#im thinking HARD about how avoidance has characterized and dominated me

[queerian]

watching @drdemonprince's conversation with Fern Brady and god this is why it's important to hear people like us talk about our experiences. i learn so much from other autistic people.

while talking about alexithymia fern described having ongoing and mysterious pain during a really stressful period of time that never went away no matter what she tried, and as soon as she received resolution on the thing she was stressed about, the pain also resolved. ive this exact experience a number of times and i have slowly been building a very contextually-specific hypothesis about it (my body builds up pain like a pressure valve and as long as i deny it it gets worse, and as soon as i give myself permission to take the rest i need - and take that rest - it tends to resolve. at least the acute moments. for the longest time, i would not let myself call in sick from work unless i was "sick enough", because i was terrified of being seen as unreliable, and because i was worried about losing the income for any missed days of work. i've always used up my PTO on sick days and doctor days because i needed so many of those.

ever since ive been working from home, and then promoted to a a role where i have a lot more ability to work around things like this without losing pay, i've suffered a lot fewer of those maxed out pressure valve moments.

my ibs in general and flareups have all also gotten a lot less acute.

fern's story just gave me a lightning bolt of realization, and put into perspective all this mysterious sporadic and chronic pain i experience that doctors can never really explain or understand no matter how much i describe it or how many tests i undergo. i just saw my doctor yesterday about it and she shrugged and suggested we continue to monitor it and as usual we ruled out all the things it probably isnt.

even ibs is one of those diagnoses of excluding what it isnt.

anyway. it's fucking incredible to hear someone talk about experiencing something and for the first time in three decades being able to point at that and go "yes!! me too!! that's the thing i experience too!!!"

[5eraphim]

swinging out the gate with pure filth but i recently stumbled upon a scout voice line that made me cream my pants (tumblr doesn't allow links as anon so i'm putting extra parentheses to make sure it doesn't appear as one (https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/4/48/Scout_domination20.wav))

anyways it got me heavy thinking about dom scout because i really truly think this boy is a sadistic motherfucker. huge ego and need to be the best, especially growing up the youngest sibling? having someone stupidly fucked out for him blows his mind.

and i KNOW for a FACT he has a daddy kink, too, and wants a real title to hear the power he has in the moment (plus there's another scout voice line that says "come to daddy" so it's essentially confirmed because i said so).

he's still a little bit of a teenage horndog about it, rolling his eyes back and getting a little nervous when you actually do submit, because he was prepared for a fight.

i would almost say he prefers it, wanting the struggle and the power that comes with quelling the flame in you but never fully, trying to push buttons to get you to give him a shove or a nasty remark so he has an excuse to pounce on you like a predator.

"yeah? you like that? gettin' fucked on daddy's dick?" almost really talking to himself when he drills into you as fast as he physically can, positioned in missionary because he wants to see that pretty face (and tits).

he wants to see overstimulation paint your features, you know that. he also wants to see that feisty side of you just so he can tame it. you push his abdomen the best you can, hands really just shoving his shirt that he didn't bother to take off. it's not working, and all he can do is laugh at your pathetic attempt.

you yank the dog tags that dangle in front of your face, sort of wet because of the sweat he's pouring, not due of the physicality but rather that he's so worked up and thrilled that he's heating up. the chain wrings around the back of his neck a little, not necessarily doing the damage you hoped for. in fact, you can see a switch flip and his eyes darken. uh oh.

his hands slam around your neck, having previously been attached to your waist, and squeeze so hard your vision goes fuzzy at the edges and all the blood rushes from your head. "you wanna choke me? how's it feel ta be fuckin' choked, huh? stupid bitch." he's degrading, harsh because he knows he can be. your eyes well u with tears, threatening to spill, and he grins like a wolf. he loves it.

"oh, what, you gonna cry? you gonna cry now?" he spits at you. that's all it takes before the waterworks start, cooling your warm cheeks and letting him know he's won this round.

there's nothing that stops you from cumming on his cock, completely overwhelmed by feeling and so far gone that it doesn't even matter. scout's overjoyed that he's got a pretty girl so fucking stupid for him that she can't even control her body anymore. he gets so high off the feeling that he can't help but bark out every filthy thought and word he has, a reminder that he is conscious enough to talk and you're so braindead you can't form a word.

"aww" he wipes your tears with the pad of his thumb, "don' cry kid, i'm not even bein' that cruel!" he taps his thumb against your lips, scowling when you turn your head to avoid his digit. he grabs your chin to force your eyes on his. "open up and suck my fuckin' thumb or ill replace it with my cock and fuck your face."

im making my mark as 👽 emoji because i will 100% be back to write more

HELL O?? HELLO 👽!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! MAKING OUT WITH THE SIDE OF YOUR NECK RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK

thank you so much for sending me this, a bit blown awayy right now, i must say. top-tier scout characterization, on GOD. He is MEAN. he is literally a one man bully squad- of course he's gonna overdo it act like a total maniac getting nasty with his obsession.

i love this because i love writing Scout as on the more dominant side, but in a almost playfully sadistic kind of way.

[andybjorgman]

—— introductions.

—— ❝ let’s start off easy. tell me the basics. ❞

[ name ] andrew agnarr bjorgman of arendelle.

[ nicknames / aliases ] andy, his royal highness prince andrew bjorgman of arendelle.

[ date of birth ] february 28th, 2001.

[ place of birth ] the kingdom of arendelle.

[ age ] sixteen.

[ marital status ] single.

[ occupation ] student at auradon prep, prince, third in line for the throne of arendelle.

[ titles ] his royal highness, prince andrew of arendelle.

[ gender identity ] cismale.

[ allegiance ] heroes/arendelle.

[ spoken language(s) ] english, french.

—— ❝ what of your family ?? are they still alive ?? ❞

[ father ] prince kristoff bjorgman of arendelle ( alive ).

[ mother ] princess anna bjorgmanof arendelle ( alive ).

[ sibling(s) ] prince/ss ( tba. ) bjorgman of arendelle ( alive ).

[ children ] none.

—— ❝  now let’s paint a picture of you. ❞

[ height/weight ] 5′7″ ( 170 cm ) & 135 lbs. ( 61 kg ).

[ built ] athletic & lean.

[ hair color ] blond.

[ eye color ] brown.

[ voice ] tenor.

[ style of speech ] smooth, quiet.

[ scars ] multiple from childhood accidents.

[ abnormalities ] tba.

[ clothing ] tight yet not restricting, comfortable and casual, relaxed colors ( emphasis toward neutral tones, blues, and greens ), simple.

—— ❝ tell us, what kind of person are you ?? ❞

[ star sign ] pisces.

[ alignment ] lawful good.

[ enneagram type ] type 2 - the helper.

[ color personality ] you are deep sky blue. #00BFFF.

  your dominant hues are cyan and blue. you like people and enjoy making friends. you're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. you are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect.

   your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. the world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. you shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

  your outlook on life is very bright. you are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

[ what plant(s) best represent you ]

 CHAMOMILE.     easy-going, friendly and well liked, you’ve got a gentle and sweet nature and a calming presence that puts others at ease. your sensitivity to others may cause you to take on too much of other people’s feelings, though, and you may even be prone to worry.

  ECHINACEA.     a protector. with an amazing blend of optimism, nurturing and goodwill, you lend your strength and energy to those in need. your seemingly infinite goodwill and boundless supportive energy make you the one people turn to when times are tough. your greatest strength is, of course, also one of your weaknesses, especially if you neglect to take care of yourself. at times like these, it’s a good idea to take a step back and focus some of that protective energy on yourself.

  SLIPPERY ELM.     let’s just say you’re a vocal person. sure, that might mean you’re chatty. but it also means you’re the one humming in the hallway, singing in the shower, speaking your mind, standing up and shouting if need be to get yourself heard. you’ve got a voice and you know how to use it. inclined to speak up for the voiceless, defend the defenseless or simply bring joy to the joyless, you may have a tendency to overuse your voice.

—— ❝ do you have anything more you wish to say ?? ❞

andrew “ andy ” kristopher bjorgman was born on february 28th, 2001 to anna & kristoff bjorgman, prince and princess of arendelle. he has one older sibling and grew up in arendelle castle.

loves to travel, due to his mom always taking him on trips to other kingdoms. hes really interested in the history of the different kingdoms as well, often exploring when his mom is busy with diplomatic affairs.

although mostly a history buff, andy just likes learning in general. hes the kind of kid who doesn’t always have their nose in a book, but if they have some free time theyd rather read than waste time, y’know? he’s a solid A- student because he knows the material, but sometimes he zones out in class and misses important information like homework instructions or test dates.

andy is all about doing the right thing, and isnt afraid to speak his mind when it comes to issues he feels passionate about. hes truly lawful good. also, in the same ballpark, he is pro vks because hes a firm believer that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. he isnt sure how he feels about the returning villains though, and doesnt avoid them, but also doesnt go out of his way to be around them.

similarly, andrew isnt shy but he also isnt the most outgoing person in the world. like if you strike a conversation with him he can speak with you for hours, but more often than not he isnt the one who initiates it. that doesnt mean he wont start a conversation with you though, bc baby boy also tries to make as many friends as he can.

he is very optimistic and positive, so much so that sometimes it seems fake ( and it may as well be him lying to himself ). he just hates the idea that the world is full of evil so he tries to focus on the good things in life and disregard the bad.

regarding powers: he has none. nada. zip. it was always a concern of his mom and aunt that the gene would pass to anna’s children, but it never did.

hes a big ball of sunshine, basically, who is just trying to make the world a better place one small step at a time !!! 

this isnt complete but im super tired so ill finish tomorrow. if you message to plot i can go more in depth with characterization and backstory !

IM OR LIKE THIS POST TO PLOT !

ooc: im about to head to bed so plotting and interactions will begin tomorrow !