#idk. im done rambling. no use dwelling on the past

[thisdreamplace]

Hi, what would you (or a general person) think/feel/act like if they were happily employed with a major paycheck?

I'm asking coz i feel blockage when I try to imagine living in the state of this manifestation. Fears of being incompetent at interviews and unable to answer questions properly or rambling crop up when I try to even imagine having that amazing job

Worse, I mean not worse, coz ik circumstances shouldn't matter, thing is idk idek the specifics of the ideal company or ideal job post of my desire

Ik I want eg:

an exorbitant salary (financial independence), even tho I fear I won't be able to negotiate at all (I'm not exactly a bargainer)

a role of responsibility where i can learn from the higher ups while inspiring those below, with a level of autonomy

Work that's not tedious or repetitive

So on and so forth

Even tho I don't have much job xp (again, Im prolly invalidating myself here, coz the fact is, I've come to realise even if I win a Nobel Prize, I'll keep feeling I haven't done 'enough'), I do have amazing, hard-as-hell-to-get qualifications (and again... I feel I'm not enough like wth whyyy? ;_; I've met so many people who've got half of these qualifications yet they're more confident and can actually flaunt that while I feel, not like an imposter, but ig worthless when compared)

The worst is Ive always freaking felt it in my bones I'm worthy of a higher role than my current self can achieve (by current self I'm referring to the fact that I do have issues eg nightmare interviews in the past hovering over me, beliefs of being incompetent or unqualified or being unable to answer difficult questions (since I was a child, I've been told, disparagingly alas, that I'm only 'book smart' and could only ace studies by 'rote learning', which is untrue. In fact thanks to that, I actually developed a memory issue whereby I'm unable to memorize stuff easily (btw one of my secrets to academic success has been understanding concepts, mind mapping it all mentally, having a solid grip over foundations etc. Ok I digressed) anyhow, I really do feel unprepared to answer questions (in fact one of my fears is being asked an intrusive question (like hey, why are you eg so pimply? (Btw I'm not, this is just an example) in front of everyone and being at the center of attention in that way 😱) so yeah, I hope you can sense the myriad of beliefs holding me back (and sometimes I feel nauseated to even think of 'facing' these beliefs or fears. Like, it's as I wrote to u rn that I realised I fear looking incompetent, except this case is so severe coz I feel like it's worthless if it's not done perfectly (or as near perfect))

So how do I manifest here? Hell, my mind starts hurting if I assert: okay, let's at least prepare, no, at least LOOK at a job interview question

Ik the Law says I can assume anything and that'll work. So how do I assume I'm, y'know, a confident gal who does not have the aforementioned state of mind? Or how do I defuse the root issues linked to childhood/past stuff? Or better yet, what state should I focus on assuming/taking on? I have no idea how to start. And thanks to analysis paralysis (it took me years to acknowledge this even) I'll end up prolly doing nothing then another month will pass by with me doing nothing and then I'll type another frenzied ask

PS: yep, Im aware of the self concept topic, but I hope u can shed some light on this specific matter at hand, kinda customized?

Ty

😰

So to begin with, scratch everything and literally focus on your self-esteem and your concept of self. No, you don't need a good self esteem to manifest, but I'm really passed pretending like it should be optional. Every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves, for ourselves. And you're holding yourself back so much by not allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. I mean, you list how accomplished you are and yet it's still not good enough for you?

It's confusing because if you felt in your bones you were worthy of something better, how can you sit there and but yourself down so easily? Your reality is giving you what you actually feel worthy of. And it's not what you desire.

You're the only one holding yourself in this story. You know the law says everything is happening now, meaning all desired experiences and versions of yourself are available to you now. You tap into them by using your imagination and dwelling there. So, stop sticking yourself to this story that doesn't help you. You feel unprepared because you keep saying so. You keep replaying this memory of things going badly, when in reality there's not even a past. You're the one keeping it alive by being so consumed by it and thinking it's so real. But see, the past only exists in your mind. It doesn't exist elsewhere. And just like with everything else in our mind, we have the power to decide what is and is not so.

Plus, the comparison game has got to come to an end. Everyone is you pushed out anyway. A win for one person, is a win for all. Who are you comparing yourself to, besides a reflection in the mirror? There's no point. The more you let go of the old way of thinking and allow yourself to remember more and more who you truly are, the easier it'll be to let go of wanting to compare yourself all the time. It's literally your reality. It's your world and everyone else is just living in it. Seriously. You're literally at the center of your world. You're at the heart of it all, there is no one else but self.

Self concept isn't something to push to the side. I notice a lot of people know about it and then go, "ehh but what else is there?" Like, I did the same thing. And that's why my journey was full of detours when I could have just went straight to my destination.

How do you do this? Well, you do have some idea of who you want to be. I mean, I'm guessing you want to be the opposite of every undesirable trait/experience you mentioned? So therefore, (if you want to write it down, please do), you need to decide the mindset you want to focus on manifesting within yourself. Let the outer world be for a bit, it's time to focus on you and only you. Here's an article that gives an example of how to get clear on the version of you that you want to embody.

And then once you get clear on that, really, the only task you have is to wake up everyday and thrive to focus on keeping that mindset. Sure you might slip up, sure some days you may not do well keeping it at all, but it doesn't matter. You keep persisting and it gets easier and becomes your new normal.

You see, I like how Dylan James says manifesting is not a trying process because it makes sense. For example, you didn't try to end up with the experiences you have surrounding career right now. However, you manifested it due to your concept of self. Change your conception of self and without trying, that perfect career you desire will find you. It can be that simple. But we have to allow it to be. Plus, you really only need to focus on yourself. You don't need to have a list that consists of your must-haves in a job, or anything. (Unless you truly like to make lists like that.) Because the truth is, our desires are from God. Therefore, we never need to worry about telling our Godself what we want. Our Godself already knows. So if you are unclear, you can trust you'll be lead exactly where you want to go. Being specific or being general makes no difference and it's okay to approach manifesting with either one. You'll always come out successful no matter what. But the change begins within. There is no one to change but self.

Hopefully this is helpful! You got this! 💖

[peachpitmp3]

ohh nice!! enjoy sour sjdlkf!!

absolutely!! dreaming is amazing, but to have the power to mesh your dreams for the future with your actual future is so much better and a hundred times more fun, like you said!

i completely agree bestie, the future is so vague while the past is defined by your memories and emotions, and yes it might not have played out the way you wanted it to but it happened!

"and i think of school from back when i enjoyed it, and i think of friends from back when i didn’t constantly worry about having them." t h i s. it's just so relatable and a little sad, because it shouldn't have to live like this. these times, referred to in past tense because truthfully, school as a whole is not so fun and enjoyable. and the world seems so much larger, so much more open and ready to whisk your friends, your people away. quote from call down the hawk that i was reminded of (it doesn't have any real spoilers, idk if you've read it yet): "It was not that he thought Adam would replace him. It was just that now he saw precisely what Adam could replace him with."

top few from sour: hope ur ok, jealousy, jealousy, good 4 u. i love all of them though, 10/10 album. i do like thinking about my past, it's nice to see what stands out. i love the nostalgia, the memories and good times. i will say that i spend a lot of time thinking about things i could have done better, even if it is unecessarry and minor. probably too much time, tbh, but we don't have to dwell on that! gosh,, that's a tough question. i'd say back, because i could make more memories, and go back with the knowledge that it might not last forever. then again, i think that could definitely mess some things up, and i don't know if i'd be able to look back on that childish joy and those same good times, because they would feel,, faker? i'm not sure. slight possibility of creating an alternate timeline but oh well fjsdklfjklsdjf !!

using your time travel question, i hope you don't mind! past, future, or none? what's something that you've always wanted to do as a "teenager"? do you have a favorite quote from a book/tv show/movie? it doesn't have to be something huge or inspirational, but just something that you keep coming back to? ily :))

GOD THAT QUOTE IM- i haven't read cdth yet but i've seen that quote and OW. my heart. yeah. but no literally that's it!! because like. in the beginning when you're younger you're just vibing and you're friends with everyone. but then you get older adn people start getting standards, or you start thinking people have standards, and suddenly you're not good enough or they're too good for you or there's just so much better options than you. and yeah. it happens.

okay all of those are amazing you have great taste in songs!! lmao 10/10 album more like 11/11 (sorry. there are 11 songs on the album and i had to do it).

"i could make more memories, and go back with the knowledge that it might not last forever." okay so don't mind me having so many feelings over this idea. god. being able to go back in time and remember everything, savor everything because now you know it won't last. you know it'll be over before you know it. yeah. interesting point that they would feel faker!! i definitely see that, like i think that some of childhood is that it passes by in a haze and is over before you know what's happened; that you can't fully remember it and all you recall is the sound of your friends' laughter and the taste of cookies from the 3rd grade bake sale and the smell of the asphalt on the playground outside of school. so i guess what i'm trying to say is if you remembered anything more specific than that it would feel a little bit less real. pretty much like you said lmao. sorry it's getting late and i'm getting rambly.

oh gosh... i honestly don't think i'd travel in time at all. i'm absolutely terrified of making anything worse. like, as dissatisfied as i might be with my life and whatever regrets i might have, i know it could be infinitely worse and i don't want to live knowing i could've just done nothing instead of choosing to meddle with something that i should've left alone. something i've always wanted to do as a teenager is sneak out of my house. like, even if i didn't really go anywhere, even if it was just with a friend, i want the experience!! sounds fun. oooh, or i guess what we were talking about a couple asks ago, being in a diner with a bunch of friends!! that sounds fun.

hmmm... favorite quote... gosh i always lose my memory just as anyone asks me a question about this. uhhh. okay i can't remember anything so i just went through my notes app and i have this quote written down. it's from the haunting of bly manor and it's from a mother to a daughter: “i have no honeyed words to speak. it is fierce out there, but you are fiercer.” i don't know why, but i just vibe with it. it makes me real happy to hear every time. oh, or the very simple "why is straight the default?" from love simon.

oooh now i'm curious!! what's a quote that sticks out for you? also, if you could read anywhere, where would it be? you could choose an actual geographical location or just like a specific room or even just like "a reading nook" or "my bed" or something lmao. oooh, also! bookstores or libraries, and why?