#im also not brave enough yet but we can blame that on my fear of cosmic embarrassment rather than ignorance </3

[005198s]

if i knew how to write smut.... it'd be over for everyone who's w honeybee

[bratz-kitten]

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby. 

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it.  intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR. 

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone  mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed. 

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it. 

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists. 

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him. 

Mikasa Ackerman 

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger. 

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation. 

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined. 

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING 

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.  

[certifiedmarkleetrash]

songs that make me feel like a main character (includes kpop)

*I made this playlist on spotify, I know I could link it, but I know some of these songs do not tickle everyone’s fancy. ALSO, I listen to a wide range of music (kpop, pop, rock, etc., so its kind of everywhere*

*added the Spotify link*

Please feel free to suggest songs that make you feel like a main character, I would love to listen to them!

I may or may not get some of these songs off of tik tok and if you work at Aeropostale, you might recognize a lot of these songs

I will add new songs too!

Girls in Bikinis - Poppy

12345SEX- UPSAHL

Zombie (English Ver.) - DAY6

Afraid -DAY6

1 to 10 - DAY6

Love me or Leave me - DAY6

Day and Night - DAY6

Stay Tonight - Chungha

Lies - Will Jay

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

Electric Love - BORNS (yes I know the dude is problematic but this song is a main character bop)

Dark Paradise (Parov Stelar Remix) - Lana Del Rey, Parov Stelar

Wildflower - 5SOS

No Shame - 5SOS

Role Model - Phoenix

On My Own - 3LAU, Nevve

In Degrees - Foals

No Going Back - Yuno

Fading Youth - Punctual

Maybe You’re the Reason - The Japanese House

The Hype - LEISURE

All For Us - Labrinth, Zendaya

Sundress - A$AP Rocky

Dang! - Mac Miller, Anderson .Paak

Ladders - Mac Miller

Best Friend - Sofi Tukker, NERVO, The Knocks, et al.

Swan Song - Dua Lipa

Rocket Girl - Lemaitre, Betty Who

Graffiti - CHVRCHES

I Think I’m OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD, Travis Barker

So What - LOONA

Blinding Lights - The Weeknd

Sexy, Free & Single - Super Junior

The Chaser - INFINITE

Treat People With Kindness - Harry Styles

That’s The Way It Is - Daniel Lanois

She - Harry Styles

To Be So Lonely - Harry Styles

Falling - Harry Styles

Psycho - Red Velvet

Adore You - Harry Styles

Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

Golden - Harry Styles

But, Honestly - Foo Fighters

Spark - Taeyeon

365247 - DAY6

Deep In Love - DAY6

It’s Okay To Cry - SOPHIE

Lights Up - Harry Styles

My Body - Young the Giant

False God - Taylor Swift

I Forgot That You Existed - Taylor Swift

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince - Taylor Swift

The Archer - Taylor Swift

WHO DO U LOVE? - Monsta X, French Montana

FACE - Woosung

Best Part - DAY6

Wanna Go Back  - DAY6

Time of Our Life - DAY6

Awkward Silence - Stray Kids

Illusion - ATEEZ

CROOKED - GDRAGON

Don’t Need Your Love - NCT Dream, HRVY

ME - CLC

gogobebe - Mamamoo

Bon Bon Chocolat - EVERGLOW

Photograph - Def Leppard 

Butterfly - LOONA

WANT - Taemin (bop of 2019, fight me)

We Must Love - ONF (stan ONF you cowards)

Youth of the Nation - P.O.D.

Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift

I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift

Sassy Me - Red Velvet 

My My My! - Troye Sivan 

Anybody Out There - Young Mister

Bloom - Troye Sivan

Shout - Tears For Fears

We Are The World - U.S.A. For Africa (can we do a reprise of this for the pandemic PLEASE)

Hysteria - Def Leppard

Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

Don’t You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police

Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears

Woman - BoA

Replay (PM 01:27) - NCT 127

1, 2. 3! - Seungri (I hate you seungri, rot in prison, I also hate you put a bop this good)

SEE SEA - Hyolyn

NANANA - IMFACT

I’m Not Afraid - Holland (stan Holland YOU COWARDS)

BLUE MOON - Kyeongri

1, 2, 3 - NCT Dream

Beautiful Feeling - DAY6

Naughty Boy - PENTAGON (okay but who else cried rtk ep 3)

Seesaw - Suga of BTS

Euphoria - Jungkook of BTS

HANN (Alone) - (G)-IDLE

Youngblood - 5SOS

Now or Never - SF9 (bop of 2018 I will fight you on this)

Taking Off - ONE OK ROCK

What’s Good - SVT Rap Unit

Take What You Want - ONE OK ROCK, 5SOS

SUNSET - Kim Donghan

Better Better - DAY6

Feeling Good - DAY6

We Are - ONE OK ROCK

Something New - Taeyeon

Forever Young - BLACKPINK

Take Me Higher - A.C.E.

Spotlight - Pristin V

Good Evening - SHINee

Needing/Getting - OK Go

This Too Shall Pass - OK Go

Call Your Name - JBJ

Trigger - VIXX

Shine - Pentagon (okay but also bop of 2018, and ptg should of gotten their first win with this song, ROBBED)

Egoist - Olivia Hye of LOONA, Jinsoul of LOONA

LIKEY - Twice

I Wait - DAY6

I Smile - DAY6

I Loved You - DAY6

INTRO: Neo Got My Back - NCT

BOSS - NCT U

THANKS - Seventeen

Bad Boy - Red Velvet

LOVE SCENARIO - iKON

Take The Dive - Jonghyun

Heroine - Sunmi

Greedy - Ariana Grande

She Is - Jonghyun

Born Hater - Epik High, Beenzino, Verbal Jint, et al.

Run Away With Me - Carly Rae Jepsen

new - Yves of LOONA

I Just - Red Velvet

Crazy Sexy Cool - ASTRO

Callin’ - A.C.E.

ON/OFF - ONF (stan [and I cannot emphasize this enough] ONF you cOwArDs)

I’M THE ONE - MXM

MOVE - Taemin

Sting - Stellar

You & I - One Direction

Ride - Lana Del Rey 

Pied Piper - BTS

Like This - Pentagon

Don’t Know You - HEIZE

LOVE ME LOVE ME - WINNER

Story of My Life - One Direction

Act My Age - One Direction

Clouds - One Direction

Night Changes - One Direction

Girl Almighty - One Direction

Don’t Hold Me - DMEANOR, Swings

What U Do? - EXO

You Better Know - Red Velvet

View - SHINee

Singing In The Rain - Jinsoul of LOONA

Long Road to Ruin - Foo Fighters

My Hero - Foo Fighters

Will - Jeong Jinwoon, Tiger JK

Really Really - WINNER

I - Taeyeon, Verbal Jint

Why - Taeyeon

WAKE ME UP - B.A.P.

I Got Love - Taeyeon

Deepened - Brave Girls

Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters

Walk - Foo Fighters

Everlong - Foo Fighters

Into the New World - SNSD

Wheels - Foo Fighters

Come on Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

Wonderwall - Oasis

Alone - Heart 

Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue

God is a woman - Ariana Grande

Maker - Big Wild

Me and Michael - MGMT

Are You Bored Yet? - Wallows, Clairo

God’s Menu - Stray Kids

fever dream - mxmtoon

Prom Queen - Beach Bunny

Close - Nick Jonas, Tove Lo

[jincherie]

tentacledipity | five

➛pairing: jimin x reader ➛genre: alien au, space au, soulmate au, wanted au, smut (coming) ➛rating: sfw ➛words: 9k ➛warnings: ➛notes: completely forgot that i hadn’t posted it on here yet !!! sorry !!!  Im also sorry for the blue balls!! There will be relief eventually!! I was actually going to have some at the end of this chapter but uhhh plans change,,, although now i can say there is definitely some relief in the next chapter since that’s the scene i cut off the end of this one

This tale starts, as any good fiction does, with a girl crash landing on a foreign planet. And, like any good fiction, it follows a theme of serendipitous happening, and tentacles. Behold, serendipity and tentacles— or dare we call it…. tentacledipity.

— posted; 01.12.2019 // ↞ prev. || five || next ↠

“What are you doing?”

If anyone asked, you would tell them that you were the picture of grace as you got the absolute life scared out of you. The reality was, however, that you let out a sharp, squeaky scream wherein your voice broke and you pretty much tumbled like a mannequin with recently oiled joints out of the tree you’d been climbing before you were so rudely startled.

You weren’t far enough from the ground to break anything with your fall, but you were far enough that you were pretty sure you bruised your ass from the impact. A whimper escaped you at the sharp, deep ache in your gluteus maximus that resulted, and when you looked up to see the cause of your startle you almost shat yourself once more. Of course, you’d heard his voice and subconsciously known who it was the second he spoke, but seeing Jimin looming over you with an expression that was a cross between concerned and incredibly amused really made the belated realisation sink in. Another fright doing harm to your poor, weak heart. Your time on this planet was going to come to an end due to someone scaring you to death, one day.

Wait just a second…

By thinking that, did you just subconsciously presume you weren’t ever going to leave, or…? You reeled for a moment, an odd feeling coming to life inside you. That was extremely out of character for you, and you probably needed to see a doctor or something. Or maybe go annoy Yoongi so you could get some sense knocked back into you.

The soft sound that resulted from Jimin shifting his weight from foot to foot on the grass brought you back to the present moment and you let out a pained, sheepish laugh. Right, he asked you a question. What were you doing? You didn’t really remember, to be honest. Possibly a cause for concern, but who could blame you for a little momentary memory loss when faced with a being as fine as Jimin was? The answer was absolutely no one and you’d defend that to your grave.

“Uhh…” you floundered for an answer that wouldn’t make you look like a complete idiot, and came up empty. Well, humiliating truth it was. “To be honest? I just wanted to climb the tree. I wasn’t stealing the fruits, I promise.”

Jimin’s brow rose, marks flushing soft periwinkle. “These trees are in the more open sectors of the royal gardens, taking one of the fruits wouldn’t be stealing. Although…”

He wrinkled his nose, directing his gaze to the incriminating fruit that hung, bulbous and bright pink, from one of the upper-middle branches, looking thoroughly disgusted. “I wouldn’t recommend it, unless you enjoy being violently sick for several days. They are kind of poisonous, for kelkie and humans alike.”

You made a face at that, giving the fruit the stink eye for the audacity it had to almost trick you with its pretty, appealing outside. How dare it—pink means yummy, not poison! The nerve.

“Noted,” you said, gulping. A beat passed before you turned to the male suddenly, eyes narrowed as you recalled something. “Wait, how did you know I was there? And how did you get over here so fast? If you’re going to flash-step over here and scare the shit out of me, you could at least catch me. I mean, I wouldn’t complain.”

Jimin’s head tilted, full lips tugging. “Noted,” he remarked, clowning you unabashedly. “I’ll be sure to save you the fall and yank you from the tree myself next time.”

At that, you couldn’t help the sudden laugh that tore out of you—the sound of it made his lips twitch further. He waited for you to calm a little before he continued.

“And if you must know, I was going for a brief walk. You’re actually in my gardens right now, petal.”

You balked, a flush of embarrassment rushing to heat your cheeks. Oh. So that’s what that short wall you’d jumped over while exploring had meant. Huh. Perhaps you were a little stupid; then again, that knowledge wasn’t really anything new.

Prior to this, you’d been a little preoccupied with your throbbing ass, but now, as you sat and gazed up at the magnetic form that was Jimin, you were suddenly reminded of the conversation from the other day with Joy and other raunchy parties. Your gaze flicked to his sides on instinct before you caught yourself and tore it away, averting it to the foliage to be safe. If you stare at his back he’s going to know you know, dumbass!

“O-oh, am I? Whoops, my bad,” you tried to distract yourself with a too-soon attempt at climbing back to your feet. You wobbled, voice shooting up in alarm, “To be fair though there’s no way to know these are your gardens, like, where’s the sign? You should reall—YAH OH MY!”

When you wobbled again a second time, barely a split second away from toppling off your wobbly legs and back onto your throbbing behind, Jimin’s hand shot to grasp your wrist and in one fell swoop he yanked you from your tentative crouch to standing. In the process he, overestimating your level of resistance, ended up hauling you straight into his chest. He barely stumbled as you knocked into him, your arms shooting out to wrap around him on instinct. An embarrassing instinct in actuality, but certainly not one you were about to complain about.

A beat of silence passed while you caught up to the sudden turn of events before you pulled your head back from where it had been resting over his shoulder. Utilising the fact your arms had ended up looped around his waist, you tightened your hold around him and pressed your hands firmly against his spine. You felt the hitch of his breath against your chest. When you grew brave enough to allow your eyes to stray to his face, they caught his own—deep, dark pools of molten cocoa, pupils almost swallowing his iris’ whole, hypnotised you for a moment. Even meeting his gaze like this made your lungs constrict and your heart jump in unison with your stomach. Giddy, excited—a sudden sense of shyness tickled the back of your neck but it was far overpowered by the deep, instinctive urge to push him a little. You wanted to play.

When he said nothing, you allowed your lips to twitch into a big, dumb grin— a courteous moment’s warning for what you were about to do—and then you moved your hands to his shoulder blades before pressing your fingertips in and dragging them down either side of his spine. He went rigid, yet the muscles of his back still yielded to the teasing pressure of your fingertips. Further down his back, about mid way, you felt your fingertips catch on something even through the shirt and Jimin jerked, a low rumble sounding in the back of his throat as a shudder ran through the entirety of his body.

You didn’t get all the way down his back before you pulled away, heart racing a little too fast from the sudden intensity of his gaze as it burned into you, as a result of your teasing. You hadn’t noticed his grip earlier but now you were painfully aware of the firm hold he had on your waist, fingers gripping with just enough pressure that your stomach flipped like you were a mere schoolgirl back on Earth.

As steamy as the moment was turning out to be, it was broken by a very sudden, very sharp and very loud noise—

One that sounded suspiciously like a dog.

Jerking away from Jimin at the sound of a rough bark, in either fear or surprise you didn’t really know, you spun to face the source. You were instantly rooted to the spot in shock.

Holy shit, that was a massive dog.

Well, calling it a dog might have been a bit of an insult. Whatever it was, with whatever canine resemblance it had, it was absolutely beautiful and nothing short of majestic. Instantly, you were in absolute awe and standing in a state of reverence.

The beast was over five feet tall and gave Jimin a run for his money, his entire coat the deepest space blue you’d ever seen that bled into a plethora of deep rose and cerulean that seemed to change as the strands shifted in the wind. It was incredibly canine in its features, resembling something between a wolf or a fox from earth but much, much bigger—the angled face, the mischievous eyes that hid an underlying danger. Around its eyes and down its muzzle, the same peculiar rose-aquamarine blend painted beautiful, mesmerising markings.

Something shifted out of the corner of your eyes, and when your gaze followed it, it took you a moment to realise you were looking at not one, but two big fluffy tails. Contrary to the dog-like appearance of the beast, the tails swayed playfully and in a much more feline manner. It was as though it was trying to hypnotise you with the movement, and you were only saved from falling into the trap by the sound of another soft yap.

You squeaked, jumping in what you were sure was a mixture of fright and excitement this time—although, to be fair, the line between the two emotions was awfully thin these days.

“Oh my god,” you choked, sounding very much like you were going to cry and honestly? You might have been about to. “Puppy!”

At the sound of the pure joy in your voice, it was as though a switch had been flipped in the creature that, until then, had just been standing there, looking incredibly majestic and incredibly intimidating. As though it could sense that you weren’t afraid, it immediately dropped into a crouch, behind wiggling and tongue hanging out of its mouth, before it pounced forward and you met the ground once more.

This time, with Jimin in tow.

The beast was so massive that instead of only tackling you, it had managed to catch both you and Jimin in one go. The aforementioned male was now pressed to the ground next to you as the two of you received a barrage of sloppy licks from the creature in between excited yapping and melodic trill noises. You couldn’t help the delighted squeal that escaped your lips, your hands coming up to scratch and rub behind the creature’s large, triangular ears. They flicked and vibrated instantly at your motions, and the beast moved its attention solely to you. Meaning, you got a face full of alien dog tongue and spit.

“Meanie!” Jimin gasped, attempting to sit up and somehow managing despite the incredible weight of the beast. “Off, now, Meanie! #$%#$!”

Jimin rattled something else off in kelkoe and to your complete and utter surprise, the canine creature pulled back immediately and sat down on its haunches, tongue still lolling out of its elongated maw as its head flicked between the two of you and its tails lashed excitedly behind it. Somewhat dazed and a little upset at the lack of happy dog-creature within arms reach, you struggled into a sitting position yourself, unable to tear your eyes from the animal before you.

“What is that? He’s so beautiful…” you found yourself asking before you even realised, eyes wide. You heard Jimin make a surprised noise, and turned to see him looking at you strangely.

“You are not afraid?” he queried, head tilting like he couldn’t make sense of your reaction. You watched as his marks swirled through several different colours before settling on light, playful blue.

“No?” you replied, equally as confused at his reaction. “Why would I be? I love dogs!”

“Dogs…” Jimin mumbled to himself for a moment, eyes unfocused, before he let out a soft noise and turned to you.  “Are dogs creatures on Earth? Do you have Ina there too?”

“Ina?” you repeated, turning your gaze back to the animal who was, by the way, still waiting patiently in place like the best boy you had ever seen. “Is that what this creature is?”

Jimin nodded, and after surveying you a moment longer he rose to his feet, dusting off his (very shapely) behind as he did so. A smile tugged his lips as he looked over at the animal in question. “This is Meanie, my Ina.”

He then parted from your side to move over to the creature, wrapping an arm over his massive shoulders and reaching up to scratch behind his ear. Meanie’s hind leg began thumping against the ground in glee at the movement, head rolling to press affectionately against the side of Jimin’s own. You watched on in awe, fingers absolutely itching to join Jimin in giving this good boy the pets he deserved.

“Your Ina? He’s your pet?” you asked, watching the interaction and the softness of Jimin’s countenance with increasing fondness. Even so, a part of you felt oddly betrayed. You’d been here how long and hadn’t known there were giant dogs roaming about willy nilly? An absolute travesty!

Meanie’s head whipped from where it was laying against Jimin’s, and to your complete and utter surprise he then proceeded to give you the stink eye. Jimin let out a loud, tinkling laugh.

“No, Meanie is not a pet. He is my companion.” Jimin’s smile didn’t leave as he turned his gaze from the creature, to you, then back again. “The people of my clan have very strong bonds with the Ina. From birth, we are paired with an Ina pup, and form a connection with them as we grow up.”

You rose to your feet as you listened to him, advancing slowly—although, it was more for just in case than anything, since Meanie seemed to have forgotten about your offense and had since resumed laying his head on Jimin. The creature seemed to be an absolute softie, and it tickled you that his name was Meanie when he seemed to be such a gentle soul.

“That’s so cool!” you said, mindful of not being too loud. “You two have a connection? Can you hear each other’s thoughts?”

Jimin shot you a look of surprise, smiling with something akin to pride. “Yes, actually. Although, I think that he is better attuned to my thoughts than I am to his—I mostly hear him when he is hungry, or lonely. Isn’t that right, pupa?”

The dog—you’d already resigned to recognising him as that in your head for convenience’s sake— had the nerve to roll his eyes, turning his oversized head to give you a look that had too much exasperation within it for you to take seriously. You snorted, and Jimin grinned. His eyes caught the way your fingers twitched, and he gestured to Meanie.

“You can pet him, he won’t mind. He is a sucker for it, actually. Don’t tell him that I told you.”

The dog huffed, but you caught his eye on you expectantly. Laughing once more, you sidled closer and allowed your fingers to sink into the long fur at the back of his neck. It was thick, downy, yet silken and smooth as you ran your fingers through it. It took more effort than expected to delve them deep enough to be able to deliver a good scratch, but when you finally made it the reaction Meanie gave was worth it. He wobbled, swaying towards Jimin before wobbling again at another scratch of your nails against his skin and swaying back towards you.

A surprised squeak escaped you as he sagged against you completely, your arms coming up to embrace him around his thick neck, hands still scratching where they could. “Meanie! You cutie! You’re so cute and handsome, wah, what are we gonna do with you?! I’ve never seen a puppy so handsome in my life…”

You pressed your face into his fur, feeling his resulting amused rumble and happy trill against your skin. “I’m—I don’t think I’m ever gonna let go. I can’t. You’ve beaten me, Meanie. I’m defeated. You have my heart.”

You didn’t know if these Ina creatures could laugh, but it sure felt like they could. Jimin, too, let out a soft chuckle. It was silent a moment before his smooth tone sounded in the air once more.

“Are you still hungry, petal?”

The pet name made heat blossom across your face, and you were thankful that the thick fur of the animal you currently had it buried in shielded it from view. Yes, you came onto Jimin on the daily, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to have a little shame every now and then. Gotta keep yourself grounded, after all.

“I’m always hungry,” you said, trying not to voice how unreasonably embarrassed you were. Meanie made what sounded like a noise of agreement, and Jimin snorted in response.

“Then follow me,” he said, “You are already in my gardens, you may as well come further in for some lunch. I have some fruits that are actually edible.”

You pulled your face from Meanie’s fluffy neck, at first preparing to fire something sassy back but instead settling for a bright smile when you realised just how empty your stomach was feeling. Well, it was empty enough earlier that you’d attempted to climb a tree for some fruit, so you weren’t doing that great to begin with, arguably.

“Fine, since you insist,” you shot back playfully, hands still idly scratching the oversized pup before you. He was appreciative, if his happy rumbling was anything to go by. It was like there was a motor that thrummed to life deep in his chest, vibrating against your body where it was pressed to his. God, you loved animals. So easy to read and get along with.

Jimin’s lips pursed before being tugged into an amused smile, the male turning on his heel and beginning to walk away. “Well, if you’d be so kind as to follow—my rooms are right this way. Come, Meanie. If she tries to slip away, drag her back.”

Jimin was joking (you hoped), and Meanie seemed to realise so (you hoped), so you weren’t as alarmed as you might have been if anyone else directed a creature like Meanie to essentially prevent you from running away.

Which you weren’t going to do, by the way. You didn’t know if Jimin really thought you would, but you’d be surprised if it was the case since you were so open and vocal about your interest in him.

Meanie nudged his head into your shoulder, and it was only then that you realised you'd been staring absently at Jimin's retreating form a little too long. Taking the hint, you reached to rub behind one of the creatures tall, pointy ears and he gave an approving huff as he began to prompt you after his companion.

To be honest, you were expecting a longer trip than what you got; it was barely a minute later that you were emerging from the vibrant greens, blues and iridescent hues of the gardens and encroaching upon a path, and then the familiar material of the palace walls came into view. Jimin made a beeline for a gap in the wall, which you realised was actually a large doorway housing two large double-doors, each embedded with two large, glassy windows. It surprised you to see the material, since you'd noticed a lot of the windows in the palace had nothing at all guarding them, but you supposed that being on the ground floor and so close to gardens and forestry, you wouldn't want anything unsavoury crawling in.

Even though you followed the kelkie inside the room without question, it didn't click until you were several paces into it that it was his room. It was large, very spacious and somewhat minimally decorated. His bed was to the left wall adjacent to the doorway you'd just come through, mattress bigger than some of the ones you'd seen in the guest wing and blocked off by thin gossamer-looking material that spilt from the ceiling, partly obscuring the gleam of silken sheets and blankets. Jimin was the type to make his bed every day, it seemed, and it shouldn't have made you, a being that left a trail of mess and chaos behind you by accident everywhere you went, more attracted to him but it did. Somehow, it did. You thought that at this point you were honestly so far gone he could probably confess to sucking his thumb as he slept and you'd take it in stride without even so much as batting a lash.

"Woah," you muttered without realising, eyes sweeping over his room and taking in each and every detail you could. You were in his room, damn it, and it might not have been under the circumstances you really wished-- not to say they wouldn't hopefully come true one day-- but damn it if you were going to squander the opportunity for some more insight into who he really is. "Nice crib."

The alien shot you an odd, curious look at that, head tilting for a moment before he returned to whatever he was doing before you spoke-- which, it seemed, was taking a bowl of curiously coloured fruits and a jug from a table against the wall to the right of the room. He shook his head, evidently deciding he didn't need to know what the word 'crib' meant (you'd seen the question in his eyes), and turned from the table to begin making his way over. You hadn't realised before, but next to the doorway you'd come through was a small table of medium width, the obsidian-like stone polished and gleaming in the light from the doorway. Two plush cushions sat on the floor, and on top of the table was a small cube pot made of the same material as the table in a lighter shade, an endearingly flowering plant sprouting from the soil within.

Jimin moved and placed the bowl there, along with the jug, and gestured for you to take a seat while he went back to the other table to retrieve something else-- you realised after he pulled whatever he was looking for from a cupboard there that it was actually cups. Following his direction without even thinking, you plopped down on the cushion and narrowly avoided banging your knee on the edge of the table, thankful that Jimin's back was currently to you since you hadn't pulled the most attractive of expressions at your near-miss. There was a huff from behind you, reminding you of Meanie's presence, and you turned just in time to see the gigantic creature flopping down on the other side of the room; there was something there on the floor, like a thin mattress, that was covered in soft throws and blankets. The canine creature settled down and nestled into the fabrics, curling up endearingly and letting out a huff as he relaxed. He looked ready to sleep, but his lidded eyes remained open and flicked occasionally from you to the alien now approaching where you were seated.

"These are the fruits you can eat," he said, apparently still very tickled by what he'd caught you doing earlier. Fine, if it made him that happy then you supposed you'd just have to accept the blow to your pride. You were glad your limited brain cell count amused him.

“Excellent,” you said, wriggling in your seat somewhat excitedly. “I’m starving. They’ve banned me from the kitchens, you know. It’s only for a week and it’s only been a day but it’s rough, man.”

Jimin looked like he was trying very hard not to burst into laughter, a somewhat incredulous yet unsurprised expression morphing his features.  “You got banned from the kitchens? What on Kilkea did you do? You practically live there.”

“I know,” you sighed, scratching the back of your neck as you averted your gaze. “They got sick of me walking in all the time. Apparently it interrupts their groove.”

Jimin’s head tilted, but he looked like he wasn’t going to question it. Admittedly, you felt a bit insulted. You couldn’t tell him that the real reason you’d been banned was because you kept singing and nearly set the entire kitchen ablaze when you attempted to make earth cookies yesterday, though. So there you sat, accepting it as his opinion of you no doubt grew more comfortable where it sat at rock bottom.

Jimin placed the cups onto the table, taking his seat more gracefully than you anticipated after nearly falling and impaling your knee on the corner yourself. Well, some people were just born graceful, you supposed. You don’t know whether he saw the nervous way you eyed the fruits or whether he was just so used to you by now that he knew you were kind of useless, but he took a fruit—purple-tinged and very juicy looking—and went about peeling it much like you would a mandarin, before plopping it before you on the table and picking up one for himself.

Delighted and perhaps a little too eager to taste the fruit considering its insides were blue, you picked it up and broke it into the sections it naturally grew in. It wasn’t long before the first piece was in your mouth, teeth piercing it and causing tart, but overall sweet flavour to sink into your tongue. A surprised noise left you before you could stop it, quickly followed by a hum of approval in explanation. Jimin hid his smile by shoving a piece of the fruit in his mouth too.

“If that’s the case, I am surprised it took you this long to get banned,” he mused, poking fun at you once more. You sent him a half-hearted glare, popping another slice in your mouth to resist firing back too quickly. The flavour of this fruit was quite addictive, actually. The perfect balance of sweet and sour, with no unsavoury aftertaste.

“Excuse me?” you blurted as soon as you swallowed your mouthful. “They love me in there, they’ve practically adopted me at this point. Jeonghan says I’m like a daughter to him.”

Jimin rolled his eyes but couldn’t help his smile. It seemed both of you were well-aware of the pastry-chef’s—who you’d actually originally thought was younger than you— overdramatic tendencies. “If Jeonghan adopted everyone he said he would, then this whole castle would be under his care.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, even hearing Meanie huff in amusement in the corner. “You’re not wrong.”

You were expecting Jimin to stay silent a little longer, having seen him pick up another piece of fruit, but he surprised you and spoke in the next moment, the piece still uneaten in his grasp.

“On that note, there is something I have to discuss with you.” Jimin’s eyes met yours as he slipped the fruit into his mouth. When you sent him a questioning look, he continued. “Jongin and Jongdae are no longer watching you.”

Oh, that was something you knew already. Your first instinct was to believe you were about to get into trouble—which didn’t seem unlikely, since the two guards weren’t shy about blaming you and your many escape attempts for the relief of their duties in watching you.

“Oh. Yep,” you bit your lip, a bit of nervous laughter trickling out. You wondered whether it would be a safer bet to play dumb about it. “I haven’t seen them in a while? Are they alright? I almost miss them.”

Jimin’s lips quirked like he was trying not to smile. “They are no longer watching you because I relieved them of that duty.”

You paused, trying to follow where he was going with this. Ah, so it was his doing? Okay. But were you in trouble or not…? He had better tell you soon, because you were about to break into a nervous sweat.

“Uh, do you want an apology?” you asked, risking a shot in the dark. Jimin blinked at you for a moment before a sudden laugh came tumbling out of him.

“No, there’s no need for an apology,” he managed through his chuckles. “At least, not to me. I am only mentioning it because you are still going to be under someone’s care, it just will not be theirs.”

“Okay, well, in that case I feel I should tell you that I might have needed ‘monitoring’ when I first got here, yeah, maybe, but now I’m perfectly fine wandering on my own! If you want I’ll even promise to bother Namjoon or Yoongi if I need help or something, but I don’t think I need—” you paused mid-defensive-rant, another thought occurring to you that seemed to override the first—a shred of fear wormed its way into your tone as you sought to verify your sudden concerns. “Wait, whose care?”

Jimin plucked another piece of fruit from the rest, plopping it into his mouth and answering you somewhat nonchalantly and without so much as a blink. “Mine.”

“Well I don’t want Seokjin’s—wait, what?” You were thankful you didn’t have anything in your mouth just then because you definitely would have choked on it in your shock. “C-come again?”

“You heard me,” Jimin said, a sly look to his eyes. His marks were flushed an all-too-cheeky plum. “You’re too slippery for me to delegate the task to anyone else, so I will be the one watching you. We only have one kitchen, after all, we can’t afford to have it in flames.”

Your cheeks flushed suddenly with heat, the sensation of more of the humiliating type than the flustered. Oh, so he already knew of yesterday’s escapades. Oops. Still, that aside, you were already struggling to come to terms with what he’d told you. He was going to be watching you from now on? Like, in person? Or in a more ‘eyes in the walls’ kind of way? You didn’t know which was worse, to be honest. Was this the end of your freedom? Wait, but on the flip side…. More time spent with Jimin. Holy crap, you probably shouldn’t have been as excited as you were beginning to feel. Down, you swatted the butterflies in your stomach, down girls!

“O-oh,” you managed, still attempting to regulate the mess that had suddenly exploded in your brain. You didn’t have enough mental RAM for this. “I see. Well…”

In a desperate bid to claim back your cool and swagger, you plopped another piece of fruit in your mouth and raised your brows. Poor timing, but it seemed your dignity defence system had been activated.

“Good luck to you, then! I won’t be tied down! I will remain as slippery as ever and I’ll wish you luck in your efforts to catch me—fruitless, as they will be!”

And then you smacked your fingers on the table, grabbing the cup and taking a hearty sip. For all the bravado you’d just shown, you felt any semblance of normalcy you’d just mustered go flying out the window when you caught Jimin’s gaze and saw the challenge simmering in their depths, his marks tinted jade.

Well, maybe you should have waited until after tea time to challenge the Kelkie who was much, much faster and stronger than you.

x     x     x     x     x

 “So that’s what he said, right, and yet… here I am! I’m too good, I didn’t even leave a trail for him to follow! He should have known better than to think he could catch me… pfft.”

At the silence that followed your words, you paused in your current activity and turned to the male beside you, who in turn simply stood and blinked at you for a moment. Expectantly, you allowed him a moment to muster a response.

“So… you didn’t want to be stuck under my care and yet here you are, chatting away with me the second you slip free of Jimin’s watch?” Seokjin asked, expression telling you he was attempting to understand your reasoning and coming up blank. For a moment, you yourself were stumped for a response—you hadn’t thought of it that way! Your idiot was showing— you made a quick recovery though.

“That was the only thing you got from all I told you?” you queried, before shaking your head and clicking your tongue. “Why do I even bother? I should have gone to annoy Yoongi instead.”

Seokjin seemed to be ignoring you—or at least, what you were saying. He continued like you hadn’t just said anything at all.

“Also, as someone who, and this is a direct quote, ‘wants to climb Jimin like a tree’ at every possible opportunity, isn’t running from him somewhat counterintuitive? I mean, you currently have the perfect excuse to be near him and you are bragging about running away…?” Seokjin’s head tilted, eyes squinting at you as his fingers played with the decorations currently in his hold. He’d made far more progress with his side of the wall than you had, considering you’d spent more time talking than hanging. It was something your teachers had always commented on in school, so you weren’t that surprised in honesty.

You sputtered, several holes having been poked ruthlessly and mercilessly in your logic and your pride. Seokjin, the poker, seemed somewhat pleased at your current stuttering state.  As the pokee in this situation, you were anything but pleased.

“What? No! It’s not counterintuitive!” you warbled, grabbing one of the decorative pieces and slapping it onto some adhesive on the wall. You felt your cheeks heat, shoulders pinching up in embarrassment. “Shut up!”

Even while facing in another direction, you could feel Seokjin as he rolled his eyes.

“Always asking for the flame when she cannot even handle the heat, tsk tsk tsk,” Seokjin uttered, taking the opportunity to click his tongue at you. You bristled but couldn’t form a response, considering he was right. Humiliatingly, despite all your efforts to get closer to Jimin, now that you finally had the perfect excuse to be around him all the time, it was like too much all at once. You were just one woman! And a horny one at that. The people around here should know better than to take the randy things that come out of your mouth at face value.

“I CAN HANDLE IT!” Your outburst was somewhat indignant and left you feeling somewhat like a child, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it. “Just… after an adjustment period. I suddenly went from nothing of something to a lot of something! Give me a break, man, I’ve only got a few cells left up here and they’re on their last legs.”

Seokjin hummed, narrowing his eyes at your head. “I did think that I heard less rattling up there than usual.”

Resisting the urge to hiss at him, you soothed your hackles and decided to change the topic to something that didn’t threaten to give you a heart attack or death-by-shame. “Also, when am I going to be allowed to know about this all-secret event that’s taking place? It’s been so long! And I’m helping you set up, so it must be soon. Surely not all of these people are here helping set up without even knowing…?”

Seokjin didn’t even blink as he responded. “Oh, they know. Actually, you’ve been allowed to know for a while… I think at this point you’re the only one that doesn’t know.”

You blinked, squinting as his words sunk in. “Hey—what? That’s not fair! Why can’t I know? Seokjin! Tell me!”

Mirth played in the kelkie’s eyes as he shot you a look from the side, marks flushed playful lilac. “No way. It’s much more amusing letting you sit and wonder.”

You stared at him, mouth open in shock. This jerk was really just going to let you sit and rot, huh?! Something akin to betrayal began to fill you, a petulant glare slipping onto your face.

“Seokjin!” It was meant to be reprimanding but it came out more like a whine. “Come on, please tell me? I deserve to know! Especially considering it’s just—it’s only—how far away is it, again?”

“It’s in a little less than a week’s time,” Seokjin answered easily, adhering another of the decorations to the wall. They were pretty little things, thin and about the size of your palm but they felt like slices of crystal and glimmered as you would expect such an item to. “You’re actually expected to attend. I believe Joy has even procured a dress for you and has plans for your hair.”

“Oh, I’m invited?” Momentarily touched, you couldn’t help the turn your thoughts took, a smile slipping onto your face before you remembered your stance and wiped it off. “That’s so nice of y—wait! If I’m going then I need to know what the event actually is, Seokjin! Please tell me!”

As you might have predicted, the kelkie was having far too much fun teasing you to be anywhere close to telling you what you want to know. He snorted as he went about sticking another decoration up, pausing afterwards to scan the room and check up on the other decorating jobs being completed by palace workers. When his eyes got to you and looked over how behind you were, he frowned.

“Isn’t the element of the unknown such a thrilling thing, though?” he asked, clearly making fun of you still. “Besides, you don’t need to know to have fun—”

“Seokjinnnnn,” you were outright whining now, the remainder of your dignity having fled you where you stood on top of a stool in one of the great halls in the palace. You wanted to know so badly—for weeks you’d been wondering what was going on! By this point you were growing a little desperate. “Please? Please tell me? Oh please please please—”

Seokjin rolled his eyes and cut you off before your dramatic arm motions could make you fall off the stool. “What do I get out of telling you, though? Currently I’m getting a lot of entertainment out of not telling you, so why should I give that up?”

You gaped at him, bastard!

“You jerk!” you exclaimed, before quickly thinking better of it and backtracking. “Okay, fine. If you tell me I’ll… uh… I’ll stop visiting the kitchens and making a mess all the time.”

Seokjin gave you an amused look. “I know you’ve already been banned from there.”

With a groan of frustration, you threw your hands into the air, just barely catching your balance before you toppled. “Fine! I’ll—I’ll stop wasting your time and calling for you whenever I get bored! I’ll call, I don’t know… I’ll call Yoongi instead.”

Seokjin’s head tilted as he pondered the offer, mulling it over carefully. A moment later he flashed you a smile. “Not the best but it is a start! I will tell you something in exchange for that promise—I want you to promise me, by the way. Out loud. I know that you are slippery.”

You let out a huff, holding down the whines that wanted to escape. Something was better than nothing! If you had something to go off, you could just go and pressure someone else for the answer to the rest of it. With that in mind, you squashed down the minor offence that rose at the fact your reputation as ‘slippery’ had preceded you to such an extent, and forced out the words that would get you what you wanted.

“Do… I have to?” You let out a breath from the effort, wincing. It went against your nature to verbally trap yourself! You had a phobia of contracts!

“Yes.” Seokjin said, deadpan. “Repeat after me, ‘Seokjin, I promise that I will never again call you when—‘”

“Never?!” you interjected, appalled. “Isn’t that a bit hasty—”

“Do you want to know?” the male cut you off, brows raised. He rested a hand on his hip and the sudden movement of his body made the inky locks atop his head shift, flopping across his forehead. “If so, say it.”

Pushing down the remainders of your pride was more difficult than usual, but somehow you managed it. Grumbling, you smacked another decoration onto the wall, watching it fall to the floor in disdain because there wasn’t enough adhesive.

“Fine. Seokjin, I promise that I will never again call you when I am bored. I will… call someone else… instead…”

It might have been like he was trying to bleed water from a rock, but Seokjin couldn’t have looked more smug or pleased with himself—even despite how admittedly lacklustre your promise was.

“Excellent!” he cheered, smearing more adhesive on the wall and pasting a decoration where you had attempted to just moments ago. “Now, do know that if you go back on your word it is a punishable offence. I’m thinking…” He tapped his chin, eyes averted in thought as his marks shimmered blue. “No pudding for at least three months.”

Despite the fact it was only a threat and you weren’t actually being punished with that, you felt panic well up within you. Damn, he’s good. You gulped. “I-I won’t… Don’t you even know me, Seokjin? My honour… my integrity…. Renowned across the galaxy.”

Seokjin rolled his eyes so heavily you worried for a split second they were going to drop from his skull. “Of course. As we all know.”

You huffed, taking it in stride considering he was about to finally tell you what you’d been wanting to know for weeks now. Making a rare wise choice, you decided to clamp your mouth shut and wait for Seokjin to enlighten you. It seemed to work in your favour, as Seokjin too is a man that enjoys talking and the second you provided a conversational gap for him he was inclined to fill it.

“It’s for the King and Queen,” Seokjin said, placing some adhesive on the wall in front of you in an unspoken prompt to get back to work. “They’re back from their leave soon, but that’s not the only reason we are celebrating.”

Seokjin turned, meeting your gaze with a fond look in his eye coupled with a hint of excitement, both of which you presumed were directed at the royal couple. “They’re expecting, you see, and since the Queen is human, it has broken an unfortunate cycle that has plagued the royal line for centuries. After what happened to the King’s late parents… the people are overjoyed they won’t have to see that again.”

Curiousity instantly bubbled and burned within you, but at the same time…. You almost felt like it wasn’t your place to ask about whatever happened. It didn’t affect you, so you reasoned you should probably leave it for now. Besides, you felt like you’d find out eventually. Instead, you focused your thoughts onto the other parts of what he’d told you. Piece by piece, it sunk in.

“I almost forgot the Queen is human,” you muttered, filling space while your brain processed—it finished barely a moment later and you looked to Seokjin with wide eyes as realisation smacked you in the face several times. “Wait, she’s pregnant?! But they’re—so humans and kelkies can—?!”

Amused, and looking like he apparently expected a reaction like this from you, Seokjin snorted. “Well, we weren’t sure. But apparently so.”

“Huh. That’s really lovely, everyone must be super excited for them,” you said, a billion thoughts whirring through your mind at once. One made itself a little more known than the others, and an odd feeling filled your chest.

Seokjin seemed to tell you were attempting to try and word something, and gave you a moment to put it together. You couldn’t look him in the eye as you spoke, for once feeling oddly and uncharacteristically vulnerable.

“She chose to stay, then… Was it an easy choice?” You didn’t even know why you’d asked it, but it made it’s way out of your mouth nonetheless.

The kelkie gave you a curious look, but otherwise didn’t question you. “Well, for her… She wasn’t going to, at first. There were a few other crucial factors that influenced her decision, for a while. But ultimately, once they cleared… she chose what was going to make her happiest. I recall she once told me she felt surprisingly at home, here. Not long after arriving, she found herself wanting to stay.”

At his words, you weren’t sure how you were supposed to feel. Your entire life there has been something in a constant state of unrest within you. You’ve hopped from job to job, world to world, life to life. None have fit, and none have soothed that flighty feeling inside any better than the last. You almost grow tired of it; sometimes you’ve found yourself wondering if this is how you’re going to live the remainder of your years, never settling, never finding somewhere you feel truly at home. Earth was where you were born, but it wasn’t a home to you. None of the groups you’d ever found your way to had ever felt like the perfect fit. You’ve never once felt inclined to stay at the places you have been, or entertained the notion past that of a stray thought.

But his words gave you pause, because for the first time in your life the feeling inside you had changed, and you were beginning to realise its new form.

It was in such stark contrast to who you knew yourself to be, that it actually frightened you, a little. This feeling had a few names and you were afraid to utter any of them.

“You’ve been a lot of places across the galaxy, lived many different ways,” Seokjin’s head tilted, eyes soft, inquisitive. “Was there nowhere that you found yourself wishing to stay?”

Of course, it would be perfectly in character for you to fire back something witty and funny, but you felt oddly vacant, for the barest moment. You met his gaze without thinking, and wondered if he could see the vulnerability as it revealed itself bit by bit within you.

“No, there wasn’t anywhere I wanted to stay.” You paused, swallowing. “But, I mean, being capricious is kind of my thing, you know? I gotta stay on brand.”

Seokjin smiled, before shaking his head.

“It is okay to want to stay, you know. You don’t even have to have a reason.” The male’s eyes were kind as they met your own, and you felt your chest clench. “There is a place for you here, if you decide you want it.”

His words touched you, but in the process stirred up an entire storm of untouched thoughts and emotions within you, the type that blended in together and blurred the lines that bound them. You were nowhere near ready to delve into them right now. Ignoring the surprising prick in your eyes, you shot him a smile. “Thank you for that, Seokjin. I… I think I will just need to think on it.”

He nodded, soft look remaining before it took a different turn and his marks flushed playful blue. His gaze was on you, before it caught something over your shoulder and his eyes widened incrementally. He schooled his expression so quickly after that you weren’t sure if it had actually happened. “Don’t think too hard on it, though. You’ll overwork the few cells that you have left.”

At the return of the bickering air you were so familiar with, you slipped right back into it with ease—anything to distract from the thoughts he’d unearthed with his kind words. “Excuse me? There mightn’t be many of them but they pull their weight! My brain cells might be overworked and underpaid but damn it if they don’t get the job done—”

You were ready to keep going, you really were, you had about thirty seconds more content to burn through, but in the worst plot twist of the century you didn’t get to continue. So quickly you almost didn’t see it, Seokjin shifted in his stance on the floor, bracing one hand on the wall. You didn’t even have time to finish wondering why before you found out—the hard way.

Too quick to counter, Seokjin’s foot flew out, making harsh contact with the stool you were precariously perched on. Immediately, inevitably, you were sent tumbling and the bucket of adhesive and decorations on your arm was sent flying off to god knew where. Truly, your hubris in wanting to stand in a cool pose on the stool was to blame for how unsteady and ready to fall you were.

A few things happened rapidly; first, you fell through the air, narrowly saved from a humiliating death-by-head-bump by Seokjin’s lightning fast reflexes. He ended up catching you in a pose that reminded you of when you were dancing with someone and they dipped you—your hair was probably brushing the floor, and Seokjin’s face was much, much closer than you ever expected to see it. Second, there was the loud sound of your stool clattering onto the ground. Third, there was a round of gasps that you figured sounded because you fell.

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you were wrong in assuming everything was about you.

You blinked, the realisation that Seokjin knocked you off the stool sinking in and instantly riling you up—you were about to open your mouth and chew him out when a third, and final, sound echoed through the room. A sharp CLANG, and then the distinct sound of hollow metal rolling across the floor. It gave you pause, the sound occurring much later than it should have—it should have dropped straight to the ground, right?

A sense of dread beginning to curl within you, you dared to turn your head and peer to the side, where your back had been facing earlier. At once, you realised you were dead.

The alien love of your life stood in the doorway to the room, a mere few metres away, which should make you either giddy or overjoyed, but it was the sight of gooey adhesive dripping thickly down his face from where it had pooled in his hair that prevented such a reaction. Your bucket rolled around by his feet, some decorations joining it on the ground and others stuck in the glue that was quickly becoming acquainted with Jimin’s entire front.

His eyes had been closed, presumably on reflex, but they opened after a hand rose to wipe the thick goo from them—thankfully, it hadn’t reached his actual eyes. The dark pools flitted about the room before landing on you; his marks stained dark, dark red, and after scanning your form and witnessing the debacle around you, turned deep, murky green.

You might have been stupid, but even you knew when death was about to grab you in its clutches. You scrambled, trying to get out of Seokjin’s grip but failing miserably—oh, so he’s your executioner, huh? Bastard. And right after you bonded, too.

“y/n.” You jolted like you’d been electrocuted, eyes whipping back to Jimin; something burned in his gaze that made your stomach drop and legs wobble, even while he was covered in goo. He took two slow, long steps until he was close enough that just the three of you could hear him speak—his voice when he did, low and raspy as it was, made you shiver. “My room. Midmoon, tonight. If you are not ready then the punishment for making such a mess of preparations for such an important event will worsen. Don’t force my hand on that, petal.”

His gaze bore into you for a long, potent moment after he spoke, before it flicked to where Seokjin had his hold on you, jaw clenching so hard you saw his temple shift. Eyes harder and burning more intensely than before, he delivered you one last look—a very decidedly pissed one—before he turned on his heel and stalked from the room, beginning to wipe away adhesive as he went.

For a few seconds after he disappeared, you simply hung in place, in a state of shock. The sound of Seokjin’s amused snort brought you back, however, and instantly you recalled exactly who was to blame for your newly scheduled death.

“You rat,” you hissed, glaring at him. “How could you?! Now I’m going to die! Oh you know what, if I hadn’t just promised yo—OW! SEOKJIN!”

Mercilessly, the male released his hold, you dropped, and an instant pain shot through your behind. Why was it that you were always falling on your ass in this palace?! God! It hurts so damn much!

“The day is coming to an end, y/n,” Seokjin said, straightening and looking very much unapologetic and entirely too humoured. “You better go get ready.”

Realising just how late into the afternoon it had gotten, you scrambled to your feet, panicked and affronted. Deciding you couldn’t afford to stay and bicker if you were going to flee the solar system in time, you settled for a glare and flipped Seokjin the bird, uncaring whether he understood it.

“I hate you!” you exclaimed as you turned and started to flee. “I’m ending this friendship, Seokjin! After this don’t even look at me, traitor!”

Seokjin’s rare, squeaky laughter breached the air as you left, the sound chasing you down the hall mockingly.

If you didn’t die tonight, you were going to kill him for trying to kill you.

↞ prev. || five || next ↠

::[ please lmk what you think! & pls consider buying me a kofi if you’d like to support me in some way! <3 ]::

[dartiri11]

Since the Beginning of your World

Hey Guys! This is a little special on my channel. So its a onepart. Its about the history of the Fierce Deity. In my fic it will have the name Kishin but thats not my idea! I love the name but i didnt create it. Well the Deitys history is a mystery no one can really solve. So i made my own story! I hope you like it. And ps: Horror Kid and Taya are still better names than Skull Kid and Tatl!

Warnings: Blood, pain and aaaaall the creepy stuff from Majoras mask :)

Was it over? He didn’t feel it anymore. He just felt pain. But not the pain he felt when it started. The pain he felt was a relaxing one. His throat hurt so much from screaming. Link tried to open his eyes but they shut again automatically. He tried once again and saw the bright sunlight. It burned in his face. Specially at his forehead and his cheeks. No, that wasn’t the sun. It was something different. But what?

Link tried to say something but only a silent groan came out of his mouth. When he looked around he saw a silhouette sitting infront of him. He was scared and wanted to run away, but his body hurt too much. Especially his shoulder. He felt blood running down his left arm. Link just lay there breathing. Completly exhausted.

He stared at the person who was sitting there. Is was the Happy-Mask-Salesman. He was holding something. It was purple with colorful spikes and freaking big eyes. Then his memories came back.

He was fighting inside the moon with a horrifying creature named Majora. He was loosing. The creature had its tentacles around him and choke him. It threw Link away like he was nothing. The Hero of Time was laying there as good as dead. In his last power he pulled out the mask he got a few moments before and put it on. Suddenly a deep pain ran through his body and he was screaming. Link never felt a pain like that. At that moment he felt like he was dying over and over again. It was so painful. But in the whole pain he felt power too. A power like the pain. New. A new expierience he never had before. And the young hero had seen a lot of things.

He could see nothing. Only white. But why white? A tall figure appeared infront of him. He looked like a knight. But much scarier. He had blue and red markings on his face. And white hair. The figure also had a tunic a bit like his own. Not in green, in white. Around the tunic was a shiny armour. On his back the man carried a huge sword and when he slowly came closer, Link tried to step back. But in his exhaustion he couldn’t keep his self and fell back down.

The person came closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Until he stood really infront of him. Link could see his eyes. There was nothing in his eyes. They were empty.

He was so scared. So he put his hands protecting infront of his face in fear he would die every moment. Where was Taya? Where was Navi? And where the hell even was Link?! He was alone in here. Alone with the scary person wich would kill him now.

But nothing happened. He looked at the person and saw a hand infront of his face. The hand probably was five times bigger than his own. The man was just standing there. Reaching for Links hand. He slowly put his hand into the mans and he pulled him up from the ground.

Now they were standing there hand in hand. Then the man started to talk. His voice was so strong and sounded not really human. It echoed like a ghosts voice.

"Lets beat this demon together, my child"

But then his memories clicked out.

It was over. Whatever happened, he defeated Majora. He tried to sit up and rubbed his head. His face was still burning but it was weaker than before.

"What happened...?" He asked tired and confused.

Then a fairy rushed over to him when it heared his voice. "Link! You finally woke up! I was so worried about you!"

He couldn’t belive his eyes or eares. "N-Navi?!" But with a short look his dream broke and turned into disappointment. Anyway he was happy Taya was at least there for him. Navi just left him...

No! He couldn’t think about Navi that way! She was Links partner and best friend. It hurt when she left him after their adventure. Like the others. He felt tears silently running down his face.

"Link? Are you okay? And who is Navi?" Taya asked and flew a bit closer to him.

He hastily wiped his teares away and tried to smile at Taya. "Nothing. Im fine, Taya."

"Ok? If you say that? Anyway, after you put on that mask, you grew and turned into a huge guy. And man, you fought that beast like a god. And i was not afraid! I fought on your side! Yeah... enough of my braveness. We saved everyone!"

The moon over the Clock Town was gone and all the people were save. He did it.

Link suddenly heared a quiet sobbing. "Im sorry. Im so sorry, Tael and Taya. I was a terrible friend, but you never left me! I can understand if you dont want to be my friends anymore..." a little Horror Kid cried.

Another Fairy appeared next to Taya. A black one. "Comon Sis, we should forgive him. He didn’t-"

"After all he did? He almost destroyed the whole country and if we hadn’t stopped him, hundrets of people would be dead!" Taya said angry, what made Horror Kid let his head hang down sadly.

"But that wasn’t really him. It was the mask! You know him. Horror Kid just wants to play. Dont be so strict, Sister." Tael said and Taya sighned.

The both fairies flew slowly over to the weeping Horror Kid. He hugged his friends and really started cry. For a few moments Link was just sitting there, watching them. He felt happy and sad at the same time, because it reminded him at Navi. Horror Kid calmed down a bit and let go his fairies from his tight hug.

"Lets go back into the woods. Then i can show you my home." He said to his friends. Horror Kid then looked at Link and almost flinched. "Thank you for stopping that creepy mask and saving me." The little woodcreature smiled. "You remind me at someone. Are you Kokiri?"

Link hastily shook his head. He wasn’t a Kokiri. Not anymore. Well he has never been. And he hated to think about it. Ok since his first adventure, he hated to think about everything that had something to do with his "home".

Taya came back to Link. "I think that means our goodbye. I- It was- Thank you Link." He just smiled.

The young hero decided to continue the search for Navi in the woods. It was late and he noticed Epona was tired, so they made camp. She looked so adorable when his little horse was sleeping. She moved in sleep a bit more than usual. But Link couldn’t blame her. The last three days were horrifying to Epona too.

At least his horse had a bit sleep. In that night he didn’t close an eye. He just sat there staring in the dancing flames of the campfire ignoring the pain in his shoulder. It was a deep bite. Whatever bit him there was huge. The for others scary sounds in the woods remembered him at all the nights he couldn’t sleep like now and played then hide and seek with his friends in the dark forest. But then a voice broke the silence.

"You are broken. What is it?"

He jumped back and looked around. "W-Who is there?" He slowly reached for his sword.

It was silent again. Epona just turn on her back with a soft snoring. Was that real? Or was he just so tired?

"Dont be afraid. I won’t hurt you."

When the voice appeared again, a low shine came out of his bag, wich was laying beside the campfire.

He slowly went towarts to it and carefully opened it. There were only his masks and other items.

"What are you waiting for? Take me out."

The shine and the voice came again. He dropped the bag and steped back. A few masks landed on the ground. Among them a glowing one. It was the scary one with the marks and the white hair. Was the huge man talking to Link?

It lost its shine and he picked it up. "Uhm... Hello?" He asked the mask suspicious.

"Hello, my child. I was waiting for you since the beginning of your world."

"Who are you?"

"I can tell you if you want."

Link looked at Epona. She was still sleeping like a rock. He sat on the ground and looked at the mask in his hands. Everytime it talked it started glowing.

"Ok? What do you mean with 'since the beginning of your world'? How old are you? Wait, and why do you call me 'my child'? That sounds stupid!"

"My name is Kishin and you already met Majora, right?"

He shook his body a bit as he thought about the creepy demon-mask. He just nodded and Kishin started telling a story Link would never have guessed.

"Once apon a time there were three godesses in the middle of nowhere. They had a plan together. To create live.

The three friends planned and laughed with each other. Until a universe was originated. The universe was empty yet. And they wanted to change that.

One of that three godesses was Hylia. Well i think you at least know her, right? Good, but im sure you dont know the others. Well the second one was Majora himself. And I, Kishin also known as the Fierce Deity, was the third one."

"Wait, Wait. Wait! That thing in the moon, WAS A GODESS LIKE HYLIA?!"

"You didn’t let me finish."

"Ok sorry, continue."

"Hylia was always the nice one of us. Majora was the absolute oppusite. He was more childish and cunning but he always made us laugh. I always knew how annoying he could be but Majora always has been our friend. He always called me a grump after he annoyed me a bit too much and i stopped him.

When we all started with our main world we planned for the universe, we gave our best to make the world so beautiful we can. Majora made all the dirt, rocks and fire. Hylia made all the coloures, air and water. And I made the spirits, feelings and lifes. A land was built piece for piece.

But how sad it was we never had the chance to finish like we planed. Then Majora loved the world we were creating together and wanted to have it for himself. But at that time he hid it and pushed that thought away.

Then, when Hylia was helping me designing a special species with technical skills, it happened. Majora just wanted to help me too but i didn’t want a guy like him designing the humans. He was my friend but i didn’t really trust him. He was sad and angry now. We were a lot arguing and the construction of that world was interrupted. A simple dispute turned into a real fight.

I fought with my sword and Majora with something he called Dark Magic. One of his crazy inventions. Hylia always held herself out of our problems, but this time she begged us to stop and just wanted to save her friends. But in his anger Majora attacked Hylia and i tried to block it. She was alright but i got deathly injured.

The shock to hurt a friend so bad let his power grow. He couldn’t control it anymore and his mind broke. My best friend turned right before my dying eyes into a demon. I knew that wasn’t Majora anymore. With my last power i grabbed my sword and killed it to protect Hylia. The last thing i feeled in my own body were tears running down my face and my friends blood burning on my skin."

"Whoaaaaa! Thats deep! What happened next?! Wait, do you even know that? Why can you know what happenes next?"

"Im a dead god."

"Ok that makes sense..."

"Would you please let me finish?!"

"Ok, sorry. Im just a bit disturbed that the thing that threw me against a wall was a dead god."

"Anyway, after her friends died, Hylia was very sad and missed us. And to save our souls she banned us into masks. And our little projekt? She couldn’t make it alone so Hylia created three other godesses to finish the world and create the things she couldn’t do alone. She called them Farore, Din and Nayru. They should show Courage, Power and Wisdom.

When it was finally done she called it 'Hyrule' and she also planted the humans i made but never had the chance to make them real. I don’t know why but Hylia sometimes does something i cant understand. She reincarnates us.

I think she sometimes creates a great evil and someone who can kill it, to see the evil fail. One of that evils is called Ganon. And dont freak out Link! The one to slay it... are you-"

Everything froze for Link and he felt tears well ing up in his eyes. He knew it. The Hero of Time was just another figure in nothing else than a game.

"NO!!! I won’t do this all anymore! JUST LET ME GO!!!"

He threw the mask in his hands onto the ground before it could even answer and started running. Running, just running. It was all he could do at the moment. He ran deeper into the woods.

It was cold, and he felt the cool nightair blowing into his face. The tears in his face felt freezing while he rushed through the forest. The woods used to be his home, but at the moment they were scary.

He was still running, until a root stopped him. Link fell with his face to the ground. He kneeled up and felt a tear falling down his face. One tear bacame two tears. He started sobbing. He felt all the pain and loss coming again and he cried it all out. He cird for Navi, for Taya, for all the people he saw dying infront of his eyes and for all the creepy things he saw ripping his soul out of his body. But most of all he cried for himself.

The deep night got colder and he started trembling. But that didn’t matter. He deserved it. He couldn’t save Darmani or Mikau or even the dekubutlers son. Or all the people of Termina. Link saw all of them die often enough. He was just a useless failure.

But suddenly he felt arms around him and his trembling got stronger. "Its ok kid. Everything is okay. You’re save." He looked up and saw the person that held him. It was Kishin.

-----

He knew the story would be confusing, but Kishin told him too much. The kid stood up and threw him away. Link shouted at him and ran away into the woods. He tried to stop him but the kid already was too far away. Damn mask! He couldn’t move!

His mask lay now directly next to Links little horse. It was awaken by his shouts and was now looking into the direction where the kid dissapeared. It was asking its self if it should follow its friend.

The foal didn’t notice the mask laying next to it. Maybe... well it was his only chance.

He started shouting and yelling at the horse. And it jumped up and neighed scared. The horse started kicking around and stood at the glowing mask. Yes! Finally!

The Fierce Deitys Mask broke and he felt free. Kishins vision grew. He looked at his self and couldn’t believe his stupid plan really worked. He wasn’t sealed anymore. He had a body!

The tiny horse infront of him looked afraid at him and ran away into the forest as well. He would get it back later but at first he had to find the kid.

He rushed away from the camp into the darkness. It felt amzing to run with his own feet. He stopped when he heared a small whimper and looked around. Kishin found the little kid kneeling on the ground. He was trembling and brokenly sobbing. Kishins heart hurt when he saw him like that in the creepy cold forest.

He came closer to Link and kneeled down next to him. The kid seemed he didn’t noticed the huge man sitting next to him. Kishin wrapped his arms around him and pulled the boy closer to him.

The Hero of Time tried to fight against something he hoped he never had to see again. His brother. And the next to Majora tiny child wouldn’t win. Link was a good fighter, but nothing against that deamons torture. Majora could have killed him with one hit, but he was defenitly playing with his victim. That really looked like his brother. But more violently. Kishin tried to help the kid but he had no chance. He was trapped in this mask. He couldn’t even speak to him. When the child was almost defeated he finally pulled out his mask. Finally! He could help him! Link put on the mask.

The kid was in his mask as well. His forestgreen tunic stained with blood. He looked scared. Kishin helped him up and tried not to seem terrifying. "Lets beat this deamon together, my child." He said and Kishin felt power and freedom in him. His vision vanished and appeared on Majora again. He stood up and got the Helix-Sword from his back.

"Kiii.......shiiin...." The creature infront of him hissed. It stood there ready to fight. Where should have been hands, there were long tentacles. They were colourful like its whole body. The deamon used them like whips.

Before he got...that... Majora used whips as well. Like Kishin had his sword, or Hylia had her bow. He also had a trident. But it was just his second weapon. Majoras trident was far faster than Kishins sword but it was less powerful. To his luck, the savage beast that was once called his brother didnt show to have a trident. Just whips.

On its chest was a colourful symbol of two terrifying eyes staring at him. Around the eyes there were markings. The same markings Majora had in his face. Evey god has markings. He had red and blue stripes. Even Hylia has markings in her face. Under her eyes were some things similar to wings. He even made her a gift. He created a animal wich should be the symbol of her markings. She loved it an called it a 'Loftwing'. Kishin would never forget her beautyful face. And he could never ever forget Majoras true identity. How he was before...before Kishin ruined everything.

He looked at Majoras awful appearence and felt his heart hurt. 'Its all my fault' he thought.

"Never...thought to see...you-" Kishin saw Majora charging and made himself ready to jump away. "-AGAIN!" Majora attacked with one of his whips but Kishin could dodge it.

"That isn’t you, Majora! I know it! Please!" He begged. But Majora didn’t answer him and awfully screeched at him. The dead deity didn’t care but suddenly felt the kids body flinch. He started running towarts Majora and jumped at him. Kishin rose his Sword and tried to hit the creature. But Majora blocked him perfectly and hurled one of his whipes at his former brother. The whip hit Kishin and wrapped itself around his ankle. The deamon god threw him through the whole room, or moon, he didn’t knew exactly. He violently hit the wall.

Kishin stood up and picked up his sword again. 'I hope the kid is alright...' he thought. He stormed to him again and dodged the whipes coming towarts to him. Kishin waited for the next whip trying to hit him and cut it off. Majora screamed and they both looked at each other. Exhausted and fierce at the same time.

"Why...why did you do that all? Why did you enter Termina? And why do you want to destroy it?!" He asked the deamon in rage.

The only response was a screech. But it this time sounded like laughter. Majora was laughing at him. Ignoring the blood running down his body and falling onto the offcutted piece of his left whip laying on the ground. Then he bagan to speak. "My original...plan.....to destroy....what created!" More screeching laughter was to hear and a wide grin appeared on his friends face. "I...created world and moon...want them see...destroying...EACH OTHER!" Majora jumped at him again. This time it was more unexpected. But he dodged it again. "Hyrule...to well protected...Horror Kid...to weak..." Majoras breathing was loud and strong, but it was ratteling too. "Hylia knew...would destroy...her loved Hyrule...Pathetic! Brought Horror Kid...my mask to Termina....also courage and you...to KILL ME!" Majora yelled at him in rage but he didnt attack.

"Courage? You mean the kid?"

The deamon stared at him and a wide grin rose on his face. "Kid? You...like it?"

Kishin froze. He said too much, but he tried to stay cool. The savage deamon shouldn’t know his weakness. Useless. Majora already knew.

The beast sprinted towards him and threw his one whip at Kishin. He dodged it and was ready to attack his brother. But the creature threw his whip again. And the Fierce Deity was too slow this time.

The whip wrapped itself around his shoulders and choke him. He couldn’t move. With his only weapon left now, Majora dug his sharp large teeth into Kishins shoulder. He screemed without even noticing it. Kishin himself didn’t feel the pain, but he felt the kid feeling it. That was enough to make his heart hurt. Well if a dead god could have a heart.

Kishin tried to swing his sword but could barely move. The small move he was able to do was enough to cut off Majoras other whip. The creature screeched and let go of his shoulder. The god used his chance and rose his sword. It slided through the coulorful flesh of Majoras chest. His last scream was fierce and screeching. It almost hurt in Kishins or the kids ears.

Majora sunk to his knees and his screaming stopped until everything that was to hear was exhausted breathing. Coming from both of them.

"You...know......you’re........weak..............to...weak....but.......although...you’re..............weaker.....than...me..you....always.......manage....it....to................protect......someone...............h-how?!" Majora said with exhaution in his voice.

It hurt to see his brother like that. "Because i don’t want to hurt anyone. But you hurt the kid. And the kid also just wanted to protect the people." He said cold as ice but a part of him knew that he was failing to seem cold.

Majora rose his head to look into his brothers face. "Thank.........you........" he said with a diffrent, clear vioce. Less demonic. Everything froze for Kishin. The look Majora gave him was warm. Well as warm as a savage deamon could be. That was not the deamon he fought. That was his brother.

Kishin wanted to help him but in that moment everything began to shake and Majoras body started to glow.

The room vanished and he started falling. The whole started spinning until he hit the ground.

"Its ok kid. Everything is okay. You’re save. You have gone through enough for now." He said and felt the child trembling in the cold of the deep night

[blkmxrvel]

Haven’t Forgotten My Way Home (14)-[CONVERTED]

Pairing: Kara Zor-El x Female!Reader

Summary: In  the D/s society of National City, men and women abandoned by their   Dom/mes or otherwise deemed unfit for life “outside” end up at the Mount   Overland House for Orphaned Submissives. It is here that Kara Zor-El   finds Y/N Hastings, broken and fearful from mistreatment at the hands of   her former Dom. Can Kara coax Y/N back into the world that once so   terrified her, and show her the true meaning of care and submission?

Warnings: Domestic Violence (Flashbacks, Mentions and Descriptions), Misogyny, Domination/Submission.

A/N: this doesn’t count as writing, bc i didn’t write it im just converting shshshs. plus im falling more and more in love with Kara each week. also, i’m redoing my masterlist since i changed my url and none of the links work so. 

There were numbers for everything and everyone that Y/N Hastings could possible need, including three theaters, on her new phone.

There was also Angry Birds, which she was perfectly willing to blame for the fact that it took her an hour and a half to text Kara back after her “Good morning :)” message. It felt a little strange, when she realized it, that she didn’t feel panicked as she normally did when she took so long to do something. But that was probably because when she texted back a hello and an apology (blaming the game) for being delayed, all she got back was another smiley, and a cheerful “Hope you’re having fun!” What little uncertainty Y/N had vanished with that response, replaced with a warm feeling that maybe, just maybe, sometimes it was okay to do things on her own time.

But now, the game aside, Y/N sat staring at her contacts list, or, more importantly, at those three theater numbers. Her thumb settled over one, labeled National City Playhouse, and she pressed it, then the call button.

Two rings, then, “National City Playhouse?”

Y/N hung up.

She tried the next number. And hung up as soon as they answered.

Y/N sighed and got up from the couch in Nia’s living room, where she’d been lounging around, and began to pace the floor. Miss Kara had done so much for her, Y/N thought. She wanted to do something in return, and not only that but she wanted to see her again. It had been two days since she’d seen Miss Kara. She’d told Y/N she had to do some travelling for SETS, a seminar she needed to attend. And though Y/N knew Miss Kara had a job to do, it didn’t stop her from feeling a little lost in her absence. Y/N had spent the time watching television and going to her therapies at the House. She’d talk to Nia in the evenings when they had dinner, but as much as they shared in common, it still wasn’t the same as being with Miss Kara. Y/N had yet to venture back out into town, even though Nia had let it slip that they were running low on food supplies. That had made Y/N feel guilty, even as Nia had hastened to explain that she was just trying to help Y/N go out, not that she blamed her for anything.

The one bright spot had been last night’s phone call before bed; Kara had called her to let her know she’d be home the following day, finally. Y/N had lain in her bed with the cell phone pressed to her ear, smiling at Kara’s quiet questions. Had she been taking care of herself? Had she been eating enough? Was Nia being good to her? Did she talk anymore to Maggie? And then her gentle laughter when Y/N had turned the questions back on her. Both of them had reassured the other that yes, they were taking care of themselves… and yes, they missed each other.

So Y/N wanted to do something when Kara came back the next day, to show her that she had missed her, and that she was glad she’d come home. And she knew Kara loved the theater, so…

It was time for her to plan a date. But there would be no planning, and no date, if Y/N couldn’t even talk to a stranger on the other end of the line.

She stared once more at the phone, before selecting a number, and dialing.

“Hey, little Y/N, what’s up?” There was some shuffling, then Ask her if she’s okay in the background, and Y/N smiled. “You okay?”

“I’m all right, but I do need your help.”

“Ooh, if it’s help you need, I’m your girl. Toilet stopped up? Creepy attic needing exploring? Any assholes from a former life that maybe need tracking down and—“

“Maggie Sawyer-Danvers.”

That was Alex, and Y/N giggled.

“Sorry, Ma’am. Really though, Y/N, what’s up?”

“I need to know about theaters in National City.”

“… Ma’am? I think you better take this one.” She could hear Alex chuckling, then a sound as if Maggie’s phone was put on speaker. “I don’t know anything about the theaters except Ma’am and I went with Kara a couple times, like I told you. I never pay attention to what’s showing; I just know that we have to get front row seats because Kara gets cranky if someone tall sits in front of her.”

“She could always sit on my lap if that happens.” The words were out before she could even think, and Y/N clamped her mouth shut. Stupid, she told herself. Stupid, stupid, she’s not even your Mistress.

There was a pause, and then Alex’s voice came over the phone, dry and amused. “She could indeed. Y/N, why the sudden interest in theaters? She didn’t put numbers in your phone, did she?”

“Yes?”

“Ah, as she did when she picked up mine one day. Sneaky girl, our Kara.”

Y/N turned pink at “our,” and said quickly, “I want to take her on a date. To the theater. But I.. I don’t…” She trailed off.

How did you tell a Dominant – a female Dominant – that you didn’t know how to do something? Those words had never been good for her; they’d never gotten her anything more but a slap and a disgusted “Well you’d better learn.” But there wasn’t really any way for her to learn; Sir didn’t allow her on the internet and it wasn’t like she could call up her mother and father to ask them. That would have been awkward enough if all contact with them hadn’t been virtually cut off the minute she turned sixteen.

Russell and Judy Hastings had also been an arranged claim. Their pairing, however, had been a little later than Y/N’s; Russell Hastings had wanted to establish himself in the business world first, as his father had done before him, and so he finally claimed Judy when he was twenty-three. By all accounts theirs was a good match, at least in public. Judy was classy and graceful; Russell stern and proud, always ready with a smile and a glass in his hand. When Y/N was born, she was paraded in the parties and in town as the product of how “old society” worked, and was better. She was the perfect example of arranged claims done right.

But away from the parties, Y/N had grown up as a shy little girl in the stifling air of the Hastings household. Her father was loving and firm with his submissive when they were out of the public eye, but in the privacy of their home, he was indifferent at best, and cold at the worst. Judy drowned her sorrows in the alcohol that her husband kept readily available for his clients, and Y/N was fairly certain her mother suffered for that transgression once the bedroom doors were closed.  But in the mornings her mother would put on a brave face, even as she moved a little stiffly, and told Y/N how wonderful it would be when she was in the arms of her own Sir.

Y/N had doubted it, and now, she knew her instincts had been right.

James had gradually taken away her contact with her parents; she had initially called them once every few days to catch up, though her father would immediately hand the phone to her mother after a few cursory pleasantries, and her mother always seemed to be in a hurry to fix dinner, or get to a social gathering, or anything that would let her hang up the phone as quickly as possible. But Y/N needed to call, needed that last tenuous hold on the life she’d left behind, even if it had been less than ideal. James, however, seemed to have different ideas, and every weekend or holiday she was to spend with her parents, something always came up and she was to remain at home. Finally, the opportunities to see them had just faded away… and her parents never made the effort.

The last time she tried to call was that night.

“You don’t know how to set it up.”

Y/N turned her attention back to Alex, whose voice was soft and understanding. She nodded, and then rolled her eyes. She wouldn’t be able to see that.

“Yes. I mean no, no, I don’t. Can you… help me?”

She felt the panic rising up within her, and Y/N clenched her hand, not holding the phone, against the heat that began to course down her upper arms, the signal that she knew all too well. Her jaw was tight and she clutched hard to the phone with her other hand, waiting for what she knew would inevitably come. Because it always came: derision, laughter, irritation, anger.

“Of course I can help you.”

Y/N blinked. Well, that was unexpected. “You can?” she said, wanting to be sure. Maybe it was a trick, some kind of trap designed to lure her into a false sense of security.

“As I said, of course I can. Why don’t you and I meet somewhere and we can discuss options?”

And there it was. The snare, the net, the cage. Maybe she was one of those Dominants that wanted another pet; Si- James had often hinted that he wanted another, someone who was “easier to live with.” Then again, he’d also told Y/N that she could be replaced. She felt that familiar dread within her, that waking moment when she’d lay in bed and wonder was this it, the day she’d be out on the street with nothing and no one to protect her?

It was strange, Y/N thought briefly, as she began to stutter out her objections, that in the end, she had walked into the street with nothing, and no one to protect her.

“N-no, that’s all right, I’ll figure it out, I-I’ll just call and ask and m-maybe the theater people will—“

“Hey, little Y/N,” Maggie interrupted. “Do you like ice cream?”

Y/N furrowed her brow. “Yes?”

“Cool, so do I. And Ma’am promised I could have ice cream after I finally learned that Fiddler On the Roof isn’t a metal album. Hey, maybe I do know something about musicals. Anyway, why don’t we go get some ice cream? You, me, Ma’am? In the park? Public place, and we can talk about these big plans you have to sweep Kara off her feet.”

“I don’t know…” Y/N said slowly.

“It’s a public park, Y/N,” Alex responded gently. “There are usually quite a lot of people around this time of day, and I assure you that neither Maggie nor I will keep you from going home if you want to. Also ice cream cones.”

“Ice cream is good,” Y/N found herself giggling. She took a deep breath. Could she trust her? She’d been with Maggie and that was nice, but… Maggie was submissive too. She could probably do whatever she wanted to Y/N just as easily as Alex, but…

“What time do you want to meet?”

The taxi this time was easier, especially since Y/N remembered to pay the driver, and accept her change back. That didn’t extend to her actually conversing with him on the ride over to the park; he’d given up after the first five questions were met with just a stare. She probably was being rude to him, Y/N knew, but she didn’t know him, and he wasn’t Miss Kara, so she wasn’t obligated to answer him.

It was strange, being out and about in National City. Y/N had grown up here, had spent her entire life here, and yet she didn’t even know the city. She looked around the park; not seeing Alex or Maggie yet, she sat on a bench nearest the pond, feeling a little nervous. She smiled at the children who darted this way and that, playing ball and yelling back and forth to each other. What would their lives be like in a few years, she wondered. Would they be bent and broken, as she was, or would they stand straight and (fairly, if she was wearing heels) tall like Miss Kara? Their parents, those were the ones that gave Y/N the most pause. It was interesting that she couldn’t really pick up on who was in their respective roles: the man who ran his fingers through the woman’s hair as she rested her head on his lap, reading from a book; the woman who gripped another’s hand tightly as they walked along the periphery of the pond, both of them smiling warmly at Y/N as they passed. She returned the smile, only to have it fade as a man passed by her with a curt nod. She shivered a little.

It had taken her a couple of days to stop looking over her shoulder. The day she’d been brought to the House, after the hospital had released her, two people employed by the council had come to see her. They’d sat as Kara had, trying to ask her questions, trying to force her to answer, thinking if they spoke louder the answers would come. They hadn’t, and when Nia had seen Y/N’s arms wrapped around herself, the girl shaking violently in her chair, she’d sent them away. They meant well, Y/N knew, in spite of everything, but she thought they’d have sent her back to Him. After that, every new person who had come into the House she was convinced had been sent by Him. Every time the phone rang, she was sure it was Him, calling to have her brought home.

It had taken days for her to realize that she wasn’t going back. And even longer for her to realize that he was no longer Him. Every time she had thought of him in the past, each day that she rose and slept again under the rules that he had established, every detail that she had gotten wrong no matter how hard she tried, every blow of the whip that he kept stowed in a trunk in the bedroom, he had always been mentally capitalized, the God of His home and of her life. He was Sir and she was… words that stuck in her throat and hurt her chest. He was Lord and Master and she was little, and only now with Kara’s quiet “little one” uttered with affection, or Maggie’s “little Y/N” offered with a smirk and a wink, was Y/N realizing that that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He was him, and she… she was Y/N.

She heard her name, then, and she glanced up to see Maggie headed her way with Alex following beside. She flexed her fingers in and out, and jumped a little when her phone vibrated, signifying a text. She quickly opened it.

I bought you a present! I can’t wait to give it to you!

It made her feel a little guilty, amid the excitement of a present from Miss Kara. She’d already given Y/N so much… but the date, Y/N thought as she stood up to greet Maggie. The date would be her way of saying thank you.

“Hey, Y/N,” Maggie said easily. She grinned and nudged her a little. “Look at you, no chair. That’s awesome.”

Y/N blushed a little. “I-I still can’t walk for long periods of time, I might have to sit down…”

“Then sit down we will,” Alex said with a smile. “You look positively radiant, Y/N. Please wear green all the time, it ma—“

“Matches my eyes, I know,” Y/N said, and then froze. Oh no, she’d interrupted her. Would he be angry? Please don’t yell at me, she thought, as she added hastily, “Miss Kara said that, she picked out a lot of green things for me to choose from while we were shopping…”

If it was possible, Alex’s smile only grew wider as she surveyed Y/N in her light green dress, the small hair clip holding back one side of her hair. “It’s good to see that Kara has taste in clothes, or, well, someone else’s, at least.” She must’ve seen Y/N’s eyes flash because he laughed, throwing his head back. “I’m teasing, I promise. Kara’s style is unique, and completely her own.”

“I’m still not sure that’s a compliment,” Y/N muttered, but she was so relieved that Alex wasn’t angry at her that she decided to let it go.

“Shall we walk?” Alex said, offering her arm to Y/N, Maggie taking her place on her other side. When she started to walk without accepting it, she pulled some brochures out of his back pocket without missing a beat. “I brought the brochures for the theaters that you have in your phone; it has lists of everything that’s playing this year. We should be able to decide on what Kara would most like to see, using these.”

Y/N nodded. “Thank you. So you think she’d… she’d like to go to the theater with me?”

Alex looked at her; once again her eyes were kind. “My dear Y/N, I think Kara would be over the moon just to stand in the same room as you.”

“You’re such a sap, Ma’am,” Maggie groaned. “Let me translate for you, Y/N: she’ll love it. Not because it’s the theater, but because it’s the theater with you.”

“Now who’s the sap?” Alex said, sticking her tongue out at her sub. “I’ve rubbed off on you.”

“Oh, I’d like you t—“

“So, those brochures?” Y/N held out her hand, and Alex gave them to her with a wink. It didn’t unsettle her as much as it should have; she wasn’t worried about what people would think as she walked through the park flanked by two women. If anything, it gave her even more protection; even in a progressive society like National City, women were treated with far more deference than men, and so most people wouldn’t have thought twice about Y/N walking with Maggie and Alex. And besides, there was always that casual, exciting dance of the unclaimed waiting to be claimed, a world of first glances and smiles, first kisses and first dates. All leading up to that blissful moment of knowing someone was yours, and you were theirs. No doubt if anyone did look twice at Y/N, they’d think her extremely lucky, to either have two subs, or be one of two.

“I don’t… know what all of these are,” Y/N confessed quietly, staring down at the lists of show names she held in her hands. “I don’t know if Miss Kara would like any of them…”

“As I said, I think she’ll be quite happy with anything you choose, simply because you are the one who did the choosing. But might I make a suggestion?” Alex asked.

Y/N nodded, and Alex pointed to one of the names in the brochure.

“Wicked?” She’d heard of it, Y/N thought, a long time ago when she was still at home. Something about it being the new big thing. Maybe it had been on the news that she’d watched while keeping an eye on Judy, passed out drunk on the sofa.

“One of Kara’s favorites. It’s a pity Funny Girl isn’t on tour at the moment, but perhaps one day you two can go to New York and see it. Wicked is a good introduction to the world of musicals, and something Kara knows far too much about, and she’ll be only too willing to share every single tiny detail with you until you are absolutely bored with it.”

“I don’t think I could ever be bored listening to her talk,” Y/N said softly, her head reeling. Wicked… Funny Girl… New York? Would she ever get to go to New York… one day? And with Miss Kara? Alex seemed to think so. Y/N blinked, realizing she had been staring at her with wide eyes.

“Now all that’s needed is for you to call,” Alex pointed out. Her smile to her was confident, reassuring.

Y/N paused for a moment, then pulled out her phone and dialed.

“National City Playhouse?”

She took a deep breath. “I’d like to reserve two tickets for a show, please.” She didn’t have a credit card, but Alex waved his at her, nodding when she promised to pay him back.

Minutes later she hung up the phone, giggling a little when Alex and Maggie whooped in triumph, clapping their hands. She’d done it. She’d just set up a date for herself and Miss Kara. It made her stand up a little straighter, walk a little better. She couldn’t wait until Miss Kara found out what she’d done.

“Maggie,” Alex said suddenly, leaning slightly across her to address her submissive. “Are you feeling well, pet? You’ve completely let us forget about the ice cream.”

“I didn’t forget, Ma’am,” Maggie said with a shrug. “But it seemed like working out the musicals thing for Kara and Y/N was more important.”

“Hmm,” Alex hummed. “I might just have to take your temperature when we get home.” Y/N saw Maggie roll her eyes; luckily Alex grinned. “Why don’t you go get ice cream for us while Y/N and I talk?” Y/N tensed, wanting to grab onto Maggie, but she was already moving away.

“What kind of ice cream do you want, Y/N?” he asked.

“I-I… vanilla,” Y/N said, and Maggie quirked an eyebrow as she walked off, backwards.

“Huh, nobody around here really likes vanilla. But okay, back in a second, Ma’am!”

She turned around, and Y/N was left alone with Maggie’s dominant. Her hands shook a little.

Alex regarded her carefully. “Public park, Y/N,” she reminded her, but there was no trace of anger or frustration in her voice. “We’re just two friends, two good friends – two best friends, you’ll get that after you see the show – who are walking and talking. That’s all, and you’re free to go whenever you like.”

Y/N hesitated, still watching after Maggie, before nodding. “All right.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Y/N felt herself growing tired. She’d been on her feet since Maggie and Alex had arrived, and now she was feeling the strain. “I think I need to sit down…”

“Of course.” Alex led her back over to the bench she’d sat on earlier, and then sat down beside her.  She was quiet, and then said, “Kara seems to be quite taken with you.”

Y/N smiled a little. “I’m… quite taken with Miss Kara.”

“I believe one can see that easily by the way your eyes light up when you say her name,” Alex said with a smile, but her next words were serious. “I worry about Kara.”

“W-worry? Why?”

“Kara is a very strong person,” Alex said, looking as if she was choosing her words as wisely as she could. “She’s had to be, with her father’s illness, and her biological mother toying with her feelings the way she did. But she’s also very susceptible to hurt and becoming overwhelmed with her emotions. Luckily she had Lena to help with—oh but you don’t know about Lena…” Alex stopped, looking suddenly annoyed with herself.

“I do, actually,” Y/N said. “Miss Kara told me about her. That Lena trained her, and that they were… lovers.”

“Were,” Alex reiterated, relief on her face that she hadn’t told Kara’s secret. “But yes, Lena helped her with that, but sometimes Kara still wants everything too much and she’s easily… hurt. I don��t want to see that happen to her.”

“I-I don’t want that to happen either.” There was a sick feeling in the pit of Y/N’s stomach. Was she going to take Kara away from her? Forbid Kara to see her, or forbid her to see Kara? She wouldn’t let her do that, Y/N suddenly decided. She wasn’t going to tell her that she couldn’t see her Miss Kara.

Her Miss Kara…

“I’d do anything to keep from hurting her.”

“I don’t want to see you hurt either,” Alex said, and Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. “Not that I think Kara would consciously hurt you, but you’ve been through so much, Y/N. Things that no one ever deserves to go through, and if I could find him right now and punch him without messing up my hair I would.” Y/N snorted in spite of herself, and Alex grinned at her.

“Both of you deserve much happiness, and if it’s meant to be the two of you together, then it’s meant to be. But Y/N, please be careful, for Kara’s sake and yours. You’re only just discovering what you want, and there’s so much of the world for you and Kara to find separately and together before you jump into something that has the potential to hurt you both.”

Y/N nodded slowly. “I-I know,” she said.

“And listen; if you two do end up together please… tell her argyle gives you headaches. Or that you’re allergic to bows. Something. Anything. I’m begging you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh then, and Alex joined her, as Maggie came up with the ice creams and a confused look. She felt easy, light, as they sat together on a bench at a public park in National City, listening to the birds and enjoying ice cream cones.

She felt free.

And she couldn’t wait for Miss Kara to come home.

[radiantseraphina]

@command-el  Your post with your OC going to Elise for love advice was so adorable that it inspired me to think about how Elise finally confessed her love to Bikaia, the most oblivious man ever born. I think this also serves as proof that I ought to be writing regency romance or something instead of fantasy YA novels set around colleges.

Elise crouched along the riverbank, half-hidden by trees, and carefully reached for the pile of discarded clothes before her. Her eyes darted towards the lake and—more pertinently—at the place where her lord had disappeared. King Bikaia emerged a few moments later, his skin sparkling with diamond-like drops of lake-water. Most Dreamlanders didn’t swim, and the few who did were poor countrymen and women. Bikaia was the exception. And like most of the few people who swam, Bikaia swam only in his trousers. The first time Elise had stumbled upon him by accident. This was the second time she’d found him swimming.

  It wasn’t an accident.

 Had anyone asked, Elise would have insisted that she appropriately kept her eyes at the back of her king’s head and that she most definitely wasn’t taking in the shapes of his body and the scars he’d patiently and softly explained when Elise, having never seen a royal man’s bare torso—much less one with scars—had gasped. Her face had flushed with embarrassment, and she’d stumbled over her apologies. Her lord had been so gracious.

 He told her about the small scar at the base of his spine, so small and faint that Elise hadn’t seen it even after Bikaia pointed it out. Elise wondered if the scar was even really there or just something that Bikaia felt and imagined was there. After being enslaved by the wizard Necrodeus, Bikaia had tried stabbing his captor, and after his attempt failed to incapacitate the wizard, Necrodeus had taken a dagger and sliced across the base of Bikaia’s spine. The dagger had been cursed or poisoned, leaving a wound that made Bikaia feverish and delirious for a week or more. Bikaia had sounded so ashamed of that scar, as if he were somehow to blame for his own imprisonment and torture. And his soft admission that he’d stopped fighting as hard after that because he’d feared being hurt had broken Elise’s heart.

 And there was the small, clustering of scars near his collarbone, where Dark Matter Swordsman had shattered his clavicle, and Bikaia’s scream of pain had sent Galacta Knight, so calm and even-tempered, into a rage so terrible that the knight had nearly become Galacta Knight Soul. After the swordsman’s defeat, Galacta Knight had swept to Bikaia’s side and held him in her arms and petted his hair. Goddess, Bikaia’s heart ached so badly for Galacta Knight and the tender way she’d always treated him.

  There was the small star-shaped branding over Bikaia’s right hip. It was a wound left by Zero, one that had taken so long to heal and one that might have never healed were it not for Galacta Knight’s knowledge of medicine. And after Zero was defeated, the Kingdom of Traumwald rose from the ashes of her ravaged tribes, and Bikaia became their first ally.

  And there was a tiny scar on Bikaia’s shoulder, left by Zero-Two. It had been a cursed wound, and Bikaia might have bled out if a Patchlandic knight and a Traumwaldian sorceress hadn’t pulled him from the battlefield, sewn the wound closed, and cleansed it before returning Bikaia, exhausted and hungry and thirsty, once more to battle. In the end, Bikaia had emerged victorious as he always did, but his dreams were haunted for years thereafter.

  And Bikaia’s abdominal muscles were still bruised and branded from his battles with Galacta Knight, with Landia, and then, with Dark Nebula. Noble Bikaia, who had fought so hard for Dreamland’s peace and would forever bear the marks of that. Most of Bikaia’s smiles seemed forced after that, and persistent, dark circles had taken up residence beneath his eyes. Although Elise hadn’t mentioned it, she remembered being imprisoned in her own mind, and she remembered Bikaia on his knees begging to take her place as Dark Nebula’s host. Elise remembered, too, all the other degrading things Dark Nebula had considered making Bikaia do, just to see how much he was willing to do to save an innocent person.

 Unlike some, Elise didn’t think Bikaia’s suffering made him some tortured, romantic hero. She didn’t even think that Bikaia’s suffering had made him a better man or even a man in need of being healed. But Elise thought he was very brave to fight for Dreamland like he did, and she thought he must be lonely. And maybe, while she could never cure or fully understand her dear lord’s trauma, she could be someone who could listen.

  When his sad, winter-blue eyes met hers, Elise wondered how it had taken her so long to realize just how handsome her lord was. “Elise!” Bikaia exclaimed, the name barely distinguishable with the force of his laughter.

  He so seldom laughed anymore.

  Elise sat, adjusting the skirts of her pale blue dress to reveal a tiny sliver of her calf over the top of her boots. “Didn’t I warn ya that some lovestruck maiden was gonna steal your clothes if you kept goin’ on these morning swims, Your Majesty?” she asked.

  Bikaia pulled himself up and let his forearms rest on the grassy bank; the rest of him remained in the water. Elise may have given him a rather indecent look, even though she could see very little with him positioned like that. “You did, indeed, warn me,” Bikaia replied.

  “D’you also recall you sayin’ that you’d prolly have to pay that maiden some favor to keep from losin’ all yer dignity and traipsin’ back to the castle in only your trousers?” Elise asked.

  And Elise would definitely derive no enjoyment from watching that. None whatsoever.

  Bikaia offered the merest hint of smile; it didn’t reach his eyes. “I may have also said that, yes,” he conceded.

  “Y’did say it,” Elise assured him.

  “Ah,” Bikaia said, his smile a little more genuine. “I suppose that means I’m at your mercy, then. Please, be gentle with me, Elise. I beg you show restraint with your request.”

  “My papa’s been on me about this marriage business,” Elise said. “Y’know I’m gettin’ to that unsellable age, Your Majesty.”

  Bikaia nodded thoughtfully, never casting any judgment. “You wish for me to arrange a match for you, then?” he asked. “Have you spoken to your father about this?”

  “My father is very indulgent and enlightened, but I think he’s…well, he kinda doubts that the object of my affections is gonna return mine.”

  Bikaia looked almost comically offended. “Really? I can scarcely imagine a man who wouldn’t love you,” he said.

  Elise laughed. “We both know that ain’t true, Your Majesty.”

  “You’re quite right. A cowardly man might be threatened by you,” Bikaia said, “But I doubt you’d ever be interested in such a foul creature.”

  “Yer very kind, Your Majesty,” Elise said.

  “Only because Galacta Knight taught me how to be,” Bikaia said. “She was the noblest woman I’ve ever met. And I would consider myself Goddess-blessed if even a fragment of her many virtues was present in me.”

  “I think—no, I know—we can see more than a fragment of it,” Elise said.

  Bikaia’s eyes seemed to brighten a bit. “Thank you. Who did you have in mind for your engagement?” he asked. “I’ll certainly arrange it if I can.”

  Nova’s grace, had there ever been such a thoughtful, lovely man?

  “Well, I wanna marry someone who’ll let me rule at their side. I ain’t willin’ to just sit back an’ do nothin’. And my papa’s been considering Prince Elden of Seventopia for me,” Elise said, “An’ I told ‘im I’ve got my eyes on a greater prize.”

  Despite Bikaia’s enthusiasm for championing women, his fervor hadn’t quite influenced the monarchy of Seventopia, but Prince Eldin cared enough about his reputation and was politically savvy enough to be kind to a wife, especially if maltreatment risked drawing Bikaia’s ire. Marrying him was a good choice for Elise. He was about her age, handsome, and he could carry a conversation. He just wasn’t the man Elise really wanted.

  “So you need another prince,” Bikaia mused.

  “Yeah. Or maybe a king,” Elise replied.

  “Ah, King Larvara,” Bikaia said, nodding. “I’ve always liked him. I suppose that would make strategic sense, although I was under the impression your sister Lilith was—”

  “I ain’t interested in the king of Floralia, Your Majesty.”

  Bikaia furrowed his brow, clearly trying to puzzle out which monarch Elise desired. It really shouldn’t have been so difficult of a task, as Bikaia and Larvara were the only unmarried kings in all the realms. “You may have to be more explicit, Elise. I’m not—”

  “Dearest, there’s you.”

  She’d never called him an endearment before, and without warning, Bikaia’s mouth was against hers. Bikaia quite clearly had no experience in kissing anyone, and he seemed determined to compensate with zeal. Elise buried her hands in his hair and then trailed her fingers over his shoulders. Elise could feel her balance becoming less sure, and she really hoped she didn’t fall off the bank and into the water with Bikaia. But even that worry wasn’t quite enough to make Elise pull away.

  Eventually, Bikaia broke the kiss. His eyes were bright and his face flushed. “I haven’t even courted you yet,” he said.

  A pleasant, breathless warmth spread through Elise. “I ain’t gonna be happy if we go back an’ you spend months smilin’ at me ‘cross rooms and chastely kissing my hand,” Elise said, “And I ain’t gonna be happy with you runnin’ off and goin’ on quests in my name. I want you to pledge yerself to me now, Bikaia.”

  It was only the second time she’d ever addressed him by his name, and Bikaia blossomed as if caught in some profound spell cast by those three syllables. His face softened and glowed; color rose to his cheeks. “Nothing would make me happier,” Bikaia said. “I promise I’ll be a good, faithful husband, and I’ll treat you well. Very well. Magnificently well. Better than any husband has ever treated his wife!”

  As if Elise would have ever believed otherwise.

[thefudge]

What do you think are the main differences between book!Arya and show!Arya? What do you think about them? (i don't know if you have written anything on this topic, if you already did i'm sorry)

i haven’t! but im sure some of my arya thoughts are on here, just not all of them put together

whenever i see show apologists talk about arya, they usually go: “oooh, you think she’s a psycho here?? she does worse things in the books”

and a) arya stark is not supposed to come off as a psycho (does she suffer from deep mental strain due to trauma? yeah, that’s different)

b) saying she does worse things is MISSING THE POINT

it’s not the violence that matters (well, it does, but not as much), it’s arya’s  REACTION and ABSORPTION of it 

everyone in asoiaf has to compromise at one point. there are no innocents. but it’s how people cope with these situations that make them, you know, people

arya-bot3000 from the show is not really a human being 

main differences:

1. book!arya is afraid all the time and this is an important aspect of her story  (like her father said, that’s the only time you can really be brave.) she is hardly ever sure of the outcome of her actions. just one example: her escape from harrenhal in the book is a terrifying ordeal which she goes through because there doesn’t seem to be another way out. show!arya strolls confidently out into the open while gendry cowers in fear. show!arya seems brash and self-sufficient even when she’s down. show!arya has “defeated” fear somehow. she strolls into danger like a weathered soldier….which….means she’s got nothing left to learn, i guess (to be clear, this has gotten worse with each season. s2!arya might as well be courage, the cowardly dog in comparison to s7!arya)

2. this brings me to emotions. book!arya feels them in SPADES. if you go have a look over her chapters and you consider the adjectives used and the stylistic choices, her POV is one of the most emotionally charged there is.  another thing is, arya sucks at hiding her emotions. which seems to be a problem for her spy training. as a faceless man, she shouldn’t go to pieces when she stumbles across her past. for instance, she kills Dareon just cuz she realizes he’s a night’s watch deserter. dude. come on. that’s a huge no-no if you’re trying to become this impartial embodiment of the god of death. and the house of black and white know she sucks at her emotions and i think they also know she won’t ever truly be faceless. i think they’re just happy to have a Stark with warging abilities under their control. this long diatribe is just to say that the show writers haven’t understood shit about her training. because in the show, they….sort of have their cake and eat it too. they make arya an excellent assassin/faceless man, but also…have her choose not to be one…because???  literally, her last scene with jaqen hagar is him saying “you truly are no one now” and her going like “psyche! u thought! i’m going back home!” in the span of five minutes. ….there is no point to this. and THEN when we see her in winterfell in s7, she’s got the masks with her. SO, she has embraced the training while also rejecting it??? do d&d care??? (and see, they MIGHT have made this work if they had made her abandon the masks altogether. some s6 episodes seemed to be hinting that arya disagrees with the house of black and white cuz this is what got her friend, the actress, killed. and yet, that one-time friendship doesn’t seem to matter in s7. arya embraces her (incomplete and nonexistent) training. because???

3. book!arya doesn’t hate femininity and all things girly. she envies them. there’s a difference. book!arya actually wishes she could be beautiful and feminine AND boyish and adventurous at the same time. it’s the fact that she wants these things which seem contradictory in westeros society that makes her lash out against women who fit the bill. show!arya proudly says “most girls are stupid”. myep.

4. book!arya gets attached to people BIG TIME. show!arya used to have that kind of empathy towards others. not anymore. book!arya still sadly recalls yoren who was supposed to take her to the wall in acok. she STILL to this day thinks about that orphan girl, weasel, whom she met in acok and whose name she used to hide her own identity. she immediately takes to certain braavosi courtesans and has favorite mummers and friends by the docks. meanwhile, show!arya is reunited with hot-pie and acts like he’s a gum on her shoe. LISTEN, i do think that arya stark is not gonna be super well-adjusted when the War for the Dawn ends. if she survives, i know she’s not gonna be a social butterfly. but her desire for connection with others WILL still be there. her compassion for others WILL survive. the creators of the show decided that the only way they can show a “grown up” arya who is wise and strong is by having them retcon her entire emotional journey. many ppl have wondered, for instance, why they didn’t give us an arya/gendry reunion. u know why. because they’d have to actually write arya as a human being with emotions. those stilted smiles she gave sansa wouldn’t cut it anymore. cuz gendry saw sides of her she’s not ready to remember. and d&d have decided she is a cool badass now. i would NOT be surprised at all if they never give us a gendrya reunion. i rly wouldn’t. 

5. book!arya definitely holds grudges and is convinced that only the lannisters are to blame for her troubles. she thinks eradicating them and their cronies will be enough. that’s a flawed, but reasonable perspective. what book!arya doesnt do is blame her sister for all of this.  even if book!arya found out about sansa’s letter to robb, she’d, at most, think sansa was naive to trust cersei but….that’s fucking it. in fact, this whole thing would make cersei the top name of her list. meanwhile, show!arya is a step away from putting sansa’s name on the list. book!arya hopes sansa is still alive. show!arya hopes for her death. and no, their flimsy reconciliation at he end does nothing to rewrite this terrible arc. 

6. the show, i guess, didn’t have the budget to stay in braavos longer (altho it wasted some of that budget on flashy, ineffective fight scenes between her and the waif). this cuts arya’s arc veeery short and reduces her whole character. because arya’s quest for identity is seemingly resolved. when that is NOT the case in the books. the fact that she’s got so many names and constantly shifts from one to the next, the fact that Cat of the Canals is exercising a deeper power on her than her other aliases is not explored at all in the show. because d&d think that arya’s time in braavos is about becoming some kind of seasoned Stark warrior. HAHA. so these guys are not even writing the same character. forget differences, their arya might as well be one of the sand snakes or whatever. 

it might be worth noting that yeah, the sand snakes and brienne are written in exactly the same way. any woman who can hold her own on the battlefield has to relinquish emotional depth. there’s no time for having existential crises, because in their reality, you’re either  Badass Strong Man-Woman or a Naive Crying Woman-Baby. no in-between. thx d&d

so that would sum it up for me. there are 100 more differences if you went through the plot book-by-book, but these are the most glaring thematic ones for me. 

show!arya at this point is a bot, pure and simple. 

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[beccawastaken]

My life summarized Pt. 1...

I started this blog cause there is always so much in my head, it moves at the speed of light, some of it makes complete and utter sense, some of it sounds great til the very second it rolls off my tongue and then sounds nothing like it did in my head, some of it is just random nonsensical stuff that seems to have fallen off a stand up comedians cue cards and straight into the part of my psyche that prefers her own lyrics. It makes it very hard to focus on one task to completion, I even tend to put down my guitar and journal for months on end...so sad!

I must admit that I have worked my ass off to try to make some kind of sense of it all and now when I am unable to rather than let frustration take over I tend to find my random head ramblings amusing. I mean it is often a frustrated, shaking my head at myself kind of amusing but still...baby steps right? 

Sometimes the thoughts can be so intense and so rapid that its overwhelming and it takes every ounce of my strength not to scream til it stops. At its worst its almost like there are so many thoughts moving so quickly that it can sound like a constant high pitch buzz in my head. Super exhausting, and difficult to explain to those around you. People tell me to just go to sleep...ever tried sleeping with a shop vac on or inside a construction site? That would be comparable to this, plus, sleeping also isn't my forte so I’m double fucked so to speak.

The human mind and psyche intrigues me to no end. The way it works, and how the basic brain functions are the same across society yet our perception and the cogs and wheels inside each skull are as unique as our deoxyribonucleic acid. For each and every one of us, the way we tick can be vastly different from one another, from the person beside you on the bus, to that guy you’ve worked with for years to a lover or spouse and often really have no way of knowing. I mean how often do we turn to each other and say “can we talk about how your brain works?” We just take for granted that it does and don’t give it a second thought.(haha you will come to notice my love for puns)

Its the intricate differences between us that keep me interested in this self sabotaging species, I mean really, Earth doesn’t need humans to survive, in fact it may be better off without us! Who knows, what I do know is that while im here on this seemingly massive planet im going to make the most of it. 

I have a wicked sense of humour (ask anyone haha) and I enjoy messing with people (in a jovial way of course). Im talking like practical joke type of messing with people, light, innocent funny shit. I have been referred to as a brain ninja...I took it as a compliment, however, when you are on the receiving end its possible that it isnt nearly as enjoyable. I do my best not to be mean (I said I do my best, I am not perfect) cause you know, I’m no psycho, although some will attest to that statement not being true, I have honed my inner psycho and now only use her when absolutely necessary. Like if some douchelord crosses one of my angels or my grandson. Then my wrath should be feared, simple enough right? (WOW that escalated quickly! O_O)

I just do not want to waste my life, I spent so much of it not knowing how to handle daily life, assuming (naturally cause why wouldn’t I as a single child raised by someone that constantly blamed others and the world for her problems) that everyone’s mind worked the same, everybody deals with the racing and loops of thoughts you cant kick, or falls asleep with a song stuck in they’re head and wakes up and it starts again as if paused. Every morning. (Don’t drop that duh duh duh....grrr) For days! I mean doesn't everybody worry about every move they make, and lay in bed with they’re eyes closed trying to sleep and checking the clock twenty minutes later only to find SURPRISE, its been three hours! Or this relentless saviour complex I have, I can solve almost anyone's problem or at least help them find a path they are more comfy with but for years when it came to mine, I just couldn’t. This is just a few of the things i deal with or have been forced to deal with this life, Im sure i will touch on more. 

I have my children to thank for helping me learn how to deal with my version of life and not giving up on me when I know it would have been easier at times. (Dont drop that duhduhduh....ugh) I want to be honest in this blog, I pride myself on my honesty yet shy away from the darker, not so beautiful sides of who I am as if they don’t exist to the outside world. The thing is, I do not look sick, in fact I look great, besides a few extra pounds. My illness is not a physical one yet it has complete control from the inside out a lot of the time. I work very hard on a daily basis so I do not look like I am falling apart.

I feel emotions at a much higher level than the majority of humanity, I know this now. I don’t feel a lil bit of anything, if im sad, im so sad that even just being in my presence can break your heart. If something good happens and I feel a twinge of joy, I literally have to physically hold myself still sometimes cause it will surge like a lightening bolt through me and often some strange squeak comes out, fingers fully extended as if the energy just exploded form my core and out my extremities. Then, just as fast as it surges it disappears and there I am a woman bordering forty with this maniacal smile on my face like the joker and hair standing up like the professor from Back to The Future. Its quite a sight I am sure, and as much as it has been really hard to work with this side of myself I would rather be inside looking out and have to fix my hair then the onlookers forced to decide between the choice to ask if I am alright or back away slowly. Same with anger, although we have a bit of a deeper connection than other emotions, yea, thats right, we tight. Let me explain...or try;

I like to think my anger trigger point was when grandpa died, but looking back that is ridiculous, I was pissed at both my parents for what they put me through during the divorce but refused to take it out on them, they were in enough pain, they couldn't see it but i sure could.  When I am angry I scare people, I seem to fear nothing (not sure if that’s brave or not) and once I am angry there is no going back, I am completely incorrigible, illogical and refuse to listen. I have scared off men twice my size, not with violence of the physical kind, my verbal violence can be so articulated that I honestly think some people are scared to the core. I have shocked myself at times and thats not easy. Once I realized that I was growing into my version of the hulk I had to do something, I was starting to hate everyone and everything. 

I started replacing the empty yet extremely fucked up (for lack of a better word) threats with just simply making light of what it was that triggered me, albeit in an aggressive manner however it has proven effective in attempting to analyze what set me off and try to stop the rage fuelled rant.

I really wanted to give you an example but as I was trying to find one it proved difficult so im gonna call that progress. Anyway this venting became humorous to those around me, they all knew me so well that they would turn they’re heads and try not to laugh (ever been laughed at when your livid? its not cool, same as if are upset and someone says ‘calm down’ calm down, CALM DOWN?! like fuck off n all if you honestly believe im not trying, you think i wanna feel this way? like this is some kind of sick joke for me? pfft people!) in an attempt to not be caught in the crossfire of my verbal war. 

At first this angered me too (go figure, Hulkbitch) then one day, someone laughed and I took a step back and thought about what I had said and started laughing. Clearly my loved ones weren't laughing at my agony, but the words and descriptions i used to figure it out did tend to be funny. It takes a lot for me to get angry like that now, if I do tho, I still vent with sarcastic wit and make myself laugh to bring myself out of it. 

I think I have myself in line pretty well now, I guess I should give some history here, I was a very happy child on the outside but a ball of nerves within, my mother was extremely mentally ill (which i did not know til after her passing) and my father was a violent alcoholic. Luckily I was sheltered from the worst of what they put each other through as they separated when I was 2, but fought and fought and fought over me for nine years. My mum would insist dad never wanted me he just didn't want her to have me, said that I was never good enough in his eyes cause he wanted a boy. Dad, would point out the homeless lady pushing all her belongings in a shopping cart and say “hey kid, thats where your mum is headed, just you watch”. I know now they were just dealing in their own ways with what was happening between them but it really messed with me. 

My father, my daddy, quit drinking not long after the separation, i to this day believe that he did this not only for himself but for me, to show me that no matter what you can make changes, just gotta face the problem head on and deal with it so you can move past it. He was always a tough, vulgar, strong, stubborn, hilarious and short lil french man with an ego the size of Goliath. He taught me not to take shit from anyone if I believed in the topic at hand and to learn to turn a cold shoulder when needed. Emotions were not discussed, Im not even sure to this day if I can remember him ever saying I love you, but he didn’t have to, I know he did. 

Mum had her own ways of dealing over the years, she was all emotion, raw and uncut. She would always react first, think later, which meant she felt the need to apologize a lot.  For her mistake, for not being good enough, for not doing well enough this was so hard to watch. She would repeat the same self defeating patterns she had been doing her whole life and expecting things to change. Definition if insanity much? shitty part is back then they had no fucking idea what insanity was, nor did they care to look. Had someone just took her side and spoke for her she would still be here, if only she was honest with me about how sick she was, I may never have gotten as sick as I did. She thought she was protecting me...

This woman was the sun to my moon and I loved her more than words can ever express. She never believed me when I said it, she always said right up til the end that nobody ever loved her. I know this was not true cause I figured my dad wouldn't get so mad about stuff if he didn't care, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Mum was always in and out of the hospital and it was super hush hush, I assumed she had cancer. I was petrified to lose her, so I didn’t ask questions, just waited.

The custody battle went on and on, I remember my dad pushing our 1970somthing car up the street for some reason, didn't phase me much. I just said “oh look theres my daddy, he looks mad!”. We went to Expo ‘86 in British Columbia and mum was subpoena’d to come back to the prairies for court immediately, so she had to leave her vacation just to go back and find out it was remanded.  They were both so angry all the time, I thought it was my fault...had I not been there there would be nothing left to fight about right?

Okay so divorce was finalized when I was 11...Grandma and grandpa (mums side) loved the shit out of me too, ive seen pics of gramma in the military which made sense as I grew up as to why she was so tough but she must have been retired by time I was born. They bought an old ‘70s van and converted it into beds in the back, a table and even a port a potty! They lovingly got personalized plates with my name and the number “2″ after it. They took really good care of me, always loved me and wanted what was best.

I remember around 10yrs old I realized my initials were B.S. and I was not impressed at all as not one word that came out my mouth (at that age) was BS. I was insulted and wanted it changed, plus I knew it would make mum happy if I changed my name to hers. The divorce was finalized my initials were changed to B.J....JUST in time for puberty, (woooooooo) yeah, didn't live that one down for a very long time.

My reason for bringing up my grandparents is so that you all know that aside from this somewhat bleak story thus far, I had many people that loved me, including mum and dad, they just preferred to fight about it. 

Shit, fuck, damn, I just had a memory, not a good one but I spoz thats why our brains block things out eh? I do not know how this came about, my mother was very abused growing up and it took a toll on her.  I remember mum and the  grandparents fighting, i remember gramma telling mum to get her head out of her ass and i remember trying to picture that...I was not going to be seeing them for a while til things cooled down.

Mum was sure that my grandpa had molested me, I am not going to say it didn’t happen but as far as I can recall my grandpa was the sweetest most loving man ever. anyway, mum was questioning me, yelling, badgering me and generally acting crazy i spoz, this was before I know what that looked like.  She kept asking inches from my face if he had done anything to me and i maintained that he hadn’t. Finally hours later I was tired and hungry and she was clearly still psychotic she yelled at me are you sure (for the millionth time) I finally yelled out “fine, he did it!” I had no idea what he had done, or when, cause i wasn't there i just wanted her to stop. She was making herself crazy and it broke my heart. I didn't see my grandparents again for three years. Grandpa had gone senile and was not himself, didnt remember close family members etc. When I got there, I ran in the house and we met at the doorway, me at the bottom of the entrance stairs and him at the top. I smiled, and he looked at me puzzled, then started crying, then laughing then crying. I was so glad he got to remember me. I missed him so much.

This was all before I was even a teenager. Grandpa died not long after he was put in a care home cause gramma wasn't able to care for him. His death was my first experience with such a thing, I had no way of knowing how to deal with a loss like this...so I guess I just didn’t.