#im half nervous for tomorrow and half it doesnt feel real

[gilears]

endeavouring to reply to All my unreplied to comments on the o&t series (and, stretch goal, my d20 fics?) bc i am notoriously bad at replying to comments but i do love doing it and also would love to have everything cleared away before o&2 tomorrow.

anyway. wish me luck and sincere apologies for people that have commented on multiple chaps/fics and are about to have their inbox terrorized by ao3 user sulfuric. i love you okay bye

[dylanmunson]

\ Joseph takes a liking to you /

requested via wattpad

part one wattpad | P2 / wattpad \ tumblr | P3 / wattpad \ tumblr

Master of Masterlists | Masterlist | Wattpad | Request

part two

so i had an idea, and its kinda to do with this request, and yes im using comic con as an example, and stfu, im using my cosplay and shit as examples and uhh yeah stfu. let me live my moment. 

wordcount: 1.3k | not sure how i feel about this but we move, mega word vomit. 

/////////////

It was comic con, and i had a photo op with joseph quinn. I had also managed to get an autograph signing for the following day, deciding against getting todays autograph slot as i knew today was going to be so much busier then tomorrow. 

Standing in the queue to get in, i see a bunch of stranger things cosplays, grinning to myself, the excitement fully setting in as i get my bag checked before entering the centre. Walking over to the big time table sheets on the wall i glance at my phone to check the time, knowing my photo slot is this afternoon, i decide to have a wonder around before making my way up to the photo area. 

Seeing the centre full of hellfire shirts and stranger things cosplays brings a stupid grin to my face, only having seen very few harleys, im quite happy with my cosplay of choice. I go round to a few tables looking at all the things for sale, deciding to buy a few things. 

Its now coming up to my photo op and im nervous, im about to meet the gorgeous man that is Joe Quinn. Making friends in the queue before my batch number is called, i get my ticket ready on my phone and make my way over to the staff member so they can scan it for me. Walking into the photo area i see joe smiling for photos with the other fans, trying to interact with them for as long as he can before the next comes along for their photo. Pushing my nerves aside as it soon comes to my turn. 

"Hi" i grin up at the beautiful man, his eyes even more gorgeous in real life, "hello love" he smiles, "could i get a cuddle?" i chuckle "yeah of course" he  grins wrapping his arms around me "how are you?" i mumble as the photos being taken, "im well, overwhelmed but well" he smiles down at me, i nod "thank you for taking time with everyone here, it really means alot" i smile, he puts a hand to his chest and smiles "its a pleasure love" he smiles. 

Im being ushered away, his hand slowly leaving my back "take care love" he says as i leave "bye!" i grin back at the man, he half smiles waving before the next fan is grabbing his attention. I wait for my photo to be printed before leaving the photo area and walking over to the friends that i had made during the day. 

"i fucking love that man" i sigh, putting my photo in a protective frame "hes so fucking pretty" i laugh. 

After that we walk around a little more, before deciding to head home, calling it a day as we're back tomorrow. 

/////

The next day, i didnt cosplay, i just wore a home made hellfire tee, since everywhere and i mean EVERYWHERE had sold out. A pleated skirt and my docs, i meet up with the people i had met yesterday stopping in a corner shop to grab some breakfast and drinks before heading to the centre. 

Upon entering the centre, you can already tell its going to be a some what of a quieter day. Going back to the big time table sheet on the wall, theres nothing about autographs, so we head straight to the autograph area since Joe doesnt have anything till lunchtime. 

The queue for him is moving, so we join at the end, showing the staff our tickets as we wait to see Joe again. Having packed my photo from yesterday for him to sign, i rock on my heels waiting for our turn. 

He comes in to view and he looks happy, tired but so happy to see all the support. It quickly becomes our turn and i let my friend go first as i stand back and film their interaction. "Hey sweetheart" he grins standing up, opening his arms, i bite my bottom lip, cheeks reddening as i walk forward into his arms, giving him a hug "how are you today love?" he smiles letting go, putting his hands on the tops of my arms. "I'm well, how are you" i smile at the curly haired man. "im well" he chuckles, i nod and pull out my photo "i didnt catch your name yesterday love" he smiles grabbing a black sharpie popping the lid off. "y/n" i smile, he nods "there you go beautiful" he smiles, resting his hand on top of mine. He looks to the staff member next to him, nodding his head. 

I frown, but dont say anything, not having a clue whats going on. "care to join me sweet?" he smiles standing up again, "uh sorry what?" i chuckle, he just smiles down at me "care to join me for a drink?" he smiles "i uh" "you dont have to i just" he stops "no id love to, but dont you have more signings?" "having a break before my talk" he grins, running a hand through his hair. I nod "ohh, makes sense." The staff member giving me a look before leading us to the celeb area. 

Quickly sending my friends a text to let them know i'll find them in a bit, i pop my phone back in my pocket and look up at joe, as he moves in front of me holding the door for me "why thank you kind sir" i giggle "a pleasure darling" he smiles putting his hand on my lower back as he enters behind me. We sit at a table in the corner, as he gets us both a cold drink and begins eating. I smile at the man and lean my head in my hand, elbow on table. 

"not that im not loving this but do you not want some quiet time" i say biting my lip, feeling my cheeks redden a bit. He smiles softly "i had to take my chance" he grins, i frown "what?" he lets out that little giggle he does, you know the one, you know what im talking about. He bites at his nails and looks at me again before saying "i'm not going to lie, you caught my eye, so" he grins, his cheeks now going a pink shade. "then when i saw you in the line, i knew i had to yano get to know ya" he chuckles running a hand through his hair, before wiping his hands on his jeans. 

"me?" i mumble pointing to myself, he nods. I scrunch up my nose covering my face feeling a massive blush take over. "adorable" he grins. 

"10minutes Joseph" someone says in our directions, he nods his head, letting out a little sigh. "do you maybe wanna grab a drink after?" he says finishing off his water. "uh, sure" i smile, handing him another bottle of water. "You gotta stay hydrated" i grin "its warm" he smirks "of course, here" he says handing me his phone, i frown taking it but realise hes set it up for me to put my number in. 

The heat not leaving my cheeks as i type my number in before handing it back to him. "i'll send you a message when im finished" he smiles, standing up i nod standing up beside him. "i'll see you later ok?" he mumbles pulling me in for another hug, i nod against his chest "see you later joseph" i mumble, "wait do you prefer joe or joseph?" i smile looking up at him, him smiling, like the smile where his dimples show. 

"i dont mind love, but i do like how joseph sounds" i nod, my cheeks now slightly aching from all the blushing and smiling. "Joseph" a man says walking over, "i'll see you later" he chuckles letting go of the hug, i nod "stay hydrated joseph" he chuckles saluting me as he leaves the celeb area. 

Munson Taglist @alicefallsintotherabbithole @steves-robin @onlydruig @tenderhornynihilist @itsyouimagines @witchsbitchestime @kyomiite @girl-with-an-orange-cat @flatoust11 @udontcarethisshit @chloepricerk800 @kellysimagines @caitfrogs @get-me-to-wonderland @bdpst-massacre @lagataprrr @goldenharrysworld @oo0lady-mad0oo @presidential-facts @qu7nn @pleasantlycrazyworld @ladyapplejackdnd @little-cupcake17 @meaganjm @dixontardis @megsrose @chaos-incorp @sourbutcalm143 @lieblingsmenzch @kbakery @positivevibesnlif3 @stcastwh00re @greatfandomsgalore @eddies-gf-86 @mariar597 @lothiriel9 @lesliemcawesome @chrisevansmarvelmcu @zdarie @notbeforelong @jayy-sins @witchy-bisexual @stephanie-lkj

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [4] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2973 words. Listen, I massaged the timeline a little bit, just suspend your disbelief, perhaps it only takes 4 months to be in post production. Also yes I know X-Men didn’t actually film in Egypt, but I didn’t know that at the start of this fic and now I’m sticking with my mistakes because momma didn’t raise a quitter but she did raise a fool.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

“You’re not proposing to me in a sheer shirt.” The moment the makeup team leaves, you turn on Ben, amusement tugging at your lips as you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, the picture of innocence as he fiddles with the cuff of his jacket. You raise a singular eyebrow. “I think you do like it.” He hummed, a mischievous sparkle in his eye. When you refuse to break eye contact, your silence is answer enough. “I think you like it a lot.” 

It’s been almost a four months since shooting officially wrapped, two since you’d filmed the last of the pick up shots they’d needed, and a full month since you and Ben seen each other in person; you’d been busy with a Netflix series, and Ben had been in talks about a new project, and you’d been messaging every day but seeing each other in person is... well there’s something different. Playful. Easy. Somehow neither of you seem worried about the looming proposal, and are just making up for lost time.

“Love, you’ve gotta take it up with the stylist, not me.” He shrugged, as if helpless, and turned, making his way to the door, knowing without even looking that you’ll be following behind him. He’s chipper, brimming with excitement and looking damn good, and once he gets to the elevator and pushes the button, he offers you his arm while he waits.

“Marry me.” He says it suddenly, watching the numbers of the elevator tick up to your floor. There’s no-one around, and the ring is still in his pocket.

“What?” With a frown, you step into the elevator, and press the button for the lobby, still tucked up against him.

“What if we just show up engaged?” He asks, hand in his pocket where he’s fiddling with the ring box. He’s not nervous, just contemplative.

“And deprive Swarovski of their moment?” You scoffed, and he tipped his head to look at you, eyebrows raised in exasperated amusement.

“I know you hate the ring, ‘too gaudy, too ostentatious by half’, isn’t that what you said?” He snickers after doing as half decent imitation of you. Giving him a shove, you duck your head to hide your embarrassed smile.

“It’s so ‘look at me! Look at me!’” You huff, and he can’t help but laugh at that. The sound of it, in person rather than over Skype, made you feel, for lack of a better phrase, like you were home. Not that there really was a better phrase, you just didn’t want to think about or admit how much you’d missed him.

“Sorry to say, dude, but there’s nothing more ‘look at me! Look at me!’ than a red carpet proposal.” And yeah, okay, maybe he had a point, but that was one night, you had to wear that ring until... they hadn’t told you the DVD release date, but you’re pretty sure it was some time in the New Year. When you bring this up, he just rolls his eyes. “You’re not the one getting down on one knee for a fake proposal; I’m gonna look like an idiot when this is all over.” 

“Well fine, if you’re so worried, I’ll propose.” Instead of dwelling on his words, you step away, holding your hand out expectantly. When he just stares at you, bewildered, you motion for him to hand the ring box over, and he finally cracks a grin, shaking his head.

“If you think I’m gonna be caught dead in that ring you’re wrong.” He spluttered, and you can’t help but laugh at that.

“Fine, I won’t take your first proposal away from you.” You hum with a smile, tucking yourself back against him. He goes very quiet. It takes you a few moments, but you look up at him, brow furrowed. He seems lost in his own thoughts. “It- Ben you’ve never been engaged before, I feel like I’d know if you had been.” Your words snap him out of his trance and he looks at you with wide, bright eyes, and an unconvincing smile.

“Yeah, no, I would have told you by now otherwise.” The silence that falls around you in not a comfortable one, and you’re glad when the elevator comes to a stop. “I got close once, though.” He admits, quietly. You don’t know how to respond to that; you hadn’t considered how much those words would hurt. You want to ask with who, but you already felt an unreasonable rush of jealousy at the thought of someone else stealing his heart enough for him to want to be with them forever. Unreasonable jealousy.

Filming for X-Men started a week ago and he’s only called you once; he’s on a film lot somewhere in Canada and his hair is curly and god he looks cute but the apartment feels so empty. He’s bright eyed and excited. He’s rambling about how busy he is, and he’s still wearing his makeup. The call lasts five minutes; the cast are going out for dinner. You tell him to have fun, but you’re heart’s not in it; he can sense it, and promises to call you tomorrow, before he hangs up.

He doesn’t call, part of you isn’t surprised.

“Marry me.” He asks again, voice low in your ear. The others in the car can’t hear him, but part of you is afraid they might. They don’t technically know it’s not a real relationship, though part of you thinks Gwilym has his doubts, not that he’d ever voice them.

“Not the time.” You shoot him a warning look, and he just slings an arm around you, leaning back in his seat. 

“You’ll regret not letting me be low-key about it.” He warns in return, giving you a blithe smile, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Low-key about what?” Lucy asks, and you elbow Ben in the ribs. He keeps smiling, though his mischievousness slides to something more fond as he actually looks at you.

“About anything.” You say by way of explanation, and though she, along with the rest of the car, still look confused, they don’t push it. There’s reporters everywhere when you get out of the car, and you and Ben are the last ones out.

“Last chance before this becomes a spectacle.” He murmurs when he steps out after you, straightening the back of your dress just a little, and he sounds amused, but there’s something genuine in his voice, and you take a moment to pause, turning back to him. His hands land on your hips, his touch light, and his expression is so familiar it hurts, and you realise he is a little nervous; it’s a very public setting for what should be a very private matter. With cameras going off all around you, you pull him in for a kiss, and he relaxes somewhat, kissing you back with his grip tightening on your hips.

“We’re being paid to be a spectacle.” You remind him, and he nods, smiling softly, and the two of you make your way down the red purple carpet together. You have to stop every few feet to do interviews, and soon enough you had pulled ahead of Ben; he had a much larger part in the film that you did, it wasn’t surprising the reporters wanted to monopolise him. It still felt strange, to turn and not have him there. Sometimes you’d do interviews with the other boys, sometimes he’ll be there, and as the main photo area loomed, you could finally feel the butterflies in your stomach.

Soon.

Perhaps too soon.

“What do you mean you’re going to Egypt?” You snapped, wishing your internet connection was better so he could see you glaring clearly.

“I told you about it ages ago.” Ben sighs, clearly tired. It’s there in his eyes, how drained he is, how hard he’s been working, and your expression softens.

“That’s exciting,” you force yourself to take a breath, it was the first time you two had spoken that fortnight, neither of you needed this to be hostile. The days had started feeling so long when you don’t hear from him; all you want is a damn hug and he’s on the other side of the world. “What if I come visit you?”

“In Egypt?” He asks, eyebrows raised.

“In Egypt.” You confirm, a weak smile on your face, he doesn’t look thrilled by the process.

“Don’t bother.” He sighs, and the moment he sees your expression fall, he realises how his words had sounded, and he’s sitting up straight, panicked look on his face, spluttering his way through an apology. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just busy and it’s going to be hot and-”

“No, I get it.” Your dejected sigh was followed by a yawn, and you hovered over the end call button. “When you’re less tired I think we should talk.” You tell him, and you see the confusion, fear, and resignation pass over his face in quick succession.

He agrees quietly, and neither of you really say goodbye before hanging up.

He was tapping on your shoulder as you were halfway through talking to E! News, and you’ve never been more anxious and excited in your life, and never so thankful to not be at the main photo area on a red carpet. His timing was perfect.

“So sorry, could I borrow Y/N for a minute?” He smiles charmingly at the reporter, and his expression softens when he sees the relief in your eyes. 

Before he even starts, it feels off, feels wrong, feels like a performance for the cameras more than anything else. 

“Don’t get teary on me, I know how hard your makeup artists worked.” He begins, and you make sure the cameras catch your surprised confusion. He’s takes one of your hands in his, linking your finger together, and the other holds your face. There’s a moment that passes between you two, his expression softens as he looks in your eyes and it’s as if he’s looking past everything that had happened, the whole setup you’d found yourself in; he was seeing you. 

“This is probably the biggest night of my life,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “for more than one reason; you’re my best friend, you’ve been there for some of the highest points in my life, and some of the lowest. I know you, Y/N, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, and I want to. I want you there by my side for the rest of it,” it sounds... so much more planned out than you’d expected, so much more heartfelt, and you’d be damned if there weren’t tears in your eyes. Despite the fact that this very private moment had a huge audience, which included a reporter muttering ‘holy shit, is this what I think it is?’, you could only see him. Damn if it didn’t feel real.

“I love you; I’ve loved your since-” his voice catches in his throat, and you see a hint of pain flash across his face before he’s smiling again, “since I first saw you in that damn wig they put you in,” it sounds like an addendum, like he doesn’t really mean it, or like it’s not the whole truth, but it’s enough to make you laugh, and when you look down to hide your embarrassed smile, your tears fall from your eyes, “since you agreed to all of this,” he gestures to himself with a self-deprecating grin, though his double meaning is not lost on you, though his expression turns serious after a moment, “since I first kissed you on set, though that feels like a long time ago.” Your breath catches in your throat, and he sounds like he hadn’t mean to say that last part, his voice too raw, his heart too honest for it to be a truly fake statement. You can do little more than whisper his name in reverence. Gently, so gently, he lifts your head, his thumb wiping the tear track from your cheek. 

“Marry me?” It’s a question this time, and when you look at him with confusion, disbelief written on your face at the way he chose to word it, he laughs softly, sinking to one knee and pulling out the ring box, and revealing the single most frivolous ring you’d ever had the displeasure of seeing. “Will you marry me?” He corrects softly.

The crowd behind you is going absolutely mad behind you, and cameras are going off at an almost blinding rate, but his eyes don’t leave yours. Nodding, you can’t even form words, so caught up in the moment, and he stands, pulling you into a kiss. The flash of cameras surround you like a sea of stars and Ben’s the only thing keeping you on solid ground. His grip is tight enough that he almost lifts you off the ground, and you’re on your tiptoes with his arms around you before his grip loosens, his hands sliding down the small of your back, and for the first time since this whole fake relationship began, he doesn’t hesitate before he deepens the kiss. He tastes like mint and you’re so glad you’re wearing that twenty-four hour lipstick or you know you’d be a mess, and when you pull back, you’re both out of breath, looking at each other with a something akin to awe in your eyes.

You’re pretty sure, in this moment, you love him; nothing fake about it. And you can see it in his eyes that he loves you too. This is dangerous territory for you both.

Stepping back, he takes your hands again.

“I told you not to cry, love.” He laughs gently, voice so soft as you dab at your eyes with your right hand, watching as he slides the ring onto the ring finger of your left hand.

“What can I say, you have a way with words; how long were you working on that speech.” You sniffle, grinning brightly as you examine the ring, still holding his hand. After a beat too long of silence, you look up to see him smiling softly at you.

“A while.” He admits, and something about the way he says it makes your chest ache. The moment passes and he looks down at your joined hands. “That’s fucking hideous.” He whispers, shaking his head at the sight of the ring, and you giggle, preferring to throw your arms around him, kissing him again.

The two of you are the last two to arrive at the formal photo area, with the logo backdrop, and Joe’s grin is confused where he greets you both at the edge of where everyone was in a line getting a group shot.

“What was all the commotion over there?” He asked quietly, and Ben stepped into position easily, slipping an arm around Joe’s shoulders and pulling you in. You were still beaming, you couldn’t help yourself.

“We got engaged.” Ben murmurs to Joe, careful not to draw attention to them, which was immediately counteracted by Joe’s loud ‘What the fuck?!’ “Calm down, man, we didn’t want to take all the focus off of the premiere, you know?” 

As soon as the big group shot was taken, you stepped off to the side as the four boys had their photos taken, and you could see Joe murmuring to the others, while Ben just smiled for the cameras and tried not to blush.

Photos were taken with Brian and Roger, of Rami and Lucy, and even some of you and Ben, and when you posed, you both had an arm around each other, and you leaned into him, resting your hand on his chest with your ring on clear display.

There’s congratulations all around as you’re heading into the theatre, but the biggest shock of the night comes in the form of Roger Taylor wrapping you up in a hug while you’re still glowing with pride.

“Before we go in, I want you to know you did an incredible job, dear. You’re a stunning performer and I never had any doubts about you.” As he says it, you can feel Ben give your hand a gentle squeeze. You’re pretty sure you’ve got shock written all over your face. “I’m very proud of you both.” He claps Ben on the shoulder, and Ben thanks him quietly. It looks as though he’s about to head in, but he turns back. “Be good to her, you hear?” He says to Ben sternly, but there’s a glimmer of fondness in his eyes, and Ben rolls his eyes good-naturedly. He’s still holding your hand.

“What was that?” You breathed as soon as Roger had left; you feel like you’ve been doused in cold water, though you can’t help but smile.

“Well I think he definitely approves of you playing Amanda.” Ben moves to wrap an arm around you as the two of you head into the theatre, searching for your seats. “And I think... I think he gave us his blessing?” That sounds more confused than anything else, and you don’t know how to respond one way or the other, apart from softly laughing as you sit down next to Lucy. Part of you, the largest part that had stayed sane and not drunk on this fake engagement, is pretty sure Roger’s going to be the hardest to break it to, when everything’s over; part of you worries that without Ben, you’ll lose his approval, which you didn’t realise you’d been craving until you’d received it. There’s an anxiety that builds in your chest as the lights go down, but Ben’s hand is in yours and you lean your head on his shoulder, and you can ignore that little worry for now.

the rat pack: @hotspacedeacon @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @itssaje @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine @i-padfootblack-things @deaconsroger @spookyfrances @holyurlbatman @your-idiotic-excellency @cosmicsskies @chlobo6 @screaminggalileochickenwrites

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mardoufox21111]

booooooooooooring today was so boring.

i woke up at 5 am had work at 8, had a mcmuffin, was put on calls all day which i hate. i watched some HOC on tv, and then rev road was on the movie channel so i watched the end half of that... loved it.its quite hot today, i have the aircon on. i am dissatisfied with my life, but that is nothing new. i am trying to implement change - everytime i do it goes to shit... even more so! i am now toying with going down to a 3 day working week and then doing an internship. probably a terrible idea that will lead to nowhere and less money for me. i need to write. tomorrow is the day to  action that. no other news, of course its been 24 hours! im not sure what to do or where i am going. i thought i would be content in this meaningless job but i do want more. and then i dont. its an odd line to walk along. i feel myself get dumber every day. i want to move out, have my own home. be rich. walk along the beach. it would be nice to have a partner but i understand how unrealistic that is for me so i dont even imagine it sometimes. in my dream life i would have a nice car, a convertible and a modern suv. i would have a husband who loves me and supports me, who actually listens and cares about my feelings and where i want to go in life. i never imagined wanting that in my life! i would have a large group of friends like i have had previously. we would have lunches, dinners, parties, fun times. my house would be near the beach or on it, with rising sea levels i dont even care. my husband and i would walk hand in hand occasionally down the beach together when no one else is around because its an exclusive beach. i would have nice furnitue in my home, decorated just how i like it. if i am single it doesnt matter, a companion will do - someone who joins me every now and then for dinner, stays the night and can be there in the morning or not its no big deal because we both understand what is it that we’re doing. 

i wake up and eat well, an orange juice for breakfast some days. occasionally id go out for eggs benedict - it would be good - with homefries. i would have a dog that is cute, a nice deck outside that i can sit on. i would read books, watch movies, write movies and make money from them, people would like me. i could be confident and secure within my self, i could have a conversation without being nervous. my voice would be clear and pronunciation perfect. my hair would be amazing at all times, with no frizz, if there was frizz i wouldn’t care. but to me a woman with sleek hair has her life together, or seems like it. i would have a projector. with a nice comfortable lounge, at night i would select a movie to watch. the man or person im seeing would come over and watch with me if they wanted. i would write with a nice pen, on paper,  i would have notes. i would have a diary, a real diary that i write in. i would have feelings and even though days could be sad, i would be much happier than i am now. i would be more fulfilled. and value myself. my life would be worth living for myself.

you notice i didnt mention having children in there because realistically it’s probably too late for that now anyway. if i did have children id like one to start - see if i like it and then maybe another. i dont care about the gender, i would be a good mother. kind and caring, i would listen and try to assist. i would let them make their own decisions, nothing is wrong - there are no mistakes. my husband would be a good father also. we would have a nice life. ideally.

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE ONE

“its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle” - aria 

HOH: Jev UPSIDE DOWN: Jacob & Gina NOMINEES: Kiki & Nash POV: Nash FINAL NOMINEES: Kiki & Mo EVICTED: Mo (14-1)

PRESEASON CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEdLzVoyttU&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=2&t=0s

JOEY

WOO holy shit this cast is filled with such insane personalities, and I cannot WAIT to play this game!

NASH

tell me why i'm already nervous

NASH

waits patiently for mo to pick another damn person to infect

GINA

skghkdgljhgdlj BRAIN HURTY,, sm people to talk to and everyone is so so nice! just glad I'm not winning hoh

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bwCxQGRhk

alternative title: im very mean for 20 minutes

KIKI

so far the cast seems very sweet! a little quiet so far but otherwise im really enjoying talking to them!! and i think the twist is a cool idea but could be dangerous.... maybe a little too easy to expose alliances

GINA

I really like this cast! I'm actually really good friends with Aria (but we keeping that a secret) and I recognize Joshua from other orgs! Also, this twist seems super fun!

ARIA

okay,,,,okay,,,ok,,,k my brain is struggling to complie everything ive learned today i am STRUGGLING!!!!

So!! Lets make a tier list

We're working together (didnt even need to discuss)

-Nathan

-Jacob

-Gina

Asked to work together

-Joey

-Joshua

Implied we're working togther but lower tier

-Jev

-Josh C

-Monty

Super Sweet & Nice

-Bri

-Kiki

-Dem

-Mo

Sweet but i want a response

-Nick

-Emma

_saira

-jake

-Nash

So thats what i've gathered for today mostly, Jacob-Joey-Jev-Joshua all seem to really want to work close with me and we've talked a bit of game ( ITS ALL THE Js HELP) and seem super open while the girls seem more closed off as of now, kinda worried gina isnt gonna be active enough but idk, oh also everyone is noticing bri is CHAOS and that nick is talkative/assertive. more to update in a bit but heres a trust ranking for night one, one more thing jev said he doesnt like nathan or nick :OO and someone else mentioned nick being overbearing

1.Gina (i love her to the moon and back)

2. Nathan( the charisma SNAPPED this game go off sir!!)

3. Josh C (they're also charismatic but they're hecking hilarious and our view are pretty similar) 

4.Jev (they cared about me!! and im nice to them and this is just really wholesome)

5.Jacob (LOVE him but we havent talked enough beyond "we're winning this game")

6.Joshua (super fun to talk to, same og community king)

7.Bri (they wont keep info to themselves but shes SO sweet pls take my heart)

8. Joey (hes kinda sketching me out tbh but also he wants to work with me so)

9.Nick (they wouldnt put me up and thats all i could ask for)

10.Monty (PLEASE trust me i need ur braincells)

12.Kiki (sHES SO SWEET AND GOOD AT ART ADORE HER)

13.Mo (existential dread buddies <3)

14.Dem(approached game w/ me,,,but on the first message so might be doing that w/ everyone)

15.Nash (kate protection gang!!!)

16.Saira (we loVE DOGS! and thats it)

17.Emma (feel better soon,,,then pls talk to me k thanks)

18.Aria (dont trust anyone,,,not even yourself)

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykD4dZjsDl0

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/odNZXz-jNtw

MO

If alliances have been made already, I am gonna have some QUALMS... This cast is very cute, I love meeting new people, let's see we have

Aria - an ANGEL we've been talking about SIX the musical and slime tutorials

Brianna - The first person to recognize me using a Carole & Tuesday song in any of my videos. I'm v grateful.

Dem - He kinda jokes like a mom... 

Emma - I'm friends with Emma outside of the game and she is such a chaotic sweetheart. We been in the house a day and she plays Lois Griffon singing Doja Cat... for what...

Gina - I have not talked with her, I just said hi.

Jacob - Jacob is nice. I think I've yet to have a super positive ORG experience with him tho. So. Yeah.

Can I do the rest tomorrow cus I'm tired and just not in the mood. Okay thank you.

SAIRA

I was a little surprised by the amount of people dming me but they all seemed pretty nice! The twist sounds cool, I'm excited to see how it plays out

JEV

i definitely did NOT expect to win the first hoh but here we are, i have no idea what i'm gonna do but i need sleep so that's tomorrows problem

JOSH C

HELLO! it's your boy josh coming to give you some thoughts on the cast. coming into this game, the only person i know of beforehand is.. JACOB who has managed to snake me in both games we've played together so that's cute. i don't really have a choice but to trust him for now bc that's my only outside connection so we'll see how it goes. he's fun to talk to so i don't really mind but my eyes are PEELED for it going south.

my favorites just from the first night are probably aria, kiki, nathan, and saira. for no REAL reasons other than i just feel like i've had the best conversations with them and they were more fun than the rest of the cast. i'm not sure if those will stay the same but that's HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!

i've reached out to everyone and heard back from everyone (other than nash.. dunno what that's about so i'll just let it sit there. i don't REALLY mind bc it's good if i win HOH because it's a good reason to throw someone up there). everyone is cute enough, though i think i've connected LEAST with brianna, dem, joey, and monty? just haven't gotten a lot of energy back from them but i'm hoping that was just FIRST NIGHT jitters of people not putting in their full effort into their social game.

i'm going to spend today just chatting with people so i have a base relationship with them and that way if jev goes the route of asking people who they'd him to nominate -- i'm not someone they name simply for not knowing who i am. trying to be a little SOCIAL QUEEN. fun and funky so let's hope it pays off.

for the twist, i'm not really sure how to play this. i don't think the first round is going to have the BEST power hidden in it but it'd be nice to know that i for sure won't be first boot. (though i'm feeling OKAY enough that jev won't kill me bc we've talked at least). i think i'm going to wait a minute before i ask someone to send me in, or someone just sends me in on their own accord. that way people don't look at me for having a secret power bc it'll be really easy to narrow down who has one and that's just such an unnecessary way to get a target on your back. i like the twist, it's just hard to figure out how to play it and maybe i should just wait until someone does it for me or i'm one of the later people to get it so i get safety when there are less people in the house and it'll be harder to survive.

xoxo gossip josh

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/yNBReh_pBPk

NATHAN

He's here, he's queer... and oddly enough starting off by not doing a Video DR; however, I think when making an initial first impression/trust list this method seems to go a little smoother... First off, coming right off of Big Brother Pasio and thrown into this game has made my head hurt more than it should. I forgot how annoying and tiresome the initial conversations are with everybody. With that said, I have begun to kinda pick out a path that may be suitable for me this season. In Pasio, my goal was to lay low, not be seen, and form connections. That strategy is going to be partially active this time around as well. I'm a big personality, and while that's fun and cute, I learned by keeping a low profile in the beginning portion while remaining social it does wonders. I don't need to be a Skinny Nick character and be talking in the house call and house chat at every ounce I get. With that being said, this season is full of Pasio players... some in which I had both good and bad experiences with. However, pushing that aside I really have my eyes set and locked on Aria. I have a feeling that the other Pasio alumni may see her for how she played in Pasio and I do as well, but I want to make sure her and I are on as good as terms as possible. She did NOT like me in Pasio, so rekindling that flame is ultra important. Alongside Aria, I get to play with both Monty and Jacob who I've had rocky relationships with in the past, but have grown to become great friends outside this. Working with them is going to be vital, but keeping them too close is suicide. With that being said, here's my initial trust ranking:

1. Aria

2. Jacob 

3. Nash

4. Jev

5. Josh

6. Monty

7. Joey

8. Nick

- - -

END LIST

JOSH C

okay, well nominations just came out and i can't say i'm too surprised that nash got nominated for eviction considering she hasn't responded to me yet and most everyone else is saying the same. i can't really imagine anyone using the veto on her unless she has a complete social turn around in the next 24 hours but that seems like.. a stretch. just gotta hope she doesn't win! we love an easy first week boot!

i'm a little sad about kiki getting nominated because i've really hit it off with them, but i think it's a good way to secure some trust with them and spark off a relationship. i've been trying to already be like YOU GOT THIS, YOU'RE STAYING! NASH DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE! and i think they're being receptive. i like that i can joke around with them, so i'm hoping they enjoy me as much as i enjoy them.

i've also had aria and jake come talk to me about noms which means they trust me and that's GOOD. i want to try to secure something with them soon because i think they're both people that would want to work with me and i know that jake doesn't have a lot of connections already so being an early ally of his would be BIG.

just trying to focus on being a cute little social presence so people don't really focus on targeting me early on. i think this is a game full of half social players and some.. not so exciting people so it'll be easy to just slip through by not being the most boring person around. i don't want to promise TOO many people loyalty just yet but i think building a small core for myself will be important to keep me safe and i'm hoping that can come with jake/aria/kiki/jacob(?)

JAKE

chile............. where the fuck am i?

i dont know what dimension i'm in right now with these people but i am ready to show them what i am made of!! so far i've felt..... on the outs of most of what is going on so im just gonna give my perspective on things so far!! 

the cast....... ill just do an assessment

dem: said maybe three words to me since we've started... so there's that

saira: seems like a queen! i def need to talk to her more i've been sleeping on her and i think we'll get along well

joey: girl sometimes idk what this man is saying to me but we're rolling w it..

nash: her "sick" ass hasnt responded to my message from yesterday so bye

joshua: oh he can work! hes fun to talk to and i def see some potential to working with him. hes only 16 so yung so pure i remember those days </3

nathan: hes so hot god i literally want to eat his entire ass but i dont wanna be creepy so im trying to subtly flirt with him SDLKJFSKF he seems to be a sneaky player to me but hopefully thats not the case and we can be a showmance later on hehe

emma: LEGEND. QUEEN! PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ride or die in this thing <3

jev: oh jevfrey my angel im so happy he's here!!! he's a loyal guy from what i remember and ill def be working with him ESPECIALLY now that hes the first hoh ayyyyY!!!! i feel completely safe with him

kiki: oh i LOVE THEMMMM we had a great connection from the jump and i have a soft spot for them for sure. theyre sadly nominated this week i did not know why jev made that decision but i will make sure they stay know THAT

monty: monty left me on read :( we had a kinda awk convo so idk how monty feels about me right now?? i def dont think he trusts me and ugh i hate the tension!!!!!!!! i hope we can resolve it all and be friends again

josh: KDJKFG i love this man... hes not entire truthful and is def playing me a bit but i think he's great and hopefully he doesnt turn out to be the snake i think he has the potential to be

gina: idk what to think of this girl she doesn't reply much to me and we haven't really spoken much for me to really get a good read of her. i infected her and idk if she'll take that a certain way i came to her with the explanation that we just havent talked as much. idk shes fine?

mo: hahhaha hes a cutie too and i think hes not much of a talker so i think hes nice for the most part it's just kinda hard talking to him sometimes

brianna: um....... yeah we haven't spoken yet and she infected me so idk how to feel about her yet. she claims it was this number system but do i fully believe thats what she based it on? not really.. so ill def have to talk to her more

aria: NOW THIS........ THIS IS ELEGANCE. THIS IS CLASS. THIS IS EXPENSIVE. THIS IS TASTE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! this 15 year old girl has me shaking to my god damn core with her social game within a 20 minute conversation ive already devoted my entire game to her and our "attention whores" alliance. iM GAGGGEDDDD i really like her and i know shes a big threat but if shes with me then we can do some damage together hehe

skinny nick: SKINNYYYYY i dont have much to say about nick i think they're well connected in this game so i have to make sure i'm good with them a little more. our convos are a little dry hopefully that'll change as the game goes on

jacob: a sweetie.. i really like jacob as a person but as a player he scares the shit out of me DSLKFGFKJ he lied to me like every round in BBHOS9 so i dont rly know if i can trust him. he def has other friends in this community hes playing with so ill have to sus out who exactly that is...

and......... yeah! kiki and nash are nommed. gina n jacob went to the down under. i think jacob will def get whatever power is down there he is one lucky man so i wouldn't be surprised if it's something good. oh well hopefully when i go i get whatever the best thing is a dpov mayhaps!.......

i hope the next hoh is something i can win because i want these people to TALK TO MEEEE tell me where their heads are at for god's sake! me on day 2: why arent you telling me all your alliances? dFGKLF i feel like im okay just gotta talk to some said people more and try to make sure they dont hate me!

JOSHUA

I thought Jev was nice but I'll have to go back on that because he absolutely is not fooling a single person, I thought we'd be allies but he's been acting sus all day so he can choke on rat piss. Joey and nick literally aren't talking to me at awl so... they can choke and die too. Aria is talking to me a lot but I know she talks to everyone a lot sjdkjds queen of big brother pasio... but I trust her for now I guess. Other than that I'm not super like concerned with anyone else I mean brianna kiki gina mo are nice I guess.. mo is a little hard to talk to though so :( anyway glad to be here but my social is kind of rocky skjdjskdj : ( ( ( ( ( 

JEV

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/0Kb-twzCkYI

MO

trying to hint to dem that I’m not okay... wonder if it’s working

ARIA

its week one. its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle im sick of this, but its fine im gonna try to do my best to explain EVERYTHING bc whew is there a lot..

First off lets start with the fact ive been talking with everyone from the moment i woke up and my fingers hurt so much but also now people like me and thats all i need in life so heck yes!! So when it was nash vs kiki i start planting seeds to keep kiki with people and then nash wins veto so thats thrown out the window yayyyy- 

Things start happening after jev renoms Mo. First off i get a call with crack kills (joey bri me) and we discuss the vote a little bit with Joey leaning towards keeping Mo and Me/Bri wanting to keep Kiki, joey leaves and me and bri talk about the alliance we were invited to (jacob josh jake kiki us) and then i notice theres a house vc which i then go and join alone.

It was silent for a bit before they mentioned they were talking about votes and were being kinda secretive about names but i asked directly so Mo tells me that dem told him that there was 5 confirmed votes against Mo (nash Jacob Nick Joshua/Jacob(dont remember which) and Josh c) he said the names really fast so i mightve missed a few and nathan interjects about my notes and like??? shut up nathan???? anyways i act all shook about an alliance and we talk about votes and apparently when mo campaigned to bri she just sent "hugs" and im caCKLIGN FDSGFDSH anyways that confirmed 5 votes is gonna make people nervous and cause people to keep Mo which like, im not totally against but i just want a unan vote please. Also i think dem & emma dont really trust me which is big ughhh idk if one of the pregame girlies (any of the names from that list) win hoh next week ill throw one of them utb easy peasy 

So then i start asking around to gina and she ghosts me??? gina NEVER ghosts me so im sketched out there and Mo is asking for my help when i already told kiki i would save her its such a messsss. So if i had to guess the sides i would say 

PREGAME GIRLIES: Nash Jacob Jake Joshua Josh c kiki

UNCONNECTED NOT PROTECTED: Dem Joey Emma Nathan Mo

Whomst: Saira Jev Monty Nick Gina Bri

Help: Aria

So, where do i go from here? How do i make sure this vote comes out hecking even,,, im not sure. nvm i am sure because Mo just told me they want to give up HFBHJBSDFS MO MY SAVIOR ILL NEVER FORGET YOU KING <<<<3333333 okay nvm hes not fully giving up but im giving him an avenue that would make my life much easier where im telling him to have good convos with people so they connect more and if anyone feels moved theyll come to me and ill get the ball rolling with a easy peasy unan vote hopefully. But i think i might be able to manipulate this situation to my advantage WHEW im hyped now!!

So lets say mo leaves the thought of those "five confirmed votes" is still gonna be in peoples heads mainly dem/joey/emma/nathan which might form into a side and go hard for hoh taking out some big social player and then we have two sides going after each other which would be cute.

I would make trust rankings but i trust no one fbhsafd and thats on pewiod

JAKE

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! im not the first boot :~) let's celebrate that.... 

but i'm not too thrilled about these noms...... im happy nash won POV she started talking to me more and shes actually really cool so i wanted her to stay. i am sad kiki is nominated i don't want them to go at all..... and mo being the replacement nominee was a shock to everyone i think..... 

i don't have a problem with mo leaving cuz we have a weak connection i just thought dem was going up based on my prior conversations with jev. he says dem started talking to him more but i just wish jev would talk to me and emma about his decisions if we're "aligned"?? like whats the point of having an alliance if we don't have any say in your decisions?

today i woke up to a message from josh asking me what i think about being in an alliance with jacob brianna aria and kiki........ and im just like wtf where this come from and he said that jacob is making it and its just his fave ppl??? im like ok like im not one to turn down an alliance but i let him know that i dont rly trust jacob n brianna as much as the others in the alliance. hopefully this makes him feel close to me and not blab his mouth to jacob ab that! 

brianna has yet to speak to me and jacob is just someone im always gonna have a hard time trusting sooo if i have to nominate them down the line i won't hesitate unless this alliance is genuine and helping me in the game.

i really only trust emma so far with aria being my secret spy and big meat shield im gonna need in this game. aria's super well connected and im hoping she'll be able to provide me w the information i need to take bitches down later on. 

i think i'd be worried about brianna winning bc we've never talked but at least we have this alliance possibly in the works?? and i dont know if nick would nominate me we haven't talked much..

but i want to win the next hoh so people actually talk to me LOL praying i can win

[br0kenbutterfly]

15/5/2017

So its 2am, its fucking freezing cold, but I have to write this because if I dont, itll be just like all the other stuff I look back on and wish I had some recollection of how I felt. Like all my childhood diaries that I started. Or the abandoned derby tumblr thats still lurking somewhere. Anyway.

I had my initial appointment with a surgeon today about weight loss surgery. I’ve been thinking about surgery since about 2013, and seriously for the last 9 months or so. I’ve talked to several people who have had various surgeries (including mum, my friend and a friend of my aunts), and done my research. Ive discussed this with my (awesome amazing wonderful) GP, and our work counsellor Ann-Marie, who are both incredibly supportive. I’m paying for this surgery privately, which cuts hugely into the savings Ive accumulated since I was 15 for a house, but I can wait for a house. Every year I don't do this is a year Im kinda wasting my youth on being huge and not happy and making excuses for not doing things Id like to do. Not that Im unhappy all the time, but my weight is a safety blanket, kinda like my depression was my safety blanket for not leaving oamaru. I just dont wanna wait until Im accepted into public surgery (which Ive been on the list for since 2013) because at that point Ill probably be in my 50s and have so many health issues. Like for goodness sake, im 26 and I have pre-diabetes, polycystic ovaries that mean im probs infertile, a perpetually sore back that means i cant walk for more than a block without having to stop, my knees and ankles give out randomly. Anyway. Im rambling. 

My appointment was with Dr Flint, who I chose because thats who my friend had surgery with (and because the other guy was the one who did my consult for public surgery and he was a right royal douche). He was lovely, and explained both procedures (roux-en-y and gastric sleeve) really well. Im going to have a gastric sleeve, because the ongoing risk of complications like IBS and hernias are smaller (and because you dont have to be on vitamins for life and my god i hate taking meds). He weighed me - ive put on like 5kg since i last weighed myself (fuck) but to be fair i did have my docs on. So my offical starting weight is 157.8kg, which is a terrifying number and also this is probably the first time ive admitted my weight to anyone who isnt a medical professional in a long long time holy shit. Apparently if everything goes well i should be around 95kg afterwards (like 2 years away).

After I went through everything with the surgeon, I saw his nurse? receptionist? general fucking awesome person Denise. Shes so lovely. She talked me through the appointments I need to have next (which tbh is part of the reason I want to to it privately, because i know its not just about the surgery, its about learning to live as a smaller person, and i fucking dont know how to eat properly, and id really like to do some exercises that dont hurt my damn back all the time). So I have to see the dietician, and an exercise consultant, and a psychiatrist, and then back to the surgeon for pre-op appt. My surgery is scheduled for the 11th July, which means Ill be on preop diet from like, the 13th June I think? I might buy some optifast and try it for some breakfasts first. Im so not looking forward to that bit.

Then because I was like, nervous as fuck after my appointment, I went and cuddled ellas tiny humans and then talked to laura and watched sense8. 

My biggest fears at the moment are:

-me fucking this up. like what if i cat do it, if my willpower is awful, and i screw it up and throw $20k down the drain. How shit will I feel about myself if the surgery doesnt work, because theres not really any more drastic options. what if i put all the weight back on like my uncle, or drink frozen coke and dont eat protein like my mum

-mum. i havent told her yet....im telling her tomorrow. im worried shes gunna be weird about it. not in a “you shouldnt have the surgery” kinda of way, im worried she will want to know how much i weigh, and give me well meaning comments about how i shouldnt be eating this or that, or go the other way and want to have a massive blowout before i start optifast. 

-who do i tell? apart from the internel lol (im guessing only like 3 people i know in real life will read this). do i tell my dad? i should but again, im so worried about what he’ll think, how he’ll judge me. 

-i think in general im so used to the comments about my weight that im really caught up with it as part of my identity? Like I hate all the health and fitness ads because it just reminds me of me not being fit and healthy, but i wonder if some part of me likes being fat to be a rebel, because some weird part of me feels like im failing by conforming to societys (and my dads) wishes about how i look and act. idk. 

- hahahahahh optifast. ive heard it tastes awful and i have 6 weeks of it, then purees (goodie), then soft food. also imma have to eat veggies. fuck.

I’m excited about:

-being able to maybe actually skate well?! being able to do general things like run after izzy or go for a bike ride with people without being like yeah nah i cant do that because it hurts. itd be nice to walk up the stairs without looking like ive run a half marathon. id be nice to walk to work without my back cramping up so bad i have to stop and stretch it several times. 

-im kinda looking forward to meeting with the exercise person. I see a lot of people in the #GRRLarmy and stuff and I want to be strong, but I am terrified of the gym and im really hoping shell be able to help and be a good motivation

-the dietician will be good to because lord knows im terrible at cooking for myself no matter how many well meaning people try and teach me. i just wish i didnt have to eat. 

-possibly having lower food bills - currently i spend like a quarter of my income on food which is ridiculous and i dont know how to stop.

Right so that was a novel. Now its 3am and i have to go talk to my boss and ask her for time off for 5 preop appointments in the next 6 weeks, as well as hi im going to need 2 weeks off work lololol. Oh, and tell my mum im having major surgery in 6 weeks and i didnt tell her i had an appointment to talk about it. whoops. wish me luck x

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #4: "I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org" - Brian

So.... BC quit. Don't know why (and I am not gonna enquire, I just know he is hella busy). But ya I don't know what this means going forward but im gonna roll with it. If i'm not flexible, then that is not a good winner. so ya looking forward toi see whatever happens, and if Madigan go to tribal again, all i know is that i will still be safe cause james and I will just get Keaton involved

I’m SHOCKED BC quit because I thought I was going home lmao so now I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen I’m praying we swap tbh so I can meet up with Brian or Bryce who I know sbsbsbs.

Okay I'm super sad BC quit. They seemed like such a sweetheart. And I always hate to see anybody quit. I'm usually kind of annoyed about quitters but I hope BC is all good and it was just because they were busy... :(

This game has been really good to our tribe. We havent gone to tribal. I have a majority alliance of 4. Everyone is active and does 100% on the challenges. Its been good. Havent had much luck in idol hunt tho so probably someone already found it. Still nervous for the challenge. I want to keep winning but the bad thing in the eyes for the other tribe.

The game is always changing... and someone quitting just shows how quickly everything can change in the game. Plans set forward destroyed... alliances ruined just due to what the game might throw at you at any given time. It’s always scary but you know what... sometimes you gotta look at something bad and say hey let’s test my gameplay a little bit... that is what I’m good at and that is what I plan to do!

So we have swapped. and im not with james. This is hateful huh. first bc quitting today and now this. fuck this. and im with marie and keaton as well. ffs. oh well. time to get socialising and do this shit!

I KNEW A SWAP WAS COMING!!! I felt it deep in my bones. Do sharks have bones? I actually don't think they do. Oh well. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING. Obviously I'm super nervous now because I was in a great spot before. But luckily I still have my #1 Brian. And Charlie who is a part of my Four of a Kind alliance and he has an idol. Plus Anna and I hopefully can work together like we have in other games. I just hope she trusts me. Ugh and I freaking hope we win this challenge. Because OG Dinah members definitely have a target as the last intact tribe. SO much is going on in my little gay brain.

Okay my brain is going a mile a minute with this swap. I'm reconnecting with Anna. She seems excited to see me and she told me she isn't super close with Jayden or Nick so that's amazing. I told Brian about Charlie's idol. So this is good. We're surviving.

omg so we swapped and im so sad nathan isnt here but thats about it. happy to be away from jayden since he IGNORES me. when i read these after the game im gonna seem so obsessed huh KJDFSHFAKSJD. but anyway. dennis is here and hes one of my fave ppl ever! hes just so nice. we shared idol guesses and i really wanna go to the end with him. matt is pretty cool and we both stan the good place and naomi smalls so i feel like we'll be good allies. marie is a queen and super nice but maybe not super active but we both love ari so yay. naptime maynor isnt really liking my humor JKASDHF but thats ok. and kirby guy is alright too!! nicole seems nice enough if not a little standoffish but hoping for the best :s love this tribe overrall tho and really hoping to avoid tribal

I got ZType for the duels! Blessed. I can do well in this game and I can't be the reason our tribe loses in the RARE chance we do. So i'm feeling okay.

Too annoyed to write too much right now. But yet another org, and yet another swap fuck! Honestly, this is ridiculous. We have three members on either 7 person tribe, and even if we do manage to succeed in surviving another non-dinah is going to replace the voted out member... you can't make this shit up.

I knew the swap was coming. But im with Dennis which is good. He has some connections with Bryce and Nicole so hopefully they work with us. Keaton is also here like oh Boi. 👀 going to see if he wants to work with me this time. Having him around could help me in this game.

James quits by leaving the server and ignoring everyone.

https://gph.is/1neigCU my mood at my initial alliance members both qutiing time to die?

Ok so Klick quit which is kinda upsetting cuz I was grinding tf outta that challenge and I lowkey played a game with him about a year and a half ago and kinda wanted to reconnect. BUT Nathan is now on the tribe which is like the nest possible scenario. Also we have Anna so hopefully we have an easy majority. Also I assume Dennis has began running the game over on the other tribe because he is great and will probably end up voting me out at f9 or something. But YAY F14 IM NOT OUT YET ANSNSKDKLZLXKC

MY IMPACT?  I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org to save Charlie from doing Multitask and then James had a fit because he got it and was sleeping so he couldn't pick... I... can't believe how I'm WINNING this game?  Anna, I hope you get my winner's crown READY because I'm doing the damn thing!  I am sorry I made him quit because I didn't think he would kjHDAJK... but wow...

Although I am in the minority right now based on tribal lines, Nathan is someone I've wanted to work with for like eons, and I feel so much more comfortable with him on my tribe than James and letting Annabelle hold my fate in her hands.  I think I have an upward battle, but I know Charlie has the idol and will warn Sharky in the case I need Charlie to use it on himself.  The two from my OG tribe I got stuck with is by far the only two from Dinah that I would go out of my way to protect in this game and knowing Charlie has the idol... ugh... I don't even have to DO anything and tea gets served to me.  Love Sharky.. love Charlie.. love Nathan... can't wait to thrive in this game now!

So the swap, i thought would have been really bad for us original dinah people but so far it looks like we might pull through. Nicole told by Dennis to me that she is willing to work with us but im a little sketch because she hasnt really responds to me exept like one message and then it stops. Im trying to get info from keaton and see if he wants to work with me. I have to keep an eye on him cuz he’s messy af. 👀 I think we could be a strong tribe so hopefully we win the next immunity. I rather have my no going to tribal streak going. I need to start talking to our new tribe members as well.

well james left so we got nathan i'm not upset about it i love nathan he's my person this game i think and we swapped with sharky on the tribe and i just played with sharky and we're in majority so things are really looking up here for me tbvh i feel like sharky might want to get rid of one of my OG tribe people but we'll see how it goes.

This game is weird man. I was so ready to play 2048, but Kirby Boi #2 was a quitter, so now I'm not playing 2048, both people I trusted QUIT, and Dennis is on my tribe. I am going to lose really soon. But hopefully I can find an in on my tribe and survive.

i just want an advantage. but oh so now 4/5 of my tribe is together and im just here.. love that! not sarcastic!! miss nathan tho! so far clicking with dennis still and naptime. hes a true carly rae jepsen fan i asked his fave and he said sour candy which is like (bad) but not well known so he must actually like her!! nicole left me on read.. love that! sarcastic!! and yaa wooh loving the new tribe that guy who quit bc of multitask kind of a flop but go off now im closer to merge!

This morning finding out that James was removed was suprising. It sucks cuz i was enjoying doing the ztype. I got to 7,100 which i think its good but idk if it actually was. But im ready for this challenge and hopefully we could win in it. Definately dont want to go to tribal.

Okay Nathan is AMAZING. I love him. And I'm totally going to work with him for sure. i'm so glad he didn't flop. And Honestly I'm glad James quit so that I could work with Nathan. This lip sync challenge is going to be silly. I offered to do the editing which honestly is a big undertaking but I like to be in control and It's definitely going to paint a target on my back but if we win it'll be so great.

OMG SO FUN CHALLENGE THAT I HATE WOOH. i love this but i hate it. idk. i REALLY dont want to do a queen song so i pretended to not know who they are NNN but all that caused was my tribemates shading me... and its like... matt says beyonce is just "ok" and i need to listen to real music.??? just say u hate women and go. JK. maybe. but ANYWAYS. love dennis still and naptime is so funny love his pins! nicole left me on read some more so i sent her demi lovatos GET BACK music video and she finally responded with two 5 word msgs and ghosted again so um really loving that! kirby guy also doesnt reply a lot but thats ok totally loving only talking to 4 ppl!

edit: quitters are shitters

Our song is Dont stop me now by queen which is awesome. I just need to find the time to work on it later today or tomorrow morning but have an idea what imma do so thats good. Still talking to keaton but no game talk it. Hopefully soon because im still feeling sketch on this tribe. I dont wanna get voted out pre-merge. *knocks on wood* ✊🌳

Making the video was really fun. Had more fun and felt more comfortable after making the ones before were i wasnt as comfortable. This is one of my fav comps now. Cant wait to see how it turns out.

UM?? I'm CACKLING?? So Sharky showed me the clips he got from Nick and Jayden, and I'm just so confused how straight men get any sort of action when they're as stiff as them?  I mean I guess they're not ugly so that probably helps, but neither of them are good at using a camera... So I'm just SO ...

I have nothing else to talk about other than how fucking STIFF the straight men are in their lip sync videos, so whew... love visibility…

worst comp for me ever like i was fine doing 2048 i could have probably helped with that but like a music video? YIKES that's not my thing at all i didn't know what to do or what to help especially since i'm so not gonna get on camera >.< i hate being useless if we lose like ugh lmfao

Okay so this challenge was...a disaster. I asked everyone to just do the song and then I'd make it look good with editing. That didn't work out. And I had more trouble editing than i thought. I feel like I dropped the ball and I'm not sued to being someone holding my tribe back. I tried to hide our bad lipsyncers. Charlie got sick. And something happened in the rush of uploading it that gave me a weird crop and a couple of cuts that I screwed up but I ran out of time. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself.

Okay we lost. This sucks. two of the judges called out the edit/effort specifically so that doesn't feel great. But I'm going to look at this as a positive. Maynor and Dennis stay safe on the other tribe. And Now I can use this to make some real connections and alliances on this tribe. Like Chad Michaels I will rise from the ashes and be the gayest winningest phoenix you have ever seen.

Ok so me Nathan and Nick should really stick with Annabelle. Easy majority makes easy game which makes happy Jayden

So we lost the challenge, but I don't feel too... bad about that.  I mean if I go home, clearly I fucked the fuck up and felt too confident... but I think that I feel... good?

Firstly, thank you to the judges for recognizing my SNAP in the lip sync.  I wasn't sure they were going to do my rap in the challenge, so I'm glad it was in there hehe... Now... going to tribal is a part of the game and the strategy has been lacking up till now, so I'm excited to jump in and finally explore that part of the game.  It'll be a nice start to my resume, following accidentally make James quit LMFAO.

Right now, I think I'm in a solid spot.  Nick said he wouldn't vote for me and I mean.. we haven't talked much, but I expect him to not lie for no reason... and I'm going to make sure to increase our conversation and expand on what HE wants to happen to just have that tea under my belt.  I think Jayden is who I would like gone, and I think I'd be able to gather the votes to get that to happen.  It's not like I have anything against him personally, but I just feel it's hardest to talk to him because him and I are not alike from what I've gathered.  I'm the uber gay and for the uber gay and the Travis Scott fanboy to get along?  Would be shocking.

I like Annabelle and Nathan a lot and I don't think they'd throw votes for me.  I have my little final 2 deal going on with Nathan, but highkey I don't think I'd keep him as my #1 over Marie, if I get to the point where I meet with her, so I have no problem cutting him or Annabelle in the future.  I do think it'd be better to work WITH them, especially for now, and I think they feel similar sentiments, but I don't know for sure!

But now we come to the real people I would like to protect going into this vote, Charlie and Sharky.  I love my OG Dinah babies so much, and I will make sure their names aren't the targets of this vote.  I think Sharky has set himself up well, and since he told me Charlie has the idol, I think we should especially be OK.  I also think Annabelle and Nathan seemingly want to work with us, so .... whew...

ALSO, this is a mid-confessional update, but 2 alliances were formed.  We have the "Tea Party" alliance with Sharky, me, and Nathan (the gays) and then the "Dinah Dudes" alliance with Charlie, Sharky, and me (OG Dinah's) and then I think another sub-alliance with the "Tea Party" and Annabelle is coming to fruition, so kjHDKAS... ya... I think I'm SET.  I can't wait to wreck shit!

So we swapped tribes and here I am with 3 from my original tribe, 3 from the other tribe and Bryce from the third tribe. Bryce and I know each other, and by that I mean I just blindsided him another org... oops! Hopefully he doesn’t come after me but who knows because I literally did not participate in this challenge at all! We still won though so hopefully I’ll get to redeem myself in the next one

My arms are SORE from pulling all my best Freddie Mercury moves out for this lip sync, I am SO tired. But I honestly am so glad i gave my 100% effort because I truly needed to pull through for this tribe and show them I’m not just a sitting duck. (Is that the term? Idk.)

Either way I’m glad we all got to bond through this and here’s to being safe ANOTHER round (I’ve never gone to tribal so wooooo!)

i want an IDOL or sth. but um dennis is so fun love that man. always asks daily to work with me. like idk how many times i have to tell him that he is literally the only person on this tribe to pm me first without me having to (NOT EXAGGERATION). marie and matt? no reply from marie in like 30 hours and matt hasnt been talking to me since i said idk queen. kirby guy? replies with 1 word answers and taste in music offends me NNN. nicole? who. all she does is ignore me and like somtimes she replies and ill reply in the SAME LIKE 10 SECONDS, and she'll just leave me on read JKADSFHAKSJ. comes back like 9 hours later with no reasoning on why she stopped talking and with just a "hi", and thats if im lucky! idk i hope we swap soon or merge. like the whole preswap i was praying for a swap to find some good allies bc all i had was nathan really, and now i just have dennis. maybe by merge ill have a whole 3 allies??? oh wait theres um maynor hes cool i always have to pm him first but hes at least responsive and can hold a conversation! black bear diner goes off and i WILL be eating there the next time in houston

We lost, which was hardly surprising when I saw the other tribe's video lol. So now it's not looking good for us dinahs... but luckily I have the idol up my sleeve hehe. Gonna tell Brian and Sharky so that we can use it to save us…

I was so happy that we won immunity. Stil feeling a little sketch on this tribe. Injust hope that the vote isnt charlie, brian, or sharky. And especially sharky cuz he’s my duo. Now dennis, nicole, and i are the only 3 to not go to tribal yet. Its pretty awesome amd kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/BfzG9xjtCRw

Down with the straights!  I still think Jayden is going, but if Charlie ends up going I'm JUMPING because that means I've been lied to by people that want to claim to be my final 2... I do trust in Jayden going but we shall SEE!

So the tribe lost and I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only heard one name... I would have loved to saved my idol until I needed it but I think it’s very likely my name could be the second one going around... we shall see what happens though.

Ugh okay so I was hoping for a simple easy vote. But as usual there is just a little bit of drama. Nick told Anna/Nathan that he has a legacy advantage to be used at F13/F6 which is trash because that means if we lose next time he'll use that and be safe. But if we vote him out he'll gift it to Jayden and we have the same problem. Plus Charlie is wigging out because he has a bad feeling about the vote, which is totally fair because he isn't talking very much. And Nick told Anna her name got thrown out which is just untrue. This is just kind of messy and not in a cute way.

Jayden is voted out 5-2.

[bigbrotherorre]

EPISODE EIGHT: “THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS” - BRYCE RACE AGAINST TIME WEEK! EVICTED: BLAKE - 7 TO 4

RANDY AND KAT ARE BACK BITCHES https://media.giphy.com/media/Y9S9jOb7b1LQA/giphy.gif AND I lived to see a 3-part comp that I can actually do well in?? Oh it's over for these hoes and my dog days are behind me https://media.giphy.com/media/MeHQtCSZ46bRe/giphy.gif

I AM SO SAD ME AND BLAKE ARE GOING TO BE NOMMED BC WE SUCK AT CHALLENGES ARE ARENT RATS!! SO SAD IM CRYING BLAKE IS SUCH A KING AND IF WE HAVE TO BE FINAL NOMS TOGETHER IM GONNA KMS!!! SOOOO SAD IM CRYING AHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG WENT WRONG AND ITS UP TO MY DUMB BRAIN TO DO THE LOGIC PUZZLE BUT I CAN NOT SO UHHHH RIP US WILLL I STAY OVER HIM WHOMST KNOWS!!!

if i had a heart this week would break it

Hola did you miss me? So I didnt record or make a goodbye DR because I knew there was justice within this universe. I knew my eviction was unjust and thats why I''m back because I have a vendetta to settle and I'm not going to leave until I'm successful. Yes ladies you heard it here, its time to cut the throat of bitches who thought double crossing me was okay. And newsflash: it isn't a good idea to fuck me over. I hated the amount of bullshit I had to endure when I came back into this house. Everybody said "omg I miss u" but the only people who were genuine about it were Jose, Autumn, Ali, and Dennis the rest these bitches were just being diplomatic. And that just shows true character. So since I'm back im going to go through the current cast list as of right now. Ali: A british legend he has been genuine the whole time throughout this game and I'm going to work with him especially since not only is he easy to convince but he is amazing to talk to. Alivia: I can't trust her and I'm not going to. However I will play a little stupid and just make it look like I want to work with her. She is just such a strong personality that if she rubs me the wrong way I'll fucking lose my shit nonetheless. She is no different then any other floater just trying to ease her braindead gameplay by voting in the majority in every round. She has lacked a backbone throughout this whole game, and its not going to grow anytime soon Ashvika: Inactive and not interesting. In HOS she was overrated, and playing with her in this game just proves that she should've stayed out of this community. The worst floater within this cast, and I'm hoping she gets killed in the early jury. Autumn: Literally a queen within this game. She is so forgiving, and lovable. She understands me so well and I'm not going to turn my back on her. She kept me which wouldve fucked her over if I didnt come back. So now that I'm back im hoping our agendas will align and we can fuck over those people first. Blake: He evicted me, so i'm not going to trust him, and I'm not going to be his little bitch anymore. But I'm going to make it look like I need him more than ever. Because once im through with Zeezo and Bryce I'm going to have to go after Alivia/Lynn or Sammy/John. He is nominated this week against Bryce so i need him to actually be a good gameplayer and make sure he stays this week. Bryce: I cant trust him. Ever since Nicholas Julia I just have to think its either Bryce or Zeezo. So I'm hoping that with this week I can have an easy time evicting him and then its guns out on taking out Zeezo. Dennis: One of the reeasons I was nominated week 6 was because he was petty. But that shows that his emotion = his gameplay.  So since I'm back I can make a good connection with him. If I can keep up with him and if I know how he feels I'll know how he will play. I have no need to betray him, and I'm hoping in creating a trustworthy ally within him. He's active but I dont think he has cemented himself within any group in this game yet. John: I tried to make a f2 with him to secure his vote. Sister voted me out anyways so I'm not going to trust him ever again. Everytime I talk to him about game he just asks all these questions and shit. I see right through his bullshit because I know a snake when I see one. I put too much trust into him, and he backstabbed me. I'm not going to fuel our relationship, but I will be nice for the time being. I need him to evict Bryce this week so I'm just going to be a good guy with him, and then later into the game kill him for the little bitch he is. Jose: I dont talk to him as much as I want to but I still trust him a lot. He is a good ally, but I just hope he shows more of his potential as a player soon. I want to work with him so im going to continue to be honest and transparent with him. Lynn: I guess she's only social with a handful of people like...... gtfo sister is dry as hell still. She evicted me, and like thats cool. I'm not going to work with her and she is totally at the bottom of my totem pole. Randy: A king... who never goes Prejury Sammy: Out of all the people who talked to me when I came back I knew he was the most nervous when it came to talking to me. He loves appeasement, and makes people know that everything he does isnt with the intention of hurting. Its believable kissass, but for right now I'll buy it. Keep on selling it Sammy. Me and him had an interesting conversation because he thinks im going to target him alongside bryce and zeezo. And I told that I'm tunnel visioned onto Bryce and Zeezo and that now is a grace period ffor him to be on my good side. He's going to be a threat nonetheless near the end, but I need to be good with him since I don't see him leaving anytime soon. Zeezo: I think she's the person who framed me, and if she isnt then i guess I just wasted my time. I would love to take her out, and i would love to get my revenge. I will never trust her, and I will make sure she knows I won't stop until she is evicted. Eviction is tomorrow. I'm pushing for Bryce to leave. The votes Blake has to keep him are me, autumn, alivia, sammy, and probably john. I'm going to talk to Dennis, Ali, and Jose tomorrow and hint to them that I'm evicting Bryce and if they want to work with me that would be the best opportunity to do so. After that I will have to win HoH. I need this HoH because if I don't win it. Its probably going to be Zeezo who wins it. And if neither of us wins it then it  gives Zeezo a window of time to change the dynamics of the game to her favor. And whoever wins hoh will fucking waste it on a floater. And the floaters in this game are my lifeline,..... I'm a the Florax..... i speak for the floaters. Thats all you missed right now...... I hope to win hoh and if I dont then prejury here i come again xx  

i love everyone coming to me to inform me that autumn and ali are voting to keep bryce when i already knew that we were making that decision together :))) i also love hearing the "you and i are on the bottom" speech from everyone who realizes they're not that important in the majority alliance 

THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS Ali- so fake i thought we were a duo but apparently this decision really is hard for him and hes prob evicting me. i would never have voted him out so im just shocked and upset that he so seemingly easily votes me out. he also makes me feel bad that hes voting me? like what kind of move is that. edit: chose to save me in the end still fake tho. Alivia- I love her so much im so glad our connection is really pulling through and shes choosing me over LAB (unless she isnt in which case choke). my secret weapon <3 edit: i was writing this as eviction happened and while on call alivia tells me she voted me b/c she thinks im going home well i stayed 7-4 so think again you fake f2ing FREAK!! Ashvika- Always so honest with me and i love that and hoping shes still honest that shes with me. shes been not on for a while tho so im scared but im hoping that its nothing to worry about :s Autumn- we never work together and i tried to campaign to her but idk if it worked but either way i cant be mad b/c i never put in the work earlier and i tried to vote her out a bunch so itd be hypocritical LOL Blake- MY KING IM SO SAD WE ARE NOMMED TOGETHER if we hadnt messed up counting we wouldnt be going home. im so sad, someone who i never thought id want gone this early it sucks that these are the final noms :/ Dennis- he has been here with me through the whole eviction and has campaigned for me i literally love him so much like he is REAL and some of these houseguests could take a lesson from the KING himself!! Honestly im gonna listen to some linkin park if i survive just to honor him John- king!! i love him if he saves me, if he doesnt im hurt but hes still a king. like i feel like i  have the most fun convos with him and hes always so funny plus he tells zeezo things and she tells me things so it keeps me informed Jose- depending on the hour a king or a flop. he said he always was keeping me but then i hear he isnt but in the end he is? well at least an hour and half before eviction. he is so wishy washy hes ali but wasnt as close to me so im less  hurt. Lynn- i know shes saving blake so im not hurt shes still a queen <3 lynns world and we're living in it <3 Randy- Julia Nicole rigged for him to come back he wants me out and can choke but he can keep trying cuz I aint leaving Sammy- maybe the fakest person ever. its now like after eviction and HoH so I have some thoughts. he is vague with me the second im nommed talking about hes scared of randy. then he just plans to vote me and doesnt mention it to me??? and i know the whole time and i give him opportunities to talk to me and confess, but no he stays quiet. Then when he sees im safe he msg's zeezo like ahh everyone lied to me, and im like GOOD glad you know how it feels. now after i won hoh he is trying to spin it that he knew i was staying and just wanted to vote me to seem separated from me/zeezo/him trio thats been speculated. like??? he didnt know i was staying and he was just scared of randy!! like just be honest and dont lie to me now that im hoh and ur scared i know you lied already!! idk hes just :@ i was never gonna target him and he threw me under the bus to save himself so quick and easy. Zeezo- the loml. she did so much work to keep me safe. first she came to me with the plan to pretend to be on the fence with ppl so that it would look like we arent close. (something sammy just forgot to do???) and then once she found out sammy was backstabbing me she leaked it to jose and jose was able to convince ali who was able to convince autumn to save me!! she helped me throughout the whole game and i wanna go to the end with her even tho i dont think its mutual... but i love her so much!!

JURY VIDEO

CAST ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE RAT WEEK CAST ASSESSMENT!

[themoneybuff-blog]

Mastering the abundance mindset (and changing your money blueprint)

Shares 531 Old habits die hard. When you get to be a middle-aged man like me, you have forty-nine years of learned behavior to guide your actions and decisions even when you know your choices arent necessarily for the best. Our mental blueprints (including our money blueprints) are deeply ingrained and tough to change. Dont worry. I havent turned into a spendthrift or anything. But Ive been thinking a lot lately about how certain parts of my past continue to affect me, sometimes in huge and annoying ways. For instance, I fight an ongoing battle against a scarcity mindset. I havent been able to master the abundance mindset.

Scarcity and Abundance Ive been reluctant to talk about scarcity and abundance because the terms have been co-opted by Law of Attraction types who use them to encourage magical thinking. I hate the New Age-y approach to these concepts. I want to discuss them from a psychological perspective. With a scarcity mindset, you believe that everything is limited. Time is limited. Money is limited. Love is limited. This causes you to worry about the future. Youre consciously or unconsciously more concerned with what might go wrong than with what could go right. You make fear-based decisions. Youre afraid of missing out. Youre afraid of not having enough. You have trouble with moderation and often exhibit all or nothing behavior.With an abundance mindset, you believe theres plenty for everyone. Theres plenty of wealth, prestige, and happiness to go around. Youre optimistic about the future. You think things will work out even if there are bumps along the way. You make decisions based on the Big Picture rather than a single snapshot in time. Its easy for you to balance tomorrow and today. Ive written before about my trouble with impulse control. In the past, Ive had problems with overspending, overeating, video game addiction, alcohol consumption, and borderline hoarding behavior. (Im a compulsive collector of Stuff.) All of this the collecting, the addictive tendencies, the lack of self-control stems from a scarcity mentality. But I didnt realize it until a few years ago when my therapist helped me see the source. Because my family didnt have much when I was young, I find it difficult to defer gratification. My default mindset even when life is grand is that if I want something and its available, I should get it now. Somewhere deep inside, I feel as if there wont ever be another chance. My father had this mindset. My mother had it. My brothers have it too. (Like me, Jeff and Tony have both learned to fight the feeling of scarcity in their own fashion.) A Real-Life Example of the Scarcity Mindset Over the past year, my deeply-seated scarcity mindset has begun to manifest itself in another annoying way. Since moving into our new house last July 1st, weve had to make tens of thousands of dollars worth of repairs. About $56,000 of these costs came from the sale of our previous home, but that still leaves us on the hook for $30,000 or $40,000. We have one last project to do before we believe were finished: We want to replace the rotting back deck and install a hot tub. (This was the first project we had planned to tackle when we moved in, but we had to put it off for more pressing priorities.) Kim and I know without a doubt that well use the deck and hot tub nearly every single day of the year. (TMI: Currently, she and I both take several hot baths each week. If we had a hot tub, wed be able to soak together.) Its not a question of whether well get value from building an outdoor oasis. No, the problem is that Ive reached some sort of mental breaking point. Im reluctant to spend another penny on home improvement. Im over it. I hate the idea of cashing out yet another chunk of my index funds. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I feel like thats money Ill never get back. (I feel this way despite the intellectual understanding that wed recoup maybe 80% of our costs if we were to sell the home in the future.) I recognize that this is my scarcity mindset kicking in, yet I cannot shake these feelings. Theyre a part of my money blueprint. Heres the thing: In so many ways, financial freedom depends on casting aside this scarcity mentality and embracing an abundance mindset instead. Financial well-being is fundamentally tied to positive expectations of the future. Lets look at three ways the scarcity mindset can manifest itself and how to embrace abundance instead. Jealousy and Spite For some, the scarcity mindset manifests as jealousy and spite. These folks resent the success of others, financial and otherwise. They find it tough to be happy when something good happens to a friend or family member. Theyre territorial, reluctant to co-operate toward a greater common good. Heres how Stephen Covey describes this flavor of scarcity in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: People with a scarcity mentality tend to see everything in terms of win-lose. There is only so much; and if someone else has it, that means there will be less for me. This type of scarcity mindset is the source of the average Americans love-hate relationship with wealth. Most people want to be wealthy but are suspicious of those who already are. They typical person believes that when she makes money, its a result of hard work and skill. But others who get rich? Theyre lucky jerks who dont deserve it. People with this form of the scarcity mindset dont just hold back themselves but they keep down the people around them. This usually manifests as gossip and griping. Sometimes these people keep score. In extreme cases, they actively work to sabotage the success of others. People with this type of scarcity mindset are a drag on life, a net negative to the world at large. What if you suffer from this sort of scarcity mentality? Train yourself to be happy for others. Recognize that my success does not diminish you. Life is not a zero-sum game. To that end: Dont compare yourself to other people. Focus on yourself, on your own goals and accomplishments. If you must compete, compete with yourself. Strive for constant self-improvement.Practice a win-win approach to life. Look for ways to improve your own situation while also helping those around you. When faced with a conflict, dont try to be the victor; instead, work toward a solution beneficial to both parties.Teach yourself to share. Force yourself to give things time, money, resources to other people. When you have a surplus of something, spread the love. (More on this later.) Jealousy and spite can be overcome, but it takes work. Making the effort is a great way to change your outlook, creating a better life for yourself and the people around you. Never Enough

For others, the scarcity mindset manifests as fear of the future. These people think and act like children of the Great Depression. Theyre so worried about how bad things could get that theyre unable to recognize and enjoy what they already have even when they have a lot. Let me give you an example. I once met with a woman who had over $6 million in the bank. She was my age mid forties and lived a modest lifestyle. She wasnt overly frugal, but she didnt spend a lot either. Plus she had just landed a job that paid half a million per year. Nice position to be in, right? Not to her. She was scared to stop working because the didnt want to run out of money. Based on standard assumptions about inflation and stock market returns, this woman could probably spend $240,000 per year for the rest of her life and still die rich. (Thats without taking into account her new $500k per year position!) Her spending was closer to $50,000 per year, yet she fretted about not having enough. Other folks are more extreme. Ive known retirees who have millions in the bank but who are so frightened of the future inflation! peak oil! stock market collapse! that they wont spend on needed home repairs and health concerns. What good is all of that money if youre dead or your house falls down around you? These folks arent harming anyone else (at least not directly), but theyre doing severe damage to their own well-being. They sacrifice happiness today in order to have more tomorrow but they never enjoy tomorrow. People with this type of scarcity mentality never have enough. No amount of money will allow them to sleep soundly at night. What if you feel like youll never have enough? Unlike those who suffer from jealousy and spite, you should keep score. Do this in two ways: First, keep a journal a standard daily diary. It doesnt have to be detailed. Write down the most important events from your life. And every day note at least one thing for which you are grateful. At the end of each year, go back and re-read what youve written. (This exercise will increase in value the longer you keep at it.)Second, track your net worth and spending. Know how much you have and how much you need. Remember this rule of thumb: For every $25 youve saved, you can probably spend $1 each year without worry. (If youre really nervous, you might change that to $1 for every $30 or $40 saved.) If you have more than enough stashed away and still fret about the future, force yourself to spend. Im dead serious. Pick something youve always wanted to do or have, and go get it. Money is a tool to build a better life. If the tool sits unused, whats the point? Instant Gratification Finally, there are the folks like me, people who find it tough to wait for what they want. Were shopaholics and compulsive spenders. With our flavor of the scarcity mindset, were so skeptical about tomorrow that we enjoy too much today. We want it all and we want it now. A decade ago, when I still struggled with money, I had nothing saved. No retirement, no nothing. What I ought to have been doing was paying down my debt and building a foundation for the future. Instead, I was spending everything I earned on books, comics, and computer games. It never occurred to me to wait. I wanted things now, so I bought them. As I mentioned at the start of this article, my therapist helped me to understand that growing up poor had given me a loathing of uncertainty and an inability to delay gratification. My money blueprint was largely constructed around a fear of missing out. During my transition from spendthrift to money boss, I learned to put off potential spending. I learned to wait for the things I wanted. Like the last group, people with this sort of scarcity mentality never have enough. But the lack manifests in a different way. Instead of needing more money, we need more Stuff. We buy and buy and buy and are never satisfied. Theres no amount of possessions that will make us happy. What if a feeling of scarcity drives you to always want more? Practice the art of deferred gratification. I learned this skill by using the 30-day rule. Heres how it works: When you see something you want, make a note of what it is, where you saw it, and how much it costs. But dont buy it yet.Over the next 30 days, be on the lookout for free or cheap alternatives. Does the library have that book? Can you borrow that tool from a friend? Could the local thrift store have a similar shirt?At the end of 30 days, if you still want the item then consider buying it. In most cases, however, youll find the urge to purchase has passed. Also practice moderation. Recognize that most things in life dont require an all or nothing approach. You can have some, and thats okay. Finally, keep a gratitude journal. The fundamental problem with this type of scarcity mindset is not appreciating what you already have. Force yourself to catalog the good things in your life. From Scarcity to Abundance A scarcity mindset leads to self-defeating behavior. It sabotages your chances for future financial success. Even when a Depression-type scarcity mentality helps you accumulate piles of cash, youre unable to enjoy it. Youre afraid to. Fear is always at the heart of scarcity: fear of failure, fear of the future, fear of missing out. Those with a scarcity mindset cling to the notion that theres a limited amount of everything, and theyre afraid they wont get their share. Well talk more about fear (and overcoming it) next week. For now, you should recognize that in order to achieve financial freedom, you must adopt an abundance mentality. If youre worried about lack, you arent free.

Ive already suggested several ways to fight specific flavors of scarcity. To finish, lets look at a technique anyone can use to move from scarcity to abundance: To get what you want, give what you want. What do I mean? In an amazing article from the academic journal Psychological Science, researchers suggest that giving time gives you time. The authors found that spending time on others (instead of yourself) boosts how much time you think you have in both the present and the future. Many of us feel pressured by the modern world. We feel rushed, as if theres never enough time to do what we want. We feel a lack, a scarcity, of minutes and hours and days. To cope with this, we tend to turn inward. We watch TV. We play videogames. We get a massage. But studies show that wasting time like this truly is a waste. When we spend time on ourselves, we feel like the time is lost. On the other hand, when we give our time to others helping friends or volunteering in the community, for instance we experience feelings of time affluence. Plus our time seems fuller. We feel better about ourselves and what weve done. And as a bonus: Giving time to others not only increases the givers sense of subjective time but can also increase the recipients objective amount of time, such that giving time contributes to the well-being of both the self and others. That, my friends, is abundance in action. The bottom line? When individuals feel time constrained, they should become more generous with their time despite their inclination to be less so. The same idea applies to other areas of your life in which you experience feelings of lack. When I started giving away and selling my Stuff several years ago, for example, I came to realize just how much I had. Before, when I was constantly in acquisition mode, I felt like I had very little. I was wrong. I had mountains of things! If you feel a lack of respect from others, give respect to others. If you feel a lack of compassion from others, be compassionate to others. If you feel like people dont love you, love other people. If you feel broke, donate time and money to the poor. If you feel like youll never have enough wealth, systematically give away some of what you have. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes: The abundance mentalityis the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity. The abundance mindset comes from understanding theres plenty in the world: plenty of money, plenty of love, plenty of time. Theres plenty for everyone both for you and for others. Theres plenty now and therell be plenty tomorrow. Enjoy it! A Real-Life Example of the Abundance Mindset While we were wintering in Savannah two years ago, Kim hustled to get her dental hygiene license for the state of Georgia so that she could earn some money. She spent a couple of days driving across the city, dropping off rsums and speaking with doctors. Soon she started getting calls asking her to do fill-in work while other hygienists were sick or on vacation. She also got an offer for a long-term position at a big office in town. Kim could have taken the long-term gig. In fact, she was tempted. What if I cant find any other positions? she asked as we talked through her options. This is a sure thing. Maybe I should take it in case nothing else comes along. After a few days of internal debate, Kim decided not to take the long-term offer. Im getting plenty of calls from other offices, she reasoned. Ill bet I can stay busy just with the short-term stuff, and thatll give me greater flexibility. Sure enough. Because she refused to make a fear-based decision, because she chose to believe shed have more opportunity rather than less, she was able to pick and choose when and where shed work. She had more offers than she had time. She constantly got new calls asking her to fill in. When we returned to Portland, she used the same experience to find permanent dental hygiene positions. She cast her net wide, then waited for the offers to come. And they came. By exercising patience and an abundance mindset, she landed two gigs that she loves. (Plus, she still gets fill-in offers all of the time.) Shares 531 https://www.getrichslowly.org/abundance-mindset/

[i-am-very-very-tired]

April says:JUNE 20, 2016 AT 2:04 PMREPLY

Relaxed4life says:AUGUST 4, 2016 AT 10:11 PMREPLY

Azarmiah says:OCTOBER 5, 2016 AT 8:05 AMREPLY

Amor Amankwah says:OCTOBER 8, 2016 AT 4:47 PMREPLY

Touche! Well said! You hit the nail on the head.

Preach it beee!! Amen and A. men!!

If your natural you know that those styles help reduce tangles i personally dont wear them no reason i havent masterd them as of yet and and doesnt take nothing nut humidity and a wash to get you back to its natural state. Hey check out this video by angel ikyg called black women natural hair its not a bashing video he gives good reasoning to go natural if u feel the same way after watching the video then keep getting relaxers by all means because its your hair have a good day

Dude I always felt the same way. You manipulating your hair to get your curls a certain way says a lot.

Seriously why be so negative? Some people don’t like curly hair or braids but prefer straight hair. Quite frankly some women don’t look good with either hair style. Yeah one can argue that a black woman can achieve straight hair with natural hair but do you know how much more damage will occur than by doing relaxers. If you actually read this woman’s blog you would see her hair is healthy and relaxed. So stop hair shaming and accept the fact that people can have different hair styles and still have healthy hair.

Monique Peterkin says:JANUARY 29, 2017 AT 4:44 PMREPLY

Exactly- this kind of thinking [shaming others hardcore because they have a different view period; be it hair, philosophy, belief, etc,] is and has been completely counterproductive, deleterious, and frankly, embarrassing. We are not a monolith*and there is no “real Black” mind or character. We really need to STOP IT. Where, oh where has it really gotten us as a people in the world? ##!% it.

Everything isn’t for everyone. I am relaxed and I’ve NEVER had anyone else’s hair in my head in my life. My hair is long (bra strap length) and healthy. I’ve never had a desire to go natural because I like the way my hair is when relaxed. My roller wraps and easy maintenance hair works for ME & my life & that my friend is how that works out. I will not apologize or be ashamed of MY choice for MY hair. I am team #CreamyCrack.

There are lots of things we do that aren’t ‘natural’. Do you wear make up? Thats not natural. When people wear braids the extensions they use aren’t natural. When people flat iron their natural hair thats not natural or when people wear weave and wigs over their natural hair- not natural either. Big Deal! People are so busy pointing the finger and telling other people what they should do or think that they don’t realise they are a bunch of hypocrites.

I disagree and can I give you an analogy and you may never agree but this is mine. People over time have used inventions to make their life easier doesn’t mean they don’t embrace their culture our heritage but they are doing things to.save time and effort. Ex. Pencil to typewriter to computer Records to cd to downloads For some not all healthy relaxed hair makes our lives more manageable and easier. I love natural hair but please respect me too and recognize that for me and my course hair it’s much easier.

Where “someone’s” hair means?? Oh pls… Its about time judging stopped!! Its the same hair ok? Jux that others prefer to relax it. And yes… Natural isnt for everyone means… Not everyone wants to keep their hair kinky or natural… Its jux hair ok!? Anyone has the right to do whatever!

Sometimes natural hair does not fit your personality or lifestyle. Its similar to how some people do not prefer their own hair color and choose to dye it.

I agree with you 100%. I think if it grows out your head it obviously is for you. lol Im natural and I don’t judge whether you make a decision to relax or not relax, i really don’t care what you do to your head. But what we’re not gonna do in these comments is say that natural “poofy” hair is “unprofessional”. That is the real issue. What is professional? Straight flat hair? I don’t like that stigma at all. And also side note, natural hair products typically are organic or healthy for your scalp most of the time. Relaxer literally burns your scalp and has your hair fall out if it’s in too long lol it can’t be that safe when used in the long term. But i’m not the one who is making the decision so who cares about my opinion anyway lol

Montia says:JUNE 12, 2016 AT 6:37 AM

REPLY

Hey Lauren,

I have been a home relaxer for years! Do you have any suggestions for beach hair or what to do to protect your hair at the pool? It’s vacation season so wanted a little product help!

Thanks Montia

Lauren says:JUNE 14, 2016 AT 9:35 AMREPLY

Hey!

I’ve heard that some women coat their hair with oil of deep conditioner before getting into the water – something about your hair soaking up the moisturizing product and not having enough room to soak up chlorinated water. Just be careful – wouldn’t want to have an obvious slick of oil behind you as you dunk in the water! If I know I’ll be in water a lot (i.e. vacation), I’ll put it into a protective style like Marley Twists or Box Braids. Hope that helps!

Pam says:MAY 30, 2016 AT 9:30 AM

REPLY

I’m so glad I read your post, I have been natural for 5’years now, I have seen some growth but not the amazing results that I expected. I also think my hair seemed much healthier when I had a relaxer, thank you for helping me realize that natural does not always mean better and since everyone’s hair is different you should do what works for you.

Fahyolah says:APRIL 11, 2016 AT 4:49 PM

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Wow. I came across this post and your first paragraph alone had me! I am sick and tired of everyone portraying relaxed hair as the culprit of all hair problems. There is a way to have healthy relaxed hair and I dislike when I am made to feel guilty about my decision to keep my hair relaxed (I’m not “ashamed” of my natural hair, I just prefer it straight). Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting such a rare opposition in a world filled with individuals shunning relaxed hair!

Mesha says:APRIL 27, 2016 AT 11:54 AMREPLY

Wow! Im going through this now. Havent relaxed my hair in almost a year and its coming out, dry and hard to manage. I honestly dont see what all the hype is about natural hair. I guess its personal choice and the type of hair you have. Some people make natural seem easy but then their hair grade is “naturally” nice! My hair is coarse, dry, thick yet brittle and I hate that. Call it what you want, im Europeanized whatever im not with that and love healthy looking moisturized hair, im getting a perm asap!!!

Faith says:APRIL 2, 2016 AT 5:57 PM

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I also tried to go the natural route… this is my second year now, but my hair was honestly healthiest when I used to relax it. Now my natural hair just sheds so much and is super dit. regardless of what I do to it. My mind is made as I take off my braids in relaxing it. And shall be proudly rocking it.

Abigail Mai. says:APRIL 1, 2016 AT 11:21 AM

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I know this post its old but I feel like I need to post a comment lol. I’ve been natural for three years but things are getting out of hand now, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m glad I found this blog. I’m planning to relax my hair tomorrow and get a pixie cut. I’m so nervous. Nice post! Your hair is gorgeous!

I am at my 3 year mark as well and I’m fed up..smh when yu relaxed what relaxer did you use.

Lauren says:APRIL 7, 2016 AT 10:25 AMREPLY

Tips & materials before you relax your hair at home Relax your hair at home, by yourself, the RIGHT way! Dr. Miracle’s Feel It Formula Thermalceutical Intensive No-Lye Relaxer (Regular Strength)

So how did it go? Reading these comments, I think I have made up my mind. After almost 10 yrs of being natural, I hate it. It takes me up to 3 hrs to straighten it and it still looks a hot mess and all I can do is pull it back. I was looking at my pictures from college and I loved the relaxed look. So much easier in my opinion and my hands and arms don’t feel like they are going to fall off. Any pointers? I’ll prob just go back to the olive oil relaxer.

Kiki says:MARCH 24, 2016 AT 11:54 PM

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Natural isn’t for everyone! My hair broke in the center and both sides while shedding everywhere else. So I cut it down to where it broke, half of my shoulder length hair, to start all over again. I did one Aphogee treatment, then a week later, hit it with ORS relaxer, problem solved! A year and a few months later, my hair is back down on my shoulders. I’ll never go natural ever again! Moisturizing shampoos & conditioners are a must!

Molly

says:FEBRUARY 28, 2016 AT 6:10 PM

REPLY

Hi! In 2010 my hair fell out, and I spent the next year-and-a-half in weaves. 18 months later I’m natural and my hair is at my shoulders. It was pretty when straight, but would not stay. It would not hold a style. So I get a relaxer, and my hair starts shedding badly. (The bad reactions were caused my coconut oil as it made my hair dry and brittle, but I just found that out a few months ago) then I get psoriasis from an autoimmune condition so bad my scalp bleeds. So for another two years I stop relaxers. My hair kept shedding and getting dryer( too much protien) finally I went back to relaxers but only to loosen the curl. Now my styles stay. I’m still shedding from a chronic illness and the protien, but my hair is bra band length. Yesterday I went to a new salon, doctors orders, and the stylist said my “natural hair” is so healthy! And that I should let it all go natural. Well, none of it is natural! My ends are just straight because of a bad beautician. I relax my hair every four or so months to loosen the tightness and I love this method. Even the white girls raved after the beautician finished styling it. My hair when straight looks exactly like brand new weave, and I missed that when natural. I mean I could get it just as silky but it wouldn’t stay.. So texlaxsing is my ne strategy.

Lauren says:APRIL 5, 2016 AT 10:45 AMREPLY

I’m so glad you were able to find something that works for you , even with those challenges!

CAH says:FEBRUARY 8, 2016 AT 7:41 PM

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I’ve been natural off and on for over 10 years. This weekend I just texlaxed my hair because I wanted versatility. I wanted to be able to straighten my hair without all the excessive heat used when pressing natural hair but I also wanted to have a little texture left so I can still do my wash n’ go’s. It’s sad that we have to justify how we choose to wear our hair.

Deva says:FEBRUARY 2, 2016 AT 11:13 AM

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Thanks for this. I’ve never felt threatened with the thought of going natural. I’m texlaxed and have been my whole life. I can honestly say that although i enjoy the look of natural hair, I don’t have time for the maintenance. My relaxer has done me well and I’ll keep that chemical in my head for as long as I can.

Micah says:JANUARY 15, 2016 AT 9:13 AM

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I have been free from the creamy crack for 8 years but today I’m so over it I was frustrated with my hair was about to make an appointment for my hairdresser and I’m just like I’m so tired of this and then I said wait what am I trying to prove I’m going to go get me a relaxer and that’s exactly what I’m going to do! MY QUESTION is what relaxer should I use???? since it’s been so long I don’t want my hair to fall out

SincerelyAlexisJ

says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 5:16 AM

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Omg , I’m so upset that I just found this post . But I’m extremely happy at the same time ! This post and all the comments made me realize that it’s okay to keep my relaxed hair and not feel bad about it because everybody’s on this natural kick! I had THICK just above my shoulder length hair all my life(I’m 25 now). In August , I noticed my hair just wouldn’t get bone straight anymore when I relaxed it , went through 3 different perms and it just wouldn’t get straight. And because I have such thick and hard to manage hair, it would look like I still needed a perm. So I let my sister in law talk me into going natural(SMH!). The first two times she washed and flat ironed my hair(two weeks apart) , it looked nice . Then it kind of went down hill from there . My hair became SUPER thick , the thickest I had ever seen it before , I could not comb through it , it wouldn’t lay down , it was super dry no matter what I would put on it , etc . Then I noticed that when she would flat iron it , it started looking thinner and thinner.

Towards the ending of November I noticed the back of hair completely broke off ! My mom and I were so upset with what was going on with my hair so by the end of December , I decided to go back to my perms. I permed my hair for the first time since August on January 4th(last Thursday) and while I was in the shower A LOT of my hair was coming out in clumps. Not big clumps , but still they were noticeable clumps. After my protein treatment and deep conditioner , I blow dried my hair and saw that my hair had broken off in the middle of my head as well , not as bad as the back though. Also , when I was “natural” , when I would TRY to comb it , a lot of hair would be let left in the comb.

I’m very inclined to believe that all that heat that was being put on my hair caused a lot of damage, as well as it being soo dry. So I have to admit while I was natural that is when I noticed my hair started to fall out.

What do you think I should do to get it back healthy and growing again ? I’ve always had thick and dry hair and I’ve always done deep conditioners every week to retain the moisture , so I know that’s a given. But what else? Please help me , I’m miss my hair so much!

Adetomi says:MARCH 5, 2016 AT 7:36 PMREPLY

Cut the hair and start over. That’s the only way

Alexis says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 5:12 AM

REPLY

Omg , I’m so upset that I just found this post . But I’m extremely happy at the same time ! This post and all the comments made me realize that it’s okay to keep my relaxed hair and not feel bad about it because everybody’s on this natural kick! I had THICK just above my shoulder length hair all my life(I’m 25 now). In August , I noticed my hair just wouldn’t get bone straight anymore when I relaxed it , went through 3 different perms and it just wouldn’t get straight. And because I have such thick and hard to manage hair, it would look like I still needed a perm. So I let my sister in law talk me into going natural(SMH!). The first two times she washed and flat ironed my hair(two weeks apart) , it looked nice . Then it kind of went down hill from there . My hair became SUPER thick , the thickest I had ever seen it before , I could not comb through it , it wouldn’t lay down , it was super dry no matter what I would put on it , etc . Then I noticed that when she would flat iron it , it started looking thinner and thinner.

Towards the ending of November I noticed the back of hair completely broke off ! My mom and I were so upset with what was going on with my hair so by the end of December , I decided to go back to my perms. I permed my hair for the first time since August on January 4th(last Thursday) and while I was in the shower A LOT of my hair was coming out in clumps. Not big clumps , but still they were noticeable clumps. After my protein treatment and deep conditioner , I blow dried my hair and saw that my hair had broken off in the middle of my head as well , not as bad as the back though. Also , when I was “natural” , when I would TRY to comb it , a lot of hair would be let left in the comb.

I’m very inclined to believe that all that heat that was being put on my hair caused a lot of damage, as well as it being soo dry. So I have to admit while I was natural that is when I noticed my hair started to fall out.

What do you think I should do to get it back healthy and growing again ? I’ve always had thick and dry hair and I’ve always done deep conditioners every week to retain the moisture , so I know that’s a given. But what else? Please help me , I’m miss my hair so much!

Niquole Abram

says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 12:01 AM

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I love this post so much! One of my coworkers was formally relaxed and is now natural and for her it was the best thing ever. For me on the other hand, I know I will relax until I can no longer relax my hair. I’ve had it done since I was at least 8 years old, I’m 27 and I love how my hair looks after.

I took over the reins when I was 12 and can now apply it in less than 7 minutes. I may have timed it a few times… Haha! It’s so much easier to manage as well. I can tell when it’s almost time because I notice it’s harder to comb thru or brush in general and to wash. Once it’s been relaxed, I’m golden!

I spend less time fussing over my hair with it relaxed than if I were to go natural. I’m half black so I think my natural hair texture would be a 3c/4b combination? Afterwards it relaxes to a 2b wavy/surly texture if that. I have flat iron and a blow dryer although I can’t work the blowdryer to save my life and the Flatiron may used once or twice a month to check on my length or do a trim.

I’m determined to prove that just because my hair is relaxed, does not mean I can’t have long and healthy hair. I’m on my way to hip length right now, it was at chin length about 2 years ago and now it’s down to just past my bra strap.

When I tell people that my hair is actually relaxed their jaws drop, a reaction I will never get tired of! What I do to lessen the damage of the relaxer that inevitably gets on the length is I’ll coat that portion of my hair with coconut oil. It seems to provide a bit of a barrier between my hair and relaxer so it doesn’t damage the previously relaxed hair as much. Also with my last relaxer, I did a henna treatment that next day. My roots felt like normal.

You know after a relaxer your roots fill a bit of dry even a little straw like? After doing the henna it felt perfectly fine! I’ve noticed that weird texture seems to go away within a week or so and the henna treatment seem to speed up that process so I think I’ll do henna after I do my relaxer as well.

jada says:DECEMBER 20, 2015 AT 10:39 PM

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What do You do if You have a lot of Breakage an shedding? I haven’t had a perm in 2 months but i’m thinking about getting a perm because i want my hair to be straight an healthy. Do you have anything like Products to recommend for breakage, shedding and promoting hair growth ?

Chaka Khan

says:DECEMBER 16, 2015 AT 12:58 PM

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Thank you so much, I am a year and a half out with natural hair and I hate it. I agree it takes to long to get it how I like it and I feel it was much healthier, when I permed it. It grew much faster. I will be switching back after the first of the year. Thank you again for all the tutorials.

Kalisha Adams says:DECEMBER 9, 2015 AT 9:33 AM

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your hair is amazing and keep up the good work!

Lauren says:JANUARY 7, 2016 AT 12:11 PMREPLY

Thanks girl =)

V-Yella Westcoast

says:DECEMBER 2, 2015 AT 10:03 PM

REPLY

I agree with Lauren, you can have healthy straight relaxed hair. Straight hair is easier to manage.

[trendingnewsb]

Jeremy Liew says to forget the critics and watch Planet of the Apps for its window onto pitch meetings

Reviewers have not been kind to Apples first TV offering, Planet of the Apps. Variety had a particularly entertaining, if biting, take, with writer Maureen Ryan likening the show to something that was developed at a cocktail party, and not given much more rigorous thought or attention after the pitcher of mojitos was drained.

Earlier today, we talked with one of the shows stars, Jeremy Liew of Lightspeed Venture Partners, about those reviews, along with how many startups he found through the filming and where hes shopping now. Liew said he doesnt mind the critics opinions but worries founders could miss a solid opportunity to learn from the pitch meetings aired in the latter half of each episode. I dont think there are many opportunities like this for people to understand how the process of pitching a VC works in real life.

The next episode airs tomorrow. More from our conversation, edited for length, follows.

TC: Lightspeed reportedly had to commit $10 million across various companies as part of this show. How many investments did you make?

JL: We made about a dozen investments altogether across the 10 episodes. We committed to making our best effort to fund interesting companies, but we were also clear that we werent going to drop our standards. Because of the nature of the show, we made more seed- and pre-seed stage investments than is typically the case for the firm [but in solid teams].

TC: How many pitches did you sit through for the filming of the show, and did you feel like they were vetted well enough?

JL: We probably sat through 35 to 40. They were very well vetted. Thousands of people applied originally; the founders who met with us had made it through a number of levels [including talking with show mentors Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Will.i.Am, and Gary Vaynerchuk, as well as participating in six-week incubator] before we talked with them.

Theres a pretty big investment that gets made tomorrow night. We made a few investments that would qualify as Series A size checks.

TC: You were holding one-hour long meetings with these companies while they made their pitches not listening to the escalator ride pitches that are a feature of the show. Do you believe in elevator or escalator, in this case pitches?

JL: Absolutely. Investors, journalists we get pitched a million times a day. If someone is inarticulate or unable to capture in 30 seconds why we should pay attention to them, they either dont have [an interesting story], they dont understand whats special about their business, or they dont have that charismatic, visionary feel that you often need to change the world. People do need a good elevator pitch. You have to give someone a good reason to spend an hour talking with you.

TC: When people participate in a show, theyre oftensurprised by the final product. Do you feel like the editors did you justice?

JL:I do think I come across the way I actually am and that the nature of the conversations we had with the entrepreneurs was very well-preserved. For people who want to understand how VCs make investments, its an excellent window onto how the process works in real life. Tosome extent, the [filmmakers] could have chosen all the clever things or dumb things or nice things we said, but I think they captured the essence of the conversations pretty accurately. Anyone wanting to know what a real pitch process is like could do a lot worse then watch them to see what works, what doesnt, the kinds of questions you get, how people can answer those questions well and answer them badly. I dont think theres another resource quite like it.

TC: Outside of the show, where are you shopping right now?

JL: E-commerce and m-commerce continue to be the gift that keeps on giving as more people buy things online. My most recent investment, for example, was Rothys, an e-commerce startup that makes fashionable womens flats. [Editors note: The Times wrote up in the company in its Style section last week. The shoes are made from recycled plastic water bottles.]

The special twist is the shoes are made through a3-D knitting machine that enables them to use different colors and styles and enjoy a great deal of flexibility. Theyre also known for being super comfortable to wear.

TC: Youve also been a bitcoin bull for several years. Are you still actively backing bitcoin and blockchain technology companies?

JL: We have four investment right now: Ripple [the real-time payment system], Blockchain [the bitcoin wallet company]; [the Chinese bitcoin exchange] BTTC, and LedgerX [a company thats right now awaiting final approval from the Commodity Futures Trading Commission for its bitcoin options trading service].

We may have more to report in that space in a little while. But as everybody is seeing, the industry has been heating up over the last 12 to 18 months after a bit of a slow start. Youre seeing much broader adoption taking place right now across industries, across geographies, and across use cases.

TC: What do you make of internet coin offerings, or ICOs, and should VCs be nervous about them as an alternative means for startups to raise money?

JL: I think its a super exciting space. Whenever you have people pushing the envelope, youll see some success and failure, and were paying a lot of attention.

TC: Have you taken part in an ICO, just to better understand firsthand how the process works?

JL: I havent. But the more important question is what happens to those tokens after the product launches and whether a liquid market develops beyond speculation. As those markets and tokens develop, well see what those opportunities look like.

TC: You led an investment for Lightspeed in Snap, which is now down 30 percent from its IPO price. Did you sell at the IPO? Are you concerned about its prospects?

JL:Snap asked some of the early holders to sell a little bit at the IPO to provide additional liquidity at the float, and we complied with that request, as did all the other early investors.

TC: Think the stock is misunderstood?

JL: Id never bet against Evan Spiegel and his product sense. He has a once-in-a-generation type mind for product. I think he has a lot of interesting stuff up his sleeve, too, that well start to see over the coming quarters.

TC: As we speak, youre in a car en route to the airport. Youve traveled a lot in recent years, saying Silicon Valley is an echo chamber and you can get a better feel for consumer trends elsewhere. Is that still the case?

JL: Im still traveling a lot, yes. I made 45 trips last year, and Im on track to do the same this year.

Part of why we participated in Planet of the Apps is because were seeing more entrepreneurs starting outside of the Bay Area and wanted a better mechanism to reach those people. Im on my way to Luxembourg right now. Ive been to Belgrade, Tennessee, Arkansas, the University of Chicago.

Infrastructure entrepreneurship is still largely concentrated in the Bay Area, but consumer entrepreneurship is so distributed; if you want to see great founders, you need to be willing to get on a plane.

Read more: http://ift.tt/2s3QY92

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2s5DWb2 via Viral News HQ

[fanfiction-mania]

Lucky im in Love (Chapter 12)

P.o.v Ellington

After we finished our final game of cards against humanity we all headed to bed, but tonight instead of sleeping in the guest bedroom and rocky sleeping in his room on his own we decided that the both of us would sleep in his room. To be honest I'm kind of nervous because if anything were to happen, if you know what I'm saying, I'm not sure I would be ready for that quite yet. With that we went off to Rocky's room. Once we got into Rocky's Room I sat down on his bed considering its kind of an instinct liked thing for me to do because every time Rocky and I are in his Room the first thing that I always do is sit on his bed. As per usual I was followed closely behind by Rocky who sat down right beside me. We sat there for a moment in a comfortable silence until Rocky spoke. "It's getting a bit late, it might be a good idea to go to bed" he does have a point and I am getting pretty tired. With that he gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. I would go to sleep but there was just something about that kiss that lead me go want more. I could tell it Was the same with Rocky because he sat back up and pressed his lips up to mine ever so gently. After that our lips parted only momentarily due to our need to breathe. Once our lips met again his tongue was begging for entrance. At first I hesitated but then eventually granted him access. We fought for dominance and surprise surprise, he won. It doesn't really matter to me anyways because I am currently making out with the love of my life. I know I didn't really need to say it to myself because I know that it's happening obviously but it's just one of those things that you know for a fact it's real but it feels like a dream anyways.

P.o.v Ryland

"Hey Ross?" I said considering we share a bedroom. "Yeah Ry" he replied. "I bet ya ten bucks that Rocky and Ellington are doing it right now" he looked at me slightly confused. "Doing what?.. Oh wait... Never mind" after he said that he looked scarred at the thought of that happening just a few doors down. After that I couldn't help but laugh. He hesitated for a second but then eventually gave in. "Fine! Deal!" He finally said. After that we both went silent just keeping within our own thoughts. After I managed to get my mind to stop racing it wasn't long before I nearly fell asleep. I didn't actually fall asleep. all I could hear was Ross' phone going off because apparently he doesn't know how to turn his fucking phone on silent. "Who the hell are you texting at this time of night?" I whisper yelled. He looked over at me as if I actually startled him but I don't give a shit at the moment, I don't feel sorry at all because all I'm trying to do is sleep. "I'm texting scarlet" he said sounding irritated. "Okay but can you at least turn your phone on silent?" I asked. "Fine!" He replied. After that it didn't take long for sleep to take over.

P.o.v Scarlet

It's currently really late and I have been texting Ross for at least the passed hour and a half. I should really be asleep right now but I'm not because I would obviously much rather talk to Ross. I kind of zoned out for a second but then my phone went off which seemed to drag me back to reality. "Meet me in the park, ASAP!" After I read that I just couldn't help but think that he's absolutely insane. "Are you crazy! We could get in trouble!" I said. Not two seconds later he replied again. "That's a risk I am willing to make" with that I got out of bed and quietly snuck out the window. Once I was out the window there was no problem making it to the park. It actually isn't that far of a walk from here. Once I got there I looked around a bit but I eventually found Ross all alone on a bench waiting for me. I walked up to the bench and sat next to him quietly. "Hey Ross!" I whispered happily. "Hey scarlet!" He replied hugging me. "So why exactly did you want to meet at this time of night?" I asked "I need to tell you something" he said.

P.o.v Ross

"I need to tell you something." i told her semi nervously. "and what exactly would that be?" she replied sounding curious. Here goes nothing... "I wanted to tell you that i really like you and that i want you to be my girlfriend." at first she was just staring at me and not saying anything which of course caused me to automatically think that she doesnt think of me that way but apparently i was wrong. all of a sudden i was pulled from my thoughts by her arms wrapping around me. "i would love to be your girlfriend." After I got home from the park I decided to go on twitter for a bit until I felt tired enough to fall asleep because after what just happened it would be a while before I were to fall back to sleep. After about 20 minutes of just scrolling I got a notification "@rossr5: I am now in a relationship with the most beautiful girl in the world and I love her to bits,I love you scarlet <3" after that I couldn't help but smile and at that point I was tired enough that I was able to fall asleep and dream of Ross.

P.o.v Rocky

Things were getting heated between Ellington and I. It is literally to the point where neither of us have anything on except for our boxers, and if things keep going the way they are it won't be long until those are off too. Just when I thought that Ellington grabbed hold of my boxers as if to pull them off. I swear he can read my mind sometimes. At that point we were still kissing so I decided I would pull away but only for long enough to get my boxers off. Thank god for that too because at this point I have such a hard on that there was next to no room left in my boxers. "Holy shit you're huge!" Ellington whispered. I couldn't help but smirk a little after that. I began rubbing Ellington through his boxers and it was easy to tell he was enjoying it because his eyes were shut, his jaw dropped, and his head was leaned back. After a while i decided to rub harder to see if I could really get him going. After that I stopped. I pulled his boxers off and looked at his length. After looking at it for a few seconds I took the tip in my mouth. As I sucked Ellington leaned his head back in pleasure and began moaning my name. I moved my tongue around a bit causing Ellington to moan louder. I know I should probably tell him to be quieter but to be honest his moaning is really turning me on. After about a minute longer I decided to take in as much of his length as I could causing him to gasp. After taking whatever amount of his length in my mouth as I could I just wrapped my hand around whatever was left and pumped. I could tell he was about to cum so I stopped. I could tell I pissed him off a bit by stopping but I didn't want him to cum just yet. I grabbed a condom out of the drawer of my bedside table and quickly rolled it onto my length. After that I got behind Ellington and lined myself up with his entrance. "Rocky?" Ellington said quietly. "Yeah Babe?" I replied. "I don't want to be able to walk tomorrow"

P.o.v Laura

For some reason I just can't seem to fall asleep. It's really starting to bother me because it's heading on 3:00am and this literally had never happened before. I decided to pull out my laptop and go on twitter for a bit. I was scrolling through when one tweet in particular caught my eye. "@rossr5: I am now in a relationship with the most beautiful girl in the world and I love her to bits,I love you scarlet <3" I can not believe her I told her that he's mine and now she's dating him. I would call her now but I'm too tired and pissed off at the moment so I'll just figure it all out tomorrow.

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine

Well, its Wednesday night and Im a bottle of wine in. Its time to love myself like that Hailee girl told me to and turn on some . Because nothing is better for your self-confidence then to watch other people fail. Miserably.

Last year Sams mom got in touch with me and this year its Giannas brother. Who will be next to defend their loved ones on the recaps? Carolinas great aunt? Stay tuned!

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Shocker, they all start binge drinking. Cant wait to see how much weight they all gain by the end of the season.

Little Mike is talking to Casandra about all the things he likes to do. These hobbies include taking long walks on the beach, gelling his hair and taking a daily measurement of his penis. His growth spurt is coming, okay?!

Casandra literally looks like a bobblehead and is like OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

Little Mike: I LOVE LAMP

Mike wants to get to know Cas but also low-key hates her for having a family and being #blessed. He legit calls her a daddys girl to her face and shes not even phased. He starts talking about how his mom is broke and his dad is crazy and Im like, woah, did I change the channel accidentally to ? This shit is way too heavy for me rn.

If I could describe the house in three words that they all could understand it would be: Drunk. Horny. Stupid. In that order. Because they arent planning on getting a real job any time after this, they decide to throw an underwear party.

Ozzy is like Kathryn is very sexy, idk what it is about her that I like. He says as she grinds on him in her underwear. Hmmm, I wonder what it could be that makes you like her?

They start making out and he tells her that tomorrow is his birthday. So obviously she has to have sex with him because of THE IMPLICATION. (Name that reference and I will marry you.)

Tyler and Taylor are both like hey this underwear party is fucking gross and Im like FUCK YA TEAM NORMAL PEOPLE.

Tyler is like everyone is acting trashy and Im trying to better myself. Woah, ok. Profound. Tyler def got lost on the way to auditions and ended up on . Either that or hes a fucking narc.

Apparently nothing makes Tylers dick harder than belittling the people you live with and he starts making out with Taylor. Overall, v hot couple.

Then the camera pans out to literally everyone just hooking up. , brought to you by Trojan Condoms.

THE GAME

The game starts with everyone being blindfolded and the boys tied up, which is coincidentally also the first scene of .

The girls have to smell the guys and untie the one they want to take on a date. Because thats normal. The first three couples to finish go on a date.

The girls start sniffing and falling more than cokeheads at an EDM concert.

Kari has some big-ass eyes so every time she talks she looks fucking crazy. Actually, she kind of looks like me when Im high but Im pretending that Im not high so Im overly opening my eyes. Idk, just trying to create a visual.

Karis like “I STUDIED NEUROSCIENCE ONCE IN COLLEGE, PHEROMONES ARE REAL Yeah, no one said they werent#Science.

KARI: This one time, in my neuroscience class

Kari picks Joey the trashman, who I thought smells like shit but I guess not.

Hannah picks Tyler and is like wow, this blindfold makes it so hard to see. I totally respect blind people. Wow, Im sure blind people everywhere feel so fucking complimented. Like look mom, that girl on TV understands my daily struggle for 3 minutes!

They can still hear you being a dumbass, you know.

Alicia smells Andre because he, and I quote, smells like Fritios. This is like the cheapest advertisement Fritos has ever had. Also, Andre its time to get some new cologne.

Andre/Alicia, Joey/Kari and Hannah/Tyler all win and they are going to go windsurfing. Thrilling.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Gianna apologizes to Hayden for being a low-key bitch last week and hes already well settled into his home on friendzone island.

Michael walks by and Gianna is like hanging on Hayden. Michael is very over it and Gianna is like . Fuck, okay.

Kam and Eddie are flirting and being cute and idk I like them so they better not fuck this up for me.

MY MOM: I like the girl with the grey-ish, purple-ish hair ME: Literally their names are at the bottom of the screen.

Carolina is very upset that Joey the trashman is going on a date with KARI (her name will be in all caps now because her eyes just make me feel some type of way). Carolina starts crying and shes like if youre not my match what is my purpose?! In the distance you can hear me screaming ITS WEEK TWO YOU DUMB BITCH.

THE DATE

Andre is the only one who can windsurf and Hannahs like”oh Daddy.” In the words of our President-Elect, everyone else is a bunch of losers. Huge losers! Failing at wind surfing! All talk, no action!

KARI is being really nice to Joey and saying hes fun and shes excited to be there and hes like ACTUALLY Im into Carolina. Woah. Okay, I know KARI may kind of look like Crazy Eyes but she seems nice and shes actually being genuine. So in my drunken state rn I am very mad for her.

Joey has officially moved to my shit list. And I dont even mean that because hes a trashman. Where he quite literally has to pick up shit. Get it? Ill see myself out.

Andre and Alisha seem to be getting along but IDK, they kinda act like little children. They talk a big game about how they are really into each other but I just cant see it. And Im pretty much a fucking expert at this show.

And none for Tyler and Hannah, bye!

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Andre and Alicia to the booth because the house isnt fully brain-dead. Everyone Is like “THEY ARE SO STRONG! THEYRE IN LOVE AFTER A WEEK.”

See, you say strong, I say fucking crazy.

And guess what, Im right motherfuckersNO MATCH.

Alicia starts crying and saying she doesnt want to be here. Damn, okay then fly tf outta here, what?

Hannah is like “HEY I KNOW YOUR HEART JUST BROKE, BUT IM GONNA GO AFTER ANDRE.” Its all about the subtle game. Hannah, could you like, chill your hoe ass down for a sec?

Hannah and Andre are talking and hes like I knew we werent a match and Im everyone at home is like wait you just told Alicia man, thats fucked up.

Andre and Hannah start making out because #drama.

Alicia starts flipping the fuck out and is like YOURE A LIAR AND A FLIRTER AND A MINGLER!!!

Whats a mingler? Just someone who mingles? I feel like thats real nondescript. Im going to need a full definition plz. DM me.

Andres like “THESE GIRLS ARE CATCHING FEELINGS!” Uh, its not just girls. Joeys over here acting like a baby back bitch.

Hoes, am I right?

THE MATCHUP

The boys get to pick tonight and this ought to be a shit show because none of them strike me as scholars.

Oswaldo picks KARI. Random, dont care.

Ozzy picks Kathryn because he wants that birthday sex. Ozzys like she makes me feel like home. Uh, Ozzy thats because you are home. Youre a local, your house is like, down the street.

Jaylen picks Kam, fucking up the thing she had with Eddie.

Eddie picks Shannon, womp womp.

Derrick pity picks Alicia.

Hayden, who is sporting a pair of capris, picks Taylor. Obviously Taylor wants to be with Tyler so this is def a surprise. She actually says those exact words and Hayden has now purchased a summer home on friendzone island.

Tyler says something fucking stupid about how Hayden is doing him a favor? Idk his foot is so far up his mouth and Taylors like 3 seconds away from putting her foot in his ass. So much for team normal.

Andre picks Hannah. Alicia is like “IT IS WHAT IT IS” but also wants to murder Hannah.

Michael caves and picks Gianna. WTF.

Joey picks Carolina and they kiss because THEY ARE DUMB THATS WHY.

Mike picks Casandra because shes his uptown girl.

Tyler picks Tee and they both are like, “Welp. Fuck me right?”

Okay, so this is sketch. Not looking so hot for them rn.

Were waiting for beams and Im drinking, thinking no fucking way are they going to blackout. Its only week 2. But in the words of President-Elect: The polls were wrong! The experts were wrong! Sad!

And yes, THEY BLACKOUT.

They all lost half a million dollars. Im laughing but its a nervous laugh because now they all are going to be on suicide watch or something.

Everyone has to deal with the fact that the person they are with is not their match. No Mike/Cas, Ozzy/Kathryn, Gianna/Michael, Joey/Carolina or Hannah/Andre. WOW. Major blow. Im loving this.

A sad song starts playing and people start crying. Damn, this just got as depressing as Mikes family life.

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from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine

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Jeremy Liew says to forget the critics and watch Planet of the Apps for its window onto pitch meetings

Reviewers have not been kind to Apples first TV offering, Planet of the Apps. Variety had a particularly entertaining, if biting, take, with writer Maureen Ryan likening the show to something that was developed at a cocktail party, and not given much more rigorous thought or attention after the pitcher of mojitos was drained.

Earlier today, we talked with one of the shows stars, Jeremy Liew of Lightspeed Venture Partners, about those reviews, along with how many startups he found through the filming and where hes shopping now. Liew said he doesnt mind the critics opinions but worries founders could miss a solid opportunity to learn from the pitch meetings aired in the latter half of each episode. I dont think there are many opportunities like this for people to understand how the process of pitching a VC works in real life.

The next episode airs tomorrow. More from our conversation, edited for length, follows.

TC: Lightspeed reportedly had to commit $10 million across various companies as part of this show. How many investments did you make?

JL: We made about a dozen investments altogether across the 10 episodes. We committed to making our best effort to fund interesting companies, but we were also clear that we werent going to drop our standards. Because of the nature of the show, we made more seed- and pre-seed stage investments than is typically the case for the firm [but in solid teams].

TC: How many pitches did you sit through for the filming of the show, and did you feel like they were vetted well enough?

JL: We probably sat through 35 to 40. They were very well vetted. Thousands of people applied originally; the founders who met with us had made it through a number of levels [including talking with show mentors Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Will.i.Am, and Gary Vaynerchuk, as well as participating in six-week incubator] before we talked with them.

Theres a pretty big investment that gets made tomorrow night. We made a few investments that would qualify as Series A size checks.

TC: You were holding one-hour long meetings with these companies while they made their pitches not listening to the escalator ride pitches that are a feature of the show. Do you believe in elevator or escalator, in this case pitches?

JL: Absolutely. Investors, journalists we get pitched a million times a day. If someone is inarticulate or unable to capture in 30 seconds why we should pay attention to them, they either dont have [an interesting story], they dont understand whats special about their business, or they dont have that charismatic, visionary feel that you often need to change the world. People do need a good elevator pitch. You have to give someone a good reason to spend an hour talking with you.

TC: When people participate in a show, theyre oftensurprised by the final product. Do you feel like the editors did you justice?

JL:I do think I come across the way I actually am and that the nature of the conversations we had with the entrepreneurs was very well-preserved. For people who want to understand how VCs make investments, its an excellent window onto how the process works in real life. Tosome extent, the [filmmakers] could have chosen all the clever things or dumb things or nice things we said, but I think they captured the essence of the conversations pretty accurately. Anyone wanting to know what a real pitch process is like could do a lot worse then watch them to see what works, what doesnt, the kinds of questions you get, how people can answer those questions well and answer them badly. I dont think theres another resource quite like it.

TC: Outside of the show, where are you shopping right now?

JL: E-commerce and m-commerce continue to be the gift that keeps on giving as more people buy things online. My most recent investment, for example, was Rothys, an e-commerce startup that makes fashionable womens flats. [Editors note: The Times wrote up in the company in its Style section last week. The shoes are made from recycled plastic water bottles.]

The special twist is the shoes are made through a3-D knitting machine that enables them to use different colors and styles and enjoy a great deal of flexibility. Theyre also known for being super comfortable to wear.

TC: Youve also been a bitcoin bull for several years. Are you still actively backing bitcoin and blockchain technology companies?

JL: We have four investment right now: Ripple [the real-time payment system], Blockchain [the bitcoin wallet company]; [the Chinese bitcoin exchange] BTTC, and LedgerX [a company thats right now awaiting final approval from the Commodity Futures Trading Commission for its bitcoin options trading service].

We may have more to report in that space in a little while. But as everybody is seeing, the industry has been heating up over the last 12 to 18 months after a bit of a slow start. Youre seeing much broader adoption taking place right now across industries, across geographies, and across use cases.

TC: What do you make of internet coin offerings, or ICOs, and should VCs be nervous about them as an alternative means for startups to raise money?

JL: I think its a super exciting space. Whenever you have people pushing the envelope, youll see some success and failure, and were paying a lot of attention.

TC: Have you taken part in an ICO, just to better understand firsthand how the process works?

JL: I havent. But the more important question is what happens to those tokens after the product launches and whether a liquid market develops beyond speculation. As those markets and tokens develop, well see what those opportunities look like.

TC: You led an investment for Lightspeed in Snap, which is now down 30 percent from its IPO price. Did you sell at the IPO? Are you concerned about its prospects?

JL:Snap asked some of the early holders to sell a little bit at the IPO to provide additional liquidity at the float, and we complied with that request, as did all the other early investors.

TC: Think the stock is misunderstood?

JL: Id never bet against Evan Spiegel and his product sense. He has a once-in-a-generation type mind for product. I think he has a lot of interesting stuff up his sleeve, too, that well start to see over the coming quarters.

TC: As we speak, youre in a car en route to the airport. Youve traveled a lot in recent years, saying Silicon Valley is an echo chamber and you can get a better feel for consumer trends elsewhere. Is that still the case?

JL: Im still traveling a lot, yes. I made 45 trips last year, and Im on track to do the same this year.

Part of why we participated in Planet of the Apps is because were seeing more entrepreneurs starting outside of the Bay Area and wanted a better mechanism to reach those people. Im on my way to Luxembourg right now. Ive been to Belgrade, Tennessee, Arkansas, the University of Chicago.

Infrastructure entrepreneurship is still largely concentrated in the Bay Area, but consumer entrepreneurship is so distributed; if you want to see great founders, you need to be willing to get on a plane.

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