#interestingly enough the people who don't understand this movie are exactly just like the characters in the beginning

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

One of the best analyses of this movie, and specially Ariel as a character and what she represents, I've listened to so far.

[intheseautumnhands]

Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))

Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.

* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)

Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD

Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.

(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!) 

 Klaus/Diego:

when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)

my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).

What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)

What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)

things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.

My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.

My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.

Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>

when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.

my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.

What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).

What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)

things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.

My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.

My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)

[anhed-nia]

THE EMOJI MOVIE

I've actually tried to watch this several times, and never made it past the first twenty minutes or so. The whole concept--that emojis inside a boy's phone struggle for survival when their glitchy antics provoke him to try to wipe the device--is so uninspired that it was hard for me to imagine it even being kitschy enough to justify watching the whole thing. However, since its release (only a year ago, but isn't it starting to feel like it's been with us forever?), THE EMOJI MOVIE has become so notorious that suffering through it feels like some sort of rite of passage. As of this morning, I can say with absolute certainty that this experience is actually much worse than you probably think it is.

I don't even want to get that much into the "plot", but for the sake of whatever: TJ Miller is a "meh" emoji by birth, who is secretly plagued by a full spectrum of emotions. When he is classified as a "malfunction", in a series of repetitive arguments that sound uncomfortably like they're just barely skirting "the R word", Meh goes on the run to avoid destruction by his fellow emoji, who need to manage this crisis before their user erases all of them.

If that is like...not very heroic-sounding to you, then you're hearing me right. THE EMOJI MOVIE is I guess about being yourself or something, but the details of Meh's adventure are so outlandishly stupid that it's hard to even worry about the moral of the story. To my apoplectic shock, our hero's escape from peril is totally dependent on Dropbox. That's almost all you need to know about this movie, actually: That it requires you to somehow reimagine a collaborative file management product as the Millennium Falcon, or Dorothy's ruby slippers, or something. Even if I were able to accept this proposal, it still remains beyond me why a tween boy would have Dropbox on his phone. I mean, is he going to Project Management Junior High or something?

Of course, this is only one example of THE EMOJI MOVIE's inability to produce exciting, easy-to-understand ideas. It may not be surprising, on paper, that an unwieldy chunk of the story involves a loud advertisement for the money-grubbing mobile game Candy Crush. However, it's still jarring when the movie has the sheer nerve to insert its characters into a 3D version of the very-2D Candy Crush board, have them discuss the rules and mechanics of Candy Crush at length, and then have them actually play Candy Crush, in a scene that really accomplishes nothing other than exactly what is on the screen while it lasts. The audacity of the thing makes the McDonald's breakdancing sequence in MAC & ME look downright subtle.

The aforementioned scene should really be enough to sink basically any cinematic ship, but THE EMOJI MOVIE doesn't settle for less than 100% failure. Almost everything in it is so poorly considered that there isn't enough time in my life to get through it all, but I have to get *some* things off my chest. I mean, how the fuck do you take a concept like this, and decide that a whole bunch of your movie should involve DANCING? How can you possibly ask me to look at a bunch of Pac-Mans with little rudimentary limbs, and expect me to be able to tell that SOME of them are really good dancers and SOME of them are really shitty dancers, and ALL OF THE SUSPENSE hinges on this distinction? And while we're talking about physical activity, what are even the rules of this world? Apps are both giant monolithic cubes, like they are on your home screen, that can slide around and crush you between their unyielding walls, and they are ALSO little subdimensions that you can enter (not that we really see how this works) and dick around in. "Internet trolls" are somehow not separate human users, but technological entities that exists inside the world of the phone, right alongside junk mail and computer viruses. And speaking of junk, like, why is the phone owner deleting individual apps WHILE he's on his way to a Genius Bar to get the whole device reset? What the fuck is going on in any part of this movie?

While I'm talking about how ~completely~ disastrous this movie is, though, I should admit that maybe I blew past the plot too quickly. The most remarkable thing about THE EMOJI MOVIE is that it manages to be so fathomlessly moronic, AND so majestically pretentious at the same time. There is something interestingly perverse about the idea of taking humanity's most vapid, dehumanized linguistic development, and using it as some kind of allegory for the supremacy of emotion, and the prismatic nature of the soul. It's disturbing, actually. On the one hand, the movie cannot resist advertising for office products and parasitic IAP-driven games, and all of its ostensible charm is predicated on the viewer's preexisting familiarity with fun icons for human shit and compressed fish byproducts. On the other hand, the movie makes a big deal out of identifying the fascism inherent in controlling how people express themselves, and confining their potential to the dictates of their heritage. At some point the movie even drags in some shallow commentary on the tyranny of gender roles, with a subplot about a "princess" emoji rejecting the few, oppressively girly options for females of the species--just in case there were any audience members left who didn't feel personally condescended to yet.

At this point, you might be wondering why I even bothered to write all this down, having already suffered the unnecessary indignity of watching the thing. The truth is that I have an insatiable curiosity about the psychology of productions like this. When I see something so abjectly catastrophic, I start to have enthralling nightmare visions about what it must have been like to make this movie. Especially considering the fact that it is animated: At what point did people begin to realize that something really bad was happening? Who noticed it first? Was there a protracted period of convincing oneself that everything was going to be fine, or did the darkness sink in at the very beginning? What happened when the movie came out? Have all of the actors even see the whole thing? How did they manage their social lives when it started to become common, international knowledge that they had participated in the creation of one of the worst movies in the visible history of the medium? Does one lose relationships over a movie like this, either among friends who don't know how to address it, or comrades who can't stand the slightest reminder of what they've been through? I am completely entranced by my own fantasies about what happens with movies like this. I would happily watch a documentary about the making of THE EMOJI MOVIE, or better yet, some sort of distorted psychodrama about the emotional environment of the production. Somebody get Peter Strickland on the blower.

PS Mike White, I am so, so sorry. What happened to you?