#if you can see half of kim kitsuragi on the left no you can’t | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justdecadentcollectiondestiny · 2 years

Text

KORTENAER - You see two cold eyes looking at you -- through all the smoke and the panic. And a pistol, raised, aiming at your chest, point blank. Then the man squeezes the trigger…

1. - Wait -- Kim -- I can’t see Kim…

2. - Look him in the eye.

3. - [Reaction Speed - Impossible 20] Evade the shot.

4. - Let it happen.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is not visible in your peripheral vision.

YOU - Then where--

LOGIC - He is behind you.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - As he so often is.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - In dodging Ruud’s shot, you stepped to the left of the lieutenant. After the chaos of the last few seconds, you now stand between him and the mercenary Kortenaer.

INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] - That’s right. You can feel his presence behind you. You know what it feels like by now. He’s there.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - Don’t. Move. Stay right where you are.

COMPOSURE - You mean--

VISUAL CALCULUS - Yes. If the bullet that is about to emerge from the barrel of that gun does not hit you, it will hit Kim Kitsuragi.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Trivial - Success] - No. No, you can’t do what you’re thinking of doing. Have you forgotten the *automatic weapons* already? Getting shot by one of them won’t just *hurt.* It will *exterminate* you. Just standing here deliberating is going against every animal instinct in your primal-brain.

SAVOIR FAIRE - You could make it, if you dodge. There’s got to be a chance.

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Failure] - There could be. As far as you know, there is.

EMPATHY - It doesn’t matter if there’s a chance or not. Not with what’s on the line. Any chance is too much of a risk.

YOU - Can’t I warn him?

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - There is no time. By the time the signal from your brain reaches your mouth and the sound of your words reaches his ears and the signal from his brain reaches his muscles, it will be too late.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Easy: Success] - The lieutenant cannot see what is about to happen. His eyes are still on Ruud, and the aftermath of his miraculous shot.

DRAMA - You are in an advantageous position, my liege. Only you are aware of the imminent peril. Do you dare use that knowledge to betray him?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - There will be no exit wound. Your body will be enough to slow the momentum of the bullet and it will come to a stop somewhere inside of you.

RHETORIC - All that to say: a bullet in your chest will keep it out of the lieutenant’s.

HALF LIGHT [Challenging: Success] - This bullet, at least.

ENDURANCE - You won’t be able to take it. That bullet will tear through you and leave nothing left. You’ll fall to the ground and feel every drop of life leak out of you. You don’t want that. Believe me. Take the chance.

VOLITION [Easy - Success] - What would that make you? Think about it. Would you be able to stand it? Would you be able to stand knowing that you were a person who would sacrifice a solitary spark of warmth in a cold world just to continue breathing the very air that chills and freezes your lungs with every inhale?

INLAND EMPIRE - That spark will keep you warm. No matter where you go. Hold it close. Cling to it.

ENDURANCE - Please, no. Leap. Twist. Move. Do anything. I’m begging you.

KORTENAER - The explosion rattles your back teeth as the bullet rips through the air.

REACTION SPEED - Your time has run out. Decide. *Now*.

1. - Fuck this. I was insane for even thinking it. I’m dodging that bullet.

2. - I need to try. I’m too scared to stand still.

3. - God… I don’t know. Don’t make me decide.

4. - It’s taking everything in me. But I can’t move.

5. - I’m not moving a muscle. I won’t do it.

VOLITION - Why? Why for him?

1. - Because he’s my fellow police officer. He’d do the same for me.

2. - Because he’s my fellow human being. We all have a duty to each other on this planet.

3. - Because he’s Kim.

KIM KITSURAGI - There was never a decision to be made here, you realize. You have already made it. You made this decision when you felt a hand on your shoulder as you sat in despair on a swing set. You made this decision every time the sensation of the neatly folded handkerchief in your breast pocket steadied your buckling knees and strengthened your fracturing resolve. You made this decision when you were released from paralyzing, furious agony in a dark underground tunnel and your first thought was to turn around because, despite your quarry standing right in front of you and the throbbing pain still ringing through your own ears, the safety of the man behind you was most important -- and still is. Because you made this decision a fraction of a second ago, when you stared down the barrel of a gun and didn’t immediately leap out of the way of danger, because ensuring this man would come to no harm came first, before anything else.

INLAND EMPIRE - Somewhere in a parallel yet distant universe there may be a world in which you can bear to knowingly step away in refusal to protect him. The one you exist in is not one of them. You know this.

Don’t you?

1. - Look him in the eye.

2. - [Reaction Speed - Impossible 20] Evade the shot.

3. - Let it happen.

YOU - Let it happen.

REACTION SPEED - You simply blink. Then something inside your pelvis explodes. Your entire lower body is on fire and your legs can’t support you… you fall down like a rag doll.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] - The pain is too immense to scream. It pushes the air out of your lungs. Everything goes dark, a distant blur as you recede into it…

YOU - (Try to open your eyes.) What do I see?

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - Nothing. A persisting darkness. Dancing lights of pain. Distant shadows cast by them, like a hellish play…

KIM KITSURAGI - “You’re bleeding out!” Out of it -- a silhouette appears, crouching over you. You hear a familiar voice, filled with urgency and fear.

YOU - “Kim…”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Yes, it’s me! Keep talking!” The lieutenant pushes down on your wound, hard.

YOU - “Kim… you’re okay, right? I stopped it…”

KIM KITSURAGI - “I’m -- I’m alright, you stay with me!” The dots are connecting in the lieutenant’s mind, he is realizing what you have done. “God, no… Stay awake! Look at me!”

You want to. But you can’t. It’s so hard. Your eyelids grow heavy and the sounds ever more distant. And a cold comes over you. The lieutenant, too, is somewhere far away. Almost gone… when suddenly! You sense something behind him…

DE PAULE - A slender white shadow, towering. Someone stands there -- raising her pistol at him. The lieutenant does not see it. He’s pushing down on your wound with both hands…

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - Scream IMMEDIATELY! He’s gonna die.

1. - Just let the darkness take you.

2. - [Authority - Medium 11] No!!! Kim…

VERY HIGH

97%

+1 The lieutenant trusts you.

+2 Kim *truly* trusts you.

CHECK SUCCESS

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - “No,” you scream: “BEHIND YOU!” from your bloody lips. Your eyes are full of fear.

KIM KITSURAGI - There is no room for hesitation. The lieutenant turns around and fires, his body falling on yours in the course of the motion…

DE PAULE - You hear a faint scream -- a woman’s. The darkness is rushing in on all sides, like the iris of a camera quickly closing. Everything’s so far away…

YOU - (You can’t go yet. Push the words out of your mouth.) “...You hit her?”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Yes,” he replies breathlessly. “I hit her.”

YOU - “…Good. …Had to make sure first…”

KIM KITSURAGI - There’s a clatter, his gun hitting the paving stones as he scrambles upright to resume compression on your wound. You can’t feel it. “Hey. Hey! No, goddammit, stay! Come on, keep your eyes open for me, okay?!”

But it’s impossible. You’re slipping away from everything. Dimmer and quieter and colder. The woman is gone. So is Kim. Then the whole world…

“HARRY!”

YOU - Fall into total darkness.

…

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - You just can’t stay away, can you, baby? You had the chance. But you didn’t take it. You just had to come crawling back.

YOU - What are you talking about?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - Let me ask you a question, Harry-boy. This is death, you know. Look, there’s the door. Is that what you were looking for? Is that the *real* reason you wouldn’t even *try*?

1. - You got me. Lemme at that door.

2. - No. I did it for Kim. It was worth it.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - Well, well, well. Looks like we were right about you, in the end. Love did you in after all, didn’t it, Brother Coppo? No matter. Fall deeper. Take the door.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - He’s *not* taking it. His body is not taking it. Oh god, no, he’s not disintegrating -- he’s swelling up instead. Over the hours. Hurting. Moaning in his sleep.

And rotting. And being disinfected. And smelling of drugs and feeling saliva in his mouth. Drifting in painkillers. Thrashing in his wound sleep.

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - The case doesn’t care that you just died for your partner. Get up.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - There is a radio in the distance. A radio of the world. Playing sounds: Good morning, Elysium. Soon you will return to the world.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - Hours turn to days. Soon he will get up again and go through it -- again! Again! Finally, we know what the infernal engine was -- outside, the clarion call…

It was *him*. *He* is the infernal engine. He never stops. He only gets worse.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - Go on then. Go through it again if you want. And when you come back -- and you know you will -- then you can tell us if everything, all the pain and the thrashing and the moaning, really was “worth it.”

…

KIM KITSURAGI - “Sunrise, parabellum.”

Inspired by this piece by @tuinendraws that I've loved ever since I first laid eyes on it as well as the amazing work of @even-disco-baby!

#yes i colored all the skill names because i enjoy putting inordinate amounts of effort into details that don't matter #this one will be on ao3 too as soon as i can come up with a decent title #disco elysium #harrier du bois #kim kitsuragi #disco elysium spoilers #writing #dc drafts #dc descants

112 notes · View notes

asinide-ant · 2 years

Text

What would a hypothetical Disco Elysium sequel even look like? There are too many ways for Harry to end up to play as him again -- he might not even be in the RCM. And what about his partners? Kim? Cuno? Either or neither of them can be in Precinct 41 when the credits roll. Besides, half of Disco Elysium was solving the mystery of Harrier Du Bois, not just the murder. It seems more likely that they’d go with a new protagonist, but I can’t imagine them pulling the same amnesiac angle. If they did, the reason would be very different, like maybe an injury from a shootout or fight above self-inflicted? Or maybe there are some repressed memories, a bit of PTSD, to give a similar experience of unlocking your own past. I see three main possibilities for how it could be done well, without the devs pulling the rug out and saying “Yeah this specific ending and set of criteria are canon and we aren’t exploring Harry’s psyche as much this time.” The prequel route: I’m not usually a big fan of prequels, but hear me out. A younger Kim Kitsuragi, fresh from his stint as Kimball, is put on his first case alongside a man who’d later come to be known as Eyes. You play as Eyes and go through a murder mystery, deciding who exactly Eyes is and was and what his relationship with Kim entailed. This could work, we get glimpses of Kim’s background throughout the game but never enough to form a full picture. We’d also get more Kim, which is a big plus, though being younger means he’d probably be less composed and put together. The last big benefit of this route is: If the player plays Eyes, and it being Disco Elysium he’s a weirdo with extreme political views and a volatile temperament, it could retroactively make Kim’s friendship with Harry more meaningful -- he sees his old partner in Harry, and maybe through Harry being a weirdo and doing his thing, Kim is helped to process his grief. The timeskip route: This one is a lot more open possibility wise, theoretically they could do anything if they had a timeskip and didn’t pick up right where the last game ended. The harbour strike could have escalated, been stomped out, turned to total war and destroyed Martinaise, anything, though it would progress the conflict either way. This still has the issue of so many characters left over, but a timeskip makes it easier to make the canon fuzzy and explains many of their absences (Kim is the captain at his precinct now, so it doesn’t matter if he came to 41 with Harry or he even liked him). It would open things up for a new cast and a new main pair, and lets the devs play with the pale and more apocalyptic elements of the plot more. The wild card route: NO RCM, NO CONNECTIONS TO THE PAST GAME, TOTALLY NEW SCENARIO WITH A TOTALLY NEW CAST DOING THEIR OWN THING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. Personally I’d love a Disco Elysium game where you aren’t even members of the RCM, operating in an area it’s neglected, trying to solve a murder by yourself. Somehow, this approach seems the most likely, emphasising that Elysium is a setting with thousands of little stories happening at once, not just whatever this disaster lad and his crush are up to.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi

19 notes · View notes

makaronypoflotskiofficial · 2 years

Text

possibly the first apology i’ve found

⚠️ massive spoilers for disco elysium below ⚠️

i keep thinking about disco elysium the video game. Robert Kurvitz and his team have pulled off an extremely rare achievement of the mystery novel genre. i can’t believe it works. in so many mystery stories, the half-hearted and boring-in-a-theme-park-kind-of-way (i do like rollercoasters) idea is that the reader is figuring out the mystery just one step ahead of the very slightly clueless main character. so if one were to, oh i don’t know, make the murderer of a murder mystery a character the reader has never met, cannot meet early on, it might give me a little pause. and yet it works oh my god it works so much it’s been on my mind ever since. because you do meet the character. you meet him everywhere, all of the time, his scent permeates the entirety of your experience, and it’s not lost on me that he’s watching you the whole time anyway, and if you were just a little bit more politically ready, you’d have seen it coming a mile away. every moment of worldbuilding, every second spent talking to the veteran settingbuilder (the most important character), every shivering gasp of the bloodsoaked past of revachol and jamrock and and and every ounce of history the player happily probes because why not? let’s figure out this funky setting, it’s all the murderer.

disco elysium the video game is about the revolution. it’s about how the revolution touches everything and that everything will never, ever forget, will never be unchanged, that the only way to possibly undo the entirety of the collective and historic trauma of the revolution and what followed is to find a hole in the world that deletes information so throughly it can never be retrieved and stuff as much of the world into it as possible. disco elysium is the first apology from my parent’s generation i’ve found. as my father once told me, the only thing he learned from life inside the world of the party was fear. he's yet to say it again.

of course the murderer is the revolution. it never stopped. it never left. it was never quelled or crushed because the moment the first bullet was fired and blood was spilled it was indelibly imprinted on every citizen. i can’t believe i didn’t see it coming. i’ve known this my whole life and it’s never been spelled out so clearly. it’s like reading something you wrote but forgot about.

the murderer had to do it. it was as inevitable as the apocalypse. everyone is so fucked up. and this is why, in this corner in the world.

and harry is fucked up, too. of course he is. you know that, the moment his face touches your eyes. have you ever wondered how kim kitsuragi walks up to the walking lunacy that is harry du bois and doesn’t immediately turn around and leave? doesn’t even flinch? doesn’t wonder what in hell? because kim kitsuragi knows who the murderer is. he knows everyone has been murdered and he sees just one more flavor of it in harry and he’s ready to get to work. because kim has been murdered too and there is nothing else;

thank you Robert Kurvitz

“We have never seen a totally sane human being.” -- Robert Anton Wilson

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #harry du bois

30 notes · View notes

theqhreator42 · 3 years

Text

What if we saw a particular Disco Elysium scene from a different homosexual’s perspective?

[VERY BIG spoilers if you haven’t gotten at least 2/3 of the way through the game] [also tw: suicide]

I feel like Ruby’s (avoidable) death by suicide is surreal yet real enough to pass as one of the macabre joke endings of a version of the game with a different protagonist. Instead of Lenval Brown’s voice, imagine a similarly rich and deep female voice standing in for her skills. Here goes nothing!

Also: instead of “Esprit du Corps,” she has a “Solidarity” skill—representing the Hardie Boys, the Debardeurs’ Union, and the left more generally.

Your hands tremble as you try to assess the damage to the pale latitude compressor. No, it’s beyond saving—at least for now.

> [Composure - Impossible 20] Okay, plan B: Draw! As fast as you can!

[FAILED] Something ancient stirs within you, some animus of your limbic system. Your Nachtwey A08 pepperbox pistol lodges itself to the bottom of your jaw, pointed squarely into your brain.

COMPOSURE - What the fuck are you doing?!

HALF LIGHT - The fight is over! It’s time to admit you can’t win this! Flee! As fast as you can!

> [Logic - 16] Rethink your scenario—are you sure this Du Bois and Kitsuragi even know who La Puta Madre are? If not, are you sure you can't come up with an escape plan in the meantime? You’ve been through worse.

[FAILED] Yes, you're sure. You've been sure for six years.

> [Solidarity 16] You, the Union, ARE the law around here. Show no mercy: THEY are resisting arrest, not you!

[FAILED] You have no power over anyone—even your pale device failed you right when you needed it most! You knew they were all using you!

KIM KITSURAGI - This isn't the solution to your problems! Please, put the gun down!

> [Shivers 16] Maybe you could turn to one of your contacts in the RCM—see if they can bail you out. Gottlieb is a trusted associate...

[FAILED] No, it's time to become one with Revachol. Put away the fantasies: no one here is going to stand up for you now—because no one will ever win again.

> [Savoir Faire 16] You know how to swim. Chuck the gun right in Du Bois's face and run for the shoreline!

[FAILED] Your knees tremble like they're made of banana porridge. The joints of your trigger finger are frozen solid, even as your arm shakes. You knew you couldn't trust even your own limbs to see you through.

[Half-Light - Trivial: Success] Flee from your fate! This is the only chance!

HARRY DU BOIS - I know how you feel! I've been let down by women too!

MAGENTA-TINTED HEADPHONES - I knew it! These guys are NOT part of the Underground after all.

[Perception - Easy: Success] No, that Kitsuragi sets off... something. As for Harry: what straight man would wear that disastrous fucking tie?

[Shivers - Trivial: Success] Have you forgotten what bisexuality is?

MAGENTA-TINTED HEADPHONES - YES! A KINDRED SPIRIT! It is time for us to enter communion!

> "Like I said: I'm solving a problem!" (Pull the trigger.)

#disco elysium #disco elysium spoilers #ruby the instigator #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #tw suicide

23 notes · View notes

birdship · 3 years

Text

(DISCO ELYSIUM SPOILERS)

Wrote this... thing? to sort of explore potentially writing an actual bit of fanfic for Disco Elysium. It's just a short scene set during the time Harry's drifting in and out of consciousness and Kim is taking care of him.

Anyway, here. Self-indulgent gay longing bullshit, but maybe someone else out there will enjoy it?

Very short teaser, since the whole thing is only like 1600 words:

PERCEPTION: The pressure intensifies slightly, and you recognize it is in the shape of a human hand. YOU: Her hand…? PERCEPTION: No. Not hers. VOLITION: Never hers. LOGIC: His, genius. ESPRIT DE CORPS: It’s Kim. Of course it is. You knew it from the moment you saw him, somehow, that this man would take a bullet for you. He almost did. But right now, he’s kneeling beside you, tending to your wound. Gently, so gently reaching into the war zone of your body to peel back the old bandages, soaked in blood and pus, and press clean ones down in their place.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN: Well, well! Look what the cat dragged in. You keep slipping away, Harry-boy. Back into that beautiful, dark sea. Where you came from. Where you belong. Even now it presses around you, pale and cold. You’re struggling so hard to keep your head above the water for these precious few seconds of aching consciousness. It would be easier to just… relax.

YOU: Hold on, what was that about a cat?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN: There is no cat, you stupid fuck. Pay attention when I’m waxing poetic about the sweet embrace of death.

It’s hard to pay attention. Then again, it’s hard to do anything. Your breathing is shallow and ragged and you’re so, so tired. God are you tired.

PERCEPTION: You become gradually aware that there is a light pressure on your hip. PAIN THRESHOLD: The first small jolt of pain ripples through you, branching like lightning. PERCEPTION: The pressure intensifies slightly, and you recognize it is in the shape of a human hand.

YOU: Her hand…?

PERCEPTION: No. Not hers. VOLITION: Never hers. LOGIC: His, genius. ESPRIT DE CORPS: It’s Kim. Of course it is. You knew it from the moment you saw him, somehow, that this man would take a bullet for you. He almost did. But right now, he’s kneeling beside you, tending to your wound. Gently, so gently reaching into the war zone of your body to peel back the old bandages, soaked in blood and pus, and press clean ones down in their place.

YOU: His hand…

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s warm, electric, somehow both familiar and new all at once. You ache to lean into it and ask for more, more. How long has it been since anyone touched you like this? INLAND EMPIRE: Has anyone ever touched you like this, really? Right down to the core of you? Feeling the wreckage of you, the sharp edges of your heart? Running their fingers so lightly along the cracks of your horrible little brain? ELECTROCHEMISTRY: I meant literally. His hand is on your thigh. PAIN THRESHOLD: Because there’s a fucking gunshot wound there. LOGIC: Come on, don’t make it weird. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: I’m not making it weird. VOLITION: You’re definitely making it weird. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Look, all I’m saying is it feels pretty nice, doesn’t it? Being close to him like this. His hands on your body.

YOU: Yeah. It does.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: In the haze of painkillers and recent trauma, your sight becomes clear. Ironic. You’re finally allowing yourself to see something that’s been quietly blossoming inside you over the years. It’s been so hard to ignore, but the alternative is so much worse. You couldn’t look right at it. Didn’t want to. Didn’t think you deserved to. But now, in this moment, lying on a lumpy mattress in the dark, trying not to lose consciousness yet again, with him pressing his hands to your rotting body, desperately staunching the bleeding that never seems to completely stop… Now the world has finally wrung everything out of you. Whatever it was that you had left. And you can do nothing but take the path of least resistance. HALF-LIGHT: You’re keenly aware that you will soon make an absolute goddamn fool of yourself, but are powerless to stop it. The forces are already in motion. PAIN THRESHOLD: Another lightning bolt of pain, worse this time. Agony. You cannot help but gurgle a quiet “fuck.”

The lieutenant glances up at your face with calm concern, thoroughly unsurprised by your outburst. “I know it hurts,” he breathes. “You’ll get through it.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, only half-processing his words.

PERCEPTION: His hand lingers ever so slightly, then suddenly it’s gone. The warm, comforting pressure of his company, gone. SUGGESTION: No! You’re going to be alone again! He needs to stay. You need him to be here. Next to you. For as long as possible.

You concentrate every ounce of willpower you have left on sending your right hand out to fish desperately for his before it’s gone.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION: Your hand slaps awkwardly against the sleeve of his jacket. You can’t quite get a grip on it, but your pathetic flailing is hard to ignore, and he stops to give you a quizzical look. VISUAL CALCULUS: That’s the best we could do. I don’t know what you expected from us. Your eyes are still closed.

“Detective?” he says to you. “Just relax. You’re going to be fine, but you need to get some rest.”

“Wait,” you mumble, “please stay.”

DRAMA: This is quite the sad display you’re putting on here, sire. It’s a crowded field, but this new late entry is a strong contender for the gold in the hotly contested “most uncomfortable moment” event at the Sad Old Sack of Shit Olympics.

VOLITION: Come on, you’re stronger than this. HALF-LIGHT: Don’t drag him down with you, you irrepressible fuck-up. What are you even trying to do? INLAND EMPIRE: He’s drowning. Desperate. Reaching for something, anything, to stay afloat. COMPOSURE: It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Not anymore. There’s nothing to hold onto. SUGGESTION: Wrong. You have exactly one thing to hold onto right now, and that thing is Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi’s fucking hand.

Kim looks at you with a sort of detached concern for a moment, then gives you a small smile and sits back down next to you without another word. There’s nothing to say, and that’s fine.

EMPATHY: He looks exhausted. His eyes are ringed by dark circles and his shoulders have begun to sag with the weight of the case. The weight of death. The weight of you. He’s carrying so much. ESPRIT DE CORPS: He doesn’t want recognition or pity for it. He knows you’re bearing the same load. Don’t you dare apologize for any of it - this weight is shared. You’re in it together. SUGGESTION: Then why do you feel so guilty, watching him stare silently out the window into the impenetrable night, looking at nothing? You have to say something. Acknowledge his efforts to keep your sorry flesh sack shambling forward another day. VOLITION: No, stop. This is a bad idea. You don’t have to be the sorry cop anymore. In fact, please actively try to stop being that.

“Kim,” you say weakly.

“Yes?” he says, his gaze snapping back to you immediately.

“Thanks.”

“No need for that,” he says quickly.

VOLITION: Grateful cop, huh. Well, I guess that’s a step up. Very slightly less pitiful.

“Yeah,” you mumble, “alright. Sorry.”

VOLITION: Goddammit.

Kim doesn’t say anything. Just watches you with tired, searching eyes.

PERCEPTION: He’s sitting on the very edge of the bed, far away from you, his limbs tucked close to his body except for one hand, which rests lightly on the blanket. VISUAL CALCULUS: It’s still close enough that you could reach out and touch it without too much effort. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Get that sweet dopamine hit, baby! Human contact, the most dangerous drug!

Your fingers brush his hand. He jerks it away immediately, but it seems like an unconscious, automatic reaction.

“Ah,” he says, scooting over a bit. “I’ll give you some space.”

VOLITION: If your goal was to feel like a complete idiot in front of the one person in this shithole that you respect, well, pat yourself on the back. DRAMA: Congratulations, sire, you’ve done it! And what hill might thou plan to die on next? VOLITION: A much steeper one, hopefully. SUGGESTION: Ignore them, try again! PERCEPTION: Finally, your fingers manage to close around his wrist. You can’t see his reaction. Your eyes are closed. You can’t stand to look at the situation you’ve created. VOLITION: Coward. PERCEPTION: His hand is moving, changing position, but not withdrawing. It simply contorts in such a way that your grip relaxes and now it’s his hand that’s resting on top of yours. He is silent, but he’s there. Not moving away. You smell stale cigarette smoke and dry blood lingering in the space between his body and yours. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s too much. This hit, it’s stronger than you expected. It’s fucking devastating, a cold knife twisting its way through your broken body. It hurts. Why does it hurt? EMPATHY: Your eyes are still closed, but you sense that he too is looking elsewhere, similarly unable to look directly at the source of the overwhelming awkward - and quite frankly rather homo-sexual - energy you have brought down upon the room. CONCEPTUALIZATION: Every other human interaction happening inside the Whirling-in-Rags must be going very smoothly right now, because you’ve created a fucking singularity of awkwardness. There’s no more awkwardness left within a 2km radius, you’ve gathered it all right here.

Then, as quickly as the moment began, it’s over. He moves his hand and clears his throat. Probably cleans his glasses. It’s a nervous habit of his that you’ve noticed this past week.

A few minutes pass in silence. Then: “Harry?” he whispers quietly.

You don’t answer. You have nothing to say.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Maybe you were wrong. Maybe this is the harder option. Maybe you’re not ready to look at it. Maybe you’re not ready to look at anything.

“Get some rest,” he says softly. “I need to get back to work.”

EMPATHY: He’s not going to mention this incident. Not now. Not later. Not ever. Not just out of concern for you, but himself. He has no idea how to begin to process it, so he won’t. He’ll tell himself it doesn’t matter, you were just lost in a cloud of drouamine and pain and grief. That you were so out of it that you thought you were reaching for someone else. That vulnerable moment of tenderness could not have been meant for him. But you know the truth. And maybe he does too, somewhere deep down. LOGIC: You are okay with this. You have to be. And so does he. CONCEPTUALIZATION: You’ve glimpsed it now, that radiant thing within you. That bright, unbearable light. It’s so beautiful, so heart-breaking that you can hardly stand it. Maybe a glimpse is enough.

#disco elysium #disco elysium spoilers #fan fic #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #this scene brought to you by gay longing and touch starvation

63 notes · View notes

alphawave-writes · 4 years

Text

Requiem for the Apostle Chapter 1: ‘Control’

Synopsis: Kim Kitsuragi wakes up with no memory of the case he was working on, involving a corpse with strange, ritualistic markings on it. To make matters worse, he now has voices talking to him in his head (24 to be exact), who seem keen to tell him everything about the world and the case, AND his old partner, Lars 'Lucky' Langley, has since gone missing. By retracing his footsteps with Lieutenant Harry du Bois by his side, will he be able to crack this case wide open and become more than partners?

Read it here or find it on AO3. You guys can also find me on twitter @alphawave13.

If you like my writing, please do support me by buying me a ko-fi, becoming a patron on Patreon or requesting a fanfic commission from me. Any little bit helps me out a lot during this pandemic to live and study.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Well, isn't this a treat? You get to bathe in warm, primordial blackness. You got your wish. You found what you were looking for in the inky depths of despair. A nugget of truth. A sprig of madness. You've done it.

YOU — What…?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — You're scared, but that's alright, little man. Let the darkness wash over you. Don't think. Don't breathe. Let the memories wash away like rain on glass windows.

YOU — I'm not little, and I'm certainly not scared. What the fuck are you? What memories?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Don't you see, little man? This ain't your world. No need to worry about anything anymore. Forget the rules, forget the pain and suffering. Make the darkness your friend, your lover. Hehe…I'm sure he'll treat you right.

LIMBIC SYSTEM — Your tired, old meat sack is but a whisper in the wind. It's thin, pale, weak. Past its prime. With the crimson dawn, rubies spill from your lips and stain your chest with all its rich, delicious spoils.

YOU — Wait, are you saying I'm bleeding?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Concentrate on the pain, little man. Don't worry about the past. Let the memories all spill down into the drains, feeding the maggots and the insects.

YOU — Enough of this. You’re hiding something from me. Spill it.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — You sure?

YOU — I said, spill what you know, now!

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — Oh no, Kimchi. I’m afraid I can’t do that. See, I don’t hold the answers, I just tell you the truths you know deep down. I know everything you refuse to remember. The horrible snippets of your life, the unpaid sacrifices, played and replayed until your body slumps dead in a ditch somewhere.

I remember all that you remember.

And baby, you’ve already forgotten.

YOU — Forgotten what?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN — See? You don’t even know what you’ve forgot. You’ve forgotten what you forgot about.

You’ve already lost.

And you’ll keep losing.

Every loss, a cut. Every cut, a bit of you is taken away.

Piece by itty bitty piece.

Better remember quick, Kimchi. Don't wanna lose control, don't you?

ENDURANCE [Godly: Success] — Your heart pumps. Life filters through the tiny vessels of your body. A surge of energy surrounds you and soon your eyes open.

YOU — You jolt up and find yourself in a hospital bed. Your skin is sweaty and clammy and the world is blurry. Whether it's from your tears or something else, you have no idea.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Trivial: Failure] — You can make out some drab blue walls and what looks like more empty beds, but that’s all. The world is undefined at the edges, colours and shapes merging together. You can barely make out the edges of objects.

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] — You only know it’s a hospital because there are fresh bandages near your throbbing head, and this is the only other place you can conceivably wake up in outside of your apartment.

COMPOSURE [Godly: Failure] — You’re not sure your vision is blurry if it’s because of the tears streaming down your face or not.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT — It’s unbecoming. Sissy behavior. You really are a faggot.

YOU — I…what are you guys? Why can I hear these voices?

LOGIC [Impossible: Failure] — You don’t know where we come from, just that you can hear us now.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] — You’d remember if you heard these voices before, but you don’t.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] — Somehow you know that we will be here from now until death or eternity, and that you will never be able to get rid of us.

We are a part of you, and you are a part of us.

Forever.

YOU — No, wait. This can’t be right. I had thoughts; normal thoughts that didn’t involve random voices speaking in my head. I’m not a psychopath. I’m normal.

AUTHORITY — Hell yes we are.

YOU — No, not you. Just me. You guys don't belong in my head.

REACTION SPEED [Hard: Success] — Your mental debate is interrupted by someone opening a door just outside of your peripheral vision. You quickly snap your head at them.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Trivial: Failure] — You still can’t see them even when they get right next to your bed. All you see are patches of green and white and the occasional black. Even from this distance, their face is a blur.

????? — The mysterious figure reaches for something next to you.

HALF-LIGHT [Easy: Success] — Your muscles tense in anticipation, and perhaps even fear.

????? — But the figure gently grabs something on the bedside table beside you and and places it gently into your prone hand. Something small but familiar.

INTERFACING [Trivial: Success] — Your precious glasses.

YOU — You chuck them on and are greeted to the sight of Lieutenant double-Yefreitor Harry du Bois. Your partner. Your confidante. Your best friend.

RHETORIC — How far you've fallen, Kim Kitsuragi, to consider this mess of a human being your closest friend.

HARRY DU BOIS — “Good to see you’re finally awake, Kim.”

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — Harry is relieved to see you’re OK. Not relieved enough to suggest you were in anything serious by the fact that he isn’t sobbing into your chest right now, but relieved enough that he felt the need to crouch down so he was at the same head level as you.

AUTHORITY — He might cry anyway if you let him. Don't make him.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Trivial: Success] — Now that you have your glasses on, you can now see the detective properly. His hair is clean and combed, and both his face and clothes look neat, if tacky. The only thing marring his appearance (aside from said clothes) are his ugly mutton chops, and a dark bruise right under his left cheek bone.

YOU — You reach up to your face, wondering if you’re bruised yourself…

PAIN THRESHOLD [Legendary: Failure] — …and touch a very sensitive and fresh bruise, making you hiss in pain.

HARRY DU BOIS — “Nasty scrap you were in, eh?”

YOU — Scrap?

HARRY DU BOIS — He points to your forehead, as if reading your mind. "You got walloped by a bat. Quite nastily, too. Everybody's surprised you didn't get anything worse than a mild concussion."

INLAND EMPIRE [Impossible: Failure] — You don't remember getting into a fight…

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] — …but you don't show it. It'll come to you. It should.

YOU — "How long have I been out?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "Five, maybe six hours?" He shrugs. "Not sure specifically."

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — He hasn't been paying attention to the clock at all. You doubt he knows the time of day himself.

YOU — You stare out the window, seeing the sky flushed orange and purple and pink. A few clouds hang low in the sky, but otherwise the weather is relatively clear.

LOGIC [Trivial: Success] — It must be sunset, putting the current time at approximately 17:00-18:00 hours. If the detective's statement is correct, you were unconscious since 12:00 today.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Formidable: Success] — The colours shift and swirl like blood floating in a pool of water.

YOU — Seriously, I don't know what you voices are, but can you shut up? I can barely think.

INLAND EMPIRE [Impossible: Failure] — No.

AUTHORITY [Impossible: Failure] — No.

COMPOSURE [Impossible: Failure] — Never.

YOU — Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence.

HARRY DU BOIS — He is looking at you curiously, his lucid eyes locking onto your gaze firmly and never letting go.

PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] — Harry hasn’t been drinking or doing drugs since your first case together. Everybody says it's a miracle he hasn't relapsed.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Challenging: Success] — Instead, he’s gotten addicted to two little things: work and you.

YOU — He may be addicted to work, but he's not addicted to me. That's ridiculous.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — Oh, but it isn't, is it? You've gotten closer to him, and he's gotten closer to you. You can’t deny that. Don't you know you're one hell of a drug? He craves you, and you're putting him in withdrawal.

AUTHORITY [Formidable: Success] — You are both cops for the RCM, and partners. Relationships between colleagues is strictly forbidden, and you will not sully yourself by associating yourself with the Detective anymore than necessary.

HARRY DU BOIS — "Are you alright, Kim?"

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] — Is he talking about your injury?

LOGIC [Challenging: Failure] — Or perhaps he’s talking about the fact you haven

YOU — "I'm fine. My head doesn't hurt if that's what you're asking."

HARRY DU BOIS — "That's not what I'm concerned about. I'm asking about your partner."

LOGIC [Easy: Failure] — Partner?

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Failure] — What partner?

YOU — "I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Aren't you my partner?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "No. I mean…well, yes, I was, and I am again, but…"

He pauses for several seconds, his lips pressed tight.

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] — He knows something you don't, and he's worried about how you'll react.

ESPRIT DE CORPS — His suspicions aren't entirely unfounded.

HARRY DU BOIS — "Do you remember what happened earlier today? What lead to you getting walloped on the head?"

COMPOSURE [Formidable: Success] — You steel yourself, keeping your face carefully blank.

DRAMA [Legendary: Failure] — But Harry is an extraordinarily perceptive man, and he sees through the masks you wear, bixia.

HARRY DU BOIS — "Do you remember why you were at the abandoned factory at the Burnt Out Quarter?"

YOU — The Burnt Out Quarter? Abandoned factory?

HARRY DU BOIS — Harry frowns pensively. "What about your friend? Do you know what happened to him?"

YOU — "Eyes? What happened to him? Is he here?"

HARRY DU BOIS — Harry shakes his head microscopically. His brows furrow.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — Your friend isn't here. He's never been here. Harry thought you knew where he was.

YOU — But I don't. I don't know what friend Harry is talking about.

HARRY DU BOIS — He slides something towards your hand. Another item from the bedside table.

INTERFACING [Trivial: Success] — You'd recognise your trusty notebook anywhere. Even by touch.

YOU — Flipping through the notebook, you see notes from your past cases. The last few Juvie cases you did, the Hanged Man case where you first met Harry, the extortion case, and many others you've solved over the last few months.

You flip over to the last couple of pages, detailing the case of a mysterious corpse found near the river, covered in strange, ritualistic cuts over their torso. These notes would make sense with context, but for the life of you, you can't remember a single thing about it. Not how the corpse looks like, not how you made the jump between the corpse and the Burnt Out Quarter, nor how it all connects to the abandoned factory.

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] —You must have been in a hurry to not write it down. That, or you were distracted.

HARRY DU BOIS — "Kim," Harry says slowly. "'What's the last thing you remember?"

YOU —You open your mouth, then close it.

COMPOSURE [Formidable: Success] —You swallow tightly, not making a sound.

YOU — "I remember…it was night. We'd just finished a case and you took me to a local bar to celebrate. And then you did your depressing karaoke song again and they kicked us out for upsetting the mood."

HARRY DU BOIS — "So you don't remember the new transfer?"

AUTHORITY — Is Harry trying to undermine you? He doesn't need to know you don't remember. Let him connect the dots himself.

YOU — "No," you admit. "I don't remember. What transfer? Did we get a new cop?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "I was worried about this," he chuckled. "Welcome to Amnesia town. Population: us fuckers."

YOU — "I don't have amnesia…I think."

HARRY DU BOIS — He smirks, making his ruddy cheeks ruddier. "I'd think I'd know the symptoms of amnesia, Lieutenant. Do you at least remember what happened? Any details?"

YOU — "I'm certain I'd remember if you got us both kicked out of a bar."

HARRY DU BOIS — "Humour me. Do you remember what happened?"

YOU — You roll your eyes at him, then close your eyelids.

AUTHORITY — We can speak for you in moments like this. Let me do it. I'll make sure the Lieutenant knows our memory is excellent.

YOU — Not a chance. I'm not letting some psychotic voices in my head take control of my body. I'll relay it, not you.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] — It's become a ritual of you and Harry to head to a bar to relax after a case. If you remember something specific, perhaps it will convince Harry to cease this line of questioning.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] — Harry gave you the choice of the bar that night, even though you've never drunk in front of him during these outings. You were tired, so you thought of the one place you could: La Mer. A quiet bar that is, shall we say, very welcoming of the homosexual underground.

PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] — Harry sees someone with a drink, thinks it looks cool, and gets it himself. He chugs it down, barely remembering to savor the taste. He promised himself only one, and you're going to make sure it stays one, and he's already drunk it in five seconds.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] — When Harry finds the karaoke machine, he's in his element. He croons his love song, seeded with all sorts of dirty innuendos, and you think for a moment that he might be capable of the things he sings about. When he dedicates the song to you, as he always does, he does it with a suggestive little wink.

COMPOSURE [Legendary: Failure] — Every time he dedicates a song to you, it's to make some part of your body blush. Every time he winks at you, he's trying to get a reaction out of you.

Unfortunately, he's succeeded on both accounts.

YOU — He did not get a reaction out of me. And anyways, his next song got us kicked out of the bar.

ENCYCLOPAEDIA [Medium: Success] — To be fair, Harry didn't seem to be aware the second song he was singing is attributed to Captain Novac, a government officer who led numerous campaigns against the alternative sexuality communities.

SHIVERS [Easy: Success] — The days of homosexuals being forced into hiding for their lives may be over, but the scars still remain.

VISUAL CALCULUS — Harry apologised, then offered to take you back to his apartment, as it was closer.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Failure] — But you refused. You got yourself a taxi, headed back home.

YOU — You open your eyes to find Harry observing you quietly, eyes half-lidded.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] — Is he…is he falling asleep on us?

YOU — "Did my story bore you, Lieutenant?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "N-no, no. I'm just surprised you remembered all that. If that's the last thing you remember, then you don't remember that detective from your old Precinct transferring over the next morning?"

YOU — "Next morning?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "When he found out you transferred here, he wanted you to teach him. You begged Jean to let someone else do the job, but when he found out what the story is and how you both knew each other, he basically forced you both together, the asshole."

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] — There's the lightest hint of a smile on his face. If he was in a higher position and he felt cruel enough, he might have done the exact same thing Jean did.

AUTHORITY [Formidable: Success] — Jean's jealous you get to work with a sober Harry, but makes up for it by gossiping about you both to Judit.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — More than once you've heard them call you and Harry born-again lovers.

YOU — "So who was I forced to partner up with?"

HARRY DU BOIS — He smirks. "Guy by the name of Lars Langley."

YOU — "Lars…"

COMPOSURE [Legendary: Failure] — LANGLEY?!

AUTHORITY [Formidable: Failure] — That creep followed you into Precinct 41?!

HARRY DU BOIS — "You made that exact same face the first time you were told," he smirks.

LOGIC [Trivial: Success] — He's talking about that pained, constipated look in your eyes.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Formidable: Success] — Like a fish in a pet shop, knowing and unknowing, trapped in a cage.

YOU — "I had to babysit Lucky?" You shake your head. "Sometimes I wish that guy got lost."

HARRY DU BOIS — "Funny you should mention that, because uhh…well, he's gone."

YOU — "What do you mean?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "I get a call from you directly to my place 08:00 in the morning. Don't know why you were up so early, but I assumed it must have been for a case. By the time I got patched through, you've already hung up on me. When I head to Precinct 41, Jules tells me you called the Precinct. I put 1 and 1 together, arranged a search party, and that's how we found you in the Burnt Out Quarter, unconscious and bleeding on the floor of the abandoned factory."

EMPATHY [Legendary: Failure] — There's something else in his story. A detail he chose to omit. But what?

LOGIC [Legendary: Failure] — It couldn't be anything important.

HARRY DU BOIS — "We searched all over, but we couldn't find your partner. We know he was with you though, according to what you told Jules. We think whoever bashed your head in kidnapped Lucky."

REACTION SPEED [Formidable: Success] — There's a twitch in his lips. A microscopic frown that plays on his lips.

LOGIC [Legendary: Success] — You know what the Lieutenant is thinking. Best case scenario: Lucky got kidnapped. Worst case scenario: Lucky got kidnapped and killed.

YOU — And I have no way of knowing who, or how, or why.

HARRY DU BOIS — He stands up slowly, brushing his disco pants off. He moves slowly, hesitantly, as if he feels like he should leave but he doesn't want to.

VOLITION [Medium: Failure] — You don't want him to either.

YOU — "So I guess the case is still on?"

HARRY DU BOIS — He nods. "Jean wanted me to check your condition. Thought that if you woke up and punched somebody, I could take the blow best."

YOU — "So he's afraid of getting punched by me?"

HARRY DU BOIS — "Are you kidding? You'd give him a run for his lunch money if you tried. Plus, I think he was hoping you'd punch me."

YOU — The faintest of smiles creeps up your face. "It'd knock some sense into you."

HARRY DU BOIS — He leans his head forward. An open target. "Give it a try. It might work."

YOU — If anyone needs some sense knocked into them, it's me for having these weird voices in my head.

You raise your fist up, clenched tight into a ball, and thrust it towards Harry's exposed head.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Formidable: Failure] — But it's no more than a lovetap. Like a teddy bear threw a punch.

HARRY DU BOIS — "Does this mean you need to stay here any longer?"

YOU — "Fuck no. I'm fine, really, Detective. This is my case, and I'll see it to the end."

AUTHORITY — Show him who's boss. Show him you mean business.

YOU — You take your glasses off and place them back on the bedside table beside you. Then, you tug at the bandages wrapped around your head in one swift motion, letting it cascade down like blood-stained ribbons into your lap. They spool down, spiraling, spiraling, until the bandages are all neatly in your lap.

COMPOSURE [Trivial: Success] — Harry thought that was cool.

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] — Harry likes that.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] — Harry more than likes that. You might have turned on his light switch right there.

YOU — You put your glasses back on quickly and hop out of the bed, bandages still in your hands. Harry takes it from you—

REACTION SPEED [Heroic: Success] — He shivers slightly when his fingers grazes yours—

HARRY DU BOIS — And he scrunches it all up and throws it at the nearest bin. It lands square in the middle. A perfect shot.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — You like that.

YOU — The two of you slowly walk out of the hospital ward and down to the parking lot where, to your relief, your Coupris Kineema sits, untouched and undamaged.

HARRY DU BOIS — "You alright to drive?"

YOU — "I should be fine."

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Success] — Your head still feels a little sore to the touch but it's no longer bleeding, and you didn't feel dizzy at all keeping up with Harry's brisk walking pace. You're good to go.

HARRY DU BOIS — "So…because Lucky is gone, and you seem to be all good to go—"

YOU — "—I'll need a replacement partner?"

HARRY DU BOIS —He smiles warmly. "I'm just saying, I just finished up my case earlier today before coming over here, and I'm offering my services. It'll be like the good old times of last week."

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] — He wants to monitor your condition just in case your head injury is worse than it looks. He also likes spending time with you.

YOU — You smile. "Sure."

HARRY DU BOIS — "Wait, really?"

LOGIC [Trivial: Failure] — Wait, really?

YOU — "I might have forgotten the case, yes. I might not remember anything in the last week or so. But I've had to deal with you while you had a midlife crisis about your forgotten identity. Now you'll have to deal with mine."

HARRY DU BOIS — "Is this extortion?"

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] — The smile on this face suggests he's playing along.

YOU — "Let's call it returning the favour." You adjust the glasses on your face. "Tomorrow morning we'll meet at Precinct 41 and discuss our next step. We might be able to retrace our steps from there."

HARRY DU BOIS — "The corpse you were investigating might still be in the Morgue. We can take a look there."

YOU — "Perfect." You head for your beloved Coupris Kineema and pause by the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, detective."

HARRY DU BOIS — Harry smiles one of his secret smiles. "See you tomorrow, Kim. And…good to see you're alright. I was worried."

DRAMA [Easy: Success] — It is an understatement. He was seriously worried and he is seriously glad to see you are well and good, bixia.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] — You could tell him about us, the voices in your head. It’s surely not the same thing as what he claims to have, but he’d understand…wouldn’t he?

VOLITION — We can’t give him the satisfaction. He already thinks we’re weak enough as it is. We don’t need to make him even more concerned.

YOU — You shake your head, chuckling softly. "Don't be," you say. "I'm made from hard stuff."

With that cool line under your belt, you slip yourself into the driver's seat of the Kineema, let the engine purr underneath you, and drive off into the streets.

—

KIM'S APARTMENT — It's nightfall by the time you enter your apartment. You flicker on the lights, lock the door behind you, and let its humble atmosphere overwhelm you.

PERCEPTION (Sight) [Easy: Success] — The furniture is sparse, but the place is far from lifeless. There is a huge collection of books near a comfy couch and an even comfier reading chair. The walls are a light cream colour that resembles eggshells, or bird poop. Behind the closed door to your bedroom are the softest orange bedsheets settled amongst fluffy light-green pillows.

YOU — You head to the fridge and scrounge up the quickest dinner you can muster: a simple omelette, and eat it quickly but politely, making sure to chew with your mouth closed, never lingering on a particular flavour tone for too long.

INLAND EMPIRE — A stern older woman looks down at all the young children before her, all different races and creeds of life before coming into her care. She pulls a girl by the top of her ears for chewing too loudly. All the other children look down and continue eating, trying not to swallow too loud. It hurts, but the children would rather endure her punishment compared to the punishments of her husband.

YOU — You finish up your dinner quickly, wash it and dry it in the sink. You head for the balcony, hands already reaching for the chestnut-scented cigarettes you always keep on hand. You take the cigarette up to your lips, flicking the light of your lighter on.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Oh yeah, that's the good stuff, isn't it? The sweet, sweet nicotine. Your daily bit of sin. The one addiction you will give yourself.

AUTHORITY — But we all know your true addiction is to control. You like the idea of controlling when and where you can take your daily cigarette. You crave the idea of dominating this one bit of weakness, of curbing it to a small routine that you control. You can quit any time you want, but you don't. Harry's addicted to physical things. You're addicted to concepts.

YOU — You take a slow drag from your cigarette, the grey plumes rising up to the clouds, taking away all the sadness and bitterness of Revachol and Elysium and turning it all into ash. With every puff, you feel your mind get a bit clearer, like whatever was congesting your head is now disappearing. You've felt this before, but it feels more extreme now. Like your senses are heightened.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Impossible: Success] — Colours you couldn't see before shimmer in front of you. The night and the day join as one in holy matrimony.

PERCEPTION [Impossible: Success] — The tiniest speck in one of the apartment buildings. A man, pressed against the curtains, making love to another, bigger man, their silhouettes obscuring their depraved act from all but the peepers. Well, that, and the most observant people, such as yourself.

INLAND EMPIRE [Impossible: Success] — You see a clear picture of Harry in your mind's eye, impossibly detailed right down to the leather shoes. He gives you that tired smile, the one when he's had enough, when he knows he has to try something stupid, and then he grabs your face and kisses you square on the lips.

YOU — In the real world, you take another slow drag.

In Kim's World, you force his lips away, only so you can kiss him properly yourself. Harry submits pitifully, weakly, beautifully.

INLAND EMPIRE [Impossible: Failure] — Before your imaginary counterpart might slide Harry's mouth open, let their tongue plunge deep into Harold's throat and give you an idea of how Harry might taste like without booze and drugs on his breath, the vision vanishes, and the dark skyline of Revachol opens up for you once more.

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] — The nicotine's initial kick has worn off. The world is slowly returning to normal, as are your senses.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — You can't deny it. You got a bit excited from that image. Of Harry kissing you so tenderly. So desperately.

YOU — Perhaps…but nothing will ever happen between us.

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] — Of course you'll never let Harry get that close. You are partners. Members of the RCM. Fraternising with your half-brother like that is incestuous and wrong.

VOLITION [Medium: Success] — Even if you weren't, you won't let yourself be so weak as to let Harry kiss you first. He needs to let you know you're in charge. You're the one that calls the shots in that relationship.

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] — There'll be less pain that way.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] — But you do want him. You've never fantasised so much about kissing one man before in all your life.

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] — You only allow yourself one addiction. What will it be? The cigarette, or Harry?

SHIVERS [Heroic: Success] — Both will lead to an early grave.

YOU — One final drag of the cigarette, one final plume, before you butt it out into the smoking tray. You take a cold shower, dry yourself off, and then throw yourself at the bed, curling up under the covers, naked like the day you were born.

As you close your eyes, you wonder for a minute what would happen if you were given that choice. A cigarette a day, or Harry from now until eternity, sober and kind and at the peak of his prime.

You think of the rigidity of your life structure. How Harry has disrupted it from your very first meeting. You think of the cigarette, always the same, never better or worse, a stark comparison to Harry, who has his fair share of good days and bad days in the short time you've worked together. You think of Harry's horrible penchant for karaoke, and his terrible taste in clothes, and the way his sweat stinks of booze, even when he hasn't been drinking.

You want to say you'd prefer the cigarette.

VOLITION [Impossible: Failure] — But you know, deep down, that if you are given that choice, you will always choose Harry.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #harrier du bois #kim kitsuragi #This fic is SFW #but depending on how I feel it might bump up if you catch my drift #I had fun writing in the games style #Had to do a crash code in coding to form some shortcuts and streamline the writing proces #BTW other DE fanfic authors GET AUTOHOTKEY it helps out SO MUCH!#Especially for a fic like this

2 notes · View notes