#is aislingeach mé

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I am so focusing on the wrong thing here but love the fact that Adrien wears a teensy bit of mascara slay

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here without you by @bookishjules

Leo's thumb hovers over the backspace box. He knows there's too much. Too much to remember. Too much pain. Too much time since. 

Not enough memories.

“He would have been eighteen today.”

chapter 1 // playlist

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Take this British-Irish dialect quiz x (you'll need to open the link in an incognito tab to try avoid the paywall)

Was inspired by @fearlesstaylorsversion and their post for the US dialect quiz (find here!)

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This week has just been me trying to disguise the fact that at the end of the day I'm just a fangirl masquerading as a woman in STEM

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Strung out heart title cards Part II

I’m back with more @strungoutheart ramblings as promised! Check out my last post here, where I talked about the In-betweens chapters.

The first time that a jigsaw piece is intentionally not added to a title card is chapter 20, aptly named The End of the Road. The title is a reflection of what is happening in the chapter literally speaking yes, the end of the tour and Blackjack being on the road with Annabeth, but it works so well in terms of Percabeth’s development. This is the chapter where Luke shows up out of the blue, bringing everything they had been building to a sudden halt. @amesliu conveys the tension between Annabeth and Percy on stage so perfectly and then this perfect moment of hope that Percy might be about to confess/make a move when suddenly Luke’s appearance interrupts this *cries*. Using the lack of puzzle piece to show that they’ve hit a wall and how Luke is going to impact their relationship and how that ties into the title. It’s the end of the road for the upward curve they’ve been on!! The trajectory of their relationship is about to change and will be reflected by the jigsaw pieces!! The chapter title acknowledges this!!

This is a turning point in the comic and the beginning of things going downhill for Percabeth. Initially there is a continuation of no jigsaw pieces being added, demonstrating how the reappearance of Luke has put Percy and Annabeth in this weird position, causing them to stagnate. They cannot go any further now. We only start losing jigsaw pieces when it can be seen that Luke is now actively pursuing and trying to worm his way back into Annabeth’s arms. The first chapter to lose pieces is Chapter 23: The Paparazzi, where there is a loss of two pieces. I think having the first loss be two was very powerful: signifying the strength of the blow. When something first hits you it can be most painful as you’re dealing with shock and having to accept that this is even happening. Whereas we then go to a loss of one piece for the next few chapters: it still stings, just the initial shock has worn off. I loved how the number of pieces lost wasn’t always the same from chapter to chapter: showing how some things can hurt worse than others, that deterioration is also not a linear path. One of the biggest losses is in Chapter 32: The Elevator Music - four pieces gone all at once. I think it shows really well the toll Percabeth’s relationship has taken and this is reflected in the chapter itself by their awkward silences. The puzzle pieces are merely acknowledging how much damage has been done at this stage.

I loved that the chapter named Cowardice (Chapter 33) is the one where all the pieces are suddenly gone. Because it reflects why they’re both in this situation to begin with. They were both too scared and afraid to act, listen to their feelings and of this had led them to here. Obviously within the context of the chapter itself and the fight the idea of cowardice is very important and ugh this is honestly one of my favourite chapters in the whole comic in terms of how it deals with conflict. But they’re just something about what the title card means as a whole and the distinct lack of jigsaw pieces that I love. And that imagery of someone angerly sweeping everything off the table and taking those two centre pieces with them too, conveying the anger and intensity from the fight.

Another thing that I adored was having the last chapter with remaining puzzle pieces (Chapter 32) match the first chapter we ever gained one (Chapter 2). Having that non-centre piece be the first one to be added and the last one to leave. And then when we begin to regain puzzle pieces as Percabeth reconcile, the first non-centre piece is different. This time we have a corner piece. Allowing them to start afresh. To grow and move forth rather than regressing, an acknowledgment that they can’t go back but that they can move forth. That they’re starting off on the right foot this time. I just love that it’s a corner piece as well, just invokes imagery of cornerstones, the thing that holds everything together.

Some more chapter titles that I really appreciated - Chapter 38: The End of the Middle. The first time that we regain a puzzle piece and it representing Annabeth being ready to reach out to Percy. How we are over this Lukabeth period and the rough middle section Percabeth experienced. It’s just the perfect title imo. Also having the chapters The Meeting & The Meeting II be the only two title cards with just the centre pieces. Just makes me !!!!!

And of course I couldn’t not talk about Chapter 41!! This has the biggest puzzle piece difference between any two consecutive chapters: the addition of five (5!) pieces. And here is the biggest difference: instead of all the pieces being scattered, they are aligned and can clearly be seen to fit together. When you’re making a jigsaw, one of the most efficient ways to start is with the border. Randomly picking up pieces and putting them where you think they might fit is not very useful when you’re trying to begin. The deliberate way they are set up and how all is need for someone to bring them closer to; how previously all the pieces were to far away to actually join together, or not positioned correctly to join up or even just not matching pieces at all. How that has all changed now; just I love this so much and ahh so excited to see the next few title cards.

Finally finished now I think; love to hear others’ thoughts💕

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excited cos tomorrow's my birthday and I'll get to see photos of the physical sohae book and see/hear how excited jules is about receiving it and also the next tlg chapter is then as well it's like mini presents i love it

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truly obsessed with this.

not at all what I would have expected and I love it so much more for that <33 my love for izzy was originally tangential. like I loved simon, so therefore I loved izzy. but it's clearly grown into so much more hehe she's an incredible charactee

... okay I gotta go listen to my sizzy playlist now to see what you're talking about ;)

That's honestly been the main thing I've wanted to talk to you about your sizzy playlist!!! Was making a few notes from different songs and the main thing that came up and up again was how much I felt that you were able to pull back all of Izzy's layers and truly see into her heart.

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Okay Saturday’s chapter of @strungoutheart with the fight and how everyone's been reacting and all discussions going on have absolutely consumed me and my head is full of nothing but sohae and I Need to get this Out before I implode (shoutout to @bookishjules and @amesliu for reading this in its original even more chaotic form)

Luke is so valid in being upset/mad/hurt in this situation but god is the way he's handling it so out of line and just horrible. It's just one of these situations where "your emotions are valid. It's your action and behaviours that you can control"   is shown and how Luke is right to be hurt but he lets this make him forget the second part of the statement.

The way Luke goes about expressing his (rightfully so!) anger and hurt is just so wrong. He is allowed to feel this way! It's a messy situation but god the way he acted and lashes out is horrible and kinda terrifying. He never should have sent that tweet and the way in their conversation he underplays that makes me feel sick to my stomach. He is right to feel upset about the situation they are in but that does not mean Annabeth's feelings about this don't matter. That this is an issue he should have brought to her. 

But no, instead he doesn't. And then when that fight happens he puts that all on Annabeth. He blames her for his actions!! "Oh well maybe I wouldn't have done x if you hadn't done y" "your fault your fault your fault"—no. Luke needs to take responsibility for his actions. No one held him at gunpoint and made him send that tweet. The events that happened (which Annabeth had a hand in causing) hurt him and he is allowed to be angry about them. But that does in no way justify how he acted. And that's honestly what I think a lot of people are reacting to in the context of this chapter. The way Luke frames it is horrible and also made me scared for Annabeth.His words are definitely those that people in toxic relationships have had used against them. The defecting of the blame, the never taking responsibility—it sets alarm bells off in people's heads. These are the tactics manipulators use and every red flag seems to be waving in this chapter: him blaming her for things that are outside of her control (i.e. the way the media talk about her and Percy); using that to guilt her and further put her at blame; using this whole situation where she's visibly upset at him and flipping it so she's the one completely in the wrong (which she's not entirely innocent but this is just to deflect! He does not acknowledge he is also in the wrong! He only brings this up to make it seem like he has done nothing wrong!). The whole way he dismisses her feelings and invalidates her concern. Telling her she's "overreacting", it's "not a big deal", that she basically shouldn't be upset. This paired with how he lashes out at her and makes her the villain cuts deep. It makes me seethe and want Annabeth to run far far away from this man.

A big thing about the conversation as well that makes me so fearful is the idea of him potentially trying to isolate Annabeth. For now, it may be about Percy and not wanting her to hang out with him (an understandable position, but one that in no way gives him  the right to dictate who she sees and talks to!), but I fear that he will make her feel like she can't go to her friends when she and Luke are going through a rough patch or having a fight. That she should keep that all to herself, because to seek the comfort and advice and company of friends is to betray Luke, and that she'd be blowing everything out of proportion by doing so ("if you didn't make such a big deal out of nothing!”). It just makes me so scared and just ugh this is not a healthy relationship at all.

Not only does he invalidate her reaction, he walks away while they're in the middle of the conversation, dismissing her and her feelings. Feeling the need to make a dig at her as he leaves. Knowing her so well that he knows exactly how to make her feel small and DOING that. He didn't need to say that last comment as he walked out the door but he did; he uses Annabeth's biggest fears and insecurities against her. He throws back into her face the trust she gave him in letting down her walls and allowing herself to be vulnerable with him just so he can cut her deep when he knows it will sting. How this will reinforce in Annabeth then her feelings that she shouldn't let anyone close to her or truly know her cos they will only use that eventually to hurt her and cut her to the bone! That to let people in is to be the one to hand over the knife that will be wielded to stab you. That you are therefore the cause of your own suffering. Also just him walking out on her and essentially abandoning her. When knowing that no one has ever really stayed there with her. That the biggest constant in her life has been people she loved walking out on her. All of this leading to her believing she is disposable and is one step away from being discarded.

Okay I have gone on for very long now about how Luke is at fault in this situation, but as I've kinda said before Annabeth has very much played a hand in everything that has led to this and honestly not acted in the best way because she's scared of getting hurt. This is something I've kinda been thinking for awhile now, but Annabeth chose to get back with Luke because she was scared to lose him again. I always got the impression (and I'm sure Annabeth felt this too) that Luke would have walked away and right out of Annabeth's life again if she said she just couldn't ever be romantically involved with him. If she had clearly expressed that but said that she'd be open to being friends again and having him in her life. That wasn't what Luke wanted. It was an all or nothing situation. Either she took him back or he disappeared again, because her friendship wouldn't be enough to make him stay. And I think that would have crushed Annabeth. To have had Luke in her reach again and the chance to have him in her life and lose that all again. Luke was the first person that made Annabeth feel loved and like someone cared about her; he was there when she left her family and wanted to never look back. The way he left her the first time was absolutely brutal but I think what would have added even more pain into the mix was losing the first person who made her feel like she finally had a home. Who taught her what that word was meant to mean. The friendship they would have built up in that year or so before they dated added to the burning and consuming pain of that first heartbreak she experienced. He broke her heart, romantically but also so much deeper than that. To have him come back and not have to feel that everyone she loves will leave her - that's everything to her. And so therefore losing him again was not an option. She knew deep down this was the only way to get him back. And see this is where Percy comes in - she knew the opposite was true with Percy. That he would accept it if she couldn't give him anything other than friendship, that he would stick by her and be there for her and still be her friend. He would stick by her and make her laugh and they would have great fun together and make her feel good. That their friendship would make her happy even if she sometimes yearned for more. That it would be a kind of ache she could live with and over time she'd hardly feel it at all. But to dive in and take the risk? To put herself out there? There was always the risk of it falling apart, of them out working out and her then losing him. We've seen in the comic a fair bit so far that this possibility is something that terrifies Annabeth. That even before Luke arrived on the scene this fear was the main motivator for her hesitancy and denial. To admit was to potentially lose. So then Annabeth in her eyes has two options: to get back together with Luke and just be friends with Percy or reject Luke and have him walk away from her and pursue Percy and risk losing him as well. So doesn't it then make sense she goes for the first? To keep the two most important people in her life rather than lose them both?

As I've said before, I think Luke's very aware of that. He knows Annabeth and how she works, and that she's made this decision to (in her mind) keep them both and not lose either. And I'm sure he hoped that it would be a short-lived thing but it's obviously not. It's clear that Annabeth still has some sort of feelings towards Percy and now they're both trapped in this messy situation. The thing with what Luke did wrong in terms of the tweet: it was sudden, big and visible and something very tangibly wrong. But what Annabeth is doing is kinda the opposite: not one big bad action but multiple tiny things all the time that individually are harmless but all together build and build up till you can't take it (death by a thousand cuts 👀). Luke's wrongdoing was like a battering ram that knocks the wind out of you but Annabeth's was a million little papercuts that slowly build together until you're in excruciating pain. And the harder you try to grasp on to anything the more elusive it becomes and it's so hard to just point to one thing cos it's everything, it's so much less concrete the pain Annabeth is (unintentionally) inflicting on Luke which honestly is what makes it so much harder to explain why you're feeling hurt. They both are hurting each other just in very different ways

And I think this all boils down to why I don't think they're good for each other. They're both just hurting each other and it's an unhealthy relationship. Exactly how ames said, it's a nuanced situation and we should treat it as such (but Luke is worst btw and icky)

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Happy birthday @bookishjules hope you have the most wonderful day and sending you all my love xxxx

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paris and high infidelity for the midnights ask game? 🤗

Let's go!

Paris: What's a place you visit in your daydreams?

Probably whatever book world I'm currently obsessed with though at the moment with all the new ml episodes that's probably where my thoughts have been wandering

High Infidelity: Name a song/album you listen to that reminds you of someone?

Oh this is such a good question! The line "writing letters addressed to the fire" in evermore (by taylor swift) makes me think of @lifeofbrybooks because of the story she told on your podcast @kraigsretirementparty of doing the exact same thing as a kid so now evermore will forever be associated with bry for me.

Speaking of taylor swift, her album folklore really makes me think of adrien agreste especially adrien from metamorphosis by @peachcitt (full on going to admit now that I have listened/sung along to folklore while thinking about (metamorphosis) adrien and have been on the verge of tears would very much recommend)

Also shout-out to @notmyhermes for introducing me to connabeth brainrot as such there are many songs that are Them™ but the one I will mention is Midnight Rain (taylor swift again). Literally the first time I listened to it I was like omg it's connabeth

several songs make me think of someone i don't talk to anymore: figure it out by orla gartland, dream of you by mxmtoon, i'm trying & tough act both by maisie peters just to name a few

Then Brazil by Declan McKenna makes me think of some of my friends

I literally could keep going on and on for this prompt but it's almost midnight so I'll leave it there for now💕

Midnight asks

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Ais!!!!

Omg was Frank the character you were waiting for me to get to in Emma??? Because LORD I HAVE THOUGHTS (a bit of a rant incoming — feel free to ignore, especially if this is not the character 😂)

I feel like a hypocrite because I kind of like Emma and they’re practically the same character 😅 … despite all her very obnoxious and privileged flaws, she seems good-natured at heart. But FRANK?!? Hate him.

I’m at the point where Frank leaves after they plan the ball. It felt so obvious that Frank had learned to manipulate the people of Highbury by playing into their whims — getting Emma on board with the ball, seeking out comfort for Mr. Woodhouse, agreeing to his father’s wishes to ask Emma to dance, etc.

But also he suspects Emma knows he has his eyes set on Jane and has done everything he has to get closer to her, which she obvs doesn’t because she’s built this pretty little narrative in her head that doesn’t include that.

Perhaps I like Emma more than Frank because Frank feels more sinister in his influence while Emma is more frivolous and ignorant (despite having consequences)? Like Frank just thinks he’s playing the same game as Emma, and Emma doesn’t believe she’s playing a game at all?

😮‍💨 I don’t think any of that made any sense lol hopefully this was your guy; if not I feel so bad for throwing this at you 😅

Sending warm mugs of tea and hugs 🖤

p.s. Emma reminds me a lot of Lucie Herondale

Bry!! So good to hear for you ahh sorry for taking so long to respond but make me so happy to get this ask

Frank was not actually the character I had in mind but I love hearing all your thoughts! I definitely think Frank is one of the most interesting character to examine in terms of motivations etc; finished my reread probably around the time I received your ask and Frank is probably the character for me that it's the most interesting in interpreting his actions once you know what is to come, I honestly can't wait till you get to the end! I think especially for Frank there's so much more that you pick up on for a second read once you're clued in and agh it's such a new experience in a way reading it again in that light! I think though that you're picking up a lot in your first read hehe

I think it's actually so clever of Jane Austen to introduce a character that's similar to Emma just as we're familiar with her. She has her faults but at this point we've (hopefully) grown fond of her and then when you introduce a new character that we haven't had the chance to get attached to in the same way and can be someone who you might view in a more negative light, it's going to make Emma look better.

Actually speaking of that I suspect you probably had met the character I originally had in mind by now as they would had showed up right after the part you had stopped. And I have a lot of thoughts about their introduction at this point and the role of that for our view of Emma. And just the character in general agh there's so much to say about them on their own

Sending spooky vibes for Halloween and a slice of barmbrack 🎃(Ooh I kinda see it?? Very imaginative, what else about Lucie made you think of the comparison??)

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love is stored in @bookishjules writing out the midnights 3am edition songs for you to annotate later and letting you take this time to try clear out your drafts

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do i stay up till 3 to hear the surprise (and finish listening to the album for the third time) or go to bed now to get slightly more reasonable amount of sleep and hear in the morning

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Okay reasons why I'm convinced speak now tv is the next rerecording (whenever that may happen) after watching the bejeweled mv:

There's 3 stepsisters - most versions of Cinderella tend to only have 2; and as we all know Speak now is Taylor Swift's third album 👀

If you listen to the background music at the beginning what will you hear playing - enchanted !!!!

They use 3 asterisks to censor for Lady Alana's desire

Also all are 3 words " wants the X"

The stepmother saying speak not - was fully convinced she was going to say speak now (teasing you and I love it)

When she opens the pocket watch it's originally set at 3 (and also says exile ends - speak now finally being hers again/being able to reclaim it again after being "banished/taken away" from her)

One of the most obvious ones - in the lift she presses the purple 3 button and all the numbers and colours obviously correspond to her various albums

The 13th button is purple and would obviously represent the next album to be released

This one could be reaching - but the big gem for her earring is purple (and sparkles! to draw attention to it!)

The display showing the different floors is again in the order of the 12 albums she has released so far (records included) and the 13th is purple

And then later in the video the dial goes all the way to this purple 13

The clock that Taylor comes down on when she's in the stage has its hands at 3

There's 3 people in the next shot behind the 3 stepsisters

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America is truly a hellscape

I'm doing much better!!! Hoping to be able to actually go out and celebrate my anniversary 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Also Ais the sunflower 🥺💜

The one thing that makes me super jealous though is the number of people on here living in the States and therefore being more free to meet irl 🥺 did get to see Jules though last October when I was there which !!!

Omg congratulations!! Happy anniversary, hope you have an absolutely fab time and wishing you the best night out ever (so many special occasions and days in late March it feels!)

[allineedisabook-18]

Strung out heart title cards

The reappearance of the jigsaw pieces (yay!) in @strungoutheart (a music au percabeth comic by @amesliu) has made me actually sit down and go through all the title cards after so long of saying I would. I’ve loved the puzzle piece analysis done by @bookishjules on the centre pieces and @hpeg-art on the rest of the pieces; all this has left my thoughts swirling so here’s some things I’d like to talk about!

I started this out by going through every title card and noting down how many jigsaw pieces we lost or gained between each chapter and how this reflected the content of the chapter. The first time we don’t gain a jigsaw piece is chapter 8: The In-betweens I. This was quite interesting cos it seems like Percy and Annabeth are getting along quite well at this point (perhaps this was intentional or accidental I’m not sure) which led to me further examining all of the in-betweens chapters which led to some very interesting insights (at least to me!)

The In-betweens Chapters 

We have six in-betweens chapters: 8, 12, 13, 17, 24 & 37. Looking at them all together, I absolutely adore them being titled as such because it really captures what is going on! 

Chapter 8 can be viewed as Annabeth and Percy getting closer and more comfortable with each other; the beginning of both seeing the other as a true friend. The lack of an additional jigsaw piece reflects the hesitancy as they go from this transitionary stage of acquaintances to friends. Idk I think it was nice to have this slight pause in the continuous momentum we’ve built up, to show that progress isn’t always linear (even if even this scene they’re getting on well, just the reflection that them constantly moving forward at constant steady pace isn’t really the reality of when building towards closeness, sometimes you will take big leaps and other times baby steps). 

Chapters 12 & 13 are where Annabeth and Percy respectively are called out on their feelings towards the other and they both deny it. This is another transition period: going from friends to romantic feelings, from denial to admittance, obliviousness to awareness. 

Chapter 17 is where Percy and Annabeth almost kiss but pull back at the last second. Yet again they are standing at a threshold, one that could lead to a romantic relationship if they crossed it. Again caught in that in-between place, between friends and lovers. How Annabeth drawing back because of her fear of the unknown keeps them caught in this liminal space. 

Chapter 24 captures the period as we transition into Lukabeth starting to develop again and how this begins to negatively impact Percy and Annabeth’s relationship. Annabeth beginning to distance herself from Percy in a way (grouping Percy in with the band). This is the first (and only) in-betweens chapter where we lose a puzzle piece. Signalling the downturn their relationship is going to enter as they go between different stages; from potential love to estranged friends. 

Chapter 37 is the latest in-betweens chapter so far and omg. The fact that this is the last title card with no jigsaw pieces. We enter this new transition phase where Annabeth has broken up with Luke but is not ready yet to reconcile with Percy. That stage between being with Luke, leaving and reaching out to Percy. It’s just so perfectly named!!! Actually makes me go insane and also the fact that it’s the last chapter with 0 jigsaw pieces and the first in-betweens chapter was the first chapter with no additions just feels so fitting.

This was actually only the first point I wanted to touch on and this post feels so long already! I think I will leave it here for the moment as I am a very impatient human being and come back at a later stage with separate post(s) on the rest of my thoughts. I would love to hear what everyone else thinks, other interpretations, ideas, opinions! I’ll be back with more at some point💕