#im scared of the future though
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ok so, i just want to comment a little on 2003 splinter. @purplepixel and i are on season 1 still, and im REALLY liking it thus far, but theres something i want to complain about.
why on Gods green beautiful earth is splinter annoyed at his kids for "breaking stuff" at aprils and being like "this is what i live like every day". like i get it. hes an actual rat. he doesnt know any better and thats a point i made in later episodes, but... bruh.
why am i mad? well, because the kids quite literally feel bad and offer to fix it. THEY dont know better either. they think this is the best way of doing it and are overconfident in their skills, but feel bad and offer to glue the plates together. yes, it doesnt do much, but... i dont know, im not saying it should be changed or anything, but something about a parent being annoyed at something THEIR KIDS WOULDNT KNOW NOT TO DO really just rubs me the wrong way. TEACH THEM BETTER THEN SPLINTER!!! like, mikey i get, but the rest? come tf on
yeah thats all lmfao
#overall 03 has been really good so far#very very good way of showing certain personalities#i LOVE raph so much#i love how they handle his anger issues#and his feelings#✨️Depth✨️#im scared of the future though#heard it might not be as good?#i like fun bad though#so well see#i know a lot of 03 fans are intense about it#and being the best show#but then complain about the subsequent shows?#is it because 03 fans are like we just want FIGHTS#and BOY STUFF#or whatever that means#because the writing is actually p good#the characters are relatively deep?#they have Emotions#and its beautiful#if they were flat id understand#not liking non-flat characters#theyre kids too#sometimes they dont but like.#they kinda do sometimes#i think its good writing!!#but i fear thats not what 03 fans like?#tmnt#tmnt 2003#ccw rambles
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years ago i set this as my medication alarm sound to remind myself to take the antidepressants i was on back then, thinking it'd be funny. it was, but now that i'm finally starting a different set of antidepressants after being off them for a few years, i (respectfully) didn't want fukase swearing at me first thing in the morning 😅
so, since he does exist in my computer, i made this little simpler audio just for funsies, and figured i'd upload it here too bc why not 🤷♀️ i don't know if i'll actually end up using it myself but if anyone else wants fukase reminding them to take their meds for whatever reason, here you go lmao
and here's a bonus oliver version as well for those who are more oliver-based lol:
#my audio lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fukase#vocaloid oliver#no more tags bc im. scared#its been like a week since i started the new meds and i wasnt sure if i was gonna release this from my drafts but i figured eh fuck it#also update from the future: my oliver bias wins again bc thats the one i ended up using LMFAO sorry fukase#i still need to evaluate i think if these are actually helping though so in the event i do change again at some point ill use fuka's#maybe i shouldve added more silence towards the end as a buffer though because if i dont turn off my alarm soon enough#the audio gets stuck in a loop of repeating this over and over. and OK ENOUGH IM GONNA GO GET THEM NO NEED TO SHOUT AT ME 😭 lol
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I got job. 👁️👁️
#first ever full time job. Scared!#and my coworker who i thought should get it--#they just achieved like a major life goal of theirs in a ’side gig' field they are really passionate about#and they are very happy for me and congratulated me and i am excited to collaborate with them in the future#so i feel less bad. i am hoping that this job will help me be more stable so i can in turn be more helpful within my family and friends#i have impostor syndrome though. im like…. AHHH#but whatever they hired me 30 mins after interviewing me so they must think im qualified!!!!#IT WAS ALL AN ACTTT AHHH WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIND OUT I'M ALL AN ACCCTT#just kidding#the way i get myself to not freak out: if this ends up being the worst job ever it can always be temporary!!!#also: i am a dedicated person! i try very hard!#catastrophically fucking up out of pure incompetence would be out of character for me!! when have i ever done that!!!#<- daily affirmation
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halo does not like being snarled at even just a little lip curl she started barking but with her shrill throwing a fit upset bark not her aggressive scared one. jm more worried about her starting a fight than the shelter dog who's been pretty gentle and not concerned with babou and only warns halo if she gets too close suddenly and then immediately is happy again and not too focused on her. halo is just poorly behaved and is jumpy and easily annoys other dogs by how she runs around in circles whining and she paws at faces when she's playing or anxious -_- which she hasn't done to dogs outside her family but still her personality makes me so scared help I take her out on a leash only which is easy because she already is used to staying in my room on days my mom's boyfriend is home because she hates him to death
#dogs sre so much work inm sorry i don't think I'll get one myself outside of my family's dogs for a long time#plus im definitely getting cats in the future my favorite animal and i cant relax with dogs around my cats help#halo was sweet and ignored the several stray cats at my grandparents house but to babou she keeps play bowing at her and is obsessed#itfreaks me out stay sway from her and calm down... i saw you swing that opossum around.#she's better now it's easy to tell her off for that at least#babou is sweet for only lightly smacking her sometimes.. she's hardly scared anymore and walks around shaking her tail happily#she used to hide but halos much easier to make get qlong with the cats than berserker..#it's so nice and carefree for babou these days without berserker and kayas crazy asses#chewie doesnt give a fuck about the cats at all momo would rub against him and chewie would be like 😐#he scratched him as a puppy though as he was momo's first dog... chewie is the most gentlest ever now
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moonlight is a absolute bop
#akitoe#how we feeling bout the new event#scared#yea me to#cant wait fir the comm though#utsu p lets gooo#hopefully it's longer the mizukis/j#also rip my art skills#cus oh boy does this one look like crap lol#im not good at this yet 😭#ill prob redo this one in the future#also wow i arted twice in one day#this is a miracle#one that will not come back for centuries lol#shinonome akito#akito shinonome#pjsk fanart#pjsk#proseka#project sekai colorful stage#project sekai#hastune miku colorful stage#art#fanart
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I do love it on the short rest... Idk if it's 18 or 22 but when Murph is like "nah nah we don't kill characters on the short rest... Except Hardwon who is dead As Hell" cause I'm sitting here knowing the future like 😏
#is he though??#also Calder keeps using charges and every time Im stressed oh god Ultrus is gonna fuckin get you dude.#extremely useful but Im so scared for him#if anything. knowing the future increases my stress over Calder even if I will get to see my guy Hardwon again.#ba2mia#ba2mia spoilers#jo listens
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Guyyyyyssss..... should i rescind my resignation at a lowkey shitty office for the job security or no. More info in the tags
I usually deal with these dilemmas by talking to someone of an opposite temperment (in this case, someone risk-taking to oppose my cautious nature) and coming to a neutral conclusion between our perspectives. But IDK anyone I'm certain is like that, so risk-takers speak up if you'd like to problem solve w meeee....
#Its like. Truly not the worst like i get flex PTO and there isn't a lot of overheard really at all#But that means like kinda loose boundaries and etc. Etc.#IDK its so hard to think impartially bc money is driving me rn i will not lie to you#I cant afford rent and utilities on just 1 client at my other job and its up in the air whether there are other clients available to me#But i will NEEEEED them by june 10 when my resignation date is#And idk maybe im worrying too far in the future#But i also don't want this job to hire someone to replace me and then fire them if im like im staying actually.....#AAAAAAAH#im scared im so scared#There are interviews for replacements next week so i feel like the deadline for me to make this decision is really soon even though its#Unlikely anyones gonna be hired on the spot. Idk idk#My boss does have abandonment issues and does like me so i do think she would take me back so long as she doesnt get attached to anyone els#First
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i want to dye my hair dark brown/black but at the same time i dont want to because what if im gonna miss my natural hair colour and im scared of growing it out after
#hair#dyed hair#i think it's better not to but idk#I'll get some piercings instead#i bought a piercing kit on aliexpress and im still deciding what piercing i should get#no face ones though because im scared ill hit the nerve system or something#i can get any ear one tho#i wanted to do my rook or snug but im not sure if i have the anatomy for rook and snug is one of the most painful piercings on ear i heard#also apparently snug is hard to do so idk#i NEED an eyebrow piercing#ill get that somewhere in the nearest future but at a real piercer#i have 4 piercings btw#on one ear two lobes#on another one lobe and helix
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its really funny how a lot of yearning posts on Tumblr are about sex in comparison to the shit i day dream about?
just hugging someone and just enjoying the peace with them
being held and told its okay while i ugly sob
just biting them literally all of the time
getting my wounds bandaged after i seriously get hurt
being taken on a wine date where we gossip and eat cheese
someone listening calmly while i ramble trauma without the intention to fix me
drinking tea and reading together on a couch
baking pastries together
just being held for a long time in silence (i think about this one the most)
#I'm honesy probably demi tbh#ive been thinking about it a lot and its like#I really want this idealized emotional closeness with somebody more than anything#i wanna be able to feel vulnerable with them i want to hold their hand and just feel so so warm because i know that im loved and safe#even when i do think about the idea of sex it's very specifically in the context of me being so in love with the hypothetical crush that#I want the emotional attachment and intensity#that i know in that moment im with them and I'm loved?#for the longest time i never really thought i could identify as demi tbh? i was so so wrapped up in my own head that if i didn't date#these awful people that have left me so so scared of sex that i wouldn't be demi and so i couldnt really identify as it.#but i feel as though that line of thinking is just looking at it in the completely wrong context.#it doesn't matter WHY i identify the way u do#what caused me to feel a certain way doesnt matter what matters is that now in the present i feel this way and if i grow in the future and#that ive changed out of that label thats okay too.#the tags turned into more of a ramble than i intended sorry about that ;^;#its just something thats been on my mind lately.
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leo goreshit whatevevr. Hell yeah
reference:

#kotart#vgcats#vg cats#leo#i know the font name but im scared of getting a virus or something#its Gungsuh W33 i think but i didnt use it#i spent more time trying to find it then drawing this#anyway ive been having fun doing this style :DD i like it a lot#i need to learn how to render properly though cuz this is flat asff#im hoping to redraw this in the future
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#dino.txt#im gonna complain about 5 things at once and purposely make no sense#whats funny is ....i kinda hate this shit too#and before this i was already very tired...so 🤔 FR !!#i think at the end of the day it comes down to lack of prioritisation#i cant force people to do what they 'think' they want to do...yknow#i can bring forward all the plans i want but like...cant even make any fucking intiative#other than saying 'oh id love for us to do this'#i hateee this situation. i dont like it. i dont like anyone right now.#im mad at a lot of things#but i really cant be doing this shit after this. and i havent been! good on me! but thdn this will just flake out#cos everyone's a fucking manchild#but anyways. this is a lesson ive been taught over and over in life#i cannot place my happiness in the hands of others. i only have myself#i dont believe in living in solitude forever. i cant do it#i believe that things will always work out. but i cannot...invest in others. it doesnt work#i just have to focus on myself. i cant invest in other people 😂 i cant protect other people. it cant always be my cross to carry#you would think a nigga named jesus...#and im so scared all the time but im also so numb#there's always a tradgedy around the corner#such is life sure. but ive never been allowed even like a brief respite. but maybe that is right now#i cant get to sleep. i cant get to sleep theres never enough time to be awake#everything is a waste of time. but yesterday i spent good time so#im okay. i hope i get this released this year. anyways. WHATEVER MAN!! ALL IS GOOD!! ONE STEP AT A TIME!!! SUCH IS LIFE!!#I will say. though i spiral im always good at picking myself back up#trauma and tradgedy are very familiar friends in my life#yknow. im just waiting.#im always waiting for the big one. there's always worse always#im waiting for the one big thing i cant come back from#but all i can do is look to the future
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hey read mores can be used for shit nobody wants to see i forgot
im acutely aware airing out my spirals is inappropriate at best but it's either that or i bottle up & stay at least mildly upset over nonsense forever. having a therapist (that i trust) would be nice but until then all i can do is walk through my own mental processes aloud to get normaler. & thankfully it does work. i do feel better when i publicly analyse myself & less upset at whatever caused the unwarranted negative emotions of the month. again sorry to everyone though.
#i know this isnt right. im sorry. i feel pretty normal now im lying down though so. gotta pick our battles#believe you me this is also not fun for me. on average the person im most upset with is myself. for ever being upset#not that i should be a doormat but if im upset in an actually reasonable manner its always months late#bc well i am a little bit of a doormat when i reaaaally shouldnt. this shit is dumb.#one day ill get good at standing up for myself. & being reasonable. until then well um. scared of what the future holds!#bro this december better be fucking fantastic the past two months have been beating my fucking ass
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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What's their sexuality?
“yep…. Im a women liker alright, nts a whole different story though”
deadbeat is gender-fluid and lesbian, and she can shapeshift genders biologically, which means her sexuality also fluctuates with her gender, though right now she’s lesbian, and nt-3000 is aroace and non binary (hah, coding joke. Cuz he’s a robot, get it?)
thanks for the ask!^^
#jet set radio#jsr#jet set radio future#jsrf#rubbersk8ter#beat jsr#they are both gay idiots though#gay STONERS#AAAAAAH#IM SCARED
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my dad is so cute he saw me struggling w psych exam prep and I'm gonna do psych in uni so he sat me down and let me know that I can change my mind any time :( and that he'll support me even if I decide I wanna scrap my degree and do something else as long as I put my full conviction and effort towards it
#i love my dad#it made me cry HGHKS#obv we're in a financially stable enough position that he can offer me that and im aware that nkt everybody has the same opportunity#but im really grateful because im still confused what i wanna do with the rest of my life too 😭#and im scared of the future a little bit even though im also excited#and hes giving me the opportunity he never had#its rly the common immigrant asian dad trope buh#but i rlly love him#he worked so hard to get where he is today i really do feel like a failure to him sometimes#so im alwaus a bit blindsided that he can love me so u conditionally#kal rambles#sobbing in the bathroom wroting this LOL if u told me 2 years ago id be crying over my love for my dad in the same place i cried bc i hated#him so much back then id laugh at u#he just loved me#i can tell my period is comign soon LOL im never this emotonal about it#my grandma just texted me gn and that she loves me bye i cant even see the screen anymore my family js so loving
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ITS FINISHED!!! i've never posted anything before, so i really hope this is at least decent
#it was surprisingly fun to write#hopefully that means more writing in the future#which means improvement#I have 2 more sitting in the docs vault#theyre both a bit older though and im scared to read them#quickly found out i cannot reread my own writing it makes me cringe#begging yall to tell me if theres typos#grammarly hates me and i hate it back#top gun#icemav#fanfiction#topgun fanfic#never knew how hard ao3 tags are until now#i really gotta up my lyric game#gonna write more just so i can force my pink floyd obsession on the world
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