#internal objects

[superbellsubways]

silly idea i had last night

[secriden]

God, Fadel is just so helplessly in love and so painfully resigned to his harrowing existence that it just fully broke my heart.

Because Fadel thinks that everything Style has told him -- every single facet of Style's frustratingly fascinating character, everything he thought he knew about Style -- has been a lie from the very beginning. In his confession, Bison never clarifies when he told Kant to find someone to pursue him, so Fadel is operating under the assumption that Style is, and has always been, a stranger to him.

Which is why we see Fadel constantly trying to 'figure' Style out in the episode. We see it right in the first scene when Style jokingly snarks, "I'm just curious to know what to expect. It's not like I can just turn the switch on, you know?" Now this should not have thrown Fadel at all, because the joke and suggestive tone and sassy little head flick is very much in line with Style's personality and way of communicating.

But Fadel literally just stops and stares at Style for so long that Style even starts looking a bit confused as he blinks back at Fadel. Fadel has convinced himself that Style is some master manipulator, and he's trying desperately to figure out what Style's plan is (escape? another betrayal?) that he misses the obvious answer which is that Style is just casually making a joke/conversation because this is just how Style talks.

Look at the way he turns so sharply with this startled, confused look (that starts to turn slightly wistful at the end) when Style calls him faen. This wasn't in the cards for Fadel and it's so frustrating and confusing (and painful) to hear Style throw the lie around so casually when it was something that mattered to him. Fadel thinks this is Style playing an angle but he can't see what it is or what Style stands to gain from it, and it leaves him utterly unmoored.

And in all this searching for hidden meanings and new deception, Fadel misses that Style is acting very much in good faith: the story Style comes up with about why they're looking for a missing person on their own like this (instead of, y'know, going to the police like upright, non-hitman citizens would've) was really good to explain their urgency/frustration and preempt any suspicion so that the auntie is unlikely to report them to the cops. Style is actively, genuinely helping Fadel out and using his excellent skills at playing Asian aunties to full effect for him.

Ugh, just look at how earnest and worried Style's expression is!? He totally disarms the auntie while I bet she would've been a lot more suspicious and distrustful if grumpy face on the left had come asking questions alone.

And Fadel literally keeps missing when Style is being honest. Or rather, he is wilfully refusing to believe or trust in that earnestness. Style hasn't made any attempts to run away or even hint to the auntie that he needs help, but Fadel won't trust him (because he's still, even now, waiting for the other shoe to drop; for yet another betrayal).

And Style keeps doing and saying things that don't make sense for the role Fadel's assigned him because why would a police informant who is just trying to get evidence of your crimes say or do any of this?? What does he stand to gain by keeping up the pretence? Does he know that every word that dangles his love like an impossible temptation is more knives in Fadel’s chest? But Style is all earnestness and something in Fadel can still recognise that and that’s why Fadel is constantly swinging from anger and resignation to agony and hope. Just the look of sincere, wordless, helpless bafflement on Fadel's face!? The way it screams 'Why are you doing this to me??!??'

I think this is why we get silly-goofy-funny music for the first half of Style's harrowing confession. Because this scene is shot from Fadel's perspective and he thinks, at first, that this is yet other play or ridiculous attempt to get a rise out of him. And it's not until Style starts talking about his mother that the comedy music finally stops and turns sad. Because this -- this is something that Fadel knows is real (at least he should know that Style's mom really did die when Style was a kid; that would've turned up in the background check), and it suddenly becomes clear to Fadel that this time Style is serious.

And oh, this shakes Fadel like nothing else has since Style said the words "I really do love you". Because Style gives this to him without any hesitation, with full vulnerability. Style is so openly, almost brutally honest in this moment. He's terrified and sad and hurting and it's horrifying because this sincerity forces Fadel to face the bitter truth that the journey his rage and his anger has set them on leads to only one conclusion.

Fadel simply cannot handle that right now. He's not ready to face the reality that his only real option, the only logical choice is that Fadel must kill Style. Because Style has now seen the full extent of his darkness; Style knows and has been hurt and shaken and terrified because Fadel has repeatedly threatened his life. Style's very existence is now a threat to not only Fadel and Bison's continued freedom but also his mother and Keen and anyone else that Fadel has ever been trained to put first.

Style lies next to him in bed, sobs wracking his body, and Fadel cannot let himself reach out because to do so is to acknowledge the truth of Style's words again. To do so is to open the door to trust, to admitting that he still cares about Style, that Style's tears still have the power to hurt him.

That Fadel is still so painfully, hopelessly, terribly in love with Style.

Because Fadel still remembers the last time he reached out and held Style in his arms whilst knowing that he was betrayed and that their love was a lie. Fadel remembers that even then, all he could do was cling even more tightly to Style and hope that the music and their shifting footsteps would be enough to hide his silent tears.

And just as his heart froze his finger on the trigger, so too does his fear hold him captive here. Because Fadel knows, he knows, he knows down to the marrow of his bones that if he allows himself to touch, then this time— this time, he won't be able to let Style go.

[fisheito]

this vision descended upon me while riding the bus

[fallout-lou-begas]

constantly telling men that they're "not her type." says she loved a man once but that was "before joining the military." gets called "butch" as an intentional insult. raspy voice. takes no shit. auto mechanic.

this is a McCoy from STREETS OF FIRE (1984) lesbian appreciation post

[anghraine]

I was thinking about "Journey to Babel" for whatever reason, and about how I find Sarek and Amanda super intriguing both as Spock's parents and as a couple.

Like, before watching, I had the vague fandom-osmosis impression that Sarek is Spock's shitty, judgmental father who actually does care about him deep (deep) down and will come through in a pinch, but not much more than that. I'd gathered that his emotional world mostly revolves around being crazy about his wife while refusing to admit he has feelings about anything (and everyone sees through this).

I also had a vague fandom-osmosis impression that Amanda is the normal, supportive, emotionally healthy parent to Sarek's distant, disapproving one and that it's not entirely clear why she even stays with this asshole except some vague "well, she loves him, I guess."

But upon watching the actual episode, I was quite surprised by Amanda—not at first, when she does seem more or less as reported, but later, as the stakes rise and we end up with Spock anxious about Kirk's health (because he got stabbed nearly to death) and insistently upholding his responsibility to take up Kirk's role, while Amanda is anxious about Sarek's health (because he's nearly dead of a congenital problem) and insistently trying to use whatever influence she can bring to bear to save him (the parallel signifying nothing, I'm sure). And the way these collide is kind of heartbreaking, because "Journey to Babel" is entirely clear that her reason for staying with Sarek is not that she's vaguely loving but that she's every bit as insane about him as he is about her.

When she hits Spock for not risking his own life and that of hundreds of other people on board to donate a ton of blood to Sarek in an experimental procedure that may or may not even work and tells him she'll hate him forever if he doesn't do it, I was like... I mean, I get that it's a tough moment for her, yes. But also, what the fuck. This is your son, ma'am.

I don't hate her for this, to be clear. I was just surprised that Spock is such an obviously secondary priority to both of his parents rather than Amanda being The Normal One. Amanda has never been normal about Sarek a day in her life!

And ... I mean, Spock himself has repeatedly jeopardized the lives of everyone on the Enterprise for slim chances of somehow saving Kirk, well past the point when even McCoy was telling him to stop. Oh, and Spock led a different outside chance of saving Kirk that failed and left the Enterprise with only impulse power, and Spock's response was to keep going towards Kirk's location on impulse power and spend the 58 days it took him to get there barely eating or sleeping.

So, like, yes, I don't get the feeling that Sarek or Amanda are particularly good parents, though they love Spock in their very different ways. But I do kind of respect them for being the only TOS couple who I genuinely feel are absolutely unhinged about each other in the same way as Spock and Kirk. As far as TOS is concerned, I'd love to be a fly on the wall at their family gatherings.

[dontforgetukraine]

“Too political”: The International Paralympic Committee refused to approve Ukraine’s team uniform for over two months. A key element of the controversy was a map of Ukraine that included Crimea, a peninsula annexed by Russia in 2014. The IPC reportedly objected to this depiction, but the Ukrainian committee successfully argued to keep it. Additionally, the uniform incorporated a shade of green, which the Ukrainian committee described as a "protective" color and a symbol of the country's soldiers. The IPC raised concerns about the military connotations of this color choice. Valerii Sushkevych, the head of the Ukrainian Paralympic Committee, explained, "This form looks military, and the design of the form is very similar to the form of warriors. I believe that this is not a military uniform, but it says a lot. We came here not to a sports festival, not just to fight for a purely sporting [holiday], but also for peace. Those who live in Ukraine will understand why we chose [such a uniform]." Despite the IPC's objections, the Ukrainian team prevailed and will be wearing the contested uniforms in Paris. The design serves as a powerful symbol of Ukraine's ongoing struggle for sovereignty and territorial integrity.

Sources: Euromaidan Press, United 24

[werecreature-addicted]

internalized biphobia is crazy "Maybe I'm just faking it, I really do like guys what if I'm straight" I dated a woman for three years. that's not "faking it for attention" behavior

[withsixbread]

Who told bro he could eat brightmoss😭

Anyways mh wilds is a cool game. I’ve been having normal thoughts about it…

[utilitycaster]

I'll be missing the live wrap-up but i wanted to say it's been disheartening but sadly unsurprising the way a lot of people who started with Campaign 3 talk about Marisha and Laura especially. It feels as though they see them as little more than vessels to provide Laudna and Imogen content. They get outright mad when people ask them questions in the AMA Firesides or 4SD about their jobs in Critical Role as a company, or other characters they've played, or their personal feelings about things they enjoy. A lot of them hate the Cobalt Soul despite Marisha explicitly and repeatedly saying it's incredibly meaningful to her, and are vocal about this, but will attack you if you say you're not a big fan of Laudna. Their approach to Keyleth feels like little more than a convenient opportunity for them to say "you can't ever criticize Marisha! Look at the harassment she received" but they'll then direct this claim towards anyone, even people who watched C1 live and experienced that in real-time and opposed it. They'll engage in harassment themselves and claim it's in defense of Marisha, then turn around and shit talk the Cobalt Soul and yell about how the Ashari are evil Ruidusborn haters and Beauyasha is boring.

And to be clear I have a longstanding and documented history of disliking obnoxiously parasocial behavior or invasive/repetitive/overly generic panel questions. I think, and I mean this genuinely, that it's completely fine and reasonable to be a CR fan who is here for characters only, and isn't interested in the cast. Indeed, I think a lot of early fans of the show were mostly here for the story of Vox Machina, and I respect the people who didn't connect to the Mighty Nein nor have an attachment to the cast and politely stepped away. I am not demanding everyone love every piece of merch nor every creative direction choice lest they disrespect Laura or Marisha; that is not how this works. But there's a difference between "I'm not really interested in anything but Keyleth, so I'm only tuning in to TLOVM chats!" vs this entitled distaste, verging on disgust, among a certain set of C3 fans when Marisha and Laura especially spend even a minute of their out-of-character time talking about anything other than Laudna and Imogen. If you do this, you cede the right to any "they're having fun/it's meaningful or comforting or makes them happy" defense (which, to be clear, I do not think is a valid argument with regards to the quality of a story, but which a lot of these people hypocritically invoke) or "if you dislike this female character or F/F ship you're a bigoted person," especially when you resent the actual real-world women behind your pretend characters for choosing to answer a question about anything other than what you personally care about.

And ultimately, I think that if you are dismissive and resentful towards the bulk of what the cast/company does (this includes when you turn this resentment towards fans for daring to ask questions about anything else, even in places that aren't at all C3-specific like panels or cast fireside AMAs, or places where the crew or the cast themselves are the ones actually choosing which questions are answered), it is childish and embarrassing to then act like you are being wronged and your opinions cruelly disregarded simply because something of which you only like one small facet fails to cater to you. You don't have to like it; but you showed up to part 3 of a trilogy and got mad that the creators sometimes talk about parts 1 and 2.

[canisalbus]

Have you considered selling merch? Some stickers pins or patches of the boys would go hard

.

[thepersonalwords]

ANYAELE SAM CHIYSON’S LAW OF OBJECTIVITY : You must be aware of who you are, use your ability to do all things right, and have all things turn out well for you without hindrance through personal feelings, prejudice, impedance or encumbrance to make your mark impeccably and in a way that is free from any subjective preference and full of excellence.

Anyaele Sam Chiyson

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you dont care about pesterquest but i wanna know, did you think they wrote eridan well or bad?

bad

[faithconsumingcope]

justin theroux as kevin garvey in the leftovers (2014-2017)

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

[triglycercule]

k1ll_sans instead of being killer's literal name in the files could be more symbolic of a command the player executes on him (kill, sans. kill them pls :3)

[mostly-osc-doodles]

Mostly OSC Doodles #24 (+ ONAF Week Night 4)

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