#im not too torn up abt it. ill give it more thought if it becomes relevant but rn its not really on my radar

[silverislander]

idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man

[attourney-at-lycan]

garroth + zenix's dynamic makes me cry ugly gross tears

oops i rambled🐏 too much again have a penny 🪙 but yea thoughts because i feel like not much in s1 is really elaborated on zenix's side of their relationship and i just think theyre both verr neat + g = garroth and im just lazy

(#he sees vylad in zenix or projects vylads image onto him as well as zane #but in a way where hes like oh zenix ill show u how to shoot just let me help u #and hes like ok old dude how bout i show u how to get some bitches #commits arson and lyerally breaks his heart and whatever self worth he had left over and had built for himsef in pdh pre aph #like the image of and him fighting but he's screaming at g. to give in and fight for his life but at this point garroth is just broken and (this isn't canon just a thought) after g. had landed a real bad blow on zenix (deep enough that he needed to retreat to regen sk style ) and garroth still reaches out for him helmet slashed and torn so u can see blood dripping from his wounds but like his eye is clearly visible and like instead of running back to pd he just stands and zenix stops just out of line of his sight where he could've just gone but takes this chance to tie a necklace that g got them both to signify their mentorship / relationship arround his arrow and lets it off straight into g's chest #he stood there and took it falling backwards slow mo style and zenix disapperaed into the forest

I JUST WOKE UP I WILL GO REPLY TO TOHER STUFF IN A BIT

but oh my god. OH MY GOD. YOU

your mind. YOUR MIND

“he sees vylad in zenix or project vylad onto him as well as zane” THIS IS IM LITRLY INSANE RN? this concept is so good its sooo fitting- garroth “knows” he’s a coward and feels like shit probably for doing this but he can’t help it?

garroth, i feel like, feels so responsible abt everything, maybe call it older child syndrome that he feels responsible and that everything that went wrong with his siblings is all his fault. that maybe if he spent more time with zane or maybe if he hadn’t left vylad would’ve still been here. these thoughts just keep bothering him and then zenix comes in. he’s a younger man who needs help, who needs him. i have no idea where this point is going BUT I LOVE THAT SO MUCH.

zenix teaching garroth how to get maidens so canon fr pls. “cmon old man we’re gna hook u up w/ molly” “is she not she dating dale?” “…okay, and?”

AND OUUUUBTHE LAST PART :wailing: THEBFIGHT OUUUU THE FIGHT MY HEART MY MIND YOUR MIND UR SO BIG BRAIN- garroth being so broken and barely fighting during this break my headt into so many puzzle pieces— and zenix… oh my god zenix. my hc (or in my rewrite at least) is that zenix doesn’t want to do this but has to bc he has to become a shadow knight- so him fighting garroth he doesnt want garroth to at least go down without a fight but at the end, realizes he doesn’t want to hence running away with a finaly flourish. AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT ZENIX DOESNT CARE BC LITERALLY TO BECOME A KNIGHT YOU HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE YOU ARE CLOSE TO- bc why else would zenix kill him.

the slashed fucking the fucking fuckingggggg the helmet part and then reaching out plssss- garroth is just so shocked and tired bc he thought for once they were doing a good thing, they had a good thing, he had the relationship with this kid that he never had with his brothers and to see him turn against him. he once again feels like he did something wrong. i wouldnt even be shocked if as they were fighting garroth would just beg, wanting to know what he did wrong, so that he could fix things. he doesn’t wna lose someone again

ANYWAY UR BRAIN ISBSO AHDIAISVAG THIS WAS SO GOOD THIS INDUCED MY GARROTH AND ZENIX BRAINROT

[pogstedshires]

tell us abt your oc moose!!

i have been waiting DAYS to work on this ask bc ive been so hyped to answer it but i wanted to be able to do it correctly??? so hell yeah its 2:30 am and here i go!!!

(before i start answering this, i wanna give a shoutout to @ghostlerhost , @hell-queen-rat , and  @salty-sunn !!! they’re some of the people who helped work on moose and made him the awesome oc he is today so like. yall are great, thanks!!!)

so basically moose was an oc i created …tttwooo years ago? the august of 2017, so yeah, two years ago! i hate to admit it, but originally he was a rick and morty oc. i know i know, ew, but this was before that show completely went to shit. 

so… yeah! ramble time below the cut bc im writing A Lot more than i thought i would–

some of the core things about him (the brown hair with a white strip, the sad backstory, and the general aesthetic) was created in these very early stages of his character! a lot of other things were scrapped later on as i created him, and he’s changed a lot, though!

one of the big things to his storyline was created with ghostlerhost (tagged above!), where we made a huge storyline surrounding his character and two of mine. although i cant remember all the details now, i can clearly remember talking with him and coming up with this huge story on our train rides home. fun memories.

one of the things from this storyline was the fact he dated evil morty (cringy, i know, but destroy cringe culture, who cares) and of course, bc evil morty is evil, the relationship turned sour, moose burnt some shit, and then ran away. this kinda idea is still something that i add to his character! (but. without it being evil morty obviously bc No)

so fastforward a while to when i met hell-queen-rat and salty-sunn, we did a couple of rps and it led to a lot more about moose. one of the biggest things though, was during one of them, moose’s eye got torn out by evil morty (nicknamed mortimus, by then).

the whole “eye getting torn out” thing is another thing that has stayed for like. all of the time that ive had moose as a character. although, because im a dumbass, the missing eye keeps switching sides.

a lot of his personality was developed at that time too! he kinda became known as super soft, helpless, gullible, optimistic, etc! his pyromania qualities i touched on earlier were added a lot more at that point in time as well, and thats also something that just kinda sticked!

after an argument with the two friends mentioned before, though, i kinda stopped using moose for a while, and when i started using him again, it was partly out of spite and partly to vent on him. for a while there, i never used moose as a character, and the only times i really did were when i was going through some difficult stuff.

aaaand… that leads me to now! i brought him back recently, and decided to incorporate him into my group of rvb ocs. 

basically, in the rvb universe, moose was a sim trooper with pink armour, and he had a freelancer on his team– agent arkansas. when ark went to go fight the freelancer on the blue team, moose tried to stop him, and the two got into a fight. ark stabbed moose’s visor, leaving him half blind and with a damaged helmet, and then moose retaliated by burning down the base and running off.

after that, im not quite sure the details, but i know that he ends up somehow finding an energy sword and becoming a mercenary! 

so… yeah!! thats my main oc moose, and a quick (not so quick) rundown on how i made him and how hes changed! ill reblog this post later once i make his askblog, but yeah!!! if you have any other questions abt him or any of my other ocs pleaaaase send them! i love rambling abt my ocs !!!

thanks for the ask!

[bandagekid]

[4/5/17, 9:19:10 PM] aub: but no time [4/5/17, 9:19:13 PM] aub: only time to sleep [4/5/17, 9:19:27 PM] aub: obssessed with sleeping [4/5/17, 9:19:35 PM] aub: just want to go to sleep all the time [4/5/17, 9:19:40 PM] aub: tired of being awake [4/5/17, 9:19:52 PM] aub: today i remembered the story of the fig tree in the bible [4/5/17, 9:20:02 PM] aub: and we had a partner discussion on the moral of the story [4/5/17, 9:20:07 PM] aub: u know it right [4/5/17, 9:20:21 PM] aub: basically jesus is hungry and he finds a fig tree and gets pissed off that it isnt bearing fruit [4/5/17, 9:20:24 PM] aub: so he curses it [4/5/17, 9:20:29 PM] aub: and the next day it withers [4/5/17, 9:20:33 PM] aub: so it’s basically like [4/5/17, 9:20:45 PM] Jimmy: Never heard [4/5/17, 9:20:50 PM] aub: if u don’t amount to anything or you don’t produce anything in life then you may as well be dead [4/5/17, 9:20:55 PM] aub: lmfao [4/5/17, 9:21:12 PM] aub: or you’re as good as dead basically [4/5/17, 9:21:23 PM] aub: no difference whether you’re dead or alive if u dont produce anything [4/5/17, 9:21:31 PM] aub: that’s literally the moral of the parable [4/5/17, 9:21:45 PM] aub: but jesus must have been really hangry [4/5/17, 9:21:53 PM] Jimmy: Right [4/5/17, 9:21:56 PM] Jimmy: lol [4/5/17, 9:21:57 PM] aub: how petty can u be to curse a tree [4/5/17, 9:22:15 PM] aub: then his disciples were like holy shit u cursed it and it died holy shit [4/5/17, 9:22:26 PM] Jimmy: do u think there's a gay gene [4/5/17, 9:22:30 PM] aub: the real moral of the story (positive) is that “YOU BETTER WORK" [4/5/17, 9:22:33 PM] aub: yeah there is [4/5/17, 9:22:35 PM] aub: proven [4/5/17, 9:22:39 PM] aub: like literally [4/5/17, 9:23:00 PM] Jimmy: Rihanna work [4/5/17, 9:23:09 PM] aub: gay physique, especially for males, is different than heterosexuals [4/5/17, 9:23:37 PM] aub: makes u more slender and a little more feminine and ur voice is a little higher [4/5/17, 9:23:48 PM] aub: it’s a different testosterone level [4/5/17, 9:23:56 PM] aub: and estrogen production [4/5/17, 9:24:00 PM] aub: it’s the reason why like [4/5/17, 9:24:04 PM] aub: my friend mitch [4/5/17, 9:24:07 PM] aub: his parents are straight [4/5/17, 9:24:15 PM] aub: but him and all three of his brothers are gay [4/5/17, 9:24:28 PM] aub: so they just literally produced gay children [4/5/17, 9:24:36 PM] aub: you’re predisposed to it based on your parents genetics [4/5/17, 9:24:39 PM] aub: u really are [4/5/17, 9:24:41 PM] aub: born gay [4/5/17, 9:25:06 PM] aub: and also people who are homophobic (men who are homophobic) have this gene where [4/5/17, 9:25:23 PM] aub: ok so basically no one is homophobic [4/5/17, 9:25:29 PM] aub: u aren’t supposed to be homophobic [4/5/17, 9:25:54 PM] aub: but short answer is [4/5/17, 9:26:15 PM] aub: the reason that homophobic men exist so vehemently and outwardly is because theyre predisposed to getting turned on by viewing gay pornography [4/5/17, 9:26:24 PM] aub: *scientifically [4/5/17, 9:26:48 PM] aub: so their values turn the attraction into fear and hatred of one’s self [4/5/17, 9:27:05 PM] aub: and then they uh [4/5/17, 9:27:07 PM] aub: whats the word [4/5/17, 9:27:09 PM] aub: hold on [4/5/17, 9:27:13 PM] aub: its a psychology defense mechanism [4/5/17, 9:27:27 PM] aub: oh [4/5/17, 9:27:29 PM] aub: projection [4/5/17, 9:27:32 PM] aub: there we go [4/5/17, 9:28:03 PM] aub: when u have like problems within urself and u project it out onto others and how u view the world as a result of inner conflict [4/5/17, 9:28:07 PM] aub: https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/ [4/5/17, 9:32:45 PM] Jimmy: Interesting [4/5/17, 9:33:14 PM] aub: like [4/5/17, 9:33:24 PM] aub: like someone cheating on their s/o [4/5/17, 9:33:31 PM] aub: and then their s/o asks them if theyre cheating [4/5/17, 9:33:38 PM] aub: and they’re like no how could u say that [4/5/17, 9:33:41 PM] aub: are YOU cheating on me [4/5/17, 9:33:47 PM] aub: (projection) [4/5/17, 9:34:41 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:34:44 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:34:48 PM] aub: which is more me!! [4/5/17, 9:34:53 PM] Jimmy: Second [4/5/17, 9:34:56 PM] aub: my sister wants to buy me a passion planner [4/5/17, 9:35:01 PM] Jimmy: Is that even.a question [4/5/17, 9:35:04 PM] aub: oh really?? [4/5/17, 9:35:12 PM] aub: my friend said the first [4/5/17, 9:35:12 PM] aub: im torn between the two [4/5/17, 9:35:31 PM] aub: i reaaaally like the second one’s design [4/5/17, 9:35:47 PM] aub: it’s a little paler in person [4/5/17, 9:35:57 PM] aub: more of a tiffany blue than an electric one like that [4/5/17, 9:36:29 PM] aub: jimbles i just want to be a genuinely better person [4/5/17, 9:36:43 PM] aub: but i think the more i think about these goals the harder it is to achieve them [4/5/17, 9:37:15 PM] aub: i think things are less about motivation and more about discipline and i’m jst too fragile for all of it [4/5/17, 9:37:33 PM] aub: i finally realized [4/5/17, 9:37:33 PM] aub: or [4/5/17, 9:37:57 PM] aub: i saw something on tumblr and i felt relieved and validated [4/5/17, 9:38:03 PM] aub: that someone mntioned that [4/5/17, 9:38:34 PM] aub: online csa is real and it’s thing even if a lot of people don’t recognize it and it’s just as traumatizing as irl csa [4/5/17, 9:38:52 PM] aub: especially because mine is both [4/5/17, 9:39:17 PM] aub: it’s hard for me to label it as csa because i don’t want to admit it [4/5/17, 9:39:59 PM] aub: but ive become more in touch with trauma and ptsd and csa recovery coping blogs and [4/5/17, 9:40:13 PM] aub: i think for the same reason that i’ve come to identify with bpd is that [4/5/17, 9:40:48 PM] aub: the things and experiences and feelings that other people, others diagnosed with it/have definitely gone through it are the exact same things that i identify with [4/5/17, 9:40:55 PM] aub: the same thought patterns [4/5/17, 9:41:30 PM] aub: it feels good to know that i’m not the only one who thinks horrible things like this to myself [4/5/17, 9:42:03 PM] aub: like u know dont touch me im impure im dirty ill nevr be able to be clean again [4/5/17, 9:42:12 PM] aub: or bpd like [4/5/17, 9:43:02 PM] aub: ill cut you off before you do i hate you i love you i hate you i hate what you’ve done to me i love you please dont ever leave me ill kill myself without you [4/5/17, 9:43:09 PM] aub: it’s [4/5/17, 9:43:16 PM] aub: i feel so ashamed all the time [4/5/17, 9:44:15 PM] aub: i like to hope that im not just licking my wounds here and wallowing in the comfort of a safe community [4/5/17, 9:44:22 PM] aub: i like to think that this is part of the healing process [4/5/17, 9:44:40 PM] aub: but i wonder all the time if ill ever heal or if i’ll just stay damaged goods [4/5/17, 9:45:31 PM] aub: i wonder if anyone will want to touch me or be with me like this or if anyone could love me like this [4/5/17, 9:45:57 PM] aub: and the feeling impermanence and irrationalism [4/5/17, 9:46:42 PM] aub: as if i forget everyday that i’m loved and have to be reminded by large displays of affection or else i get paranoid, vindictive, hateful, withdrawn [4/5/17, 9:46:52 PM] aub: carrying all of these things all the time is hard [4/5/17, 9:47:03 PM] aub: i don’t even know where all of this is coming from [4/5/17, 9:47:08 PM] aub: maybe from some place deep inside me [4/5/17, 9:47:28 PM] aub: i really thought i couldn’t think anymore but i guess it’s still there [4/5/17, 9:51:23 PM] Jimmy: um [4/5/17, 9:51:33 PM] Jimmy: nepo [4/5/17, 9:51:46 PM] aub: sorry i [4/5/17, 9:51:52 PM] aub: i know it just comes tumbling out [4/5/17, 9:51:58 PM] Jimmy: tmblr [4/5/17, 9:52:00 PM] aub: stop [4/5/17, 9:52:06 PM] Jimmy: Tmblring out [4/5/17, 9:52:08 PM] aub: i was gonna say that [4/5/17, 9:52:13 PM] Jimmy: Tumblring out [4/5/17, 9:52:52 PM] Jimmy: r u okay my manz [4/5/17, 9:53:21 PM] Jimmy: it's no good to think those things [4/5/17, 9:53:29 PM] aub: i always think those things [4/5/17, 9:53:32 PM] aub: im just giving u examples [4/5/17, 9:53:36 PM] Jimmy: I know [4/5/17, 9:53:44 PM] Jimmy: what is bothering u [4/5/17, 9:54:01 PM] aub: is that a question or statement :0 [4/5/17, 9:54:16 PM] Jimmy: Both c: [4/5/17, 9:54:45 PM] aub: care // temporex [4/5/17, 9:54:56 PM] aub: “i must be talking to a wall” is my favorite line [4/5/17, 9:56:32 PM] aub: and uh [4/5/17, 9:56:48 PM] aub: idk man [4/5/17, 9:56:58 PM] aub: ive talked to u abt it before but [4/5/17, 9:57:24 PM] aub: it's hard to articulate [4/5/17, 9:59:13 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:59:16 PM] aub: im gonna do this [4/5/17, 9:59:19 PM] aub: but not on twittee [4/5/17, 10:00:00 PM] aub: my sex life is a lot of personal stuff out and grow up to be a one on one of the only thing that was my first time having sex was in a hotel room with my abuser in the summer of my fav flowers [4/5/17, 10:00:03 PM] aub: fuck [4/5/17, 10:00:23 PM] aub: ...... [4/5/17, 10:00:37 PM] aub: i need to sit down [4/5/17, 10:16:02 PM] aub: jimmy [4/5/17, 10:16:05 PM] aub: im in love with myself