#incorrectbananafish

[incorrectbananafish]

Blanca: No two snowflakes are the same. They are all unique, fleeting creations.

Ash, smashing together 20,000 of them to throw at Dino's ass: That’s beautiful.

[vitavilichan]

Ash: *choking*

Eiji: I NEED TO CALL 911 BUT THE 9 ISN'T WORKING

Shorter: TURN THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN AND USE 6

Eiji: GENIUS

Ash: *stops choking* what the fuck

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Ash: You can’t spell cat without a.

Shorter: Without a what?

Ash: Without a.

Shorter: Without a WHAT?

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Charlie: Ash?

Ash: Yeah?

Charlie: Do you need a hug?

Ash: ... Haven’t I been through enough?

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Eiji: Go to sleep!

Ash: Why?

Eiji: It's 3 am!

Ash: Why?

EIji: Because a guy was born that one time and that's how we calculate time.

Ash: I'm gonna time travel and slaughter him.

Eiji: And some dude that one time invented hours and now we have time and your time says 3AM. At night. So it's time to sleep!

Ash: Gonna slaughter him, and then time will mean nothing so I'll be awake because I feel like it.

Eiji: Don't slaughter Jesus.

Ash: JESUS DID NOT INVENT THE CONCEPT OF TIME.

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Ash: [sobbing]

Eiji, rushing over to him: Ash, what’s wrong?

Ash: Sorry, I’m just emotional thinking about how beautiful our kids are gonna be with our combined genes.

Eiji: ...Ash , you do realize we can’t–

Shorter: Shhh, just let him have this.

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Ash: I need some serotonin.

Eiji: [stands up]

Eiji: [sits back down]

Eiji: I didn't remember what serotonin was until after I stood up so I was about to go get you some.

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Shorter: So did you kiss him?

Ash: No, the moment wasn’t right.

Ash: Look, Eiji could be my future husband and I want our first kiss to be amazing.

Shorter: Awh, Ash that’s so sweet. You chickened out like a little bitch.

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Shorter: So what was your childhood like?

Ash: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at level 3 friendship to unlock?

Shorter:

Shorter: Well, what level am I at?

Ash: 10. So it all started-

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Shorter: What is Eiji to you?

Ash: The reason I wake up every morning.

Eiji, earlier that morning, barging into Ash's room while blasting music: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP-

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Dino: Ash, why are you looking at me through a fork?

Ash: I’m pretending you’re in jail.

Dino:

Ash: It’s spiritually healing.

Blanca: [picks up a fork]

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Ash: Love is an addiction, and now that he's gone, I’m going into withdrawal.

Shorter: Eiji literally drove five minutes to McDonald’s. Don’t be so dramatic.

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Shorter: I’ve taken a controversial new pill that accelerates my brain.

Ash: So you’re smart now?

Shorter: I’m stupid faster.

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Ash: The quickest way to a man's heart is through the fourth and fifth rib.

Ash: It's the quickest way to a woman's heart too. Anyone really.

Sing: ...

Ash: Oh, you wanted romantic advice.

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Shorter: Are you mad?

Ash: No.

Shorter: So sharpening knives at 2AM is just a hobby?

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Ash: Based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal.

Eiji: Why?

Ash: I haven't died yet.

Eiji: That's... not how that works.

Yue-Lung, behind them: Have you seen the shit Ash does? That bitch just won't die.