#im so tired and cant aleep

[roachemoji]

can someone put out A hit on me but instead of killing me they just come and hold me. a hired thug for a hired hug

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

i feel disconnected from everything. i come into these bouts where im painfully aware of how alive i am and its immediately drowned out. i cant sleep without feeling like im fading. i get sleep paralysis so when i manage to be asleep i feel utterly trapped. but being awake is so exhausting. like im walking around and working and paying but im alive and its such a miracle and yet im treated so poorly or have been i only rmemeber so much but my body remembers sooo much more. a couple of nights ago i cut up an apple as a snack for my little sister and didnt think anything of it until i looked down at the apples as i was giving it to her and all of a sudden had this intense fear and had a panic attack afterwards and couldnt sleep until 3am. likr WHAT? OVER AN APPLE? no idea. i remembered something but my brain immediately blocked it out. and its like. one day, i wont be alive. and i will rest. and i know then i will be safe because i will be back with god. i dont knkw what that will be like but i feel like its soft and warm and envelopes you. i feel trapped in my body. im so tired. i was aware that i was on mh bed and im sick rn and cna barely move. and i work so hard all the timr and varely sleep anymkre. and i dont talk to any of my friends anymkre cause i have a kid and im working onstantly and they are put in college or finishing college and travelling and i feel like, not trapped per say, i love my family and i actually am happy, and im not lost, i just deel like. im in thebback of my head. im just constantly working and i cant aleep anymore. and i dont eat well. and i always have headaches and im sore. i feel weird. and i get scared and pray when i start becoming aware. of everything. and lately i feel cold. before i would feel god and i still know god is there but i just feel cold right now. and i dont think its thst god isnt with me, i think i feel so inside myself and pushed away and im closing my eyes and plugging my ears and curled up in a vall constantly. im not here. do you know? like i dont know how else to describe this. its exhausting keeling my eyes open anymkre but im so afraid to go to sleep because if i pass no one would be here to take care of my family.

[panic-at-the-hydra-base]

I’ve been up for 24hrs soneone pleaaes snipe me I’ll give you the coordinates

[akirameta84]

me atm

[astroellipse]

Tired tag vent 😞

[spoonwizardd]

.....

[dipperthedestructor]

i am literally too mentally.ill to sleep

[glimmeringpersonality]

i used to love hearing thunderstorms and the rain but i really really really wish it would stop storming because i’m scared and i don’t know why

[blonde-foxtail]

Meltan is so fucking cute

I want twenty

[crypteddy]

love tfw ur in a Major Depressive Episode Low and so u turn on some good mcelroy content (monster factory watch through part two the remix) and u laugh at some of the jokes and then feel like even more shit bc ur brain says if ur laughing ur making it all up

[lululovesgwtw]

I’m writing and kept writing nooples instead of nipples and I swear to god.

[travmababy]

I feel reallt fucking disgusting and its 3 am and i let down everyone ive ever cared about and nobody will love me because i cant let that go. The only peraon i feel romantic deelings for doesnt talk to me much anymore, my bedt friend only tsxts me when hses drunk or to complai. She has no friends and my dog wont even lay in the fu king bed with me i fele like my skin is going to slide off of me and i really fucking wish itnwould bevause i don t want it its too twmoting its shouting at me and calling to me to take it off and i just want to go to sleep but i cant aleep i can never sleep it doesnt work and im tired and i cant handle this fu king shit and i juat wiah somebody woild give a fu k about.me once ever just once i am so fucking tuewd of nobody loving me and having so much love to fucking give

[jazzybohart]

you know what would be awesome? if people would actually BE QUIET when other people, specifically disabled ones with sleep issues and that reguarly make me worse and could land my ass in the hospital are trying to freaking SLEEP. Getting up all hours of the night waking me up forcing me to have to take stuff every few hours to try force to my pain riddled body back to sleep which rarely even works wasting fucking medication I already cant afford because someone cant effing not be up and loud between 11pm-7am. WHY? BECAUSE INSTEAD OF SLEEPING AT NIGHT HE TAKES NAPS WHENEVER HE IS TIRED during the day, BECAUSE HE IS Hard of hearing and just has to turn off his hearing aid and falls right to sleep like a little baby then wonders why he doesnt sleep at night- and since he cant STAND being bired- its better to get up and make nouse so no one else sleeps either apparently than just stay in his damn room and occupy himself until a reasonable hour the way he expects us to do when he is sleeping.. on the other hand I cant sleep period during the day, between living literally right next to a freeway on one side, an air port/school on yhe other, never ending city noise of sirens and helicopters and blinding light always streaming in doors because they insist on having EVERY blind and door open meaning I literally end EVERY day in a migraine unable to fall asleep until almost midnight with meds and by 12:30-1 I start getting jerked awake and yave to try and find a way to get back to aleep despite the agony thats always so much worse at night- its getting to the point Im getting so little sleep Im having symptoms of sleep deprivation on top of my plethora of illnesses/disability, which keep getting set off in flares because Im not sleeping meaning im not well enoigh to go to physical therapy because I cant even get out of bed into my wheelxhair without wanting to scream. im literally being held back from trying to get stronger because someone thinks 3am is a fucking tantastic time to loudly do the dishes and slam cabinets and yell at the dogs and make coffee and cook. sees me rolling out in my wheelchair at 4:27am with dark bags under my eyes and a blank look of enraged exhaustion to make a cup coffee and get my morning meds for pain becauae I cant take it anymore- "oh did I wake you up?" well considering you wont SHUT THE HELL UP all night long KNOWING I desperately need sleep if I want to stay out of the hospital? considering you started banging dishes and cabinets at 3am?again? yes. you did wake me up. again. for the third WEEK in a row since you got back from your vacation which was the last time I got an uninterupted night of sleep, and before that it was the time before that you went on vacation- you woke me up- several times Every single night since, and Im having ANOTHER bad day as a result. at this rate Ill never get back into physical therapy and never get out of this fucking chair. i just need to fucking sleep. im literally contemplating wasting money I need for other things for one night of uninterupted sleep in a hotel room but if I end up next to loud ppl itll be a waste of money.