but even bluntness could have more tact? Idk where I'm going with this lol

Sorry for bitching in your inbox, it's so stupid I know, but I can't help but feel irritated on your behalf sometimes, especially with this rash of really weird/rude anons this part of the slasher fandom has been getting lately.

Ahhh I totally understand what you mean BUT Please don't worry, I'm completely fine w it!!! ; v ; ive talked abt this before so I won't talk too much on it, but I just happen 2 be a person who really apprechiates bluntness /sternness/directness, and i really apprechiate when people air out their annoyances w me n stuff !!! Im just human, I have flaws, and I'd love to see what of them I can help to make peoples days better.

Stern tone can kinda be hurtful to me sometimes since I am kinda sensitive, but its more important for me at this point in my life 2 be a better person than to protect my feelings 🙏

Its not stupid tho!!! You just care and mind other people and worry for them, and thar is very admirable in a person. These things don't cancel eachothers validity, I hope I can SOMEWHAT expressbthat??? Dunno. Im not v good w words. Anyways, I don't think anon was annoyed, just presenting an idea!!!

Btw, there r some extra reasons why some people might message in a more deadpan way that comes off as weird. This doesn't mean that messages can't just be mean to be mean- those ABSOLU5ELY exist too, but if yall ever get a message that feels just a lil off, please for ur own mental health remember that it might just be a misunderstanding :')

Anons trying to kinda blank out their usual typing habits & make their writing less recognizable

The person is not a native english speaker- im not either, and tone was one of the HARDESt things to learn since you need like a lifelong context for some words meanings & vibes (i have been learning english for almost 10 years now and i still struggle w tone sometimes!!!)

Non native english speaker who texts more within their own language- text language habits can be incredibly different in different areas. Use of (or lack of use of) emojis, messy spelling or not, any l33t used, terminology, etc.

Just people in general who struggle w tone !!! It can have so many reasons.

I am not expressing that people shouldn't defend the space where they are comfy, but I also believe there just r a lot of mutual misunderstandings in this world that could be avoided if we try to assume positivity!!! Even then, usually, if someone who is in a bad mood gets a positive message treating them kindly, they might feel a bit better and feel a bit bad for being unpleasant, if that was their intent, and you might be able to make a friend and help that friend feel a lil better :)

[ihateeveryoneincludingmyself]

i don’t think anyone I know irl has my tumblr so I’m just gonna vent here.

so in May I met this girl on tinder, and we hit it off super fast and we talked nonstop it was honestly pretty overwhelming because I didn’t remember what it was like to have someone into me. she was trying to move very quickly and I’m very emotionally unavailable so I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her.

we remained friends. super good friends. she even considered me her best friend which I didn’t even know she felt that strongly until we started to fight. thought I was just some dude she talked to when she wasn’t hanging out with her irl friends.

our first fight happened when I realized how deeply she’s into the awful college student drinking partying culture. to be clear because this is something she doesn’t fucking understand, I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF. okay so here’s why I’m extra sensitive about this topic. my parents were alcoholics. also did heroin n shit but yeah I wasn’t allowed to live with them. and every time I see someone fucking wasted, it reminds me of them. i remember my grandpa taking me to restaurants to visit my parents and by the time we finished eating they were drunk. couldn’t even talk to them as a little kid. I lost my childhood due to alcoholism. i know this girl is just a college student partying blah blah blah but it can lead to worse and like.... seriously who the fuck wants to talk to someone who can’t even produce sentences? when you’re that intoxicated it’s simply not healthy even if I didn’t have trauma related to alcohol I would probably still be concerned. anyways, I progressively got more angry with her. i said a lot of things I shouldn’t have . i tore her apart in response to my anger. i hate myself for the way I treated her, but GUESS WHAT? she still doesn’t listen to me. still regularly getting wasted and it fucjing pisses me off because she goes around telling people that I don’t let her DRINK. LIKE SHES MISSING THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!! IM GOING TO COPY AND PASTE EXACTLY WHAT I SAID BEFORE I GOT INTO DETAIL ABOUT THIS: I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF.

anyways, now as I said she still fucking gets wasted all the time,BUT SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME. but she posts about it on her Instagram story (which I’m blocked from seeing but.... I have my ways🤷🏻), she talks to other people JUST NOT ME. THAT WASNT MY FUCKING INTENTION WITH MY SERIES OF INTERVENTIONS. I WANTED HER TO BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH ALCOHOL? AND THEN SHE CAN ENJOY A DRINK AND STILL TALK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. GOD IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY TO KNOW THAT SHES STILL BEING WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A GLORIFIED ALCOHOLIC, BUT SHE JUST DOESNT DRUNK TEXT ME ANYMORE.

ooh then another fight.... I was venting to an NOW EX FRIEND FUCK THAT BITCH SHE BOILS MY BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT HER of mine ..... AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOD I FUCKING HATE HER FOR WHAT SHE DID.... DECIDED TO SNITCH ON ME AND MESSAGE THE GIRL AND TELL HER THAT I WAS VENTING. AND SHE MISINTERPRETED AS ME “TALKING SHIT” WHEN I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT. SOME PPL SAID “SHES TOXIC” I ALWAYS FUCKING DEFENDED HER BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE WERE FIGHTING I STILL ADORED HER. so yeah that put even more tension on our friendship. AND I DROPPED THE SNITCH GIRL RIGHT AWAY, I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGIVE HER BECAUSE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE GIRL COULDVE BEEN SAVED IF IT WASNT FOR HER. FUCK HER. I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH AND NOW THEYRE FRIENDS AND COMMENT ON EACHOTHERS POSTS AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH.

anyways, like I mentioned I said a lot of terrible things to her. i was really fucking angry and I said some terrible things which I deeply regret and I tried apologizing and making it up but now already our friendship was messed up.

also, she eventually ended up getting a boyfriend and like, if I said I wasn’t a little jealous I’d be lying but I was the one who rejected her in the first place so 😳😳it’s whatever. but she told her boyfriend everything about me and this guy now hates my guts LOL . ever since she started dating the guy she talked to me less and less.

and during a short period of time when we weren’t fighting I introduced her to a friend of mine and now they talk a lot and she likes him more so YES IM FUCKING JEALOUS AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

but this friend of mine she started talking to leads me to my breaking point. so you know she’s been distant because apparently every time we talk it’s a fight but I’m like BUT WHY?? and this next fight will show exactly how ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT, SHES TO FUCKING BLAME AS WELL!!

so she’s been ignoring me for a couple days after a PETTY FIGHT THAT I FELT WAS LITERALLY NOTHING JUST A SILLY LITTLE FIGHT THAT IDC ABOUT. basically she got mad because I was bullying that friend of mine about his league of legends stats 🤣 literally a fucking video game that she doesn’t like and she’s mad at me for TEASING MY FRIEND.

so I got kinda sad.... like why is she ignoring me??

she eventually responded after I sent her a looong paragraph with some identifying info so I’m not gonna show it. BUT HERES WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE ISNT GONNA TALK TO ME WHILE SHES GETTING DRUNK !!

okay the next screenshot has more identifying details so I’m not gonna share but basically she LIED TO ME SAYING SHE HAD NO SERVICE FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS BLAH BLAH BLAH WHILE I COULD GET PROOF THAT SHE WAS TEXTING MY FRIEND LIKE EVERY CHANCE SHE GOT . HE TOLD ME THEY STILL TALKED AND SHE WAS PURPOSELY IGNORING ME BC IM TOO STRESSFUL FOR WHATEVER. BUT SHE FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT

so basically, here’s how it’s not just my fault . yes, getting angry is my fault I could be a little less harsh. im working on it. BUT THIS GIRL HAS BEEN IGNORING ME FOR DAYS AND THEN LIES TO ME?? COME ON ISNT THAT A VALID REASON TO BE UPSET

anyways this is the last thing I sent her before deactivating my Instagram (I have her number too but we rarely talk on there). but the fact that she said we aren’t friends anymore.... broke my fucking heart. I broke down in tears. I had to stop myself from hurting myself or saying something dumb. so I ended it there.

i tried to hard to fix what we once had. yes, I’m at fault for being a dick and not being able to control my anger. but she’s at some fault for giving me valid reasons to be upset. i tried to hard to fix our friendship. but the more I try the more angry I get. she isn’t going to listen to me. she doesn’t even care about me anymore. it’s over.

ive been pretty suicidal lately. a few months ago I started cutting myself again after years and I hate myself for it. i pushed everybody away. she was the last person I regularly talked to. maybe now I can take a break from the fighting, try to get to a better place mentally, and try to get back in touch with some of my other friends, or make new friends.

idk I’m still very upset but this long ass vent that no one is gonna read helped a lot. this all happened over a few months and today was where I ended it. time to start a new chapter I guess

[undeademoprincess]

82 Truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @hoseokjinns bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for how many eons????

name: Dawn blood type: b nickname(s): Celeste (cousins mainly) and then anything else is adding an e or i sound to the end of my name (tho i have noticed dawners is a frequent name) r/s: dead inside zodiac sign: libruh pronouns: she\her favorite tv shows: dude, i havent seen any tv shows since i was 8, that was well over a decade ago. i collect the dvd/blurays of tv shows but not often. my mother and i are really into futurama but other than that its usually animes that i collect long or short hair: literally lopped my hair off myself like 3 days ago height: 5′5″ do you have a crush on someone: if fictional characters count then yes, the husband list keeps growing and i need another closet to shove them in but real life im fighting a “battle” what do you like about yourself: i have yet to be called annoying or that im an ass to those i love and i support them with all i can, so ive got that going for me right or left handed: right, tho i am ambidextrous over weird ass shit. like gymnastics im left dominate in??? idfk either man list of three favourite colors: literally any color associated with fall/autumn and ill be a happy camper

right now: eating: just ate a cracker that had peanut butter on it cause im munchin hard drinking: sweet h2o man i’m about to: probably go to bed or i might work on my drafts for my writing blog, havent decided yet listening to: a mix about cats, love, breakfast and being tired by in love with a ghost (on youtube) kids: hell no, unless i know i can support the damn thing with all i can while living comfortably along with someone i KNOW wont leave both me and the kid and help me then maybe, but its still a really strong no. pets are fam tho, so technically i have like 5 kids already get married: down for that, annoying someone all the time as a “job” sounds fun, especially if we get late night adventures and do weird ass cooking class shit for fun. ITS IN THE CONTRACT YA KNOW career: i really want to travel the world and get paid to do so, but at my own pace

most recent: drink: water????? idk what you want from me man im a thirsty hoe for livin phone call: been on discord all day today with 2 of my best friends and listening to music with my bot the other half on it song you listened to: lauv reforget (literally just came on) 

have you ever: dated someone twice: no been cheated on: nope, and im not the type to let them get away with it if they ever did kissed someone and regretted it: no lost someone special: yes been depressed: yes, began at a very young age due to the death of my father. literally had a midlife crisis when i was 4 cause of his death been drunk and thrown up: hell no kissed a stranger: no had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: no, not really my thing broken someone’s heart: i think so, never really ask how they felt about it afterwards turned someone down: yuuuup cried when someone died: yes fallen for a friend: mmmmm, not really??? i usually crush on an acquaintance and my friends drag them in and somehow become friends later??? 

in the last year have you: made a new friend: uuuuuh, maybe 3??? i dont like leaving my house nor do i like wasting my time on strangers, especially if theyre rude fallen out of love: yeah laughed until you cried: many times, MANY FUCKING TIMES met someone who changed you: uh, i think so??? idk, i kinda find my own flow in life and people either respect it and enjoy the ride with me or fight it, and i dont have the energy to deal with pointless shit found out who your true friends were: ooooh yeah found out someone was talking about you: humans talk, its natural. i dont really do anything but i can see why someone WOULD talk shit if thats what this is asking about kissed someone on your fb list: ew no

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs, i like being warm shorter or taller: both have pros and cons romantic or spontaneous: both? both sensitive or loud: idk what the fuck this is asking about but if its about being around people who are loud or sensitive then neither, im sensitive to headaches so loud people irritate me and trigger the pain and ive had bad experiences in person with sensitive people where they dont leave me alone and wind up stalking me???? i love being alone so neither hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: one can be kinda fun but also a pain in the ass if they get you into trouble a lot and the other might not be as constantly fun per say but at least you shouldnt be in trouble as often 

first: best friend: Samantha surgery: thankfully nothing yet sport i joined: badminton  vacation: everything my parents did was while i was literally an infant soooooo yeah, greaaaaat memories

do you believe in: yourself: not all the time, but i rely on myself more than anyone else. i dont trust anyone for shit when i know damn well i can do it myself and know that if something goes wrong i myself fucked it up and can probably fix my mistake miracles: yes and no, i believe theres a reason for things to happen the way they do, and there are times i see it as miracles love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight, not immediately seeing someone soul or some shit heaven: im more for reincarnation and spiritual aspects in life and death

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: 90% of them do you have any pets: im not counting my outside pets because there are too many to even keep track of to count so my children are 5 cats, toto my conure, oz my dog, tubby my gecko, and a beta fish and a catfish do you want to change your name: if i ever did, which i dont want to do, it’d be either Celeste or Aurora (my mom actually debated on calling me aurora after like the disney princess if you will and funny enough shes always been my favorite princess) what did you do for your last birthday: 2 of my friends kidnapped me and took me to dinner and we drove around and looked at interesting things. this years its during ren faire and im so damn happy what time did you wake up today: 9 pm. im sick atm and its really fucking up my sleep schedule  what were you doing last night at midnight: just got out of a call with one of my best friends and sat on my own server for a bit chillin with my music bot before my other best friend joined my after like SIX HOURS, DAMN YOU SIMON something you can’t wait for: ren faire, getting married cause then i get to sweater slap someone and get away with it, and being comfortably happy in life last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago? i went to the kitchen to get my cat to love on her and saw her then what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more determination to see things through and not be scared to take the leaps to see it through have you ever talked to a person named tom: i worked in retail, so probably what’s getting on your nerves: a lot of things, mainly petty things. kinda wanna cut a toxic person out of my life but we all know thats easier said than done especially seeing how he talks to literally all of the people i talk with on a daily basis save one soul and he treated her like shit when he talked to her sooo yeah, dunno wtf is his problem but im tired of being the object of his frustration and anger, idk how the rest of my friends deal with his shit but im just so damn DONE

man im not taggin 25 people. if youd like to tag me as a “i found it from so and so” then go for it man, let youre dreams run free friend. im just a lazy sack of shit and am tired and im amazed im still up and that its TAKEN ME A MILLION DAMN YEARS TO DO THIS IM SO SORRY LEANNE

[pixelbatsy]

92 things!

yiKes im so late to this but i was tagged by @craighsiao, @kittenmusicals, @pbophelia, @zigisbisexual, and @mermaidwarriorqueen yall are so crazy i love yall thank u w all of my heart :’)))

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: "dont watch princess bride” w a pic of it buffering from my friend lmao 4. Song you listened to: fetish by selena gomez my newest bop 5. Time you cried: an hour ago bc of my shit eyebrows that got Ruined!

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: lol

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: lol no

8. Been cheated on: LOL 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: hooyeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: not yet djfakld

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. millennial pink lol 13. periwinkle 14. maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: hooooo boy yeAH irl and on tumblr!! 16. Fallen out of love: specifically w thomas hunt sry bb 17. Laughed until you cried: me 24/7 18. Found out someone was talking about you: hajdhf yeah but she cried and apologized so we’re cool now 19. Met someone who changed you: omg yes so much 20. Found out who your friends are: yesyeysyes i luv them 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: who still uses fb

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: none?? 23. Do you have any pets: an inside cat, 3 strays outside that we just feed and they just chill out here, and also some fish that are like 6 years old 24. Do you want to change your name: i wanna switch my first and middle name 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went on vacation in florida and new orleans with my best friends hfjakdhf 26. What time did you wake up: 12:30 my sleeping schedule is fucked 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching makeup vids lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: TRR CHAPTER 15!!!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 30 mins ago idk 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my ability to talk to people bc my anxiety!! ahhaha!!!! 31. What are you listening to right now: FETISH BY SELENA GOMEZ A BOP!! 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no?? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my fukxign eyebrows that the lady messed up ughggjkhsd 34. Most visited Website: is this even a question lmao tumblr and youtube 35. Mole/s: ugh i have one on my stomach and it bothers the shit out of me but i have more in other places im just too lazy to look 36. Mark/s: do cat scratch scars count bc i got a lot of those 37. Childhood dream: my mom told me my 1st grade teacher asked what i wanted to be and i remembered the episode of curious george that i watched before leaving the house and said an ice cream girl in the park but either that or become ariel 38. Hair color: rly dark brown but in the sun it turns rly light like into like honey brown idek 39. Long or short hair: ive had both but long hair is such a chore so short bc i have like medium rn 40. Do you have a crush on someone: who needs that when ur already married to henry cavill but chris powell, drake, the prince, maxwell, dick grayson, jason todd... 41. What do you like about yourself: i DID like my eyebrows smh its ok theyll grow back 42. Piercings: lol i didnt even get my ears pierced so none 43. Blood type: who are u identity theft fuk off m8 44. Nickname: CATLYN, kk, kalina bc me and my friend have a 824 snap streak and its our #goals ship name 45. Relationship status: single married to henry cavill i even had to organize my own wedding for a project in floral design sophomore year 46. Zodiac: cancer im a crybaby ik 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show/s: pretty little liars, grimm, young justice, the big bang theory, two broke girls, sherlock, and family feud lmao 49. Tattoos: i want somethin smol but not yet 50. Right or left hand: i was gonna be a lefty but my daycare person literally treated me like shit and made me use my right hand so now im a righty and she got her ass fired :)) not like i remember anything tho lmao

51. Surgery: ortho surgery bc my mouth was too small and my teeth were so fucked up but braces gave me a glo up lol 52. Hair dyed in different color: omg no but i have these rly cool brown streaks on the side of my head and its also underneath my hair but its rly pretty ppl always ask me about it bc its like genetic idk its cool 53. Sport: i fucking live for watching football om Fg

55. Vacation: im guessing this is where ive been?? so uh hawaii, florida, mississippi, louisiana (and bish i been to shreveport, louisiana home of my boi jake mckenzie dshfjs), texas aka my home, las vegas, california, cozumel, jamaica, belize, and soon the bahamas!! 56. Pair of trainers: oh my god i have like 30+ pairs of shoes i love shoes!!

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing rn i ate steak for dinner tho 58. Drinking: water! 59. I’m about to: start watching a youtube video 61. Waiting for: my bday party w my friends on wednesday (lowkey those choices chapters too i wish my bb chris powell could wish me happy bday :’)) 62. Want: a BIG FAT bank account 63. Get married: to a nice rich husband yuh finished the sentence

64. Career: im a senior in hs and i got accepted into my pharm tech class aaaah were gonna get to go to hospitals and and wear scrubs and shit im so excited i wanna be a pharmacist or like somewhere in the med field bc they make BANK and also they help ppl :’)) 65. Hugs or kisses: from my future bb kisses 66. Lips or eyes: eyes yus 67. Shorter or taller: im 5′5 so im smol and theyre tol 68. Older or younger: mmm i prefer older but only like a year younger if theyre worth it dhfgsk 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: this is so hard but arms bc abs arent a requirement but arms,,,, yes 71. Sensitive or loud: how am i both sensitive and loud (tru) 72. Hook up or relationship: lol relationship i want it all 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant but troublemaker when im feelin big mood

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: uh kinda 75. Drank hard liquor: not yET LMAOOO 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: jkasjdf lowkey yeah 78. Sex in the first date: no omfg sfdhgj 79. Broken someone’s heart: wym 24/7 lmao jk no 80. Had your heart broken: by many fanfics lord lol 81. Been arrested: nonoono 82. Cried when someone died: im making animals count so yes 83. Fallen for a friend: almost but skrtskrr were still friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: if i try really hard YUH 85. Miracles: 11:11 twice a day for extra good luck yuh 86. Love at first sight: lol no 87. Santa Claus: yeah until i was like 14 88. Kiss on the first date: YUH WHY NOT if theyre not shit 89. Angels: meh not really

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: omg irl alina and caroline my bbs and online @evisms i rly love u,, so much 91. Eyecolor: brown 92. Favorite movie: the man from uncle that ive seen 7 times!!, wonder woman!!, ex machina, hidden figures, coraline, and moana

im not gonna tag anyone bc prolly the entire choices population has done this but hit it up if u wanna!!

[rosefromc0ncret3]

been feeling really tense this past month and its been hard for me to pinpoint exactly why I feel the way that I do. to start off my post on a good note tho, I finished my first year of grad school and I cant believe how fast time has gone since then. I still remember when I got in and I really cant believe how things have just been go go go since then. im wondering what my next move will be.. deciding if im gonna stay home or move. im scared. I know I want to move out, but im wondering what it’ll be like when I step out there and see what its really like to live on my own. ive been wanting this forever and now that I may have the opportunity, im afraid to take that step. I know it’ll be good for my growth. and a part of me feels so stuck here sometimes. like feeling stagnant even tho im doing a lot. I guess lately thats how ive been feeling? not really sure which direction to go in life and there's so much happening but nothing happening at the same time.. how can that be.. its really been a while since ive journaled and im hoping that I'll feel better by the end of this. thinking a lot about how I just think too much lol. I wish I could just let things be. I find myself getting so mad and annoyed over the little things, which could be said that that always happens anyway. but I really find myself wanting to take that space for myself and be alone so I dont take it out on anyone. or just let myself feel these emotions without having to think so critical about them. I know I should just let my emotions be and not find a whole theory behind them. sometimes its necessary, but its also important to differentiate when I need to figure out my emotions and when I should just let myself be. Im back to work in person now and its sucha ambivalent feeling. ive been wanting to be back in person cuz I know how much easier it would be, but im also scared for my health and its been so long since ive been in the office and its hard to just get back into it and be so go go go. im scared that I won't be able to do my job effectively anymore. plus, being around hella people again physically after a period of time makes me feel anxious. I guess thats why ive been super sensitive to things lately too? especially since ive just been at home alll this time. granted ive been super sensitive to everything during this time. I hope I can just let myself be. I keep saying that throughout this whole post but its all I really want for myself. I want to be able to feel my emotions without feeling guilty for them. I want to provide myself a space to just be alone in solitude and not feel guilty for that either. I want everything to fall into place the way I want it to be.. lol but I know that cant always be the case. im just hoping that things work out for me. I hate feeling so tense all the time. I hate feeling so on edge and feeling so triggered by every little thing. im trying my best to navigate it tho and trying to find ways to take care of myself. which looks different every day really. missing my therapist extra lately cuz Im experiencing such heavy emotions again and I wish I could talk about it with her and help me get my head straight. and feel capable and empowered to take on my world. sigh. I know I truly have to believe in it myself tho. been listening to music a lot lately and been going on my walks. tryna find ways to stay active. hoping I can still find ways to stay active this summer despite being back in person for work. hoping I can find ways to just take care of myself especially when transitioning being back in person. sigh. lol. I find myself wanting to keep these thoughts to myself a lot, or actually being careful with who I tell this shit too cuz I know not everyone wants to be drained out by it. been reflecting a lot on my friendships with people, which is honestly another theme of this year. I feel like I used to hella hold onto people because I just wanted them to remain close. I wanted to have a lot of friends and feel like every single person in my life needed a special role in my life, when in reality, it really doesn't have to be like that. and its not realistic either. been thinking and reflecting on the people in my life and how I dont have to overanalyze every single detail of their being in my life. they could really just be there. and the special people in my life I can hold onto. and I know my gut feeling will always tell me who is sticking around. along with how my body responds to them. I know the people who truly matter will not make me feel guilty for setting boundaries and wanting the time to just be there for myself and let myself feel my own emotions. as time goes on, I realize that the people I once needed and felt so lucky to have in my life can also dwindle as time goes on. and that also changes for the different people in my life. and thats okay. I used to feel so sad about it and I guess I still get really sad about it. and im in the process of just trying to let that shit go. cuz there's really no point in hella holding onto it. when there's no solution to it. and there's no need to yearn for the past when its just there. I know I can just cherish what I had with them and learn how to move on from it while still being present in the moment. sigh. what a trip. im not sure if these are just emotions about going back to work, but I feel a bit restless and feel meh. idk if its because its been two years of me working there now and maybe im just getting comfortable? granted, I know I won't be working here forever and this is def a stepping stone in my career. I guess there are days where I just feel like im watching the clock tick. I love being with my students and teaching the content with them, but it just starts to feel like any other day sometimes. sigh lol. another sigh. grateful to be in school tho and learn everything that I need to excel in my future career. im not sure what the future holds for me in terms of that area in my life, but im feeling hopeful! I think as long as I keep working with youth, I’ll be happy. and I know I should just focus on that and enjoy it in the meantime before I get to that graduating point in my life.. which is literally a year from now lol. sigh. I hope I can continue to have this mindset moving forward. I hope I can learn to just accept being in the moment and focus on things that make me happy. and def listen to my own intuition more and know when I need time to myself but also know when I need to reach out for support. hoping for abundance and good fortune in my future, for me and my family. hoping we can move forward in confidence even when faced with struggles and just know in our hearts that everything will be okay. right now, I feel a bit lighter. and I truly believe deep down in my heart that everything will be okay. sigh (a good one this time).