#ill make up some bullshit as i go... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seaweedoverlord · 2 years ago

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will i ever post finished artwork? who knows. not me for sure

#wip #my art #sketch #jttw #journey to the west #sun wukong #wukong #monkey king #yeah i also finished the previous drawing #but i dont think its posting material #maybe ill edit some stuff and post it actually #dunno we'll see #ANYWAY IM PLANNING ON MAKING MY OWN JTTW AU #its. uh. its full of plot holes at the moment XD #ill make up some bullshit as i go...#ANYWAY MAKING A BIG DRAWING #idk how to do backgrounds #BUT ILL TRY

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eshithepetty · 2 months ago

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"Haha Dream BBQ is so random and incomprehensible" "did they take drugs to make this lol" "you're actually not meant to understand anything in this series it's ok" "Joel G just makes up stuff on the spot based on what would be funny" "it's just random for random's sake" "is this AI" "stop theorising, it's not that deep" SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP

#ena dream bbq #ena joel g #random art does not exist. all human made art is made with intention.#like. sure. ena is intentionally surreal and aburdist and weird. and im sure some things were less thought out #but to say its all just random bullshit does SO much disservice to the creators behind this project #and disservice to your OWN intelligence in giving up and refusing to work those braincells of yours to create your own interpretation #like. There Are Things To work with here. there are a Lot Of Things #you just have to actually Think and connect the pieces and do introspection on what this Means to YOU #like. you dont wanna think hard. fine. if you wanna just enjoy the experience thats fine too #but then you have to still ackowledge that youre getting SOMETHING out of this (unless youre actually not and are just a hater)#even if its just emotionally. even if its jus unconsciouslly #there Is Meaning There #its just not linear #so think about it!!! thats whats fun about this series!!!#it forces everyone to think about it instead of just following the one 'canon'!!!!#there probably isnt one right answer here!!!#but that doesnt make it any less valuable!!!!#just. auuuughh #i have a lot of thoughts about this #the ena team would not put in this much effort and creativity and symbolism and themeing just for shits and giggles #ok ill stop being a hater now. and I WONT go in the opposite direction and start wining about how a lot of theories (on youtube at least)#seem to ignore the more emocionally significant and symbolic themes in favour of basic or emotionally shallow takes.....#ggrhrgrh (through gritted teeth)... everyones interpretation is valid.. everyones interpretation is valid #whatevr. im just rambling. idk. i hope you get what i mean #negative #fandom critical #my own post

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meangirlsenjoyer · 5 months ago

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the dramatic jumper !!!

very similar to this shirt in the 2004 movie.

but the parallels are interesting because in the 2004, she wears the shirt pre-downfall and it's short sleeved, therefore it suggests that you know she's not mega insecure yet because nothing had actually happened to her yet. and also just a little bit dramatic, since again, nothing has happened, and she has no reason to overreact.

however, in the 2024, she wears the jumper post-downfall, and it's long sleeved, obviously meaning she's at her most insecure because her reputation has been ruined. and also just dramatic. not a little bit. just dramatic, which makes sense because she has a reason to act as such, given her circumstances.

#it's like i have espn or something ★#pls i made this up at like. two in the morning #does this even make sense😭😭#← i fear that's going to be a common tag on this account #idk gang im just bullshitting !!!!#sorry this has been so inactive this has been sitting in my drafts since december :(#ill try and get out more regular content !!!! emphasis on try #also idk if people want to see headcanons....... i have some :3 #mean girls 2024 #mean girls on broadway #mean girls broadway #mean girls musical #mean girls #mean girls 2004 #mean girls west end #regina george #rachel mcadams #renee rapp #reneé rapp

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acrowwithakeyboard · 7 months ago

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I cannot stress enough the scream I scrempt

I just want ONE trip through Falkreath without something (dragons) dropping from the godsdamned canopies

#and we aren't going to talk about the 3 imps and 2 trolls up the hill from this shitshow #pandemonium all a-fucking abound #make it through Falkreath without some bullshit challenge #at that point I was looking through her inventory at the potions shes inevitably gonna be downing to keep herself .02 seconds from death #legacy of the dragonborn #Avram Shazir #man was doing the work ill say that #the fact i didn't die after this recording is a shock #oc: rhin #skyrim #tesblr #tes #modded skyrim

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funpuddle · 6 months ago

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i say this as someone whos friends w a handful of plural/DID buds.. it's okay to come to terms with ur plurality. it's okay to say you have DID. its a frustrating thing to have and the world is very unkind to those with DID/who are plural. you kind of seem to brush off the really horrible trauma that seemed to happen to you really young, at least what i can glean from ur public posts and art. no, it's not normal for the bulk of everyone to have seperate identities or "guys" in their heads to cope with the world, but thats okay! no two people will experience mental illness in the same way. but sorry yeah, was going thru ur blog bcos ive been off tumblr for a min and saw the post conflating "alters/headmates" with "ocs/kinning". i mean this in the nicest way, they are not even close. me having a guy i project things i like/parts of me is not the same as having ur forming identity shattered into pieces by trauma and then ur brain coping to try and "fix" it by making a guy or guys to try and manuver the world

We all have parts maybe trauma just makes them more distinguishable. I was calling what were basically alters Ocs for the entire duration of middle and highschool and blurring the lines between straight up compartmentalized bits of self to serve a function, maladaptive daydreaming, and actual character writing. I think it's mostly fine with some awareness. For me it's just different words to describe things that perform the exact same function to various degrees. It's like a spectrum. But it's personal to everyone. I don't say that to negate my own trauma I say that but I think we can all be considered plural if we really looked hard enough.

Human brains don't follow DSM rules. Words and labels were made to serve us, not the other way around. I appreciate the sentiment it seems in good faith but in my opinion It's not helpful to fit brains in boxes

I am taking note of how it is safer to call an alter an oc than to accidentally call an oc an alter and perhaps I will have to think about that further and what it implies regarding internalized fears, but there is some genuine comfort in "not committing" to the idea and just letting feelings and thoughts come as they are, as they present themselves

#a little brainfoggy today so maybe ill make a better worded follow up but i dunno #its also noteworthy thag the way i was diagnosed(?)(got it put on my medical records at least) was total bullshit. i was 17 years old and #it was an over the phone. first appointment. like thats bullshit. thats proof this is all bullshit #esp since other people who actually know wtf was going on with themselves have to fight to be medically recognized like that #i did not know what the fuck was going on #“do yoh sometimes feel like there are other people in your head? do you hear voices?”#and i said yes i feel like a different person often and i hear voices but i dont hallucinate them.#its like someone else is beaming thoughts in my brain #and i said yes to dissociating often starting when i was 11 #get to see DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER everytime a doctor or Fucking dentists computer has my file open since then.#solidifying that its all bullshit and that diagnoses and medicalized terms are often farts in the god damn wind to me.#if doctors are being so flimsy like that then why cant we find some meaning where we want to?

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 10 months ago

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today just will not let me rest huh. reasons are in the tags but i get very emotional just be warned

#hush n shush wifi #just a tad sad #actually more like angry as shit #okay let me TELL YALL about my day #first: the annoying #i was going shopping at a grocery warehouse and you know how those parking lots are always super crowded?#well it was. there were no parking spots and there were so many cars and people trying to go everywhere #i scraped my wheels too which is fine but one of my relatives who likes cars acts like it's a sin #so that shook me up enough that i didn't go outside for the rest of the day #and THEN #OHHHH AND FUCKING THEN.#if anyone remembers the absolute ass of a person from last year who i thought was my friend but said horrible things to me out of the blue #WELL THEY CAME BACK #i never got a chance to block them initially because they blocked me first #BUT I GOT FUCKING MESSAGES FROM THEM TONIGHT #AND ALL THEY WERE SAYING WAS ESSENTIALLY THAT THEY MEANT WHAT THEY SAID #they said some bullshit about the execution being wrong and that their ex wrote it for them #which by the way is just scummy on its own #and that they get mad emotionally which is a horrible excuse #and had the AUDACITY TO ASK IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS #IN WHAT DELUDED SELF CENTERED WORLD DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN TO THINK I WOULD EVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN #my trust is a VERY VERY FRAGILE THING #AND THIS IS A VERY LARGE CONTRIBUTOR TO IT #this isn't an apology. they regret none of it #this is a way for them to make themself feel better #the scariest part is that this person by now is almost/IS an adult #which is terrifying if that means there are more people like that out there #i try not to wish ill will but i genuinely hope no one ever has to suffer through being their 'friend' ever again #anyways they're blocked on all of my platforms now.#if the person is somehow reading this. hi! never talk to me again. you're a horrible human being with no consideration for other's feelings

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loumauve · 21 days ago

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in other news: doctors (of the psychiatric variety) and therapists love me. got invited to participate in yet another study lol

#I know I'm making it out to be a funny thing here but it means a lot to me that my bullshit excuse of a life is of use somehow #I used to donate blood but then I had to start taking medication every day so I'm no longer allowed to do that. nor bone marrow or organs #which.. I get. before it was lithium for a few years now I'm back on anti-seizure meds bc that's the other treatment option for bipolar #(the kinder one imo bc being on lithium sucked ass. between the potential for organ damage and the thyroid issue and the tremors and #the limitations on what medication I could take during migraine episodes.. just not fun whatsoever)#but yeah. love to be studied lol #first it was cell phone usage behaviour and such being tracked for two years #then it was a study abt the effects of covid and resulting isolation on mentally ill ppl I guess idk it was a while ago #then there was that lithium study with the fancy equipment/spool thingie they shipped in from a university abroad for those MRIs #idk I just like contributing to what will hopefully at some point become the basis for some positive change #I often feel like I'm not as hopeful a person these days but this is definitely me investing in the future #if not mine then that of others. could still crash and burn but at least I'm still trying.#and who knows. mayne when I die some day I'll be able to donate my body to science too #don't get me wrong. I'd also love to just rot somewhere in a forest but that's expensive. and if it could help science then why not #not like I'm gonna miss by body when I'm gone. we don't have the tightest of bonds anyhow. just trudging along. two parts of.. something #if my body vacated the premises tomorrow and I was left out in the void where all things non-physical live I don't think I'd mind either #anyway. it's too late and I'm too sleepy to continue this line of thinking even if I do feel a yearning for that disconnect #but I'll leave that wish fulfillment to my dreaming hours. just like those lofty fantasies I've had about about other aspects of life #a day in the life of..#today we breathe and tomorrow we figure out the rest of life. one step at a time #(always we as in the me and the body. sometimes.. once in a blue moon the two align near perfectly and I get a glimpse #of what I might have been or been able to have had all thst shitTM not happened to me. but alas.. sth sth crying over spilt milk)#I will dream and we will rest and maybe tomorrow I'll pick myself up again and finally go bouldering again even if I feel weak and sad #even if I feel much too old to still be around. and too young to feel this tired. oh well. one day at a time

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blu-s0da · 2 months ago

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the painful irony of people still reblogging the "simpler pixel Markus" and not one of them reblogging that big pixel portrait I did. Like is the piece really that ugly or has no one bothered to click the link even once

#blu-s0da's-bullshit #like its not like i didnt have fun making that piece or the subsequent pieces that followed but like.#i spent several days on that pixel portrait after not doing pixel art for like 2 years lmfao #it makes me feel like its way shittier than i think it is #maybe because i gave up on the background #idk #also soz for being inactive #it is part in due to the fact that i havent been gelling with digital art recently #and it's so weird but i literally cannot touch my pixel program unless i have the right energy or inspiration #(definitely not an adhd moment /s)#ive had a few ideas for wec pieces (one vanilla one i really wanted to do but it has to be digital)#but i havent really gotten started on them #also my r&m brainrot is threatening to come back (we are on the cusp of s8 already i feel like s7 just happened💀)#and i had a different blog for that while this blog was inactive although idk if ill go back to it because i can barely tolerate the fandom #when im not fixated on it anyway #whatever this is not blu-s0da's-life-updates so if i post i post if i dont i dont #however obligatory apology to the peeps on ao3 even though im pretty sure most of you on here dont know mine explicitly #take my apology anyway lol. for any fic you may be waiting for🫡it will be updated some day. trust

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butchlifeguard · 9 months ago

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i mean i think we have to break up before christmas or so which is gonna be really embarrassing but its gonna avert the mutual emotional devastation that would be happening in early may

#its my fucking junior year. my parents cant know she even exists #this creates the conditions of me maintaining a secret relationship #with 4 ap tests. hosa comp if im lucky. spelling comp because theres no other option for me.#my recert and orientation for lifeguarding. figuring out fucking PROM. all my other bullshit finals #state vase also if im lucky. and organizing end of year events for multiple clubs #being kind of bitchy to anyone whos clingy to me would be the BEST option.#worst ill be indirectly violent or say some dumb shit and block yr number then have too much pride to unblock it #like ok. we deserve each other but she deserves someone who can commit to her more #(now that im saying that it would be the best rationale i can give tbh)#i dont wanna break up bc i like being with her but i have to schedule everything w my already wack fucking schedule #i can never have her over or tell my parents im going out w her and barely any of my friends know her #and honestly i dont want to break up bc it would make me sad and lonely #but i dont want to like. wait until i find a better girl because holy fuck thats insane #better meaning literally just easier. cis boyfriend that my parents like or cis Gal Pal that i can hang out with all the time #because the sneaking around shit is so much of my emotional bandwidth

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wabblebees · 1 year ago

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#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS #after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes #then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop #FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery #FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk #get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but #i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot #so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is!#Whole Laptop Crashes #WAHOO #typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me #luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious)#so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh #EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem #god i hate dealing with video as a medium #*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao #fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk #cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines #im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it #but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first #if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!!#so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !!#bee speaks #🤞🤞🤞

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weenieliker · 2 years ago

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🦐...

#making another bullshit post because i dont have anyone to talk to and talking in the tags is comforting as fuck for some reason #so here we go. hi gang dave here how are we doing tonight #sparkle off its thurday forget who you are yk how it goes #im so tired man ive had such a long week its been good but so fucking long you know like holy shit stuff just all the time #had a choir performance which was pretty badass #ive gotten further in rereading homestuck just watched me and my bro hug it out which was great #stridercest nation rise up #went to the dentist showed him my sick ass wisdom tooth necklace and he loved it and he took a billion pictures #gonna go to a new therapy support group thing try it out see how it goes maybe ill like it maybe i wont #these are just kind of life updates cause idk its weird to have shit happen and then just never talk about it to anyone really #been drawing a lot lately its nothing super cool but im having fun with it #i watched trolls 3 again tonight what a fucking fantastic movie cinema is alive and well #branch reminds me of karkat so much and its hilarious like thats just the same guy #i tried making hummus tonight but fucked it up it was too sour but no big ill try again another time #idk i think thats all ive got to say. thanks for tuning in see you next time

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arsenicflame · 19 days ago

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youtube

.... i guess if you want something done, you have to do it yourself

when will someone pick izzy up bridal style and spin him around? hm?

#finding this post while going through my tags after i recorded this video at mcm was HILARIOUS #ive BEEN ON this bullshit #nyxtalks #ofmd #cosplay #ive shared this video on instagram already & was gonna share it here at some point but when i found this post... well #i had to put it here #even if it was a ball ache to share because you cant add videos onto reblogs???? i hate this website #youtube upload not ideal but. its a solution thats better than instagram (which wants you to watch in app only)#anyway. i have desired to do this to him for more than two years by now. thank u to my beloved sage for helping me make this a reality #and for putting up with all my shenanigans #shout out to mcm's fringe stage for the tentacles. freak #shout out to ME for doing this in a corset & pretty high heels & day 3 of inadvisable activities for my knees #... ok ill stop #Youtube #this video is a strong reminder to touch up my wig styling. living in a box is beginning to get to her i fear

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inkats · 23 days ago

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i wanr to be drawing homosexuals so bad.

#i was shaken. i was asked out by some guy and accidentally gave him my insta. in a state of panic.#today was i socialized too hard 2 days ago and coulodnt leave my room yesterday and im slowly gently doing what i can to take care #of myself by going to safe spaces for short periods of time day. such as lecture and eating. NOT come ask me out strange man day #i do not have the mental capacities ! i barely do on a good day ! i want to talk about stupid shit #(the rise of conservatism and how to have a society that can care for each other . then followed by #only 2 paths for youth of today. trump or gay porn. then corn puns.) with my friend who has seen me cry 9 million times. thats where i am #please leave me be ! anyway this all compounded i can barely do my work i want to draw homosexuals.#i only have homosexual energy today. unfortunately.#i hate. being. mentally odd :(#i will graduate uni. and get 70 in calc 2. more pertinently. i want someone to hug #i have been wanting that a lot recently. might be pms. unsure. want someone to hug really bad though.#do u guys know how many times ive been asked out this month.#also.#i need my tall hot friend back.#yes there were issues in the fact that he is tall and hot and is smart and also implies im like the smartest person hes ever met #and i am only so strong. but like at least no man would even think to come up to me. even if he appears gay. they would never. ugh.#it was so freeing to be able to go around. whenever and wherever. even if he is a bit of a coward. no one bother me ! except him !#he may make me cry sometimes . or piss me off. or i piss him off due to being a little too autistic. atleast not fuckn.#ughhh . ok i feel better im still unfocused due to it being Recharge Day but. i just need to finish this sort of. and then i can sleep an #ill do my calc tomorrow instead i guess.#i have time.#i do have time.#ive started it and im still working ahead of deadline. i have time.#this is a drawing it doesnt need to be finished i just need to bullshit relation to the myth well enough.#it'll look like i put effort bc im good at art and fast at art. i just hold myself to a higher standard.#it'll be chill wait im chill. its all fine.#I'm still doing way better than last semester.#ok. cool perspective regained it fills me with determination etc gonna work on this fpr like 30 minutes hand it in sleep #and ill feel better tomorrow.#i dont know when i'll have enough drawing time again though all i want to do is draw.

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snekdood · 6 days ago

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any and all types of flies in my house deserve to perish <3

#dont care <3 #you lose my sympathy when you spread diseases and like to touch everything i like to use <3 #so long as you stubbornly insist on being here im gonna make it fuckin miserable for all of you <3 #everything you would want in here you can find outside and in more of abundance <3 theres no reason to be here <3 #i refuse to extend sympathy to pest bugs <3 ill appreciate them outside but nah not in here #iont give a fuck if he has an inherent right to live or whateva not when hes fucking my life up by insisting on being here #i hate this shit website that tries to make me feel bad for hating pest bugs. come live in here and ill record you and wait to see how long #it takes for you to snap.#tell me how one with nature you are then lil hoe #i can tolerate a lot of shit. i can even tolerate a lot of buggy-bullshit. but when it comes to my food n shit? nah #die forever dont care go extinct in my house for all i care fr <3 #you deserve ultimate suffering <3 #hey buggies- dont you think... perhaps... if you're desperate enough to try to eat my food while im eating it.....#perhaps... mayhaps... that means theres not enough food here to even justify being in my house in the first place?#ya ever think of that sometimes? bc ik i do #i think the bugs are a metaphor for the ppl who think im rich for some fucking reason and thinking they're entitled to everything i have #not realizing or accepting im poor as fuck and surviving on scraps rn #some people call flies 'monitoring spirits' which is a lil paranoid but in a metaphorical sense i could see that too #'gotta make sure hes poor otherwise im going to take everything from him' type evil-person beat #i see it more as an energy than a spirit tho

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fridgevespidae · 2 months ago

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i dont celebrate fictional birthdays but not because im opposed to celebrating the fictional birthday of characters and ahows and games and stuff but because i am always forgetting about them or by the time i heae about them its literally the birthday and i simply dont have the energy for a whole special piece and just decide ill do it next year. and once the next year rolls again i do it all again

#sorry to everything ive ever liked for never celebrating ur birthdays...#then again i struggle to remember most peoples birthdays #and dont tend to make things bc i forget and then i get worried that if i end up forgetting a different persons birthday #that only making smth for one and forgetting the other would make them feel bad #add in a few more mental gymnastics and ive never done things for birthdays in a while....#id like to in theory but . The Fear (and also the tiredness but mostly the ocd)#anyway i was supposed to be asleep its almost 5am but i somehow joke up #phone was playing some utube podcast with some guys i dont know. scary stuff #i put on a guy i likes videos to fall asleep to cus hes calm and nice to listen to #but when i go to bed ill set it to autoplay. but this sometimes has consequences that youtube puts on random bullshit after #and im like. who ARE you you are not that guy

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