#im a sucker for cute corny couple things

[lumoy-art]

wip that i probably wont finish

heres the reference that i used btw

[vivaladicamillo]

hi, can you write a dico x fem!reader who is just like him. they are best friends but also a couple. they are always laughing & joking around, doing skits, having rap/roast battles, doing stunts, etc together. the others constantly teasing them about how they are same person and outsides would never be able to tell they are a couple.

that’s so fucking cheesy I’m so sorry AHHHH 😟

BRANDON DICAMILLO X FEM!READER

THANK U SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THIS IM A LITERAL SUCKER FOR DICO AHHHH and trust me nothing is ever too cheesy when it comes to me, i fucking loves cheese little romantic things like this, especially for someone who acts just like him. this is fueling my crush for him more and more 🤭🤭🤭🤭

WARNINGS: none

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u always had a little crush on dico

come on the guys funny and cute whats more there to love??

when u guys finally got together though its like u guys were just best friends

i mean u two were together CONSTANTLY

the guys started to get suspicious

“dico are u banging her or are u too just friends?” -bam

everyone genuinely couldnt tell if you were dating or not, hell ur the spitting image of eachother personality wise

when u too finally tell the guys the teasing begins

constant “oohs” and “aaahs” when u two would show anytype of affection towards eachother

the guys finally having something to tease brandon abt was a huge win for them

it was all fun and jokes

at first

then it started to be annoying so you and dico get together and start scheming

then it hits you two

to get back at the guys u decide to give them all their own little “hell days”

for bam u definitely wash all of his skateboards with soap and water on the grip side, hide some of his him cds, maybe even take the lambo out for a spin (for hours without telling him) u guys also fuck up his favorite shirts just for the hell of it

with ryan he really never picked on u guys a lot but just to make it equal u guys just do little psychological pranks on him, yk the whoopie cushion, fake shock gum, corny shit like that

with raab, dico and u probably just smack him in the face throughout the whole day, maybe take key key with u for a joy ride just to scare him a bit or burn his favorite beanie

oh god rake gets it the worst

being dicos best friend and all he made fun of yall CONSTANTLY ( prob to get back at dico for always bullying him)

dicos gonna get ruthless

woo de wolf impression all day, gay jokes upon gay jokes, probably tries to cut his hair and to top the day off, a gallon of yellow mustard on rakes head (DICO U BETTER RUN BITCH)

dico really wants to do rakes hell day by himself bc he loves fucking with him

you guys will get the nickname “diablos” (the devils twins) after all this

he probably is gonna get murdered for doing all this but hey nobody can stay mad at dico

hes too cute fr

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BONUS HEADCANONS BC I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THESE!

will put u in his homemade video projects

imagine cudding with him while u too just crack jokes and hold eachother

WATCHING OLD TIMEY WESTERN MOVIES WITH HIM

“hey babe ive been working on this impression and i need your opinion on it”

you will try and kick his ass at mortal combat, and ultimately fail “they dont call me the record holder for nothing babe”

BUY HIM ACTION FIGURES HE WILL LOVE U FOREVER

does like to take u out on sappy romantic dates sometimes but also just likes to hang out with u, just ur presence alone calms him

his his nose and watch his fave turn red ‼️

ROAST BATTLES TO THE MAX, put on a beat and you two will go at it for hours, constant back and forth of you guys dissing eachother then having it turn oddly sexual then having it turn into roasting rake then back to the beginning again

putting on masters of the universe and cuddling to sleep 😩

—————————————

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! i have no clue if u wanted a actual fic or not but im shit at writing so this is the best i got, and im not turning down this idea bc it makes me giggle and get all giddy tbh 🤭🤭🤭

[lover-of-sans]

Okokok hi! Was wondering if you could do Sans, Papyrus and Grillby headcanons for them getting a crush on someone? (Non specific someone) and maybe include how they realize theyre crushing and what they think about thw whole situation as well as maybe how they confess? Im a sucker for crush hcs so i just had to ask, have a beautiful day!! -tomo

Oooh I am indeed a sucker for crushing HC too, this is my first attempt at writing for Grillby so please forgive me if I goof.

Oh man I may have gone overboard with this, I wrote way more than originally intended...Oops

Sans:

Others would often tease the two of you about being a cute couple, because let’s be completely honest, it's always other people that see it first.

You both would brush it off not thinking too much into it. That is... until one day when you were having some lunch at Grillby’s.

Nothing in particular it going on just some usual chit-chat and some silly puns from him and then it happens.

You tell him one of the punniest jokes he’s ever heard.

He’s doubled over laughing as he holds his stomach, you’re laughing along with him.

He looks up at you at just the right moment where you look your cutest as you’re laughing and it was like someone just slapped him across the face.

He just stops laughing and stares at you watching you laugh as he starts to blush a deep blue.

After a few moments of noticing that he wasn’t laughing you stopped and looked at him to see if he was okay.

“Sans? You good?” You looked at him a little worried.

He snapped from his thoughts “Uhh....y-yeah just peachy”

“Are you sure? Your face looks a bit flushed, are you coming down with something?” You reach to touch his forehead to feel for fever.

He would jerk back from your touch “YEAH! I’M ALL GOOD!”

He would try so hard to hide how he feels about you. He would try with every fiber of his being to not show the effect you had on him.

But....

Suddenly everyday activities with you had an entire new feeling for him.

Every smile you would send his way, or the way you would laugh at his puns no matter how corny they were, or how sparkly your eyes where the first time he took you to the star cave and how much he wanted to kiss you and-

Oh he could think of you for hours with the dumbest look on his face, you had such a strong effect on him.

He couldn’t take this anymore this fluttery feeling in his chest whenever you were around was driving him crazy.

The next time you came to hang out he summoned all his courage.

“Y/N, we’ve known each other for awhile now and even though we are such great friends I don’t know if that’s what I want with us anymore” he looked over at you and saw the sad look on your face “I-I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends anymore! N-nothing like that, I want the opposite if I’m being honest.”

He could feel his face heating up again “I think I’ve fallen hard for you everything you do makes me-... I can’t even put into words”

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly as he looked anywhere but you as he waited for your response hoping for the best.

The silence is killing him until he feels you hug him and admit how you feel the same.

He is beyond happy, hugging you back. “So does that mean that we are... dating now?”

You nod

He laughs hugging you closer.

Papyrus:

You were his favorite human, it was no secret, everyone knew you were.

He loved spending time with you, making puzzles, cooking spaghetti, watching television.

Anything to be with you, you just made him so happy.

He might even say that he loved you...platonically, of course.

One day you both were in the kitchen cooking some more spaghetti, you were standing next to him working on the sauce.

You seemed to be extra excited about this batch, you had found some new spices that you wanted to try.

You both sat down to eat and tried what turned out to be pretty good spaghetti

You looked over at him with a big smile “This is really tasty, isn't it?”

“Yes, human it is quite-...” he looked down at you smiling so brightly at him and you unknowingly had a bit of sauce on your cheek.

“Hold still human” he picked up a napkin and wiped the sauce away, your cheeks turned a faint shade of pink and you looked away slightly embarrassed.

“Thanks” you giggled

Suddenly he felt something, it was like a swirling in his chest.

When you both finished eating and said your goodbyes after making plans for the next day he ran up the stairs to talk to Sans, maybe he would know why his chest felt so funny.

He explained the situation to Sans.

“So” Sans started “would you say that what they did, was it cute to you?”

“Well of course I think they are cute Sans they are my best friend”

Sans chuckled “No, no Pap I got a feeling that you love them”

“Sans I just said they are my best friend obviously I love them.”

Sans laughs a little harder “I meant in the non-platonic way”

Papyrus was quite as he mulled over everything that had been said and he could feel his cheekbones slowly get hot.

Sans chuckled again “Oh my god, Pap, you’re blushing, you got a huge crush on them don’t you?”

Papyrus shot up from his seat suddenly feeling embarrassed and went to his room.

He flopped down on his bed, all of this new information buzzing in his head.

He stared up at the ceiling, his mind slowly drifting to you.

As he thinks about you he realized all of the things that he found so interesting are all the reasons why he has a crush on you.

He hates laying here and thinking about these feelings.

He gets up and makes his way you your house to talk to you.

It’s a short walk to your house and quickly finds himself on your doorstep and knocking on the door.

A moment later you appear smiling got at him with a confused look.

“Papyrus? I thought our plans were for tomorrow did I misunderstand?”

“They were human but there was something I needed to talk to you about”

“Oh, alright, come on in” you stepped aside to let him in and shut the door behind him.

You walked over to the couch and sat down he sat next to you

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

Suddenly his mind went blank, he never actually came up with a plan on what he was going to do or say.

Without thinking he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Sans says I have a crush on you!” he smacked his hand over his mouth and his cheeks burned a bright orange.

You looked at him wide eyed “Do you?”

He was silent for a moment “....I think I do...”

“I think I do too” you began to blush.

Wowie they looked cute like that...

You craned your neck to reach him and kissed his cheek.

That swirling feeling came back

“Does this mean that we love each other non-platonically?”

You blushed harder and giggled at him.

“I guess we do”

He nuzzled your cheek

“Good!”

Grillby:

You came in a lot sometimes to eat sometimes just to talk, sometimes with your friends and sometimes you would come alone, he preferred when you came alone.

You always had interesting things to talk about.

Now that he thought about it he really couldn’t remember most of the things you talked to him about, maybe he just liked hearing your voice.

He glanced over at the clock, it’s almost time for you to come in.

He noticed a while ago that you started coming in around the same times each day and be found himself looking forward to those times.

Some monsters who frequent Grillby’s began to notice how he would burn a bit brighter when you would come in.

Grillby had his back to the door when you came in and didn’t know it was you.

Sans was sitting in his usual spot at the bar so you sat down next to him.

“Hey human”

“Hi Sans”

Grillby heard your voice and-

FWOOSH!

He was burning brighter again.

Some of the other patrons snickered at him.

“Hi Grillby!” You greeted him with your usual cheery manner

“Hello, y/n can I get you anything?”

“No thank you just here for your company right now”

He chuckled nervously and the flames on his head crackled

Your phone began to ring “Oops please excuse me” you got up and walked outside to take the call.

Sans looked over at Grillby as his flames went back to normal.

“Man, Grillby you got it bad for em’ don’t you”

“What, Sans you’re crazy”

“No I think I’m right, some might say that you got the HOTS for them.”

He glared at Sans for the pun and for implying something that wasn’t true.

Sans laughed then shrugged

“Hey you never know they may think you’re a real HOTTY too”

He was about to respond when you came back in looking a bit distressed.

“Hey guys sorry but I gotta go, Undyne needs my help, I’ll see ya later”

And like that you were gone again.

Grillby subconsciously sighed and went back to work.

It was almost closing time and Grillby was disappointed that he hadn't seen nor heard from you the entire day and it brought down his mood quite a bit.

The place was empty and quiet, he started to think about what Sans said, it started to bug him.

Sure he was always happy to see you, and you always put him in a good mood, and he always felt better after talking to you, but that didn’t mean he had a thing for you...did it?

He must have been deep in thought because he didn’t hear the door open nor did he hear a sweet cheerful voice that greeted him.

You wave your hand in front of Grillby’s face

“Hey, earth to Grillby”

He snapped back to reality suddenly seeing you in front of him-

FWOOSH!

His flames where even brighter than when he usually was around you.

You thought you scared him.

“Whoa, Grillby, relax it’s just me, sorry I didn’t mean to spook ya that hard”

“Oh no, I’m alright don’t worry about it”

He rubbed the back of his neck

“I guess I was lost in my own head there for a bit”

You laugh a bit

“Sorry I was gone all day, I missed hanging out with you.”

His chest got tight, he tried to distract himself by cleaning up the bar.

“It wasn’t the same without you here, I guess I missed you too”

“Aww you really missed me?” You teased

He now realized that he said that out loud instead of in his head but there was no going back now.

“Heh... yeah, it was too quiet”

You stared at him as he worked, the longer you looked the more uncomfortable he became.

“Something on your mind,y/n?”

It was your turn to be snapped back, you blushed for getting caught staring

“Oh! Uh...w-well I was just wondering about you, ya know being made of fire thing and I can’t figure out how you don’t burn the things you touch”

He chuckled at your cuteness, it was a fair question for a human that was still getting used to monsters and magic.

“I can control it really well”

“Oh...would it be weird if I asked to touch you?”

You were clearly getting more embarrassed by how red your face had become he found it really adorable actually, maybe Sans was right, maybe he did have a crush on you.

“That would be fine”

He came out from behind the bar and sat on the barstool next to you.

Both of you turning your seats to face each other.

He figured you would touch his arm or something but suddenly he felt a gentle touch on his cheek, he looked up to see your fascinated face looking at him

“This is so strange, my brain is telling me no don’t touch fire but it doesn’t hurt”

You laughed a bit.

This was starting to mess with him

“You’re really warm to the touch, and... I can’t even form words to how fascinating this is”

You brought your other hand up to rest on his other cheek.

Neither one spoke but both slowly leaned into the other until they met each other in the middle with a nervous kiss

Nerves melted away quickly as both got into it

Grillby broke the kiss looking at you wide eyed, did that really just happened?

Oh man he really does have a thing for you

Both were at a loss for words but he broke the silence after a few moments

“I think I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time now”

You tilted your head to the side a tiny bit confused

“You think?”

“Heh, yeah think, because I just realized I had a seriously big crush on you for a long time”

You giggle

“Well that would explain why you would flair up so much when I would come to visit”

“I did what?!”

[alaskawritcs]

send you a ship ( or 500 ): ivy x payne, haley x bryce, and rosalie x aiden so i don't over load you... WAIT ADD IN ERIS X SILAS... or paige and jace or both IDK i'm trash ok if it's too much you can just do two of these hahaha

SEND A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO:

Ivy & Payne

Gives nose/forehead kisses: Honestly Payne bc he cansometimes be affectionate in private

Gets jealous the most: omggggg both of them?? but mostlyPayne bc hello Justin

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk todrive: fuckin Ivy would pick up Payne’s drunk ass

Takes care of on sick days: I meaaaan, they both would takecare of each on sick days

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day:Payne bc ivy likes to tan

Gives unprompted massages: Payne

Drives/rides shotgun: Payne would drive and Ivy ridingshotgun

Brings the other lunch at work: Goodness, probably Payne?

Has the better parental relationship: HA Ivy

Tries to start role-playing in bed: Honestly im dying butgotta say Ivy

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: PAYNE, which ivy would give himshit

Still cries watching Titanic: Ivy and Payne would tease herabout crying over the movie

Firmly believes in couples costumes: NEITHER, both hatescouple costume

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Ivy bc she’scorny

Makes the other eat breakfast: I mean they both attempt butfail

Remembers anniversaries: Ivy, bc she usually has her phonefor a reminder

Brings up having kids: Payne this time around.

Haley & Bryce

Gives nose/forehead kisses: BRYCE would give the whole noseand forehead kisses

Gets jealous the most: honestly both of them is about even

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk todrive: lmao when aren’t they drunk tho….but I mean either or would probablycome picking their drunk asses up

Takes care of on sick days: Haley would fuss over a sickBryce and even cook him soup, sometimes rice but actual soup cause she canactually cook that

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day: Brycewould probably have to put her camera away and drag her out to the water whileshe complains about getting good photo’s

Gives unprompted massages: Both of them

Drives/rides shotgun: Depends but mostly Bryce driving andHaley riding shotgun

Brings the other lunch at work: Haley bc the bitch doesn’thave a normal job

Has the better parental relationship: ehhhh neither?

Tries to start role-playing in bed: Usually depends but Iplace bet on Bryce

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Both of them? Especially ifHaley has waaaaaay too much alcohol

Still cries watching Titanic: fucking Haley would be asobbing mess for Jack

Firmly believes in couples costumes: Haley would probablyforce Bryce to do couple costume with her

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Bryce bcsucker is in love with Haley

Makes the other eat breakfast: lololol they would go grabbreakfast instead

Remembers anniversaries: Both of them

Brings up having kids: Haley would bring up the idea of kidsespecially when they were engaged and planning their lives together.

Rosalie & Aiden

Gives nose/forehead kisses: Rosalie would kiss Aiden’s nosewhen they’re in bed sleeping or Aiden would kiss her forehead.

Gets jealous the most: good god Rosalie, she would kill abitch

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk todrive: Rosalie would pick Aiden but also nag at him for being drunk in the firstplace

Takes care of on sick days: Aiden would take care of Rosalieespecially when she’s like don’t touch me I am fine, while talking with astuffy nose.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day:Rosalie and Aiden wouldn’t need any dragging out to the water.

Gives unprompted massages: Aiden?

Drives/rides shotgun: I think it switches off and on

Brings the other lunch at work: It’s a neutral thing forboth cases

Has the better parental relationship: Aiden duh

Tries to start role-playing in bed: im still cracking upabout this, I can Aiden trying to but wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face while Rosalie is just like wtf are youdoing?

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Aiden and Rosalie would be likeI don’t know this drunk man

Still cries watching Titanic: Neither, Rosalie hates themovie and don’t see the point of it.

Firmly believes in couples costumes: Neither again, both ofthem would make fun of couples who do.

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Rosalie bcshe believes Aiden deserves something expensive for all he has done.

Makes the other eat breakfast: I mean it depends on the day,I feel like they both would take turns.

Remembers anniversaries: Rosalie would write it on thecalendar to remind both of them

Brings up having kids: omggggg I mean….maybe Rosalie bc she’slike wow we make cute kids, want to have another one?

Eris & Silas 

Gives nose/forehead kisses: these assholes are affectionatein the down low, so probably Silas gives her a kiss on the forehead and noseand Eris playfully kisses his nose.

Gets jealous the most: Silas, Eris gets the thrill of seeinghim jealous over others.

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk todrive: Both of them would honestly need a cab.

Takes care of on sick days: Silas

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day:Silas would have to drag Eris out into the water on beach day, bc she’senjoying the sun for once.

Gives unprompted massages: BOTH

Drives/rides shotgun: Eris loves to drive and would makeSilas sit shotgun

Brings the other lunch at work: lmao they don’t work anormal job

Has the better parental relationship: neither

Tries to start role-playing in bed: omg why do I feel likethey wouldn’t even do this?

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: would they even be drunkdancing? Lets be real

Still cries watching Titanic: Eris never watched it and Ifeel like Silas wouldn’t even show it to her

Firmly believes in couples costumes: Neither of them, Erisfinds it weird

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Silas

Makes the other eat breakfast: Eris would actually makebreakfast for Silas bc she can be sweet sometimes

Remembers anniversaries: Silas, bc honestly Eris wouldforget until last min

Brings up having kids: hmmm I mean they’re constantly on therun so I doubt they have time to talk about kids

Paige & Jace ( i can’t believe you added the psychos)

Gives nose/forehead kisses: omgggg them giving nose/foreheadkisses? Jace to get on Paige’s nerves

Gets jealous the most: Both

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk todrive: I feel like if one gets drunk, they’d pick their drunk asses up andsteal a car to get back to their hide out

Takes care of on sick days: um…do they even get sick? Lmao they’repsychos. But probably Paige would for once be like here I made soup and broughtmeds—not bought I stole and killed the cashier.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day:Paige bc she loves swimming and would con Jace into the water.

Gives unprompted massages: Both

Drives/rides shotgun: Paige would make Jace drive so she cansit back with her feet out the window and singing loudly to the radio.

Brings the other lunch at work: if they were normal people,probably Jace.

Has the better parental relationship: lmao neither of them.

Tries to start role-playing in bed: Paige bc she’s a weirdass woman

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Paige, she would be sloppy.

Still cries watching Titanic: They wouldn’t even watch themovie or have time.

Firmly believes in couples costumes: omg Paige for shits andgiggles to see Jace in a costume.

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: They wouldn’teven buy shit, they’d kill for it.

Makes the other eat breakfast: I mean, like I said if theywere normal I feel like it would switch between both of them.

Remembers anniversaries: How can they rememberanniversaries?

Brings up having kids: omggg heaven forbid them having kids.

[cashmierathoughts]

Riley ‘Nem pt. 6: The Meeting

I got to work promptly at 7:45 that morning. I went over some figures for one of my private accounts then flipped through Riley’s team’s presentation proposal. I’d gone over it so many times that the staples were loose and dangling from the top of the page. I always had my assistant contact Riley’s assistant days prior, in hopes of getting my hands on a copy of her notes. I don’t know why but I felt entitled to knowing everything there was to know about her – especially before anyone else.

I entered the boardroom and first noticed all the whites in the room and then acknowledged all the blacks in the room with a subtle head nod. it was like the secret handshake into the ‘blacks only club’ in any setting. It was to let other blacks know that we were in this together. I took a seat at the head of the table and scanned the room for her. There she was. She was on her way to take her seat near the front of the room with the rest of her cohort. Dougleman’s fat ass rolled in, talking fast and not saying shit, as usual. He began passing out the handouts with his stubby cheeto-colored fingers. When he approached me, trying to slide me a copy, I politely but firmly declined, and signaled to him with my hand letting him know that his gesture was unneeded. 

Pause. I know what you’re probably thinking, “why did he just kill that nigga like that?”. Just know, there’s a reason for everything I say and do. 

I looked over and caught her glance. Her almond colored eyes quickly turned away and looked back down at her pages. Damn, did she think I was ugly? Was she annoyed that I was looking? It wasn’t the time or the place and I had a lot of shit on my mind so I refocused my attention to the account. 

Before I knew it; I was thinking about the hit from the other night and missed the whole presentation. When I came to, they were exiting the front of the room and heading back to their seats. 

“Would you mind going over those figures again from last quarter?”, I interjected. 

Tom got up and started for the podium. What the hell was he doing? I was hoping Riley would take the bate and use this as an opportunity to show the rest of the board members how valuable she was. I wasn’t sure if she was aware of this or not, but the board was thinking about giving Emily the promotion next quarter. Emily was the new, fresh, white face that just so happened to be Dougleman’s niece. 

“Uh, actually, I was hoping that Riley would take the lead and brief us on this one, Tom.” The words left my mouth before I could even calculate how this would make me look. I never spoke up for anyone around here. I was sort of a one-man show.. I looked down the aisle of faces and stopped at hers. Her eyes were wide with surprise and she quickly looked away from me and back down at the stack of papers in front of her. As she swayed past Tom, I couldn’t help but to let my eyes trace the silhouette of her shape as she made her way to the forefront. 

Just as she began to talk, my eyes zoomed in and halted at her mouth; I lost myself in the sound of her voice. Her lips were full but not big, juicy but not smothering. They were two shades of brown, her top lip being a deeper shade than the bottom. She definitely had my attention, as well as that of a few others in the room. I looked over and saw that nigga Tom giving her the same look as I. He didn’t stand a chance. Hell, I didn’t even know if I did, but I knew for a fact that nigga didn’t. He paid her way too much attention and from my experience, women only go for those type of guys after they’ve been fucked over a few times by Mr. Wrong. Never really understood that logic, but it definitely saved me some time and effort along the years. 

Me, on the other hand, I wasn’t looking to fuck her over, but I also wasn’t about to let her think she could sucker me. I had to find that balance because I was definitely curious and I usually get what I want. And I wanted HER. 

I tried to stay concentrated on what Riley was saying up at the podium. I mean, shit, I did ask her to go up there and I hadn’t heard a word the girl had said. Occasionally, I would nod my head or flip through the handout, pretending to be following along with the rest of the group, knowing damn well that I was lost than a mothafucka. As she pointed to the projector screen with the infrared pen, she reached up and her skirt kind of bunched up, cuffing her ass. Damn. It was a nice cuff too, not too much ass, but enough to play with. The kind of ass that would probably intimidate those who were un-southern, but enough to make you wanna bite it – longterm. My mind started to wander… I wondered what she smelled like. I bet she smelled like a warm field of lavender and honey. I wondered what she tasted like.. I bet she tasted like nothing I’d ever had before. 

I gathered my thoughts and attempted to jot down notes concerning the presentation. I only got down two bullet points before I started to just scribble shit. I wrote and rewrote my signature a few times, then I started to loosely sketch asses. Big butts, small butts, cute asses, fake asses; it didn’t really matter, I just had an affinity for ass. 

A buzzing in my left suit jacket pocket distracted me from my already distracting thoughts and I quickly glanced at the phone and ignored the call. “The fuck was she doing calling me in the middle of the day for?” Luckily, Riley was finishing up with the quarterly figures segment. For what seemed like a grip, she was paused and was just kind of staring into space – I wondered if anyone else in the meeting caught it; outside of Tom. I don’t know what the hell she was looking at but she cleared her throat and quickly finished. 

The meeting was coming to a close and I wanted to get her attention. Say something to her. Anything. But she grabbed her belongings and booked it for the door so fast that I didn’t even get a chance to speak. I tried to gather my things as well and make a discrete exit, but I was cornered by the VP and a couple other faceless big wigs and was forced to participate in “white folk” corporate banter. 

“…You should come out and hit the course with us sometime, Jake.”, offered Dougleman.

I adjusted my head and neck to make sure that he knew I had to look down on him to make eye contact and replied, “ Golf isn’t really my sport. I’ll have to pass.” 

I don’t know why he was showing out in front of the other executives. He knows damn well that I don’t golf, furthermore, he knows I don’t fuck with him and he knows why. Inviting me to “hit the course” and shit. Pssshid. Nigga please. 

“How about basketball, then?”, Dougleman combatted in a pompous tone. 

Pause.

No this nigga didn’t. Did this nigga really just ask me to HOOP!!!? First of all,  I would obliterate this nigga on the court. I was trying to keep myself from playing the race card when another one of our superseding counterparts chimed in, “Don’t cha just love that Lebron James, Jake? You know, you remind me of him. I was just telling my son that the other day.” 

Aw hell nawl. It was time to go. Typical. Just because I’m a brotha who likes to hoop, which let me remind you, is NOT an anomaly, I remind this nigga of Lebron James? Fuck outta here. I kept my Malcolm X rant to myself and laughed off the comparison, 

“Oh I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, Hank. Ha ha ha.” On that note, I exited. 

I felt corny as hell. And on my way out, Tom slithered by me and said, “Good meeting…Lebron.” I laughed it off and made a comment about how he and Durant must have the same barber. Tom was he kind of hatin’ ass nigga that would be cool with you in your face but throw salt when you weren’t around. A real lame nigga. So I tolerated him because it was my job to do so, but he would never get away with that shit outside the confines of this high-rise. 

Finally, I made it back to my office. I checked my phone, thinking I’d see an alert about the liquor license for the party I was throwing this Saturday. Nope. Nothing. So I sat there and waited. I text my contractor/my nigga since the third grade and asked him what the hold up was. 

“Wassup with the license, Germ? Hit me back ASAP”

Bored as hell and not in the mood to actually start “working”, I scrolled through the company instant message list to see who was online. Scrolling…scrolling…scrolling…Adams, Arnold,….scrolling..Biggs, Bonds..Bowerman, Bradley! Bradley comma Riley.

I peered intensely at the small icon that everyone at the company was forced to take for photo identification. It was a corky picture of her, I’m sure like most people, she hated it; but it was something about her that made me look past the picture. I clicked on her name and opened the IM tool. Our conversation history was blank. We’d never really had a conversation but I was dying to know how she thought..what she thought..

I thought about sending her a message, but decided against it. I grabbed the miniature orange Spalding ball from inside my desk and shot it at the rim that hung on the back of my office door. (The irony. I actually did love ball. I just wasn’t about to let Dougleman use it as a stereotype against me.) I made a small wager with myself: If I make three shots in a row, I’ma write the girl. If I don’t make these shots, I’ma leave it alone. 

I put the first shot up. Swish. Second shot, too easy. Third..BRICK! 

Welp, that sums it up. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I spun around in my chair a few times, tossing the ball in the air and catching it. Then I scrolled the TL for a few minutes, stopping at every Plies rant and catching a few quick laughs. That nigga was a foo. Checked my phone, still no word from Germ. I wasn’t surprised though. He was a “last minute” type of nigga. Germ always waited until the last minute to do everything. Waited ‘till the last minute to tell his folks that he was few credits shy of graduating college. Literally, they were parking their car in the arena lot, getting ready to enter the ceremony. This nigga even had on a cap and gown! Knowing damn well he wasn’t hitting the stage. He waited ‘till the last minute to get his license.. (last minute being three years ago);  although, he was the first one of us to have a ride. Worst of all, Germ waited ‘till the last minute to pull out; which explains why I have four god kids. 

Besides all that, the man had remarkable luck. Any contest he’d ever entered in, he won. Won the Roosevelt Jr. High Spelling Bee and hadn’t even looked at the vocabulary list. It got to the point that the radio stations were calling HIS ASS to let him know that he’d won raffles that other people had entered him in. How that shit works, I have no idea. And although we were very different, that was my best friend. He was the only person outside of my folks that I’d ever trusted. To say I had ‘trust issues’ is played, but y'all know how it goes. 

My reflection was interrupted by a chime alerting me that I’d gotten a text. It was from Germ. 

“Yea, nigga. I got u. Its handled.”

“Bet.” 

Bet. Now I could contract the liquor in bulk and get everything set in stone for this damn party. 

I don’t know if I was on a high because everything was falling in place with the party or what, but I clicked on Riley’s IM icon and saw that she was still online, so I hit her up. 

“Good job today during the presentation. If you would like any assistance on the next one, let me know and we can” ..do it? work together? Na..”..we can get together”. 

“Getting together” implied that it would be work related but not strictly business; a little fluidity was allowed. I waited nervously for a response. The little bubbles at the bottom of the message arose, letting me know that she was typing something back. Then they disappeared. What was the hold up? Shit. Either you tryna get together or you not. I was pressed. Damn. Just as I was trying to hold on to my last fuck to give, I heard my desktop ping. The alerting sound drowned my ego back into its shell. I took a deep breath, hoping she’d accepted my advance and quickly scanned the screen, reading her reply. 

“Thank you. I’d like that.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.”, I repeated aloud to myself, trying to figure out what her tone might have been. At first glance, it seemed mundane, but she definitely accepted my bid so that left room for possibility and possibilities are endless..