#if you get the chemical farmer joke please explain it to me

[raposarealm]

Funny Ranked Teams: Finals Edition

While I spent the finals being salty about losing my first break match to a troll evade rat and subsequently anti-evade Yozu-blasting my way through (and by the way, if you put an evade on a rat in order to troll people, may I say: you’re the absolute worst and I hope you turn into a witch,) I found more funny team names and took shots of them.

Starting off appropriately, a team aptly named, “Fuck Kyubey”. The Kuroe makes it a lot funnier and sadder all at once.

“Chemical Farmer”. I don’t get it, but it’s still a funny mental image.

“Shigure Hagumu (New Wives)” They’re running Shige and Hagu as well! I don’t know why Yuna and Hikaru are there, since I sincerely hope the OP isn’t shipping those two. (Reminder: Yuna is 17, Hikaru is *13*.)

Here we have “Dii Dii”, which I assume that A) is probably supposed to be “Dee Dee”, and therefore B) we’ve found Dexter’s mirrors team.

May the “Force” be with you! Ehehehe.

I actually saw this team during prelims too! But I didn’t take a shot then. Anyways, here’s Twin #1 and Twin #2.

Our buddy “Onion Soup” made it to A-rank finals, it seems!

Speaking of liquids, the top teams are named “Ponzu” and “Balsamic Vinegar” respectively. They really did happen to line up like that, amusingly.

“Company Commander”, reporting for duty.

Team name “Dameda” (”Hopeless”), with the Magia Report Troublemaking Squad.

And the worst of them all, “ElMadoko!” (They even remembered how Spanish gender works, good for them!)

“Raika”, the original “Rabi”/”Lavi” debate.

And last but not least,

GOJIRA!!!

[tickle-bugs]

Justice League Headcanons

So...yeah. Blame @fickle-tiction and @fanficsandfluff but I can’t get JL out of my head. I know next to nothing in terms of canon and I only enjoy a handful of DC movies, so this is the beginning of what I am calling the BEU (Bug Extended Universe). 

Essentially, in the words of Nick Fury, ‘I recognize your canon, but seeing as it’s a stupid-ass canon, I have elected to ignore it :)’. A mish-mash of everything I’ve learned about DC through osmosis and my own personal vibe checks :)

This is absurdly long so everything is under the cut:

Clark Kent

- Superman? NO, Superdork. 

- He’s extremely clumsy. If he wasn’t as fast as a speeding bullet he’d get his ass handed to him ten times over. He has two left feet. 

- He has a sweet tooth like no one’s business. Lois once found him perched on the kitchen counter at 3 am eating the donuts she brought home from work. 

- Super playful and affectionate! King of bear hugs! Country boy I love youuuuuuu

- Curses like a sailor. Do you really think Clark ‘Smallville, Kansas’ Kent is wholesome? He stubbed his toe once and yelled FUCK so loud that the windows vibrated. Everyone who isn’t in the league thinks he’s a boyscout but the league knows the truth. 

- Forgets about his powers a lot. He has been known to run through walls/take doors off their hinges when he’s excited. 

- Goblin. He loves messing with Bruce and roping Barry into his schemes. 

- Clark being ticklish is actually smth that can be so personal? His laugh is so loud and he always goes ‘sorry’ and tries to be quieter but it does NOT work. He has flight instincts more than fight instincts so he often starts unconsciously floating away when he’s tickled it’s so cute. He giggles a lot and he’s not particularly embarrassed by it.

- Do NOT get me started on ler Clark I could write a dissertation. He is SO playful and teasy but also sweet? He definitely is the type to laugh along with his lee. He definitely allows any sort of retaliation/fighting back like,,, if you manage to crawl away it’s because he let you, and if he wants too, he can be very mean and immovable.

- Bruce and Barry are his favorite targets. He doesn’t go after Diana because, frankly, he doesn’t have a death wish. He loves to cause problems on purpose by squeezing Arthur’s side and then blaming it on Barry. (Hal Jordan isn’t in the DCEU Justice League but I wish he was...they’d be partners in crime <3)

Bruce Wayne

- Okay let’s clarify some things: he’s not actually an asshole. He can be abrasive and snarky but he’s more towards the sarcastic gruff side vs straight-up mean.

- A lot of people think he’s genuinely an asshole/disconnected rich guy because he has a terrible habit of zoning out/interrupting people? Bruce actually just has intense ADHD that he refuses to get diagnosed, no matter how much Alfred pushes him. He doesn’t care what people think about him and he’s mostly learned how to manage it, so he leaves it alone.

- That being said, his friendship with Barry has me :’) Yes, he thinks Barry’s a pest (affectionate), but they share a few science-related hyperfixations (robotics, chemical engineering, etc). They can frequently be found holed up in the Batcave with a week’s worth of food and caffeine, and they’re just....tinkering. Watching them at work is amazing because as much as they annoy each other, they respect each other :)

- He’s 100% a cat person. He doesn’t have a problem with dogs, he just prefers cats. He feeds the strays that hang out around the Manor all the time...

-...which Alfred begs him not to do, because Bruce is severely allergic. He thinks he can power through the allergies until one of the stray cats does the face-headbump thing and he’s incapacitated emotionally and physically for the rest of the day. 

- He severely restrains his emotions but like...catch him on a good day or in a good mood and he’ll smile and laugh, especially in friendly company. He just generally believes in maintaining a poker face so no one can read him. 

- Not to be disrespectful but...thighs. I am Looking. 

- Bruce has a wonderful laugh. He’s not much of a giggler tbh but he has this open, clear, slightly scratchy kinda laugh (his voice is permanently hoarse from the Batman Voice). It’s so lovely. He has a habit of covering his mouth bc he’s embarrassed of his smile but if he finds something very funny he’ll laugh openly. 

- Thee Batman is ticklish and he...doesn’t hate it? Like of course he protests ten ways from Sunday but he more minds the ‘guys stop you’re ruining my dark and brooding facade’ bit. He hates being teased though and he will throw hands. 

- Circling back to the emotions thing, he’s very good at controlling his reactions, which means he has thoroughly convinced everyone he’s not ticklish. Except Clark, stupidly perceptive Clark, because he can hear Bruce’s heartbeat and see the way he clenches his jaw to avoid smiling. 

Diana Prince

- WIFEY!!!!! 

- Diana is hilarious okay? She’s just...so fucking funny. Her jokes never miss. You wouldn’t think she’s the quippy type, but she is, and she’s damn good at it. In a distant alternate universe, Peter Parker senses a rival. 

- Loves fresh fruit, but especially strawberries? She makes frequent trips to the local farmer’s market. 

- She also has a raging sweet tooth. She and Clark work together to steal sweets and buy snacks. 

- Will not back down from a challenge, ever. It’s kinda a problem.

- She has such a sweet laugh :’) It’s so bouncy and melodic and she scrunches her nose. She WILL snort and it’s the cutest thing ever. Yes she’s ticklish, but no one gets more than five seconds of laughter out of her before she turns the tables. 

- World’s meanest ler. Not only is she frequently on the prowl, she is near-ruthless, especially if she’s been baited. Once she sets her sights on someone, she won’t rest until she’s heard their laugh. 

- Diana is very mischievous and loves hearing her friends laugh. It’s impossible to be in her vicinity for more than five minutes without at LEAST a few pokes. She is not above just,,, random tickles either. 

- Nails. That is all. 

Arthur Curry

- Why are his tiddies always out? Someone please explain.

- The most targeted for pranks ever. Diana especially. Something about him just attracts goblinism. 

- He’s coming for Clark’s bear hugger crown. He picks people up so often that they’re just used to it now. 

- Playfighting and roughhousing is his love language. He absolutely loves wrestling with anyone who’ll humor him. He and Diana frequently tussle because they’re both good sports about it (Bruce is a little bit of a sore loser. Just a smidge). 

- Thinks he can get away with anything, which is decidedly not true. He just nopes his way out of the room and everyone’s like D:< get back here and atone for your sins!!! But Arthur’s already in the Pacific Ocean. 

- I like to think he’s ticklish, just not super ticklish y’know? He probably has a couple hidden spots that make him lose it though. Like he’ll definitely laugh and fall over, but he can and will fight back. Oh boy, will he fight back. 

- Batman: No fear.

Diana and Arthur sneaking up behind him:

Batman: One fear. 

- Y’know that picture of Jason Momoa sneaking up behind Henry Cavill on the red carpet? That is extremely relevant. Arthur loves to sneak up behind people and just...take them down. 

- Thinks Barry is annoying (affectionate) and the two of them are constantly chasing each other around. Barry is fast but Arthur’s strong (and wayy less ticklish than Barry)

- Physical affection!! He always has his arms around someone’s shoulders or something. He’s just a touchy kind of guy :)

Barry Allen

- Speedy boy! ADHD king! Sometimes his thoughts are also at superspeed, which means he talks way too fast and no one can understand him? But Bruce speaks fluent Barry and he translates often (though not without a labored sigh beforehand). 

- Physically affectionate but casual about it? He likes to play with people’s hands while he’s talking, bump shoulders with whoever he’s next to, etc. He doesn’t really realize he does it either. It’s not uncommon for him to be talking to Clark or Diana and they just...unconsciously give him their hand before he reaches for it.

- Okay so y’know how Bruce feeds the strays? Who do you think lets them in the first place? Barry has tried to adopt every stray he comes across, and when Alfred inevitably says no, Barry runs them to the shelter himself :’)

- Gifting is his love language!!! If he sees anything that remotely reminds him of his friends, he brings it to them. 

- He likes to hang out with Victor because he’s quiet, but doesn’t mind when Barry rambles, which he tends to do quite often. Barry will catch himself rambling and trail off, but Victor will encourage him to keep going, because he’s listening. 

- Thee Pillsbury Doughboy. Just these high-pitched, bouncy, frantic giggles that only get worse and eventually morph into cackles. He hiccups a lot too :’)

- Okay so he’s not a flailer but he’s super squirmy. Barry will cling onto his ler’s arms just to hold onto something. He kicks his legs too (he does this when he’s not being tickled either, if he laughs and he’s sitting somewhere he kicks). He also just constantly tries to crawl away. If he isn’t pinned down he will drag himself to safety. He also has a habit of curling up :’)

- Absolutely invented the speed-tickle. He actually doesn’t often use his powers (unless he’s chasing down Clark, because Clark isn’t above breaking the sound barrier to escape). He’s just got incredible hand-eye coordination and precision. His hands will be absolutely everywhere and he is so teasy about it. 

- Tries not to start fights he can’t finish, but he always gets roped into Clark’s mischief and gets targeted with revenge tickles. 

- He has tickled Clark once. It was incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectacular. Literally his crowning achievement. Did Clark absolutely destroy him afterwards? Yes, but it was so worth it. 

Victor Stone

- Quiet and stoic, but he’s always preferred listening and interjecting with a joke or two. 

- Closest with Barry and Diana, but he’s making an effort to bond with everyone.

- Unfortunately not ticklish :( I like to think soft touches on his face will make him smile and lean away, but it’s not going to get a laugh from him.

- Doesn’t often get involved in tickly shenanigans, but when he does, he surprises everyone with how much fun he has. A different, warmer side of him comes out when he’s among his friends.

- He’s a hugger! Definitely awkward about it, but he loves hugs and just...holding his friends. 

- He collects hoodies. He can’t really feel them when he’s wearing them, but he likes them and the idea of it. Barry seems to slip him a new hoodie every week. Victor has no idea where he gets them from but he’s not complaining. 

- He is an enabler. He will look at Bruce like :| “no, I don’t know where Barry and Clark are, nor do I no what they’re planning” But they’re literally right behind Bruce, about to squeeze his sides. 

- That being said, he won’t do that with Diana. If she asks where they are, he’ll subtly nod his head in their direction. Even in jest, he will never lie to her. Which makes him Thee person to avoid when Diana’s on her mischievous streaks.

[allyouhavetodo]

Let’s Watch The Twilight Zone: Episode Twenty

Elegy

a.k.a. The Mannequin Challenge: The Episode

This episode starts off, as so many do, in space. We are treated to a very cheesy rocket model while Rod Serling introduces us to the 3 man crew who are lost in “the day after tomorrow, a far corner of the universe.”

Do these 3 men have names? Yes. Did I learn them? No. Are they any different from one another? Also no. But please enjoy their shiny space boots while they take an apparent space nap during landing.

Once landed, they run a scan on the outside atmosphere and discover that it has the same chemical makeup as Earth air. Pretty fuckin lucky considering they’re out of fuel due to tooling around the universe trying to find Earth for the past SIX MONTHS, and they have to stay here forever regardless of whether it’s habitable.

So they barrel on outside and see.... A farm! Featuring a barn, a stack of hay, and very still dog. So still. Very still. Almost...frozen. These guys are so confused. It looks like Earth, but we’re 655 million miles away from Earth! (A distance that seemed ridiculous to me, but is actually only about three times the distance from the Earth to the moon. Space, it’s big!)

But this place doesn’t look like just any Earth. We can tell from presence of a tractor, which all died out in the “total war” apparently, that it’s Earth (or pretending to be Earth) from sometime in the early 20th Century. All good. Except for the two suns in the sky and the fact that we thought this was an asteroid when we landed on it.

Our dudes then wander around meeting a bunch more frozen people. A frozen farmer. A frozen fisherman. A frozen band. A frozen mayoral inauguration. And these scenes are a delight to watch because all the frozen people are just... people.. standing still. Watch the band members sway ever so slightly! Watch that guy on the stairs blink! Everyone is doing a great job!

So our heroes stop to talk about what the hell could be going on here. Maybe... time... is bad? Wrong? Maybe we’re going really fast and they’re going really slow? After all, you can’t see the hands of clock moving and yet they do move. But the clocks here don’t even have any hands, so who knows!?

They decide to split up to do some recon and meet back in an hour. How will they know it’s been an hour? Big shrug.

So this is an excuse for some more frozen vignettes. One guy goes to a frozen diner. Another busts in a frozen couple dancing to a private string ensemble. (He apologizes to them. It’s great.) Another explores a frozen beauty pageant. And here he starts to exhibit classic Twilight Zone protagonist symptoms (e.g., lots of yelling!). He screams at everyone, “What’s wrong with you? Can’t you move?” (Like, no, dude, they probably can’t. Now stop ogling those ladies it’s time to meet up with your bros.) And as he runs out of the beauty pageant (because of course he runs--that’s another symptom), we see one old man in the audience turn and watch him go and smile while the score goes absolutely wild.

The 3 bozos meet back up on some random street to discuss their findings as they walk past a frozen man pushing an ice cream cart right in front of another frozen man delivering a giant block of ice from a truck. Technically four frozen things! They’re like, “well, we live here now, so everybody pick a frozen house, I guess,” and walk up to one house with a frozen man reading a paper on the front porch. But, psych!, he’s not frozen!, he’s the old guy from before! His name is Jeremy Wickwire (extremely fake) and he invites them in to explain some things while they (literally) stand there going, “buh, buh, buh, you’re real!”

Wickwire tells them they can have this house if they want it. It was built for someone else, but he decided he wanted to be a knight instead so he’s off in the medieval section slaying dragons. (Oh, so it’s Westworld!) Other sections include Roman, Egyptian, and Wild West, if you’re interested. (Literally Westworld.) Most people prefer “this” section though, as it provides the maximum human creature comforts from a time before the end of peace on Earth. Not ominous at all. 

Wickwire then veers off to ask the crew about current events. “Hey, did Earth ever have that atomic war, btw?” Yes, it did. In 1985 apparently. Which was 200 years ago to our space guys. 

Space crew still really want to know where they are, though. And Wickwire placidly tell them they’re in a cemetery before wandering off to get refreshments or something. He offered them coffee, but comes back with sherry, which they drink in a toast to “everlasting peace.” The peace doesn’t last long, however, before space crew is yelling again. One of them literally pleads, “we’re very confused, we need help!” (extremely obviously so).

Wickwire can’t be bothered with any more explanations at the moment, though. He needs to know what each of their “dearest wish” is and he needs to know right now. If they could be anywhere in the world, where would they be? They all agree that they would like to be back on their ship, headed to home. (Bad move, dudes. You should have just wished to be home.)

With his curiosity satisfied, NOW is the time for explanations. You see, Happy Glades is the world’s greatest mortuary and it set up this cemetery on an asteroid for its richest clientele so that they can spend eternity in the everlasting peace that is wherever they want to be. (So it’s not Westworld, it’s San Junipero.) It was built in 1973 and old dude here is the caretaker. He is not a real person, but can “turn on and off like a machine” as he describes it, only activating when needed. He thinks he must have been off for the past 200 years. I guess people stopped having lavish funerals when everyone died at the same time because of nuclear war.

Having listened to this strange tale, our men are... not doing great. Gasping for air and falling to their knees and becoming paralyzed. Realizing they’ve been poisoned. Begging for an antidote. But there is no antidote, you guys. You silly billies must know that you can’t LIVE in a cemetery. This a place of everlasting peace and... “where there are men, there can be no peace...” (Oh snap!)

The last scene is of the frozen space crew re-positioned back in their spaceship home while Wirewick dusts them with a feather duster. (Solely to torture the actors by challenging them not to move whilst being mercilessly tickled, I assume.) And Rod Serling explains that well...at least they got their dearest wish. Sorry about the cosmic joke.

(THEN there’s a weird “next time on The Twilight Zone” type feature that I’ve never scene before where Rod Serling appears in the flesh, admits to be bad at writing stories for women and invites you to tune in for the next episode, which is about a woman. Weird!)

---

So, I liked this one! It is mostly sight gags involving people standing still. But, hey, that’s pretty good. And there was a benevolently evil old man robot. A lot of good stuff happening here.

[ilosttrackofthings]

Biospecialist #22 please and thank you

Jemma sighs. She’swarm and comfortable and hasn’t woken up this well in, goodness,probably not since her fall from the Bus. And isn’t that just alittle sad?

But she really isfeeling good so she lets those thoughts go as soon as they come,opting instead to stretch and snuggle deeper into her bed. It’s alittle uneven—just how much tossing and turning could she have doneand still slept this well?—and her blanket stiffens on her hip,preventing her from tipping off the side. Not something blankets aretypically capable of doing. And they also don’t generally feel likehuman hands.

She stills,realizing as she tips her head up that the uneven surface she’slying on is actually a (very comfortable) human chest. The good news,she supposes, is that it doesn’t belong to some random stranger.But that’s rather nullified by the bad news that it belongs toWard.

Shescrambles off him. She hears a faint oomphfrom him, but barely minds it. She means to flee across the room, buther limbs get tangled in the throw draped over them and she onlymakes it as far as the other end of the couch.

“Whatis going on?” she demands while he slowly eases himself up.

Hefreezes and the angle he’s at puts a strain on his shirt thathighlights every tense muscle. “You don’t remember?”

Obviouslynot or she wouldn’t have asked. But Ward doesn’t deserve heranger (probably, she still has no idea what’s going on) so shesearches the room around them for answers.

They’rein the lounge. The Bus is parked in the jungle. She remembers a lab.They were doing human experiments, using their remote location andthe country’s lax laws to get around common ethical standards. Notto mention their exploitation of the poor farmers, many of whom havebeen forced off their land, promisingthem money and food in exchange for their bodies for testing.

Shecan remember sweating away hours and hours in the lab after a STRIKEteam cleared out the personnel, ensuring that none of the chemicalagents were of any out of the ordinary concern to SHIELD.

Butnone of those memories explain how she got here.Or, for that matter, why Ward would let such a thing happen.

“Iremember working in that awfuljungle lab,” she says, hoping to reassure him. “We landedyesterday?”

Henods, seeming relieved.

“ButI have no idea how we got from working there to sleeping together-”She cuts off, shaking those words away. “To- to sharing a- Oh,bollocks.” There’s really no good way to describe the positionthey were in when she woke up – or at least none that will spareher pride.

“Sleepingon the same piece of furniture while fully clothed?” Ward suggests.But his kind offering is lost on her as she’s justnoticed the stale sandwich sitting on the coffee table. It’sclearly been left out all night. The lettuce is limp, the bottomslice of bread both condensed under the weight of its toppings andsoaked through by its dressing. The whole thing has been sliced cleanly in halfand the two sides are leaning into each other.

Jemmaremembers the sound of the knife striking the cutting board. It wasenough to stop Skye’s laughing at her own joke, something aboutWard being a robot incapable of human feeling. Absurd on the face ofit and made doubly so by his own laughter in response to Skye’s.

They’rein love. Jemma’s had her suspicions for months but she’s knownfor certain ever since Skye was shot and Ward reacted the way he did.And last night was more proofof that, seeing the way they smiled and teased on this very couch.

Itmade her angry. Silly of her to feel that way, but she was in such aqueer mood. First ravenous for a meal, enough to leave Fitz while hewas mid-sentence, and then angry enough to abandon her sandwich hereon this table so that she could-

“Ohno,” she moans, burying her face in her hands.

There’sa brief hesitation from Ward. Understandable given not only his usualdiscomfort in emotional situations and the unwilling role he played in the rest of it. “I’mguessing that means you remember?” he asks gently.

Shewishes she didn’t. For some reason which will forever remain amystery to her, she thought it would be a good idea to interrupt Skyeand Ward’s flirting by sitting in his lap and draping herself allover him. And that’s not even the worst part. Mine,she said, like he was a book or a seat she was laying claim to.

Shemoans again and then his hand is on her shoulder, offering awkwardcomfort. And that’s worse. That is so much worse.Especially knowing that he spent the night holding her after herridiculous display.

“Pleasedon’t touch me,” she says, sitting up to put some space betweenthem.

Helifts his hands like a criminal. “Sorry.”

Shehides her face again. “Don’t look at me.”

“Okay.”She can hear him shift so that he’s sitting properly on the couch,legs over the edge and facing the TV on the far wall. “It reallywasn’t so bad,” he says after giving her a minute to calm down.

“Theentire team saw,”she says. She can remember that too. Skye running off to retrieve theothers, Coulson attempting to draw Jemma into a conversation and herchildish refusal to do anything but curl closer to Ward, Fitz’sattempts to understand the chemicals she had been studying.Ultimately he said that, best as he could tell, she wouldn’t getany worse and, as she was doing no real harm, Coulson recommendedWard simply tough out the night with her. “I am so sorry,” shesays. “Ward, I-”

“Youwere drugged.”

“That’sno excuse.” She forces herself to move closer because he deservesher sincerity. “I- I forcedmyself on you and-”

“Simmons.”He’s doing his damnedest not to look at her—mostly, anyway.There’s a little smile on his face and he makes frequent attemptsto focus on her abandoned sandwich, but it’s clear he’s holdingback laughter. “If I really wanted you off me, I would’ve made ithappen.”

Shedoes not believe that for a second. Ward is too good, too caring toever hurt her, even for his own comfort. And the way she was carryingon last night, he would certainly have had to employ at least alittle pain to get her off.

“Andit was-” he hesitates, his gaze reaching far beyond the television-“it was nice.” He plays with his hands between his knees,checking on cuts and scars he would normally give no more than acursory attention to. “I was always the black sheep, you know?Never fit the family mold. Nobody ever really wanted me until SHIELDand even then as a solo agent. So it was nice,” he says again,smiling at her, “being wanted.”

Oh.Oh, he just had to goand say that, didn’t he? If there was any hope at all that thisembarrassing scene would see her cured of her ridiculous crush onhim, it’s gone now. How can she notfall more deeply for him after a confession like that?

Heslaps his knees to stand. “It’s early still. Thelocal team coming to take over won’t be in for another hour butCoulson wants them to look at you first thing. If you want to get ina shower…”

“Now’sthe time,” she says, standing herself. Perhaps she should havewaited though, as it brings her nearly chest-to-chest with Ward. Herattempt at stepping away nearly sees her tripping over the fallen throw and he takes her bythe shoulders to steady her.

“Yeah,”he says. “Good news is Fitz and Skye were both up late, so youshould be able to sneak around. But I wouldn’t push it.”

Shenods and this time steps more carefully back from him. She must readtoo much into the way Ward’s hands fall away. He’s in love withSkye, she reminds herself firmly, he wouldn’t be making anopportunity to caress her arm.

“I’mgonna go tell Coulson you’re feeling more like yourself, but I’llbe out here when you’re done.”

“Right,”she says, not sure at all how she feels about that promise. Part ofher wants nothing more than to hide in her bunk for the rest of time.But he’s being so generous about this whole thing, she can’t helpwanting more of him.

Andthat is precisely why she needs to go.

“Thankyou,” she says, meaning it both for itself and as the apology sheknows he won’t listen to. And then she flees before she can getlost in his gentle smile.

[sexydeathparty]

Nadine Dorries Pokes Fun At David Cameron's New Look

Culture secretary Nadine Dorries has issued a warning about buying tickets from touts – by tweeting a viral photo of former prime minister David Cameron.

On Sunday, the ex-Tory leader and his wife Samantha were pictured in matching tartan as they watched an amateur horse racing event in Gloucestershire.

The photo quickly became the basis of a meme on social media, with many joking the outfit made Cameron look like the kind of shady character you might find at a pub or car boot sale.

And Cabinet minister Dorries, who once described her one-time party leader as an “arrogant posh boy”, joined in the fun.

She wrote: “Whether it’s a major music festival, sporting event or concert, it’s important that people pay a fair price to see the events they love. Please remain vigilant when considering to buy from ticket touts. Guidance is available if you are unsure.”

Whether it’s a major music festival, sporting event or concert, it's important that people pay a fair price to see the events they love. Please remain vigilant when considering to buy from ticket touts. Guidance is available if you are unsure: https://t.co/KtbLBcD0wKpic.twitter.com/XGCnISBkgk

— Nadine Dorries (@NadineDorries) January 24, 2022

Last week, Dorries accused a Tory MP who claims to have faced “intimidation” from their party of “attention-seeking behaviour”.

Many pointed out this was a comment made by the same politician who once appeared on I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here and ate ostrich anus on TV. 

In any case, Dorries appeared to be going with the consensus in her ribbing.

David Cameron looks like he would give you a lot of unsolicited fruit machine advice pic.twitter.com/JbrYfL5ODP

— mnrrntt (@mnrrntt) January 24, 2022

David Cameron is turning into Mike Ashley. pic.twitter.com/CRt74XyJOu

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 24, 2022

David Cameron looks like he is about to apply for a HGV driver vacancy. pic.twitter.com/gaj6dKWji0

— Chris Rose (@ArchRose90) January 24, 2022

David Cameron stands up the front of the bus, talking to the driver pic.twitter.com/DNOLp3jkLz

— Lee Harvey (@valleyguitarist) January 24, 2022

David Cameron looks like the sort of bloke who would try and sell you bacon from a holdall in a pub. pic.twitter.com/U2EXBWbH3k

— Alabaster Codifyer.🌷 (@Hasselschmuck) January 24, 2022

David Cameron looks like a Minnesota dairy farmer, who takes bungs from the local chemical company in order to stay quiet about the vampire cows pic.twitter.com/WRE1mWKKjv

— Tom Hopkins (@TMPHopkins1) January 24, 2022

David Cameron looking like he’s standing in a sinister Lincolnshire barn here, betting on bare knuckle boxing. pic.twitter.com/WXHu1BeXXM

— Harry Sword (@HarrySword) January 24, 2022

Last year, Cameron was embroiled in controversy over his intense lobbying for collapsed finance firm Greensill Capital – which was laid bare in 45 emails, texts and WhatsApp messages to ministers and officials.

The four-month campaign asking for government support of the firm, conducted at the height of the Covid pandemic, included no less than 56 texts to serving Tory ministers.

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[thewritenerd]

Victor And Adam: NaNoWriMo Day 21

Adam

When he first woke up Adam’s first thought was he didn’t want to go to school. The altercation with the old woman had left him very shaken and he couldn’t bare the thought of even risking another one. Lying there he wondered if he should fake sick. But he wasn’t sure how to do that. He’d never actually been sick so he had no idea what it felt like. Sure he’d seen actors pretending on tv but how accurate was that? When Igor had been sick he hadn’t even been allowed to see him. ‘Adam. If you want breakfast you’ll have to come down soon.’ He heard Igor call from the other side of the door. At first Adam thought of ignoring him and pretending to be asleep, but he didn’t want anyone coming in just yet. ‘I’m not hungry!’ he called back. ‘Well you need to eat something.’ Adam just stayed where he was staring at the wall. He listened as Igor made his way back down the stairs. He knew he’d be back soon telling him he had to get up to go to school. He wouldn’t let that drop. But still Adam found himself lying there. Sooner than he expected he heard footsteps coming back up the stairs. At first he thought it was Igor but the steps were to fast and heavy. ‘Adam?’ It was Victor’s voice this time. Unlike Igor he didn’t wait for a response and instead pushed the door open and stepped inside. ‘Adam are you okay?’ Adam just lay there not answering. How could he answer? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to lie or not. Or even what counted as a lie and what was technically the truth. Was he okay? He wasn’t sick but he felt awful. But if he was asked to put any specific words to it he had nothing. Truth was it was the thought of what may happen that made him feel that way. And how can you explain feeling bad about something that hasn’t happened? ‘Adam you need to get up. You can’t stay in here forever.’ ‘I’m not…’ 

‘You didn’t leave your room at all yesterday. Now come on you need to go to school.’ Adam reluctantly sat up but stayed sat in bed. Victor sighed and came a little closer. ‘How about this. I’ll ring the school and tell them you have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. That way you only have to do a half day.’ Adam opened his mouth to speak but Victor held out his hand to stop him. ‘I’m only going to do that for today. Tomorrow I expect you to stay there for a full day.  Understand?’ Adam nodded. He still wasn’t happy to be going but he supposed a half day wouldn’t be too bad. Still he wondered… ‘Couldn’t I just go back to being home-schooled?’ he asked. Victor shook his head. ‘Igor and I both have to work.’ ‘Well maybe you could hire someone?’ Adam suggested not wanting to let the matter drop. Victor frowned at him. It wasn’t the frown he was used to getting. This was less a glower and more a look of concern. ‘You’re going to school and that’s final. If you still don’t want to go at the end of the school year then we’ll talk about it.’ Adam nodded realising that this was as good an offer as he was going to get. Victor patted his shoulder. ‘Good boy. Now come on you really do need to get dressed.’

***

‘Have you got everything?’ Igor asked as he pulled up outside the school gates. ‘Books, pencil case, pills, phone.’ Adam checked off the list. ‘Did you remember your water bottle?’ ‘Yeah that’s in there.’ ‘Good and what were the rules for your meds?’ ‘No more than two doses a day and wait six hours between each dose.’ Igor nodded. ‘Good. Now go on. I’ll pick you up at lunch.’ Adam stepped out of the car and waved goodbye. As soon as he stepped through the door he heard a familiar voice scream, ‘Heeeeyyyy Aaaaadaaaam!’ he looked round to see Chelsea enthusiastically throwing verself into the air arms waving all over the place. He made his way over to ver and Nate, who was trying to get as much distance between himself and Chelsea’s flailing arms. ‘Hey guy’s.’ Adam said a smile breaking out on his face. No matter how bad he’d felt this morning it was hard to feel completely miserable when Chelsea was around. ‘How have you been?’ Nate asked as he fiddled with his hearing aids. He must have turned them off when Chelsea started yelling Adam thought. He couldn’t exactly blame him. ‘Fine.’ Chelsea and Nate exchanged glances. ‘What?’ Adam asked looking from one to the other. ‘Uh it’s just. Well…’ Nate began. ‘Sascha saw your fight with that old lady outside the cinema.’ Chelsea finished for him. Nate nodded. ‘Well she didn’t say fight. But she did overhear you yelling.’ He corrected before leaning forward. ‘Did she really tell you to. You know? Kill yourself?’ he said the last part so quietly Adam almost didn’t catch it. ‘More or less.’ ‘Wow. Okay if you ever see her when we’re out and about point her out and I’ll hit her so hard her false teeth come out her saggy backside.’ ‘Chelsea!’ Nate cried. ‘What. Hey you know I’m not a violent person but I can’t just let her get away with that.’ Adam shook his head. ‘Please don’t punch anyone on my behalf.’ Chelsea nodded. ‘Okay but can I throw some eggs at her?’ Nate shook his head. ‘What are you going to carry eggs around until you see her in the street?’ ‘Why not? I could carry them around in a little basket. Maybe I could wear a red cloak too.’ Ver eyes were shining at the thought. ‘I doubt you have enough clothes in any colour other than pink to do that. At least without looking like a colour illiterate fashion disaster.’ Nate teased. Chelsea rolled ver eyes at him and gave him a shove. ‘Says the weirdo in the neckerchief and farmers shirt.’ Ve reached out and tugged on the open shirt Nate usually wore over his t shirt. ‘Farmers shirt. Does this look checked to you?’ Nate asked with clearly fake indignation. At this point Adam was laughing. ‘That’s better.’ Chelsea said. ‘Now come on or we’ll be late for class. And we have chemistry first period.’ The two boys exchanged looks with grimaces on their faces. ‘Wow first day back and it’s the dragon’s class. Bad luck mate.’ They made their way to the science rooms splitting off as Chelsea and Nate headed off to their class and Adam headed into his. Being the very top set Adam’s science classes were the second smallest in his year. The smallest being the bottom set, which he’d heard was compromised almost entirely of kids with learning disabilities, who only did one subject each so they were spread out pretty thin. Stepping into the room he saw most of his classmates were already there. The only missing were Sammy, a kid with cerebral palsy ho usually was the last to come in as it was easier to manoeuvre his wheelchair around when everyone was sat down, and a couple of kids whose names Adam couldn’t quite remember. He had just sat down when the teacher came in closely followed by Sammy and the TA who helped him. ‘Right I see most of you have bothered to show up.’ She said as she sat at her desk. ‘Now let’s see Imogen Ackerman.’ ‘Here miss.’ ‘Shaun Alger.’ ‘Here miss.’ She was just getting to the F’s when one of the two missing students came through the doors. ‘Ah miss Karim. You’re late.’ ‘So sorry miss.’ The girl replied as she tried to fix her hijab back in place. ‘You’re lucky the school rules officially state I can’t give you detention unless you come in after I’ve marked the register otherwise you would be in detention. Now sit down.’ Karim nodded and rushed to her seat. ‘Right. Arisha Fedorov.’ ‘Here miss.’ Ursula Fiddler.’ ‘Here miss.’ ‘Damian Forney.’ ‘Here miss.’ ‘Yvone Fowler.’ ‘He’s not in today miss.’ Shaun called. ‘He went to his grandma’s funeral over the weekend and his family won’t be back until this evening.’ ‘Right.’ ‘Adam Frankenstein.’ ‘Here miss.’ Adam said raising his hand as they were expected to do. He always felt a bit silly doing that. It wasn’t like he was hard to miss. ‘Ah yes. I heard you’d be coming back this week. Let’s hope you can catch up with what you’ve missed.’ Adam nodded. ‘I think I can.’ Miss Newell raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Okay then what’s the chemical formula for glucose? And what is the molar mass and the melting point.’ ‘Six parts carbon, twelve parts hydrogen, and six parts oxygen. The molar mass is 180.156 and the melting point is 146 degrees centigrade.’ He felt rather pleased to have remembered all that. Chemistry wasn’t his strongest subject but he was good with the numbers. ‘Yes well don’t look so smug. No one likes a know it all.’ Miss Newell said before turning back to the register. Adam let his head drop. ‘What a bitch.’ The kid next to him muttered. He looked over to Adam and gave him a reassuring smile which Adam returned. Adam had often ended up sitting next to him but had never really learnt his name. It turned out to be Oscar O’Conner. Oscar had a thick Irish accent and so much metal in his face, and on his teeth, it was a surprise he wasn’t asked to leave the room every time a magnet was used. Once Miss Newell finished the register she announced they’d be doing group projects. ‘Now you’ll remember how last week I asked you to get into groups of threes and fours. Adam you’ll be with Oscar and Maram. Right get in your groups.’ Adam watched as the girl in the hijab stood up and made her way over. ‘Hey.’ She said as she took a seat across the bench from them. ‘Hey.’ Adam said. ‘Hey beautiful.’ Oscar said blowing Maram a kiss. She pretended to catch it and put it on her lips. Adam stared not sure what to say. ‘We’re dating.’ Oscar explained. Adam nodded. ‘Well don’t let me interrupt.’ He joked. Maram laughed. ‘Come on we’d better get started before Miss Newell comes over.’ ‘So what are we doing?’ Adam asked. ‘We’ve got to make one of these things but the instructions are very vague.’ Oscar replied pointing to the worksheet he’d put on the bench. ‘I think we should do the bouncy balls. They sound fun.’ Maram said pointing to the list. ‘Well so does coloured fire. What do you think?’ he looked to Adam. ‘Yeah you can be our decider.’ ‘Definitely the balls. I’m not a huge fan of fire.’ Maram nodded. ‘That’s right. You won’t even use the Bunsen burners.’ They turned back to the worksheet. ‘Hmm. Okay we’ll need Borax, corn-starch, glue, water, food colouring…’ she read out the list. ‘Huh this sounds pretty easy.’

***

It was not easy. And they left an hour later with strict instructions to come back at break to clean up the mess. ‘Honestly what did she expect to happen.’ Oscar grumbled. ‘She probably didn’t expect you to get the wrong ingredients.’ Maram pointed out. ‘Well I think she should have awarded us. We might have invented a new kind of glue.’ Adam pointed joked. This got a laugh from the other two. ‘Yeah. My hands still hurt.’ Oscar said looking down at his palm that was still bright red from accidentally sticking himself to the table. At had taken a considerable amount of tugging from Adam and himself to get free. ‘And to think you two are top of the class.’ Maram sighed rolling her eyes. ‘Hey you’re just as much at fault as I am.’ Adam insisted. Maram laughed then stopped. ‘Your girlfriend’s over there’ She said pointing down the hall to the stairs. ‘Who?’ Adam looked round. ‘There. Standing two steps from the bottom. Look she’s heading up.’ Adam followed where she was pointing. ‘Shreya’s not my girlfriend.’ ‘Huh really. I thought two were together.’ Adam shook his head. ‘I’m not sure who told you that but it’s not true.’ ‘Really. I heard she let you borrow her book.’ Adam shrugged. ‘Well yeah but that doesn’t make us a couple. Unless that’s some kind of secret code I don’t know.’ Oscar shook his head. ‘No. But Shreya won’t let anyone touch her books. Let alone borrow them. She must really like you.’ ‘And I’m guessing by the colour of your cheeks you might like her back.’ Maram said cocking her head to one side. ‘I.’ Adam began. ‘I don’t…’ Frustrated he started kicking the ground.

[trentteti]

A Look at the November 2018 LSAT

Last Saturday, all the law school-bound folks who took the November LSAT were treated to the best weekend plans one could hope for: staring at a screen all day, nervously awaiting the score release email from LSAC.

When that email finally comes, pretty much everyone acts the same way. Like the children who make a beeline to the present under the Christmas that they just instinctively know contains the dopest toys, ignoring all the presents that probably contain, like, socks and sweaters — these test takers go straight to the score, and discard all the other stuff provided in the score release emails for disclosed exams.

But for LSAT instructors, we savor the other stuff — the actual exam, the answer sheets, the score conversion table — I’m getting inappropriately flush just thinking about it. In fact, past end-of-year exams were typically held in early December, so the score release date ended up being around Christmas time, which would lead to the inevitable joke that the release of a new LSAT really is the best part of Christmas morning for the brother- and sisterhood of social pariahs who teach this exam.

But, since they moving the end-of-year LSAT up to November, the score release didn’t fall on Christmas this year. Instead, they fell on the sixth day of Hanukkah. Which is apt, because feeling like you don’t have enough fuel to power you through, but somehow, miraculously, making it to the end is a feeling every LSAT taker can relate to.

At any rate, now that we have the November LSAT, and — as we do for every disclosed exam –we’re going to go through it with the attentiveness of a Talmudic scholar. We’ll be giving our impressions of each section of the exam and the “curve”, to try see how this exam compares to other recent exams and if there are any on-going trends that this test exemplifies.

All right, enough pre-amble. Let’s start with some Logical Reasoning …

Logical Reasoning

• Let’s start with the question distribution. Based on Blueprint’s classification system, there are three general families of questions, and several types of questions within each family. The LSAT always has its favorite questions that it tests extensively, but the prevalence of other question types wax and wane depending on the vicissitudes of the test writers. So looking at recent the question distribution of recent LSATs can give you a good sense of how many questions of each type will appear on future exams. For the November 2018 exam, here’s the question-by-question breakdown, compared to the average frequency of that question type, based on all the published LSATs since 2013.

As you can see, most question types are at least somewhere close to their average frequency. The aberrations on this exam were Soft Must Be True and Main Point questions. You usually get somewhere between four and six Soft Must Be True questions, but this exam had a paltry three. But that’s not entirely out of the blue — the test writers have been de-emphasizing Implication Family questions on recent exams, so it’s not entirely surprising that the most prominent Implication question took a hit here. Personally, I would view that as good news. I think these Soft Must Be True questions are the most difficult question type in Logical Reasoning. And, not coincidentally, I thought one of the hardest questions on this exam’s Logical Reasoning section was a Soft Must Be True question (it was about nerve cell regeneration).

There was an abnormally high number of Main Point questions. Also good news, imho, as I think these are typically among the easier question types on the LSAT.

Oh, and just for “fun,” would you like to see some slightly chaotic charts on how frequently these question types have appeared on the last ten published LSATs? No? Oh … well, I made them anyway, so, here they are …

Another thing to note: in 2016 and ’17, for whatever reason, the test writers went crazy for Disagree and Agree questions. They used to only include one or two of these on each exam, but in 2016-17, they started including three, four, or five. We thought at the time that the Disagree question would be prominently featured on future exams, too. I thought this was a fitting tip of the cap to our polarized national discourse, in which we can’t seem to agree on anything, and a canny way to test future law students’ ability to characterize a point at issue between two parties — a skill that’s essential to reading a legal case in law school. But, alas, a year later, this doesn’t really appear to be the case. Farewell, Disagree prominence, we hardly knew ye.

• With respect to the content of these questions, we saw a pretty standard slate of concepts. I counted eight questions that involved conditional statements (almost of which were clustered in one of the two Logical Reasoning sections, for whatever reason, and almost none of which were especially convoluted or difficult), four that involved causation, and a veritable holiday smorgasbord of common fallacies. Causation fallacies, comparison fallacies, whole to part fallacies, percent versus amount fallacies, equivocations, exclusivity fallacies, absence of evidence fallacies, and logical force fallacies all reared their ugly heads throughout the two LR sections.

A curious trend on recent LSATs is that certain tests have really repeated one of the common fallacies, over and over again. In September, we saw a proliferation of the perception versus reality fallacy. In June, we saw a bunch of bad comparisons. Last December, there was a lot causation fallacies. On this November exam, there were a lot of equivocations. Which is just a fancy way of saying that someone assumes that two related concepts are completely interchangeable, when maybe they aren’t.

For instance, in one early Weaken question, a bat apologist named Pratt assumed what was true of bats was also true of rabid bats. Pratt the Batt Guy said that while rabid animals pose a danger to humans, bats rarely bite people and most bats don’t have rabies. He concludes that health regulations that urge people to remove bats residing in buildings where people live or work are unjustified. Which, like, first — and this should really go without saying –you shouldn’t voluntarily live or work with bats. Unless you’re a billionaire detective haunted by your parents’ murder and sharing city space with a grotesquerie of deranged villains, that’s weird. These health warnings are self-justifying. Second, this dude assumes just because bats in general don’t bite that rabid bats won’t bite either. Sure, bats and rabid bats are related — they are the same animal — but there are important differences between the two (like, say, only one has a foamy mouth, a swelling brain, and — importantly — violent, erratic movements symptomatic of rabid mammals). We would say Pratt is equivocating between bats and rabid bats, by assuming that they act the same. The right answer merely pointed out a salient difference: that rabid bats are more aggressive than uninfected bats.*

*The common fallacies have a fair amount overlap, so you can usually say that one argument commits multiple common fallacies. We could also have said this argument was relying on a faulty analogy between bats and rabid bats.

And one very specific type of equivocation showed up a bunch: confusing a comparative and an absolute claim. I might say that it has become safer to eat Romaine lettuce in recent months (that’s a comparative claim). But to assume that now Romaine lettuce is safe to eat (an absolute claim) would be a, quite literally, deadly equivocation. The writers of this exam seemingly love to test this concept, given how often it shows up. So they must have had a dang ball coming up with the questions on this one.

There was a question in which an aesthete claimed that abstract expressionist paintings were “aesthetically pleasing” based on the fact that most people found those “more aesthetic pleasing” than a dumb child’s painting. There was another question in which a pesticide-loving farmer claimed we can’t increase the number of farmers who practice organic farming because if all farmers practiced organic farming we wouldn’t produce enough food to feed the population. That farmer must have inhaled a bit too many chemicals over the years. Another argument assumed that because all vacations reduce the burn out experienced on the job, that multiple short vacations reduce worker’s burn out more than one long vacation.

• All right, this is the space where I get to chat about my favorite question** and my least favorite.

**Hey … don’t look at me like that. I may be a nerd who actually has favorite questions, but I’m still a human being who has dignity and deserves respe … wait wait wait — where are you going? Come back …

First, the favorite. I got to hand it to the test writers on a difficult Explain question that came at the end of the second LR section, even if my notes on that question include the phrase, “This was f[letter redacted]cking stupid.” They really came up with a creative way to explain the situation at hand. The situation is thus: a new antitheft device is on the market for cars. It relies on electronic homing beacons which allow authorities to track stolen cars, and it’s so effective that it’ll help police catch even the most experienced car thief. Except like no one has the device yet and the device’s presence is undetectable to a car thief so, unlike The Mighty Club of Yore, it doesn’t “directly deter theft.” Nonetheless, auto thefts drop dramatically, even in cities where very few people have the device.

How can we explain this difference? Well, I, along with what I imagine was a sizable percentage of test takers, assumed that even if wasn’t “directly” deterring theft — as in, car thief sees device, decides not to steal car — the possibility that any car stolen could have that device has an indirectly deterrent effect. So, you know, the thieves are compelled to give up the now-too-dangerous life of car thieving and, I don’t know, learn how to code? But of course, no answer choice said that. Not even close.

I was able to eliminate every wrong answer except the last, which said, “In most cities, the majority of car thefts are committed by a few very experienced car thieves.” I stared at it for minutes, trying to wrap my head around it. It seemed so stupid to think about there being this small network of hyper-competent car thieves. This is bad Nicolas Cage movie territory. But if there are only a few thieves doing all of the thieving, all this device has to do is take out one or two of them to have a dramatic effect on the number of stolen cars. If the device allows the authorities to catch just one Randall “Memphis” Raines, a prolific car thief is taken off the streets, and cars are much less likely to be stolen in the future. Instead of needing many devices equipped to many cars to catch many thieves, we just need a few devices in a few cars to catch a few thieves. At the very least, I have to appreciate the test writers getting creative and giving a cinematic approach to this Explain question.

Now, sadly, the least favorite: a difficult Flaw question, late in the first LR section on the released exam. This question is a little tricky as far as these things go, but not anything crazy overwhelming. There was study in which 500 families were given a medical self-help book and 500 comparable families were not. You know, how to treat a common abrasion, how to suture a knife wound, how to perform a makeshift, DIY appendectomy. Stuff we want untrained professionals handling. We’re told that doctor visits among families who were given the book dropped by 20%, but there was no change in the frequency of doctor visits for families not given the book. Great, we have correlation. Now, if the conclusion said “The experiment indicates that having a medical self-help book in the home decreases the frequency of doctors visits,” we have a classic correlation-does-not-imply-causation situation.

Except the right conclusion didn’t quite do that. It said, “[T]he experiment indicates that having a medical self-help book in the home improves family health.” There was also another premise that said, “[I]mproved family health leads to fewer visits to doctors.”

If I were to ask you, right now, if we have any evidence that the families who had the medical self-help book were in better health than they were before, I think you’d say, “No.” And you’d be right. We only have evidence that they’re going to the doctors less. They could actually be in worse health, if they’re doing a bad job relying on the medical self-help book. These families could be walking around with infected wounds and misdiagnosed maladies, for all we know. This argument is a causation fallacy, but it’s also equivocating (there that word is, again) between fewer doctors visits and improved health.

It’s not the hardest argument to understand. But it really sticks in my craw when the LSAT decides to make a question harder just by making the answer choices pointlessly abstract. Like, I know legal jargon is abstruse and hard-to-follow and this test is a way for law schools to get a sense of how well prospective students can handle that language, but I don’t remember anything as circuitous as, “two different states of affairs could each causally contribute to the same effect even though neither causally contributes to the other.” Like …

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

When you’re confronted with a crazy abstract answer choice like this one, try to plug in the actual concepts from the stimulus to help you make sense of the answer choice. The two “states of affairs,” I guess, are having a self-help book and having improved health. According to the argument, both of those lead to fewer doctor visits. So, if we replace the abstractions with a concrete nouns, it would be, “Having a self-help book and improved health could both contribute to fewer doctor visits, even though having a self-help book might not cause improved health.” Reading it that way, I think, makes it plain that this is the correct answer. Sure, having a self-help book would lead to fewer doctor visits. And sure, being in better health would lead to fewer doctor visits. But that doesn’t mean that the self-help book is leading to the better health, which in turn leads to fewer doctor visits.

Even on other annoyingly abstract questions like this one, you can get through it. Just fill in the abstract terms with the nouns from the stimulus. And, by the way, you should be doing this a lot on the LSAT. On this test, there’ll be more Mad Libs than the 2016 Democratic National Convention.

Reading Comprehension

• Next up, everyone’s no one’s favorite section, Reading Comp. Reading Comp being the most difficult section on an exam has been rule and not the exception lately. This section, though … I thought it was pretty mild. Until I got to that last passage. Things were going great, until someone brought up the damn cosmos again and we got another passage on the Big Bang and the multiverse and entropy and all that stuff that was also on a difficult passage from December 2017.

• So let’s go over that final passage. You’d think that after a recent passage about this very topic on the December 2017 exam, this wouldn’t be too difficult. But there were a few annoying things this passage did, which I will dutifully catalogue for you. Before that, though, what was this passage about? The passage starts by conveying the consensus view among scientists that the universe started off like Jon Snow … tiny, hot, and dense. And then the Big Bang happened and the universe has expanded and cooled. But some physicists, namely Sean Carroll and Jennifer Chen, believe there were multiple Big Bangs*** that created multiple universes. According the second law of thermodynamics, entropy and chaos should increase overtime (this author includes a not-at-all helpful analogy to help illustrate that idea). So it doesn’t make sense that the universe started very hot and dense, since means there’s not a lot of chaos or entropy (apparently the term “hot mess” is an oxymoron), and a low entropy-starting point is very improbable. Carroll and Chen argue instead that the universe probably started out a cold and empty place.**** But, in that case, how did the universe expand? Usually you’d expect hot, dense things to expand, not cold and empty things. Well, some other physicists found that even empty spaces can have the occasional energy fluctuations, and those energy fluctuations are probably what led to our universes and the other universes too.

***Sure, there was the original show, and then Young Sheldon …

****”The universe is a cold and empty place” is ~definitely~ something I wrote in a LiveJournal, circa 2003.

OK, annoying thing no. 1: this passage kind of assumes you have like a basic, working understanding of thermodynamics. Annoying thing no. 2: the author is definitely present in this passage, and seems to accept Carroll and Chen’s theory, but there isn’t a conclusion offered anywhere, making it hard to determine what the main point of the passage is. Annoying thing no. 3: there were a lot of questions about the organization of the passage, when I thought the organization was kind of jumbled and all over the place … entropic, if you will.

And I definitely wasn’t the only one who thought this … the last question on this passage was “removed from scoring,” a measure that the LSAT takes only when the responses from test takers deviate so greatly from the predicted responses that it’s clear something was misleading or unreliable about that question or passage.

• The rest of the passages, though? Not so bad. The first passage was a mash note to the Indus Valley, the oft-overlooked Bronze Age civilization. The passage is about all the cool things we’ve recently learned about Indus Valley, and how that changed some of our assumptions about its demise. The questions were mostly about the details, but as long as you had good tags, you would have been Indus to win this.

• The second was about how this film scholar was stretching when he claims that musicals from the 1930s, like Busby Berkeley’s, were “realistic.” OK, since they brought it up, let’s take a timeout for one of the greatest love songs ever written …

Anyway, this was a classic antithesis passage in which the author really had her knives out for the film scholar. The way she bloodied up this film scholar’s argument, the end result resembled less a musical and more a horror film.

• The third passage was the dreaded comparative passage, but it was in my view, one of the easiest comparative passages in years. Passage A was about how human beings probably lack free will, or that any free will we may have is incredibly circumscribed by a million factors. And, as such, we should remove the idea of “blameworthiness” from criminal law. It all reads like a very unconvincing non-apology for some horrific accident. “Neurological research tells us that, if free will does exist, it has little room in which to operate. As such, blameworthiness is a backward-looking concept that demands the impossible task of untangling the hopelessly complex web of genetics and environment in order to isolate a factor of free will that may or may not exist. In conclusion, I’m sorry I ran over your dog, but I must respectfully disagree with your claim that that I had much choice in the matter.” Passage B picks up pretty much right where passage A left off. Passage B reaches a different conclusion though — human beings have a demonstrable tendency to assign blame, so trying to remove blame from criminal law is impossible. As long as you got that, the questions would have been smooth sailing. Either way, no one is going to blame the LSAT offering a manageable comparative passage.

Logic Games

• OK, let’s go straight to mining game that duped a significant number of test takers. It was the third game. The game told us a mining company would be sending out its engineering team to month-long work trips to one of two mines — the Grayson mine and the Krona mine — or keeping the team on a month-long stay at the company’s headquarters. So it was our job to figure out which months, from March to November, the engineering team would be at Grayson mine, Krona mine, or the company’s HQ. The game told us that the team would spend a total of three months at Grayson mine and three months at Krona mine.

I believe that last detail led some test takers to conclude that this game was a grouping game or a combo game, since I heard from a few people this game was one of those. Making that conclusion would have led to big trouble. I’m starting to feel like this exhortation is going to end up on my tombstone, but let me exclaim it once more: SCHEDULING IS ORDERING! End of story! You got nine months? You got nine slots in your ordering set-up. Line ’em up and don’t over-think it. And, in this game, your players would include three Gs (one for each month spent at Grayson), three Ks (for the three months at Krona), and three Hs (for the three months at HQ).

Now, nine slots is a lot to deal with, and I was actually a little bit stumped on how to best label the slots. I went with 3-11, referring to the number of the month. I have no idea if this was the best approach (I, for one, always forget if June is the sixth or seventh month in the calendar year, and “November” is literally Latin for “ninth month,” despite being the eleventh month). But I’m sort of lazy and didn’t want to write “APR” and “AUG” to distinguish April and August, or “JUN” and “JUL” to distinguish those two months, or “MAR” and “MAY.”

This game wasn’t super difficult, it was just … annoying? And I say that as a person who loves logic games. I will never make sense of the world around me. I will never understand the opposite sex (for male LSAT instructors, women are “hard to get” in more than one way). But logic games? I get those. They make sense to me. They’re my constant. But this one just did a bunch of stuff that really tested my love.

Beyond the annoying set-up, that either required you to write out the names of the months or count from 3 to 11,***** there was the first rule. That rule said, “The team must work for at least one month at headquarters between any two months working at different mines.” A chill version of this game would have said, “The team cannot work in Grayson and Krona mines on consecutive months.” Or, “The team cannot work in Grayson mine in the month immediately before or immediately after any month it works in Krona mine.” Or, even, “Before moving from one mine to the other, the team must work for at least one month at the company headquarters.” In other words, it could have conveyed information to you like a normal person and not something that was Google Translated from ancient Sumerian into French and then into English. And this was an incredibly important rule in this game, too.

*****Shouts to all those who “Come Original” with a different set-up, though.

If you got that rule down though, the game wasn’t too bad. Basically, since Gs and Ks can’t go next to each other, you had to have an “H” buffer between the Gs and Ks. But since you only had three “Hs” to act as buffers, the Gs and Ks had to cluster together in your set-up a little bit. This led to a few important deductions, and two very helpful scenarios.

If, by the way, this game haunts you, and you’d like another try with a similar game, game 3 on the June 2010 exam is very similar to this one.

• Remember my sweaty exhortation that “SCHEDULING IS ORDERING!” from a few paragraphs ago? There are always exceptions to rules like that on the LSAT, and the first game, a combo game, was one such exception. That game had six speakers lecturing at one of six available timeslots — at 1:00, 2:00, or 3:00 (pm, presumably), on either Thursday or Friday. Now, Thursday comes before Friday, so there’s some natural ordering there. But the game didn’t have a single rule about a player having to go on a day before or after another player. Most of the rules, instead, were about grouping players on different days. So, Thursday and Friday were the two groups, with three slots, numbered 1-3, in each.

This game, for the record, was an echo of game 4 on the June 2010 exam. So bully to you if you did that exam before taking the November test.

• Game 2 was a fairly straightforward 1:1 ordering game and game 4 was a manageable, if somewhat difficult, underbooked ordering game. But what linked all of these games? Scenarios. I would have had a lot of trouble doing any of these games without making scenarios. With them, I finished them in around 25 minutes.

Games that benefit from the use of scenarios are all over recent LSATs. On the September 2018 exam, I thought you should make scenarios for all the games. On June 2018, all but one. On December 2017, all. The trend of scenario-based games is, quite frankly, an unmistakable trend on recent LSATs. If you’re not practicing when and how to make scenarios, you’re preparing for a different LSAT than the one you’re going to get.

The Curve

• So, what was the curve, you ask? Most blogs just say “-11” or “-9,” referring to the number of questions you can miss and still earn a 170. This blog will give you more. We’ll give you the number of questions you can miss and get and still earn a 170, a 165, a 160, a 155, and a 150. And we’ll compare that to the same figures for the past five LSATs …

… After the test, we predicted a -10 or -11 curve. And, not to toot our own horns, but we were somehow right on both counts. It is technically a -10 curve, since that was literally the number of scored questions you could miss and still earn a 170. But it’s also kind of a -11 curve, since there was that one question from Reading Comp that was removed from scoring, essentially granting everyone one free miss. So it is literally a -10 or -11 curve, depending on how you look at it. Call us Aaron Judge, the way we’re just nailing these curves.

Anyway, this curve — looking at all the possible scores, was more or less identical to the September 2018 curve. Not the most generous of curves — you’d have to travel back in time to the quite-difficult December 2017 test to find one of those — but not the most miserly either. Given that nothing on this test was glaringly difficult or alarm-raising, I’d say that’s pretty fair.

A Look at the November 2018 LSAT was originally published on LSAT Blog