#im trying to enjoy it and i just fucking cant rn cus all i can see is how much of it is just pure cgi

[mintedwitcher]

Yes maybe it's a nitpick but the fact that the Hobbit trilogy has such a massive overuse of CGI compared to the original LOTR trilogy is honestly so fucking disappointing (as well as the character designs just literally not making sense in a narrative format given that this is all meant to be 60 years prior to the events of Fellowship, and yet look at the orc designs look at the weaponry look at the war machines etc. They're more advanced (even to the point of redundancy) than it is in LOTR)

And then there's the whole "animate entire fight/chase sequences to avoid use of greenscreens or stunt actors" issue like??? Please why are you CGI-ing a character RIDING A HORSE.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

[lightofunova]

DONT MIND IF I DO i arrive precisiely on time like im pepsi man, and you cant expect pepsi man of all people to be anonyous

where do i START? thats the greatest hurdle thats been presented to me today. and, you know, as i send this, ive kind of come to a realization.. that, like??? 99% of our conversations are via my streams, and i feel like thats FUCKED UP thats my bad and i apologize for that. i need to make an effort to DM more because you are such a bright light!!! literally every time youve ever popped in, said hello and gone to work; every time you helped me in pokemon; or kept company on drawings- its the highlight of the day!!!!!

youre so exquisitely yourself, you know?

youre like... i dont know if this metaphor is gonna resonate with you, but youre like when theres a really tough day. the universe is testing you, and youre tired. you go, you sit down, and you pick up a familiar game where just its sight brings you comfort. resting back, you alight the game, and you just.. enjoy. thats what your energy is like. your presence is a comfort, and you brighten the day. youre good. youre just really good. thank you for being in this community and allowing us to partake in this silly adventure we call askblogging

also, i try to not play favorites, but bah gawd, reshi is definitely up there as one of my all times. such a great character whom i love unconditionally. youve done well, and i cant wait to enjoy more of the story you wish to tell, and i really appreciate the effort you put into it. its a delight and a blessing to enjoy your content. thank you again

NDJFJDBSBSB YOURE TOO KIND HONESTLY- Ill be honest sometimes I really dont feel like I deserve such sweet words from others haha, when I first read this I thought that for a moment. But honestly this really resonated with me once I reread it, it means alot to be surrounded by such amazing people who see me in such a wonderful light and enjoy me just being me? Sometimes I get worried that me being me feels kinda like,,,a third wheel LOL or like my ideas arnt as interesting or cool as others. But its people like you that really help build me up and get past all that.

Honestly seeing you stream can be such a highlight to my day and it gives me something to listen to while I’m busy drawing or going about my morning! Even thought we don’t talk in dms too much, it makes me happy to chat on stream and just chill cus the vibes are always immaculate haha.

And honestly oml the metaphor is just too kind 🥹🥹🥹 I completely know what you mean XD i’ve been there so many times myself and have done it alooot the past few days(hgss shiny hunting rn, no luck on starters so far haha) But gah you’re too kind honestly, It always makes me so happy that people like reshi in all her silly forms and aus(i feel i saturate her alot in some places and that sometimes people get sick of her,,,shes my main child im sorry LOL i play favs) but knowing people love her honestly make me giddy and happy because it makes me feel like I can craft a story with her or make a game with her. It makes my dream feel real, yaknnow??

Anyways i’ll stop ramblin haha you’ve made my night so much better esp after a tougg shift and I just appreciate it so much, thank you for everything truly

[heather-m-quigley]

fr tho like i would have to rewatch again but i could blorbo out about so many characters in klk for all different reasons

but mako is like.. she has her own moments blorboing out over ryuko which are all so kinetic and varied and fun. and got dressed up as a jojo ref. and i have a specific internet memory of this large group where one of the older men made an alignment chart of 9 of us and he used a pic of mako for me. we dont speak anymore cus bla bla bla but that makes me miss him a little rn cus like that made me think about how yeah i can see how someone in there thinks i have mako energy

ryuko i have actually (kinda badly) cosplayed in past. you gotta fall in love with the mc for at least the first few watches of an anime, right? cant verbalize beyond that why right now

satsuki ive said i appreciate a little more every rewatch and tbh sometimes with those people i have satsuki energy

nui is chaotic evil but i vibe with her somehow

even like i was gonna say ragyo ugh fuck her she disgusting but at least she aesthetically cool

vague love for mako's mom

I just, I don't have the coherency right now to do this better, again not just out of being drunk but like it's been a while since my 9th watch or whatever the fuck it was.. probably just in love with the show in general 😅

wait what? where do i stand on the men? uh, on their necks obviously, they're men 😅 uhh shoutouts to guts and the teacher? i don't hate gamagoori, but i dont like people shipping him with mako? hacker guy is kinda cool but i literally cba looking up his name? makos dad too pervy fuck him, her brother is whatever, are there more guys in the show im forgetting? idk 🤣

im TRYING to enjoy all the blorbos equally

uhh nonon was rly cool in her tournament fight with ryuko and i vibe with her pinkness

ragyo's assistant uh sorry for forgetting her name but she probably cool she just doesnt have enough screen time to remember rn and thats not my fault 😒

[skiasurveys]

393

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? um,,? I would assume I was a young adult ig?

2.Which is worse, failing or never trying? never trying, b/c you would never  know if you were good or not. 3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?  idk..man because we feel forced by society 4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done ? I hope not. 5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I wish people would stop flexing. 6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? spending time with my loved ones tbh, and making art. 7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? rn i am in college so 8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? no different. 9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? a little, im trying to fix it. 10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? doing things right..i always think im gonna be a failure. 11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? I would let them know that she is my friend and i find it disrespectful of what theyre saying. 12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Honestly, dont worry about what others say. do what you want. 13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yeah i would.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Yeah look at most art lol 15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Im not sure... 16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? because were all just different people? 17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? travel really. I want to see more of the world  and cultures.

18. What’s holding you back? money.

19. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? yeah my fathers death.

20. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? maybe the UK? and Idk its different and i dont wanna live in the us. 21. Do you push the elevator button more than once? not really. 22. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?  joyful 23. Why are you, you?  life experiences.

24. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I think i have but i do have a lot to work on. 25. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?  losing touch. it sucks when you can feel them slipping away right from your fingers and you cant change it. we live in a world where face time is a  thing so when someone moves it doesnt feel that much different. 26. What are you most grateful for? My mom 27. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? fuck. Never make new ones.  28. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? idk..? 29. What is your greatest fear? Has it ever come true? Drowning. lol

30. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? it wouldve been either when my friend hurt me or when my dad had died. so yeah. 31. What is your happiest childhood memory?  vaca with dad

32. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? im not sure.. 33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? idk. 34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?  Of course, sometimes the best people are the people you dont have to make up a lot of words. 35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Cus humans. 36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? yes and no. we all have our set of morals. for sure murder is evil..i would hope everyone would agree. 37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?  yes. even tho i just got it but like i hate working LOL. 38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?  more work i like to do 39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? yes.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? what

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? i would try to see them all lol

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Of course LOL 

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? alive is just doing ur boring ass shit every day but living is like actually doing what u love lol 44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? you just know tbh 45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? because we dont wanna look stupid or hurt others. depending on the mistake. 46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? dress better and be more active with my social media career. 47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? right now 48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? i love art, i always have. it just lets me express myself without feeling weird. 49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? i will for sure b/c i just started working at this shit job so ill for sure remember this. i better not be here in 5 years or ill kms. 50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? myself but i always ask ppl for advice to help me. so both?

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 1)

One world ! 24 other players ! I 

I'm too old to be here but... it's happening! I made it on Tumblr Survivor mom! Determined to not be first boot!

Also I'm aligning with Jordan Pines because I love chaos and these newbies won't know what hit them

Well this is certainly something. I'm going to try out seeing who pms me without me saying anything. I'll pick up the activity tomorrow, so it doesn't really affect me, let's see if anyone takes the initiative so I don't have to. If I get dragged into a majority alliance then that's cool. I don't think that this group is great in terms of teamwork as of yet, but we'll see. There's so many tribes our chances of going to tribal are pretty slim, even if we suck. We're kindof underdogs, so sucking might not be excusable. 

First day of surviving the Survivor survivorship...survivor. These forms are going to take some time to get used to, but I'll manage. Got conversations from Beck and Sammy so far - might scope the field, see what's out there. Or, I can lay low and do what I need to do for my team until merge hits. 

i actually really like the people on my tribe and i'm excited because i have hopes for us. i've also made some nice friends so far and i'm hoping that pays off later but even if it doesn't i'm glad my first day in a skype survivor org has been positive! woo!

Fuck this complicated ass first challenge 

Hello! Guess whose back? It me! Anyway, it’s been a fun first night. Things are going okay. I am worried a little bit about the One World mess, I don’t want to come off too social right now but at the same time I need to secure a good place. So here is the breakdown analysis of my tribe: Chris Stoner: hello ???? I didn’t know they let stoners into the Olympics, didn’t we drug test? I haven’t spoken to him much but we did play Crossroads together although not really together. Anyway, fun to see him. Don’t know if I’d work with him but I guess that’s to be determined. Karen: KARENNNNN! I wasn’t expecting to see them here but now that it’s happening I am very glad to have someone who I have worked with before around, and a solid foundation of working together. Right away I felt like I had someone who had my back and I hope I’m not misreading that, because Karen and I always seem to work together until a certain point. Hopefully we can work together longer than usual this time! Kevin: uhhh soooooo love Kevin but we don’t have the best track record? He was in Circle with me we had a little fight where I may have called him a racist for being mad at Asya anyway it SEEMS as though that’s not an issue anymore and I think we might be able to work something out. I don’t wanna have to vote Kevin out before Stoner or Tommy. Tommy: ok no offense to this man but he is so hard to talk to so far. Every conversation feels flat and even though we are talking about subjects I could go on about for a while, it feels like the convos are going nowhere. I feel like there’s a sort of slight bond between Karen, Kevin and I but then Tommy and Stoner are kind of...hopefully who they’d want to kill off first, I’m probably wildly misreading every situation rn. Outside of my tribe I’ve talked to Juls who I am going to take under my wing as my daughter and she will win this season if I don’t get to! I love her so much she reminds me of my old school Skype babies and I feel like a cool mom when I talk to her I’ve also talked to beck briefly, KING love him bc he’s dating Asya and I don’t necessarily want to bond based on that. I also know beck is a good as game player bc I’ve watched him play so......I’m gonna be nice and observant and maybe we can establish a threat/threat symbiotic relationship. I also talked to Jacob C. who I love so much and he and I have been comparing some notes. He’s already told me Sammy has an idol that he can only use for three rounds so heh heh heh. OH SPEAKING OF SAMMY I love that man he’s such a doll and I really hope we can work together if I get far. At this point I love this cast but I really feel like I am not gonna vibe with the newbies, they’re like very....quiet in the PM’s but loud in the one world chat? I find that backwards. I’m hoping the newbies I do like will be able to  get rid of the newbies I don’t like so that when we merge the newbies I do like will help me get rid of the returnees I don’t wanna work with. That’s what we are manifesting, 2020 vision yeehaw. 

Showmance, eh? I might play dumb, surprise them all later? I could play the role of disposable pawn while possibly orchestrating things behind the shadows. Could be a long, long shot, but it could work. 

AAAAHHHHH IM HERE HI MOM IM ON TV IM SO EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING IM ALSO SCARED AS FUCK CUS EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DONT 

omg okay this is all so crazy i love it i can’t stop shaking AAAAHHH dhdkshHSJDHEVSJbokayOKAY so like i LOOOVE my tribe we’re the fuckin best tribe here cus we’re all so cool like we’re the FRIENDSHIP tribe and being able to make friends is a useful skill in this game like no offense but being the “dominant” tribe or “champions” tribe or whatever tbh it’s pretty unskinny bc that’s a target on you forever whereas my tribe we’re all friendly and trusting!! 💖💞 xoxo lets hold hands all the way to finale and have fun! 🌈✨

okay i forgot to talk about strategy lol anyways yeah I looOOOVve everyone on my tribe and that’s great but also sucks because there’s only 5 of us, it just takes 3 votes to send you out so I wish there was some oblivious cocky dick on our tribe we all could hate so we’d have an easy first vote like that guy Billy.. why is he on the respect tribe¿? anyways i love everyone but I think Will and I are becoming the closest we talked for a lil while last night yknow things got a little steamy 🥰😩 (you’ll have to pay for ts all access for that footage 😘) we bonded really well and I think for this first vote if we lose, Will and I are definitely gonna be voting together.

Alright, so here we are at the 2020 Olympics.   I came in as a last minute replacement, so I feel like I have to prove myself more than some others who applied weeks before hand and made the cut.   As well, got some past players, and past winners, which makes the competition stakes that much greater this season.   Then, to top it all off, at the One World style camp, so can talk to everyone which is definitely a nice touch.   Now, regards to my tribe, I honestly like the people on my tribe, and find that we're going to be a solid crew.   Here is my actual impressions on my tribe mates thus far though: Beck - Probably one I recognize most, just due to being in a discord org vl with her, definitely seems like a friendly gal, and when time is right, I feel she could end up being my closest ally on the tribe Ben - Probably one so far who I have talked the most too, and I feel like we're connecting alright thus far, so going to keep building up a bond with him and his route could end up being as my first ally of these Olympics. Kathy - Haven't spoken one on one with her yet, just in the tribe chat somewhat and main chat, which she definitely seems like a cool person, and hoping to get to know her a bit better, but terms of this game, hard to say if we'll be on same side or not. Bailey - Speaking with her a little, but kind of same lines as Kathy currently with her, just not sure if Bailey will end up being an ally who will be with me, or someone who will be against me. Overall, time will tell how this game goes, but hopefully it goes well for me and I come out with at least something worth while.

HOLY SHIT I FOUND AN ADVANTAGE OH MY GOD!!!!! I GOT AN ADVANTAGE ON DAY FUCKIN TWO OF MY FIRST SURVIVOR EVERR HOLY SHIT!!!! okay so it says i can get an extra vote IF at the next tribal i decide to NOT vote and save that vote for later so i’d have an extra vote. Now the hard part is making my first tribal an easy vote so i can save my own.. hopefully i’ll be able to do this! i’m so scared ohmygod

okay i’m in a serious predicament... so I may not vote at the next tribal meaning there’s only 4 votes. While looking at the cast reveal i discovered something.. Nik is a drag queen, Eve also does drag as well... what if they applied together from some drag community or are bonding because of that. That’s 2 votes together already on a tribe of five.. that’s dangerous especially when I’m not allied with either of them! If they vote together and i don’t vote... they’d have half the votes already and may get rid of my ally Will! I’m hoping to god they don’t know each other but if they are aligned then Will or I could be out! I want this advantage but i don’t know if i can take it.... fuuUUUUCK

I’m really enjoying my tribe and I think that the people in this game are super awesome! However with that being said, I can definitely see who could potentially be an issue down the line and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for them!

whoa. this game is a lot. I managed to message everyone on day one because I just rely on my social abilities. I tried to be as relatable as possible to everyone but literally some people were dead fish. Some newbies have asked me for advice already and they said returners are intimidating so I said "I mean only the returners that won" hahah and they were like "oh yeah so true" sorry I threw y'all under the bus. But ummm kathy is playing and we are from the same hometown so I am hoping we end up on same tribe sometime soon. I love juls too!! OH AND JACOB IS MY RIDE OR DIE. we had a tribe call and I was so uncomfortable because I felt like I had nothing to add to the conversation. my fav 2 on my tribe are Jacob and Caeleb tho! umm okay last thing I searched for the idol....AND BIH ON DA FIRST TRY I GOT ONE BLSFSI only good for next three tribals I attend tho. I told Jacob. it was in a yellow condom. okay sorry this was very choppy I just wanted to get it all out.

This tribe seems to be working fine together, while I'm still terrified of losing, I think we stand a fighting shot. This cool little band of misfits would be a cool sight. I've kept my quiet for the first day, time to ramp things up just a tad. I've talked to Landen and I feel pretty alright about him, and given this tribe is as small as my will to life after playing QWOP, we only need one more! Landen's probably talking to everyone, so I just need to seal the deal with him. I think my challenge performance will suffice for being enough to keep me around, but I need a bit of a backup just in case. If we go to tribal, there's not a "stay UTR" option. It's either I'm in an alliance and I'm calling some shots, or I'm being (in)directly blindsided. But, I picked my strong suit in flash games for a reason fellas. The one world chat has quite a bit of activity. I'm quite and that's fine, if we swap I can readjust. If we go to tribal I'm sure I'll become just a tad more popular along with the other 9 that go. tldr:I'm winning duh

Ayo, tribe energy looking DOPE AS HELL BAY BAY! We all seem to be getting along pretty well, seeing as our communication during this challenge is pretty dope! No bad personalities in sight. I gotta wonder though, how nervous do I have to be? I know for a damn fact if I start talking more to these people they gon' be fallin' as hard as underage kids seeing the hottest girl in school enter their club. Thing is though, I'm fresh meat coming into this, so any pre existing relationships in this game are like dust mites to me. Can't see em' but GOD DAMN they annoy me. Nonetheless, I gotta work my magic in case we go to Tribal. I ain't letting anybody take out a rookie, especially a rookie who has somethin' to prove, and someone who at his best is the damn king of the world. See me work bay bay!

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[survivormuxloe]

Episode 16: “I’m a petty bitch betta know that” - Scott

FUCK YOU RHYS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I SURVIVED GOAT ASS BITCH IM COMIN FOR THAT FIC WIN SO I CAN TAKE UR GOATY ASS TO THE END AND WIN I FUCKING DESERVE IT THAT WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING OF MY FUCKING LIFE HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT AS ANNA WOULD SAY IM HARDDDDD

Oh boy mo lost firemaking. Oh well. I tried. Not sure there is much hope in me winning, but guess I have to try. Ima be preparing a bomb ass speach, and a decent rites of passage. Not looking hopefully but like fingers crossed.

Also I think I’d make end either way now. Scott wants me in the end probably. Ryan wants me in the end probably. So if so. I get 2nd at the least. But I’m probably winning immunity anyway so ;).

ok its the day after.. n i finished my rop.. hopefully the jury likes it. LOL LIKE I WASNT GUNNA JUST KISS THEIR ARSES FUCK THAT im gunna be honest ab my feelings...

also like. kinda feel bad ab my confessionals last nite ab rhys.. i was a bit. excited. but. its tea. LAMFJBFHBFG

Final immunity is a little stressful. Like it’s the last one to win, if I win this that’s 5 individual wins. Just something more to put on my speech cause I’m gonna need it.

I’m feeling confident I can manage to pull out this win so like yeah I’m gonna have to work and try to win each part of this.

im actually gunna lose this fic which is super annoying bc it means i get 3rd LOL! aLMNFBFG

like memory lane i can win if im not dumb which i am so. winterbells i'll 100% lose like i lost to anna lol. endurance i'll 100% lose bc i'm such a forgetful slut i only lasted 40 mins in canadienne.... slide puzzles are legit my worst nightmare and then the mystery task i looked up from last ssn and it took them 11 mins so if i take more than that i lose... yay!

wow i can't wait to get 3rd place;;;; i feel like scott has gotten into rhys' ear and now i'm not the prime choice to be brought to final 2 grrr. at least thats what it seems like idk. ugh rhys doesnt deserve to make final 2 and it will make for a boring ftc zzzzzz who knows maybe scott or i can pull out an upset. i lowkey think scott would vote me out tho which is ugly and i would 100% be bitter at him idgaf KLFADHSKF

earlier i wasn't really sure what rhys and scott were thinking in regard to who they'll bring to f2, but since then i've talked w both more and i feel like 80% confident both will take me to final 2 so that's cute 8~] i don't think i'm doing well in the final immunity so far so i'm honestly banking on that lol.... as much as I think I'd have better chances against Rhys as the end, I am rooting for Scott to win it and bring me bc that is the ending this season deserves imho. i don't think there'd be a clear cut winner going into it and the ftc would be contentious as fuck... i hope at least lol. Scott def played a really dominant strategic game but def has some iffy relationships with jurors. I played a really purposefully utr game for most of the time but i think it's respectable, although there are some point against me like sitting out of so many challenges, that tie vote with jones voting early being the reason i was saved... but i think i can make a good case despite those faults and i'm honestly excited to show a new me at the live tribal. like i've been nervous as hell every time we had to go to tribal bc calling makes me anxious af, and that was def a contributing factor to me sitting out of the spelling challenge and even the card stacking one. so I'm planning on forming my case around that anxiety, and hopefully the contrast between my ftc performance compared to every live one before that will bank me the jury's respect. kind of like Kristie from AU survivor where she stunned the jury bc all game she had appeared so timid and dumb at tribals. hoping i can channel that energy and pull out the win hehe

so we got 5 and a half ish hours until deadline. uhm. i'm honestly really happy with my scores? like. i feel as if i have a big chance of winning this and that would be SOOOOO fucking good like both of them can smd honestly if they think im giving this chance up and getting 3rd or getting 2nd to ryan... like i love him but hes beyond dumb if he thinks im taking him to the end i cant throw a victory like that lol.

i dont wanna get 2 confident tho bc knowing my ass i'll be crushed if i lose this fic lol like at least if i dont i know ryan wins so it isnt that bad but it should be me!!! im a selfish cunt i need this jsjsjs

i say this after doing endurance for 5 and a half hrs so my brain is a little floopy rn :) forgive me :) aLFMNHFG

uhm ya. rhys can suck my ass as well with his OH IDK WHO I'D PICK!!! like bitch if u pick ryan enjoy a rerun of canadienne only this time ur losing unanimously lol

Honestly im done with Scott. Like stop being rude okay. Like I GET IT. YOU DONT WANT TO BE 3rd!. I GET IT. Like quit it with the "I dont want to wait to be cut", cause honestly, I dont know who im taking, OR IF IVE EVEN WON YET. so like stop it. Like ive been told im gonna loose, stop attacking me, because i essentially chooses who wins.

I think my immunity went good. I did good in all the parts I think.

ok.... time to guilt scott into bringing me to the end lmfao

Dammit I was so close to winning, but in the end from what I’ve heard I’d be the best choice for Scott to take to the end. So fingers crossed. Scott will take me there cause I really want to make the end. Even if I loose. I’m proud of my game and I just want to get as far as I can.

BIG FUN! CUS TONIGHTS THE NIGHT. bitchhh i get to pick who i want in f2 with me!!!

THIS IS SO EXCITING BC I LEGIT HAVE NEVER WON A FIC OR A F3 CHALLENGE BEFORE AND I FUCKING DID THAT!!! I SWERVED THAT VICTORY AND ITS SO FUCKING SATISFYING HOLY FUCKK

NOW IM GUNNA MAKE RHYS SUFFER EVEN THO IK IM PROB PICKING HIM BC HE WAS AN ASSHOLE LAST WEEK :)) IM A PETTY BITCH BETTA KNOW THAT

LIKE RYAN UNDERSTANDS IF I VOTE HIM N HE 100% VOTES ME TO WIN AND I DONT PLAN ON FLOPPING FTC SO :) BYE! UR WINNER IS HERE!

i feel like scott is gonna vote me out and i’m a bit gagged sbdbjsjsjs i really didn’t expect him to slit my throat like dis but. ig he wants to win badly and rhys most likely secures him an easy win so i cant blame him. still sucks though :C i thot we were solid dndjjdjs and ugh i dont wanna join that angry ass jury

ok so i'm still not giving up on tryna convince scott lol. honestly like i've made it this far in the game, no way i'm gonna accept defeat so easily. i don't actually know if it's better for scott to sit next to rhys than me, it probably is but seriously my game isn't amazing and i very well could see scott beating me. i think he's really overestimating how much the jury "hates" him like idk they aren't that petty, if anyone is it might just be michael. but scott really has dominated this game and everyone is aware of it, he should beat either of us.

So, this could be my last confession.

Scott, I don’t know where he was thinking. I thought it was general concensous that I was the one to loose. Yet here I am Scott is still unsure about who to take and it’s an hour 40 untill tribal.

So like this could speak well about my game if Scott worries he can’t beat me. It could also just be him wanting to take his best friend to the end. So yeah. I’m like 50/50 when I thought I should’ve been 99/1 about staying.

I can’t believe I’m here. I have a half chance at winning. That’s if we’re even which were probably not.

This is probably an uphill battle for me, so I have to go hard or I’m going home empty handed. I haven’t lasted this long just to come second. I do think I’ve played a winning game. I think I can make a killer final tribal preformance just to solidify my case. Hopefully this will be the third winner of celestial.

So final tribal happened.

Funny how has mo won that tiebreaker I would’ve lost unanimously. So thanks scott for winning that, and the FIC.

I think this could go either way tbh. However if I win it’s because of Scott’s bad jury management which isn’t the way I wanted to win. I would’ve preferred people to see my game more and respect that but because my moves weren’t big or flashy I have been put down to doing nothing.

it's 2 and a half hours until we find out the winner. am i nervous? absolutely.

do i feel as though i deserve to win? absolutely.

it just keeps ringing in my mind what ryan said in his speech that the jury seemed to root for rhys and be bitter against me. i feel as though my speeches and answers were much better than his and i was able to explain my game so much more clearer so i'm hoping that they reconsider and see that i controlled the game.

if i lose i'll be gracious and nice to rhys because at the end of the day it was my own fault that my jury management was bad but it'll definitely sting because i don't really see that he did much tbh alkfjhfg. i love him but it's tea. especially when he's said that i probably deserve it more. ):

i'm really just hoping for the best at this point! anything can happen and hopefully it'll be in my favour hehe. it's been an incredibly fun season and i wouldn't change it for anything else.

this has been mr scooty toots with his finale confessional, and hopefully mr scooty toots will join the winner and the hall of fame. hehe. will lowkey be awkward if i lose tho!! LOL but oh well alkdjfg

Scott wins in a 8-1 vote!