#instead of pretending that since they’re ‘obviously not real punks’ you don’t have to care

[bifrosted-flakes]

You guys HAVE to stop putting punk on a pedestal

[stellocchia]

This is part 2 of the comprehensive analysis of c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship during the Exile Arc

Part 1

So, initially I was thinking of making only one post with only the important quotes from this streams but... yeah, not saying what I think about stuff is not in my blood. So now I’m stuck with this and I’m determined to finish it!

Once again, it’s all about the characters from here on out and I will be mentioning serious themes of abuse and gaslighting, so keep that in mind.

We’re starting this one off with the second proper exile stream: Tommy Is Getting So Much Worse in Exile...

Mushroom Henry is introduced at the beginning of this vod. Initially Tommy doesn’t like him, believing him to be a poor replacement of the real Henry. He then goes towards Tnret and finds it compromised as Lazarbeam had planted some tnt under it the day before during a visit with Vikstar and Technoblade (now, how much of that visit was canon? No one knows! But the tnt part definitely was). Also to be noted that Tommy already stopped fighting back against mobs, which is already rather worrying. 

Anyway, this is the stream where Tommy makes an enderchest with Fundy and Ranboo, so I will only write down some of the most notable quotes, and keep it rather brief. It is to be noted that Tommy’s depression at this point had already gotten worse as in the Nether time and time again he avoids doing the haybell mlg instead taking the full fall damage, he defends himself less and he’s already expressing feelings of loneliness. Also, he is now on the first stage of the exile skin set.

“Because if we can’t stay motivated then- then we won’t have anything to do (...) we’re gonna work out how to Keep Doing Things and not... sit around crying” (he has the need to keep busy to stave off loneliness)

“Now everyone, if you should know, we’re gonna go bach and reclaim everything at some point and kill Dream” (talking to chat)

“Music! It’s like a person but they’re not here!” (about Chirp)

“This is like, you know when you fall over? Or you know- or you know when one of your pets die? At school? And then all of a sudden you’re at school and you’re upset and all the people who are usually assholes to you start being nice all of a sudden. This is that!” 

This was quite interesting, so I want to talk about it briefly: but this is Tommy’s general mentality. He sees anyone trying to help him or giving him things as just pity from people who don’t actually care nor necessarily even like him. Basically, he feels betrayed and alone and doesn’t actually think that any of this people could possibly care. This however doesn’t seem like a mentality that’s born from exile (since he’s had it since the very beginning of exile) and we don’t actually know where it generated from. Though it could possibly be from the fact that he always had to be very independent since he had to fight in quite a few wars and even take the leading position in the Pogtopia times.

Other note: this is when Ranboo starts leaving letters for Tommy (You can find Tommy and Ranboo's mail exchanges here). At the beginning the chest they used to exchange them was situated on the Nether side of the original portal, which was a ruined portal a bit further away from Tommy’s camp. Also Tommy dies in lava (not canonically) a ton of times in this one and Fundy every times gives him some of his stuff to pretend like nothing got burned (which was kinda adorable).

“Fundy why didn’t you come with me when I got exiled? I was meaning to ask you. ‘Cause no-one came with me” “No-one came with you because it was- *sigh* Tommy I don’t know! It was- it was a shock to all of us” “You could have came with- yeah, but you just let me go. You just let go on me Fundy” “And- and just leave L’Manburg to Tubbo himself? Like all alone?” “No he would have had like literally everyone else on this server” “Like who?” (I just found this exchange interesting)

“I don’t think you’ll like it but Dream is uh, kind of proud of Tubbo. He- he’s actually acknowledging L’Manburg as a new country now” (and this is what the other side of the manipulation looked like from the outside)

“Wait wait! I could talk to the narrator! Then I’d finally have a friend!” (proceeds to start talking to the narrator)

“No no no. No no no Ranboo. Stop- stop complaining. Stop being weird Ranboo. You should be honoured to have a friend that’s close enough that he shoots you” “I don’t think that’s a ‘friend’, I think that’s just an assassin” (Ranboo with the common sense)

“This is where I used to live and then Dream tore it down” “Why did Dream tear it down?” “*sigh* I don’t know”

"Look guys: this is the song of a female astronaut named Clara” (about Chirp)

The vod ends with Tommy and Ghostbur’s attempt at saving Lazarbeam from lava and Ghostbur gifting Tommy the “Your Tubbo” compass.

Moving on: Tommy Is So Lonely in Exile with Dream

This is actually the first stream where Tommy starts off drowning (and he actually dies, yet again, non canonically). Also Puffy gifts him some blue wool, 3 diamonds and his own Christmas tree, specifying that it’s not out of pity so he actually accepts the present. 

“We’ve got some things to do. I’m still feeling um... I’m not feeling I AM very very very alone. Just- just so- just lonely all of the time... which isn’t, you know? Isn’t okay. I don’t know why I was at the bottom of the ocean just holding a bone”

Now, a bit to unpack here. In real time by now it had been 3-4 days technically, but in rp it has been specified already multiple times that it had been quite a few days since Tommy got exiled and we don’t really have any reason to believe that he received any more visits then what we’ve seen. Which probably increased his loneliness. Also we don’t have an actual explaination for him waking up drowning, my best guess for it is a mix of him being suicidal and general depression making it hard to get any proper rest (which we know was the case for him since he did mention at one point that he “didn’t sleep anymore”) which could have caused him to start sleepwalking since both “not getting enough sleep” and “stress and anxiety” are listed as causes of it. Now the actual subconcious reason as to why he was going in the sea and letting himself drown is unknown but, again, he was suicidal while in exile.

Also “How to Sex 2″ got burned by Ghostbur, not volountarily of course, he just had it on him when he died in lava. 

“I’m too lonely to be angry now, alright? We got to appreciate all the friends that we can get” (about Lazarbeam bringing him a present)

“The compass is nice though! We’ve got a compass that always will point to Tubbo... not that- not that he’d care” (beginning of the doubts about his old friends)

“Tubbo has one too? [referring to the compass] Oh he’ll just- if he’s got one he’s just using it for show... he’s- I’ve accepted that he’s the president now and I’m just- I’m just that guy he had to exile to show how powerful he was” (again, doubts)

Also Tommy makes his first path to Logstedshire in this stream. He also takes a liking to Mushroom Henry here after figuring out he could produce mushroom soup, meaning he actually had a sustainable source of food instead of having to relay mostly on handouts. 

“Guys we need some more coal” *Dream joins the game* “...ooooooh no please don’t come and visit me. Please please please” (I’m leaving this here, I believe this reaction speaks for itself)

“Hey! I’m- I’m above right now by the pretty Christmas tree that there is here” “Why are you here?” “I’m visiting you!” “Last time you said that you ruined me” “I- How did I ruin you?” “*sigh* Hi Dream!” “Hello~” “What have you- what” “Where are you at?” “I’m just com- why are you here? Every time you’ve been here you’ve done something destructive” “I- I what- I haven’t done anything destructive... everything’s been fine! I haven’t destroyed anything”

At the time there were a lot of people who were hesitant at calling Dream’s manipulation “gaslighting”, as that is a precise type of manipulation, but this right here? This is an example of gaslighting. Dream destroyed everything Tommy had every time he visited him and they both know this, still what Dream is trying to do here is convince Tommy that that never happened to keep up his friendly facade. Just because he isn’t saying directly “you can’t trust what you remember” doesn’t mean that that’s not exactly what he is implying. To reiterate this point they meet up right after and Dream, once again, blows up Tommy’s armour and diamond sword: 

“Hello~ take your armour off” “Why should I take my armour off?” “Um, drop it down here” “No, no! I worked really hard to get this. No!” “Okay... you can get it again!” “No! See this is what I told you about, that you’re destructive to me” “Tommy I’m not destructive... but, listen, you gotta drop it” (...) “No, no! I’m a rebellious teenager. I don’t listen to green punks” *Dream hits Tommy with an axe* “*screams* Okay okay okay okay okay”

Again, Dream hitting Tommy in this case is portrayed as physical abuse. And then Dream goes back to acting as if nothing ever happened, going on to talk about his day, telling Tommy that he knows about the 2 compasses and telling him that Tubbo went over while Tommy wasn’t there and that he is free to visit Tommy, he just hasn’t done it yet (all of this are actually true, but the implication that Tubbo didn’t want to see Tommy obviously isn’t). 

“Dream, I think I’ve realized why no-one’s came to see me” “Why’s that?” “It’s because- it’s because there is not an easy way to get to me and I’m gonna make an easy way to get to me today” “I mean, if you boat here, it took me 2 minutes” “No no-one wants to use the boat, it’s too far- it’s too far for people” “Oh you know what Tommy? I’ll do you a favour”

This is when Dream moves Tommy’s portal. Now, one thing that I want to point out is that Dream had already intercepted Ranboo’s and Tommy’s first mail book (we know this because in Ranboo’s message at the beginning of this stream he said that the first one disappeared) so he probably knew that Ranboo was using the secrecy of the further away portal to communicate with Tommy undetected. Of course Dream can’t have that, though he probably didn’t account for Ranboo not giving up that easily.

“Well it’s very awkward considering you exiled me and- and have banished me from being around all of my friends and now are trying to side with me it’s kinda-” “Tommy what’d you mean from all your friends? I’m your friend!” “Yeah... yeah you are” “I am your friend Tommy~” “Yeah I- Yeeeeeah, Dream” (just to clarify: Tommy is not agreeing with Dream here, he is being sarcastic. Also Dream starts harping a bit more on this point from here on out)

“Oh I just witnessed another suicide...” (second time this happens, the first was in the last vod, and he stays staring at the lava for a moment)

Tommy once again trying to push Dream into lava (again similarly to how he did in the first proper exile stream) and Dream just goes along with it (mostly just to flex about how that can’t actually kill him). I consider this couple of times as the first times Tommy started lashing out in exile. 

“Health and safety is important Dream! *staring at lava* Is it though?” “Yes, yes it’s important Tommy. It’s not your time to die”

“And then you’re coming over here giving me shit and also burning my shit. You’re just- you’re just a monster” “I didn’t burn any of your shit” “You blew it up! You exploded it! Man you’re ruining my life...” “I blew it up, I didn’t burn it though” (because that makes all the difference of course...)

“Hey man I could jump and you’d be able to do nothing about it and I’d- I’d be done-zo” “I- I ask you please not to” “Okay” “I need you alive and well”

Now I found this interesting when first watching as well, but Dream really did spell it out for us that he actually needed Tommy, huh? Like, in retrospect, what Dream then intended to do in the Season 2 Finale seemed kind of obvious. Also after that They have a discussion about the enderchest, but Tommy gets to keep it. Also Ranboo appears at the portal, though Dream doesn’t manage to see who it is and Ranboo manages to escape before he sees (thanks in part to Tommy distracting Dream). Now I want to point out that, even if outwardly people had the permission to visit Tommy, the fact that everyone was so scared about Dream finding out about it talks volume about how clear that was. Also this is when Dream gives Tommy the general direction of Technoblade’s cabin.

“Look at us go... hey why don’t you just un-exile me, you know? You know?” “*laughs* Well I think that I- I- I think that maybe there is a possibility at least in the- in the future that you could- you could- you know? Get a visitor’s pass...” (notice that he only confirmed a possibility for a visitor’s pass, not for actually going back, Dream literally never meant for Tommy to go back permanently)

Lazarbeam arrives to visit Tommy at this point to gift him Far and a fire resistence potion.

“See I told you! It was because I didn’t have a bridge that nobody was coming to visit me Dream! It wasn’t because it was me” “Yeah it must be...”

“Hey Dream come and listen to this man! [talking about Far]” “I-I’m-” “Hey, promise you won’t- If I get a new disc you wouldn’t mind would you?” “No I wouldn’t” “Okay, come and listen. I trust you now, now we’ve bonded” (Is this the second time Tommy invites Dream to listen to a disc with him?)

At this point Dream pressures Lazarbeam to mug Tommy with him and the whole scene is just pretty weird, but it boils down to Dream blowing Tommy’s armour up (again), while also hitting him a bit more when he doesn’t immediately comply (basically making this humiliating and making Tommy understand that he is not any safer with someone else there). Though Tommy does end up lashing out and killing Lazarbeam (not canonically) and Dream destroys his enderchest in retaliation. After that Tommy does become more submissive, not wanting to get killed. Now I want to point out that that same day Dream had agreed that Tommy could keep his enderchest without any conditions to it, but, of course, Dream’s rules are constantly changing. Dream does leave after that for a bit.

“I put your enderchest back by the way Tommy” “Really?” “Yeah. I just wanted to prevent you from putting his armour in there so... that’s why I broke it” “Thank you! Thank you” “You’re welcome” 

Wanna know why this is bullshit? Tommy didn’t even try to go towards the enderchest when he had Lazarbeam’s armour and immediately gave it up at Dream’s request. This is just Dream giving Tommy a “reward” for being compliant after punishing him. Also pointing out the fact that Tommy felt compelled to thank Dream even if Dream was the one who caused the issue he just fixed in the first place. Also Connor arrives as well.

“Yeah you can’t move into my home Connor” “Well I mean, of course he can because it’s not your home because you’re not going back” “What do you mean I’m not going back?” “Well as I said maybe potentially you could get a visitors pass” (reiterating a point from the start)

“Tubbo- Tubbo said that! Tubbo said it [the server] looked so much better since Tommy left. And I was like ‘wait what?’ and he’s like: ‘yeah it could be a coincidence though but I don’t think so'” (you manipulative green bastard)

“I don’t know if you know this but I’ve been constructing a- a uh- a prison and it is ginormous so...” (I did not remember Dream mentioning the prison this early on)

Anyway, the stream ends with Dream stripping for primes and since I need it, I decided that that’s canon.

[amazingmsme]

I have so many feels about Rin & they are Not Happy & I simply must share them

So like, minor spoilers but I’m on mobile so I can’t put a read more because that one trick never works for me so you’ve been warned

But after the class finds out about his powers & everything, they start acting different around him, some more than others. At first they’re very obviously terrified of him & try to avoid him at all costs. They kind of start to warm back up to him, but it’s a consistent issue. They stop sitting next to him in class and talk to him less. If he moves too suddenly they’ll gasp or flinch away.

It’s ongoing for months and months afterwards & the longer it goes on, the more it starts to affect Rin. He feels more like an outsider each & every day. Even Yukio is distant & treats him like some wild animal that could snap at any moment. Izumo and Shima act the most normal but he still notices how they keep at least a body’s distance away from him most of the time. & he’s definitely noticed that they don’t really touch him anymore. No high fives, fist bumps, hair ruffles or hugs. Really the only ones who touch him are Kuro & Shura during training.

At first he tries to convince himself it doesn’t bother him, but how can it not? This is the first real friend group he’s had & they treat him like a ticking bomb. As time goes on, he becomes more subdued, less angry, less him. Instead, all the energy he put into flaring up & being angry turns to sadness. He’s exhausted from failing his training & having to put effort into pretending to be energetic & happy.

Shura’s the first to pick up on it because he’s not as spunky during his training, but she just thinks he’s finally starting to take things seriously & calculate his moves instead of just rushing in. But when she compliments him on a job well done he just mumbles a quick thanks. Shiemi & Izumo notice something’s fishy with him next but Shiemi is too shy to bring it up & Izumo doesn’t care enough to ask him about it.

It takes Yukio a surprisingly long time before he notices that something’s off about Rin. He’s busy with his own school work as well as teaching & when it comes to his brother, he focuses more on keeping him in check than making sure he’s doing ok.

Yukio does start to get concerned when Rin takes an hour long shower & hears him singing “You’ve had a bad day, you’re taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around” over & over. Not the song itself, only that one line. On repeat for an hour. When he steps out he’s like “Uh you feeling okay?” & Rin just brushes it off saying that’s the only line he could remember from that song.

After they’re sent away when the whole eye thing happened, it just gets worse, especially after his flare up. After that he just gets worse, and it becomes nearly impossible not to notice. His eyes are dull & downcast, and he walks slowly shuffling his feet. His tail never wags, the most is does is twitch if someone cracks a joke. He starts to lose sleep because all he can think about is how no one trusts him, not even himself and questions whether he can consider any of them a friend. He never smiles anymore, at least not genuinely. And you can forget about laughing all together. He only gives out weak insincere chuckles when everyone else is laughing so it doesn’t look too suspicious.

Being locked in that cell isn’t the only time he wondered if it would be better for everyone if he died. If he just gave up during a fight or let the Vatican execute him. He doesn’t dare share this thought. But all the other thoughts need to be released. To hear some input from someone else. But he knows he couldn’t possibly tell anyone... at least no one human. Kuro is the only one who he feels like they truly care for him and doesn’t fear him. That’s when he starts to never leave his side because his new master needs a friend he can count on!

When he finally starts to consistently master his flames, he’s not even excited about it anymore. That’s when Shura knows it’s gotten really bad. This sassy, spunky little punk is just a husk of who he really is. She tries to confront him about it to see what’s wrong & he snaps at her, flaring up slightly before just... fizzling out.

It gets so bad that even fucking Mephisto notices that something’s up with the son of Satan. & not the fun to watch kind of something either.

His only emotions become anger, empty sadness, stress, and forced/fake happiness. & then the trouble with his sword starts. It doesn’t only stem from his self doubt, but from the rejection from his friends and brother and the depression that he’s found himself in.

By the end of season 2 he’s in a much better place but still not where he needs to be & still forces himself to be over the top happy & goofy most of the time. What Yukio tells him still really bothers him especially since his opinion is the one that matters the most to him. & even tho he knows his friends are just teasing him, it still hurts to be constantly reminded that he’s the son of Satan & a powerful demon instead of just a normal kid.

[notsosensational]

This is my classpect master post for Danganronpa 2! It's been a while since my post for the first game, mostly because I was stuck on a few characters (it was much harder overall for some reason), but I'm finally done, god bless. I’m hoping to start and finish V3 soon to work on the next classpect post

Hinata Hajime- Page of Hope

-actively exploits and is served possibilities and positivity. Hope was easy for Hajime, because even though he's more of a "realist" than our other hope players, he's a fantastic beacon of encouragement to the people around him. Somehow he just knows the right things to say in order to lift people's spirits. He definitely didn't start out with much hope himself though. He was bitter and futureless, attending the Hope's Peak reserve course as more of a conciliatory prize than anything. But Chiaki bumped into him and gave him the belief that he's not any worse by not having a talent. And later, he was given a huge opportunity to take part in the "hope cultivation plan". There's a lot of self-denial going on with him, trying not to admit to others that he's only in the reserve course and trying to convince himself that he doesn't care that much, which runs rampant in pages and knights.

Kamukura Izuru - Muse of Hope

-passively embodies possibilities and beliefs. On my previous classpect post with the DR1 characters, I said I didn't do the master classes but I've changed my mind. I'm not going to go back and edit my post but I'm definitely sorting Junko as a lord and Izuru as a muse. There's nothing else he could be. Extreme passivity and preoccupation with personal belief and possibilities (what is interesting, what is boring, is there anything I can't do?). He *is* possibilities in that he has so many talents, he can do nearly anything. Also, this just goes to show that no class, aspect, or title is inherently good or bad. Some might be more inclined to, uh, moral confusion, but we all make our own choices.

Owari Akane- Mage of Life

-actively understands and guides energy and growth. Life seems a pretty solid fit for her, as she's basically grown up overcoming obstacles, metaphorically and literally as she does parkour and gymnastics. Her relationship with food is all about energy and not about quality (... she eats crushed flowers after Hiyoko tells her you get more protein when you crush the food). What really sold me on mage though, was her intuition. She's really noted for her accurate gut feelings; she can tell when someone is strong even when they don't look it and I learned after reading her wiki that in the "ultimate talent development plan" she could sense Mukuro and Maki weren't who they appeared to be.

Komaeda Nagito- Bard of Light

-passively destroys information and fortune. A lot of people say he's hope but while that could fit, light fits so much better. His cycle of good luck & bad luck makes sense as he's drawn to luck as a light player but then destroys it as a bard. Most importantly though, the way he wields information like a weapon to confuse and undermine people really solidifies it for me. Somehow, someway, he always knows (or acts like he knows) much more than everyone around him. His dialogue is endless exposition and self-centered but all his information is given to manipulate people and tear them down.

Pekoyama Peko- Knight of Doom

-passively serves systems, restrictions, and suffering. She serves the system she's always known. She is a tool to be wielded by Fuyuhiko and nothing more. Her feelings and desires are pushed down because there's no point in expressing them. She's very good at what she does though, she definitely exploits the rules she adheres by enough to be called an Ultimate. And even though she doesn't express her emotions, it's clear that her suffering has made her empathetic, as she's respectful and one of the few people who holds basic decency towards Nagito.

Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko- Prince of Blood

-actively destroys through relationships and bonds. He's destructive and he acts like it; heir was the only other class I was considering but he's very active and more into intentional destruction than unintentional changes. Obviously he destroys nearly any chance of close relationships with his classmates, but as a yakuza his job is to use his connections to lead, which often involves tearing down other gangs and ties. And finally, he destroys his only real relationship after Peko is executed after he orders her to kill Mahiro.

Hanamura Teruteru- Maid of Rage

-actively creates rage and limitations. I think maid fits well from the start, as he's a cook and that's all about creation. He definitely inspires rage in people, and the doubt and disbelief of rage is very evident in his constant denial of his surroundings. He created a lot of fear and negativity in himself because he wouldn't settle on believing or refusing what was going on- he needed to know the truth and that drove him to acting out. His insistence on being called "chef" and that he's from the city both fuel a sort of self-delusion that seems to be common with rage.

Nanami Chiaki- Rogue of Blood

-passively steals and relocates relationships and bonds. She is very focused on interpersonal relationships, and not just those centered on herself. To some extent, she's able to connect with everyone including reserve course Hajime, and black sheep Nagito. In the game, she's *really* good at redirecting people. If they're focused on arguing with someone, she manages to turn it around for the better, like with Hiyoko's shrine to Mahiru. She also fits the rogue archetype well, as in the anime she was an outcast in the beginning, and- this might just be my opinion- honestly I don't think anyone ever seriously got close to her as well as they did with some of the others.

Tanaka Gundham- Witch of Hope

-actively changes beliefs and possibilities. Honestly, I could see a bit of everything in him. I think witch fits very well with his aesthetic, but it also fits his choices. Witches are highly active but often off doing their own thing instead of cooperating with everyone; he spent more time looking for his earring than investigating for the first trial. Hope very clearly fits the zany belief system he has, but it also fits in other ways. It's not obvious because of his vernacular, but he has a crazy amount of optimism; he gets regular remarks ranging from "politely shunning" to "outright hurtful" and they never seem to seriously bother him. I view his act in chapter 4 as a grand example of changing his classmates' hope.

Sonia Nevermind- Knight of Breath

-passively exploits and serves through freedom and direction. While she is a princess, she definitely does not act like a prince. Instead she considers her title to essentially be a servant to her people. She isn't above them in anything but position, and she needs to direct them to a better future. She is cooperative and helpful to the rest of the class but not in the healer way a sylph would be, more in the useful motivator kind of way. She serves the team by keeping a composed head and encouraging everyone to stay calm and work towards the goal. She expresses the motivation and direction aspects of breath more so than freedom but it still shows in her detachment from everyone else due to her status. She's never really had close bonds before Hope's Peak.

Saionji Hiyoko- Thief of Time

-actively steals time. I went through several different titles for her in between analyzing other characters. She definitely fits the role of thief with a personality comparable to Vriska and Meenah. Dancing is a time activity as you need perfect timing for a routine, and traditional dancing even more so since it's lasted for centuries. Personally, I think because of her upbringing she is not quite acting as she wants to, and is ghosting the knight of space. She wants to be bold and confident, able to take up the time of others and act meaningfully, but she's hesitating; serving others space to keep them away and is pretending she's more capable than she is. She was kept spoiled and helpless growing up which means she developed the personality and drive of a thief, but not the skills needed for one.

Mioda Ibuki- Sylph of Heart

-passively heals emotions and sense of self. To me she is very clearly a heart player. She's very sure who she is and doesn't mind expressing it, and all of her free time events with Hajime are centered around helping him with his identity. She's friendly and gets along with pretty much everyone in some way, including "Byakuya", Mikan, and Hiyoko; all of which are not so easy to hold friendships with. I think it's interesting how much she likes "Byakuya" considering his constant identity crisis and I wonder if she can sort of sense that. She's loud and she stands out, but she's a pretty passive person concerning her actual actions and mostly helps people individually.

Souda Kazuichi- Page of Space

-actively exploits and is served space. I like space for him; I think the creationistic, physically-oriented, free-flowing structure of space suits his nature well. He's more concerned with the journey rather than getting to the perfect end results, as shown by the examples we have of his machines. One of his inventions automatically draws the lines on a soccer field but it had no stopping mechanism and escaped from the school grounds- it was quite a success to him though! He dreams of creating an incredibly fast bike that he can't even ride and he enjoys every step of the process even though it's taking him a while. He has created an intimidating physical persona for himself by dying his hair and wearing contacts to give him a punk look, but others comment that it doesn't quite match his jumpy, anxious personality. This is on-par for pages, who often feel the need for a mask, because he is now served space by strangers due to his appearance.

Koizumi Mahiru- Seer of Space

-passively guides and understands space. I struggled with her a bit as we really don't know much about her. She's kind of plain compared to the other outlandish personalities and she says she doesn't open up to Hajime as much as she would with a girl. Space is about creation, physicality, location, and enjoying the moment. Her interest in photography satisfied all of those especially with how she views it; she captures pictures of people smiling to create a record of the current moment. She's very level headed and is good at seeing the whole ~picture~ (hehe). She's not a very active person but she's quick to give her opinion and advice if she thinks someone is on the wrong track.

Tsumiki Mikan- Bard of Rage

-passively destroys through negativity and limitations. Rage was easy for her; she's surrounded in negativity and it tends to annoy (and occasionally enrage) those around her. It provides a unique contrast with Nagito, as she subverts the usual motive for killing (hope of getting off the island) and kills only for despair. It is, of course, expected for a bard to flip their lid, but she also acts as a bard before remembering her prior life. She does destroy some of the limitations through the first two trials by providing autopsies when the Monokuma files didn't cut it, and she very clearly represses her own rage at her abusers nearly 24/7. I think it's also worth mentioning that on a fictional level, rage and hope both are often associated with a sort of hand-wavey deus ex machina bullshit which I'd say applies to her ability to retrieve the memories of her past life due to the despair disease, even though it didn't work that way for anyone else.

Nidai Nekomaru- Heir of Mind

-passively changes actions and logic. The English translation of his ability is "team manager", but when he explains his skill, he doesn't focus on teams, he focuses on the athlete themself, so "coach" or "trainer" would be more apt I think. And a trainer is focused on changing your actions, getting you to perform better and better. Despite his loud and boisterous personality, he tends to be pretty level headed. He's able to clearly ascertain what each individual athlete needs to improve and create an orderly regiment for them. It took me a while to decide on heir, but it fits better than any other class I feel, as he does inherit the title from Daisuke, a team manager he shared time in the hospital with who later died, and his personality is similar to the other heirs we know in Homestuck.

Ultimate Imposter- Maid of Void

-actively creates nothingness and secrets. I was originally gonna go with heart because of identity issues, but after reading their wiki because I didn't want to rewatch the anime, most of their issues stem from feeling like they don't exist, feeling like nothing, which is spot on for void. Not to mention they need to keep their secret while impersonating someone, and they have to basically create secrets whenever people ask them personal information about whoever they're portraying at the time. They are made of nothingness, with no name, no background, and they create more of it when providing falsities to their classmates. Even without the pun of "made" and "maid", they're a very kind and helpful person no matter who they're posing as.

[progressivestupidity]

IZ week 2020

so i wasn’t gonna do this because I didn’t think the prompts were very good for writing to, but I remembered the last day’s prompt was “role swap” so I decided to do something small and quick for it. this is all 7 days in one post. the first and last ones are drabbles and one of them is an au idea

@invader-zim-week​ here u go!!!

Day 1. Angst or Fluff 

Zim’s denial skills are god tier, but even they have their limits.

Drabble. I think this is the turning point for my eventual found family au

“When are you going to get it through your thick head that the Tallests aren’t coming?” Dib flings his arms out wide in his exasperation

“They’re just…!” Zim fumbles a bit, clenching and unclenching his fists. “The Armada is a million light years away! It takes time to travel that far, obviously. It took me six of your months to get here from Conventia and the Massive is further away from here now than that. They’ll come! You’ll see! And then you’ll be sorry!” Zim’s face is drawn tight. He’s tense all over, shoulders drawn up to his jaw, antennae pressed flat to his head, and normally Dib prides himself on reading Zim like an open book, but he’s too far gone in his own annoyance to see the warning signs.

It’s because he doesn’t see these red flags that Dib proceeds to stick his own foot in his mouth with his next words. “Maybe if you weren’t such an idiot and opened your eyes, you’d see the truth—that they dumped you here to get rid of you.”

“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT?” Zim explodes, planting his tiny hands in Dib’s chest and shoving. The boy lands painfully on his ass. “I’m not stupid, Dib.” His name is spat like an insult. “I know they don’t care about me! Why do you think I try so hard?”

Dib gapes at Zim, looking up at him for once, stunned into silence. “I.” He swallows. “You know?”

“Of course, I know.” Zim’s voice is a low hiss and his eyes are narrowed to slits. “You don’t get banished and then just get over it. You don’t get put on trial to defend your life, forced to relive your worse mistakes, and get sentenced to death, only to be saved by freak miracle, and never acknowledge it happened.” Zim takes a deep breath and crosses his arms over his chest. Dib supposes he means for it to look intimidating, but it looks more like he’s holding himself together. “I’ve always known.”

“Why do you try so hard then? If you’ve always known there was no point?” Dib has to ask, has to know, has to hear the words from Zim’s own mouth.

Zim purses his lips and turns away. “There was always a point.” He falls silent for a moment, one antenna twitching up a bit in thought. “I just… I thought if I was just a little better, if I accomplished something important for once, that… I don’t know, that maybe I’d.” He pauses and grits his teeth. “Maybe if I actually managed to take over this filthy planet I’d be worth something for once.”

Day 2. Be Gay Do Crime (LGBTQA+ headcannons)

Dib is bi/pan/demi-ro, Gaz is lesbian, Zim is ace/demi-ro

Headcanons.

Dib seems like the kind of guy that would both take whatever kind of relationship he could get, but also appreciate it. Dib isn’t afraid to work for what he wants and isn’t afraid of things that are “not normal” so I see him being the type to not care about the gender of whoever he eventually decides to date. However, because Dib’s been burned in the past, he would need a deep and sincere emotional relationship to see someone as a potential romantic partner.

Gaz is just a big lesbian. Girls, man.

Zim is ace all the way baby!!! He’s just not interested, and sure, part of that is me projecting, but it just feels right for Zim to just… not care. He has no interest and doesn’t care for sexual attraction regardless of whether or not Irkens do/can/will have sex or not. On the other hand, Zim has expressed a softer side before and I can see him being able to maybe eventually develop romantic feelings for someone if he actually manages to get close enough to them for those kinds of feelings to even emerge. It would take a lot of time and a deep, meaningful friendship, but Zim has shown he’s capable of love. He just has to let himself feel it.

  Day 3. Fandom Appreciation

Found family fuck yeah

Headcanons.

I’m still in the process of thinking about how I wanna go about my found family au so here’s just some initial ideas

After ETF, Zim self isolates for a bit. The florpus hole was his Last Ditch Effort plan and had it succeeded, he knew he would have been destroyed too. He was okay with it. He had made peace with it. However, it failed, and now he’s forced to reflect on said failure

The Massive doesn’t escape the florpus. They’re gone, completely. If they the ship does manage to get out, it’s not in one piece

I initially couldn’t decide if The Trial should come Before ETF or After but I think im gonna say before so the Massive doesn’t have to come back lmao

Before too long, Zim jumps back into the planning/scheming swing of things, but his ideas are never more than petty crimes and being a huge annoyance

Dib gets really annoyed with him and they have a big argument

Zim finally admits to knowing of his own Defectiveness

Dib reluctantly feels bad for him and backs off a bit to let Zim have his space

Zim, however, sees this as a betrayal and redoubles his efforts to get his attention

Somewhere along the way, Skoodge comes back and Zim backs off of Dib a bit, having someone else to focus attention on

Dib eventually begins to offer Zim his hand in friendship (phrased as a truce at first) and they finally make steps towards getting along

They realize they actually really like being friends

Zim eventually realizes that he’s made a life for himself, outside of the Empire

Eventually Zim, Skoodge, GIR, Minimoose, Dib, and Gaz form their own little family and explore space and hunt cryptids

(I love cryptid hunter and space exploration aus holy shit)

Day 4. If IZ had a different setting/time period

Cyberpunk??? Sure

Potential idea maybe.

Cyberpunk dystopian future

Aliens and humans intermingle, both on and off Earth

The Irken Empire has gotten bigger

Technology is advanced and cybernetics are widely known/produced

Idk man I don’t know a lot about cyberpunk, maybe this should be more for the aesthetic

Day 5. Aesthetic

Big shrug man idk

Headcanons, thoughts.

I’m a big fan of fashion Zim, and whenever I get the chance I give him clothes that are both cute and comfortable

Galaxy print leggings are a personal favorite of mine to give him

One time I wrote a little ficlet/oneshot where he wore a skirt. I should publish that some day

Uhhhhhh okay so. Dib has veeeeeery big early 2000s emo/punk vibes tbh

Scene kid GIR always makes me laugh

Gaz could pull off pastel goth like no one’s business

I’ve been here long enough to witness emo/scene hair wig Zim and his eventual fall lmfao

Pretty much everyone that redesigned them back in the day gave Zim emo kid hair that fall perfectly over one eye it was WILD

 Day 6. What if IZ was a different Genre?

Uhhhh does “fantasy instead of scifi” count?

Potential idea maybe. (oops it ended up being a fantasy/modern magic au haha ooooops)

Instead of being an alien, I had the idea of, maybeeeeee Irkens are like. Elves maybe, or perhaps some kind of fae. (I don’t know much about fae, oops)

Okay bear with me here, this is all coming together in real time.

The Irkens (which is what I’m gonna call their clan or faction or subrace or whatever) still want to be the rulers or something over the humans/other mystical beings. This world of magic is hidden from humans and they live blissfully unaware. There are invaders all over the place, using magic and glamors to trick humans into thinking they’re also humans. Zim is one such invader and just to happens to end up in Dib’s town, whereupon he enrolls in Dib’s school, pretending to be a transfer student.

I have no idea why or how the Irkens invade or what methods they use, but since my biggest experience with elves is through DND, I’m going to say they’re functionally similar to certain DND elf races.

So anyway, Zim ends up in Dib’s class and Zim’s glamor just Doesn’t Work on Dib for whatever reason (maybe Dib passed his Wisdom saving throw while literally everyone else failed, idk) and so Dib can immediately see Zim for what he is.

Dib is still into paranormal type stuff, though in his world, he’s less about cryptids and aliens and more about the magical species/world(s) that he KNOWS exists. His big goal in his au is similar to canon in that he wants to expose it all for recognition and love from his father.

Zim, meanwhile, he just wants to prove himself, just like canon. I can’t decide how I want the Irken hierarchy to go in this au—that’s something to think about later, when I have more time—but whatever it is, Zim is either a) not very good at it, b) not suited for it, c) ridiculed for not fitting in to it, or d) a combination of any or all of these things. (or secret option e) he rejects it but has no where else to go. On the other hand, it maybe be none of these things.)

GIR is here too though he’s probably not a robot. Maybe he’s another kind of magical being, or, hell, maybe he’s just Zim’s little brother. I’d be okay with that.

Gaz can also see through glamors but she just doesn’t care. Tak shows up at some point to get revenge, and Skoodge also shows up at some point to stay with Zim and be his friend.

Zim is bad at blending in at first, but he eventually Does get better, since he’s not totally isolated from other Irkens here and he also doesn’t Look like an alien.

(I’m thinkin’ elves in this au look Mostly human but with a few differences. Since I’m biased and this is MY fantasy world, damnit, elves are just. Really Pretty. Ethereal and elegant and graceful (for the most part—there are always exceptions) and they’re also great at magic. Maybe Zim isn’t all that great at magic, I dunno. I’ll figure something out.)

This ended up being less of a genre change and more of a whole ass au, lol oops

Day 7. Role swap

Chanting: human zim au human zim au human zim au human zi

Drabble. This is for an ongoing species swap au that i’ve had in development for the last few years. i haven’t posted anything for it yet, but I’ve thought about it a lot

Dib freezes as Zim points the plastic water gun at his head. Zim’s eyes are narrowed, lips pursed, and he adjusts his grip almost nervously. Behind him, Gir is holding a bucket full of water balloons and a pair of neon green star shaped sunglasses. It’d be cute if Dib wasn’t aware of how painful Earth water is to his Irken skin.

Zim finally lowers his gun slightly. “I want some answers, alien.” He looks Dib over with critical eyes. “Who are you really, and why are you here?” He reaches back and Gir hands him a water balloon with a big smile. “And you better tell the truth or I’ll bust this over your big head.”

Dib grimaces and watches the balloon. “My name Dib, and I’m a scientist. I’m an Irken, from Irk, and I’m here to learn more about life on this planet.” He holds his hands up, hoping to placate the human gesture for surrender. “I’m not here to harm you or anyone else, promise.”

Zim huffs. “Yeah right. I bet you just came here to laugh at the locals.” He puts on a mocking voice and waves the gun and balloon as he speaks. “‘Stupid, stinking humans. They can’t even travel beyond their own moon, yet. What morons. I bet they descended from pigs with how horrible and stupid they are.’” He jams the gun against Dib’s chest. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Dib bites his lower lip and looks away. He can’t deny he hasn’t thought something similar since arriving on Earth, but Zim didn’t have to be so crude and blunt about it.

The two are at a standoff for almost a minute before Zim blows out a long sigh and steps back. He turns to put the balloon back in the bucket, gives Gir a pat on the head, and shoots Dib one last glare. “Stay away from me, Dib. I have enough problems to deal with without having to worry about whether or not it’s safe for my brother to go to school or if I need to watch my back while walking my dog.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Dib says, a little put out.

Zim scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. I know better than to believe it.” He turns and tries to smile at Gir but it comes out a little twisted and sad. “C’mon Gir. Let’s go home and get Minimoose and take him to that dog park you like so much.”

Gir gasps and lets out a cheer. “Can we go get ice cream afterwards?”

Zim gives a little laugh, smile turning a bit more genuine. “Yeah, sounds good.”

As they walk away Dib can’t help but wonder why he ever thought Zim was an Irken himself.

[fictionerd]

Good to see you, friends!

“WHAT’S THIS!? This isn’t Uma Musume! Fictionerd! Explain yourself!”

Well. I watched this week’s Uma Musume and as I did I had this sinking sensation. The episode didn’t really move me to dig in depth into it the way I have my other long-form posts. So I instead went to watch this week’s episode of Caligula and scrape my scales and call me Seath if it wasn’t about a thousand times better. So let’s all take a deep dive into Episode six of Caligula.

WARNING! I ENGAGE IN A LOT OF SPECULATION THAT MAY BE OFF THE MARK. I REPEAT A COUPLE TIMES IN THE POST BELOW, BUT LET’S GO AHEAD AND GET IT RIGHT OUT FRONT! PLEASE NO SPOILERS FOR THE STORY MOVING FORWARD FROM THOSE WHO’VE PLAYED THE GAME(S). THANK YOU.

We open on Mu preparing the first song of the night aimed at activating the digi-heads and allowing the Musicians to combat the rogues. We get an inkling of how she’s being manipulated by this Thorn character. Her Utopia has been hijacked by the musicians who seem intent upon living within their own delusions for all eternity.

We then get a series of quick establishing scenes showing the various characters and the situations they open in. Ritsu, Kotaro, and Kotono are still at the weird water-world place facing down Dom lady. Mifue and Naruko are where we left them last episode: with the first fake mom Mifue had in Mobius. Suzuna has run into newcomer Izuru and together they are cornered by another of the Musicians who has watched too many action movies and dual-wields massive sub-machine guns. Shogo just barely escapes the digi-heads by ducking into an elevator. We get a brief flash of what appears to be a girl jumping off a building before the elevator stops to reveal the white-haired speaker kid from the first episode. It seems like everyone who’s noticed the world is the matrix is in deep trouble.

After the OP we jump right back into the action with Kotono using her Catharsis effect to fight Dom Lady. The results are lack-luster with Dom flat-out batting away every arrow Kotono throws at her, even when she throws up to four at a time. They take a break from fighting to compare Mobius to an aquarium. Kotono’s all like, “This whole place is fake. I want my real crappy life back!” Dom lady snorts and says, “You’re a moron. Why would you want that sucky real world where you have to work for stuff when you could just stay here and let Mu brainwash you into thinking everything is absolutely perfect?”

I don’t know about Kotono, but my immediate response would be something along the lines of: “Because living in a world where everything is just handed to you is completely asinine, and would lead to the sort of stagnation you normally only get from full-on clinical depression.”

Enough of that scene, though, let’s catch up with Mifue and Naruko. They try calling Shogo to no avail. Sorry, ladies, he’s found himself in a situation he can’t just “cut” out of. You know how it is. You run into an acquaintance from school and they just demand you “Shoot the shit” with them. (I brought up his scene early just to make those puns and I’m not sorry).

Crazy, Pixie Dude shows up and is all like, “Hey you two. Since you know my secret identity I’m going to shame you for your own petty sorrows. Glasses-chick wants to be internet-famous and blandy hates fat people, right? Ooh I do love touching nerves. What you mad? Too bad you can do jack all about it!” 

I have serious concerns about the directions they might take this guy in because of the whole “overweight dude living as a cute girl thing”. That’s one fucking minefield of a subject matter that I’d prefer to avoid until and unless we learn more about why he went with that. Depending on how it shakes out there could be some serious problems there. (Oh who am I kidding? There’s going to be serious problems with that character regardless.)

Once more I feel the need to alert those who’ve played the games ahead of time: NO SPOILERS PLEASE. I don’t CARE how the game handled it, because I’m watching the anime.

Okay! Enough of that aside: Back to the fight between Kotono and Dom. They basically continue their conversation from before and Kotono’s ranged attacks continue to be largely ineffectual. I’ve gotta say she seems to have gotten the “Shaft” on this particular matchup. (Jesus why am I doing this?) 

Kotaro tries to get Aria to Cathars him up some beatin sticks, but she’s all like. “Sorry, bro, you’ve not got enough edge to work with.”  Ritsu, realizing that they’re basically dead weight advises him to run and he’s all like, “But why?” 

“Because they keep damaging those tanks and I don’t want to drown, That’s Why!” So they do and then we cut to the source of my puns from before where Crazy-eyes White-hair is trying to make several points to Shogo all at once with what appears to less be a sword and more a collection of random serrations. Fortunately Shogo’s Dirty Harry special is a functional parrying weapon, but his stance is basically shit so he keeps getting thrown around. 

I’m seriously confused as to why he’s suddenly at such a disadvantage. Isn’t he somewhat experienced at this? Shouldn’t he at least be able to keep his footing?

Whatever, We jump back to Thorn and Mu who kinda snaps out of a trance.

“Girl whose name is not at all suspicious, why does it feel like the people I brought to my stately pleasure dome are all in pain and anguish?” “We call it tough love.” “Okay then, if you say so.”

And we move on. Wannabe Action Star has cornered Suzuna and Izuru and tries to be all intimidating just to strike out horribly and make Izuru look badass for just staring the punk down as a bullet grazes his cheek. (I’m assuming he got better build up to his introduction in the game. That or I just didn’t notice him in the insanity that were the opening episodes of the series.

At this point the various scenes from around Mobius start to converge in their tone. It’s essentially - 

Musicians: This world is perfect! We don’t have to worry about things being hard or frustrating ever again! Rogues: That’s just running away. Sure I may regret this decision later, but I’d rather take a chance at having something real than play pretend forever! Musicians: It’s not pretend so long as we stay here it’s all real! RAAAR

The reason we see the scenes basically bleed together is because Aria is suddenly getting a serious mainline of feels from all the protagonists. She hovers up into the air and begins to glow with an awesome power. “I can feel it! Everyone’s Existential Angst is flowing into me. OH NO!”

And she gets pwned by the shockwave off Dom-lady’s mace. Kotaro runs over to her. We see Mu realizing her friend is still around, but that’s over fast. Then Kotaro picks Aria up and gets teary-eyed, Presumably out of fear that he’ll never get to see what she looks like as a human-proportioned Vocaloid rather than a chibi. Dom calls him a weakling and he’s like, “No I’m not [emphatic pause] Yes I am.” [Sob] Then a few not-so-manly tears fall down his cheeks and splash onto Aria who’s all like, “NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL EDGE!”

She turns into an orange star of “Battle Them” and everyone follows the light while internally screaming in anguish. Aria bundles up all those Feels and everyone but Ritsu undergoes the Catharsis transformation at once. The sudden realization that so many people didn’t like playing in her doll house makes Mu’s record skip before she, too, gives in to the edge. With ten minutes left in the episode we get our title card and all the protags are like, “Sweet threads! Thanks, Aria, now we can whoop some ass.” 

And that’s exactly what they do. Maybe I’m just spoiled from watching Megalo Box last night, but up until this point I didn’t think the fighting in this had been much to write home about, but the big battle at the end between the Rogues and the Musicians was pretty cool.  I sort of want to skip to the end at this point, but there’s something I need to touch on first. Remember when I mentioned Shogo’s Elevator flashback? The main reason I remember it is because when he’s asked why he wants to go back to the real world so bad he says “Because I’m a Murderer.”

Again No Spoilers! but I can’t help suspecting that he’s blaming himself for something he didn’t have much power to stop. Okay, subject addressed back to the fight.

Ritsu’s the only one who hasn’t impaled himself on his feels, and he’s struggling with this whole “Determination to keep fighting” thing. Everyone around him doesn’t just want to go home, they’re fighting for it. Just as he’s wondering what exactly he is and what he could have to fight for Mu descends from the heavens. She’s basically having a mental breakdown because she doesn’t understand why everyone won’t just let her make them happy. She’s taken all their pain and suffering and made them her problem. That sort of Empathy and desire to help others is admirable, but she’s handling it in the absolute wrong way. She’s trying to help them forget about their pains rather than face them. She’s basically gotten to the point where she’s angry at them for not being grateful for what she’s done. She doesn’t realize that she’s ultimately done more harm than good.

When she just LOSES IT! Words don’t suffice. It needs to be WATCHED. 

So she starts overflowing with all the negative emotions she’s been taking from everyone and bottling up inside herself. She can’t hold back and has to lash out. Ritsu sees this, but not I think as the threat everyone else might see it as. He sees the pain that Mu’s in. He sees how misguided and delusional her quest is, and this gives him his motivation. He’s going to stand against Mobius, not for himself, but for her sake. Maintaining Mobius is obviously doing just as much harm to Mu as it is to everyone she’s keeping brainwashed.

So Ritsu fires a massive FEELS BEAM at the giant ball of EDGE Mu has accumulated and seemingly dissipates it. As Thorn flies(?) off with Mu in her arms Mu calls Ritsu a Jerk.

Post-credits scene all the Rogues decide to team up and officially name themselves the “Go-Home Club”. (Which honestly is probably the best and worst pun of them all).

Question! How the heck are you supposed to use club activities to “hide” what you’re doing? The Musicians know who you all are already! What are you worried about sucking other people in? Why? 

Ugh, I guess I’ll find out as things go on. Now, if you’ll excuse me, this post may be late getting to bed, but so am I. Hopefully the next two days of playing catch-up will go smoother than this.

Until next post, keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon.

[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 16, 2017

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week All of the authority figures on the main roster are TERRIBLE at their jobs

In some ways, this is all Vince McMahon's fault. The standard for manipulative, overbearing authority figures was set with Vince vs. Stone Cold, and ever since then WWE has been trying to recapture that magic, forever sticking to the idea of pitting the authority figure against one or more of the top wrestlers on the show, and usually shuffling them around the card like they do with other feuding superstars. They even go so far as to feud face authority figures against heel wrestlers, which is SUPER tricky to do and rarely ever works well except to make the heel look like the face.

But let's stick to kayfabe for a moment. On Raw this week, Stephanie McMahon, rather than devote her time and energy toward building to Wrestlemania and making sure that Raw actually, you know, is watchable for a change, tells Mick Foley that he has to fire one superstar. Mick, rightfully, is like, "Da Fuck?" and points out that, again, THEY ARE THREE WEEKS FROM WRESTLEMANIA and this is not an ideal time to fire anyone. She insists and he wanders around backstage in a daze for the next two and a half hours. And at the end of the night, after reviewing a roster that includes Curtis Axel, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Sin Cara, Titus O'Neil, and like 4 cruiserweights I wouldn't recognize if they hit me with their finisher, tells Steph that SHE'S the one who he's firing.

Homie, if you were gonna go the self-sabotage route, why not fire like Cesaro or Sami Zayn so that Smackdown could sign one of them and they'd be free from the plodding march toward permanent mid-card status that is their career on Raw? That actually would have popped me and gotten me interested in the direction they were going with a story. But no, Foley "fires" Steph, which shortly summons Triple H, who does all but fire Mick, which was whatever, eats a Sock-O for his trouble and then "re-injures" or whatever a returning Seth Rollins, you know, one of their biggest superstars, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE MANIA OF WRESTLING.

Alright, everyone calm? No? Well, at least I can skip the Let The Smark Out segment this week, because Smackdown Live, incredibly enough, was possibly even worse in terms of terrible authority figures, even if they at least serve a purpose beyond "Gotta get Steph and Hunter over."

So, there are two feuds on Smackdown Live that touch on Shane O'Mac and Daniel Bryan. The first, obviously, is AJ Styles vs. Shane. I'm going to skip the part about the build because it's covered below in my best moments of the week. But again, in kayfabe, AJ Styles absolutely has a point. That opening promo was like a fired-up babyface, pointing out all the ways he was wronged, and none of them are actually false or embellished or delusional, like you'd hope they'd be from a heel. Instead, he gets the crowd on his side and then goes to the back to wait for Shane O'Mac because he blames him for the conspiracy against AJ. And Shane, for some reason, on a two hour show that presumably required significant time preparing for in advance, doesn't arrive until we're like an hour in. Huh? Was dude just concerned about the non-title tag match and 205 Live (of which he's not an authority figure) going off without a hitch? Wrestling doesn't always have to hold up to intense scrutiny, but you should be able to at least think through the basics of a plotline without furrowing your brow. And if the story was, "Shane's a McMahon and doesn't have to give a shit about this job," then maybe they'd be onto something. But it's not, so they're not.

But I digress. Shane shows up, AJ beats his ass something fierce, to which the crowd cheers, Daniel Bryan fires AJ, to which the crowd boos, and then Shane gets the Monday Nitro NWO backstage cutaway during the "main event" which basically screams "we don't care about this match at all," and then puts himself against AJ in a match at Mania.

Now, maybe this could be mostly fine, and I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not way more hyped for this match now then I was a month agao, except for one other thing: We've seen countless wrestlers do terrible things backstage on Smackdown Live in recent months and not even get fined or suspended, let alone fired. Baron Corbin attacked Ambrose with a fucking forklift, Maryse beat Nikki Bella with a pipe or something, Dolph Ziggler was wailing on dudes with chairs, AND RANDY ORTON BURNED DOWN A MAN'S HOUSE. Corbin, Maryse, and Orton get matches at Mania, and AJ gets fired. Guys, we all know it’s one big scripted show, but consistency in the story has to matter at least a little bit or we’re just staging wrestling matches for no reason.. And also, no way does AJ get fired without Steph calling that dude in like .2 seconds and offering him a big old contract for Raw.

Alright, let's just move onto Daniel Bryan's role in Cena/ Nikki vs. Miz/ Maryse. Again, the build to this is mostly a lot of fun, but the authority figure, if you really think about it, is the worst. Miz has been rightfully murking Bryan on the mic for months ever since Bryan openly admitting during the draft that he didn't want Miz and then called him a coward a few weeks later on Talking Smack. Regardless of if you like Miz, Daniel, you deserve every bit of that verbal ethering you've gotten. And then on SDL, Bryan, as biased as they come in a feud that involves his sister-in-law and her boyfriend, books the match for Mania apparently against Miz's wishes after talking about how much he wants to punch Miz in the face. NOT IDEAL MANAGEMENT TALK, DANIEL.

Look, at the end of the day, much of this is done in the service of building feuds, and for the most part, I understand it (though not that Foley/ Steph stuff), but when you think about wrestling like it's a real show, and not with a winking nod at it being fake, the logic behind it falls apart, and that's just not good enough. But I guess what I’m really saying is, can we just get William Regal to take charge of both brands?

10 Best Moments of the Week

Shane O’Mac takes a bigger beating for a Smackdown Live backstage segment then Brock Lesnar took in his entire Mania match last year Shane continues to be a lunatic. That looked like a hell of a stiff whoopin’ he took from AJ, and as “meh” as I’ve felt about seeing the best wrestler in the world selling for Shane’s baby jabs, I can’t deny that this popped me.

That Austin Aries rolling elbow I mostly dislike that spinning lariat/ clothesline or elbow thing that a few different people do because they usually do it like Natalya where they spin, then have to step forward and throw the thing, thereby neutering the momentum of the move. Even Luke Harper doesn't do it very well. But Aries has the best one I've ever seen. When he comes out of the spin he is ON TOP of you and that elbow looks like it has extra oomph on it because of it.

Bringing back the Mick Foley/ Triple H blood feud It wasn't Rock/ Austin in terms of box office and hype, but the Foley/ Triple H feud, peaking with Cactus Jack's return, is probably my favorite feud for both men, and so I was getting a little worried when Trips was giving every appearance of absolutely neutering Mick, but I can't deny that there was a huge pop in my living room when the camera cut away from Mick apparently cowering in the corner of the ring but discreetly reaching for something in his pants. That was a good moment, though I felt less so about Trips getting to stand tall over Rollins at the end of the night, though at least that match is clearly on for Mania now.

SLAY MARYSE Wrestling feuds based on shootin’ are super tricky, but this Miz/ Maryse vs. Cena/ Bella feud continues to do the best job I’ve seen a feud do with “shooting” since, like, CM Punk. I have no idea how bad Maryse’s ring rust might be, but that genuinely seemed like a woman who is just going to punch Nikki in the face at Mania.

Dana Brooke, white bread baby face They stopped and started with this moment too much on the way there, but I'll be damned if Dana's goofy energy in the ring didn't get that crowd cheering for her. The timing seems odd to me given that we're a few weeks from Mania and Charlotte has much bigger fish to fry, but I'll allow the string to play out on this one and hope that they build on it and make her into the sort of mid-card babyface that isn't really present on either main roster.

Roman Reigns: Shithead heel I have no idea if they're actually doing this heel thing with Roman or if they're really content to let him wither and die in the middle, but R-double as a cocky, entitled dick throwing shade at Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker at once was a fascinating decision. Given that Undie has shown his own Bobby Hill-inspired heel tendencies as recently as the Lesnar follow-up feud, I wondered if maybe they were going to try and make the Dead Man play something of a bad guy here, but right now they are setting Roman up to get booed out of the goddamn building in Orlando.

Bray Wyatt... ewww I’m no big fan of any of the spooky stuff WWE does with Bray Wyatt because too often they half-ass it, and you can’t half-ass the mystical/ magical shit. It’s either real or it’s not. But Bray bathing in Sister Abigail’s ashes or what the fuck ever happened there was a billion times more memorable than the countless gaspy promos he’s done before about being the Eater of Worlds or something.

Sasha planting seeds I hope it happens, and I'm glad they're planting the seeds, but I hope they wait until after Mania for Sasha to even hint at hostilities towards Bayley. The night after Mania for a Sasha turn would cause just obscene levels of reaction.

William Regal, my dude That triple threat tag match at NXT: Orlando is now by far the odds-on favorite to be the match of Mania weekend. Adding that elimination stip is a fascinating stroke. It’s very unclear if any of these six guys are headed for the main roster anytime soon, so I could really see anyone coming out of there with the title, but I’d say the elimination piece makes AOP far more likely to retain. Still, that match should get 30 minutes if I have the say, and just be ten kinds of awesome.

Asuka stylin’ and profilin’ Asuka hanging by the pool, saying her catchphrases, and that entire segment, was a really good one for the champ. She’s never been more arrogant or looked better. I didn’t think they’d beat Ember on the way to the top, but I’m definitely starting to feel more like Asuka will retain and maybe go a little extra heel afterwards.

Let the Smark Out

I went overboard in the Theme of the Week on my smarky side, so I’m just going to list my two problems this week and not go too far in-depth about them here.

LOL Ziggler should be a meme at this point. I can’t believe how bad this heel turn has been.

The Club's self-inflicted words - Hey, Gallows and Anderson, in the words of CM Punk, "You need to watch the show." I'm actually debating making this into a weekly segment because I feel like WWE's characters way too often do the dumbest shit with the most obvious, self-inflicted outcome. And that's exactly what happened with Gallows and Anderson guaranteeing that Foley would put them in a Triple Threat match at Mania after interfering in the Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. Cass/ Enzo #1 Contender's match.

Let’s Rank Stuff

Two weeks to Mania and we’re so close that it’s pretty clear, with a couple possible exceptions, what the card will look like. So this week we’re ranking how long I expect the Mania matches to go, from longest to shortest. And keep in mind this is my prediction for how long the matches will actually last, not how long I want them to last.

Reigns vs. Undertaker (22 minutes)

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse (19 Minutes)

Triple H vs. Rollins (18 Minutes if Seth can go)

Corbin vs. Ambrose (17 Minutes because they go backstage and do goofy shit)

Jericho vs. Owens (16 Minutes)

Wyatt vs. Orton (15 Minutes)

AJ vs. Shane (15 Minutes because it takes time to set up a crazy Shane spot)

Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha (14 Minutes)

Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. The Club vs. Enzo and Cass (13 Minutes on the Pre-Show)

Neville vs. Aries (10 Minutes)

AMBAR (10 Minutes, longer if it goes to the Pre-Show)

Smackdown Women's Free For All (9 Minutes)

Lesnar vs. Goldberg (6 Minutes)

Match of the Week

Bobby Roode vs. Kassius Ohno for the NXT Championship - I was really torn between this and the 5-Way on 205 Live, but I have more to say about Ohno/ Roode, so I picked this one. I liked that they made Ohno look pretty good even as you knew there was no way he was winning. His offense looked and sounded stiff as hell, which I always appreciate out of a big dude. And Roode continues to just be smarter and survive by the skin of his teeth. But I also needed to talk about the elephant in the room: Ohno’s gear. That tightie-whitie and basketball jersey look was horrific. I have no problem with guys that aren’t as physically fit being really good at wrestling. I like the different body types. But the ring gear here is actively distracting and it’s going to hurt him.

Either put him in a pair of full-sized trunks that come up past the waist (think old school Dusty Rhodes) and let him wrestle shirtless, or get him pants and an actual shirt. Either option is fine, this option is atrocious.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Mania. Obviously, we’re headed towards Mania. But post-Mania, I’m nervous about how WWE might treat Smackdown Live. It’s been their best show for months, but change is a-comin’. Cena is reportedly taking time off, Nikki might be retiring, and word is the AJ Styles could be traded to Raw. That leaves an enormous gap at the top of the Smackdown card that I don’t see how they can fill without getting an enormous asset from Raw.

The top of the Raw card post-Mania would be: Brock, R-Double, BRAUN, KO, Finn, Styles, Rollins, SmoJo. And that’s without mentioning Sami, Cesaro, Sheamus, and Handsome Rusev. That roster is fuckin’ STACKED.

The top of the Smackdown card without Cena would be: Orton, Wyatt, Miz, Ambrose, and I guess Baron Corbin??? Yikes. If AJ goes to Raw and SDL doesn’t get like Seth and New Day in return (because let’s be honest, the rosters are already uneven), then they are completely setting Smackdown Live up for massive failure.

Do the right thing, WWE.

Hitting The Finisher

We saw the first concrete glimpse of a Sasha Banks heel turn on Raw this week. It was as fleeting as they come, an off-handed remark about "haters" intended to sew doubt in Bayley's mind, but NXT fans the world over had to be relishing it, dreaming of the inevitable moment on a future Raw when Sasha and Bayley are in the ring, perhaps yelling at a retreating Charlotte or Nia, when Bayley drifts a little ahead of Sasha, just far enough for Sasha to give her a quick stink eye and then... BAM! Backstabber into the Banks Statement. Even if WWE does its usual main roster, half-assed, telegraphing in the lead-up to such a moment, it will pop the hell out of the crowd and change the face of the Raw women's division for the better.

And yet I'm here to tell you that I hope they wait a while before they pull the trigger. Bayley seems incredibly likely to retain the title at Mania despite being the third best performer in the Triple Threat, and my guess is the night after Mania they pull the trigger on the Sasha turn. That crowd will eat it the fuck up.

But I hope they wait. If you want Bayley to retain the title, let Sasha hang at her side for a while, let her stay Bayley's friend out mutual respect. Maybe she helps Bayley survive a Nia feud post-Mania, while also feuding with Emma or someone from Smackdown that gets traded. The point is, let us get comfortable with Sasha and Bayley as friends, even as we all know that Sasha ultimately wants the title. Give Sasha multiple opportunities to turn, but never take it. Really build up the respect these two have for each other. Let Charlotte recruit a few others into a stable and let Sasha and Bayley withstand them, and then, pull the damned trigger after you're 110% sure you've earned it.

The Boss turning on Bayley should be heartbreaking. Right now it would just be predictable. Fun, yes, but emotional, no.