#im so wise they should put me in the bible

[irenic-raccoon]

If there's a nipple, there's a boob. Suck his tits dry.

[soxcietyy]

Sins

Nsfw 18+ Yuta Okkotsu + reader

Summary: lately you have had this feeling of something hot and warm overcoming you. Eventually you had enough of it and go to the priest. Maybe the he could be of some help? He is wise after all.

Quietly walking down the dark hall you look around hoping to not be seen by the other nuns. Luckily you were walking around with socks instes of shoes. Last thing you needed was to be questioned about your destination. As a nun you should be following the rules of the higher ups. One being that you shouldn’t be up so late walking on your own.

The priests room had a tall wooden door with a cross in the middle. You could see light coming from under the door indicating he was awake. Taking a deep breath you Put your hand on the cold handle. You always seemed to get shivers when you spoke to the priest. Yes he was kind but he had hands that looked like they could crush you. Eye bags that haven’t been able to rest and a scary aura. You knocked at the door quietly hoping he would here It.

"Come in" you hear his faint voice say from the other side. You grab onto Your cross necklace gripping the amulet tightly. What if It was something bad like a illness? What if you got trouble? Whatever it was you couldn’t help but Shake a bit. Pushing the handle down you open the door to see his in his desk. He sat their wearing his black priest dress. He seemed to be busy annotating his Bible like always.

"Good evening Yuta I was wondering if you had some time to talk with me." You ask stepping into his room.

"Of course how may I be of help so late ay night?" He asks as he sticks a yellow sticky note onto his Bible to save his page for later. "But you know it’s against the rules for a nun to be up so late at night by themselves right? It’s dangerous for you guys to be roaming around." Quickly he shut the book and looked at you waiting for you to continue.

"I know and I’m really sorry but this is something i really worried about! Please listen to me Yuta." You say. He gives you a small nod for you to continue talking. "I-Iv been feeling really odd recently. Iv been getting this very hot and sensitive sensation down there." You say pointing down.

"Oh?" The priest says as he sat on the edge of his chair. Clasping his hands together and resting his elbows onto the table. "Y/n Im afraid to say that It’s Your body trying to play tricks on you. It’s a feeling that makes you do something sinful. Its something that isn’t tolerated in this church." Yuta pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked at you disappointedly as he scooted back in his chair. "Now tell me the truth y/n. Have you touched yourself down their out of curiosity?" He asks.

"Yes" you say shamefully.

"Come here." He says as he looked at his watch for the time. You comply approaching him shakingly. Whatever was wrong with you was bad if he looked this serious. You’ve never been in a situation like this nor heard of it. Hopefully you wernt going to be kicked out of the church. You grew up here with your fellow sisters. His large pale hand patted his lap showing you were he wanted you. "Lay on your stomach" he said as he watched you do so. His lap felt stiff yet warm at the same time. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing but it wasn’t supposed to be. You already knew what was coming, you’ve seen it plenty of times whole working here. A nun would commit a sin or disobey the hire ups and would get spanked publicly. It was a way of public shaming and would scare the other nuns to obey. It was a system that worked very well for the church. Though this was the first time Yuta has done such a thing.

He was all the nuns favorite due to his kindness and forgiveness. He was a kind soul that always smiled and helped as much as he could. Also for the fact that he was a young handsome man. The rest of these priest where old and close to their death beds. Finally getting position you could feel your dress being lift up. The cold air hitting your behind giving you goosebumps. "You must be punish for your sins. Keep count on how many spanking I give you okay? And answer my questions." He said finally pulling your panties down. All you could look at was his shoes and the hard wood floor. You could feel your heart begin to race. Your palms begin to sweat and your mind full of anxious thoughts. Was this going to hurt? Is he going to tell other priests? If this going to give rid of that sinful feeling?

Squeezing your eyes shut you could feel the cold air hitting your behind. "When did this start?" His cold voice asks.

"Two weeks ago" you say.

Smack

You could feel the sting of the impact. As a heat wave passed through your body.

"Why didn’t you come any sooner?" He asks.

"I was afraid of getting in trouble.." you confess.

"We’ll look where that got you." He spanked you again and again making you jolt with watch hit. "Did you enjoy touching yourself?" He hums. You shake your head hesitantly. Your hands gripping onto the sides of your dress waiting for what’s to come. Again you got hit a couple of times. To the point where you lost count. "That’s very unholy of you y/n what am I going to do with you? Should I send you to the correction center? Or keep my eye on your at all times now?"

AN:I had to cut it short bc Iv been sick for 2 weeks straight now T-T

[nahalism]

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I’m the “liberal feminists are dumb” anon maybe I should pick another name to identify myself lmao but for someone so young you seem to be someone very wise. I did mean it when I called you intelligent last time, I’m curious about what made you want to learn about esotericism, while I don’t believe in everything esotericism has to say it’s definitely something that has always attracted me too. Like what books do you or have you read?

lmao, its cool come as u are. & im 25 (will be 26 in june). and thank you

i dont want to make this reply a long history of my life story, cause ultimately it will just be a story & one that may have no bearing or relation to what you feel/think. my truth is that i feel each person should believe and follow in what feels true for them. for me that is the principle of being loving and lovable, creating harmony or betterment where i go, and leaving what i touch better than how i found it or at least untainted by my presence. when i fall short of that, i dissect it and apply it to myself painstakingly so that i become a fuller expression of what i want to be and that has always been my nature. esoteric study has helped me tremendously in that pursuit, but it isnt the core reason its my nature to pursue that way of living. ive always loved the stories of people older than me, music, literature, science, history, psychology, anthropology, philosophy, building things, logic, so schools of thought whether they be animism, islam, christianity, hinduism, theosophy, syncretism, the kabbalah, the sybil oracles, are all of interest to me because theyre like giant slabs of all of those subjects put together to pick apart and bring me to a fuller understanding of the world. i take what i find to be true & apply it, leave what i dont agree with & respect it because one day i might find it relevant. but ive always said on here and still feel that its not what you know or how much you know, its what you do with it. knowing something means nothing if it cant be practically applied & my experiences, beyond any book ive ever read, are what lead me to feel conviction in my beliefs. & yes, 😂those experiences are all the typical inexplicable psychic phenomena that are usually palmed off as woowoo. so ill write a list of some authors or books that have been great resources for me over the years below, but what i hope you ultimately get from this is that its what we feel and what we experience that trumps everything. ive met many athiests that are just genuinely good people & i think that example exhibits this best. to not believe in a god or a point to any of all this and still choose to be 'good' for goodness sake is i think what all of these teachings wish for us to arrive at.

- ted andrews and ivan antic (both have many good books), manly p hall - the secret teaching of all ages, helena blavatsky isis unveiled and the secret doctrine, rudolph stiener (many good books all audio also as books on youtube), any resources left behind by nikola tesla and einstein are incredibly to marry with the content in many of these books, florence scovel shinn, krs1 (also many good videos on youtube), ralph waldo emerson has amazing insights, james redfield the celestine prophecy, the monk who sold his ferarri robin sharma, santos bonacci has a good video on syncretism & how the bible relates to astrology and the earth as a tauric field of energy, robert wang quabalistic tarot is phenomenal, and of course the bible, the quaran, the bhagavad gita, the majority of hindu and buddhist texts and whichever gnostic texts you can get your hands on. if you are a sceptic your free to remain a sceptic. the key thing is to allow the texts to meet you where you are, but to know the difference between bias and separating the wheat from the chaff. best of luck & feel free to dm me at any point

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

I'm also confused now mhmm

I mean... i'm still very indecisive about how I personally want to view the human mind, its consciousness, and realities... especially in regards to manifestation and reality shifting.

I must say i don't know that much about the writings of those people you mentioned. i'm currently reading neville goddard's books. English isn't my mother tongue. So, the archaic english parts REALLY confuse me sometimes but his way of interpreting the bible is really interesting.

Before getting into law of assumption and reality shifting, I was generally into spirituality and witchcraft. I even had a huge tumblr blog for tarot readings lol... yk through channeling my spirit guides and 'predicting' things so to say. Though, my way of viewing myself and the world I'm in changed a lot over the past view years.

But it's kinda like wanting to set puzzle pieces together but there are puzzles pieces from different pictures and some fit together (physically) that are not really meant to be together (image-wise) iykwim? And later on, you find out that some parts were wrongly put together so you have to revise it (your beliefs) and start again from zero... it's a difficult and really confusing journey imo.

And as i'm not really able to grasp the concept of this reality yet and what role my consciousness in all this plays, it's also really difficult to decide what role other people's souls and 'soulmates' play in this.

Oftentimes, I just want to simplify everything for me just because it all seems so overwhelmingly complicated. (Thats also why i wrote a very vague explanation in that soulmates ask - i tried to keep it simple.) Which reminds of what neville goddard keeps mentioning that humans always try to analyse everything even the simplest things and therefore always end up with complicated 'conclusions' which in turn makes them stray afar from the (very simple) quintessence. (idk if that made sense now lol)

I know this whole rant was probably completely useless to you, it just shows my confusion... sorry once again my mind is very scatterbrained and i don't know where im going with all those thoughts most of the time :')

Anyways, I still have plans to shift to a (what I like to call) 'spirit cafe dr' which is just a dr in a 'otherworldly' caféshop setting where I can talk with my spirit guides and other entities. And I plan to ask them about all this (and more)/to learn from them. I don't know when I will do it, probably not anytime soon because i'm busy with university but I definitely need answers lol

Btw have you already shifted to your jesus dr?

[thanks for this ask!]

and don't apologise for the rant! while i won't claim to understand everything that you've said, i do think you make a point with goddard's belief of analyses. i myself fall subject to that 😭😭

sometimes, we want to understand the world so much—and it's as if each change needs to be predicted, just so we fulfill our desire for knowing. i think that's where your experience with your worldview shifting and my habit of theorising fall under. as you've mentioned, the journey is a puzzle, and in some cases, the pieces never always fit together as expected. we both want to know what would be of us, and why; we want to know when, where, and how it would happen.

my best guess is that it's merely human nature at play. certainty isn't always guaranteed, as can be depicted by the presence of change itself. so, we try to make solutions for a problem that should have been left alone. I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but the processes we take make it our lives harder than we need to. call it a lapse in judgement, if you will.

I'm not as versed with the concept of spirit guides nor do i always try to seek them out, but i do know they're very significant to everyone's journeys. that's mostly a matter of opinion, but don't let it stop you. i hope you get the answers that you seek!

and don't be shy about the rant! it's refreshing to see someone else's thoughts on the matter, actually. it usually takes me some time to respond, but i love long-winded discussions.

as for my jesus DR, not yet, because it's not that urgent for me as of the moment. I'm currently focused on my fame DR. but i do hope to shift (or mini-shift) to my jesus DR at least once this year, on or before christmas [just to celebrate it in time lmao].

[traumacatholic]

hello! i dont know if you ever had to deal with this but, i am so ashamed of showing my faith to people i know. everyone around me is not very religious and i am afraid my friends will laugh at me or being shamed by my family. im scared of being caught praying and stuff like that and i dont know how to fix it because i know i shouldn't hide my faith but also i dont feel comfortable showing it.

Hello! I'm sorry that you feel so anxious and ashamed of showing your faith. I've also went through a period of this, largely because of anxiety around being a convert and because I had actively unsupportive people in my life.

I think it's important to pinpoint whether our anxiety around showing our faith to certain people is based off of imagined rejection, or if we have actual certainty that they would reject us in some capacity because of our faith. If someone wants to exclude, mock, insult us, etc for our faith then where possible we should be trying to limit our contact with them as much as possible. We don't need to cut people out of our life for not having the same faith as us, but we shouldn't be putting ourselves in a place where people are actively hostile and disrespectful to important parts of our identity.

If people do reject you for your faith, then we can try and take comfort in the words of the Bible.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." [Matthew 5:10-12

It's an unfortunate part of life, that sometimes things that we integrate into our lifestyles can alienate others. Sometimes people will just move to respectfully distance themselves as your values come into conflict with their values. Other people will be more hostile to this, and attempt to conform you to their set of values. This can even happen when we encounter strangers - we're not always going to meet people that are open to liking us or even respecting us. And there's nothing that we can really do about this. No amount of attempting to conform, no amount of hiding ourselves, will protect us from this.

I think it's also important to know that we don't need to introduce ourselves as Catholics/Christians to everyone that we meet - the way that we live should be a form of profession of our faith. Where people can look at us and identify the values we have and where we come from from the decisions we make and the reasonings behind them. I don't generally introduce myself as Catholic to new people, I just bring it up in conversation where relevant.

Some things that worked for me confidence wise, were just beginning to share or like social media posts about the faith. And this could be as simple as sharing Christian art, sharing information about a feast day etc. I feel like these posts are really good because they can be interesting to a wider audience, but over time, it demonstrates your connection to the faith because they see you engaging with that content regularly. It also attracts Catholic followers to your social media platform, and you can engage with them that way and develop confidence in speaking publicly about your faith. These posts around art / feast days tend to create the least amount of arguments in response, so it's a good way of sharing content without having to engage in theological debate.

Just experiment dropping it into conversation ever so often. Share a funny story from Church or an interesting fact about Church history or a funny Saint story you came across. You don't have to tell people about when you go pray, but I'd also again say that it's normal to feel awkward if someone 'catches' us praying. I know that I always feel a bit startled if someone comes into my room when I'm attempting to pray. I think it's largely about just getting used to these things. Practice praying in your head when you're around other people, and you can slowly develop confidence in your faith this way. Maybe even invite your family to a Church celebration (maybe not a Mass, but even something like a Church BBQ or a Mass for a specific feast day). They might say no - my family are completely disinterested in the faith. But for some people they might still come along to show support even if it's not their thing.

For me, some of that shame also came from not being able to defend the faith well. I was still learning it, and I didn't have answers to people's questions (I still largely don't!). But developing a basic understanding of the faith, and learning the kinds of arguments that come up and defences to them can go a long way to strengthening our own confidence. We might not be able to win people over, and certainly not everyone that asks questions about the faith are doing so with a serious interest or desire to understand/learn, but we can still feel a lot less awkward than the times where we completely don't know an answer.

But again, I think you can comfortably live a Christian life without going out of your way to tell others. You don't need to tell others, but if they ask you if you are Christian or religious, then you should answer them honestly. If you don't feel confident telling them, then that's fine! Just don't hide it from them, and if they mock the faith around you, then maybe you can step in and go "hey, I'm actually Christian, and I don't like it when you talk about the faith in this way". People will likely pick up on your faith once they find out that you're going to Church anyway

[heavenaintaniceplace]

so i found my mother’s copy of the jw (new world translation) bible and i decided to yoink that shit for disposal but not before i realized there is a lot of lines highlighted in the book from when she was being manipulated by the jw lady that convinced her to do “bible study” for years. and what do you know if the lines the lady had my mother highlight weren’t the same lines that jws use to justify their cult beliefs! all the lines are cherry picked, no actual study, just the lady manipulating and priming her to accept their beliefs by presenting so called “biblical proof.” so here is some of the things that stand out before i finally rip this thing to shreds and through it away.

literally the whole book replaces every instance of the tetagrammaton with “jehovah” because they want people to believe its been “removed from the bible thousands of times because they don’t want you to know the true name of god”. the whole thing is translated with an agenda to make them look right and everyone else wrong and to make people believe they have some secret hidden knowledge (they don’t they’re liars). putting this under a read more because its very long.

heavy TW for everything related ro religious trauma, the jehovah’s witnesses, bible passages and christianity. incredibly long post. i plan on burning the jehovah’s witness copy of the bible, no joke.

the imago dei part of genesis to try and convince her that humans were super special to god

genesis chapter 3, the serpent convincing eve to eat the fruit of knowledge so that she would accept their version of the original sin doctrine and that women are cursed

chapter where cain kills abel to convince her that this was the first murder in human history (obviously incorrect)

highlighted the part where god kills everything on earth with a flood to groom her into expecting god to do it again later and seen as fair and just and part where god “gives” noah every living creature (because fuck other organisms apparently)

part of leviticus where (in their version) theyre like “no soul must eat blood” (what the fuck) to justify not allowing life saving blood transfusions

deuteronomy part about “jehovah being one” to justify being non trinitarian (they don’t believe jesus is god or that the holy spirit is god, this is meant to lure people who are already christians away from their denoms and into theirs)

“thou shall not kill” is highlighted for some reason and i don’t know why

highlighted job 1:12 to emphasize that they believe satan is in control of the world because god allows it and job 26:7 that has a note saying “the earth hangs there” when talking about sheol to convince her of where earth is relative to “heaven” and using a bunch of “face of the waters” creationist language to make it vague as possible. job 27:5 to make her believe that “no one is righteous” and that saying so is sinful

part in psalms that assures that “wicked people will be no more if you just wait a little while longer” (this is the apocalypse imminent narrative they use to groom people with fear of dying or leaving but also to get them warmed up to the idea of mass death). “the righteous will inherit the earth and live forever” narrative so they believe that jws will live on earth forever after being resurrected while everyone else (whos not a jw) is killed by god

psalms 91 to drive home the fact that these people think theyre invincible in every meaning of the word, to natural disasters and disease etc

proverbs 6 part about “false witnesses”. jws believe that three jehovah’s witnesses have to be present to verify that a crime (like domestic or sexual abuse) actually happened or the governing body and elders don’t care. literally. the “false witness” narrative is used against survivors and people they want to silence in their organization and emphasizes how much jehovah hates “false witnesses” aka people brave enough to talk and victims

proverbs 12:18 about “wise and unwise tongues”, basically anyone that speaks out against the jws are “unwise” and harmful

proverbs 22 about raising children (”train up a child”, if you don’t know it already this is a child abuser dog whistle) that implies that indoctrination will last until adulthood if done right. this is especially bad because this copy is from the early 2000s when i was in kindergarten. this woman had been lurking on us since i was an infant.

proverbs 27 about how neighbors near is better than brothers far away. the implication here is that fundamentally family who aren’t jws don’t matter

ecclesiates 5. i genuinely think its warning people to not ask too much of god or risk his anger, thats the vibe im getting here because the wording is confusing as fuck

isiah 40:22 trying to hammer in the notion that god is greater than anything especially “worldly” governments (except the governing body ofc /s). isiah 43:10 the “you are my witnesses” to justify the name “jehovah’s witnesses” and shoehorn the idea in

daniel 2:40, the idea of an indescribable kingdom, the whole kingdoms in the “last days” conspiracy they use to convince people the “last days” are coming

matthew 4:8 where jesus is persuaded by satan by offering every kingdom on earth. the point in text is “don’t worship anyone except god” but the point of the jws is that nothing on earth actually matters

matthew 6:9 (nice), the our father, meant to make the reader to ask god to hasten the kingdom of god or as we ex-jws know hasten the apocalypse and the death of people they dont like

matthew 16:24, meant to convince people to leave everything behind and join the jws, “disown yourself” aka “die to yourself” toxic bullshit repackaged

matthew 19:9, to convince people that divorce even in instances of domestic abuse is wrong because the governing body won’t allow it and loves to control women

matthew 24:4-14, “anyone who doesnt speak for the jws is a false prophet” and warms people up to the notion that war is necessary; also that evidence of war is a sign of the “last days” and that this is supposed to be good news. ongoing war and the hope for global genocide is “good news” to them.

matthew 24:21. this one is meant to make people feel the apocalypse could happen at any time and to be afraid of it, a great war is coming and only the “chosen ones” (jehovah’s witnesses) will survive when everyone else dies. there’s a paper bookmark on this page. makes me wonder.

mark 8:34. the “die to yourself” bullshit, the idea that the cross was a “torture stake” because jws believe that wearing crosses is idolatry and they want other people to believe their quirky beliefs so they accept heavier things

matthew 10:28, “anyone who follows jehovah and jesus will literally live forever!” but also that “no one is prepared to leave their family for jesus and thats shameful because you should want to sacrifice your entire family!”

mark 11:24 “anything you pray for earnestly you get”. this is spiritual bypassing btw. and :25 “ask for forgiveness and be automatically forgiven no matter what you did” is also fucked

matthew 15-23: jesus (almost) gets wasted while being crucified etc, not sure why this one is highlighted unless im missing some jw bullshit here

luke 20:27. don’t understand this one but they’re threatening “heavier judgement” on people

john 5:28, promising resurrection through jesus after people die but only for the Good tm people (the jws)

john 6:15. how jesus is about to be arrested but goes to a mountain. dunno why this on is underlined

john 11:24. bringing home the same “jesus will save you from dying if youre a jw” bullshit. john 14:6 “jesus is the ONLY way ever! there can’t be anything else except jesus” indoctrination tailored to make you co-dependent. john 17:3, hook line and sinker of promising resurrection and “eternal life” again

john 17:15. here is the “we aren’t of the World tm” shit meant to make you feel outcast from everyone else who isnt a jw, setting up “the world” (everyone else) as other

acts 15:25. “follow the jw rules because the holy spirit you to”

romans 10:10, spread jw beliefs and witness as much as possible. romans 12:9 “hate everything jehovah hates so you’re not a hypocrite” basically means hate other people the jws don’t approve of

corinthians 6:9 (nice but not so nice this time) “anyone we don’t like won’t inherit the earth” translation: anyone we don’t like won’t survive the apocalypse thats definitely happening soon so always be afraid. “homosexuals” are changed to “men kept for unnatural purposes for this one.” still homophobic.

corinthians 7:6, the idea that everyone has a gift that needs to be exploited and used by the jws

corinthians 15:33. “don’t participate in any activities with any outsiders because it will lead you away from jehovah!! fun is ‘drunkenness’, you’ll loose your resurrection if you do!! non jw people are bad influences!!”

2 corinthians 7:1. your body and flesh is defiled, you need to be cleansed in order to be good

galatians 5:20. “having human emotions is sinful! struggling is sinful! being angry is sinful! having a bad day is sinful!” basically that being human is inherently wrong or something

ephesians  3:14. tries to make people believe everything is owed to god only and that obedience is good so they fall for cult power structures later. 4:28 here is just the top of the page being labeled “new personality” and thats all we need to know about indoctrination and cult personality vs actual personality. also “let not the sun set with you in a provoked state” being used against people still angry about being wronged and hurt by others and its been used against me a lot of times

ephesians 6:4. make sure the jw fathers provide the most discipline to children, literally uses the phrase “mental regulating of jehovah”. it couldn’t be more cult like at this point.

timothy 5:8 makes people believe that men alone are expected to provide and if they don’t they’re worse than “those without faith”. no pressure though!

timothy 6:19. wants people to neglect everything actually happening in favor of the “real life” (”eternal life”) instead and to constantly prepare for that instead of actually living life. dedicate your whole life to jw activities

titus 2. women need to be subjects to their husbands but also homemakers, live to glorify their husband, chaste and definitely not mentally ill or showing any symptoms. what the fuck is titus i never heard of this shit until today.

hebrews 1:7-14, trying to convince people that angels live to serve god but also has some superseccsionist/replacement theology (antisemitism) vibes going on

james 2:23, wants people to believe that god “putting people to the test” is actually a way to become “jehovah’s friend” and that being put to the test (read: suffering) is actually a good thing because it primes them to accept suffering as their fault later on. james 4:7 “everything evil will vanish if you rebuke it long enough!!”

peter 3:9 the “god’s timing is always right” gospel bs and encourages people not to do things themselves but to wait and also that jehovah will be on time when its time to start another global genocide. how encouraging! peter 3:13, the same “end of world near” scare tactic, “new heavens new earth” promise to eradicate everyone the jws dont like as that is jehvoah’s “promise” to the witnesses

1 john 3:8, their version of the original sin doctrine, the devil is the source of all evil scare tactic etc

short detour: every instance of “servant” is replaced with “slave” in this version. it makes me feel ill.

revelations 7:16, wants people to believe that god will take away all their pain and that they won’t need food or water to survive anymore (bullshit). also the jehovah’s witness 144,000 chosen people bullshit is here too but not highlighted

revelations 12:7-13, a depiction fo michael drop kicking satan and the implication that satan has always been in charge and not god because they want people to believe that. also that the devil will fall to earth and try to eat jws

revalations 14-4: virgins get dibs on heaven and god i guess. i dont know what the fuck is going on. 14:6 an angel yelling fear god from above, probably where the jws get most of their apocalyptic imagery from that they use to scare children into believing they could die at any minute

so now that we finally got to the end of that mess, their version of revalations ends with jesus saying “yes, i am coming quickly” and “may the undeserved kindness of jesus christ be with the holy ones.”

joking aside, everything highlighted in this copy of this book has been used against me and my mother for years and is a huge part of the reason i have religious trauma now. everything she was told or encouraged to highlight aided jehovah’s witness indoctrination and propaganda, her own indoctrination and eventually mine which apparently started even earlier than i thought.

[tobacconist]

ill put it here since its hard to have a proper discussion through replies

@solomonjones 

God’s will is mysterious, and we as humans cannot know it. i dont pretend to, but i can aspire to atleast attempt to understand it. regardless of your religion; either you believe: God ordains all events throughout history as part of his greater unknowable plan, and that it is He who causes the rise and fall of nations, peoples, ideologies, etc or, you believe: when good things happen to you God is blessing you but when good things happen to your enemies it is satan who blesses them. if that is the case, you do not worship the One True God. you worship an imposter deity who presumes to call itself “θεός”, or “Бог” or “ الله ”;  who is caught in deep rivalry with all the other pretenders to the throne of God Almighty.

this is what the story of the old testament is fundamentally about. even though the israelites were God’s chosen people, they were continually overtaken and oppressed by pagans. as it is written, the LORD hardened the pharaohs heart. in my opinion, it is impossible to understand the wider context of the bible (old and new testament) without understanding it in relation to pagan history and mythology (and in relation to the modern world) they didnt include, say, the odyssy in the holy canon of course because the pagan peoples being converted already knew these stories intimately. they did include the scriptures of the jews however (even though they were in many ways just as spiritually flawed as the pagans) because people were less familiar with them and the scriptures of the jews are very important to understanding the significance of the life of Jesus Christ (as he fulfilled prophecies of both the pagans and the jews)

when i say i have deep respect for the orthodox churches, please understand that i am being completely earnest. but i see it for what it is, an imperial religion of temporal power, like any other. this is going to sound quite harsh, and im writing this from an antagonistic perpective because, i presume, as someone who is quite devout; you do not need to be convinced of the deep need for religion in the world (now more than ever) that said... throughout history, kings and theologians have torn the Body of Christ, the church herself, into pieces. like DOGS they have torn the body of christ to pieces! like some horribly blasphemous tug of war. catholics pulling the head and protestants pulling the legs. baptists pulling out the intestines, the orthodox snarling and territorially guarding the heart, and the gnostics scooping up the spilled brains. and yet they are all convinced they know best, that they are the ones with grace, that they are the only true pure and correct church. this is what i mean about spiritual pride, and everyone knows it. especially when their actions and morals are in so many ways clearly at odds with what Christ actually taught. the only reason atheism exists is because of centuries of corrupt religious leaders; you can blame no one else for this godless world.

you claim the tsar held grace by his ceremonial anointment; but God hears the cry of the oppressed. thousands dead for your cause seems very reasonable compared to thousands dead for your enemies cause. but God gave people a rational mind, and although we are all misguided, he gave us wisdom enough to (eventually) see through deceit - whos author is the devil. it took centuries, but he taught us the ignorance of idolatry. the foolishness of worshipping kings. many more centuries it took until we abolished slavery. when the LORD let loose his hand and upturned the entire order of civilisation; throwing the chess pieces everywhere. fortuna’s wheel made such a global revolution; scarcely ever seen before. the nobility of the world, once so proud, learned through the bitterest chastisement the desserts of one who believes he can do no wrong.  i cannot question the judgement of the LORD, but i do wish history had been different. less bloodshed, less mess; but God knows best.

on the topic of miracles, you can believe whatever you like, my friend. jesus said blessed are those who believe what they cannot see; but in my opinion you are as naive as one who believes hindu swamis can manifest gold rings out of thin air.  all religions are guilty of this chicanery, but the spell only holds as long as people still want to believe. God gave us the power of reason, and His essence is truth. a great spiritual mystery; that (atleast for the past hundred years) Gods chosen people have been the atheists who knew him not! contemplate it! deny it if you want! there is great wisdom to be found there. not that they are blameless. the very opposite. i do not deny the horrors of communism which i assume you as an orthodox christian will know intimately well; but communist movements (and growing secularisation in general) cannot be thought surprising when one considers history. but has not the LORD advanced their science? has He not given them the power to perform many miraculous (and diabolic) deeds? babylon, rome, and america all play their part in His great plan. Blessed are the Naive, for they will not be punished as severely as those who should have known better. you can bring up some (rather weak) scientific validation of miraculous events to prove that God is on your side, but every single religion does this. and if you look at who is actually out there curing the blind, deaf and lame, who is it?

do you feel a deep spiritual calling in your heart which demands your soul to cleave unto the orthodox church? good. listen to it. that is God talking to you. that is God telling you what role you must play here in your lifetime. in some peoples hearts, that voice tells them to cleave to islam, or to buddhism, or to fucking wicca some people it tells them to ardently support nothing but science and secularism and to reject any fairytale from the past that they cannot prove. to some it tells them not to worry about any complicated theological or scientific shit that they would never understand anyway; and instead to simply follow what they know and try to be a good person by whatever ethical system they follow.

to some of us, it says we must always, always strive to be wise. that it is our sacred duty to solve every great paradox and to unveil every mystery that while the rest of the world argues in the dark, we must take our small spark of light and study deeply what we see within its radiance; and combine our little lights whenever we can. that we will be punished for our failings, as we will never be truly wise. no man can be omniscient. we will be punished for everything that we know, and for everything that we dont know, and that we must accept this. for being lukewarm and middling, for being passionate and taking a side. but we must do it anyway. that it is our duty. because ignorance is a condition which feels disgusting. that voice, it tells me that this is the task, the monumental task that all mankind undertook when we chose to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, when we had been warned not to; to become like gods. and God himself, the LORD almighty said to us: okay.  but you will die. you will die thousands of times. thousands upon thousands, upon thousands of times. and each time, you will become just a little bit wiser until maybe, just maybe, you will become like i. my “only begotten son” who will reign with me in paradise when you finally realise what a profound responsibility it is to be God.

[in-a-cave-with]

can you make a list of every mavel comic you've ever read (good and bad) i just finished iron man (1998) and i thoroughly loved it with all its best and weird bits

GOOD™

iron man stuff:

tales of suspense (1963) – a classic. 100/10. would read several times

iron man vol 1 (1968) – i’m on, like, issue 20 out of 300 something but it’s also very very good! the drama..the action……..wig

iron man vol 3 (1998) – obv i know youve read this one anon but for anyone out there starting comics this one’s SUPER good, and also Love Is Stored In The Tonyru

iron man vol 4 (2005) – listen this comic. so great, so iconic. maya hansen! epic fights! director stark! good art except for, like, the 6 issues of execute program but execute program is such a good story arc that you wont even notice! 

iron man noir (2010) – INDIANA JONES AU TONY STARK, LITERALLY THE BEST CONCEPT MARVEL’S COME UP WITH. PEAK COMICS IRONFAM

iron man legacy (2010) – i enjoyed this one a lot! i’m kind of confused as to, like, what’s going on but it’s fun

iron man season one (2013) – ok so this is, like, a modern remake of tony’s origin story and it’s..kind of average imo but thats ok! bc you can just look at the very very pretty pictures

iron man fatal frontier (2013) – tony becomes governor of the moon and fights doom! also he takes down an ai with weaponized fanfiction somewhere in there. read this one with a .cbr reader

invincible iron man vol 2 (2015) – gonna maybe fuck around and rec bendis’ entire iron man run bc . the art is gorgeous and the story isn’t the strongest but tony’s characterization is v good 

international iron man (2016) – ok i dont remember what happens in this one but alex maleev’s art is literally god 

invincible iron man vol 3 (2016) – RIRI WILLIAMS!!!! AND ALSO AI TONY STARK (MY SON MY BOY WHOM I LOVE)!!!!

other stuff:

new avengers vol 1 (2005) – as i have said before. new avengers GOT the sauce. stevetony and caroljess on one team was too powerful so marvel had to break em up with civil war . also stop reading this comic when you get to civil war

civil war: casualties of war (2007) and civil war: the confession (2007) – these are both oneshot comics and also the Only Civil War Content You Need To Subject Yourself To

spider-man noir (2010) – a break from the avengers stuff to tell you that this comic is very brutal and also very good

secret invasion (2010) – ok avengers emh did it better™ but this is still very neat! also it’s pretty trippy so its got that going for it too

siege (2010) – i dont understand what’s going on but the art is very good. also the avengers get to beat up norman osborn’s bitch ass

avengers prime (2011) – apparently this is the “stevetony bible” and …honestly there isn’t anything i can say in objection to that

avengers vol 4 (2010) – this comic is SUPER fun. after the fear itself tie ins the art and story get pretty eugh though so be careful

fear itself (2012) – BEST BEST BEST!!! my favorite crossover event in comics, with cool art and a badass storyline

captain marvel vol 4 (2012) – can we get a yeehaw for CAROL DANVERS . hell yeah. this is her first run with the name captain marvel and it’s Very Good

avengers: the enemy within (2014) – captain marvel vol 4 ends on a cliffhanger and the storyline’s capped off here

avengers vol 5 (2013) – ok so *clown noises* i haven’t exactly finished it but…this is the One Was Life The Other Was Death comic and it’s super good from what ive read so far

hawkeye (2013) – matt fraction’s run! everyone and their dog wants you to read it and you absolutely should if you have not. not too sure abt the volume numbering but heres a link to download in TPBs, it’s volumes 1-4

captain marvel vol 5 (2014) – this is the volume featuring chewie (!!) and carol in outer space with the guardians of the galaxy (!!!). super fun in general, would read again

ms marvel (2014) – again i am VERY confused as to what the official issue/volume numbering is, but here’s a list of TPBs that collect pretty much every kamala khan comic pre 2019 (im gonna rec all of them bc kamala is a treasure)

doctor strange vol 3 (2015) – literally everything i want from a comic tbh, also chris bachalo’s art is amazing

marvel 1872 (2015) – no one actually calls this Stevetony Bible 2 but lbr it’s basically Stevetony Bible 2

all-new all-different avengers (2015) – BEST AVENGERS TEAM EVER. EVER. PLEASE BENDIS WHY DID YOU BREAK THIS TEAM UP IM SAD

the unbelievable gwenpool (2016) – oh god oh fuck it’s miss GWEN POOLE . this comic is super funny and also surprisingly heartfelt, plus the art is . mmm.

champions (2016) – the gen z superhero team, i love all of them so much. i can almost forgive marvel for ending anad avengers

hunt for wolverine: adamantium agenda (2018) – so this is, after 11 goddamn years, closure for the first civil war regarding tony and the new avengers that sided with steve. amazing.

the life of captain marvel (2018) – the carol origin retcon is…eh. but it’s still very good! think of it as carol’s international iron man

avengers: back to basics (2018) – kamala goes back in time and accidentally reveals tony’s secret identity and it’s the funniest fucking thing

captain marvel (2019) – the first issue is everyone bullying tony which sucks but DONT LET THAT GET YOU DOWN bc it’s, like, actually good and also tony appears more in later issues without getting bullied

war of realms (2019) – i guess it’s a marvel rule that all crossover comics having to do with asgard are Top Notch? anyway

loki (2019) – AMAZING loki shenanigans and also the REAL reason you needed to read war of realms tbh

ironheart (2019) – gosh i love riri williams so much she’s so GREAT and you should DEFINITELY READ THIS

QUESTIONABLE™:

invincible iron man vol 1 (2008) – matt fraction’s iron man run…it’s ..ok story wise? however the characterization is a lil off at times and the art is HORRIBLE

iron man vol 5 (2013) – ok so this comic is super weird ? because it’s nice that tony spends time out in space but also it confirms that he’s a furry apparently. pretty much the only truly average iron man comic

avengers vol 8 (2018) – okay so i really like the art and the story’s okay but there’s a bit where tony flirts w carol and it’s the most ooc thing ive ever seen and that’s enough to land it in the questionable category

tony stark: iron man (2018) – i debated over whether to put this here or in the Bad™ category BUT valerio schiti’s art is too beautiful and the rhodeytony content fuels me. also issues 12 and 13 (war of realms) written by gail simone are pretty good. unfortunately dan slott wrote the rest and it AINT IT CHIEF

gwenpool strikes back (2019) – it starts off strong in the first issue but goes downhill from there and tbh it’s not really respectful of the previous gwenpool run

magnificent ms marvel (2019) – ok listen i love kamala a lot but if theres gonna be a romance plot between her and bruno it’s the electric chair

BAD. AVOID AT ALL COSTS™

iron man vol 2 (1996) – just. don’t touch this. it’s a hot mess

civil war (2006) – i hate this. so much. it’s unreal. all you need to know is that steve was real close to killing tony in the end but surrendered when he saw that he no longer had the moral high ground. and also steve got assassinated right before he was going to be put on trial

mighty avengers (2007) – this comic had the potential to be SO good. unfortunately the artists for the actual avengers issues don’t respect women at all

superior iron man (2015) – they made tony evil and i could not be more angry with it. who even fucking wants to read this theres not even any emotional payoff for any of this

civil war ii (2016) – i would hit this stupid comic in the knees if i could. there is not a single c*vil w*r with rights. all you need to know is that carol put tony into a coma and it’s super ooc

iron man 2020 (2020) – listen i know this comic hasn’t come out yet but it has all the ingredients to be EVEN WORSE than superior iron man which is saying a lot.

this took way too much effort

[possessedartist]

Okay Castlevania Season 3 Thoughts

I’ve been watching it on/off for the past four days since I got busy at points but I just finished it about a hour ago.

(seems like everyone is either shitting on it or liked it lol)

Okay so, it was a fun season as someone who’s played (about half??? ish?????) of the series’ games. There’s a ton of easter eggs and nods, particularly the biggest ones being The Infinite Corridor (of Curse of Darkness fame) and Legion (I’ve only battled them in two games, one being SOTN). I didn’t realize it was Legion until they all started flying up in the air though lol. I’m very much glad that they weren’t all naked though dodndodn. Also the monsters!!! Very good!!!! I loved the Cthulhu one and they even included some of his in game attacks AND THE ANGELS UGHHHHH THEY WERE SO COOL AND THEY HAD THE GAME MUSIC PLAYING TOO

anyways I digress

Okay so plot line wise! I think Issac and Trevor/Sypha’s plotlines were the strongest imo. Just mostly because they both had the most screentime out of the four plotlines.

I don’t think either Alucard’s or Hector’s plotlines were particularly weak (or as weak as people are making them out to be). I think the problem is that since this is a twenty minute episode show, most of the build up shown in their plotlines won’t really pay off until the next season.

Hector is most likely going to go through his Curse of Darkness arc next season, likely whenever Issac launches his assault on the castle- and him being manipulated is the beginning of his arc. He basically realizes at the end of s3 that “Hey, I’m being way too trusting because every single time I place my trust in someone- I get used in the end so I should stop.” And so I think Issac might end up helping Hector unknowingly or unwillingly whenever he reachs Carmilla’s castle but that remains to be seen.

Alucard wise- yeah that sucked but it was needed (though I won’t necessarily agree it should’ve been in that way). I think it’s the beginning of his arc toward the SOTN and later games. The only humans he’s ever known was his mother and Sypha and Trevor and it’s here I’d like to draw a interesting parallel to Sypha and Alucard this season. Both by the end have their expectations betrayed because both unrealistically believe that monsters are bad and humans can never stoop down so low- and are proven very much otherwise by the end of their arcs. Between Castlevania III and SOTN, Alucard is said to have been sleeping the entire time. By SOTN, the only reason he wakes is because something happened in Dracula’s castle. If these are the events that lead up to him putting himself to rest for over a hundred years, I don’t blame the dude.

I’d like to also point to a post I saw earlier drawing parallels between Jesus and Alucard. There’s way too many parallels between them to not say there’s no connection, and that whole post is a good read for anyone interested in it (here’s the link). Anyways, the post points out as of right now, we’re at the point where Jesus is betrayed by his own disciple, Judas gives him the kiss of betrayal, and then Jesus is crucified. Likewise, we have Alucard being betrayed by his own students/disciples, he’s given a kiss of betrayal, and then crucified in literally the same position Jesus was. What happens next in the Bible is Jesus being placed in a tomb (assumed to be dead) and he ‘rests’ for three days and then rises and washes humanity of their sins (very much a brief bad retelling of the Bible but anyways). What’d make the most logical sense is that in Season 4, Alucard lays down to rest only to wake up at the events of Rondo of Blood/SOTN, and then ‘save humanity’ or in this case, Richter- the descendant of the one and only Trevor Belmont- thereby finishing the ‘Jesus Arc.’ While I don’t agree too much on how Ellis went about it, I can see how and why he set up Alucard’s storyline like he did- and it’d be unfair to say that I didn’t see it coming. There’s some really off lines they say at the beginning of the season which already made suspicious of those two, so it’s not exactly like it came out of nowhere- especially given their backstory (though they took it to a extreme I wouldn’t have thought they would).

Other characters wise, god I should’ve seen it coming but I’m sad about the judge character (anyone who follows me knows how into AA I am currently). He seemed so nice, but I realized that was over as soon as he told the monk dude to go to the apple tree because I was like “there’s no way there isn’t a trap for him there.” And then when they showed him falling into the pit, I was like WHELP THAT KID FROM EARLIER IS DEAD. Ugh I hate he’s a serial killer (and may have done more? Don’t want to think about it) and he collects their shoes uGHHH COOL BUT I WISH I KNEW EARLIER I WAS LEGIT GOING TO DRAW THE DUDE BUT IM NOT SURE NOW.

St. Germain was so cool! I loved seeing him (and even more nods to curse of darkness ughhh) and while he wasn’t a time traveller (at least not yet), he was such a treat to watch on screen. I’m very interested to see how he’ll act if he pops up later into the shows timeline, overall he was just a joy to watch on screen interacting with the other characters and I loved watching him talking about snorting mysterious drugs and waking up weeks later not knowing wth happening and of course, the toilet paper.

(Also the lesbian vampires DO own my heart thank you very much)

Anyways!! I didn’t think the season was bad! Still much better than any other plotlines I’ve seen most tv series try to do, so I refuse to say it’s bad writing (at least all of it). I couldn’t tell in Season 2 how this was going to link to any of the later games but I think with the end of Season 3, I’m starting to see how it’s linking together- at least in the way I’m thinking it’ll be. It’s very interesting watching this unfold as someone who’s been playing the games and watching other people losing it especially if they’re unaware of the events of rondo/sotn/ and the games with reincarnated dracula and alucard except now he’s decided to be a secret agent (which I haven’t gotten very far in). I won’t say people are being unfair in saying this was bad, because there are points where I was definitely un-invested, particularly during Alucard’s segments- which I think definitely needed more length and more time dedicated into making the story a lot better than it was- but I do believe despite some of the cons of this season- there was some pros as well.

EDIT: I’d like to also add I don’t think this is the end of St. Germain! If they decide to keep his timetraveling, although Issac and Hector’s roles are basically reversed as of rn, he comes in Curse of Darkness to stop the two from killing eachother so that could also potentially happen in a season 4. Just my thoughts and theories though lol

[deeeelightfuldee]

What does the shirt you are wearing look like? its a sleep dress. just a blue almost looks like an oversized tshirt.

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? health related stuff earlier was a bit stressful. it’s weird because i’m not personally stressed out about it like mentally, i’m very chill. but my body has a mind of its own and it was clear my body was distressed.

How do you stay positive with all that life throws at you? i have one chance at this life, however long that may be. i don’t want to look back at my time here and see negatives. no one else has the right to my emotions other than me. and nothing deserves the right to shake up my mindset.

What quality do you admire most in other people? positive people, those who make other people feel SEEN/included/acknowledged etc. driven. handy. devoted. honest. loyal.

What is the highest level of physical pain you have ever been in? rate1-10 …same question, but with emotional pain? physical probably a 9.5 and emotional 10

What is your most prized possession? ben

Which youtuber do you feel like you could be friends with easily? no clue i dont watch people on youtube

Do you like your natural hair color? not when it’s thin and patchy. if it were thicker, i wouldn’t mind it.

Do you think you will dye your hair when you start going gray? no clue. it’d be hard to notice rn.

Are you pale right now, or do you have a tan? I’m very pale.

Do you think you look best with a tan? thats my preference. i’ve been wanting to put a tan on lately to feel more like myself but thats not wise yet 

What is your favorite app on your phone? either google docs or a game app i have.

How old were you when you got your first smartphone? 19

Do you ever meditate on Scripture? some days yes. should more often

Are you living a life you want to escape from or do you love your life? i have loved my life for a long time but this year has made me seek escape.

When was the last time you felt that life was good? up til april.

Do you have one big mistake that you’ve made that you want to fix? no.

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on? i know this sounds awful but i don’t think that i’ve wronged anyone to the point that they can’t move on and neither can i. i’m uber conscious about that sorta thing.

Do you wear green on St. Patrick’s day? once in a while. im not irish at all so i dont make it like a MUST DO

Are you Irish at all? woops no.

Do you pray to God every day? yes

What are three things you are currently looking forward to doing soon? celebrating christmas eve. celebrating christmas day. sleeping

Do you ever dance in the rain? yes!!!!

Have you ever sat on a rooftop? yes

Who is that last good musician or band you discovered? Z made a playlist for me and there are a jillion bands/artists on there that are great that i was previously unfamiliar with.

Do you like to watch talent shows like America’s Got Talent and X Factor? not really, no. not my sorta thing.

Have you ever tried avocado toast? Yeah.

Name three items on your wish list right now. switch controllers. a wig. clothes.

Are you more talented musically or artistically or neither? more artistically.

Are you better at English or math? English. math was my worst.

What were your best subjects in school? English, science, history, Bible, psych, etc.

What was your favorite subject in school? hmm Bible or Psych

Have you ever visited a teacher at their home? uhhhh no. other than my mom since she was my teacher k-12th

How many windows are in your bedroom? One pair. they desperately need to be replaced.

Who was your first roommate? my sister

Who was your first best friend (besides a sibling)? does mom count? if not.. nea & gwen or britt

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? no. none of us look alike.

What types of cancer are in your family, if any? skin cancer. 

Do you have big dreams for your future? sometimes

Do you feel alone? yes

What is this month’s calendar picture? no calendar other than the google one on my phone

What is the theme of your wall calendar for this year? –

Have you ever seen a double rainbow? Yes.

How old will you be on your next birthday? 30!

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) dutch, swedish

Have you ever had an outstanding library fine? ahahahaha yes. in fact, I was convinced that i would be owing like hundreds of dollars. it ended up being like 13 dollars.

What book are you currently reading? next one on my list is november 9

Are you poor/broke right now? im eXtreeeeeeeemely poor.

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media? nope.

What is the name of your youtube channel? lol no.

How many subscribers do you have on youtube? goodness, who cares this much about youtube

Do you wish that life were more fair? No, I love unfairness. << lol. seriously.

Who was your first kiss? J

Do you feel you have found your soulmate yet? ooof. i really felt that i had. i hope sort of that I am wrong. he doesn’t see me that way and I’m tryin to move on to someone else. 

Are you single or in a relationship? I’m single for the time being

If you’re single, do you want to be, or do you wish you weren’t? i think i’m ready not to be. OK lemme vent for a sec.. i was thinking about this the other day. everything I got goin on with K would have been incredible just as it was before april. flirtin’. spoiling each other. living thru our phones and interacting 24/7 that way. never need to worry about being self conscious of my body. but the reality is.. i want a future with someone. i wanna come home and be held by someone. i want kids and memories and trips and all the things. he can offer me a jillion spoilings, but he can’t offer me that. so i HAVE TO STOP waiting for him. its not fair to him and its def. not fair to me. so i think i am going to go out with someone this month.

Ever collected shells at the beach? Yeah.

Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? carve

What year did you graduate high school? 2010

What do you miss about high school? learning, less responsibilities, friend hangouts before everyone got married/had kids and stopped hanging out.

What do you miss about college? learning, the profs, the campuses, the hw.

What color was your first car? silver

Do you have a car now? yea

What color was the house you grew up in? green/orange

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on? top floor

What is your birth order in the family? i’m the baby

What would your name be if you were the opposite gender? casey. 

Does your bedroom have carpet? it has a rug.

Best camping experience? i’ve not enjoyed any camping experience lol

Do you get heartburn? i’ve had it like 3x in my life.

Have you ever used Snapchat? yup. i enjoy it.

Did you want to be famous when you were younger? nope. wasn’t my interests.

What show did you most want to be on as a kid? i didn’t.

First celebrity you were obsessed with? ummm garth brooks

First celebrity crush? vigo mortenson

What was your first favorite stuffed animal? a stuffed bear

What was something unique about you as a kid? i had (have) a broken kneecap.

Were you ever goth/emo? nope. i was way too happy.

Do you want any more piercings? Nah. i always love having the top of my ear done but it always closes up.

How many tattoos do you have? Zero.

Do you want more tattoos? –

If you had to get a tattoo, what would you get? i’d have to really think about that.

Do you mostly write in cursive or print? a mixture

Were you ever homeschooled? i was!!

Describe your dream wedding in five words. lol probably eloping or a courthouse. maybe a killer party. 

Pick three animals that you think resemble you, and why? uh no

Are you unique? tbh i think the only thing unique about me is that im 99.9% of the time happy around everyone i encounter.

Do you get called a free spirit? i don’t think so. 

What day of the week were you born on? a friday <3

How are you feeling right now? my body hurts but beyond that physically im ok. 

[rennyji]

July 5th tweets

July 5th tweets...

i don't know where i first heard about it, but today, for the first time, ever, beyond portions, outside of the diet i adopted, i ate ice cream till i got sick (or till my stomach couldn't take anymore)...not just any ice cream...ben and jerry's chocolate fudge brownie iceCream-

- did you know one container of ben and jerrys chocolate fudge brownie ice cream contains 110 grams of sugar? i mean like orange juice contains 20 grams of sugar. low sugar orange juice contains 10-11 grams of sugar...the ice cream contains 110 grams of sugar...wow!

so a friend of mine got picked up by the police for getting drunk and roaming the streets at right. The police picked him up and dropped him off at a mental hospital. -

-you know its the most ridiculous thing. if ur dealing with a drunk, get him sober at your precinct with coffee or whatever and connect him with his family. That's probably what the Carl Winslow of Family Matters police would do. -

-Nowadays, the f*in police and all the weaklings in life try to use mental health as a weapon. If you raise your voice against a bully, in the spirit of victimizer v.s. victim, the victim will be held accountable for reacting. -

- it leads to a bunch of inept clowns running a show or being with power. In stalking me, perhaps the focus should be things like that, what is bringing this country and "lack of a culture" culture down. -

-Poor manufacturing, poor quality clothes, police who don't connect/be friendly and operate form a distance, mental health being used as a weapon, a mass of people conspiring against one individual - problems galore. The losers of orchestrators want a show, there's there show.-

- I come from a family owning an internationaSchool or w/political connections in another country. Our level of what's financially acceptable is attune 2 our culture &our family. All of a sudden Im getting criticized 4 using my family house 4a homeGym. Not 2say Im any1 special.-

- but to suddenly be held down by a foreign country of America's values? Why are the orchestrators limiting and confining my family for the sake of their show? F* you for trying to make us your normal.

 U know, the other day, i was telling my popz that im feeling fatigued despite four cups of coffee. he randomly suggests doing a series of blood work and body tests. I mean..why? weren't there some obvious reasons? isn't exercise, proper diet, lack of stress, key in all that?-

- if the suggestions are because of the orchestrators, are they aware of medical connections I have, my mom being a nurse practitioner, and the high end health care I experienced up until their arrival, before their mere blood tests? The things done for show are ridiculous...

- when i talk to people about my high end notions of consciousness, theres what i want 2 share &not. are the orchestrators, of this ... overly physical culture ... reacting in (i mean take a step back & analylze) primitive ways of wonder & understanding at what I'm talking about?

- so where is all this coming from? well under the hat of trying to assist me, call it paranoia, i get the feeling the orchestrators want to do meddling in my family life...my sibling moved off to Pennsylvania, i'll be on my way in time...whatever they may perceive as wrong in-

-the family of another culture, there was one universal, all encompassing solution that would have solved all the other problems. That solution wouldve been the progression of my life, a better job, a wife, a family...but the orchestrators, in whatever literal planet there on-

- <-there can't be a better example of that expression than these people) want to get involved in our lives put it on halt for the people of another country. No offense, ur cool, all the best to you. But Y should we be slaves, contrary 2 how our community sees us, 4 ur culture?-

- i mean what do your people do for us? I had a confrontation with the police the other day and one of ur blondes, insult to injury, steals my parking space, offers water to her white counterparts of police officers...couldnt she mind her own business and stay in her house?

i come from Hindustan...India...once known as the Land of the Hindus. while the religion has lost its overall way among some people, @ the heart of it is expansion of the mind & being One with the Divine. -

-It helped me understand Christianity. It helped me understand the oneness of Communion.

- The mind &Oneness with the Divine is somethingCore 2our country. &here come the American orchestrators...not b/c Im arrogant...but in a headBangingWay...11 years of...what the H*ll is this? my family needs me &my leadership, but they can't talk 2me under theTermsOfThisNonsense.

- anyway i said a bunch of stuff that in hindsight is all over the place...probably an example of stream of consciousness...but moving on...

under the terms and conditions of the "situation" set by the orchestrators, -

-Mom tells me to let her speak for 1 minute without interruption. She starts saying false statements. She screws up dates, reasons thing transpired the way they did-doing this after telling me I can’t speak, in a “situation, raises the suspicion-

- she is deliberately saying inaccurate things to make me look in a negative light to those this is being relayed.For my records, and showing I always do the right thing, in an unprecedented manner, I contacted the FBI and wrote hundreds of pages to them, called local police,-

- contacted Vice Presidents of schools, contacted my parents…you all play this game with one who does not show interest in taking part. For what I do have reasons and purpose. -

-Mixing that with cr*p…realize, at least at the point this is over, whenever that is, I am not liable for my actions after taking immeasurable pains to expose truth. You want a b*tch? Well remember this dog bites. -

-You want a fight for entertainment, ur gonna get h*ll of a lot of entertainment. And regardless of what you say, end of the day you have a feel for this, orchestrators, who’ve gotten for too comfortable in being at their distance.

- moving on...

So when my dad decided to pray like a pagan from older times, contrary to what it says in the Bible: go into your room and close the door and speak to ur Father…-

-like I said when my dad decided to pray aloud, I guess he thought it wise, under one influence or another, one reason or another, to say give me “karchya shakti”. -

-This translates literally to vision strength. While I don’t know what it means, one can infer it means insight to present day things.-

-Gee dad, mind torment and games, parents betraying me when power rests in their choices, people lie to me when power rests in their choices, I’m not interested in money, fame, or whatever, and have my own connections, -

-and people act based on instructions or the influence/guidance of a those who are strangers to me, I’m relayed in several forms…I mean where is insight missing?-

-The level of relaying goes into alleged thinking and what I see...so what am I missing in terms of "karchya shakti"? Only thing I don't get is what is tying my parents hands? Is my life in danger? -

-For justice, if, you my parents, can betray ur son, u can let me go. If Mary can accept Jesus crucified, let justice prevail. That is my wish.

[consump9qiz]

Greetings, Now the average = ( average = cave age ) persons ( persons = im person ate tors ) are on a Hollow Ween = ( Hollow Biological Cellular mean not enough Real Fruit Juices ) and ( to Ween or be Weened on Deceased Animal Particulars from Bath = Birth ) People are said by The 👼 Angels to have on their Biological Cuts Tomb and Guts Tomb. Cut, Gut up Deceased, Dad, Dead Animals and being the Burial and Tomb = Guts Tomb ( Costume ) after the animals Morgues and Mummifications Vantom = ( Vam Tomb ). DON'T ACT LIKE I AM MAKING THIS UP SAYS THE ANGELS CONTINUE READING. Farm = Vamp is where cattle and birds are slaughtered. House Holds are called Vam also, the house holds because, what you are holding onto are Dead Deceased Animals Parts you are indirectly participating in the Slaughter and Vamping of Cattle etc you label Farm animals Vam Animals and in your house holds are called a Family = Vam + Lee. So, Vam = Flesh and blood of Deceased Animals which is Love = Lovendar and Love is Pink in reality which means Dead and Lee in Vamly, the Lee is Dairy Lee all Dairy Products, cottage cheese, cheese, yogurt, sour cream, ice cream, too close to the cows but = butter etc. Grocery Shopping = Grotesque Chopping.. Every pieces of the animals flesh you bite into is Pink and Lovendar + ( Lavender ) which is Dead. Then when Love is Pink and it's Dead also, when a woman spread her legs it's Dead that is why all house holds call the Father ( Dad = Dead in reality ) Genesis Chapter 3 Verse 3 Speaks of The Garden of Earth when correctly put = ( The 🥛 Milk Carton Of Death Principle ). Fam = ( Famine or starvation and Feminine means being starved of number nine = ( Number nine is Real Fruits Juices and Electricity from the Son which is Tree Wise and Fruits Salad Man and Salad Woman is Part of the Wisdom. In your Adult Hollow Ween and He'll Low Eathe and Hellow Eve you want some Tricks and Treats = ( is when tricking every one in your households when time to eat by dressing up and disquising the dad = dead animals through your mummification = fictions = mummific taste your should shun. Trick or Treat also, known Ass Trick Whore Treats by each spouse tricking each other by lieing to each other. Remember, that Cheeses Cries She's Cut and Gut up in there Savor and Aroma for the fruits are fotidden Genisis Chapter 3 Verse 3. See the conceptualization written here is The Reality not the hippy on a plus sign you label Jesus Christ rather Cheeses Cries is any Woman Sexually Active with her make spouse has a Lord. You consider yourselves to be a Somebody or rather to be Zombie Batty and Zombie Baddy which the Truth reveals as one ages. Also, let me take you through some corrected spellings since you have been placed under a spell or rather misspellings. The term Paradise = ( Burry Dies or Berry Ray That Dyes. Any of a Berry Ray consist of a Rose Ray you call Rosary. Rose Ray's consist as follow are Pink, Orange, Maroon, Cranberry and Blue, such as, Straw Berry, Blue Berry, Raspberry. The term Heaven = ( Oven, Eathen, Evening. Church is broken down as follow: Church = Churcha/ Church = Charge +/ Church = Judge/ 👑 Crown = Ground/ Jesus = Cheeses/ Jesus = Juices/ Holy Bible = Holey Pipe Pull/ The Holy Gospel Of Jesus Christ = The Holey Gas Spell Of Cheeses Cries or The Holey Organ Gas Spell Oven Cheeses Cries. You the 99% has been placed under a Spell and Misspellings by Society = S.O.S. Syonide Poison Gases Tease, in which, you're under a Media Programming and Mental Control. The Society through its many forms of Media Programming whether by Cinama, Cinamax Movies, Books, News Papers and Education = E Jewish Can Shun = E Jewish Say Shun is how your Programmings is done. Sponsorship and Support is needed in order for Printing, Publishing Distribution expenses Etc. To continue following inquire at following Email.

556zafulladem@gmail.com

[exquisitelyeco]

Slave or master.........my precious?

Today I want to talk about Gollom, or Smeagol, as his real name was, from Lord of the Rings. I have touched on him before. And I want to go deeper. J. R. R. Tolkien hit on something really profound in the character of Smeagol. Basically, Smeagol found the one ring. The MAIN ring. Made by the evil Lord Sauron, to control all the other rings, he had helped make. He deceived the elves and tricked them. But, when all looked lost, the ring was cut from his finger. By Isildor. But it’s power of evil and mans greed for control, tricked Isildor, who took it for himself. Instead of destroying it. He was killed within the hour. But he did so much worse. He BOUND his entire bloodline to the ring. (Bloodline is SERIOUS. And can cause untold damage. I will post of that another time) and because of that, his bloodline was cursed. Until such a time, thousands of years later, one stood up and did what was right. But it took THOUSANDS of years for that to happen. So the ring fell into the Anduin river, and all thought it was lost. What carelessness and stupidity, not to check! Carelessness, no wonder God said we will be judged for it! How many die, each day, purely down to their own carelessness or somebody else’s? Another blog entry for another time…. And Gollums friend Deagol found it. Almost immediately it’s evil came alive and Smeagol murdered Deagol to get it. He became outcast. And fled into the darkness……what a parallel! He was eaten away by the ring, until he was a mockery, a hideous shadow of who he really was. Eventually, the ring consumed him, literally, in the fires of Mount Doom, they perished together.

Why did he have two names? Why both Smeagol and Gollum? Smeagol was the person he really was. A water hobbit. Small, hardworking and jolly, if it was anything like the kind of hobbit Bilbo, who found the ring, from Gollum…..was. But the evil of the ring, and Smeagol own choices to keep it, wrought a terrible change in him. He could not forgive himself for the murder of Deagol, because he would not let go of the ring. The ring needed to be let go of, so he could have and been free from it’s evil. But it’s evil and his choice to keep it hounded him. Day after day. Year after year. And he began to make sounds in his throat, a Gollum sound, gulping. And he earned the name of Gollum, which was the name that ultimately killed him. Hiding in the darkness changed his appearance. He lost much of his hair, and the rest became like string. He lost many of his teeth. The remaining ones became sharp, due to his change in diet. Rather than eating normal food, he now ate raw food, but worse, even orcs, the same kind of meat as a human. His eyes grew used to the dark so much, that he hated both the sun and moon. Who he was, totally had changed. Inside and out. Because of his choice to do and live with evil. And I see the parallel with us. Sin, (Or our damage, for a different way of saying it) causes us to change. It makes a mockery of who we originally were. And like Gollum, the more we choose evil, the more we refuse to change our habits and belief systems, the more of a mockery we become.

In our culture today, and since the word ‘teenager’ was coined in the 50’s, every generation has blamed youth for being rebellious and selfish. But you know what? I have learned that is a lie. Sure, teenagers are selfish and rebellious! But it does not REMAIN in them! It’s part of their growing up and learning who they are! But the baby boomers, those who were born into the luxury of the new National health service. The new support from the government, if you were unemployed, benefits if you became ill or disabled. Where food was now abundant. New appliances changed the whole way of life and made it easier. Some of this generation are disgraceful. Rude, grasping, and not wanting others, like the Pharisees, to have what they have had. I have had more judgement, more rude treatment, more contempt and lack of thanks and help from this generation than any other. And they should know so much better. Don’t get me wrong. As I said, they are not all like that! But from my own, personal experience of that, there are more I personally have come across, that ARE like that, than not. Take the mats for the door step. One states ‘Living it up on our children’s inheritance’ that’s is disgusting. The bible states that good parents leave an inheritance for their children. Be it money or character. But the point I am trying to make, is they have not learned. They are still totally selfish in their attitude. It’s all about ME. Yes. This culture is too. But so many more in this generation, could teach us SO much! They have so much knowledge and understanding. But they refuse to use it. They hide their light under a basket. And the most horrid and worrying thing is, they will not CHANGE. They have become set in their ways. And I see more Gollums everyday. More attitude, more blaming others, more lack of responsibility from them. Wanting everyone else to pick up responsibilities for them. Thinking it their right. Thinking we owe it to them. Moaning how much they have put in, and yet how MUCH have they taken out? And it’s still not enough. But worse, they do not want anybody else to have it!

Sadly I do not know many wise, kind older people. I see many older people trying to act like younger people but with an attitude that reminds me of the smell of dog shit. What an example! It’s disgusting. Recently I have had so many problems with these people. And been hurt by them. Even bitten by one of their dogs, which went for my guide dog, but got me, and they walked off! Every young person will either ask, or I hear their parents explain, a guide dog is a working dog. Not to be petted. Now if people ask me, and I am not busy, I LOVE to stop and talk! To explain how my sight works, how my guide dog got her very special name. How guide dogs have changed my life. And let them pet her. But this generation hardly EVER ask! So this one lady, her dog was not controlled. She was talking, taking up the whole pavement, which was narrow. There were three or four of them. All chatting, standing blocking the way. So getting past, without being hit by a car was not good. And her dog went for my guide dog. I asked her to keep her dog under control. Her response was unbelievable. She said ‘Go away!’ Like I was a piece of dog crap. She kept on saying it. Her husband, who should have known better, backed her up. I was disgusted and walked away. And as I did she was still being provocative being rude. I tell you, I wanted to smash her face in. Rude, uneducated, spoilt bitch. Just like her dog was. Her dog was unhappy and discontented. And because this lady was not open, one day her dog will go for somebody, and she will be forced to put it down. Her own fault. What a lack of love and care for her poor dog. She is a Gollum, loud and clear.

Another lady. My dog and I are in a shop, Onska is being perfectly well behaved and patient. Waiting for me to finish, so she can guide me to the counter to pay. A lady next to me, bends down and stokes her. I say, ‘Please don’t stroke her, she is working.’ I could not BELIEVE what she said next! It literally still blows me away! She said ‘No, she’s not!’ I couldn’t believe what I had just heard! I said ‘Yes, she is!’ The cheek of this lady was totally shocking. She then looks down at my guide dog and she states, ‘Now, WE’RE in trouble’ NO, Madam! YOU are in trouble! Rude, disgusting, pathetic behaviour from somebody of an age to know so much better. Gollum. All of us can act like this, no matter what age we are. But having help and guidance from our elders is vital to teach us respect, manners and how to behave. We follow our parents example. But these people did not act in a way I respected. They didn’t even act like any child I have ever met. That acted out of selfishness and rudeness. And it is THAT, and that only, that I took away with me, from the encounters I had with them. How sad and upsetting. How do we act like this and when? Well, when we do not listen to love and kindness, but act out of selfish motives…….IM MORE IMPORTANT!……It’s about ME……I want……ME first!…..How many times have I had a filthy look from an older person if I am in front! I even had one try to run my guide dog and I over in a motor scooter, down a narrow alley, so they could get by. How rude! How selfish. That could have killed my dog, and damaged me. And that person is elderly! Are they going to change? I doubt it. A Gollum they will stay. Putting themselves first.

I digress. But can you see what I am saying? Every experience I have had, of hurt or rudeness has come from this generation. I am so shocked. And very, very concerned. For them! They are the ones that will be in care homes, expecting to be looked after. Who will want to do it kindly? Let us pray they will not reap what they have sown. And be at the mercy of somebody else who chooses to put themselves first. So the more we make decisions based on selfishness, the more we become entrenched in that behaviour. Till we see nothing else. And we actually JUSTIFY our behaviour! Like the audacity of the mat! Of course it is their money, to do with as they will. But I tell you now. I would be ashamed if I act like that. I hope to God, He is merciful and helps me not to be so selfish. I want my boys to have an inheritance. It may not be much. I don’t have much. But I want them to know how much I love them, and in what high regard I have them. To help them go forward and not to hinder them. So they will pass on the batten to their children too. In my attitude I have many Gollums that need changing. As in the words of Robert Anthony, which I love; ‘We neither get better or worse as we get older, only more like ourselves’ What am I like? Who am I choosing to model myself on? This world, and its values, or God and His? What was His? Jesus said of the way to live, and it is profound. ‘❤️The first commandment is this, You shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul. And the second is LIKE it, you shall love your neighbor as YOURSELF. On this hangs ALL the law!❤️’

What does it mean? On the surface it looks like that generation, of ME is right. How wrong! It means treat others how YOU want to be treated! Do you want respect? Give it. ❤️ Do you want to be cared for? Care for others. ❤️ Do you want material things and a home? Give that to others. ❤️ Do you want somebody to put you first? DO IT TO THEM! ❤️❤️❤️🌺❤️❤️❤️ How right the book of James was! ‘If you see your brother hunger, and you say to him, ‘May God bless you’, but do not feed him…..you are not in faith but error’ Why? Because you are not putting your brothers needs first. It’s lip service only. How would you like that done to you? How utterly selfish. So generous is our God, He said ‘If you just give a glass of WATER to one of mine, I will count it as a blessing to Me.’ Wow! But we begrudge even that glass of water. Especially as Christians, we have no excuse. If the widow who gave the mite, was great in Gods sight. And we know she will be blessed 100 fold, how much more a bacon sandwich…….I digress…And if we know God, we have less of an excuse, because we KNOW he can feed five thousand with five loaves and fishes, so he He can provide more when we give what we have. Even in the first days, humans have put themselves first. Cain, when asked where Abel was, stated, ‘Am I my brothers Keeper?’ YES! We are our brothers keeper, because we would want him to be ours! How can we be so rude? If I fell over and had a fit in the street, would I want somebody to help me? To ring for an ambulance and protect my dog and handbag? To phone my ICE? YES! So would you! I love the song, He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. It’s beautiful, because it talks about helping the weaker. And in doing so, the singer finds joy. He finds pleasure. He finds RELATIONSHIP!

Reciprocity is beautiful. And if we want our planet to last we must make that a way of life. Gollum was not reciprocal. He was turned inwards only. It was all about his possession of the ring. He chose to be selfish. And became a mockery of who he was. And the price of that? My Lord! Loneliness, such loneliness. Hate of himself, despising of himself. Treating all life with contempt. He was a slave. But not just to the ring! To his darkness. To his selfishness. And did he stop? No. He kept feeding it. Yes, for a time he tried. But at the first hurdle he showed how deep that trying was. He reverted back to the selfish, murdering, contemptuous person he had chosen to be. And he tricked Frodo and took him to a place that was meant to cause his death. But you know what? It rebounded. And cost Gollum both his life and the life of the ring. But there is more. How we deceive ourselves! We tell ourselves it’s ok. We deserve better. We can put ourselves first. We can desert our neighbors. After all, who will look after number one, except ourselves? We justify and we deceive. And the motive? It’s all about ME. Why can’t we be truthful? Why can’t we admit, ‘I’m just being a selfish git!’ Because we want to look good. We don’t want people to know how self centred we are. So we justify our behaviour and blame the circumstances or other people. She got in my way………I only have a little left….there is not enough……..why should he expect that……on and on….becoming more and more like Gollum and less like Smeagol by the second. What are we going to do when we stand in front of God? Let us not deceive ourselves here. God KNOWS us. And like a tree when it is cut down, and you see the rings of its life, some where there were storms, some where there was extra rain. We will be naked before the great Judge. Worse. We will stand EXACTLY like we are. Who we have MADE or CHOSEN to be. Our motives exposed. God knows everything. Will we dare to justify our behaviour? Sadly, yes I think we will. Because that is what we have done since Adam. Shown contempt for God and personal responsibility. ‘It was the woman YOU gave me….’ ‘The snake tempted me…..’ Why not be truthful? ‘Lord, I’m sorry, I just did a major fuckup. Ate the apple you told me not too. Even worse. Let Eve do it first. Didn’t look after her and treat her as I would have wanted to be treated – warned and stopped, cos the consequences were devastating.’ WHAT could have happened if Adam had taken responsibility and thrown himself onto the mercy of God? A God who loves and whose mercy is new EVERY morning. Do we even get that? EVERY morning. Every. Single. Morning. What happened the day before is gone. It’s about today.

We get that choice EVERY day! Everyday we can choose to live better. Learn to overcome our faults and be more of the true ‘Smeagol’ and less of the ‘Gollum’ less of the person who is offensive to others and more of the person who is a pleasure to know. Because we all know, those who love us are good to us. And those who hate us aren’t. Yet, as Christians we are called to be good to those that hate us. Why? Because it gives the other person an opportunity to put down their Gollum behaviour and choose differently. Because this world shows us, if you are upset, you have the RIGHT to do upset to the person who upsets you. But as I have said before, an eye for and eye would leave the human race, blind, toothless and still tearing each other apart. That is what Gollum did to HIMSELF. By his choice to put himself first. So by loving those who hate us, we show them there is more. We offer them a choice. Just like Frodo did to Gollum. Will you choose to be Smeagol? Will you choose to be the person you were created to be, or will you be the person YOU have created…or chosen…to become? Me? Got more Gollums than I’m comfy with. Do I love my neighbor? Sometimes. Do I love my enemy? Nope. Not usually. I want to batter them. Make them hurt how they have hurt me. That lady who was so rude and said ‘Go away’ what if I had offered Jesus to her? I could have offered her a chance to change and that could have affected her whole life. But I was selfish. I put ME first…..God, I’m only just seeing this as I write it! What a loss. How devastating. That could have been a pivotal moment for her. But because of my justification of my own attitude, I did not offer it. God, I am so, so sorry. Lady, I am so, so, so sorry. I did not treat you as I would be treated. I treated you with the level of contempt you treated me. And I acted JUST like a Gollum. What a selfish thing to do. I am shocked. All this writing. To realize it’s ME who is in the wrong. For not being merciful and treating humans who make mistakes with the same love I would want for myself. Need to work on this. Don’t want to stay a slave. You see we are a slave to what ever we GIVE IN too, or to put it anther way, what ever has mastered us. A drug addict is a slave to drugs. An Alcoholic to alcohol. But you can also be a slave in your choices, beliefs and behaviours. I am a slave to anger. To hate. To fear. To condemnation and judgment. And that’s just a few. My goodness me. I need to spend sometime with God and sort myself out. I am so sorry guys. Just realised I’m more Gollum than Smeagol a lot of the time. Talk about mirror and planks. Just fallen smack over mine…..☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

[tobacconist]

alchemical ponderings

thinking about that website i found while researching alchemy that had an anecdote about a guy whos grandfather (jewish, who was a wealthy goldsmith) lived during the second world war. i think he was from poland, or some eastern european country. cant remember. he said (paraphrasing) that when the government began to crack down on jewish businesses / arresting jewish people and seizing their assets, he remembers his grandfather (who was also a rabbi)  having very serious discussions with other jewish elders in the community which he didnt understand because he was a child, eventually they came to an agreement. his grandfather closed his shop, and then reopened it; and the guy remembers that the only difference was at the entrance to the shop there were a few barrels of fine white powder, with cigarette butts in them, used as ashtrays. he says he even remembers some police officers or government officials or something coming to their shop about something (this was before ww2 broke out, but as antisemitism was rising) something about taxes or somesuch, i cant remember. they walked right past these barrels, and even put out their cigarettes in them. they didnt realise a thing. they moved to another country, the US i think but im not sure it wasnt until he was a little older that he found out the secret, after his grandfather had died. he learned it from his father when he was taking over the business from him. he learned that there is a special way to purify gold into a white powder which is more like salt or chalk than a metal. and that this technique has been kept secret for centuries. it is done by grinding gold very fine and subjecting it to various ‘alchemical fires’   (mundane fire; grinding it to a power and then melting it. then grinding it to a powder again and then melting it again, many times over. and aqua regia, the only acid known to dissolve gold. ‘burnt’ many times and reconstituted; in order to purify it) in order to reduce it to ‘ashes’. he cites in the torah the story of the golden calf, as evidence of hidden alchemical secrets in the bible.

EXODUS:-32:19-20(KJV) :-

19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.

20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.

this is an incredibly interesting passage. it is well known that the hebrew people have always been master craftsmen, and also master goldsmiths. from the time of joseph. abraham himself was the son of an idol-maker. archaeological finds testify to this. the hebrew people were master metallurgists. remembering that the idol of the golden calf was made of pure gold; collected from the earrings and the jewellery which had been plundered from the egyptians; how then could it be burnt to ashes and mixed with water? everyone knows metals melt with heat, the ancient israelites knew it; and im absolutely sure the wise men who wrote the book of exodus knew this simple fact. why then this contradiction? there are many contradictions in the bible; but all of them are on purpose.

the answer today can be found with a google search; for we live in the age of the great initiation of mankind. ORMUS (from ORMEs, Orbitally Rearranged Monoatomic Elements); also known as monoatomic gold or monoatomic elements is a subject you can find a lot of information about online; and also a lot of disinformation. from what i know, monoatomic ‘isotopes’ (not sure if isotopes is the right word) of gold, and also all other noble metals do exist, and appear as a white powder which resembles silicon more than it does metal; and exhibits many strange properties. it is described as ‘exotic matter’. the knowledge of ORMUS, i believe, was popularised by a man called david hudson. i recommend you research his works and interviews. there isnt a lot of scientific data about ORMUS, atleast not that i can find online for free. you can buy the stuff, supposedly, but the cheap price of a lot of it on the market makes me think youre probably paying for just salt or chalk or something. (from what i hear, the mass of ORMUS is less than its weight in gold [literally] ([that is, x weight of gold alchemified = x minus some amount weight of ORMUS; therefore any meaningful quantity of ORMUS would cost atleast double what it weighs in gold]))

i have no experience with it, so i do not know; but i wouldnt be surprised if this is secret knowledge being supressed. if even half the properties ascribed to this substance are true, i can understand why ‘those in the know’ would want to keep it secret.

it should be noted also, that in the first and second temples of jerusalem the ‘showbread’ or ‘bread of the presence’, a mysterious substance, not very well understood; was made not by bakers, but by gold and silver smiths. the egyptian mfktz, and the alchemical powder of projection are also of note.

i recommend anyone interested to read/watch laurence gardners books and lectures on the topic, and also the work of david hudson himself.

[swearronchanel]

6.03 aka I’m still crying 2 hrs later

I have no intro, I did this in one watch but had to obviously edit my typing but well yea this episode crushed me. I’m still shook tbh ahh. Read away if you wish

oh shit I’m not ready

SISTER MJ💔💔😭

FREE SISTER MC

ugh omg I can’t, my hearts about to explode about my chest

The Somali mum is so pretty, Nadifa right?

Oh shit she tryna hide the mail

she’s staying we know that

Ahh the cute turner scene ☺️

SHELAGH MY BBY 😭😍 she looks so good & her little behive omg

“Angela and I don’t have a tendency towards hoarding” SAS MASTER FLEX OVER HERE LOVE IT

“I’m no Marie Antoinette, I will not eat cake..” BRB ALREADY CRYING UGH 😰😰

Look at Valarie actually working & being a nurse

oh shit she’s 9months whoops, she ain’t going no where

JFK on the radio!!

Trixie’s tense, I feel

“If we’re all heading for oblivion, we need to be prepared” Fred lol he’s prepared for it all

No more shock treatment yes 😭💔

damn it my chest hurts and I’m emotional

Shelagh’s bump in her uniform 😭💕

PHYLLIS’s FACE WHEN SHE PICKS UP THE DOLL LMAO I LOVE HER

“Very useful fashion features” so precious, are magazines her maternity wardrobe inspo? 😭

LMAO PHYLLIS “I’ve never needed an editorial to instruct me on how to put myself together and I’ve never had any complaints” SHE’s A GEM

LOL @ SHELAGH’s REACTION

Valarie shook

the reality of fgm ..

Sister MC 😰

DOCKERILL AND SISTER MJ OMG I LOVE IT

“How can I be confident your purpose is sincere?” RIGHT SISTER

“I’m very glad to hear it ” PHYLLIS AH, she’s here for it!! I might be too, i have to wait for next week

omg sister MC, she loves her habit 😰💕 why tf did they take it though??!

FREE SISTER MC 😭 YOU DO NOT FALL SHORT LOVE

“How brave for her” and you!😭

PHYLLIS AND TRIXIE >>

“I’m not sure I have the gumption” BBY 💕 you deserve the world!!!

“Failure isn’t fatal, but hesitation can be” Phyllis is so wise & a gift we don’t deserve

Fuck im crying again

WHO STOLE HER BIBLE !!?

ugh fuck Mr Kenley, we don’t like his bedside manner

Patrick doing research so quickly, I’m proud & Phyllis is woke, enlighten us all

VISIT SISTER MC & free her !!!

lol this little girl, stop touching shit

She’s cute though I guess

Ok Val saying the right thing

MY BBY SHELAGH looking adorable💕

TIM HAS A FRIEND! Lmao it seems like he has none because he’s always with his family. Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend next series haha

“It is you, lost to us no longer but here before us perfect and complete ” MY HEART IS FUCKING BROKEN OMG I AM A MESS

PROTECT ALL THE SISTERS 😭💕💕

YES SECURE HER DISCHARGE, ASAP

I’m crying??!!

PHYLLIS RUNNING THE CUBS

LMAO PHYLLIS YELLING AT FRED LOVE IT, SHE IS SO BADASS, A GEM

“My way of making amends” poor sister J it’s not your fault 💔

LMAO SISTER WINNIE FAKE DRIVING ALL WRONG IM DEAD

HER SCREAM HAHA

ugh looking at kenley makes me sick, go away

Sister MJ & SISTER J MAKING HER BED💕 AND THE BIBLE AND CANDY ON THE PILLOW OMGGG

Oh shit where’d nadifa go

SISTER MC IS COMING HOME 😭😭

oh shit that lady had her bible, let her keep it

aw she did

Oh no nadifa’s going into labor??  ah omg

SISTER MC IS HOME😰💖

“Simply by being here” I’m crying again

LOOK AT HER PRECIOUS SELF WHY WOULD THEY HURT HER

Cuban Missile crisis on the tv

Trixie giving sister MC special soap💔

“I’d rather you give her my love” omg 😭😭

Fred painting the windows 😂

“President Kennedy.. he could charm the birds out of the trees” hell yea he was charming, rip. I wonder if next series they’ll mention his assassination? & side note Natalie Portman better win that Oscar for Jackie tonight

Nadifa’s sister is named Deka, got it. She reminds me of one of my cousins

Val and Babs new bffs?

Oh shit she’s in labor for real

“No knife” omg

I’d be freaking TF OUT

AH SHIT SHE’s GONNA DELIVER THIS BABY

AHHH OMG IM SCREAMING

THE BABY IS OKAY, SHE’S OKAY OMG MY HEAD, MY CHEST, EVERYTHING HURTS

damn that was intense

Gold fucking star for Valarie though

“I longed for this baby Patrick, longed for it, prayed for it and now I’m wondering why my prayers were answered because I don’t know what sort of a world we’re bringing it into ” SHELAGH DONT CRY, Ima cry 😰💕

“We just have to hope and we’re good at that” UGH MORE TEARS, YES YOU GUYS ARE 😭💕💔

Delia making another 2 second appearance

“If God loves me and wants me to do this, why is he making it so hard” omg I’ve been tearing this whole episode

DAMN YOU CTM for hurting my hEART and making it better at the same time!

Who are all these extra nuns

Aw Nadifa, but her baby is precious  

Sister MJ & MC killing me 💔

“It is no bad thing to be lost in a fog or at sea..” 😭😭😰😰

“Nurse bubsy” um bitch we don’t need that attitude right now

“We’re all going to hell in a handcart” indeed

lol Trixie wasn’t having it though she gave babs the only side eye 😂😭

Shit sister MC reading the paper no

I can’t imagine living through this crisis?! But like my grandparents did

The world was shook. But we’re shook now?? the world is constantly falling apart 

Wait I love THIS SONG

DON’T FORGET WHO’S TAKING YOU HOME….SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR MEEEEE💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

tom x babs, Delia with the photo of Pats!, fred x violet aw cute montage 💕 💔

Trixie looking spectacular ugh goals

“You’d think the world would’ve learned by now..” YEA TRIXIE WE’RE STILL SAYING THAT IN 2017

“London is your oyster” lol that phrase is funny af idk why 😂

Cute Trixie and Christopher moment though 😭

Patrick and Sister MC! “I was once as lonely..” I’m a w r e c k 😭💔

Trixie in those black pyjamas I still want

SISTER MC AND TRIXIE 😭💔💕

“I generally find that if you can summon the courage to sit through the bleakest day, then in the end the weather will change” 😭I needed that Trixie

“Nothing worse than being wrongly dressed for an occasion” omg she’s gonna ditch the habit

Val you said before there was no normal

THE FLAT IS EMPTY JUST LIKE MY FUckING HEART & SOUL THANKS TO THIS DAMN PROGRAM(ME)

ANGELA’S BABY STUFF

“Maybe I never gave up hope”

They actually fucking kissed again rip to me

“Lots of memories” yes “they don’t belong to the house, they’re ours. They come with us” YEA AND WITH ME TOO AH

IM AN EMOTIONAL PIECE OF GARBAGE, excuse me while jump out the window and throw myself away with the rest of the trash😭😭😭💕💕

BET THEY BORROWED PHYLLIS’S ROOF RACK AGAIN

“A lady never tells” ok Trixie 😉😏👀

CRISIS AVERTED !!!

“We live to see another day” mood every day in america tbh

Phyllis running to the radio😂

“I feel like an absolute fool” “then we’re a fine pair” Pair of fools ugh I’m cryin I love u fools

NORTHFIELD

oh shit, is Sister Mary Cynthia really going to leave the order or just start over? 😭

I know you didn’t get the memo yet son but no liquor for trix😲

My Trixie 😭 look how far she’s come 😭💕and she’s going to tell him soon and I’ll be crying and gushing with pride

Chin chin

THEYRE CAMPING OUT AH, THEN CAMPING TRIP REFERENCE 

“We’re very lucky though, aren’t we” ugh MY HEART

SISTER MJ AND MC OMG 💔😭

my heart hurts. That’s all. Fuck I’m crying like real tears

Noo  Deka is going to be cut😰😰

yo Val calm tf down, it’s fucked up but you can’t be yelling like that

Nadifa standing up for herself 😭

I can’t deal 💔

“What would you like to be called while your with us?” “If you don’t mind, and if I’m allowed to choose, I’d just like to be called by my name.. which is Cynthia” 😭give Bryony an award😭

“There are so many secret wounds, so many types of hidden scar.” VANESSA YOU CANT LEAVE ME CRYING ON THAT NOTE

Nadifa didn’t circumcise her daughter !!!

“The soul, being stronger than we think, can surges all mutilations and the marks upon it make it perfect and complete” VANESSA IM C R Y I N AND IM D E A D

I hope You all prepare for my funeral, pls arrive well dressed, dios te bendiga 

Rest In Peace Gabby Rachel Nuñez, 1998-2017. Cause of death: too many feelings from call the midwife 💔💔

BONUS NEXT WEEK’S PREVIEW:

Susan Mullucks !! She’s so big

Boutta get prosthetic legs, my abuelo has one

“This isn’t funny Valarie” WHAT DUMB SHIT DID VAL SAY TO MY BBY SO I CAN SMACK HER

Trixie slaying though

I thought Mr Mullocks came around last series wtf?!

“Nurse Crane should stand down from duties until the situation is resolved” OMGGG NO

OMG NO SHE HIT THE ANTOINE KID WITH HER CAR NOOO

“If you caused harm to someone else would it not mask you question everything you life has come to stand for?” FUCK NEXT WEEK WILL BE JUST AS BAD FOR ME

PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, I AM SOBBING OMG IM NOT READY