#im only gendering this with afab terms bc i dont think i could describe the experience beyond like Eldest Daughter Trauma

[queseraphita]

i didn't really think about it much as a kid but being that older big sister of the neighborhood kids really shaped me as a person when i can see past the veneer of early depression symptoms and nostalgia

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

is it normal finding certain genders sexually, aesthetically, and emotionally attractive but not romantically attractive?? like i prefer how women, women aligned ppl, and ppl who present themselves in a feminine way look. i also feel like i can connect better to women bc im afab and still deal with all the shit that comes with being a woman in our society which is part of the reason im just more emotionally attracted to them. but when it comes to romance its different.

im aegoromantic in the way that i love the intimacy and warmth that comes with romance but i dont really feel romantic attraction that much irl and feel disconnected from the idea of myself being in a romantic relationship. however, i do daydream with romantic themes sometimes and by default its with a man. i can only really see myself with a man (romantically) and i know its not exactly comphet. although im leaning a bit more towards men in the romantic attraction department im also not really sexually attracted to them that much? i find the idea of sex hot but i cant see myself being involved in it? i think i might also be aegosexual (is that the right ace spec equivalent?) but idk, im a bit scared to explore that part of my identity. i've only just come to terms with the fact that im not cis so i dont think i can deal w finding a new facet to my identity quite yet haha.

im sorry for the really long ask i was just bottling these feelings for a long time and didn't want to make my feelings ur problem. im glad to receive any kind of help from you, ryan. thanks so much for guiding us.

Heya mate :D

And yeah, that’s pretty normal! The split attraction model does exist so you can have different types of attraction so ye

Hmm yeah, sounds like you‘re most likely sapphic or maybe lesbian or trixic in terms of aesthetic and emotional attraction!

Tbh if I were you I’d try to think a bit more about whether you‘re romantically attracted to men or whether it’s comphet. I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t valid, it’s entirely possible you could be romantically attracted to men and aesthetically attracted to women, but just....give it some thought, I’d say

You could be sapphic/lesbian in aesthetic/emotional attraction and heteroromantic in terms of romantic attraction! You could also just use bi/pan as an umbrella term :D 

Yes, aegosexual is the right word!

Aegosexual (click for link to wiki page) is a micro-label on the asexual spectrum that describes those who have a disconnection between themself and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may have sexual fantasies, view porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to have sex with another individual. 

Hey hey hey!! It’s totally okay my friend!! You’re allowed to explore these parts of your identity!

It’s totally okay to not be cishet!! I know questioning can be scary, it can be scary finding out you’re not the sexuality/gender you thought you were, it can be scary knowing you’re in a homophobic and transphobic world, but you’re gonna be okay. When I was first questioning being bi and trans, I was hella scared, but it’s going to be okay. You’ll figure it out, or maybe you won’t! Either is valid! And even if it can be scary out there, the queer community will always love and support you. We’ve got you, friend <3

Hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with questioning. Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

[unambiguouslybi]

im afab and ive been questioning my gender bc sometimes i feel that i dont quite line up 100% w womanhood, but i realized that despite this i never feel fully separate from my female identity. is it possible to be bigender w one gender thats always there and one that sometimes fluctuates into the picture? and what would that be called? bigenderflux or just bigender?

genderfluid is a more accurate term, though demi girl could also work. i dont think the other gender can ever be completely absent, so bigender could still describe what youre feeling. as for bigenderflux (and any -flux genders), it has the same meaning as bigender so it only confuses things more