#im feeling ill and need attention so im posting 2

[ohheyitsjustbear]

Sun-kissed

Tips ♡ Treats

Reblogs appreciated, keep comments in the tags unless we're mutuals 🩷 (he/they)

[britneyshakespeare]

Oh my God. People are reblogging a poem I wrote and posted when I was 15 years old lol.

[munch-mumbles]

booooo vent in tags BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

[lovisyandereblog]

Eyes on Me

Yandere Submissive Stalker X GN Reader

Part 3! Probably last part….maybe

Part 1 and 2 here. Also guys Im so sorry for my mistakes in my last post! I accidentally used she/her pronouns in my writing, I genuinely didn’t even realise it. Im so sorry guys!!

7 weeks. It had been 7 long fucking weeks and you were still stuck here.

Noah had kept you captive for nearly two months now, but he never let you feel like you were one.

He would gift you things you wanted nearly everyday, Noah would cook your favourite dishes for you, he would shower you with love and affection, always making sure your every want and need was met.

All he asked for in return was your love…thats all he wanted.

And it seemed like you were slowly giving in.

What else could you do?! He was so adorable, so cute, so kind, so sweet…you were slowly becoming more lenient towards him.

For example, you weren’t kicking, hitting or screaming anymore. You were eating your food rather than throwing it away and yelling. And you were a bit more welcoming to his kisses, his soft and loving kisses.

Noah was also letting you roam free in his large house. You had an idea of who he was now. Noah was a very famous doctor, and was very wealthy. He was a psychiatrist who always treated his patients with care and love, never making them feel like they were a burden.

But although he let you roam the house freely, he never let you outside.

Creak…

The door opened and you stared at it, the same sweet smile you saw everyday greeting you.

“Good morning my love~!! Have you had a nice nights sleep?” Noah came closer to you, stroking your cheek and kissing your forehead. You were so used to it at this point that you didn’t even bat your eye at his affection.

“ `Morning…” You mumbled as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, sitting up slowly.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you look in the mornings~?” Noah said in a sing-song voice, twirling a piece of your y/c hair with his finger.

You tried to hide your blush as you turned your head away, “W-whatever…”

Noah chuckled and kissed your cheek again, “Come! Go get freshened up and lets have breakfast! I’ve asked the cook to make you your favourite french toast!”

He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to praise him. He practically lived for your praise and attention, but you would rarely give it to him.

“Oh..thank you Noah..Ill go get ready…” You murmured as you rushed to the toilet. Noah watched you go, hearts practically engrained in his eyes. For you. Just for you~

At the breakfast table, Noah was staring at you lovingly as he fed you the toast.

“I can feed myself…” You tried to protest, but he whined.

“P-please! Please let me Y/N…Im begging you~” His eyes were so cute, you just couldn’t help but give into his pleads.

“Fine..just stop looking at me like that…” You replied hastily, and he immediately brightened up and went straight back to feeding you.

After your 5th or 6th bite, you started feeling quite full, putting your hand up to stop the bite in Noah’s hand to come near your mouth. He nodded and ate the bite himself, smiling at you with such a lovesick grin.

You swallow nervously, looking at him. You had to ask him a question really badly, it was really important, “Noah?”

“Yes my angel, my love, my darling~?” Noah answered, hearts in his eyes as he looks at you. You had to keep yourself from smiling at his cheesy terms of endearment.

“Can you please let me go outside? I haven’t seen the outside world in like 2 months…” You complained, making him frown immediately and look away.

“Y-Y/N, you know how sorry I am…I feel so guilty baby…” Tears already filled his eyes as he spoke, making you sigh as you always gave into his tears.

“But…but I can’t let you go…Im scared you’re going to leave me. I can’t live without you my love…I’ll die!” Noah started to cry, holding your hands and bringing it to his heart. On the inside, he knew he was manipulating you but what else could he do?! He genuinely did love you so so much.

He loved you to the point of obsession.

You thought to yourself as you just stared at him, he sniffed and gave you puppy eyes. You knew you had to do something in order to get out of this place, otherwise he’d just keep you locked up forever. You wanted your life back and you knew just how to do it.

It involved giving into Noah’s love in order to regain your freedom. There was no other way. You had tried to escape in the past but he always…always found you.

“Noah…if I become your..partner..will you let me have more freedom?” You asked, and he immediately jumped up, looking at you hopefully.

“Y-Y/N?! Are….are you being serious?!” Noah couldn’t believe it, all his hard work finally paid off. You would finally be all his.

“Yes Noah, I’ve thought about it a lot and I want to start a relationship with you, but you have to promise you’ll let me go-” You had barely finished your sentence when he suddenly fainted, making you let out a loud scream.

You immediately went on your knees, cradling him in your lap as you tried to nudge him awake.

‘What the fuck??’ You thought to yourself as you check his pulse and sighed in relief when it’s normal.

“Now what am I to do with you…” You mumble to yourself before a plan comes to mind.

Paybacks a bitch…

Noah woke up with a groan, his eyes slowly opening yet his sight was still hazy.

‘What happened…?’ He thought to himself as he tried to sit up, but his eyes widened when he couldn’t move. He looked up and saw his wrists were tied together and attached to the headboard of the bed. To add to this, his ankles were tied to the bottom poles of the bed. He looked down and noticed he was now wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt.

He thrashed around, trying to get out of his restraints to no avail. This couldn’t be happening. Where the hell were you?!

Noah began to sob and panic as millions of thoughts raced through his poor little head. He started to think of how you had left him and he’d never see you again.

“Y/N!! P-PLE-HIC-PLEASEE I’M S-SORRY…DON’T L-LEAVE ME…I’LL DIE W-HIC-WITHOUT YOU!!!” He was genuinely going crazy without you, where did you go?? Why would you leave him? Was he not good enough?! He’d change for you—he will; just give him a chance!!

“Y/N!! C-COME BA—” His words were cut off by you suddenly placing a hand over his mouth, “Shut the fuck up,” You seethed, glaring at him as he looked up at you with teary blue eyes.

Where you came from, he didn’t know but he was just happy that you were here. Although he was genuinely scared from how angry you looked, he couldn’t help but feel relieved at the fact that you hadn’t left. He was so delusional that he thought you had came back for him❤️❤️❤️ (A/N he’s so weird I love him)

But he also had a little problem because of you on top of him; all of his fantasies were coming true. Oh god just ruin him already!!

He whined against your hand and tried to buck his hips up, making you grip onto his mouth even harder, “I said shut up you fucking brat, can’t listen to simple instructions?”

The mix of your strong body on top of him and your cruel words made the poor boy’s eyes roll to the back of his head as his back arched; pathetic moans leaving him.

No way….did he just….?

You look down and saw a wet patch forming on his crotch, you internally smirked at how much of an effect you had on him but you had to keep up your strict persona, “Did you just fucking cum, you slut?”

Noah panicked, his pretty eyes filling with even more tears as he shakes his head “no,” worried that you’d be disgusted with him. (He secretly wanted you to treat him like trash)

But could you blame him for cumming?? You were literally on top of him looking as beautiful as ever, whispering demeaning words at him and you expected him not to cum?

“Mmm…n-not a s-slut…” He tried to mumble against your hand, looking at you with such love in his eyes. You nearly felt bad for him.

You suddenly slap him on the face, making him whine out in pain and pleasure as he breathed heavily from the release of his mouth from your hand. You took a second to admire the sight below you:

His blonde locks were messy, bangs sticking to his forehead. His cheeks were all rosy and wet with tears as was his mouth which was covered in his drool. Noah’s big blue eyes were looking to the side, embarrassed to face you as he bit his pretty pink lips.

You gripped his hair roughly, making him whine out, “Did I say you could talk back? Did I say you could fucking look away?”

He shook his head frantically, mentally face palming himself for disobeying you, “N-no! No…‘mm sorry!! S-sorry…please…”

“Sorry’s not going to cut it pretty boy…I think I need to teach you a lesson hmm? For all the bad things you did…” You leaned in close to his ear and he could feel his dick harden again from your proximity, “….for kidnapping me, keeping me locked up here…you’ve been a bad boy haven’t you~?”

Noah had started to sob, tears cascading down his adorable pink cheeks; he didn’t want to be a bad boy!! He wanted to be good, so good, for you!

“N-no! Mm so-sorry!! I’m n-not a bad boy! I-I’m a g-good boy…your good boy!!” He desperately begged, looking up at you in hopes you’d believe him. He knew what he had done was wrong but his intentions were never bad, he promises!!

You couldn’t help the heat pooling in your lower stomach from the way he was begging, god his desperation was so hot. So what if he was a deranged, psychotic, obsessive lunatic? He was cute!!

“But you haven’t proven to me you’re a good boy…so a punishment is really needed~” You said with a devilish smirk forming on your face, making both his heartbeats race (if you get what I mean💀💀)

You lean over and open one of the drawers, an assortment of items you had bought while he had been unconscious. His eyes widened in fear and excitement as he saw you bring a ball gag to his mouth, “Mmnnoo!! Y-Y/N!!” He tried to beg but you had already sealed his mouth shut.

Then you proceeded to pick up a remote like device you bought, Noah looked at it in confusion while tilting his head. You smirked at how adorable he looked, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into.

With the click of a button, Noah’s back arched as he felt pleasure coursing through his body. He hadn’t even realised that a vibrator was lodged inside him! You must have put it in while he was unconscious.

“MMMNNGGH~!” He moaned against the gag, his body twisting and shaking, poor little baby was so sensitive!

You turned the vibrator off and he slumped down, his chest heaving, “Now for your punishment, I’m going to leave you here with that vibrator on and you’re going to cum over and over again until I’m satisfied, do you understand?”

Noah’s eyes widened and he shook his head profusely. This wasn’t what he wanted, he wanted to feel you, to touch you, to have you make him feel good; not this stupid toy!

He also didn’t want to be alone, he felt like he’d die if you weren’t near him so he began to cry, “N-noooo!! Mmm stayy!” His voice came out muffle which only made you smirk even more.

It was evident you were a sadist; seeing him whine and beg like that really turned you on. However you were doing this also to make sure it was engrained in his head who was in charge: you. It was to make sure he’d never pull a stunt like this again and would also prove his obedience to you.

“You said you wanted to be my good boy didn’t you Noah~? So be a good boy and take it.” You said sternly, turning the vibrator on once more before walking out of the room, leaving the door open a little bit so you’d hear him.

His moans and cries followed you as he begged for you to come back, but with the gag in his mouth he could only do so much.

Noah’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he came again with a cry, his boxers were now dirty with his jizz. He sobbed as the vibrations bullied his poor prostrate, he wanted you to make it feel better, please come back!

And then he came for the third time, and the fourth and then the fifth. It felt like hours had gone by (it had only been 30 minutes) since you left him in this state; his whole body was shaking as his hips bucked to try and get away from the vibrations but to no avail.

“Nnnngghh~!! ‘S t-too m-much…too much!” He whined, mainly to himself but it came out as mixed garbles.

You finally graced him with your presence and entered the room, your own arousal building up at the sight of him. But you also felt pity on him, it was clear that he had never felt the touch of anyone his entire life—let alone come numerous amounts of times!

He hadn’t noticed you came in yet, his mind was all foggy and hazy; the only thing he could focus on was the vibrations in his ass.

You say next to him and his head immediately darted towards you, tears pooled his eyes and he begged you to make it stop, “P-pleasshh~” He tried to say but the gag and the tormenting toy stopped him from being able to vocalise himself.

You cooed at him and turned the vibrations to the lowest level, yet not quite turning it off yet, “Have you learnt your lesson~?” You ask, and he nods eagerly and tries to get closer to you: to feel your comfort, your warmth, your affection, your love~

You take mercy on him and take out the gag since it was clearly hurting his jaw, he lets out a moan of relief as incoherent ‘thank yous’ and ‘I love yous’ leave his mouth.

“Shhh…it’s okay, I’ve got you~” You whisper in his ear, you gently take his underwear off and take the vibrator out, making him whine, “Mmmh…s-sensitive..ahhnngh~”

He gave you such adorable eyes, pleading for you to make him feel better so you cupped his face, “Don’t worry, I’ll take all the pain away, I promise…you’re my good boy right~?”

As soon as he heard the words, “Good boy,” he immediately nodded like a mad-man, “Mmm your good boy! P-please…please…y-yours…”

You could tell he was extremely exhausted from the torment you put him through, so you untied his wrists and ankles which made him cling onto you like a spider monkey; you let out a soft chuckle, “Noah…you have to let me go…I need to clean you up…”

“N-no! D-don’t go…please…” Tears pooled his eyes yet again, making you coo at him which he melted to.

“Shhh…alright, we can cuddle for a bit but then I have to clean you okay~?” You wrapped your arms around his waist aswell, being careful not to touch his very sensitive lower body.

Noah could still feel the tingles and electricity coursing through his body, but once you held him in your arms—he felt all that pain go away. He snuggled further into you, his face buried in your neck.

“I love you so much…I love you Y/N..” He mumbled against your skin, kissing it softly.

And you found yourself saying something you’d never imagine saying the first day you met him;

“I love you too Noah~”

Ahhhh! Finally finished this!!

—>my masterlist <3

Tags❤️ (you can asked to be tagged for any of my posts):

@vinivave @eternalmasquerading

mdni banner used from @cafekitsune !!

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[butcher--bird]

i will be fully honest with you fellas i think if this really is times up for the lifespan of splatoon i will be moving on; and in this post i would like to detail my experience in the fandom under read more but here is a tldr;

being treated like a horrible person, a brand risk and being harassed and sent death threats, sexual harassment and gore in my inbox because i don't like how you draw splatoon characters or ship 2 legal adults in a way you dont fucking like is terrible and i've been getting the brunt of this shit for far to long.

first and foremost i appreciate all of what my friends and supporters have done for me, the fast growth of this account was something smaller vincent always dreamed of and i'm happy i've made it so far. and if you ordered something from me and i haven't sent it out, i apologize. i have a viral infection that is contagious and it will not go away.

i will keep it simple. you do not need to fish for reasons to dislike me. you do not need to ACCOUNT CRAWL MY OLD ALIASES AND OLD ABANDONED ACCOUNTS to find MILDLY suspicious things i drew as stupid 15-17 year while i was being groomed by a bunch of cum-brained pedophilic gooner losers. YOU CAN DISLIKE MY HUMOUR AND MY ART, BLOCK ME AND MOVE ON. I HAVE BEEN STALKED AND HARASSED BY GROUPS OF PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WANT REASONS TO HATE ME.

being sexually harassed by random people because they get the wrong idea and think im appealing to people with a fucking gore fetish, i get dms detailing peoples snuff fantasies involving spyke?? or people befriend me to take out their sexual frustration on me and take my art as some sort of invite to do so?

you don't have to agree with my headcanons or who i ship! thats okay! i'm not forcing you! cutting me off and spreading rumors about me because i don't do it the 'right way' or you are JEALOUS of the attention i get on my work is BATSHIT.

i am a normal person, a severely mentally ill woman at that. it's 'support mental health' until you get into the groove of picking on someone you know aint gonna fight back.

you are all so disconnected from reality that the second you find someone who is out of the norm in your online cliques you feel they are 'inauthentic' and need to be bullied into submission or pushed out entirely. i am not apart of your 'norm' and being harassed and called a 'faker' or a 'tryhard' because i have harmless, morbid interests and it projects into my art is vile.

[i-yap]

Disorders batboys s/o have( dick and jason ver)

Im a psychology student and i think everyone in this world has some symptoms if not full blown disorders. I also struggle with GAD and I have worked in 2 psychiatric hospitals so far in one I got a lot of readings+ 2 months , 8hrs on weekdays hospital shifts in 4 sectors. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you have a certain disorder it does determine a lot of your personality traits and therefore make you incompatible with certain types of people. this is just a " oh I think the batboys could take care or be compatible with someone with this disorder enough to not hamper their healing "

Anyways..(im so scared to post this)

Dick grayson- mood disorders (major depressive diroder. bipolar disorder, seasonal depression, burnout)

Dick is this silent mother hen sort of figure. he loves taking care of others, it fills him with altruistic feelings and helps him feel needed. Someone with a mood disorder needs someone they can go and be sad with without feeling judged. Dick understands that burnt out feeling really well. He understands how sometimes you just want to let your feelings go through you. He is warm sunshine personified, joyful calm and reliable. He likes taking care of you, the small quiet moments. He will find small personal ways to make your mood a little more bearable however he can without overwhelming you.

"he comes back from his crime fighting to find you in bed. he recognizes your mood instantly. slowly approaching you and gently kissing you awake .

"hey baby ", "youre back dickie" "mhm how long have you been in bed?" " I don't know" "I'm starting a bath, would you like to join me" "I don't really feel like moving" "ill carry you" ."

Jason todd- anxiety disorders ( generalized anxiety disorder(gad), phobia, panic attacks, separation anxiety disorder(sad))

gad- the fact that jason literally fights crime every night and is super impulsive/doesnt care about his safety, so seeing you almost ripping your head off from worry for him not only warms his heart ( he thinks you hate him and struggles to believe that YOU could give someone like him any attention but here you are) but also makes him take better care of himself for your sake. he hates seeing you worried but he loves calming you down. holding your hands tight, replecating meditation style breathing and mindfulness practices. kissing you overthinking head. hugging you when you stress cry, giving you massages.

Phobia- he understands triggers better than anyone else, he will be your big bad protector making sure to help you avoid the item that's causing you phobia. holding your hand and hiding you behind him if you have social anxiety, making sure to avoid triggering environments if you have agoraphobia, killing all snakes in the world if you have a phobia of them( he seriously suggests it but you stop him cuz it'll hurt the ecosystem)

Panic attacks- he has them too, either you have learned a way to deal with them and teach him or he has learned a way to deal with them and helps you . if he hasn't before meeting you, he has a new much stronger motivation to learn techniques or medication that can help deal with them for your sake and therefore also accelerate his healing

seperation anxiety-.. he has it too so like.( ik its more common in kids but adult sad is also a thing) both of you are clingy, its a win win for you two , fuck the rest of the world

again this is just my opinion okay? don't make mental health a taboo , if this post was about batboys x blind! y/n no one would have an issue. mental health is a condition and sometimes its out of our control, it depends on so many factors. Its nothing to be ashamed or scared of.

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

my long ass avery rant that might not make sense but i love her and needed to make this.

a huge rant about my love for avery (i swear im not hating on anyone (except for avery haters... sort of. i respect your opinion but...)) i think the end of my rant makes more sense than the beginning...

IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL SAY IT AGAIN. STOP OVERLOOKING AVERY'S TRAUMA. SHE IS SO UNDERRATED AND SUCH A COMPLEX CHARACTER AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE IGNORING HER. PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM BARELY POST ABOUT HER AND IT'S UNBEARABLE (LIKE NO HATE CAUSE I LOVE ALL THE LYRA POSTS BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE POSTING MORE ABOUT A CHARACTER NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT AND NOT AVERY??? LIKE I SAID NOT HATE, I EAT THE LYRA POSTS UP).

she's literally the best character in the series. the brothers don't even come close to her. people who are mad at her for not picking grayson can actually just shove it up their ass bc gray and avery would've never worked out in the long run. avery is a queen and i see people hating on her for so many stupid reasons. not picking gray? giving away the money? being an emily 2.0????????????????????????????? don't even dare compare my queen, my love, my everything to that wretched beast who is now rotting in a coffin underground. some people making reviews on goodreads seriously need to get a life and touch some grass.

as im rereading the main trilogy, i'm writing down quotes from avery so i can make an in depth analysis of her character. it might suck and it will definitely be multiple parts but if no one is gonna acknowledge her trauma, i will. i'm sick and tired of people constantly ranting about grayson and other characters when avery is literally the main character. none of this series would exist if it weren't for avery. the fact that some people are willing to defend their favorite characters when they hurt avery is so so sad to me. like, i love jameson with my entire heart, but treating avery like a puzzle and messing with her self esteem was not cool of him. same goes for grayson and him treating avery like a shitty gold digger who 'hasn't struggled like he has'

i've made posts about this before but i feel the need to make another one. i've seen people defend grayson for treating avery like shit in the first book (some people do it as a joke which is fine but some people are actually serious and it confuses me??). i get that grayson was mad and disappointed that his grand father disinherited him after a lifetime of being told he was going to inherit. his feelings were 100% valid. did he have the right to take it out on avery though? no. not at all. this girl is even more confused that he is and has been nothing but kind to him. him invalidating her feelings and treating her like crap is just so shitty of him. don't get me wrong. he has redeemed himself and i do love him, but seeing people defending him (in a serious way) just gets on my nerves. would you like to be treated the way avery was in tig? i think not.

i'm not as mad about jameson bc 1. he apologized on 'screen' and 2. i don't see people defending him as much as grayson (i don't think i've ever seen a post defending him which is good). i love him too, and what he did was also horrible. i better not ever see a post defending him. his actions are explainable but that doesn't justify them. he really messed with avery's self-esteem, so much as to make her doubt his feelings towards her. the only reason i'm not as mad as with the grayson situation is bc i don't see people defending him as passionately (if at all).

i see this happen in so many fandoms. people gush over the male love interest or the male main character and completely ignore the fmc. the only fandom i don't see this happening in is the folk of the air fandom. jude is getting the attention she deserves which makes me so happy. people willingly ignore what the fmc goes through at the hands of their favorite male character just bc they love them and that is just so absurd to me.

anyways, avery has been through so much fucking trauma it would take me hours to go through it all. she grew up with almost no one by her side, learning how to take care of/protect herself, lost her mother at 15, her best friend moved away a few years before her mom died, her father treated her like dog shit and completely ignore her for her entire life until she inherited the money, she lived in her car, worked her ass off at school and at work to simply keep herself alive, had to deal with drake (although she wasn't his girlfriend, he clearly affected her if she was willing to move into her car bc of him), was almost killed by drake (and, indirectly, skye), sheffield, and eve (and kidnapped by sheffield), it was mentioned in tfg (i believe) that there were other attempts on her life in between thl and tfg, dealt with people constantly belittling her trauma (and her) and saying horrible things about her, she deals with horrible panic attacks after everything she's been through, also deals with crappy self esteem (that was made worse by some of the hawthornes), her privacy was constantly invaded, and, this one is more subtle, but there are instances where she thinks (or does) self harm (like the scene in thl where she's purposefully trying to hurt herself by punching the brick wall blocking off toby's wing. both oren and jameson had to step in to help her). all of these things clearly affected her but barely anyone talks about it? i'm probably missing some things but i just wish she got more attention. she is one of the most forgiving (literally too forgiving. she's willing to forgive people so easily bc she wants to be wanted (but doesn't want to want to be wanted) and have friends)

this girl is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for (the hawthornes would never survive in the 'asylum where they raised her' (whos afraid of little old me by taylor is definitely her song)). this rant is probably all over the place and is really long (but definitely won't be the last). thank you for attending my ted talk.

[honakito]

hiiiii😁 idk of yours request is open but i wanted to ask for a mmj! reader x akito😞 hope youre okay with thisss, bye kisses and hugs 🫶😊

-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀MORE , MORE ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀more more JUMP !

authors babbles . . ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i freaking LOVE THIS ! !

MORE! MORE! - prod. honakito

posted as : request

chars : s. akito

type : x g/n ! reader

scenario : akito with an idol (specifically more more jump) reader ( headcanons )

taglist : @finanah ( ask to be added )

affiliated with : @virtualbookstore

notes : OH MH GOD i am SO SORRY for dipping this whole month and not doing this request sooner you probably forgot about it hhh,,,… no joke i was procrastinating this whole month since i am signed up for the math olympics ( i got a 20/28 at the local phase and now im in for the city phase) then i also have national phase if i qualify so requests are gonna take much longer… but still THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTHING THIS AAA!! AND AGAIN IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

notes 2 : so im actually working on a canon character only series. the only thing ill reveal about it is that it is a crossover with one of my current hyperfixations (they go brrr brrr brbrbr) so mist of my attention will be focused on it (requests will take longer in this case) and other shit BUT!!! ill alao try to finish the masterlists befpre my blog gets bigger so it is easier for me to arrange shit YKNOW ,,, and also the last time i posted here i barely got any REACH. like it was embarrassing omfg i dont want that to happen again so this is probably why i was hesitant on posting again but were cool gang ,, and i aslo have to revamp most of my posts kms

date : 26 / 02 / 24 - 10 / 03 / 24

well , he doesnt really care.

wait , what?

dont get him wrong , tho! when he first found out you were also interested in the music field , he was ecstatic in his own way. so , he asked some questions.

to realize youre the fifth member of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ tho? that was a shocker! he never really put the puzzle pieces together.

not because he isnt capable of doing so , he just doesnt really.. care, about idol groups. it was never akitos type of music genre.

sure , he saw a few posters here and there , but never observed them as a whole. the only one he recognized on those was airi , because of enas childhood friendship with her.

and when you first came to kamiyama , he never really eavesdropped on any conversations about you. wasnt that normal? for everyone to talk about the new student! why was he the only one that didnt know you were a known idol?

isnt that a good thing , tho?

because akito didnt know of your passion , you saw right through him that this is actually how he feels. figured out that he saw you as an average human being , and not someone you only see on the outside , on a screen.

you were more glad for his oblivion , rather than mad.

but back on topic.

for a little while , he didnt know. but after? he seemed more cautious for you.

he knows the things you have to go through in the idol industry — he isnt stupid.

so for your sake , hes more supportive.

youll never notice it , but he will watch each and every livestream your group will hold after finding out. ofcourse , on a whole different account , while hes alone — he does not need teasing from neither you , mizuki , ena or an. 

and the same goes for your social media posts , he always tries to be the first one to like.

also pay close attention to his playlist — suddenly , a few of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ s songs are there! but not the whole discography , hes still getting accommodated with the genre. 

so after a while — he gets comfortable.

hell always show up to the shows you will host. at first , he will seat in the back , so you dont notice him. but with a little bit of time , you will always spot him easily in the front rows , but he has too much pride to admit it. half of it , he will say ena dragged him with her. but what about the times he shows up alone? when theres no big sister , or no extra ticket from kohane?

if you figure it out tho , hed gladly accept any ticket you give him. doesnt matter if general or backstage access — your performances are moments that he holds close to him , outside of RAD WEEKEND.

and even if it seems like he doesnt care — he will always cheer on you from the sidelines.

begging the x reader gods to show this under the tag this time

div. arent mine ; please do not use my work for own uses , includes : reposting and claiming as their own , heavily inspiring off a long term fanfiction , etc , etc .

[mikotothighslicker]

Mikoto's trial 2 (get-together) interrogation theory that i kept in my basement for months

this would make so much sense + convenient for the narrative

ill do a more in-depth analysis of a few questions between 12-18 (when i feel like it) considering it's very heavy towards the masking-koto thing (aka chameleon mido)

actually. sorry. im. impatient. so here we go question 14 TL: Q: What do you think about your name? A: It's not bad.

according to the image i posted before this, this should be mido(ボク) right? why would he answer as if the name referred to in the question was his? because 1. it's convenient. it's convenient for ES (us) (haha get it) it's much easier to set up a scenario of a victim, lost and confused Mikoto and the monster John, whose deeds were done out of a need to save Mikoto etc. It's easy to understand such a story with simple roles, that's it right? that's all that happened. therefore his(ボク) involvement is not needed, if anything it will raise more questions and risk Mikoto being unforgiven. 2. because he can hide under the guise of being 'John', once again concealing his own existence ah but, ive found where the contradictions meet he doesnt fully hide himself enough... lets take a look at these following questions:

I won't talk about the contents of these questions, but please pay attention to the hiragana written here As you can see, to refer to Mikoto (as he(ボク), the speaker isnt Mikoto), the character for boku is written in hiragana (ぼく) Following this, let's assume that pronouns written in hiragana is meant to refer to whoever isn't our speaker (ボク-kun) Then lets take a look at the following question: TL: Q: Do you know why you weren't forgiven? A: It was おれ's fault.

In this interrogation, ore is also written in hiragana (おれ) and with the assumption above, we can assume that this is referring to John. We also know that John refers to himself using kanji ore (俺) => The speaker/writer of this question CAN'T be John. (using the assumptions above as basis)

This is where the points contradict each other - Q.14, mido(ボク) assumingly agrees to "John" being his name to hide under the guise of being John - Q.17, mido(ボク) refers to John in 3rd person, hence contradicting himself and outing himself as NOT JOHN or simply, he thought Es wouldn't notice how he words his answers anyway because there is already an assumption that there is only Mikoto and John so he doesn't put effort into masking himself fully. Well that's about it I'll talk about minigram katakana ore(オレ) being mido one day

[themoodyestj]

Hello, my beloved.

today i bring you a list of stuff you can try to not be so bitter and miserable all the time.

1. breath slowly, in and out, relax.

2. take a nap

3. eat a cookie

4. listen to some music

5. touch some grass

6. get laid ( if no one wants you, hands and a picture of Dee are valid too!)

7. hug your pet ( or a cactus if you don't have a pet)

8. practice acceptance (Dee is the Queen and you're never going to be her and Jensen is never going to fuck you)

9. find someone you actually like and admire, and fan over that person (not some guy you think is a mediocre actor and a pushover who can't stand for himself and needs idiots from the internet to defend him from his wife)

10. remember that i love you, and this is not hate, just constructive criticism because i want you to be better.

❤️ your secret admirer

Awww, my secret admirer again. :D Does that mean I'm getting flowers everyday now? So happy to see you, honey. Thanks for all the advice, I take them to heart. Although, sadly, I have to say I'm not as bitter or as miserable as you may want me to be. I do have a family, two cats and a dog, and a career. I do get laid quite often and im a fierce advocate of lone intimacy. Super healthy, I do it all. But also, I have an opinion. One that ruffles many many feathers, but in case you didnt notice, I don't quite care. But hey, if it feeds your delusion that all people who disagree with you are sad and lonely, by all means, stick to it. We dont want you having a psychotic breakdown, do we? Lets try to avoid that at all costs. I gotta say, number 8 sent me. We don't all have the same aspirations in life. Perhaps you'd like to sleep with Jensen (cause honey, the projection is strong here) and you use Dee as a heavy self insert, but I honestly dont want to. It is perfectly ok to like someone (and at the same time critique someone) and not want to sleep with them. I know, mindblowing, right? Such a complex concept, Im sure you find it hard to grasp. But just because its hard for you to understand, it doesnt make it less real. I bet a lot is really hard for you to understand, so...

Danneel being a queen? Of what exactly? Honey, I don't want to be her, I wanna be me. Should i aspire to be someone, it would be a woman who in fact has a flourishing career, and not someone whose assets are basically marrying someone. I'd aspire to be someone with talent, inteligence, gumption. Not someone who still rides on the small parts she played in the past because she knows there isnt much really going on for her. Someone who overpriced her pictures at Wales Con expecting to have a great reception only to find a very small line for her and feeling desperate enough to take pics with her kids insteadto feel relevant. You know, Id actually be less critic of her if she was more honest about herself. If she wasnt so fast to take jabs at her own husband when she herself has very little to offer. But hey, if thats your Queen... By all means. She definitely isnt mine. I dont think Jensen is mediocre. I think he let himself go a little. I think he was happier in SPN days and I miss that light, to be honest. Maybe ill see him improve in his next projects and ill be the first to applaud him for that (and ill post about it too, so stay tuned). As of lately... Ive seen a man who plans a concert with no AC, struggling to sing, I see a man who's tense next to his wife, I see a man who seems to be self medicating to cope and that worries me. I do hope he improves, I wish him no harm. But of course this doesnt help your delulu, so i know your brain will totally ommit what i just wrote. Ok, this is all the attention youre getting now. Im starting to think you do actually love me, cause this was fun! You delulus never fail in giving me a good hearted laugh! See you soon, secret admirer!

[emmetofthestars]

ok lets see how far i can go. im gonna startt. kim just gonna start.

fair warning this will either seem like incoherent rambling because my thoughts are hard to formulate or just me wanting to be rude about the sequels past we love katamari despite never playing them (i wrote this line after i finished the whole post)

anyways im about to list alot of king's outfits over the games and then rate them on 1) whether i like them personally (partly removed from context), and 2) whether i think they actually fit king. im doing this for absolutely no fucking reason and honestly im scared ill be very wrong or biased but im mnot being paid to do this for gods sakes im writign a tumblr post. i wont get cancelled for getting king incorrect. anyways

katamari damacy

(im probably going to switch between using game screenshots and transparent images)

1#: yeah i like it. he looks stupid and i like it. the cape and whatever the collar is called, in combo with the chain and gold accessories looks so silly. he doesnt look like a king besides the crown. he looks like he wants to be cool but doesnt know what that means but he knows nobody will question it cuz hes the king after all.

headdress: perfectly over-loaded. you have way too much going on. you dont need those blinking lights. and you really dont need those patterns and colors. can i try it on

2#: well its hard to say since this is the first one. and of course the first one fits him cuz. its the first one. but i think it gets his impression off very well. its a prussian blue v neck and a golden chain, with sort of maroon tights and a golden belt with the face of a lioness. bracelets and rings, and of course the triangle ruffle collar and purple flower pattern cape. its a mixed warddrobe, kind of silly, i think it works well with how you cant really take him seriously, too. rude and hurtful, yet also he. dresses like this. a kings crown, cape and collar, but his personal style underneath it. also expresses how he may be king, but hes not really taking that as being his role - rather, being himself means to be king. or being king is like, a side thing, not as important as just doing what he wants. maybe a bit of a reach, dont know if i managed to explain what im feeling properly... also, his actual clothing besides his headress isnt actually complicated, which is an interesting contrast. you would think he wants you to pay attention to his face, and not his body. he is egotistical, it makes sense that he wants you to look at him and pay attention to him in general, but the emphasis on his face is interesting.

headdress: absolutely fits. very extravagant in a way that works. the colors arent bright as hell either, which im glad they did because if they were neon and too flashy itd look too obnoxious. well itd look bad but also hes not about exactly "standing out". he loves attention, but he still has his style, and that style IS colorful, but not neon. i think it fits him well, it teeters on being over the top and subtle at the same time, like complex embroideries perhaps

we love katamari

1#: also like it. has the same color scheme of blue top and magenta purplish bottoms. though here its a bit less saturated and lighter in color. the flowers on the sleeves are a nice touch since hes no longer wearing his flower cape, and the golden ankle ring, as hes wearing nothing on his hands but his wedding ring.

headdress: neat!! i like this more than katamari damacy, but just because its kind of cute. well i like them both, but this one is easier to draw (lol) and the color scheme is nice. the lights are now flashing from the spaces of color, instead of looking like round lightbulbs, if that makes sense, and it seems more casual this way, somehow.

2#: it kinda fucks me up. but judging king in we love katamari, from how different he is compared to katamari damacy, this outfit seems kind of perfect to showcase how (almost eerily) laid back he seems to be in we love. his ruffle collar is now smoothed out, its wiggly instead of sharp. hes wearing a very wide sleeve light cyan top, a purplish flower on each sleeve, with a squiggly cut on the lapel, open to reveal his chest and a golden chain, with a piece that looks perhaps like a flower attached to it. he now has a band wrapped around his waist instead of the golden belt, with a golden lioness head piece holding it in place. lighter wine color tights. its so- i dont know. king starts off obviously excited at the fanbase and attention hes getting, so its curious he puts down the iconic outfit and gets into something so comfortable. he wants to stand out less, all of a sudden. its still very much a king outfit, but he dropped so much, i wonder why. hes laying back as usual to let prince do his work but hes really leaning into it now. not just that, but he seems almost less hurtful than katamari damacy. more open. hes still full of himself, but its toned down, muted. his occasional interjections talking about his childhood and papa are offputting in the sense that its unusual. and this outfit is unusual, too, in comparison. katamari damacys impression is that hes pompous but a bit silly (and also just a dick), we love katamaris impression is that hes egoistic- but aimless. he seems more forgetful and more lost in thought. the cape missing could also be symbolic of his openness, even if a bit cheesy. i noted that his cape might also hold some emotional weight similar to the crown, but thats based on my feelings.

headdress: reflects the casuality. its got a smaller color palette now, less patterns, and more flat spaces of color. reminds more of his headdress patterns in his childhood. its also longer now, but i dont have anything to add for that.

me & my katamari

this is where i start to get a bit iffy in general. the games are no longer directed by keita, and king doesnt actually progress any. he stays the same or changes purely because different people are writing his dialouge. me & my katamari seems to have no story otherwise, or cutscenes, even - so from here on i suppose i do get biased but there isnt much character to go off of. however- i did not play any of the games besides the first two, so i am watching gameplays.

1#: i think its alright. i dont really like the combo of colors, it feels weird with the super yellow thin cape, but it is a swimsuit style thing. i wish they changed the collar, though, or outright removed it. it feels wrong to be in there.

headdress: ehh too neon, doesnt help with colors.

2#: this is. alright, its ok. the swimsuit is relatively simple too, thought the yellow cape doesnt seem like something hed wear, especially since its supposed to be a swimsuit- a cape would make it very hard to swim, though kings zaniness could get him to wear a cape if it means looks over functionality. it isnt his normal cape of course, though im a bit sad the flower pattern is entirely missing here, or even a hint of it. instead its a swimsuit.. something... with wine and orange, and what looks like a necklace. its not a necklace exactly, but i dont know the name for this. its also got a lioness head. i dont really get the golden armband around his left arm, but eh. i think its passable overall but straying further from kings personality, though given he is just like. having a splash and having fun. and it is skin tight, which isnt really that important, but its not swimming boxers or something. swimming suit still with a touch of decency. i guess it wouldve been repetitive if this one also had a v cut, but to continue onward from we love katamari, if it had to be real casual and open as a sort of conclusion to we love katamari, i could imagine something similar to this swimsuit, but its a one-piece that covers his legs and chest but leaves his arms free. idk though. i also added this bit in an edit, so now im starting to think about actually sitting down and redesigning it, but im uh. not able to rn. and you cant save edits as drafts. oh well.

beautiful katamari

1#: really very stupid looking. i think the sleeves and puffy pants are very funny but boy i dont like this. dont really like the colors. id try it on myself tho. again, with the wiggly collar- this straight up just doesnt change in all games after we love katamari.

headdress: meh. not a big fan. its getting a bit boring now.

2#: not sure what to say. king wouldnt wear this. its really not his style. it looks more like a jesters outfit, and the lack of shoes makes it look even stranger. the weird random opening that shows a bit of his stomach is also a bit nonsensical, alone in terms of how the hell this piece of clothing works. the pants are too puffy- stripes arent something that make sense as a pattern for him. and the whole theatrics thing, with king talking to you from behind curtains he opens up, on a stage like background, feels out of character. hes not one for theatrics (literal). he likes admiration but he performs by showing off what he can do physically, not through theater or a play. not that its said he does, but the theater bit is just weird. doesnt fit him as a character.

headdress: in combo with the outfit it just doesnt make much sense, it doesnt really harmonize. its alot of shapes and colors, but not with much consideration. the colors seem to be random. the headdress and outfit are kind of at equilibrium with how much they catch your attention. obviously the headdress is more saturated and in game it has blinking lights, but you do have to look longer at the outfit, and it kind of sticks out with how it seems like such a weird pick for him. also it is just kind of a silly looking thing. maybe im just looking too hard though.

also ill b real im just getting more mad at the gameplay. the physics are missing and the katamari feels way too fast and responsive, which is frustrating me, and the game is basically back to basics with you and king and nobody else, which makes kings lines disappointing, but once again, i handle watching a game and playing it differently, and i already have bad feelings about the sequels besides we love katamari as they arent directed by keita, and king is such a specific character. the gameplay part is irrelevant though but it is making me want to watch it less. lol.

katamari forever

1#: curious! i like this outfit, removed from context. i cant say i like it as a king outfit at all, but i just like this type of outfit. fucking. no idea what that thing hes wearing at his collar is called but i have a little soft spot for that thing. hehe. dont care that its a king outfit though.

headdress: i like the colors! its mainly blues, purples and greens, but i like it. the patterns work fine for me. still boring though.

2#: this is hard. katamari forever has a bit more substance, but the whole plot literally is that king loses his memories. though he IS wearing this before he loses his memories. he has dialouge as he has levels, but technically, roboking is the main character in this. doesnt really matter, you can choose between either of their levels at free will i believe. thissss outfit is. sssssss. i dont know. the direction its taking with the fancy dandiness isnt out of place for *a* king, but it is out of place for *the* king of all cosmos. his suit and whole shebang being so bright is incredibly juxtaposed to his comfy darker pallette of katamari damacy and we love katamari - yet hes still the same character? hes not changed. he still belittles prince for low scores and small katamaris, still pretty egotistical. his outfit doesnt reflect anything on a deeper level. if anything just reflects a change in taste, but thats really not that interesting. theres cutscenes (finally) but these say nothing as hes asleep in those cutscenes. so theres nothing more to pull out of that. his responses to low or high scores seem to be mostly the same, and rather short, to be honest. when he requests something, its also pretty short. theres not alot to take out of that.

touch my katamari

1#: scared. scared of touch my katamari. i dont like this outfit but also i just dont like kings 3d model. like i dont need to tell you his face his scary and uncanny looking. its not that bad in this image but if you see even one closeup of his face its just. uncomfortable. his collar is sharp and triangle-y again, though.

headdress: i like the hearts hehe. thats about it though. dont like the fabric overlay over the texture, was kind of unnecessary. i want to spare you from looking at a closeup of the kings face though.

2#: man i dont know bro

im also getting tired and Hooo shit look at the time. i know i shouldnt do these things but you know how it is. i dont know why i did this, to be honest, but i just felt like talking a bit. my mind is a little too full on things around the cosmic family(s) and im already thinking more about queens family. oh well. i have no idea whether to tag this. i suppose i would conclude it here, despite the indeed dry touch my katamari review... this is just my little thing for me. im sure if i tag it with the katamari tag Nothing bad will happen. im going to sleep.

extra:

THIS IS AMAZING KATAMARI not tap my katamari. you can see the edge of the title literally right there in the image but i was too distracted by their whismy.

queen ❤️

amazing katamari is just a mobile endless runner so theres no story but i will say: i like this! its cute! its simple, and a combo of the katamari damacy and we love katamari outfits. yea its not special, but its ok! though again with the collar... would've liked if they kept either one or the other collar piece. but thats about it, no deep analysis. i just think this render and art style is cute in general, so exclude this from the review. headdress is neat too. again nothing special but atleast it isnt so neon, mainly pinks purples and blues. completely taking it as being cute art though.

bonus AGAIN:

roboking. there will be no outfit review its just king but robo. hes also an entirely different character anyway so an analysis doesnt make sense. but i like that his belt looks stupid and his colors go pretty well, purple yellow blue. and that his eyes are always angled down. i just like robots. all im putting him here for is to say i think his pathetic self is entertaining and i kinda wish katamari forever was better. it couldve been good. but yeah ending this off with sad little roboking. thanks for reading. bye bye

[deceptive-daydreams]

The Under-Ground (18+ ONLY)

Chapter Six - The Yellow Car

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 |

Modern!Barista!Eddie AU - "You made me hate myself and you were okay with that."

Enemies to Lovers, Modern!Barista!Eddie AU, Eddie x Fem Reader

9.6K Words

Warnings - Eddie is an asshole, eventual smut, mentions of drugs and drinking, drug dealing, allusions to mental illness, I don't think there's anything else but please let me know if I missed anything

Author's Note: I have nothing to say other than pls lmk what you think cause I put my full pussy into this one like im so scared to post this

Masterlist

Prev | Next

The Harrington House, December of Junior Year

“Well done, Munson.  Looks like you’ve won yourself a hundred bucks.”

What?

Oh.

It felt like blood filled your ears, everything becoming muffled the second the words were spoken.  The breath had been stolen from your lungs and you wanted to choke.  Hands numb, fingers tingling uncomfortably, and mouth drying up, you were obligated to process the unthinkable.  The unthinkable in your eyes at least.  A hot face seared with fresh humiliation was always the worst side effect.

A hundred bucks.

The guy with an arm wrapped around Eddie wore a letterman jacket.  He looked like every other one of them.  Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and a menacing smirk stuck to his stupid face.  You’d seen him before, hell he was probably one of the boys to stand on the sidelines when the others made unsolicited comments at you.  Nathan?  You couldn’t remember his name and honestly, had no interest.

Then there was Eddie.  He was a stranger now.  You didn’t need any context, his face said it all.  His lips were parted as if trying to grasp words, any words as he attempted to shrug the jock off of his shoulder.  Those big brown eyes you one minute saw so much promise in were now distant and pleading.  How could he do this to you?

A hundred dollar bill was slapped to his chest and…he grabbed it.  Clutched it in his greedy hand.

The world was becoming one large swirling blob as hot tears brimmed in your eyes, your entire body shaking and your nerves on fire–not in the romantic way they were before.  And that wasn’t all.  There was a cherry on top, of course there was because it wouldn’t be your life if things didn’t progressively become worse and worse with each passing second.  Several more jocks emerged from the pool table that once garnered their attention, each of them exhibiting a concerning amount of enthusiasm at your expense.  If you were asked, you couldn’t recall anything they were shouting as they mimicked a dog’s bark after.

Paralyzing.  

Mortifyingly paralyzing—all you wanted to do was run, you didn’t know where but you wanted to leave this awful place.  And yet you found yourself glued to the very same bean bag that moments before held a girl that was so entranced and intoxicated—not on alcohol but on him.  She was nearly a ghost now, a shell of a person with barely any breath left in her, a corpse in the making. El c

All you could hear was hot blood pumping through your veins at a concerningly rapid rate, everything else was tuned out and your sole focus was how Eddie changed from the charming bad boy that only showed that certain softness for you into every other guy you’d encountered.  Shallow.  Selfish.  Scary.  Everything you knew him as, he no longer embodied.  The Eddie you knew was now also a shell.

You know when a person just feels like home?  They’re safe.  Warm.  Familiar scents.  Their presence is like a hug, a welcoming embrace.  Eddie was like home in the sense that his eyes offered an affectionate glow and he was always sugary sweet–not just regular sugar though–brown sugar.  A bit gritty with undertones of candied molasses, caramel and toffee lingering on the tongue if anyone ever cared to unveil those parts of him…which you did.

And he threw it all back in your face.  He didn’t need to say anything.  He was no longer the feeling of home, not since he just essentially threw you out on the doorstep and shut the lights off, feeding you to the wolves.  Your name fell from his lips desperately, his hand flying out to grasp at your knee, a hundred dollar bill still crushed in his other hand so tight he might just rip it and ruin his fortune.  But you were too fast, flinching away while boys congratulated him, praised him as tears rolled silently down your cheeks.  And before you could endure anymore your legs were carrying you up the wooden stairs, shoes thumping on each step as you attempted to maintain balance through teary eyes.  

You were an object.

–

Present Day

“Shit.”

The quiet but noticeable curse came from the front of the shop, your head only tilting toward the noise not out of curiosity but out of instinct.  Whatever Eddie was bent out of shape over this time was none of your concern.  The atmosphere had shifted since the cup debacle, it almost felt awkward but you were more disoriented than anything.

It wasn’t fair.

You were spiraling in the whirlpool that was Eddie’s recent behavior and yet he seemed unaffected.  Yes, he was acting far more civilly than he had in years but he still had this spark to him that no one could seem to put out.  You weren’t even sure if you wanted to–no you knew you didn’t–that wasn’t your intention, ever.  The spark was never the issue, it was the fact that the spark would grow into flames.  Unforgiving, destructive, scolding flames only headed in your direction, everyone else safe from the path of annihilation that was guided by his venomous words.

It wasn’t exactly ideal, your declared enemy since junior year suddenly holding back on firing like he was out of ammo.  It would be enough to send anyone into insanity because he would never run out of ammo, he would always have something to say that would hit a nerve just right but tonight…tonight he seemed to be aiming toward himself.  Small self-deprecating jokes of ‘Munson, were you born fucking yesterday?’ said to no one in particular as a healthy glob of whip cream slid off of the small mountain he was creating and onto the sticky floor.

So when he muttered a curse toward the front of the shop as you silently dismissed yourself to the breakroom to catch up on some assignments in the absence of any customers due to the storm outside, you didn’t pay any mind.

“Oh, shit, shit, shit!”

Not even a blink of an eye was offered as you scrolled through the files on your laptop, tracking pad greasy from the endless stress eating when you happened to attend a study group every now and then.  The breakroom table shook as your knee bounced against the leg.  Whatever the issue was, he could figure it out.  Hell, how does cleaning the window warrant that much of a reaction?  How badly could he fuck up cleaning a window?  You didn’t even care, the thought was gone as soon as it came.  He wasn’t going to earn a reaction, not when he was pulling whatever stunt he was pulling at the moment.

“Fuck my life–Roadkill, I think we got a big problem.”

Your eyes may as well have rolled into another dimension.  If he thought he could just start calling you that, reality would have to slap him in the face.  No, this was not going to be entertained.

“I think you’re gonna wanna–shit!  There was a brief silence and some shuffling before he yelled back again.  “You’re gonna have to get your ass out here and tell me what the fuck to do.  This is just–god dammit!  This is not in my job description.”

There was no helping the grin that pulled at your lips, no matter how hard you tried to hold it back.

“No?  Nothing?”  It sounded as if he was talking to himself more so than you which only elicited a quiet chuckle that you knew wouldn't be heard all the way from the back.  “Okay, well then you can explain to Ronnie–god fuck!  Where are the fucking rags–or just anything absorbent?!”  His voice got closer and you knew he was rummaging through the several cabinets lining the coffee bar, your suspicion only confirmed when the slam of each small door would echo through the shop.

“I think you got it handled.”  You finally chime in, a smirk displayed on your face, eyes glued to the screen in front of you as you typed.

“Got it handled my ass.”  It was mumbled under his breath but you still caught it as his steps seemed to get closer only to appear in the doorway of the break room, bangs sticking straight up in disarray and a torn up rag clutched in his hand tightly, a hand braced against the doorway as he leaned against it, cocking a brow at you which you only caught as you glanced up at him against your better judgment.  “Is that what you’re gonna tell Ronnie when he shows up tomorrow and everything is completely under water?  ‘Oh, Eddie had it handled’.  Yeah that’s gonna go just fine, then we’re both gonna get fired–”

“What–wait–what are you talking–”

“It’s flooding!”  An urgent point of his finger toward the front had your eyes widening.

Not another second was wasted as you flew out of your seat, pushing past Eddie and receiving a grunt in response as you slammed a little too hard into his chest on the way out.  And sure enough, water was trickling in from underneath the two french doors, inching further and further into the shop.

“Shit.”

“That’s what I said!  You didn’t listen!”

Eddie shoved the tattered and useless rag into his back pocket before reaching for a throw blanket that had been previously carefully placed on the couch near the bookshelves.  He had no fear as he stepped into the water that didn’t quite reach the top of his boots yet.  The blanket was wedged in the crack underneath the door as much as it could go to keep the water at bay.  But it would only hold for so long.

“I-I’m gonna call Ronnie.”  You decide, Eddie nodding as he further kicked the fabric underneath the door.

It would’ve been a decent plan had the storm not affected the cell towers.  You attempted to get through but the call wouldn’t go through and panic only grew in your features.  In denial, you even tried a few more times, hoping, just hoping that maybe the call would carry through but to no avail, the call dropped every time.

“Okay, it should hold for a few minutes but after that we’re fucked.”  Eddie was only causing more anxiety in his statement.

“Oh god.  I can’t get any signal.”  You would have winced at the way you whined if you weren’t internally crumbling.

“I think we just need to get the fuck outta here.”

“Do you see outside?!  We won’t even be able to see two feet in front of us and the water is rising!”  A clammy hand dragged down your cheek in despair, your breath uneven.  Why could you never catch a break?

“I’m gonna check the back, see if we can go that way.  You just…watch the door and yell if it starts flooding again.”

All you could do was nod as he raced toward the back.  Water was slowly spilling into the shop little by little and just when you thought things were as bad as they could get, the lights began flickering and you knew the power was done for.  It was only a matter of when it would go out.  So you did what you could, shoving the blanket even further under the crack to create a barrier, becoming desperate enough to even untie your apron knowing the canvas material would provide more assistance as you tucked it beneath the door.  As you squat to push the material further, your foot slips and suddenly your knees are engulfed in the puddle of water that had formed.  You hissed at the impact of the hard floor but brushed it off the moment you realized you created a wall between the water and the shop that was sturdy enough and didn’t seem like it would falter anytime soon.  Knock on wood cause god forbid if the night spirals into an even bigger shit show, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“So, there’s no way we’re getting out through the back.”

God, you just kept jinxing yourself.

With doe eyes, you looked up at Eddie like a pathetic excuse of a human.  Your pants were becoming drenched every second you sat there, the fabric absorbing a small amount of the large puddle you resided in.  Tears pooled once again and you swore you wouldn’t cry in front of him again but it seemed inevitable at this point.  It was like your new thing.  And before you could jinx yourself any further, the lights flickered especially bright before blacking out completely.  It was nearly pitch black except for the saving grace of the streetlights outside that must have been on some kind of backup generator.

“C’mon.”  Eddie’s hands were on you, pulling you up by your arms but you shoved him away, tears spilling despite your best efforts.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t do this now.  C’mon.”  His voice was soft but firm as he continued his attempt at pulling you out of the water.

“Stop it!”  Your hand came down, splashing the water harshly in the heat of the moment.  You could be equated to a child having a tantrum and you hated that he’d probably hold this over you.

“Let’s go.”  He wasn’t giving up but he wasn’t making fun of you either.  It only added to your outburst, everything was all so confusing, your whole life felt like it had been shaken around in a to-go container and opened only to reveal the leftovers splattered–a mess you can’t undo.  An unappetizing meal that no one would go near.

“Quit doing that!  You’re acting like you care!”

“Get up.”

“Stop playing mind games with me, Eddie.”  Snot was dripping from your nose but you couldn’t find it in you to care.

“Get up.”  The tone was stern as he held a ringed hand out to you which you only stared at in anguish.  “Get up.  If you don’t get up, I’m picking you up.”  You continued to glare up at him through wet eyelashes and salty tears.

“Get fucked.”  You spat bitterly.

Large brown eyes stared up at the ceiling momentarily as if he was pondering before he knelt down to your eye level.  Even in the darkness you could still see that spark in his eyes, pupils blown in mischief.  “I’ll give you one more chance.  Let me help you up or I’m gonna make you get up.”

Oh.

For some reason you found yourself even more stubborn in your pitiful puddle of tears and rain water.

“Get.  Fucked.”

Before you could even exhale a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, you were thrown over Eddie’s shoulder and for the life of you, you couldn’t ignore the spice lingering in his cologne and the detergent wafting into your nose from his shirt.  You didn’t even realize you were gripping said shirt in between your fingers until he began to set you on the plush leather couch, his shirt raising before you released the cotton at the realization.

“I mean it, go away.”  You weakly wiped at your cheeks as he knelt in front of you, looking up at your puffy face as he toyed with his rings.

“I will.  But first I need to make sure you won’t have a heart attack.”

“I’m fine.” 

You weren’t.

With a short nod and a sigh, he stands up.  And what did it mean if you suddenly felt devoid of warmth?

–

9:00 PM.

It was 9:00 PM, an hour and a half later and the phone lines were still dead, the rain was coming down harder than you’d ever seen, and the shop remained engulfed in darkness.  The power wasn’t going to come back anytime soon.  Though your shift was over, there was no way you were leaving without being washed away or drowning.

At least there was a comfortable couch and a supply of food at your disposal.  Even then, fear was consuming you and you just couldn’t help it.

What if the flooding gets so bad and we have nowhere to go so we’re forced to drown?

What if I die and I was never able to make amends with Steve?

What about Robin?

What about Will?

What about Dustin?  Lucas?  Max?  El?  Mike?  Jonathan?  Nancy?  Joyce?  Everyone?

My found family.

What if they all forget about me?

What if they don’t care?

The thoughts were becoming unbearable, devastatingly unbearable and your brain may as well have imploded from the impending doom you were subjecting yourself to.  Again, you were crying.  But this time Eddie wasn’t watching, he was occupied atop the counter, back to you, his apron discarded next to him as he swung his feet back and forth.  In his hand was a straw wrapper, folded neatly over and over until it was as small as he was able to get it before unraveling it and repeating the process.  All you could do was bury your head in your hands because your final thought of unavoidable despair was: What if I wanted to see more of this Eddie?

But that wasn’t possible and it never could be.  Because he was an arrogant and short tempered man with no regard for you.  Right?  You hadn’t engaged with him this much since high school, every other time in between didn’t allow for the two of you to interact for more than ten minutes at a time.  Then you wouldn’t see each other for months until plans collided and someone had accidentally invited you both.  Now he was everywhere.  All the time.  It’s almost like that one thing people say where if you think about a yellow car, you’ll see a yellow car everywhere you go without fail.

There was no excusing the damage he had caused all those years ago and if you’re honest, you were still repairing it.  But there was nagging in the back of your brain, a faint feeling that was familiar and that’s why it was scary.  Because the last time this feeling lurked on the outskirts of your thoughts, you got hurt.  A kind of hurt that you don’t just recover from and move on, forgive and forget.  The kind of hurt that makes you ache so deep when you’re face to face with the source.  And what were you supposed to do when that source created both a tremendous ache, painfully and longingly?  Left you hating his guts but wanting more all in the same breath?

No, you were supposed to despise him.  He made you hate yourself and he was okay with that.  That’s what you needed to remember.  He was not seventeen years old and stealing your heart, he was seventeen years old and shattering it to pieces.  And yet, he was the yellow car of your life.  Were you his?

–

The Harrington House, December of Junior Year

The stairs.

The stairs became your least favorite place in the world at that moment.  A sob escaped your lungs uncontrollably and though you did your best to muffle the sound with your hands, you still caught a few stares from some girls passing you on their way down.  You couldn’t imagine how crazy you looked with tears rolling down your face as you wobbled up the steps, only managing to make it to the landing before you had to take a minute to collect yourself.  The basement was suffocating, if you had to breathe in anymore of its toxic fumes you felt you might just pass out.  But you just couldn’t bring yourself to trek up the last few steps, your body was refusing to carry you any further.

With a hand braced against the wall, you attempted to regulate your breathing and tame your oncoming sobs only to fail as you stood there in utter mortification.  The woops and the yells of the boys downstairs continued only spurring on your anxiety which kept you a hostage on the landing.

“Oh, Munson’s gonna go hit that!”

“He’s going for the gold!”

You couldn’t find it in you to be surprised anymore.

“Fuck off!”

A series of offended yet amused ‘oh’s sounded throughout the room and after that, the thump of some heavy boots against the bottom of the wooden stairs.  Knowing very well who those steps belonged to, you ignored them and set your priorities on getting up the remainder of the stairs.  A task that seemed near impossible in your current state as a trembling foot placed itself on the next step up only to hesitate and fall back onto the landing as you bit your lip and tried to suck back as many tears as you could.

“Fuck.”  You whispered, reprimanding yourself as hot, fat tears continued to spill down your face, your hands doing their best to wipe them away only to be defeated as more trailed down.

A murmur of your name just behind you had your shoulders tensing and your eyes squeezing shut.  Eddie’s voice sounded distraught, for what reason you weren’t sure.  He won his stupid bet and he wasn’t the one being exploited.

“Please, let me–”

“I-I’m leaving.  Just–just leave me alone.”

Eddie wanted to throw himself down the stairs but he knew that would even provide enough pain to measure up to what he’d inflicted on you.  He fucked up.  Your shaking frame and wet sniffles made him want to drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness.  But he also knew that would never be enough, the look in your eyes as you realized the density of the situation was something he would never be able to get out of his mind.  The absolute terror flashing across your face would haunt him forever and when you evacuated the basement like your life depended on it with complete panic etched into your features he accepted that he ruined everything.

“C-can we talk?  Please.  Please.”  You’d never heard him sound so small and you hated that there was an ounce of you that felt for him when he was the villain here.  You didn’t need to see his face to know that those stupid puppy dog eyes were looking up at you, begging for you to turn around.  You could just feel it.

“No.”

“Let me explain.”

The nerve.  As if you were too brainless to understand.

“You don’t need to.”

Finally, you faced him.  Looking over your shoulder all you saw was betrayal disguised as a beautiful boy that you vowed to never go near again.  Of course you were right about his stupid puppy dog eyes because they were looking up at you from a few steps down, glassy and pleading, his mouth opening and closing as if to respond but no words were good enough.  He knew that.

“Leave me alone, Eddie.  I mean it.”  You gritted, finding the courage to embark up the rest of the stairs.  You had no intention of entertaining a conversation with someone who never had your best interest in mind, especially a conversation where he would beg for sympathy and understanding.  As you emerged from the basement, the hall became foggy.  More tears.  Shocker.  The music grew louder as you shoved through groups of people, not one of them paying any mind in their intoxicated state.  You saw the light at the end of the tunnel when Nancy and Steve were in clear view, talking and swaying to the music.  Nancy.  You just needed to get to Nancy.  Except a barrier of all black and leather was suddenly in your way.  And those goddamn near black eyes that you now loathed despite how enthralling they were.

“I didn’t accept the money.”  He stood in your way and it only made you boil.

“Oh, that makes things so much better!  Do you want a medal?”

You were turning sour and he had never witnessed this side of you before.  You were always the sweet and reserved girl from school.  He had to come to terms with the fact that he was the one to turn things upside down and spoil the budding relationship you shared.  But he only knew how to twist the knife deeper and deeper so if his tone came out meaner than he intended, he wasn’t able to reverse it and he was fully aware of that.  After all, sabotage was what he did best even if he was internally screaming at himself to stop.

“A medal?  I don’t want a fucking medal.  I want to talk!”

“Talk about what?!  Talk about how you’re a liar?  I watched you take the money.  You used me.”

Your finger prodded at his sternum rather hard but he didn’t budge.  

“No, no I didn’t.”

Lies.  Everything was made up of lies.  He was a liar.

“I have to get out of here.”  Your fingers swiped under your eyes, gathering any makeup that had built up in your turmoil, a defeated breath escaping you as you moved toward Nancy who was watching with concern.  But he stubbornly blocked your way once again.

“I know I made a stupid mistake but I wasn’t talking to you just to get a hundred bucks–”

“Eddie, I don’t wanna hear it.  Just leave me alone.”

It was over.  The damage was done and you planned to never look his way again.  All you needed was to cry into Nancy and hear Steve’s comforting words.  Though he was right about Eddie, you knew he wouldn’t celebrate seeing as you got hurt as a result of going against his warnings.  It was never something he’d wish upon you but you were being reckless and it was proving his point.  

“I have liked you ever since last year.  Tonight I made a dumb decision, I know that.”

There was regret in his eyes but it was too late for any kind of redemption.  He made his bed and he had to lay in it.  

“Do you?”  You whisper.

His gaze went softer and an anxious hand ran through his curls, tugging at them a bit too harshly.  All he could hear in his brain was ‘fix this fix this fix this’ but how could he fix this?  

“I-I never thought about the money.  They said they thought I could never get you to talk to me and I knew I could because we already had been talking but I–I also started doubting–”

“Do.  Not.  Make this about you.  Do not try to make me feel sorry for you.”  You turned cold right before his eyes.  It was something he never would have expected from you but he knows that if anyone could cause it, it would be him.  Of course it would be him.  He never deserved love in the first place so it was fitting that the moment he received anything close to it, he did what he did best and destroyed it.

“I’m not.  I got in my head and did something I’m not proud of.  But I need you to know that I never talked to you just to make a few extra bucks.”

He was trying, fuck he was trying.  But it wasn’t good enough and below the surface he had already accepted that but there was a naive little boy inside of him that yearned for love and always cried ‘why’ whenever he managed to ruin everything.  The only answer he could come up with was ‘because I’m me’.

“I liked you.  Do you know how it felt to have it all thrown in my face like that?  And have everyone laughing and watching me?  Like I’m some kind of zoo animal?  All because some boy used my crush to his advantage?”

I liked you.

Crush.

You were red in the face and all he could think about was the flutter in his stomach as his brain hung onto those words.  

“It’s not like that and you know it.  I have talked to you since last year.  Before tonight.  I have liked you this whole time.”

Admitting it was hard, he’d never done that before but he was clawing his way back to the old dynamic you two had.  What he failed to realize in his teenage mind was that there was no going back.  It was a lost cause.  He couldn’t just say sorry and everything would be fine again.

“No you haven’t.  No, no one who likes someone would ever treat them like this.  Steve was right, you are a lowlife.”  You’d never seen red like this before but the more bullshit he was spewing, the closer to the edge you got.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“A lowlife Eddie.  You’re a lowlife.  What?  Did I offend you?  I’m sorry I thought that's what this was.  I thought we had no respect for each other, right?”

He thought he was doing the right thing, so why were you rejecting everything he said?  He was admitting to his wrong doings and being honest so didn’t that warrant a peaceful resolution?  That’s what he initially thought but he was quickly learning that there were layers upon layers to this argument, that to truly understand and to truly earn your respect he needed to fully dissect the situation.  He had no idea how to.

“I’m trying to tell you what happened!  I’m trying to lay it all out and tell you I fucked up–”

“Why don’t you go back to selling drugs to your little jock friends?  I guess trailer trash and white trash really go hand in hand.  You guys are perfect for each other.”

Oh.

It was a low blow and you weren’t proud.  All you wanted to do in that moment was hurt him like he hurt you.  He was speechless and you guessed that maybe that was the reaction you wanted.  To stun him.  Show him you weren’t just a fragile girl he could play with for his own benefit.

“You know I was so stupid for thinking you were different from them.  You’re a monster just like them.  I don’t know why I ever thought you were the exception.”

“Is that what you think?”  His voice turned eerily quiet.  The party surrounding you may as well have not existed with how tense things had become.

“Yeah.  I think I should have just listened to Steve and stayed far away from you.  What was I thinking liking someone who’s good for nothing other than a few pills and some shitty weed?”

Rage took the wheel but you didn’t care and you’d even vouch that he deserved it.  And he’d agree with you but sometimes words dig up old wounds and the sting only fueled the flames behind his eyes.

“Fine.  Run to King Steve like you always do.  I bet you’re fucking him just to keep him around.”

He should’ve just spat in your face instead, it would’ve had the same effect as his words.

“Excuse me?”

“What do I know though?  I’m just some shitty trailer trash drug dealer.”

He offers a shrug but in the most unfriendly way.  Your words were eating away at him like acid and he was trying his best to appear unaffected.  Had you not been so full of resentment you may have caught him cracking.

“You’re such an asshole.”  

A shove to his chest lets him know that he’s done his job.  That he’s wrecked the only good thing he had going for him.  Just as he regrettably promised himself so many times.  So why not finish it off with a painful pinch of distaste?

“At least I don’t have to beg to keep my friends around.”

“At least I don’t have to mooch off of the jocks and use a stupid bet for some extra cash.”

“I didn’t take the fucking money.”  His jaw clenched, teeth gritting as he scowled at you.

“That doesn’t matter!  Are you fucking blind?!  I don’t give a shit that you gave the money back.  It’s the fact that you accepted the bet in the first place and then when it blew up in your face you turned into a coward!”

That sounds about right.

You hit every point on the mark.

But he wasn’t going to stand here and convince you that he was actually a good guy when he knew he wasn’t.

Nancy’s soothing voice broke the barriers of the heavy conversation fumigating the hallway before anything else could be said.

“C’mon, let’s go upstairs.”

The way Nancy glared at him as she guided you out of the hall made his stomach churn.  And the way Steve shot daggers at him only further proved that he was everything everyone said he was.  He confirmed Steve’s premonitions and he’d forever detest himself for it.

That night you’d passed by the kitchen as the party died down, all you wanted was water before returning upstairs to cry and get drunk on cheap wine with Nancy.  What you got was Eddie Munson making out with Chrissy Cunningham in the middle of the kitchen.  And when he caught your broken eyes, he knew he was the vessel for everything you hated.

–

Present Day

The crying wouldn’t cease as you remained curled up on the couch, knees to your chest and head in your hands.  The last 48 hours had been eventful enough that you would require a week to sleep it off.  The amount of crying only tacked on the time you would need to recover.  Outside, the storm continued raging and the wind combined with the harsh rain against the windows raised your anxieties.  Every other second you’d glance at the door anticipating the water breaking through the barrier you created and feared that soon enough the place would be flooded and you had no way out.

From what you could hear, there was some rummaging around behind the counter but that was the least of your concerns right now.  Whatever Eddie was messing around with this time wasn’t important and truthfully, you were just concentrating on keeping your sobs under control.  If one slipped out every so often, Eddie didn’t pay any mind or say anything which you were grateful for.

Until you felt a presence in front of you which you refused to acknowledge, further burying your face in your hands and cowering into your knees.  You pretended he wasn’t there.  

“Here.”

His voice was soft and velvety.  You were able to conclude that he was sitting on the coffee table in front of you as you peeked for a split second from between your fingers.  What he was offering you, you weren’t able to determine from the quick glance.  You responded with a shake of your head, hoping he’d just go back to mindlessly tinkering with things around the shop or fidgeting with straw wrappers.

“You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Like he’d give a shit.

“C’mon, you gotta breathe.”

At this you give in, allowing him the smallest view of your eyes from just above your knees, wet lashes blinking up at him in the most beautiful way though he wishes he could take away all the sadness you were radiating.  Gentle.  He has to be gentle.  And if you happened to snap at him he had to control himself.  Breathe.

“Here.”  He repeats, holding out a to-go cup, just like the one from earlier.

Again you shake your head.  And he has to be fine with that.  He is fine with that.  Your poor body was trembling and he was carefully selecting his next words so he wouldn’t feed whatever was causing this episode.  Cup neglected next to him on the coffee table, his palms rest on the tops of his thighs as he stares at the floor contemplating.  A flash of light and a rumbling of thunder, louder than you could ever imagine has you flinching, face wincing almost as if in pain and he isn’t sure what his next move is.  When you glance back over at the door in fear he knows he has to divert your attention.  He isn’t sure how long you’ll both be stuck in here and if you’re freaking out the entire time it won’t help either of you.

“Hey.  The door is fine.”  He didn’t know that for sure but it seemed to be holding up and no more water was seeping into the shop so he was confident enough.

“Yeah.”  You whisper, lip being pulled in between your teeth nervously, nearly drawing blood.

“I promise–”

A deafening crack of thunder just about swallowed the town and on instinct, you lunged forward to grip Eddie’s bicep tightly.  Your nails were digging into his skin but he didn’t mind.  His initial reaction was to pull you into his arms but he decided against it.  Instead he gripped your forearms, gentle enough that if you were to pull away his hands would fall off of you with ease.  If this was the closest he’d get to ever holding you, he’d take it.

“It’s okay.  Everything’s okay.”  He soothed, his voice dripping with honey like never before.  “You’re gonna be okay.”

You seemed to realize how out of character you were as you let go of his arm, hands in the air as if surrendering but if you only knew he didn’t want you to.

“Sorry.”  You murmur, eyes wide.

His gaze never left you and yours never left his.  You were too close to him yet you couldn’t move back.  Somehow you still allowed his hands to hold your forearms and without thinking his thumb caressed the skin ever so slightly, a whisper of a touch.

“Nothin’ to be sorry for.”  That boyish smile graced his lips and for the first time in a while, you were appreciating it with stars in your eyes.

Another clap of thunder and a blinding light streaked across the sky and once again, you were clinging onto him but this time as he held your forearms, you held his.  You almost fit like pieces of a puzzle.

“Sorry.  Sorry.”  You apologized twice more and he wasn’t sure why.  If anything he should be spending the rest of his life apologizing to you.  That’s what Wayne would tell him if he knew the density of the situation between you.

“Stop saying sorry.”

“I-I’m…sorry?”  You laughed.  A breathy but genuine laugh.  His heart felt like it was going to rip itself out of his chest as he laughed with you.  Yeah.  He wanted to spend forever laughing with you.  So he would savor this moment if it was all he could get.

You released his forearms and finally moved back to your original position on the couch.  Your warmth was missing from his skin and he ached even just having been allowed that one simple pleasure for a minute or so.

“Drink this, it’ll probably make you feel better.”  For one last time, he offered you a token of his peace, a declaration that even if you still didn’t take it, he would still honor it and respect your decision.

The streetlights illuminated your face in a way that he wanted to remember for eternity.  If you were his, he’d trace his finger down the slope of your nose.  But you weren’t and you’d never be.  It was his fault and throughout all the grief he had given you, he somehow learned to fall even harder.  That was never the intention.  Truth be told, he didn’t know what the intention was.  Maybe subconsciously he was pushing you further and further away since he fully accepted he’d never have you.  A dumb concept, he knows but that’s how his brain was wired.

“Hot chocolate?”  You ask, head tilted in the most adorable way, brow raised at him in suspicion.

“What else would it be?”

“Poison.”  You joke but he doesn’t quite find it funny.  He should.  What changed?

“No.  No, not poison.”  It’s mumbled as he stands, beginning to make his way back toward the counter.  He’s stopped when your hand reaches out to grab his elbow, another clap of thunder accompanying the action which only causes your nails to dig into his skin again, a welcoming sensation.

“Why aren’t you laughing?”  You frown.  He didn’t mean to cause it but he finds ways to disappoint time after time.

“I-uh, I don’t know.”  Liar.

“Well, you can’t leave me here.”  Was this your way of saying you needed him?  Why would you ever need him?  He was the bane of your existence and you had no problem showing it until now.  Now you were being almost…sweet?  No, not quite although he couldn’t deny that you were sweet all the way around–even when you were telling him off.  Even when you were telling him how much you hated him.  You were being friendly.  Towards him.

Towards him?

He didn’t deserve that.

But who was he to say no to you?

“Okay.”  He whispers, seating himself on the opposite end of the couch, a few feet in between you for modesty.

It turned silent.  Only the golf ball sized rain drops pounding against the windows and the occasional rumble of thunder filling the gap.  You still hadn’t taken a sip of your drink and he figured you’d never accept his semblance of a peace offering.  And he was slowly learning to be okay with it.  Wasn’t quite okay with it yet but he would be.  He hopes.

And then you sipped it, letting the chocolatey goodness coat your throat and soothe your nerves.  You’d never know how big of a deal it was to him.  As you looked at him across the couch, his mouth was hung open and the ghost of a grin lingered.

“It really is poisonous isn’t it?”  You ask.

“No.”  He answers, jaw tightening.  “Why do you keep insisting that I’m going to poison you?”  

Another crash of thunder alerts you, causing you to jump involuntarily which only made the hot chocolate slosh over the side of the cup and singe the skin of your wrist.  A series of curses sputtered off of your tongue and instantly Eddie had grabbed a handful of napkins, offering them to you which you accepted right away, blotting the liquid and watching the skin turn red.

“I-I don’t think you’re going to poison me.  It’s a joke.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Why does that bother you so much?”

A sigh falls from his lips, hand running through his lengthy curls.  He didn’t exactly know how to formulate the answer into words but he would try.

“I just–I don’t–I’m not like that.”

“Like what?  A murderer?  Eddie, I know that.  I’m just messing around.  We hate each other so it just seems fitting.”  

His eyes grow two sizes bigger and ten times softer at your statement.  His mouth runs without him even thinking but he doesn’t regret it.

“I don’t hate you.”

It takes a moment for you to respond.  You’re not as surprised as you should be but you weren’t expecting it either.

“You–you don’t?”  Your eyes dart from the beverage back to him as if working out an equation.

“No.”

“Then–then why–what do you call what we’ve been doing this whole time?”

It was a genuine question.  If he didn’t hate you then why was he constantly belittling you?  Arguing with you?  If not in the name of hatred, then what was it all for?  

“I couldn’t tell you.  I’ve been trying to understand that myself.”

His gaze faltered briefly, insecurely.  You’d never seen him with his guard down like this.  He did still have those stupid puppy dog eyes, he always had them.  But they looked especially sad tonight.  Not that you were giving in.  What exactly would you be giving in to?  Nothing.  

“Hold on.  You’re the one who started all this.  Am I just expected to tell you I don’t hate you?  Eddie, you did some seriously messed up shit–”

“I know.  I know.  Every time I see you I think about it.”  It came out strained, as if it physically pained him but what right did he have acting wounded when he was the one who inflicted pain in the first place?  You were both aware that he didn’t have that right.

“And to this day you’re still doing some seriously messed up shit like the thing with Steve?  If you don’t hate me then what the fuck was that?”

Steve.  It wasn’t clear if your bond was completely severed or hanging by a thread.  But Eddie played a part in that too and that was more pain and harm done by his hand.

“I don’t know, okay?  I keep sabotaging myself, it’s kinda the only thing I’m good at.  That’s not an excuse.  I’m just trying to make sense of it as much as you are.  All I know is that I don’t hate you.  And I fully expect you to hate my fucking guts.”

The only person he’d been sabotaging was you.  That’s how you saw it.  Your life had been on a downward spiral more so when he began showing his face recently.  And here he was declaring that he was sabotaging himself and that nothing made sense to him either.  You couldn’t buy it.  He was the cause of it all, meanwhile he wasn’t even sure of himself what the goal was.  

“Eddie.  You made me hate myself and you were okay with that.”  Tears threatened to resurface but you were able to suck them back.  It was a noticeable gesture but at least you weren’t crying again.  And his eyes only seemed to grow softer, more bambi like rather than black holes that left you uncertain.

“I was never okay with it.”  Before he continued, his mouth seemed to hesitate as he thought about what he said next.  The words get stuck on his tongue, he needs to say them but he’s struggling.  He shouldn’t be struggling because you deserve to hear what’s lingering in the back of his throat.  It’s just that he’s never been good at feelings and has never claimed to be.  Fucking this up would mean three steps backwards after he was brave enough to take that first step.  He thought of Wayne and the talk they had the previous night, hoping to find some kind of courage because ‘sorry’ was all he was trying to say but how he said it mattered the most.     “But I never made any effort to fix it or stop being an asshole and I’m sorry.”

The air was still.  Your face displayed no emotion and it was proving difficult to determine how you took to his apology.  So he rambled on.

“And the thing with Steve.”  Oh boy.  “It was nothing.  We were messing around not that that makes it any better but honestly we were just looking to get off.  Steve came to me cause there were no other dudes in town and he didn’t wanna drive all the way to Indy to find someone.  That’s it.”

That’s it?

“That makes me feel so much better.”  Sarcasm was laced in your bitter response, your eyes rolling, feeling as heavy as bowling balls before they focused on the babbling idiot on the other side of the couch again.

“Hey, I just said ‘not that it makes it any better’, didn’t I?”  It didn’t come off as mean like usual.  It came off as more…humorous.  But not at your expense.  There was no undertone of insult, not with the way the corner of his mouth raised in the most authentically Eddie way.  The way you remember from high school.  It was the little upturn of his mouth that he really only ever offered you and you were embarrassed to admit to yourself that you noticed.  But god, you hadn’t realized how much you missed that cute small dimpled smile until he just flashed it at you.  Only for you.

“So Steve is still a huge jackass?”  Maybe it was you being delusional from lack of sleep paired with the psychotic events you were being put through but you returned the same humor.  Your own tiny upturn of your lips displayed.  Only for him.  Even if he did take your heart and stomp on it right in front of you years ago.

“That’s up to you.  I’m not getting involved.”

His brows raised as he threw his hands up.  He’d caused enough chaos to last a lifetime.  

“And you’re still a huge jackass?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I am.”  Eddie was so sure of his answer and though you were pleased with his reply, something felt achey.  

“Are you throwing a pity party?”  You tried to divert from the sting you felt, he didn’t warrant any sympathy after all and you were well out of it.  

“No.  I just really need to grow up.”  There was a desperate plea in there somewhere.  Not necessarily directed toward you but you detected it nonetheless.  

“And it took fucking Steve for that to happen?”

An unexpected decorative pillow was thrown your way, landing in your lap and you couldn’t stifle your laugh.  He was in the same boat, cheeks hurting from how wide his grin was and when you tossed the pillow back at his head, he felt his heart in his throat.  It thumped uncharacteristically hard, he could feel it in his bones.

“Shut up.  It wasn’t fucking, remember?  But yeah, I guess King Steve actually did me a favor in a way.”

“By favor do you mean…getting you off–”

“No, god no!”  The pillow was again flung into your lap, not too hard, just right as it elicited another giggle from you.  “I mean if that didn’t happen then things wouldn’t have happened the way they did.  I wouldn’t have gone and bothered my poor uncle late at night and he wouldn't have given me a stern talking to that I honestly needed.”

“Well, whatever he told you it must have worked.  You’ve been a lot less jackass-ish today.  It’s kinda weirding me out.”

Another pillow to his chest let him know that he was doing okay.  He was still the scum of the earth but he was doing okay.  The grunt he let out only made you snicker at him from underneath your hand.

“Listen, I’m not always a jackass but when I am good fucking riddance.  And I happen to only get that way with you and Steve.”

“Why?”

“I guess–I guess it’s like–well with Steve he was always in the crowd that hated us at school.  You know, the nerdy kids, all into DND.  Always acted like he was better.  Especially since he had money.”  Eddie paused, finding himself choked up as he debated his next statement.  

You couldn’t deny how pretty he looked in the glow of the orange toned street lights outside.  His side profile was something straight out of a renaissance painting, just as you’d observed before.  Your finger could delicately trail down the bridge of his nose perfectly.  You imagined.

“And with you–I-I fucked up.”  He completed his thought.

A moment passed as you sucked in a breath.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.  I was a stupid ass teenager who liked a girl so much he got cocky and ruined everything.”

Liked a girl so much.

Those aren’t the words you should be focusing on yet they’re the only ones that seem to stand out.  Were you feeding into misogyny if you kept only hanging onto the parts where he said he liked you?  You were so mixed up in so many emotions and it was hard to distinguish what you were supposed to be feeling in the moment.  

“You know, I never actually listened to what happened that night.  At least from your perspective.  I don’t know if I wanna know but we’ve got time to kill so…”  Your own form of an olive branch.  One that maybe he didn’t deserve but you’d extended it anyway.  You were feeling generous and if you really needed to, you could cut that branch.  

“I uh–okay.”  He began nervously, twisting his rings in his routine habit.  “The gist of it is that some jock bet that I couldn’t get you to talk to me and smile.”

You hummed in response, displeased.

“He said something about a hundred dollars but to be honest I didn’t pay a lot of attention.”

“Sure.”  You scoff.

“Please just—he—he just started going off about how I wouldn’t be able to do it.  And I knew I would because we had been talking for a while.  So I figured, why the fuck not?  I have reason to talk to this girl I’ve liked for so long who I know will talk to me and laugh at my jokes and I get to make an ass out of this brainless jock.  Except, uh that didn’t really happen and I ended up as the ass.”

Disappointment was evident in the way his brows knit together and how his eyes glued themselves to the ground.

“Yeah, you did.”

“And then uh–and then I didn’t stop there as you know.  You were there.  I said some mean shit.”

He paused to take a deep, thoughtful breath.  Eyes fluttering shut before reopening to meet yours again.

“I still say mean shit.  But I-uh I wanna work on it.”

“I can respect that.”

“You don’t have to.”  Before you can respond he tacks on one more detail that you were curious to see if he’d even address.  If he was man enough to bring up.  “Oh and uh—the—the whole making out with Chrissy thing.  That was a dick move.  I did it to spite you.  Which was kinda evil.  So, I’m sorry for that too.”

“I just need you to know that you really hurt me that night.  I don’t care how young we were.  It’s haunted me to this day.”  

You can’t seem to meet his eyes as you say it, fingers toying with a loose thread on your jeans.  His reply is more mature than you’d think to hear from him which only made your head snap up at his admission.

“I’ve hurt you several nights.  And I hate that I knew I hurt you and kept hurting you.  And I’m sorry.  That probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but I am.”

He’d never sounded so sincere in the time you knew him, big brown homely eyes staring at you profoundly.  But there was still a lot to unpack and you couldn’t just drop that baggage and forget about it.

“I can’t accept your apology.  Not right now anyway.  I don’t think you as a man will ever understand the fear and humiliation I felt that night.  Every boy in that room cheered you on.  I was an item to you all.  I was like some prize.  I felt like a piece of meat.”

It was true, you’d felt like a display and ever since then, relationships were something you strayed from, unable to trust another human in that way that you’re supposed to when love blossoms.

His posture straightens up and he scoots a centimeter over but never crosses the unestablished boundary that was your side of the couch, doesn’t even come close to it.

“You’re right.  I’ll never understand.  I never meant to make you feel like a prize or a piece of meat but I did and I can’t imagine how much that traumatized you.”

“It really did.  I’ve been scared of liking anyone ever since.”  You hadn’t realized you were so okay with being open about it until the words hit the air.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.”  He winced as if he was physically in pain, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I know I can’t really undo everything but um—if you give me like–a week tops I’ll find another job that will let me work nights–”

“Eddie, I think you’re too late.”

“What?  No, no I swear I can probably–”

“Eddie.”  Your voice was so gentle, something he wasn’t deserving of, something he wasn’t expecting.  “I think we’re on the best terms we’ve ever been on since before the incident.  Don’t you think the best time to quit would’ve been when we were at each other’s throats?  You’re a little late.”

“I mean–”

“Listen, I’m not forgiving you.  But I’m not gonna make you quit your job either.  I almost quit and the stress of it probably took years off of my life.  We’ve both got bills to pay so there’s no use in wasting time on another job hunt.”

Eddie’s head was shaking in disbelief that even with all the shit he put you through, you were still being the kindest person to him.  Maybe that’s what made him fall for you the first time.  Maybe it’s what was making him fall all over again.

“I don’t get it.  You should be punching me in the face.”

“I think you’re forgetting, I said some pretty horrid things to you too.  I guess you’re not the only offender here.  You’re the biggest offender.  But not the only.”  Yet again, you were proving to be a much better person than he ever was.  He’d admit to himself that what you said to him back then stung, it stung bad.  But he wouldn’t admit that to you.  “So I’m sorry.  For calling you all those names.  And saying Steve was right about you being a lowlife.  You’re not trailer trash.”

Tears pricked at his eyes for a sliver of a second but he blinked them away before you could make any note of it.  He sniffled,  playing it off as his normal body language.

“Honestly, you don’t owe me an apology because I am those things.  So I don’t accept your apology.  Because you were just telling the truth.”  

“You’re not those things.  You know what you are though?”  You grin, glancing down to the paper cup in your hands.

“What?”

Rotating the cup to display his messy handwriting back to him, he cracks a smile.  

“Roadkill.”

~end~

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tags - @mmunson86 @haylaansmi @batkin028 @obscureenigmatic @micheledawn1975 @dreamerjj @hideoutside @hellfirefiend @emilyslutface @rustboxstarr @3rd-conchord @eddiessteady @lightcommastix @kittydeadbones @shadows-echoes @str4ngerthingsslut

[burby2007]

I need to apologize I need to take a break for a while I might occasionally post something Eddsworld related but yeah going to take a break I'm a very mentally ill person and sometimes during a mental breakdowns I do some not great things mostly just cry and wish death upon myself and tell people that they deserve so much better than me which sadly I still agree with I generally don't understand why anybody wants to do with me but they do the main reason why I wanted to take a break because of my disappointment in the team on Eddsworld

I don't dislike them but there's certain attributes about the team that I'm not a big fan of me and one of my friends agree that Matt's kind of seems a little greedy now I know especially one of my fans / friends will disagree and you know what she has the right to feel that way I like Matt but he's kind of seeming like he's a little greedy with certain things but that's just me no one's truly perfect I'm not a big fan though so they did the Yootuz thing with tord like the man just wants to be left alone you probably what about the end part 1 and 2 honestly yeah it's kind of the same thing but when it comes to that at least it actually has some married to it because without tord it really would have been the end.

Anyways here's my opinion about the crew the animators no issue with really honestly I like no issue with 90% of the crew the only ones I have an issue with is really just I think I'll have an issue with Matt possibly to be fair I can judge him completely though we truly don't know what's going on behind the scenes and I guess diei because I texted him and he has never responded for like 2 weeks and it really bothers me even though he said he's busy a lot but at this point I just gave up sorry that he doesn't like me or something.

Also another issue I have is Beyond's kind of slowly going downhill like the comedies kind of stretched out and honestly that's all it's more commercialized and it's ever been which that I'm nutshell isn't bad but the marketing is like so forced it's kind of annoying and honestly like Tom's voice actor like makes a kind of worse because it's like it's like such a marketing voice it's kind of sad but you know he's a good voice actor so I can't hate him too much now with all these criticisms towards the crew do I hate Eddsworld no do I need to take a break from them yes it does not help the fact I am still grieving over my father in my mental health is slowly decreased ever since his passing and I worry that I'm going to say something wrong so I should probably take a break.

That doesn't mean I'm completely done with Eddsworld forever though I think I'm forever stuck to it call me edd head addict if you will but I think it's time for me to step down for a little bit I hope you all be okay and understand it it might not be a long break to be honest cuz my attention spans like a nutshell so I don't know I do know one thing I'll never talk any of the Eddsworld members ever again Miuns if they want to talk to me or something which we all know they don't want to. But yeah um its edd day soo yeah im tried so gn

I love you edward

[quodekash]

GUESS WHAT BITCHES KANGSAILOM HAVE KISSED AND NOW ITS TIME FOR ME TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE OF THEM, ALL OVER AGAIN (im so hoping it doesnt take me 2-3 hours to watch this episode again but it honestly probably will)

NO

I KNEW THE FRIKIN BACK PAIN THING WOULD COME BACK INTO PLAY

ISTG IF THESE BITCHES KILL HER THEY'LL ALL HAVE HELL TO PAY

NOT MY GRANDMA MILF GODDESS QUEEN SHIP-CAPTAIN

NOT ON MY WATCH

NOT ON MY WATCH

PFFFFFFFFT

oh honey

he's desperately pleading, he wants to tell him but he doesnt want to say it, he wants sailom to know what he's thinking and what he feels and what he wants and what he needs, but he still doesnt understand his own feelings and thoughts and desires

why did you kiss me? why aren't you talking to me properly? why are we here, in this locker room? why do you like me? do you like me? why can't everything be simple?

all condensed into a simple word

and he's avoiding eye contact, he cannot look at kang and he will not look at kang but it's not like it used to be, where he wouldn't look at kang because kang didn't deserve the respect, where he would only look at kang to smile and laugh at him because he doesnt fear him, no this time he wont look at him because he's afraid. afraid of the answer, afraid that he's wrong, afraid that he's right

AND HE WIPES HIS MOUTH

AND KANG IS WATCHING THE WIPE SO ATTENTIVELY

he sees sailom wipe his lips, rid himself of their kiss, rid himself of this conversation and of the fears and thoughts and questions and confusion, and kang just wants him to know what he feels but he doesnt know what he feels and the best he could put it was through that kiss, and kang had to watch as sailom removed any trace and feeling of it from his mouth

ouch

LOOK AT HIM

YOU CAN SEE HIS SWIRLING HURTING THOUGHTS

perth and chimon are both such astounding actors I cannot fathom them

PLENTY MORE CHANCES TO TALK TO EACH OTHER PROPERLY WHEN YOU'VE FIGURED OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND AND HEART

is this not post-patpran-rooftop-kiss-scene

its literally exactly the same

THE LITTLE LIP BITE I CANT

its the small little nuances and facial expressions and tiny reactions and thoughts communicated on their faces

is nuances the right word to use there? idk, it's fine

LMAO IM-

WAIT SO THIS QUESTION IS POPPED AT THE START OF THE EPISODE??? DAMNNNNN

MAN HE'S GOT A WAY WITH WORDS

and I mean that genuinely

WEAR YOUR SEATBELT BITCH, WHAT THE HELL

WHY IS NEITHER OF THEM WEARING THEIR SEATBELT

GUYS

DRIVING IS DANGEROUS

ITS A HIGH-RISK ACTIVITY

AND YEAH MAYBE A TINY STRIP ACROSS YOUR TORSO DOESNT SEEM LIKE IT DOES MUCH, BUT IT'S STILL BLOODY IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT COULD BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BONK AND A SPLATTER IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING

SEATBELTS ARE IMPORTANT FOLKS

WEAR THEM

Y E S

HE OPENED THE FRIKIN DOOR

LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

are we finally gonna get the scene ive seen in the end credits so many times and die every time I see it where they're lying in bed together and smiling at each other and ghkerbgjksdb

FUGWE9JOGSBNVPIWEKGNPIVWEKNMSDGPOVKNERIPKDNGPBIVKERVLNDPOGIKNVEPORILKSNDGPBVOIKERNMD-OFPSGKJBVEPS

OML THE HITTING ON HIM SAGA/MONTAGE

THESE PARTS ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVOURITES

AND THESE TWO GOT TO IT A LOT FASTER THAN MOST OF THE OTHERS IVE SEEN GEUIRJGBKSD

GOUEWBJDSG THE BLOW KISS

HE'S SO UNASHAMED

IM LOSING MY MIND

THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULDVE DREAMED FOR

HOLY FRICK I LOVE HIM

THIS IS AMAZING

IM SOBBING FROM HOW HARD IM LAUGHING

I CANT GET OVER "ill eat you then, because I like you" LIKE DAMN BRO THAT WAS SMOOTH AND MY MIDNIGHT BRAIN SOMEHOW DIDNT SEE THAT VERY OBVIOUS FLIRT SETUP COMING AND I LOST IT

HIS HAPPY LITTLE SMILE OMG I CANT

fR I C K

it's okay it's okay, she just has a bad hip, she's not gonna die I swear she's not gonna die

also can we just take a moment to honour the mesh shirt kang's wearing?

savour the moment a bit longer...

let the moment of appreciation last...

okay that is all thank you for joining me in worship

A L S O let's just think about this. im guessing grandma and dad and that nurse are all going to the hospital.

whICH MEANS the two gay-ass teenagers who are gay-ass specifically for EACH OTHER are gonna be home alone in a huge-ass mansion for a while

I wonder what they could possibly spend their time doing

what are you eating, sailom 👀

THE HAND RESTING ON HIS SHOULDER

BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR MAKES A COMEBACK

THE EYEBROWS-- I CANT

they're really channelling the patpran this episode

and im so happy about it

"just go straight" lmao good luck with that one buddy

breaking news: it comes as a shock to absolutely no one: quodekash has, once again, run out of images. a new post will be made for your enjoyment shortly (but it wont be posted for at least an hour because I cannot watch things at a normal pace and the post wont be posted until I either run out of images or finish the episode, whichever comes first)

[thesternest]

tag meme: my top 9 characters

i was tagged by @regallibellbright so with no particular order lets get into it

I have decided to not put any characters of my own here because then this list would be filled with my characters and nothing else

also only one per series since i want this to be an overall representation of my favorite characters

1.Phosphophyllite/Phos (land of the lustrous)

Phos is by far one of my favorite characters due to how they change throughout the series

also watching them suffer is what got me my permanent angst craving

phos is one of those characters that unfortunately due to being by far the most popular character in the series the fandom tends to dislike every other character in the series (particularly in this case since a lot of the other characters have mistreated phos in some way) which i think is a disservice to those characters

but phos is still my favorite

2.Blake Thorburn (Pact: Devils and Details) (no art for him because im too lazy to ask for permission to put him here and i dont want to put a piece of art on my post without permission)

ill be honest it was hard to pick if Taylor or Blake were going to be put here, since i didnt want to put two wildbow protagonists here, and while Worm was much more enjoyable for me to read i think Pact was a much more memorable story for me,

Since like blake struggled through the horrors, i struggled against decaying attention span

In general i gravitate toward fantasy stories more than superhero stories

3. Eve and aoi (birdie wing golf girls story)

hey remember a second ago when i was debating over which wildbow protagonist to put here because i didnt want to put both

Yeah fuck that these two are a pair because i love them both and refuse to seperate them

These two are genuinely one of my favorite protagonist duo's ever

like they are so funny with their insane antics and golf

4. Yuki Takamiya (thirteen sentinels aegis rim)

this one proved to be really hard to decide between Yuki, Okino or 426 since they are all favorites

i decided that it was best to fit one of the protagonists into this since it would be hard to talk about the other two without spoiling anything and needing a ton of context

from the second Yuki showed up i knew she would likely be a favorite

what i didnt expect was for her to be arguably one of the smartest characters in the game

I would say out of the protagonists she is the second smartest with Gouto being the smartest

Like i did not expect her route to be a detective story

5. Power (chainsaw man)

first person on this list who isnt a protagonist, and i did consider putting Asa instead of her and while i am undoubtedly more invested in Asa im also much more entertained by power

also i need to put one character who isnt a main character here lest i be seen as a basic bitch

6. Sayeon Lee (hand jumper)

we only have one season of her but this girl is so mentally unwell its like catnip to me

im eagerly awaiting the start of season 2

also to my surprise me reccomending vibes this webtoon caused a bunch of wormblr people to read this too so when season 2 starts i could probably talk to those people about it

7.Daan/ the doctor (fear and hunger termina)

this was a tough descision between Daan and Marina because while i love them both equally Daan has the better narrative in my head with his doomed by the narrative swag

8.Iwha (hero killer

she's cool when she murders people

9. Kikuri Hiroi (bocchi the rock)

girl who is doomed by the narrative

but the narrative is a slice of life so overall its not that bad

@n0brainjustvibes@tranz-regent@worstgirl-online i nominate you to follow in my example and list characters

Also feel free to analyse me like a lab rat for these picks in the notes