#ignoring the fact that they literally only added it for quick access to ai

[arcaneartiste]

I hate the Photoshop contextual bar and everything it stands for.

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Lame

Tony hurts his back in the lamest possible way. Tony is in denial, Peter is amused and Bruce just wants to do his job... oh and Rhodey? He thinks it's hilarious.

Tags: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Hurt Tony Stark, Worried Peter Parker, Humor, Medical Doctor Bruce Banner... ...

Warnings: None   Rated: G

Word Count: 3441

Link to AO3 Lame-happyaspie

Peter had been in the lab for less than an hour when he hears a sneeze followed by a distinct 'Ow' coming from his mentor's mouth, across the room.  "Are you okay, Mr. Stark?" he asked with concern.  He couldn't remember ever hearing the man make any sort of noise of pain or discomfort before.  Not around him anyway.  It was worrisome at best.

Tony looked across the room at his mentee, rolled his eyes, and plastered a fake smile on his face.  "Yeah.  Of course. Why wouldn't I be?  I just sneezed. I'm fine." he rapidly defended as he tried to pull himself up a little taller in his chair.

Bringing his brows together in doubt, Peter stood up so that he could get a better look at his mentor.  "You said 'ow', Mr. Stark" he pointed out before bringing his bottom lip between his teeth in a nervous manner.

"I'm fine, kid," Tony replied and that time it sounded almost believe able.  The initial discomfort had faded and the last thing he wanted to do was to scare his favorite spider-child.  He was fine.  Just... tweaked his back a little.  The kid didn't need to know that tough and he was glad to see that the boy was slowly sitting back down with his school books.  That meant he had a moment to try to reach behind himself and rub out the lingering ache.

As Peter worked his way through his maths exercises and finished up the last of his American Civics essay he heard his mentor occasionally grunting or straining in obvious pain.  He tried to let it go because it was obvious that his mentor was trying to be quiet about it.  However, Peter had super-hearing and could hear every small noise that Tony made as he worked.  He could no longer stay quiet when the man hissed as he leaned down to pick up a dropped tool and suddenly he couldn't keep quiet anymore.  "Are you sure your okay?" he pressed hoping that Tony just tell him what was wrong because he was starting to grow a little anxious about it.

"Don't you have some homework to do or something?" Tony mildly bit back with a groan.  Not that he didn't appreciate the concern so much as he wanted to ignore the entire episode into nonexistence.  As long as he pretended he was fine.  He would be fine.  He'd faked 'just peachy' under worst conditions.

Peter smiled, not taking even a little bit of offense from his mentor's clipped response. "Nope.  I'm done," he said with a shrug of his shoulder while dramatically slamming his history book shut.

Sighing deeply, Tony waved a hand towards the holo-table that Peter often worked at when he came over and tried to smirk.  "Well.  Go do something else then," he said, making a point of staying as still as possible as he did so.  He wasn't going to be able to keep a straight face otherwise.  Every small movement caused a jolt of pain to radiate through his lower back and down into his left hip.

The concern didn't leave Peter as he acquiesced and sat down to work on an AI code he'd been messing with for a while. It wasn't much but every time he added some, Tony would go over it with him and help him add things here and there.  It was mostly just an excuse to practice programming language syntax. Eventually, he grew tired of that task and moved on to another, then as the hour grew late his stomach started to growl and he sighed.  "It's almost eight?  Can we go upstairs and eat.  I'm starving," he said as he saved his work and wandered over towards where Tony was still sitting in the same spot he'd been in all afternoon.

"Sure, kiddo," Tony said with a half-hearted smile.  He was sort of dreading standing up.  Especially with the kid standing right there but he didn't have much of a choice.  "Ow, ow, ow... shoot.  Ow." he spat out through gritted teeth as he slowly brought himself to his feet.  The pain was so intense that he couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut no matter how much he wished he could.  He could practically taste the uneasiness radiating off of his kid and it was making him feel that much worse.  Because of that, he tried to bite his lip in order to stop the painful rambling but that wasn't enough to prevent the one last hiss that came through his teeth as he finally straightened himself out.

Peter swallowed hard and shuffled his feet.  "Mr. Stark?" he finally asked when the man didn't make any further movements or complaints.

"It's nothing!" Tony grunted before giving up and falling back into his chair.  Walking seemed like a lot of effort at the moment. He'd have to take something and try again in a few minutes.  No big deal.  He's had worse.  This too shall pass and all that jazz.

"It doesn't look like nothing.  Maybe I should call Dr. Banner or something," Peter said with trepidation.

"No! Absolutely not," Tony firmly stated.  There was no way he was going to the doctor for this.  All he needed was some over the counter medication and a few minutes for it to kick it. Then he sighed.  "Just... just get me some aspirin," he dejectedly added.  Despite the fact that he didn't want the kid to see him as he was, he was actually thankful he was there to go get it for him.  It was a small grace, really.

More than happy to hear that his mentor was willing to ask for a pain reliever, Peter let out a deep breath.  "Ah.  So you admit you're not fine then, huh Mr. Stark?" he teased with a relieved grin.  

Tony tried to smile back but as he did so he shifted a little in his seat causing the smile to turn into a grimace.  "Just go get the Aspirin, kid," he whined without censor but at that point, he was pretty sure he'd somehow managed to break his spine doing literally nothing.  This was how Tony Stark died, slumped pathetically over his desk waiting for a fifteen-year-old to bring him pain medicine from the bathroom than was no more than ten steps from where he sat.

A few short minutes later, Peter obediently handed Tony the tablets along with a bottle of water and the two of them sat there for a while waiting for it to kick in.  During that time, they ordered a large dinner and discussed what show they were going to binge while they ate.  Then, after twenty minutes or so, the food was delivered to the penthouse and Tony sighed. "Okay.  One more time," he grunted as he strained to get up and then grunted again as he sat back down on the penthouse couch.

Being the considerate person that he was, Peter happily fixed his mentor a plate and delivered to him where he sat in the living room.  Tony grumbled his thanks and Peter turned on the newest episode of some sci-fi series they'd been watching together for the last few weeks.

After the second episode had ended and the food wrappers had been cleared, Tony suggested that they go back to the lab.  However, as he moved to stand back up, it seemed that this stationary position had caused his spine to lock up and he ended up slowly lowering himself back down before he even made it halfway up.  He growled a little in frustration as he did so.  

Having watched his mentor all but collapse back onto the cushions, Peter frowned.   "Can we please call Dr. Banner now?" he pleaded because clearly, the one dose of aspirin wasn't doing anything for whatever it was.

Tony nodded his head, closed his eyes, and forced himself to stand back up. It hurt but it wasn't nearly as painful once he was actually on his feet.  He couldn't deny that the upward movement hadn't been nearly excruciating.  Maybe he did need a little bit more than an aspirin.  Not that he was going to say that though.   "Fine but only because it'll make you feel better," he said with a sly smile because he knew it actually would make the kid feel better.  That made for a good excuse should it end up being something really mundane like a muscle cramp or something.  

Once in the med bay, Tony sat at the edge of the white paper-lined table while Peter took up a rolling swivel chair in the corner.  Bruce was quick to enter and started to ask a few questions while taking some vitals and once that was done he cut right to the chase.  "So, what happened Tony?" he asked without judgment.  It was a miracle the man had called him at all.  He'd been know to walk around with fractured bones for days without getting checked out.

"I hurt my back." Tony blandly replied as he pulled his t-shirt over his head to give the other man access to his injury.  

Bruce rubbed his hands together to warm them up a little, asking for more details as he did so.  "Did you fall?  Crash?  Something along those lines?" he asked.  When Tony shrugged his shoulders he proceeded to probe and palpate gently down Tony's spine.  As he made his way towards his lower back he stopped when Tony flinched violently at the touch. "Sorry,"  he said with sympathy and then sighed in contemplation.  "No numbness, tingling, pain in your legs?" Tony shook his head in the negative.  "...and you're sure nothing happened?"

"Nope.  It just... hurts," Tony replied matter-of-factly but he meant it.  Nothing that should have caused a back injury had happened.  They hadn't been on a mission in a month, he'd been taking it easy in the gym in favor of lab time and he'd not slipped or fallen since, well, since he'd stopped drinking over a year ago.

Bruce shook his head and furrowed his brow.  "Something had to have happened.  You don't sprain your lumbar without some kind of trauma," he dubiously pointed out because all signs were pointing solidly towards a sprain.

When Tony shook his head again, Peter pipped up from across the room. "He sneezed," he helpfully suggested because the man had seemed perfectly fine up until that moment and he didn't want his mentor to leave out any important details.  However, by the way, Tony was glaring at him he wondered if maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.  

"You sneezed?", Bruce asked with less amusement than he was feeling but he was glad to have been giving something to go on.  It wasn't completely uncommon for a particularly jarring sneeze to put enough pressure on the back to cause muscle strain but it was humorous.  Mostly because it was Tony that it had happened too.  "Okay, well was it painful prior to that?" he asked in order to be thorough.  

Resigning himself to his fate, Tony sighed. "Nothing happened but I suppose it's been bothering me for about two weeks.  It was fine until today.  Nothing a few aspirins and some topical analgesics couldn't manage," he admitted and watched as his friend glanced down at the tablet in his hands to make some notes.  Probably trying to hide the smile that he was failing to conceal.

"...and then you sneezed..." Bruce managed to ask while still sounding somewhat professional.  

"Yes," Tony replied without humor, and Bruce could no longer hold back his laughter.  Peter was quick to join him, making Tony feel slightly more annoyed than he probably should have been.  "Oh shut up and give me some medicine or something-" he said with an indignant roll of his eyes before pointing towards his giggling mentee, "-and you stop laughing.  I'm injured."

"I'm sorry Mr. Stark-"  Peter cried out, trying his hardest to pause the bubbling laughter, "-but that has to be the lamest injury ever.  The great Tony Stark...  Iron Man sprained his back... sneezing."

Choosing to ignore his overly amused kid, Tony turned his attention back to Bruce who was digging through a nearby cabinet.  "So what's the plan?" he wearily inquired.

Bruce hummed in acknowledgment, not answering until he had two vials and two syringes in hand.  "Two injections.  A steroid and an anti-inflammatory then you'll continue on orals for a few days," he explained, pausing to calculate and draw up the doses.  "You need to work some more stretching into your work out routine and make sure you're not sitting in a chair for longer than thirty to forty minutes without a break."

"You do know who you're talking to, right?" Tony incredulously asked.  Not sit in a chair for longer than thirty minutes? What was he supposed to do?  Stand up to work?  Okay, that was fair, he probably could but come on!  He was in that lab twenty out of twenty-four hours a day, he wasn't going to stand up every thirty minutes... that was ridiculous.  

"I do. Your name is on the chart and everything," Bruce returned with a cocky smile and then look over to where the teenager in the room had finally managed to get himself together.  "Peter, you and FRIDAY are in charge of making sure he's stretching, taking his meds, and getting off his butt while he's in the lab, okay?"

"Yes, sir" Peter replied with a genuine smile and a mock salute.  

Tony once again rolled his eyes.  He didn't need a baby-sitter.  Even if he did, it wasn't like a teenaged boy or an AI could force him into doing anything.  Though honestly, it hurt like hell and he was likely to comply without their insistence. Again he wasn't going to say that.  Instead, he scoffed.  "Like they-" he began, only to be ignored.

"-Alright.  I have your injections.  I need you to lower your pants and lean over the table so that I can get to your buttocks," Bruce said with factitious vigor.  

"I'm sorry, you want me to what now?" Tony quipped, snapping his head towards Bruce with wide eyes while Peter cackled in the background.

"I need to inject these into your buttocks.  This isn't a thrill for me either.  Trust me," Bruce blandly replied.  "Just pull your pants down a little so we can get this over with."

Tony looked over at Peter who left the room on his own accord, though he did snigger a little at the curses that were making their way through the solid wooden door.  Then not even ten minutes later, his mentor was walking towards him, still rubbing his backside.  By some miracle, he managed to not start laughing again before Bruce followed him out and started issuing some instructions.

"Alright, here are your prescriptions," Bruce said and then proceeded to read the labels.  When Tony looked less than impressed he sighed and once again turned towards Peter.  "I need you to please make sure he-" he started.

"-I can handle my own medication, thanks." Tony snipped, grabbing the bottle of tablets and pack of steroids from the other man's hands as he did so.

Not at all surprised by Tony's response, Bruce nodded his head and smiled.  "Well, I hope you feel better.  Remember no horsing around or sitting around for at least a week.  If it gets worse call me."

"Yup.  Got it," Tony returned and then wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, that being a fairly common enough occurrence that no one was likely to figure out hat he was actually trying to get some of his own weight off of his back.  The kid had super-strength, he probably didn't even notice.  "Come on kiddo, let's get out of here," he said with only a slight pitch to his voice.  Then he realized the boy was too busy with his phone to actually start walking.  "Who are you texting?"

Peter looked up with a mildly sheepish look.  "No one?" he questioned even though it was obvious enough to have been a statement.

"Right," Tony sighed before the reality of the situation set it.  "Oh my God.  Who did you tell!" he snapped with absolute horror.  The last thing he needed was for anyone to find out he's hurt his back in such an utterly ridiculous manner.  

"Um... just May," Peter replied and then swallowed as he prepared to extend his list.  It wasn't like he was a good liar or anything.  "... and Ned and MJ,"  he added before taking a deep breath and hurriedly tagging on his most recent message recipient. "... and, um. Mr. Rhodes."

"That's it.  Get out of my house!" Tony said, feigning shock and annoyance.  Though to be fair, he was annoyed.  He just wasn't shocked.  Actually he was relieved the list was as short as it was.  It could have been far worse. The kid had Happy and Steve on speed dial as well.

"Mr. Stark!  No..." Peter laughed while simultaneously whining for emphasis.  

Tony was just about to banish the kid further when his pocket buzzed.  He was nearly positive that it was going to be from Rhodey. A glance at his screen confirmed it.   'Hey old man, I heard you sneezed you back out of commission,' the message read, followed up by several laughing emojis.  Tony was not impressed.

'I would like to take a moment to remind you that you're older than me,' he messaged back without hesitation.  The man was nearly two and a half years older than him.  He wasn't going to let that slide. He wasn't old.  

It didn't take long for a second message to pop up.  'I'm still in my prime.  You, on the other hand, threw your back out in the lamest way possible,' he read but rather than reply he glared at his mentee.  

"You're the worst.  You know that?" Tony said before playfully grabbing at the device that the teenager was still clutching.  "In fact, I'm taking away your Rhodey privileges.  Give me your phone."

"No!" Peter half-shouted as he slung Tony's arm off of his shoulders and took off down the hall.

Tony attempted to follow but was immediately halted in his actions when a sharp pain dug into his lower back.  He had to grit his teeth as he waited for it to pass.

Feeling guilty for having prompted the man into trying to run, Peter sighed and returned to Tony's side, silently helping him towards the elevator.  Then, the moment they were back in the penthouse, he left his mentor on the couch while he went to collect a few supportive pillows and a bottle of water.  He also took a moment to helpfully dole out the first dose of anti-inflammatories and carefully read the instructions on the steroid packet before taking those out as well.

Feeling tired, sore, and decidedly defeated, Tony allowed the kid to continue to dote on him for a while.  They watched his favorite movie for once and Peter was eager to jump up and get them snacks and drinks as they watched it.  It also didn't go unnoticed that even as Peter leaned into his side, he made a point of being exceptionally careful not to jostle him too much.  He wasn't sure how he ended up with such a thoughtful and caring kid but he certainly appreciated it.  He smiled to himself and just as he was about to lean his own head onto Peter's when the boy looked up at him.

"Am I forgive yet, Mr. Stark?" Peter asked with a smile.

Tony gave the teenager a scrutinizing look before squinting his eyes.  "That depends.  Who else did you tell?" he questioned, wondering if the kid had since managed messaged anyone else without his knowledge.  Though he assumed not seeing as he hadn't received any more fun messages.

"No one else, I swear!" Peter laughed, sitting up so he could hold his hands out in defense.

After taking a few seconds to pretend like he was mulling it over, Tony eventually nodded his head.  "Fine.  You're forgiven," he said and then pointed towards the hall closet.  "Now, go get me another pillow."

As he watched Peter happily take off down the hall, he smiled.  Then he remembered Pepper and seeing as she lived with him, he was going to have to tell her what happened.   He groaned at the thought and begrudgingly pulled out his phone.  Between, Bruce, Peter, Rhodey, and her... he was never going to live this down.  Ever.

Notes:

Hey! Guess who sprained their back this week by sneezing!

Yeah. So the shots in the butt? The oral steroids and anti-inflammatories? You guessed it. I got those. Only my experience with the doctor was far less amusing.

... but let's face it... hurting your already slightly sore back while sneezing is lame

[kobewumi-blog]

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