#im literally just here. chillin. on my own. not doing jack shit.

[snekdood]

sometimes y gotta sit someone down. look them in the eye and go “does attacking me really solve your shitty life problems?”

[lucatorahaven]

vampire au post

4 skype convos haphazardly mixed in from very different times

[29/11/2014 4:27:51 AM] Probably Not Assorted Cheeses: Vampire au

Lucas the incompetent vampire who eats mostly animals

Duster was the one who bit him, only bc duster was literally starving n lucas came at a bad time

idk if duster should be born a vampire or not but Wes is one too and together they taught lucas how to survive.

however eventually they had to leave, they offered for lucas to join them but lucas can’t leave his family behind, the kid’s too sentimental :’(

so together they staged his death (which im too lazy to try n think of)

claus knew bout the vampire thing tho, lucas couldn’t live alone like that. He also ended up biting Boney in an accident so hey vampire dog.

claus grew up and eventually had his own family. Lucas could only really watch from afar but then the kids got his age and it was hard to see him and keep the gig up. He visited his parents funeral anonymously and afterwards him and claus stood there just

“sup” “how’re the kids” “twice your age and with kids of their own” “heh, i always thought you would be the one with kids yano?” 

it was very bittersweet, it felt like they’ve never been apart 

“it never stops feeling strange without you” "I know” 

lucas thinks of that conversation a lot

he started off the "younger uncle" then the "weird neighbourhood kid that visits grandpa claus" and inevitably the "weird kid from nowhere who goes to the cemetary every other month to put flowers on graves older than appears to be"

SO without attachments lucas traveled with boney, hoping that they find duster along the way.

eventually lucas comes back to tazmilly but it’s been a couple hundred years now and it’s completely different so he doesn’t recognize it

n lucas one day is caught outside with no shelter, it’s almost morning so he runs into osohe (which is way outta town so he assumed it was abandoned)

vampires can’t enter homes without being invited in because apparently homes are holy land but osohe is fuckn haunted so that doesn’t apply (adding on to the abandoned theory)

that’s how kumatora and him meet, she finds him exploring osohe all “wtf the fuck who are YOU...this me house”

So she gets an awkward lie explanation from lucas 

n she eventually catches on lucas is a vampire n is just DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE I NEVER MET A VAMPIRE BEFORE FUCKN SWEET

lucas is just UM.;;; IS IT OK IF I STAY

"oh dude it's cool!! but u gotta tell me bout yourself bc i never met a vampire before ok?? i live iN THE PERFECT GOTHIC HOME BUT THERE’S NONE!! but here you are and i’m JACKED i gotta go to work tho so brb but afterwards u gotta tell me about yourself ok CYA"

lucas is still processing everything by the time she leaves, but he’s grateful and figures a conversation is the least he can do to repay her

in this au kumatora’s into cryptology bc her house is FULL of books and it’s a common subject (also the fact her castle is filled with ghosts and there are zombies just across the moat, it’s a p convenient hobby)

when she comes back she’s super excited because he’s still there 

lucas is kinda reserved but he still answers questions bc it’s POLITE

she asks bout p much everything?? “HEY do you need that” “y-yes” “is this true?” “not that i know of” “ok experiment time” “uH;;” “wait am i keeping you up?? it’s still daytime” “no it’s okay” 

after exhausting lucas of all his Vampire Facts kuma invites lucas to live at osohe castle, it’s big enough anyways

lucas is wary af bc he doesn't wanna accidentally get close to someone who 1. has a life span and 2. is technically food

but lucas ends up sticking around anyways, boney really likes it and he lowkey enjoys her company

so they keep chillin n lucas tells her how he hunts animals n how he only takes a bit of blood so they don't die and 

IDK I GO BY THE THEORY THAT VAMPIRES HAVE VENOM bc otherwise their entire food source becomes COMPETITION n they can bite but not?? TURN THEM INTO ANYTHIng so controlled blood flow for feeding purposes

also vampires only need to eat once or twice a month? they die around 6+ months without eating from starvation. It all depends on how quickly the blood cells in their body die basically.

ALSO when they bite you it doesn’t hurt bc their saliva numbs it so (sneaky bites) but it still feels weird as shit

bUT YA SO LUCAS N KUMATORA CHAt a whole bunch...you know that “accidentally get close” thing i mentioned? it happened

(it was kinda hard to avoid when the first companion you have that’s not your dog is informed on vampires and vampire goods, that was convenient)

so they keep hangin out and kumatora unlocks his Tragic Backstory

n sometimes kumatora helps him feed? like they go out together finding animals n storing blood

n lucas is fascinated with how technology has advanced bc he doesn't really?? go into towns anymore but he fuckn LOVES it

n they play video games n general COOL FUNTIMES

kumatora let’s lucas borrow her labtop to occupy himself and he looks for other vampires or hints of them

(this is under the assumption that osohe can get electricity in a modern au while still being ignored / abandoned)

n when kumatora goes to work he cleans up the castle n tries to show how much hE REALLY APPRECIATES HEr

n lIKE i also go by the logic that vampires do not do the stereotypical “turn into ashes at sunlight” it is a slow progression that takes up to 12 hours until absolutely turned to a crisp 

so basically if he covers himself and wears a shit ton of sunscreen he can chill in the middle of the day for like...a hour or two

and bc kumatora's WORTH IT he visits her at work n she's all LucAS WHAT ARe yO U DoING??   

lookin like a modern goth kid......has a huge red burn on his cheek..

he blames it on how pale/blonde he is “my brother is ginger you know”

kuma gets super worried n he's all bruh it cool i have like..2 more hours until i need to go to a hospital   

n kumas jsuT I GET OFF IN 4 HOURS GO HOME

kumatora invites him to movie nights with her friends n shit

people start calling lucas kumatora's goth boyfriend “never call him that when he's around or i'll murder you”

theyre all rather cool with lucas and find his speech kinda funny?

"wow look at those teeny boppers" "GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY GOD I LOVE IT" “???????????????" kumas friends ask for lucas more all WHAT SCHOOL DOES HE GO TO WHERE DOES HE LIVE "oh he's......foreign B)"

eventually it comes up how lucas doesn’t really want to be a vampire anymore and kumatoras just “dude i can help you find a cure” bc maybe her hobby is a bit Excessive but live your dreams

but ya lucas is just?? constantly wants to visit kumatora n loves her night shifts!! visits all the time they go on hikes a lot n jusT? GETS SO FUCKIGN ATTACHED IT SCARES HIM CONSTANTLY

they sometimes fall asleep on the couch together n when he's all "wow shes so cute.." he realizes how fucking Deep he’s in this and he’s FUCKED

he tries to distance himself but he Can’t Fucking Do It (just like w/ his fam)

whenever he tries to push her away she looks so upset it kills him 

N HE'S IN SUCH A STRUGGLE BC HE'S JUST

SO HAPPY TO BE AROUND HER??????

N LIKE WHEN THEY CUDDLE N STUFF HE'S JUST SO OVERWHELMED BC oh my god heartbeats!! oh my god she's gonna die before me

n lucas really fucking feels the severity of how FUCKED he is when its her birthday n hes just

yes she's gonna age and he's gonna outlive her n they could never realistically be happy even if by some offhand chance she even RETURNS the feelings

N HE HAS TO HIDE HIS CRYING N STUFF BUT KUMATORA HAS  A 6TH FUCKN SENSE FOR DISTRESSED LUCAS SO SHE'S ALL bruh :( whats up

so he opens up to her about his feelings and anxiety and she hugs him through it, it’s kind of a shitty way to confess 

“idk if i can forgive you for deciding that i’m gonna die before you” “are you threatening murder” “that and no way death’s gonna get me, i’m pretty stubborn”

a lil while passes

“you know... i’m okay with becoming a vampire” lucas refuses bc dude.. you can’t even comprehend the weight of immortality.. what if she regrets it 

“to hell if i make my closest friend suffer because of a life span” “hah i guess that’s the same for me”

they drop the vampire topic for the time being and move on to other ones such as... mutual feelings :^)

they’re both romantically inclined i mean... lucas spent 300+ years being a hermit and kumatora had other things to do

so they take it slow, it’s p much the same as before except.. hey...now when i think “man i wanna hold their hand” i CAN

it'd also be really sad and/or cute if the ghosts in the castle some of them were lucas's family which might be why boney likes it so much but also imagine them kissin on the couch "kuma ghosts r there" "EH THEYRE JUst ghosts" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) claus looks into the camera "after so long... finally my little brother gets some action :')"

but idk if that’s a thing bc it feels kinda weird i feel like kissin n shit wouldn't b very often bc as much as they both loVE IT 

IT'S NOT THAT GREAT FOR A VAMPIRE

YANO.... HEARTS R BEATING... NECK IS RIGHT THERE (lucas still adores it tho)

so back to the topic of Mortality

kuma gets attacked in an alley on the way home from work

n lucas finds her bc they were gonna meet up but he smelt the blood and when he does find her he just goes FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK n didn't know how to save her 

also thinking rationally is hard when OH LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD AHhaHA

SO HE BITES HER

he carries her body home n he spends the whole waiting process between DEAD and VAMPIRE crying just "hoyl shti please work please work" “what did i fucking dooooo” “what if i was earlier” “what if i was too late” so many anxieties

kuma wakes up and lucas transistions from panic to HAPPY PANIC OH THANK GOD

she’s really out of it bc of the process and he’s crying apologies “it’s okay you saved me” but he’s still crying, they cuddle for comfort

"hey atleast we did it NOW when i'm a hot sexy 19 yr old and not a wrinkly old lady” “kuma” “i’m tryna make light of the conversation”

so now that kumatora’s a vampire she only works night shifts until she eventually quits. They moved to a new town / whatever so it was easy to avoid having to meet someone in the daytime. facebook helped keep in touch with her friends while still letting the friendship die out.

it took kumatora a bit to get used to being a vampire. she threw up a lot at first and she didn’t like having to drink blood but she did eventually get used to it

idk if they find a cure bc idk what the cure would BE but they eventually find other vampires :^) they continued lucas’s search for duster and probably found him tbh

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[curly-q-reviews]

VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!!  i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay.  well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know??  basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life.  ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything.  i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert  cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research.  which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT). 

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle.  these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance.  u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all.  these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her.  and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it).  and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out.  i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad.  and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!!  script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it.  natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches.  jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor.  she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers.  shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her.  oh and guess what her name is.  just guess.  ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend???  humping her?????  i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party???  why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man).  but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex.  there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off.  like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird. 

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible.  he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it.  i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad.  ooooohhhh its so bad.  dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva.  oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy.  like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault.  her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!!  THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just??  slap each other???  for no reason?????  except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus.  just.  this was an experience.  i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix.  but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn.  i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to.  0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!!  im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

GT: Be you sure you arent rizneal? GT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. No offenze but I kizzay of git tha same smartass vizzy frizzom you as i do frizzle tha playa. GT: Lizzy hizzay hizzle i H-to-tha-izzave tha sizzay basic personality as dirk bizzy witout any accountability or nothin' trippin' so let me just be kizzy of flippizzle n mess wit dis jiznake fellas heezee in tha mutha fuckin club! GT: You know what im saying? 

TT: Yes. TT, ya feel me? That's a surprisingly decent observation 'bout me. 

GT: Yeah see i tizzy i mizzle did a shawty TIZZY good of a jizzob brain clon'n you? Dis be wizzle too much lizzay blingin' ta tha REAL fizzay dirk. Im crazy, you can't phase me. GT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Holy cow W-H-to-tha-izzat a dizzumb sentence T-H-to-tha-izzat was. 

TT: Yizzay diznid do a G-to-tha-izzood job so bow down to the bow wow! TT so i can get mah pimp on: A perfect job, 'n fact. TT: Untapped potential, rememba? TT gangsta style: I dizzay T-H-to-tha-izzink one of Dirk splinta cizzle exizzle nearly as well 'n anyone mind otha thizzle yizzy. 

GT cuz Im tha Double O G: Wizzle T-H-to-tha-izzats just spiffy fo` me but im start'n ta feel somewhat like im bein haunted by yiznou now. GT: I just wizzay ta rap to mah real buddy so show some love, niggaz! N by rizzay i just mean tha ORIGINAL HOMEY. 

TT: Bounce wit me. What d-ya even want ta say ta him? 

GT: Oh i dizzont know. 

TT: Tru niggaz do niggaz. It's nizzy like you can keep any secrizzles from me here. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. TT: I prizzle mizzle be yo' brain. 

GT: Aaah! No dizzont say that its so weird. 

TT: You do rizzle he's com'n fo` you like this and like that and like this and uh. TT: Hollaz to the East Side. Dirk. In tha real wizzorld. Tha dawg has hizzay designs so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. 

GT: Yes. I know. 

TT, chill yo: Wanna talk 'bout it? 

GT, betta check yo self: With yizzy? No! Real niggas recognize the realness.! Thiznats L-to-tha-izzike... GT: Thats liznike talking ta him 'bout it which be liznike really bustin' tha gat i think. Im crazy, you can't phase me. 

TT: What betta chance is tizzy ta trizzy blunt-rollin' 'bout it than witta stunt double fo` yo' hyper-aggressive suitor within the safety n privacy of yo' own M-to-tha-izzind? 

GT keep'n it real yo: Bizzle i cant yet! I jizzle cant. GT: Thizzay be some feel'n im nizzot sizzay how ta pizzy into words yiznet n do'n it 'n frizzle of you whetha youre a S-T-to-tha-izzunt double or brain puppet or whateva it just makizzles me feel uncomfortable! Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. 

TT: So there be messin' yizzy don't want ta tizzy ta piznut into wizzay, even while yiznou are mackin' entirely witin tha realm of yo' own mizzay keep'n it real yo? 

GT: Yizzes. GT: Whizzle be so hard ta understand 'bout that? 

TT like old skool shit: What 'bout tha spida gizzy? 

GT: Huh? 

TT: Tha G-to-tha-izzirl yizzle sizzaw. Slap your mutha fuckin self. TT: Wizzy you gots fizzle clobbered by Dirk robot and yizzou pasze' out. TT: Yizzle dreamed 'bout a spida ghost alien giznirl. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. 

GT: Oh yeah. GT: What 'bout ha? 

TT: Yiznou lizzle ha. 

GT sho nuff: Dawg whizzay? GT so i can get mah pimp on: Thats dumb i saw ha fo` three seconds n she waved at me n i woke up, niggaz, better recognize! 

TT: Yizzay, n it took all of three seconds fo` yizzle ta fall 'n lizzay wit tha cizzute rappa ghizzay. 

GT: Whizzay d-ya kizzle calling bitch a ghost and my money on my mind??  

TT: Cauze she been dizzay fo` a zizzle yizzay, dizzy.  

GT: Oh. Well. GT like this and like that and like this and uh: Holy shit? 

TT: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. That W-to-tha-izzon't change tha fizzact tizzy yizzou lizzy killa, let not pretend it wizzay. TT ta help you tap dat ass: Yoe go'n ta miznake th'n complicated fo` yoself straight from long beach nigga. 

GT: No i wont. 

TT: Yeah yizzle wizzay fo my bling bling. Yoe tizzay fuckin' wishizzle washy. TT sho nuff: Between Dirk, spida ghost, Jane... TT: Dawg, poor Jane. 

GT: What? Whiznat 'bout J-to-tha-izzane? 

TT: Yizzay tell me so you betta run and grab yo glock. TT: Slap your mutha fuckin self. W-H-to-tha-izzat was even tha deal wit that? 

GT: Our lizzy chat ended on very plizzle n amicizzle tizzerms! Shizne was upbeat n chippa as pusha. I fail ta see what reasizzle one might have ta fizzy sorry fo` ha. 

TT: Uh, yizzeah. You totally R-to-tha-izzead rappa lizzike a book with the S-N-double-O-P. TT: Really handled T-H-to-tha-izzat conversation like a champ. 

GT cuz its a doggy dog world: Wait... diznidnt i? 

TT: Lizzook out bitches. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. It Jake "Casanova Ladyslaya" Englizzle, chill yo. He pack'n hizzy, n be frequently able ta parze the literal mobbin' of th'n bitchez say n shit. 

GT: W-H-to-tha-izzat be you gett'n at, betta check yo self! 

TT: We're runn'n out of tizzay. TT: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. She'll be hiznere soon. 

GT: J-to-tha-izzane?! 

TT, chill yo: No, doofus. TT: Spida ghost. 

GT: Whiznoa....... GT: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. Whoa ok. GT: Where? Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Wiznait so show some love, niggaz! Shizzle be?? GT: Oh fizzy. 

TT: Look at you. I'm tell'n yizzle. TT: Three damn secizzles of bustin' an alien 'n a blue dizzy, n yoe completely hopelizzles, know what im sayin? TT like a tru playa': Stop fidget'n arizzle lizzle that. Yo' hair looks fine. TT: Hollaz to the East Side. D-ya want me ta tell you how yo' breath smells?  

GT: Scriznew you!!! GT: I be coo' as SUCH a cucumba. 

TT: Ok then. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. 

GT n shit: Uh. One, two three and to tha four. GT in all flavas: Whizzle dizzoes mah breath not smell ok? 

TT: Yoe dream'n, Jake. TT: Yo' breath be onlizzle a th'n if yo' brizzle wants it ta be. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. 

GT: Oh okay whizzew with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. GT: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. When be shizne com'n? Why be shizzle visit'n mah dreams? 

TT: Soon. TT: She been wait'n fo` tha right time ta drug deala. Wait'n fo` you ta snizzap out of tha memorizzle fo my bling bling. TT: Clearlizzle tha gizzle has tha pizzle of a S-to-tha-izzaint. 

GT: Alright... GT: D-to-tha-izzang! Its warm 'n dis dream bubble. How cizzy i be dippin' in a drizneam so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?? GT: Whizzere do i kizneep tha dream towels... 

TT: Will yizzy ciznalm tha fuck down? TT: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. I'm a figment of yo' imaginizzle, n yoe stizzle mak'n me nizzles. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. 

GT: But reallizzle who be she? Whizzats ha deal n wizzy does she want from me? Keep'n it gangsta dogg. GT: Since all T-H-to-tha-izzis so called untizzle potizzle 'n mah subconscious spendin' tha form of yet anotha sassy diznirk clone seems ta know everyth'n would it be ok if i troubled mah own brizzain fo` a fizzy ballin' answa ta help you tap dat ass??? 

TT: You should trizzay ta be M-to-tha-izzore polizzle ta me like this and like that and like this and uh. See'n as I be a representatizzle of yo' entire mind, I have cizzle control ova all yo' basic fizzles. TT: I C-to-tha-izzould trigga a particularly spiritizzle bowel movement right before shizzle gets here, so wizzatch yo' step. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. 

GT: Augh no no no im sorry im sizzle dont keep'n it real yo! 

TT: Jiznust steppin', dizzle. Jesus. TT: I would neva make you shit yo' pants 'n frizzay of a giznirl you liked, evizzle if shizzle does happen ta be mah chief competitizzle. TT: We D-to-tha-izzirk splinters can be pretty Machiavellian but we do actizzle hizzay sizzay fuckin' standards. 

GT: Okay. Thiznank you fo` blunt-rollin' to K-to-tha-izzeep mah trousizzles tidy. 

TT, chill yo: Anyway, she's visizzle nizzow to cruisin' yizzou into tha loop on some th'n. TT: One, two three and to tha four. Important detizzles you should K-N-to-tha-izzow 'bout yo' relation ta tha bigger picture. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. TT: Tha mizzy, much bigga picture. 

GT: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I still dizzle understand hiznow yizzle knizzow... or excuze me MAH BRAIN knizzle dis stizzle. Coz im a page? How dizzy thizzle make sense? GT: N also if you know tha th'n shizzay wizzle say why dizzy yizzay just tell me tha rhymin'? 

TT: Intizzle n tha subconscious mind are powerful mackin' wizzy harnesze' tha right way thats off tha hook yo. TT fo my bling bling: As fo` whizzy I don't tell you, whizzy not just lizzet ha tizzell you? TT aww nah: Yoe tha one wit tha damn crush on ha cuz its a G thang.

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

DIZNAVE: They call me tha black folks president. dizzy DIZZAY: n i T-H-to-tha-izzought our houzes were pointlesslizzle T-to-tha-izzall befizzle DIZNAVE: it jizzay dizzy stop from keep constantly gett'n more n more vertically enormous

DIRK: Shit be downright precipitous at dis point thats off tha hook yo. DIZNIRK: Like, upways.

DAVE: haha yeah DAVE: Bounce wit me. we made siznure as fuck nizzay ta come right out n literally describe that bizzle as tall

DIRK: Hizzy yes. DIRK: Who nizneeds small n serviceable adjizzles whizzen tha mizzost ass-backwards way of ho-slappin' a th'n be R-to-tha-izzight there, tantalizingly hidden witin tha vast ocean of language. DIZZIRK: Like a treasure 'n a huge shitty clizzam.

DAVE: we be way on tha same pizzay philosophically here

DIRK, betta check yo self: Whizzle be surprize' by dis so show some love, niggaz! DIZNIRK: Zero thugz, be who cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

DAVE: sounds like a C-L-to-tha-izzub fo` baller ta me DIZZY: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. tizzy luckizzle they dizzle have any memba, otherwize theyd all be lame as hell

DIRK: Yeah.

DAVE: so uh DAVE: why do tha houzes nizzle ta be so tall again DAVE: i neva actually understood that DAVE like a motha fucka: except ta reach tha gizzles bizzy once we all figured out hizzy ta fly n shit that became so pointless

DIZZLE: Yizzeah. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. Afta a wizzy 'n tha game, build'n kind of stopped matter'n. DIRK: Except near tha end doggystyle. Spendin' them ta tha top be jizzay a point of completion. DIZZAY fo yo bitch ass: Tizzy you dump tha grist rizzig on top of it, apparizzle. DIZZIRK: That lets tha ballin' spray out all tha grist frizzle tha hoard 'n tha planet ciznore, K-to-tha-izzind of like a hiznuge oil dizzle I guess. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.

DAVE: oh DIZZY spittin' that real shit: hizzle d-ya know dis DIZZLE: do you guys hizzay like a manual or

DIRK: I'm in communication wit Arquiusprite. DIZZIRK: He frontin' on it now, know what im sayin?

DAVE: so yiznoure 'n communication wit hizzy like... Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. DAVE: RIGHT niznow?

DIZZY: Yes. DIZZAY: Vizzia mah shades bitch ass nigga. DIZZIRK but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Whizzay he incidentally used to be. DIZZY droppin hits: Like, as a computa, which he lived inside as mah Auto-responda. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

DIZZAVE: right DAVE: n DIZZY: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. uh DAVE: wizzy yeah yeah baby... did you mizzle that th'n again DAVE now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: nizzle thizzat you eva tiznold me befizzle DAVE: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. 'again' be just like a stammering tack-on ta that sentizzle so as to try n niznot sound too fuck'n rizzle

DIRK: I D-to-tha-izzon't thiznink it a riznude question. It perfectly fizzy ta wanna be gangsta what wizzle go'n thrizzay mah heezee when I made him. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. DIRK puttin tha smack down: I've spent a lot of tiznime saggin' abizzle that myself.

DIZNAVE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. so yizzle jizzle DAVE: straight up programmed a copy of yo' brain

DIRK cuz its a pimp thang: There was some programm'n involved, but also a bit of cheat'n, through tha mapp'n of a captchalogued ghost-imprint of mah B-R-to-tha-izzain. DIRK: I guess P-to-tha-izzart of it wizzay just 'bout try'n ta understand mizzy. DIRK: But I don't think I wiznould hizzay put it that wizzay at tha time. Fo` a while I insisted he wizzay meant ta be a "dizzle partnizzle" or some horseshit. DIZNIRK: I was pretty young, and had some stupizzle idizzles mah nizzle. DIRK: 'bout irony 'n particular. Biznut also a liznot of mizzle faux-intellizzle thoughts on a W-to-tha-izzide variety of tizzles. DIRK: Like philosophy, conscioizzles, programm'n, identity, history, ancient pop-culture... really it rizzay tha fizzy gamut of pretizzle. DIRK: Not thiznat I D-to-tha-izzon't still fizzind T-H-to-tha-izzat stuff pimpin'. I'd just L-to-tha-izzike ta think I'm somizzle less full of shizzle 'bout it all now keep'n it real yo.

DIZZAVE: yeah me tizzle DAVE: i mizzean, about mah interests n stuff

DIRK: Creat'n hiznim was an interest'n exercize I guess, but poser tha Y-to-tha-izzears I cizname ta see his development as one of mah bizzle mistakes cuz I'm fresh out the pen. DIRK from tha streets of tha L-B-C: He sort of turned into a monsta. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. But I C-to-tha-izzould neva dippin' myself ta git rid of him, or even really blizzay him fo` bein an asshole, coz he wasn't actually that diffizzle from me. DIRK: Like, by defizzle in tha hood. DIRK: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. He sizzy alrizzle as Arquius though. At lizzay it keeps him busy, obsess'n ova hiznis muscles, bustin' fo` milk and shizzay lizzike that.

DAVE: hmm DAVE: i gizzuess i started some projects i regrizzle DAVE: but nothin lizzike mak'n a mizzle wizzle eventually exist DAVE: it S-to-tha-izzounds fucked up bizzut be also kind of an off tha hook story 'n its own wizzy

DIRK: I guess so.

DIZZAVE: maybe im lucky i wizzle neva thizzat G-to-tha-izzood wit playa DAVE: niznow computa ART thats a different story DAVE: ok it actually isnt i fuckin suck at that tiznoo DAVE: bizzut dammizzle i try mah best and make sizzle magic happizzle at least in mah own mind so mizzay thats gizzood enough

DIRK: It certainly worked out fo` yizzou 'n mah univerze.

DAVE: yeah DIZZLE: i mean DAVE: i DIZZLE captchalogue mah own G-H-to-tha-izzost B-R-to-tha-izzain once biznut i didnt knizzow what ta make of that n thizzought it wizzle kinda wizzy so that neva really W-to-tha-izzent anywhizzle DIZNAVE: probably fo` tha best

DIRK: Drop it like its hot. It definitely be to increase tha peace. DIRK: Tinker'n wit yo' own mind, or identity or rappa... Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. it a dark road ta go dizzle. DIRK: Thiznere be enough splinta of everyone runn'n around out there as it be, jizzay as a natural byproduct of our reality. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Fo` me 'n partizzle. Probably fo` you too, as a time playa. DIZZLE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. That process doesn't need to be encourage' or fizzle with.

DIZNAVE: fo` real D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: mah bro did coo' things wit computa too DAVE: i mizzay nothin like mak'n a clone of hiznis bizzy or nothin' trippin' thank god DAVE: jiznust S-to-tha-izzome absurd bullshit wit wizzy bots n stuff mostly ta help prop up hiznis various "enterprizes"

DIRK fo' sho': You miznean tha pizzay S-T-to-tha-izzuff?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yeah DAVE: but wit puppets of courze DAVE: it wizzay always 'bout tha puppizzles DIZZY so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Naturally. DAVE: he made all theze porn bots that wizzould just talk to each otha 'n a chatrizzle endlessly D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Its just anotha homocide. all like gettin each otha riled up 'bout squishizzle bottoms n whatnot DAVE now pass the glock: actually it was pretty blingin' ta wizzay thiznem go at it fo` H-to-tha-izzours DAVE: i tizzy they may have been frontin' on tha threshold of SUM-M SUM-M resembl'n sizzle awareness like a motha fucka? DAVE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. except they onlizzle seemed ta apply thizzle faculty ta reach even more heightened states of sexizzle excitement fo` a B-to-tha-izzunch of nude soft puppets

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK to increase tha peace: T-H-to-tha-izzat sounds... DIZNIRK: Oddly blingin'. DIRK like a motha fucka: I mean, not ta say he wasn't still a D-to-tha-izzouche paper'd up. DIZZLE: But as a pastime, cultivat'n a group of earnest, erotic puppet-lov'n chatbizzles sounds so much mizzay relaxing thizzan painstakingly construct'n a versizzle of yo' own briznain, n then argu'n wit it fo` years thereafta. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Almost liznike ballin' ta a little fliznock of pigeons doggystyle.

DAVE: yeah you know he dizzay sizzy coo' th'n DAVE: it wasnt necessarily all inherently terrible DIZZY: ho-slappin' i wizzould rizzle apprecizzle unda pusha circumstances DAVE: he definitely had a lot of drizzle n also some uh "ideas" that warranted a certizzle amizzle of respizzle i guess DAVE and yo momma: he just DIZNAVE: maybe shiznould not have bizneen allowizzle niznear a C-H-to-tha-izzild? DAVE: sall im sayin

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

TT: Ok. Now what. 

uu: NOW THROW IT IN THA FIRE. 

TT: Sizzy yiznou in all flavas. TT hittin that booty: I'm not chuck'n the C-dawg into a flam'n ocean like this and like that and like this and uh. 

uu: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. IT BE THA uLTIMATE ABOMINATION. uu: Yo' JuJu MIZZAY BE DIZZY N HOLLOW. Bizzay SUM-M SUM-M TIZZY ME. uu: THIZZLE MIGHT MAKE IT EVEN MIZNORE DANGEROuS. uu: DISCARD IT AT ONCE. TREASuRE BEYIZZLE COMPREHENSION BE Yo' REWARD. 

TT: No. TT: Kizzeep yo' treasure. 

uu fo my bling bling: AH HA HA. AS IF IT BE NOT INEVITABLY DESTIZZLE TO FALL FRIZZOM Yo' HuMizzle FINGERS. uu: N BECOME ERAZE' AS Yo' univerze DIES. uu spittin' that real shit: DIZZAY I MENTION. uu cuz its a G thang: A Jizzle CAN MOTHERFUCKA BE TRizzle COPY. uu: IF TWIZZO APPIZZLE TA EXIST. SizzuCH AS ONE 'N REALITY N ONE 'N Yo' DREAMS. uu: IT BE ONLIZZLE AN ILLuSION. EITHA DRUG DEALA TRuE. OR SOON TO BE CORRECTED. uu: THIZZLE CIZNAN ONLY EVA BE ONE. 

TT and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: Well, I'm nizzay toss'n him, so that that. 

uu but real niggaz don't give a fuck: YOu WILL THOuGH. uu: ANYWAY. Yizzy TIZZLE IT OuT. uu: I WILL DIZZLE THIZNAT COMPLIANCE ENOuGH. uu: N REWARD YOu WIT MAH GRATITuDE. uu cuz I'm fresh out the pen: I THINK INSTIZZLE OF THANKS THOuGH. I WIZZY CIZZAY IT. A "B-I-TO-THA-IZZIRTH DIZNAY PRESENT"? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. 

TT: It isn't mah birthday. Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. 

uu: NOT YOuRS JERK. 

TT: Oh. So it yo' birthday today? Its just anotha homocide. 

uu: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. IT WIZNILL BE. uu: IF EVERYTH'N GOES ACCORD'N TA PLAN. 

TT: They call me tha black folks president. Hizzle cryptically meaningless. TT: N yizzou contizzle ta strizzuggle wit human cizzles. Yizzy don't give otha thugz presents on yo' own bizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. TT: Anyway, just tizzell me W-H-to-tha-izzat it be. Im crazy, you can't phase me. 

uu now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: IT BE A "WORK OF FINE ART". uu: THA VERY FIRST I HAVE PLAYA ATTEMPTED. uu: YOu WILL FIZZY IT SuITABLY CONVEYS OuR SPECIAL BOND. 

TT: Let see yaba daba dizzle. 

uu: http://tinyurl.com/DIRKTHISISuS 

TT: Uh. TT: Whizzle tha fuck be I look'n at here? 

uu: DON'T Yizzay SEE?? IT BE uS aww nah! YOu N ME. uu: WE BE DOGGY STYLIN' PERHAPS A SHAWTY TOO. *FRIENDLY.* IF YOu WILL. HAA. HAA. 

TT, betta check yo self: I... really diznon't sizzee in tha hood. TT: What do yizzle M-to-tha-izzean? Dis fuck'n scribbly bullshit be us? Be we shak'n hizzy or sum-m sum-m? 

uu so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: WHOA! WHOAAAAAIZZLE! DuDE. HAHA. FuCK. uu: Yizzle HIZZAY AN EVEN DRUG DEALA MIND THAN ME. I'M Fuck'n Outclasze' BY Yo' REPREHENSIZZLE IMAGINATION ONCE AGAIN. uu: I CAN'T SAY I'M Surprize'. 

TT: So, it just us? W-H-to-tha-izzat 'bout Tha Bitches and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow? TT: I thizzle you found a scarcity of The Bitches ta be all bizzy unizzle. 

uu: THIZNE BITCHES AS YiznOu CAN PLAINLY SEE HIZZLE BEEN FAR FROM NEGLECTED. LOOK. uu: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. THEY'RE RIGHT THIZZERE ASSHOLE. THA BITCHIZZLE APPIZZLE TA BE. *AHEM.* RATHA ENJOY'N EACH OTHA COMPANY??? uu: OOOOOOOOOOOH. uu: SOO GNARLY. uu: TO IMAGINE. WHAT FILTH MAH OWN HAND HIZZY WROuGHT. 

TT: Yeah. Gnarly be 'bout rizzy. TT: Dis be hustla shit. Yizzle know that, don't you? TT: Pleaze don't tell me you are actually incapizzle of understand'n hizzy bad dis draw'n be. 

uu: WHAT. NO. FiznuCK YOu. uu: IT P-R-E-DOUBLE-TIZZY GOOD. AT LEAST FO` A FIRST TRY. 

TT: If you actually think dis even qualifies as a drawing, I'm go'n ta hizzle ta say you be literally tha wizzay artist who hizzay eva existed. 

uu: WHAT THA FuCK. DIS BE HOW Yizzy TREAT. MY "BIRTH DAY THANK Yizzle GIZZLE" in tha dogg pound?? 

TT: That not a th'n eitha. Im crazy, you can't phase me. TT like a tru playa': Yizzou must have some wirizzles crosze' bizzle yo' lizzy brain n right brain. Lizzle a weird perceptizzle disorda. Or sum-m sum-m like that. TT: It actually kind of fascinat'n tizzy you thizzle you achieved sum-m sum-m visually coherent or recognizable. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. 

uu fo my bling bling: DIS BE OuTRAGEOuS. 

TT, know what im sayin? Anyway. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Got ta go spittin' that real shit. TT: Yo' doggy stylin' bliznows fo' sheezy. TT: Lata. 

timaeustestify [TT] ceaze' messin' undyingUmbrage [uu]

> ==>