#if you told early 2021 me that id have an tumblr and ao3 account

[soulsilversprings]

YO?!?????

[milky-maid-library]

I Am Sorry, Here is why:

Hello to smut writers on Tumblr,

My name is Milky and in the past others have known me as Miss Hush…and before that I was Shellberry. I intend on keeping Milky longest.

It’s something I really want to get off my page since I’m a desperate believe that kink is not a safe place for minors and minors need to stick to school and real world problems or pg+ 13 fanfiction.

I first signed up to AO3 in 2014. Let that sink in. My birthday is 3rd October 2001 (I’m a libra bishes). It was just after my 13th birthday I signed up to AO3 and began writing my first romance fanficitons under the name Shellberry WITH THE ABSOLUTE WORST PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR.

I began watching porn out of curiosity and discovered hardcore bdsm straight away. (Id like you all to note that I had never really used laptops until this point and time, I had started living with my grandparents at the start of 2013 after I ran away from my abusive household.) I was prone to this shit without guidance or anyone to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I also was told most of my life that I was “mature for my age” and believed that gave me a right to be viewing ‘adult content’. I then realised I loved reading and writing more and more than watching porn.

I came across my first Kidnapping/non-con fic and was blown away by the scariness and creativity in the plot. And I saw that smutty fics were getting a lot of attention in views and comments. As a victim of abuse I YEARNED for praise and attention… I then began a naughty habit of copyright in which I would steal and reword smut stories. One day I copied from a book called Mackenzie’s Mountain (still one of my favourite smutty books hehehe) and yea…. I was called out. It wasn’t long before I deleted my account. By this point it was 2016, I was now calling myself Miss Hush. And the habit vaguely continued, I tried writing the spy type genre with a fanfiction (still in my files) called A Game of Love.

Take note 2016, the presidential election was on. And I come from a incredibly conservative household and even though I lived in Australia….I cringe incredibly hard now….I was happy to call myself a trump supporter (but his propaganda is very convincing for young 14-15 year old me). I am no longer a trump supporter as of early 2020. I really started to talking to other people and realising that oh my god I’m a sheltered country mouse without realising it. Where does this play? Well I have been a Christian by choice since I was nine years old….and in 2016 I felt that writing fanfictions were dirty and wrong and if I continued to watch porn or think too sexually before marriage, I would be going to hell…. SO my writing floundered a lot and I couldn’t keep up with my updating promises. It continued to be like this until I gave up in 2018, I stopped writing for a very very, very long time…and then I confessed to a adult smut writer my true age and they were quick to explain to me what I was doing was wrong and needed to be rethought out. SO I deleted my account again.

2019 I came back but organised and under the name Milky Maid no more editing and claiming peoples fanfictions. I was still a minor, aged 17. I vaguely held that “Im told im mature its ok” mentality in my head. I started Yo hoe ho and A Lesson In service, both with girls around 16-19 (I need to recheck their ages).

I’m taking those fics down btw because they need editing and I just don’t feel comfortable with the way I left hem uncompleted.

The year is 2021, I am now 19 and I have upbranded myself to Milky Maid Library. So why am I confessing all of this?

Because of shame. I feel terrible that for so long I’ve lied or made myself appear innocent? I think a apology is due to every adult that I lied to back in the day (what’s ironic is I would say “I’m 19” but now I am actually 19 which is crazy and makes me feel old and embarrassed of kid me). I am sorry to you all, I am sorry to those who I stole from…not that I actually remember the names which could be seen as worse. I am sorry that I attempt to be a high and mighty wise woman when I have coincidentally been in the spot of those I disapprove of. I am ashamed I didn’t stop and live my life appropriately. I am sorry that I gave false hope to readers that didn’t realise I was writing porn and essays at the same time.

I need to make this clear, I don’t believe minors should interact with adults. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from entering this realm too early. I am sorry I did this. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone, but I could have possibly.

I will be sending this post to those who I remember talking too. This needs to be confronted, I want to make amends….lol look at me being Bucky…

Thankyou to all that have read this post, I will not be surprised of have any ill feelings to those who want to unfollow, comment/reply critiquing my choices.