#if anyone I've identified here wishes to be removed let me know

[butch-reidentified]

whats your opinion on the email leaks linking the rampant transphobic legislation in america to future plans to remove gay rights? are you angry that we were right all along? are you going to deny that trans people have been saying this THE WHOLE DAMN TIME?

Lmao I have a (very busy) life, so I don't know what email leaks you're referencing in this ask, but I have heard rumor of this being a thing in theory, so I'll address this to the degree I can.

I've never been a lawmaker nor encouraged any legislation that would deny anyone a single human right. If you bothered to check out my top posts, etc., before sending this, you'd see that I got top surgery myself and experienced significant relief from it. I've never in any way advocated for conservative legislation, or any legislation that would restrict adult autonomy or that is pro-censorship or in any other manner authoritarian. I'm not the one to blame, but of course you come to blame women/feminists instead of the white male conservative lawmakers who did whatever you're mad about this time, and their constituents who allowed it. I hold no political power (i don't even use other social media lol), yet here you are. You confront me anonymously, blaming me who had nothing to do with any law, but did you ever call your congressperson?

I want one thing very clear: yall are the ones who wouldn't let us pass bills to protect SSA people unless trans people were explicitly included. Transactivists are the ones who convinced lawmakers that lesbians, gays, and bisexuals are the same as trans-identifying people in the first place. You delayed our rights to things like marriage and freedom from employment and housing discrimination by refusing to let pro-gay legislation pass without including trans "rights" (cosmetic surgery is not a basic human right). The association lawmakers now make between homosexuals/bisexuals and genderists is a direct result of your movement's actions, and now we have to suffer for it *again.*

I want women's rights protected. That doesn't mean I want trans people to suffer. I would really prefer nobody innocent ever have to suffer. But if you refuse to respect women and if you deny myself and my sisters our established rights to safety from males, I will fight back every time. That isn't me wanting you to suffer or not have your rights; it's me not being cool with women and girls (as in female human beings) being stripped of our rights, and me not permitting the removal of our rights to go down without a fight. Y'all always send these anonymous messages blaming us, threatening or wishing death and rape on us, calling us literal racial slurs... yet as soon as we try to have any genuine good faith conversations with you, it's an instant "block to stay safe," like you're in danger from hearing a feminist's counterpoint on tumblr 💀

Get a grip. Almost all of us radfems used to be allies or full-on trans-identified ourselves. We know your perspective, but you don't actually know ours. Yall make it obvious time and time again how drastically misinformed you are about what radical feminism is about, but how could you not? You aren't allowed to talk to us, so your idea of who we are and what we stand for only comes from what you've been told by people who share your exact views. I know because I once was you, for many many years.

Come and talk. I don't hate you for who you are, I don't want you to suffer or not have rights, and I don't bite. DM me and have an adult conversation. At the very least, if you aren't open to a real conversation, shouldn't you know your enemy? If radfems really are your enemy, shouldn't you make sure you have an accurate understanding of radical feminist views? Or is ignorance and disinformation (via misrepresentation of radical feminism) the real tactic?

Don't you ever wonder why so many of us used to be trans activists?

[psalmoftheserpent]

Those aren't the posts I wanted to make, but it got away from me, and I jumped into something I just wanted to say here.

Hi. This is for you.

I'm sure you have never liked this cycle of care and resentment I've gone through with you for years. When I first came here to this community in 2016, I didn't have anyone to help me figure out what was going on save for many people who believed in a lot of bizarre things. I've gone over this in the last couple posts, and how the only people around me endorsed that I must be spiritually derived and thats why I was experiencing this 'angel identity,' and for some people that also meant they were both in the angelkin community, but also others.

This included fictionkin, some believing they were incarnated from different media sources. Now when I was young, I thought that was crazy, and that bothered me a lot. And the thing is, I never really believed that was a valid belief, but I'd be in this flux of thinking--well, it's not hurting anyone, right? And more pathetically, I'd still stick around some of these people because I was alone and had nobody else to reveal this person to. This community and some of the people who I didn't really think were in the right for their beliefs were actually all I had. Cue much identity crisis because this part of me I thought I must be roleplaying never "went away", and his unique pain was still internally very hot to the touch for years, and then I got into delusional headspaces thinking I must be different fictional characters. Now that made me realize--I do NOT feel that way for characters I roleplay. And hadn't this angel been around for longer? Hadn't I, since childhood, experienced episodes of depersonalization where I thought I felt wings, and had places and things I associated with when I identified this whole different mental state?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I stuck around you as long as I did, because I often cycled between this feeling of "I truly do not think people incarnate from fictional characters that's unhealthy as hell," and "but this person never hurt me and made me feel special and cared about and they weren't mean?"

I should have just left you sooner. I realize I was so attached because this angel had NEVER revealed himself so vulnerably to someone, I am almost constantly masking and I often kept this identity to blogs others I knew irl wouldn't see. But he was in pain for years. There was something deeply painful about being told someone was in love with you and then not being spoken to for weeks, only for that person's "friends"/other parts of their system to speak to you all the time any other day. I don't know. This was never something I could rationalize. BUT even as I have repressed and ignored Ophaniel, for months at a time, again and again when he would return, I'd just feel so much pain from him. So much resentment and nasty shit--and in the end, I am here now, and I think the conclusion I've come to is--

--Yes, maybe that person didn't mean to hurt me, and maybe they truly believe what they believe. But I do not endorse their beliefs and these beliefs definitely made me more deluded and disconnected. I spent many, many months when I'd be fronting again in pain, wishing for someone who was not there to just say hi again, and writing post on post where I vented and begged that I could just be a better person for them. I think that was an overblown guilt, and I didn't know what to do with myself, because I often apologize for people who hurt me if I don't think it was on purpose.

I know that whatever you have going on, I cannot get behind, and I don't want to be a part of anymore. I'm tired. And I hope that I can heal from this shit because it's awful having a whole person inhabiting yourself that you cannot even let speak because he is sick and miserable and doesn't feel like he can show himself. I have removed you from discord and I wanted to get this off my chest so I'm posting it here. There's like, two people following this blog who might be active and I'm not writing this to be spread some sort of anger, but to get it out of me.

[theclaravoyant]

hi! I was wondering about aromanticism a little bit. I feel like I'm just confused about drawing the line (if there even is a truly distinct line) between a platonic relationship and an exclusive relationship where one or more members are aromantic but are sexually attracted to each other? I feel like the desire for intimate nonsexual touching like a hand on a cheek or forehead kisses is romantic and something I don't do with even my closest friends, but other ppl consider those things platonic.

(2/2) sometimes ppl say I'm too picky bc I don't tend to have frequent romantic crushes but I feel like my romantic attraction stems from friendship. not totally sure where the line is but I feel like the defining thing might be desire to commit to the other person. what is it called if the aromantic party in a relationship doesn't want their romantic partner to have a romantic (not platonic) attachment to someone else? sorry if this ask makes no sense but thanks in advance!

-

Hi! Thanks for the ask.

For sure, it is a difficult line to draw no matter what your orientation is. I actually don’t consider myself aro, so I’ll open this to the floor for input by people with more experience than myself, but for what its worth here are my two cents:

I feel like I'm just confused about drawing the line (...) between a platonic relationship and an exclusive relationship where one or more members are aromantic but are sexually attracted to each other

A lot of this comes down to the definition between the people involved, but basically: the average platonic relationship doesn’t involve sexual attraction. If there is platonic friendship and sexual attraction both present, but not romantic love, this might be a��“friends with benefits” situation - which is almost always not exclusive - or, it might be something akin to a “queerplatonic” relationship.

A queerplatonic relationship is a defined/established and often exclusive relationship that people outside the relationship may observe as a romantic relationship. It is usually a couple, though it can be a group, of people who feel a strong commitment to each other without a sense of romantic love. Again, the platonic/romantic line is up to the people involved to discover for themselves, but essentially a QP is a particularly strong or deep friendship often associated with the desire to do things together that romantic couples would usually do, from sometimes involving cuddling and/or sex, through to living together and raising pets or even children together. This is why it can be very difficult to draw lines - all the lines are in our own hearts and minds!

I feel like the desire for intimate nonsexual touching like a hand on a cheek or forehead kisses is romantic and something I don't do with even my closest friends, but other ppl consider those things platonic.

This is a common thing to feel, I think. Everybody has different comfort levels and different behaviours. For example, in some Polynesian cultures, forehead touching is a common platonic greeting whereas a lot of Western folk would see it as quite an intimate, usually romantic thing. It’s up to you to explore within yourself whether that is a comfort level or practice, or an orientation (and these things often overlap; different people and cultures have different experiences of sexuality and gender for reasons far beyond our comprehension. What you feel and how you choose to label it is very personal, though exploring other peoples’ personal stories can help you navigate).

Personally, I would see those acts or the desire for them as romantic, but not inherently sexual. I notice that you have not distinguished sexual desire/love in your question. If you have perhaps combined it into your definition of romantic love, it may be helpful for you to consider them separately. They often coexist, but not necessarily. If you are interested in exploring your own orientation or relationships, consider aromanticism and asexuality. It may be that you in fact feel strong romantic attraction, but little sexual attraction, which may be the source of some of your confusion.

sometimes ppl say I'm too picky bc I don't tend to have frequent romantic crushes but I feel like my romantic attraction stems from friendship. 

Again, this is a very common thing. In fact, in my opinion, the best and healthiest romantic attraction/relationships - especially as distinct from sexual attraction - stem from friendship on some level; otherwise, you’re probably falling for someone you don’t know or over-romanticising them which can cause trouble down the line.

This is another point toward exploring romantic and sexual attraction separately. Many “crushes” are based on physical / sexual attraction on some level, moreso than friendship, as they tend to be related to people we don’t know well. If you feel like you don’t really develop a “crush” on someone unless you know them (or feel like you do, eg. ‘knowing’ a character on a TV show might allow you to crush on that character and/or their actor) & have developed a friendship with them, you might want to look into demisexuality. It is on the ace (asexual) rather than aro spectrum but it sounds like something that might relate to your experience.

I feel like the defining thing might be desire to commit to the other person. what is it called if the aromantic party in a relationship doesn't want their partner to have a romantic (not platonic) attachment to someone else

Both of what you’re referring to here comes under “queerplatonic”. As mentioned above it is a relationship that often looks like a romantic couple, but based on internal definition by the parties involved, is not actually a romantic relationship. From my research, the defining factor was commonly described as “a desire to spend one’s lives together” (but without romantic attraction). If you’re asking based on my fic Peas in a Pod, the reality is that QPs are very much like romantic relationships in the way that they, including their exclusivity, are defined by the people involved. How FitzSimmons define their QP is definitely not representative of all QPs and in fact, due to the highly committed nature of a QP, above and beyond a typical friendship, a significant majority of QPs are exclusive, just like many monogamous and even polyamorous romantic relationships.

*a slightly more complex note, if the aromantic party doesn’t want their partner to have a relationship with someone else, but the other person does want one, that’s an issue that the couple has to sort out and they may not be right for each other if that is the case. However, they can mutually agree to be exclusive, or potentially agree upon a polyamorous arrangement that balances their desires. In this case, the party with one aromantic partner and one romantic partner might identify themselves as part of both a QP, and a romantic couple, while the aromantic partner would only consider themselves part of the QP and the third party, only part of the romantic couple.

-

Long story short: the line between platonic and romantic attraction is a difficult one, and we’ve been writing poems and novels and rom-coms about it for years, but in the end it’s up to each of us within ourselves. Separating platonic, romantic, and sexual attraction from each other can be helpful in exploring this and in particular, demisexuality is something you may wish to look into further, as are queerplatonic relationships. 

If you would like more information or resources, Jemma Simmons explores aromanticism in this fic, and I have included a lot of my research as well as sources themselves throughout. I’ve also been told that the narrative-ish format makes things easier to digest, for people who are exploring the subject.

I am but a humble fic writer so that’s what I have to offer, but if you’re thinking about aromanticism I recommend seeking out some aro bloggers who might help you out. Some that I know of include @unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot @just-a-funny-little-brain and @buskidsburgade. They may be willing to chat or direct you two some more aro (& maybe ace, if you think the ace spectrum might also be relevant to you) resources. And, of course, I am happy to help in any way I can.

[sally-mun]

Unsurprisingly on my mind due to TKP's blog going through it, I've been meaning to ask (if just to clarify) about if any details from the "Enerjak Reborn" saga ever slip into your universe, even if clearly can't happen due to the characters' relationships. A part of me assumes that the idea you mentioned of Locke becoming the threat he prophesized sounded like the most likely direct replacement for that, but I wonder if any other ideas end up still mimicking it?

First of all, I fucking love your username and as far as I’m concerned you DID decide on a good one.

Anyway, this is an interesting bit of the storyline because it’s in that nebulous place where my partner and I agree that it happened, but we’ve never actually hammered out exactly what happened. For the most part, the bullet points of Finitevus tricking Knuckles into getting hexed and Locke sacrificing himself to release him are agreed to have been in the RP’s backstory, but given the version of Locke that I wrote for the Brotherhood, I’m sure the tone of the situation was very different. I can only imagine what the situation looked like through Locke’s eyes, honestly. In some ways you could argue that Knuckles becoming Enerjak IS the realization of everything Locke worked for, so that begs the question of whether or not he would see that as his premonition coming true. It’s hard to say given that there’s so many other events that have happened leading up to this point that would’ve also gone differently based on the new circumstances, and some that probably didn’t happen all together.

However, here’s my immediate hunch:

1) The events of S3&K definitely happened in the RP’s backstory, although again I’m sure several events played out in different ways. The great point to this is that, as WE all know, this was the fulfillment of the mural that Locke saw on the wall in Hidden Palace, which unknowingly inspired his recurring dream. Locke, however, would’ve taken the arrival of Eggman and the Death Egg with a lot more confusion. Obviously this is the level of threat his premonition insisted upon, but Knuckles wasn’t the one to ultimately defeat it! Some ground-dwelling heathen actually took care of it!!! So no matter how much the situation would seem to fulfill the slot of the Great Evil, it obviously can’t be because Knuckles did not ascend to become the Savior in order to stop it.

2) It’s probably safe to say this cycle happened a few others times, because let’s face it, Angel Island has seen some shit. I don’t think the others probably ever compared to S3&K arc, though, both in terms of the impact it made on the situation (and Locke’s psyche) and the fact that the enemy just plain looks like the figure in Locke’s dreams.

3) This would probably mean that an already paranoid Locke is getting jumpier and jumpier every time a new threat arises, because by now there’ve been so many BIG bad events that he’s probably constantly worrying, “Is this the Great Evil?? IS THIS THE GREAT EVIL??” and his already frayed nerves are probably completely shot.

4) So imagine, then, when Knuckles -- Locke’s only pride and joy, for whom he sacrificed absolutely everything in his life and has been banking on saving everyone’s lives -- seems to have become the Great Evil himself. It’s not enough that he’s powerful on an otherworldly scale and seems to have gone mad with said power; the bigger shock is that Knuckles does, indeed, seem to be fulfilling the criteria of his premonitions. He’s not just terrorizing the rest of the world (which, let’s be honest, Locke probably doesn’t even care about), he’s also terrorizing echidnas. He left Echidnaopolis in ruins by forcibly removing the entire population, and he’s destroying a lot of lives by changing their bodies against their will. The entire echidna species is terrified of what he has become, and what else he might do. Maybe the fact that the Great Evil was enormous in Locke’s dream wasn’t about literal physical scale, but rather, a representation of the enormity of the threat that’s posed.

5) In a perfect world, I’d really like to imagine that this finally, FINALLY, brings Locke a desperately needed moment of clarity. Locke got to the state he ends up in because he’s so afraid of some ambiguous and unidentifiable threat, so maybe the fact that he now CAN identify the threat could be enough to raise that fog. Maybe seeing Knuckles as the evil they need to be protected from will finally be enough to jolt Locke back to reality, and allow him to see just how bad his decisions have been and how Knuckles’ state is, honestly, a very logical conclusion to the chain of events that came before it. Knuckles becoming the Great Evil was always a possibility all along, but Locke was so convinced of the contrary that he just literally couldn’t see it. Now he can see it. Now he can grasp how, no matter how well-intentioned he was, he absolutely, 100%, undeniably caused his son to become the one thing he’s feared all along.

6) If Locke is able to have that moment, and think completely clearly again for even a brief time, then I have no doubt whatsoever that Locke would make that sacrifice to save him. No attempts to find an alternative, no hemming and hawing, no attempts to get everyone to kill Knuckles like in the comic, NONE of that shit. If Locke, the REAL Locke that’s been lost inside the madness all this time is able to wake up for just a few moments, emerges again and learns that the only way to save his boy from the fate he himself unwittingly doomed him to is for someone to give up their own life, Locke would make that sacrifice in a heartbeat. He said back on the day he activated the chaos bath that he wished he could take Knuckles’ burdens away and put himself in his place. This would be one way to do exactly that, to give Knuckles a shot at a real, normal life again, and to atone for the enormous mistakes he made that caused this tragedy.

I think if the situation arose under those sorts of circumstances, it would just make Locke’s sacrifice all the more meaningful. Allowing him to not only realize that he’s the one that ultimately caused all this, but to fully admit to it AND take responsibility without being harangued into doing so completely changes the tone of what he does. It’s not a situation where Locke sees sacrificing himself as something that has to be done, but something that should be done, to atone for his wrongdoings and save the one person he loves more than anyone or anything else in this world.

I don’t see the Locke of the comics as someone who would die for his child without the slightest hesitation, even after more skillful writers get a hold of him; I don’t see the fact that he does so unrealistic, but I honestly think the only reason he does it is because he can’t think of a way out of it. I mean, for fuck’s sake, shortly before doing so he was campaigning TO HAVE KNUCKLES KILLED. I think canon!Locke loves Knuckles in his own weird way, but I think his love for Knuckles comes second to his love for himself, and it always has. Canon!Locke is just simply too arrogant to think of someone else first, even his own child.

Locke the way I write him, however, was always ready to die so that Knuckles could live. It used to be because he felt Knuckles was too important to their people and needed to live to save them, but when all that baggage is lifted, Locke would still die for him simply because he loves him. He would die for him to make his life better, to free him from the prisons he’s been confined to both physically and mentally, to allow him to fully live. He’d die to save his son because he wants him to finally have the life he deserves -- that he always deserved. If the price of Knuckles being happy, healthy, and free is Locke giving up his life, there’d be no force on Mobius that could’ve kept him away from the Master Emerald to do it.

I don’t know if this is quite the sort of answer you were looking for, but again, this was the first impulse that came into my brain. It feels right to me, and probably would be worth exploring in a story sometime. Maybe someone could commission me for it or something, who knows. In the meantime, I hope this paints the picture as well as I’m seeing in my head.

[anon-drabble]

i've been having a really rough time with writing lately. more rejections than i can count, less interaction with readers, bad reviews, and just a lack of notice all at once. it's culminated in me battling the wish to delete this account, my twitter, and my ao3. but i love writing and i'm trying not to do it for others (write for myself) but my mental health has taken a huge hit thanks to my job so it's a constant battle.

anyways. this has nothing to do with fanfic, mystic messenger, just an original fiction piece i wrote years ago. why am i posting it here? a sneak attack to my desire to stop writing and give up. will it work? who knows?

it's a bit dark (deals a little with torture?) so warnings for that. again, wrote it years ago, this is not recent, i'm not going out and killing anyone or myself. 😜

i hope you guys still read, even if it's not mysme. and i hope you like it. i like it.

“So? What do you think?”

I looked up, flicked the mask from covering my eyes. In the corner, seemingly positioned purposely in shadows, Dmitri was standing. He had never been very tall and took his height very seriously. Although I wondered if it was really that big of a deal to him when he purposely tried to hide himself to scare people when he came into a room.

Once I identified the voice, the mask came back down. “Workin’,” I replied, my gruff voice muffled and made softer by the piece over my mouth.

“Wanna play?” he asked and even without looking, I could see that signature smirk on his face. That grin that he hid from almost everyone. It was almost too gleeful and stretched his cheeks out without moving any other part of his face. It was unnatural, especially when everyone knew him as the short guy with dark features and no expressions.

I didn’t move, didn’t stop my precise movements. One wrong move and I could lose a finger. Or trigger an explosion. Either way, it wasn’t preferable. I heard Dmitri sag, as though disappointed. He sighed. I sighed right back. “Didn't we play last week?”

Dmitri sighed again, removing himself from the shadows. He walked to the opposite side of the table from me, leaning down on his arms. “Nope. We haven’t played in so long. I’m getting rusty.”

“No, you’re rusty from the water puddlin’ around you when it rains. Maybe if you were taller, it wouldn’t happen.” I still didn’t look up, but I could predict his reactions. A dark ember burning in his eyes for a split second before that careful mask he wore covered it. I was the only one to comment on his height. He hated it. Which was why I did it. A bead of sweat tried to drip from my chin but I casually flicked my head, sending it elsewhere. A strand of red hair dipped down over my eyes. It was quickly burned away.

“Is that why your hair’s like that?” he asked, having seen the display. I could feel him looking at me.

I glanced up at him, pausing my hands. “Is it?” I asked right back. But my voice was stern and he picked up on that. I saw that smirk form again. I could have kicked myself. He got me right back for that jab about his height. My eyes went down and I focused more on what I was doing. I took a few seconds to wipe my gloves on the tablecloth. It didn’t seem to do much but to someone like me, it made a difference.

He kept watching me, his eyes almost boring holes into me. “So? You gonna come and play or what?” Dmitri stared at me, unblinkingly, until I moved. Just as I knew his soft spots, he knew how to needle me as well.

I didn’t say anything at first but closed the flap that was lying open, allowing my delicate work. “Guess so,” I replied, flipping the mask back up. I stepped back, removing my gloves and tossing them in the trash. They landed with a rather sick squelch.

I let Dmitri lead me down the hallway. He’d prepared. He always liked to keep his things separate and I could see that he’d anticipated this. Either that or he’d had things set up for a while, which meant more of a mess to clean up later. He pulled out his thick ring of keys and rifled through them. A big skeleton key was his goal. A secret catch and the key’s head opened like a lid. Inside was a smaller pin, set with specific grooves. It opened the door. We walked in, knowing our way through the darkness already. I heard some familiar sounds. Water dripping, our boots going from tile flooring to concrete to uneven stone. At the end, I knew a single chair stood. Off to the side, there’d be a bench with our playthings. The game was to see who could get to the chair first using our tools. I won last time. I heard the crying and realized the deck was stacked against me. He knew I enjoyed working from the front and the voice was female.

I heard his smirk again. “I thought you’d like a girly this time,” he said. I heard the smirk and felt him pick up his favorite, a hand drill. I preferred bolt cutters. I liked the weight in my hands. We approached the chair. The voice pleaded, begged to be freed.

“Sorry, hun,” I said, beginning the game.