#im mostly curious if the mutuals would

[cassierain]

Would you read my (non-fallout) fiction?

[shelby-fangirl00]

Empty Spaces-Part one

Warnings: (MINORS DNI, 18+), age gap, cheating, language, mutual masterbation

Im super excited to make a second part for this one. Please let me know what you think! Its means the world to me to see you guys comment and reblog my work! Enjoy!

Word count: 3055

—-

‘I refuse to let you make me as miserable as you are! Are you even fucking listening to me?!’

The muffled argument between Thomas and his wife became clearer and clearer as you made your way up the winding staircase. You knew that at any moment, one of them would come storming out, but you were admittedly interested in the family you worked for, especially Thomas Shelby. 

Thomas and his wife were constantly bickering at each other like this, it was nothing new. You stared up into the hallway, seeing the glow of their shared bedroom from underneath the door, shadows pacing back and forth rapidly. 

‘For Christ’s sake, then fucking leave!’ his loud demand carried through the hallway, like you were the one being scolded. 

You scurried down the staircase as you heard the door creak open. Before seeing who left the room first, you were already half way down the stairs. 

                                              

‘They’re at it again today. It’s only morning too. That’s a new record!’ Francis whispered from behind you in the kitchen as you were cleaning up after breakfast. 

You turned to give her a hushed giggle. This was a bit of a running joke at the Arrow House between some of the maids.  Everyone who worked here knew all about Mr. and Mrs. Shelby’s arguments. They seemed almost constant for the past few weeks. 

‘Yeh, it’s not stopping anytime soon, I bet, either. I’ll even bet ya it’ll start back up tonight too.’ 

‘Well, that’s not very fair betting, is it dear?’ She smiled in your direction before coming up beside you, helping you dry the wet dishes off. 

‘Francis…what is it that they’re always fighting about anyways?’ You asked reluctantly, still feeling curious of the mysterious and very handsome man you were working for. 

Without looking up from her working hands, she sighed out, furrowing her brows in frustration of the exhausting situation. 

‘Well, from what I can tell…Mr. Shelby is gone quite often, late in the night. And when he is here…well I suppose he tends to…neglect Mrs. Shelby…if ya know what I mean.’ She whispered again.

You tried to hold back a grin. 

‘So, he’s not fucking his wife?’ You blurted out, without thinking. 

Frances hit you playfully on the arm, pressing her finger to her lips to shush you. She couldn’t help but giggle along with you. You held your hands up in defense, stopping yourself from saying any more.

Just then, you both heard the front door shut. Almost as if she had been caught, Francis jumped up, startled. 

‘Would you mind getting his coat, dear?’ 

You gulped harshly and reluctantly sat down the damp dish towel to scurry towards the door. 

Thomas and you had only spoken a few times briefly, when you were first hired. Mostly, you took orders from Francis and Mrs. Shelby. 

‘Good morning, Mr. Shelby.’ You said softly, avoiding his eyes. 

He said nothing as he shrugged his heavy coat off. You took it from him before asking if there was anything he needed, still avoiding his eyes. 

‘That’s the most you’ve said to me since you’ve been here.’ He chuckled under his breath, making your face turn red in embarrassment.

You peered up at him, surprised that he even acknowledged your presence. He was staring back at you, waiting for a reply. 

‘Sorry about that, I’m a bit shy I suppose.’ You laughed softly, looking back down at the embroidered carpet that you both stood on.

‘Shy, eh? I wouldn’t have been able to tell. Not by the way you were talking with Francis.’ He said plainly, placing his hands in his pockets, standing a bit more defensively in your direction. You could’ve sworn his eyes dropped to your chest.  

You stared up, completely dumbfounded. Embarrassment and shame washed over you. You immediately recalled the specific comment you had just made about him not fucking his wife. You felt like crawling into your bed and hiding in the sheets forever. 

How did he hear that? Was he listening in on us secretly? Why was he listening to us?  You thought. 

‘Mr. Shelby I am so sorry. I-I didn’t think you were home and I-

It’s alright, love, doesn’t bother me. My wife on the other hand…I wouldn’t let her catch you talking like that. She’s under the impression that you are a well-behaved girl.’

Girl. 

The way he used the word to describe you was disappointing. You were newly 22 and Mr. Shelby was much, much older than you were, doubling you in age. You were just a girl to him. You secretly wished he didn’t think of you as a child. 

He began to walk towards his office, but the words practically pushed their way out of your mouth before you could think. 

‘Who said I wasn’t a well-behaved girl?’ You asked him, making him stop abruptly, obviously surprised that the help was questioning him. 

He spun around, with a devious grin on his face before he, more obviously this time, dropped his eyes to the curve of your body, letting his pretty blue eyes linger a little longer than expected. Your breath hitched as goosebumps covered your thighs. 

‘You’ve been working in my house for two months now. I know all about the people I choose to work for me. You come from a nice catholic family, right outside of Small Heath. You’ve got an older brother who died at the Somme. Parents still live close by. So don’t think that I haven’t had you figured out.’ He laughed, tilting his head slightly.

So many thoughts swirled around your mind. What the fuck did that mean? Had he been watching me? Did he know about my eavesdropping? He actually knew who you were? Was my attraction and curiosity towards him obvious? What else did he know about me?

Before you could even respond, he turned on his heels and strutted back to this office, obviously satisfied with the flustered state he had left you in.

                                        ----

‘Dear, Mrs. Shelby is leaving for a few weeks to visit family. I need you to help her pack her bags and bring them out to the front room to be loaded in the cars. Make sure she has enough for a month, just in case. 

She was leaving? And maybe for an entire month? This house was going to feel strange without all of the yelling between the two of them. Would Mr. Shelby even be around? Maybe he would be around more.

                                   -----

Over the next week, Mr. Shelby did in fact, spend more time in his home with his wife gone. It seemed eerily quiet though. He was always tucked away in his office. You both exchanged glances when you would pass by him in one way or another. You tried to hide your nervousness around him. 

One night in particular, your nerves were through the roof as Francis told you that Mr. Shelby asked for you in his office. You couldn’t think of why on earth he would want to meet with you, especially this late in the evening, when you were almost off for the night. Was he going to fire you?

You knocked twice lightly on the high doors of his office. 

‘Come in.’ You heard his voice boom through the door. 

With shaky hands, you reached for the handle of the door and pressed down, opening it to the dimly lit room. 

‘You asked for me, sir?’ You practically whispered, not daring to step a foot further into the room. 

‘Shut the door.’ He said lowly, not looking up from whatever he was scribbling down at his desk. Once he was done, he threw his glasses off his face and onto the papers in front of him, standing up. 

‘You drink whiskey?’ He said, walking over to the cart of liquor by his desk. 

‘Uhm…if you’re offering, thank you.’ You said as he was already walking towards you with a glass in hand. 

He extended his hand to give it to you. He watched your eyes as you took the glass and smiled softly. 

You threw back your glass, handing it back to him instinctively. He raised an eyebrow at you and chuckled, a bit surprised by your eagerness. 

‘Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Shelby?’ You said a little more clearly now, the liquid courage creeping through you. 

He studied your face, studied your actual voice without the shyness masking you. You studied him back too, examining his broad shoulders and chest through his button down. 

‘I saw you listening in on me and my wife’s conversation the other night. I came out of the room to see you running down the stairs. I guess I’m just curious as to why you’re so curious.’ He said plainly as he handed you another glass. 

Your stomach dropped as you had been caught. You sank back the drink again, before answering.

‘I-I’m sorry sir, I had no right.’ You whispered, looking down at the floor. 

‘I’ve also seen the way you watch me, like you’re curious about me, too. Are you?’ He asked. 

‘I…I suppose I am, yes.’ You couldn’t stop yourself now.

He closed the space between you both, standing chest to chest. 

‘How old are you?’ He breathed out, lust dripping from his voice. He pushed the hair from your face behind your ear. 

’22.’

He held back a low groan, searching your face.

‘So, what are you curious about? Don’t be shy…I’ll know if you’re lying.’ He sternly said, making your back straighten. 

You were curious about everything. Growing up in Small Heath, you had always known of The Peaky Blinders and the infamous Tommy Shelby (before he became this fancy politician).

But you knew nothing of who he really was. But the question that burned deep down inside of you was the one of his marriage. 

‘Is it true…about you and Mrs. Shelby?’ You let the words fall out, there was no turning back now.

He chuckled lightly, seemingly knowing you would ask.

‘My wife and I haven’t been together in a very long time.’ Confirming your deepest suspicions, he knew exactly what you were asking.

‘Why not?’

His eyes bored through you as he was deep in thought.

‘That is a question that couldn’t be answered in a night.’ Obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. 

You stood in silence for quite some time. 

‘I think it’s my turn for you to answer a question.’ 

You swallowed harshly, as you decided to pass him to pour yourself a third drink before he asked. He giggled at your nervousness. 

‘Are you a virgin?’ His voice raised in question, hands stuck behind his back. 

You nearly choked on your drink as he asked this. You coughed out as you set down the glass. 

No, you weren’t a virgin, technically. You’d been with one boy back home before and it was disappointing, to say the least. You had never told anyone about it though, nobody had ever asked. 

‘Is that what you think?’ You said sarcastically. 

‘A bit, yeh.’ He smiled shyly.

‘No, I’m not. Some boy from back home said all the right things one night, I suppose.’ You looked down, immediately embarrassed by your honesty.

‘So only once before?’ 

‘Yes.’

‘Hm.’

                                    -------

You excused yourself from the conversation shortly after, practically running to your designated room upstairs. You quickly closed the door behind you, plopping face first into your pillows. He knew exactly what he was doing to you and it was working. He had you so worked up that you had to excuse yourself. You stopped yourself from confessing everything you wanted him to do to you. You thought about his voice, the sinful things he could whisper to you. The image plastered in your head of him undressing you and relieving the built-up tension between your legs. 

You involuntarily let your legs fall open, hiking up your small black dress. 

Your hands fell between your legs as you imagined his beautiful face in the darkness of your room. You moaned out softly as your fingers frantically rubbed the swollen nub that rested above your folds. Your fingers were soaked wet as you collected the slick coming from your tight hole. 

Getting lost in the heat of your thoughts, you pulled the top of your dress down to expose your hardened nipples, squeezing them harshly, drawing a whimper from your mouth. You wished your own hands were Tommy’s.

From the other side of the hall, Tommy walked by your bedroom door, stopping as he heard muffled sounds coming from of the other side. In a childlike way, he pushed his ear up to your door, hearing more clearly the types of moans you were releasing from inside, making it obvious to him what you were doing on the other side of the door.  

He smiled slightly, knowing that he was the reason behind this. His cock hardened from beneath his pants as he listened to you moan out. 

Too lost in your own thoughts and chasing your orgasm, you hadn’t noticed your door creaking open and shut as Tommy had entered the darkness of your room. 

He watched you in your most vulnerable state, palming himself through the fabric of his own pants. Your panting quickened as you became closer to the edge. Your right hand rubbed your clit frantically, legs fully spread open, while your other hand squeezed and pulled at you exposed nipple. 

‘Oh fuck…Thomas please….’ You quietly cried out to yourself, not realizing the one you called out for was standing right in front of you. 

‘Yes?’ Said a low voice from in front of you. 

Your eyes shot open as you jumped up, clenching your legs together and gasping loudly, you frantically covered yourself up. 

‘What the fuck are you doing here?!’ You yelled out, face flushed with embarrassment.

‘Please don’t stop on my account.’ He giggled, coming closer to the bed, you could see his face more clearly now. 

The liquor from earlier became warm in your stomach again as your body filled with excitement. 

‘W-What?’

He stood above you, without saying a word. He slowly unzipped his own pants, slowly releasing his hard cock from his pants. Your mouth fell open in surprise at the length of him. You couldn’t even fathom what was happening. 

‘I said…don’t stop.’ His voice dripped with lust as his eyes searched yours before they fell between your legs, signaling you to open them again. 

Without thinking and caught up in the fuzzy feeling in your head, your legs slowly fell open, exposing your glistening center to him. He groaned in satisfaction as his cock twitched in excitement. 

He came up beside you and held out his open hand in front of your mouth. You looked up at him in confusion. 

‘Spit.’ His thick accent sent a shiver through your spine as he commanded you. 

 You looked up innocently at him as you spit into his large hand. As you did, he licked his lips. ‘Good girl. Now keep rubbing that little pussy for me, ok?’ He said softly from above me. 

You shook your head yes as your hands fell back to your clit as he brought his wet hand down to stroke his own cock, watching the movements you made between your legs.

You looked up at him longingly as he stroked up and down his cock, his head falling to his shoulder to get a better view of you. 

 ‘That’s it Love, just like that.’ He panted out roughly, shooting sudden shocks of pleasure through you.

Feeling more confident from his encouragement, you sat up, pulling your dress above your head, now completely naked. He panted softly as you did. You scooted to the side, spreading your legs open again right in front of him, allowing him to marvel at every inch of your body. 

‘Such a pretty little cunt, all soaking wet for me…’ He sighed as his strokes became more rapid. His knees hit the side of your bed as he loomed over your naked body, your knees rested against his tight stomach. 

Your walls clenched onto nothing, longing for him to fill you up. 

You reached down with your other hand to slowly stick two fingers into your pussy. You pumped them in and out with ease as you continued to work at your clit. You were so close to your release.

‘Fuck Tommy…I’m so close.’ You moaned out, squeezing your eyes shut in pleasure, focusing on that feeling. 

‘I am too…wait for me love. I’ll tell you when to come.’ He instructed, using his other strong hand to grip your warm thigh. 

The contact set your body on fire. You didn’t know how much longer you could hold on. 

‘Shit, Tommy…. Please let me come, please…’ You whimpered as you watched his strokes become sloppy, the tendons in his forearms and biceps flexed as he started to come undone. 

‘I’m gonna come all over you. Come all over this needy cunt of yours, yeh?’ He panted.

Your walls clenched down and your back arched up as you came hard around your fingers. Your insides filled with a warmness that you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Just as you did so, Tommy came all over you, ropes of his hot liquid splattered across your heated mound and your bare tummy. He marveled at the sight of himself covering you in his release. His mouth hung open and his eyes never left your body. 

You sat up on your elbows, watching as he did so. 

His hand reach down to collect some of the mess onto his large finger, bringing it to your mouth. You sucked and tongued at his finger, making him groan again and his cock twitch once more before softening. 

‘You did such a good job for me.’ He whispered into your ear and he leant down to kiss your exposed neck, sending a shiver through you again. He pecked at your skin lightly before pulling away. 

He adjusted himself into his pants plainly as you laid there, still naked and covered in cum. You were too stunned to move.

He smiled down at you, studying your eyes and the state he had left you in once more before reaching for your door knob. 

‘I’ll see you in the morning, love.’ He exclaimed with a wink before shutting the door behind him. 

[mikashisus]

Anatomy Study

summary: You had first met Xiao at a frat party. Now, you’re inseparable.

pairing: xiao x fem!reader

content warnings: none

other disclaimers: modern setting, uni au

wc: 2.3k

author's notes: my first no angst fic omg. xiao would be an art major, change my mind.

(im a history major with an asian studies minor!)

you had first met xiao at a frat party, when at the time, you were too wasted to comprehend the conversation he started up with you, warning you about the spiked drinks. he preferred to stay by the food table instead of join the fun that was happening around him.

usually, you’d be in his position, but you had just gotten out of a toxic relationship, and you needed a distraction from the pain you were feeling. although he kept you company that night, you hadn’t remembered a thing about the conversation you two had.

the next time you saw xiao was in your two hour literature class the following monday. you hadn’t realized it before— only just realizing it now, but he was the mysterious emo boy that always sat next to you on your left.

surprised and a little happy to see the familiar face, you decided to strike up conversation with him. he was actually really pleasant to talk to, and it was a nice refresher from your other friends.

as you were on your way to the art building one afternoon to pick up one of your friends and go get lunch, you had stumbled upon a nearly empty workshop. curious as to what the art major had been painting on their canvas, you caught sight of teal hair.

you hadn’t expected xiao to be an art major, but it made you smile nonetheless. his surprised expression once his golden eyes landed on you was simply priceless. he wasn’t expecting to see you, a history major, inside the art building. when you had told him that you were here to pick up a friend, he nodded in understanding.

he silently hoped you’d one day ask him to get lunch with you too.

it was 10pm and you and xiao had gotten absolutely zero studying done. you had originally asked him if he’d like to study with you for your shared literature midterm, even going as far as to take the work to the campus library so that you’d be in a more quiet and productive setting.

however, all plans of studying had flown out the window once you two spotted someone you mutually hated. the corner of the library you were occupying was filled with hushed giggles and silent tears as you continued to quietly make fun of them.

you couldn’t remember when it had started, but only a few weeks after you and xiao had officially become friends, you two got lunch together after your last class on tuesdays and thursdays.

he’d walk to the history building (it only took him about three minutes because the art building was right next to it) and patiently wait outside the lecture hall you were in until your class ended. afterwards, when you walked out all miserable and rushing to turn on your headphones, you’d spot him and smile instantly.

he’d ask you to get lunch, and after four times of this routinely happening, he stopped asking. it had now become a routine, and as if that wasn’t enough, the workers at the ramen place nearby had already memorized your names and orders.

still being in your freshman year, the both of you didn’t have apartments yet. whenever you wanted to hang out, it was mostly in his dorm building’s lounge area.

sometimes, he’d ask you to hangout in that lounge while he worked on a project that was due in 24 hours. he’d put video essays on the tv and you’d bring snacks with you from the convenience store across the street to share with him.

as people outside the lounge came and went, you’d spot a few of xiao’s friends walking by. they’d stop inside the lounge for a bit and say hello to you or jokingly flirt with you. you’ve grown to think of them as your own friends too.

as an art major, xiao got stuck with long classes that he always complained about— most of them being six hours long. after those draining classes that he had on mondays and wednesdays specifically, he would always go get food.

after you learned of this, you had offered to meet up with him and keep him company while he got food. this soon became a tradition, and on your way back to the dorms, you’d carry his portfolio for him.

on days where xiao felt way too burnt out to get out of bed or do anything really, you’d show up at his dorm with either popcorn or ice cream, your laptop, and a fuzzy blanket as you offered up a movie night. he was never one to refuse that request, always letting you into his dorm.

sometimes his roommate, kazuha, would be there, working on homework at his desk or making tea for the two of them. he’d greet you with a charming smile and would proceed to leave the dorm to go hangout with his boyfriend, scaramouche, and give you and xiao some privacy.

you’d end up falling asleep cuddled into xiao’s side with your fuzzy blanket draped over the two of you.

whenever xiao was in need of supplies for one or more of his classes, he’d text you and ask if you’d like to accompany him on a late night trip to the arts and crafts store about ten minutes away from the campus.

not bothering to change your clothes, you’d both go in your pajamas. kazuha and scaramouche would join you, all of you piling into the minivan xiao’s stepdad had handed down to him. you’d connect your phone to the aux and start playing disney songs or hardcore rock, whichever fit the mood.

if scaramouche saw something he liked but didn’t have the money to buy it, he’d pocket it and walk out of the store without alerting the alarms. kazuha would scold him for it on the way back, with you chiming in that he should “go big or go home” next time.

kazuha didn’t appreciate you entertaining scaramouche’s stealing, but it inevitably encouraged scaramouche to get closer to you— something that xiao and kazuha didn’t see coming.

xiao fiddled with the edge of the canvas as he knocked a third time on your dorm door. he was getting a bit disappointed that you weren’t answering or that maybe you currently weren’t home. but once you opened the door, midway through a yawn and your hair all messy from the best nap of your life that you had just taken, xiao’s heart skipped a beat.

it took a moment for you to register that xiao was standing outside your door, and you all but nearly slammed the door in his face because you were embarrassed that he had seen you like this. however, he just laughed, finding the whole scene endearing. seeing you like this made his heart beat even faster.

after you both settled down, xiao cleared his throat and turned his canvas around so that you could see what was on it. once you realized what it was, you gasped loudly and tears began to brim at your eyes. it was a portrait of you.

xiao stuttered his way through a confession, too nervous and flustered to look at you. when he finally did, you gently grabbed his face and kissed him, getting the message across that you liked him back. you vowed that night that you would forever keep the memory of his flushed cheeks and nervous stuttering in your mind.

you scrolled through one of xiao’s spotify playlists as you quietly sang along to one of the songs playing over the aux. you, xiao, kazuha, and scaramouche— or “scara”, as you called him for short —were on your way to an east asian market late at night for some snacks.

you spent at least thirty minutes scouting out the ramen aisle with kazuha, your eyes flitting between three types of ramen before finally settling on the same kind kazuha decided on. the two of you circled around the store twice before you stumbled upon your boyfriends.

kazuha was trying to talk scara out of buying too much mochi, and questioning the man on why he was considering buying sweets in the first place— that’s when you learned that scara actually hated sweet foods.

as they bickered like an old married couple, xiao took ahold of your things and went to pay. you chastised him about spending money on you, but you knew that he was too stubborn to fully listen.

all four of you exited the store (after scara and kazuha paid for their things) and sprinted towards xiao’s car in the pouring rain.

you couldn’t stop shaking out of anxiousness as you stepped out of xiao’s car and walked with him up to the front door of his childhood home. the two of you had left this morning and only just now arrived in liyue at around 7pm. a long roadtrip, to say the least.

you were beyond nervous to meet his family, having only heard about them once when he asked you to come home with him this weekend to make christmas cookies. his family didn’t celebrate christmas, but they still made cookies simply because it was fun.

as soon as the door opened, warm air wafted out into the chilly night. the sounds of a dog barking caught your attention, as a large german shepherd came bounding towards the door. it greeted xiao briefly before jumping onto you. you stumbled back, laughing softly as you raised a hand to let it smell you before you placed a hand on its head.

xiao scolded the poor animal for jumping on you, though you didn’t mind at all. you loved animals. bending down to properly pet the dog— whose name you learned was tofu —you giggled as he licked your face.

your nerves spiked once again as xiao’s sister, hu tao, greeted you. she was dressed in black pajamas with red flowers dotted all over them, and wore a pair of ghost slippers. she was bubbly, a complete opposite of xiao, and all but dragged you into the house after you took off your shoes.

the scariest part of your night arrived soon after. xiao’s stepdad was in the kitchen, finishing up dinner and greeting xiao with a warm smile. he turned to you, and you suddenly stiffened. your fears were for nothing, as he gently took your hand in his and placed a small kiss on the back of it. that gesture and his soft words of kindness were enough to make you relax.

and it was only later when he struck up conversation with you when you were alone in the kitchen that the two of you began to bond. it turned out that the two of you had a shared love of all things history.

xiao could only smile fondly as he watched the two of you from the doorway.

it was finally winter break, and you were missing your friends and xiao more than anything. scara, who had oddly enough become your best friend— you really couldn’t remember how in the world that happened —called you everyday. you knew he was missing you, even if he wouldn’t admit it, and the calls you two had were making xiao a little jealous (though he’d never admit it).

sensing xiao’s jealousy through your texts, you immediately called him right before you went to bed. this became a habit every night over winter break, and he even called you on christmas to say merry christmas even though he and his family didn’t celebrate. it was a warm gesture that made you smile.

you often fell asleep to the sound of xiao’s voice on these calls, and just like scara, he would never admit that he missed you. that didn’t matter though, because his actions always spoke louder than his words, so you had already known that he was missing you dearly.

you missed him just as much.

xiao’s actions always spoke louder than his words. as soon as he saw you after winter break ended, he kissed you passionately and twirled you around excitedly.

he then did the unexpected— expressed how much he missed you and that he almost nearly booked a flight to your hometown just to see you. then, he told you he loved you.

you could only stare at him in shock, before you were kissing him again and returning his sentiments. the two of you then planned a date night and you slept in his dorm, all curled up into his chest and falling asleep to the sounds of your favorite youtuber on the tv.

today marked two years of your relationship with xiao. the two of you planned to go out tonight to celebrate, but first you both had to finish projects.

you finished a presentation for one of your required history classes, and xiao was currently deciding how to start his project. you sat on the sofa in your apartment, silently reading a book as xiao kept glancing over at you.

eventually, you shut your book and turned to him, asking if there was anything he needed. a bit flustered that you caught him staring, he nodded. it turned out that he wanted your help for his project.

he needed to do an anatomical study and wanted to study you. you let him, not nervous in the slightest because he had already seen you naked before. however, you didn’t realize that this study would involve paint.

he painted over your bare chest with a soft paintbrush. you gasped at the coldness of the paint, whining about how ice cold it was as xiao laughed. in the end, you both ended up on his workshop’s (the workshop room in his apartment) floor covered in various vibrant paints, and laughing your asses off.

author’s notes: some of the things listed r actually things ive done with my friend who's an art major:

ive sat in our dorm lounge with her watching video essays as she works on a project, gone with her to michael's late at night cause she needed art supplies for a class, ive gotten dinner with her after her six hr classes while her roommate carried her portfolio back to the dorms for her, and gone to hmart with her at like 8pm.

if u guys want me to turn this into a full on multi-chapter fic, then i will! just say the word :)

masterlist!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "feeding my ex's internalised transphobia" by refusing to date a man as a lesbian? TW for internalised transphobia, mentions of rape and SA

TLDR: i am a lesbian. my teenage partner was sexually abusive to me for a year, mostly through enforced sexist rp scenarios. now, they are out as non-binary and accuse me of misandry and transandrophobia because i once told them i would not date a man regardless of his agab

I (NB20) started dating my ex (NB23) when i was 15. I was always openly a lesbian. When we met a year before we started dating, they identified as a butch. Throughout our relationship they explored their gender identity more, toying with the idea of being vaguely transmasc. I never had a problem with it; i enjoyed being in a butch/femme relationship and honouring their masculinity as much as I could.

For context, I am a very outspoken hardcore feminist; I don't like to generalise and i have a lot of love for the men in my life, but I have also made a couple of "kill all cishet men" jokes at a safe setting, with people who know exactly where I actually stand. I don't hate men, I just don't find them attractive and think they should be raised better. One day, they asked me if i would still be attracted to them if they fully transitioned and started living as a man. I told them I wouldn't; in my head, being butch/masc is extremely different to being a man, and I appreciated their presentation as a part of them being a lesbian (gender expression =/= gender identity, after all). They assured me that this was just a hypothetical question and just them being curious about my boundaries and limits, ended the conversation, and never brought it up again. My ex was very into roleplay during sex, and I was on board with it initially. After a while, however, the scenes they wanted to act out began to get extremely degrading, bordering on abusive, where they were embodying a man in a position of power (something that i was extremely uncomfortable with), while I was a vulnerable woman (usually a sex worker) getting degraded or even raped. Although I was deeply disturbed by some of the things we did, I was a child at the time, they were my first and i wasn't theirs. I wasn't ready to have sex yet and didn't know how to defend myself. Even when I tried to set a boundary, they would press on and claim it was their way of processing trauma, and that I was manipulative for attempting to withhold that from them. Eventually, with the help of a therapist and my family I ended things between us. I dreaded talking to or about them to anyone and mostly kept quiet about it all. Back to the present day, one of my old mutuals found my new account and texted me. They told me that my ex was posting about me, and that I should be ashamed of myself if what they said was true. I gathered up enough courage to view the posts myself. Their story is very different from what I remember. They claim I was being a misandrist and by extension transandriphobic (in their words, my distaste for the behaviour of cishet men was very damaging for masc people. it is weird, because healthy expressions of masculinity are the last thing i would judge a man for). They also claimed I made their internalised transphobia worse by refusing to date them if they transitioned. I have moved on with my life, but now other people are mixed in and im honestly at a loss. I never forced them to be someone they weren't with me. I never shamed them for their masculinity or discouraged them from exploring their identity, I just stated that dating a trans man wouldn't agree with my sexuality. A healthy response would be to be honest with me, and give me the right to decide for myself whether i would stay with them through their transition or only be able to support them as a friend. They could even just leave without justifying anything.

I don't know. Maybe my trauma is blinding me, but I keep going over the memories in my head trying to figure out how I might be the one behind all that hatred and violence. I don't want to be unfair to them, even if it's just in my own mind, so I'm just speaking up about it for the first time in my life through an AITA tumblr post. Any advice or insight is appreciated.

What are these acronyms?

[ddarker-dreams]

hmmm.... i have a question. not really a question, more like rambling actually.

so we know that n darling doesnt want to get attached with blade, she mostly sees him as her fuckbuddy for a bit which i think is funny, hence she is his long term long distance low commitment gf.

but im actually curious on blade's view on this relationship. does he feel mutual about this? i mean, clearly he doesn't, but im dying to know the specifics.

does he not prod on the topic because he knows n darling would ultimately be his anyway? (based on... whatever elio's script says) or does he just... not care for any specifics and just already considers her his gf without said gf even knowing 😭😭 actually both theories sound more or less similar.

im so excited for ch 5, ive been rereading nexus over and over again lol (and of course... ch 3 and 4 has the most reads for certain reasons im sure you know)

me thinking of a way to respond without accidentally delving into spoiler territory GJKJDF

i will say that the answer to this question is different pre and post chapter 4. i can come back and give the latter after chapter five is posted.

OKAY, so. initial impression (after saving n darling from alister's knife attack in ch1), was... nothing really. a slight pull and nothing else. at that point, he knew the specifics of his job, which he didn't view differently from the hundreds of jobs he'd be assigned before. he doesn't usually bother thinking about the greater picture. he considers himself a weapon who will simply do as he's told until elio fulfills his end of their agreement.

for a while after that, he finds n darling kinda weird. he doesn't get why n darling thanked him and made her synalink offer when it's pretty obvious she doesn't like the stellaron hunters. it wasn't clear to him yet that in the same way he considers himself a weapon, n darling views herself an integral organ to eris. n darling's gratitude wasn't so much that he saved her life — but that he saved eris' 'life.'

he didn't actively try to understand her because he wouldn't care to. the sole reason he picked any of this up is just from the sheer amount of time they spent coexisting. it's inevitable he'd become familiar with her to some extent. there's that, and well... n darling is rather stunning. an assignment where he basically gets to stare at a beautiful woman for days on end isn't something he's complaining about.

what served as a turning point is the nectar guide incident.

(i didn't expect for this to get so long good god but here's blade's mental health going 📉 as his journey to tap n darling begins)

when he comes to, the sight he's greeted with is this high stationed individual weeping for him and desperately tearing her clothes in a attempt to stop his bleeding. he cannot recall a time when anyone has bothered to do so, since it's known no matter how awful an injury he suffers, he'll regenerate eventually. that aforementioned slight pull grows stronger.

regarding blade's reaction to n darling poking around in his psyche uninvited, that wasn't what actually upset him. it was the possibility he'd be less attentive to her safety if he were to go around searching for survivors. for some inexplicable reason, this irked him.

then, at this exchange in ch3:

“Can it really be considered a sin if it’s beyond your control?” 

“It won’t always be,” he replies. “Until then, I can’t allow myself to forget. You must get why.” 

You wish you didn’t. 

it finally dawns on blade that he and this diva-who-pretends-she-isn't-a-diva actually share common ground. that they're both stuck in this self-perpetuated cycle of guilt and admonishment for circumstances that weren't entirely their fault. he doesn't know what to do with this information and stuffs it away for safekeeping.

then another turning point goes down:

the dissonance between lear's id and ego/superego culminates to such a degree that n darling goes unresponsive, the psychic backlash is that bad. blade doesn't understand the specifics. all he sees is this woman he's begrudgingly intrigued by collapsing to the ground with blood rushing from her nose, while her noisy friend and quiet friend rush around. eventually, he can roughly piece together what happened from these tidbits: n darling's aversion to physical contact (seen in ch1 when he reaches for her wrist and she freezes up, then once more when she avoids him after the nectar guide incident).

n darling then confirms this: "What you’re referring to is a precaution my mother suggested. In the past, strange reactions have occurred after I came into direct contact with someone."

along with well-intentioned nona's exclamation: "i yelled at him that if he hurt lear you would turn his mind into goop"

blade wouldn't have thought to configure lear into things as soon as he did had nona not given this slip of information. he already had suspicions that lear and n darling had some sort of Situation between them, because lear isn't slick and makes googly eyes @ n darling like nobodies business, but this. this is different. he could write lear's googly eyes off as a crush, which is whatever. but n darling caring for lear to such a degree that she's fine with risking her wellbeing because she likes being around him that much? hence:

You’re so swept up in your thoughts, that it takes you a while to notice how Blade’s been staring at you. This in and of itself is nothing new. He’s been your shadow ever since forced this arrangement. It irritated you at first, but that blistering offense eased into acceptance. His vigilance felt befitting of a guard. Taking in your surroundings, assessing any threats; such is his prerogative. 

How he’s eyeing you now feels different. It’s as if he’s looking through you, not at you. 

“Is something wrong? You’re making such a scary expression,” you joke. 

at that point, blade is Not Happy to an extent that confuses even him (ch5 will go into why).

then he happens to be brooding in the distance, as he's prone to do, when he sees n darling looking absolutely defeated (post the convo with caicias and chrysus). he feels this need to do something about it, remembers how often she drinks that ambrosia tea, then makes some for her. he really was going to just leave it and then give her space, but, alas:

"Your body springs up of its own accord. You balance the teacup in one hand and reach out to him with the other, your fingers fanning out, ready to sink into whatever they can. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. Your free hand succeeds in finding a destination — settling on the abrasive finish of his bandages. 

You feel another texture alongside it. 

It’s smooth, cold, and visible through the interstices of his winding bandages. 

His skin."

this contact quite literally Awakens something in him (👁👁),

"Blade’s gripping your comforter hard enough for his knuckles to turn bone white. He’s leaning forward, as if ready to pounce, yet lucid enough to exercise some semblance of self-control. He reminds you of a starved animal trapped in a cage, salivating over a piece of meat hanging outside the bars. Goosebumps cover your body. This isn’t simple lust… it’s visceral, some primitive desire too overwhelming to be understood.

You’re the one he’s staring at with this unbridled yearning.

Yes, he’s teased you. Pushed your buttons and riled you up. Not so subtly flaunted the strength that lets him maneuver you like you weigh nothing. You might have status and mastery in your given field, but he’s participated in the annihilation of worlds; the end of civilizations that span back since time immemorial.

He should be the one in charge.

Yet as you stand here, witnessing how he tortures himself by not pouncing on you like he easily could, a thought is planted.

He’d really do anything you asked if it kept this from ending."

from this point to where chapter 4 ends, blade's brain is in some sort of caveman mode. he wakes up. thinks about fucking n darling. fucks n darling. waits around impatiently until he can fuck n darling once again. fucks n darling again. goes to (half) sleep. rinse and repeat.

not only is his mara manageable when he's around n darling, but he gets this thrill too? it's a high unlike anything he's experienced in the miserable centuries he's been cursed with immortality. he isn't really worried about the specifics of their relationship, so long as he can keep railing her on every surface around. n darling's body, how she carries herself with such confidence, the way she pokes and prods at him; he's obsessed. addicted. nothing short of feral.

every stage on his hierarchy of needs has been replaced with n darling.

[fruitytrollroll]

7k words??? What kind of debauchery u writing ( im going feral FEED ME GIVE ME SPOILERS OR TEASERS OF CH2 )

AHAHAHA THANK YOU FOR PERMITTING ME TO MADDEN YOU, YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS MUCH APPRECIATED! 😈❤️‍🔥

Since you asked so ravenously, I will tell u a little of what I'm working on, and oblige you with a cheeky excerpt (which u will automatically see if u expand this post, sorry this format is not the best! oh well!)

I will say my approach to erotica/erotic romance is that themes and allegories and narrative "foreplay" enhance the overall experience! So it's mostly build-up and homoerotic loathing (and since the first chapter was so well-received I don't there will be any strong objections to this lmao).

I'm spending time in Scarab's head on the job to examine his thinking, and leaning into his intense hatred of (obsession with?) Prismo, because I think lingering on those feelings makes his downfall that much sweeter. Show me a man at the top of his game, and I'm gonna want to bring him to his lowest low. >:3c

To that end, I'm actually rewriting their first meeting from Episode 4! I think this adds value because I get to decide what Scarab was thinking the entire time. And we didn't see them for the WHOLE tour of the Time Room, so I get to add in those missing scenes and speculate on the flow of that conversation.

SO ENJOY THIS LITTLE EXCERPT!

🥒🪲✨

When a square porthole opens into the Time Room with a sound like a slab scraping over stone, Scarab wastes no time scuttling inside.

A glimmer of fear passes over Prismo's expression just as the Wishmaster comes into view, and Scarab knows he's caught the cosmic being red-handed—even if he doesn't know at what, yet.

"Ah—Scarab! Hey," Prismo greets with an awkward smile.

Scarab does not return the greeting. He takes his time, allowing himself to relish the lackadaisical Wishmaster's long-awaited comeuppance.

"Curious... I always thought you had an open-door policy," Scarab leisurely croons. He leaps from the porthole to enter the Time Room proper, and he lands inauspiciously on Prismo's arm. It makes Scarab's toes buzz, and he discreetly steps over Prismo's projected-light form to escape the strange sensation.

"Everybody's pal, Prrrismo," he purrs, with affection so theatrically insincere it makes his mandibles ache.

Scarab crosses one leg behind the other and rests his weight on his cane, awaiting Prismo's answer.

"Hey, that's me!" Prismo nervously laughs. "Well... What brings you here, Scrabby?"

The reminder of that undignified nickname makes Scarab scoff, and he crosses his arms, taken aback. "No one calls me that any more."

After Prismo paraded that odious nickname around the office party, it had stuck for a while. To put a finer point on it, it had taken decades of brusque correction for Scarab to train it out of their sphere of mutual acquaintances. Scarab had never dialed down his answering brutality, nor had he ever stopped begrudging Prismo the inconvenience of it all.

Much like the scandal of touch, a nickname was a pathetic attempt to come closer to the Scarab, and would be met with the same rebuke.

Stewing in that resentment threatens to distract Scarab from the task at hand. Perhaps that is Prismo's aim.

But Scarab is not so easily dissuaded.

With faux innocence, Scarab spins a yarn to conceal just how eagerly he has awaited the Wishmaster's downfall. "I was passing through the neighborhood, making a delivery to the Judgment Hall, when I got an alert... about you."

Prismo makes his excuses, and Scarab entertains them with diligent patience. Though the god-auditor is known for being abrupt, he likes to take his time on inspections and investigations—particularly when he is confident his quarry has been cornered.

What can he say? Time is the most important ingredient to many rewarding experiences—and Scarab enjoys playing with his food. There was little other reason to linger in Kheirosiphon's tea shop as long as he had, but to privately relish the impending conclusion of a successful hunt.

Also, Prismo floundering as he clumsily tries to conceal his crimes features not infrequently in Scarab's top 5 fantasies.

He is not so eager for justice to let that pass him by without savoring it, a little.

[karoochui]

I just wanted to say I am so enamoured with Binary Insurgence! I eat up everything, every little crumb, you drop about it and the entire idea is so interesting to me! I'm so in love with stories and worlds like this! I'm also curious to know about the relationship between Sun and Moon, if it's alright to ask. How was it before the fire compared to after? Does their relationship begin to mend (because I'm certain over the years it deteriorated) when y/n comes back into the picture? If any of this is too spoilery or you just haven't fleshed it out yet then you don't have to answer! I'm just super curious about the boys and how you see their dynamic/relationship. I just look forward to seeing how their bond has grown and/or broken and how it may be mended over time.

AHH im glad you like it so much!! Im happy to talk about what i've got, but you are right not everything is fully fleshed out. I have points i wanna get to but while im brainstorming and planning i make up a lot of stuff as i go and then go over it again later to see if i like it or can connect stuff in any way. I have 3 chapters for Arc 1 fully summarized as of now! (Which probably doesn't seem like a lot but i like my chapters long, so it's quite a bit actually).

I wanna say, too, that i'm planning for the first story to be more in the perspective of the reader, so most things about Sun and Moon's personal thoughts and feelings are gonna be more implied than said. I might have some switching points of view, i'm not sure, but i haven't found a place i'd do it or think it's relevant. The sequel is gonna be more from their perspective since it'll mostly be about them.

NOW! I see Sun and Moon as brothers, so they really treat each other in a way that's like that. Before the fire they get along pretty well. Most instances of issue would be when Moon blocks out Sun when he fronts, or just mutual panic over the fact Moon lost his shit w/ the virus. They'll have their disagreements about things (i havent planned specifics yet) but generally they're chill. Sun just worries about Moon hurting people, but Moon worries too. With the way the virus functions in this AU it's hard for Sun to fully fault Moon for what he does, especially because he's also affected by it but not nearly as bad. (I'm gonna explain this more in another ask i have).

Plus, even before the virus they were always glitch/bug-ridden because technicians fucked up their programming continuously after removing them from the theater to work in the daycare. So they had to kinda navigate through that together, glitches and errors on both ends (though not deadly). They hate P&S bc of this, obviously. Hardware fixes suck but they fucking HATE software examinations.

Later on though some issues come into play whenever Sun starts getting worse by being further exposed to the virus (it gets worse for him when they eclipse) because it presents itself in Sun differently than it does Moon. He gets snappier and angrier at times (that comic i made that's captioned "well someones snappy") and while they both understand he doesnt mean the shit he does it's still not great. And nobody's gonna just let themselves be talked to like a dog even if the reason it's happening is because of something the other person can't really help. They're still relatively fine at this point, though.

It's at the end when shit goes really bad, because this part of the story does end badly. I won't spoil specifics but after the fire Sun loses his shit. He starts trying to put the blame on Moon for everything (the virus enhancing his already bad habits/fucking with his line of thinking) out of grief and anger. That carries over into the apocalypse and he just gets worse in general. He gets irrational.

It's a long period of time though, so he eventually also manages it, in his own way. But! I did say before in an ask that in the sequel he's "not evil, persay, but he's a fucking nut". He damns Moon to an hourglass to just fucking get rid of him about 100~ years before they meet you again (he fully thinks he's in the right for this (and he also just hates him) and the only reason he really even stayed around after that was to make sure Moon didn't get out again). He's not a bad-intentioned individual, but he's off the fucking wall at many times bc of the virus having made him worse. He's stubborn as all hell to an infuriating degree, he's irrational, hard-headed, reckless, and while a good bit of his old, kinder self is still pretty prevalent he can be downright fucking mean if provoked. Again, worse than before, and it doesn't take much these days! I always imagined him to have more dramatic, snappy, diva aspects to his personality (even before Help Wanted 2 came out) bc hes so theatrical and intense, so basically take a Sun that's like that, crank it up to 100 and put him in a Bad Situation. That's what Round 2 Sun is like at his worst. He's not a complete lost cause though, and he's far from dumb when he does stuff, just clouded by his own judgement. He doesn't think anything's wrong with him (or does he?).

Moon doesn't really hate him like Sun hates Moon, because although he knows that what happened (the ending of the first story) is technically both of their faults he just feels guilt. They do fight a lot, though. Most of it is Moon trying his best to tell Sun that he's basically full of shit and not seeing things right after Sun starts something, but Sun's at the point where he's gotta learn by consequence. Part of the reason he's so bad is bc 1: hes been infected by the virus for so long now and 2: in his grief, anger, and resentment he's learned to live with it rather than fighting it.

But the sequel is gonna be a feel-good story! Falling in love w/ the reader all over again, i want things to get cleared up - or at least some kind of middle ground between Sun and Moon - the whole sha-bang.

[struck-by-the-rain]

was inspired by a few other ppl on here to drop some of the kind of cringy tropey lore I made up about these 2,,, mostly how they met n stuff and how I personally see emm.... im v normal about them I prommy

maintagging this perhaps but it's under the read more so if u dgaf u can just look at the silly picture

ok sooo

they meet completely by accident because This Space Kicker In Particular (who I'm calling SK) gets a try again in space soccer and crash lands outside the karate family residence. he's fine though, probably because he's subject to cartoon physics or something (might rewrite this bit of the lore bc it's kinda goofy but it's the first thing I thought of).

v predictably they start out playing soccer together, like they take a ball to the park or whatever n just having a kick around. but they move on to hanging out in a non-soccer context pretty quickly. i imagine sk's really curious to see what earth is like (it's probably his first time there), like he's filled w whimsy and joy just to go to the cafe n stuff :) joe is meeting him behind seniors back!

sk isn't joes only friend - hes friends w yuka n the wandering samurai n a few others, but i don't know if he's actually close with them? partially because he's busy training, partially because he's quite a reserved person, n to me at least I think he struggles a lot with self-doubt/feeling inadequate for anyone around him (partially as a result of the way he was raised). not to get Angsty on main but I think he ascribes wayyy too much of his self worth on his training... I think he has a tendency to try and isolate himself from others, both physically and emotionally

sk is the opposite (tropey ik lmao) - he's v outgoing, silly n carefree almost to the point where he gets on people's nerves sometimes (he's cowboy sk's "annoying little brother" to me). I don't think he fully gets/realises exactly why joe is v reserved but I think he manages to grow close w him in spite of that... idk how to word it. but I think he's such a ray of sunshine he's able to break through whatever exterior joe has put up for himself (ik how cheesy that sounds but yeah)

ive made a post about this before but joe is v v v affection starved (because Basement) and does a terrible job at hiding it to the point where he just melts over the smallest things. sk meanwhile is suuuuuper physically affectionate so yeah

I haven't worked out exactly when this happens but I think they just kinda fall for each other over time, it takes a while for both of them to realise its mutual tho....

joe alsooo gets flustered veryyyy easily (source: karate man 2 ds superb screen). sk probs picks up on this right away lmao

im thinking sk is out here dropping the most obvious hints... but joe refuses to believe that sk would see him in that way. idk he probs does the wildest mental gymnastics assuming that sk is just being nice or it's like,,, a social norm up on his planet lmfao.

but yeah he eventually works it out too in the end... probably partially because he begins to learn to be a bit more confident in himself over time. i think they get to a point where they both v much know it's mutual but r too awkward to do anything about it/don't wanna mess up their close friendship/are too worried about the logistics/implications of living on other planets n senior. so they don't like acc Say anything or whatever for a while. but it's obvious n only gets worse over time lmfao. see the pic above the cut

blehhh silly thought but I hc sk to be besties with 6switcher who I think gets fed up of his shittt... like hes just like "Oh My God Please Just Tell Him. Like Please".

in my mind palace they end up going to the battle of the bands (joes a huge fan of the rockers but he's never been able to see them live before). and ummm after the concert they end up sitting outside live house ogu watching the stars together,,,, and u kno,,,, they kith.... woaw,,,,, but yeah I think because botb is the 1 time in game they "meet" (if u can even call it that) I thought it would be cute if it's where they end up getting together as a couple :)

hmmm like inconsequential shit unrelated to the main story but they find remix 9 cat as a stray kitten at some point during all of this n joe takes it in... i think I could do a follow up post about what happens next in the lore after botb because this is already mega long but they eventually end up living together on sk's planet and the cat comes w them :)

oh adding this on acc after I posted it, but I think when joe meets sk it's like,,, the first time in his life where he hasn't felt lonely...

[possamble]

do you think falin went on dates/potentially even hooked up with people periodically during those 4 years she and marcille were separated? i know you ascribe to has-been-pining-since-childhood falin (and tbh so do i), but i find it interesting that there were at least Two people interested in falin if we are to believe chilchuck's party relations chart. at the very least, she considered toshiro's proposal -- even if her intentions for doing so were rooted less in mutual interest and more in her fear of being alone -- and it makes me wonder if anyone else were to like... show interest in falin, what would the circumstances have to be for her to be an active participant/if she would've reciprocated if it was casual enough (because i can't see her getting into a serious relationship with anyone while she's still in love with marcille -- unless?)

i could see it going either way. girl who can't believe people could actually LIKE her that way because she struggles with liking herself (despite probably being the most beloved character in canon, though her ostracization in her hometown and the magic academy could explain why...... wait hold on i'M GETTING SIDETRACKED!!) vs. girl's first time being freed from an authority's expectations going a little wild at, well, a taste of freedom (plus a dose of delayed sexual awakening due to prior ostracization + "don't think of marcille like that don't think of marcille like that doN'T. DO NOT." double whammy)

idk idk idk! i find it SO interesting that she's so beloved in canon but is simultaneously very passive about it? i really love how a little creature explores what a more proactive falin could look like, and i'm super curious about your thoughts on what falin's love life would look like/if a love life would even exist decoupled from her newfound dragon instincts and marcille

honestly this is the one aspect im never sure about bc... i've seen other people establish that falin's gone and kissed or gotten involved with some of the other girls at the academy, or other adventurers. and i respect that! mostly bc it's a way of painting falin as more independent and mature than the canon material, and i can't knock that.

but i guess? idk. she was as clueless about shuro's feelings as laios was until he actually proposed to her. she also believed that she wouldn't get another proposal, so there's an element of her not realizing that she's particularly attractive. that, or she's... still somehow working by her hometown logic, which im assuming is the old "if you're not married by your teenage years you're considered a really bad marriage candidate for men" type thing, considering how much of a small town it was/the fact that she and laios already had marriages arranged from a young age.

an intensely auDHD woman, who has spent all of her independent life focusing on at least one person she was inseparably close to, not having had any romantic experience at the age of 23? that's very likely. personally i'd consider it more likely than the alternatives, but that's just my opinion lol

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[sttoru]

i want to start writing things here but i dont know where and how to start it

do you have any advices?

you are so kind and talented!

🩷🩷

heeellooo!!! ^_^ thank u sm for ur compliments lovely xx means a LOTT! im gonna give u some advice based on my own personal experience on tumblr for the past 4 years (also had a previous writing acc with 4k+ a year or two back) :

start with setting up your writing blog! it’s important to let your future followers know what they’re getting into by following you and what your boundaries are. essentials to make: “blog rules page” — put your DNI (do not interact if…) section and BYF (before you follow) section in there | “request rules page” is also important if you want to take on requests from anons | “masterlist page” to put all your published work in one place | “about me page” if you want to tell people information about yourself.

for examples on how those pages can look, you can click on my profile & see how i did / set up my pages + take inspo!

it’s also partially important to have a easily navigable / aesthetically pleasing theme or layout. this will capture more attention of others. well, that’s speaking from my experience. something aesthetically pleasing to look at adds so much to the appeal !!!! i personally love it when writing blogs have a cool / cute / interesting theme bcs it catches my eye and makes me check out their works more.

after setting up your blog, you can start publishing a work of fiction. use the tags wisely and accordingly. jjk related fic example: ‘jjk x reader’ , ‘jjk smut’ (only if it is smut), ‘jjk fluff’ (only if its fluff), ‘gojo x reader’ etc etc etc ! you can follow what the writers you follow do with their posted fics. but make sure to tag properly. (p.s if you created a separate new acc, make sure that you give it a day or two bcs tumblr has to confirm that you aren’t a bot before your account is visible in tags)

keep in mind; gaining notes and followers can take days, weeks to months !!! please don’t get easily demotivated because your fic isn’t getting the notes you thought it would have. especiallyyyy at the start of your writing tumblr acc!!! i know how it feels, but i can reassure you that there will be people who will show up and appreciate your work one day!

interact with readers. interact with people who leave comments, show them that you appreciate the support they give you !! u can also make appreciation posts for ur readers and thank them for their support to let them know that it means a lot!!

interact with other writers!! reblog their fics, leave comments, pop up in their inbox with a small message — that’s how u mostly start making mutuals. mutuals will literally get u FARRRR on tumblr (ofc dont just use the other writers solely for the purpose to make ur fics get more notes . . . people easily get blocked by many if they do, they would by me too). but im sure many writers on here dont mind to spread your fics without you directly having to ask for it. if u just interact and make friends, that will follow automatically!

write what you want, when you want. getting ideas for fics can take some time, but when you do have an idea, write it down somewhere. you dont have to instantly write the entire fic — take ur time!!!!! don’t feel pressured to constantly post fics, i’m sure your audience understands that you have a life outside of tumblr.

but! posting constantly at the start of your tumblr acc can take u far as well. if u constantly appear in tags, ppl will get curious abt ur account. but don’t feel pressured to bcs it can easily burn u out !! just a little thing that i did at the start of my acc

[pupmuseboxmoved]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

NAME : Kou

PRONOUNS : he/him, they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : IMs mostly though do have a discord but it be for mutuals only if comfortable exchanging

NAME OF MUSE(S) : I have too many muses to name off, haha.

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : From the early months of 2016 on tumblr when I first was curious about the site, then getting into the rp field by a dear friend @ulsterhound ever since then.

BEST EXPERIENCE : Again if not for my dear friend Gin(@ulsterhound) getting me into rp I don't know where I would be, they're someone who I hold in high regard.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Biggest one for me being that one replies back to a paragraph with a one liner, which kills the mood in answering back for me honestly.

MUSE PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT : All the above, though smut is very selective and fade to black for me on my end.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Memes for ice breakers or mere things to get a ball rolling, plotting is a weak point for me at times.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : A mix of the two, depending on the energy and mood to write really. More leaning preferences to longer, at least a paragraph really.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : When I'm able to settle down to pop up with writing when I can and get the chance to.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : To slight degrees with interests and the like.

TAGGED BY : Stolen from dash. TAGGING : Steal it.

[nodirectionhome-ao3]

Hi. Just read the new chapter and it was absolutely amazing. KSFM got me into reading some of ur other fic and a name I keep seeing is Sandy..one of James's ex gfs. Im really curious to know about her. I know shes irrevalant to the story and is just brought up mostly as a talking point but she just makes me curious😋. Can u share any hcs or characterisations u have of her? Reading from ur fics, i gathered she is the gossipy type tho😏👀

Thank you!! I'm so happy you liked the chapter!

I love this question!! That's very observant of you! Fair warning that this answer is probably going to be very long because I love talking about OCs😅

So for backstory, I had the idea a while ago that I wanted to write my own take on a multi book series about the Marauders and Lily's time at Hogwarts. (Which still might happen eventually, but not until I've done way more planning) So I made a spreadsheet with lists of the students in all four houses every year that the Marauders were at school, so I'd have a database of sorts when writing. (I had a lot of free time on my hands during covid lockdown lmao)

Sandra "Sandy" Keaton is one of the characters I drew from that database, and I have used that name in passing now twice!

She is one of the other Gryffindors in the Marauders' year, which means she shares a dormitory with Lily for seven years, but I don't envision them ever being friends.

She is absolutely a gossipy type character, someone who would get along well with Bertha Jorkins, and in my head she looks kind of like Regina George. She's charismatic, outgoing, and opinionated (James has a bit of a type, let's say), and she gets written off by a lot of people as being "shallow" because of her stereotypically feminine interests (she loves dressing up, hair and makeup is always perfect, she devours every copy of Witch Weekly, and she loves a good romance novel.)

She has a bit of a vindictive streak, and possibly some mean girl tendencies, so she's frequently involved in some sort of drama. But she's not one-dimensional. She's a half-blood who's insecure about her place in the wizarding world, and she's been raised to seek out status as a means of survival. She seeks validation in the approval of others, which unfortunately leads her to make poor choices...like downplaying her intelligence to appeal to boys, and lashing out harshly at others who make her feel insecure.

She has a rich internal life that a lot of her classmates don't get to see. She cares very deeply about politics and worries about the war, though she tries to hide it. She's artistic and loves to draw, though she's not confident enough in it to share it with people. And she's got a huge soft spot for animals, especially her grumpy little cat. She has a little sister named Susie who she's fiercely defensive of. And she'll go to war with anyone who hurts her best friend, Zoe Boot.

She and James have a brief, ill-fated relationship. They never become close friends afterwards, but once they both mature a little, there's mutual respect.

That's Sandy!

(This was a lot lol. But thanks for the question! This was fun!)

[charliecharmeleon]

tagged by @wednesdaytoo (technically) for 15 questions + 15 friends (but idt i even have 15 active mutuals so um. ur tagged if u want 😭

1. Are you named after anyone?

my parents have never admitted it but i have a Strong suspicion my birthname came from a certain female action character in a certain popular action film that came out right before i was born LOL. as far as my chosen name.. chuckie from da rugrats

2. When was the last time you cried?

uhhh like 4 days ago when i watched Willard (2003) when (spoilers) socrates the rat is killed even though i KNEW it was going to happen bc i have already seen the original willard film from the 70's so like. idiot fool who cries over fictional rats

3. Do you have kids?

no and i dont want any lol

4. What sports do you play/have played?

never played any organized sports but i liked to play baseball when i was little

5. Do you use sarcasm?

ye

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

the way they look.... so sorry

7. What's your eye color?

hazel. the part around my pupils is brown and the rest is a foresty green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

both, either, neither, i watch a lot. mostly scary i suppose

9. Any talents?

ummmm i can draw ok. straining my brain to try to think of anything else and i cannot unfortunately

10. Where were you born?

in a hospital (california)

11. What are your hobbies?

watch movie collect movie play video game go to thrift store eat the plainest snacks known to man

12. Do you have any pets?

nop but theres 4 animals in this house im fine

13. How tall are you?

5'6.5" or 168 cm!

14. Favorite subject in school?

i enjoyed english a lot tbh. also i had a forensics class in high school that was fun but that was half because karsen would just show up half the time even though she did not have that class. i liked lunch i liked hanging out w friends

in college i liked my gender studies classes and sociology classes. i had a couple media classes that were specifically focused on gender+race and those were cool. had a class called diverse genders and sexualities and that was dope as a baby gaytrans still learning

15. Dream job?

i dont think i have one =_= i want to be a devoted house husband TBH!!!!! but also ive been curious about horror movie makeup/effects for a long time but have 0 knowledge or experience

ty for reading goodnight

[proxythe]

Hello dear mutual

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I ADORE YOUR ART!!! Call me your biggest fan if u dont have one already /hj

Always wanted to interact w you more but!!! Interactions are scary!!! So I'm sticking w liking your art and rb.......

but honestly, you really inspired me, because im a transmasc and well, god gave me two big naturals and honestly, I don't want to chop them off!! so seeing your aki really help me feel way better :')

AGHH I WANTED TO TELL U THAT YEAH HAVE A GOOD DAY

and one last thing.... im really curious abt your hcs on akishinji or akihiko in general... so if you want to spare some..... no pressure though.... okay bye...

hiii ooomf 🙋

thank you sooo much for saying this 😭😭 no one has ever told me theyre my biggest fan before… im really flattered thank you so much!!

i also overthink interactions real bad but if you ever want to message me or anything, you can !! i would seriously love to talk to you !!!

and im also transmasc w a large god given chest and i think ive said probably both these things before but that is also why i like to draw and represent that!!! ill never get tired of showing these bodies thru my art 🫰it makes me really really appreciative and happy when people tell me this .. i am Certain ive said this before… but i never get tired of letting anyone who tells me that i am really grateful to be told that my art helps in any way.. it makes me really happy i could cry

finally…. for my hcs… lemme separate them so the post doesn’t look so cluttered

me hiding an underwhelming amount of hcs under this cut im so sorry oomf im really bad with headcanons for some reason but let me try to think if i have any lmfao

- i think them (literally) sleeping together is a big hc for them in general but that’s probably my favorite akishinji hc of All Time … it can do no wrong… its perfect…

- (more likely fits post canon/shinji living route) shinji being clingy asf is also one of my faves idk i think there’s just something in seeing him happy and shameless for once in his shit life 😭 getting hugs and physical contact he used to not think he deserves … i eat it up …

- aki being a cat person i think is a hc … it mostly came to me from pq when hes being so dramatic about koromaru licking him … he loves koro yes but i believe he is a cat person at heart … shinji is generally an animal lover but he’s also just a dog person

- p4au debunks this with that god awful design but i’ve always believed it: aki’s wardrobe is immaculate. guy is always dressed in some nice ass clothes and perfect style. ignoring p4au i also think aki would dress nice even in timeskip

- this is also popular methinks but them taking in ken and koromaru time skip is another that i basically just treat like its canon lmfaoo this one also is just perfect… does no wrong… amazing …

erm i think that’s all i can think of rn bc for some reason when someone asks me to specifically name hcs i kinda sorta forget every single one that’s ever entered my mind whether ive drawn it or even spoken it aloud … am i stupid ?

[egberteclipse]

:33< hi! were mutuals on twt but itd f33l weird to dm you beclaws i dont know if youre okay with that! but im curious if your homestuck fictives are all from the same timeline! i know that im not from the alpha timeline of homestuck mostly beclaws i dont remember certain canon events happening in my past! i havent asked my aradia or vriska headmates if they know which timeline they would be from beclaws they havent fronted in a while! so i was curious about your experience too! i hope thats not rude X33

oh man, i haven't checked our askbox on here in a while. sorry for taking so long to get around to this!

so basically, we're all from vaguely similar, is not the same, timelines. most of us are from the alpha timeline, with some vague exomemories related to life on earth c and stuff. not really interesting for me, because it was mostly just me staying in my house all the time. i think i might've come out to the others back in my timeline? i'm not exactly sure.

so basically, yeah most of us are more or less just straight out of the alpha timeline. not too much variance there, i don't think. thanks for the ask!