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ila-appreciationweek · 1 year

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The Thing With Feathers

We are posting this on behalf of JCR/Departer on the ILW discord, who does not have a tumblr but who has been participating in ILAW. Art by @oh-so-youre-a-nerd.

Pairings: Connor x MC Word Count: 9499 Premise: The battle is won and the Power contained. What comes next? Takes place during and after Ch. 23 of ILW.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

- Emily Dickinson, “‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers”

- I -

The partially cured horrors with more on the loose. A failed blood moon ritual. Everest Snow merging with his human self. Lincoln McQuoid’s watch retrieved from the lake below, restoring him to life after a gruesome death. Learning the unfiltered truth about Matthias, his grisly demise, and how he became the new anchor. Discovering the full history behind Westchester’s problems and the source of the Power. Realizing that the Power was merely contained, and that Matthias-as-anchor would eventually need replacing.

None of this compared to what Demelza was asked to do in the aftermath.

Demelza received a phone call from Jocelyn’s parents the day after the carnival, asking for her help in sorting through Jocelyn’s belongings and moving everything out of her apartment after the funeral.

“Why me?” Demelza asked, still reeling from learning who was on the other line.

“We didn’t really know our daughter,” Jocelyn’s mother – Susan – admitted. “Jocelyn was never home growing up. She had been spending most of her time with you and your group of friends over the past couple of months… at least that’s what we saw whenever she updated her Pictagram.”

“I’ll do it,” Demelza said. “I’ll come over and help you and the rest of your family.” She pretended not to hear the heartbreaking sob that had escaped Susan’s lips before hanging up the phone.

Demelza’s eyes fell upon the beleaguered group, exhausted from the day’s events. Harper’s blond hair was pulled into a knot at the back of his head, and he kept his broken leg elevated on a folding chair Demelza found in the closet. He and Parker held hands at the kitchen table, and Danni, Imogene, and Tom sat with them. They each nursed a large, steaming mug of coffee. Elliot sat next to Harper with a cup of hot chocolate. Noah lay on the couch in a deep sleep recovering from using the Power earlier in the cave. Demelza and Connor’s patchwork quilt covered him, and he held Kenna, his stuffed animal moose, in the crook of his left arm. Lincoln stood over the couch and kept a protective eye on Noah while Connor sat in front of the fireplace, enraptured by the flames therein. Connor’s flaxen hair was wet and his skin dewy from a hot shower. He was wrapped in a fleece blanket the color of the sea, and bandages covered his forehead and arms from the cuts and scrapes he sustained while in the cave. He turned and gave Demelza a soft smile, and she was grateful to have him back.

Amalia sat in the chair next adjacent to the couch with her head in her hands. Her body and mind were exhausted, yet she could not sleep. Abel and Everest stood together in the corner. Abel rubbed circles on Everest’s back as his long, brown curls shielded his tear-streaked face.

Everest had emerged from the cave with Abel, Amalia, and Lincoln, with the latter’s watch hidden beneath his tightened grasp. Lincoln had stood next to Everest, his eyes haunted and bearing a new knowledge that was still too old yet impossible to name.

“The watch would only let me save one person!” Everest had cried. “I brought back Lincoln, but I couldn’t save Jocelyn!” He looked at the group and said, “I would’ve brought her back too if I could. I’m sorry.”

Everest’s face had crumpled as he slouched over and sobbed. His loud guttural cries had hit the air like lightning in reverse. Abel had put his arms around Everest and kissed the side of his head as a means of comfort.

“Don’t blame yourself, Everest,” Abel had said, his voice low, serious, and gentle all at the same time. “You’ve been our rock through this whole ordeal and have looked out for everyone else’s safety over your own. You did everything you could. You stopped the Blood Moon Ritual and put an end to Matthias’ evil deeds. You healed Connor. You saved Lincoln. You protected Noah and kept him from becoming the next anchor.” Abel had cupped Everest’s face in his hands with tenderness and said, “You can rest now.”

“I’m sorry, Demelza,” Everest had choked out. He removed his glasses and wiped his eyes before putting them back on again. “I can’t stay here. I must move on, and I hate that me doing that means you can’t. I know how much you and Connor wanted to leave Westchester after all this.”

“It’s okay, Everest,” Demelza had responded truthfully. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I knew that I wouldn’t be able to leave when you told me Matthias became the new anchor. The problem’s taken care of for the next two hundred fifty years due to Matthias reaching that age here on earth.” She smiled despite everything. “That gives me and the rest of the Power Keepers time to come up with a contingency plan when that time comes, but we’re hoping it won’t. We’ll keep building our tribe and doing our research, and figure out a way to heal the Power without hurting anyone or needing another anchor again. Besides, Westchester needs a constant to see them through everything, and who can do that better than me?”

“Thank you for understanding.”

Demelza cleared her throat and brought herself back to the present. “That was Jocelyn’s mom on the phone. Her funeral is set for the end of this week. She wants me to help her go through Jocelyn’s things afterwards.”

Connor stood from his spot by the fire and let his blanket fall to the ground. He strode over to Demelza and wrapped his arms around her. He smelled of peppermint soap, pine, and campfire from sitting by the hearth. “Do you need my help?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “This is something I have to do on my own.”

- II -

Jocelyn’s funeral fell on a frigid, albeit sunny day with a cloudless blue sky. Susan, Jocelyn’s father Henry, younger sister Jasmine, and grandfather George greeted visitors at the funeral home, where Jocelyn’s service was just one of several that took place there over the past few days. A magnificent arrangement of hydrangeas, irises, lilacs, and orchids in various shades of purple covered the closed casket. Jocelyn’s former and current students shuffled in, each of them placing a handwritten card and colorful origami animal in amongst the flowers. Fellow teachers and the principal at the middle school she had worked at came, as did her track and field coach and professors at Westchester Community College. Her teammates, former high school cross country coach, and extended family were all in attendance.

Demelza even saw Cody’s mother present. She looked like her late son, but had a pinched, hollow face lined face like an old, well-used map folded several times over. Prominent crow’s feet sat on the edges of her eyes and her mouth was turned downwards, and Demelza knew it had not moved from that position in the past four years. She hugged Susan the moment she came in and the two women remained in an embrace for several long moments before the service started.

Britney slipped in moments before with shorter hair and the edges of her face sharper than they had ever been. She kept her arms folded and her gaze downward, knowing she was out of place here. Even though Britney and Jocelyn were close in middle school and high school, Jocelyn died as a stranger to her.

Demelza felt fidgety and on edge throughout the memorial. Connor kept his arm around her, serving as a calming force to her nerves. Harper, Parker, Elliot, Danni, and Imogene never had the opportunity to know Jocelyn well but came and showed their support. Tom sat with Noah, Sunny, Luis, and the rest of the witches, their expressions serious and eyes wondering what might have been. Lincoln kept his head down, suppressing his remorse and survivor’s guilt. Amalia’s dark eyes shone with unshed tears whilst Abel and Everest let theirs flow freely. Everest turned into Abel and brought him close, his shoulders heaving as he sobbed into Abel’s chest. Demelza turned away from the sight and knew Everest could not stay in Westchester, nor could she ask it of him.

She squirmed in her seat throughout the rest of the funeral. Connor put his hand on her knee as Jocelyn’s family, her old coaches, coworkers, and former students spoke about her. Demelza felt as though she was hearing about a person she didn’t truly know. She let her eyes wander during the picture slideshow Jocelyn’s sister compiled because she knew she wouldn’t recognize the person onscreen.

- III -

Everyone had kept to themselves after the funeral. Connor went to the shed to do some metal and woodworking. Noah went back into the woods, desiring to hear, commune, and find solace there again. Abel and Lincoln returned to their respective apartments for the last time, packing up their belongings and confirming the release from their contracts. Amalia got her car washed and vacuumed, and Everest deep cleaned the room he and Amalia had shared. Harper, Parker, Elliot, Danni, Imogene, and Tom had returned to Pine Springs.

Demelza thought about this as she left the café where she had helped see Abel and Everest off. Amalia and Lincoln were leaving the next day, and they didn’t plan on returning, save for the memorial Demelza had scheduled two months from now. She wanted the opportunity for herself and her friends to honor Jocelyn and everyone else lost to the Power in their own way. She got into her car, drove to Jocelyn’s old apartment complex, and mused on the walls being built amidst a tragic loss. Jocelyn had done the same after losing Cody.

Demelza knew it was up to her to keep those walls down and be the unifying force of the group – the constant – they all needed. She parked her car in the small, dingy parking lot and headed toward Jocelyn’s apartment, where the front door hung ajar. Several large garbage bags filled to the brims and knotted tightly sat outside, waiting to be taken down to the dumpster. Demelza tried not to think about all the trash inside as she stepped into the place where Jocelyn had once lived and breathed.

Henry and George cleaned the small kitchen and arranged for movers to take the old furniture and decorations to Goodwill. Meanwhile, Jasmine packed up the non-perishable food items for the local food bank and put the linens in another box. She took those boxes down to her car while Susan went through Jocelyn’s clothes. She placed each item into a “donate” or “toss” pile, but folded Jocelyn’s favorite denim jacket gently and set it aside. Demelza disinfected and cleaned the bathroom after Susan and Jasmine finished removing everything inside, then moved onto dusting, sweeping, and cleaning the sitting room.

After the movers left with the furniture and decorations, Susan and Henry brought out three boxes from her old room. Demelza gulped as George and Jasmine joined them, knowing what was ahead.

Jasmine opened the first box and pulled out a red, white, and blue plaid hybrid sweatshirt. Demelza recognized it immediately, as it had once belonged to Cody. She turned away from Jocelyn’s family and placed a hand over her mouth to keep herself from gagging. The coat still smelled like him: of Abercrombie and Fitch Oud Amour cologne, Axe antiperspirant spray, and salty sweat.

“Sorry,” Demelza coughed. “Just something I wasn’t expecting.”

“I never liked Cody,” Jasmine commented. “He was a jerk and yet Jocelyn always chose him over me.” She threw the sweatshirt on the ground in disgust.

Susan folded the sweatshirt with a frown and placed it next to Jocelyn’s denim jacket. “I wish we did more, Henry. We should’ve kept a better eye on her.”

“You didn’t know,” Demelza said. “Jocelyn was a private person. You can’t beat yourselves up over this.” She held Susan’s gaze and said, “Jocelyn was trying. She wanted to be better… but you could’ve – should’ve – loved for her who she was instead of who you wanted her to be.”

Henry turned away; he looked shameful.

“I’m sorry,” Demelza told them. Again. “I should’ve done more too.”

She spent the rest of the day helping Jocelyn’s family sort through the rest of her personal items contained in the boxes. Photographs of Jocelyn with Britney and Cody. Cross country and track team pictures. Numerous commemorative plaques, medals, and trophies from athletic competitions. Cross country and track shirts signed by her coaches and teammates. Brittle and dried flower corsages from school dances she attended with Cody that perfumed the air around them. Numerous scrapbooks Susan put together with painstaking effort documenting Jocelyn’s life. Mixed CDs with playlists Britney and Cody had curated just for her. Written notes Jocelyn had shared with Cody. A single polaroid of Jocelyn and Cody cheek-to-cheek with too wide grins and squinty eyes.

Demelza paused as she picked up an old, used copy of The Giver from inside the last box. She opened the book and gasped at the written inscription therein:

Dear Jocelyn,

Don’t lose hope. You’re getting there. You’re doing better than you think. Nothing is ever truly broken or lost unless you make it so. You can be and make the change you wish to see.

One day you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come. I’m proud of you already.

Your friend,

-Everest

Demelza swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and wiped the tears from her eyes. Everest saw the best in Jocelyn despite knowing her past. He forgave her even after learning that she had tracked him and fed that information to Matthias. He reconciled the person Jocelyn used to be with the person she was becoming or at least wanted to be. He hated himself for not being able to save Jocelyn even though he couldn’t.

Demelza noticed a piece of paper peeking out about a hundred pages in. She opened the book to that spot and came across Jocelyn’s untidy scrawl written with a purple pen on a lined piece of paper ripped from a miniature notebook. Ink stains and smudges covered the edges but could not mask what Jocelyn had written down:

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

By: Emily Dickinson

Demelza sniffed and read the poem again.

Hope.

It was a fragile thing, light and breakable like the gossamer wings of a bird in flight. It could slip away in the night without you having ever known it was there in the first place.

Yet hope remained constant and reserved a place for itself in your soul once you kept it; always singing, withstanding the storms of life, keeping you warm in the coldest chills, remaining calm upon the unsteady seas, and never asking for anything in return.

Jocelyn had hope despite herself. Hope for her future happiness. Hope in her apologies. Hope in her newfound friendships. Hope for the chance to move forward. Hope for a world where the Power would never hurt anyone again.

This part of Jocelyn remained tethered to the earth in a way no one else could see but that would live on past the rest of them.

Henry noticed Demelza looking at the paper upon which Jocelyn had written the poem and the book from whence it came. “Do you want to take those things with you? Something of Jocelyn’s for you to keep?”

“Yes,” Demelza answered. “Thank you.”

Demelza decided she would send Everest’s book back to him. She had seen him reading it in the cabin during their downtime. Everest had said The Giver was his favorite book and that his father had often read it to him.

Demelza stood from her place on the floor and hugged each member of Jocelyn’s family before leaving the apartment for good. Demelza hauled all the trash bags to the dumpster so they wouldn’t need to. Then, she folded the piece of paper - evidence of a life once lived - and placed it inside her wallet so she would always carry Jocelyn’s memory and hope for a better world with her wherever she went.

- IV -

Connor had presented Demelza with a custom-made engagement ring after the memorial she hosted just for their core group. Demelza had accepted and smiled upon seeing it placed on her left ring finger, knowing that Connor knew her innermost parts. He knew the sinews that bound her flesh and bones together, the blood that flowed freely through her veins. He knew her fierce and mighty heart, determined soul, and how hard she fought for the people she loved.

Demelza reflected on this as she lay on the warm sands of Moorea, Tahiti four months later. She and Connor flew around the world for a much-needed, month-long respite after they caught the last horror and administered the half-baked cure Harper and Sunny had provided. It gave the victims their minds and sanity back, but left them with ashen skin, vampiric teeth, and claws sharper than that of any animal. Doctors from the best hospitals still worked with them on the aftereffects while scientists had attributed the cause to acid rain. Demelza was grateful for Connor and his true and unconditional love for her, how he had told her that they did all they could, and to put aside the what if’s and that what might have been of the situation.

She grabbed a handful of the pale gold, soft silt of sand, let it run through her fingers, and remembered the memorial hosted in her parents’ backyard. She had provided the champagne and firewood while Lincoln took time away from sorting Matthias’ affairs and giving away his millions of dollars to join them. Amalia took another road trip back to Westchester from Portland before beginning her final year at the University of Oregon. Harper, Parker, Danni, Imogene, Tom, Elliot, and his boyfriend Robbie had made the drive down from Pine Springs. Noah had grilled chicken and hamburgers for the main course and brought homemade side dishes and desserts, having rediscovered his passion for culinary arts. Demelza had known Abel and Everest wouldn’t be in attendance and understood why. She had received a note from Everest after mailing his book back to him, letting her know that he and Abel had settled in northern California and were happy with their new lives.

Demelza continued running her fingers through the sand as she watched the ocean waves break onto the shore. The surf went forward and backward like clockwork, keeping time with the rhythm of nature. The Westchester woods had gotten their groove back, but Demelza knew nature would eventually run its course and that Matthias-as-anchor would eventually need replacing to keep things in harmony. But Demelza knew she wouldn’t be alone in that task or in finding a way to heal the Power without sacrificing an innocent life.

“Hey, you,” Connor whispered in her ear. He sat down next to her, kissed her freckled shoulder and pulled her close. He fixed his grey eyes on the sea and looked calm and relaxed for the first time in years. His eyes were clear and radiant, posture no longer slouched with carrying burdens and sorrows others could not see, and his skin emitted an effervescent glow from his time spent in the Tahitian sunshine. Connor’s hair lightened from his time outside and he had gotten a much-needed trim right before they left on their vacation. His hair was still long but looked much healthier than it had before.

“Hey yourself,” Demelza said. She cupped Connor’s face in her hands and kissed him hard. He tasted like mango, coconut, and chocolate. “How was your walk?”

“It would’ve been better if you came too,” Connor answered. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, kissed Demelza’s temple, and ran his gentle hand through her hair. “We should get married when we get back. It’s time to move forward.”

Demelza nodded. “You’re right.” She leaned into Connor’s chest, and he wrapped his arms around her again. “I’m grateful we don’t have to deal with the Power by ourselves anymore. We can finally start our lives – and throw the best party of the century while doing it. We’ll have it in our backyard. Sunny, Luis, and the witches can help us decorate. Noah and his friends at culinary school can help us with the menu and taste testing. He’s only in his first semester and is itching for a project already. We’ll invite our friends, keep things small and intimate.”

“What about your parents?”

Demelza knew on a certain level she couldn’t shut her parents out of her wedding. They were the only blood family she had left, the distance having only grown wider with age. Their siblings and parents – both sets of Demelza’s grandparents – were long dead. Demelza’s mother and father had given her life just as the sun had started setting on theirs. They had started making more of an effort after what happened at the homecoming dance those years ago. But they were strangers, nonetheless.

“They can come,” she said. “They can be the family ghosts like they’ve always been.” She looked up at Connor and asked, “What about your dad?”

“I haven’t heard from him since he filed for divorce from my mom,” he said. “My dad didn’t even call after she died. He wouldn’t have cared if something had happened to me. Why would I want him to come?”

“We’re two peas in a pod,” Demelza said. “No extended family whatsoever.” She didn’t possess the heart to add that Connor didn't have any blood relatives left either. That would always hang in the air between them like smoke after a fire. Connor’s dead family – both literally and figuratively – would always linger, having seeped into every crevice imaginable even though the flames were long put out.

She trailed a finger down Connor’s taut stomach, making patterns on his six-pack and twirling the line of blond hair stretching down his stomach. “It’s partly why I want to make babies with you – lots of them.”

Connor grinned and flipped Demelza over onto her side. He undid her black bikini top, sticky from the summer heat and tossed it aside before Demelza grabbed his hand and guided it downward between her thighs. His grin grew wicked, and he said, “Let's have some fun first.”

- V -

The wedding occurred three months later beneath a wooden stick arch interwoven with freesias, garden roses, larkspur, peonies, wildflowers, and angel feather grass in every color imaginable. It stood in front of the pine trees in their backyard, and beneath the yellow, orange, pink, and purple hues of the sunset. Multicolored paper lanterns floated midair above the semicircle of gold chairs facing the archway. The air smelled of honeysuckle, rosemary, and sage.

Demelza faced Connor, their smiles wide and close to bursting. Demelza donned pearl earrings with a flower crown and lace veil that fell straight past her shoulders and nearly touched the train of her vintage wedding dress. Connor wore a new suit and black bow tie that fit him perfectly with a boutonnière that matched the flowers in Demelza’s hair and the bouquet she held in her manicured hands.

They went without bridesmaids and groomsmen due to the small, intimate nature of their wedding. Demelza’s parents sat in the center of the semicircle, and it pained her to see how old they really were. Noah came with his girlfriend Chelsea Vincenzo, a fellow culinary student from a large Italian American family that owned a pizza parlor in the next town over and had embraced him as a second son. Harper sat with Parker, Elliot, and Robbie; both couples were stronger than ever. Danni had her camera in tow and sat between Imogene and Tom. Amalia and Lincoln were there, each talking turns along with Abel in calming Everest and pulling him from the ledge. Abel had told them that they would stay for the wedding and reception but had a quick turnaround time; Demelza and Connor understood and were grateful Abel and Everest had made the sacrifice to come. Sunny and Luis stood under the archway with them as co-officiators, and the rest of the Westchester witches came and mingled with Connor’s high school friends.

A golden chair sat empty amidst the wedding guests, the very spot where Jocelyn should’ve been – alive and celebrating with them. Demelza knew the chair was also for Stacy and Mayor Green, evidence of a family forever fractured by death. She thought of Andy, Ava, Dan, Jane, Lily, and Lucas, and how their lives were cut short, their potential never realized.

Connor noticed Demelza staring at the vacant chair and squeezed her hands. “I miss them too,” he said. “But they’re here in spirit. They want us to be happy.”

“I know.”

The ceremony went smoothly. Sunny and Luis pronounced Connor and Demelza as husband and wife whilst the sunset faded into the blue-black sky above. Sunny and Luis waved their hands, sending the paper lanterns up into the air, where they burst and trailed flecks of gold and miniature translucent baubles filled with light. The full moon became visible amidst a vast display of stars and the constellations, which were visible for all to see and gave off a glowing, radiant light.

Everyone congregated to the other side of the manicured lawn, where they sat united at a long table with Queen Anne’s lace running down the center with fairy lights illuminating from the mason jars placed alongside the sprays of floral arrangements like Demelza’s bouquet. They feasted on a menu Demelza and Connor had curated with the help of Noah, Chelsea, and their classmates at culinary school: bruschetta; garlic knots; Caprese and Italian chopped salads; roasted vegetables; spinach ravioli; vegetarian lasagna; margherita, pepperoni, and prosciutto pizzas. The red wine and assorted Italian cream sodas flowed whilst a folk band played instrumental versions of Demelza and Connor’s favorite songs in the background. The chocolate wedding cake came out along with various gelato flavors, bombolini, cannoli, and cups of cappuccinos, espressos, and lattes.

The conversation never stalled and soon everyone left the table to dance. The tempo picked up the pace in time to everyone’s movements and vibrant conversation; even Demelza’s mother and father loosened up.

Demelza and Connor took turns dancing with each other, Demelza’s parents, and their friends, getting caught up on how they were. They learned of Harper’s time in medical school and him pursuing neonatology along with Parker heading a Big Brother/Big Sister program in Pine Springs; Elliot and Robbie researching colleges and apartments together; Imogene’s time in veterinary school and her volunteer work rescuing and rehoming abused animals; Tom’s graduate studies in robotics; Danni’s journalistic work being picked up by national news wires; Amalia’s law school applications and studying for the LSAT; Abel’s acceptance of a large monetary grant giving him the opportunity to explore archaeological sites in Central and South America; Everest’s time in college, following in his father’s footsteps pursuing pediatric medicine, and the help he received from Harper regarding prerequisites and the application process for medical school; and how Lincoln embraced more artistic mediums and began taking on clients.

Demelza stepped away and approached Noah, who stood off to the side with a glass of water. He smiled as Chelsea led Luis, Sunny, Elliot, Robbie, Danni, Amalia, Abel, Everest, Connor, and his high school friends in dancing the tarantella.

“Needed a break, Marshall? I did.”

“Me too,” Noah said. “Planning and successfully carrying out a reception menu is a lot of work.” He took a sip of water and grinned even wider. His honey brown eyes were glassy, with everything he felt brimming the surface, but he was present, nonetheless. “I still tire easily. But at least I can sleep this off before working the dinner shift tomorrow.”

“You were fantastic, Noah,” Demelza told him. She threw her arm around his shoulders and said, “You’ll be in demand for all sorts of events at this rate.” She watched as Chelsea continued dancing with the other guests, her long black curls bouncing with every twirl. “You work in the kitchen at the restaurant Chelsea’s family owns?”

Noah nodded. “I don’t need to. The money from the settlement the city gave me will cover me for the rest of my life. Who knew coming back from the dead, having a kidnapping cover story, a selfish mom, a dad who decided to show up out of nowhere, and the coroner botching everything for not confirming my identity with DNA four years ago could be so beneficial, right? But I like having something to do when I’m not at school. Sometimes Chelsea’s dad lets me get creative with the menu.”

Demelza noticed Noah mentioning his parents. She knew his mother had played the victim and would never acknowledge how much she had hurt her son. He had severed ties with her after realizing that she would never change. But his father had left shortly after Jane died those years ago and was never heard from again.

Until now.

"Your dad contacted you?" Demelza said. "How did that turn out?"

“He lives in Spokane and wants to reconnect, but I don't know if I want to. My dad wasn't there for me back then, so what right does he have to be in my life now?" Noah said. "I think he only got in contact with me for damage control and to make himself look good. He has another family, Demelza. Where would I fit into that?"

"You never know," Demelza responded. "I'm sure your dad has his reasons for leaving and not being around all these years. Maybe he didn't have a choice."

"It's possible," Noah said. "It wouldn't surprise me if my mom forced him to stay away after the divorce. She is the most toxic person I've ever met in my life - and that's saying a lot. It's a huge part of why I cut her off. Chelsea's parents treat me better than she ever did."

Demelza’s eyes fell on Chelsea sharing a joke with Imogene and Tom, her olive skin shining, and burgundy lips parted in a smile revealing two perfect rows of straight white teeth. "Do you think she’s the one?”

“I do,” Noah said. “I know it’s still early stages, but we’ve talked about getting married and having a family together. We’ll date longer, get through school, and get Baby Jane’s established first, though.” He paused for a moment. Tears fell from his sad eyes as his bottom lip quivered. “I wish Jane could’ve met Chelsea. She would’ve loved her.”

“Jane would be so proud of you, Noah. She wouldn’t want you to be sad. She wouldn’t want you staying stuck in the past.” Demelza hugged Noah and told him, “Keep living your best life, Marshall. You’re one of the lucky ones.”

- VI -

The dancing went past midnight. The band packed up their instruments while everyone saw Demelza and Connor off in his Camaro decorated with Just Married! bunting, balloons, flower streamers, and tin cans secured to the back. The moon was still out and the constellations still shone brightly above them.

Demelza reached for Connor’s hand in the center and interlaced her fingers with his. He smiled and squeezed her hand while he drove, the tin cans clanging against the road beneath them.

“I love you,” Connor told her. “Everything we’ve been through brought us here. It was all worth it.”

“I love you too,” Demelza replied. She kissed Connor’s hand and said, “I know you wanted to leave Westchester after everything. I feel stupid asking you this, but you’re okay with staying here?”

Connor ran his thumb over Demelza’s fingers, his hand staying clasped in hers. “You’re not stupid, Demelza. You’re the best person I know. A stupid, selfish person would’ve seen someone else’s distress and ignored it. You saw a need and answered the call. We have a home and a life in Westchester, and people helping us out with the Power. We’ll get there - and all the while, you’ll be the glue holding everyone together.”

Demelza and Connor reached a stop sign. He gave her hand another squeeze and said, “Whenever you find yourself needing a break from being the constant, come to me and I’ll take it on for a while. We have Noah, Sunny, Luis, the witches, and our friends in Pine Springs helping us too. We’re not alone in this. We’re not responsible for the world’s problems. Our children won’t be, either.”

“You always know what to tell me,” she said, thinking of the past four years they spent together: when their eyes locked on the same windy road for the first time in years; his concern upon seeing her covered in bruises and teaching her self-defense; when Connor sacrificed his own plans to help her, Stacy, and their friends after learning about the Power; the way he always put her needs ahead of his; the moments he put his life on the line for her. “You keep your word. You’re not just talk.”

“I hope not!” Connor laughed. He winked at Demelza playfully and said, “I like to think I keep my word both in and outside the bedroom.”

“Oh, stop!” Demelza exclaimed. “I know you do; and we have two weeks on the Amalfi Coast for you to have your way with me.”

They reached their destination for the next two days: a ritzy hotel with a view of the lake and mountains where they would rest before flying to Amalfi, Italy for their honeymoon. The concierge checked them in and had a valet bring their luggage to their suite. Two bottles of chilled rosé in an ice bucket with accompanying champagne glasses, a large pot of hot chamomile tea on a warmer with cream, sugar, and two teacups, a tray of various finger sandwiches, a charcuterie board, and a platter of chocolate covered strawberries with a large bouquet of yellow roses on the entry room table greeted them as they walked in.

Demelza looked at everything therein and said, “I’m stuffed. Who on earth thinks we still have room in our stomachs for all this?”

Connor held up an envelope with their names on it. “I think we both know the answer to that question.”

He opened the envelope, took out a vintage greeting card decorated with artwork of a bride and groom riding off in an old school Rolls Royce, and read:

Dear Connor and Demelza,

Congratulations on the wedding! We figured you’d enjoy these post-coital snacks.

Noah and Everest wanted to bake you a “Congrats on the wedding sex!” cake, but we (Abel and Amalia - the greatest people you’ll ever know) put our feet down. You’re welcome for us insisting on something classy. That, and we know more than enough about what you do behind closed doors.

Enjoy your honeymoon and please don’t scar the other guests the way you did us.

Love,

-Amalia, Abel, Everest, and Noah

Demelza and Connor looked at each other before falling over on top of each other in a fit of laughter.

“Oh God,” Demelza said. She pinched the bridge of her nose and lay her head atop Connor’s chest. “You don’t think Noah picked up on anything or saw us going at it when he was a ghost, do you?”

“He hasn’t said anything about it,” Connor said. “Maybe he’s blocked out the memory.” He ran a finger across Demelza’s cheekbone. “You’re beautiful.”

“You’re handsome.” Demelza reached up with her hand and began undoing Connor’s bow tie and unbuttoning his shirt. She had a lot of practice. “You want to take this to the bedroom?”

Connor nodded, grabbed her hand, and pulled her up along with him. He held her in his arms and carried her bridal style into the bedroom, where they looked forward to the rest of their lives and the future awaiting them on the horizon.

- VII -

“This was not how I imagined us spending our first wedding anniversary,” Demelza grunted. She arched her back and groaned as hot sweat seeped into her hair and hospital gown, and accumulated at her forehead before falling down her face, neck, and the rest of her body.

“You're doing great, sweetheart,” Connor soothed. He held a bowl of cold water and dipped a washcloth inside before using it to wipe Demelza’s face and neck clean. He set the bowl and washcloth down on the end table, grabbed her hand in his, and placed his other hand softly on her head. "You got this. The doctor said it won't be long now."

"That - was - forever - ago," Demelza panted. A rough contraction rippled through her body, and she cried out in pain as Connor squeezed her hand and held her close.

“Breathe through it, sweetheart,” he encouraged her. “You can do it.” He hit the call button as his eyes locked with Demelza’s, both of them realizing that their lives would soon change forever.

The pregnancy hadn’t shocked Connor and Demelza, but they weren’t expecting it either. Children were always in the cards and Demelza and Connor had an active sex life, but she was always consistent and up to date with her birth control. She had also just resumed college and wanted to wait a few years. Demelza had never considered that she was pregnant until she and Connor attended the All Hallows Eve party hosted by Sunny, Luis, and the rest of the Westchester witches. Sunny didn’t greet her and Connor as “the lovers” or “the soulmates” as they usually did, but rather as “the family.”

Demelza had made an appointment the next day and Connor came with her. He told her she could terminate if she wanted and that they could wait longer before having children. Demelza had considered it, but her gaze locked on the ultrasound screen and she saw a miniature Connor with his floppy halcyon hair and her brown eyes running happily through a meadow on a cloudless day. She couldn’t let the image in her mind go or do away with what the two of them had made together after seeing that.

Demelza’s mother and father were thrilled at the news. She had mixed feelings about it. The knowledge that they would be better grandparents to her child than they were as parents to her felt like an unhealed wound. But Demelza knew she couldn’t deprive her child the experience of knowing his grandparents; nor could she ignore their endeavors to be better and the improvements they had made, especially when Connor didn’t have any family left.

Amalia, Abel, Everest, and Lincoln weren’t surprised when Connor and Demelza had told them she was pregnant during their monthly FaceTime chat.

“The two of you were always going at it in the cabin,” Amalia had reasoned. “I can never look at or into kitchen pantries the same way again.”

“You were always so loud,” Everest had said. “I had to listen to the Relaxing Whale Sounds album on Spotify with the volume on full blast just to block you out and get myself to sleep at night.” This earned him laughter from the group and a hard, albeit affectionate slap on the shoulder from Abel.

Demelza and Connor had blushed as Abel said, “Now he can’t sleep without listening to it for at least an hour beforehand.” He grinned widely and added, “We’re excited for you! I’ll send you all the parenting books I have and help get the little one’s library started.”

Lincoln had chuckled and said, “You both were always so obvious. You’ll be amazing parents, though. I’ll block off a few days to get the nursery painted and add on any artistic touches you want.”

Noah and Chelsea, Harper and Parker, Elliot and Robbie, Danni, Imogene, and Tom had responded with enthusiasm. They got together with Sunny, Luis, the witches, Demelza’s parents, and Connor’s high school friends and threw a lakeside baby shower for her and Connor a month before her due date. Noah and Chelsea had planned the menu again with fresh fruit cups, Greek salad, saffron rice, fresh hummus and bean dips with homemade pita bread, Mediterranean chicken kabobs, falafel pitas, baklava, lemon cake, and non-caffeinated sweet iced tea.

Amalia and Lincoln also celebrated with them. He had flown in from Las Vegas on the same day she drove down from Portland on her way to California before starting law school at Stanford University. She had sorted through all the gifts, clothes, and supplies Demelza and Connor had received, and organized the parenting guides, children’s books, and presents Abel and Everest sent over. Abel was busy preparing for his first big archaeological dig in the Patagonian region and Everest was occupied with summer classes, but they had sent their love. Lincoln had painted the nursery, and helped Connor and Noah with moving and arranging the baby furniture Connor had built.

Everything was ready yet Demelza felt far away from it all. The doctor and three nurses came in and began preparing for the delivery, and she found herself wanting to turn back time.

“Connor, I’m scared,” she admitted amidst the flurry of nurses getting her into position. “This happened so fast. What if I’m bad at this parenting thing? What if I end up hurting him?”

“Demelza, look at me,” Connor told her. He pressed his forehead to hers and said, “You’re an amazing mom and you'll keep getting better with time. You being worried about messing things up when our son isn’t even here yet shows how much you love him already.” He kissed her on both cheeks, laced his fingers with hers, and said, “I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

The doctor looked up from the foot of the bed and said, “Someone’s ready to make his debut. We can have him out with five pushes if you’ll bear down in three, two, one…”

Demelza pushed, and felt her hand tighten in Connor’s grasp. She accidentally bit her tongue and tasted blood while the coppery scent wafted past her nostrils and made her feel lightheaded. Connor squeezed her hand harder, which brought her back into focus.

Demelza pushed a second time and sensed more people entering the room; but when she looked, it was just Connor, the doctor, and nurses until a familiar voice like honey on the rock pierced the air.

“This kid is going to be so lucky growing up knowing from the beginning that it’s okay to be different; and with you taking him to see Sunny, Luis, and the rest of the witch coven all the time.”

Ava. She smiled and had a casual, edgy elegance about her even in death that Demelza could never hope to achieve in life. She said, “Have Luis teach the kid how to make fire with his fingertips. That’ll come in handy when he gets older.”

“That is completely irresponsible, Ava.”

Lucas. He gave Ava a long, serious look like a professor reprimanding an irresponsible student before turning to Demelza. Ava rolled her eyes but grinned at him and Demelza before taking off. Lucas relaxed his stare as a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth and traveled upward before meeting his eyes.

“Demelza, please teach your child the proper fire safety protocols and how to use a fire extinguisher,” he advised. “The last thing Westchester needs after the past few years are roaring fires everywhere. Really though, your child is so lucky to have you as his mother.”

Dan came into view next. His countenance was a light upon Demelza and she felt his grin illuminate the space around her. “Your son is already loved by so many people he has yet to meet. I know you won’t let him forget that.”

“Of course she won’t.”

Andy. He stood tall and was at peace with himself. “Demelza, you’re going to love and accept your child for who they are, just like you did with me.”

“And me.”

Lily. She looked calm and content with herself and her surroundings and possessed a security about herself she never had before. “You always looked out for me and anyone who needed it. You still do. I know your son will follow in your footsteps and do the same.”

Demelza pushed for the third time and locked eyes with Stacy. She was radiant and full of confidence. “Keep going! You’re almost there!” she exclaimed. “I’ll always be looking after my nephew even when you can’t see me. Make sure he knows how much his Aunt Stacy loves him, okay?”

Demelza nodded as the doctor said, “I see the baby’s head.” She looked up, turned her attention towards Connor, and added, “He takes after his dad with all that blond hair.”

Connor let a joyous laugh escape from his lips and looked at Demelza with tears brimming the surface of his eyelashes. “Did you hear that, sweetheart? Our son has the same hair as me!”

“I knew he would,” Demelza wheezed. She leaned back and recentered her focus as Connor released his grip on her and wiped the sweat off her face and neck again. He kissed her forehead and gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze before taking hold of her hand once more.

The doctor looked at Demelza and said, “We should be able to have him out with two more pushes. Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Demelza leaned into herself, and felt her body contort into something she didn’t know as she pushed for the fourth time. “I'm tired,” she whispered to herself. "I don't think I can do this anymore.”

“Yes, you can.”

Jane.

Demelza still never fully captured what Jane had looked and sounded like in the void, or fully grasped who she would’ve been, had she not died. Yet Jane stood next to her with a commanding presence, unwavering gaze, long auburn waves, and the same pale brown eyes as her twin brother that she knew so well.

“Keep your eye on the horizon,” Jane said. “Just like you did when you looked inside yourself and saved Noah. Just like you will when your son grows up and needs help navigating the path ahead.” She paused, as though listening for something at the door. “I need to go. You have one more visitor.”

“Wait! Please don’t leave!” Demelza whimpered. “I just got you back.” She felt Jane’s presence diminish as her body took control of each extremity and bent them into something unrecognizable. She sensed someone new standing next to her and moaned. “Please… help me… whoever you are.”

A familiar, deadpan voice surrounded her. “You know, whenever I found myself feeling tired during cross country or track practice, my coach would always tell me to push through it; just like you’re doing now.”

Demelza blinked and found herself facing Jocelyn. Her left eye was restored, and her face no longer bore the deep, dark gashes from Power-controlled monsters. Jocelyn looked older and more mature, like she had fully grown into her facial features. She wore her long brown hair pulled back with a tortoise shell clip, which emphasized her angular bone structure and the distinctive contours of her face. Demelza never realized how striking Jocelyn truly was; then again, she had never bothered to look, let alone see.

“You’ve been hearing that a lot though,” Jocelyn said. “You’re probably sick of it. My coach would also tell me to pick my knees up so I could run faster and get to the finish line quicker; but I don’t think you can do that right now.” She gave Demelza a sharp look and said, “I don’t know what you’re freaking out about. Nobody’s ever really ready to become a parent, you know? Those parenting books from Indiana Jones can only help so much. It’s all about what you do or don’t do, and honestly? You and Breakfast Club already love the hell out of your kid. Everyone’s just frothing at the mouth to make you both Parents of the Year.”

“Gee, thanks,” Demelza grumbled sarcastically. “What’s your point?”

Jocelyn stared at her and said, “Just do it! Like the Nike commercials! They told me to buy their running shoes, so I did.”

“Oh, Jocelyn.”

“You know what I mean!” she snapped. “When it’s your kid, you just have to dive right in and accept the good, bad, and ugly of everything! It’s not about making yourself look good to other people or molding your kid in your image, it’s about letting him be his own person and loving him regardless!”

She hesitated for a moment and added, “I think you and Connor will be good parents, Demelza. I know you’ll both love your kid no matter what… you won’t force him to be someone he’s not… the way my parents did to me. But I’m grateful you helped them get closure. Thanks for doing that.”

“You’re welcome, Joss.” Demelza coughed and felt an intense pain course through her. She knew it was time for that fifth and final push.

Jocelyn noticed the change in Demelza and said, “I’ll help see you through this last stretch. Do what the doctor tells you.”

She nodded and pushed at the doctor’s instruction. She felt Jocelyn leave just as her son slid through one limb at a time and finally entered the world.

“He’s here!” the doctor said, exhilarated. She held him up for Demelza and Connor to see. “The time of birth is 3:49 in the afternoon!”

Connor threw his arms around Demelza as their son cried in the background, making his presence known. “You did it, sweetheart! You were wonderful!” He kissed Demelza, set her gently back against the bed, and tucked her hair back. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Demelza said, placing a hand on Connor’s cheek. “I couldn’t have done this without you.” Her eyes found the station in the back, where two of the nurses cleaned the baby, took his measurements, and checked his vitals. She saw his head full of blond hair and noticed he had long arms and legs, big feet, and large hands for a newborn. “Go check on him,” she told Connor.

Connor nodded and gave her another kiss before taking off. She lay still and took deep breaths in through her nose and out through mouth as the doctor cleaned her up. The third nurse switched out her pillow, lowered the front of her hospital gown, and wiped her hair and skin down with fresh water before cleaning the foot of the bed.

Demelza watched while Connor cut the umbilical cord with jittery hands. His eyes were luminous and smile so wide she thought his face would split in half. Then the nurses wrapped the baby in a soft blue blanket and placed him in Connor’s arms. His expression changed to one of awe and reverence as he held his son for the first time.

Demelza knew Connor became a new person at that moment. A whole new level of healing was underway. The cracks engraved deep inside Connor would never disappear or restore what was lost. But the baby filled those crevices with gold and brought back a sense of peace Connor had spent years yearning for.

Demelza’s eyes met Connor’s as he walked over and placed the baby directly on her chest. His skin met hers as she put her hands on his back, inhaling his sweet newborn scent. She felt the gold flow through her veins and noticed how weightless her son felt upon her.

“Hi,” Demelza said. “I’m your mom. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

He made eye contact with Demelza and yawned before burrowing into her. He fell asleep with one hand resting on her shoulder and the other one next to her collarbone.

Connor wrapped his arms around both her and their son. He kissed her on the side of her head and said, “The nurses told me our son will be big and tall when he grows up. I can’t wrap my brain around that. It was the strangest thing. I held him and felt as though I was holding a bag of feathers.”

Demelza thought of the poem Jocelyn had written down on notebook paper and once used as a bookmark. It still sat in Demelza’s wallet and the memory of finding it felt as though it had happened a lifetime ago.

Now it manifested in the part of her soul that lived and breathed outside her body and kept her warm all the same.

Hope.

- VIII -

Demelza and Connor found themselves in their own hospital room a few hours later. She felt refreshed from showering and wore a long and loose nursing top, a pair of Connor’s well-worn plaid pajama pants, and fuzzy red socks. She held their son and laid against Connor on the hospital bed with the clean, crisp sheets, comforter, and pillows he insisted on bringing from home. Connor had also showered and changed into sweatpants, an old Portland Trail Blazers shirt, and socks that matched Demelza’s. He reached over and stroked their son’s forehead, nose, and both cheeks with a gentle finger before letting him take hold of it in his newborn grasp.

“He has your eyes,” Connor said. “It’s hard to tell right now, but I can’t wait to see you in them when he’s older.”

“He looks like you,” Demelza said. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.” She smiled at the baby and said, “We love you, little guy. We’re so excited to be your mom and dad.”

“The little guy needs a name. We can’t keep calling him that for the rest of his life and the hospital won’t discharge us until we fill out the birth certificate.”

Demelza nodded and thought of the world her son was just born into. It contained pockets of natural beauty, histories older than time itself, hidden discoveries, and untold stories. Yet the world had withstood endless abuse, witnessed countless evils, and wasn’t immune from corruption or those who would use the gifts bestowed upon them to hurt others.

Her son didn’t come into a world where he would have to worry about the Power hurting those he loved the way she and Connor once did.

Rather, he came into one that possessed a fragile, delicate hope, yet offered a new way forward whilst still carrying the wisdom of the past.

Demelza thought of those who had passed on, and how they returned to lift her up and provide her with the strength she needed to deliver him.

She knew what the perfect name would be.

“How about Atlas?” Demelza suggested. “It’s a book of maps that holds the past, present, the way ahead, and hope for the future.” Her gaze turned from her son, to Connor, and back again. “Atlas Connor Green. His middle name will be for you.”

Connor smiled before releasing his finger from Atlas’ grip and retrieving his phone from the end table. He spent a few minutes scrolling and turned the screen towards her. He had pulled up a baby names website that listed the meaning and origin of their son’s new name: bearer of the heavens, from Greek mythology.

“It’s perfect,” Connor said. He set his phone down and ran a soft hand through Atlas’ hair. A far off, wistful look came over his face. “Atlas came into this world with heaven at his back. They were all there - my sister, Jocelyn, everyone we’ve lost - they all came together to bring him here to us.”

“I know,” Demelza said. “I’ll never forget them; and we’ll make sure Atlas knows them too.”

Connor bent down and kissed Atlas atop his head before resting his lips on Demelza’s. “Happy anniversary sweetheart,” he told her. “I have so many reasons why I’ll never forget this day.”

“Happy anniversary, love,” Demelza replied. She smiled down upon their new son.

“Happy birthday, Atlas. Welcome to the world, to this place with feathers.”

#ilaw #connor x mc #ilitw #it lives in the woods #connor green #it lives within #ilw

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cadybear420 · 2 years

Text

Ranking the male characters' special underwear options and how awful they each are.

We all know Choices is just incredibly lazy when it comes to making sexy outfits for male LIs and male MCs. Especially underwear and swimsuit, aren't we all tired of nothing but boxer briefs and trunks? And how their female counterparts clearly have more effort put into them? Even when it's underwear that is supposed to be "sexy underwear", PB still manages to fuck it up.

I wouldn't mind it as much if PB gave us a variety of options like It Lives Within does, or made the female versions equally unflattering... but no. In PB logic, the only parts of the male form that can be sexualized are dicks and upper body muscles (to be fair, though, I think we have to blame the entirety of male gaze and male power fantasies for this).

So let's do a fun little list. We'll take all existing male MC/LI special underwear outfits (AKA the ones that are meant to be "sexier" than the average default underwear– AME MC's sexy underwear, the TRR LI's sexy underwear, OH MC's BDSM gear, Reagan's BDSM gear, Sam's sexy underwear) and rank them to see which is the worst.

This list is only for important characters like MCs and LIs where their outfits are intended for us to find sexy. I will not be including characters like Pat Ransic where we're not really meant to care about them or their underwear.

Unfortunately I will have to include pictures of each of these abominations in order to demonstrate my point, so apologies in advance for that. Additionally I will also include pictures of their female MC/LI counterparts to also demonstrate my point about how unflattering the male versions are in comparison.

Just a disclaimer that although I do genuinely despise all of these underwears, this is partly for fun and laughs. I want to be able to at least make it fun to criticize these abominations so that I suffer less.

Also keep in mind (and I should have added this when I first posted this), but I will be regularly updating this list as per any new additions of "sexy underwear" in future books.

* UPDATE 1: Added TPA MC's Underwear. Only change was a ranking adjustment, and some of the wording in the AME portion. * UPDATE 2: Added Alpha MC's Underwear. No extraneous changes from the new addition have been made. * UPDATE 3: Added Unbridled MC's Underwear and Cai Kennedy (ACT)'s BDSM Gear. Only change is that Reagan's BDSM gear has now surrendered (ehehe) its long-held title of "least intolerable" and so that altered the wording of a few lines as well as my intro to Reagan's underwear ranking.

So without further ado, here we go.

∞th Place #1 (AKA Finally some actual fucking male lingerie): Alpha MC's Underwear

Whoaaaaaaa Mama! Did someone actually send PB the ILW MC designs? Because THIS is how you make sexy underwear for a guy! Man, I never thought I'd see the day when PB made actually slutty male lingerie that can be put on the same tier as its female counterpart, but here we are. Alpha, you will be going down in history for this.

No joke, I genuinely think PB actually tried with this one. And it shows. The underwear shape that actually shows off his legs and hips! The strappy garter belt! The chains decorating his chest! The hip windows! The MOTHER! FUCKING! HIP WINDOWS!!!!!

My only nitpick is that I do still think the fem one had slightly more effort put into it? With the lace pattern and the chains on the leg and arm. But it's not nearly as offensive here because the male one still clearly had a good amount of effort put into it to make it actually as sexy as the female one.

Here's hoping we see more of this kind of effort in future books!

10th Place (Least Intolerable): Male Cai's BDSM gear

The title of "Least Intolerable" has been taken from one LI's BDSM gear and given to another LI's BDSM gear! Which is... technically a good thing, because it means PB is somewhat putting more effort in, right? Like, somehow my first place pick has remained the same and PB hasn't done anything worse, while the one that gets the title of Least Intolerable eventually gives up its title.

Though of course, in the perfect world, PB would be putting actual effort into the male underwears like they did with Alpha MC and thus I wouldn't have to change the ranking any further and instead just add to the list of actually good underwears. Or, heck, in the perfect PERFECT world, I wouldn't even have to make this list in the first place because PB would be putting effort into all the fucking male underwears.

Anyways, I can easily say that m!Cai's outfit is a significant improvement from m!Reagan's BDSM outfit. Without a doubt, there's much more effort put into it.

Even though the underwear is basically boxer briefs, I like the bit of sheer hip/side windows. The built-in belt is The cutout just above the crotch looks... kinda stupid, but it's still leagues above Reagan's button-latch dick opening and... *shudders* OpH m!MC's crotch shoelace. It feels like it actually tries to do something creative with the boxer briefs style.

Plus, the chains on the harness that drape across the chest is also a very sexy addition. I love it when the lingerie/underwear is meant to "decorate" him.

However, I can't praise it any higher because f!Cai's outfit still clearly has more effort into it. Hers has more body-accentuating bits, larger and more transparent hip windows. It's not even a contest. It's lazy... but not nearly as lazy as any of the other outfits down this list.

9th Place: Unbridled MC's underwear

Being a ranch/cowboy story, it makes sense that these outfits have the addition of chaps. With that in mind, m!MC's actual underwear looking more like panties/briefs is kind of inevitable. Boxer briefs with chaps would look pretty goofy and I don't think even PB can't ignore that. I still give them credit for actually including those sexy elements, though. They're on the right track.

Even with that, however, it still looks a bit plain compared to f!MC's. Her outfit has a lot more strappy parts and gold chains that sort of "decorate" her a little extra. And then all m!MC gets is like... a basic necklace, and some very uncomfortable-looking straps around his shoulders. Seriously, my arms and armpits and their blood circulation are just aching in utter pain from looking at those things.

The underwear piece itself– as much as I like the actually sexy shape– does look a lot more basic as well compared to f!MC's lace undies, granted though the patterned trim at the top is an interesting touch.

Also. Also. Also. Oh my god holy fuck. Is it just me or do m!MC's chaps look way more stiff and uncomfy than f!MCs? Like, they straight up look like they're made of metal or some hard-shell leather. And they're so clunky too, look at how they don't quite rest on his legs. F!MC's on the other hand look like they're made of a much softer material and are actually fitting the form of her legs. It's not giving me good vibes. That does not seem like it'd be comfortable to fuck in!!!!!!!!

Honestly I was tempted to rank this lower than Reagan's outfit, if only for the fact that it looked a lot more uncomfortable and clunky. But I chose to put it higher, because I think it had a little more effort. It's the closest to looking good. Just a few extra changes, and it could actually look good. Whereas Reagan's outfit, although it's not as bad as the others down this list, can only be fixed by tossing it and starting from scratch.

7th 8th Place (Least Intolerable): Male Reagan's BDSM gear

Although no longer the "Least Intolerable", my opinion by and large on this outfit has not changed. I still think this one has a few more redeeming quallities that I like about it, that gives it a leg up over a lot of the others. I like that the harness accentuates his thicc tiddies, I like that the undies are drawn in such a way that kind of accentuate the roundness of his thighs.

But the outfit itself just... reeks of laziness. Female Reagan gets a whole ass bodysuit and thigh-highs. But for male Reagan, all they do is take what looks like regular old boxer briefs (I don't care that it has a button-latch dick opening, that's like only one small adjustment from regular boxer briefs) and slap a harness and wristcuffs onto it.

And sure, male Reagan's is arguably more revealing, but it's still pretty bland and it doesn't accentuate his form nearly as much as female Reagan's does.

6th 7th Place: AME Male MC's underwear

I really should put this one lower on the ranking because of that god damned robe, but this one is probably the last one with any genuinely redeeming quality in it, so that's why it's here. But that's not saying much.

Admittedly I like the red satin undies. They're actually kinda flattering, even if a bit plain. But then I get bugged by the fact that these kind of undies are not the norm or default for regular male underwear. If anything, it's kind of insulting that such a garment can only be in a "sexy underwear" outfit and not in default male underwear.

But then you have the robe. Oh my god. I think I'm being incredibly very nice and generous by putting this one so high. The robe honestly ruins any flattering effect that the satin undies may or may not have had. Of all the extra accessories they could have given him, they went with a freaking Hugh Hefner robe. Why? Just why?

Not to mention that the getup as a whole is incredibly lazy to boot. Look at female MC, she gets a whole set of lacy lingerie that highlights and accentuates her form, not to mention the extra jewelery pieces. Then you have male MC where they took basic satin underwear and just slapped a robe– a ROBE of all things– onto it. At least when they were lazy with male Reagan's outfit, they had the decency to not make the outfit de-flattering (even if the undies part is more bland).

Oh, and to add insult to injury, PB couldn't even be bothered to change the dialogue leading up to the outfit purchase option for male MC. Meaning you get to see this fugly-ass outfit described as "crimson lace". My heart goes out to anyone who may or may not have been led on to think a male MC was gonna get actually flattering lace lingerie, only to get slapped in the face by Hugh Hefner's bathroom-lookin robe.

6th Place: TPA Male MC's underwear

PB clearly learned nothing from TNA 3 wedding night. Or rather, they somehow thought that Sam's poopytime wedding night robe and basic-AF "fancy" briefs were peak male "sexy underwear" design and decided to use that same formula AGAIN for TPA MC. Someone needs to send them the masc MC's lingerie from ILW, like, right now. Stop this disease before it spreads to other upcoming Choices books.

So given all that, well, you're probably wondering why it's so high on the list. Like, this one directly copies the formula of my first place option (yeah, spoilers for my first place option, I literally do not give a shit). Yeah, you thought I was being forgiving with the placement of AME MC's underwear? Well I'm being veryyyyy forgiving with this one.

Fun fact, I originally had it just above AME MC's underwear. Why? Well, this one is at least somewhat visually and aesthetically pleasing to look at. Of all the 3 robe outfits (AME m!MC, Sam Dalton, and TPA m!MC), I do feel like this one is easily the least offensive to the eyes. I genuinely like the metallic/shiny purple colors on it and some of the design on the edges. It has a bit of an evening-luxurious vibe to it that I kinda like, compared to AME m!MC's outfit's Hugh Hefner vibe and Sam Dalton's outfit's bathroom time vibe. Much unlike its parent outfit (Sam's robe), it doesn't really invoke the imagery of going to the bathroom to take a shit– but rather, going to the bathroom to take a nice luxurious bath.

But that's also kind of the problem. Because when you then look at f!MC's version, you don't think of luxurious bath time. You think of sexy time. As per usual, f!MC gets multi-piece lacy lingerie that highlights her form, as opposed to m!MC gets boxer briefs and a robe. And that right there is the exact problem with a lot of the outfits here– the males' outfits aren't allowed to radiate nearly as much "sexy time" energy as the females' outfits are. They're like the sexy underwear equivalent to Elle Woods wearing a bunnysuit to that party with a casual dress code. In fairness to Elle Woods of course, she was tricked into dressing up like that. But PB has no excuse, they know full well what they're doing and they just don't care.

The boxers also look... really awkward and clunky with having the same trim as the robe? It makes the whole outfit in of itself feel more suited as pajamas than as a "male equivalent" to lace lingerie. AME m!MC's outfit may have a Hugh Hefner vibe that ruins what is otherwise a perfectly fine pair of sexy satin panties and is just a huge slap in the face, but at least that one actually has a sexy element to it. Which is why I ended up putting the TPA outfit lower. Fun fact: the real male equivalent to lacy lingerie should also be lacy lingerie, not that hard PB. Boxer briefs and a robe isn't something you should market as "lingerie"/"sexy underwear" unless you plan on giving the same to f!MC.

5th-3rd Place: The Male TRR LIs' underwears

Male LIs just get patterned boxer briefs while Hana gets a whole set of flattering lingerie. If that isn't peak low effort, then I don't know what is. And PB even had the audacity to call them "upgrades", so minus points for that too.

Now, I lumped these all together so I could demonstrate how low-effort all of them are in comparison to the set that Hana gets. But don't worry, I'll be placing each of them individually. Each of them deserves to get roasted on their own.

5th Place: Maxwell's underwear

You might be surprised that this is ranked higher than the other male TRR LI's underwears. Well so am I. This is probably the weirdest pattern anyone could ever put on "sexy underwear". But hey, it's Maxwell, he's a goofy mofo and he loves squids. It's at least kinda in character for Maxwell, and so it at least has some charm to it that made me giggle a bit. Like, of all 3 male TRR LIs' underwears, this is probably the one that had the most (or least small) amount of thought put into it.

But even then, this is the kind of shit that should be his default undies (well, preferably if you make them actual briefs). There's a lot of wasted potential here for sexy underwear for Maxwell. Why not a g-string "banana hammock" where the dick pouch looks like a squid? Or some top piece that looks like a squid where its "tentacles" are strappy things that accentuate his features? HOW ABOUT A SQUID SHAPED GARTER WHERE ITS "TENTACLES" ARE STRAPPY THINGS THAT HOLD UP THIGH HIGHS? Put some creativity into it! A little bit of goofy and squid-inspired design to fit Maxwell's personality, but also a little bit of flattering and body-accentuating to still have a sexy appeal.

4th Place: Drake's underwear

Really guys? A freaking dot pattern? Really? This is the type of pattern I expect to see on flannel pajamas! It's so bland and empty and just blehhhhhh. And that's all I have to say about it, because it's so bland.

So you know what that means right? When I've made it to the blandest of the bland but the list isn't even over yet? Yep, we're now getting into the truly cataclysmically abysmal category. The Top 3 worst male Choices underwears of all time.

3rd Place: Liam's underwear

I sometimes feel like I should swap this placement with the placement for Drake's underwear. The pattern may still look like it belongs on a quilt, but it does somewhat fit Liam's character, while the pattern on Drake's has zero character or creativity whatsoever.

So why is this lower? Maybe I'm just biased because Liam is one of my most favorite LIs.... or maybe it's lower because Liam's default undies are actually flattering– in fact, one of the few existing male undies in Choices that are actually flattering– but PB has the audacity to treat this new bullshit underwear as an "upgrade". I mean, yeah, all the male TRR LIs' underwear are falsely advertised as "upgrades", but at least for Drake and Maxwell, their default undies are just boxer briefs. There's no real upgrade, but I can't really say there's much of a downgrade either.

But for Liam? He gets a total downgrade here. Sure, the black undies may be plain, but they're at least skimpy and are better at accentuating his form. And you expect me to believe that generic ass boxer briefs are an upgrade from that? IDK what kind of mental gymnastics PB did to get to that conclusion.

2nd Place: OpH Male MC's BDSM gear

I was originally gonna put this one in first place because it's so damn ugly. But then I realized, I have a lot more to rant about for my actual first place option than for this.

But don't get me wrong, this is still some trash tier stuff. There is a reason I originally considered it for first place after all. I'd describe it as "Male Reagan's BDSM gear, but how can we make it even worse?", Except for the fact that OH 3 finished releasing to us before Surrender was even first announced so yeah. The harness hardly even TRIES to accentuate his form, and... oh my fucking god... those pants. Those pants. Those FUCKING PANTS

Why leather pants? Why? I mean, yes, leather pants can be sexy as they hug the ass and hips and thighs, but... the female MC version is a pair of skimpy lace underwear with body-accentuating (although arguably possibly more uncomfortable, but I'm not an expert) harness pieces. How anyone could consider a simple harness and leather pants to be a legitimate equivalent to that is beyond me.

And to add salt to the wound, it has a crotch shoelace. It's not only ugly as sin, but it also feels like something that would be very awkward. Imagine trying to get MC's dick out or take the pants off and you/he has to fumble with a stupid shoelace on his crotch. It just seems so awkward and tacky.

1st Place (The Worst of the Worst): Sam's underwear

Sometimes I wonder if PB is deliberately trolling us. Like, this can't just be them being naive. It's like they actually try to make their male underwear as de-flattering as possible. IDK how often they hear from fans that their male underwear designs are mediocre, but it doesn't matter because how can you have a design that combines worst elements of the two previous male "sexy underwears" and not be knowing what you're doing?

This outfit is ATROCIOUS. They really took the worst aspect of AME MC's underwear "upgrade" (the robe) and the worst aspect of the TRR male LIs' underwear "upgrades" (the boxer briefs) of all things, and combined them together. I mean, IDK if PB actually based this off of those past underwears, but the fact that this outfit resembles those underwears' worst aspects makes me want to sacrifice myself to Redfield.

Did they really expect us to find this sexy? They gave female Sam an actually accentuating lace lingerie suit, but male Sam here looks like he's about to spend one hour of his morning on the toilet taking a shit while reading a magazine or the newspaper. Oh yeah MC totally finds that sooooo sexyyyyy she loves to watch the poopoo oh yeah plus Desire flame plus Desire flame plus Desire flame HAHA NO. Maybe consider that if your "sexy underwear" design can evoke the imagery of someone taking a shit, maybe just maybeeeeee reconsider your design???

Also the fact that a robe was even included in such an outfit ruins the whole effect of the sexy underwear reveal in the first place. We have to see Sam take off his wedding suit, then go over and get a robe to put on over the underwear. Isn't the point of the sexy wedding night underwear generally to have an element of surprise? Like if MC were to walk into the room and see Sam posing in the outfit, that would make sense. It'd still be a terrible outfit, but at least the moment would still have a smooth flow. But they're clearly going for the idea of undressing to reveal the outfit- except we have to watch him put on a part of the outfit– namely, a part of the outfit that makes it worse. It's like surprising someone on their birthday or Christmas with socks and deodorant as a wrapped present, then going "oh by the way this is also part of the present" and slapping a handful of mud onto the socks and deodorant once the present is opened. Versus the preferable alternative of presenting them with an unwrapped surprise present of mud-covered socks and deodorant. Both are insulting as all fuck, but the alternative at least is consistent with its effect.

And the worst part? This is a default outfit. At least almost all the previous ones were only determinant diamond outfits that you could choose to pass up (except Reagan's BDSM wear which is a default outfit, but it's higher up on the list so it gets a pass kinda). But here we're forced to see Sam wear his toilet time robe during the forced default wedding night smut scene. As if that whole smut scene itself wasn't already nasty and unprompted. Good lord, I think I may need to head to the toilet for an hour myself, before I shit myself from how aggravating these outfits are. Be right back.

...

Alrighty I'm back. Anyways, that's my ranking for all the special underwear outfits! Feel free to add your own thoughts and suffer along with me

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