#incorrect vaggie quotes

[radvelvetcakez]

Charlie: If I fall… Vaggie: I’ll be there to catch you. Angel: *looks at Husk* What if I fall? Husk: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side. Lucifer: *watches these two interactions* Lucifer, to Alastor: And if I fall? Alastor: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

[mybirdis-theradiodemon]

Another one of these bc they are all so silly :)

[hazbin-charlastor-hyperfixation]

[chaoticace2005]

[madamefeu]

Charlie: Did it hurt?

Vaggie: Did what hurt?

Charlie: When you fell from Heaven?

Vaggie: Charlie, they cut my fucking eye out

[artsyannierose]

[theineffableoystercatcher]

Angel Dust: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.  Vaggie: You were flirting with Husk. Angel Dust: So what? He’s my boyfriend. Vaggie: You asked him if he was single.  Angel Dust:  Vaggie: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.

[jayz4dayz]

Angel: Hey, Charlie! Tits or ass?

Charlie: You mean my preference?

Angel: Yeah! Which do ya like better? >:D

Charlie: Ohhhhh! Wings.

Angel: No, no, just tits or ass.

Charlie: I like wings.

Angel: That's nice, but-

Charlie: Vaggie has nice wings. I like Vaggie. Vaggie is my preference.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Angel Dust: We're going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.

Angel Dust, to Charlie and Vaggie: You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.

Angel Dust, to Alastor: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.

Alastor: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the... dubious looking device?

Angel Dust: Because only Velma would say "dubious device". Alastor gets the spooky fridge in the basement.

Vaggie: And what does that make you, Fred?

Angel Dust: Bitch, I'm Daphne.

Angel Dust: Husk is Fred.

[blazethecheeto]

Things Hazbin Hotel Characters Absolutely Have Said

Angel Dust: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it "freestyle acupuncture."

Husk: ...I'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar.

-

Nifty: I learned a valuable lesson from this.

Charlie: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lesson you actually should’ve taken away…

Nifty: DEATH ISN’T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!

-

Lucifer: Dammit, you ruin everything!

Alastor: You're welcome!

-

Vaggie: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-

Charlie: *blushes* What are your thoughts?

Vaggie: The fourth sentence-

Charlie: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I-

Vaggie: It’s “you’re” not “your”.

-

Angel Dust, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Husk: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

-

Cherri: Please, picking locks is my specialty.

Cherri *throws a brick through the window*

Cherri: Okay, let’s go.

-

Sir Pentious: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest*

Vaggie: We have heart?

Sir Pentious: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

[radvelvetcakez]

Angel: Husk kissed me! Charlie: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Angel: It was unbelievable! Charlie: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Cherri: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Charlie, get the wine and unplug the phone. Angie, does this end well or do we need tissues? Angel: Oh, it ended very well. Charlie: Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Cherri: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing? Angel: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it. Cherri: Ohh… So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? Angel: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair. Charlie and Cherri: Ohhh. meanwhile Husk, eating pizza at the bar: And, uh, and then I kissed him. Vaggie: Tongue? Husk: Yeah. Vaggie: Cool.

[mybirdis-theradiodemon]

I felt like this fit them

[nerdasaurus1200]

Lucifer: Honestly, screw angels.

Charlie: I already-

Vaggie: Don’t you say a word.

[chaoticace2005]

Alastor: Ah, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, here we have a sickening gross couple...

Vaggie: I really care about your feelings!

Charlie: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Alastor, turning his head: ...and then here’s a disaster couple...

Angel: I CAN BANDAGE MY OWN WOUNDS HUSK! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT FOR ME

Husk: I WOULDN'T NEED TO BANDAGE WOUNDS AT ALL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

Alastor, living his best aroace life: And this is why I don’t do couples.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

love that Vaggie had ZERO fucking idea how much of Adam and Lute's brain space she was apparently taking up

legit she has NO thought of herself being important enough for them to have noticed. meanwhile, Adam, Lute, and the other Exorcists were just like

Vaggie: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure my old coworkers won't recognize me."

Adam: (instantly recognizing her) "ITS ON SIGHT BITCH ITS ON SIGHT!!!"

Lute: "SIR I AGREE BUT THERE ARE WITNESSES!!!!!!!"

-

Vaggie: (answers door and comes face-to-face with them) "Charlie's not here. Leave a message after I slam the door on you."

Adam: "???? I'm here to see you???"

Vaggie: "Why."

Adam: "Why? WHY? YOU LEFT THE BAND! YOU WENT YOUR OWN WAY! YOU FUCKED OFF TO GO BE SEXY WITH MY EX'S HOT DAUGHTER!"

Vaggie: "And?"

Adam: "? AND YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST MURDERERS?????"

Vaggie: "So?"

Adam: "?!?!!??!?!?!?!??!!?!???????!?!?!"

Lute: "You're gross and we hate you."

Vaggie: "Is there a point to this."

Adam: "Sure there is! Betray the woman you love or else."

Vaggie: "Nah."

Adam: "IM SUING"

-

Adam: "Okay Exorcists! Who here remembers Vaggie!"

ALL the Exorcists: "BOO!!! HATE HER!"

Lute: "GOOD THEN GO RIP HER A NEW ONE AND SHOVE IT DOWN HER THROAT!!!"

Adam: "???? just cut off her head?? can we just cut off her head like normal people with a normal weird obsession over someone???

-

Lute: "I hate you so much I'm gonna rip my own arm off and throw myself at you!"

Vaggie: "Oh for fuck's sake- I wouldn't have spared your stupid life if I'd known you didn't even have one!"

Lute: "IM GONNA TAKE YOURS"

Vaggie: "YOU fired ME like three years ago! Where the hell is this even coming from???"

Lute: (ineffectively throttling vaggie with her remaining hand) "YOU SHOULD'VE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!"

Vaggie: (wheezing) "WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU IN THERAPY???"

[theineffableoystercatcher]

Charlie: Croissants: dropped.

Vaggie: Road: works ahead. Angel: BBQ sauce: on my titties. Husk: Shavacado: fre. Niffty: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead. Alastor: . . . Alastor: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you. Prepare to die.