Sorry, but I just had a thought and I’m exhausted and don’t know if I’m going to write anymore tonight.
Just Steve holding a slight grudge against Nancy after she pretty much calls his love bullshit in the bathroom. He feels lead on, he’s slightly bitter but he knows how to be discreetly passive if he needs to be. But thing is he doesn’t have the energy in him to be passive. If this had been before the monsters, and someone who he thought was the love of his life did what Nancy did and proceeded to end up dating the guy who she said not to worry about within days after getting into a fight, he would have probably done something stupid. Probably would have ruined her locker with mean words or something like that.
He wasn’t sure what he would do, he was exhausted and couldn’t think of what used to come easy to him. Or maybe he’s grown to realize how immature that was, how it didn’t even seem all that fun to do to someone. Just thinking back to spray painting slut on the theater makes his gut twist uncomfortably. Once, he used to be the one to climb up there and spray something even worst. Now the thought made him want to throw up.
And maybe the grudge he is holding against Nancy isn’t really a grudge. Maybe he has matured to realized that the grudge he held was within himself for how fast he had fallen. For how stupid he was for thinking the girl would ever end up with him. He should have seen the signs. How she defended Jonathan even after he took non consensual photos of him and her about to have sex. Which he still felt disgusted by, his skin still crawled uncomfortably around the little creep whenever he was close by.
Though when the time comes, he realizes he was holding a grudge against Nancy. When he falls harder for someone new he realizes within minutes that something was different about this one. Instead of smacking him in the shoulder and scolding him for staring to long, Eddie would pull his hair in front of his face with bright eyes. Would do something dramatic to snap Steve out of the trance he was in. Like lick his face instead of kissing him.
That was the other thing Steve discovered. In the moments where it was just the two of them, it seemed like every other minute time would stop and Eddie would be in the same bubble as him. Lost in the same spell that Steve had tumbled into, needing to kiss the other just as much as they needed oxygen to breathe.
Nancy rarely had those moments with Steve, and they had stopped right around the time she started hanging out with Jonathan.
And Steve does hold a grudge, for how she stayed with him longer than what she had to.
Eddie made him feel in love and loved. Whenever Steve watched the other man he could barely keep his hands to himself and the best part was Eddie didn’t care. Steve could bite off Eddie’s remaining nipple and the man would still let Steve do whatever he wanted to him. Nancy never trusted Steve and never earned Steve’s trust the way Eddie did within one week of knowing each other.
Eddie was the moon and Nancy had been the sun for Steve. The sun burnt his skin and left him blistered while the moon wrapped his arms around him and rocked him to sleep every night. While Steve worried about when the sun would explode, he never had to worry about the moon disappearing for to long. It always came back, no matter what happened. Even if Steve had been an asshole.
God was Steve in love. This was it for him. And maybe at one point he had loved Nancy just as much as he did Eddie.
But now, as each day passes he only finds himself falling more in love with Eddie Munson.
He slowly comes to the conclusion that his love was and will never be bullshit.
And when he finally sits down to talk to Nancy about it, he finally gets it off his chest. What had been bugging him for almost years before falling for Eddie.
“Nancy, we were bullshit. But my love, it was all real. Maybe not as strong as it is for Ed’s but I know that if … everything wasn’t such bullshit I could have gotten there.” Steve says softly to Nancy. Shortly after she confessed she still had feelings for him. He seen this conversation coming from a mile away, especially with how many one sided sparks happened between the two of them while running for their life’s on spring break.
And as he stands up, leaving her in her own shock. Letting her process that he was with Eddie, a man. He can’t help but feel proud of himself.
He didn’t intentionally hold this grudge, but he felt as if he got back at her the healthiest way he could. By maturing and moving on. And looking down at Nancy, he could tell that she needed time to do the same. Not to be with another man or date in general, but to just grow as a person. But that was no longer his problem. His problem was currently running up the steps of the trailer with what seemed to be a moving snake.
“Hey Stevie! Look what I found.”
Steve was in love, and it wasn’t bullshit.
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kissing strangers
The way Rollo kisses you is chaste at first. It's his first time being intimate with anyone and he's rather shy. You had to ease your way into his personal space very slowly. He starts trying to get used to having a person close to him in life. He would prefer to make it quick, and there were times he'd bump his nose into yours.
When you two begin to know each other longer, he starts holding you tighter to him and he feels and tastes so desperate when you kiss, but he retains gentleness so as to not scare you off. It's hard not to notice his change in demeanor when appearances are the most important thing to him, even in private.
If you point it out, he'll look away and deny it, but then he begins losing even more of his inhibitions. It was gradual, but you feel like it snowballed when you kissed his handkerchief in front of him, a personal belonging that's always pressed against his lips. He knows what you meant by that. When he used to lightly push you away to preserve his peace, now he won't let you go.
There are certain days where if you move while he's close to you, he'll grip you thinking you're trying to get away, and there comes that delirious expression you can't ignore… He's obsessed with you now.
Rollo is the one initiating it, and then he blames you for tempting him to act like this. When there's no other person in sight, somewhere secluded, you should grow used to anticipating a pair of hands grabbing your shoulders and turning you around to meet the stern gaze of your lover.
On the other hand, Fellow has more experience as an older man. He must've had flings with other people in the past, so he knows just what to do with your lips.
In the first stages of his relationship with you, he thinks everything is a game at first. He just treats you like the others, fast-paced and teasing, occasionally lightly grazing your neck with his fangs. He knows you love it when he does that with the way you shudder and even bare your skin for him to mark with kisses.
You play along with the fox, and for every time he tricks you, you return the favor. He stole a kiss from you once in passing, so you took his wallet. There's nothing in it, of course. He doesn't know whether to swoon or curse at how you've outsmarted him.
He'll only start treating you like a valuable doll when you both start taking it seriously, which took a while to establish. You find him becoming more easily flustered with you as you unearth the real him underneath the layers of lies. His showbiz-like persona starts fading away when you two are close together, and his voice becomes slower and softer... It's more obvious when he's speaking right against your ear. In comparison, nothing about you has changed. "How do I know you're not playing tricks on me again, Fellow?" You pout with your arms crossed. He smiles with his teeth and he stutters a little bit as he places his hand on his heart. "I would never lie to you, my dear, or my name isn't Honest John!" Yeah, right...
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popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.
specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.
which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.
and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.
basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.
g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind
just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.
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Also I just want you to know, and you don't have to publish this one if you don't want to, but it's very valid to feel hurt about this kind of thing. Before I realized I was a lesbian I dated a man who would always do things like wipe off my cheek kisses. That kind of lack of initiative or palpable desire from a partner can make you feel rejected and unwanted. I hope you meet someone who pulls you into corners and bathrooms for kisses no matter who sees you. You deserve to be recklessly craved.
why is this the sweetest ask ive ever received
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oh hey :) thanks for the kind comments and tags left under the last post!
it's so wild how body hair in art & media in general is seen as something "disgusting" or "weird", at first i thought that maybe the way i drew it made it look confusing but no way in hell you couldn't zoom in or just... think logically to know that is natural hair? some people are hairy like that! the way i draw it is more fluffy yes because i love floof and i dont give a shit tbh lol
i knew about the "issue" of jevil being fat so the body hair one threw me for a loop like wow. idk why jevil specifically gets this type of treatment, maybe other fat characters in utdr do too but i always see toriel, asgore, alphys, lancer, king, catti, sans who is a skeleton (and i really can't see him any other way, the fandom is doing a great job in keeping him chubby-like i love that) drawn with mostly correct proportions to in game/official art, yet jevil seems to get this mixed reaction. idk why i still see skinny jevil, or why some people insist his clown clothes are just "baggy". the jester is circular, look at his torso please for the love of god. sorry but i just want more fat rep as a fat person myself. i want jevil to remain short (his sprite is shorter than kris and slightly taller than spamton) and fat like he is in game!
drawing him helped me understand a lot about plus size anatomy, and honestly i couldn't be more happy about that because i'm also dealing a lot better with my body image issues and finally bringing more diversity to my art. him being hairy too is yet another thing that makes me happy as someone with pcos, and portraying him as a fat, hairy trans man as someone who is nonbinary and for months has been wanting to experiment with different pronouns/wondering how it would be like to transition is something really special. it's messy and silly but spamton and jevil are the ultimate comfort characters/ship to me, their stories and how they were written speak volumes and resonate with me a lot + headcanoning them as t4t has been beyond freeing and making me get a lot of gender euphoria/dysphoria/envy all at the same time lmfao what the fuck.
i'm honestly glad for these characters because they're what helped me articulate my recent feelings about my gender to my mother, who has grown a lot and is making an effort to understand all of this. the reaction i sometimes get from people who talk to me, come into my inbox or just pour their feelings out in the tags about how they love my portrayal of spamton and jevil's gender identity + their relationship and how important it is to them is so so cool. yeah :)
speaking of chest hair, here's how spamton looks without the shirt. the left side of his chest has a panel for his heart (a smaller version of neo's) and of course top surgery scars, a different type. he's also hairy! not that much since he's a puppet but he still has the addison floof, it's cute
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