#ignore the background quality i did this on my phone for instagram lmao

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 2/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: excuse my face and the pic qualities. up until this happened i haven’t really taken pictures of myself (less than 10 in the past two years for family and work purposes and NEVER selfies) and when you meet people you’ve only seen on TV in a very unexpected circumstance, then don’t expect your brain and motor functions to work 100%.

in the meantime, The Queen kathleen krüger showed up dragging a little carry on-sized bag. i really wanted a pic but i knew she always likes to be in the background so i just settled for a cheery greeting. she was shy-ish but super nice!

me: *trying to speak german again after 5 years* guten morgen!”

kathleen: *surprised that i recognized her but was super nice* morgen! wie geht’s?

me: sehr gut, danke. und dir? ( i used dir since she used informal and she didn’t look like it offended her or anything dsjfsdjf)

kathleen: oh, sehr gut auch. tschüss!

bless her heart! too bad she might lock niko up and issue a restraining order against me when we see each other next though sndmfbdsmnfbsnmdf

shortly after javi and kathleen left, thiago was next. it took a little while for him to get to me since other people also asked for pics and autographs. when he finally got to me and was signing my shirt, i really just had to tell him “hey thiago, you’re so good! you make it look so easy!” he laughed at that and said thanks. so nice and such a 🐐

i heard a distinct chuckle and Mr. Bayern himself came out. he was doing his usual thomas müller thing (it’s hard to describe but y’all prolly know what i mean) and was gamely eating a big banana when i asked for another autograph and picture (i got his autograph and picture at the hotel reception on friday already; this is the second time).

me: “hi thomas! could we take a picture again and have you sign my shirt?”

thomas: “ofhrjhf sjdjshfueh” (i’m positive he said “oh sure” or something, but with a mouth full of banana)

so nice! (and he didn’t show his usual cheeky müller grin, incisors and all, because, well........banana)

okay, here’s a tricky part. sven and leon came out almost simultaneously. sven was slightly first and i asked for the usual combo, and we were both already posed for the picture when i saw leon trying to zip by. greedy binch that i am, my intention was to get both of them in the frame. two birds, one stone. so i said “leon!” to call him over. B U T sven probably thought i was ignoring him and didn’t want his pic at all!!!!!!!!!! he mumbled “oh.....leon” and walked away (i think he probably meant “oh you wanted leon...”) NO SVEN!!!!! I WANTED YOU BOTH COME BACK!!!!! he was gone though and while i was excited to see leon and his beautiful curly hair again (idk if he recognized me but he had this look like “hmmmm...?” and he retweeted me just the night before sdbdmnbnd), i was panicking about the sven incident. it was bittersweet and i decided to really go to that t-mobile thing later on in the day so i could apologize to sven.

this is also prolly why i had this fugly half-assed smile (S VE N!!!!! ;__;)

(also note that leon is wearing lewy’s training shirt sjfbanmfbsahdfd idk why i didn’t ask)

O K A Y.

around this time was the part where i met niko. but since that whole shebang is a whole other experience in itself, i’m dedicating the entirety of part 4 to it. maybe it’s for the best too since it was just........g o d!!!!!! (kathleen krüger, i really hope you aren’t ever gonna see this blog, but in the off chance that you do, i’m sorry you had to see all that sdnfbndmfabnmfnd s o r r y)

anyway, that niko incident led me to run out of the hotel like it was on fire (told y’all, long story) so it was outside that i got to meet The Chef! he still looked kinda sleepy and was nursing a cup of coffee but was still nice enough to indulge me with a pic and autograph! 

L M A O

okay. so, after serge got up on the bus, and while i was studiously avoiding kathleen’s stare (huehue s o r r y), manu came out. a lot of fans had already gathered behind the barriers outside and manu was a crowd favorite so everybody was screaming for him. i was still near the bus entrance and was standing in front of the barrier and two guys behind me were jumping and asking manu to autograph their replica world cup trophy. manu got to them first and stupid lil me was trying to take a pic with him while he was doing his thing. this giant man is about 6′4, and me a ruler and an inch shorter, so when he reached for the trophy, he nearly knocked me out gonzalo-higuain-in-the-2014-world-cup-final style.

(below is me before i nearly died a sweet, happy death c/o manu’s huge ass fists)

manu, teddy bear that he is, was like “oh no, sorry!” i didn’t mind at all sjdfhsdfsdj (i would’ve gladly let him knock me tf out lmao) so i said “it’s okay!” as an apology, he gamely signed my shirt and we finally took a decent, safe photo dsfbjksdfbsfnsbdns

*kill bill sirens* WEW! then The Polish Hitman, Mr. 5-in-9, The B O D Y himself, robert lewandowski came out. he was sporting that cursed beard again (sorry lewy, but in this very rare case, i say no stubble for you lmao). he still looked hot af tho and signed my shirt. and took this photo! (thank you to my phone for magically making this HDR)

there wasn’t anyone after him for a while and the team bus left already so i went back inside (thank you hotel A/C! it was hot as hell and i was shaking and overheating from being so close to them.... and embarrassing myself in front of all those people and Queen Kathleen lmao).

then, coco came out! i guess he’s gonna do individual training since he didn’t go with the team bus. he also did this lil massage thing on my left shoulder sdhbjdfsdn thanks for scoring our first goal the night before, coco! (he was hella cute too)

i think all the players were gone since the only ones left for the next 15 minutes were the entourage and media people. but one last parting gift! loddar himself came out. took a while for him to get out since he chatted with someone else for a few minutes so i settled for videoing him for my instagram story. then he finally got up and walked to the exit and that’s where i got him.

me: hi lothar, can we take a picture? (only a pic since he looked like he was in a hurry)

loddar: *with that perennial cranky look on his face but was still nice lmao* “ok sure!”

had to leave shortly after this to go to the mall since @simplyirenic messaged me that there were only 100 tickets for the adidas meet-and-greet, but hey! almost a full haul!

here’s 75% of the total spoils:

(i’ve maxed out my 10 photo per post limit again so stay tuned for part 3: the mall meet-and-greet with josh, sven (there’s a redemption arc! i’m not a total bitch!), benji (a surprise addition to the lineup), manu 2.0, and thomas 3.0!)