#if you have a problem with non-binary and/or trans people just go thank u

[byanyan]

please don't use he/him to refer to byan, thank u

[rudolphsboyfriend]

I once heard some say "to all the straight people who put pronouns in their bio, thanks for being that way" and I couldn't tell if they were sarcastic or not. Is it bad for straight people to put pronouns in their bio? How else are you supposed to know they don't use "they" pronouns? I mean I suppose you could say by default you would assume their pronouns to be cis but anyways I wanted your opinion.

Hey! I'm assuming u meant to say cisgender and not straight?? If I'm wrong pls tell me but yeah. I'm pretty sure they were being genuine, it sounds pretty genuine, and i can't think of why anyone would have a problem w that?

Before i go on just keep in mind i am also cis so this is a cis person speaking, I'd love to hear the viewpoint of non cis people on this, and i think their inputs would hold more weight than mine. So dear trans and non binary and all other people who r not cis please do share your opinions.

Ok so. Of course, noone is obligated to share their pronouns in their bio if they don't wanna. That being said, here r some reasons why i think cis ppl specifying their pronouns is helpful.

Firstly, it's always good to normalise specifying your pronouns. For example, if someone's trying out new pronouns or is trans but doesn't wanna say that explicitly, putting he/him (for example) would be a lot less stressful if cis guys did that too. If no cis people do that, then putting your pronouns in your bio is kinda just saying "hey look at me I'm not cis" and some ppl aren't comfortable w that.

It's kinda similar to when ppl in lgbt relationships use the word "partner" instead of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". If more straight ppl say "partner" then it becomes normalised and less like an ID of being lgbt which is often what they're trying to avoid by using that term at all.

Secondly, it helps counter the belief that being cis is the default or that you can tell a person's gender and pronouns just by looking at them. Cisnormativity is smn that we have to unlearn. Your gender n pronouns and how you choose to present urself is up to you. Cis ppl shouldn't simply think "oh I'm obviously cis if I don't specify otherwise" cuz that's a rlly harmful thought process.

It's like heteronormativity. Again, noone is obligated to share their sexuality, but thinking that being heterosexual is the "normal" or the "default" is harmful. This can be countered by straight people specifying that theyre straight instead of just assuming that everyone will know. A straight person going "I'm straight" is a good thing, so a cis person going "im cis and i use the pronouns assigned to me at birth" is a good thing you know what i mean?

Yeah these r the two main points i could think of. If someone doesn't specify their pronouns then i usually just go with "they" until they tell me, if they ever choose to do so. I hope this made sense!!

Again, I'm cis and i only answered this bcuz it referenced cis people, but I'd like the voices of trans n non binary ppl on this!!

[cannabiscomrade]

sorry if this is too personal/u cant answer, pls feel free to ignore, but can i ask what its like to be a trans parent? i really want to have a bio kid of my own someday, but i get so anxious thinking about how ill be perceived/what could happen if im visibly trans and pregnant. i know its also a LOT of personal internalized stuff i to work thru. did you ever struggle with this? again pls feel free to ignore this, ik its a bit vague and very personal!

First off it’s super weird to really be classified as a parent now, we’ve struggled with infertility and several early losses for so long that the fact I’m almost done with the first trimester is...amazing, to say the least. These feelings overwhelm a lot of the dysphoria I’m having, and I’m really lucky to be in that position.

That being said, with the pandemic, I’ve had time to grapple with the fact that I haven’t been able to present the way I want to. I haven’t had a haircut since January. So I’ve been able to cope with the dysphoria prior to pregnancy a little bit.

The thing that helps me is that as an intersex and intergender person, I feel a sense of gender euphoria from knowing my body can still do this. We’re always told that intersex people are “infertile” outright, and even though I’ve struggled to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy, I haven’t had to go through higher interventions other than my thyroid meds and Metformin, and I’m very thankful for that.

I also find support in knowing what my body is doing and preparing for those changes. I know my breasts will grow, I know the changes happening with my genitals and reproductive system, and it softens the blow, for me at least.

I definitely struggle with the way I’m perceived, but I’m also only out on here, instagram, and with friends. I’m closeted with family and work and I know that’s going to pose problems later on when I want my kid to use they/them pronouns for me. Still trying to figure out the logistics of that. I’ve been joining some trans and non-binary pregnancy and parenting groups, and gender neutral parenting groups, and the support helps a lot.

Besides dysphoria, one of the hardest things has been seeing other parents and pregnant people discuss the dumbass concept of “gender disappointment”. Knowing that there are cis people out there that are already ashamed of their child before they’re born is horrifying.

The gendered world of parenting is still such a dominating force, but it is getting better. More cishet parents are choosing gender neutral styles for their kids, and I’m seeing the growth in popularity of waiting to know the assigned gender until birth. It’s still hard to be in a cishet focused due date group, but I know that I can vent to my other groups about the cis bullshit, lmao.

I don’t mind talking about these things. I think it’s important for people to hear trans (and intersex!) pregnancy experiences and know that the world of pregnancy is slowly changing. There are case studies on trans people carrying pregnancies and breast/chest feeding now. There are support groups. There are gender neutral and gender affirming doulas and birthing classes out there now. You just gotta do your research.

[partlycharlie-archive]

gender? who is she? (they???)

prologue: they/them link to chapter one

summary: [16:46] mione: Hey neville [17:09] nevs: yeah, what’s up? [16:46] mione: Do you think sue might be [16:46] mione: Trans or something? (or: the trans fic nobody asked for) word count: 3,513 warnings: n/a a/n: i’ve been working on this fic for AGES and i’m so excited to finally be publishing it!!!! ahhhhhh i hope y’all enjoy

read on ao3

they /THā/ pronoun

used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified

used to refer to a person of unspecified gender

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  [SUNDAY; 10.7.18]

[google search: gender    Suggestions: gender neutral names                        genderfluid                        gender role test                        gender predictor]

[selected: gender predictor]

[6,270,000 results (0.83 seconds)]

…”Our accurate gender prediction test tells you if you are going to have a boy or girl…”

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 [google search: “i dont feel like a boy or a girl”] [701,000,000 results (0.48 seconds)]

"Biologically i am a female, but i don't really feel like a girl." | Kids Help … https://kidshelpphone.ca/asked-online.../biologically-i-am-female-i-dont-really-feel-gi... “Biologically i am a female, but i don't really feel like a girl. But i don't think i feel like a boy either. I don't know what i feel like, but i know what i don't feel like if that …”

I don't really identify as a girl, but I don't identify as a boy either...what … https://www.7cups.com › Q & A › LGBTQ+ Apr 30, 2018 - “There is gender fluid which means that basically some days you feel like a Girl and other days you feel like a boy. They don't really specify …”

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 [google search: “whats it called when you're not a boy or girl”] [976,000,000 results (0.70 seconds) ]

Non-Binary Gender Identity Explained | Teen Vogue https://www.teenvogue.com/story/what-is-non-binary-gender Feb 12, 2016 - “Here's What It Means When You Don't Identify as a Girl or a Boy … Andii Viveros, 22, says, "I do not necessarily define my gender identity with … language is complicated and not everyone agrees on what certain words mean, …“

[waiting for www.teenvogue.com] [connecting…] [establishing secure connection…] [resolving host…] [waiting for cache…] [connecting…] [waiting for www.google.com…] [waiting for www.facebook.com…] [connecting…]

First thing's first: consider gender a language that you have to learn to be fluent in… … non-binary gender is any gender that isn’t exclusively male or female.

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 [google search: non binary definition] [122,000,000 results (0.47 seconds)]

non·bi·na·ry /ˌnänˈbīnərē/ adjective

not relating to, composed of, or involving just two things. "Aristotelian ontology is nonbinary on the second level in that it allows for degrees of being"

denoting or relating to a gender or sexual identity that is not defined in terms of traditional binary oppositions such as male and female or homosexual and heterosexual. "nonbinary people are vastly underrepresented in the media"

 Understanding Non-Binary People: How to Be Respectful and … https://transequality.org/.../understanding-non-binary-people-how-to-be-respectful-an... Jul 9, 2016 - “Non-Binary Defined. Most people – including most transgender people – are either male or female. But some people don't neatly fit into the…”

Urban Dictionary: non binary https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=non%20binary “Top definition … They're nonbinary, so they don't go by he/him pronouns, they go by … Nonbinary refers to any gender that is not exclusively male or female.”

Nonbinary: What Does It Mean? - Healthline https://www.healthline.com/health/transgender/nonbinary Oct 20, 2017 - “Here's what you should know about nonbinary identities, pronouns, and … Although there are definitions available for each of these terms, …” Links - Trans and nonbinary identities · Gender identities · Nonbinary vs genderqueer

Genderqueer - Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer “Genderqueer, also known as non-binary, is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine—identities which are outside the gender binary and cisnormativity. Genderqueer people may express a combination of masculinity and femininity, or neither, in their gender expression.”

This Is What Gender-Nonbinary People Look Like - them. https://www.them.us/story/this-is-what-gender-nonbinary-people-look-like Nov 20, 2017 - “Many people might say that nonbinary is like the grey area of gender — undefined space between more defined areas. However, because grey …“

Nonbinary | Definition of Nonbinary by Merriam-Webster https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nonbinary “c : relating to or being a person who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that is neither entirely male nor entirely female. … an effort to create more equality for nonbinary and transgender students across campus.”

10 Myths About Non-Binary People It's Time to Unlearn - Everyday … https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/myths-non-binary-people/ Dec 6, 2014 - “What's the number one misconception about non-binary people? It's that we don't exist. In fact, if you Google “genderqueer is,” here are the top …“

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  sumaya! (SumayaPotter), luna! (LunaLovegood)

 [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:50] sumaya!: luna [12:52] sumaya!: no pressure, just respond whenever ur free pls

[13:23] luna!: hello sumaya! i apologize for the tardiness in regards to my response.

[13:23] sumaya!: no worries :)

[13:23] luna!: is everything okay with you?

[13:26] sumaya!: um . yeah i think so

[13:26] luna!: is this in any way related to your and/or my genders?

[13:26] sumaya!: jdancdalkdcieunakcsn [13:27] sumaya!: that was ugly oh well [13:27] sumaya!: how did u kno?????

[13:27] luna!: i’d like to think i have a sort of hunch with these types of things. :-) [13:27] luna!: what can i help you with?

[13:27] sumaya!: okay [13:27] sumaya!: so ur genderfluid right??

[13:27] luna!: yes!

[13:28] sumaya!: do yk what nonbinary means?

[13:28] luna!: ! [13:28] luna!: yes. [13:29] luna!: it can have many definitions from what i know, but the most common is the feeling of being neither male nor female, or something in between. [13:29] luna!: why?

[13:32] sumaya!: i think i might be [13:32] sumaya!: that.

[13:32] luna!: oh! lovely! [13:32] luna!: i’m very glad you’ve come to that discovery. :-)

[13:33] sumaya!: thanks :)

[13:33] luna!: what pronouns would you prefer to use?

[13:33] sumaya!: i mean . they right????

[13:34] luna!: they/them pronouns are the most commonly used pronouns amongst people who do not identify with the gender binary, yes. [13:34] luna!: however! [13:34] luna!: there are others, including ey and zie, that some people also use.

[13:34] sumaya!: oh [13:34] sumaya!: huh [13:35] sumaya!: i think im just gna stick w they??? [13:35] sumaya!: cuz that just seems . complicated

[13:35] luna!: of course! that sounds lovely. [13:35] luna!: do you have a preferred name yet? [13:35] luna!: or will you stick with sumaya?

[13:35] sumaya!: oh no i def wanna change that [13:35] sumaya!: sumaya just feels kinda wrong [13:35] sumaya!: but idk what i want yet?

[13:36] luna!: okay! that’s perfectly fine.

[luna! (LunaLovegood) changed sumaya! (SumayaPotter)’s name to ???]

[13:36] luna!: is that acceptable?

[13:36] ???: oh! [13:36] ???: yeah [13:37] ???: thats cool [13:37] ???: thx

[13:37] luna!: no problem, love. [13:37] luna!: <3

[13:40] ???: <3

[bi-asstronaut]

hi! a good friend of mine doesn't understand nb genders (especially the fluid ones & agender). she thinks nb ppl have a mental problem, bc as she sees it- gender is about deciding (between female/male), while nb is not deciding. in general she's very understanding and open, but I couldn't explain her (plus I'm cis and don't want to say something harmful). how would u answer the question of "why are nb genders are actual genders? why are they not a problem of making decisions?"

Hi Anon! Thanks for sending me this ask. I’m not an All-Knowing Expert on nb genders because I’m nb myself, since everyone experiences their gender differently, but I’ll do my best to answer your question.

It can be very difficult for non-nb people to understand what being nonbinary means or “feels like”, simply because they’ve never experienced gender outside the binary themselves, so I understand why your friend has a hard time seeing where we’re coming from. Nonbinary isn’t a disease or a mental illness, just like being binary trans (a trans man/woman) isn’t, and it’s also not about not making a decision. If anything, I think being a cis person has more to do with not making a decision than being nb does - Cis people are comfortable with the gender they were born as and don’t have to go through any of the processes nb people (and binary trans people as well in some cases) may have to; processes, which, to me, are filled with decisions. Am I really nb? Do I want to change my name? Do I want to alter my body in any way? How should I dress to best express who I am? Does dressing how I want to/expressing my gender have any consequences for me? etc. I hope that answers your question of why I think nb genders aren’t about not making decisions.

To understand why nb genders are actual genders, I think it’s important to understand that gender is largely a social construct. What many perceive as being something inherently “girly”, feminine, “boyish” or masculine is actually just… stuff. It’s just objects and concepts. A dress or a skirt is just a piece of fabric cut and sown in a certain way, but lots of people think it’s inappropriate for a man or a boy to wear because it’s “girly”. And to think that the notion that gender is determined by chromosomes can shut down any argument because it’s biology is actually wrongful and completely ignores… actual biology. For example, a quick google search gave me Klinefelter syndrome, a genetic mutation where a person is born with an extra X chromosome, so that their sex chromosomes are XXY. In rare cases, they can even have two or three extra Xs (XXXY or XXXXY). Physically, this shows as low levels of testosterone, which means less-developed “male” characteristics and more-developed “female” characteristics. An example that may seem even more out of this world are people who have a genetic mosaic, where they possess XX chromosomes in some cells and XY in others. How are we supposed to determine whether this person is male or female if we go by chromosomes alone? I think it’s much easier to just ask what the person feels like.

(Not to mention the fact that the biology argument completely erases the existence of intersex people, but I don’t know enough about this subject to speak about it.)

With that said, I think one of the keys to “unlocking” how someone can be nb is being able to differentiate between sex and gender. Typically, sex is defined as what’s going on with your body, while gender defines what goes on inside your head. That means that your body and your gender don’t have to match up whatsoever. Trans women are still women and trans men are still men if they identify as such, regardless of how their body looks. This also goes for nb people - We’re still nb, no matter what our physical characteristics may be and how we choose to dress.

I’d also like to point out that a large number of non-Western cultures recognise more than two genders and otherwise gender non-conforming people, but these genders are often intrinsically linked to that culture’s traditions and beliefs and should therefore not be used by people outside that culture. A relatively well-known example of such a gender is “two-spirit”, which is used by some indigenous North Americans to describe “certain people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender ceremonial role in their cultures.” (Wikipedia) The fact that many non-Western cultures recognise and have recognised more than two genders for centuries should be a good indication that identifying as nonbinary isn’t a new thing made up by hipsters and teens who just want to be cool and different.

tl;dr:- gender is a social construct built on concepts and things that have come to be seen as “girly” (feminine) or “boyish” (masculine), but which have no inherent gender, such as clothing- sex/physical characteristics and gender are two different, separate things and they don’t have to match up- using chromosomes/biology as an argument against trans and nonbinary genders is wrongful and erases intersex people- more than two genders are recognised in many non-Western cultures

This got really lengthy, but I hope it answers your questions and questions your friend may have! If you want me to elaborate or answer another question, feel free to shoot me another ask.

And if there’s anything in my reply that’s offensive, wrong or could be worded better, please let me know.

Further reading and watching (I’m on mobile so I apologise for the ugly links):- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nlc8H4WUqEs (“Proof that there are more than two genders”, uploaded by Riley J. Dennis, a nonbinary person)

- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjIGlYSe6iDxaIAsFhQ7eLoYlo35JNAKy (“The ABC’s of LGBT+”, uploaded by Ash Hardell)

- For your friend about being genderfluid and agender specifically: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Fluid (the definition of being genderfluid)

- https://www.google.dk/amp/s/www.teenvogue.com/story/what-is-agender/amp (a rather lengthy article that includes an agender person talking about what being agender means to them, a doctor who works with gender, pronoun usage, and other things) (I only skimmed it, but it seems respectful and good)

[instant-wife-microwave-only]

My two cents on your scenario, seeing your post, is that going against the grain with regards to gender - as a trans man, GNC woman or non-binary person - is a perfectly okay and valid way to go about things, but they're all things that you might need to explain to other people. You can be androgyne, I live openly as an androgyne/nb person to the people who I feel deserve to know. It's just a case of giving yourself some thinking space, being yourself, and making other people understand you.

“...I'll also add that being a trans man doesn't inherently mean that you would HAVE to have surgery, go on hormones, or never have children. Conversely, being a non-binary person or GNC woman, you can also apply for hormones or surgery (although it may be more difficult depending on where you live). It does mean having to explain how you identify to people, and possibly hear negative comments - that can be difficult at times, definitely! But it's possible. I hope this all helps you!”

Yeah ur right. Being a transman doesn’t mean hormones, surgery, etc. Being GNC doesn’t mean NOT taking hormones, getting surgery, etc. 

You can express being a man, being GNC, being androgyne, or being nonbinary in a lot of ways. There’s no standard. The problem is those things kind of overlap and I know it boils down to ‘identify with what makes you feel right’... and im trying to figure out whats right.

But ur sentiment of “just be you” is a concept I need to jus accept. Its hard, but u right. thank u anon