#is fka twigs still on the project?

[mulderscully]

i can not not be parasocial abt when i listen to ttpd a bit because it's so heavily focused on her personal life and it is absolutely insane to me how quickly she went from writing lover about joe, wanting to marry him, to getting bored and wanting to fuck matty while still dating him then when they break up she dates matty and wants to marry him and then they obviously have a really toxic relationship (and keep in mind he also was like this to halsey and fka twigs, taylor isnt the only person to like get this feeling from him???) and she wants to marry him??? and it's so intense for such a short time and it's like okay is she projecting her feelings for joe onto matty? she wanted joe to be matty, she wanted matty to be joe. and you know she loved joe and he didn't actually hurt her from how little rancor she has toward him, it's all just grief she feels for him when she does sing about their relationship. And now she's dating travis and she's probably gonna marry him lbr and how did she get over matty that fast like girle had a YEAR. but the silence of joe in her songs is so shocking. i feel like the only ones about him are so long, london, how did it end, and the prophecy and maybe down bad? that's so... like wow idk i'm just ruminating what people expected vs what we got and how Little we know abt what actually goes on in even the most famous persons life

[rainydawgradioblog]

Rainy Dawg Radio's Favorite Albums of 2014

The Blawg Team got together and compiled their top five albums of 2014, ten years later.

Emi

Chuuwee, Trizz - Amerikka’s Most Blunted 

One of my favorite rap albums ever, Chuuwee never got his limelight. Fun vocal interludes in between brilliant sampling and blunt, catchy verses.

Twin Peaks - Wild Onion 

Good indie music from my middle school days. 

Ariel Pink - Pom pom 

I don’t care that he stormed the capitol. 

(Editors note: Rainy Dawg Radio does not endorse the January 6th insurrection.)

Nicki Minaj - Pinkprint 

Iconic, formative album. My sister had it on CD and put the foldout poster from the case on our wall. 

Mac Demarco - Salad Days 

Nobody can’t not like this one.

Sean

Lana Del Rey - Ultraviolence 

Lana Del Rey embodies “the woman on the side” on her gothic Ultraviolence. Sex, money, and infidelity circulate the project as Lana channels a “mistress” persona on swirling Americana instrumentals. 

FKA Twigs - LP1

On her debut LP1, FKA Twigs’ voice effortlessly glides across delicate, porcelain beats that sound like they could shatter at any given moment. Exploring themes of sexuality and devotion, Twig’s invites the listener to step into her world.

Aphex Twin - Syro

Richard D. James’ most intimate digital experiments come to life on Syro. Skittering breaks layered with acidic bass lines ricochet across the tracklist, creating a delightfully unpredictable listening experience. The project is peacefully brought to an end with the astounding closing track aisatsana [102].

Arca - Xen

Arca’s iconic debut Xen combines hazy synths and drum samples with dissonant acoustics. Through the harshness, Xen’s haunting beauty never ceases to shine through.

Tinariwen - Emmaar

The nomadic Taureg rock group made their triumphant return in 2014 with Emmaar after being displaced from Mali. Despite being recorded outside their homeland, Tinariwen makes no compromises on Emmaar; their smoldering lead guitars and resilient lyrics are as strong as ever.

k-murph

mitski - bury me at makeout creek 

although the competition is steep, i believe bury me at makeout creek is mitski’s best. although i adore every mistki album, only this one has “last words of a shooting star”. and “francis forever”. and “i will”. and every song on the album. i rest my case. 

hozier -hozier

hozier’s debut album will forever stand to me as one of the most enchanting projects of all time. his lyrical genius, beautiful vocals, and sheer force of mystical magical forest man-ness propel this album to the status of a forever classic. i love you hozier. i’m sorry i passed out in the pit of your seattle show four times. 

TV girl- french exit 

french exit has some of the most enjoyable production out of any album i’ve ever heard. every time i play “lovers rock” at the function, the crowd goes wild. guaranteed! also, apparently, this album was released on my 10th birthday! cool!

adrienne lenker, buck meek - a-sides

i love adrienne lenker more than maybe any other person on earth. the haunting beauty of this album is incredible. also b-sides. this kind of includes both, because i’m famously indecisive. i’ve always said i think adrienne lenker is the perfect artist for some good old-fashioned washington clouds and rain. 

taylor swift - 1989 

sue me. i simply cannot resist a little bit of sparkle and glitter and corny pop—plus, 1989 undoubtedly marked a cosmic shift in our universe. the impact of “blank space”, let alone this album, is undeniable. 

Ben

Mitski  - Bury Me At Makeout Creek 

Had “Texas Reznikoff” not opened this album, it would still be my favorite album of 2014, but it does, so Bury Me At Makeout Creek is also one of my favorite albums of all time. 

Pinata - Madlib/Freddie Gibbs  

At fourteen or fifteen years old, you (I) discover an album that not only contains strictly songs you enjoy, but also makes you want to discover more music that sounds just like it. That was Pinata for me… also the production on “Knicks” is ridiculous. And “Shame.” “Robes” too. I’m constantly asking myself “how did he do that” in regards to Madlib’s work on this, but he’s not really reinventing the wheel or anything, it’s just like he woke up and decided to make the best beat you’ve ever heard seventeen times.  

Black Kray - 700 Dagreez  

I was very late to the Black Kray party but I’ve come to understand 700 Degreez as one of the best cloud rap projects ever released. No album released since has mingled lyrics about crying your eyes out and putting 28-inch rims on a NASCAR Chevy so seamlessly. 

Black Messiah - D’Angelo

“Really Love” alone justifies this album at #4 to me…

How To Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest 

Confession: I listened to How To Leave Town for the first time two weeks ago. However I’ve listened to “I Want You To Know That I'm Awake / I Hope That You're Asleep" enough since then to last me a lifetime, so I feel entitled to putting it on my list. 

Parks

Ten years ago, American/UK album releases were a mess. Two albums stood out to me as being worthwhile… see below 

Spoon- They Want My Soul

They Want My Soul is exactly what is to be expected from Spoon. It’s a solid record. “Rainy Taxi" and title track, "They Want My Soul" are standouts.

Les Claypool - Primus and The Chocolate Factory With the Fungi Ensemble

In a dark year for music, Les Claypool blessed us with his presence, if only for a moment. Primus and the Chocolate Factory with the Fungi Ensemble has exceptional instrumentation and is delightfully creepy. 

Honorable Mentions: 

The War on Drugs- Lost in the Dream: Great album, just not too familiar with it. 

Tom Petty- Hypnotic Dream: Its a 2014 Tom Petty album. 

Dishonorable Mention:

Pitbull- Globalization : Thank you dear Pitbull for defining my middle school experience. 

Zola

Taylor Swift - 1989

Pop perfection. Perfectly emulates the vibes of the mid 2010’s. One of the first times I remember an album being everywhere. Had 6 singles, all of which achieved massive success, proving that Taylor swift was a crossover mastermind. Unfortunately she desecrated “Style” when rerecording it. Thank you mom for buying this on cd. 

Lana Del Ray - Ultraviolence 

A perfect follow up to 2012’s Born to die. Helped her usher in a new sound while still staying familiar to her roots. Almost featured Lou Reed. 

Lorde - Pure heroine

While technically not released in 2014, nothing encapsulates the 2014 tumblr vibes than Pure Heroine. Lorde ran tumblr, she ran south park, and she ran the radio. It gets a spot on my 2014 list because I was genuinely obsessed with this album in 2014. 

TV girl - French Exit. 

TV girl’s debut album, which unfortunately did not catch on until tik tok got a hold of it. Featuring the ultra classic “lover’s rock”.  The impact this album had on teenage girls in 2021 cannot be understated. 

Tove lo - Queen of the clouds. 

Stunning debut from Tove Lo. The album is a concept album split into three parts, “The Sex”, “The Love”, and “The Pain''. Overall a 2014 sleeper hit with some memorable bangers. One time “talking body” came on my sixth grade social studies pandora during class time, and I remember some random kid in my class singing along. On the plus side he's now a kicker on the Oregon State football team so maybe he was onto something. (#31)

tide2004

Flowers Taped to Pens - s/t 

San Diego screamo. Very unique and influential sound. This album is one of the first screamo releases that I really got into a couple of years ago.

Machine Girl - WLFGRL

Electronic/digital hardcore from Long Island. My best friend Maddie and I listened to this album constantly the summer before I went to college (favorite tracks: “Krystle”, “Ghost”, and “Mg1”). 

Alex G - DSU 

My favorite Alex G album. I bought the CD last year and I have the lyric booklet up on my wall. When I saw him live he only played one song off it :/

OFF! - Wasted Years 

Los Angeles hardcore punk. Ex Black Flag/Circle Jerks

Cuckoo - Magpie e.p. 

Math rock from Hakodate, Japan. I love the guitar on this album so much. Really good staring out the window music, reminds me of taking the train down through California for the first time. 

Pal

This took some research, because the music that I was listening to in 2014 consisted of “Fireflies” by Owl City, 1989 by Taylor Swift, the Weezer Christmas album, and that one U2 album that got downloaded onto everyone’s iPod. but looking back, there were some really great albums that year.

First and foremost, we have to talk about Mitski’s Bury Me at Makeout Creek. That album dosen’t have a bad song on it, and I can’t count how many times I’ve played it all the way through. “I Don’t Smok”e actually shatters my ribcage every time and so does “I Wil”l, and “Drunk Walk Home”, and “Townie”, and like every other song also. It’s incredible.

You’re Gonna Miss it All by Modern Baseball was a staple of my sophomore year of high school. It was written when the band was in college and realizing that they were going to be graduating soon and moving on with their lives. Coping with that feeling is a lot, and “Fine, Great” as well as “Your Graduation” will probably resonate with most people who feel like they’re losers in a small town.

Syro by Aphex Twin isn’t my favorite Aphex Twin album, but sometimes I put it on just to feel like I’m hanging out in one of those star nurseries the James Webb telescope keeps taking pictures of. 

Alvvay’s self titled is the perfect thing to throw on to get some good old fashioned pining in. It’s indie/dream pop sound is light enough to not make you too sad, but also not peppy enough to get your hopes up too high. Also, it just sounds amazing. I’d eat it and it would taste like caramel and strawberries maybe.

How to Leave Town by Carseat Headrest is one of CSH’s best albums in my opinion. It’s more electronic and the themes of teenage romance in their earlier stuff fade more into adult uncertainty. 

Too Bright by Perfume Genius is what I think of when I think 2014. I remember my dad playing Queen in the car on the way back from summer camp. Looking back on it, the album's emotional explosion of empowerment, queerness, drag, and radical self-acceptance is incredibly powerful, and I will definitely be playing it more.

Steven Neff

 La Dispute - Rooms of the House

One of my favorite albums ever. I revisit this album so regularly so I can practice my cold hard scowl while walking home from class in pouring rain. Woman (In mirror) is genuinely a perfect song. 

Adrianne Lenker + Buck Meek - B-Sides

The pinnacle of absolutely crushing acoustic singer-songwriter projects. It is incredible to think that this project is now ten years old considering Big Thief’s increase in cultural relevance. This was before Big Thief was formed as a band and a year before the two got married as well which you can just feel that emotion in this project. I weirdly like the B-Sides far more than I like A-Sides.

Car Seat Headrest - How To Leave Town

Will Toledo. Man. I believe that he claims that How to Leave Town is just a compilation album of stuff that he was working on around the time but you would never tell. “The Ending of Dramamine” and “Hey, Space Cadet” are in the running for my favorite opener and closer to an album genuinely ever. 

Modern Baseball - You’re Going To Miss It All 

Nostalgia packed up into thirty mins of angst. The quintessential midwest emo album. Timeless. I can sing the entire album from front to back without missing a single word.

Freddie Gibbs, Madlib -Pinata

Not a single skip all the way through. Madlib masterclass as always making it real easy for Freddie Gibbs to do what he does best. “Deeper” is such a good song and easily my favorite Gibbs song ever. 

Sofia

Dean Blunt - Black Metal 

Mix of alternative/indie and Americana, among other things, that really works when you’re trying to pass time. I first got into this album over the summer when I heard “100” for the first time on vacation – big fan of “HUSH” because of the jazz kind of thing it’s got going on. I also like the way Dean Blunt uses samples in this album; he samples “Over Your Shoulder” by the Pastels in “100” and “For You” by Big Star in “LUSH”, both of which work really well. 

Whirr, Nothing - Whirr & Nothing (Split Version)

Noisy and heavy shoegaze/rock split EP. Listened to this EP a lot over the summer lying in bed and counting down the days until I could leave town and come back to school… My favorite song is “Chloroform” by Nothing because it does a quiet-loud-quiet thing that I love. 

Brian Jonestown Massacre - Revelation 

Dense, long shoegazey psychedelic rock album. The title track (“Vad Hände Med Dem?”) is sung in Swedish. I listened to this album on the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island on a stormy day, which is exactly what it calls for, I think. When I put this album on I skip “Duck and Cover” because it scares the fuck out of me.

Alex G - DSU  

Another album that’s great for summer listening. Alex G’s high-pitched voice works really well with the twangy guitar and piano. The lyrics to the tracks on this album are enigmatic as ever, with a bunch of sentimental/emotional lines (“I love you, Harvey, I don’t care” in “Harvey”, for example). Seeing “Sorry" live during his acoustic Seattle show changed my life fall quarter freshman year.

Mac DeMarco - Salad Days

This album is mostly on my list for nostalgia – I did a decent amount of listening to this sophomore year of high school, and I feel like this is the type of music, that lazy-day mix between melancholia and indie guitar. Even though “Chamber of Reflection” got beat to death a few years ago, I still think it holds up, although I’d say my favorites are the first three tracks (so “Salad Days,” “Blue Boy,” and “Brother”). Recorded in Mac DeMarco’s Brooklyn apartment!

Dawson

Aphex Twin - Syro 

Slightly less game changing compared to 30 years ago, Aphex Twin’s Syro shows the continuation of his sound. While hits like “180db” grow popular on social media, ambient songs like “aisaitsana”appeal even to audiences not interested in electronic music as a whole.

Machine Girl - Wlfgrl

While in my opinion Wlfgrl is significantly overrated by fans compared to the rest of Machine Girl’s discography, it still shines through as a beautiful album. Their debut on streaming services, this album continues to draw in new fans more than recent works, and esoteric sampling introduces fans to various other niche works such as “The Machine Girl” and “Ginger Claps.”

Joy Again - Forever  

No longer named Forever Lesbians, the debut album by Joy Again remains an homage to their former name. A mix of intriguing instrumental tracks and melancholy hits, Forever’s 30 song, 1 hour 17 minute runtime makes current Joy Again fans jealous with its length. The combined length of Joy Agains entire discography since 2014 is less than the length of Forever.

PUP - Self Titled

PUP’s self titled album still hits hard today, despite its 10 year age. Hits like “Reservoir” and “Factories” are a clear demonstration of the talent the band has - vocalist Stefan Babcock’s grandmother’s comment about a “pathetic use of potential” (resulting in the name of the band) are easily proven wrong on this record.

Death’s Dynamic Shroud - NEON GENESIS EVANGELIS 

A precursor to their 2015 hit I’ll Try Living Like This, NEON GENESIS EVANGELIS is a must listen for fans of the band. The song “CD Player” is an earlier version of the much more popular song “CD Player, Pt. III”, my personal favorite, “Strange Scenery” creates beautiful soundscapes that almost evoke imagery of the aforementioned strange scenery. 

Skyler

(In no particular order)

Kagayaki - Masakatsu Takagi One of my favorite albums of all time. Pure joy for the entire runtime, Masakatsu Takagi’s ear for contemporary classical composing on top of sonically effervescent soundscapes is genuinely so beautiful. I’ve cried to this album –I wanna say, like– 10 times over. His ongoing Marginalia series continues the grounded, blissful tones that Kagayaki started and I couldn’t be happier.

N****s On The Moon: The Powers That B Disc 1 - Death Grips

Conversely, the first half of what would be a completed The Powers That B is composed in what’s nearly an opposite direction to Kagayaki. Compared to their other works, it’s easily overlooked (and while I can absolutely understand why), N****s On The Moon’s dynamic, Björk-fuelled brutalist production and harsh lyricism is such a good time.

You’re Dead! - Flying Lotus

Really incredible hip-hop/jazz-fusion record by Flying Lotus. I remember being given a hand-me-down of this record on vinyl (along top of a fresh copy of his 2010 LP Cosmogramma around 2016, thank you Nolan) and just gawking at the interior artwork while listening to “Tesla.” Really incredible stuff.

Three Love Songs - Ricky Eat Acid

BANGER AFTER BANGER AFTER BANGER. Ricky Eat Acid’s Three Love Songs is in a similar breadth to that of Takagi’s Kagayaki in its minimalist, earthy tones with tracks like “Big Man’s Last Trip Outside” to the grand orchestral airy vocalizations on “I Can Hear Breaking As One,” all accompanied by rounding Moog synths. Sounds like the word “honeycrisp.” 

Gray Data - Five Star Hotel

Bombastic harsh noise with gripping discordant beats, Gray Data’s expansion on hardcore EDM means so, so much to me. Incredibly funny and inventive use of sampling (thinking of the siren on “Outside Solaris”). Hypnotic and migraine inducing in the best way possible. 

Honorable Mentions: Swans - To Be Kind; Sun Kill Moon - Mom, Benji 

Willow Goetting

BLAWG 2014 top albums

Machine Girl - WOLFGRL (2014) (Electronic/breakcore)

Machine Girl is one of the most iconic alternative electronic artists to come out of the 2010s, and has had a large influence on the rise of ‘hyperpop’ and similar genres. WOLFGRL is a favorite of mine not only because of its impeccable tracklist, but also because it heavily features samples from Ginger Snaps (2000). Top tracks: “Frenesi (Machine Girl GabberTrap Mix)”, “Mg1”, and “Out by 16, Dead on the Scene”.

Waveless - Waveless EP (originally released 2014 on BandCamp–says 2017 on Spotify but IDC) (Shoegaze)

The first song on this album is one of my favorite shoegaze songs of all time, and the whole EP is an incredible release. I am pretty sure the band is long gone and broken up now, but it's been a favorite of mine this winter. Top tracks: “Nausea (song for Proski)”, “UPCLOSE/UNCLEAR.”

Alex G - DSU (2014) (Indie rock)

DSU still goes down as one of Alex G’s best albums to date–a perfect follow up to the 2012 release TRICK. It also features a re-recording of the demo “After Ur Gone”, which definitely still recirculates on Spotify as a favorite pick of the rampant ‘alex g archive’ accounts. Top Tracks: “Serpent is Lord”, “Axesteel” and “Harvey”.

Mac Demarco - Salad Days(2014) (Indie/synthpop)

Salad Days planted the seed for the explosion of indie artists from 2014 onwards, with his style still inspiring so many acts coming out today. I still hear “Chamber of Reflection” playing in coffee shops to this very day. Top track: “Treat Her Better.”

 Jessica Lea Mayfield - Make My Head Sing…(2014) (Singer-songwriter)

Very sweet and lovely springtime music for when I need some easy listening. I listened to it a lot when I was about to roadtrip to Montana last May, so it holds a very special place in my heart. Top tracks: “Seein* Starz” and “Standing in the Sun.”

Thanks for reading! Be on the lookout for the next joint Blawg Team post, which will see our writers put together some of their favorite lines in music history...

[toxicthotsyndrome68]

Trigger warning: mentions of abuse

I was harsh on Mia Goth when I criticized her for maybe still being with Shia LaBeouf after the FKA Twigs ab*se, but I hope she’s not. A lot of it was projection from my somewhat nightmare of a childhood. When he talked about their relationship I was kinda disturbed with him talking about how he pulled a knife. It triggered me into remembering how my dad did that with my mom amongst other things. I hope she has found the strength to leave and not stay out of sympathy considering she doesn’t need him. Their kid would be better off with them apart.

[pinespittinink]

For the tarot writer asks! 01, 12, 19, 28 (hope it's okay I've just put the numbers 😅). ^_^

01. THE MAGICIAN: SPARK OF MAGIC (What inspired you to write your novel?) 

Ah, The Great Glavenisean Theater <3 my latest and funkiest beloved. I can root the inspirations for TGGT back to several sources, including The Phantom of the Opera, Moulin Rouge, The Great Gatsby, and the mvs for fka twigs's Cellophane and ateez's Treasure. I wanted to write a story set in a theater about a theater, but that changed tremendously, as it usually does with me. TGGT is still a story set in a theater about a theater, 100%, but it is also not about the life in a theater that I had envisioned when I set out.

12. THE HANGED MAN: STUCK (What do you do when you have writer's block or find yourself stuck?)

I take a break really. Nowadays, I'll pick up a book and read. For years I would go for walks, especially night ones, and mull everything over. But taking a break helps. Alternatively, I just trudge on through until I remake the groove.

19. THE SUN: POSITIVITY (What is your greatest writing strength or skill?)

Description, especially pertaining to nature, architecture, and general physical setting, and emotional content and deep-dives, particularly for grief and romantic love.

28. SEVEN OF CUPS: OVERWHELMED BY CHOICE (How do you decide which story idea to pursue? How many do you have?)

I have uhhh, *counts on fingers* about eight wips that I would dive into fully, some that are in pre-drafting, kernel brainstorming states, others that I've had for years, and one or two that I have complete drafts for (looking at you Bloodlines). In the past, I will end up working on a few projects simultaneously if I'm unsure, and then end up going with which is the furthest along. Sometimes inspiration just strikes, but I also have deep-seated connections to a few of those wips where I feel like I owe it to them to write the story by now, god damn it.

✨ author tarot challenge ✨

[biglisbonnews]

RYL0 Has Her Full-Circle Moment With 'Thru My Chest' Born out of the nature of the internet is a generation of omnivorous listeners not bound to the limitations of genre; it was only a matter of time that hyperpop would explode onto the scene. Frenetic and sickeningly sweet, the genre has spawned countless artists intrigued by its accessibility, much like the previous wave of bedroom pop. Alt-pop breakout star RYL0 is taking all of these things and making them her own. Taking a detour from her explosive, off-kilter hyperpop bangers opens a new path for the young artist, armed with the skills learned from being an independent artist that has collaborated and shared the stage with everyone from Fraxiom to Arca. "Thru My Chest," her latest single, hints at this new era. Harps drenched in reverb lead into deep kick drums with the dark urgency of drum-and-bass, setting the perfect backdrop for RYL0's stunning vocal performance that goes in and out of autotune. RYL0 is ready to see what 2023 can bring, and that means reflecting on her journey thus far to inform her songwriting process. With some of pop's most prominent producers ready to work with the rising star, she's ready to expand the vast, colorful world that she's built.Read on for PAPER's conversation with RYL0. “Thru My Chest” is such a brilliant track and is very different from a lot of your poppier, mile-a-minute songs from your EP. What did that process of shifting gears look like for you?The process has been pretty long actually! We got together for the “Thru My Chest” session late last spring, around the same time I was preparing to release my last mixtape, I’m the Worst!! So there’s been a lot of overlap. I came up with the concept of I'm the Worst!! back in 2020 and it didn’t come out until May 2022, so I’ve been playing the long game for a while and a lot can change in that window. Once that project came out, I was already mentally onto the next thing since I was doing tons of different sessions in the middle of its rollout. I had spent a few years operating in the hyperpop world, was ready for a change, and started exploring new styles of pop music. Leading up to the release of this track, I knew I also wanted to change up my look. I like to challenge myself since I get bored easily, and decided to transition from the DIY internet music aesthetic that I had embraced the past couple years to something that was more glossy. I’ve been talking about this “rebrand’ for months, and that’s not something that just happens overnight. I really wanted to take my time and make sure everything would be aligned with this new direction before rushing to put the track out. I needed new assets, so I made new logos, updated my website, created a Discord server, made a Tumblr, etc. Now that everything’s all set and the presentation’s there, I feel really confident about finally shifting gears and reinventing myself again. I browsed your Soundcloud and was taken by your older work characterized by eerie synths and minimal voice production, and I see glimpses of it in this track. How did you find your way back without letting go of your passion for pop music?I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately, and it really does feel like a full-circle moment. Up until late 2020, my biggest musical inspirations were Kelsey Lu, Grimes, FKA twigs and Purity Ring so I was incorporating a lot of dark electronic elements that were often categorized as “experimental” into my music. I was producing everything myself using GarageBand while I was also trying to figure out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it as an artist. I wasn’t concerned with anything technical because I found it boring, and I never used a proper microphone because it was more convenient to just sing straight into my laptop. Obviously, I didn’t take myself too seriously but I also knew I hated being called experimental because it still felt disingenuous to what I was actually aiming for.Releasing "Thru My Chest" of course marks the beginning of a new era in my career, but it also feels like a nod back to some of my earliest releases in a lot of ways. While this was never the intention when creating this track with my collaborators Dave Burris and Christina Galligan, I think that ultimately proves the point I’ve been trying to make for years up until now… I’ve always been a pop-oriented artist. I’ve definitely gotten better at making that more obvious in my music over the years, but the pop sentiment has always been there for sure.You are a former screenwriting student. Do you envision ‘Thru My Chest’ being part of a larger story in the future, and does envisioning your music in this way help your creative process?I started writing songs around the same time I studied screenwriting in college, and I think that significantly impacted the way I tell stories in my music. I love building narratives in general, but with this song in particular– the narrative is pretty fairly self-contained. The song itself might not be my most intense or meaningful, but it’s still very honest to how I was feeling on the day we had the session. I remember really struggling to wrap my head around my own emotions, feeling really vulnerable, and trying to parse through them in real time as we were coming up with the lyrics. I think working with another writer definitely made it easier to detach myself from the context, and keep it concise while also prioritizing the song’s pop appeal.With that being said, this track does communicate really well with a few other songs I’ve made over the past several months, but that wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t until I looked back on the demos that came out of a lot of these sessions I had back to back last year that I realized there was a consistent through line at all. Usually when I come up with a concept for a project, I form a loose narrative early on in the process and try to create songs that fit within that overarching story. There’s a lot of value in that approach and I’ve learned so much about world building that way, but I didn’t do that with this song. I’ve been trying to just let stories form organically based on what I’m actively feeling inspired by in my life and let the larger story speak for itself.You’ve worked both solo and alongside a talented array of producers and fellow artists throughout your career. What has been the most rewarding and most challenging parts of going from making music independently to opening yourself up to the world of collaboration?Working with a team of people and considering other tastes, styles, opinions, and timelines can definitely have its challenging moments, but I love collaborating and it has always been a huge part of my life as a creative. Before music, I was heavily involved in pursuing both musical theater and a career in film production – both highly collaborative practices. The only real reason why I worked so independently for the first few years of my music career was because I didn’t have many other options when I first started out. I started learning more about production as a hobby while still in film school so I wasn’t really surrounding myself with people I could ask for help. I didn’t have any kind of musical network and it felt both extremely isolating and freeing since I only had my intuition and my own ears to rely on. At a certain point though during the pandemic, it was becoming harder to operate by myself on my little island because I was struggling to find new ways to grow and challenge myself. I was getting bored of operating within my limitations, so that’s when I got online and started building a community for myself and hitting up literally anyone. I was so bold about reaching out and DMing as many people as possible, and that process was extremely rewarding and changed my life. I’ve made some of my favorite songs with the help of people I’ve met online, and that gave me a lot of confidence to start collaborating in person… sometimes in really intimidating environments. I truly collaborate all the time at this point in my career and I’m a much better artist for it. Plus things get done a lot faster which is a bonus!Check out the PAPER premiere of RYL0's "Thru My Chest" below.Photos courtesy of RYL0 https://www.papermag.com/ryl0-premiere-thru-my-chest-2659205529.html

[cyarsk52-20]

https://apple.news/Axg4HjUrBRF6_hMdoeu9IwA

23 Actors Who Basically Ruined Their Own Career Overnight

BuzzFeed Staff

Hollywood is full of Cinderella stories. But with every story of a star plucked from obscurity, there's another of a celeb fallen from grace: And for some of these actors, it's been a longggg fall down. Here are 23 celebs who went from famous and successful to absolutely abhorred seemingly overnight — and why.

1. As a former child star, Shia LaBeouf seemed poised to become a major star in the 2010s. Not only had he starred in major blockbuster franchises like Transformers and Indiana Jones , but he'd broken into the indie scene with Honey Boy , which was loosely based on his own childhood. While he was a polarizing figure with many run-ins with the law, he was still enjoying critical success.

However, things took a turn for LaBeouf in 2020 when ex-girlfriend FKA twigs accused him of sexual assault, battery, and infliction of emotional distress. She sued him in a lawsuit that also claimed he had knowingly given her an STD. Other past girlfriends echoed FKA twigs's claims with stories of similar behavior. LaBeouf originally claimed that “many of these allegations are not true," though in 2022, he acknowledged, "I hurt that woman. And in the process of doing that, I hurt many other people, and many other people before that woman."

Suggested by cupofteadailyhappiness


Just before the allegations came to light, LaBeouf was dropped from Olivia Wilde's Don't Worry Darling , with Wilde claiming after the allegations that he had a "combative energy" and did not create a safe and trusting work environment. "A lot came to light after this happened that really troubled me, in terms of his behavior," she added. LaBeouf later claimed he had left the production on his own. He was replaced with Harry Styles.

The only project LaBeouf has acted in since 2020 was the minuscule budget Italian-German film Padre Pio. While LaBeouf is slated to appear in Francis Ford Coppola's ensemble film Megalopolis , public perception of the once beloved child star has drastically changed. His case with twigs is set to go to trial at the end of this year.

2. James Franco was similarly no stranger to controversy by the time allegations of him having sex with his students came to light in 2018 (he had previously admitted to sending texts to a 17-year-old asking her to come to his hotel room), but the scandal marked the start of a sharp decline in his career. He was removed from a Vanity Fair cover, but he did remain in the show The Deuce (though viewers were left confused and disappointed by this decision).

In 2019, several of his former students sued him for “widespread inappropriate and sexually charged behavior toward female students by sexualizing their power as a teacher and an employer by dangling the opportunity for roles in their projects.” Franco's lawyer called these claims "false and inflammatory" and "legally baseless"; the case was eventually settled. Franco did eventually admit to having sex with his students, but claimed sex addiction left him "blind to power dynamics" and that he hadn't created his acting school, Studio 4, as a "master plan" to sleep with students.

He hasn't had a project come out since 2019. While he has been cast in two upcoming projects, it still seems unlikely his career will ever recover to the levels it was at — longtime collaborator and friend Seth Rogen has even said he would not work with Franco again.

3. Drake Bell became a 2000s heartthrob after appearing in The Amanda Show and starring in Drake & Josh. While he was no A-List celebrity in the 2010s (and had multiple DUIs), several things occurred post 2020 that caused his career to fall into serious disrepute. First, he was accused of assault by former partner Melissa Lingafelt (allegations which he denied). Then, in 2021, Bell was arrested and charged with "attempted endangerment of a child and disseminating matter harmful to juveniles."

Suggested by grimchbettahavemymoney


The victim in the case claimed that Bell had groomed her from the age of 12, then sexually assaulted her when she was 15. Bell was sentenced to two years of probation and 200 hours of community service. Since then, he has only performed in a few small animated projects, including briefly in Robot Chicken.

4. Stephen Collins was best known for appearing as the beloved patriarch in 7th Heaven in the '90s and 2000s. However, in 2014, he was exposed as having sexually abused multiple young girls between the '70s and '90s — which he admitted to People magazine. “Forty years ago, I did something terribly wrong that I deeply regret. I have been working to atone for it ever since,” he said, denying that he had done anything similar since. He was quickly fired from The Fostersand Ted 2 , and has appeared in no projects since.

Suggested by sammachado


5. In 2020, Ansel Elgort was accused of having sexually assaulted a 17-year-old in 2014, when Elgort was 20. More women came forward to share their stories of troubling behavior from Elgort, including a woman that went on two dates with him at 16 and a woman who said he sent her a dick picture when she was in eighth grade. Elgort responded with claims that "I have never and would never assault anyone” and said his relationship with the first accuser was consensual. He largely retreated from the public eye after this, and notably did very little press for West Side Story , the highly anticipated Steven Spielberg remake in which he had starred. Even the original trailer barely featured him, despite his casting as one of the two starring roles. Other cast members were frequently asked about the allegations against Elgort in his absence.

Suggested by annechananne


Since then, Elgort has only appeared in Tokyo Vice — one reviewer noted, "His presence makes a good show hard to bear." He has no other upcoming projects.

6. While perhaps not quite as famous as some of the examples on this list, Allison Mack from Smallville seemed poised to make a career for herself in the 2000s. However, she soon became heavily involved in the "personal development company" NXIVM, which was exposed as an MLM and cult in 2017. She was eventually arrested with charges of sex trafficking and forced labor after leading a sex cult within NXIVM that allegedly involved starving and branding women, essentially enslaving them.

Suggested by bowsie22


She was recently released shy of serving her complete three-year sentence, though it's extremely unlikely she'll make a return to acting. Mack hasn't worked since 2015 except for a 2017 animated series she provided a voice for — but after her arrest, she was replaced, and her lines were re-recorded.

7. Former Glee and The Edge of Seventeen star Blake Jenner's career has largely ended in the wake of the abuse allegations from ex-wife Melissa Benoist in 2019 (which Jenner admitted to, though he also accused Benoist of abuse). He has appeared in only one straight-to-VOD project since then, and he was replaced in Merrily We Roll Along with Paul Mescal. Jenner was also arrested on a DUI this year.

Suggested by leraleva


8. Armie Hammer was fired from just about every upcoming film and show he was meant to be in (including Billion Dollar Spy , Shotgun Wedding , and the TV series The Offer ) after sexual assault allegations and alleged messages in which he called himself a cannibal became public. He was also dropped by his agency and publicist.

He retreated from Hollywood and wasn't spotted for a long time, until he was discovered to be seemingly working as a timeshare salesperson in the Cayman Islands. He was also spotted back in LA last summer, but he has no projects lined up.

9. In early 2021, Gina Carano posted a photo to social media comparing being a Republican to being a Jew during the Holocaust, which caused fans to dig up some other past problematic social media posts by The Mandalorian actor, in which she denounced wearing face masks and claimed voter fraud in 2020.

She was quickly asked not to return to the Lucasfilm and Disney show, and plans were scrapped for her character to have her own show. "Her social media posts denigrating people based on their cultural and religious identities are abhorrent and unacceptable," a representative for Lucasfilm said in a statement. She was also dropped by her agency.

Shortly after, Carano announced that she would develop, produce, and star in the film White Knuckle with conservative media company the Daily Wire. However, Carano later canceled the film because she refused to adhere to Hollywood's masking policies. She decided to quit her union (presumably the Screen Actors Guild) and make a different movie in Montana. The film was released in 2022 to little fanfare, and it's clear that Carano doesn't have the budding career she once had. Carano also had a role in My Son Hunter , the far-right fictionalized portrayal of Hunter Biden's foreign business deals.

10. Jussie Smollett made headlines in early 2019 for experiencing a hate crime in Chicago...except, as it turned out, Smollett had actually staged the attack. He was then fired from his hit show, Empire , which was in its fifth season.

Charges were filed against him for making a false police report and wasting police resources. A 2021 trial found him guilty of five out of the six counts he'd been charged with, and he was sentenced to 150 days in county jail. He was released on bond after just six days and later made a return to Hollywood in B-Boy Blues, this time behind the camera. He has no acting projects lined up, though he has appeared at events like the 2022 BET Awards.

11. Hartley Sawyer was fired from The Flash in 2020 after his old racist, misogynistic, and homophobic tweets surfaced on social media. More than one tweet referred to assaulting women, with one reading, “Date rape myself so I don’t have to masturbate.”

Sawyer apologized on Instagram: “My words, irrelevant of being meant with an intent of humor, were hurtful, and unacceptable. I am ashamed I was capable of these really horrible attempts to get attention at that time. I regret them deeply. This was not acceptable behavior. These were words I threw out at the time with no thought or recognition of the harm my words could do, and now have done today.” However, the damage was done, and he has no upcoming projects.

12. Roseanne Barr was fired from the Roseanne reboot after making an offensive and racist comment about Barack Obama's adviser Valerie Jarrett, which ABC’s entertainment president, Channing Dungey, called “abhorrent, repugnant, and inconsistent with our values.”

Barr referred to Jarrett as if "muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby." She later apologized.


The show was canceled and then came back as The Conners, with Roseanne's character killed off. Barr's career never recovered, though polarizing network Fox did give her a comedy special this year which was not quite a critical darling.

13. Another actor to go on a racist tirade that ruined his career was Michael Richards. After becoming a household name playing Kramer on Seinfeld , he reentered a successful career in stand-up comedy. But in 2006, at one of his shows, he went on a racist rant against audience members who were heckling him.




The video made the rounds online, and Richards stepped away from performing. He did apologize, but even his apology was mocked for being insincere. He later briefly appeared on Curb Your Enthusiasm with the rest of the Seinfeld cast, as well as in some other small roles. He then had a larger role in the one-season canceled 2013 sitcom Kirstie , but it did not succeed in relaunching his career. Since then, he has appeared in only one small film.

14. Jason Mitchell rose to prominence over the 2010s in films like Straight Outta Compton , Keanu , and Kong: Skull Island. He was set to star in the Netflix movie Desperados but was fired after allegations of misconduct (including, according to the Hollywood Reporter, making "highly inappropriate remarks" to two female costars while "lingering close to their quarters"). He was then fired from the third season of Lena Waithe's series The Chi (also due to claims of misconduct on set) and dropped by his agency.

Mitchell was accused by showrunner Ayanna Floyd Davis and costar Tiffany Boone, though they were not the only ones to make complaints about his behavior.


Mitchell's career stagnated, and then, in 2020, he was arrested after being found with firearms and drugs. However, in 2021, he appeared in one small film, and he executive produced Everything Is Both in 2023 as well as appearing in a BET original film. Time will tell if he's able to make a full comeback.

15. Another actor whose career tanked overnight — but who may still yet make a comeback — is Lori Loughlin. Loughlin, whose most notable role was Aunt Becky in Full House , was convicted of conspiracy to commit fraud in 2020 and served two months in jail for her part in the 2019 admissions scandal. In the scandal, wealthy parents paid bribes to get their children accepted into prestigious universities.

When she was first accused, she was fired from the Full House reboot Fuller House , as well as from When Calls the Heart. However, post-jail time, she did appear as her When Calls the Heart character in the show's spinoff, When Hope Calls. And recently, it was announced she would star in Great American Family’s Fall Into Winter, her first starring role since the scandal. However, she has not returned to any roles of the same caliber as that of Fuller House.

16. Felicity Huffman was similarly convicted for her role in the college scam, serving just 11 days in prison in 2019. She has struggled more than Loughlin to find roles since, as tabloid OK! reported. She was set to star in an ABC pilot in 2020, though there has been no news about it since.

17. One of the most infamous examples of an actor who ruined his career is Bill Cosby. Known as "America's Dad" after a decades-long career in comedy, he had an equally long history of sexual assault come to light in 2014.

Cosby was accused of dozens of counts of sexual assault, leading to his conviction and imprisonment in 2018. He was released in 2021 — still, it remains unlikely that his career will ever recover.

18. Kevin Spacey is another example of someone who ruined their career through sexual assault. He starred in the Emmy Award-winning role of Frank Underwood in House of Cards , but Spacey's career quickly derailed after Anthony Rapp made sexual assault allegations against him. Soon, other people came forward and alleged inappropriate behavior, harassment, and assault, and Spacey was promptly fired from the Netflix series .

Netflix also scrapped his planned film Gore , and in an unprecedented move, Christopher Plummer was hired to reshoot Spacey's part in All the Money in the World — even though the film had already been completed. Reshoots took nine days, and Plummer was nominated for an Oscar for the role.

Spacey was later ordered to pay $31 million to the production company for House of Cards because he was also accused of misconduct behind the scenes. The actor was recently found not guilty of sexual assault in London, but that doesn't clear him from the court of public opinion, and it seems unlikely his acting career will be what it once was.

He did star in a Italian film The Man Who Drew God last year, but the film did not premiere in US theaters.


19. Danny Masterson, best known for playing Hyde on That '70s Show , was accused of sexual assault by three women in 2017.

He was subsequently fired from the show he was then appearing on, The Ranch , and his character, Rooster, was killed off. He was also dropped from his agency. Masterson denied the claims, pleading not guilty after his arrest. He was recently found guilty of two counts of forcible rape and currently awaits sentencing.

In addition, multiple victims of Masterson have accused him and the Church of Scientology, of which he is a member, of stalking and harassment, claiming that a family pet was killed by the church, among other things. 


20. Chris Noth, best known for Sex and the City , appeared in its reboot, And Just Like That... , in 2021. However, as the show began airing, two women came forward claiming that Noth had sexually assaulted them.

Noth denied the claims, but the damage to his career was done. A $12 million deal to sell his tequila brand was canceled, he was fired from The Equalizer , and his Peloton commercial (inspired by his character's fate in And Just Like That... ) was pulled. The only thing he has appeared in since is a one-night reading last month of a play that he produced, directed, and starred in.

And finally, let's end on two actors who ruined their careers overnight...and then came back.

21. Louis C.K. admitted to masturbating in front of colleagues in 2017 after the New York Times published an article accusing him of this behavior. FX (which had broadcast his show Louie ) severed ties with C.K., and his upcoming film I Love You, Daddy was shelved days before its premiere.

He was recast in the Secret Life of Pets sequel, and his planned specials were canceled.


He seemed to make a comeback in the last couple of years, however, winning a Grammy, going on an international comedy tour, releasing a new special, and cowriting and directing the film Fourth of July. I'm a proponent of redemption and forgiveness, but anyone who has ever sexually assaulted anyone — and this is sexual assault — should never, ever be allowed to gain more fame and wealth!!!

Shame on the Grammys for even nominating him. 


22. Mel Gibson took a break from Hollywood after his 2006 DUI. As he was being arrested, he went on a tirade against Jewish people, which was leaked to TMZ. A few years later, a phone call of him making racist, misogynistic comments to his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva was also leaked. He was later charged with misdemeanor domestic violence against Grigorieva.

However, just six years after this second incident, he returned in 2016 with Hacksaw Ridge , which he directed. The film was nominated for six Academy Awards, winning two. Gibson himself was even nominated for Best Director.

I really think these awards should have some sort of morality clause, specifically for domestic violence, sexual assault and harassment, and racism. Like, I don't care how good an actor/director/writer/comedian you are — you shouldn't be getting the top awards of your profession when you've been accused of these things, or else other people are going to think it's okay.

23. And finally, I cannot make this list without mentioning Will Smith, who suffered a major fall from grace after slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars in 2022. He was barred from attending Academy events for a decade, and many of his upcoming projects were delayed or halted. Public perception of Smith drastically dropped, and his next film, Emancipation , came and went without much fanfare.

Suggested by davidrivera86

However, Smith does seem set to make a comeback — he is currently filming the fourth installment in the Bad Boys franchise.

[taemcains]

meme aside, fka twigs - cellophane is very dmitrylane coded. atp i need all hsr couples inspired playlist so i could listen to some music while suffering throughout the gameplay. imagine lane asking for dmitry's validation and understanding while kira being jealous about it and wishing their relationship to end. sounds like drama to me.

sorry for the late reply i was stewing in this bc this is so delicious ohmygod??

i love stoic lane but it seems like she's regaining all her 'negative' emotions on devil path so imagine his route... when she falls for him she's not going to be nonchalant she's going to be obsessive to the point of destruction. her going absolutely insane and possessive over him. how will he grapple with the horror of watching her turn into that and still be unable to abandon her? when she harms the squad, who will his loyalty lie with? his duty or this love?

every single lyric is them coded but especially they're watching us / they're hating / they're waiting / and hoping / i'm not enough

anon your brain is so big

as for the playlists i fear i only have a cainlane one which is entirely just projection 😭 but another anon recd galimatias - sly for greglane!!

[chorusfm]

Ashlynn Malia – “Feels So Good” (Song Premiere)

Today I’m excited to re-introduce everyone to indie-pop songwriter, Ashlynn Malia, who is back with a great new single and video for the song, “Feels So Good.” The track comes from Malia’s recently released EP, Navigating Galaxies, that is available now where everywhere music is sold. When speaking on the latest single, Malia shared: I’m in a phase of my music that I’m calling my ‘ethereal pop era.’ This is one of the first songs to come out of it, and I couldn’t be more excited. It’s new for me to put out a song about being happy, I feel like there tends to be this idea that happy music can get a bit cheesy. Instead of being scared of that happening I leaned into the fun of it, while trying to incorporate a cosmic quality as well. I was also able to catch up with this talented artist for a brief interview below. What inspired your “ethereal pop era,” as you’ve dubbed this new period for yourself? Do you have any key inspirations? I definitely think that this era is emerging in response to my personal view of the world shifting. These past few years, I’ve looked at my life experiences through a more metaphysical lens, always finding the ways in which my existence and my relationships with other people transcend what the eye can see. I’m drawn to sounds that remind me of that transcendence. At the same time, I’ve fully leaned into my appreciation for pop music, binging old Britney Spears projects while simultaneously staying obsessed with my all time favs like FKA Twigs or Lorde, whose work and subject matter tends to be darker, more alternative and experimental. How would you compare “Feels So Good” to your other recent releases, and what about the track helps point listeners toward this new era sonically and aesthetically? The fact that it’s upbeat lol. But in all seriousness the shameless pop quality that this song and the art around it has is new for me and very exciting, and definitely a huge vibe change from my Last EP “Navigating Galaxies,” which is literally a collection of voice memos with single instrument accompaniment. I’ll always keep that singer songwriter in my heart, but I’m excited to continue exploring my pop side with the next releases, and the dancer in me can’t wait to have music out that everyone can dance to. You noted that putting out “happy” music can sometimes feel “cheesy.” What pushed you to want to channel that somewhat sappy feeling either way, and how did you end up with this final product once you overcame that mental hurdle? I think really truly being in love at the time I was recording this song helped me channel the sappy feeling in a way that was still really genuine to me. I felt everything I was saying. I was so head over heels for someone, so happy to have this love in my life.  The mystery of new love and all the ways that hazy, drug-like feeling can be interpreted sonically helped me overcome my belief that happy songs are always condemned to be cheesy. And honestly, so what if this one still is? At least it’s real. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/ashlynn-malia-feels-so-good-song-premiere/

[aaronexplainsitall]

I'm not arguing that people will still be mad about the Matty Healy thing for that long, especially if it ends/fizzles out relatively quickly, but if people lose interest and drop off enough now, there's a not unrealistic chance that she won't have that core support the next time around. And we've never seen her release an album or launch a tour without that. / I would agree with you but I don’t think most of those “inner circle” fans you’re talking about would actually unstan even if she married the guy. Most are throwing fits because she is not kissing who they want her to kiss not because they actually care about any of the issues whether that’s because if shipping or just the image they want her to project so they can feel good about having her as their profile pictures. If it was about the issues they wouldn’t be making up extra things to be mad at him about (trying to start rumors he abused FKA Twigs is especially gross after what she’s already been through) or changing their profile pictures to Phoebe who is best friends with the same guy they are mad at Taylor for sleeping with. A huge portion of the fandom is always mad and yelling at her about something at all times (some things more important than others) and it never really matters. They will be mad about merch being ugly and then still buy the merch. It’s just very hard to take seriously.

To be totally honest, I don't really disagree with you. I think sometimes I get caught in the echo chamber of slightly more discerning fans that I follow and I think that everyone feels that way, but a cursory glance at Twitter or Tiktok tells me I'm wrong.

It reminds me a bit of June 2020 when people were so angry with her around BLM that she had to abandon her Tumblr account, but a month later she put out Folklore with no notice or pre-order and had the highest week 1 sales of the year for any artist and a number 1 single that had no promo.

[accidentalharrie]

The idea that Shia quit and that it was in August 17 came from… Shia. A man who recently admitted to LYING ABOUT HIS FATHER ABUSING HIM. And when confronted with Olivia doubling down on her narrative he folded and said “it is what it is”. Why are we still going in circles?

(My, possibly not fully accurate) timeline of events:

January 2019 — Shia LaBeouf releases Honey Boy, a movie about his fucked up childhood and the pain he endured. The movie is a huge hit with critics, receiving a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. The entire promo season for the movie is Shia using it to explain his prior abusive, racist, and overall erratic and problematic behavior.

August/September 2019 — Olivia wants Harry to be in DWD, Harry can do it if it’s late 2020, but absolutely cannot if it’s summer 2020

November 2019 — Harry announces his tour in North America and Europe. Shortly after he announces his tour in South America. Adds that “Australia and Asia dates coming in 2020” probably waiting for word from the studio on when DWD will film.

January/February 2020 — Shia receives multiple awards and nominations for Honey Boy, as does the movie itself. His redemption arc is complete.

February — The studio decides to film in the summer of 2020 (I’ve seen that this was the original timeline for filming before COVID in a few articles). Hence, Harry can’t do it, so he steps down from the movie.

March 2020 — COVID. Olivia and Jason end their relationship but continue living together for a few months (because of COVID), while doing conscious uncoupling, probably planning to announce the breakup after the therapy process is over. Harry announces Australia dates for late 2020.

April 2020 — Shia is announced as Jack Chambers in.

May/June 2020 — Filming for DWD is pushed to the end of the year.

July/August 2020 — Shia wants to rehearse in person and finds it frustrating that Florence refuses. Olivia is caught in the middle, she’s probably on Shia’s side that rehearsals SHOULD happen and SHOULD be in person, as scary as COVID might be. Shia threatens to pull out, endangering the entire movie since it’s so close to the beginning of production. Cue Olivia asking Shia to stay and “Miss Flo”.

August-early September 2020 — Shia crosses a line that makes Florence uncomfortable, and Olivia will not allow it. Shia asks Olivia for an ultimatum, it’s either him or Florence. Olivia chooses Florence. Shia believes he quit, but in reality he was let go in order to protect Florence. At this point, Harry has postponed all his shows for the year.

September 2020 — Olivia contacts Harry’s agent to ask if he can come back to the project. His agent responds positively. They have a zoom meeting and he joins the project immediately. It’s announced on September 11. Harry flies to LA shortly after.

October 2020 — pre-production for DWD begins. Harry and Olivia begin their relationship during this time, on the 25th.

November 2020 — Olivia and Harry’s relationship is serious, Olivia decides to announce her and Jason’s breakup, for obvious reasons. The breakup is dated as “early 2020.” Jason does not dispute this. The real reason Shia wasn’t on DWD is revealed. Shia does not dispute this.

December 2020 — FKA Twigs files a lawsuit against Shia. Olivia and Jason finish conscious uncoupling (presumably started when they first separated back in March). Paparazzi stalk Olivia outside of Harry’s house. The rumor mill is starting. Jason continues to call Olivia his partner… even though she hasn’t been wearing the engagement ring for over a month and at this point he probably knew she was with Harry.

January 2021 — Harry and Olivia are spotted by paparazzi having breakfast in the balcony of their hotel, probably tipped off by staff. Later, drones photograph Jeff’s wedding and these pictures expose them as a couple. Jason, who had not been (outwardly) combative up until that point, begins his resentment campaign by muddling the timeline with his shady “sources” whispering to People Magazine, creating this fake idea that Olivia and Harry had cheated, when in reality, their relationship had been over for 7 months by the time they got together!

We know the rest of the story. How does this not make perfect logical sense? The one thing I’d add is that I think Harry and Olivia began speaking during the pandemic, but strictly as platonic friends. It’s something a friend of mine floated as an idea and it makes perfect sense to me. She reminded me that Harry said he checked in on people around that time and I can totally see a scenario where he has Olivia’s number because of the early contact for DWD and shoots her a text to see how things are going. This would explain Late Night Talking AND Satellite to a T. Perhaps he thought his feelings were one-sided until he went to LA. It also explains why they got together so fast once they met in person, and it doesn’t contradict anything any party has said! But it is 100% my speculation, and not necessarily what happened.

An ask with formatting!! I love it. I would quibble with the idea that Harry was even tentatively tied to DWD before Shia backed out ( based on the story Olivia told the VF reporter about the note with On tour - Darn! or whatever -- it makes me think she didn't get past an initial inquiry) but I really appreciate you putting this all in order like this, especially all the Shia stuff. xox

[sensitively-taken]

i. autumn breeze — choi yeonjun

synopsis. it was the fateful beginning to the last year of your high school life and you were starting off fresh. new town, new school, new you. after some messy love, choi yeonjun was looking for a fresh start too, leading you two to finding each other. however, as you would soon learn, nothing in high school lasts forever. not even your favourite autumn breeze.

pairing(s). choi yeonjun x gender-neutral!reader ft. (mentions of) soobin x reader

genre(s). angst, coming-of-age, (minor) fluff, highschool au.

warnings. alcohol consumption, partying, underage drinking. rated PG 15.

word count. 1.1k (1143)

taglist. @yeonyeonyeonjun​ if you’d like to be tagged in each part when i post them, feel free to send me an ask or dm me!!

listen to! cellophane, fka twigs ⭑ friends, NIKI ⭑ night go slow, catey shaw

notes. ah, here it is! the first part of heartbreak haven. it’s going to be a wild part, so no matter how frustrated you get know you’re going to get even more frustrated in the later parts. trust. LOL besides that, i hope y’all enjoy this & stay tuned for the next two parts!! <33

Choi Yeonjun had been an autumn breeze.

He, gathering up summer’s glee and joy, had welcomed you with open arms right on the first day of school. There hadn’t been a smile on his face—you don’t remember there ever being one—but there’d been comfort in the way his eyes had shined. You hadn’t questioned his apathetic face or the deep sense of sorrow you had sensed from within him. Instead, you’d let his warm air wrap you up and hoped that his embrace would last.

Your relationship had never felt fleeting (though, you now realise, it was).

The long walks you two would take home from school, talking about anything and everything, weren’t fleeting. Study sessions held in local cafés, which consisted of more laughter and dry jokes—from Yeonjun; everything about him had been so dry and sombre—were anything, but fleeting. Even the brief smiles you’d send him in between classes, though short, felt longer than the classes you were heading into.

For the entirety of your relationship, everything had been fine. Sure, you two weren’t the most spontaneous of friends—loud and bright wherever you went—and you weren’t the type that could communicate with a single glance, but you had each other and that was all you needed.

So, why hadn’t things worked out?

That was the only thought that’d been plaguing you, since the moment you walked into the party and spotted Yeonjun smiling with some people surrounding him.

You thought you were over it. It was November now. The autumn breeze had left and the cold was trickling in, so it’d make sense for you to move on with it. But, his smile—so wide and so toothy (you’d never thought he would have a toothy smile)—dredged up unresolved feelings within you. And you couldn’t help but wonder, when did things start to go wrong?

Maybe it’d all started in October.

In September, Yeonjun had had you all to himself. In classes, you two had constantly paired up for projects. During lunch breaks, you two would save seats for each other—Yeonjun even declining to sit with other people for you. Your walks had been yours alone. Even if your parents had warned you not to stay out too late, with Yeonjun, those walks had felt like minutes whizzing by. Nothing could’ve separated you two, not that either of you had wanted that, for that first month.

Then, October had brought around some gradual changes.

First had been the schedule change. A couple of your periods had been flipped around, leaving you with only two shared classes and a lunch break. You two had told yourselves it was fine, and it truly had been. Any time lost had been made up in your walks, and nothing had felt out of place.

But then, there’d been another change. Your parents had encouraged—forced—you to get a job, which cut your walk time in half. Yeonjun had still reassured you that it wouldn’t change anything, that you would find a way around it. And, at first, nothing had changed. He would show up at the little diner you worked at, order a hearty meal, and tip extra. Sometimes, he’d even wait till the end of your shift to walk home with you, as you would rant about the countless times your annoying coworker tried to talk to you.

You had truly thought that, no matter what, your friendship was able to storm through whatever challenges were thrown at it.

(You’d been wrong.)

The end of October had brought around budding crushes, on both your ends. A blue boy, with a wide smile and a big heart, had made butterflies erupt from your chest, and the feeling—though painful—was wonderful. Meanwhile, Yeonjun’s cheeks would occasionally warm out of nowhere, and you’d spot him practising a confession multiple times.

Your feelings had left some distance between you two, as you’d spend some lunch breaks with your crush and switch out some walks for a ride in the blue boy’s car. But, it hadn’t been a canyon between you two. It’s been more like a valley, a barely steep one, that you two could slide into from your hills to rest in each other’s embrace once again.

So, if that wasn’t it, what was it?

Maybe it’d been that specific October day, you thought as you swirled around the drink in your hand and chugged it in one go. Eyes still set on Yeonjun, you didn’t flinch when his drifted towards yours. The surprise, then deep sorrow reflected in his eyes confirmed your thoughts.

It’d definitely been that day.

That day had seemed normal like any other (oh, if only you’d known how it would turn out).

Being mid-October, the temperatures had been rising, the days shortening, and you’d been able to see your breath in the cold, morning air. You’d loved the weather, and so had Yeonjun—you’d known because his eyes had been a little lighter than usual, something that’d brought a small smile to your face—but you’d spotted him fidgeting and nervous all day.

“_____,” he’d called out in AP Calc, one of the two subjects you two shared, “I need to tell you something later, ‘kay? Make sure you meet me by our spot after school.”

You hadn’t been nervous. (You hadn’t known there’d been reason to be nervous.) So, you had shrugged simply. “Sure.”

And, your day had gone on. By the time you’d been in your last period, and the smiley, blue boy had asked to drive you home, Yeonjun’s words had almost slipped your mind. Normally, you would’ve declined, put Yeonjun first. But, there’d been a certain curve in his smile, a certain sparkle in his eyes, that you’d found yourself saying yes.

You weren’t sure if you regretted your decision. (Something deep within you told you that you didn’t.)

So, instead of finding you at your shared spot that afternoon, Yeonjun had found a speedily written note. And, when he’d looked all over the parking lot for you, he’d found you in the backseat of the blue boy’s car, hand tangled in his hair and lips locked with his.

That day, Yeonjun had walked home—his secret intact in the depths of his heart.

And, you never knew.

Bailing on him, you thought certainly, was it.

Yeonjun’s eyes weren’t on yours anymore. Instead, they were on the arm wrapped around your waist. There were many bodies pressed against you two, and dizzying lights filled the house, but you could still spot the recognition in his eyes.

Wordlessly, you looked away from him, refocusing your eyes on the boy beside you.

A cruel smirk stretched your lips, as you asked, “Wanna go off somewhere quiet?”

He nodded, slightly confused and dazed, and followed you out into the cold. And, as you leaned in, kissing him softly, you realised that you missed the autumn breeze.

ii. butterflies | iii. blushed cheeks & burned hearts

copyright 2022 soobisms, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.

[limmastyles]

What the whole Olivia thing showed me is the fact that she never liked Florence. We all know that she wanted to play Alice but the studio told her no. There’s no way that she would have given this up if the studio didn’t tell her to. She is upset that the studio wanted someone younger and more relevant and she’s had problems with Florence since day one. She was upset that Florence didn’t wanna work with Shia because of his method acting and how problematic he can be on a set but also Anyone could’ve looked him up and seen his allegations even before the FKA twigs allegations were put out. He’s had a bad past before. She was also upset that she didn’t wanna be a part of it anymore and he probably didn’t really care for the script and she was insulted so she went with the narrative of the fact that she fired him. Do you know assholes policy is something that Shonda Rhimes created. During her time on Grey’s Anatomy she had a couple of actors who extremely problematic and she started vetting people that she worked with. Actors, producers, crew, directors. No one got on her side if they weren’t someone that was good to work with or If they had any type of problematic tendencies or allegations against them. This was something that Shonda Rhimes created. Olivia took that and went with it because it was the narrative that was going to make her look better. The stunt/ relationship (whatever you want to believe) in my opinion is something that a lot of the crew probably didn’t know about and it made Florence uncomfortable because It caused a lot of tension and issues on sad but not only that Olivia was still engaged to Jason at the time and Jason is friends with Zach and Zach is Florence is ex-boyfriend. It just put the entire crew and cast and everybody that worked on that movie in a very uncomfortable spot. I do believe there were times that other people had to take over for Olivia and I feel like she didn’t do her job properly and that’s also where another bit of Florences annoyance comes from. So from the gecko she did not treat for and the way that she deserve to be treated and had an harbour resentment towards her because of the fact that she got the lead role. after the movie wrapped Florence started To distance herself from the film and it wasn’t something that people picked up on until just a couple months ago. If you follow Florence or are a fan of hers you know that she is really into promotions always promote the projects that she’s a part of because she genuinely likes them and cares if they do well. She’s very specific with the projects that she picks and wants them to do well and wants everyone to do well. So the fact that she wasn’t posting about don’t worry darling or interacting with Olivia or Harry with something that was a tell sign in my opinion. And in Olivia’s variety interview not only did Florence decline to comment or give an interview Olivia went on and try to paint the picture as if her and Florence were cool and how she saved the day and was the hero by getting rid of Shia and in my opinion she just should’ve just shut up about that and not said anything because I came in with receipts and proof that not only did Olivia not fire him, she begged him to stay but also through Florence under the bus and did not care that her main actress was uncomfortable working with someone like him. The fact that she wasn’t at the concert yesterday says a lot and we know that she’s in hiding because now the Internet has turned on her. There is actual proof that she begged Shia on multiple occasions to stay a part of the film. The fact that she was OK with casting him in the first place but also not caring that her main actress was uncomfortable working with him and Completely contradicted herself and what she said in her variety interview. Now what happens after this we will see but I know Venice from festival is going to be hilarious and I can’t wait to see it everything that goes on. Not only is her reputation in shambles right now, I doubt there’s gonna be a lot of studios would work with her.

[pinespittinink]

👀 Aries, Aquarius, Taurus, Gemini, Libra???

we're doing this for TGGT baby, GET IN 🎭

Aries - Share a line that you’re proud of!

me: do this for tggt also me: fuck what's a line i like

i've had this line almost since the inception of the story: "if you were offered a ladder out of the light, would you not take it?"

Aquarius - Who’s your least favorite character to write?

my motherfucking PROTAGONIST, Morgan, you bitch. I want to hustle along his arc to make him more antagonistic but i'm still laying down the bricks, and he's really far outside the mold of my staple pov characters

Taurus - Tell us why you hate your project.

so i'll never go out and ever say i hate a project, because i just,,, do not (u know this <3)

HOWEVER, TGGT is currently my Problem Kid™ and that really roots around into setting up Morgan effectively because it's not that he himself is very complex, but his surroundings absolutely are, and he evolves with the narrative to become a more overtly malignant negative figure, which i unfortunately just need to reserve as i work on laying everything else down.

Gemini - What inspired you to write this project?

my love of theater! i spent so much time among theater growing up, especially in high school, and it formed a lot of me. and then of course i watched phantom of the opera and moulin rouge back to back, listened to some kpop and fka twigs, and bada bing bada boom, TGGT came to life in it's own whacky misshapen way.

Libra - Which relationship dynamic do you enjoy writing the most?

currently, the little intricacies among the cast and crew--the way Percival, a big muscly crew member is very soft for the dainty young chorus girls; Zachary's fondness for the kids; whatever the hell is going on between Deirdre, Christina, and Claudia; Travis and Seongwha's relationship <33 it's all a lot of fun

🌟 constellation asks! 🌟

[pagesfromthevoid]

hi!! it's me again :) i sent the nightmare and whipped cream song for matt and i have another. I'm glad i'm not the only one who assumes that during matt and readers break, they definitely hook up. I think it's safe to say that Reader and Matt have some good sex and it's hard to imagine having sex w anyone else when you're in love. Though Matt's conflicted with his feelings, I think Reader is fully aware that they love him and that's probably what sucks the most.

Anyway, Reader has some telepathic abilities, right? People have a tendency to project their feelings into others around them, but what about telepaths? How far does that go for a telepath? Especially if the feelings are strong and intense. I think you know what i'm getting at here. Reader pleasuring themselves, their thoughts unintentionally drifting to Matt.

I think reader lets out some of their feelings with it too. Picturing what would happen if they ever saw him again. What the sex would be like. They picture Matt wanting, almost begging for them back, but regardless they still hold back. Edging Matt as a form of torture.

"You say you want me. I say you'll live without it."

"I know it hurts, Matty. You know i'd quench your thirst."

"I can treat you better than her."

Then there are moments where Reader snaps back to reality and realizes what exactly they're doing, getting off to the fantasy of Matt. Getting off to the thought of him needing them, begging, and near tears for them. They don't really care tho, too far gone into the feeling to stop now. Unintentionally projecting this same scenario into Matt's head. Though, Matt's probably completely unaware as to why hes even having these thoughts about Reader when Elektra is right in front of him. The feelings that these thoughts bring back, thoughts of reader and matt as each others lovers, has them both almost on a high.

"Get your mouth open, you know you're mine, Matt. I'll put you first, just close your eyes and dream about it. I'll quench your thirst, just chase the high and stop your doubting."

Meanwhile, Matt is losing it wondering what's gone over him all of a sudden. It sounds like their voice is in his ear, telling him these things. Why is he dreaming of Reader when Elektra is back?

"My thighs are apart for when you're ready to breathe in. Suck me up im healing for the shit you're dealing. Let me get those pretty eyes rolling, Matthew."

As Reader eventually comes down from their high, they're wondering how the fuck they're gonna move on from Matt. Meanwhile, poor Matt is wondering why the fantasy just snapped out of his head suddenly.

Anyway, the songs called two weeks by FKA Twigs. sorry if someone's offered this song already. hope you like the song :) 💕💕

HOW DID I MISS THIS

THIS IS SO TRAGICALLY IN CHARACTER

Oh my god like I cannot add any more this is a work of art

[rfadaydreaming]

— cellophane

why won’t you do it for me? when all i do is for you?

pairing: jumin x mc

words: 4.4k

link to read on ao3 [x]

prompt: failures // fights

tags: angst, language, unhealthy relationship, a bit toxic tbh, insecure jumin, emotional manipulation, unhappy marriage

a/n: for: @mysme-events​ angst week. this piece is inspired by fka twigs song, cellophane!

“Are you mad at me?”

Your voice had come out smaller than you had intended.

“Is there a reason I should be mad at you?”

He replied without meeting your gaze, opting to focus on the rain outside the car window instead. You didn’t quite know what kind of emotion his tone was carrying, but yet you knew it wasn’t good.

“No...”

You became hyperaware of the bad taste beginning to form in the back of your throat. It’s all too familiar, unfortunately.

“Then I shouldn't be mad at you. Should I?”

You didn’t answer him. You just weren’t sure what to say.

Heavy silence filled the car once again, the rain against the roof of the vehicle was the only thing that occupied the small space.

You sighed louder than you meant to, arms crossing over your torso, cheek resting against the foggy glass of the window. The cold felt nice against your skin, helped keep you grounded, calm. You took in a few deep breaths as you thought back on the events of earlier tonight.

The unfamiliar hand grazing the small of your back surprised you to say the least, you wanted to flinch away the moment you felt his hands touch you,, but yet you didn’t move. Why? You’re not exactly sure. Politeness, anxiety, maybe a mix of both. Maybe something else underneath it all.

You recognized the voice as a business partner of Jumins, the owner of the company that’s been occupying most of your husband's time as of late. Late nights, long meetings, hoards and hoards of paperwork.

His reputation was one you knew well, hearing it all secondhand from Jumin. He was quick to drop anyone who disagreed with him, no matter how small. Such a pain for your stubborn husband to work around, but yet as always, he somehow managed.

But one thing your husband made sure you knew about was his stance with women in particular. You weren’t allowed to come to the company dinners anymore. You could only drop things off through Jaehee at the office.

It seems he didn’t even want you to call him after meetings, one thing you two have always done even before you had started dating. Maybe the fear of his colleague overhearing your voice was the reason behind it, you didn’t know, you didn’t ask. You knew he would get upset if you did. 

Stay away from him, was all he warned.

And you promised him that you would.

“And you must be the famous Mrs Han, I presume?”

He was in front of you now, his hand lingering on your hip for a moment before pulling away. You inched away ever so slightly.

“Ah, Yes. I am.”

You had to look up to him to reply due to how close he was, the first thing you noticed was just how much he resembled Jumin. The only major difference was his eyes, while your husbands were grey and light, his were brown and deep. The similarities threw you off guard for a moment, however your surprise once you met his gaze seemed to be taken a different way than you had intended.

A slight chuckle escaped his lungs, It was warm and clear, it had a bit more of a higher pitch than Jumin’s did. More character to it.

“I’ve heard such great things about you! Your husband seems like quite the happy man. And I can see why, you’re beautiful. Ah– If I can say that, that is.”

You shied away without thinking, you didn’t particularly like the feeling you had in your stomach right now. You were also painfully aware of how his position was giving him a ‘good view’ of your body from up there, as your husband would sometimes say. 

His words seemed innocent, he seemed kind. But Jumin’s warning still flickered within your mind.

“Thanks, I suppose.”

You fully expected him to take advantage of his much taller height, but yet he didn’t seem to. His eyes were trained onto your own as he smiled, never glancing down at your chest even once.

A weird feeling stirred deep within your insides.

He isn’t like how Jumin described at all.

Why would your husband lie?

You entertained his small talk for a few minutes, he introduced himself, as did you.

Fear was the main thing holding you back from leaving, of course. Jumin had been working on this project for months now, the memories of him falling asleep over his laptop, his dark circles, his late night confessions of just how much his head ached were fresh in the back of your mind.

His mood swings, his exhaustion, his late nights.

Be polite.

Be polite for Jumin.

“–But enough about all that! Do you drink?”

“Uhm… Wine, sometimes. But i’m not the biggest fan.”

“Any reason in particular?”

He leaned into you a bit, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. You naturally smiled in return.

“I’ve tried some wine, but they’re just all so bitter to me.”

You scrunched your nose a little at the memories. Vineyards with Jumin were never your favorite, he just loved such sour wines.

“Bitter? Your husband is an investor in how many wineries exactly, yet only offers his wife bitter wine? Hm. We can’t have that now, can we?”

He spoke with a smile, wrapping his arm around your waist and beginning to guide you towards the bar. Before you even got the chance to protest in return, he was already sweeping you away. His thumb ran circles on your hip that you were painfully aware of. 

The pit in your stomach was growing heavier and heavier with every step.

It's been awhile since Jumin’s had even touched you like this, you thought.

It was nice.

He was rambling on about the wines he had lined up for tonight as he led you to a seat, pulling it out for you while still going on and on. You couldn’t even find an opening to interject, ask for a bathroom break, anything. 

He ordered you a drink, as well as one for himself.

You desperately scanned the room for Jumin, eyes bouncing off black suit after black suit. You just couldn’t pinpoint him like this, everyone was wearing such similar clothing...

You swallowed thickly and took a sip of the wine in front of you, face cringing a bit as you expected the worst, however pleasantly surprised once the taste had hit your tongue. 

It wasn't nearly as bitter as the wines Jumin often offered you.

Jumin’s sudden touch to your knee had caused you to jump a little, breaking you away from your racing thoughts.

“Stop.”

He finally met your gaze, you scrunched your brows in confusion. Two fingers pressed down against your skin, putting a halt to your restless leg.

“You know I don't like when you do that.”

A sigh escaped his lungs as he pulled his hand back, crossing his arms over his torso once again. Back to staring at whatever was so interesting outside the window. Oh yes, you had forgotten. How could you.

You glanced down at your knee after he had already pulled away.

It was red from the pressure that had been placed there.

“Well, sorry for being such an inconvenience then.”

You laughed a little in disbelief as you spoke, pressing your cheek against the window once more. 

Maybe it was a childish thing to say, but you truly didn’t care right now. You slumped further into the seat, humming to yourself softly as you stole some glances here and there towards your husband. 

His face was void of any readable emotion as of now, but his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes said everything you needed to know. He seemed to be thinking about something, your words perhaps. He suddenly met your eyes without warning. It made you flinch. 

“Inconvenience.”

He looked at you as he spoke. It felt so cold. You could feel anxiety beginning to build. 

“Inconvenience, is searching all over the venue for my wife when she won’t even bother to pick up her phone for her husband.”

He opened his mouth to continue, but you had cut him off before he got the chance,

“Jumin I told you it was almost dead earlier tonight, I just–“

“Don’t interrupt me while i’m speaking. Please.”

Jumin raised his voice harshly, it was ever so slight, but it still took you by surprise. His eyes were oddly intense with an emotion you couldn’t quite pinpoint, all you knew is that they carried weight behind him. One you weren’t used to seeing. 

His gaze made you feel small and slightly embarrassed, you weren’t even sure why. It just did.

You nodded and closed your mouth, letting him go on.

“Inconvenience, is watching my wife entertain another man while I watch from the sidelines. Not just any man, but the one man I so vividly remember telling her to stay away from.”

You opened your mouth to interject once more but his brows furrowed as soon as you did so, his chin tilted forward in silent warning.

He continued on.

“Inconvenience, is seeing my wife share drinks with another man. Flirting with another man. Touching another man.”

“I didn't flirt.”

You raised your voice slightly, not by much, but it was enough to make him raise a brow. It was just... so hard to control yourself when he was being like this sometimes.

“Sharing a few drinks with him, laughing and giggling like some teenage schoolgirl, letting him put his hands all over you. Might as well have.”

Jumin’s tone was still so cold, monotone, and for some reason that hurt more than anything else could have.

It was like this most of the time. He would never yell, he would never shout, barely even show any emotion at all if you’re being honest. It drove you up the wall sometimes. You always left feeling like you were the irrational one because of it, no matter the case. 

It seems that’s what was happening again. As it always does.

“I wasn't given a choice, Jumin! He wouldn’t let me–”

The car came to a sudden stop, you groaned a bit, nearly biting your tongue due to the stop. It interrupted you just as you had begun to raise your voice.

 Jumin gave you an heavy look before rolling down the partition, Driver Kim gave him the confirmation that you two were back home.

He got out first, offering you a hand that you had refused to take.

The elevator ride was so uncomfortable.

His posture was relaxed as it usually was, hands messing with his cufflinks absentmindedly, his expression nearly blank while he stared at the panel of buttons on the wall, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world or something. The only indicator he has when he’s upset would be a clenched jaw.

It was something you had become oh so familiar with these past couple of months.

Anxiety was building up inside of your body, it felt itchy, it nearly burned. It was almost always there and had no issues made itself well known. But there was something deeper building behind it, not just from the argument. Something unfamiliar, bitter, ugly.

It frightened you.

You weren’t sure what it was yet.

And you weren’t sure if you wanted to know.

The two of you entered the penthouse in heavy silence, it felt like even breathing was much too loud for the atmosphere around the both of you. Elizabeth the Third had come running over as soon as the door opened, but it seems even she was able to sense the tension. You weren’t surprised, she usually can.

She opted to climb up on the couch instead, tail twitching back and forth as she watched her parents carefully from afar. You vaguely wondered if she knew something you didn’t.

Jumin went straight to the kitchen as soon as his jacket and shoes were off, not a word was spoken while he left. He went for a glass of wine you could only presume, he usually did once he got home. Normally you would get on his case about it, his more unhealthy drinking habits had been increasing as of late, but tonight wasn’t the time to nag him for it. You didn’t have the energy to fuel the fire more than you already had. 

You walked over to the living-room with a sigh, giving Elizabeth a slight pat before sprawling out on the couch. Your feet ached due to the heels from earlier tonight, but the relief of home was a welcomed feeling. You let your body sink into the cushions as you relaxed, at least the best you could for now.

You stared outside the window for a few moments, admiring the beauty of the city below. Your mind wandered just a bit. So many different types of people, most you’ll never meet, never see. But yet you wondered if maybe anyone out there knew how you felt right now. Maybe they could offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, something. Anything.

You closed your eyes, suddenly aware of how heavy they were getting, allowing your head fall back against the couch. It felt nice for a moment. 

You drew in a deep breath, your lungs stung as you pushed their limits.

It was peaceful. 

Jumin popping open a wine bottle in the kitchen caused you to flinch as you were brought back down to reality. The anxiety of the situation flooded back all at once, enough to make your stomach churn. 

The gentle still of before was gone in an instant.

You knew how all of this would play out. It truly felt rehearsed at this point.

He would press your buttons.

You would get angry.

He would give you the silent treatment as soon as you lost your cool.

You would apologize.

He would forgive you.

The two of you make up until the next time, then the cycle repeats.

You were almost numb to it at this point.

It used to be fun fighting with Jumin at first, if you could even call it that. It never lasted for too long, never too harsh either. You both would talk it out, laugh a little, then of course the make up afterwards was always amazing.

But now? There was nothing. No heated passion afterwards. No talking. No laughing.

Nothing.

Now you two could stay angry at each other for days on end until eventually one of you got tired of it, usually you. And someone halfheartedly apologizes, again, usually you. There was no communication either, you two just… go on like it never happened.

But it did happen.

It does happen.

And it’s getting harder and harder to pretend it doesn’t.

You heard footsteps coming from the kitchen, getting louder every second that passed. A soft sigh left your chest as you kept your eyes closed, maybe he would go away if you closed them tight enough, you could only hope.

It's Jumin. That’s your husband. You should never feel that way about him. But yet, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t.

You opened your eyes slowly and watched as he sat on the chair across from you, crossing his ankles in a somewhat sophisticated manner before slowly looking you up and down. The position you had wasn’t ladylike if you were being frank, your legs spread out despite the smaller dress you wore, arms sprawled out across the back of the couch, your posture slouched deep into the cushions. It felt a bit judgemental the way he observed you, maybe not, but right now you genuinely couldn’t tell.

“Feeling better?”

“Oh fuck off.”

You spat in return with a bitter laugh, god how you hated when he said shit like that during times like these. You knew that he knew you hated it too. Enter the pushing of buttons.

“I was simply asking a question. No need to get so worked up, my dear.”

He focused his attention on the dark liquid swirling within his glass while he spoke, putting emphasis on the pet name, feigning fondness. You narrowed your eyes in return.

“I feel great, especially good knowing that i’m not the one in the wrong here.”

While you beamed, he tensed.

You shouldn’t have said that. You knew you shouldn’t have the second it came out of your mouth.

“A lot of confidence coming from a woman who was acting like a little whore less than an hour ago.”

He suddenly met your gaze, your eyes widened as you felt anger begin to flood your chest. Jumin had never called you something like that before. 

“Excuse me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Your voice was laced with offense, rage, maybe a bit of hurt if he cared to listen closely enough. But inside you knew he didn’t. You had gotten up from your place on the couch so quickly it had made you light headed for a few moments.

“Apparently something since you feel the need to flirt with any man you can get you hands on whenever I'm not around.”

Jumin looked up at you, you looked back down at him.

You were silent for a moment.

Processing things, taking it all in. Trying your hardest not to lose your cool, you just knew once you lost it he would have the upper hand. Don't lose your cool MC, please, you mentally chided. You inhaled deeply, exhaling even deeper as you took a quick breather.

“Look. I know how hard you’ve been working on this project okay, I didn’t want to fuck it up by saying something wrong to the guy or anything, I didn’t know what to do. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, Jumin.”

You pleaded almost pathetically. Here it goes. This is the part where you usually start to apologize.

“Please, dont pretend like you’ve ever had my best interest in mind.” He said with a bitter laugh.

His laugh stung.

It was the thing to finally push you over the edge.

“You know what, I really, really wish I didn’t. If you cared enough to pay attention you’d see i’m always putting your best interest first and it makes my life miserable, absolutely fucking miserable Jumin! I can't even speak to another man without you getting all insecure and pissed off about it, and guess what happens after that? You make me feel fucking insane when i’ve done nothing wrong!”

You shouted, vented, spilt things you’d never even said out loud before.

“I don't even want to go outside anymore because I just know i’m going to do something that’ll make you mad, and you know what? I’m the person who has to apologize for it. Every single time. I’m the person who ends up comforting you even after you spend hours making me feel like i’m some whore or a broken fucking toy you only keep around because you’re scared of being alone again. It’s always me, me! It’s never you! I am so, so fucking tired of yo- this.”

He met your eyes, they were wide with surprise, shock, maybe even anger, but honestly you didn’t have the energy to care about his feelings right now. You couldn’t. It’s all you ever do, and it’s taking its toll on you. It’s too much.

Your slip up felt heavy in your throat. An apology almost spilt from your lips, but you stopped yourself before it had.

“This. I am so tired of this.”

You corrected yourself much quieter this time. It sounded so desperate, so empty.

The both of you sat in heavy silence once more. Exhaustion was slowly creeping its way into your body, mentally and physically.

You regretted all of your words almost instantly.

They weren’t false. But that only made you feel worse.

“MC.”

He spoke up after a few moments.

“Jumin.”

You replied calmly.

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

He genuinely seemed confused as he spoke, nervous, scared. On the inside you knew that he knew. He just wanted clarity, confirmation on what your words truly meant. It annoyed you, you had just explained exactly what you meant. But with a sigh, you held back your frustrations.

“Jumin. I am tired of this.”

You put emphasis on it, weakly pointing between the two of you. Eyes beginning to well with tears that you tried your hardest to shove away, your voice sounded so raw from yelling before, It hurt your own ears to listen to it.

A flash of guilt rapidly spread across his features, the glass in his hand shook slightly as he soaked in the true meaning behind your words. You were starting to feel guilty, he looked… scared. Your heart hurt looking at him in such a state right now.

His features softened as he met your eyes, he swallowed thickly. He looked like the old Jumin for a second again.

“MC, I’m–“

You cut him off with a shake of your head, a sad smile tugging at the corners of your mouth,

“You’re so sorry. I know. You always do that. You put me through all of this only to apologize the second I say something that makes you even the slightest bit nervous.”

He broke away from your gaze like it had burned, instead staring down at the red liquid resting within his glass. His jaw was clenched again.

When you first entered a relationship with Jumin, you knew the kind of person he was. And at the time, you really thought you were okay with that. 

He had a lot to work through, you knew.

You could help, you told yourself, you told him. You’d be there for him while he figured things out, it would get better, as long as you were there for him, he would get better.

And he did. For the first year at least.

But now, things were different. So different.

You would start to laugh at the cashier's jokes too loudly for his liking. He would grab your arm a little tighter than usual, a silent warning, and you would quickly stop.

If you entertained Zen’s antics a few times too many, he would give you the silent treatment. Eventually your relationship with Zen had suffered in the long run, it was just better for Jumin’s sake if you two didn’t talk anymore.

Is it better for your sake, MC?

You remember Zen asking, but you couldn’t answer him.

Now it’s gotten to the point where you can’t even look at another man for a few seconds too long or else it turns into another argument.

Sorry didn’t feel comforting anymore.

After all, nothing changed afterwards, so did he ever really mean it?

They were just empty words to you now.

He’ll grow out of it, right?

That’s what you wanted to believe at the beginning. But how long would it take before he did? If he ever did? You didn’t know if you’d be able to stick around long enough to find that out.

“Jumin I’m not sure… if this is…”

working anymore.

The words just wouldn’t leave your throat. But still, he knew. And you knew that he knew.

You took a few steps back with a sigh.

Something had triggered within your husband as he grasped the gravity of the situation, the implication behind your words, the consequences of his actions. He dropped the wine glass to the floor, making you jump from the awful sound it made as it shattered against the hardwood. 

“You can’t leave.”

His eyes were wide as his head shook frantically, his expression took you by surprise, you could see panic claw their way into his features.

“Jumin.”

“No. Don’t– Don't leave. I’m sorry, I'm so sorry.”

He was on you in an instant, you knew he stepped on the glass judging by the sound it made, but yet he didn’t even flinch. You didn’t have time to process anything before he was holding you tightly against his chest, you couldn’t go anywhere even if you tried to, the pressure hurt a little. 

“We’re fine.”

His voice was shaky as he comforted himself more than anyone, it had an uncertain edge to it, painfully reminding you back to the first time you had stayed in his apartment. It made you more than a little nervous.

“This won’t happen again. Just don't leave. Don't leave me.”

Jumin rambled uncharacteristically, apologizing relentlessly as he buried his face into the top of your hair, his hands coming to hold the back of your head softly, pulling you into his chest. The sudden shift in his mood was enough to give you whiplash, you felt so much, too fast. Confused, guilty, scared, numb. Surprise wasn’t one of them though, no. It’s always like this.

You could hear him swallow thickly while he shakily ran his fingers through your hair, his racing heartbeat filling all your senses. You couldn’t help but notice his embrace didn’t feel as comfortable as it once did, it was unfamiliar to you. 

Your silence only made him even more nervous.

He leaned down to kiss your cheek, your jawline, your temple, your forehead. You felt his tears press against your skin. He kissed your lips next, it was sloppy, panicked, filled with emotion. A sharp contrast to the Jumin you’ve been used to these past few months. Past few hours.

You didn’t react.

You didn’t kiss him back.

There was no spark to his touch like there should be. Like there used to be.

Your stomach was reeling, your ears were ringing. You suddenly buried your face into Jumin’s chest without warning, sobbing so hard that your head felt like it was about to burst from the pressure of your tears, your husband instead took this as a good sign. He hushed you with more of his frantic apologizes, but to be honest you weren’t really listening to him right now. Your mind only focused on one realization as you broke down within your husband's cold embrace.

“I love you.”

He whispered into your hair, you could tell by his tone that he really did mean it too. He cried with you even. Something he’d only done a few times in the relationship before.

You knew he did. You knew deep down, he loved you. 

All you could offer in return was a nod. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move. Just nod. 

You realized something in that moment. 

You weren’t able to say I love you back to your husband anymore.