#im tired but felt like making the post cause maybe someone needs it

[liyuee-qixing]

Dottore with a very sick s/o

Maybe a vent post...???😭😭😭

Im finally being productive again wow, still can't keep my promise on how often I would update though

Cw, disease of course.

Genres:Angst to comfort???

Dottore is my fav character to write dhsgeusgajahsj

Il Dottore

He's a doctor. He know what tod o in these situations where your body temperature just drop and you become pale, honestly,if You're any other person he couldn't careless if he find the cure or not,but if he can't find the cure for your disease and it'll end up fatal, He'll curse himself. He'll blame himself for everything,he make sure you're on good health every single day.

he has a room in his headquarters that is made for you only since he never really back to home and it's really worry him. It's a simple room with bed,thick blanket,box of medicine and lot decorations you like. Despite being a crazy man scientist,that one room he dedicate to you look Like a sweet nursery room

When it's not so cold outside,he like to give his jacket to you and take you to a scroll around the zapolyrn place garden,picking up flowers,picnic date,after all,being stuck in one room for long period of time is boring everyone need something fun to do.

He tried to cover the dark fatui side and the dark part of his experiment too,he worries that if you saw it,your condition will just be getting worse and he'll be the cause of it. He worry that someday you will drift away,and that all is because of his careless attitude.

His love language is act of service, he'll do anything for you, he'll cook you the softest pancake he learned himself,he prepared a warm bath and shower you,he try his best to make a cure to end all of your struggles in this cruel world.

"good morning Love"your tired eyes met with Dottore's,The man you loved the most. What you didn't expect was for you both to be on his mansion,you Don't remember anything about walking here.

"good morning too,love. Since when did we get here?" You cooed sweetly,your body however feel so sore. It's felt like you're going to faint.

"you were half asleep when we're on our Way,tell me how do you felt"he answer, placing his hand on your forehead, checking any symptoms of fever,you gave him a sweet smile at first but then it turned to frown when the feeling of soreness and blur start to hover your mind

"I feel.. I feel. Like I want to pass out,my body is sore"you answer bitterly,now he's worried. He then start to notice visible sweats on the side of your forehead. You were clearly exhausted.

"would you like to sit in front of the fireplace?"he hand you his hand, leading you to Infront of the fireplace,step by step on the stairs you both made it,placing you down on the silk couch covering you with thick blanket and your favorite plushie.

On the table, served his signature breakfast,a pancake he learned by himself and a mug of hot chocolate along with your medicine. He spoon you slowly and slowly. Waiting for your next condition report.

"Dottore. Do you think I'll be fine?"a word that truly shocken him,why would you ask such a question? Do your condition get so bad these day? How are he not aware of this? What could be the issues and cause?

"you'll be fine,here with me"he whispered as he placed kiss to your forehead. His words were so affirmating and calming but deep down he feel lot different than just 'youll be fine'

He can't lose you,not when someone actually care about him,not when his cold heart has been melted by you. And also not when you're the only person he can reach to when he struggles,what are him without you?

[lynnlovesthestars]

Amygdala

Pairing: Astarion x OC (lynn, changeling.)

AN: yes again, im queueing up all i wrote lately so i wont chicken out from posting it, my therapist will like this a lot.

Genre: fluff, angst, a bit of confort?

Warning: self-harming behaviour, blood, honestly don't ask me what this is cause it was called 'welp i hate myself' and it was a 4 am blurb, healing? idk yet

Taglist: @spacebarbarianweird @sessils

Masterlist

Taglist requests.

His fangs grazed ever so slightly against Lynn’s supple neck, tracing his adam’s apple, the throbbing vein on his throat, the last spot where his fangs last bit, the smell of his blood and tangerines was driving him insane.

Lynn felt light already, and he blamed the feeling of Astarion’s cold skin burning against his, or maybe their legs intertwined so close, or the way Lynn pressed his lips to his neck with sloppy, breathy kisses that send his body in frenzy.

It was nothing more than holding each other and worshiping desperately every inch of their chest, they said.

Astarion would occasionally stop, giving Lynn time to regain his breath and stealing a moment to admire his blissed face.

There was nothing more breathtaking than his messy hair and his half closed eyes while Astarion’s blouse loosely draped his shoulder, barely staying place. A sight to keep forever.

Lynn could say the same about Astarion as his curls messily fell all over the place, his crimson eyes dilated and his mouth agape yet in a tender smile.

In those moments time stopped, the only sound was their labored breath and the quick shift of the blankets as Astarion would take the chance to lay on top of Lynn, resting his ear on the changeling’s chest to get lulled by his hearbeat.

They had yet to tell each other how deep they were in this, but in that moment words were not needed.

Astarion didn’t need any other proof as Lynn’s chest leaped everytime the vampire would turn to leave a fleeting kiss on his sternum.

He didn’t need words, or rings. All he truly needed was the warmth radiating to him, the changeling’s arms wrapped around his middle, his body shielding him from his fears.

At night when he couldn’t endure his rest, Lynn would skip his only to hold the elf.

When Astarion would get injured, Lynn would sit at his bedside, taking care of his wounds.

When Astarion felt helpless, Lynn was kneeling next to him, offering his arms and to pick up the pieces.

Lynn that promised he would be safe, did his very best to keep his promise.

Lynn who had freed him

Lynn who had healed him.

Lynn who struggled and hid it everytime.

Astarion hated just that small detail of his, the way he’d run away to hide when he was hurt.The way he’d help everyone, but when he needed help, he felt like he couldn’t ask for it.

Lynn that hurt himself rather than being seen.

And Astarion hated it.

He hated seeing him crouched in the dirt, sobbing and swearing while he had to hide behind a stupid tree.

But he never hated anything more than the sight of his dagger sinking right above his eyes, retracing an old ragged scar.

Astarion couldn’t bear to let him go on with it, to see the crimson of his blood flow down his cheek as Lynn didn’t make a sound. How often had he done this? How often had he traced that scar to ignore the pain.

Astarion didn’t waste any second from the moment he realized what was going on, he rushed to his side, taking the blade and dropping it away.

Lynn didn’t talk, didn’t look at him, didn’t do anything more than breathe and let himself fall to the side, lucky that Astarion caught him instead.

He didn’t deny, he didn’t agree, he just stared almost lifelessly in front of him as he was to tired.

Astarion didn’t know whether to scold him for being so dumb, or cry, or maybe remind him he was loved, he had someone to rely on, he didn’t have to hurt himself anymore to feel something, because Astarion would have made sure he felt always something.

Yet no word sounded appropriate.

Astarion just held him, gently tugging him in his lap, letting his head rest on his shoulder, not caring whether he would be covered in blood or not.

They just rested like that, Lynn’s fingers finally gripped on the elf’s shirt as it dawned on him- whether for the shame or for all those feeling hidden away.

And astarion just let him. He let him sob, he let him scream, he let him shiver in his arms as Astarion tried to shield him from everything, from everyone that could hurt him.

They don’t know how long they stayed away from camp, how long they had both cried, or how long they still needed, but as the sun rose and Lynn was still shaking, Astarion swore in front of the sunrise that he’d learn. He’d learn for himself, but mostly he’d learn for Lynn.

They didn’t return to camp until the following night, everyone tried to take a peak and understand what went on, but Astarion simply held him to his chest, hiding his face as he had asked, keeping him shielded just for a few more hours.

Astarion quickly dismissed Lynn’s clothes, the white blouse was probably unusable as the blood stain was dry and crusted, and then he tucked him under the warmth of the sheets.

Lynn that never asked for help, was allowing astarion to see him so broken, he was allowing him to mend his wound, he was allowing him to pick up the broken pieces, cause at last he couldn’t fight anymore.

[aroacesigma]

do you have any sigzai hcs (or just hcs about sigma or dazai separately)

you're going to regret asking this . headcanons under the cut cause im gonna feel annoying otherwise . most of them are what i headcanon as happening like post canon in a nice world where everyone is alive and happy lol

sigzais <3

ok so to me they are THE transmasc qpps ever . i might be projecting a little but both dazai and sigma are both so transmasc to me. on one hand you have sigma who wears 10 billion shirt layers and a long ass coat and goes on and on about being an ordinary man, and then on the other hand you have dazai who also wears clothes like that and bandages over his chest

hc sigma as oriented aroace with ???? orientation . hes just very confused . theyre so confused . and dazai as bi aroacespec and not particularly averse to any stuff just doesnt feel the attraction most of the time

poor sigma has spent all this time around fyolai like 'god why the fuck are people like this' and then he meets dazai and is like ohhhhhhh. oh .

when sigma joins the ada (and they will u mark my words) him and dazai end up sharing an apartment

at first dazais excited because maybe he wont be living off horrible cooking

unfortunately sigma also cannot cook for shit . he fucking sucks . legitimately the only thing he can cook is cookies in a packet mix .

sigma is unfortunately going through the same phase that kids of controlling parents go through when they finally get freedom, which is making a bunch of stupid decisions . dazai , being the wonderful boyfriend he is, is encouraging all the dumb decisions because he thinks its funny

most of their dates is just going to cafes because sigma has the worlds most horrendous sweet tooth and sigma has no moral objections to guilt tripping him into it

despite being pretty bad at it themself, sigma has a tendency to hit dazai with a pillow until he takes care of himself

vice versa dazai will be a distracting little bitch and wont stop if he thinks sigma is overworking himself

sigma

he/they sigma is so real to me btw just need everyone to know this . they like messing around with neos as well sometimes i think

even though he's pretty much always tired , isnt really a huge fan of coffee , definitely prefers really fancy tea and energy drinks

decided to run with the whole purple thing cause of his hair , abolutely loves the colour. anything he owns is purple if they can get it .

smiles all happy while listening to music in a way that makes you think its something nice . its not . his only musical requirements are loud and screaming to drown out the Anxiety™

not my headcanon but i saw someone say once that they headcanon that occasionally people get an uncanny valley kinda vibe from looking at him cause of his weird origins and honestly i think thats pretty interesting

very happy to join the ada . not quite as impressed by the paycheck .

like , really not impressed by the paycheck . theyre struggling with the dwindling clothes budget . i can totally see him trying to decide whether he wants dinner or new earrings . and probably picking the earrings .

they get along with everyone at the agency really well . a few people dont really trust him straight up but atsushi and dazai vouching for him shuts that down relatively quickly

he gets along the best with atsushi

they have a friendly rivalry with kunikida . agency productivity going straight up just because those two keep trying to outdo each other

dazai

100% has multiple troll accounts online . he enjoys being a menace . not in the mean way , in the absolutely fucking infuriating kind of way

remained in denial (or more oblivious really) about being trans until he was 16 because he asked chuuya if everyone felt like that one time and chuuya was like well yeah (also trans and stupid)

on a related note (this one is kind of about dazai and chuuya but it still counts) mori was kind of like ohhh teenage boys are so much easier to deal with right ? kouyou decided it was best not to inform him that hrt gives you mood swings .

adhd. adhd. adhd.

hes a candy crush mum . its a problem .

eats everyone at the ada's food . but he doesnt eat the whole thing he'll just take a bite . its high up on kunikidas 'things that make me want to string dazai up by his legs and attach him to a ceiling fan' list

has been known to send 12 yr olds graphic violent death threats after losing to them in video games

he has the music taste of a 14 yr old cishet girl . i will let you decide what that entails .

my deepest apologies for making you read all this but i love them both dearly and i have lots of Thoughts

[bookwhizz]

I need Dan Heng×Blade but Dang Hengs sad and him and kafka visit the express again and he finds Dan Heng crying.

(This is the perfect idea maybe ill post a longer one on ao3 omg)

(Also im so sorry if this is bad i just woke up after sleeping for 13 (CORRECTION:14) hours)

-----

Blade and Kafka (uninvited) visit the Astral Express again, which, confused everyone, but they didn't want to cause harm.

Everyone was in the same room as them, to make sure nothing happened. Except for Dan Heng.

Blade was obviously upset. He wanted to maybe get eachother to fight, or maybe tease him.

He turns to Himeko since he doesn't know the rooms.

"Would you mind telling me where Dan Heng is? He's... not here."

"He's in the Archives Room, likely sorting out documents.."

Himeko didn't get Blade to listen to the end of her sentence, instead he just quickly ran to the archives room and opened the door. Without knocking.

He walked in uninvited, but obviously with great timing, as Dan Heng was in his bed, crying. His eyeliner smudged his face, and his eyes were puffy from crying. No. Who made him cry? No ones allowed to make him cry other than Blade, so who did it?

Blade dropped everything he had and sat on his knees next to the crying man.

"Dan Heng? Is everything... alright?"

All Dan Heng showed was recognition in his eyes. He wouldn't stop crying. He wouldn't look up. Was he in pain? Deep sorrow? He just kept breathing in harshly and tried to keep his crying at minimal sound..

"Dan Heng, please, talk to me.."

Blade was really, really worried. He usually doesn't show it, but, hes alone with Dan Heng. And he's crying.

Blade didn't know much about how to help people when they're upset, but, he knew they liked hugs, so thats what he did.

He wrapped Dan Heng in his arms and squeezed. He didn't get if he was doing it right, but he wanted to help Dan Heng. He leaned into his shoulders, hoping that his presence would atleast somehow help Dan Heng.

Dan Heng just kept on repeating muffled apologies that Blade told him didn't matter anymore.

After what felt like only a bit of time, Blade started crying.

Was he crying? He hasn't cried in so many years. It felt.. nice, to cry over someone like this.

After a while, they both settled down and Dan Heng let his arms hang on Blade while he leaned his head on the top of Blade's.

He closed his eyes. He really was tired from crying. Dan Heng slept first, he looked so peaceful to Blade. He knew that he should go before someone suspected anything, but... it was so warm, comforting. He just wanted to sleep, too.

-----

(Meanwhile outside the Archives Room)

[In Kafkas Phone]

<text message from Elio:

"Hey wanna see something cute">

<Kafka:

"You know what, sure, why not.">

<Elio:

"Go take a picture of Blade and Dan Heng in the Archives Room for everyone, pretty pleeaassee? Just don't send it to him">

<Kafka:

"Challenge accepted.">

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[alittlebitgoofy]

we were friends, now i want more (1/3) - (spice/luxx)

heheheheh i didn't mean for this to turn into a multipart thing but i wanted to post what i had and i won't leave y'all hanging on such a cliffhanger. so much gay shit about to drop i felt like giving these gals the build up for the penny to finally drop :)) many thanks to @fuckyeah-dragrace and @puppywritesthings for dealing with my tired ass writing and making sure it makes sense, and dealing with my constnat questions about the american college system (ily puppy thx bestie) ao3 link

Luxx huffed impatiently on her laptop as if that would solve the block that was this assignment. Fucking essays. Whoever decided this was important for a music class was an absolute ass.

Marcia glanced at them wearily. Luxx wasn’t one to half ass anything, always insisting it had to be perfect, the issue came with the self criticism. Even in the short time they’d shared a dorm together, she’d figured out that they were never happy with anything they did. There was always something to improve which was great until you had assignments due that you were never happy with.

The laptop slamming shut made them jump, watching as Luxx growled into her hands.

“This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Maybe you should take a break?”

“Maybe. Or I could just finish this and be done with it. If my brain would work.”

They let out an exasperated sigh, picking up the laptop and throwing it into their bag.

“Maybe if I go to the library I’ll get this done.”

“This late? Marcia glanced at the time. Who in their right mind went to the library at 11pm on a Thursday?

“Fuck it, no one else is going to be there and it’s 24 hours for a reason.”

“You do you I guess.” Arguing with her roommate was a lost cause. Marcia just shrugged, shooting Spice a text to inform her of Luxx’s actions. If anyone could talk sense into them it was her.

Luxx swore they would get this done, ignoring that it was due the next morning. They didn’t want to take the hit and admit something was beyond them.

Thankfully the library was as empty as expected, only a few people typing at laptops looking as tired as they felt. The change in scenery helped a small bit, progress happening slowly but surely to this piece of torture their professor called coursework.

Hours seemed to pass in the blink of an eye yet agonisingly slowly. She stared down the word count like it was trying to murder her. 500 words left. That was all she needed.

Just as the focus began to stray, Luxx’s phone buzzed. The brief flash of irritation faded to a small smile as they noticed it was Spice.

Spice: u ok? marcia said u went to the libry to do an essay

Spice: libray

Spice: library? hot girls can’t spell

Luxx: you got there in the end, I’m fine just want to die over this shitty essay

Spice: due tomorrow?

Luxx: yeah, it’s evil

Spice: how long did u have to do it?

Luxx: two weeks

Spice: evil

Luxx couldn’t help but smile at her phone. At least someone got it. Spice's lack of spelling ability provided enough amusement rto finish this damn thing.

By the time they were done, there was nobody else left in the library. Luxx glanced at the clock, cringing as it read 4am. Did it really take five hours to finish this thing? How could a stupid essay have taken her this long. At least it was done.

Not like she needed to be up for an 8am class. That wasn’t a thing. Not at all.

The world seemed to want her exhausted, running off barely any sleep and wanting to commit a crime if anyone looked at her the wrong way. Luxx wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep for the weekend as they came out of class though knowing Marcia was with Jax in their dorm she chanced not having pda shoved down her throat and texted Spice to see if she was free.

Of course she got a text back in an instant, trusting that girl to always be on her phone.

Spice: sug is in class for a few hours, come hang out with me 🥺

Luxx: as long as no one is making out in your dorm im there

Even Spice was starting to grate on them a bit. Her relentless energy was usually fun but right now, all Luxx wanted was quiet. She grunted as Spice attempted to initiate conversation. They instantly regretted it as the black haired girl pouted, though her body didn’t seem to hold any tension or malice.

“Alright, I know what you need.”

Before they could question what that even meant and what the hell Spice was planning, she pulled them into her arms, leaning Luxx’s head on her shoulder as her hands became preoccupied stroking and being run through their head.

“If anyone else tried this I'd kill them.” She grumbled, though Spice just giggled in response.

“I know.” Spice chirped cheerfully, her relentless optimism making Luxx crack a small smile.

Thankfully Spice knew what to do. Now that she questioned it, Spice’s flipping on a dime was strange to say the least. How the hell did someone who got stressed out trying to figure out how much 3 items cost in a supermarket have so much emotional intelligence? It would be off putting if she wasn’t so warm, physically and emotionally. Seriously. Why did Spice’s cuddles always leave Luxx so relaxed? At last, their body gave in to fatigue, melting into Spice as she moved one arm to fall over Luxx’s back, circling small trails with her thumb.

It didn’t take long for Spice to notice the lack of movement in her friend. Truth be told, she’d noticed how tired Luxx looked the second their eyes met. She played dumb, knowing Luxx would end up letting her cuddle them to her heart's content and that was the easiest way to get her to rest.

—

Spice turned around as she felt a tug on her hand, Luxx looked down at the floor, as if making eye contact would make them combust.

“You think you could stay a little longer?” Her voice was quiet, tone not quite faltering but damn near close. Spice could feel the defeat in her, admitting to needing someone when she insisted she was fine alone. All the confidence and pride in the world meant nothing in that moment. Luxx finally glanced up, linking their eyes in a painful silence.

“You don’t have to. Fuck. Forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter.”

Spice didn’t speak, only moved back to Luxx’s bed and pulled them into a tight embrace. Luxx could only sit there speechless before letting themself fully relax into Spice. She was always the one to be affectionate and usually they just let her because it was fine. Not enjoyable, but fine. Right now though? She needed this. She needed Spice.

“Don’t try and deny it. You’re allowed to need someone. Let me take care of you this time.”

Something was different about Spice. Her usual thoughtless positivity was replaced by something a lot smarter. It wasn’t the first time Luxx had seen this shift, though it was the first time it was directed towards her.

She just did as Spice asked, knowing that she wouldn’t do anything wrong. Luxx let out a breath, leaning back into Spice as she pulled them down further into her arms. Somehow, only now did they notice how strong she could be. She always seemed so gentle and soft, someone Luxx wanted nothing more than to protect from anything and everything bad in the world.

Maybe it was the exhaustion, or the emotional vulnerability. But something felt different. There was an unspoken lack of boundaries, Spice content for whatever Luxx chose to do, letting her take control of the situation with a warm smile when she burrowed against her.

Luxx’s hands idly ran up and down Spice’s arms, that stayed wrapped around her waist. Soft hums accompanied the action, the black haired girl melting at the contact, squeezing them ever so tighter.

Something started to bubble up, threatening to break out of Luxx at any point. She hesitated, eyes darting down when Spice cocked her head to the side, analysing the sudden shift in their expression.

So many things she was trying to repress threatened to spill out. Her chest tightened, heart beginning to thud when things started to make sense and all of her awareness was placed squarely in the current situation.

“You’re so perfect.”

Luxx felt their body convulse as Spice spoke, stroking their hair away from their eyes as it fell in their face.

“You don’t have to be. I know you always want to be, but you are without even trying.” She continued, smiling softly as Luxx raised an eyebrow at her.

“You have everything anyone would ever need. You’re smart, pretty, you don’t let people step over you. Don’t think you have to work yourself to the brink just to be good enough. You are just by being you.” Spice’s tone was so genuine, dripping with so much affection when her eyes never left Luxx that they wondered if she’d been possessed. They wondered if this side of her was fleeting, if she’d be back to the girl who couldn’t sit for more than five minutes without mentioning dolls or getting sidetracked by the first interesting thing someone mentioned.

Spice’s presence was enough to put her at ease, Luxx just let out an agreeing hum into her chest, not quite trusting herself to speak. A warmth washed over her, replaying the sheer factual way Spice complimented her, like it was an everyday thing to comment positively on every aspect of someone’s being.

Sure, people called her pretty. People tried to flirt and lather Luxx with compliments they would shake off or just plain agree with. But the way Spice said it? Something deep within them melted when those sweet words came from her.

Time passed, soft whispers were exchanged between the two occasionally. Luxx’s brain was swimming, half asleep and wishing she could project her thoughts into Spice’s head without having to say a word.

“I love you.”

Before realisation could hit, Luxx had fallen asleep, leaving Spice reeling and ready to lose her mind over three little words. That’s a problem for another day though, Luxx finally resting was more important and sleeping with them in her arms was something she just wanted to enjoy for as long as possible.

[i-sveikata]

Gabbyyyy, you really wasn't joking about them arguing almost whole chapter 🤣 When I thought, oh its ending.. nope. They still going 😂 But honestly it was very needed. They weren't this honest for a while, especially Pete. Baby is learning not run away (that much ._.) His emotions, thoughts, ah, masterpiece.

I honestly was so drained after finishing, cause I could feel this tension, seriousness of the situation and the topics. And it says a lot about good writing! Completely emersed in the moment which felt like hours 😅 (Literally it took me hours to read all of that). But don't get me wrong, I loved all of it! Like someone wrote in the comments, did you felt tired while writing? Cause all of their emotions changing, Pete overthinking, Vagas' love bombing - it was a LOT.

Seriously, Pete had so many realizations, I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to sleep with headache 😅 Adding to this Korn's "death". Or is he really dead? Maybe that's something you would like to change in your story and I wouldn't mind 😂

Considering how close we are to the end of events in the drama.. I wonder if you plan to change anything from the main story? And how about post canon? How much after it?

In the series Gun was very on for the coup because I think he believed that Korn was dead. In this case he really doesn't buy it, which is fair.

I know that it's hard not to spoil too much but maybe something ...? Like if they have at least a few days or weeks? It's hard for their development when so much is going on with the family. Time is ticking and I really don't want this fic to end with just small post credits scene 😭

So the real question is if you planned to change any major events or not? Don't need to know which yet 😅

Another thing is how I love Pete and Porsche relationship. They both need each other which I found really lacking in the series. I love how you acknowledged that Porsche relationship with Kinn wasn't so pure like many often overlook. No romanticizing rape 🙏 But still creating a story and very real characters.

I think Porsche and Vegas are right. Pete should do what his heart says. (Not only because I want him pursuing Vegas 😅). It's surprised me how healthy Vegas seems to be acting, considering him being himself. I do believe that they would make a great power couple! Vegas sees this as much as we do 😁

Really, I have so much good to say about this chapter. It was intense but worth it. So, so worth it.

Thank you again for this! I will write to you again when more thoughts come 😊

And now I go sleep 😅 Time difference is really fun when you try to be online when your favourite creators are 😅

Love you 🖤

hello hello!!! omg HAHAHAHA I REALLY WASNT like me too i was literally like okay lets wrap this up now but NOPE they clearly had way too much to say now that they floodgates had been opened and these kind of things were finally being said.

they really needed it. pete definitely need it!! omg i totally understand its such an emotionally draining moment that literally feels like it goes on forever when like it reality it would have been like ten minutes or something?!?! god i hate them hahahahhaha

no i totally was the same afterward like i was not expecting it to come out to the degree that it did, felt like it took forever for me to write and it was super heavy as a scene because they were basically running around in circles the whole time trying to figure out how they can trust each other, still trying to find a way that this could work for the both of them. its an impossible situation!!! of course it wouldnt be an easy solution. but damn at least theyre really talking.

oh yeah pete really did have a bit of reckoning this chapter, finally facing most of the things he's been ignoring or not fully understanding about himself.

oh no we are not near the end yet im going to go well past the end credits scene!!! no wasnt planning to leave it at that, they need more time to work their shit out lol. yeah theres a few things im going to tweak in the canon, but nothing too huge i think? or i guess it depends on your opinion i guess time will tell!

yeah me too they could have been a great friendship but it was so half assed in the show- we could have had so much more from them. oh of course!! that was shady as hell there was no way i was going to gloss over that not after the way we've gone into the horror of what happened to pete. honestly wouldnt have made sense NOT to include that part too. porsche and kinn honestly had an equally dubious start.

omg lol funny you say that but we're going to be seeing a bit of a backslide on vegas' part for that. its more like he can do this right, can make sure they try and communicate properly because it matters to him that this relationship will work out. that they'll last. were going to see a new side to him because of his injuries, because they put him in a very vulnerable place (one that he's been in many times before) and it brings out his 'survival mode' kind of instincts. we can definitely expect some interesting behaviour from vegas in the future.

thank you so much for your lovely comment!! and for trying to be online when i am lol that seems like fighting a losing battle when you're australian- we're like the nightbloggers for everyone else because of the time difference hahha have a nice sleep!

[allofuswantgwinam]

1. I went to the gas station again tn but he was not there 😭 i was gonna be brave since im no longer confushion after last night 🤣 hopefully he’s there tomorrow cause im lowkey nervous he could get transferred soon bc that place be like that. I get attached to my friends that work there and then they just disappear😭😭😭 or im happy bc someone who annoyed me is gone 🤣🤣 guess it just depends 💀

2. Im done house sitting so I’m home now and literally when i got here i was so excited bc the cat from my neighborhood that i lowkey saved/stole *it’s a whole story, maybe I’ll make a post rambling about it later 🤣 it’s also not even lowkey, the whole street I live on supports me 😭😭🫶🏼 one of the lil kids called me her leader bc the cat doesn’t fw anyone but me 😭😭😭 and now my mom bc my mom started caring about the cat bc of me which is why she’s ours now 🤌🏼* is so excited that I’m back and it’s just hit me a minute ago that this is technically the first time I’ve been gone this long since she’s been more of an inside cat. it is so precious. I was like “girl, can I please just roll a blunt i love u why are I like this” and then it hit me 🤣🤣 she might have felt abandoned and confused BUT I literally made a whole trip to my house during this time period to bring her stupid ass back inside bc my mom had to go to bed and she told me the cat was out bc she knows I can’t live with that so of course I drove over here and luckily she was waiting under my moms car ready to come inside so she should know better, she stuck with me but anyways my other cat that we’ve had since I was like 4 is so old and he has the will of a mfer. he didn’t even get up when I got home and I’ve been a mix of emotions 😭😭 I was talkin to him and cryin bc I know he’s not happy and we don’t wanna really make the decision, we just want him to go to sleep and it’s sad asf. that has been my bestest friend for 20+ years. And it stresses me out bc these two cats have a dominance thing over me it’s soooo funny but also stressful, but liiike this old cat has not moved a muscle besides staring at me with his tired eyes😭😭… but this other cat has been in my face even as I am typing this rn she need to calm down 🤣🤣🤣 hopefully in like next 10 minutes max im smoking a blunt 🤞🏼💀

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i really wonder what the context was of my last post. cause if it was about the girl who had a crush on me thats unfortunate. but if its someone else im gagged. im such a baddie. idk. idk. i think recently ive been in such a defensive state. like im waiting for something bad to happen at the hands of another person, and im expecting the absolute worst from them. i want to see the best but i also dont want to get hurt. i dont know where this stemmed from. i guess my people pleasing has gotten out of hand, because it hasnt been succeeding. 

my job is kind lowering my vibration beyond repair. i weirdly enjoy it though? i dont know. i must be too in my masculine. and of course, completely disconnected from my spirit and higher self. i cant bring myself to talk to my sister cause i know we will only trigger eachother. 

so here i am. sitting in the silence. tired of it all. 

i cant even bring myself to physically write in my journal. and working out isnt as meditative as it used to be. though im so glad i can still get my ass up and do it. its not as fun and exciting. i kinda feel guilty for sexualising myself and loving my own body. literally, yesterday i was trying to force myself to be comfortable with my skin out, that i ruined my opportunity for a relaxing walk. the entire time i was self conscious and felt like the entire world was watching me. completely uncomfortable. 

my anxiety is in a rough period at the moment. i dont even smoke weed anymore. that used to be such a spiritual practice for me and now im afraid of it. im kinda afraid of everything. especially people. 

its weird, because i seem like i love people. i tell myself im good because i am so social at work, and i perform well and i connect with customers. but in reality, i cant hold onto any kind of relationship. if i do it has to be superficial or im uncomfortable. 

i think if i shifted my focus to the good things about the relationships i do have, and the things that make me happy and comfortable and at peace, these issues im creating wont seem so huge anymore. its always like that. i should talk to my psych about all of this. i need to see her... i cant believe its been so long. like, my fucking dogs died. they both fucking died. 

they contributed to my focus on isolation at the moment. i suddenly had the ground pulled from beneath me. they were my stability and my safety. now i feel so alone, at my core, that its all i can think about. its made me realise how short life is and how quickly things can change and slowly everyone is slipping away... when i pushed them out. i forced them to leave. theyre barely even leaving when we were nothing to begin with. 

i get the feeling ive said all of this a million times before. it never really changes. 

i feel like im a really driven and motivated person. i am smart and self controlled, and responsible, and im good at the things i try my best at. im gifted. but at the same time, i cant change the things about me that cause me the most stress and worry. i am stuck. i have been stuck, for so, so long. im tired of it. im so TIRED. 

this loneliness is comforting. its healing in a way, cause i can avoid all the drama and stress of attempting to tell anyone how i am feeling. but that in itself is so fucking pathetic and toxic and weak. its like, i failed at the most fundamental human thing. communicating. connecting with others. creating a community. 

maybe one day someone will piss e off enough that i blow up on everyone. why does the idea of that bring me so much relief? 

i cant even bother myself to consider spiritual practice right now. oh im stuck in the past and its holding me back from opportunities and the blessings from the universe? bitch, im trying to fight depression! who gives a fuck about opportunities right now?! i have nothing to fucking live for besides europe. thats so pathetic. i need to get my head right again because this is such a huge mess. im under so much pressure. i have no time. time, time, time, time. 

i need to be more social, i need to be more this and that. its a fucking exhausting thing to be in my mind right now. where did all the love go? it literally died with them. grief is consuming me. i cant pause life but its consuming me and im trying to pretend to be happy but im also trying to find the happiness again but its gone. they took it with them into the afterlife. or just into the fucking ground. 

it poured so heavily today and my heart hurt with the anxiety i felt that you were cold and alone out there. that you were getting wet and without cover. why does it keep on raining? youll be so cold. i remember you laid in the rain the night before you died because you could barely move or notice it was happening. my poor babies. i miss you so much. 

this is why ive been avoiding planning my birthday like a fucking plague, like a fucking disease. how can i even think about celebrating my life when yours have ended? to even celebrate without you? its too painful. i cant pretend like this anymore. but of course ill keep on acting like im fine. its the only way. i fucking hate this world. 

[frozenyougart]

my silent fight

Hello 2023!

  It was a tough start. January and February were like my breaking point. It felt floating at first then suddenly got drowned. I swear my mind was restless and was screaming hard, wanting to be rescued until I was so weak that even my eyes were open, couldn't seem to find light. For sure, none would have noticed. Constantly I make myself busy by making videos, multitasking, posting on my socials, taking cute pics, reading and faking everything and pretending that it's entirely great. Until days become nights and night's become days. I'm still running away from the gloomy feeling that was growing inside me. To keep my cool I make myself even busier, doing things that may help me ignore what I felt. But really it only makes me just feel exhausted and dull. And so my body was too tired, unwelcoming wind hugged me so tightly that I couldn't move. The hunger of missing someone whom i don't know, the silence makes me deaf and noise makes me insane. Only one thing I can do is to Cry. I cry and cry and cry but I'm crying in silence because I don't want to be seen by my son. All memories comes back fresh "ALL" starting from childhood, existing traumas, things that happened me that was never said, how everything was so harsh, how i have been imprisoned by fear, for why can't i see beauty in me my value and how good i was doing, for why im always begging for someone's attention and longing for love, for why im letting anyone just stepped on me, for always saying yes instead of no,for not saying anything just to save someone but sent me to hell, how dysfunctional and toxic everything was,for not having full time job right now, for how i help when i had and the feeling of being unavailing. 

It took me 30 years to realize that I never felt safe.No one showed me how to value myself  reason I'm only seeing less of my potential. 

Dealing with this huge emotion with no one to talk to is heartsick. I started praying and reading the Bible. His words really never failed to comfort me, slowly I felt lighter. I'm still in the process of healing,there's still a lot of questions and maybe It no longer needs an answer. Rightnow, I'll be more focused on myself to be better for me and bogs. Also, we need to always be kind to everyone cause really we don't know what they are dealing with. At least we won't be the reason for their trigger :)  

[silentvoicesblog]

Wall There’s a wall so close but so far it’s like the more o see it the more it seem to float there. I’m slowly losing it. My mind is slowly breaking the silence is a constant reminder of my failure. I lost. I lost everything in the blink of an eye and I’m not sure if I understand what’s happening. This house is starting to feel like a cage more than a home. I regret a lot and wish time would go back. It can’t my emotions are slowly dying I feel like I’m not post to be happy sometimes I feel like death is my only option. How much stronger he wants me to be cause I’m not sure if I can hold on any longer. I can feel the change my heart slows to a simple rhythm. What’s the point of being here. What my purpose in life. I’m so lost this field is becoming more and more difficult to navigate. I scream but no one hears I fight but no one sees maybe it’s my fault. I can’t do nothing right I’m a giant fuck up that hide behind a broken smile. Maybe just maybe the world would be better off with out me. No one needs me if I just disappeared no would care I’m a nobody a worthless stain that is so easy to replace. My mistake I’m life out ways all the good I do for people so why do it matters. Why? This make no since to me I just wish I could know what I’m alive. It would be so easy load the guy boom gone. Like anyone would call and check on me like if anyone would careless about me. My body would rot for weeks before anyone would notice and I deserve it I was married and ruined that i ruined everything with Meghan. What ever I touch I destroy. I’m nothing but a plague that constantly destroys everything I come in contact with. The only way to get rid of a plague is to destroy it. Burn it from the earth s nothing left of it can hurt anyone. That’s the only way. I’m broken there’s nothing left of me nothing just a shell of someone that use to be a waste of air and oxygen. Why fight maybe this field is my resting place. Maybe I’m not post to go anywhere. Maybe this is the end of my journey. I don’t see or know where to go next. It have been a great journey I’ve done the best I could to my kids I love you daddy love you and wants you to live your life to the best of your ability and im proud of you to everyone else im sorry I am but the silence and the pain and emptiness I can’t take no more I feel destroyed I feel hurt and there’s feel like there’s no way to fix it. So maybe breaking this wall and going to the other side is the best bet so everyone can live there life a peace. I’m tired of hurting and I’m tried of being alone I just want to feel like I felt in Washington like I was sure of myself, proud of myself again. I lost a piece of me and I’m not sure if would ever grow back and since it can’t grow back I’m slowly losing it slowly giving in to my thoughts and I’m not even afraid of it anymore maybe I just ready to go. Ready to just rest for ever

[the-feminist-philosopher]

(i am white so take what i say here w a grain of salt, but i felt its worth saying)

i wanna say, that on your post talking about gender segregated bathrooms, people claiming that its to "protect women" comes off as a very white "feminist" thing to say. because white women are largely viewed as needing protection by white supremacists, and therefore are often coddled much more than women of color . the only way that one could see it as protecting women is if they themselves are in the group of women who is normally "protected" from things. and im not saying that white women dont face violent misogyiny but on average they're more likely to be infantilized than WoC by mysogynists. also, women arent the ones who invented gender segregated bathrooms, and if they really were advocating for them then we wouldnt have them, because women were not at all taken seriously back when they were invented/popularized.

also its annoying how ppl act like womens bathrooms are some sorta sacred protecting space. them shits nasty. theyre just as bad as mens bathrooms. nothing sacred or safe about them. maybe sometimes people do seek shelter in them like from someone following them but overall it's just a goddamn bathroom and the only difference between it and them mens room is number of stalls + lack of urinals.

sorry if this makes no sense im very tired but i needed to get my thoughts out.

I appreciate the disclaimer. I, personally, think it's important to note that who we are and where we come from might color our worldview.

It seems common knowledge that the idea that women's spaces are these sacred places designed to be untouched by men under the paternalistic guise of protecting them can and has been used to racially discriminatory ends.

I want to provide people with some excerpts from a piece I was reading about sex, gender-roles, and fascism in Britain.

"[Fascist] propaganda neatly lays out two key themes that racial populists would repeatedly recycle from this point onwards: first, that immigration causes crime; and, second, that immigration is a threat to public health (and here they specifically point to leprosy, venereal disease, trachoma, blood transfusions and tuberculosis). Venereal disease links immigration with sex, which relates co-textually with the photo in the bottom corner: a black man walking on the street with a white woman... When viewed in concert— intertextually—a sense of the message that the RPS is promoting becomes clearer: that non-white men are [increasingly] entering into sexual relationships with white women. The RPS’s battle to ‘preserve’ [the white] race was articulated around the dynamic of appropriate gender roles. The white women in these images are constructed as shamefully betraying their role as safeguarders of the reproductive futurity of the white race. White men, it is implied, must intervene in the sex lives of (their) white women, and protect the nation from these dark and virile men."

...

"Incompatibility is made a matter both of blood and culture, which are thereby conflated. Miscegenation was not only a threat created by consensual sex; black men were also represented in fascist discourse of this period as committing acts of sexual violence against white women. The NF routinely constructed black male sexuality as ‘perverted’, and ‘fear of the “animalistic” Black male as sexual predator’ was widely deployed. While the British (white) man’s proper gender role was that of protector as father and husband, the black man was thus constructed as his antithesis. During their heyday in the 1970s, the NF printed accounts of black men raping white women on almost a weekly basis."

‘Breeders for race and nation’: gender, sexuality and fecundity in post-war British fascist discourse

###

Sex-segregated bathrooms were constructed with the purpose of continuing to limit women’s access to the public sphere because men were hesitant to fully integrate women into public society.

And the common rebuttal so far has been, "Well, in some countries women have no restrooms that they are allowed to use in public." And, that's true. That is also still a system of sex segregated bathrooms with the purpose of limiting/deterring women's access to the public sphere.

It also completely ignored how the crux of my argument was that bathrooms in my country (in most countries, if I'm being honest) inadequately serve women with the purpose of deterring their presence in public. And also deterring the presence of disabled people, elderly folk, and homeless individuals too.

I'm not over here arguing that people aren't entitled to their own sense of privacy. Do women want to create a women's only bathroom for themselves? Okay. I'm not going to stop them. I have met assault victims who are very uncomfortable around male-presenting people. I'm not going to deny them a sense of comfort in the public sphere.

But I also recognize that it's just a sense of comfort or feeling of safety. What creates actual safety is not a sign on the door. Believing that creating segregated communities or strengthening our current segregation through more sex-exclusive spaces will somehow make society safer is an illusion. It may give you a sense of safety, but it does not create a safe system and it does nothing to challenge our current dynamics.

A simple sign on the door does not deter assailants. The reason someone wasn't assaulted in the women's room the other day isn't because of a sign, but because there were no assailants to assault them nearby.

And such language also puts the onus of responsibility on the victim of assault rather than the perpetrator. "Using a men's room or unisex room will get you assaulted" is a similar victim blaming as "wearing a short skirt will get you assaulted." We cannot control for other's actions and what will keep us safe, in the long-run, is holding perpetrators accountable and believing assault survivors.

Same goes for changing our popular and cultural beliefs that men (cis men) are entitled to a woman's time, attention, and body. If we go without challenging that, we will continue to see disproportionate rates of assault.

There is a correlation between race and assault (black and brown women experience higher rates of assault), sexuality and assault (bisexual and lesbian women experience higher rates of assault), class and assault (poorer women in economically disadvantaged areas experience higher rates of IPV and assault), location and assault (women in impoverished or war-torn areas experience higher rates of assault), and occupation and assault (sex workers face disproportionate rates of assault). Assaults like rape are very tied to power imbalances; it is about about control and dominance as well as power imbalance and hate. Many assailants have feelings of "taking back" what they rightfully deserve.

A rapist usually believes misogynistic rape myths like the idea that women play hard to get. They feel they are entitled to someone else’s time and body. They get off on depriving someone else of power. There is a link between narcissism and rape with repeat offenders displaying signs of narcissism. Men who rape sometimes have antisocial tendencies, so they really don’t care about social perceptions of them.

However, there is no evidence that mentally ill men are more likely to rape compared to non-mentally ill men.

Social pressure and culture have greater influence over someone’s behavior than genetics or biology. Those who feel sure they can get away with rape without punishment are more likely to report they used coercive behavior. Those with friends who display aggressive behavior or acceptance of aggressive behavior are themselves more likely to engage in aggressive behavior. X

A sign on the door doesn't solve any of this. Arguing about signs on doors and who can use which room because of a little sign on the door is a distraction. It has us squabbling among ourselves and has entire swaths of women convinced that the creation of any unisex bathroom (it's usually the creation of a third, separate bathroom that is open to all as we do not see the supplanting of sex-segregated restrooms) is erasing women all because right-wing websites have been able to successfully whip-up an anti-trans frenzy under the guise of "protecting women and girls."

So now we have bills proposing genital inspections on girls to make sure their pronouns and internal sense of self matches their gonads and assigned class at birth. And we have performance maximums and disqualifiers whereby women who naturally produce too much testosterone can't compete without taking medication to reduce their hormones because it's supposedly "more fair."

The infantilization of (usually white) women is infuriating.

The patriarchy has literally taken some women's anti-trans beliefs to justify encroaching on women's rights and access to public spaces and opportunities. And that is why I always say that by insisting on defining feminism through the exclusion of certain people in their advocacy, TERFs have created the very tool with which the alt-right seeks to use to destroy feminism all together.