#im tired of making do with things given to me that i feel obligated to make use of. or that dont sit right

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe sososo bad

[spot-splatter-splash]

Alright Im back and Im tired of pretending,

From where I stand, as someone who likes exploring the narrative and especially the characters of a narrative We're lalaloopsy is more interesting to watch than the original series. And as someone whos passionate about design Lalaloopsy Girls was a fun redesign of the franchise.

I realized part of why I dropped the series and took a long break is because of the fandom. The hostility towards anything that tries to be different made me feel like I was walking on eggshells at times. And while I was vocally a fan of some of the media I always worried that being open about enjoying it would cause my peers and followers to turn on me.

People are so quick to let nostalgia talk and convince them that the original was the best version it could be, and I'm tired of just nodding along and saying things I dont mean about what I like to fit in.

The reboots do try to make an effort to improve upon what exists and I feel like if We're Lalaloopsy was given more time it would have gotten its footing. I feel like that need to cling to the past nostolgia blinds people. Not every reboot is going to be perfect but I'm tired of people shooting them down because its different.

IT SHOULD BE DIFFERENT. Churn out the same thing over and over again and it'll get stale. I had more fun watching that stupid movie about them in highschool than any of the originals and I'm heart broken it didnt make it further. I'm Tired of pretending I think lalaloopsy girls is ugly when its literally my favorite peice of Lalaloopsy media.

It doesn't have to be your cup of tea. No one is obligated to like anything. But in the same vein I ended up feelling obligated to hate something because everyone else did.

I'm tired of feeling like people will devalue my opinions or consider me a fake fan of the series for acknowledging what the reboots do well.

I stopped working on my own reboot because of it. I felt like no matter what I did it wouldnt be going enough for the community. That I'd rock the boat too much with my ideas. That by not sticking to the original I was devaluing the series.

Its easy to forget that real people were behind the reboots with likely the same passion as us bloggers. And that they were at the mercy of MGA. They tried their best and had the plug pulled by a corperation before they really got to tell their story.

I'm coming back, I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm doing this because I am passionate about the series and want to see it evolve.

The reboots were clumsy sure, but they were charming. Nothing is intrinsically bad because its trying to be different.

[kidkintsugi]

another epic transmasculinity moment in combination with everything that went to shit recently.

tw for below cut: dysphoria, slight n/s/f/t topics

aye so this week was absolute bullcrap?

i started hating my flatmate with a burning passion. i tried to excuse his laziness multiple times but ive given up on him. hes just an ass and a useless one at that.

i usually dont talk about other people like this because it makes ME feel bad because im being "mean" or whatever but with him? holy COW hes crossed multiple lines. very little to no remorse on this one.

he does not clean his shit and makes me buy things that are shared, like soap for example. i bought a new container of soap once i noticed that were running low, not ONCE did he make the effort to get some soap himself. its like this with other things as well.

his only humour is making a fool out of me (which i can handle. its just annoying) or sexual shit (also mostly involving me) and since im running a 2 person household on my own essentially i had some type of meltdown/breakdown this last weekend. developed a nervous tic because of it too which gets worse the more tired/frustrated i am. i also seem to have some stomach problems whenever im out of it nowadays and its gotten to the point that people asked me if im hungry because its just. that loud. REALLY uncomfortable especially in class.

today he overslept, which happens multiple times, but today was also the first day he actually had some consequences due to it which i like! but THEN he has the audacity to ask if i "tried to wake him up" which, to me, implies that he thinks im obligated to. almost yelled at him right then and there i had to leave the fucking room.

its also kind of my fault i guess? i could just communicate my problems with him more openly, directly order him to clean/buy/whatever but then i remember.

this guy is as old as i am.

i am NOT his fucking dad or something he should be doing these things UNPROMPTED when living together with someone he barely knows!!

on another note, the guy that realized that im trans is spending more time with me recently and i genuinely enjoy spending time with him as well, hes one of the very few people that doesnt get on my nerves. he plays my favorite videogames with me which are my special interest :)

this comes with a problem however: were both mlm and openly mlm at that, so people began "shipping" us (eugh. hate to use this word in this context).

usually i would find it funny, he finds it funny too because we both know that its not gonna happen but this comes with a certain problem.

people begin putting you in boxes, whether conciously or unconciously. especially with gay relationships, a lot of people seem to be fascinated by the idea that same sex couples still somehow have to fit into heteronormative "standards" (stuff like "who wears the pants" "whos the woman" "who takes it up the ass")

obviously im in a bad position. next to my friend, i am smaller. have wider hips, the face of a twelve year old and when i get nervous my voice goes higher in pitch.

if we WERE in a relationship, i would be percieved as "the woman".

that is so, so painful. no matter how hard i try, unless i end up with a super feminine twink bf (lol purposefully exaggerated im sorry), im gonna be the more feminine one and that is extremely shitty when it comes to passing in public.

had it happen today: i go out to grab boba with my friend.

this might just be my paranoia, but i have a feeling that for mlm couples, due to the way that society is, we dont really look like couples to the average heterosexual because unless we were to make out right in front of them homosexuality just isnt a possibility that comes to mind.

so we go up to the counter to place our order and the guy asks if "my friend is paying for me". nothing unusual BUT my language uses the same word for friend platonic and boyfriend/girlfriend romantic in some cases, meaning that it was very, very ambiguous, but to us it sounded like he meant it romantically.

my friend of course just laughs it off and i would like to be able to laugh too, but the truth is that HE was the one referred to as my "boyfriend". what does that make me in the eyes of a heteronormative society? with wide hips, a high voice and a babyface?

exactly. the girlfriend. checkmate.

dysphoria has been bad in general this week and in combination with all the other shitty feelings i couldnt shower. lower body dysphoria reached its peak too.

people joke about me being the bottom, stereotypically the more feminine one in the relationship and its beginning to hurt because they dont even KNOW. i just kinda wish i could talk about it, say that it makes me uncomfortable but that would make me suspicious and everyone in my class is already suspicious enough.

theres nothing i can do. i will have to live like this forever probably. i think i need to readjust my personality again just so i dont come across as androgynous or whatever. i also really need to get rid of my customer service voice, as i like to call it.

[mayflyuniverse]

gwah i can’t seem to focus on work tonight... 

(this is not a rant btw dw but i’m going to put this under read more bc i am going to Ramble)

Oh gosh-- where do I even begin. It’s just thoughts btw, don’t worry. nothing explicitly bad happens other than I think it’s one of those moments where I’m finding myself stuck in a quicksand of work, no money in my bank account and a ton of other obligations and I just kind of want to expedite everything so i can get to the meat of the bone of what I feel like I should be doing with my life; aka my comic endeavours. 

I get like this when I’m like either rapidly losing will to just live or when I feel that weird surge of passion for my dreams again. Don’t get me wrong; I always have this drive to achieve my dreams of making comics, it’s just with how bad the past few years has been for me, you can say I’m just a little battered and bruise so I get tired when I do get time to like.. invest into making this come true, you know?

I think the thing that is hard to explain to my peers is how much having a big families naturally leaves you with a very small window of energy to expense on everything else. Like, you’re either out of tangible resource by the end of situations (i.e money, time etc) OR you’re just REALLY REALLY tired emotionally and physically that you spend that ‘free time’ recuperating just barely up to normal, only for you to be hit with another cycle. 

It’s just a natural sort of state because there’s just so many people in your family, you know? And I think this goes all around, no matter if you’re the parent, or the eldest kid or the youngest or in the middle-- its like the general energy you have to expense for simply keeping up or upkeeping a large family is just naturally taxing. That can often leave you feeling like you don’t really have time for anything else, including dating or your passions. Which is why, I feel like to choose between the two, I’ve chosen on career / goals because at least that can be monetized and thus adds to resources in the family, y ou know? @__@ 

So I often feel a little sad when I find myself thinking about my dreams and aspirations. It’s also why it really peeves me when I see via osmosis that people try to shove it down my throat that there is a time-limit for these things. I know there isn’t but it feels so tiring to fight against everyone who’s so insistent that once. you’re above 27,  you’re like dead or something lmfao. 

Like, I’m at the stage in my life where I don’t have marital commitments, not even dating commitments. I have no babies to care for except for my siblings and even then the burden of paying for their schooling is not on me completely due to circumstances. It’s by all means, not as heavy as if I was to have my own kid and family. I should, by right, be able to at least expend 30% of my time to just...... work, right? Work on my skills, my career... fix the parts of my life that my parents couldn’t afford to because Im not the only kid right? I should be able to give me those things. 

But I often find myself not quite like that @__@ and that’s discouraging. I definitely refuse to point the blame on my family for this-- I think because even if I did feel that way, I can’t change them. It’ll literally do nothing. It took everything I had to team up with my siblings JUST to get my parents to be OKAY with the idea of family therapy. I can’t expect anything else than that, you know? 

I guess I’m also feeling the pressure of how these past few years, though I was given the choice to choose my vocation. of study (because of our family volume, we’re each given 1 shot only), that my parents have started putting the subconscious pressure that because I’ve ‘failed’ in their eyes in my career (failed, not because I don’t HAVE a career, but because it doesn’t pay as much as they might’ve thought), that my siblings have to suffer for it.

And the feeling that I might contribute in making things MORE difficult for them to pursue their passions; a priviledge I feel I had when I was their age, that tears me apart. And I dunno. Maybe that pressure is what makes me feel like I have to fix this. I have to make money so much that they stop putting undue pressure on the kids... 

But man.. I suck working through that kind of pressure.

Deadline pressure? sure. Societal pressure? sure. But man, pressure from my parents? I just get stumped. 

It’s one thing if I’m like doing it and it’s just not working, you know?  Then I know that’s more of a ‘i’m probably not a good fit for this job so i better make this a hobby than my main gig’ sort of thing... But man, I haven’t even gotten the CHANCE to do it. I’m still WHEEZING trying to get to the starting line ): and i don’t know. that bums me out. I’m just out here constantly clawing, begging for a chance... 

It’s also the end of the year, i think that’s also another reason why I’m thinking about it alot. I mean, with each passing year, I take it as a checklist of ‘have I done enough?’ and boy.. look. I know A LOT happened in my family/personal life that took away a lot of my energy and attention these past few years but man, I feel like I should do better. 

I KNOW i’m good at making comics, at telling stories. This is where I belong. I love it. I love being able to express my thoughts, ideas and try and get into the conversation with my peers about the world, about how we view each other and issues-- i love all of that. I can be proficient at this, I can feel it. It’s like a fish in water-- I WANT to be able to do more with this so so bad....

I just ... I just want to be strong enough to just claw my way out of financial debt and this self-pressure, this familial pressure.... community pressure to JUST.... DRAW. I just want to draw. I just.... want to earn while i draw.

aaaa i dunno.. I mean. Every year, I try to have some healthy level of expectation with my career-- more like with producing Leupus.. Maybe I just need more grit.. Just grit to get myself through the disappointments, the stalled projects, the ghosting from clients and getting sick for two weeks and worrying about being behind on bills... Just grit to dust it all off, focus on my work and get back on track. But every year it feels like it’s getting worse...

GWAH. i can do this.. i can. I know i can. Maybe tonight is just not a good night. I just need to get into bed early and just chill. Reset and tomorrow will be a better day. We’re not giving up. We can do this. Every disappointment and every. rejection has led me to this momennt. Don’t let it distract you. You can do this.. you can do this..

[aboutagirl4031]

I never deserved that, I never deserved the carelessness and neglect. I never deserved to spend my whole life thinking something is wrong with me. How dare you bring me into this world knowing you didn’t want me, how dare you blame me for my own existence, how dare you make me feel like I ruined your whole life because you weren’t able to take responsibility and handle being a mother. I fucking hate you for what you’ve done and who you chose to be. How dare you form a bond with me and then shove me when I need you, how dare you tell me you’d always be here but my whole life put everyone and everything before me. How dare you deprive me of love and affection, how dare you sit idly by as my abuse unraveled, how dare you know exactly what happened to me and spend my whole life TELLING ME IM JUST BROKEN. I wasn’t a good child I was just scared, I know that now, I wasn’t obedient or quiet, I was abused, I know that now. How could you see your baby being abused and blame her. Fuck you, sincerely. I don’t trust you and I’m glad I never did, I’m so happy I knew how cold you really were, I’m so glad your dumb and in denial. I’m glad I could let go of you, I was just a broken baby who held onto you because nobody ever taught me or told me anything. I know what I know and I am who I am because of me! I did this, I made me, I educated myself, I’m strong because of me!. My existence is not you and him, it’s me!

You guys are careless kids …to this day, you guys were two dumbasses who don’t think about the consequences of their actions, you had no intentions of loving us, you were just fucking for any type of love and affection. You did not even begin to think about the lifelong relationship your obligated to have with the kids you bring into this world. I’m not the problem, me existing isn’t a problem, your the fucking problem bitch and I’m tired of you sitting in your victim complex trying to convince us that our existence is why your miserable, you should have done the right thing and go to your appointments like you were suppose to, you should have used a condom, you should have aborted, you should have given us away. We did not deserve to be neglected and manipulated our whole lives just because your own pain and ignorance. The cycle continued and it stops with me!. I am great, I am resilient, I am strong, I am everything you wanted to be, I am everything you couldn’t even fathom, I carry the weight of the last 100 years and I’m doing this with absolutely no guidance or support, I’m alone, I’m doing this. I’m putting in the footwork, I’m dealing with the demons. Not you! Me!

Doing this, there’s no medal or congratulations for breaking the cycle, I do this because I know and understand that my own deserve better. They deserve happiness and prosperity. I’m done being your doormat and scapegoat, I’m done tkaing your shit, I’m done making excuses for your behaviors. You deserve the guilt that keeps you up at night, you deserve your crutch on opioids to sleep and get by everyday, you deserve to drown in that bottle of vodka and you deserve the relationship with that piece of shit. You deserve the life you have and no I make no apologies for how I choose to deal with how your abuse that has broken me time and time again.

[pvrpleblccd]

Promise.

pairing : shuntaro chishiya x f reader

tw : angst, unresolved grief, death, mentions of death, blood, violence (beating up someone), chishiya being violent

a/n : this is my first post- cndovn- but i am currently having a massive crush on this man right here <3 ALSO CHISHIYA GIVES ME MASSIVE KENMA VIBES (im sorry for the typos, i wrote this at 4 am-)

-

There he was again, sitting at the edge of the rooftop of the Beach, hoods on and hands in his white Nike zip up sweater, well, it was given to him. He looked down to see all of the horny animals dancing and living their life as if it was their last day. Chishiya sighed, ‘Everyone looks like their all about to die, as always.’

It was a beautiful day in this cruel country. But it’s just like any other day, people will die tonight, either because their visa will expire or die during a game. Dying in a game, probably the worst death here. Chishiya sighed again and took a deep breath, trying to erase all negativity going through his head. Though, there’s one thing that he can’t get out of his head.

“Hey, Chishiya.”

Chihsiya whipped his head to where he heard the voice. He was about to call her name, but he only saw Kuina at the door of the rooftop entrance, looking at Chishiya with a confused look. ‘Ah... I’m still hearing her voice, I must be crazy.’

“An told me you guys had a meeting, I’m just here to rely the message to you.”

The blonde male nodded and stood up, making his way to where Kuina was. No words were exchanged between the both of them, though Kuina noticed the slight mood change the male had every now and then. There are times where he’s cocky, would always slide comment when he had the chance, had his guard up, and times where he just became more reserved than ever and was cold and gloomy.

Kuina noticed, but never dared prying on it, not wanting to get on the intelligent man bad side.

Chishiya on the other side, he zipped up the white hoodie he loved very much. He entered the meeting room and sat at his place, like always, though he kept a pokerface while hugging the hoodie he was wearing. He felt several pair of eyes on him, not on him, but the zip up he was wearing. No one dared to say anything, though Niragi wasn’t having it.

“Chishiya. Were you really obligated to wear that zip up when we’re in a meeting?!”

Niragi shouted from his place, gripping hard the rifle he had in his hand. No one budge or said anything, even Hatter looked at Chishiya, both with envy and anger in his eyes.

“It was given to me. Why whouldn’t I wear it? If you’re thinking that we should share it, you, out of everyone in this room, that I don’t share what I own. And plus, if we shared it, you’d only get blood on it and dirty it, y/n managed to keep it white and as clean as possible. I won’t let your stupidity ruin it.”

“You wouldn’t know what y/n would have wanted!” Niragi stood up and pointed his rifle at the blonde male.

“I knew y/n longer than you.”

“We were still close!”

“To someone like you? I don’t think so, you’re a complete psycho, Niragi.”

“Give it a break! We’re all mourning Chishiya, espicially An! So what the hell do you mean, y/n-”

“Y/n is dead.” Last Boss said while looking at the arguing males.

The room was even more quiet than it ever was, not only with the statement, but for the bald tattooed male to speak up and empathized the dead made them slightly uncomfortable. With no one saying a thing for a minute or two, Mira stood up and talked about the card they were able to collect and that they haven’t gotten news ones for a while. An talked about the medical supplies and that she was running out from it, Hatter asked Aguni and his Militants to accompany An for a short run to grab all supplies they can gather.

She was the first one to leave, the meeting room which was understandable. When no one said anything, Hatter talked about adding a new rule. Rule number three, death to traitors.

Soon after, the meeting was done.

The blonde male made his way to his room, opening the door he saw a familiar figure sitting on his bed, when he blinked the figure was gone. Chishiya closed his room door and laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling. He never felt so confused and empty in his entire life. He never wanted to deal with anyone’s emotions or feelings, let alone his. But upon on thinking and thinking, he came to a conclusion he now only realized.

How much he loved y/n.

“Damn it. This hurts... This sucks.”

Too tired and exhausted to think, Chishiya closed his eyes and embraced the darkness that surrounded him.

“Chishiya?” A voice called out.

The blonde male turned his head, seeing a petite figure looking at him as if he was a ghost. He looked at her from head to toe and his eyes grew wide, he instantly got up and hugged the petite figure.

“Y/n?” He said in a weak voice.

The petite figure sighed in relief and hugged the male back, while letting out a small sob. They were currently in an abandonned mall, gathering food and necessities to get through the night. Y/n came back with a ton of canned food and water, while Chishiya came back with the others things they needed, such as flashlights and batteries and other things.

The both of them were catching up upon missed times and Chishiya kept eyeing on how she was dressed, grey sweatpants with a nike zip up and what looked like a swimsuit top, and the pink locker bracelet around y/n wrist. The numbers 009 was on the bracelet and the girl knew he was looking at it.

“What’s the most recent game you completed?” The petite girl asked.

“Six of diamonds, how about you?” Chishiya said, eating the canned peach. He didn’t noticed the slight spark in y/n’s eyes, but she smiled.

“Nine of hearts.” Y/n said and took a bite of her food.

A comfortable and peaceful silence was set between the two until the girl broke it.

“I want to take you somewhere.”

~

“Hatter, I want him to be part of the executives.”

Y/n said right after they all welcomed her back. All of them looked at her with confused and looked at Chishiya then back at y/n. The girl only smiled and put all of cards she collected on the table. Chishiya couldn’t believe the amount of cards she had in her possession, there was 14 cards in total.

“Chishiya cleared a diamonds game and is the lone survivor, I highly believe that his skills can be very useful to us. Also, I have known him before entering the Borderland. He is like a precious gem, full of hidden talents!”

She said while putting her hands in her grey sweatpants.

The blonde male was taken aback by the sudden praise, but dind’t show it. The others turned their attention to Chishiya, hearing the praise from y/n made them have a base opinion on Chishiya, he was smart and must not be harmed. Hatter started to explain the two rules to Chishiya and handed him a blue locker bracelet with the number 011 on it.

“Enjoy the Beach!”

~

After Chishiya settled in the Beach for a couple of weeks, he and y/n grew closer than they ever were before. The two of them became inseparable.

During one night, Chishiya and y/n were hanging out in the lobby, they were part of the first teams that finished early. Chishiya lost his other hoodie, blood was splattered on it, due to a player clung onto him begging him to help him and his collar went off.

In short words, he was currently shirtless. Y/n trying her best not to look, couldn’t help, but take a peek, thought the blonde male caught her.

“Like what you see?”

He said with a grin plastered on his face. Out of embarrassment, she took off her white Nike zip up and handed it to Chishiya, who watched her with an amused expression.

“H-here...! It’s yours now..!” She said and sprinted to elsewhere.

Chishiya sat there smiling at himself and decied to put the zip up on. He got up from his place and went off to find y/n. A part of him starting to worry, since it’s been an hour and he hasn’t found the petite girl yet. He passed the lobby at least three or four times, that’s when he started asking around.

With no one knowing where the girl was, he even asked Niragi, he too was worried so they both went on their sides to find her. Chishiya went outside and started to walk around the perimeter until he heard an oh so familiar voice coming form the sketchy alleyway.

“Were you hiding the cards from Hatter?”

“So what if I was?! I had to watch my friends die in front of me to be able to get this card! I’m not giving it to some cult leader or whatever he is!”

Chishiya rushed to the voices and saw one of the new militants holding three cards in his left hands and a gun in this right. Y/n tried to reason with the boy, but it only seemed to boil his blood even more, to the point he raised his gun. Chishiya ran to y/n side and hid her behind him, y/n on the other side was surprised.

“Put the gun down... You’re pointing it at the most important person apart from Hatter.” Chishiya tried calm the boy down, but didn’t work.

“Y/n... You remember Kirika? She was close to you right? Did you know that she gave her life up so that I can survive the game? Her last words were, ‘Tell y/n, thank you... I love you Aki-kun.’ She gave her life for me because she loved me!”

Aki broke down crying, falling on his knees and letting out pained screams. Y/n came forward tears falling down her cheek and approached Aki and gave him a hug. She careful put the gun down and caressed the top of Aki’s head.

“Kirika was a wonderful person, Aki, she was-“

Y/n sentence was cut abruptly and Chishiya took a step wondering why y/n suddenly stopped talking, he took another stop forward, his eyes widening seeing Aki’s hands was covered in blood and held a knife. He dropped the knife and moved his hand to grab the gun next to him.

“You’re all Hatter’s soldier. We have to end this, I have to end it.”

Aki grabbed the gun and slowly got up, hair covering his eyes. While Chishiya looked at how y/n’s body fell to the side and seeing a dark substance staining her grey sweatpants. A small pool of her own blood was starting to form underneath her.

Chishiya looked at Aki who was still mumbling things, but he saw red. The blonde grabbed the closest thing to him, which was a metal pipe, and ran towards Aki, hitting him with it, unable to stop himself.

Chishiya’s blood was boiling, he never felt so angered in his entire life. He kept on swining the pipe, hitting a part of Aki’s body every time. His vision was red, he couldn’t even hear the screams of his victim. What brought him back was Aguni taking off the metal pipe off of his hands. Chishiya’s face was unrecognizable, it was full of hatred, sadness, anger and disgust. Aguni never saw such expression on the male’s face before, he always looked so calm and preserved.

Something caught Chishiya off guard when he looked at Aguni. His eyes were red, as if he was holding himself back not to cry, that’s when he remembered y/n. He turned around to see An trying to stop the bleeding from y/n’s wound, but the blood was coming out and went through all of the amount of cloth that was put on it.

The blonde male rushed towards y/n’s side caressed her face while shaking his head. Tears fell on the girl’s cheek while Chishiya was telling y/n to stay with him. He soon looked at An and she was trying everything she could, all of the sudden, a small and tired voice caught his attention.

“S...shuntaro...? Ri-chan..?”

The blonde male whipped his head to look at y/n. She was smiling. Why was she smiling? She was dying, but she was still smiling. Chishiya tried to understand her, but couldn’t.

“S-spending my... last moments.. with the ones I love.. Shun... taro... I’m sorry... but pro..mise me... you’ll live, okay?”

“W..why are you saying sorry.. No. We both survive okay? Look... An... An will take care of you okay?”

Y/n turned weakly looked over the forsenic, who was doing her best to keep the petite girl alive. They made an eye contact, y/n let out a pained sigh while An shook her head. Y/n was trying to stay strong until the very end.

“Ri..chan... Thank you for everything... Take care... Big sis...”

At this point, An was crying too and shouted for other people to come help them. Y/n placed her bloodied hand on Chishiya’s cheek, wiping his tears away, he held her hand as she caressed him. She was so warm, he never knew she was this warm before. He didn’t wanted her to leave.

Just not yet.

“No.. No, you can’t leave.. Hang on okay y/n..? Help is... help is on the way.”

Y/n shook her head and let all of her tears fall, managing to give Chishiya one final smile.

“Shuntaro... I love you.”

At her words, y/n’s eyes closed and her hand went limp, landing on her body. When the other arrived, all of the executives looked at the scene before them. They were too late. An was crying, still holding on her little sister dead body, telling her to wake up and not to leave her. Chishiya sat there unable to move or say anything.

A pang of guilt hit two executives in particular and they slightly looked at each other and sighed, tears slowly coming in their vision. Aguni was behind them and his fist turned white, knowing y/n was the most important person in the Beach. She was the only one who kept Hatter in the sane side.

Niragi pushed the people aside and dropped his rifle, analyzing the dead girl’s feature. Y/n died with a smile on her face.

“She looks so peaceful.”

Chishiya woke up at the sound of the bell, indicating to gather in the lobby and group up, since the games were about to start. He felt something wet on his side and he looked at his pillow, it was wet. He touched his face and he shook his head, laying on his bed once again.

He cried. He was crying.

He looked at the ceiling and smiled sadly, clutching on his chest at the amount of pain he felt. The memory of her smiling to him was engraved in his mind and he wasn’t going to let it go.

“I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you too... I’m sorry.. I only now realized it..”

He stood up, wiping the tears off of his face, putting his shoes on and went to the lobby. He put his hood on and tucked his hands in the pockets, he analyzed everyone and he nodded to himself.

‘I will keep my promise.’

[psychedellic-phase]

Straight As

gif creds above!

A/N: this is based on a request I got forever ago! Because I’m SO SLOW IM SORRY!!!

tw: SMUT! (Unprotected sex/creampie, cock warming, praise kink, impregnation kink)

wc: 1.9k

masterlist

“Baby?” You heard Spencer’s voice echo lightly from his office, “Can you come here a second?”

“Coffee?” You called back, grabbing the almost empty pot and bringing it into his office.

You were met with his grinning face, a ghost of a beard on his cheeks and his hair long and curly. You knew he hated his mandatory thirty-days off, but you couldn’t help but love having him around more. The house didn’t feel like home without Spencer Reid.

He had his laptop open, papers covered in red pen all over the desk. His tie was half undone, his shirt unbuttoned so you could see his collarbones.

“No, actually,” He said, taking a sip from his mug that was still full.

You stared at him, still holding the half full carafe, “Oh, well, what did you need?”

A devilish look graced his cheeks, dimples coming out in full force. His eyes were glinting but serious, his lips in a half smile, half pout.

You knew that look, it was a look you’d seen a million times and never got tired of seeing.

“Come sit?” He asked, voice cracking as it always did when he was excited. His eyes raked up your body, which was in one of his t shirts and a pair of shorts.

You smirked, sitting the carafe down on a table before padding over to him.

He slid his chair out, patting his knee, “Darling, please?”

You sat on his thigh, arm round his back and toying with the curls at the nape of his neck. He grabbed your legs, swinging them over the arm or the chair so he could hold you there. His hand was on one buttcheek, the other moving hair away from your eyes.

You laughed, arms both coming around his neck, “You’re affectionate today, Dr. Reid.”

“You’re just so pretty,” He whispered, leaning in dangerously close to your lips, but not quite kissing you.

You could feel his breath on your face, smelling of coffee and altoids, “You have work to do.”

He groaned, “Their papers are insufferable. Does no one know how to use an oxford comma anymore?”

You smiled, tracing the side of his face with your fingertip, “You still have to grade them.”

He nodded, sliding his hand from above your shorts to underneath, palming your ass in his hand slightly, “I know, but I need a break.”

You raised your eyebrows, not minding where this was going at all, “A break?”

He nodded, “Just a short break, with the most beautiful woman in the word.”

He kissed your lips, sucking on the bottom one. You pulled away just slightly, so he couldn’t reach you anymore, “The most beautiful woman in the world, really?”

“Uh-huh,” He whispered, catching you in a kiss again, “The smartest, kindest, sexiest, most amazing woman in the world.”

You kissed him back, tugging at his hair to open his mouth for you. You suckled on his tongue slightly, his hand moving to squeeze at your ass now.

“You flatter me,” you panted between rushed kisses, “Dr. Reid.”

He groaned, “Call me that again.”

You kissed from his lips, across his cheek to his ear. There you sucked just behind it and nibbled at the lobe, “Dr. Reid.”

He lifted you up, reminding you of just how strong he was under those slim-fit suits and cardigans, and placed you on top of all the essays, not caring where the pens and papers fell.

He stood between your legs, leaning over you to kiss you. His kisses were sloppy, rushed, hungry, so, so needy. Your hands landed on the buttons of his shirt, frantically pulling at them so you could get to his chest. He kissed from your lips to your collar bones, stopping to lick and suck at special places on your neck where he knew he could make you whine. Every kiss felt like electricity, so moving down your body down to the familiar wetness and throb between your thighs. His hands were rough as they pulled your shirt over your head, not caring where it ended up as long as it was off of you. He immediately pushed you back so your back was flat on the table, papers scratching at your soft skin as he kissed the valley between your breasts.

“You’re so beautiful, laying back like this darling, you know that right? That you’re so, so beautiful.”

All you could do was groan as his lips found your nipple, sucking on it lightly as the other one was pinched.

His shirt was undone, hanging loosely off his body as he kissed across your chest and around your nipples. He grabbed your hips with his arm, pulling you closer to him. Instinctively, you wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his dick through the thin material of his dress pants. His hair tickled your belly as he moved from your breasts down, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake. You ran your hands through it, tugging on the ends, begging him to go where he was most needed.

He kissed the line above your shorts, toying with the top with his teeth.

“Please, Spence,” You said through ragged breaths.

He pulled back, breathing on your stomach, “What do you want, Darling?”

“You know, taste me,” You pleaded, and he pulled your shorts and panties down at once.

He kissed from the inside of your thighs to your core, where he places a kiss before moving to your other leg. You squirmed under him, begging for some kind of touch, anything.

“You look so gorgeous when you squirm for me,” He said, before licking a fat stripe from bottom to top, making you moan immediately.

His hands found your hips, pinning them down and stopping you from bucking up into him as he sucked and licked every part of you his mouth could touch. He stared up at you, chest heaving as delicious moans filtered throughout the office.

He grinned, wrapping his lips around your swollen clit and sucking there gently. You jolted under his touch. Your hands needed something to hold, and the closest thing they could find were pieces of computer paper. You scrunched them up in your hands, arching your back as he alternated between sucking and viciously licking at your clit.

He didn’t stop until you came on his tongue, thighs shaking around his head as you moaned and cursed.

He continued licking and licking, long after your high had passed, until you were whimpering from oversensitivity. When he finally came up for air, you leaned up to match him, meeting in the middle in an intense kiss.

“I love when you cum for me, darling. I love making you feel good,” He whispered as you kissed along his jaw, “Now be a good girl and bend over this desk for me.”

You happily obliged, head still foggy and legs slightly feeling like jelly as you flipped over.

He dropped his pants just slightly, one hand pulling you closer to him. Your back was arched, ass pressed up in the air just waiting for him to do something. Anything. The air was cool against your wetness, sending a shiver down your spine. The papers felt rough against your nipples as he ran his tip through your folds, groaning as he did so.

“You’re so perfect,” He grunted, as he completely bottomed out inside of you on his first stroke, “Coming when I need you, letting me fuck you over this desk. You’re such a good girl, my good girl.”

“Y-yes I am,” You managed out between the slaps of skin against skin. His pace was brutal, slightly hurting at first and soon dissolving into pleasure. His left hand was wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him as he propped himself up with his right. The papers and books on the table rattled, pens flying off as he shook the desk with his thrusts.

“All mine, pretty, pretty girl, right?”

“All yours, always,” You promised, squeezing your eyes shut in over sensitive pleasure, his thrusts getting more and more erratic as he chased an orgasm similar to the one he had just given you.

He thrusted a few more times before emptying inside of you. He stayed there for a few minutes, not moving, regaining his breath and keeping his cock warm inside of you.

You liked the feeling, responding by clenching and throbbing around him, your second orgasm not attained but still in reach.

He rubbed the dimples at the small of your back, before slowly starting to thrust again. Just small, mini thrusts to fuck his cum back into you. You loved the feeling, groaning and pressing your ass back into him. He did that a few times, before stopping again to sit inside of you.

“I want this to stay inside of you,” He mumbled, “Stay inside that perfect pussy. You like that, darling, do you?”

You nodded frantically, starting to move yourself against him again, still desperately needing that second release. He knew what you needed, and slowly rocked with you, his cock oversensitive, as he roughly thumbed your clit until you were shaking over him again.

When you came down, he finally pulled out, bringing a drip of cum out of you and watching it trail down your lips.

He squatted, licking the stray fluid up as you shuddered under his tongue.

He slid your shorts back up, helped you put your shirt on, and kissed your forehead.

You wobbled as you stood, like a newborn deer.

“You okay?” he whispered, kissing your cheek.

You smiled, “Of course I’m okay.”

You started buttoning up his shirt, smoothing it out and tugging in his collar to fix it, “Can I ask what that was about?”

He shrugged, pecking your lips, “I was frustrated and horny and I just love you.”

You rolled your eyes, kissing him back, “I love you too.”

When you went to leave, you grabbed the carafe and saw him staring down at the essays in horror. They were smudged and crinkled and some were even ripped and covered in mysterious fluids. Pages had been strewn all over the room, most of them not even with the rest of the paper they belonged to.

You giggled, “Sorry for the mess, professor.”

He smiled, “You know what? I think I’m just going to give them all As.”

————

Taglist :) (so many arent working blah)

@slutforthegubes @safertokiss @tomorrowmeansoportunities @fullwattpadmusictree @helloniallslovelies @patronising-raven @anthoqhila @chocolateflowerzipperbear @imjusthereformggcontent​ @haliekayy​ @drspencerreidscum @youre-a-wallflower-charlie​ @blameitonthenight21 @joanofarkansas @pinkdiamond1016 @jojostyles17 @ellegreenawayapologist @goofygubler14

[flyinghome-againstthewind]

the best by far is you: chapter 17

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Previous Chapter

For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you -  Cecilia and the satellite

————

Summary: An exploration of Claire & Jamie’s story if their firstborn had lived and they had the chance to be parents together of wee Faith Fraser before the Battle of Culloden.

Chapter 17

Edinburgh

June 1746

Edinburgh proved difficult to search. One lone carriage was hardly something of note for residents of Edinburgh, and that besides, Claire was quite certain this was where that particular journey had ended. They had no way of knowing where in the city Jamie and Faith would’ve gone once they’d arrived. So they checked every tavern, inn, and boarding house they could find, hoping they weren’t too late, that Jamie and Faith hadn’t moved on to some other place.

It was once again the horse, of all things, that gave them hope.

They were walking through a bustling market when Fergus stopped so abruptly in front of Claire that she nearly knocked him over. “Fergus, what are you‒”

His gaze was frozen on something ahead. “It’s Donas, Milady.”

“What?”

He didn't wait another second and surged forward into the crowd, leaving Claire and Murtagh to scramble after him. When they caught up to him, they were both brought almost nose-to-nose with a black horse that was unmistakable to them.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” Claire whispered tightly, eyes widening at the sight before her. Donas was tucked back into a stall just off the busy street, but his head swung curiously over the wooden gate.

She glanced about, trying to get her bearings. If Donas was here, then‒

“Get back!”

The three of them startled at the sharp voice, Claire’s hand flying to Fergus’s shoulder as if that could shield him. Off to their right, a man had appeared ‒ a blacksmith by trade if his gritty, grimy appearance was any indication. “Unless ye want tae lose a hand. That beast is the devil’s own.”

Donas reared back suddenly, as if he understood and took offense. Claire was used to the horse’s attitude, but his timing always was something else, she thought. The blacksmith only took this as confirmation of what he’d just said, nodding sharply toward the horse with wide-eyed suspicion.

“See? He kens it.”

“That is not‒” Fergus began. Claire squeezed his shoulder.

“Please, can you tell us where we might find the owner of this horse?”

The blacksmith’s gaze shifted over the three of them, considering. Finally, he folded his arms over his chest and leveled a withering gaze at Claire. “Ye’re lookin’ at ‘im.”

“What?” She balked. Her gaze flew back to Donas, looking him over more discerningly. It had to be him. Then…?

“When did you acquire him?”

“I dinna see why ye need tae know.”

It was clear the man was growing tired of them, but before Claire could respond, Murtagh had fired back a reply. “I dinna see what harm there is in answering the lass.”

The blacksmith hardly concealed his annoyance but threw his hands up in defeat. “If it’ll make ye leave. A man brought him ‘round last week and sold him to me‒”

Claire felt her breath leave her lungs in a rush. A week ago. They’d never been this close before. A light, buoyant feeling filled her.

“‒ under false pretenses, mind. Tha’ horse was docile as a wee lamb when he brought ‘im here. Soon as he’s gone, I was dealing wi’ a demon.”

“Maybe you should‒”

Whatever Fergus was about to say, Claire was certain it wouldn’t have been flattering. And she needed more from this conversation still.

“Last question and then we’re out of your hair.” She felt an odd flutter in her stomach at the thought of what answers they might be able to walk away with. “What can you tell me about the man who sold you the horse?”

  They’d come to stay so long in Edinburgh that Faith’s understanding of “home” was beginning to solidify around the place they’d resided there: Mary’s aunt’s house. And while the streets were still crawling with soldiers, Jamie had gone so long without incident or recognition that the wariness was fading each time he stepped outside.

Mary's aunt had been hospitable in opening her home to Jamie and Faith when they arrived with Mary, though Jamie got the distinct impression that she wasn't exactly thrilled with this arrangement, given that she knew he was a Scot.

Still, it was a safe haven while they waited for sea passage to open up again.

Jamie entered the house, lugging his bundle of purchases, and was almost immediately greeted by Faith's high-pitch squeal from the other room. He paused, wondering if it was a squeal of excitement or some sort of fit.

There was a bustle of movement up ahead from the parlor and then Faith tumbled out into the hallway, tripping on the hem of her dress. It was new to her, an old dress belonging to one of Mary's cousins, and they were adjusting it for Faith.

"Da!"

Happy squeal, then.

He grinned broadly and dropped to one knee as Faith toddled over to him, nearly tripping again as she reached him. "Did ye behave for yer Auntie Mary, then?"

She didn't respond to him, only looped her slight arms around his neck and started to hang from him, giggling all the while.

"Alright then, ye wee fiend," he laughed, scooping her up as he moved to stand.

By now, Mary had appeared at the threshold and greeted him before they all moved into the parlor. Jamie noted that none of the other inhabitants of the house were in the room and breathed a sigh of relief. He was abundantly grateful to be able to keep Faith sheltered here, but he had no great desire for the company of near strangers ‒ especially those who looked down their nose at him.

“I’ve had a letter from my father,” Mary announced.

“Aye?”

“He’s sending my younger brother to escort me back to my father’s estate.”

Jamie nodded at that, though he wasn’t sure how he should feel. “And how did he take yer news?”

“Oh quite well,” Mary said swiftly. “I knew he would. Of course he wishes I wasn’t so recently widowed, since he’ll have to make arrangements for me to be married again. But there’s no shame in being widowed and with child.”

Jamie took a deep breath, ready to dive in on that comment, but thought better of interfering in her family matters and bit his tongue instead.

“Find everything you were looking for?” Mary asked.

“Oh aye.” Jamie pulled out the fresh ginger he’d purchased. There had been a number of items he’d needed to prepare for the upcoming voyage, but none quite so important as the very thing he held up for Mary to see. “For my seasickness,” he explained and then grinned ruefully. “Canna seem to so much as set foot on a ship wi’out getting sick.”

“Is it bad?”

“It’s no’ a pretty sight, I’m sure.”

“What will you do with Faith?”

Jamie’s gaze dropped to Faith in his lap and he swallowed roughly. “I dinna have much choice but to pray the ginger tea keeps me standing. I canna afford to get sick.”

Mary fell silent at that, her hands fidgeting restlessly in her lap.

But he knew even without her saying it that it was a foolish endeavor. He knew how sick he became on sea voyages and without anyone else with them, he ran the risk of becoming too sick to care for his child. But what other choice did he have?

“I could go with you.”

Mary’s words were spoken so softly, he almost didn’t catch them. His head snapped up and he stared at her. “You canna be serious.”

“Of course I’m serious!”

“It’s‒ I mean no offense to ye, Mary. It’s only… well, yer brother is already on his way and‒”

“That’s not a problem. I’ll just leave word here with my aunt telling him where we’ve gone. He can follow after and escort me back, same as he intended before.”

“That hardly seems fair to him. How old is the lad?”

Mary hesitated briefly. “George is fifteen, he’s old enough.”

Jamie swore under his breath. “We dinna even know where we’re headed yet. Could be as far as the colonies. And even if ye did accompany us on the journey and instructed yer wee brother to follow us… by time he arrives, ye willna be fit to make the journey again wi’ the bairn coming. You’ll have to have the baby in another country, alone.”

“I’ll be alone no matter where I am,” Mary pointed out and Jamie immediately regretted his words. “Doesn’t matter if I’m in Italy or France, the colonies or my father’s estate.”

Jamie sighed. “I still dinna like the idea. Ye’re finally safe here and under no obligation to help us further. I’m already indebted to ye for getting us this far. No, I couldna ask that of ye.”

“Good thing you didn’t ask then.” Mary straightened her spine. “And it’s… it’s me who’s indebted to you. If you hadn’t come to Inverness, I’d still be‒”

Jamie raised a hand in silent pleading. After all they’d been through since he’d knocked on her door in Inverness, there simply was no keeping score of how they’d aided one another. And he valued her friendship too highly to think of it as mere transactions.

He sighed loudly, hating the idea but seeing that determined look in Mary’s eye.

“Besides,” Mary added, “I’m not really doing this for you.”

He smiled cheerlessly, once again turning his gaze back to the red-headed toddler in his lap. For Claire, she’d said at the start. And it had never escaped his notice just how much Mary risked to repay Claire’s kindness, her friendship. “Well, I thank ye for it. Truly. Ye’re a good friend, Mary Hawkins.”

The evenings were always bittersweet in Edinburgh. It meant putting Faith to bed, a small routine that they’d carved out no matter where they were, and a time that Jamie always treasured. And it also meant once his child was asleep that there was nothing to preoccupy his mind, to keep his anguished thoughts at bay.

But before then, his complete attention was always on Faith.

“C’mere, lass.”

He scooped her up and headed toward the nursery where Faith slept. He felt her head rest heavy on his shoulder as they went, and her small hand patted his opposite shoulder gently.

He was helping her change into her nightgown when she sneezed. Three times in quick succession.

“Something tickling yer nose, a nighean?” he said lightly, though his hand went to her forehead and tried to gauge her temperature. Felt normal, but there was a small voice in the back of his mind ‒ Claire’s voice ‒ reminding him that unless the fever was very high, it was often hard to discern if someone had a fever by merely feeling for it.

Faith rubbed her nose with the back of her pudgy hand and looked up at him with glassy eyes. “Christ, I hope ye’re not sick.”

He took her wee face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her hairline, then rested his cheek there for a moment. She felt a little warm, but did that mean…?

Faith’s little hands wormed their way between them and pushed his face away. “No’ sick.”

He chuckled and pulled back, startled by her boldness, her certainty. A pint-sized force of nature, even if she was ‒ perhaps ‒ feeling under the weather.

But God in Heaven! He wished Claire was here for this. For all of it with Faith, but especially this. She would know better than him what to do if Faith got sick.

“Ye ready for bed then?”

She shook her head vehemently. “No’ yet, Da.”

“Not yet?”

Again, she shook her head, this time with a hint of a smile on her face. The more she learned to talk, the better she became at delaying her dreaded bedtime. She burst into a flood of speech ‒ not much of which was intelligible to Jamie, but she had something to say nonetheless ‒ which ended promptly with the word “story.”

“Ah. Ye’ll be wanting yer bedtime story then, is tha’ it?”

A curt nod from Faith.

“Aye, I can oblige ye there, mo chridhe.”

He stood and watched Faith scurry over to the small bed that was all her own. As was their nightly ritual, he situated Faith off to one side and pulled the covers up for her before carefully easing his six-foot-four frame onto the comically small bed, curled onto his side with his feet hanging over the ledge. A gentle breeze could’ve knocked him backwards off of the bed, but this was what he’d done the first night in this strange house when Faith had been too scared to sleep alone. Now, she slept well enough so long as he was there to tuck her in, give her a story. Once she was asleep, he would move her more towards the center of the bed before he left and retired to his own room.

“What story would ye like tonight, a nighean?”

“My mam?”

He exhaled a laugh. They were always about Faith’s mam. Even while he worried that Faith would never truly know Claire, it couldn’t stop him from wanting to talk about her to Faith. To help her understand the magnitude of Claire’s love for her, and that it wasn’t Claire’s fault that she wasn’t here now with Faith.

“Aye, I can tell ye about yer mam,” Jamie agreed softly. He started as he always did ‒ with a memory of Claire, whatever came to him in the moment. And he’d simply talk for as long as Faith needed, weaving one memory into another until he noticed her eyelids getting heavy, her breathing slowing to a steady rhythm.

“Ken yer mother was verra canny,” he prefaced his next story, slipping subconsciously into past-tense when he spoke of Claire. “What she didna ken about healing could fit in a shoe. After the Battle of Prestonpans, I was so weary and hurting ‒ got stepped on by a horse that day, ye ken, and och yer mam was furious wi’ me ‒ but I came back into the cottage to watch her, tending to the injured men. She was tireless and so determined…”

When Faith was finally out, he reached over and felt her forehead again, battling a sinking feeling that Faith truly was coming down with an illness. She’d been sniffling and sneezing, but that could be nothing. Or it could be the first sign of something more.

“A Dhia…”

He ached for Claire every minute of the day ‒ needed her like the very breath in his lungs ‒ but he’d never felt so wretchedly helpless without her until this moment. What would he do if Faith became sick?

Panic squeezed his heart in a vice grip. She was all he had now. Faith, still so wee and fragile, was the only thing keeping Jamie from careening off into the dark. And suddenly, he wasn’t even sure he could do this on his own.

He wanted to steal away back to the stones with Faith, to find some way to fix this. She should be with Claire ‒ she should’ve always been with Claire ‒ and it wasn’t right that they had been separated. That Faith couldn’t travel like her mother could.

Since he was a lad, he had a habit of speaking to his departed brother, Willie. Since Willie had been the oldest, he rightly should’ve been laird. So much of Jamie’s life growing up had been the result of Willie’s death. Honors that would normally befall the oldest son passed to Jamie instead, like fostering with his Uncle Dougal or continuing his studies in Paris. This had always been front of mind for Jamie, and when faced with a decision as Laird, he found it only respectful of Willie’s memory to ask his older brother’s thoughts on choices that should’ve been his to make.

Aye, the dead had a way of living with Jamie. He hadn’t only talked to Willie, but to the plovers along the shore, which legend said carried the souls of young mothers lost in childbirth. And he’d done this for years before he lost his da, but never once in the time since Brian Fraser’s death had he spoken to his father.

But suddenly, he found himself longing to pour his heart out to his departed father, in conversations he’d been too hesitant to have with the weight of Jamie’s misplaced guilt over Brian’s death. Suddenly, more than anything, he ached for one last conversation with his da.

“How did ye do it, Athair?” he whispered in the still room the question that had been plaguing him. He was intimately familiar with the pain his father would’ve suffered when his mam died. “How did you keep on living wi’out yer heart?”

The answer was there before him in the sleeping form of Faith. His father had survived for his and Jenny’s sakes, carried them through their grief and gave them hope. And though it felt impossible, though everything within him screamed that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, Jamie would do the same for Faith as his father did for him. “I ken now the pain ye were trying to hide, Athair. But ye raised me and Jenny well despite it all. Help me do the same.”

His hand gently brushed over Faith’s wispy curls as he then addressed his sleeping child. “I’ve told ye plenty about yer mam, but nothing of my mam and da. We’ll need tae remedy that. Another time.”

He breathed in deep and then sighed heavily. “My da only ever kent me as a lad. Sometimes I wonder… if he saw me as I am today, would he be proud of me now? Would he approve of who I’ve become? And would I be much different from who I was before... or would he still recognize me as his son?”

His thumb softly stroked at her hair just above her temple before tucking a few wayward locks behind one tiny ear. “But I look at ye, Faith, and… there’s nothing ye could do that would ever change how I love ye. How I’m bursting at the seams with pride o’er ye. And that’s one thing I ken my da would’ve been very proud of,” he shifted slowly and pressed a kiss to Faith’s head before he finally stood, “My bairns.”

  It had been a week since they’d found Donas and they still didn’t have a crumb of information for where Jamie and Faith might be.

“Would it have been better to wait at Lallybroch in case he sent word? Before we went trampling across the country in search of him…” Claire wondered aloud.

“That would have taken months to wait for news to arrive.” Murtagh eyed her protruding belly, just starting to appear noticeable to others under all her layers of clothing. “Ye dinna have that kind of time to wait around.”

Claire sighed. “Aren’t we just waiting here, until we find a trace of him? Doesn’t feel much different.”

Murtagh didn’t reply, just made that Scottish sound low in the throat and eased into a chair.

There was a boyish shout from outside and Claire’s gaze flickered over to the window. Fergus was out in the street with another boy, playing some sort of game. She’d told him to go run some energy off after he’d been driving her up a wall all afternoon within the cramped confines of their rented room. They’d had no lead on Jamie even after finding Donas and that had hit Fergus hard. But even worse had been walking away without the horse that Fergus had loved so dearly ‒ all the time wondering why Jamie had sold him in the first place.

“What if they’re already gone from here? How long do we wait ‒ how long can we wait before the money is gone?”

They’d had no collateral of their own to offer up for the horse and even though they had some money ‒ money that they’d carefully skimped and saved during their journey before arriving in Edinburgh ‒ it wouldn’t last forever.

Murtagh grunted softly again. He’d heard her, he just didn’t have an answer.

Claire had even tried offering her services as a healer here when they first arrived. But Edinburgh was a bustling Lowland city, not a remote Highland village, and where those small populations would flock to Claire, the people of Edinburgh turned their nose up at her ‒ a strange woman they had no cause to trust or even to need in a large city such as this. So even the small hope of word getting out to Jamie of a Sassenach woman healer had quickly been dashed.

Her gaze sought out Fergus again and her heart sank in her chest. She wasn’t sure how much more disappointment they could shoulder before it became all too much. Or how much longer they could search before the only obvious solution was to turn home for Lallybroch.

Her hand fell to her belly. Murtagh was right about that at least. They didn’t have all that much time before there would be a baby to consider as well.

  The ports had reopened in Edinburgh ‒ but not without British control over what came in and out of the harbor. The sale of Donas helped provide enough to book passage on a ship, but they’d had to be careful in arranging it. Jamie had begun to notice the new broadsheets going up around Edinburgh and among them, one for Red Jamie. No doubt as the dust from Culloden began to settle, his disappearance hadn’t gone completely unnoticed.

He had followed the captain of a cargo ship recently docked in Edinburgh into a tavern one night. The captain ‒ a Scot through and through ‒ and Jamie swapped tales over drinks well into the night and only once he was sure the good captain had been plied with enough drink to make him amiable did he bring up the request to book passage with him.

“Ye dinna even ken where we’re going,” the captain laughed, his cheeks ruddy from drink.

Jamie laughed too, though he realized he’d made a misstep. That it might sound more suspicious now than if he’d learned of the destination first. Instead he tried to play it off as being cavalier. “Tell ye the truth… it doesna really matter where ye’re going, so long as it’s away from here.”

The captain chuckled and shook his head. They negotiated the price and sealed the deal there at that tavern table. “Write yer names down for me. I’ll have them added to the ship’s manifest. We sail in three days. Dinna be late.”

“And where are we sailing for?” Jamie finally asked.

“Och I thought it didna matter!” The captain roared with laughter again and Jamie reminded himself he couldn’t strike the captain that was giving him a way out of Scotland.

The captain stood to his feet, a bit wobbly at first try. Jamie thought of Mary and how she planned to leave a letter for her brother to be able to follow. How could he follow if he didn’t know where they went?

He opened his mouth to speak, but the captain clapped him hard on the shoulder and said, “Le Havre, man. We’re only going so far as Le Havre.”

In three days’ time, Jamie, Mary, and Faith were at the docks ‒ Jamie with his hair recently dyed black to cover his roots and Faith with her red hair tucked under a bonnet and then the hood of her cape as a precaution.

They would need to be allowed past by the Redcoat checking the ship’s manifest, the only hurdle standing between them and freedom. And having spoken with the captain that night in the tavern, they couldn’t fall back on their old gimmick of Jamie-as-a-mute. But this was a calculated risk he knew he would take, hoping that the time and miles between here and Culloden would be enough to shed any suspicion that he might be Red Jamie.

“Name?”

He met the eye of the Redcoat staring him down. “Alexandre Beauchamp,” he said evenly, letting a little bit of his admittedly imperfect French accent bleed into his thick Highlander dialect in hopes that it would at least confuse him. Off the surprised look from the man, he added with an easy smile, “I get that look a lot. My father was a Frenchman but my mother a Scot. Ye can see for yerself which side I favored in looks.” He could hide the red hair, but the towering height, the build of a man descended from Vikings… that could not be so easily hidden.

“And your companions?”

“My daughter, Faith Beauchamp, and Mary Hawkins.”

The man’s gaze flicked between Jamie and Mary, and though Jamie’s heart felt as though it might beat right out of his chest, this conversation was flowing exactly as he’d anticipated. They were almost through.

“And your relation to Mistress Hawkins?”

“My late wife’s sister. She’s accompanying me to care for my child.” It wasn’t terribly far from the truth ‒ and it was a necessity now to be able to explain why Faith called her Auntie Mary.

“And your reason for journeying to Le Havre?”

“My father’s family is there. My grandfather is in poor health and I must return.”

The Redcoat looked him in the eye again and Jamie knew what question came next. “And are you a Jacobite or have you ever aided the Jacobites in any way, Mr. Beauchamp?”

“No.” He was met with a look of vague suspicion and he mustered every ounce of easy confidence into next words. “I am not nor have I ever been a Jacobite, or a Jacobite sympathizer for that matter. And I never aided their cause in any way. I am loyal to the crown.”

The Redcoat quirked one eyebrow at that and Jamie felt his stomach twisting into knots. “They all say that… now.”

But with a quick jerk of his head, the Redcoat dismissed them. Jamie blinked, stunned for a moment that it had been that easy. Because even without proof… the Redcoats could have treated him any way they wanted. That was their claim as victors. They didn’t need a reason to not let him through and that had been the one variable Jamie couldn’t have planned for ‒ the mercy of a Redcoat.

He shifted Faith to one arm and moved past the man, ushering Mary ahead of him up the gangway to the ship.

“Sir! Wait.”

He froze, hearing the Redcoat’s voice ring out. Mary stopped too and whirled around to look back at him. His hold on Faith tightened and he turned slowly.

The Redcoat stared at him curiously.

Jamie forced a smile. “Have I forgotten something?”

“As a matter of fact…” the man held out his hand. In his palm was Sawny, which Jamie had given to Faith to keep her occupied. She must’ve dropped it.

“Ah. I thank ye, Corporal.” He grabbed Sawny and handed it back to Faith. “I would’ve had a verra unhappy child on my hands had that been left behind.”

He wasted no time waiting for a response and turned with Faith to head back up the gangway where Mary still stood. “Let’s go,” he uttered under his breath when they reached her. The sooner they could be at sea, the safer he would feel.

What he hadn’t expected to feel was the loss.

He held Faith in his arms as he stood by the railing and watched Edinburgh fade farther and farther away. Watched his homeland fade away, knowing they’d likely never return.

“Christ,” he muttered, blinking fast against the unexpected sting of tears.

Faith stretched her arm out in front of her, towards land, and waved.

“Ye saying goodbye, a leannan?”

“G’bye,” she echoed in a soft, song-like voice.

Ah but he would do it all again in a heartbeat for her, no matter the cost. It was always for her, for her wellbeing and chance at a happy life.

She grinned up at him ‒ not a trace of sickness, though they’d dealt with the sneezing and runny nose for a few days before she was back to her usual self. “Ken you’re mine, a nighean, but ye dinna have to rub my nose in it that yer stomach is as hearty as a sailor’s,” he teased her before moving below deck, where Mary was waiting. His stomach was already rolling and it was only a matter of time…

 July 1746

Claire was writing a letter to Jenny ‒ an update without much news, but she still wanted to keep Jenny apprised ‒ when Murtagh burst into the room, startling her violently.

“Jesus Christ!”

Without giving her much time to recover, he dove breathlessly into the reason for his unsettling arrival.

“I just spoke with a deckhand down at the docks, just come back from Le Havre.” Murtagh’s eyes were aglow and Claire tried to temper the hope buoying in her chest. “He said he remembers someone that looked like Jamie who booked passage on the ship last time they came through here. Said he was sick as a dog the whole trip… and he had a wee lass with him.”

Claire was trembling and her simple question came out in a frantic whisper. “When?”

Murtagh smiled broadly, his chest still heaving as he tried to get the words out without stopping for a breath. “Just last month. They’re in France, a nighean. We found them.”

She hardly recalled how she went from sitting at the desk to being wrapped up in an almost painful hug from Murtagh, shouting with joy to keep herself from bursting into tears.

“What’s going on?”

She pulled away from Murtagh to see Fergus enter the room, concern etched into his face.

“What happened?” he asked.

Claire couldn’t keep the smile from her face even as her vision misted over with tears. Not just for her joy of being reunited with Jamie and Faith, but for Fergus’s as well. “Murtagh found them, love. We’re going home!”

When Fergus ran to embrace her, she nearly stumbled backwards from the impact of it. She cupped the back of his head and held him tight, rocking slightly.

“We’re going home.”

“D’ye have everything then, Mary?”

“I believe so.”

Jamie turned to help Mary up into the carriage. Upon arriving in France, they’d gone first to Jamie’s Uncle Alexander at the Abbey of Ste. Anne de Beaupré, that being the closest and safest place to turn to. Jamie and Faith meant to stay on at the abbey a bit longer, but Mary needed to return to Paris, to her aunt and uncle who would welcome her into their home until her younger brother arrived.

“Wait. No. I did forget something in my room.” Mary turned and stepped down from the carriage. “I’ll be right back,” she yelled over her shoulder.

“It’s alright, lass. We have time.”

“Jamie!”

He turned to find his uncle exiting the abbey, making a path towards him. “Aye?”

“We’re expecting a delivery to the abbey today. Could you help them unload when it arrives?”

“Aye of course.”

It wasn’t long after his uncle had left him that he noticed the wagon jolting down the dirt road towards the abbey.

Nobody saw what spooked the horse pulling the wagon as it neared the carriage.

It happened too fast, the one horse trying to buck itself free of the wagon, and the team of horses hitched to the carriage panicking as a result.

One moment, Jamie was standing beside a carriage and the next, he was flat on his back with a searing pain in his leg and a crushing weight pinning his body down.

And then it all went black.

[the-volume-is-astronomical]

The Crown, The Sword, and The Gay

The Tower

A/N: mi gente im just trying something out and seeing if people like it :] ive had this done for like months and months on end and i finally decided to share it so em enjoy 

First | Previous| Next

words: 2380

summary: Roman’s stomach is making it very clear that this talk wasn’t going to end well... as long as he doesn’t end up in that tower.

pairings: eventual prinxiety, eventual intrulogical, eventual moceit 

warnings: some potty language (not much), stress, anxiety, disappearance mention, flashback, crying

(let me know if theres any other)

Roman felt himself waking up, maybe because of the stupidly bright sun hitting his eyes, he didn’t know how that was possible since he remembered closing the red velvet curtains shut tight, so he didn't have this exact issue. So, when he heard some ruffling and things being moved around he wasn’t all that surprised. 

¨Rise and shine, you little brat¨ Ruth said in a very tired but demanding voice. 

¨Oh dear nurse, allow me five more minutes¨ Roman whined putting a pillow over his eyes so he could block out the rude sun.

¨Oh, flattery will get you nowhere, mister.¨ Roman could hear Ruth moving around the room, preparing breakfast no doubt. Roman took the pillow off his face and sat up, hair a wreck, and his eyes squinting because of the light coming from the window.

¨And he finally rises,¨ Ruth said sarcastically.

¨Yeah, yeah, the dashing prince has awoken.¨ Roman said half asleep. Ruth helped him sit down so he didn’t trip over anything and started serving him breakfast, she wasn’t going to wait for him to finish eating as she was already heading for the big oak doors. 

¨Wait!¨ Roman sobered up, Ruth flinched a little at the shout but turned around anyway ¨Can I do anything for you?¨ She asked.

¨ Come eat with me, you for sure haven’t eaten anything today.¨ Ruth went to argue but closed her mouth when she noticed she, in fact, had not eaten.

 She sat down in the chair in front of the royal, Roman made a few hand gestures as if to show she was open to take anything, she knew the monarch wouldn’t eat until she had settled for something so, she took a piece of bread and started eating, as did he.

After a few moments of silent eating Ruth spoke up ¨I still don't understand, after all these years you haven’t become a spoiled brat that doesn't care for his servant¨ Roman didn't even look up at her he just said ¨I guess you raised me well.¨ Ruth almost choked on her bread and looked at Roman as if he had gone insane. “Oh come on don't be so humble Ruthie!¨

She still looked at him confused and a little annoyed at the nickname but mostly surprised he would say anything of the sort, ¨Ruth, you are my nurse. You have been with me my entire life, You fed me when I was a baby for god sake! I consider you a mother, even if I have another mother in the throne room right now,” Roman shivered at the thought of having to talk to his parents after the events of the past week but continued anyway “and I sure as hell think of you as the person who raised me.¨ 

Once he had finished he immediately put a mouth full of food and kept eating as if hadn’t given that speech. Ruth still looked shocked but cleared her throat ¨Well, then I made you a sap!¨ Roman started laughing ¨How will your future spouse ever forgive me?¨ Roman burst out laughing and Ruth gave a small chuckle. 

Ruth stood up and went to Roman's closet to gather his outfit for the day, while he finished breakfast. She threw the clothes at him “Hey!¨ Roman made his trademark over dramatic gasp. She sighed “I unfortunately also gave you my dramatics…”

 “And I don’t resent you for that!” Roman screamed back with a big smile on his face. 

Ruth looked like she had something on her mind. Roman didn’t have to wait much before she said what that was, he never did. ¨Would that make you and my Remy brothers?¨ she said, actively ignoring the prince’s comments. Roman stood up going towards his shoji screen to change behind. ¨Ha! We already consider each other brothers so it wouldn’t be much of a change.¨ Ruth started making his bed “Well this is new information to me.¨ Roman giggled a bit 

¨Remy´s supposed to be back by noon, he passed a lot of territories to deliver this message so I sure hope he’s alright¨ Roman has always thought she was a worried mother even to him when he went on long trips.

Roman stepped out from behind the screen and reassured her ¨ He’s fine! He may act reckless but he's very calculating… but expect him a few hours later than what the estimated time of return” Roman slipped away looking for his shoes. ¨Oh and why is that?¨ she asked, hands on her hips, Roman gave a nervous chuckle. 

Shouldn't have let that slip.

“Roman…” Ruth said in a warning tone. Remy was going to kill him but he didn’t want to die at his nurse’s hands “Remy’s been... seeing... this person a-and when his message trip aligns with where they live… he spends some time with the person so…” Ruth looked at him as if deciding something, “As Remy’s mother, I thank you for telling me the truth..” Roman was relieved “But, as your mother, I have to say…YOU SNITCH! Snitches get stitches for a reason!” Roman laughed genuinely and Ruth joined.

After their giggle fit, they heard someone knock on the door. Ruth went to answer the door, it was a guard “His and her highness request the prince’s presence,” Ruth thanked the guard and turned around and Roman looked mortified, “Roman, you have to talk to them.” Roman had never heard Ruth speak that soft. Roman only felt dread “Ruth I don't want to go” He was genuinely petrified.

“I understand, but they are very understanding and I believe they wouldn't punish you for simply trusting the wrong person” Roman shook his head “ They’re already so protective. They always had me under knight or guard surveillance but now they might do something so I won’t be able to sneak by” Roman was panicking and Ruth noticed, she walked up to him. And took his hand “Roman they just want the best for you…” Roman took his hand away from her own “No! They are just afraid they aren’t going to have an heir after one of them ran away.” Roman's hands were in his hair and his eyes started to glaze over.

Roman was very much not over his brother's apparent “disappearance”

“I understand Remus vanishing has affected your parents over protectiveness, BUT they have always aimed to protect you but after what happened...can you really blame them for it?” Roman sighed, Ruth forced his hands out of his hair, he took a shaky breath to calm down “No, but getting hurt is part of life! So what if I trusted the wrong person? Everyone does!” He gestured to the sky as if it was the only person listening, he felt so defeated. 

“Well I can't change anything so, you should tell your parents that!” She didn’t know what to say to make things better. “I’ll try, let’s just hope they at least try to listen” he left it there and headed out of his bedroom’s oak doors, he never liked disagreeing with Ruth. 

 Roman walked down the long hallway towards the throne room but, of course, he wasn’t alone because that would be too much to ask apparently. Instead he was being escorted to see his parents by the guard that had informed him his parents required him. He already knew what they were going to talk to him about and he was dreading it.

Why did he have to make such a mistake?

Did the universe want him to not trust anyone after what happened?! If it would make the sinking feeling in his stomach leave then he would happily oblige.

The guard stopped at the throne rooms doors and Roman took a deep breath as the guard gave him side eye glance and opened the doors, “You required my presence?” Roman spoke trying to keep his voice steady and his head high, “Yes, Roman, we would actually like to talk to you about last week's event…?” He phrased it as a question a little too late. Roman’s father, King Leonardo, wasn’t an emotionally driven person and never was truly soft with anything he said, but he cared. The way he was soft spoken with Roman was just having the opposite effect that his father wanted.

Roman’s mother, Queen Victoria, was very comforting and always tried to shield her children from harm's way, but coming from a family of royals, she didn't have an example to follow but she wanted to be there for her child. “Roman, my little lion heart, I need you to keep in mind this is for your safety...ok?”  Following everything by the book, always looking and being her best, so she would be a good example even if she wasn't nurturing, all she wished was for Roman to know she loved him and Remus with her whole being, Roman just gave her a tense nod as a response. 

Roman’s Father spoke up, “Roman, you're going to be under knight supervision at all times,” That wasn't as bad as Roman expected, he basically already was! Anything but to be stuck in that damn tower “...And you have to stay in the south tower-” ...He should have knocked on wood. 

“Father, I did nothing wrong! I shouldn't be punished for this-” Romans mother spoke up, she knew both her son and husband could be hot headed. She wanted to stop anything before it got the chance to begin “Roman this isn't to punish you! We want to protect you-” The Queen sounded like she was pleading with her son.

Roman did not hear her plea or just ignored it “...For how long do I have to stay there?” Roman’s mother spoke up, “Don't worry, you'll be there maximum 2-” 

“Indefinitely.” 

The King spoke in a cold unforgiving tone, Roman knew he had messed up big time. Victoria turned to her husband “Leo, we agreed he wouldn't be there for more than 2 fortnights, we agreed on that.” The Queen seemed upset but was obviously attempting not to show such emotion. 

“Those were the rules we agreed to when he was a child and he would grant being punished” Both of Roman’s parents were staring at each other, showing they weren't going to back down.

Roman spoke, “Understood.” His voice was mostly monotone but tight, Victoria turned to him with an apologetic gaze. Roman shook his head. It was his own fault, his mother shouldn't blame herself for his actions. 

“I'll tell Ruth, so we can pack.” Roman turned to leave but his father had more to say. “Before you go, Hugo won't be your assigned knight. One of the new recruits is climbing in status and popularity very quickly and he agreed to-” “babysit” Roman cut in. “-protect you. As long as I recommended him to Queen Marie for her armada” 

As if things couldn't get any better, he had to meet this new recruit, he hoped they would at least get along. Roman just nodded and opened the door to leave. At that moment, Roman’s father called the guard that had escorted Roman to get the new recruit as soon as possible, he just left as quickly as he could. 

His parents knew that not being around people and not being able to talk were some of the worse things that could happen to him. They decided it was going to be the way to punish him. Though, he never stayed for more than a month, now he understood why. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Roman- basically power walked- back to his room, his brain tortured him with memories of his 7 year old self being forced onto the tower for the first time.

No! Please it was an accident-!

I won't do it again!

I won't- Please! 

That was all he said as his father signaled the guards to take him, his mother not being able to look, turned her head away, trying to ignore every motherly instinct in her body to stand up and comfort her child. 

The guards dragged him out of the castle- the only home he knew- and shoved him in a carriage, where Ruth was waiting for him. Ruth had always been happy around him but her expression was unreadable -looking back she seemed angry, he just hadn't seen her that way before- but, Roman didn't care. He threw himself onto Ruth and sobbed his tiny heart out, Ruth trying her best to calm him down, he eventually fell asleep. Three hours later, he was woken up by Ruth.

“Were here, principito”

Roman was scared. Ruth saw it in his eyes. 

“Come on! You offend me, you really think I would let them take you to a scary place?” 

The little royal could only muster a small “no”. Ruth took his hand and walked with him toward a tower. Roman thought it was beautiful, that's the day he figured beautiful things can hurt you. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman never got used to it. He always dreaded the ride there, all the build up to the feeling of nothingness. When he looked up at the tower, he got the same feeling that he did when he was 7, Roman learned to not look up. He’d always prefer being in the tower when he was a kid because, back then they allowed Ruth to stay behind with him. Now she would only go in the carriage with him and leave.

After they stopped allowing Ruth to stay with him, at least he had Hugo to bother, by asking him for stories of his adventures. He didn't have that anymore.

The only adventure story he had now was a vibrant red book, in the book shelf of the tower, the only fictional book in his whole collection. He will admit, it was a very smart move on his parent’s part. They always monitored what he read, filled his whole book shelf in the tower with Philosophy, Math, and Royalty etiquette. When he begged for weeks on end for an adventure book they granted him one but, they made sure it was the only book that was fictional. They wouldn't give him an adventure book based on real events, No! That would be giving Roman too much hope. 

Good move.

[intersexfairy]

something that sucks though. i make posts about being intersex, my intersex identity is forefront, yet i know only a very small fraction of my followers are intersex.

like imagine that being the case as any other kind of lgbt+ blog. you say all these things for other people like you, but know most of the people listening can never understand what you and the people you're trying to connect to go through. and i write posts directed at dyads because i feel obligated to, given the ig decent reach they can have.

but i didnt make this my url for dyads. i dont keep this blog for dyads. i dont stay active for dyads. i dont answer asks on intersex topics for dyads. i do this for me and other inters. everything i say to dyads, i say for any intersex person that may be around them. but im tired of speaking to dyads. i'm tired of feeling like a needle in a haystack as an intersex person in the queer community. it's so isolating. do you understand? at all?

even now i'm talking to dyads.

[silverkoushi]

haikyuu!! headcanons

⇢ scenario: how you’d spend the holidays with them!! | read pt.2 here! ⇢ feat. : suga, hinata, & kageyama (karasuno) x gn!reader ⇢  wc & warnings: 1.7k, none ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ this is me trying to psych myself up for the holidays aha... thinkin of doing more if i get the inspo and make it in time ><

sugawara koushi ୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ the holiday spirit with him is unsurprisingly soft and domestic!! he’s the kind of guy that loves to uphold traditional celebrations like the holidays, your birthdays, new years— things like that because it’s important for him to create memories that you can look back on many years later. you bet the holiday decorations will be up mid-november, so once you see him struggling to hang multi-colored lights along the exterior of your house, you have no choice but to laugh at him at first but eventually help him out!! his cheerfulness and child-like excitement nearing the holidays becomes contagious so the two of you start matching everything: penguin sweaters, (ugly but comfortable) red/green pajamas, mugs that have those cringey couple labels on them— basically, you name it, you and suga have two versions of it to wear/use!! suga would be in an extra-baking mood, too!!

if there’s a holiday party (probably at the school he’s teaching at) that you would be attending with him, suga will volunteer to be in charge of baked goodies! sugar cookies, brownies, donuts with cinnamon sugar, maybe even a raspberry choco cake roll?? the possibilities are endless with your pastry chef of a man, and ofc you make it your duty to help him out in the kitchen!! baking til 2 or 3am, sometimes just goofing off with the flour, cookie dough on the tips of your noses, and suga stealing a kiss (or a lick) here and there. all the while your favorite holiday playlist hums in the background of your colorfully lit home, pictures of the two of you hanging around a tree, santa hats bouncing up and down atop your heads the way you dance everywhere, his arms snug around your waist. while you wait for the last batch of cookies in the oven, suga has already prepared his original hot cocoa for the two of you, making sure he adds extra mini marshmallows in your elf mug tonight— you sit by the couch overlooking the decorated frenzy of your surroundings. and you know you made the right choice spending it with him. :) when the actual party happens, o god the kids love you!! calls you his partner for lifey!! sth cute like that and u don’t know if suga taught them that or they just made it up lol either way, you’re so very excited to see how the love of ur life interacts with his students as, you guessed it, he’s so so good with them!! they run up to him, bouncing up and down just to get a bite of his baked goodies and while he’s handing them out, he also gives them a handwritten card. for each n every one of them!! when did he do that?? you question to yourself, but when he seesn you giving him an incredulous look, he just sheepishly smiles and says, “when you fell asleep on the couch last night, i wrote them last minute.” o,, that’s why when you woke up, u don’t even remember lying down in the bed but you surmise suga had carried you all the way there too :’) 

they sing a lot of holiday songs, play those party games like trip to jerusalem or once the music stops, you have to stop dancing or you’re out type of game and just overall lots of fun filled moments and you feel thankful for witnessing such a pure, innocent sight right around the holidays!! ofc once it’s all done and he bids them goodbye with a hug, a hi five or a pat on the head, suga doesn’t forget about you and puts up a mini mistletoe by the door when everyone had left. he has that teasing smirk on his face and you’d do more than just kiss him bec of it but uh, you’re still in the classroom so you give in with a chaste yet sweet kiss on his lips. he returns it a little deeper, but you push his chest off playfully, and boop! him on the nose. “later, sir,” you reprimand lightly, yet cheeks blushing at your interaction with him in his workplace. he shows that toothy grin, and intertwines ur fingers together as u walk to your car and finally spend more time together again <333 his most favorite part of this season!!

hinata shouyo ୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ be prepared for a very hyper and energetic holiday week with this guy!! imagine you two are still in college, he has a break from playing professional volleyball to spend these times with his family. and he chooses to spend most of those days with you!! he is actually very excited to bring you home to meet his mom and (not-so) little sister, and it’s very nerve-wracking knowing that it’s an important holiday for them to be together as a family— and then you’re just gonna crash it like that??? BUT sho doesn’t see it that way! he already sees you as a person he’ll definitely experience even more holidays the next year, and the one after that, but in order to ease up the anxiety that has been building up in your system, he tells you of his extravagant plans for the two of you before going back to his parents’ house!! think amusement parks in the winter, ice skating in frozen lakes, walking on boardwalks with two styrofoam cups of hot choco for him, and a peppermint mocha for you!!

o, and if there’s some downtime with your adventure, he’ll drag you outside where the snow is ankle deep, tells you to take a picture of him in the cold, earmuffs hugging the sides of his temple so warmly that you find so adorable. you’re about to pull your phone out until you feel cold, wet, melting ice smacked onto your cheek!! “SHO, WHAT THE HECK—” you don’t even have time to protest because WHACK, one more snowball, but he missed and it got to your jacket this time. luckily, your phone was still okay but your boyfriend definitely won’t be once you find him as he had started running, your voice calling out to his name in the breezy wind. so that whole afternoon, you were seen having a ridiculous snowball fight around campus (you guys stayed in the dorms until you were ready to leave), laughing when you threw one directly at his open, cackling mouth. shouyo started choking on the snowball, but you were still wiping tears from your eyes at the hilarity of the situation. “STOTPF IM LITERALYLYL DYUINGGG” “don’t be ridiculous” “JDFSKFDJH” and that’s when you actually run towards him, patting his back rather forcefully because oh god what if you did make him choke and his family won’t have a son coming home this time around?!

while you worry in your head, shouyo had already tackled you to the ground, snow engulfing your bodies together. “let’s take a picture here, this is the perfect spot!” he’d chuckle, peppering you with winter kisses, sending shivers down your arms not just because they were cold but also wow, you’re so lucky to be with a guy like him during this season. suddenly, you anticipate meeting his family :)

kageyama tobio

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ you know what you’re very excited for that kags isn’t? his birthday falls on the week of christmas, and any other normal person would just think, “ah, i can just combine his gifts into one!” but for you that’s a big no-no. and kageyama knows it, and he’s flustered and shy because everyone in his life up until the point he’s met you had always just given him a 1 for 2 type of gift. not that he minded, that’s all he’s ever known in his life so when you promised him a big birthday bash and a special holiday gift, he’s scared for what’s to come,,, although, you know he’s not big on surprises or bigger gatherings, but you wanted to see his reaction as to how you planned it all out! in reality, you just wanted to spend precious time with your bf on his bday and an early christmas before he leaves to go visit his family :(

after tiring hours of vball practice and finals (he’s gotten better at studying, don’t underestimate this guy!) he sleeps in on the day of his birthday, not even realizing the night prior he’s turning a year older that day!! you creep up to his dorm with the spare key he has given you, place the milk and berries cake you ordered yesterday on his desk, and surreptitiously clasp the paper birthday hat on his sleeping head. the guy doesn’t even stir!! stifling your laughter, you pull out your phone and snap a picture of him and you together, your lips puckering to kiss his cheek and— you forgot to turn your phone into silent mode! apparently the click was loud enough for his eyes to flutter open, and when he realizes you’re next to him he feels a sense of relief, but at the same time the rubber around his face became bothersome… only when you start singing happy birthday did it dawn on him… and he can’t get mad, it’s you, how can he??

you eat a piece of the milk n berries creme cake on his bed, talking about the day you’re gonna spend with him.. and you ask what he wants to do bec it’s his special day!! this gets him blushing since he thought you had this elaborate party with lots of people come, and now he feels guilty and grateful as to how thoughtful you’re being for him… he asks if he can sneak in a practice session for vball for at least an hour and you agree, guessing that would’ve come up sooner or later. anyway, aside from that his birthday was spent strolling around the town center near campus, snow underneath your boots and snowflakes showering your hair,,, he places his beanie on yours so it doesn’t get messed up and you thank him with a nose kiss… rudolph, is that you??

you take him to shops so you can buy matching sweaters <3 and he OBLIGES, seeing the gleeful expression in your eyes and smile, how can he resist the beauty radiating off you today? this is the best birthday gift he can ask for. you end the day by grabbing some milk tea, spending the rest of the night getting cozy under blankets, and watching cheesy romcoms to which kags just shields his eyes away… the embarrassment!! >< you end up sleeping in his arms, the ending credits with christmas music playing in the background. the next day, you both wear your holiday outfits (he has polar bear and yours is a panda!!) and take lots of pictures bec you know you’ll miss him when he goes back home :(( he immediately makes one of the selfies u took as his lockscreen: the two of you squish yourselves in between the snowman you both created. your face is lit up with utmost happiness, and kags is just looking at you with a loving grin to his smile as well. :)

[neophillims]

Im (not) sorry, 70-100 (have fun answering)

this took me so much time but idc i love your account so much !! have fun reading 🥲

70. What’s the tragedy of your life?

the tragedy of my life is life itself,but i find myself embracing it

71. Would your life make a good play?

a play?no. a tv show with 3 seasons and a banger intro?yeah.

72.Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

from a legal point of view it’s complicated because there is no law to back up the prosecution but from an ethical point of view definitely!prosecution though is a pretty legal term so ethically they should be punished

73.Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?

short answer:no i wouldn’t and no i don’t.long answer:while i deeply respect my country’s culture and impact and i live of off it’s wealth and study freely in it’s universities and spend my life reading philosophy and biology and physics which originated from greece or greeks contributed to them,i am 1)against war for the reasons it happens nowadays (capital) 2)they say a country is it’s people and as much as i love my culture,the majority of the people here have opinions and motives deeply rooted in misogyny and racism and are nationalists .

74.Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect?

what does gender equality mean to you guys?does it mean liberation like it means to me or does it mean to be one with the oppressor?because i see gender equality being thrown around a lot and it’s often in a really liberal way…

75.Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent?

“moral obligation”…it’s not moral obligation it’s societal expectations which in a way shape moral obligations as we think of them.it’s just safer for people to live in groups and create small societies and families etc etc but it’s just a way of survival.you can care about people to whatever extent you want to and you can not care about people.does the last one make you immoral?yeah sure,whatever…

76.Do you crave approval and/or praise?

yes i do but it’s mostly academic.

77.Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

oh hell yes there is

78.Are you ever going to be satisfied?

no.it’s in a human being’s nature to never be satisfied.this is the reason of constant evolution and whenever i think to myself ‘what is the point of living if i am never going to be satisfied’ i reply ‘i am constantly evolving and that’s enough’

79.When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy?

i am a little sad and listen to music that is downright depressing so do with that what you will (don’t try this at home)

80.Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?

i have playlists with pretty specific moods but sometimes i am listening to a summer hit from 2010 just to play the smiths right after

81.Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)?

i may sound bad but hell no…i am against marriage sorry

82.Are you a deep person?

i won’t play edge lord here so the answer is :we all are deep people on our own ways

83.Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?

just blast me into the next galaxy idc at all.but yeah i would because ✨universe and knowledge hehe✨

84.Are you who people think you are?

no but is anyone ever though?people who follow me on tumblr are closer to my actual personality than people who know me irl

85.Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion?

i am a white person in a christian family with heaps of privilege.i wouldn’t be happier being born anything else,not even a man.i would be happier to have been born on a planet with no discrimination

86.What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it?

i can be manipulative but to myself??yeah i am trying

87.Do you anger easily?

a lot of repressed emotions (sadness) can create explosive anger so yeah…i get angry easily but again i repress it

88.Are you a jealous person?

yes i am a really jealous person not in the way that i wish other people not to have something because i don’t but in the way that i work thrice as hard to have that thing myself

89.If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality?

memories shape our personality so no , no one would

91.Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

yes hate is as strong as love and i don’t hate anyone,because i have a life and i just don’t really care enough to hate someone

93.Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?

my dreams are super complicated and 99,9% of the time i don’t remember them but the things i remember happen in real life just as i have dreamed them.and that’s on intuition

94.How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

i don’t love a lot but when i do it its unconditional and quiet

95.Is unrequited love real love?

yes,most love is unrequited.i think it’s one of the truest forms of love,because deep down you know that they don’t love you but you still do

96.Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

yes it’s similar the nights when i seem to dislike myself a little more than usual

97.Are you overly analytical?

yes and it’s just so tiring but i love always being right in the end :’)

98.Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?

all the damn time and the thing is most of the times it’s true but that doesn’t necessarily make me a terrible person,it just makes me a person,human

99.Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious?

no i don’t believe in any of that.i just like researching about that stuff,there is a lot of cultural knowledge behind them

100.What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

i probably have something just not at the top of my head.it’s mostly philosophical stuff ,metaphysics etc

[anchorandrope]

Don't you get tired of playing dumb? I mean sent you links with screenshots and debunks and yall block them and dismiss them BECAUSE yall conspiracy theorists who can not handle facts. And then yall play victim and pretend yall can't read the facts when yall block them out? How do you live with lying even to yourself everyday? Louis said he was worried about conspiracy theorists and many others are for valid reasons. I won't even start with taking resposibility for your actions.

*sighs*

okay sweetheart let’s make a couple of things clear because your two brain cells dont get tired of saying bullshit

its my blog, i answer what i want, when i want and how i want

i dont have the obligation to respond to absolutely anything that you or someone else tells me. in my blog i answer what i want and how i want; many times i answered you but instead of directly answering your ask i uploaded an “x” or a “.” or gave rb to a post and in the tags i put “@anon this is for u” but of course those kind of answers for you are not valid, you need attention, you need me to upload your stupid ask.

i have no obligation to respond to harassers.

you’re playing dumb, not me

you come to my blog telling me that you have evidence that “debunks” a situation but when i show you proof that yours is false, suddenly you disappear and change the subject, like when you sent me a message saying that rbb and sbb was “debunked” because it was “verified” that it was the sound guy and i gave rb to a post that explained that that was a lie and in the tags i put that it was for you, or like when i told you to debunk everything that was in many links that i put about babygate and from there instead of sending me “proof” that louis is a father you started insulting me.

making a pretext of something isnt synonymous with debunking something

pretext –> a reason given in justification of a course of action that is not the real reason.

debunk –> expose the falseness or hollowness of (a myth, idea, or belief).

if you come to my ask to tell me that closeting doesnt exist, that the industry isnt that bad, that everyone is straight until its “proven” otherwise, that louis and harry treated each other as normal friends, that all the incongruities of briana’s pregnancies are normal, that its impossible to have beards nowadays, etc: surprise! those are pretexts. stop using the word debunk because you are not debunking anything.

raising your point of view isnt synonymous with insulting

raised point(s) –> refers to some ideas or arguments that were put forward by someone in the discussion. once someone has raised their points, anyone might invite everyone in the discussion to consider the points that were just made, in order to discuss the raised points in further details.

insult –> speak to or treat with disrespect or scornful abuse.

so when you tell me to k*ll myself, that louis hates me, that im not a real fan, etc. you are not defending your point of view, you are insulting me.

extra fact: did you know that people who only and just only insult when it comes to defending them points of view is because they are often not sure what they think is true and/or dont feel well informed about it?

nobody forces you to believe in anything

dont you want to be a larrie? dont be an larrie lol, nobody cares if you are a larrie or not, you are an anonymous from tumblr literally nobody cares who you are or what you think.

i wont waste my time answering every message you send me

many, if not most, of the messages you send me, i have already answered them or gave rb or i made a post talking about it. dont you want to take the time to find the answer to your questions? im not going to do it for you.

the one who has questions and wants to answer them, takes the time to search. the one who has questions and doesnt take the time to search is because they doesnt want to know the answer.

i wont change my point of view

i’ve been receiving messages like yours for years and years, i’ve been reading posts from accounts dedicated to just harassing larries and “debunking” larry for years, i’ve been harassed for years. and surprise, im still here. do you really think that your message is so special as to change my opinion? and if you dont want to change my opinion, why are you sending me messages? just to harass me?

if you are aware that you only send me messages to harass me, there is not much i can tell you, since for you harassment is not bad except in certain cases (in the case that the person harassed is you because you only care about you) and that doesnt have to do with a fandom, it has to do with personal values. do you know what the funniest thing is? surely in instagram you make yourself look like an “activist” and anonymously you are this type person...

if you dont like my blog just ignore it

you dont like me? dont follow me, you dont like me? dont look at my blog, you dont like me? block me, you dont like me? ignore me.

you have no excuses to harass me, the only reason you have is because you are my fan, you just want my attention.

harassing is online abuse.

so please stop bothering

also, stop using the “louis hates you for being larrie” because when he was asked about it he literally answered this

kisses and stream the larry anthem

[missallsundayyy]

Bandit and A School Girl

For today's fic its gon be bout my BIGGEST crush EVER. CHROLLO FUCKING LUCILFER. So I actually wrote more for this fic I think this is part 5 or sumn but I decide that this is my favourite part to post on this blog so here u go. Something bout Chrollo being a sugar fucking daddy turns me on so hard ON GOD. YES Im a Chrollo Stan and I'll always be ~~~ I actually have this fit posted somewhere as well and IF you guys want more parts just tell me & I'll post it here. Oh and also I don't really write with OC's I guess its just my preference I would usually come out with my own name but in this case I am borrowing a haracter from Seven Deadly Sins......Elizabeth Liones simply because she's the perfect character to portray my fic vision.

"I know that stare and look. Don't. There's something wrong about her. Elizabeth is one of the hottest girls on our campus but boys that goes on a date with her never want to talk to her or even look at her again. Despite that.......she's very smart and also one of the top students here." a boy her age said to Chrollo while he was waiting for Elizabeth to end her class.

He found this interesting, he was getting to know more about her without her telling him. He had already seen first hand that she can be erratic but this was from another pov of the girl.

"Do you think I'm compatible with her then?" Chrollo's demeanor changed to one of those cheeky school boys that had a crush on a ridiculously pretty highschool girl. The brown haired boy laughed and scratched his head "You look much older than Elizabeth and you're probably not from this school. Judging by your appearance and body posture, you're probably a very determined person and also a confident man." the random guy briefly summarised him. Chrollo laughed "Your observation explanations must be a mandatory skill here I guess" he said .

"To be honest, most of us are just trying. God seemed to gift some students here with high IQ and abilities to absorb every knowledge given to them in a heartbeat and Elizabeth is one of them. I'm quite jealous" he joked. "Well don't say I didn't warn you, Elizabeth is very attractive but she's suspicious at the same time and I don't mean it in a good way" Chrollo nodded at the guy's departure with a smile before returning his gaze to Elizabeth "You might be a serpent in disguise " he mentally thought.

"You're not some ordinary guy with a crush yourself" the random student muttered to himself, looking back to Chrollo giving him one last suspicious glance.

Chrollo of course felt the hostile glance, he might be just trying to pursue someone he likes but he will never let his guard down, He smiled to himself

"Elite school indeed."

TIME SKIP

"You know you didn't have to fetch me from class, my dorm is on this campus." Elizabeth said sweetly to Chrollo.

They were walking towards the campus café. "Well there's nothing wrong about wanting to see the girl I like isn't it" he flirted playfully. To anyone that knew Chrollo will find his current behaviour mystifying, he never showed such emotions with anyone but was able to with Elizabeth.

"If you like me so much why don't we go on dates like girlfriend and boyfriends" she joked cutely. He smiled at her not so subtle hint. "If you want me to take you on date you should have just asked. I would love nothing more to go out with you, afterall how can I turn down such a request when a young attractive schoolgirl wants to go out with an old man like me" he teased and Elizabeth burst out laughing. "Oh! so you agree I'm an old man then" he raised his brows down at her. She shook her head still laughing, "You know I don't think that way and I think you're a very very handsome man Chrollo" she said shyly, her face tinted with a slight blush.

"Do you like this school Elizabeth? Are you enjoying yourself?'' They sat down on a bench on the campus grounds and Elizabeth leaned on Chrollo's shoulder. "Oh god that was such a long lecture, I am mentally tired" she whined softly but continued "I love studying in this school but I know and feel there's more that I can learn. It's not enough for me here." she said whilst playing with the sleeves of his buttoned up shirt.

He looked so handsome Elizabeth felt like jumping onto him right now. She was zoning out on him , her mind went dirty and she suddenly had a brilliant idea, thrilling if she would say so herself.

"I want to show you something, Chrollo! Come!"

She abruptly stood up and took his hand and dragged him with her towards the campus. Chrollo smiled, she was tiredly whining one second and dragging him around the next.

Elizabeth dragged Chrollo into her Constitutional classroom that was now empty.

"I hate this class the most, it's repetitive and the hours are ridiculous" Elizabeth complained.

Chrollo took the classroom layout into mind "So you want me to burn this class for you my dear?" he asked seriously. Elizabeth turned to him and laughed at his words "You're funny you know that, we're not here for public vandalism" she said softly walking towards him innocently.

Elizabeth grabbed Chrollo's collar and kissed him roughly. His hands instantly grabbed her waists and her small hands roamed and slowly crept its way under his white shirt. Her palms greedily roamed his hard abs, even if she didn't have a view of him, touching him made her see his glory in her mind. She had already memorized him mentally and there is no way she could forget. Her lips left his and she planted small kisses down his throat and her tongue gilded back up teasingly against his Adam's apple. Her lips planted small kisses and she went towards his right right ear.

"We're here so I can suck you off"

She whispered and her right hand palmed his hardening cock through his pants, her voice filled with lust she couldn't contain herself, everytime she thought of him in class she got so god damn fucking wet. Just by the thought of him. He grunt at her vulgar words, he became harder just by her words. "You're very naughty Elizabeth, the classroom is not locked. What if a lecturer comes in then?" he was struggling to finish his sentence because her hand movements were getting too much for him. "Then I'll be in trouble danchou......" moaned in his ear. That was the last straw for him. He grabbed her silver hair roughly and yanked her down in front of his crotch.

"You better stop talking like that and put me in that sweet mouth of yours." he growled at her. Elizabeth giggled at his request, her small hands hurriedly fumble with his pants and in a second she had him down her throat. "fuckkkkk..el..elizabet..th yo..you're such a good fucking girl" he moaned and encouraged her actions. His fingers run through her silky smooth hair, appreciating her feminine features greatly. The look she gave sucking his cock like that, the lewd sounds from her doing the deed. The sloppy wet sound echoing throughout her classroom accompanied by her soft moans of enjoyment made him want to stop her and ram her against one of these school desks. He decided against the idea because he loved how determined the sexy young girl was in giving him pleasure like this. Her head bobbed up and down, coating his very large member with her saliva, it was as if she was in her own world.

Elizabeth was truly enjoying what she was doing, she didn't feel forced or obligated to suck him, doing this felt like an honour and she was going to show him that nobody was as good as her. "mhhmmm....." she took his cock out of her mouth with a soft 'plop' sound and licked viciously bottom to top "you're so fuc..mmmm..king big Chrollo, can...have this in my mouth everyddayy??..." he almost came to her dirty talks. "This will be...uhh..the only fucking...cock in that pretty mouth of yours Elizabeth.." she nodded at his words, giving herself 100% to him.

"You're the only one that I will pleasure, no other man will feel my lips, mouth, body but you..." she said, locking her eyes with his. The eye contact was a promise for the both of them, no one will ever touch them in such a way. "Good...show me how good you are for me and make me cum Elizabeth." he said yanking her head roughly making her take him wholly once again.

"mmmmhhh!" the soft noises she was making and the view of her body on her knees with her skirt riding up her thighs flashing him a generous amount of her thick and soft thighs.

Her tongue licked the tip of his head in a teasing manner before roughly sucking his cock again. His large hands had her hair in a ponytail "yes...yes fuck that cock with your mouth.." he urged her, he was almost there and it took Elizabeth to withdraw his cock from her mouth and spitting on it seductively before taking him all the way down again.

"shit! ah..... fucck! fuck Elizabeth!" he grunted and release his seed into her pretty mouth and he made sure to empty everything he got into her mouth. He still had a tight grip on her hair and she was moaning at his orgasm, it was such a godly sight for her.

"mmmmmm that's so much cum down my throat Chrollo.." her voice was soft and innocent, she could feel how sore her throat was becoming. He let go of her hair and closed his eyes, processing the euphoric feeling he just felt because of her efforts. "How many boys have you practiced on, the way your mouth worked was wonders" he complimented her. She giggled and stood up "Well I have dated a few boys in this campus and i have done things occasionally with them."

He had already adjusted himself and his pants was back on, he then remembered what the guy said to him when he was waiting for Elizabeth just now. "You've had boyfriends before you, I don't like it. Shall I kill your past lovers?" he said bluntly. Elizabeth laughed, he could be so cute yet so horrific at the same time

"All the boys in this campus combined could never be as handsome as you" she said.

"Take me to my room and lets have fun" she said innocently but already was walking out of the classroom. He laughed and trailed behind her shaking his head.

"Anything you want Elizabeth"

[duskamethyst]

to that anon mad about how celebrities staying neutral/keeping silent about the Palestinian situation, it's not fair of you to say that. while many are all aboard whatever news comes along, whatever petition for change or will for a trend happens, it's better to read up on things first. making sure that the media consumed isn't centered on one side or the other, having much more sources than news articles, research papers, channel videos, or instagram posts on it. while people will argue that you dont need to know much or feel passionate enough to support ("you just need to be human"), i think it's better to have a well-educated read on it with little to no biased influences as much as possible. I personally am not aware about many things, and Im trying my best to read up on the matters so as to be armed with the appropriate knowledge so I can back up my sentiments and be able to have proper & respectful discourse about it especially because I am not part of either people. It's infuriating when people tell me im being insensitive & disgusting as a human because I haven't spoken on things when I legit need time to research & learn before sharing things & engaging in whatever info perpetuation is involved. I don't know for those celebrities, but they might be dealing with things this way too.

also, they might've already given support/ donated/interacted with agencies that can actually help those in need instead of those who are yapping on about it without actually doing something that will advance the change/steps to change. I've seem celebrities posting change.org petitions & links to charities that are not verifiable & have been proven to not actually give the gathered funds to those it advocated to raise for. while I know that people will say that them speaking out on their platform (because of their huge following & exposure) is important, they're a celebrity - what they portray & reveal through that image is on a business level, and that makes them more prone to hate & disrespect from people who will disagree with them. and again, their platform is all business-based; what they/their team chooses for them to put out will forever be linked to them & if they're not educated about it and are just saying things to appear to support one side or the other, it'll make them seem ignorant. and while it's a lot more easier for us to speak out because we're literally not celebrities with millions watching our every move, it's a lot harder for them. i dont think it's fair to push that responsibility on them - they might have spoken/done things about it, but not just in the way that you want it publicized for everyone to hawk on. they're not obligated to have their perspective/take out for all to know & critique. we dont even know if they're actually neutral or not, and just because they don't post about it on instagram doesn't mean so. people act as if celebrities have to speak their take on every issue out there. even i get tired and frustrated when my friends pester me about it.

thank you for your input. i think you explained very nicely here. i feel like as long as the people i personally know are taking action or are aware about this situation, that means a lot too.

[soldier-poet-king]

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favorite followers (no pressure of course!) Spread positivity !!✨ 💌😘

Ahdja thank you Lucy!!! @mariposasmonarch and @called-kept also sent this to me but 15 things about myself is far too many, 5 things is hard enough, so heres a cop out

1) I Care Too Much And It's Incurable

2) I talk abt this constantly but I've got that frodo-vimes-gerry keay-etc determination to do good and the obligation to ones neighbor even when I'm tired and depressed and feel abandoned in the universe. Really it's the only admirable thing about me

3)I'm a decent cook? Not a GOOD cook, I very much need to follow recipes when I'm making something new, no improvisation here, but given that I'm almost entirely self taught from like...youtube...I'd say I cook well enough and my friends always liked when I made dinner? I can at least cook from scratch and do more than the average north american adult (no fault of their own ofc I know the world is busy and shitty and ppl are tired and pre made meals are easy!! This is a judgement free zone)

4) related to 4, but I'm good at self teaching??? Like??? Most things I know how to do are a combination of book and YouTube tutorial knowledge bc theres not a whole lot of people in my life teaching my how to do shit yknow? I'm a good independent learner except for driving lmao

5)......??????idk I've run out of things im sorry.... I like to organize?? Not necessarily in my personal life bc my room and bookshelves and desk are a mess always. But like?at work? Give me a set of rules and parameters and I will make such a nice navigable product, my course on RAD and ISAD(G) rn for archival arrangement and description is just....*chefs kiss*....I realize this is probably just a manifestation of my obsessive need for control over at least one thing in my life but alas