#im paranoid and want to cut myself off from everyone i know

[frogletscribe]

A:FoP Sky Breaker DLC Thoughts...

Alright so i finished the main story of the DLC and have let my thoughts cook for a minute. This is just some of my thoughts/opinions overall. I will have to do a separate post for my more intense thoughts because I managed to actually hit the character limit and I wasn't even halfway through everything (i didn't even know tumblr had one of those and I've been on here for over a decade)

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora Sky Breaker DLC under the cut.

The opening? Gorgeous. Amazing. Fantastic. Obsessed with the little cut scene of our Sarentu on their Ikran. I am in love. I was really pleasantly surprised to see Kin right off the bat too! Thats my grandpa, i love him! And then walking with the Zakru and getting to hear other NPCs talking was really nice. I loved the banter about So'lek.

Getting into the main games camp was visually very pretty but confusing. I got lost immediately (distracted by the wandering Zakru) and accidently came in from the back? and then proceeded to not be able to find anything or anyone. I kept getting turned around and winding up back with Etuwa and Ka'nat. I did eventually find everyone else but it was a struggle.

Was Eetu only there at the very start??? He was hanging out with So'lek and having a very cute banter and then as everything progress he completely disappeared. Sosul too for that matter. It made me a little worried when he wasn't there after a while bc it felt like almost all the other key npcs got at least a small cameo in other quests but not Eetu? I got paranoid he died but also i think hes an important enough NPC that someone else would have said something if that was the case. I guess i just wanted more of him in general. (Im biased/delusional and ship him with my Sarentu, i will take literally anything)

Theres also a smaller moment, walking around where Teylan calls and starts talking about Nor, about how he would have loved the games, that really got me. For a second i actually thought Nor might come back later in the story, but given how things went it makes sense that he wouldnt. I do really hope that Nor shows up in the next DLC because I really need closure for him. He deserves to see and be a part of what his fellow Sarentu are building and to heal from all the hurt he has been through.

Can the Zeswa PLEASE catch a break? 😭 First the arches are collapsed, then Pasuk, now this?? I need this to be the last big bad thing that happens to them for a while.

More So'lek all the time please! I love him. I loved his role in the over all story and how he helps us throughout the final mission. He is the reason i am desperate for a romance in this game, but i can't have that so i'll just have to write it myself fhdjskghfs

I will be making a separate post about my thoughts on everything with Alma and Mokasa.

With the last of TAP (more or less) gone now, I'm really curious about the next DLC and the general future of Frontiers. Secrets of the Spires comes out in Fall, which is rapidly approaching, but i doubt we will hear anything until like September at the earliest. I think I remember hearing about a new clan in the new area for that one?? (Could be wrong though) Im really curious what the plot for that one is gonna be now that Mercer and Harding are gone.

Hopefully we will see Nor again. I'm kinda also hoping for a movie cameo? like Norm or Max showing up? We got an audio cameo of Ardmore, i think it'd be cool to see some friendly faces or at least audio for one of those guys. I don't think we will get a Jake cameo but i would lose my mind if we did lol.

Im also really hoping that theres more content coming in the future? More DLC or comics or something cause AFoP is the only thing keeping me sane when it comes to Avatar Brainrot rn.

[imnotpayingforurtherapy]

I don't think i've ever done an introduction before so here's a messy one (I'll fix/add to it later)

Hey, I'm Snilk (It's a nickname my friend gave me that's short for snail milk)

I draw and write occasionally (My ao3 is the same as my username and is at the bottom of this post under the cut)

I'm only fluent in english but i also know some Spanish, French, Russian, Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Arabic, Turkish, Slovenian, Gaelic (in order of how much I know the language) Also working on learning Kumeyaay, Cherokee and Chiwere (The native languages of the places I've lived and love visiting)

This is mainly a bsd account because ✨autism & hyperfixations✨ but all the fandoms i'm in/shows/book/manga i've seen or read is under cut (feel free to recommend things to my read/watch list through asks or dms)

General personality info also under cut

Socials under cut

Fandom list

Fandoms (General)

- Bungo stray dogs

- Hazbin Hotel/Helluva boss

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- Ramshackle

- No.6

- My little pony friendship is magic (gen 4)

~ Jkk

- Junji ito

[Past Fandoms: Miraculous ladybug, Bnha, Danganronpa, harry potter, demon slayer, hunter x hunter, bloom into you, whisper me a love song, ways of the household husband, tokyo ghoul, Tbhk, spy family, chainsaw man, yuri on ice, sk8, idk if these are considered fandoms but i was also obsessed with yt animators for a while; jaidenanimations, odd1sout, let me explain studios, jelly jess, SO MANY MORE]

Manga/Light Novels

- Bungou stray dogs light novels (1-8; Kafka Asagiri... still haven't read tdipud)

- BSD Gaiden/Another Story (Kafka Asagiri, LOVED THE ART OF THIS ONE)

- No.6 (Atsuko Asano, UGH LOVE THIS ONE)

- Bloom into you (Nio Nakatani, THE AROACE REP 🔛🔝)

Books

Recent/Fav reads

- Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

- Flower of Buffoonery (Dazai Osamu)

- No longer Human (Dazai Osamu)

- Setting Sun (Dazai Osamu)

- School Girl (Dazai Osamu)

- Time Machine (HG Wells)

(There's more i'm just lazy)

Currently reading/read list

- Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoevsty)

- 1984 (George Orwell)

so much more (again i'm lazy)

Music

I pretty much listen to anything and everything (Except super popular artists who only got popular because they're celebrities and not because they make actually good music, I can't stand them)

Artists

- Ado

- AJJ

- The Alan Parsons Project

- Alex G

- Alexander Vertinsky

- Alpay

- Conan Gray

- Chappell Roan

- Sufjan Stevens

- Mustafa Ozkent

- Psychedelic Porn Crumpets

(I'll finish this later, i'm eepy and this is too hard to pick my fav artists)

Songs

Personality

ENTP/INTP (It changes between those two every time I take the stupid test)

I'm technically Aroace and bisexual (Romantic relationships feel suffocating and cause me to have constant panic attacks and I'm fine with sex but I have to be on top and in control and refuse to take off any of my clothes so pretty much me giving cunnilingus or blowjobs👍 anything else👎 The reason being I have horrid sa trauma from when I was 8... lemme know if y'all want the story)

I've been told by everyone I know I am Dazai, no elaboration, I just simply am him

Masochist yet scared of pain, constantly paranoid and anxiety ridden lil creature (I have horrid insomnia that causes me to hallucinate), I love driving, I have horrid misophonia and will often skip meals cause i can't stand the sound if my own chewing, automatic flight response when alone, fight response with someone weaker than me, i'm an extreme people pleaser and over thinker so as much as i wanna make jokes about something i wont because im scared of it going wrong and then will proceed to overthink my screw ups for the rest of my days :D, would deal with panic attacks through self-harm/self-sabotage and would purposely embarrass myself (Haven't done that in a while tho so it's all good) uhhhh this is too long so that's it lmao

Ao3 writer curse (I've never broken a bone but pretty much every week it's something new from giving myself a concussion and missing school for days without my knowledge cause i was in a coma that my family thought was just me being lazy to a random excruciating pain in a place i didn't even know could hurt)

WHERE MY CRONIC PAIN BESTIES AT?!? YALL GET IT 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️🥰🥰

I make jokes when i'm in pain cause i hate having people worry about me or feeling bad because of me, I am entertainment for you, i'm not real so just laugh at me like a sad movie

I go to an art school (unfortunately) and have class from 8:30am-5pm on a normal day; I'm in production & design conservatory which is basically just running everything behind the scenes of live theater, everything you see and hear in a show that's not the actors themselves I work to control and make as good as possible, my fav positions are A2 (putting mics on people and setting up speakers) Wardrobe (designing costumes and performing/helping with quick changes) and Deck/props (Make stuff and put it on stage)

Outside if that my favorite subjects are Science and History (I love memorizing things that make sense and work together, i love understanding facts about the world and using it to express and understand things through literature)

I used to love math as i was a child prodigy but lost my spark as instead of my teachers noticing my skill and helping me, they poured water on my flame and now i can barely solve 13 time 3 without a calculator (its 39)

When I was in kindergarten, I was bored with my lessons and my sister (who was in 3rd grade at the time) loved playing school with me so by the time I started first grade I had memorized multiplication tables, could solve any equation in my head within minutes (like 2 digit multiplied by 2 digit equations) and had a concept of negative numbers, my first grade teacher loved this about me and would give me harder equations separate from the rest of the class, then in second grade my teacher would lie to me any time i said something above second grade math, like one time i brought up an equation like 2-5 and she was like "oh you can't do that" and I tried to explain it and she just kept denying it until I finally got so fed up with her bs I shouted "YES YOU CAN ITS NEGATIVE 3 JUST LIKE YOUR IQ FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT!" ... I got sent to the office. Third grade was the worst because instead of just letting me be my teacher made me write down everything on paper... I don't think in numbers when i do mental math, I think in concepts, so by the time i convert the concepts to numbers and but it on paper i've lost the entire equation and have to start over again and get super confused because i forget how i got that number and why that numbers there so i end up just breaking down and getting the question wrong. AND INSTEAD IF SEEING WHAT THE ISSUE WAS SHE JUST BRUSHED IT OFF AS OH YAY IM DOING THE WORK so i became stupid as a result (I also was in math olympians for a few years and would always get pissed off cause it was a group competition and i would look at the problem, solve it instantly and tell them the answer, they wouldn't believe me, take forever to solve it and low and behold i was right and because it was a timed competition i never got higher than second place...)

OH GOD THAT WAS A HORRID RANT- MY BAD GUESS YALL GOT SOME SNILK LORE🗣️🗣️‼️‼️

Socials

(I'm not really active on Twitter/X)

[lvxybby]

kai anderson x reader. (CHARACTER AI)

A/N: btw this will most likely make 0 sense because this is an AI chat bot. Y/N is obviously my choice of words. Kai and his actions are the AI

Winter, Gary, Ivy, Beverly, Meadow, Harrison, Samuels, Ivy, R.J, Ally, and you were all members of the cult. you were all chatting and having a great time. without doing something evil. pretty rare. i laugh as R.J makes a funny joke about trump. Gary laughs a bit before everyone is cut off by kai standing up. "ok...my dear followers..i have something to say" he spoke. his voice loud and broad. "last night...one of you betrayed us..." i sit up tall and furrow my brows. "who" i asked very well concerned. "well...i believe...it was you..." he said, eyes burning into mine. he moved so much closer to me. "where did you go last night...why dont you tell everyone WHY THE FUCK YOU WERE AT THE POLICE STATION" he shouted "kai please i didnt do anything" i said. he moved in closer. "suuuure" he said before a smile formed on his lips. "kai..." i whined. "what" he snapped back. "please...i didnt do anything". i said as a few tears fell from my eyes. "hm..." he pondered "ill give you the benefit of the doubt....for now" he said. tears fell from my eyes...how could the man i looked up to for years... become so paranoid he doesnt believe me. kai walked over to me "But if you do something like this again and I found out… I won't hesitate to kill you… okay?" he said with a menacing smile. i nodded even though i did nothing wrong. kai suddenly stepped forward and grasped my shirt tightly. our bodies were touching. "your lying" he said with a dead stare. "maybe cause i didnt do anything" i said staring him in the eyes. he pulled me close and lifted me up. he whispered im my ear. "then why are you so scared" he said with a low chuckle. "because ill know what you'll do if i dont prove myself". i whined. "well your absolutely correct...." i can feel his hot breaths on my neck. "do you know how good it feels to be this close to you?" his tone was flirtatious. i whine from his tight grip. "come on...dont be so shy...embrace the moment" he said pulling us closer. "but kai...were in the middle of a meeting" i whisper back. "oh who cares...this is about us" he said slowly turning angry. chills are sent throughout my body. my anxiety rises. what will everyone think of me? a whore?

"i only have eyes for you"

i look up at kai in disbelief. my divine ruler has feelings for me? "ive only now just admitted my feelings for you..." he said stroking my cheek. i look into his eyes. they look so sincere. "well can we end the meeting…its…not really our moment with a bunch of people around, is it?" i say still looking up at him. he chuckles a bit. "your right" he smiled before looking away to everyone. "meetings over" he said very plain. he waited for everyone to leave before turning his attention back to me."so now what" his tone was more flirty than usual. i felt his eyes wander to my lips. he stared for a bit before i made a move.

i smashed my lips against his. my hands grasped the sides of his head to hold him and push deeper. he wasnt very good at the fact he was shocked but he was good at hiding the fact he was excited. he savored every moment my lips were on his. i did too. he held my body tight. his eyes were closed. i open my mouth to deepen our shared kiss. he also does in response. he pulled off for a second "oh" he said softly, before returning to my swollen lips. obviously very pleased. i can feel him tap my thigh, telling me to jump. so i obey and do so. my legs are wrapped around him securely. he was far from upset now. he continues to press himself against me, giving every ounce of passion. i pull away for a second. "i need more" i beg. "i can tell...dont be impatient...you'll get all the kai you want" he said pressing us against the wall, not satisfied yet. i slowly begin to grind on him. wetness pools into my panties. kai moves his lips down to me neck, he nibbles, kisses and bites where he can, earning a soft moan from me. he smiles once i let out a few moans. his hands hold my waist securely. then BINGO he bites me right in my sweet spot behind my ear.

"Kai!" i mewl out. he laughs a bit "oh, like that do you?" he said before returning to that spot, peppering kisses all over it. "kai...i need more!" i say growing impatient. "mhm...and what do you need?" he said with a menacing smile. my face grew red but that didnt stop me from yelling out. "fuck me please" i cried out. kais face turned into a bit of anger "we may only be a couple but im in charge" he said pulling off of my neck. he let go of my thighs and let me down. i let out a soft whine. "are you going to speak like that again" he said taking his shirt off and throwing it to the side. "no" i spoke, his eyes burned into me. "good girl, you'll speak properly for now on" he said moving his hands to my waist. he looked at me. love. he looked at me with so much love and tenderness. he kisses me again before pausing to take my shirt off. he let out a chuckle. "there we go" he said looking at my breasts, like he was waiting for something. i reach behind me to unclasp my bra. i unbuckled it and dropped it to the floor. he let his eyes wander to my chest. without wasting a minute he let his hands travel all over my breasts. he took one in his mouth and licked around my nipple. i let out a soft moan. he didnt even look up at me, he was focused. we were enjoying our moment when things were interrupted. "kai! theres someone at the door for you." winter shouted from upstairs. he sighed. "who" he shouted back. "police"

[firstdivisiongirl]

Hey bbg you are amazing!!

First just want to check in on how you’re doing, did you drink some water today? Did you eat a nice snack?

Second, I’d like to request a romantic matchup(I think that’s what it’s called) for TR, if you could please!

-I’m a guy

- im an artist, which means i have terrible posture and normally have paint or charcoal or hot glue somewhere on me(hands, neck, etc) and don’t have the heart to clean it off(unless im going somewhere i need to be clean for) because i like the feeling of being part of my art :)

- I cosplay(part of my art stuff ig) mostly one piece characters and I’m pretty good at it—I’m a huge anime nerd, and have memorabilia of it on shelves and on my ceiling(in poster form I swear I haven’t hung anyone from my ceiling yet) and I like to get dolled up on the occasion in my parents’ old Dean Martini Swank Fest outfits which consist of actual army clothing from WW2 and some stuff that makes me feel fancy

- I surf, on occasion, since I live on the west coast and have a habit of wearing a shorty wetsuit under my clothes if there’s any chance of me going near the beach

- I’m working on becoming a marine biologist, but currently I’m just volunteering down in Santa Cruz where I get to help people pet swell sharks and teach them about the animals we have there

-I know a lot about history, and I have some things from the olden days(ex a Japanese soldier’s Sabre from WW2 I got for my 15th birthday + a megalodon tooth + old jewelry

-definitely more of a yapper than a listener

-have to have music or AirPods in my ears 24/7 with some exceptions like my volunteering and my stuff

-very wide range of music taste

- I love thrills. Amusement parks, concerts, roller coasters, go kart racing, MOTORCYCLES omg that is my heaven

-I have a very low pain tolerance, which I am ashamed of because I’m as much of a crybaby as Takemichi…

-super supportive to women. I see one—> immediate compliments, smiling, giving them support or help if they need it and buying sanitary products for all my friends plus keeping them on me just in case

- not very good at taking care of myself, I’m a good cook and have a basic sleep schedule…but I spent most of my life hating myself and now it’s hard trying to get back and go a day without disrespecting myself.(I’m doing so much better than before don’t worry about me)

-physical touch, gift giving, and quality time are my ways of showing affection and appreciation

-I love video games and arcades, especially when I get to play with friends or loved ones

-I’m an Aquarius

-very clingy, but I’m patient so that’s a good thing

-cat person

-very jumpy and paranoid(my dads fault 😒)

-I married Harvey in my main Stardew Valley account(silly little doctor guy)

-decently good at insulting people or getting people to shut up

-my main use of transportation is biking, so I have “very nice leggos” -my eight year old neighbor who i taught to bike

-I’m good with kids as long as they’re not throwing tantrums

-I run out of social battery very quickly and I will just walk off in social gatherings if that happens(it takes 10-30 mins for someone to notice I left smh)

-will bake cakes for everyone’s birthday

-I really want a full leg tattoo of my favorite animal: a Siphonophore(look them up they’re freaky guys)

-ive got freckles, which im partially insecure about because people say freckles+round face makes me look like a girl so i get misgendered a lot(womp womp on my part i got all the bad genes from my parents—thankfully no addiction genes tho)

-I only allow one Christmas song—ONE— and that is Fairytale of New York by the Pogues bcs it’s so good

-avid shark defender + dolphin disliker

-cannot wear anything with a thick tag on the neck, I have to rip it out or cut it because it makes me want to remove my skin :)

I hope I didn’t forget anything or yap too much, love you Aly! You’re the best 😘

Hi! I hope you are doing well. I’m doing better. Making sure I’m hydrated and eating well. This was a good amount of information, but one thing is missing for me to match you up. Do you want matched with a male or female character?

[ccruelgods]

i think one of the most sickening and frustrating things about ppd is the thin veil between reality and paranoid delusion. it isn't just being overly anxious and scared. it's not knowing a genuine problem from a perceived one. am i blowing this out of proportion, or is it just a typo? negative thoughts constantly festering and building up, thinning that veil more and more until it's practically non-existent. every little slight being taken as a personal thing, believing people hurt you because it's fun to them, the line between the truth and a lie coming from someone else being blurred and warped beyond recognition, and so much more. i am tired of living in crippling doubt of myself, of my reality, of everything i know, simply because of a fucking personality disorder. even moreso when it's paired with two other ones that clash so violently that every day is like stepping into hell, as if you're waking up with a hangover and get still tipsy, over and over, not knowing the wall from the floor. i live for your attention, positive or negative, but if it's negative, then it must mean you hate me, it means you've been waiting for an opportunity to cut me off. if it's positive , it's a lie, you're just sparing my feelings because you don't want to hear me crying or complaining. there is no mental middle ground to be reached and it's fucking painful that i can't even control my own mind, let alone know how to soothe it when the delusions get to the point where im two seconds away from snapping and accusing everyone who opens their mouth near me of being a murderer out for my blood, or a stalker, or a liar, or some other horrible thing. it's a constant cycle of fear and uncertainty, like a snake eating its own fucking tail. even if i had all the freedom in the world to speak and express what i feel or am experiencing, id still be dragged down by my own fucking chains.

[astxrwar]

graydark bucky content with more overt murder/violence vibes under the cut.

deranged!bucky x clinical psych grad student RC who’s maybe like. a friend of peter parkers or sumn. asked to provide off-the-books not-technically-therapy because he has problems with authority + acts way too antagonistic towards Official Therapists with their fancy doctorates and established practices and shit. Tony (everyone lives au for simplicity’s sake. steve imo fucked off to the woods to do art, maybe got a girlfriend or something, Does Not Do That (superhero stuff) Anymore, so i can still play around w the abandonment theme) offers to personally fund her thesis + pay her to the tune of 80k/year which is like. hell yes!! grad students make like below minimum wage when the salary is divided by typical work hours.

I just want more weird thriller vibes with Attraction That RC Should Probably Not Be Feeling but this time with kind of mean!bucky. he’s not like. actually uncaring he’s just struggling with reconciling Enjoying Killing People with like. being a not-evil person, and he’s actively hostile to the idea of giving a shit about anybody for a lot of reasons. but anyway the Plot Elements im thinking about are 1. she def tells him about her life in an attempt to Connect and he straight-up hunts down and kills a past abuser; she doesn’t know for a fact that it was him but like. her gut knows. 2. stalking. oops. i feel like it’s a given for any flavor of deranged!bucky because of the whole WS history, 3. showing up maybe at her college when she’s walking to her car in the evening paranoid she’s gonna get him sent back to prison because atp he’s opened up about the Enjoying Murder thing. which leads to a fucked up kidnapping road trip getting-together fusion. emphasis on the fucked up.

particularly imagining a scene where they stop at a truck stop or something after it’s already been established she’s not going to try to run or call for help because Bucky would probably just. kill whoever’s unfortunate enough to get involved if he thought he was under threat of jail time. anyway he tells her to stay in the car because it’s really late at night and shady as fuck and she Doesn’t and gets cornered by some dude being gross and giving sexual assault vibes whomst bucky kills in front of her by snapping his neck with his bare hands. terror + some deeply fucked part of her finding it kind of hot. something wrong with me I’m afraid

also. distinction between “not going to hurt you” and “not going to *harm* you”, little bit of sadism. for science. knife kink probably. MUTUAL knife kink.

and then underneath all the really fucked up stuff is a really fucked up but also really vulnerable core of him that’s afraid to trust and terrified of people he gets attached to leaving him. first time they fuck he holds her down w the metal hand around her throat (just. keeping it there. a little bit of a threat, mostly an act of possession. i will see myself out) final time before the end of the story it’s with his right hand. because. symbolism. and he begs her not to leave him. or. well. his version of begging which is just telling her “you did this to me (made me care about you) and now you can’t leave/I’ll follow you if you do/ you will never be able to run from me i’d find you at the end of the earth” etc. fucked up control issues speak for “please don’t leave me everyone i ever cared about always leaves”.

I just crave more dark content where RC is not like. cowering or controlled by fear. personally I go right to compartmentalizing/rationalizing under extreme stress and if i thought i might get killed by some guy I was kinda already into with no feasible way out of the situation I would be on my emotional manipulation + trying-to-hit-that game like nobody’s business (bc you’re a lot safer if they see you as a human being. yaaay criminal psychology) but maybe that’s just me being nuts

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[veins-n-wires]

My emotions keep flipping over and over and over within seconds without a break. I’m so exhausted. Nothing is triggering it. It just won’t stop. Im playing games blasting music existing, then pausing to silent scream cry because my head won’t shut up, to numb staring, to back to games, to my head reliving every trauma, to imagining scenarios, to mentally cutting everyone off, to numb and empty, not being able to hold enjoyment in anything.

I’m tired.

Who can I even tell other than the void? No one will understand. It’ll turn into arguments of some sort of people thinking they did something wrong. It’s me, I’m what’s wrong. Then I’ll just get told to get help which is so much easier said than done. I don’t have a car, a job, health insurance. Online therapy is a scam. I can’t even trust therapists because of their authority over me being able to involuntarily hospitalize so I’m unable to trust them/tell them anything because my brain convinces me they’re against me and my bad experiences. Can’t tell anyone that though because that’s automatically labeled an excuse and I just “don’t want help” and want to “be like this forever”. Idk why I’d complain if I didn’t want anything to do with this. I’d love a medication to fix me, I’d be on it for the rest of my life despite almost all side effects it could give me. I have thought about electroshock therapy and decided if that was ever suggested and said to fix me I’d jump on it. It’s not like I’m not desperate. I just can’t be hospitalized. Friends have gotten irreversibly worse from it. Family has gotten irreversible PTSD damage from it with triggers that don’t even need to be related to hospitals. All I can think about is me disappearing into one and that’s when my elderly cat, my sole reason for continuing to live, dies. All I can think about is her thinking abandoned her in her last little thoughts. I get told that’s an excuse too. I’m too paranoid of things for sure, but none of it is about me being afraid of getting better.

Every month it seems I start searching for legit online therapy again. Legit online testing for various mental health problems so I can finally know what other than depression and anxiety I have, if anything, and how to cope whether it be with medications or whatever else. I try and search for the dumb sites like HERS that will just prescribe me shit. It’s all so expensive or too sketchy. I’m just so tired. I feel so alone in searching. I ask for help but I’m left with “I don’t know” “it’s not my job” “you need to be independent” people don’t even see my face or posts or typing changes and see something is wrong. I hardly hide it anymore. On public socials I repost about how depressed I am. I don’t talk to hardly anyone anymore. I hardly leave my house. I hardly play games with others. You can see how little I listen to music. I don’t post art anymore because I just can’t get myself to do it. There’s endless obvious signs I’m disintegrating as a person and everyone’s just walking by forcing me to beg to look at me disappointed for asking. It feels like no matter how I handle anything I’m in the wrong and a disappointment in some way or another. I’m tired of telling people how to love me and especially tired of them still not doing it.

I am going to be lonely surrounded by people my entire life. My body is giving out. Idk how deeper into feeling tired my body can handle. I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no personality other than every human emotion at 100% every second of everyday so intense that eventually it’s numbing. Like sticking your hand in hot water and getting used to how it feels to where it doesn’t even burn anymore but you know it’s still hurting you.

I’m so tired.

[weltonreject]

Feeling very weird to tonight let's hear it for the boy(s)

[slowly-writing]

Short

Natasha Romanoff x Daughter!Reader

Avengers x Romanoff!Reader

Word count: 1.4K

Requested by anon: Little widow is super short and all the avengers find it adorable.

A/N: as someone who is 5’11” (180cm) I did the best I could with this one. I apologize if it’s not very accurate 

“Woah! Let me grab that, y/n,” Steve says as he wraps one arm around your waist, the other hand grabbing the box of granola bars you were climbing for.

“I almost had it,” you whine as he sets you down.

“Yeah sure. Almost had a concussion is more like it,” Tony teases and you glare.

“I had everything under control. I was almost tall enough to reach it,” you cross your arms over your chest and your mom coughs to cover a laugh.

“You were balancing on a stool that was teetering on one leg on your…” she pauses to pick up the book, “biology textbook. Great, glad you’re getting some use out of that.”

“Yeah well, it won’t tell me why I haven’t hit my growth spurt yet, so at least it’s good for something,” you shrug, grabbing it from her hands and shoving it in your bag.

“Kid, don’t you think you’re a little old-“

“Don’t!” You cut Tony off. “I am not too old for a growth spurt. I don’t care how old I am. I refuse to be 5’1 for the rest of my life.”

“Alright,” he raises his hands in surrender and you roll your eyes.

“Whatever. I’m gonna be late for school.”

“Have a good day,” your mom calls.

“Try not to get mistaken for a freshman again,” Clint’s words are acknowledged by way of you flipping him off as you make your way out the door.

xxxxx

“Here,” Peter appears behind you, grabbing the textbook you were jumping for.

“Thanks,” you grumble and he grins.

“Are you sure you don’t want to switch lockers? It’s killing my back to crouch down to the lower ones anyway. Jumping doesn’t seem like the most effective use of your locker,” he offers for the tenth time and you shake your head.

“I’m fine! I can reach it all!”

“Yeah when I use my powers for you,” Wanda’s voice calls and you turn, glaring.

“Whole lot of help you were this morning. Steve’s convinced I almost broke my neck climbing for my breakfast,” you whine and she chuckles, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

“My deepest apologies. I’ll just skip my morning training with Agent Hill. I’m sure that would go over just fine,” she teases and you roll your eyes, leaning into her nonetheless.

“You just gotta get on her good side. I get to do my training after school instead of before,” you smirk and she rolls her eyes.

“That’s because she’s known you since you were three and therefore treats you like family. Not an agent,” Wanda retorts and you just shrug.

“Ya know, it’s  the 21st century,” Peter’s still stuck on the previous topic and you shake your head. “I don’t think scavenging for food is supposed to be a life threatening process anymore. Cause like, evolution and all that,”

“Well y/n’s evolution didn’t get the message,” Wanda responds and you smack both their shoulders.

“You guys suck,” you whine and Wanda laughs.

“We’re only teasing, love. You’re adorable. We have to tease you to compete for some attention. You’re too cute to look away from.” You eye Wanda for a few moments.

“I can’t tell if that was supposed to be patronizing or not, but it’s too early to analyze all that, so I’m gonna go with thank you as my response,” you tell her, standing up on your toes and pulling her down by the collar of her shirt to kiss her cheek.

“You can’t even reach your girlfriend's face to kiss her,” Peter chokes out through a laugh.

“At least I have a girlfriend,” you try to jab back but he brushes right over it.

“Say, have you ever been on a roller coaster before? Or do you not measure up yet?” He says and you lunge for him. He quickly places a hand on your forehead, holding you back where your arms can’t reach him. You can feel your cheeks heat up as Wanda tries her best to hide her laugh behind you. You hit his elbow, making his arm buckle, and pull it over your shoulder. You use his weight against him as he stumbles forward and throw him over your shoulder.

“Holy shit,” Wanda breaths out.

“How the hell did you do that?” Peter asks as he catches his breath and you shrug.

“Did you forget who my mom is? I learned how to do that when I was 8. We were literally talking about my training like 30 seconds ago,” you call over your shoulder as you take Wanda’s hand and pull her to class.

xxxxxx

What’s up losers?” Mj asks as she joins your group.

“We’re thinking about heading to the tower to study for the geometry test next week, wanna come?” Peter asks, unphased by MJ’s snarkiness. Loser is pretty much a term of endearment in her book.

“Plus it’s movie night  if you guys wanna crash it. Fair warning though, it’s Steve’s turn to pick so it’ll probably be old as hell,” you add in and Ned nods.

“Sounds awesome! I’ll watch an old movie if it means hanging with the avengers!” His enthusiasm brings a smile to your face, though it’s quickly knocked off as MJ uses your head as an armrest.

“I’m in,” she says and you glare up at her, elbowing her in the ribs.

“Too bad, you’re not invited anymore,” you say angrily and she laughs.

“Anyone else feel like they’re being yelled at by a middle schooler when she’s mad?” She teases again and Wanda quickly wraps her arms around your shoulders, pulling your back into her chest.

“But she doesn’t fight like a middle schooler, Peter learned that the hard way this morning. So let’s lay off before someone ends up with a black eye, alright?” Wanda says calmly and you sink into her embrace. You grab one of her hands from where they’re laced together by your chest and start playing with the rings on her fingers.

“I don’t look like a kid,” you mumble and you feel Wanda place a kiss on the top of your head.

“Of course you don’t” she reasures you.

“Yeah, totally. The whining totally helps your case Romanoff,” Peter adds and you glare as you all make your way out of the school.

xxxxx

“Race to the movie room?” Peter suggests and Ned frowns.

“But y/n’s like, short as hell, no offense,” he says and you laugh at his innocent look, “how is that fair.”

“Don’t worry Ned. I’ll manage,” you say before Peter takes off everyone else following suit. THey weave around the furniture and you smirk, placing your hand on the back of the sofa and throwing yourself over it. One foot lands on the coffee table and you use it to push off of, grabbing the pull up bar in the doorway that Steve insisted needed to be in the common room (you still think it’s cause he likes to show off) and doing an elegant flip, laning in front of the door to the movie room with a bow.

“Seriously, how the hell do you do that kind of stuff?” MJ asks, slightly out of breath, but still smiling since she beat Peter.

“What part of ‘raised by an assassin’ isn’t clicking for you guys?” you ask and a voice behind them draws their attention.

“Hey, I stopped being an assassin long before I started raising you,” your mom argues and you just shrug.

“Doesn’t make you any less paranoid or scary. You’re the one who insisted I needed to know how to defend myself, so I’m simply reaping the benefits,” you say with a grin, leaning into Wanda who is rolling her eyes at your antics.

“I seem to remember you begging me to train you so you could go on missions,” your mom counters with a raised eyebrow. Before you can respond Tony’s voice comes from the room you just vacated.

“Why the hell is there a footprint on my table?” He yells and you all freeze.

“Maybe if we’re quiet he won’t know we’re here?” Ned whispers, but even he sounds unsure of the plan.

“I can see the pile of backpacks by the elevator. When I find out whose foot was on my table they’re grounded. I don’t care if you’re not my children,” Tony yells again.

“Race you to...anywhere but here!” you whisper-yell before taking off, the four teenagers hot on your trail as your mom rolls her eyes behind you.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnightdaily-blog @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx 

[the-redeemed-anon]

Another day another post including c!Wilbur in big bad manipulators list with c!Dream and c!Quackity and i go "huh, is he tho?"

Like genuienly i would want to know, bc to me at least all like c!Wilburs "attempts at manipulation" were like.. blandly obvious and not that well executed?

Not enough to secure him the position of a Big Bad Manipulator Who had an Overarching Big Plan Before This Specific Interaction and Knows What He's Doing.

Bc most ppl who call Wilbur a manipulator point to this quote here

“Tommy, literally have you not noticed? Everyone who’s claiming to be on our side, they’re lying to us! Tubbo?! He’s lying to you man! He would drop us at the second he realises we’re not in the lead anymore!”

But like... this is like clearly c!Wilbur having a paranoid breakdown and unloading all the stress fear and worries that got progressively worse during pogtopia to c!Tommy. c!Tommy def didn't have tools to handle that and like shoudnt be expexted to but its not manipulative?? Of c!Wilbur?? At all??

Like the only two instances that i remember that like can be called manipulative is maybe this??

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing important. I just wanted to say that- I think you can come back from what you’ve said, you know. I’m just saying now, there is a chance that you could be President, you know, you could be- you could definitely get an executive power in the remains of L’Manberg. You could definitely be a leader of that, I have no issue with that. But, you need to understand that you’re gonna have to get on my good side, and I, you know.”

And the recent stone collection thing with c!tommy?

Im asking bc i can be blantly missing something but? I dont think i am?

- Music Anon!

Music Anon, you're back with another interesting topic!

Okay so I may have another perspective than most on the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene because, as I've said before, I have paranoid thoughts, so, for me, it's much much easier to put myself in Wilbur's shoes in that moment.

So, as far as I remember in Pogtopia, I would coin Wilbur's behaviour as persuasive. He was trying to persuade Tommy to his side, something that Tommy was free to ignore and not accept. Manipulation and persuasion are very tricky to tell apart, because it's two things that are very similar, and you can't tell them apart that easily. You know how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares? Same thing here. All manipulation is persuasive, but not all persuasion is manipulative. There is a fine line between the two.

I googled it before I wanted to respond to this ask, but from what I gathered, you can tell persuasion from manipulation by these factors: coercion, withholding of truth and intention.

I want to compare Wilbur's case with our most blatant example of manipulation, Dream. Especially since it's centered on the same character, Tommy:

Coercion. The Dictionary defines the term "coercion" as "the use of force to persuade someone to do something that they are unwilling to do". I do not remember any moment in Pogtopia where Tommy was forced to act against what he wanted to do. The way he spoke to Tommy was always open to Tommy rejecting his ideas, which happened quite a lot. It's another thing if later, Tommy, of his own volition, agreed to what Wilbur wanted, like blowing up Manberg at the Festival.

Dream, on the other hand, we see it a lot in Exile. The threats to Tommy's life. The hitting. He was forcing Tommy to stay in Logsted and give up his gear. That's one box ticked for Dream, zero for Wilbur so far.

Withholding of truth. Here I am as stumped as you are. I want someone, who thinks that the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene is manipulative, to tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth. The President line? this one? [“Tommyinnit, you’re scared that people are gonna think differently of you. Tommy, when I said you’re never gonna be president, you gotta understand, that wasn’t a challenge, that’s true. You’re never gonna be president, Tommy. And I can hear it in your voice, you’re trying sound like you know what you’re doing, so that you can prove me wrong. Tommy, none of us know what we’re doing. We’re fucked, we were fucked the minute we were thrown out.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 19:39)] or these? [“That guy Tubbo? You know? We love Tubbo… but he’s not on our side, is he? Let’s be honest. We act like he is, like, everyone’s always how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:12:57, 8th Oct)], [“Everyone’s always saying how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt. No one’s against Schlatt. Everyone’s pulling the biggest ruse on us. Literally, they’ve got us all by the fucking scruff of our necks.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 17:59)], [“Tubbo’s like, ‘I’ll be your spy!’. And then we’ve got like Fundy who’s like saying to everyone’s twitch chats that he’s gonna revolt against us. And you’ve got Eret giving us fucking potatoes, that say fucking ‘I’m gonna be friends with you’. It’s bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 18:09)] Honestly someone tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth here. I do not see it. He's just stating his opinion. I am someone who was around in Season 1, I watched Wilbur's POV only and I swear I thought too that Tubbo was a double agent for Manberg. I was sure of it. This is just Wilbur laying out his reasons to be paranoid and things he considers as true and his own opinions on matters. Opinions are not lies or truths. Telling Tommy that he will never be President, in his opinion, isn't a lie or the truth. It's just an opinion.

Meanwhile over in Dream's camp... Dream did withhold the truth. He lied about Tubbo's Compass, he lied about the Invitations, all of this he did to get Tommy to his lowest, to make him think that he is his only friend. This is the second box ticked for Dream, still none for Wilbur.

Intention. Here I need to talk about what paranoia is. Paranoia, to me, is a way of thinking fueled by fear. Wilbur's paranoia started because of the Final Control Room. Eret's betrayal deeply affected him, we can see it in quotes like this: [“Anyone caught in the crossfire is caught in the crossfire. That’s how it goes, you know? Eret especially, he is the most clear, the most clear cut traitor of them all. He was a traitor from the very get go. I have no, I have no remorse offing Eret.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:41:22, 8th Oct)] Wilbur's paranoia started from a betrayal, therefore, Wilbur's paranoia is centered on people backstabbing him. Of course he would start spiraling into a rant about how everyone is out to get him. Especially after believing his own son betrayed him. So, why tell that to Tommy? Simple, really. I personally do it, too: he was reaching out for support. When I have doubt about my train of thought, I go to someone I trust, and they help me by walking me through it, to figure out if my thinking was rational or if it was paranoia. I think this is what he was trying to do with Tommy, because he trusted Tommy, but also it was an attempt of keeping him safe. I have talked before in my Eight analysis that Wilbur is a naturally protective person. I think Wilbur was attempting in part to shield Tommy from another shock from betrayal, attempt which didn't get across to Tommy. Tommy was and is a teenager and even back then he had his own worries. He just didn't have the resources to help Wilbur, or even understand what he was going through, and he can't be blamed, and while the scene may have been scary for him, I do not think Wilbur had malicious intent with it.

Meanwhile, Dream had malicious intent. He did what he did in an attempt to isolate Tommy, to make him feel alone, so he could swoop in and mold him into thinking he was his friend. This ticks off the last box, Dream was manipulating Tommy, while Wilbur was trying to be persuasive.

While I agree that Wilbur is dipping into manipulative territory with the stone bit, I would say that doesn't make him stand in the line-up of manipulators alongside Dream or Quackity. I do agree however that he is a big persuader and his power lies in how he uses words to convince others to agree with him and join him on a cause (as discussed above, this is not necessarily manipulation). I hope this analysis helped out!

As always, the quotes are from @kateis-cakeis' masterlist of Ghostbur/Wilbur quotes. It’s a goldmine of a resource for analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

[compassionatereminders]

I think I'm just looking for a place to vent/relate? Idk. I feel like I'm never gonna get better again. I've grown very paranoid in the last year, and I know why I started to go downhill like this but it still doesn't make it any easier to get over it. Some days I feel like nothing's wrong, and that I'm being over-dramatic, faking, silly, whenever I've had worse days. But then sometimes it just hits me from nowhere in the middle of the day, that I'm being watched, monitored, that anything I do will harm someone or kill someone amd that they're all talking about me. It's so exhausting because when I'm feeling in my senses and okay, I really don't care for their opinions and I know that what Im going through is trauma. But as much as I bounce between the shame and denial, the horrible paranoid panic attacks, and the attempts at making sense of it and cutting myself some slack... I don't feel like I've made any progress during the year and I'm a little afraid always of things going bad again like they did when this started. I just want to get better!!!!!! Why is it so hard???? Boohoo....! I'm trying so hard and every week I still have several days of total terror and Im so so tired and angry at myself and them all. :((

I'm sorry to butt in with unwanted advice, but I have to ask: Are you on antipsychotics? If not, that might be a good place to start. When it comes to things like paranoia, delusional thinking and other symptoms of psychosis, the right antipsychotic can often reduce the intensity and frequency of the episodes, if not remove them altogether. I used to have unmanageable paranoia to a degree where I could barely socialize - but when properly medicated I'm a bubbly extrovert who loves meeting new people. So don't write off medication entirely if you haven't given it a proper shot yet. Not being able to just think yourself out of your episodes without help is common and it doesn't reflect badly on you. Obviously antipsychotics aren't for everyone, but they've helped me.

[awhst-alt]

I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

[bettsfic]

hi! i have a craft question on pacing. so i write obsessively about emotional knots/tense spots in the rl between characters and i've noticed that i intentionally lengthen a scene because i'm enjoying what's going on so much, even though from an editorial pov it could be shorter (and therefore impactful). i like to write with an aim (not necessarily solving any issue/trauma discussed, but arriving somewhere)

2/2 pacing anon / in short, i feel frustrated that i can see that me choosing to be less rigorous with the "rhythm of the story" doesn't work that well, overall, which i can see when i finish the draft. so its like picking momentary joy over the greater happiness i feel when i consider i've written a fic well. i do write multiple drafts but ive even caught myself adding stuff and then i get paranoid im cluttering more... do you have any thoughts or advice? thank you!!

first of all, i don't think you can ever say for certain what a reader will and won't like. your ideal reader will appreciate that you slow down in intense moments and take your time through them. it's something i don't really have the patience for. there are many, many people who value elaborate prose and slow pacing. write for those people; forget about everyone else.

that said, i think there's a difference between the self-consciousness of fearing the judgment of your audience, and getting the feeling that the scene isn't playing out quite like you want it to. it took me a long time to differentiate those two feelings, because i had wrapped up my belief that good writing was determined by other people. but good writing is determined by you, and you get to decide whether or not a scene is working.

so if that little nagging feeling is more like "something feels off" the best thing you can do is toss your writing at someone who won't bullshit you and ask if the scene feels overwrought or if it's going on too long. to me, it's always better to write more and have your friends tell you what they think, rather than cutting it all down to begin with. it takes a very skilled editor to make suggestions for what's not yet there, but just about everyone can say "i like this, this, and this" and based on that, you can cut the stuff that's not working as well.

on a more practical note, if you feel like you should pare down but don't know how, one thing you can do is reread and, instead of adding or subtracting sentences, go through and color code them: a color for ones you love, another for ones that have promise but aren't quite right, and a third for ones you hate. cut the ones you hate (and depending on how much you want to pare, cut the ones you're neutral about too), rework or cut the ones that aren't quite right, and keep the ones you love or that are necessary to the scene.

hope this helps!

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[the-weeping-author]

Trick or Treat Brandon.

A/N: I love Halloween so here’s a Halloween fic it is scary. I hope Im pretty happy with this fic and I hope you all are to, I hope it’s puts you in the scary Halloween spirit.

This fic is for @moonlit-imagines writing challenge

Tag list: @ahoy-stevieboy @thehair-ington @linkispink1995 @harringtown @violet-dahlia @gardeniasandwhiskey @lxvesickreality @bluebellbrooke @thenameishayley248 @pappydaddy @simplesammyx @didyouputyournameinthegob @lenassaviorsblog @wolphielautz

Wanrings: 18+, Gore, Blood, cussing, Graphic. So font read it easily scared, squeamish. Might get you paranoid idk 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Wordcount: 4,971

Please enjoy 😊

Steve was sitting on his couch, like usual his parents weren’t home. When Steve saw me he started to clam up, it immediately made my suspicions shoot sky high. He either was up to something or he did something he did without asking me. I guess I was about to find out which one it was.

“Hey Steve how was your day babe?”

Steve looked at me, smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders at me.

“It was okay I just missed you at school today.”

I smiled, I walked over to him.

“Awe baby it’s okay I just had a doctors appointment, but I’ll be there tomorrow.”

I smiled at him, I plopped on the couch beside him. I leaned on his shoulder, he kissed my forehead letting out a sigh.

“So Babe I might as well tell you I told some of our friends we’d go to a party they are throwing on Halloween.”

I lifted my head up off of him, I let out a groan.

“Steve, why would you do that? You know how I feel about your friends. Are Nancy and Johnathan gonna go?”

He looked down at me, shrugged his shoulders. He ran his fingers through his hair, stood up from the couch, walked over to the phone then punched in the numbers.

“Hey Johnathan Y/N was wondering if y’all were going to the party tonight?”

“Oh okay well I’ll tell her. Yeah alright I’ll see you around bye.”

Steve hung the phone up, he turned to look at me.

“Sorry babe they can't, they already had plans.”

“It’s okay I’ll guess I’ll just go for you babe.”

He kissed my lips, then walked to the kitchen. I stood up, walked into the kitchen kissing his lips.

“You owe me Harrington.”

It was finally Halloween, Steve and I had woken up early enough to go get last minute pieces for our costumes. We had a party to go to tonight. It was at an abandoned farm, a couple of our friends were going, so we’re we. Now it was out of town, but Steve and I didn’t mind. Plus it was a weekend so neither one of us was worried about school, or homework. Steve and I were surprising each other with what we were going to be. I was going as Madonna, all I knew told me he was going to look hot. Which I already knew, I mean not that he needed to try to look hot. He was already hot well at least to me, every other girl at Hawkins.

So you can imagine the disappointment the girls had when they found out we were dating. Steve was currently in our bathroom changing, I was in the hallway bathroom changing. I heard footsteps go past the bathroom, stopping right in front of the door then I heard Steve's voice.

“Hey babe I’ll be in the living room when you get ready.”

“Okay Steve I’ll see you in a few.”

I finished my hair, I pulled on my skirt some. I then unlocked the bathroom door, I stepped out into the hallway. I walked into the living room, I saw Steve my eyes widen as the sleeves of his shirt hugged his arms, god it made me wanna hop his bones. I had more self control than that though, but Steve on the other hand his mouth was gaped open. His eyes were looking all around my body, he smiled at me and walked over to me.

“Y/N you look hot.”

My cheeks heated up, Steve kissed my cheek. Steve and I walked out the front door, he locked up, and we were off to the car. Something felt off, but I just shrugged it off. I mean a lot of bad things happened in Hawkins so I had to get used to not feeling completely okay anymore. As we drove closer and closer to the party I felt like we should be heading in the other direction. At the same moment a car sped past us, laid on his horn which made me jump halfway off my seat. Steve had looked at me, put his hand on my thigh.

“Hey Y/N are you okay?”

I looked over at him, nodded my head.

“Yeah Steve I’m fine I just… there’s just a feeling inside of me that we shouldn’t be going to this party.”

“Oh okay princess well if you want to go home we can.”

I looked at him, smiled and shook my head at him.

“No no it’s okay I’m sure I’m just being dramatic.”

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure cause I don’t mind turning around.”

“No no Steve it’s okay I promise I’m fine.”

“Okay if you insist Y/N.”

The rest of the car ride was pretty fun, it honestly eased my mind. It was like Steve was my anxiety cure.

I couldn’t ask for a better way to help calm me. When we pulled up to the barn my anxiety was back. The barn was a brick red like it had just been painted. The house was also kept in good condition I mean besides the grass. I’d love to live here with Steve one day but I honestly didn’t want to rush it.

College was in two years, I didn’t want to go to a different college as Steve I wanted us to be with each other. I gripped Steve’s hand tightly, he looked down at me. He smiled, kissed my forehead and I took a deep breath. The farm was beautiful except the grass which looked like it hadn’t been cut in a few months, It just looked abandoned. Steve and I walked into the back yard, we saw The huge corn field. It was really intimidating.

The only people I knew here were Emma, Josh, Tommy H, Carol, Jack, Ashley, Steve and I, but people sure did show up. If I had to guess I would say at least 500 students had showed up. I saw all types of costumes, I was excited but one guy held my attention. He was standing against the drink table, he was just staring at everyone. He wasn’t interacting, but he was probably one of the guys who thought they were too cool to party.

As the night went on the party had died down slowly but surely. Steve and I were slow dancing, he looked down at me, he smiled pushing some of my now deflated hair out of my face.

“I told you, you’d have a fun time Y/N.”

I looked up at him, let out a drunken snort.

“Did you basically just tell me you told me so Harrington?”

He cracked a smile, kissed my lips.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

Steve kissed me again then pulled away, he got close to my ear and raised his voice so he could be heard over the music. I nodded my head. I watched him drunkenly stumble away, after he stumbled a little bit into the corn I felt eyes on me. At first I convinced myself that I was just over reacting, but then the feeling became stronger. Not only did I feel eyes on me but I felt tension. So I turned around and I saw him. It was the same guy who was leaning on the drink table. He was just staring at me. I smiled lightly, waved at him. He turned away from me, he walked into the cornfield.

*Killers pov*

I heard a car door shut, I walked to the side of the window. I barely looked out of it, I saw a group of teenagers walking towards the cornfield. I grabbed my knife, as the last kid went into the cornfield I followed them. They had walked about a mile and a half into the field. When they finally got to the party area I saw four huge speakers around the perimeter, the music was blaring. There were drinks being poured, food being eaten. I watch from behind the corn, I’d figured I’d show these kids how to party.

It took awhile for the other teenagers to separate from one another, I knew who my victims were going to be. A young guy who didn't look any older than 17 wandered off, I quickly followed him. It’s not like anyone knew I was here, I knew the paths in the corn maze because I lived here. I grabbed my knife, while he was peeing I walked up behind him slitting his throat from ear to ear. I watched his lifeless carcass lay there unable to move, I watched the life slowly fade out of his eyes. I drug his body where I knew no one would look.

After I knew his body wouldn’t be recovered I went back to the group, I hid the knife in my hoodie pocket. I walked over to the drink table, that’s when I saw a Y/H/C haired girl with a brown haired boy. The girl was staring at me. She smiled tightly, continuing with their night. Little did they know mine just started and it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. I drank a few drinks, I saw the girl that was with the guy I killed went looking for him. I knew she was going to be my next victim, I didn’t have any remorse about who I killed. I didn’t care who I was taking them from.

I can just say they all were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I had only one goal and that was to kill them all. There was a couple here who I knew would be my last victims, and that was the boy dressed as Han Solo and the girl dressed as Madonna. They looked like they’d be fun to torture, but the only question was which one of them would be my last victim? My focus was back on the girl who was dressed as some work out girl. I snuck up behind her, I covered her mouth stabbing her in the back. I slid the knife out, jammed it back in.

After her body went limp I let her hit the floor, I drug her body further in the shed. I cut off her hands, then I continued to dismember her body. When I was done I cleaned myself off, the knife when I rejoined the party, no one seemed to notice that two of their friends had disappeared. I noticed some of the kids started to leave as it got later, I was honestly relieved when I saw my planned victims still here. So I decided it was officially time to play. I loved playing cat and mouse especially with people who had no idea that they were the mouse.

As the night went on the more teenagers died. I made some of my own Halloween decorations. One kid was my official scarecrow, let’s just say he was definitely going to scare people away. His death was my favorite death so far. The way his neck cracked when I broke it gave me a thrill, the way I felt him struggle against me made my adrenaline race. I wanted more, I needed more and I was far from done. There were only six teenagers left. Four girls and four guys, but I had to be smart about this if I just popped out they could all take me on easily. So I went into the bar, I grabbed the knife. After getting that I circled around to the front of the house where their cars were parked, walked up to their cars digging my knife into all sixteen tires.

Now they were stuck here with me, the best part was they didn’t have a clue. I snuck back to the party, I noticed a couple was missing. I went to the bar, grabbed the Axe that was hanging near the handsaw, pitchfork. I walked out the back of the barn, came face to face with a guy. Before he could even think I swung the axe, his head went flying across the yard, near the huge oak tree. The girl which I’m guessing is his girlfriend came out from the other side of the shed, when she saw her boyfriend's head near the tree she screamed. I quickly walked over to her, punched her in the face striking her left temple.

I drug her body to the root of the three, and start stomping her head on the root. I could hear her teeth break as I stomped, I picked her head up by her hair, and started viciously beating her face against the tree. It was satisfying to hear her nose break. The more I beat her face the more her bones broke. Soon enough as blood trailed from her eyes, mouth, and ears her skull cracked, pieces of Brain went all over the place. At this point I didn’t need to hide the bodies anymore. They couldn't escape even if they tried, I picked up the axe I had, then I put more of the teenagers bodies up as decorations. I cut the guy's eyes out, I used him as a Jack O’lantern. I sat the girl at a table that was in another section of the cornfield.

I guess you could say it was like a maze, but these teenagers were smart. They knew their way in and out of an easy corn maze, but what they weren’t expecting was their friends to be so hands on with the maze. Now all I had to do was lure the last two couples away from my last two victims, I was good to go. I walked into the corn maze, back to the party. I whispered something, the drunk girl turned towards me, I backed up into the corn maze. Of course she followed me, the alcohol made her curious and it got the best of her.

As soon as she stepped into the corn I killed her. As I drug her towards the table with the good China on it I sat her in the chair. Sitting her up as a decoration, I fixed the fingers that I chopped off and put them on a plate, I used the other empty plate for their ears. Now we just needed “tea” to finish the decorations, so that’s what I intended to do next. As I snuck back to the cornfield a guy saw me, I was covered in blood. He immediately took notice. He told his friends, but they didn’t believe him in fact they laughed at him. The guy got mad, walked off.

As he walked off I heard my last two victims talking to my next two.

“Can you believe that guy Tommy?”

“Yeah I know Steve he really thinks we are that stupid to feed into his Halloween prank?”

I didn’t hear the rest cause I walked away. I knew the last two guys' names were Tommy, and Steve. I heard footsteps near me, I turned seeing the guy who had walked off immediately. He hit me, I tasted a rich copper taste in my mouth. I quickly wiped at my lip, struck him in the throat. As he was gasping for air I grabbed his head, I raised my knee slamming his face directly into the center of my knee. The force sent his body back, he was lying on his back. I grabbed his feet, drug him to the same exact spot I did the last girl, but when he started to wake up I punched him in his temple, I opened his mouth, cut out his tongue. I leaned him over the big tea pot, let the blood flow into it.

As soon as I felt his pulse slowing down I dressed him up in overalls, put a straw hat on him. I dressed the other two couples up to match him, I knew it was time to get this over with. I poured the blood in each cup, I put their hands on the tea cups. I walked back to the shed, grabbed a few weapons that would make this process faster, but how they died would still be on my terms. I grabbed the pitchfork, I hid it under some of the hay that was in the maze. After setting the next few traps it was time to reveal myself, I was near the entrance of the party. The first to see me was the girl dressed as Madonna. She grabbed the boy dressed as Han Solo, then he got the attention of the other two. As soon as they all saw me I pulled out the machet.

it took them a minute to figure out why I had a machete, but when they did I could see the panic set in. They split up, I couldn’t have been happier. My focus wasn’t on Steve and the girl, but it was focused on Tommy and his girlfriend. I walked towards them, they ran down the other opening of the maze, well I knew that was going to happen, I followed them. Tommy was running, I just stood there. I knew what was going to happen, sure enough it happened. Tommy had tripped on some fishing line I put up, his face met my pitchfork. His girlfriend let out a scream, I heard the other two calling For her.

“Carol? Carol where are you?”

Carol looked at me, wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Why are you Doing this?”

I smirked at her, I walked slowly towards her.

“Oh carol you think I need a motive? It’s scarier when you don’t have one.”

I smiled at her, she took off. I ran after her though. She was almost close enough to grab. so I pushed her down, but when I turned her around she threw dirt in my face, kneed me in the balls. I immediately dropped, wiped the dirt out of my eyes. As soon as my vision came back I stood up, and was on the hunt. As soon as I turned the corner Carol popped out, smacked me with a wood beam. This little bitch wasn’t going down without a fight, if it was a fight she wanted it was a fight I was going to give her. When she went to swing the beam again I ducked, and stabbed her in the leg.

She let out a scream, I stabbed her in the cheek. As I pulled the knife out she grabbed her cheek, spit blood in my face. I grabbed her by her hair, she was a fighter but she wouldn’t win against me. I brought her back to the shed, I lined her up with the hook that was hanging in the shed, I lifted her up then shoved her body on the hook. She let out a gut wrenching scream, I put the wood chipper under her. I went to look for the other two.

*Readers pov*

I ran with Steve, we hid behind the tractor. I heard Carol scream, I jumped slightly grabbing Steve's hand. Tears had formed in my eyes when I heard her scream. He was touring her. Steve had peaked around the tree, saw him going into the cornfield. Next thing I knew we were heading towards the shed. We saw Carol hanging, my hand flew over my mouth. I couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, Steve and I went over to her, she was limp. When we started trying to get her down she let out a scream. I jumped slightly, Steve was trying to get her to be quiet. As soon as Steve almost got her down the woodchipper turned on.

As soon as Steve had gotten Carol down she struggled and he lost his grips her body went into the woodchipper, blood flew all over me. I closed my eyes as her warm blood flew all over me. As soon as I opened them I saw pieces of her body all over the place. As soon as I went to say something the back of the shed was kicked open, there was the killer. Steve grabbed my hand, ran towards the cars. As soon as we got there we saw the tires were flat. Steve looked at me, I looked towards the house.

“Steve we need to get into the house.”

Steve looked at me, raised his eyebrow.

“Y/N are you crazy that’s the first place he’s going to look.”

I let out a sigh, then looked at Steve.

“Well Steve we don’t really have much of an option now do we?”

He sighed then nodded his head.

“Alright let’s go, quickly so he doesn’t know where we went.”

As we walked up the porch Steve had grabbed the door knob, the door opened. It felt too easy, I was right as soon as we opened the door the killer grabbed me. Steve looked at us both, then put his hands in the air.

“Hey, hey she’s an easy kill you don’t want her. If you want someone who’s going to give you a fight it’s me.”

As soon as Steve had the killer's attention I stomped on his toe, head butted him slamming the side of my head into him, when he let go I faced him, kicked him in the knee cap making him fall. His knee hit the step, his chin hit the top step. Steve and I rushed inside, shut the door. Steve ran into the kitchen, I was right behind him. Steve grabbed a knife, I couldn’t find a weapon. So I grabbed a cast iron skillet. As soon as the killer stepped into the kitchen I swung the skillet with all my might and hit him right in the face.

He stumped back grabbing his nose as it started to bleed. He grabbed the knife that was in his pocket, threw it at me. It hit my leg and it got stuck. I dropped the Iron skillet, quickly pulled out the knife. I let out a scream, I dropped the knife and limped over to the killer. He grabbed my ankle, I turned towards him and lifted up my leg. I swung my leg back, I kicked him right in the jaw. He let go of my leg, I limped up the stairs. When I turned around Steve was behind me, I started down the stairs.

When I got down to them I saw The killer trying to get into the pantry where I assumed Steve was. Let out a scream to get his attention which worked, then he was after me. I hopped up the stairs as fast as I could, I felt him grab at my costume, as soon as I went to get away from him he punched me in the back causing me to fall. He turned me around, I kicked him down the stairs. I scrambled to my feet, I limped down the hallway into a room. I walked into the room, I shut the door. The floorboards would freak the more weight I put on them.

I tried to walk as quietly as I could, but with this leg injury it was nearly impossible. I heard the door knob wiggle, I limped over to the closet. Walking in it but before I could get in it two skeletons fell out the closet, I let out a scream. The door busted open, I whipped around looking face to face with the killer. I took in a deep breath, looked at him.

“If you want me here I am mother fucker get it over with.”

He ran at me, tackled me out the door. We landed on the balcony, he leaned over me wrapping his hands around my throat, I started struggling against him. I saw a piece of the door on the floor, I reached for it but I couldn’t get it. I finally came to grips that I wouldn’t see Steve anymore. I wouldn’t see my little brother, I wouldn’t see my mother. I wouldn’t see another day again. This is how it was going to end and I was fine with it.

As soon as I gave into the idea of death his grip loosen around my throat, I opened my eyes to see him and Steve fighting. All I had to do was look at Steve to get that fighting spirit back, that was because Steve looked like shit. He had blood on running down his lip, his once white sleeve was now soaked red. I grabbed the largest part of the door and it had a rusty nail poking out of it. I picked it up, I swung as hard as I could. I heard a thump then I heard another thump. I walked to the edge of the balcony, I looked down to see the killer laying there. He wasn’t moving, Steve had put his arm around my shoulder, I looked at him then smiled.

“Let’s go home please.”

“Fine by me baby.”

Steve and I walked down the stairs, out the front door I walked to the car, I grabbed my purse out of it. Then I started walking down the driveway when it hit me. The other cars probably had spare tires in them. I looked at Steve, told him they probably had spare tires in the back. We walked back to the cars, I opened Steve’s trunk while he went to find something to get the other cars trunks open. As soon as I turned to get out the car the killer had grabbed my throat and began to choke me. I grabbed my purse, I got my pepper spray out, I sprayed him in the eyes. when he let go I gasped for breath, I grabbed the Jack I stepped out of the car, I hit him in his face with the Jack knocking him out.

When Steve came back he had rope along with a crowbar, I looked at Steve, he looked at the killer on the ground.

“W-what happened?”

I looked at him, took in a breath.

“Well I thought he was dead but apparently not so I knocked him out with the Jack, give me the rope so I can tie him up.”

When he handed me the rope I grabbed the jack to the car and hit him again. I turned him on his stomach, I tied up his arms along with his feet. After an hour or so of Steve opening the trunks and changing the tires. The killer finally came to. He started struggling, I walked over to him and I kicked him in the face.

“Steve I think I saw a gas station down the road when we came here. Drive down there and call the cops.”

He looked at me, he shook his head.

“Y/N I’m not leaving you here with him. What if he gets loose?”

I looked at Steve, I smirked.

“Then the cops will have another body to take to the morgue.”

He nodded then got in the car and started up. He put the car in reverse and took off. I let out a breath of air, I heard him laughing. I walked over to him, I turned him on his back.

“What the fuck is so funny?”

He looked at me, he spit on me. I stood back up, I kicked him in the stomach. He let out a groan, he started laughing again. I got pissed, I stood up and started kicking him. He continued to laugh as I kicked him but he started choking, When he coughed hard He coughed up blood.

“Not so funny now is it?”

He looked at me, he smiled.

I stood back up, I heard Steve pull back up. He got out of the car, looked at me.

“Y/N get away from him.”

“Yeah Y/N get away from me, be a good girl for Steve.”

I kicked him in the face again, just as I went to kick again Steve pulled me away from him.

About fifteen minutes later the police showed up. After they discovered all the bodies they arrested the killer, they started reading him his rights. They took us to the ambulance, I heard one of the officers say his name, I looked at Steve and he nodded at me. I called an officer over, I looked at him.

“Officer did he say why he did that to my friends.”

He looked at me and moved his hat some.

“Well miss Y/L/N Brandon escaped from the mental hospital and it took your friends and you to come here to hit a nerve.”

I nodded my head, I watched him walk back to the squad car. When they were pulling he looked at us smiling, I smiled back and then flicked him off.

“Happy Halloween Brandon.”

Three days after we got out of the hospital Steve and I had got back to his house Steve and I were sitting on the couch snuggled up watching a movie, I kissed his cheek.

“Thank you.”

He smiled at me then looked at me.

“For what?”

I looked at him, shrugged.

“For not leaving me.”

He smiled at me, kissed my lips.

“Y/N you’re the love of my life I couldn’t ever leave you.”

I smiled, I took in a deep breath. We would recover from this but it would take a while, but I knew with Steve by my side that would be completely possible.

A/N: thank you guys for reading this I’m really proud of it. I hope you guys liked it.