#im that kind of autism where i really love something but i don't look any deeper than the surface bc that's too much work LOL

[reikunrei]

i say i love horses (because i do. very much. they mean everything to me) but i really don’t know Shit about them

[drdemonprince]

hi devon! love your work so much and also just rly want to take an edible with you and shoot the shit but my actual question is as an autistic person who was taught to orient around other peoples needs how can i re train that laser focus to kind of hone what i need/like/desire? i feel really lost and spend so much time thinking about what other people may like or want i have no idea what i want even at 29

oh my goodness, my entire next book on Autism is all for people like you! I believe that part of unmasking requires that we learn how to disengage from the opinions of others, widen our distress tolerance, get more acclimated to the possibility of change, learn how to initiate the activities we like more, and just generally get more in touch with our bodies and our desires. this is a lot of work but it's all in the realm of skills that can be practiced... which is why i'm currently trying to sell a book that is entirely research, examples, and exercises around these things. i will also be publishing lots of small tastes of this work pretty regularly on my substack in the next few months.

in the meantime, i would encourage you to start reallllly really small, by taking greater notice of what you don't like. and i mean really start out with miniscule declarations of negative feeling. "i dont like this song, can we change the channel on the radio?" "i dont want to eat at the olive garden actually" "im cold, can you turn up the heat or tell me where the blankets are?" "this bar is too loud, i'm going to have to leave." REALLY small stuff. even stuff of that scale probably feels TERRIFYING. start with these things, and ride out the initial discomfort or embarrassment that arises when stating a need or preference.

you'll notice that each of these "no's" is actually getting you closer to figuring out what you want as well. you're saying you dislike something, or that you are uncomfortable -- but you're also practicing articulating a thing that you actively do want, whether that's a blanket, a more comfortable place to spend the evening, or something better to listen to or to watch. it's hard to ask oneself massive existential questions about who you truly are and what you want out of life. but asking yourself if anything small in your immediate environment is uncomfortable is far easier.

the great thing about this method is that you can practice it all the time. any time you're in a new space or situation, just take a moment to ask yourself: what would i change? the goal is to always find something you could advocate or ask for. this flips the masked autistic instinct to never ask for anything until you're in absolute agony completely on its head. you are LOOKING for things to request, LOOKING for sources of mild discomfort to voice -- and youll get better and better at noticing what you like and what you dislike the more that you do this.

with time, you will be able to articulate far greater wants. i dont want to spend my weekend at my grandmother's house. i dont want to live in an apartment with someone who is constantly criticizing me. i want to live by the water. i want a job where i can control the temperature of my workspace at all times. i want dogs. i want to be able to go running in the morning. i want a bathtub. i want to paint and listen to music. i dont want to marry this person. and so on!

this is a massive oversimplification, but there you go. a little bump of the full supply that hopefully will hit bookshelves early 2025 if i play my cards right

[chat-rouge-et-bleu]

i don't know how to feel about the Christmas ep cos om the one hand i enjoyed it which could be said to be the only real goal of watching a show, but on the other hand so many elements frustrated me. realistically that is my whole opinion, but autism has decreed tis not enough and so i must waffle!

i like that the first solo scene of ncuti he's in a club in a kilt just going for it. so often new doctors are introduced straight away with the companion and not alone and so it's nice to see a doctor regenerate and his first action to be go out alone and explore his new body and his new reality and just kind of let loose, though im not sure he'd be such a good dancer after a day of being but I'll allow it. the outfit changes and slightly more 'out there' pieces do point to the showrunners trying something new with dressing the doctor and having it be more self expression and less a strict uniform (like do the previous doctors just have duplicates of their outfit hiding in the tardis??), it's an element of the show that has annoyed me before and I'm glad to see it be altered.

with ruby it feels like they're trying to go for a more matt smith era companion wherein the companion herself is mixed up with the story much deeper than just being along for the ride; but there is no way her family could afford that absolutely stunning flat and no way they could maintain it to such a high standard with a constant stream of foster children coming in and out. bring back rose era companion houses where they just live on some estate and drink tea, the set design of ruby's flat ruined the immersion as there's no way that could be real. she doesn't come across as a real woman with real struggles, she's so obviously a character and so obviously going to be the companion from the very start because her hair is always perfect and her house is spotless and her outfits are freshly ironed every scene. doctor who works for me when you juxtapose the alien doctor with normal people and normal scenarios (it's not done as well in the case of graham and jodie but still present, he lives in a house that looks like a house and eats food there and it seems lived in. though i must admit i know that house in real life as it is near a place i regularly hung out as a teenager so i may be a tad biased there).

the main other thing that doesn't make sense is why they introduced the idea of those gloves and their being on 3% only to not use that to further the plot. felt like a chekovs gun but then it wasn't relevant again so just broke immersion instead of being impactful.

i think if the goblins weren't a christmas special i would have been pretty disappointed with them, they are rather silly and they sing (which everyone i watched the show with visibly cringed at) and i just don't think they would have worked at all as a mid season episode; they need the context of christmas to work. as a silly episode on christmas day to introduce the new doctor and set up some plot points for the series for me that was OK as it wasn't really about the goblins, it was about introducing ncuti's doctor and ruby. maybe a more serious episode would have overshadowed these new characters (or maybe given them a chance to prove themselves better?). the first episode of any new doctor is a tricky one and i can see why they would choose a villain like that to show off how the new series is slated to be more camp and colourful than previous series.

i must stop waffling now, but it seems like they have more of an idea of where they want to take ncuti than they did when they first introduced jodie. i still think the showrunners did her dirty when she could have been so fun and different, honestly i would have loved if the energy they've given ncuti had been given to jodie. if I'd been strictly male for hundreds of years (though they have since retconned that) and i woke up female i would have fun with it, much more than they allowed jodie to have fun with it. goodbye

[hotluncheddie]

you know... you're a really great writer. you are actually incredible. because i am not autistic and I've never met an autistic person; but the way you wrote autistic steve made me feel some kind of way. it touched my heart, and i ached. i wanted to cry, and i clenched my heart. and i somewhat felt like something was missing. like it was me who was missing. there's something about the way you wrote that fic that it makes me feel lost and non-existent. but also, it makes my heart physically hurt. i dont know how to describe this feeling that you give me, it's like... he has everything i dont. i kinda feel like i relate?? am i allowed to say that? because im not autistic. but i really, really liked that fic and it went deep, embedded itself into my core. kinda feels like i want someone to love me like eddie loves autistic steve. kinda feels like... like i wish i had an autistic lover so i could love them like eddie loves steve. kinda feels like... i wish i were as loved despite my weirdness even though my weirdness isn't autism.. ehhh... i dont really know. im really love-starved i think. it was a really, really good fic 👍

Hello! First off thank you so much, I’m really glad you enjoyed the fic and I really love that it moved you enough to send me a message directly <3 that means a lot to me!!  

Also I want to say that you most likely have met an autistic person - you just didn’t know it. :) 

I’m writing Steve as someone who is somewhat in the process of unmasking, and being in his POV you get a lot of insights that you wouldn’t just looking at or even talking to someone. But some of what he feels are things anyone can feel and experience, it’s just theres also differences, or different reasons for him to feel and react the way he does - because in that fic he’s autistic. 

That is to say, I completely think you can relate wether you’re autistic or not. These fic’s are about Steve’s autism but also about him being loved and accepted, which is something a lot of people relate to or relate to wanting. And, shame, embarrassment and loneliness are felt by Steve but those are pretty universal experiences (my family is Irish Catholic so I feel like shame is in my blood sometimes haha). It’s just that these things have the potential to be heightened somewhat, or come with different nuances and reasonings, I believe, when concerning autistic people. 

I don't think Eddie being autistic makes his love for Steve any different than allistic love. He just loves Steve. He’s attentive and kind to him, and most want the person they love to be understanding and accepting of who they really are - these are not autistic things, just human things. So don’t look for an autistic person to love, just find who you love and love them. They might be autistic and they might not be - the love will be the same.

I don’t want to overstep and maybe I’m jumping to conclusions but if this really resonated with you, or there where elements you identified with, it might be worth doing some research into neurodivergence. 

Or, like you said, if its just being love-starved - that really sucks and I really hope you can find a little more of it in your inner circle (familial, romantic or platonic) because you deserve it. <3 

[certifiedgoofball]

Hiii this might be kind of long but!! Don't forget how much I love you ever okay? I know it's hard right now and might be for a while but it has to get worse before it gets better!! And I'll be here through it all like you have been for me!! You're worth so much more than you've been through even if you did bad stuff in the past, I did too, and that's not the person either of us want to be anymore! You're doing so so good I promise and I feel so loved by you!! You're the sweetest partner I could ever ask for and you understand me so well. You know me better than I know myself! And honey if you ever lose yourself completely again try to remember that you can always find yourself again! And it's an expirence to get to know yourself!! I hope one day you can find your inner peace and I can be right beside you for it <3 here's all the things I've remembered about u so far! Correct me if I'm wrong :)

Your favorite color is purple, you have a scar on the left side of your forehead from when you were a kid, but if I looked at you it'd be on my right, you LOVE jambalaya, your state I remember, your full name (sorry I'm incapable of forgetting but I'd never use it against you I promise, you've always been Pluto to me), your email I remember, your compression socks, POTS, HPD, NPD, BPD, ADHD + Autism, and HEDS (not diagnosed yet I think? But loooots of signs), the stretches you do!! Your heart rate always goes up when you put the sheets on your bed, we got together 06/07/24, you're ginger (get better soon...) but you have a lot of blonde in your hair, blue eyes, you really like the idea of having pink in your hair (any color would look beautiful on you, mi media naranja), you love Bive from regretavator, you love playing roblox with me, you get nervous on calls (honestly me too), you're trying to get better (you are.), you have 3 brothers (can never remember which is which but I do remember one has epilepsy), you also have a lot of signs of schizotypal! You've met Henry, Aspen, Frye, Jecka, Jack, August, and Ophelia! Maybe a couple more? You like going on walks, but you prefer the insides more, which is where our dates will be! You love movies, but don't usually watch them fully, you HAD a friend named Colin (I think they were an asshole or something don't quite remember), you love Muse, MCR, Deftones, and I believe Slipknot? Not sure on the last one. You used to not like the way rings feel because of sensory issues, not sure if that's still true but I'd assume! You have synthesia with colors going on letters and numbers! You don't feel emotions like other people, but you still try your best! (I notice. Keep going, I promise you're getting better.), you love canine poetry, biblical references, and when I put flower references! Your favorite flower is Peonies, you hate coffee because of the smell and prefer tea, specifically this one your mom buys that's raspberry something? Golden Peaks brand. You're a Capricorn born January 19th, you HATEEEEE the smell of weed (you're so fucking real for that one.), you love flower scented shampoo, you love baking and wanna bake for me!

Had to consult our dms a couple times for some of these, but I promise all of these are equally as important in my mind, just as you are!

Feel free not to post this if it's too much information you don't want out, but text me when you read all this!!!

I love you always and forever, mi media naranja. <3

THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER IM GONNA CRY 😭 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PAST THE RINGS OF SATURN (GET IT? CUZ YOUR NAME)

[baura-bear]

it's like you're living a fanfic but it's neither fun nor romantic RIP. best of luck with the roommate situation i can tell you from experience that it sucks to have a friend fall in love with you especially when you don't reciprocate

thank you for the kinds words i'm actually attaching a story time because i can but also honestly no one feel obligated to read it because it's just me being anxious and complaining 💀💀 also this is the 4th friend of mine to admit feelings for me that i don't reciprocate and genuinely i'm starting to think either my autism has something to do with this or i'm on the aro/ace spectrum because huh (i hate being a complex ever-changing human being it's so difficult)

around the same time that I started college I started reading And They Were Roommates by WaitingForMy on Ao3 which is a college Javey au (very good fic do reccommend). Jack and Dave are roommates and end up being FWBs then start dating. so of course I would always make little in my head scenarios and I was like wow it would be crazy if that happened to me. Fast forward to this fall my roommate has a gf but im like 99% sure my roommate has a crush on me because any time they're under the influence they stare at me with this really sad look. Eventually they break up with their gf and I ask like "hey you don't like me do you?" and they say no that they've never liked me like that and we're just friends. so obviously I believe them!!! ok now fast forward to this spring we're FWBs everything's platonic we've talked about it whatever. Then this weekened: THEY START FLIRTING WITH ME this is normal we playfully banter but usually they're the one to initiate because they've had relationships and flings with way more people so it just comes naturally to them so naturally i follow their lead flirt back (again we do this as friends all the time and we had established that there were no feelings) they're like playing dress up and talking about how good they look in heels and how much taller they are than me and i'm like haha yeah! :3 and out of no where they stop and like gently push me away from them and are like "I'm sorry I have to be honest I have a crush on you and I don't think we should hook up anymore"

I don't mind that at all and I am so so glad they were honest with me but in the moment I was kind of freaking out because they had been initiating everything all day and it was just a really weird and sudden switch and it kind of spooked me also they were drunk and I was tipsy. at the time I was really freaking because of how random it was but i'm feeling better now. It's just confusing for me because me having autism it can be hard for me to tell peoples intentions and at the time I was feeling kind of betrayed that like I had trusted them to tell me the truth and now i'm like "what if they've been lying and they have liked me the whole time and I'm the one that's been leading them on and being an asshole and i didn't even realize" at the center of all of this i am just so terrified of hurting them

anyway no idea why i felt compelled to share all of this but it did make me feel better so if anyone made it this far thanks for humoring me

[leorawright]

oh my gosh how did i miss that u have overwatch matchups available???(it's a very easy answer. i am never on tumblr)

If you would be so kind as to do romantic one for me:

I am a genderfluid afab person and the only thing shorter than me is my patience. I am demisexual/demiromantic, poly, and like all genders.

I get angry really easily but hate showing it so i just end up going around in a bad mood acting like everything is ok

i have pretty bad anxiety and appreciate having someone confident enough around to help me with simple tasks(ex ordering food or speaking on the phone) but who won't make fun of me. I can also send myself into a spiral by thinking of things that stress me out. So someone who is a steady presence i always appreciate.

I enjoy all things creative. I mostly write and draw but am willing to try new things all the time.

I look at things in a very logical way. I don't like using my emotions to make decisions and i enjoy learning new things all the time. I am a naturally curious person who is always looking to expand my knowledge.

I have a mix of so many things wrong with my brain. ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression. I work really hard on them but sometimes i have days where i just struggle.

Mixed and can speak a lil bit of spanish. It isn't perfect but i can struggle my way thru most conversations.

I really like someone who is open with what i do wrong. Just tell me what i need to fix and don't make it into a whole thing. Open communication is very important to me. I don't want to feel like im walking on eggshells around them if they are too sensitive

I am a VERY determined person, once i set my mind on something i won't give up easily. I can almost be stubborn in my pursuit of goals.

I enjoy gaming, reading, watching anime/cartoons(i don't rlly like live action shows), drawing, and learning new things.

I LOVE cooking. Giving food to others and sharing a meal/snacks is a way of showing love to me. I honestly take it a bit like an insult if someone i care about isn't willing to give me a bite of food off their plate. I know it's silly so i never say anything about it or hold it against them. But to me sharing food and wanting others to experience the same good food as you is the same as saying "i love you" a million times.

I like toys and stuffed animals and cartoons and other stereotypically "childish" things. I'm not ashamed of it.. (well... usually...)

I love joking around and a good pun can get me wheezing from laughter.

I'm not much of a social person, and prefer to spend my time indoors and alone with only one or two other people. I enjoy parallel play and comfortable silences.

I hope this wasn't too much... i just can be really wordy and ramble a lot.. sorry!

I've picked out....

Zenyatta!

Definitely the calm presence you need and never ever considers making fun of you for your social anxiety.

He enjoys seeing the things you write and draw and offers genuine compliments about everything

He also encourages having direct conversations and if he ever needs to talk to you he'll get straight to the point

He thinks your determination is admirable. Just make sure you eat and drink and take breaks or else he'll get super concerned

He can't really eat any of the food you make but he wishes he could (if only to see you smile)

Expect to receive a couple stuffed animals that he saw and got because he thought of you

If you enjoy a bit of sarcastic or sassy humor then Zenyatta will definitely make you laugh (he still doesn't really understand normal jokes tho...)

Zenyatta also enjoys comfortable silence especially if he's meditating you're just doing your usual things

[og-danny-dorito]

Hi, this is my description for my Eddie Munson matchup!

I’m bisexual and on the Autism spectrum with ADHD. I can get nervous really easily but I’m a fun person when I’m comfortable. Just play Dungeons & Dragons with me and I’ll start breaking out the dirty jokes. I’m pursuing becoming a Television and Cartoon Writer but currently applying to work at local D&D stores in the meantime (very on brand). I’m touch-starved and can often feel kinda distant from others, but that means I value the people in my life more than anything. I’m really protective and would rather have myself suffer than those I love. I love helping people more than anything. I also write a lot, draw and research literally anything that interests me - I’m actually really smart.

I have wild Eddie Munson hair that’s wavy and seems to defy gravity sometimes. I wear glasses, am very slender and am actually pretty androgynous-looking. I love making jokes and puns and am good at comforting people and giving advice. I’ve been called “wise beyond my years”, but I have no self preservation whatsoever. By that I mean that I once got mauled by a dog and my immediate reaction was excitement because the scars looked cool. High wisdom low intelligence stats. I’m hyperactive and most of my speech is infodumping, but I also need to take naps a lot. I'm a weird mix of anxiety and chaos tbh.

Thank you so so much, take care and drink lots of water!

ᴀ/ɴ: of course!! and thank you for being so patient with me, you've been very sweet and i appreciate it! i hope you like them, i kinda went ham on these im sorry 😭

ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴍᴜɴꜱᴏɴ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

ᴛᴡ: explicit sexual content in the 'NSFW' section. minors do not interact.

ᴄᴡ: size kink, breeding,

ꜱꜰᴡ:

stop please i can see yall being so close within like 5 minutes of knowing each other LMAO

LIKE. i dont know yall seem like yall would just click really well?? it's partially because you're both neurodivergent so any common interest thoughts are just ricocheted off of one another to form an hour long conversation but also because he genuinely finds you interesting

he's kind of like,, felt alienated for a large portion of his life and feeling like someone really gets him is something he's never experienced before??

he doesn't really know how to handle it and he can't pinpoint his emotions, so you two just start of as really affectionate friends

im talking REALLY affectionate as in like,, people think you're dating type affectionate

it usually gets a sort of awkward response out of the both of you, usually leading to saying "oh we're not dating haha- NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO. not. in a weird way. wait-", which leaves him a blushing mess since he can't really from the words to explain it

he really likes you, and it takes him a minute to know that he like,, really likes you. everyone else noticed though

i mean how were they not supposed to?? he literally talks about you all the time, and if he's not talking about you he at least mentions you in passing

"oh yeah, tori said something about that" and "yeah i know a person who's into that cartoon!! he/she/they/etc is super into those art styles" and "i think he/she/they/etc would like that shirt." are just a few of the mentions of you throughout the day, and he doesn't even consciously notice that you're on his mind most of the time

HE MET YOU THROUGH DND i don't think i mentioned that before, but you were filling out for a friend who couldn't make it and as soon as yall got to talking it was downhill from there LMAO

he probably first noticed that you went "haha rock hard" while he was trying to describe a super important and possibly boobie trapped stone wall, unable to control the little snort that he let out despite his efforts to keep serious

but yeah yall got to talking and you just clicked and started hanging out more!!

OH he also does that thing where like,, a lot of your interests start rubbing off on him

like yall already share a lot of common interests and shit but some of the more specific things like books you've talked about and little things that you infodump about give him the Brain Worms and he starts to develop an interest for it too

its a good thing though!! one of his favorite past times is to sit on the couch tangled up in each other and either talk about your special interests or watch whatever show or movie one of you are interested in and point out cool trivia things about it :]

yall spend a lot of time together, barely being seen without each other by your side. eddie finds it easier to operate when there's someone he trusts and relates to who has his back, and having you around starts to feel kind of out of place once yall spend long enough together

he probably asks you out during a hangout session in his "spot" (its a clearing in the woods kind of next to his house where he's like, set up a place to sit and smoke), nervously suggesting that you know, hypothetically, if you two dated, like he wouldn't mind or anything-

you get the idea and agree without a second thought, surprised by your smoothness considering you could literally feel your stomach flipping all over the damn place for the rest of your hangout session

its alright though!! he kinda panics and calls over chrissy to help him cause he's paranoid about fucking up but she assures him it'll be fine and helps him set stuff up

when he calls, he doesn't give much detail besides "come to my house" and hangs up, but you still get dressed and all that and show up

you're greeting with a damn near euphoric scent as you step through the door, the house all cleaned up and the scent of your favorite candles wafting through the area in a muted but noticeably pleasant way

the living room has some stuff moved around so it can all centric around a table in the middle, which has two containers for takeout and candles set up in the middle to face the tv

he kind of panicked and didn't know what to do, so he settled for a nice home date!! it isn't that much unlike your usual hangouts, but it ends up devolving into uh,,, a little more than that. to put it simply

ɴꜱꜰᴡ:

after the two of you are done eating and watching tv, similarly tangled up in each other's arms, you can feel him shifting in place a little bit

despite the fact that you're on the verge of drifting off to sleep you turn to face him, surprised to see that vaguely familiar pink tint on his cheeks and ears

"Something wrong?", you ask, voice soft so as not to disturb the peace created between you. He jumps a little at it, blush darkening a small bit.

It looks like he's struggling to talk, jaw clenching as if he's embarrassed to admit what's on his mind. "It's just uh- you're pressing up against", he starts. And you watch as he clears his throat as he gestures down to your leg firmly pressed against his lap, and only then do you feel a blush of your own crawling up your neck, the heat seeming to travel all across your skin and down south.

You hesitate to move at first, still shocked with the fact that you had that sort of effect on him- and was it getting hot in here?

There's a muted "im sorry" as you slide your leg off of him, his jaw clenching in a way that chokes down a noise you surprisingly didn't fail to catch

its one of the few times that he's not entirely grateful for your observational skills, his eyes going downcast as he murmurs out an apology for being gross, something along the lines of "uh- sorry that was... weird" spoken just under his breath

you're quiet as you watch him, your own anxiety and muted arousal making you flit your eyes over to him for a split second

the next words that come out of your mouth almost don't sound like your own, your own voiced thoughts catching you off guard

"I don't mind."

such a simple phrase, but it's enough to make the both of you freeze in spot for a fraction of a second

it seems to happen before you even process it, his mouth on yours and the entanglement of limbs unravelling only to wrap up in one another in a chaotic mess of teeth against flesh and eager hands working to undo one another's clothes

that need, that pent up yearning, all of your want bursting forth to create a messy albeit much needed rough fuck after a long time of keeping your desires to yourselves

eddie is a lot softer than one would expect considering his reputation, but the size difference between you is still something he makes a point to emphasize

his hands press down gently but firmly on your wrists so he can explore the soft expanse of your chest, your body on full display for him as he lets out an appreciative sigh

he makes it an effort to put your needs before his own by properly prepping you, bringing you just on edge more than once before letting up and giving you what you want

i headcanon that he’s very attentive as a partner too, and doesn’t skimp out when it comes to your requests. if anything, he views it as a challenge

but the fact that you like to service him as well is something he’s 100% for!! he doesn’t really know what to do considering he’s been on the giving end of the service so many times before but he appreciates gentle guidance on what to do with himself it also kind of turns him on. anyway.

HE DOWS HAVE A SIZE KINK THOUGH. he seems pretty vanilla but he has the biggest size kink known 2 man and i stand by that

also likes name calling like "gorgeous" and "pretty baby" when he's praising you

does a LOT of praising. like a lot. he cant seriously degrade past light teasing but by god will he tell you how beautiful you are when you take him in so smoothly

is a little stronger than you too, so he moves you around a lot. he warns you beforehand but e very once and a while you remember that he could quite literally throw you if he wanted to

BUT ANYWAY overall he's v sweet and v adventurous but down to his roots he's more along the 'soft and sweet' side even though he's a big fan of quickies :P

[ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ! ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀɴ ʜᴄ ʟɪꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ, ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱʜᴏᴏᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀꜱᴋ! ]

[sapphosvioletts]

I’m really, really sorry to hear about all that Vi - I really wish I could sympathise and say the perfect words that need to be said, but I don’t know how

I mean like, even if I identify as non-binary I’m amab so I don’t ever get periods, and I’ve also never experienced withdrawals myself so I don’t know what that’s like and I definitely don’t know what it’s like to have a friend just not your friend anymore ((without first arguing or falling out with them that is))

And even though she is a good person like you’ve said and she hasn’t done anything to directly hurt you, she’s just having a hard time herself: that doesn’t make it hurt any less, and that just frickin sucks not be able to do anything to take the pain away. Especially when your someone with autism, as these kinda things can hurt like 100x worse - which is basically the equivalent of throwing salt in the wound, except the wound is in your heart and the salt is bleach or something stupid like that

I hope that all makes sense? I’m gonna continue anyway in hopes that it does-

I also think that, granted you can do and it doesn’t cause any negative affects ((idk cause I’m not a doctor)), you should maybe try and take your med again? Even if just slowly to get your body back used to it, that might help to ease the withdrawal symptoms - still, I recommend either using your own knowledge or someone else who knows about stuff like that as I am most certainly not a medical professional

I would however say that, you should probably definitely get some more bc ((was it bc? Idk, just The anti-cramp-pain-reliever-thingy that you mentioned))

And I know that phone calls, well, they fucking suck - I mean I find regular phone calls stressful and I’ve been doing all of my counsellor calls over the phone for like the past year or so, so I definitely can understand your pain and worries when it comes to them - but in the end I think you kinda need to weight things up: because if you think about it, in the short term things aren’t gonna be fun ((anxiety inducing phone calls + horrific cramps)), but in the long run wouldn’t it be better? Cause you’d have your medicine to help with the pain, and you won’t have to deal with constant thought of “oh shit I’ve ran out of medicine I’m probably gonna have to call to get a new prescription soon” following you around

Idk, just a suggestion - but in the end you know you, and you should just do what’s best for you and there’s only one you: isn’t like a phone where you can get a new one every couple month or whatever depending on your contract

I feel like that was a horrific analogy but I’m just full of them today it would seem

Regardless, I hope your doing alright and I’m sorry I haven’t sent you much messages these past couple days

You also don’t have to reply to this publicly, as I know that, as you’ve said, you’ve seen this and that’s honestly all I could ask for

love you Vi, and I hope things get better for you that way you can start feeling better as you most certainly do not deserve this kinda pain 💙

((or any pain at all really, but unfortunately what is life without pain?))

- 🦋

it's okay, thank you, just you being so kind helps 🥺

and yeah being autistic definitely doesn't help in this situation cause i tend to attach myself to people, and she was someone that i was/am veryyyy emotionally attached too so it hurts lol and now i'm like kinda lost without her bc i definitely looked at her like an older sister so now that she's not there i just don't really know what to do but yes i took some tide pods to the heart lmaooooo

and im back on them now! i didn't purposely stop taking them, i was just so distracted and emotional that it completely slipped my mind (i had them refilled and forgot to take them out of the bag, and i take a couple everyday so it's easy to not realize i'm missing one) but i'm back on them now 💕💕💕

and yeah calling probably would be the best idea in the long run, but i just keep putting it off lol i know that i really need to though and it's probably a good idea

thank you for being so kind anon, sorry it took me so long to reply. i love you too, thank you 🥺🥺🥺

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

im really confused with (my) gender :( I wish I knew what gender even means, because for people outside the queer community it is just your genials, your boobs, your clothing, your hair, and your height. Are those things gendered or are humans gendered ? and if something is gendered what makes it gendered, what does men and women mean ? Ive been thinking about this and I just don't know, the only thing I know is that I love wearing big clothes, looking like a mushroom on a suit and I love being called bonito (means pretty boy in spanish because spanish adjectifs are gendered:( )

my main struggle is that, I don't even know what gender is or means, how I'm I supposed to apply something that I don't understand to my daily life ? how am I supposed to explore my gender identity if I don't know what gender is/means?

Hi anon. I can only answer from my experiences here and other people can probably input with other ideas from their perspectives too, but perhaps you are a binary trans person, perhaps you are non binary. But perhaps you’re neither, I mean questioning and wondering about gender doesn’t HAVE to mean you’re not actually cisgender. Also I am wondering, are you neurodivergent maybe? Because this struggling to understand gender is especially common I think amongst many neurodivergent people. Not that neurotypical people necessarily can easily make sense of it either but it often seems to be even more difficult for neurodivergent people to figure it out. That is probably a big part of the reason why a lot of newer gender labels exist (the sort that bigots love to mock and invalidate) not because all of them are actually describing the person’s gender but because in some cases they’re describing the vagueness of it and a person’s inability to describe it in any more specific terms often because of their neurodivergency (things like autism, various mental illnesses or even some physical illnesses which can impact on the brain and its functioning). There are the terms like genderqueer and non binary or queer used specifically in reference to gender, which can be used as umbrella terms or they can be used just as labels in themselves and these can be used by anyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical. But there are loads of other terms people have come up with for genders and people are inventing new words for them all the time and some of those do relate to specific things like autism or chronic illness which can affect a person’s understanding of gender.

I’m not saying by the way just because you’re confused that automatically makes you non binary - you might be, or you might be a binary trans person, or you might be cis and just confused. But if you think perhaps you might be non binary I will say that you may be better trying to find some sort of blog/group/forum that is specifically for non binary people so you can get input from a wider range of non binary people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you.

In the end though only you can really say what you are as well as what gender means (or doesn’t mean) to you. I think probably gender means different things to different people and how they work out what they are, probably it can be difficult for a lot of people to figure out, quite probably even a lot of cisgender people. I think really ultimately gender is just a feeling, and sometimes I think perhaps it’s as much a feeling about what you aren’t as about what you actually are. Like, if you feel for example you’re not a woman, well that might be a starting point to work out what you are. It might mean you’re a man, or it might mean you’re something else entirely. Maybe you’re agender/genderless and can’t figure it out for that reason? Although you’d probably be best asking agender people about that if you think that might be the case for you, because I’m not agender myself.

Also for some people, they don’t stick with one term all the time. Their gender itself might change (because they’re genderfluid or something like that). Or they might just find a better term or label after a period of using one label. Changing labels for whatever reason is fine, you don’t have to pick one and then just stick with it forever if it’s not right for you or your ideas about your gender change over time.

Society and the culture that we all live in, whatever society and culture that is, will usually tend to gender things like clothing, hairstyles, colours even, as well as genitals and body shapes/types and that sort of thing. And course the more obvious transphobes love reducing gender down to “biological sex” and, essentially just what genitalia you were born with. That’s probably not going to change any time soon unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean those things inherently have a gender, it’s just society in general and these bigoted individuals and small groups as well projecting onto them. You can be any gender and have any body type/body features, wear any kind of clothing, have any hairstyle, etc. Obviously in many cases realistically it’s not going to be perceived that way by the rest of society and that fact is going to put off both many binary trans and non binary people from expressing themselves in the way they’d truly like to because they can’t deal with all the inevitable misgendering and perhaps even worse than that from society. Likely that even puts off many cis people from dressing and appearing the way they truly want to, because of society’s reactions to it. But really, what you wear, how you present yourself to the world, it is your decision, and in terms of things like the clothing you wear, just do what feels comfortable and right to you.  

I can’t really answer though what gender means or is, not even for me. Gender is a human construct, a product of us having a brain and a mind and feeling things, emotions, thoughts, and creating language and words and having a need to communicate with others. But it is a very vague thing really and it’s hard probably for anyone to define what it actually is. I certainly can’t say how cis people know what gender they are because I’m not cis. I am non binary and also I am neurodivergent (probably in multiple ways), and I know what binary gender I am not and feel no connection at all with and I know which binary gender I lean more towards and connect with a lot but... it’s still hard to pin down in more concrete terms. I don’t really feel a need myself to be more specific though but everyone’s different, some people might need more specific terms. It’s OK to want those but it’s OK too to be fine with using more vague terms, and it’s OK to not actually care much about what you are or how people perceive you. And it’s also OK to be confused and question things and take a long time to work it out and it’s OK to change labels too so I mean, please don’t get too into thinking this stuff over to the point where it’s actually causing you distress and worry, in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that important to the state of the world or the universe or anything what gender you are, and whatever label(s) you pick is your choice and something that should be meaningful and useful to you and if questioning all of this is not useful to you then you don’t have to do it.

I’m sorry if this is pretty vague but I really don’t think there is a proper definition of what gender is, or one obvious way of working it out. It’s a very vague and abstract thing relating to very abstract things (thoughts, feelings) and it is also a very personal thing that almost certainly varies wildly from person to person.

- Tiger

[lowestechelonabomination]

hey this is kinda an awkward question to ask🧍but uh. as an aro guy, did u ever feel like you CANT love? like you really want to love someone romantically but it just didnt end up working out or something? im trying to figure this out myself and youre one of the few people i think could help so

hm. this is a difficult question to answer because my aroaceness is more complicated than most people's I think. I never really went through the whole sexuality questioning process because honestly, I just never really cared. like, to me, the extent of my knowledge on sexualities for many many years was just the vague subconscious awareness that well, some people like other people I guess, whatever, that's none of my business, who cares. I literally only found out I was aroace when one of my friends was like "hey have you ever heard of asexuality?", and I looked at that and went "huh. guess that works", and then just kinda forgot about it. as a kid I'd tell other people that I had crushes, but I don't think I ever knew what a crush actually was. people would talk about theirs and I'd sit there like "oh yeah, I totally get that too. mine's uh *points at random guy across room* that one". for a few years in elementary school I'd convinced myself I had a crush on one of my friends, but looking back, I'm like 99.999% sure it wasn't one, but also have no idea what else was going on there either. did I have any feelings for him? who knows, it's not like I can actually name, recognize, or even really feel any feelings anyway. also, to clarify, the main reason why I say that being aroace is Very Complicated for me is because I just happen to have this really weird form of alexithymia that I haven't ever really seen anyone else have, where I literally only experience emotions physically. like, for example, instead of feeling stress like everyone else, I'll just get shaky randomly with zero actual emotion. it's...extremely confusing, to say the least. anyway. having that knowledge about my weird little autism brain means that I have this lingering doubt of "what if I'm not actually aro, and any crushes I may or may not have gotten were just blocked by my complete inability to recognize literally any emotion?" but then I reassure myself that being aro is having a lack of romantic feelings, and if I have a lack of general feelings then that implies a lack of romantic ones too, so even if my aromanticism was caused entirely by autism then it would still technically be aromanticism. anyway, I've gotten off track. so. to answer your question, I've never wanted to like someone romantically, and I genuinely have no idea what love is. not in a sad or edgy or depressed way (though I do also have some pretty strong anhedonia which does not make things any easier to figure out), but purely in a My God Do I Have Some Autism Alright way. I've tried to figure out the concept, but my brain just. can't. so basically, I'm probably not the best person to ask this either, considering how very dependent my aromanticism is on my specific kind of neurodivergence. I don't know if I can or can't love, and I frankly don't really care, so I solved that problem just like how I solved every other question I didn't particularly care about answering: by completely ignoring it. exhibit a: gender. anyway sorry for this unnecessarily long ramble, it's late at night and I like talking about myself a bit too much

tldr: uh I am probably also not the person you should be asking. being aro to me is heavily dependent on my specific forms of neurodivergence and personality, and my relationship with being aroace is definitely not common. sorry. wish you the best in figuring things out though :). I'm sure you could also find some good resources for questioning aros if you dig around

[ilovetosmilepleasemarrymepi-blog]

For information and my safety and their sainity,

I do not own any pictures, art, drawings, or epic pieces of art in this story.

All ponies pony names, names of pony songs, pony songs, or any thing else that could get my ass sued. Also all chacters, locations, phrases, items, names of spells etc... They belongs to Hasbro, Hasbro entertainment, and Hasbro productions.

Witch will inevitably be bought by Disney like everything else. So we can get a pinky Deadpool ship!

FINALY!!!

Hello . My name is...well I guess I.. well how about you can just call me Dayrl for now. You see my story ... It is true, very true well the beginning is any way. Oh though how I wish this was a true story. The true story though has not yet occurred. If I'm to change my life would to change my life and find the one I was destined to meet. I'd have to find the one the cupcacake of my eye that for years or more I might of gone without noticing. I'd have to go through hell to find true love. I'd was going to be sent through life's emotional hell.

But that is later

This... is where my story began...for now...

My pony life started in high school. I don't even rember much of it, and I know I did not know about fan fictions back then. What had happened is that I saw this kid with really cool shirt with on and it something really cool on it with a rainbow maybe ?

Yeah that it defintaly not the design that was on the shirt but it is 20% cooler

So I asked the dude about it his shirt I mean he said it was from a short about ponies now at I was uncertain but I'm really open minded and also I was in high school so i think that was at the time where I was more use to watching cartoons so theres that by the way it may now be important but I really love to brag ... So you know the really famous season four tirek episode where twilight had the power of four Alicorns and when she when to battle tirek the stated exchangeing blows and beams energy waves throwing rocks at each other having a good ol time well I watched as .... It ... Aired ... Which alot of people can say that they did that to but ya know like I said l love to brag

#overlyadzaderatedartparody

So now ya know how I came to the fandom that's well and good and I really don't remember alot after that other than ya know watching the episodes now and then but if knew then what I know now ...... Well I often say don't it's not got look at the past unless your looking to learn

Now apparently ..... Very apparently I seem to have falling away from the fandom at sompoint and I think it it a fairly simple reason that I faced a problem that all us bronies have to and will learn to over come if we want in this fan community

Prejudice

Mockink, taunting teasing

Rejection

Eventually if you can't get over something like that and face your problems your fears and lack of self confidence you become ..... Lost alone ....unhappy you will be unable to move on with life... like...

Now eventually after a while I found the fandom again I don't really want to say ... Hoooo....huuummmm I guess if I'm going to be telling this story I'm going to be honest with you

#apples

#honesty

#elementofhonesty

#applejack

So any way here it I'm not what a normal person would call normal ...or at the very least average I have these psychological disorders there called autism, ADHD, ADD, OCD, and plethora of behavior probelems you see growing not the best behaved i had a lot of social issues and trouble making friends on account of my autism and the fact my dad had passed away when I was two and technicaly speaking im still not the best behaved or social

any way I was in this assisted liveing home becaus my mom need a break from me a person with less .... Metal advantages sometimes just can't handel you all the time and one day i was watching tv in the day room nothing on as per ussaul you know I did have my phone back then too and hardly ever watched TV when I did alot of it was Steven universe and any one else who watches that can tell you that hiatused are a Bitch so basically steven universe was hiatuse and there nothing on and I found my self watchin TMNT alot but ya got know there nothing on there's nothing on but one day there was...

Now one thing you have to understand about me is I absolutely love my music all music any music any at and I'm not that picky

#octaviamelody

#vinylrecordscratch

I don't really have that many thing I won't listen to most of the time I only have one rule and that is that I won't listen to anything where I can't understand the lyrics I feel like what the point in music if you can't apeel to everyone and if one person can not what your saying that's one person you did not reach but the point of the matter is that I like and appreciate a lot of music what I'm realling to say is that the music is a big part of why I loved in Steven universe so much like comet, giant woman, it's over isnt it and I will straight up right now say that show deserves ten Grammy's (not to mention the Annie award, animation award, it deserved deserved deserved for best episode paraphrasing the name of the award Mr. Greg instead of that dumb ass adventure time vr episode) but I'm getting off toppic now I like music and what is my Little pony without alot of music

So I'm pretty sure no I'm beautifuly one hunldred percent sure on who I have to thank for saving me from when I was down in my funk the it was none other than the cuti mark crsaders let me explain it is definitely not the first song iv heard in the series but damn shur if it's not one the best I was watching mlp one day and ya know I thought here go just another friendship song ... Fuckin ass then out of no where I was blown away the kiss makeup , the lights, the crashes, the danger, and rock be e de de e dew

All I have to say right now is I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you the cmc

#imnotzecora

so from the bottom of my heart for as broken and shattered it gets every day thank you

You help me so much

Now let talk about something really serious do you believe in simplicity that things just simply happen an that they are all coincidences maybe you believe in faith it can come from strangest places in apparently very ummm... If you believe in faith how far does that faith go how long are you willing to let the Signs just pass you by ignore faith some people get second chances but some never even get a first and if you do nothing if it something ....or someone that is a greater power or forces .... why not at least play along Just to see where you end up

Ok im a guy so naturally I do what guys do I watch porn and please just stay with me for one minute here because this is probably the most important part this is where I the divine intervention made it's first move it a very crucial part to this story so please just stay with me who know here what the rule 34 is ... Oh come on...

#sweetibellohcomeon

Shut you all know it is everyone knows the rule is it's states if exist it can be sexy and there porn of it

so me being the very lonely guy that I was never had being been in a relationship and alwase watching porn I knew for a fact that they did not show porn on YouTube so showering pornsites for pony porn and finding none (or not look hard enough not find what I wanted or worse just being internet lazy) went YouTube and they had ..... Somethig

Clop

Right now I challenge you to go to someone who is not a mlp fan and ask them to watch clop then ask a brony the exact question and compare just their face reactions yeah I had no idea what it was I did after though

So I got my fill of clop now at that time I was also a big anime fan this is the second event that seems to line up just perfectly to be some kind weird divine intervention I was watching frieza react to the video where pinkie pie beats up all her friends to the theme of the smile song and I'll give you a thousand Guesses what video was in description

cupcakes

Now yeah it was a weird video but I did even here it was a fanfic till way later the next couple of web searches we're mostly fan made songs untill ...

My first fan fiction by scribbler of course

#scribbler

#scribblerproductions

#subcribetoscribbler

Scribbler i dont know who you are but if could only realize what a monumental difference youve made in my life I have goals now because of you on I've found love and pepol can say they are fictional chacters all fuckin day I ve got more than that I want to and need to

So let's go back where all began

Rocket to insanity my first mlp fan fiction ever butt you know I think I've told you quite a bit now so ill save some for next time

That where really interesting ...