#ill share it here when its out in the world but holy fuck i am so excited

[coffinbutch]

One of my stories got accepted for publication!!!

[lifesver]

[ louder, groundshaking boss music in retaliation ] howdy kels :)) i very much share the sentiment that meeting you has been nothing short of so amazing, hilarious, heartbreaking, and so much good vibes so far ♡ i've said it quite some times before i know, broken record, but truly am so very happy to have met you, gotten to write all these absolutely wild aus and dynamics with you and i am so very cheering on what all of it - and what you will bring to our dashes - in the coming year c: i'm very VERY much looking forward to seeing where you take leland, to be able to read all your newspaper publishings across the dash, and where these kiddos will take us all. im very happy to be in this little corner with you guys. :) ♡

you bring such a strong breath of life into leland - he's realistic, he's brave even when he's absolutely terrified and has no clue how to go forward. his love for his friends is so very clearly shown in everything you write regarding either the dires or the friends simply goofing around. he comes across like such a living, breathing character and its thanks to the dedication and love you put in for him. from a guy that gun seems adamant on reducing so badly ( and so fucking wrongly ) as so one-dimensional, icky gross jock stereotype, you've allowed him to grow into such a precious, adorable, kind-hearted guy that honestly? i feel most people would kill to have as a friend. he's silly and warm and goofy in all the right ways and when things go wrong he's so complex and fractured and his depth truly gets to shine in those darker moments.

which of course brings me to that note; all the flavors of the dire aus :))

it has been SO MUCH FUN and SO VERY HEARTBREAKING getting to write with leland and maria in NOSY in particular. their dynamic alone is so gut-wretchingly tragic just on surface level, but the depth that it sinks into, in all of their trajectories, all of their shared dynamics with johnny & lamb, their complex and confusing feelings towards the friends, its been absolutely a blast getting to brainstorm and shoot ideas at all hours about it and im so thankful i get to be part of that experience with both you and lamb. your minds and your love for leland and johnny really bring out such a passion in return to me to write and brainstorm more and its been an amazing experience bouncing ideas off from you two. i absolutely cannot wait to see how, whether in threads or in ask responses, NOSY / WSU and all its different trajectories and more play out as this new year goes on.

i also very much enjoy all the little ideas and hcs and posts we all get ot bounce off of one another - esp getting silly with the aliases, im just adoring all the ways that we're expanding these kiddos to places gun could Literally Never honestly.

ill end it here but know i admire you, your characterization of leland, the love you have for him that so clearly shows in everything you post, your writing as a whole ( because holy shit i adore leland's inner thoughts, how you describe the world and people around him at any given moment!! )and likewise that i read your work, even simple hcs, and its inspiring to get to form a reply to.

i love you and value you and your friendship and as a writing partner and i truly hope this year is nothing but great and rewarding to you as well!! ♡♡♡

UGH RENEE i finally reply to this bc it's so kind and i need it on my blog. i did not expect u to uno reverse me but perhaps i should have, in fact, known-- no but like idk man i don't have a lot of words but this means so much 2 me and i'm so happy to write with you and be ur pal and just be crafting these dynamics and completely out of hand narrative arcs. like it's so nice to just go off the rails w you ik i can pitch something unhinged and u will pull up with another several paragraphs and suddenly we're crying on the ground in shamblse. it keeps happening -- (and i love it)

ur so sweet TT___TT thank u for tolerating me and the jock we love u. i adore all our dynamics so much. and i wanna hype you and ur writing up all the time you always insp me!!! raaaa

i look forward to hanging out with you even more in the new year, and seeing all that you do with your writing on here, it's such a blast to collaborate, and you guys all keep me inspired to write on here and think of new stuff. (and shout out u in particular for always leaving me about a thousand inbox prompts that hurt my feelings that i am possessed to draft 23423432 word replies to. thanks for enabling my angst and drama and dire writing ur so real for that genuinely)

i have waxed poetic in ur inbox i'll shut up before i just ramble the same nonsense here but like ily sm MWAHH

[kiwikyuu]

➟ a list of my favorite haikyuu works

(across tumblr, in no specific order, with mini thoughts by me)

note:

- some works may include smut

— i am in awe of each and every writer and work on this list! the tumblr writing community is so cool and i just wanted to share a couple of my favorites for this fandom. happy reading

— if you are a writer mentioned on this list and would prefer for me to remove your work, please send me a message and i will immediately

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ KARASUNO

october — "warnings: cursing, mentions of hickeys, makeout session hehe"

this is a particularly great combination of suggestive (not smut!) and fluff. it's cute and it's realistic and absolutely adorable. it reminds me of what i wished my high school relationship was like.

this didn't happen | tsukishima kei — "WARNINGS: honestly i think this is cute, but theres some angst oops, pining, unedited, kissing, kinda sad if you can read between the lines, season three spoilers"

you don't understand. the writing. the set up. the execution. absolutely beautiful! sometimes you come across a work that just encases the characters perfectly and something about that is just so *chef's kiss*

karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o

this was such a soft headcanon with wholesome high school / coming of age vibes. for real transported me into each scenario

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ NEKOMA

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ AOBA JOHSAI

beautiful stranger — "tw: indirect and direct implications of suicide"

an 11/10 good read and probably my favorite oikawa work so far. if you're worried about the trigger warning, i would say it's not too heavy because the lighter parts balance it out

come on, let go — "contents: oikawa being your first love, tooth-rotting fluff, fem!reader, rebound?? he dates you to get over his ex, oikawa being an idiot 🙄👎 and happy ending!! ft. aoba johsai team."

i am a simp for oikawa and basically all the haikyuu boys but this one ohohoho this one was bittersweet but in the best way possible. it does end on a happy note tho :)

it was always there — "oikawa tooru x f!reader your friends always said that you’d never have to worry about seeing oikawa again. if only you knew how wrong they would be—and not just a minor wrong. the ‘I just got paired up with my ex-boyfriend for our class final project’ kind of wrong."

this was so cute. it's 12k words and was a great read. if you're a fan of ex lovers to lovers with a hint of hurt/comfort then i recommend this

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ FUKURODANI

broken — "warning - mentions of illness + death"

yes i cried. yes i couldn't stop. what about it :(

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ INARIZAKI

college student!miya atsumu hc dump — "pairing: gn!reader ; genre: so much fluff, headcanons/mini drabbles ; tag(s): fluff, slightly suggestive, just the underclassman years for now, based on the american college system ; wc: 1.2k"

simply this is the college experience i wanted. i absolutely despise relationships but this one right here made me doubt that for a moment there

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ SHIRATORIZAWA

the grey area ; tendou satori — "tag(s): college!au, stuco!au, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff, smut, tantalising witty banter, semi is a Good Bro™, reader is a fully developed character ; warning(s): profanity ; wc: 8.1k"

this,,,god this shit right here,,,this was sent down from so heavenly place because holy shit. this was so good. it was just it was SO good. i absolutely cannot form full sentences to even begin to describe how much i fucking loved this

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ GENERAL

the hq boys falling in love as love quotes found on the internet

gosh this hit different. it was so wholesome and ugh,,,,,,,brb sobbing. i loved it so much. i really am a sucker for soft haikyuu

haikyuu on a zoom call — "[18+] its back to school time for most of you, or if you’re like me you’re working from home, and thus our lives are dictated by a tiny little app called zoom. while skype mightve missed the mark, here’s what the world of hq does on zoom!"

y'all it's the way that this had me fucking LAUHING so much oh my,,,,like this was so good. completely accurate and made zoom seem a little less intimidating

random couple tiktok pranks you’d do to your haikyuu boyfriend

ngl tiktok is my most actively used app (spotify in background came at #1) according to my screen time report so this was just icing on the cake

hq boys office au

this is one of those hc's that just really make you wish the boys were real

gift giving || haikyuu — "warnings: suggestive, timeskip spoilers!!"

timeskip haikyuu make my brain go brr but this was so thoughtful and everything just made sense. i absolutely loved this and it was so soft!!

how you comfort them when they lose a game

my heart broke and was re made reading this

this list will continue to be updated!

[subspencer]

fun pregnant-with-spencers-baby things to think about

- you painting the nursery together, working on a different wall each. the paint is near spencer so u purposely go over to get more for your roller and 'accidentally' flick paint on him. he stands there, pretending to be stunned, and you laugh 'ooh did i get you? im sorry' and he just pushes his lips together, nods, and flicks paint back on you but it gets a little too close to your eye. hes laughing but also quickly takes your head in between his hands and wipes the paint off your face.

- youre 8 months pregnant and the weight of your belly is causing you so much pain. youre strong tho and can breathe through it. but spencer notices you wincing and wants to help, he comes up and starts rubbing your back. you laugh, trying to reassure him youre ok, and say 'if your child is this heavy now, you're carrying them when theyre born' and spencer wants to try something he's heard about/read about. he positions himself behind you, taking hold of your belly and slowly lifting it. its instant relief and your head falls back on his shoulder with a sigh of relief. 'better?' he asks. your eyes are closed now and you feel normal again for the first time since you got pregnant. 'so much. how much longer can u hold it?' 'how much longer do u want?' 'four weeks' he laughs and places a kiss on your head. its only a short maneuver to allow him to rest against a nearby bench, preparing himself to hold the weight of your belly for a few more minutes.

- when your water breaks, its in the late evening. spencer is down in the study researching something when you waddle in. he hasnt turned around from his desk yet but notices you there. 'aw baby youre not going to believe this...' and he starts to info dump on you when you cut him off 'thats great baby but my water just broke' and he snaps around so fucking fast, eyes wide. he jumps to his feet. 'really?' youre holding your lower back and smile through gasps. 'really.' a contraction takes you then and noise you make sends shock waves through spencer. for a moment he doesnt know which direction he should move in. 'shit!' he figures it out and grabs the go-bag youd been keeping by the coat cupboard near the door. he swing it over his body and then collects you - taking all your weight as he helps you to the car.

ill come back when ive thought of more. i think the team would be soooo excited for baby!spencer. more excited than theyre probably been for anyones baby because this is SPENCER REIDS baby like wtf this genius kid is about to be a dad what in the world

this has ruined me to no degree. i am in love with everything here

the playful sillyness of painting the nursery, you make pretty and intricate murals while spencer’s artistic ability only extends to painting the solid base color.

the humor in knowing the ways someone’s body works, sharing in your pain even though he knows he can only do so much to make you feel better. it doesn’t matter because you know that whatever bit he can do, he will do

being so wonderfully himself when you catch him by surprise, breaking him from his peace and he has this holy shit moment where he realizes this is finally happening

i love everything about this

[junkiee]

its literally not a disorder its the choices u make. and ppl who deal w addiction dont flaunt it off like its soemthing to be proud of like u do. u just show it off and glamourize it. ur an awful person

I’m not going to bother reading all of your long messages that you keep sending but you do not know my life, you know nothing about me and i shouldn’t have to explain myself to some anonymous person who has nothing better to do but follow me just to send me all the these messages. I will say it’s weird how you can say something like that and be so angry about me “glamorizing” addiction when i literally constantly post about how fucking awful my life is because of my drug use. There’s a HUGE difference between the fact that I’m open about my drug use and glamorizing it. Do you see my saying how awesome my life is being addicted to fentanyl? How cool it is when i overdose or how fun it is to not be able to go more than a few hours without it or I’ll be too sick to function? How super great it is when the people closest to me die? How good i feel when i can’t see my family or have to miss out on the world constantly because of the extreme effects of my depression and maybe I’m also too physically sick to go out? I especially love Not leaving my room/bed being alone here for literal months at a time because of how bad ive gotten mentally. I have mentioned a whole lot about how terrified i am and how i want nothing more than to live differently. It’s literally ruining my life i am getting physically sick constantly to the point of not being able to move or do anything except cry and scream and vomit on myself. Things are NOT good and i literally constantly fucking say this……holy shit i am the epitome of how life ruining addiction can be. SUD is a disorder that i am diagnosed with but I’m not about to argue about fucking medical terms with you because i know how much people like you love to tell people addiction isn’t a real life mental problem and I’m just literally not doing that whole thing. Once again you do not know me so you don’t know what I’ve worked for or been through. I’ve gotten sober many times, I’ve been to detox many times, I’ve gone to rehab multiple times, I’ve seen many therapists and gone through multiple psychiatrists, both of which I’m currently seeing and both DO actually know me. This entire time i HAVE been working towards sobriety and getting well. Every day is a struggle not just because of my addiction but other things going on in my life that i might not talk about here and my other mental illnesses. I don’t only struggle with addiction and was diagnosed with other disorders before i became an addict. Most of these things that go on in my life have to do with my other disorders. I am not well and I’m open about it. I am an addict and I’m open about it. I think that’s what makes people so angry. That I’m not too embarrassed to share that. Im sorry you think people should be ashamed of suffering from an addiction and mental illness and i really hope you can someday try and have compassion for those who struggle with something rather than hate them because you don’t understand it.

[that-cartoony-villain]

legends is back bitches! and yall know what that means.... im back to my bullshit that no one reads but its fun to comment anyway-

also i just got my second vaccine shot so my arm is kinda heavy and who knows if ill be able to concentrate fully on the ep~ this will be fun!!! lets go!

tired sheriff is a mood hope he doesnt turn into a big asshole cause lets be real hes a straight white man from the 20s texas hes going to be a little bit of an asshole

eeyyy they remembered about the portal!! so they didnt fuck up too badly! yet... and i was right when i had said they were going to pull a "its out of battery!" on us.... yay plotlines! i guess

wtf nate that was trully fucked up.... the man literally just "died" and his gf is out here mourning and you say that????? oh i hope they dont make zari and astra fight about john being gone, they could have a really nice friendship sharing the pain and supporting each other since he meant a lot to them both in different ways...

tarazi siblings, avalance AND esperastra being like that to each other??? i cant ;-; this is too soft pls give me more

of course the time bureau had a rule for every type of situation and of course ava and gary memorized them all... also yes to team makeover! and notice that sara never said straight about nate.... *i am looking*

dammit rory.... also i didnt miss that little zava interaction i love them theyre so cute... anyway everyone is gay because look at how theyre all sitting... no straight group of friends sit like that...

GLORIA BEST MOM i love her pls dont let anything bad happen to her ever again spooner deserves to have this time with her mami SHES TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD PLS GUYS DONT LET HER BE TAKEN... astra no pls wait shit LETS FUCKING GO thats hot NOOOO ASTRA

oh shit the feds! hide! not in the same place you idiots goddammit... a magic key that teleports you to the mansion in its own pocket dimension? cool! ITS IN HELL???? HOLY SHIT JOHN WHY??

lets go rob some banks!!!! every avalance interaction adds a year to my lifespan and i love it! "you love lists" *disgruntled nerd noises*

DONT BREAK THE FOURTH WALL BEHRAD! or should i say stop breaking the ceiling ;) love that woman and how everyone was very supportive of the robbery lmao

and true legends fashion they fucked things up this time for the worse!!

yes behrad you broke ava.... THE SERIAL KILLER STAN IN AVA HAS BEEN AWOKEN LETS FUCKING GO!!!! yes its your time to shine ava you go you funky lesbian!

gloria my beloved ;-; YES GIVE US ASTRA HAVING A MOTHER FIGURE SHE NEEDS IT my esperastra crumbs im not ready ;-; oh no the best friend hhhhhhhhh i guess this is as good as it gets..... yknow what fuck it ill take whatever crumb i can get!

GIDEON!!! WHY IS SHE NAKED PLS

no dont leave me hanging like this give gideon some clothes ffs...... SHES HERE!!! SHES FINALLY HERE!!! HUMAN GIDEON AAAAAAAA

i cant wait for the interactions with the legends and human gideon!! this is going to be exciting! im already pumped for next week!

[scullydubois]

Only the Light: Ch. 21

21/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: mid-s3 (canon-divergent) | T | 4.8k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic 

Hello, here is my ‘I didn’t plan for updates to take two weeks, but it always works out to two weeks’ post, right on time. Almost finished with this journey, thank you for sticking around <3

As Mulder helps care for his ill partner and her child, he enlists the Lone Gunmen to investigate the circumstances surrounding Scully's diagnosis. He and Melissa pay a visit to the three men, then Mulder gets an unwanted surprise back at apartment 42.

-------------------

As Scully’s world has shrunk, the amount of love in it has grown. This is small consolation for the hell she’s enduring, but it is the only antidote. She realizes this now that she’s staring down the abyss: all the knowledge in the world won’t save you, and wealth is nothing but a false comfort. What will live on are the parts of herself she’s left with others. Her goal for her remaining time, however long that may be, is to hold tight to those she loves...not to slip away until her heart stops beating.

This is hard when she already feels like less of herself. She’s doing chemo twice a week at Georgetown, and it’s brutal. She knew it would be...her only other choice is to get that gravestone of hers re-engraved. 

Meanwhile, Mulder pushed all other work aside to get in contact with the Mufon women. It only took him one day to do so, but Scully doesn’t know that, and for now, she doesn’t need to know. He’s keeping what he’s learned so far to himself...Betsy Hagopian is dead and has been since shortly after Scully saw her. Penny Northern is sick and not responding to treatment. A handful of other women, abductees like Scully, have developed rare cancers too.

It’s not something he knows how to talk about, such despondency. His world has always hinged on hope. That’s what his work on the X-Files is to him, one big leap of faith toward his sister. Or was, before Scully came along. It’s not that she diverted him from Samantha...no, she turned a very personal quest into something larger than him. Or her, or any one person they worked with. She pared it down to its core value, its overarching mission: the truth. Because the truth may hurt at first, but given time, it heals. And it is the only path to healing. This is what he’s learned from her. And now, he’s got to do everything he can to pass the revitalized world she’s shown him onto her. 

The arrangement falls into place without any friction: Missy handles the chemo run on Monday mornings, and Mulder leaves work early on Thursdays. Emily spends Mondays with her grandma, and Thursdays too when Missy works the night shift. 

Thursdays become something of a spiritual day for Mulder. The hours of approximately 3-10pm are spent doting on his partner--in her apartment, and then his car, then the hospital and his car again, and finally, back to her apartment. Mama Scully brings Emily back around eight, and if Missy’s not home, Mulder gets the honor of the bedtime ritual. The domesticity of it all tethers him to reality, maybe for the first time in his life. He’d give anything to change the circumstances, but it’s humbling to feel--for once--that he belongs on Earth. 

It is on one of these Thursday evenings that Mulder could swear he feels his whole life trailing behind him, leading him to the present. The end of the year is creeping up in its usual fashion, which means the outside world is a blanket of darkness before the stoves of countless suburban homes have even been started. Having settled her comfortably into bed with a pile of pillows, Mulder carries his partner a glass of water and pulls the wastebasket to her side; this is their routine now. 

“You doing okay?” he asks, lingering as she takes a sip of water. It will soon be time to make himself scarce so she can sleep.

She nods, gurgles a garbled affirmation. Mulder turns to go, and her heart leaps to her throat. “Will you stay?” she spews, embarrassed by her need. 

“Of course.” She’s unaware, apparently, that when he leaves it’s for her, not him. He approaches her bedside, lowers himself carefully beside her knees. “Any particular reason?” he murmurs, examining the sunken spaces beneath her eyes.

“I just...wanted to talk to you,” she says, and Mulder thinks there might be a bit more color in her cheeks than there was yesterday.

“Okay.” He leans in and sweeps a strand of hair off her forehead so lightly that Scully doesn’t even feel it. She’s apprehensive about being touched these days, and he has taken this knowledge to heart. She is grateful, and to show the extent of this feeling, she strokes his hand, allows him to take hers in his. He runs his thumb over each finger as they continue. 

He wants to ask what she’s thinking about, what it is that has so graciously extended his stay in this room. But he knows that she’ll get to it, that she has nothing to keep from him now. 

There’s a sincere serenity on her face that he’s never seen. And after a minute or two, she begins. “I didn’t think it could happen--and it certainly doesn’t make much sense-- but right now, I am happier than I have ever been.”

A string on Mulder’s heart, tightened to its prime, bursts without warning. 

She caresses the back of his head. “It’s so trivial, Mulder. So much of what we call life isn’t living at all. Or at least not the important kind.”

He lifts his gaze, eye contact conveying more than he could with words.

“But I’ve thought about the parts of my life that are living, and all of them, in some way, come back to you.”

Mulder shakes his head, feeling too flattered. “That’s not true…”

“You can believe whatever you need to,” she whispers, “but it is the truth, and I am eternally grateful that you happened to me.”

He tries to cough away some tears, which works about a quarter as well as he hoped it would. “Hold on, little lady.” He pats her hand in response to her smile. “I think you happened to me.”

Scully’s chest flutters in laughter. “Did I?” These subtle things have always been so important to them. 

“You walked into my office, remember.”

“Well, I guess it would depend on who changed the most due to the other’s influence then,” she reasons. 

Mulder just gives her a look. 

She smirks. “Okay, so maybe I happened to you, but you…” she chews her lip, and this could be any other day of any other year if she weren’t bedridden. She picks out her words-- “You completed me.”

Mulder spills forward, finding his footing and spinning into the middle of the room. “Holy fuck Scully, are you trying to kill me?”

“We’ve been searching for the truth. That’s the truth, Mulder. I wanted you to know.”

He sets his jaw. He won’t burst into tears in front of her, not when she has all the reason to cry and yet has been so strong. 

“You should get some sleep,” he tells her, hoping to expedite his exit from the room. 

“I will. And it’s okay to be sad, but not for me. My life is as whole as ever.”

He nods, though he doesn’t agree (what’s new?). He knew Samantha for eight years and has been sad for twenty. He’s known Scully for half that--so he gets at least a decade of mourning. 

“Sweet dreams,” he says, resting his hands on the door frame. “I’ll bring Emily in when she gets here.”

“Okay.” She closes her eyes, smiles. “Love you.”

“Love you too, DKS.” He blows a kiss and slips out, heat flooding to his face. This is the first time she’s said that unprompted, and is that what the threat of imminent death does to you? Pries you open? 

He wonders. Whose love is saving who?

-------------------------

The primetime line-up is flickering over the television when Mama Scully arrives with Emily, passing her granddaughter to Mulder like the family heirloom she is. They exchange a few words in short breaths, reserving the air supply for their dear Dana. Mama Scully agrees to come see her daughter this weekend rather than interrupt her much-needed rest now, and Mulder is suddenly single parent-slash-babysitter; the specifics elude him. 

Perfumed with baby powder from her grandmother’s overly enthusiastic hand, Mulder concludes that Em needs neither bathing nor changing. She doesn’t seem very keen on sleep either, seeing as how her little voice keeps calling out Moldy! and her little fists clobber his shoulders. Still, he will keep his promise. He carries her into the room she shares with her mother, stepping lightly lest the floorboards creak. 

As he circles the bed to lay the child beside her sleeping mother, he winces at the mess in the trash can. Good thing he moved it into place though Scully had seemed okay. He hadn’t heard any retching, and it saddens him that he wasn’t there to hold her hair back. He settles Em into place, makes a mental note to rinse the can on his way out. 

Her characteristically light sleep lightened further by her illness, Scully stirs from the shift of Emily’s weight against the mattress. She rolls toward the free side and flutters her eyelids open. Her smile is reflexive. 

“Hello baby girl,” she purrs. She lays a hand against her daughter’s polka-dotted onesie. “Did you have a good day with Grandma?”

Emily answers with some fluttery babbling and gropes for her mother’s nose. 

“I don’t think she’s very tired,” Mulder remarks, hands in his pockets. He smirks. “We should really find out what your mother feeds her.”

Scully pulls her lips into a grin, exhibiting a great deal more effort than she did just moments before. She blinks, rubs her eyes, and seems to go out of the world for a second. Then she sets her gaze on Mulder and speaks dreamily--”Will you tell us a bedtime story?”

“Oh!” Mulder scratches his chin, having expected his dismissal. “Do you think that would help…?”

Scully presses her head into the pillow. “I’m not gonna be able to fall back asleep until she does.”

That is a yes, served with some condescension.  

“Okay, well, let me think.” He perches on the side of the bed. “Regrettably, I did not get my degree in bedtime stories.”

“Just say what you know,” Scully mumbles. “We’re the only ones listening, and the goal is to put us to sleep.”

“I hope that’s not a comment on my conversational skills,” he teases, smoothing the sheets. 

Again, there’s a look of otherworldliness from his partner. She is somewhere else.

“Go on, tell us a story,” she hums, her surprising lack of impatience attributable to an equal lack of wakefulness. 

“Let’s see…” He stretches out, perching on his elbow by Scully’s feet like she did in the first motel they ever stayed in. Emily sits herself up and grasps for him. He laughs, lets her latch onto his fingers.

“There once was a little girl who loved horses and bugging her brother,” he begins. “Now, I’m sure she sounds like just about any little girl out there, but I promise, she was as unique as they come.” 

Scully closes her eyes and tilts her head back to listen.

“She always said she wanted to be a butterfly when she grew up so she could spread her wings and fly. And her parents would scoff and tell her that would never be possible, but she believed. She believed it would happen.”

Emily babbles along, adding her own colorful commentary. 

“I know, I know right?” Mulder muses to the little girl. “The parents were such jerks.”

He tickles Em’s stomach, then remembers that he’s supposed to be helping her go to sleep. He kisses her temple and begins stroking her knee, hoping to achieve a hypnotic rhythm. 

“And so one day, this little girl...well, this little girl got to go on an adventure. She left behind her house and her family, and she got to go up to the sky and see the stars, and it was everything she wished for.”

Scully opens her eyes slowly. Mulder’s focus is centered on Emily, who stares up at him with the awe of a museum-goer seeing the Starry Night. It is as if they are the only two in the room, and this gives Scully great comfort, for she can imagine them having a life after she is gone.

“The girl’s family was sad because they didn’t know where she went. The girl’s brother missed her the most, but it was okay because the girl was happy. She got to fly through the sky like a bird or a plane, and she achieved the dream that her parents thought would never come true.”

Em’s breathing begins to slow into sleep. And thank god, cause he’s running out of story to tell.

“Lay down, little girl.” He guides her onto her back so she can drift off without difficulty, then clears his throat softly. 

“Some say that if you see a light in the night sky, that’s this little girl, floating among the stars, living her dream. And her brother, well, he’s pretty fond of that thought. He just wants her to be happy.”

Silence falls over the room like a throbbing sensation of unknown origin. Emily’s eyelids struggle between open and closed, and Mulder knows she will soon be out. Scully’s baby blues, meanwhile, peer at him with such unflinching intensity that he suspects she has fallen asleep like that. It is haunting, but it becomes much less so when she blinks and he realizes that she’s looking at him, that she heard the whole story.

“Is that what you wanted?” he whispers, half expecting her not to answer.

“It was beautiful, Mulder. Samantha lives on.”

He smiles from his eyes...oh, of course it was obvious, his little tribute to his sister. Scully said to work from what he knew, and this myth is something he’s used to keep himself going since his family realized that there would be no happy reunion with Sam. He’s happy to share his fantasy; such escapes are needed now.

----------------------

Melissa’s heart leaps when she opens the apartment door to an empty living room. The TV drones out its slapstick laugh track, contributing to the ominous atmosphere. She’d expect to see Mulder taking up a restless refuge on the couch, or maybe sneaking a late night snack to Em. Her sister should be fast asleep by now, her little world able to slacken its hold on her. Unless she is no longer afforded such luxury…

Missy rushes toward Dana’s bedroom, her purse still on her shoulder. In the doorway she slows as her eyes adjust to the lack of light. And thank goodness because three silhouettes catch her eye; a medium one buried under the covers, a large one strewn diagonally across the bed, and a small bump barely visible on the far side. A snore of unidentifiable origin is the only disturbance. Missy smiles to herself. All the missing persons are accounted for and well. She can continue with the blissfully bland routine of her night. 

She washes her face and brews some chamomile before settling on the couch with the week’s issues of Mad Magazine and Vogue. Yes, she contains multitudes. She’s up to the Spy vs. Spy comic when Mulder strolls in, yawning. 

“I guess my bedtime story was effective.”

“Mmm.” Missy scoots her mug over so he can prop his feet up. Dana hates feet on furniture, but she’s got a child in the house now, so she’ll have to let go of those judgments. “How is she?”

“Oh shit.” She’s jogged something in his memory. “I meant to grab the trash can on the way out.”

Missy knows what this means. “I’ll get it in a second.”

Mulder nods in silent gratitude, relaxes back into his spot. “She seemed livelier than usual when we got home.”

 It hits him that he said home, not back. And well, it is Scully’s home. What about him? He sleeps on the couch and he doesn’t pay rent...that’s how he lived at Oxford, though he gets the feeling that it’s not as evergreen at thirty-three years old. 

These days, he only goes to his place on Sunday nights to get (what he considers) a week’s worth of clothing--two work outfits (hey, he never really sees anyone but Scully anyway) and one casual outfit that doubles as pajamas. He bought a bunch of fish feeding tablets so all he has to do is drop a few in on Sunday and the fish are set for the week. As far as he can tell, at least. None of them have floated to the top of the tank yet.

“And Em is all good?” Missy confirms.

Mulder nods. “Your mom takes good care of her.”

“I think I know the answer to this, but do you want some tea?” Missy asks, flashing her mug.

“No, no, save it for yourself.”

“Alright.” She flips a page in her magazine. “Just let me know when you’re ready to kick me out. Since I’m kind of in your bed and all.”

“I should be telling you that,” Mulder counters. “You don’t mind me staying here, do you?”

“Not at all.” Missy lays the magazine on the table. “It’s important that you’re around.”

“Really?...For what?”

“For who,” Missy corrects. “Emily needs you to give her balance, and Dana...she just needs you. You’re the safety net under her tightrope.”

“Oh.” This metaphor grounds Mulder better than gravity ever has.

Missy seems to sense this and takes the opportunity to profit off his vulnerability. “So what’s gone on between you?” she asks, an eyebrow arched.

Mulder squints at her. “Huh?”

“I keep waiting for Dana to kick you out or get irritated about you being around all the time,” Missy says with honest simplicity. “But instead, she lets you take her to chemo and fall asleep in her bed…”

“Well, I think the former is more ideal than the alternative, which is that I watch her child,” Mulder replies. “And I fell asleep on the bed, not in it.”

“Okay.” Missy sips her tea, keeps her eyes on him. 

It’s pointless for Mulder to try to keep secrets anymore. He wrings out his hands. “If you must know, when you dropped her off at my apartment after her appointment, we... came to a mutual understanding.”

“Ah.” Missy is not surprised by any of it. Of course it happened. Of course her sister hasn’t mentioned it. 

“Why are you just asking about this now?”

“Cause I expected my suspicions to be proven wrong, and that hasn’t happened.”

Mulder nods, taps absentmindedly on his knee. “Actually, I have something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” She’s intrigued. The enigmatic Fox Mulder, divulging on his own accord. 

“Don’t get excited, it’s not good.” 

Damn. Missy reels herself in. “About Dana?”

“About what happened to her or...what is happening to her. It’s about the Mufon women.”

Missy curls her legs beneath herself. “You reached them?” 

He nods. “Well, Penny Northern’s hospice nurse picked up when I called. She’s got stage four tumors throughout her body that migrated from her nasopharynx.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Apparently most of the other abductees have cancer too. And Betsy Hagopian--the woman who Scully saw in the hospital last spring--is dead.”

Missy’s gaze drops to the floor. “So the invasive procedures that the abductors did are killing these women.”

“One doctor’s treating them all--he’s supposed to be a specialist--but it doesn’t look like he’s having much success.” Mulder pauses, his mouth partially open.

“What?” Missy presses.

“The Lone Gunmen and I have been looking into him, and we think that he might have been involved in the abductions.”

Missy barrels forward. “You think he did this to them on purpose and now he’s letting them die?”

Mulder nods solemnly. 

“Well, we have to stop him. We can’t let any more patients go to him, especially Dana…”

“I know. I’m going down to see the Lone Gunmen tomorrow after work if you want to join me.”

Missy contemplates. “I have the lunch shift tomorrow, so I could. What would we tell Dana?”

“I’ll say that Skinner is keeping me late to go over some paperwork. You could say whatever, she’s not going to question you.”

“I hate to leave her alone for so long, but...yeah, we have to do this.” She leans back, takes another look at Mulder. “You might just save a lot of women, you know.”

------------------------

Missy feels unseen eyes bore into her as she and Mulder approach the basement entrance of a helter-skelter building. She doesn’t recognize the part of town they’re in, and she doesn’t ask. 

Mulder hits the button on a call box beside the door. Before he can speak, a voice leaps out at them.

“Howdy Mulderoony.” Mulder recognizes it as Frohike’s voice. “Glad to see you made it safely.”

A variety of locks and chains are undone, the door pulled open. 

“Join our ménage a trois,” Frohike says, ushering them in. 

“We can’t stay long,” Mulder tells them, squinting as he adjusts to the darkness of their realm. “You guys forget to pay the electric bill or something?”

“We’re conserving electricity,” Byers says, a shadow in the corner of the room. “It’s good for the environment.”

“I didn’t realize the environment was on your list of concerns.”

“It should be on everyone’s list of concerns,” Byers throws back matter-of-factly. 

Mulder slides his hands into his pockets. “Touché.” 

Ringo comes forward from the darkness, his hair as tressed and greasy as ever. “Well lookie here. Dana Scully in the flesh.”

Frohike inserts himself between them. “You can’t be serious, pool boy. That’s not her, I’d know her anywhere. It is, however, an equally lovely woman.” He takes Missy’s hand and kisses it. “My lady.”

Missy participates with amusement until Mulder brushes Frohike aside.

“Okay boys, lay off. This is Scully’s sister Melissa. And I believe she’s taken.”

Frohike bows. “A lucky man.”

“Woman,” Missy corrects.

“Oh. Excusez-moi."

Tucked in the darkness, Byers scoffs at the childish antics. “Come on, let’s cut to the chase. Lives are at stake.”

“I’m glad to see someone has a brain around here,” Mulder quips. 

Ringo pats Mulder’s shoulder. “Not all of us got a full-ride to Oxford, but hey, I’d say we’ve done pretty well for ourselves.”

“Calm down, Ringo. You’d still be the smartest member of the Ramones.” 

Like an unleashed dog, Ringo lunges forward, and Byers and Frohike pull him back. They are quite used to this. 

“You can insult me, but never speak ill of the Ramones!” Ringo growls. 

Mulder puts his hands up, smirks at the permission he’s been given. “Happily.”

Missy clears her throat, her amusement wearing thin. She’s like her sister in this way.

Mulder gets the memo. “Right. Can the trash talk, we’re here to catch a criminal.”

“If he is, in fact, a criminal,” Byers remarks.

Missy frowns. “Haven’t you proved that?”

“We’re connecting the dots, but we haven’t completed the picture yet,” Byers replies. 

Mulder circles around to Byers’ monitor. “What have you got?”

“This doctor, Scanlon, isn’t just an oncologist,” Ringo begins, as if Mulder asked him. “His name is associated with the Lombard Research Facility.”

Mulder and Missy both give him a look. More, more!

“A high security medical research center in Allentown,” he clarifies. 

“We’ve hacked into some of the security cameras,” Frohike tells them. “We’d have to get in to see for ourselves, but the activity is rather suspicious. The same men, in and out, at odd times. Whatever they’re storing in there, it’s significant.”

“Then let’s get in,” Mulder emphasizes. “You be the eyes and ears, I’ll be the legs.”

Ringo nods. “We’re working on it.”

“We need to observe their weekend patterns before we make any moves,” Byers insists. “We don’t set up our missions to fail.”

“Fine, but as soon as you’ve reached your confidence threshold--”

“We’ll call you,” Ringo promises.

“What are you expecting to find?” Missy asks, frenzied. “Will it help Dana?”

Frohike drums his fingers on the desk. “That’s the plan.”

Byers nods. “We can’t be sure exactly what we’ll find, but the connection is clear: Scanlon was involved with the abductions, and he’s exploiting these women for his own benefit.”

Melissa shivers involuntarily. “It’s amazing that you’ve figured this out.”

Ringo twirls a pencil through his hair. “We have a lot of free time on our hands.”

Mulder takes a shot at the mini-basketball hoop they have, misses. “And you’d better use it all to implicate Dr. Scanlon’s ass.”

Frohike does a two-finger salute. “Aye aye captain.”

Mulder thumbs toward the door. “Now we’ve gotta get out of here before the smell sticks to us. Scully will know exactly where we’ve been,” he smirks.

“Can’t argue with that.” Frohike shows them to the door. “Give the lady my regards.”

“Will do.” He turns back, exchanges a serious glance with each man. “Sort this out, boys.”

Just as quickly as they came, he and Melissa step out of the chambers and ascend back into the sun’s dominion. Entrusting those three with the well-being of a woman they love so much is far from ideal, and yet, they’re throwing all their faith into it.

---------------------------

Mulder slides his key into the door of apartment 42 shortly after seven on Sunday evening. He hasn’t been in for a week, and yet a vivid scent of...smoke sticks about the place. And a wrinkled mess of a man to go with it.

The old man lifts his chin. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Mulder is no longer naïve enough to be taken aback by Cancer Man’s ambush. He shrugs and slides his coat off. “Well, you are in my apartment.”

“I’ve heard that your partner is very sick,” CSM says, his steps so clunky that Mulder wonders whether the downstairs tenants will complain. 

“What grapevine did you get that from?...Or are you the one growing the grapes?”

“It saddened me to hear. Agent Scully is a valuable member of the Bureau.”

Mulder nods. “You here to pass on your condolences? Cause I’m pretty sure you could just send a card.”

“I’m here to propose a solution...The doctors say your partner’s sickness is incurable. This is not true.”

“Smarter than the doctors, are you?”

“In this case I am.”

A bitter laugh rises from Mulder. “So I’m supposed to believe that you were involved in sickening Scully, yet you want to save her?”

“We all have our regrets.”

“And I have no reason to trust you.”

“Upon learning about her child, I feel a deep need to intervene.”

“Mmm.” Mulder begins to pace. “And by learning about her child, do you mean when Scully’s ova were removed and fertilized without her knowledge? Because I have a hard time believing that you didn’t know a thing about Emily until Scully got custody.”

“Certainly I did not foresee Emily ending up in her mother’s custody.”

“What was the purpose then, of Emily? To terrorize a woman by taking away her bodily autonomy?”

CSM shrugs. “That’s not my area.”

Mulder scoffs. “Okay you old freak. Tell me how to save Scully’s life or get the hell out of here.”

The wrinkled man folds his hands. “She had a silicone implant removed from her neck. Put it back in.”

Mulder freezes. “Are you serious? That’s your miracle cure?”

CSM nods. “It is the only way to save her life. Removing the implant is what caused the cancer in the first place.”

Mulder steps forward, getting in the old man’s face like a middle-school bully. He’s ready to throw a punch--honestly, ready to kill the man--if need be. He could do it. Easily. He could.

“What does the implant do, Cancer Man?”

“Believe it or not, it is meant as a sort of inoculation. It offsets the negative effects of any tests performed during the...time away.”

“Uh-huh, and what do you get from it?”

“Who says I get anything from it?”

“How else would you know that she had it removed?”

“I am everywhere, Agent Mulder.”

Mulder loses his thinly-veiled calm, wraps his hand around the man’s saggy neck. “You fucking pervert, I’ll kill you! I’ve killed a man before just like this. Tell me the truth.”

“This is the truth,” CSM wheezes, not intimidated by his rapidly deteriorating air flow. His cold, hard eyes stare into Mulder’s. “You wouldn’t kill a man over nothing, would you?”

Mulder squeezes harder, his fingers gripping the man’s pulse. He watches the light drain from his victim’s eyes. All the old bastard does is smirk at him. 

Angered by this more than anything, Mulder releases the man so suddenly that his bony body is thrown into the wall. He keeps his footing, stumbles forward.

“Get out,” Mulder growls. When he doesn’t respond, Mulder pokes his finger at the door. “Get out now!”

CSM dusts himself off and walks out, the pompous smirk never leaving his face. Mulder slams the door shut behind him. 

There are certain truths he cannot escape. If Scully has made him believe in Heaven, CSM has made him believe in Hell.

[troop52]

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

[vlogsquadssquad]

model for me - pt. 2

summary: a continuation of model for me. David and y/n go out to town for another shoot, will they be able to resist each other for the photos?

a/n: I feel like this one is so short but A LOT of people have asked for a part 2. I think its cute and im thinking of doing a pt 3, ill try to make that one extra long.

warnings: drinking, language, alluding to sex.

mood board:

your instagram post:

- YOUR POV

“so i saw that picture you posted on instagram,” david says as i walk into his house. “you know that’s against our contract for you to post sexy photos on your own instagram.” i laugh now realizing he’s kidding.

“oh, you thought it was sexy?” i say as i head over to the couch where he sat. he clears his throat.

“nope. definitely not sexy.” and then side smiles to me. i roll my eyes.

“what are you working on?” I ask plopping down next to him.

“well i’m trying to find inspiration for our next shoot. i feel like we’ve already done all the big stuff so where does it go from there?”

i take a minute to think and David tries to read my expressions. “you could tape me to your wall naked!” he throws his head back in a big laugh. “or you could put a giant snake on me... naked.” i giggle at the thought. he raises an eyebrow,

“hey those are good ideas.” his tongue poking out slightly.

“no no please don’t take me up on those offers” i laugh nervously.

he looks to me and for a split second i feel almost sexual tension. he glances to his hallway.

“NATALIIEEEEE, ORDER A GIANT PYTHON!”

“NO NATALIE DO NOT DO THAT!!!”

“NATALIE YOU WORK FOR ME DO IT!!”

“holy fuck you guys why are you screaming?” she says as she walks down the hall.

my face goes slightly red and i giggle.

- texts w/ davey😈

< i came up with an idea

oh god what is it? >

< late night, fun, blurry, slightly sexy photos! i’ll send some inspiration.

wow they actually look good! let’s do it! tonight? >

< yes and bring a couple outfits. we’re going downtown and i have a hotel booked to change in.

thank you daddy d!! >

< shut the fuck up 😂

- DAVIDS POV

“hey you ready yet?” i ask as i walk into her house. she texted me to come in. i look around the dark house. “hello? y/n?”

“BOO!” she yells out around the corner

“fuck, i knew it.”

“no you didn’t! don’t lie to me! i totally got you!”

“ok ok you totally got me.” I chuckle.

i take a minute to take in her outfit. she looks beautiful in red.

“i’m gonna go get my suitcase of dresses. i’ll be right back.” she says to break the silence.

- in the car

“im so excited, the pictures you sent me looked sick!” she says to me. I glance her way and flash her a smile. 

“yeah and I have the best model in LA so it'll be breezy.”

she smiles at me and my heart melts. I look back at the road and try to focus.

- at the hotel

“wow David, its beautiful!” she says as she opens the door to the hotel room.

“yeah I liked this hotel as a background. its gorgeous.” 

“hmm, one bed huh?” she raises an eyebrow to me and giggles.

I sigh, “well we’re not staying the night, but if its too weird I can go down-”

“David! calm down I was just teasing you.” she smiles. she puts her hand on my shoulder and I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. 

“okay, well im going to go set this down and then we’ll head out?” she nods to me

I nod back. I find myself watching her as she walks away. I felt guilty so I looked down at my hands. already sweating again. these shoots were a bad idea. considering ive had feelings for her for a while. how could I not? she's everything ive wanted. I get pulled from my thoughts when I see her coming around the corner.

“you ready?”

“as ill ever be.” she kinda looks confused but I usher her out the door with camera in hand. 

- YOUR POV

“stand there real quick. look fierce.” 

“okay now maybe lay across the stairs? pull your dress, show some leg, girl!”

I giggle. he's such a goofy photographer. 

“did you shave your legs?”

I throw my head back in a laugh and I see the light flash.

“that one was perfect.”

“can I see it?” I ask.

“damn yeah it looks great.”

he smiles to me. “okay, lets take a few more and then we’ll go change.”

- the hotel room

“listen I know its 9pm but were you planning on feeding me? I don't work for free.” I look at him waiting for an answer.

he chuckles as he sets his camera down.

“yes, im starving. lets get at least one more dress done and then we can go eat.”

“ok cause I was about to have to call my union.” he laughs at my joke.

I head to the bathroom to change. I have a couple more dresses but I decided to go with this pink club-y type dress. as I slide it on I take one more look in the mirror. I sigh and fix my dress. ill never be pretty enough for him. all night i’ve been having thoughts, ‘maybe he likes me too.’ I know i’m not his type so why am I even entertaining the idea? I turn off the light and head out.

I do a playful spin.

“whatcha think?”

“you look like a dork.”

I stop and pout. “what do you mean?”

“well, ive given you enough compliments on how beautiful you are today. i don't want your head getting too big and leaving me for a real photographer.” 

I laugh, “no, no. real photographers would pay me in money,” I grab my phone off the table and he grabs his water. “you pay me in burgers, so im all yours.” he laughs as he opens the door for me and I walk out of the hotel room once again. we take a few photos of down the hall and in the elevator. finally we get outside and David sees a perfect seat for me. 

“aha! sit there!” I laugh at how excited he got. 

“okay, okay, calm down. you'll pop a woody.” I laugh

he throws his head back in an infectious laugh.

“you wish.”

I cover my face as it gets redder and he snaps a photo.

“don't take a picture!” 

“sorry, I love the candid ones.”

I laugh and another flash goes off. at this point its just flash after flash he's laughing and im yelling at him to stop. im sure there's some not so pleasant ones in the bunch.

“hey, lets go back up, get changed, and then eat.” David offers after we settle down.

“we barely took any though!” 

“I know, but im hungry, and we took a bunch in the hall, and its getting late.”

“first reason was good enough for me. lets go!”

- DAVIDS POV

we sat down at this nice place to eat. she wanted steak so I asked Natalie where the best steak in downtown was. she said this was it. she's wearing a simpler dress now. probably still thinking we’ll end up taking more pictures. I just want to be with her, honestly. she's so funny and smart. 

“anything to drink?”

“cosmo please.” she says.

“just a water for now.” 

“a water?” y/n says as the waitress walks away. 

“yeah, I didn't know we were drinking! I have to drive back!”

“we can always take an uber, and ill have you know today has been very stressful. I had to change my dress three times!” she says as she flips her hair. I just laugh at her. she's so great. 

“here's your drinks, can I get you any appetizers?” 

“actually ill have a margarita please.”

y/n gasps, “David dobrik!” I laugh and the waitress smiles.

“coming right up.”

“wow I can't believe I pressured you into a drink.”

“hey, ive had a hard day too. I had to click this little button like 150 times.”

“our lives are so hard” she smiles as she takes a sip of her drink.

we finally start eating but im already feeling the buzz. we’re definitely taking an uber. everything y/n says is so funny.

after many many laughs and drunken slurring we call an uber and head back to the hotel.

“so we’re crashing here?” y/n asks slightly slurred but a lot better than before.

the hallway looks like its spinning in slow motion.

“I guess, I can sleep on the couch though.”

“no, its fine. I don't care.” she says as I open the door.

she's laughing so hard as she stumbles in. she's gorgeous. suddenly im thinking a little clearer. she just said I could share a bed with her.

she jumps on the desk and asks if I want room service.

I chuckle to myself and grab my camera.

“we just ate!”

“oh fuck we did didn't we?” she laughs. I take a quick photo and her eyes dart to me. 

“hey, I wasn't ready!” she throws a note pad at me.

“im sorry, im sorry,” I pause to smile. “you're just so incredible.”

“what...?” she whispers now.

“I know im drunk and tell me im being a creep, but I just have to get this off my chest.” she searches my face for any clue I could give for what im about to say. I step closer. “I have the biggest, fattest, crush on you.”

she bursts out laughing. im a little taken back. is she laughing at me?

“umm... okay..” I say, suddenly embarrassed by my confession.

“no no!” she yells as she's hunched over laughing. “I just- I can't-” she pauses to breathe. “I was in the bathroom today feeling shitty because I thought I wasn't your type.”

“what are you saying?” I ask, slightly smiling.

“ive been crushing on you sooooo fucking hard!” she yells. I go closer to her and put my finger over her mouth shushing her.

“people are sleeping and while I want to shout from the rooftops, I also don't want to leave this hotel room.” I say. she nods her head and looks me in the eyes. my finger still in front of her mouth.

“you make me the happiest guy in the world.” I whisper.

“you make me the happiest girl in the world.” she whispers back.

she moves in closer until our lips are finally connected. she's soft and sweet. my hands find their way to her back. her hands are in my hair. suddenly we’re moving faster and our kiss is getting stronger. I never want to leave this hotel room.

--

my eyes slowly open to the sunlight shining through the room. I rub my eyes and look around the room. I see a naked y/n next to me. her hair falling perfectly around her shoulders as she lays on her side. her naked back looks like art. while I love the view im also confused. then I realize im naked and my heart starts beating out my chest. it starts coming back to me in flashes. our magical night. her breaths are long and deep so I know she's still asleep. I flip over and grab my phone from the nightstand.

JASON: David answer your phone, what's going on?

NAT: call me asap

ILYA: are you guys serious rn?

MEGAN (publicist): Dave we need to talk

TODD: check twitter dude!

why is my phone blown up? I open up twitter and there I see it.

“David dobrik and y/f/n caught in bed!” read the article title.

“fuck” I groan.

“Dave?” I hear a little voice from behind me.

part threeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!?

[sukirichi]

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ] 

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan​

from track 007. 

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

 YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ] 

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

[paradife-loft]

Close reading all the Jin Guangyao scenes: episode 24

Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 22 | Episode 23

The title of this is a lie, actually, since the first half? two thirds? of this is going to be finishing up with episode 23, but ah well.

So, I left off with the previous episode right after the deeply unfortunate clusterfuck of a conversation between Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Jin Guangshan, followed by “sometimes war crimes can double as grooming your extremely emotionally vulnerable son, and that’s terrible”. Which means now, it’s time for…

Swearing an (extremely ill-advised) oath of holy fratrimony!

This is a bit of speculation, since we see almost no detail on what went into the decision to become sworn brothers, but my read is that it at least partially reflects a political motive – tying prominent members of three clans together, rebuilding the rather demolished state of firm alliances and power left in the wake of a major war – while also reflecting a personal desire I think on Lan Xichen’s part to repair the rift between his two good friends, and offer them each a promise that they won’t be left isolated in the middle of larger forces trying to break them down.

The political aspect becomes a bit more apparent when considering the wording of the oath itself, actually: “We are liable to the immortal sects. We are to bring peace and stability to the commoners… If there is a change of heart, one will be faced with a thousand accusing fingers, and the wrath of Heaven and men!” – While this reflects a shared set of values, certainly, it also strikes me as relevant that these three, two of them current sect leaders, are swearing essentially not to become like the Wen clan that they’ve just deposed: they’ll be accountable to others, they’ll work for the benefit of those living under their authority, rather than capriciously throwing their weight around for personal gain.

Oh, and also - I’ve mentioned before, the dramatic irony here in how the consequences they invoke for failing to uphold the principles of their sworn brotherhood are in fact exactly what happens to Jin Guangyao in the end – given what’s to come, the oath he’s swearing ends up being more like a curse. Don’t swear oaths, kids, it never works out well. Of course, at the time, I don’t think he has any intention at all of betraying those principles – the “bring peace and stability to the commoners” part is certainly something he makes an effort to follow up on, once he has the power to do so! Still, for something that starts out with an explicit declaration to not be the sort of evil that Nie Mingjue so straightforwardly abhors, it’s… a very sad outcome.

Moving forward, we have… the most awkward set of greetings in the entire world, I swear. Mingjue shows up to the post-victory banquet and gets offered the world’s most politically-fraught location on the seating chart; Lan Xichen then reminds Jin Guangyao in front of the assembled members of three(!) separate sects to call him da-ge instead of Chifeng-zun. Jin Guangyao redoes his greeting/offer with the most intense deer-in-headlights look (pictured above), pretty clearly aware that Mingjue is not about to be happy with him. (This little exchange, including the encouraging nod also from LXC to NMJ, is further evidence beyond simply their general personalities I think, that Xichen was the driving force behind the brotherhood oath, especially in a personal sense.) But also, it serves as another piece of foreshadowing future events: knowing Mingjue is unlikely to be happy with the offer of Wen Ruohan’s old throne, Jin Guangshan hands the actual task of offering it off to Jin Guangyao. Here at least, Mingjue doesn’t get distracted from who’s really behind the offer, and addresses Jin Guangshan in vehemently refusing the seat; but it nonetheless continues establishing the pattern where JGS uses Jin Guangyao to be the primary face of his own less-than-savory political maneuvering.

(Which in general, makes me think it’s kind of interesting that he does have Jin Guangyao there greeting guests with him in the first place, and not Jin Zixuan? It’s a bit difficult for me to read what the status of co-greeter is supposed to be – second-in-command, or glorified servant? I think there may be a little bit of both, if JGY is there on one hand because he was the one setting the banquet up, but on the other hand also, because JGS wants to parade him around as his very own hero of the Sunshot Campaign, as Sect Leader Yao is so kind to remind us.

And then there’s... the one-on-one chat with Wei Wuxian.

First off, I’d like to link people to this post by @hunxi-guilai​, which honestly just goes over… a lot of what I probably would have liked to say about the implied meanings in this conversation. Essentially: Wei Wuxian is interested in what’s going on with this other Sunshot hero who also seems to be not carrying any sword (in a scene where we even see Jiang Yanli carrying hers!), and who had previously used a somewhat unorthodox weapon for his Wen Ruohan stabbing. Jin Guangyao though, is… not really interested in drawing attention to either of those facts (and I’m sure not in a way that would see him in solidarity with WWX), considering “unorthodox and outside the standard set of accepted behaviours in cultivator society” is the opposite of what he’s trying to look like right now.

Relevant to this, honestly, is the question of “what the fuck exactly even is a soft sword,” which CQL does approximately nothing to explain on the face of it, and only very implicitly does so if you’re obsessive like me and try to take blurry screenshots to compare the sword we see stabbing WRH with the sword that Jin Guangyao uses when fighting WWX’s paperman in episode 41.

Which do appear to be the same sword, inability to get a good clear look at it in either context notwithstanding. Oh, and JGY seems to have either repainted or swapped out the hilt, at some point in the intervening years – perhaps to better match the Jin clan’s aesthetic of white & gold sword decoration that we see on Jin Zixuan’s Suihua?

Anyway, for context on the “what’s a soft sword” issue, I am going to quote a relevant portion from the (EXR translation of the) MDZS novel, even though in general I’m trying to keep the canon cross-pollination in these meta to a minimum.

Back then, when Jin GuangYao worked undercover at Wen RuoHan’s side, he had often hidden the sword at his waist, wreathed the sword around his arm to use during critical moments. Although the blade of Hensheng seemed to be soft to the extremity, attacking with lingering motions, it was in reality both sharp and haunting. Once the blade had wrapped around the opposition, Jin GuangYao would apply it with a bizarre spiritual power, and one would quickly be severed into pieces by the sword, despite its tender appearance. Quite a few famous swords had been battered into piles of scrap iron just like this. At the moment, the blade of the sword attacked as though it was a serpent with silver scales, biting at the paperman without any hesitation.

So yeah – it’s an uncommon weapon, a sword with a blade that can bend and thus works very well for things like being sneaky and unassuming, and not fighting “fairly” in a way the vast majority of other cultivators would have any experience countering.

And... oh my god. Now we’re finally onto episode 24 properly.

The first input we get from Jin Guangyao this episode is this charming smirk as Wei Wuxian walks up into the center of the hall to interrupt JGS’s unpleasant “hey let’s renew this betrothal~” play. Personal amusement about a rather dramatic individual showing up to do something undoubtedly also dramatic? Entertainment about how a person not known for his skill at subtle political maneuvering is probably about to come in and make a mess that the Jin clan will be able to spin to their own advantage? Ehhh, why not both?

Though of course, the Jiang clan members function very well as a unit here once Wei Wuxian comes in to shake things up, and it’s not nearly the uncomplicated win for the Jin clan that he was probably expecting. Meanwhile, once that’s over, he takes the next opportunity to introduce his father’s next order of business, the invitation to the Phoenix Mountain hunt - and in fact, he does so with an absolutely seamless transition from Jiang Yanli’s rejection of the proposed marriage plan renewal:

“Everyone. For the previous Clan Leader Jiang to have such a daughter is already a great comfort to his soul. And not just Jiang Clan, but after the mess with the Wen Clan, every clan has experienced losses. This is a crucial time for us to rebuild and we critically are in need of manpower. For the past days, Father has spent a lot of time pondering over this matter. Luckily, he’s found a countermeasure. I dare to represent my father in inviting everyone back to Jinlintai during the fall. Jin clan will be putting all efforts towards reorganizing the round-up and hunting event at Hundred Phoenixes Mountain.”

It’s easy to overlook, I think, but the amount of rhetorical skill to put that together on the fly? It’s really not for nothing that Meng Yao was first introduced as being impressively sharp and well-spoken. He’s taking what starts as a loss of face for the Jin clan, redirecting it to focus on the virtue of Jiang Yanli, and then tying that in to the losses and worries that every sect now has in the wake of the war ending. And having reminded them of their own interests and present worries here, he steps in to offer a solution that slots the Jin clan in back at the top, looking extremely good, due to the wealth and comparative manpower advantage they have over everyone else after entering the war relatively late.

(Also, to clarify since it’s only ever implied rather than stated outright in the show, via the dialogue here and then another piece during the hunt itself – the Hundred Phoenix Mountain hunt, from what I can tell, is a regular event held for the purpose of showing off each clan’s skills so that they can attract new prospective disciples, hence why it’s a solution to the sects’ manpower being depleted by the war. Additionally, given the use in particular of reorganizing the event, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that ordinarily, this event would be one put on by the Chief Cultivator. So with the Wen sect demolished, there was nobody readily available to step up and take over handling this event until now. Jin Guangshan may be fooling none of the viewers about his intentions in adopting a seat right next to Wen Ruohan’s old chair, but he’s certainly making good use of a-Yao’s rhetorical talent to get yet another instance of stepping into the role vacated by the Wen sect looked upon as praiseworthy benevolence.)

…And then what thanks does he get for it? Some dispassionate praise, more work, and no appreciation for the tea he’s made.

It’s a bit telling (and painful) the way he responds to being asked if he’s found the location of the Yin metal yet, also: “Not yet; I’m incompetent.” I think he’s definitely the sort to feel, even as he’s very aware of the worth of his skills and what sort of areas he’s good with in some respects, the foundation of his belief in himself is nonetheless incredibly rocky and it’s easy for a reminder of any sort of failure to loom suddenly very large over his self-assessment in the moment.

At the same time though, Jin Guangyao is very much an adaptable person, and we see that on full display with his next explanation: that the one who has the last piece of Yin metal may very likely be Wei Wuxian. It’s both an exercise in political savvy, pointing out a powerful and disruptive influence likely to cause problems for Jin Guangshan in the future if his interference in the marriage proposal is any indication, and a significant sewing together of information from several different sources: Wei Wuxian’s opportunity to be in the same place previously as Xue Yang, as he explains to JGS, but also the front-row seat for WWX interfering with the power of Wen Ruohan’s Yin metal using Chenqing and his new Yin Tiger Seal.

I don’t think he holds any particular animosity toward Wei Wuxian at this point? This reads to me like a calculation based pretty essentially on: his father is clearly invested in expanding the power of the Jin sect and diminishing the interest or ability of other sects to oppose him, and also in (instrumentally to that goal) getting his hands on the last piece of Yin metal. Jin Guangyao has been explicitly tasked with working on the latter concern, and probably implicitly at least with the former - at some point, and some point soon, he’s going to need to produce results on that front, or else be dropped from JGS’s incredibly conditional regard for not being useful enough. Given the confluence of circumstances, lining up suspicions (which for all he knows are likely even true!) against Wei Wuxian serves both goals, and gives him another safe place to rest for a day or two before having to continue worrying how to be helpful enough to keep deserving his newfound status.

And that’s it for Jin Guangyao in episode 24! Poor kiddo. Looks like you can climb another rung higher on the ladder, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’ll make it free of being used for quite a long while still.

[missjanjie]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered | (6/7)

Title: Signed, Sealed, Delivered Summary:   Jan is in love with her French pen pal, Nicky. Her roommate, Crystal, is in love with her best friend, Gigi. A (perhaps ill-thought out) plan emerges: give Nicky a reason to visit by inviting her to Crystal and Gigi’s wedding. With a month to pull the scheme together, no one knows how this will end up. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~17.4k (total) Relationship(s): Sportsdoll (Jan Sport/Nicky Doll), Crygi (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ko-Fi

Jan rubbed her eyes, trying to dislodge whatever had gotten caked in there overnight, then pushed herself out of bed and made herself walk towards the kitchen. She put on her glasses and saw Crystal cooking breakfast – so she took off her glasses and put them on again to make sure she was seeing that correctly. “You’re up bright and early,” she observed.

“Is that weird?” Crystal asked, feigning innocence because the answer was obvious. Especially since she couldn’t look Jan in the eye and started shifting her weight from one leg to the other. That went on for about twenty seconds before she broke. “Okay, okay. It’s just… Gigi spent the night.”

That didn’t clear anything up for Jan, who waited for a further explanation. When she didn’t get one, she pointed out, “Gigi spends the night all the time, we both know she’s very comfortable with that. I mean… She practically lives here.”

She huffed because now she had to get into specifics. “No, but it was different this time. We… you know…” instead of outright saying it, she made a ‘v’ with her fingers and flicked her tongue between them.

“Oh please, you can just say you fucked,” Jan said, only for it to hit her a beat later. “Oh my god, you guys fucked?” Her eyes went wide and she bounced excitedly. “Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean for you guys now? Are you gonna be a thing? Is she still here?”

Crystal blinked. “How can you breathe when you’re talking so fast?” She turned back to finish cooking, then plated the food. “She’s taking a shower… I don’t know what this means for us,” she sighed. “The whole thing started because she said we weren’t convincing when we kissed for the photos. Maybe she thought we needed to explore our physical chemistry so we can use it better.”

Jan put her hand over her mouth and giggled. “I’m sorry, but that sounds like a line,” she told her, moving around the kitchen island to pour herself coffee. “Which, I mean, is good for you, because it means she was looking for an excuse to feel you up,” she added, bumping her hip against Crystal’s.

“That’s what I said! But she swore we just needed to be super convincing or it’d ruin our whole plan.”

She quirked her brow and snickered. “You believed that?”

Crystal looked down, pushing a forkful of her omelet into her mouth. “I mean… Why would she make that up? That doesn’t make any sense.” She looked back up, eyes meeting her roommate’s incredulous expression. “What?”

Jan was about to scream, her eyes ready to pop out of her head. If it was obvious to her, it was damn near bewildering that Crystal couldn’t pick up on it. This wasn’t some cute, subtle flirting, like the kind they had been trying to master this whole time – this was as close to an outright declaration of affection that someone like Gigi would get. “I don’t know, Crystal,” she answered with pointed sarcasm, “lying to people we like seems to be the norm here, let’s think this through a little bit.”

Luckily for Crystal, she didn’t get a chance to think too hard. Before she could reply, Gigi exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body, another wrapping up her hair. She looked at the other two girls, blissfully unaware of the bubbling tension between the two roommates. “Hi Jan,” she greeted, at least realizing she had walked in on the middle of a conversation, and added, “I’m gonna go get dressed,” before disappearing into Crystal’s bedroom.

Crystal exhaled once Gigi left and waited for her heart to return to its normal speed. She hated that even though she knew the other girl hadn’t heard anything, her mere presence made her chest tighten. Even after all that had happened the night before, she had the feeling of walking on eggshells around Gigi whenever the subject of her feelings was approached. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Not to sound like the world’s biggest hypocrite, but you could talk to her about it,” Jan suggested gently. She imagined life was a lot easier for people who weren’t afraid to say how they feel, to just open their hearts up and speak their mind without fear of repercussion. It must be nice. Completely unrealistic, but nice.

Unsurprisingly, Crystal scoffed at the mere suggestion. “If talking about things was plausible, we wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.”

Jan sighed and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair.” She exhaled deeply and looked out the window. “God, we’re pretty fucking useless. Almost makes it hard to believe that graduation’s at the end of the week,” she mused. “When’s your family due in?”

“Day before the ceremony, so Friday. Means we got two whole days of peace and quiet before we have to deal with them,” Crystal explained between bites. But then she abruptly stopped, eyes going wide. “Oh fuck, what’re we gonna do about the… everything?”

Before Jan could answer, Gigi – now fully dressed – rejoined them, naturally noticing the horror in Crystal’s expression before anything else. “What’s wrong?”

“We failed to account for Crystal’s family flying out here in the midst of all of this,” Jan told her. “So we’re either going to have to clue them in, avoid mentioning anything entirely, or let her conservative parents think she’s about to marry a girl they’ve met… what, twice?”

Crystal nodded to confirm Jan’s answer. “I think the second one is our best chance, probably the easiest one too.” She strummed her fingers against the plate, lips pursed and brows furrowed. “Gigi, you need to tell your mom not to say anything, they’ll still probably want to say hi to you guys.”

Gigi shrugged. “Sure, but I don’t think she’s planning on going to the ceremony, so I dunno when she’d see them anyway.”

“I’m just covering our asses!” Crystal snapped, causing both of the other girls to take a surprised, cautious step backward. She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. “Look, my parents are… They’re trying. But it’s still a work in progress. I just want everything to go as smoothly as possible.”

Jan and Gigi moved back to Crystal, gently holding her from either side. “Everything is going to be fine,” Jan said with a certainty she’d been lacking for the entirety of their plan. But it was different, avoidable, and they weren’t going to let it ruin such an important day. “We’re not gonna let anything ruin this, I promise.”

------

Jan and Crystal, like the rest of their graduating class, were seated in alphabetical order, keeping them apart for the duration of the ceremony. They texted each other, and both Jan and Gigi made sure to reassure Crystal that there was nothing to worry about. And as they sat and listened to speech after speech, things felt increasingly calm, to the point that they were both able to walk across the stage with their heads held high.

And when they tossed their caps in the air, they felt free. The past four years had been a tough, enduring chapter in their lives, but a fun one as well. It also helped to have one less thing on their plate with Nicky’s visit and the ‘wedding’ around the corner.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Gigi beamed when she finally caught up with the two of them after weaving through the crowd of graduates and their families. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Crystal answered. “I don’t see why they had to hold this so damn early.”

Jan frowned sympathetically. “She didn’t get a chance to get her coffee,” she clarified to Gigi. “Honestly, I’m just happy it’s all done. Gonna miss a lot of it but like… I’m not rushing back any time soon.”

“Yeah? Not going for that MFA?” Gigi asked, absentmindedly looping her arm around Crystal’s waist.

“Not now, at least,” she shrugged. “Gonna see how far I can get with this before I sign myself up for more school.” As she spoke, she felt her phone vibrate in her purse, then fished it out and smiled when she unlocked it. “Aw, look at this cute ‘congratulations’ gif Nicky sent me.”

Crystal’s gaze narrowed as she looked at the screen. “Congrats on your graduation, darling. I have a special present for you, but it’s a surprise. Heart, winky-kissy emoji,” she read off the screen, then looked at Jan quizzically. “What the fuck was that? Did you guys move to sexting already?”

Despite her reddening face, Jan’s expression read just as perplexed. “Believe me, you would know if we were. I have no idea what the surprise is.” She decided to set the mystery aside for the time being. “We should get back home and throw an overnight bag together, we can check into the hotel and leave them there, then right out to dinner with our families.”

“I still can’t believe your parents booked you a night in a penthouse for graduation,” Gigi chimed in. “They don’t mind that I’m going too, right?”

Jan shook her head. “It’s fine, you’ll just have to share a bed with Crystal… But I’m sure that won’t be an issue, right?” she did her best to fight off a smirk, but by the way, Crystal was glaring at her, she was pretty sure her efforts were not paying off.

But Gigi didn’t seem to notice either way. “Yeah, no problem here,” she answered with a casual shrug.

------

Much to everyone’s relief, dinner with Crystal and Jan’s families went off without a hitch, and the two of them, along with Gigi, were ready to have a fun, relaxing night in the penthouse. The suite had two queen-sized beds, Jan running to claim the one closer to the window and the air conditioning.

“Holy shit,” Crystal remarked as she looked around. “How much did this cost?”

“Dunno, my dad used his airline points to cover it,” Jan explained, then flopped down on the bed. “This is a perfect note to end our college careers on.”

Gigi sat on the edge of the other bed. “Can we order room service?” she asked, pushing herself further onto the bed and aimlessly swinging her legs.

Jan sat up and nodded, then got the menu from the bedside drawer. “You know, Nicky never got back to me about whatever her surprise was, I didn’t get anything in the mail.”

“And no salacious photos?” Gigi asked.

“No.”

“She must have a big package for you,” Crystal mused, then laughed at her wording. She ignored Jan and Gigi rolling their eyes and moved to look at the menu, the three of them calling in an order shortly after.

As the three of them sat on Jan’s bed, eating overpriced food and drinking wine that was probably fancy, but they wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between that and the fifteen dollar bottles they were used to. And after a couple glasses of wine, they had become even more relaxed, enough for Crystal to admit, “Jan knows we fucked, by the way.”

Gigi blinked, looking between Crystal and Jan with her lips pursed around the glass. “I didn’t know it was a secret,” she replied once she lowered the glass. “But why did Jan want to know?”

Crystal swallowed thickly, trying to think of a way to talk herself out of what she’d just gotten into. “Because… We’re friends? We talk to each other about this sort of thing. We’re close.”

“Very close,” Jan added under her breath, then giggled when Crystal shot her a look.

Gigi frowned. “Okay, can I ask something that’s been bugging me for a while? Do you guys have, like, a thing?”

Crystal nearly choked on her drink while Jan just seemed to sit and think, then answered with “define ‘thing’.”

“Look, I know you’re in love with Nicky, I’m not saying I think you guys are gonna run off together or anything,” Gigi assured. “But… Sometimes I get the vibe that Crystal might have a crush on you.”

While Crystal’s mouth hung open in shock and a bit of wine dribbled down her chin, Jan had burst out laughing, narrowly avoiding knocking anything over in the process. It was the type of laughter that left her out of breath and with watery eyes.

“Are you done?” Gigi asked, deadpan. “Did you get it out of your system?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jan panted, then turned to Crystal. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I have to tell her the truth,” and Crystal didn’t put up a fight, so she proceeded. “Okay, look, Crystal and I did have sex. Once. But she did it to take her mind off of how much she likes you. It wasn’t anything more than two friends getting high and helping each other out.”

It wasn’t easy to stun Gigi into silence, but Jan’s explanation seemed to do the trick. Had she had it wrong this whole time? Misread every interaction? Ignored every sign? Sure, she knew she tended to be oblivious, but this just made her feel silly. At this point, she didn’t care that Jan and Crystal had hooked up, all she was concerned with was what happened next. “Since we’re all telling the truth now… I have an embarrassing confession. The last girl I hooked up with… I, um, called her ‘Crystal’ in bed. Kinda realized I couldn’t ignore how I felt anymore.”

“If I may,” Jan chimed in. “Literally the first time I saw you guys without the engagement rings was at graduation. Maybe this was a stupid, convoluted way to figure it out, but I think you guys are supposed to be together. Now, I… suddenly have the desire to take a long bath… Bye.” She got off the bed and quickly ducked into the bathroom to give the other two the time alone they needed.

“She’s trying her best,” Crystal remarked before turning to face Gigi. “I… that story… you weren’t just saying that to have an excuse for liking me, right?”

Gigi smiled softly and shook her head. “Is it really that hard to believe?”

Crystal shrugged. “I guess not. The image of you saying the wrong name in bed is funny, though. Just wanted to make sure it was real.” She shifted closer to Gigi and rested her head on her shoulder. “I’m so tired of pretending, not pretending to be engaged, pretending to just be friends.”

“You’re not suggesting we get engaged for real, are you?”

She laughed, picking her head up and resting it against Gigi’s. “No, not at all. I just wanna be your girlfriend, Geege.”

Gigi grinned broadly and pressed a kiss to Crystal’s lips. “I love how that sounds. Say it again, please.”

And Crystal would’ve happily said it as many times as Gigi wanted, as long as she got a ‘yes’ in return. “I wanna be your girlfriend.”

“Then… You are. That’s that,” she concluded, kissing her again, this time longer and with much more emotion behind it. “If we barricade Jan in the bathroom, we could probably fuck before she breaks down the door.”

Crystal laughed, getting up and moving back to hers and Gigi’s bed. “She wouldn’t care if she walked in on us, neither would I, honestly, but I kind of… don’t want to have sex right now. I’m all emotional and vulnerable and whatever,” she admitted as she laid on her side, opening her arms and beckoning Gigi to join her.

“Oh,” Gigi felt her heart swell with warmth. “We don’t have to at all, then,” she hummed, laying with Crystal and holding her close. She pressed gentle kisses over her face, carding her fingers through Crystal’s hair.

They cuddled in comfortable silence for about another ten minutes until they heard the bathroom door open. Jan was wrapped in a white terrycloth robe, her hair a bit damp, and let out a content sigh. She looked over at the couple and smiled fondly. “Aw, you guys are too cute!” she squealed.

“You weren’t eavesdropping, were you?” Crystal asked.

“Nope,” Jan answered honestly. “I’ve been texting with Nicky. But it looks like you guys worked everything out.”

“We did,” Gigi confirmed, then her brows furrowed. “She’s up late, isn’t she? It’s after three in the morning in France, right?”

Jan looked at her phone and counted to herself. “Yeah, that is late, but that’s not uncommon for her, so I didn’t ask.” She gathered up the plates and glasses, stacking it up on the tray and setting it aside. “You guys are gonna finish this bottle off with me, right?”

Before either of them could answer, there was a knock on the door that caught them all off guard. “Wonder what else my parents have planned,” she mused, expecting some sort of additional graduation present, or maybe just an extra dessert. Either way, she opened the door with a smile, only for her jaw to go slack and practically drop to the floor. Surely she was seeing things, or maybe she was more drunk than she realized. There was no way–

“Surprise!” Nicky beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

[clumsyclifford]

bella I would love a directors cut on literally any of the rilex you’ve written, but specifically it’s always her, and you, and me, or for these days you’ve been stuck in my brain 💙

OHHHHHH those are some CHOICESSSSSS lucy. fuck yeah. let’s get into it. ill link them both here but we’ll take em one at a time

it’s always her, and me, you

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

here’s a cut for convenience cos i KNOW i’m gonna go long here.

okay! let’s start with the rilisex fic.

it’s always her, and me, and you

so like it says in the ao3 notes, this fic came from realizing just how frequently rian and alex kiss each other like, all the time? just? casually? for funsies? this was another one of those situations like i mentioned where the hook aka first line (“Rian's no expert, but he doesn't think normal friends kiss this much.”) just appeared in my head and i was like heyyy that’s a GOOD first line. i have to build from that line. that’s the hook, that’s the summary, that’s the core. 

something i discovered upon searching through the editing history of the doc: i had originally sort of intended to go a direction with this where in some other circumstance, rian would see alex giving jack a super casual friendly kiss and he’d get all sad/jealous and be like sure why SHOULDNT alex kiss jack after all its just a thing he does with his FRIENDS. but the fic ended up going a different way and honestly? im glad. i like this way better.

the role of singin in the rain in this fic actually has a HILARIOUS backstory because the night i originally wrote that conversation in the tour bus kitchen, i went into the club and said the following

and then. the next day. rian streamed with ricky, and i asked if he’d ever seen singin in the rain, and he ANSWERED ME and said he hadn’t. so first of all i had already written the scene and i then had to rewrite it to make it so rian wouldn’t have seen it but also!!! i literally asked rian fucking dawson if he’d seen a movie for the sole reason of using that information for fanfiction!!!! and he provided me with the information i needed!!!! whole thing is just fucking hysterical to me. ANYWAY.

ANYWAY, the other reason why sitr has such a big role in the fic is because megs and i watched the movie together while i was in the middle of working on the fic, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. in fact i can probably show you this: i had this comment left for myself when i was kind of trying to figure out if i could make a real metaphor of sorts with the sitr ot3 and the Big Three of this fic. some of this ended up in rian’s wild musings in the hotel scene but i did conclude that it wouldn’t really have worked and that was definitely true but anyway. fuck it, director’s cut, here’s the kind of shit i leave for myself to refer to

so that’s part of the reason why it became such a puzzle piece of this fic, but real talk, it’s also just because i love singin in the rain it’s one of my favorite movies lmao

briefly gonna also touch on lisa and why she’s in this fic because i realize that rian/alex/lisa is an interesting approach to rilex! first of all, i love lisa. i love alex and lisa. and it occurred to me that there was really no reason to split lisex up just to make rilex happen. plus there’s this tweet that really just pushed me over the edge of being like yeah, rilisex is extremely plausible. so that’s that on that.

as for the scene in the hotel room while they’re watching sitr, there is a small piece of that scene - from when alex starts kissing rian’s shoulders etc to “it would defy the laws of nature not to” - that i actually wrote before anything else in that scene. that small piece got stretched out and edited quite a bit from how it started but it did function as a sort of foundation around which i built the rest of the scene, because that small section sort of ~came to me~ absolutely out of nowhere, and i really liked the Vibe it had and i wanted to include it. i THINK that was the only piece of this fic that i wrote Out Of Order - for the most part this was written chronologically.

ALSO!!! omg this is exciting, this fic actually has a deleted scene!!!!!! i hate cutting scenes but i also hate having scenes that are less than 1k and this one didn’t really contribute much to the fic. i can probably share it here right? sure why not ! hopefully you can read this. it originally took place after the scene where alex and rian call lisa for the first time. the question of “what gets left into interview videos and what gets cut” is also just interesting to me as a (fic) concept in general so...eyes emoji, but here’s my mini-exploration that i cut from the original fic. enjoy lol it’s silly <3

oh! also one more thing!! the very final scene was included for two reasons. the first reason being that when i write getting-together fics, i really prefer to add on a scene After they Get Together because i love to write domestic established relationship stuff and i think that’s a satisfying reward for a reader who’s just slogged through all the mutual pining and bullshit to get the characters together. but the OTHER reason is that i got an anon (here it is!) and i read that ask and was immediately like well shit. now i have to fucking include this. for the anon and for myself. so you can thank that anon for that last scene. (also i wanted to include merrikat especially since i had to cut their little moment in the interview scene above.)

so....................whew. i think i’ve bled that fic dry. holy shit that’s a lot of Stuff. OKAY! let’s move on.

~

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

so!!! THIS fic was the breakthrough after (what felt like) a long bout of writer’s block. long for me was maybe two weeks, but i am the kind of person who is always writing, and two weeks was a long time to go with little to no inspiration/motivation to write anything. i had also been in a weird narrative headspace because i’d been binge-watching disney shows (jessie > austin and ally > girl meets world) and i don’t know how well i can explain this but the way those shows are written is a lot snappier and cares way less for realistic and consistent character development or plots or relationships, and so i was stuck between caring a lot about including those things in my fics but also being unable to conceptualize them in writing because my brain was in Disney Writing Mode. does that make sense? this is rhetorical so let’s go with yes. so anyway. i was in a slump

actually what i ended up doing was basically googling something like “au prompts tumblr” or something and just scrolling through posts. i saw something about soulmate telepathy and i actually tried to write something totally different before i wrote this one, but the first attempt was a different concept and then the direction i took it was like......it wasn’t quite right and i realized that i was kind of writing dark disney style? there is really no way for me to explain what i mean by that because it seems really obvious to me but that’s just because i’m inside my own head so just take my word. 

anyway. attempt #1 of soulmate telepathy rilex went poorly, and this fic was attempt #2. i kinda took the soulmate telepathy thing and changed it as i saw fit and i also went back to skim helen’s telepathy fic because obviously she’s the pro and then i tried not to steal her ideas. and as i was writing it i kinda realized i was doing the whole quirky funny best friend character with jack and also doing the whole “somehow this not-very-dramatic situation with teenagers is treated as The Most Dramatic Thing Ever and that’s totally normal and nobody finds it strange” disney trope with rian and alex being soulmates and i was like (deep sigh) i have to accept that no matter how much i try to fight this, this fic is going to be tainted with disney. and that’s life

on top of that i will add that the real-life rilex were extremely inspiring during the two-day period during which i wrote this fic, because that was when the once in a lifetime video came out and in the brief pre-video livestream rilex were Beyond Married and that definitely helped in the writing of fic rilex!

hmmmm what can i tell you about this fic itself.................honestly, i don’t think there’s much to tell! rian is a band kid because in real life rian was a band kid and he’s staff manager at rita’s just like he was in real life. there is truthfully not a lot to unpack here that i can think of!

oh here’s something i guess: rian and alex go on a date in this fic! that is because watching So Much Disney made me realize that i often forget the fact that people just. go on dates. sometimes. look i clearly do not have an active romantic life but i also really liked the idea of alex and rian going on a date despite not knowing if they’d be soulmates or not and liking each other organically just by getting to know each other, rather than being victim to the whole soulmate thing. like i wanted them to build a connection so that they would want to be soulmates. and then the audience would want that for them too. stakes!! very important.

i can tell you i had a mild crisis over the title of the fic because i am not a fan of the word brain and i didnt wanna use that sticky lyric for the title when it had a word i hated but it was objectively a much better title option than the other one i had, which was “sticky just like the song in my head” but i obviously decided on the former and it has not upset me nearly as much as i expected it to so that was the right decision imo

so! i think that’s all on that! sorry (?) that it got so long although then again i don’t know what’s to be expected in a director’s cut for two long fics but thank you for asking me about these, i love them both so very much rilex is so supremely underrated but so very important

[thorinthehottotty]

May 6th - Lyn's Writing Event - Thorin

Prompt - Childhood Neighborhood

A/N: Holy shit these settings are almost over! Nooooo don't let it end! Seriously, this has been a blast! Partially based off of me bringing Cory home the first time...

Summary: Thorin has arrived in our world and accompanies you to your childhood home to meet your parents.

Warnings:

He had seen you nervous before, but you'd always had a handle on it. Packing had been a nightmare. You were pacing and obviously couldn't think straight as you ran between rooms collecting way too much for the weekend trip to your parents. You were muttering to yourself and he was surprised by how insane you looked, running back and forth.

"Should we pack snacks for the ride?" You call from the kitchen. "It's only a couple hours away, but you know, in case?"

Thorin frowns, becoming nervous himself at how chaotic you were. "Grab something for you. I will be fine." He'd easily gotten his things around for the trip. Easily. Quickly. Efficiently... This was a train wreck, as you would call it.

When he'd finally coaxed you into the car you bit your lip, not turning the key in the ignition as you hesitate. "Y/N, we don't have to visit them if you're uncomfortable." He can visibly see the racing of your pulse in your neck.

"Okay," you start firmly and turn in your seat. "I'll give you the run down of my family." You're staring at him, more intensely than he's ever witnessed and its unnerving. "I have never brought anyone home before. Ever. Ever. Okay?" Thorin nods slowly. This was going to be a big deal to you then.

"I can handle that."

"My mom is going to be all over you. She's weird and wants to be liked. Expect her to say weird things and get in your space. My brothers, that should be a breeze. They'll probably try to give you a hard time because you're quite a bit older than I am. They're annoying shitheads with big egos." Thorin cracks a smile, adoring the nervous preparing you were giving him, your words blending from your fast speech. "My dad," you croak as if in pain and he sees your eyes beginning to water, "my dad is the bane of my existance. He has no filter. At all. And he enjoys making people squirm. Expect him to say some... Horrible things at my expense." Thorin was now a little nervous himself, but mostly amused by your reaction.

"I can stay here if you desire."

"No, no. I'm not worried about them not liking you. I'm worried about them behaving themselves around you."

"I will not think ill of you." He grips your hand on your lap and you let out a sigh of relief. While you were still nervous, you weren't mad with it.

He could handle this. The next hiccup didn't come until you had arrived at the great big house with a worn dirt drive. You narrowed your eyes on the garage, something askew to you. "That's weird. There are no cars." The land was flush with gardens and trees and greenery. It was calm and peaceful as you parked. Cicadas, as you called them, were buzzing loudly.

He watches as you pull out your phone, and lift it to your ear. He can vaugely hear a woman pick up. "Hey, ma. Thorin and I are home. Are you guys here?" You ask. There is an answer and your eyes bug in exhasperation. "What do you mean? Coldwater is like two hours away! I though you guys were going to be here!" Thorin smirks at you, amused to see you deflate. "Well when are you going to be back?"

He could see your frustration and felt sympathy for you. He could see where some of your 'planning' side came from. If your family was this whimsy with plans than he could understand why you always felt the need to have a plan.

You turn to find him grinning at you. "Alright, alright. I'll see you guys when you get here. Love you too. Bye." And you hung up the phone before turning to Thorin, nostrils flaring as you give a close mouthed scream of frustration. "My parents left cause my mom wanted to go look at a car in coldwater. Let's just unpack the car and go inside."

Thorin nodded and followed in behind you. Gazing around in amusement at the different themes that liter the house. He was curious to know how you grew up and this was greatly expanding that curiousity. Your childhood home! How nice! You lead him upstairs, calming a barking dog that wiggled excitedly at the both of you before moving into a room.

"This is my old room. Enter at your own risk." He gazes about, surprised to see the bookshelves lined with books and a large lofted bed, a desk and computer underneith. He sets his things down while you toss your bag up on the bed. And he begins to gaze over the titles on the shelf. There are a couple missing titles and he reaches for it.

"No, no! I would recommend not looking at the sketchbooks!" You laugh nervously. "I'm not the greatest artist."

"I was unaware that you drew," he murmurs.

"I used to. Haven't had time lately." He could see the burning of your cheeks. "Nothing that interesting in them, ya know." He arches an eyebrow at you.

"Somehow, I doubt that." He doesn't miss your mischevious smile.

It's quickly gone when the dog begins to howl and you dart to the window. Horror fills your face. "Oh no! My grandpa's here." You fly to the door. "Oh no! Oh no!" Thorin frowns.

"Stay here! Don't touch anything!" You gasp, flying from the room. Thorin pauses, then tugs at a rather worn hardcover sketchbook. And he opens it, shocked by the detailed faces that flutter through each page. He hears you greeting your grandfather down stairs. There is an exchange and then you groan.

"Papa, don't be mad about this. But I should probably introduce you to someone. Hold on." Thorin quickly sets the sketchbook down and moves to meet you in the doorway. "He sat down," you grumble, frowning. He's here to stay. "I was not prepared to have you meet my grandpa... He's a little harsh. And I'm his favorite."

"Oh, are you?" Thorin asks.

"Yes, now come on." And Thorin trots down the stairs behind you to find an elderly man sitting in a recliner comfortably. He sees the shock turn to raunchy amusement.

"What were you two doing in your room?" The man grunts, sipping a thermos.

"Mom and Dad are supposed to be here! We just got here, don't give me that!" You shout.

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Grandpa, this is Thorin. Thorin, this is my grandpa who shows up unannouced frequently." You muttered the last part to Thorin and he sees your grandfather narrow his eyes on you.

"What?" He grunts.

"If you wore your damn hearing aid you'd know!" The old man waves a hand and stands up with a great deal of effort.

"I'll leave you both to your canoodling. Just tell your ma that I stopped by." You are left to more frustration. The old man shakes Thorin's hand and they grin at each other, sharing in amusement at this.

"He looks like a hippy," the old man grunts as he leaves, patting you on the shoulder. It makes you roll your eyes as he shuffles out. You shake your head.

"If that's the worst of it... You can relax."

"Oh god... He's gonna tell my whole family we were canoodling alone in my room!" You cry, stomping dramatically up the stairs. Thorin followed, chuckling. Your frazzled nature is amusing him a great deal more than it should.

"Relax, we were not canoodling. Whatever that means."

"Were you looking at my sketches?" You gasp. Before he can answer there is a wild shrieking from outside. A long annoying noise that has you glowering.

"Ah fuck. Well. My brothers are home." He was beginning to like this more and more. He'd never found you so animated.

The hours passed, you grew increasingly nervous as your brothers annoyed you. They both were struck dumb by the dwarf standing in your bedroom. And went quiet at the sight. Then began the nonstop questions of him. Some were forgotten quickly. Others not as much.

Eventually you buzzed, making tea as they made (pleasant) conversation with him. Quickly falling into his kingly charm. And then it happened. The kitchen door opened and in stalked you parents. Cooly greeting everyone.

They were perfectly polite and it left you flabbergaust. How dare they act normal! The one time you were preparing for their theatrics and they act normal! You deflate into your seat as Thorin chuckles.

"Don't."

@tomisbaeholland

[ikesenhell]

American Dream

AMERICAN DREAM, Chapter 1. You can find all other IkeSen works of mine here. NOTES: HOLY SHIT IT HAS BEEN A MINUTE. Thank you so much to @missjudge-me, who commissioned this whole piece. You have them to thank. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back up, but being homeless and in grad school and working and getting formally diagnosed with an autoimmune illness and being in a pandemic and moving kinda takes it out of you. This was very fun to write. Enjoy!

---

Masamune wasn’t used to his childhood bedroom anymore. His mother had converted his loft bed desk into her scrapbooking station. That was fine, in theory, except that it meant two things: one, she hadn’t changed the sheets in actual years, and two, the loft bed was still there. 

“Sweet!” He announced with a laugh, scaling the ladder in a single bound. It’d felt so tall once. He ducked low against the ceiling, pressing his back flat. “Holy hell, I was smaller then.”

“Duh.” His brother, Kojiro, smirked from the door. Time changed everything. Masamune felt so big when he was in high school himself, but looking at his teen brother changed his perspective. “You’re a big lunk now. You eat like The Rock.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Masamune kicked off his boots and army-crawled into the loft. 

“How much clearance you got?”

“Eh. Six inches from my chest to the ceiling?” He tried to roll onto his back and failed, laughing against the drywall. “Did you know about the time that I knocked myself out up here?”

Kojiro’s luminous blue eyes appeared over the lip of the bed. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Got too excited freshman year of high school, bolted straight up when the alarm went off.” He motioned at a dent in the ceiling. “I was late. Dad didn't stop laughing for about, I dunno—”

“—the whole ride there.” Kojiro chuckled. “Yeah. Sounds like him.”

The funeral wasn’t so far behind them that it didn't hurt, but it sure as hell hurt less. Masamune checked his knuckles into the dent. It was the whole reason for his coming home. His mother needed someone to sort out all of the old things, all the memories and bills she couldn’t bear to look at. It didn't matter that they’d never gotten along. Kojiro was her favorite; that was obvious (and Masamune couldn’t blame her for that, Kojiro was a joy by anyone’s standards). Even then he couldn’t let her hang in the lurch. His dad taught him better than that. 

Damn. He missed his dad. Everywhere he looked in this old town, in this old house, were reminders. There was the trashy diner where they used to get the world’s best milkshakes once a week. There was the old stove with the broken burner they’d never replaced (because it was ‘perfectly good’) where he’d learned how to cook. And it wasn’t just his father he felt the absence of. Masamune fingered along the space between the wall and the loft bed where he’d pasted all the pictures and keepsakes from his friends. Him and Nobunaga, posing in a picture by the beach with matching glasses. Hideyoshi and Mitsunari peering at homework, Mitsuhide poised to drop an ice cube down his shirt. (Nobunaga was a broker in New York City, conquering Wall Street with Hideyoshi. Those two shared an apartment in SoHo, all the way across the country on the other coast. Hideyoshi worked with Nobunaga now, and no one knew what Mitsuhide did. Mitsunari was off in the Peace Corps.) There was a snapshot of Masamune and Ieyasu squished together in the back of an old 1960s Volkswagen Beetle his mom had for decades, Ieyasu frowning over a mouthful of jalapeno poppers. Ieyasu was a doctor in Maryland now. He was terrible at texting back, too. Masamune made a mental note to call. 

And then there was Her. 

Even after all this time, he missed their friendship. He fingered the worn photograph; After-Prom senior year, her in a bikini that made his stomach somersault, him holding her on his shoulders. She was laughing. He still wore the fake eye back then, and it sat oddly in the socket, but even that didn't take away from the sheer joy as he gazed up at her. When she lived with her parents in the little green house across the street, he used to build paper airplanes with stupid jokes scrawled in the folds and fling it at her window, hoping that they’d hit and knowing they never would. They’d measure how far it got from his front door and compare their poorly-kept notes, misremembering all the numbers. 

Now she was out there in the world. 

Kojiro craned his neck over the loft edge. “What’cha got up there?”

Masamune didn't answer that. Instead he wondered if she was happy. “If I’m gonna stay here for now, we gotta fix this situation. I’m too manly and brawny to fit up here. Wanna swap beds?”

“No! This thing is so uncool, you can’t get—” And the teenager furtively checked the doorway, lowering his voice. “You can’t get anyone up here with you.”

As an adult, Masamune rolled his eyes. As a brother, he snapped back, “I promise, you can.”

“Gross, why the fuck would I trade with you now—!?”

Downstairs, their mother shouted, “Who is swearing up there!?” Kojiro paled. Masamune, bolstered with smug elder brother energy, kicked him from the ladder. 

“Move, punk! Run for your life! You fucked up!”

His mother, louder now. “Who said that?!”

“That was Masa!” Kojiro bellowed, fleeing the scene of the crime. “Masa said it that time!”

“That time!? Kojiro—!”

Masamune finally wriggled himself free from the narrow confines of the loft. On the way down, he pocketed the picture of Her. 

---

The only reason he remembered the day his dad bought the ‘85 Camaro was his mother was well and truly pissed about it. It wasn’t a pretty looking thing then. Masamune later sussed out that his dad had picked it off a side road out in the country because it was ‘a nice looking car’ and ‘could be fixed up’. Of course it could. Maybe it was his time in the military, but there wasn’t a damn car under the sun that his dad couldn’t fix. The Camaro was better than new, but his mom drove a newer Hyundai, so it sat neglected in the garage, shiny and electric blue and begging for a test run. When Masamune backed it into the driveway, his mother sighed ragged. 

“I ought to sell that thing,” she announced. 

Masamune bit back his reflex answer of ‘not on my watch’ and replied, “Kojiro’s gonna need a car when he can drive.”

“I’m going to get him something new. A nice car. That one is too old for anything now.”

“I could take it.”

“You already have that infernal death trap.” She thumbed at the Harley parked in the grass, right where she hated it most. In the name of getting along, neither of them had mentioned it. “You don’t need another car payment. Besides, don’t you have anything better to do right now? We have all sorts of things to settle with your dad’s estate.”

“Ma, the car is paid off.” But she was right in one way; he did already have a vehicle, and paying the taxes and insurance on both was a waste. It was sort of pointless, keeping the car in the garage forever. “I can’t do anything until I get the extra copies of his death certificate, and that’s gonna be a minute. I ordered them today. Did you want me to put the car on Craigslist or something?”

She gazed at it, her steel expression softening. Ah, yes. There was his mother. His parents loved each other dearly. It just took moments like this to remember it. 

“Would you?” She replied. Her feather soft voice broke his heart. “I can’t bear to do it.”

“Yeah, Ma. I’ll get it to a good home.”

---

All it really needed was a wash and an oil change. The guys at the auto parts store whistled enviously when they handed over the filters. No; it wouldn’t be hard to sell at all. No doubt he could post it on some Reddit forum and get a hundred hits in an hour. 

Masamune was about to post the listing when fate intervened. 

The driveway was warm on his bare back, the first chill wind of autumn cooling his shoulders. His phone was stark against the sharp blue sky, his shirt rolled under his hair. 

A shadow fell over him. “Masa?”

He blinked his only good eye, floundering against the sudden contrast. The woman murmured an apology, stepped away, and blinded him with sunlight again. 

“Hey!” He laugh-yelped, rolling onto his stomach. “Goddamn!”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry—”

“No, no, it’s fine.” He clutched at the Camaro’s bumper and pulled himself up, blinking sundots away. “Gimme a sec, hang on.”

And then—she swam into view, all bright eyes and curves and nothing like she used to be and everything like she used to be and so much better. Was this his friend, this fully grown woman with a face like all his best memories? Where his words? He was usually so good with them. 

“That you, Masamune?” She asked, the ghost of a smile on her mouth. 

“Well, hell.” SAY SOMETHING, YOU STUPID BASTARD. He forced a grin back—but then it arrived all on its own. “Wow. Damn. Where have you been this whole time, Kitten, Hollywood? You runnin’ everyone out of a job out there? Puttin’ those Hadids out of work?”

Her laugh was the same. Good God, it sent shivers all the way down his spine and into his toes. Her eyes crinkled and he wondered if he could bottle that expression. “You’re still calling me Kitten, huh?”

“Your fault for wearing cat socks all the time. I don’t see a reason to stop now, ‘specially now that you blinded me in my own driveway.”

Even her eye roll was a shot of nostalgia to the veins. What now? Did he shake hands? Masamune stared at his oil-slicked palms from changing the filter. “Well, if you don’t mind me smearing grease all over you… Shit, what am I asking for?”

“Oh my God, Masamune, do not rub motor oil on me!”

“Too late!” He charged forward. She squealed but didn't run; he caught her around the waist and squashed her against him, bringing her feet from the ground. Those eyes were wide with surprise and delight and so much joy. Something smelled of cinnamon and cloves. “God, is that your shampoo?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s great. You look great.”

She batted against his chest, wriggling in his grasp. “And you bulked up. What, you one of those CrossFit junkies or something now?”

“C’mon, don’t insult me like that. Their form is terrible.”

“And you ditched the glass eye.”

“It was hurting. Figured I might as well let the lid close up and deal with it. Not like I could see from it anyway.”

But she laced her hands around the back of his neck and tapped just above his brow. Such easy physical intimacy. Oh, how he’d missed that! They’d always been the most handsy of the friend group, never shying away from each other. “I wasn’t complaining. You rock the pirate look, Captain.” 

Masamune snickered and clicked his tongue. “I’ll own that. I love some booty.”

With a roll of her eyes, she let the comment slide. “You busy? Wanna catch up?”

At last he let her slide from his arms, setting her feet on the ground. Why was the world so much colder when her body parted from his? “Hell yeah. Let me make you some gyoza and we’ll chat.”

[dragoon-of-all-trades]

Demiurge x Reader - The Devil’s Contract (Chapter 1?)

A/N: First ever reader insert regarding a character I didn’t expect to like at all, but I have a thing for butler types—and demons.

Also, understand I’ll be writing loosely on what I know about this series from the anime I’ve seen and the manga I’ve read (which is not all of it as of late). Before the pandemic hit, I’ve not been able to read a whole lot even if I work at a bookstore, so be aware of that. I'm trying to write an insert again just to get back into the idea of doing so. I got super burnt out not too long ago, but I seem okay if I wrote to this? So I don't know. I'll see how far motivation goes.

The majority of this will probably end up on my AO3. I’ll post the link to that place eventually, but this is the first, full chapter. Nothing too gritty in it yet, so just enjoy what I’ve managed to do. Also it’s 7 AM, and I want to sleep now!

Desc:  He promised you a solution to your misery, and you sold your freedom for it. Forced into his twisted experiments with the veil of hope to manipulate your heart, you begin to wonder what feelings are even true anymore. Do you love him, or do you want to see him fall to a horrible fate for all he will continue to do to you?

Warnings: Implied Miscarriage, spousal abuse, murder, bad BDSM etiquette 

------------------------------------

The sights were becoming a blur, the sounds around you flickering in and out like a candle flame fighting the harsh roar of a raging windstorm as you were dragged out of one of the taverns within the walls of the Roble Holy Kingdom. The grip on your tattered cloak went from flaccid to aggressive as the two men responsible to your current movements heaved you out into the dark. 

The ground embraced you, the mud that had accumulated from the long, rainy night nearly causing you to choke on its unwarranted urgency to strangle you when you thought not to close your mouth upon the ill desired heave out of the pub. Oddly enough, while your body was stricken down with the countless amount of liquor you had ingested, you felt no yearning to fight even the earth as it did its best to demean you. 

“A…d…st…ay out!” 

The words were hard to keep together. They faded in and out of the world like a dream, but you knew what they meant even in the state you were. 

A sigh huffed through your nostrils as you found what strength you could to heft yourself up and out of the mud. Even in the mud’s sullied surface, you could just make out the pathetic caster you had become: a woman who had only justified her reasoning behind the occult just to bring back what was lost nearly a year ago. Your fingers curled, grappling the soiled earth in overwhelming disappointment and it was there in weak and weary frustration you slapped the image away with the wrapped palm of your hand. 

Don’t look at it. Don’t even bother. You could mourn over what no longer was, but why bother wasting the time in regards to your own humanity? 

All dead ends, but you’d find something. You had to. You heard the rumors, and it was your only chance at hope. In your mental collapse, alcohol summoned you to its sweet embrace, and you couldn’t deny its alluring melody. It was a detour, but you had to forget the world around you even for a moment. 

Movements slowed and ever sluggish, your fingers slid about the tattered edges of the hood that your black cloak had and moved it over your head to keep yourself from at least getting sick in the downpour that continued before attempting to find your way home. 

Seventh tier…Eight tier…Tenth tier…whatever the fuck any of these damn things could even begin to mean, none of it was allowing you to hear the sweet laugh or urgent cry of the baby you lost well before you even had the pleasure of such memories. Just even hearing a phantom cry of such in the middle of the night always roused you from the deepest of sleep, prompting you to hurry to the crib only to find it bare as always. 

It was cruel. The gods could willingly mock and enjoy in your misery, but if that was how it were to be, you would do anything to try and work against their so called rules and bring the dead back to life even if it was beyond most casters’ abilities when it came to doing so without a person’s body nearby. 

The door to your house coming into view, you only had the strength to lean on it for a time to try and still the agony both mentally and physically ripping through your body like an uncontrollable wildfire that would see you burn for your bad choices. You moved your lip inward, trying to still its quivering before finally finding the courage to venture indoors and not have the world see you fall apart yet again. 

Closing the entrance with your back to it, you took a quivering inhale to taste of the grime that had accumulated in the old building given the months of neglect. It wasn’t a taste you wished to experience once more. It was home…a place that was lifeless after abuse from the manipulative spouse you once had, a place where a crib held no soul and a bedroom once shared by two lovers now lay barren and cobwebbed with great neglect…. It was hell. 

Head tilted back, you lost what meager strength you had and collapsed to the floor ever slowly to bring your knees to your chest and just weep. The alcohol easily destroying that mask you put on day by day, allowing the gods their victory laugh at what they had reduced you to. 

By day and without such influences, you were to yourself, staying in the corner of any tavern or social gatherings, reading up on any and all spells while silently working your experiments on dead animals just to see if you possessed the ability to master raising the dead to life with a body before trying without. Everybody saw you as a recluse while others excused your behavior to a grieving mother who weaponized her sorrow into quiet anger. 

Heaving from the overwhelming guilt and sadness you were coddled by, your eyes opened slowly to the darkened hallway laid out before you. You hadn’t bothered lighting any of the candles to keep the lights going, allowing the mere lightning that flickered on occasion to be the light source for your needs at the time. As you attempted to focus on the staircase just past the living area you could have sworn you saw a shadow flash from one of the nearby windows that looked like a winged creature attempting to gaze inward. It was from a window that wasn’t in your view, and all you could see was its reflection from the lightning there on the floor ahead, prompting you to stand to your feet and venture forward to make sense of it. 

To the staircase’s banister, you used it to place what strength you had into it before turning to gaze at the glass you thought you saw the shadow from only to see the twisted tree limbs playing with you as their outstretched, wicked shadows appeared like sharpened claws of demons desiring to pull you under into the abyss. You huffed to yourself, turning your attention to the staircase’s top, knowing that was where you had to go. 

“Get it together, y/n,” you coached, wiping away your tears with a heavy sniffle before ascending the wooden stairway to your bedroom. 

Down and to the left… 

Remembering to do such a thing brought you nearly to your knees once more. You had moved most of your belongings out of the master bedroom and put them all into the extra space you had with that cursed item… 

Why did you do that? Motivation, perhaps? The very idea of even going in there seemed all the more less appealing but what was the better option? Would you want to sleep in a bedroom full of nothing but horrible memories of how the vile brute who dared call himself a man slapped you around when able or would you venture to the room where a memento from the innocent part of your union was to be found? 

You sighed, hand on the doorknob to which you turned. That agonizing creaking sound of the door on its hinges made you squirm as you ventured into the bedroom to endure a heaviness of dread that you weren’t alone. The empty crib on the left of the room just near the arched window design while in the usually empty chair opposite of it sat someone… 

Upon the next lighting flash you could just make out the slender, tall appearance of a man—no—an elf of some kind grinning wickedly with his legs crossed and his fingers intertwined with one another upon his lap. He wore an elegant, red suit you had never seen before, striped in a lighter design with a red tie and white undershirt. How the hell did he manage to get in here? 

“H-Hey…Who the hell—!” You stopped yourself from powering up one of your abilities as you noticed something felt off about the way he was smiling. It looked very unnatural, as though his mouth were truly wider than normal. No smile was that wide on a person or an elf… He looked and felt unnatural, and then it was there you noticed the metal tail that he had curved to the right of him. It was spiked at the end, making you narrow your eyes to wonder if it was some sort of illusionary spell or enchanted. Quietly detecting magic showed it was very much nothing of the sort. It’s…real…! you mentally gasped in horror. 

“Oh, have I come at an improper time?” the creature asked, his foot merely moving to and fro in a sort of idle sitting pose. 

“You’re a demon,” you said without haste, keeping your distance. 

The creature grinned even wider, if that were even possible as he tilted his head back. He was wearing glasses, making it impossible for you to see beyond the bright sheen of them whenever the lightning reflected on him to give you a better look over of this being. All else you could make note of was his black, slicked back hair. He had no eyebrows either to make note of, making his appearance all the more unnerving. 

“Demiurge, if you please.” He motioned to the side as if he was offering for you to sit beside him but there was no place of which you were able unless you took to the floor. “And your name?” 

Your heart raced given how calm this creature was. You had heard stories of him…Women, men, children—all of them were disappearing without a trace late at night, and some rough descriptions were a creature with webbed wings. If the illusion you thought you saw earlier in the hallway was actually him, then it had to be the one demon venturing about the kingdom kidnapping whoever he could. A lot of folks claimed they saw these people leave seemingly of free will, like he was a siren who could sing some sort of mythical song and entrance others to follow without need to raise a finger. If he got his hands on your name, you would be done for as the link between you both would be set. 

“Why do you want my name, demon?” You were already nervous, but you couldn’t say there was much to surrender in the grand scheme of things. If he killed you, then that would be that. You could at least possibly be reunited with the child you never had the chance to hold. But demons were never that merciful… 

It was there he moved from the chair. Hand to his chest with the other bent graciously behind his back, Demiurge bowed as his spiked tail bent at the end to express even more so that it was an appendage he had control over. “Forgive me, y/n. I was trying to be polite.” He raised his head, the lightning showing that wicked grin to you in the wretched darkness. “To my understanding, you were looking for me?” 

Your eyes widened as you instinctively took a step backward. How did he know so much? Yes, you were looking for him but did he know why or did he not care? Demons were always creatures to be leery of, even if you wanted to use them in your grander schemes. If the gods would not answer your pleas, perhaps a demon with unknown power might? They were said to love their deals and contracts, so you had to try even if it could mean your very soul. 

“So it is you,” you murmured in the dark, relaxing your posture but refusing to let your walls crumble around you. “You’re the one who has been taking people from here.” 

Demiurge hummed with a shrug, standing upright with both arms behind his back. “Mm, are you wishing to join them? I would be honored to allow that to happen, but it would be quite the waste.” 

Great. Even a demon didn’t want your wretched soul. What had you even become at this point? “What do you mean a waste? Am I wasting your time, demo-eh-Demiurge?” 

“If you were unworthy of my time, I wouldn’t be here.” He turned, venturing over to the empty crib, making your heart squeeze in your chest. 

“Don’t touch anything!” you begged more than demanded. Your voice even did its best not to sound shaken. You didn’t know this demon’s level, but even trying to discretely sense it, you flinched and had to stop or else the alcohol combined with that knowledge would make you faint. That alone disturbed you. Given how calm he was, he knew he was in more control than you were. 

His head turned eerily in your direction. That smile…why was it so haunting? It remained affixed to his features. You were reminded how unnaturally wide it was that you began to think someone took a knife to the corners of his mouth to etch it wider cruelly. 

Regardless, he didn’t listen. One of his arms reached into the crib and pulled out the toy bear that had remained in its place since the day it was bought. “You grew quite powerful because of this tragedy?” He looked it over, rubbing his palm carefully over the dusty toy to sense what he could from what he saw. 

He said tragedy as though he were paraphrasing a simple act of life. Of course, a demon was cruel, immortal, unloving—a human’s death would probably be as significant to him as it were for you at seeing a bug suffering out in the harsh climate. 

“It was my baby. She was my life, and I lost her because of carelessness.” You embraced yourself, turning away from the demon’s condescending smile. “Have you ever desired or had any of your own?” It was weird having such a personal conversation right here and now, but the alcohol made you weak-willed. You needed somebody to talk to—anybody. You’d take him, if he would be so inclined to humor you. 

“No.” The answer was very simple and you thought that to be the end of that conversation, but he continued. “I wouldn’t mind a child, if it suited my needs and ends.” Demiurge clicked his nails together, nails that were contained under the black gloves he wore. 

“Of course,” you sighed. Why did you even bother to try to have a meaningful conversation with a demon of all creatures? “That’s how it is for your kind, I imagine.” 

The heels of his black shoes tapped against the floorboards as the demon came closer to you. You were so emotionally exhausted you didn’t care to be on edge anymore even if every step he took was jarringly calm and reserved. He already said he didn’t want you as he took the others, so in a weird sense, you felt safe. Your head lowered, it was there the demon urged the toy into your field of view. 

The lightning flashed and the thunder rolled as your fingers slowly accepted the toy. In your intoxicated state, you began to feel woozy. All of that attempt to put up a brave front, and you were losing yourself again. His hand gripped your shoulder, making you feel the prick of his nails ever slightly into your skin but you could hardly sense whatever level of pain you were supposed to as you were. Wobbling back and forth, you fell backward only to have the firm chest of the beast to support you. 

His arms moved inward, crisscrossing upon your chest where he kept you in some form of faux support. The embrace was so cold and lifeless, yet you’d take any shape of comfort no matter how false it was. The sound of his mouth opening as he softly inhaled to form his thoughts made you quiver, soon feeling the hot breath of those words caress your ear and breathe down the side of your neck. “You murdered him, didn’t you?” 

Hearing that sentence, your eyes widened as you brought the old bear unwittingly to your chest to embrace it rather tightly—like a child needing to be comforted for being called out on a lie that they tried to cover up. 

“Mm, I see,” the demon hummed in wicked delight as he moved his right hand to maliciously rake his fingers through your hair as if he were calming you—no—petting a stray dog he perhaps found. “Care to tell me more about that, my little pet?” 

You hadn’t noticed in the moment his other hand was covering the place where your heart was, perhaps enjoying every quickening, frightened thump of it as it beat wildly in your chest. He was even rocking you ever slightly like a woman would a child that they were trying to get to sleep. Whether or not that was his intention, you couldn’t say. 

“He just…” The words wouldn’t come out properly as you recalled glimpses and broken pieces of that day. “…He laughed and…scolded me…the…the blood…” The words of bile that he spat, the crude remarks of how a bitch was better at reproducing than you…It all came to ahead as you fell to your knees, crying and screaming with the stuffed toy embraced all the more as each horrific sound of flesh being cut started to ring out again and again. 

Demiurge knelt down with you, keeping his depraved embrace on you. The metal tail swung around cautiously, curving about near your knees as though he were trying to be supportive in some manner but you were too tired to care anymore if it were true or not. His hug was unnaturally tight, as though he were trying to put his entire weight on you but you had little idea as to how much your sorrow was fueling him with great ecstasy. 

“You want your baby back, my pet?” His hand began to rub against your head once more as if to calm you and bring you back to yourself. “I might be able to arrange that.” 

Teary eyes widening, you clutched the stuffed bear all the more when you heard that promise, nails nearly tearing through the seams to the stuffing. You were willing to try and use a low level demon to sacrifice for your own bidding in need to resurrect your child’s soul, be it him or any other demon he may know and willingly surrender to you. Now he was just offering you salvation? 

You fell forward, stopping your complete collapse with one hand to the ground being mindful of his tail. “You…You can do that…?” 

He released you, taking back to his feet and walking to the window in the bedroom with his arms crossed behind his back yet again. “I do believe I said I might be able to.” His metal plated tail flicked back and forth like a cat ready to pounce on its prey. The disturbing sight fazed you little, as you wanted answers to his promise. “There are a few experiments I am holding at my farm for my Lord, you see, and you have intrigued me with a possibility that I would like to give you the honor of.” 

“I just need a vessel!” you exclaimed, scurrying to your feet as you hurried up behind him. You nearly fell, but you merely staggered forward on your knees and grabbed onto the tail end of his coat, tugging in desperation. “Any vessel!” 

He gazed over his shoulder as the moonlight haloed that evil grin. “Any vessel, you say?” He cupped his chin in thought before turning completely to unfasten your grip on his coat. Removing your hands from him, he began to straighten his attire with the first ever frown you’d ever seen him dawn. After he felt his tie was back in order as well, the malicious smile reappeared. “I might be able to provide that for you, but you must agree to give me something in exchange. You cannot receive something for nothing, you know.” 

Demons and their deals, this you knew all too well and were prepared for it. “I will do anything you ask!” 

Demiurge tilted his head in curious delight as he extended his hand. “Work under me. I can tell you suppress your powers for your own gain, and I want them under my control—I want you under my control.” 

Upon him saying such a thing, a metal collar materialized in his open hand as the chain magically untwined and soon concluded in the other. The collar glowed an ominous set of runes you had never seen before but they gave off quite the warning in design. “Wa-Work for you…? What is this…?” 

“You said you would do anything to get your baby back, my pet. Is that not true?” As he spoke, you could see those sharp, jagged teeth. They were more pronounced than before, showing his mounting excitement all the better. 

It was true. You couldn’t deny your own words no matter how hazy your mind was. You nodded, wiping away the tears that continued to still trail down your cheek. 

“Then do as I say. Work under me and my Lord, and I will aid you in your needs.” 

He shuffled the shackle inward to his wrist before opening his hand again. Honestly, the piece was so large you could easily maneuver your head in and out of that contraption. You weren’t even sure what it was he was getting at, but you were desperate. To stay home and feel nothing but sorrow, regret, and trauma every day you stepped foot through those doors, or to leave and possibly find salvation? It was an easy answer at the time. 

Biting your lower lip, you reached forward and grabbed his hand to shake it to form the deal. Touching a demon such as that was a death sentence. You basically sold your soul to the devil as he had you marked. 

His grip tightened, refusing to let you leave it as he grinned widely to show off his fangs as they clenched together in rousing delight. You heard the chain moving but thought nothing of it till you felt it crawling on your other arm like a snake. Panicked, you tried to remove yourself from the demon’s clutches, but he refused until the shackle’s cold, metal train managed to embrace your upper body and keep you pinned. 

His grasp released, you fell backwards onto the hard floorboards while fighting in desperation to get free. The collar itself moved from the demon then and it opened at the ends like a jaw of a monster about to clamp down on your throat. You screamed, hoping it wouldn’t end this way—end in a lie. You were partially relieved to find that was the case as the enchanted object bit down behind your neck, locking the mechanism in place. It was there it shrank, fitting your neck perfectly and what once was so full of life went limp and lifeless, allowing Demiurge to take the chain into his grasp. 

“Like it, my pet?” The demon asked, standing above you with one arm resting behind his back while his open hand kept the end of the metal links. His thumb rubbed against the enchanted ore in twisted delight. “I have been working on this during my experiments, and as part of your contract, you will wear it at all times.” He shifted his glasses up the slope of his crooked nose. “It will keep you restrained and in my care.” 

“What…is this…?” you asked, having never seen inanimate objects come to life as that. 

“I can explain that later, but for now…” Demiurge paused, clearing his throat with his fist near his mouth as if to be polite in the act. “On your feet!” 

His voice vibrated loudly in your ears, urging your body to act abnormally at his command. At first, you had no desire to move, but the moment that spell was triggered you felt your bones and muscles ache in retaliation to your resistance as you were forced like a puppet on a string to beckon to the call of its puppeteer. Your back arched inward, leaving your head to rest there on the floor, your body nearly making a perfect U-shape till the rest of you managed to follow to make it less painful for you to endure. 

“You…You can control anybody with your voice alone?” you panted in disbelief when you were soon standing as he instructed. 

“For lesser beings, it is an easy spell to utilize for my needs when they’re being stubborn little sheep.” His fingers coiled along the chain rather sadistically as he continued to rub the metal links yet again. “Dare I use it once more if you don’t listen to your Master?” 

So that’s how he did it. It wasn’t a siren’s song or anything like that, it was a spell only he knew. “N-No,” you stammered, trying to keep your footing. 

Demiurge’s brow wrinkled curiously, that frown returning. It was hard to say what was more unnerving—the cold, malicious smile or the exasperated, despicable frown. “No, what?” 

You were confused, what did he want you to say? “Umm, no sir…?” 

His sweet caressing of the chain soon tightened into a fist as he took the train of the collar and smacked it against your face as punishment. The harsh bite of the item made you flinch and whimper in response, your hand coming up to stop the idea of him doing it again even if he had no intention of doing so unless you disobeyed him once more. 

“No, Master,” he corrected. 

He wanted you to say it. You could just see that chain waving back and forth in his grasp threateningly, him willing to use it as a whip if need be. Tasting the blood in your mouth, you coughed and did your best not to allow that copper sensation to bubble forth worse than before. 

“No, Master!” you spoke in haste. 

Demiurge sighed in such a manner that was reminiscent of euphoria, those words giving him all of the control he so desired. His fingers uncoiled from behind his back, latching onto your cheek to get a better look at you. “Shhh,” he whispered, his thumb intentionally rubbing the place he struck to cause you more pain. Every time you tried to pull away from the unwarranted touch, his grip merely tightened as he tried to keep you still. Releasing your cheeks, he caressed the bruising area with his index finger, trying to put on a sweet façade of how he didn’t meant to do it. “Don’t force my hand, pet. You may very well be strong for a human, but against myself, I could use a single spell and see you burn alive. You don’t want that, do you?” 

His tone turned into a form of fake comfort once more. No, piteous. That’s what it was…a mere demon who doted on you with pity, trying to make it sound sincere. “You promised me my baby, dam—M-Master.” You had to catch yourself, remembering that you weren’t in control anymore. “Take me to where you can fulfill this promise.” 

“Mm,” he hummed, tapping his index finger on the side of his crooked grin. “I did promise that, didn’t I?” 

Was he going back on his word? He better not have. Demons were malicious and spiteful, enjoying in the torment of others, but they usually kept to their promises if it benefited them somehow. If he wanted to keep you under his control, he would do as you asked. 

“I did, however, say I might be able to do that,” Demiurge reminded you as he started to venture towards the door with you in his grasp. “Let’s head to my farm and see if that’s possible, shall we?”