#im glad i waited for my copy and didnt read online | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nico-idc · 4 years

Text

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that. Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently.

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why.

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now.

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

undefined

youtube

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression.

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory.

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions.

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”.

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt.

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first.

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #tw eating disorder #vent post

5 notes · View notes

riotatthemovies · 4 years

Photo

Helloooo Everybody..

QUESTIONS WITH RIOT. TODAYS GUEST RON FORD!

So here is a nice big post for you to read, see it on my tumblr page and the facebook group and maybe in a new book someday. I will be reaching out to B movie directors and actors in the next week or so with a handful of (often similar questions) . They are not real time interveiws , I just sent them the questions and they msgd me back. Todays victim of Riots questions is actor director RON FORD, not to be mistaken to Toronto past mayor Rob. Those who know Riot at the Movies and our regular screening parties in Toronto will know of Ron Ford from when I was given a vhs copy of Mark of Dracula. Ron directed the film and played the amazing Sheriff in it. That movie became a regular talk to the group as we saw how his cast and contacts would connect to other Riot at the movie favorites like Eyes of the Werewolf AND if you read my first book you will remember my writing about Alien Agenda Endangered Species during my first 24 hr marathon with films chosen by you the readers. Also I play the trailer for his movie TIKI about yes a killer Tiki on a regular basis before my monthly screenings so Im sure lots of you know that as well. So lets get to the questions.. hello Ron Ford, first question iiissss, Whats your favorite type of monster?

Ron Ford: Oh I like all kinds. The Creature is my favorite from a design standpoint. I love giant monsters a lot, Kong is probably the greatest monster movie ever, though there are really only a handful of truly good movies in the genre. Most of them are indistinguishable from each other, plot wise. I also love those that are rich with societal and psychological subtext. The Invisible Man, vampires and Frankenstein fall into that category. Werewolves too. - So how's that for dancing around a question?

Adam Riot : I dont think danced I think I got what I expected from the guy behind Hollywood Mortuary. Of all the movies you have made what was your favorite?

Ron Ford: Of the features I like The Crawling Brain the most. It is the closest to the movie I saw in my head when writing it. But my absolute favorite is a short called The Cosmological Constant, which sort of encapsulates all my conclusions about science and religion. It's a drama with science fiction overtones, not one for gore hounds or those looking for action, but it's very thoughtful and even-handed and all the performances are professional, polished and moving. I hope to share it with the world soon. It's currently enrolled in a dozen or so festivals, so I've got to let that play out.

Adam Riot :From experience or finished project, what made it your favorite?

Ron Ford: It is the most polished film I ever made, and for once I didn't cast just friends (although they are all my friends), but sought out the best actors in town. I also am proud of it's subtlety and even-handedness. Personally I definitely side with science over religion. But I treated both sides of the debate with compassion and sensitivity. Religious people will relate to that side of the story without feeling slighted. It is my most thoughtful and my most emotional film at the same time. I always hear sniffles in that audience every time I screen it. And frankly it still chokes me up when I watch it, and I've seen it literally a hundred times. It also captures my deep interest in cosmology and astrophysics.

Adam Riot: Have you made films that you have not shown to the world that you just didnt like so you hid it away?

Ron Ford: Yeah some I cringe to watch, but I don't hide them away. Even my worst (Snake-Man) is on YouTube for the world to scoff and laugh at. Bad reviews often give me a tickle, if they are written with humor. I know they are not masterpieces, and I'm glad people can enjoy some of them as camp.

Adam Riot: Ohhhh I have not seen Snake Man, cough cough made a Snakemen movie recently but wont be finished till after the isolation.

Next question, What movies in a micro budget genre have impressed you recently?

Ron Ford: I am afraid I'm not up on the current micro-budget filmmakers. I have always enjoyed the works of Eric Stanze, Scooter Macrae, Kevin Lindenmuth and Jeff Leroy. The only one I've seen lately was a preview of Seb Godin's Erotic Rites of the Vampyr which was a lovely mood piece.

Adam Riot: We love Seb here as we played Dinogore at our festival from last month.

Next Question What makes you lose your love for independent films, the people? the money? the response from friends or buyers?

Ron Ford: Making money is the most difficult part. Gone are the days when you could sell the most poorly shot piece of junk based solely on some cool box artwork. My biggest bitch with most of them is poor sound and poor acting, two things I am woefully guilty of myself, especially in my early works.

Adam Riot : You have been making movies for a long time with a lot of different people , how do you feel friendship in the independent film world is important and how hard would it be without close friends?

Ron Ford: Essential. Since people are volunteering their time, you better be nice to them and you better make it fun for them. That's easiest with friends. Many of the friendships I've made making films have become lifelong pals.

Adam Riot: What do you like doing more directing or Acting?

Ron Ford: Directing, but I have improved as a screen actor a lot, to the point that I am now a SAG actor. I do lots of commercials and TV. I spend a lot more time as an actor than a director these days, and make a shit ton more money at it. My other great passion in life is the theater. On stage I would much rather act than direct. In fact it's what I love more than anything. I have directed a couple plays, but stopped doing it because it's just not something I enjoy that much.

Adam Riot: Ron Ford musical on broadway, I am hoping thats down the road. But whats your thoughts on the streaming services, direct download, tubitv that kind of thing? Any opinion?

Ron Ford: I'm glad for them. Now lots of films not produced expensively enough to get play on tv or in theaters can still find a home and an audience. The more venues the better.

Adam Riot: The world is waiting for more Mark of Dracula, what is the sheriff doing these days?

Ron Ford: He's still in there, policing my moods and calling me out when I act like an asshole. He is my conscience. It's one of my earliest efforts and, despite it's crudeness, it has a warm place in my heart. I'd love to see it on DVD or Blu Ray someday. I am so grateful that some hardcore microbudget watchers are still watching and enjoying it.

Thank you so much Ron I hope to see so much more in the future, stay safe and stay awesome. BUT for you readers and watchers in the group we will have Ron Fords emotion short Cosmological Constant as the pre show for Toonie Tuesday.. this week, so yeah two days away. At 8 30 we will play Rons short and at 9 is a random older b movie for us to stream here in the Riot at the movies facebook group. Join us for Rons deeper side science and religion and I apologize if I ruin it with something cheesy right after as I have yet to decided on our nights feature, hey its online and its madness out there we can swing what ever emotion we want right now. Again thank you Ron and I hope to see all of you on Tuesday, two days aways, April 7th, 8 30 right on the facebook page wwooo.

#bmovies #ron ford #riot at the movies #thank you #interview #movies #streaming #alien agenda #mark of dracula #tiki

0 notes

survivor-iceland · 5 years

Text

Ep. 8 - “I’ve got that BDE (Big Dummy Energy)” - Dylan C

Timmy

IT WORKED 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I am so happy, between the idol and this vote, it has been a great night. Idk what the blacklash is going to be from this but it’s fine, it’s all fine and I’m so happy. Also now it’s easier to work with Maynor so I’m so happy ❤️❤️

Raffy

Joseph, Timmy, Stephen, Maynor. They are on my shit list and they will go down, one-by-one.

Maynor

❤️ Jay. I would want to say it here. Cuz i feel like Zoe might be really mad at me. But i am sorry for voting you out but you can fault me for wanting to get rid of the leader of an alliance that didn’t want to work with me to the endgame. If this move gets me voted out next then so be it. Like im glad i was able to pull this out in like a hr. Rewind for the last 24 hours:

Me and Timmy called and i just word vomited plans. He told me they already wanted to split between Joseph and Stephen. We got a rough plan maybe making it a 4-3-3 vote. Then cut to next morning and thinking it over how the votes will land. To Zoe’s blessing, she told me who was voting who for the split. My part one of the plan was to make sure timmy n I were on the stephen vote. Zoe put me on Joseph and i had to make up a lie how i felt bad for voting Joseph cuz he barely started talking to me but i was okay with voting Stephen. It worked and we switched. Then had to convince timmy and he gave me the go ahead cuz he wanted to better his position. So talked to Joseph and was shook that they were splitting the vote and he mentioned voting zoe or john before hand so got him scared/mad about being tricked and potentially being voted out so he was down for the plan. Then went to Stephen and he was down because he knew how shady zoe n john were for lying to him over and over again. (Stupid to not tell him about the sierra vote) and he was down. Then timmy re-assured joseph and the plan stablized. And it was executed perfectly and im so happy that i was able to do it. Its my proudest moment in my org history.

Raffy

I know Timmy was the one who backstabbed Mental Gymnastics because he is the only one who could've told Joseph/Maynor all the information they had to a) pick out a five and b) not trust Ellie or Dylan. Also, Timmy would want to get rid of Zoe because she had an idol and his immunity necklace enabled him to make a risky move. So, he is dead to me at this point. He needs to go next or so help me!

Dylan C

{Novel for after the video} I should've waited and ended that video since Timmy ended up confessing to being the fourth Zoe vote, according to Raffy. Good on him!!! me: who do you think told him [the tea] Raffy: Timmy lol. he admitted it to me in pms eh, so I wasn't the first to tell Joseph then, but whatevs. in theory, if I corroborated what Timmy said then it may seem more credible? I mean, idk what all Timmy would've told him, also Raffy: [is messaging as I type this in a sticky note while waiting for my video confessional to upload, time: 12:32 am EST] Raffy: "He's a backstabber and a liar and a rat | So I'm not trusting him anymore." Hm, time to play this angle and have some fun with it, I guess. Maybe Raffy knows I'm full of shit, to him, too. Or not, since I haven't been online most of the day for people to find that out. Me: "Jesus. Why the fuck would he even do that" Raffy: "I truly, honestly do not know" So the million dollar question: is this a two way bullshit street or just the one way. Driving down it either way. I'll find out eventually. Me: "Wow. Like, it’s dumb, too. Why betray and alliance that would put you in a solid position?" Raffy: "Like they don't even have a majority right now | I'm just dumbfounded" Me: "me too, I don't understand" Either this is all true or it isn't fuck if I can confirm. Guess I'll talk around and uhhhh actually talk genuine game to people and kick my shit up a notch?? Like I'm exaggerating here and pretending to be shocked at something that wasn't fucking shocking at all if you have goddamn eyes? Is Raffy doing the same??? idk!!!! Timmy was gonna be the first person I messaged today had I actually, yk, done that Me, to Timmy: "so Raffy has outright said he wants to get you out" Timmy: "Yeaaaa that’s what it sounds like in my pms | I’m sorry I kind of destroyed the alliance" Me: "I would've done the same if I had been in any sort of game-oriented headspace today" God, my confessionals are gonna feel lackluster once I send ones that aren't me "liveblogging" shit as it happens Also, bless Timmy bc after that message he expressed concern and I was like "lol no I was just Distracted" Can I just say that I hate that Raffy is apparently right, assuming everything I've been told is true, about who didn't vote for Zoe? Kinda wanted hi to get some of it wrong and then have one of those people wind up in his Secret Chat bc that's got some spicy ass potential. Me? About to spill nearly Everything I'm feeling to Timmy as well? It's more likely than you think!

Dylan C

So I’ve got that BDE (Big Dummy Energy) and forgot to circle back to EoE in the video. Which is on brand since I’ve been forgetting about it all game. Basically I hope Zoe doesn’t come back from it. I’d rather Jack wndnsksbx. That’s assuming no one else returns from EoE. I think Jack and Zoe are the most likely to, though. Raffy asking me who I think we should align with in the future? Who we should trust? Akdjsjjdbdakdjsb BOYO. If this is all genuine, I’m gonna go feral.

Stephen

https://drive.google.com/file/d/164JnDqAVkXgT2ERZmwiZeT3IjANBi7DS/view?usp=drivesdk

Joseph Collins

I can’t wait to see what Ellie has to say in the morning. Who I thought was my biggest ally. She was blindsided by that vote too. I wonder how she’ll defend herself. Ulfur is dead to me. Except for raffy.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/g0LLDO9uetU

Maynor

Raffy is really pissed and wants me gone. If not timmy. It is his fault. Treating people like they were nothing but a vote to use and then disregard when no longer needed. He literally said that about ellie n keith. And probably thought the same about me too. But its funny. He underestimated me. Like just cuz a vote doesnt go your way doesnt mean you have to be salty and bitter. Like i understand him being mad. But sayjng wanting to be in the loop next time but like dude you didnt have me in the loop so like fair is fair. He really thought i wasnt someone to keep an eye on cause of ratuma. Im a very dangerous player and he got hit with the hard reality that other people are here to play and not to hand him an easy win. Take a seat raffy.

Raffy

I created the Shhh alliance as a way to regain some control in this game. It's made up of John, Dylan, Ellie, Keith, and I. It's everyone who was left out of the loop during the last vote. The other side has another thing coming. They can go on and say that there is no sides or alliance, but they created a division when they decided to keep people out of the loop. Throughout the day, Joseph and Ellie have been talking privately with both of them feeding information to me about their conversation. Apparently, they are both very angry with each other as Joseph felt Ellie's betrayal on a personal level. He thinks she knew about the split vote and I confirmed it for him even though that is not true. So, I basically enabled and egged on a feud between two people I am close with so that I can play the middle. In this way, I can create a situation that empowers me in this game. However, I want both of them to stay a little longer so that their fued can be the centerpiece as I fade into the background, manipulating both of them. If I had to choose, I would pick Ellie over Joseph because I trust her more to tell me the truth and take me to the end. Timmy and Maynor still want to work with me, but I am serving as a double agent. Everything they tell me will go to my alliance. Right now, I want Maynor gone because he made the move to blindside.

Dylan C

Raffy saying I’m “carrying the integrity of this season on my back” is so funny skdjsjscnskcbsj

Dylan C

me, on the touchy subjects call for the second round: I have no idea what to put for some of these, and I feel like I'm gonna get a ton wrong

Jay: I can just copy your answers for you from the first round me: yeah okay but let me modify a few (read: like, 3) me: [wins] what the fuck

Joseph Collins

So. Here we are, immunity belongs to Dylan. I have no idea who my allies are. The people I thought were the closest to me, were only close so they could twist the knife in my back. I would be surprised if I survived this tribal and I think people might only be keeping me until eoe is over

John

so i’m the villain AND people think i’m going to win if i get to the end? i’m honestly kinda screwed rn hahahahaha this isn’t looking good. people want me out. i know they do. i gotta do something.

Raffy

I think I might just be in the best and most dangerous position in this game. Everyone, seemingly, wants to work with me. Everyone, seemingly, wants me as their ally. And touchy subjects revealed that everyone thinks of me as their closest. This is good. This means, for now, I am in control of the vote, but I don't like being in this position for subsequent tribals. It has to come down to who I think will keep me here the longest

Maynor

Tonight is a scary night for me. John is hard core voting me tonight and i believe Raffy is too. I know for sure we have 4 votes of me timmy joseph n stephen. I want to believe that keith and dylan are in the vote too on my side. So should probably be like a 6-3 vote. And im hoping because im really scared. I dont want to go home tonight. Like ive been playing so hard to go home over people who are petty.

Raffy

Joseph wants John out bad. Like, he's pitching to everyone that John should go. I don't know whether that's Maynor or anyone else in his ear, but that's very threatening for my game. So the Shhh alliance is planning on blindsiding him. Everyone in the alliance is going to vote Joseph, while we tell people that we are targeting Maynor because of his hand in Zoe's elimination. I want to get rid of Joseph so bad! I hope he doesn't play an idol.

Raffy

People are eating out of my fucking hand this round. I don't feel safe or comfortable, but, from what I am hearing, everything is going well. Everyone in Shhh is down for a Joseph vote, and the plan for telling people it's Maynor is a go. Maynor is telling me all about Zoe's side alliances as if I didn't already know about them from the beginning. However, I am starting to build a relationship with Maynor because it is best for my game to do so. I could either pretend that I vote for John during this round, or I can say that I heard it was Joseph but that I couldn't tell him cause I thought they were close. The second argument works because it also reveals that I voted Joseph and convinced people to do so in order to save him which I am sure he'd be grateful for. Either way, I think this plan is going well, and I'll be alive by the end of this round.

John

i honestly do not know where joseph’s comfortable attitude came from. at all. he is literally the natalie bolton of the season. a complete non entity until the third merge episode. i hope he goes.

Raffy

I'm smack in the middle between these two sides, and I am pitting them against each other. Hopefully it doesn't bite me in the ass tonight

John

so tonight will test the new five: myself, raffy, ellie, dylan, and keith. joseph is claiming he's voting for maynor, but since he lies out his teeth every five seconds, we know he is not doing that. most likely he is voting for me, since my name has been thrown around since zoe's blindside. basically put, we gonna pray tonight.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/YT7O8PdGqek

Keith

Well its been a super busy couple of days. I have been travelling. 3 flight two stopovers later when I saw tribal. It was nothing less than a shock to see zoe got voted out.

Fast forward.... now there is a split. 5 to 4 I realised after being matching up all the messages after being in four different zones. That maynor actually tried to get me on board with the flip. Though i knew i wouldnt do it then cause i wouldnt vote for zoe. But maybe i could have gone for a different person. And as i always knew. Im always behind in the game and now its really more visible than ever. Tonight hopefully I am making a move. But its not motivated by the fact the need somethinf on my resume. Its more about trying to have some traction in the game. Or there isnt even a point tryin to get to the end. P.S this is the first time so close to tribal i am still getting a feeling that I am about to get blindsided. Hopefully it doesnt happen

Joseph Collins

Too. Many. Liars. Lol. Dylan’s saying this. Raffy’s saying that. Dylan’s saying that raffys saying this. And raffys saying that Dylan’s saying that. I hate that I have to wait until after tribal to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth StephenSo me and Keith finally talked, he seems cool id like to work with him, but according to maynor hes in league with john, and i do not like the sound of that one bit no sir. So, its time for john to go, hes just too intense, raffy too but at least i know raffy a bit more, john is... so shady. I hope he goes.

Raffy

I am at the bottom. So that sucks. It means that no one is going to trust me and I should just chill and hope I win immunity

Dylan C

Ellie just gave me a rundown about what happened on the tribe call, and she said she was crying and now I feel bad. I wasn't involved in the call so I didn't really feel much surrounding the vote, but now I feel really bad

Maynor

I am living my best life. Like my plan of voted off zoe thag happened within an hr, has really changed the game. The people who were in the majority has really crumpled and gone back to back. I honestly can say im really proud of this game and people cant say i didnt do anything in this game. I single handledly made a final10 vote into a 4-3-3. Im playing hard amd playing to win. Lets hope i can make it to the end. Honestly i cam say that i may not be getting zoe’s or john’s vote if i do make it.

Ellie

I’m on the bottom, but right now I’m focusing on myself before I’m focusing on the game and I feel like that is the best thing I can do right now. If I go, at least I’ll be at peace with myself

0 notes