#is it hot in here or is it just shaun?

[oeuvrinarydurian]

From Baby Morse to Badass Morse.

PS—ETA Sorry about the multiple watermarks. I couldn’t get this to work on EZGIF, so I went to Clideo. 

[jessieren]

It’s almost the end of 2024 and so that means it’s time for an Evans retrospective...

And so I present to you the top Evans spotting moments of 2024:

Laos (and THAT blue linen shirt...)

2. Exeter College

3. UIKY teaser pics

4. MAMA exhibition in Brixton (ok so we didn't spot him there but it was his photography on display - for possibly the first time in an exhibition(?) - and we got the Pink Tape 😂)

5. Patti Smith concert at Somerset House

6. Backstage with Endeavour friends at Three Men in a Boat

7. HIA read through (aka THAT black t shirt... 🥵)

8. HIA Rehearsal pics

9. Opening Night (aka Hair-gate) and Press Night (the SCRUFF 🥵)

10. HIA post show discussion

11. HIA fan photos and encounters *sigh* (so. much. good. content) AND the live stream (thank you OTT)

12. UIKY press screening and UK release

13. Almeida Theatre rehearsed reading

14. St Catz book launch

15. MacMillan Follow The Stars

Thankfully - after quite a drought - we got lots of great Evans content through the year and got to enjoy some amazing theatre, tv and personal encounter moments.

I'm forever grateful for the friendship, fun and laughter that we share on here - and that I got to meet Shaun this year, and that he was such a wonderful human being.

Roll on 2025...

[oeuvrinarydurian]

@season-77 said I have to, so I’m reblogging the BSOL.

Tux Tuesday: alt version

I have wallpaper that needs stripping. And documents that need to be read. Lend a hand, Evans? (This may or may not be code)

[kabr0ztrousers]

Ok hear me out…fem!reader X male werewolf alpha and leader of the pack. The others in the pack have been getting a little too comfortable with reader as they all live together in one giant pack house (it’s just innocent friendship, but alpha doesn’t like the idea that reader might want to leave him for someone else someday, let alone a member of his pack).

So, when he catches reader casually hanging out with one of his pack members again, jealousy and anger over take him and he essentially reminds her and everyone else who she really belongs to by fucking reader in front of them all (free use, cnc, voyeurism, exhibitionism, public sex, whatever works).

He puts her face right up to each of his pack members while he’s fucking her and asks her who she belongs to each time. Maybe at the end she collapses into one of the other werewolf’s laps and they refuse to touch their alpha’s mate after that big show.

In my head its hot and possessive and even more so when everyone else is forced to watch their alpha take on their now good friend.

Thanks!💕

Kabr0z Writes episode 66: Housemates

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

CWs: freeuse; exhibitionism; knotting; Dom/sub; enthusiastic consent;

A/N: I'll admit I've been looking forward to this one, hopefully I can do it justice!

As always if you have anything you want to see, be it a new idea or a something completely different please do drop an ask!

#########################################

Your parents weren't keen on you moving out with your boyfriend straight out of sixth form. You doubt very much they'd have let you at all if they knew the reality of your living situation. There were six of you in the tiny flat, cramped together sharing two bedrooms and a pokey living room kitchenette. Tom already lived with his brothers in the hopelessly overcrowded digs. Even so they were his pack, and you weren't going to separate them on your account. Your job was keeping the home of 5 lupines at an acceptable level of organised chaos. Nobody cared about the piles of clothes or the dishes in the sink really, as long as the piles of rubbish didn't get too high and mugs weren't allowed to generate their own ecosystems you were off the hook for rent and bills. Was it the feminist ideal? No. But it meant you had to do maybe two or three hours of gentle tidying a week and got to live for free. Of course, this life of leisure meant you got damn good at your hobbies, mainly video games.

In fact, that's what you were doing when it all kicked off. Tyler, one of Tom's brothers, had made the mistake of challenging you to a best of 3 at your preferred fighting game. That, of course, became a best of 5, then 7, then you stopped counting as you played on through the afternoon. One by one the brothers came home. Tyler was the lanky one, Sam had the white patches on his ears, Ben had the bushy tail, Shaun always smelled of hairgel. The four were lounging on the couch either side of you, hooting and howling as you demolished them each in turn, getting giddy and excited. The room filled with the familiar musk of four young wolves as you stayed on game after game, the stuffy room giving you a sheen of perspiration.

The front door opened to reveal your favourite of the brothers. Tom was home at last, carrying the group's takeaway in both arms. Chinese this week, the smell of sweet and sour battling valiantly against the teenage funk.

You all looked over to him, sweating gently through your clothes, the shirtless wolves panting, your hair pulled back, nipples prominent in your thin shirt.

Tom roared. You saw the look in his eyes as he bounded over to you and swept you off the couch into his arms. You returned his bear hug as he swung you around, and saw his brothers over his shoulder. Lupines don't generally bother with clothes unless they go out, relying on fur for what modesty they cared about, and an innate tendancy to not really care who sees their balls.

The other wolves had definitely been excited, Tyler and Shaun both had the tips of their cocks poking out of their sheaths, while all four of them were grinning and panting.

"You assholes been hitting on my girl?" Tom snarled his challenge to the others "She's my mate! I'll prove it!" He pulled off his jeans before tearing you out of your shorts and clinging top. He was already rock hard, pressing hmself against you.

"I'm all yours, Tom, nobody else's" you buried your face in his fur, holding your lover to you. You know he's just being hormonal, and you'll bet you can get a good fucking out of this "Why don't we go to our room and we can work out some of this worry"

Tom wasn't going anywhere. He hefted you, catching you with one hand on your waist, one supporting your crotch. "We're not going anywhere. I'm laying my claim" One of his fingers slipped between the folds of your pussy. You were already wet from being manhandled in front of his brothers, and there's no way he couldn't feel it.

You whispered into his ear "Claim me then, or someone might decide to take a share"

His cock throbbed when you said that. The finger slipped into you as he ground his palm on your clit. You rubbed back against him, silently egging him on as his brothers watched, conscious of the huffing and howling coming from them as their brother worked them into a frenzy. You already felt close, showering Tom's muzzle in kisses and grabbing fistfuls of the fur covering his strong neck. The faster you rubbed yourself on his hand, the harder he got, twitching into your belly, covering your skin with strong-smelling precum as you got yourself off on his finger. He curled his hand, just a little, but enough. The fingertip drove into the top wall of your vagina. Every little move you made caused a needy whine to leak from your mouth even as strands of your sticky-sweet arousal leaked down from you.

He pulled his hand out of you just before you came. You barely noticed, transitioning from rubbing your cunt on his finger to trying to get the thick, leaking, canine cock inside you.

Tom had other ideas. He leant you on the back of the sofa and rolled you, exposing your tits to his brothers before plunging that delicious rod into your pussy. One hand groping your tits, the other rubbing at your clit, he let you come to a wailing climax. Your hands gripped his as you spasmed on the cock holding you up, keeping them at your most sensitive places, guiding him to grope at you as his jaws settled gently on the meat of your neck. He bit down ever so gently, he wouldn't break the skin, but you'd have a beautiful bruise there tomorrow.

Your vision was still blurry from cumming so recently, but you could see the motion of the other brothers, their cocks in their hands as they jacked off,

"Wank if you want, boys" you groaned, reaching your foot out to the nearest one, brushing the end of his cock with your toes "this cunt's got an owner already"

You shouldn't have said that. Or maybe you should.

Tom's thrusts got more insistent, the hand on your tit sliding down to your hip as he pushed you down onto him. The knot was already inflated, knocking at the door of your pussy, too thick to go in without help. You lifted your legs, holding them as far apart as you could while both hands went to either side of your cunt, trying desperately to open just a little more, a little more, a little-

It slid in. You'd never let him rawdog you like this before. It felt so different without a condom around his knot, the precum thickened immediately, spraying harder and faster as you whined and moaned, twisting your body this way and that around the bulbous intrusion in your pussy formatting your brain.

Your clit throbbed, your belly tightened, your legs spasmed. You couldn't help but to tug on your nipples as Tom rolled your clit between his fingers. You moaned between gasps, the potent cum sure to knock you up - god you hoped so

Shaun howled into the air, his cock spasming in his hands, squirting out cum.

Tom wheeled you to him, pushing your face into his "Whose mate is this?"

"Yours" Shaun didn't meet your eyes, crossed and glazed as they were "She's yours, Tommy"

Tyler was next on the sofa "Whose is she?"

Tyler gulped "She's yours, all yours"

Ben was next, slowly squeezing his cock in one hand, "She's yours, Tom, no sweat"

Sam came last, his hands already slick with his own cum, lying back on the sofa. He just waved his hand and hummed his submission to the alpha wolf filling you with seed.

Tom seemed satisfied with this. "Whose are you?" He whispered to you as you felt like your brain was leaking out of your ears "Who owns your cunt?"

"You do, I'm yours" you could only just groan out the words as he filled you with bliss

He sat down on the middle of the sofa, grabbing the forgotten meal as he moved, still stuck in you "Right, who wanted the spare ribs?"

You later learned that what happened that afternoon was something akin to a marriage proposal. Of course, now you're formally owned, there's no competition for you, so if he wanted to share you with the pack...

You're pretty sure you'd be down for that

######################################

If I run out of requests, I'm definitely going to make a part 2 to this where the reader gets passed around the pack and fucked senseless again. Freeuse, werewolves, submission and industrial quantities of cum? Yes please.

[professorsparklepants]

Hello Desmond Miles enjoyers I have an au concept for you. He is tall, handsome, built, and lived in New York City. There is no way this boy has not been scouted by a modeling agency at LEAST once. I know this in my heart to be true. Canon-compliant version he probably laughs nervously, says he doesn't have a phone, and throws away the number they give him in the first trash can he can find.

BUT CONSIDER. It would be so fucking funny to make him a male model. Give him an Anok Yai style career where a street photo of him goes viral and agencies are calling him every day. No phone? No problem, you've got a job and a landlord. After a month of this he's like, you know what? Why *shouldn't* I be a male model? I ran away from home because I didn't want to be involved in a bullshit war between secret societies that probably isn't even real. What's the harm. And then a month later he opens a Prada show and his career explodes.

He'd do fantastic, he walks like a panther who's coming to eat you and has (and I am saying this because the modeling industry is notably racist) enough ethnic features to be interesting but not so many that he can't pass as white. Like a male Bella Hadid. Dolce & Gabbana would love him.

Anyway the really funny part is imagining Bill Miles tearing his hair out over the fact that his son has a Wikipedia page with his face on it. Asbtergo knows who he is ("why is Altair Ibn-La'Had in my copy of Vogue") but can't actually kidnap him easily because he's high profile enough that they can't just disappear him with no issues. Obviously they do kidnap him eventually but I think they put a lot more prep into it than "pull him out of his apartment 24 hours after they first ping his ID."

Lucy: yeah. You've been kidnapped. Sorry. They're going to keep you here indefinitely until they get everything they need from you through the Animus.

Desmond: I could break my diet.... Lucy can you get me a cheeseburger. Can I please have a cheeseburger and fries and a milkshake.

Rebecca, after he gets rescued: yeah they put you on the FBI most wanted list. Sorry.

Desmond: NOOO... MY CAREER...

The perception of his descent into terrorism would be amazing. Literally no discernable reason it just looks like he snapped under pressure and bombed a pharmaceutical company. The fashion industry is gonna get soooooooo much shit about it. Desmond is reading the New York Times article about it on Rebecca's phone like "not actually what happened but if it gets them to stop making sixteen year olds cry we'll call it a win."

Anyway you know the tumblr would be fucking insane about him. Discourse over whether it's ethical to be calling him hot if he blew up a building and killed dozens of people. Armchair sleuthing out the wazoo. There are multiple flower crown edits. Shaun leaks footage of Desmond's kidnapping and the true crime girlies go bananas.

[sjyuns]

WAY BACK HOME ┆ A SIM JAEYUN ONESHOT

BREAKING NEWS! the friendly neighbourhood superhero spider-man has been caught trying to swing into a girl’s heart — but why is he failing miserably?! is this the spider-man we all know and love? or has our hero lost his spark?

or in which sim jaeyun asks you, his best friend out, forgetting that he was still in his spider-man suit.

GENRE! best friends to lovers, mutual pining, extremely groundbreaking embarrassing pick up lines, my missed hit at being a comdeian, jaeyun being jaeyun ( ie a hot loser ),

CAUTION! idiots in love, two timing ( but they’re the same person ), kissing, love, mentions of weapons and fighting crime, bad pickup lines, embarrassment for sim jaeyun, both reader and jaeyun are nineteen in this fic

WORDCOUNT! 5100

MIKAELA’S! hey everyone, this is the first ever oneshot i’m posting on my shiny new blog! please feel free to leave feedback through reblogs or asks! hope you enjoy jake embarrassing the soul out of himself🫶 i love sim jaeyun so much ( too much it’s embarrassing tbh ) this is the last of my old drafts, sorry for the spam!

playlist ⟡ way back home — shaun ⟡ forever only — jaehyun ⟡ pov — ariana grande ⟡ daylight — taylor swift

i. with great power comes a platter of hot embarrassment

“With great power comes great responsibility,” is what Spider-Man once said in an interview with The Daily Times, the most widely read newspaper company in all of Seoul.

It’s so out of character of Sim Jaeyun that he himself wonders what exactly went through his mind at that given time to blurt out such a philosophical quote — especially when he was having the bad urge to take a piss at that very moment.

But whatever it was: he needs it to return now, because he’s standing in front of you, his best friend, and he thinks that now's the chance; to finally ask you out after saving you.

Unfortunately Sim Jaeyun is out of luck, like he always is with you, because nothing but five utterly embarrassing words come out of his mouth.

“You tingle my spidey senses.”

You choke back a laugh as you stare at the masked superhero, amused at his sudden pick-me-up. “Are you rizzing me up, mister friendly neighbourhood hero?”

It seems like too much thinking has altered the already broken thought process in Sim Jaeyun’s brain, because it is only now that he registers that he’s still in his Spider-Man suit, and you don’t have a single clue that he’s Spider-Man.

“Uh, I mean-” but he’s cut off by the roaring cheer of the gathered public, who have their phones out and recording.

“Don’t back down, Spider-Man,” a citizen calls out, and Jaeyun thinks it’s far too late to back out now, because not only will it crush his ego, you might think Spider-Man isn’t as cool as he seemed to be.

“Would you let me swing into your heart- I mean, could we” he pauses, “could we hang out sometime?”

You smile, and it makes Jaeyun frown slightly under his mask, because he knows that smile — it’s the polite one, the one you use in a slightly uncomfortable situation, as if you didn’t want to embarrass the popular superhero standing in front of you at the moment.

“Sure,” you grin, pearly whites on display, “could I bring my best friend Jaeyun though? He’s a big fan.” It’s him, he thinks, he’s the Jaeyun you’re talking about. And his heart skips a beat at your thoughtful action.

“Okay! Tomorrow, here, five in the evening,” he says in excitement without a second thought. You’ve just agreed to go out on a date with him, and he’s too drunk in love to think about how he’s going to meet you as Spider-Man without telling you his identity.

He shoots a web up and swings after shouting an elated “see you, yn,” in the air. All too caught up in you to realise the three critical mistakes he’d made.

ONE. He never asked for your name as Spider-Man

TWO. There’s no way he could ever go on a date with his suit on in public

THREE. How in the fucking world is he going to a date with you as both Spider-Man and Sim Jaeyun?

Sim Jaeyun spends the whole night twisting and turning in his bed, mind in a flurry as he tries to think of the smartest way to solve these problems.

And it doesn’t help him when his phone pings with a new message from you.

Guess who just bagged us a hang out with Spider-Man tomorrow!

Don’t wear that Spider-Man suit or I swear to god I will not bring you to see him.

He sighs as he presses hard on the power button of his phone, staring blanking at the black screen. Fuck power or responsibility, he thinks, all he wants is his best friend’s heart, is that too much to ask for?

ii. man up, spidey-boy!

“BREAKING NEWS! Spider-Man spotted trying to swing into a girl’s — who supposedly goes by the name yn, heart. And after failing miserably at the first try, he succeeded on the second. Spidey may be a hero who saves lives, but it seems like he might have to take up what youngster’s call ‘rizz’ classes.”

The wide billboard screen casts a video taken by a bystander as the announcer's voice blared into the main junction of the city.

Jaeyun groans as he hangs his head low, adjusting the baseball cap perched on top of his head to cover his face. Not like anyone knew he was Spider-Man, no, but it was just far too embarrassing for him.

He hears you before he sees you, your voice is illegally sweet as it causes a smile to appear on his face amidst all of the stress. “Jaeyun!” You call, “you’re unusually late,” and Jaeyun groans, blaming it on the lack of sleep he had gotten last night, “Spider-Man isn’t here yet.”

Right, Spider-Man. Jaeyun still hasn’t found a solution to that.

His suit is tucked safely in the bottom of his bag, just in case. But for now, Jaeyun thinks it’s a better decision to disappoint you as Spider-Man instead of as your best friend. Besides, he hasn’t missed a single hang out session with you, and he isn’t ever planning to.

“Do you think he’s actually going to come?” You ask, head tilting in question and eyes soft, and Jaeyun wonders if he actually underestimated how much you liked Spider-Man, misunderstood that seemingly polite smile you gave him yesterday — should he have came as Spider-Man instead?

“Uhm,” he pauses, hesitant to squash your expectations, “how about we go first? I’m sure Spider-Man will swing by, it seems like he likes you a lot.” And even though he was talking about himself, he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy bubbling in him at the thought of another boy liking you.

“Right,” you say, giving him a smile that makes his heart melt, “I guess it’s just us, like it always is.” Your fingers wrap around his, “I like it like this.” You mutter softly, yet in the buzz of the city square, Jaeyun catches the whisper of your voice, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

“Plus, if I ever need, you can be my Spider-Man — whip out that fake suit of yours. You have his physique anyway, and your pick up lines are just as idiotic as his. Maybe even more idiotic.”

Jaeyun lets out a loud laugh, one that’s of melodious dreams, and it causes a few pedestrians to stare but he doesn’t care, not when you’re next to him, asking him to be your very own Spider-Man. And he agrees immediately, all too ready to put on the ‘fake’ red and blue suit just for you.

He’s a little amused that you still believe that he’s a hardcore fan of Spider-Man, because the only time you’ve caught him wearing that very suit was two years ago, when you coincidentally entered his room to see him in a Spider-Man suit without a mask.

And he still remembers your accusations of him being a fanboy, asking him if dressing up as his idol was what he did in his free time. Jaeyun was way too flustered to even explain himself, and letting you know that he was the real Spider-Man never even crossed his mind as he bashfully nodded to your words.

But it wasn’t like you ever laughed at him about it, though you did tease him. You would still buy him different types of Spider-Man merchandise, ranging from Spider-Man socks to a custom Spider-Man mug with the words ‘Spider-Man loves Jaeyun’ in bold red.

With every gift given, came an opportunity to reveal his identity. Yet Sim Jaeyun never seizes it, he refuses to, because he finds it so endearing — the way you have the proudest smile on your face as you give him merchandise of himself that he has never seen before, the way you send him a picture of every single Spider-Man related thing you see on the streets.

“Right,” he nods as he gazes adoringly at you, “forget the real Spider-Man, I’ll swing into your heart.” And the giggle you let out once again makes his knees weak — he thinks the smile plastered on your face is much more genuine than the one he saw yesterday.

And he wants to kiss you so bad, tell you exactly how much he likes you, loves you. This familiar feeling that has settled comfortably at the bottom of his heart and back of his mind for the past four years, has only grown and never dwindled. It was times like this, where he didn’t feel the burden of having to be alert about ongoing crime.

Only with you can he feel like Sim Jaeyun — a lovesick nineteen year old and not Spider-Man, the hero of Seoul.

“Jaeyun, what do you want to do first?” You ask, pulling him through the blaring fun of the amusement park. He hums, following behind your excited figure, letting you choose what you wanted to do. “Oh my god, look it’s a Spider-Man toy.”

You halt in your step and immediately turn towards him, eyes sparkling. “Do you want it Jaeyun? I’ll get it for you. Just so you aren’t too sad that Spider-Man ghosted us today.”

He scoffs, as he examines the booth. It’s a shooting game, and he knows that you suck at shooting. “You sure, love? From what I remember, you aren’t too good at shooting games,” he brings up and you shoot him a sharp glare before pestering him to pay the vendor.

You end up blaming your best friend for jinxing you, “Yun, if you never said that, I could have shot them all down,” you complain, eyes morphing into slits as you pinpoint the blame on him. Jaeyun raises his two hands in innocence, face displaying an expression of shock, “I didn’t even say anything wrong, plus you barely hit one out of five balloons.”

You groan, shushing him in embarrassment, “If you’re such a professional, win it for me then,” you challenge him. Jaeyun shrugs, it’ll be easy — all those years of shooting webs has made him extremely sharp, so he manages to shoot all the five balloons without any effort, snagging the coveted Spider-Man doll.

“You sure you don’t want it, Yun?” you question, “add it to your collection as a fanboy.” He shakes his head, handing you the plush toy, “I won it for you. Plus, I like the ones you gave me more.”

It overwhelms you, the stark sincerity in his voice. And you feel the sudden need to kiss him, not like you’ve never thought of it before (more like you’ve thought about it too much), because Sim Jaeyun with his bright personality and handsome face is far too good to be real.

But you can’t bring yourself to be that direct, so you settle for a kiss on the cheek. A quick movement and a short peck before you let out a loud giggle, walking over to the next booth with a stupid smile plastered on your face, leaving Jaeyun in shock and awe — eyes wide and mouth agape before he bites back a smile.

He thinks it’s too hard to conceal his feelings any longer; that he has to tell you soon, next week, tomorrow, or maybe even now. And he feels the three words, eight letters, at the tip of his tongue.

As always, though, he swallows them back down, throat dry as he stares at you. The fear of rejection far too intense for him to handle.

How ironic, that Sim Jaeyun could fight criminals with equipped daggers that could kill him in one swift motion, yet he could not say three simple words to a girl who has pierced his heart and filled his stomach with butterflies.

iii. in a sticky predicament

“Now on to our very own Spider-Man’s upcoming love story that seems to be wilting by the looks of it — Spidey, in fact, did not show up to his date with yn, who was seen with another boy at the amusement park. Our very own hero is facing multiple accusations that he may be, like his representative colour, a red flag. However, a minority of fans have brought up a speculation; that the boy we call Spider-Man, might be the very boy accompanying yn yesterday unmasked. That’s all for Spider-Man, here on The Daily News.”

“Don’t you think that’s insane Jaeyun?” you laugh, throwing your head back into the soft pillow on his bed, “they think you’re Spider-Man.”

“Right,” he trails on, arms crossed as he leans on the doorframe, “that’s so impossible.”

His laugh awkward as his fingers find themselves combing through his hair for the nth time. And you turn your head, looking at him with suspicion. Right, that’d be crazy, insane maybe, you think, because Sim Jaeyun was well — him. He’s slightly awkward, likes physics, and hell he’s scared of bugs, so it’ll be mind blowing if he ever was the real Spider-Man.

But impossible, you think, might not be true. And you sit up on the edge of the bed, eyes trained on him. Same physique, similar height, he’s athletic, and he shoots well. Plus, from your ever so short encounter with Spider-Man saving you from getting your wallet stolen, Spider-Man is just as awkward as your best friend.

Could he really be Spider-Man? But he’s a fan of Spider-Man, wouldn’t it be weird if he was such a big fan of himself. Still, you couldn’t rule out the possibility.

“Jump,” you instruct, “hang upside down on the walls.” Jake is shocked, as his heart accelerates in nervousness at the thought of being found out.

“Don’t be weird,” he groans, trying to keep calm, “that’s literally humanly impossible.” His mind racing, finding a way to get out of this sticky situation, because as much as he wants to tell you his identity, the last way he wanted you to find out was through the internet. Also, maybe because you looked slightly angry, with your eyebrows furrowed and hands on your head, and Jaeyun didn’t want you to be mad at him.

You were deep in thought, was that why Spider-Man didn’t show up yesterday — because he is actually Sim Jaeyun, and he couldn’t be there as two different people.

That might be a stretch, but it isn’t an impossible scenario. You tilt your head, quickly grabbing the pillow you were just lying on, throwing it at him, “catch.”

He catches it easily, with one hand even, as his face contorts into an expression of surprise. “Don’t scare me like that, love,” he says. But you’re too flabbergasted at the fast reflexes of your best friend to even comprehend his complaint.

“You could really give Spider-Man a run for his money, you know?” you chuckle, as you tell yourself that no matter how much it might fit, it’s probably just a coincidence, “put on that suit of yours and fight crime.” It was all a coincidence, right?

“What if I’m scared of getting hurt,” he pouts, and you snort. With Sim Jaeyun’s level of cowardice, there’s no way he could ever be out there fighting.

“Then I’ll protect you,” you say, “I’ll be your sidekick, all you have to do is stand there and look pretty.”

He grins, walking over to stand in front of you; hands moving to ruffle your hair. “Okay love, you lead, I’ll follow.”

iv. tell him to grow a pair

Your newfound popularity brings you more drawbacks than benefits — by that you mean the sudden fury of boys approaching you to ask for your number. It annoys Jaeyun more than it does you, as your best friend flaunts a new irritated look that you’ve rarely seen.

“That’s the sixth fucking boy,” he grumbles, eyes rolling before he glares at the fleeting figure of Lee Heeseung, the boy who just asked you for your number, the boy who Jaeyun lashed out at.

“Be kind, Yun,” you chuckle, amused at your best friend’s sudden grumpiness, “I mean, I’ve never lashed out at any of the girl’s who ask you out.”

“No one has asked me out.” he groans, “are you flaunting right now?”

“Yes I am,” you reply, “don’t worry Jaeyun, you’ll always be my loser.”

He lets out a loud exaggerated sigh as he rolls his eyes, leaning against the locker as he grits his teeth in exasperation.

You wonder why no girl has ever hit Sim Jaeyun up. Granted, he wasn’t the best looking guy back in middle school with his choice of brightly coloured clothes that blinded eyes, but you think that was part of the appeal — how awkwardly adorable he was. Now, with his upgraded fashion style and bubbly personality, it’s a miracle no one has tried their shot at bagging him. Not that you wanted anyone to.

Sim Jaeyun is yours, just as much as you are his.

And he thinks the exact same. Despite what you think, he has had a girl approach him, professing his love only to get turned down by his puppy-like smile and his confession that he liked you.

Though his body exudes jealousy, there's a slight bit of relief at the fact that you turned all six of the boys down, telling them that you had a crush on someone else. He hopes, prays, begs that the person you think about is him. He furiously looks for a sign, because he’s tired of all this, and he needs a sign from you before he can courageously make the first move.

After school, the both of you walk down the buzzing streets with carts of street food lined up along the roadside. Your fingers bunching the fabric of Jaeyun’s shirt as he navigates the both of you through the crowded streets, making a beeline for his favourite churros shop.

“I told you the queue would be long, it’s Friday night,” you whine, mentally counting the number of people in front of you. Fifteen, that’ll take a while. “We should have just ordered in pizza and binge on Netflix shows.”

“Fine, we can eat churros another day,” Jaeyun pouts and you curse yourself for saying that even when you knew he wanted to eat churros.

“It’s fine, we can stay, since we’re already here.” You stop him, pulling him back beside you in the queue, “but you can’t leave to do something else like last time, you have to wait with me.”

The glow on his face coupled with the adorable smile on his lips makes you stare in awe. And you think Sim Jaeyun is so pretty and handsome all at once it’s a crime to look as good as him. His lips, god, they look so kissable and soft, you wish you could kiss them at any given time — now, tomorrow, forever.

But the moment doesn’t last long, as faint screams and shouts travel from a small corner shop down the road. “Thief, there’s a thief on the run.”

You watch as Jaeyun’s eyes widen, body in a sudden scramble, “uhm, I’m gonna go to the toilet for a moment,” he says amidst the whispers of the crowd, “stomach ache, you know.” Running off before you can give him a reply, brushing past people hurriedly into a random narrow street.

You shrug it off again because it isn’t the first time Jaeyun has acted out of character. However, you can’t help but realise it was always when there was crime.

The questions and suspicions floating around your head for the past week resurface as you focus on the narrow street your best friend had disappeared into.

Oh my god.

You blink profusely, pinch yourself, and rub your eyes because this is mind blowing information. You can’t seem to believe an ounce of what your eyes have just seen. Was that Spider-Man who just swung out of the very same alleyway?

Sim Jaeyun is Spider-Man. And your conclusion only seems to solidify as you hear the muffled voice coming out of his masked persona.

“Oops, sorry,” and a careless swing as he tries his best to manoeuvre through the crowd, accidentally knocking over a little girl’s ice cream cone, “I'm sorry, please don’t cry.”

Yup, that’s Jaeyun. His voice now so familiar you hit yourself in the head for not realising sooner. And his utterly helpless tone as he tries to soothe the little girl — you could recognise it from a mile away.

“I’ll get you a new one, I’m sorry,” he shouts as he spins his web and shoots again, lamppost to windows to signboards before effortlessly catching up with the thief; who was now bound to the wall by web.

“Sorry,” he groans for the fourth time in a matter of minutes, “it’s my job — i mean, not that you deserve to get away no, i just-” he rambles and you giggle at his comment. Seems like Sim Jaeyun will never change, even as a superhero or as your best friend.

“I meant to say, justice has been served,” he nods, seemingly proud of his awkward catchphrase that you were sure he stole from the superhero movie you watched with him a few weeks back. “I have to get back now, someone awaits me you know - i mean, no- I’m not supposed to give details of my personal life. I’ll just- stop talking… yeah.”

And you watch again as he swings back down the street. With his identity revealed, you can’t help but look up to Jaeyun even more now — a top student and a superhero? How unfair the world is. How lucky you were to have him as your best friend.

“Hey! Aren’t you yn? Spider-Man, is that your girl?” You shrink, head down as you fix your gaze on the floor immediately, cheeks a rosy red. God, you think, this is a little embarrassing.

You feel his presence before you see his shadow morphing with yours on the floor, “hey yn,” and you look up to see the superhero, who’s panting ever so slightly, stand in front of you in his glory. “Sorry about last week, I was well busy, and I know it isn’t any-”

“It’s fine,” you stop him from blabbering, a toothy grin plastered on your face. And Jaeyun feels proud, maybe him saving someone has put Spider-Man back into your good graces, maybe he has a chance with you as Spider-Man.

“I had fun with my crush at the amusement park. Actually, thank you for the opportunity, I kissed his cheek for the first time and it felt like heaven.”

He pauses, and Jaeyun wants to rip off his mask at the very moment to kiss you. You liked him back, fuck, you actually liked him back.

“Ah,” he says after a while of tense silence, his hands rubbing the nape of his neck, “that’s amazing. So- do you… I mean- so you’re like, in love with him? Wait love might be a little uhm-”

“Yeah, I’m in love with him.”

Time stops as your eyes pierce into his, and he can swear at this moment that you knew exactly who he was. He thinks it’s over, and he can finally ask you to be his — because he’s hellbent on loving you, for the past four years he has been.

“Seems like this crush of yours needs to step up his game, or I might just steal you away,” he remarks lightheartedly, uncaring of the sea of cameras pointing towards the both of you.

“Yeah, it seems like he does. Maybe you should visit him one day, tell him that it’s about time to man up, or I’ll be the one asking for his hand.” You shoot a knowing glance at him, a confident smirk on your face.

Jaeyun chuckles, “right, I’ll be sure to tell him that, wouldn’t want him to lose such a special girl.”

“Thanks Spidey, I wonder what I’d ever do without you,” you laugh, patting his suited shoulder before he once again swings away into the narrow alleyway, only to appear minutes later donned in his usual faded ripped jeans and white shirt, hair tousled and smile wide as he runs back to you.

And he’s before you all again, this time as your best friend and you swoon as his adoring eyes and elated smile. “You okay?” You ask, hand raising to fix his hair.

“I couldn’t be better.”

v. Batman vs Spider-Man, a battle of the mans

“Spider-Man should now change his name into wing man as he is spotted once again, engaging in conversation with the very same yn from last week. Spider-Man was not only ruthlessly dumped by her, but was also asked to quote on quote visit her crush to ask him to grow a pair. Seems like she is off the market for our poor lonely superhero, who can’t seem to catch anyone except for criminals. That’s all for Spider-Man, here on The Daily News.”

“Seems like you can’t catch a break, huh Yun?” You point out as you switch the television off, “not only defamed into a wing man but also asked to grow a pair.”

And it seems like he really can’t because ever since you confronted him about being Spider-Man, his days have been filled with even more ruthless teasing, and weird questions.

“How do you even piss as Spider-Man?”

“Can I swing from building to building?”

“Can you hang upside down for ten minutes?”

“How do you think you would fare against Batman in a fight?”

But there’s one unasked question still hanging in the air. And Jaeyun really wants to address it, but it seems like you’ve lost your confidence by the way the flesh of your cheeks heats an angry red at any slight hint of him being your crush — or as Jaeyun would like to call himself; your soon to be boyfriend.

“I’ve grown a pair,” he says, shifting towards you, eyes trained on yours, “seems like someone has lost a pair.”

“Have not” you argue, lies — you could barely look at Jaeyun now without a lovesick smile on your face. Neither could you muster up the courage to ask him to be your boyfriend. “And if you ever grew a pair, you would have asked.”

“Ask what?” He teases, face moving closer to yours. He looks too good, godly almost, with his black rimmed glasses perched at the bridge of his nose.

You pout, furrowing your eyebrows as you place a light slap on the middle of his chest. And he lets out a low chuckle, the vibrant sun rays flush through the sheer day curtains of Jaeyun’s room, a natural spotlight glowing on the both of you.

“Fine,” he whispers, and you can feel his breath on your lips, it’s warm and inviting and you feel yourself leaning into him. “Will you be my girlfriend, love?”

You barely nod your head before he attaches his lips on yours. And you think you’re going to be obsessed with Sim Jaeyun — your fingers find their way through his hair and he sighs. It’s like he’s imprinted in your heart and you want to kiss him again and again and again.

Sim Jaeyun with pretty eyes, pretty lips, a pretty face, a pretty being, breaks the kiss only to kiss you again and again as you wish.

“Did I swing into your heart, love?” He smirks as you playfully roll your eyes at his antics. “Are we not going to bring up the time when you fell after showing me your web skills?”

He tackles you down and you giggle, “I can fall from the sky, I can fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is to fall in love with you.” He grins idiotically before racing out the door as you cringe at yet another bad pick up line from him.

“Sim Jaeyun, are you kidding me? I wonder how you even make up quotes like ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ with that mind of yours.”

“What mind? You mean my mind — the place where you always are?”

You groan in fake disgust as you watch your boyfriend (boyfriend!) smile proudly at his idiotic pick up lines. The both of you drinking sunlight as if it’s love — where he’s all yours and you’re all his.

uncut. confessions i can’t make ( a crumpled confession letter written by a sixteen year old sim jaeyun )

hi dear yn,

i like you. it’s been a while since you took my breath away we first met. this is my first time ever writing a confession so i don’t really know what to say write… i guess it’s like writing physics notes so maybe it wouldn’t be too hard i hope

chapter one part one : what i like about you

i like the way you smile laugh, how your eyes turn into the tiniest of crescents, it makes me proud of the jokes i crack (that physics joke was good was it not). i like the feeling i have around you — it’s warm and fuzzy, natural — talking everyday without any forceful conversation, laughs or attention.

part two : why you should like me

i think you should like me because i like you. i think you should like me because i’m smart! i can help you with physics and maths. i don’t really know what else i can give you but i’ll try my best to make you smile everyday.

will you be my girlfriend? Oh god, this is so weird i actually like you a lot and

(a bunch of scribbling)

forget it. you’ll never like me back.

dear mister sim jaeyun,

after three hours of fighting for my life, i have finally gotten my hands on the most treasured item of the year, a sixteen year old you’s crumpled confession letter to me. and since you wrote it in a physics notes style like a loser, as your girlfriend i have no choice but to follow you (so that you don’t feel lonely)

one. what i like about you

everything. i like your hair, i like your face. I like the way you say sorry to every single person in the neighbourhood while courageously saving them. i like your pick up lines on some days and how you have the guts to challenge Batman to a fight when i proclaim him as my favourite hero. i like the way you laugh and i like the way you smile. i am especially enchanted by your kicked puppy ways and easily manipulated demeanour where i can always get what i want without question.

two. why you should like me

i’m your girlfriend and you’re my girlfriend. (you are my girlfriend) you should stop staring at me with those eyes, it gives me the ick (i meant that in a ‘whatever you say pretty boy’ kind of way) you should like me because i am the person who likes you the most. (i love you so much)

will i be your girlfriend? obviously i will, i mean who can say no to you.

love you babe,

spider-man’s (your) hot sidekick

© SJYUNS

[jessieren]

His curls are so important to me

And they’re back… almost

Morse's curly hair 💕

[onlyangel4]

espresso (the aftermath). la knight. smau.

la knight x singer!reader

the meeting

synopsis: a favour for a friend turns into so much more

warnings: cursing.

faceclaim: dua lipa

y/ninsta posted a story

written: someone just sent me this from rehearsals why do i look like i'm gonna kill someone

reallaknight replied to your story: the prettiest death stare

y/ninsta: simp

reallaknight: is it lame if i admit i had to google what that meant

y/ninsta: showing your age gramps

y/ninsta

liked by rhearipleywwe, shawnmendes, thereallaknight and 1,302,123 others

y/ninsta: tour starts tonight, where will i be seeing you?

view all 102,485 comments

rhearipleywwe: i can't wait to see this tour

y/ninsta: i can't wait to see you

shawnmendes: i'll be at every show

y/ninsta: that is how being an opening act works

user1: i always forget that y/n is in the wwe world like why the hell is la knight in the likes

user2: this is going to be my first concert ever i can not wait

user3: the red hair is so hot

user4 posted a story tagging thereallaknight

written: guys my girlfriend is dragging me to the y/n concert tonight so i thought i'd hit the gym before the show tell me why la knight was there. dude's a legend

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

the first day of tour was always a stressful one, you had done a full dress rehearsal with all the dancers and pyro and you were already knackered. it was two hours before you had to go back out on the stage and the arena was already filling up with people ready to watch you perform.

you were currently in your dressing room lounging on the couch, recuperating some energy ready for the full show. when you heard the door open, sure it was your tour manager you didn't look up from your phone, "how long until i have to get my make up done?", you asked.

"i have no fucking idea", a familiar masculine voice spoke making your eyes instantly flick up from your phone and go towards the door. "oh my god", you spoke jumping up from your feet as shaun opened his arms for you instantly pulling you into a hug.

"surprise", he mused

"what are you doing here?"

"i could not miss the first show of your tour y/n", he spoke as he leant down to press a soft, loving kiss to your lips. one that you reciprocated instantly just melting against his lips. you slowly pulled away from him, "this is the best surprise ever"

you and shaun were not officially dating but you might as well have been. you facetimed for at least an hour every day and text whenever you couldn't call. in the past few months shaun had clouded your mind constantly. you were forever thinking about the man and he had even inspired a new song that you had written.

remembering the song you let out a small laugh, "what's so funny?", he questioned eyebrow quirking upwards.

you shook your head, "i kind of wrote a song about you and it is in the live set"

"you wrote a song about me?"

"i did, i can take it out of the set if you are more comfortable with that"

"no, i'm curious now i want to hear it", he spoke, "i can't believe my girl wrote a song about me"

"your girl?"

"oh yes y/n, you are my girl. you are it for me", he spoke before kissing you again and truly taking your breath away. because what he didn't know was that he was it for you as well.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

y/nfan

liked by user5, user6, user7 and 14,293 others

y/nfan: guys i just got back from the first night of tour and omg. we got three stunning outfits and a brand new song.

y/n introduced the new song espresso in the best way possible: "guys i have a confession for all of you. i wrote this song the day after i met a man. i had never felt this way about anyone before and when my friends asked me about it i could barely talk about it so instead i wrote this song. i hope you love it, this is espresso"

so it is safe to assume that mother has a man and we are so happy for her.

view all 2,394 comments

user5: the song is so fucking good

user6: i wonder what kind of man has a chokehold on y/n like this

user7: i think that guy was at the concert because she kept on looking at the vip section when she was singing this song.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

wwe posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: y/n y/ln has graced us with her presence in the midst of her sold out us tour

thereallaknight posted a story

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

y/ninsta

liked by rhearipleywwe, thereallaknight, shawnmendes and 1,596,203 others

tagged: thereallaknight

y/ninsta: thank you guys for the best tour of my career. i thought i would give you guys a parting gift in the form of my new song espresso which is out at midnight. it is only fair to intoroduce you to the man that this song is written about. everyone meet shaun, the man that has kept me going on some of the toughest days.

view all 198,928 comments

thereallaknight: i love you but was that third picture really needed

y/ninsta: it really shows your personality

rhearipleywwe: so happy for you my love

y/ninsta: thank you love

user8: this is actually nuts

user9: my worlds have collided

[specialagentlokitty]

Shaun x sister!reader - the best day

No. 2 with Shaun Murphy and sister Reader who's excited? - Anon💜

2: “Why are you here?” “Because it’s Christmas Eve.” “So you came to the hospital?” “Well, you’re here, so of course I did.”

Walking through the doors, you rubbed your hands together as you made your way straight to the cafe.

It was your first stop, you were in no rush and you had plenty of time for what you wanted to do.

Grabbing yourself a hot drink, you sat at a table, setting your bag next to you as you looked around the decorated cafe with a smile.

You spent a while there, trying to warm up a little bit before you carried on to your destination.

Standing next to the desk, you set your drink down, checking your phone before looking around, waving at a woman who was passing.

“Hey sorry, do you know where Doctor Murphy is?”

“I don’t I’m sorry, if you wait here I can tell him you’re looking for. Can I ask you for your name?”

You smiled at her.

“Of course, I’m (Y/N).”

“If I see him I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.”

With that she left.

You knew she knew where he was, and she was going to ask him about you.

After all, she couldn’t just go around giving out details of everybody or where they are, she had to see if he knew you or if you were safe.

It wasn’t long until you saw the man you were waiting for walk over, hands in front of him as he smiled a little bit.

“Hello.”

“Hey Shaun, how’re you?”

“I’m good, I am working. How are you?”

“I’m good as well, a little cold though.”

He nodded a little bit.

“Why are you here?”

You grinned brightly at him.

“Because it’s Christmas Eve.”

He glanced at you before he looked away.

“So you came to the hospital?”

Laughing softly, you nodded and set your bag on the nurses desk.

“Well, you’re here, so of course I did.”

“Did you come all this way to see me?”

“Well obviously, I’ve got to spend Christmas with my brother!”

Opening your bag, you went through it and pulled out a messily wrapped box, holding it out to him.

“I know you’re busy, but open it when you can. I’ll be here or getting another drink or food.”

“Can I open it now?”

“Absolutely!”

You were practically bouncing with excitement as you watched him inspect the box before he set it down to start unwrapping.

“You’re bad at wrapping presents.”

“Come on I tried!”

He looked at you before he finished unwrapping it.

Picking up the book, he read the title before reading the back.

“It’s an old medical journal, I know most of it won’t be relevant today but I thought it was cool.”

“It has very old procedures in.”

“Yup, and who knows you may be able to use some.”

“They are not very safe (Y/N).”

“I know, but I know you’ll make them safe.”

He looked at you, holding the book out.

“Will you look after it?”

“Of course. Have you had your dinner yet?”

He shook his head, tidying the mess he had made before he stood there looking at you.

“Do you want dinner?”

“I do not like the food they serve here.”

“I made food, it’s in my bag.”

He walked over, peaking into your bag.

Shaun took the tub with his name on it, and he lifted it up to look through the bottom.

“You made my favourite pasta.”

“Yup!”

He smiled.

“We need to heat it up, come with me.”

With that he walked off and you ran to catch up to him.

You knew you wouldn’t see much of him, but when he was finished his shift in the morning you were going to make sure he had the best Christmas ever

[jessieren]

Sexiest (non sex) Scene Saturday

On the basis of if it aint broke don't fix it... I figured we should continue yesterdays theme from @too-antigonish of the sexiest non sex scenes...

This scene is the first one I noticed just how hot Evans was. All his scenes with Eve were brilliant but the way his eyes follow her as she sits down here is 🔥

You got need coming off you like a junkie gouging for a spike, but you won’t do anything about it..

GIFs by the fabulous @morsesnotes

[jessieren]

I adore this scene

ENDEAVOUR: Lazaretto.

[innuendostudios]

new video about Edgar Wright's Cornetto Trilogy, and how everyone* keeps getting them wrong! this video is sponsored by Nebula, a place where you can watch the original version of this video before I had to tweak it for YouTube's copyright bots. (by clicking that link, you can get an annual subscription for 40% off.) or you can just back me on Patreon, which is also cool and good.

transcript below the cut.

I adore Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy. I flirted with making a video about it ages ago, had a draft of a script, but ultimately decided it wasn’t about anything except “here’s a thing I like, and here are its (I thought) very obvious themes.” So I shelved it. But, in the years since, I have seen multiple video essayists on this here website claim that these movies are about growing up and taking responsibility. (I say “multiple.” It’s not a lot. But it’s more than one! And that’s enough.)

These people are 100% wrong.

Lemme lay it out: the Cornetto Trilogy is not about growing up. It is not about taking responsibility. It is the exact opposite, and that’s not subtext. It is three movies about stunted manchildren thrust into extraordinary circumstances, and each, in the end, is saved - is redeemed - by abandoning his character arc and failing to grow or change. It is a three-part love letter to immaturity.

And I guess I have to set the record straight.

Sometimes making a video about a thing you love is an act of appreciation. And sometimes it’s out of spite.

The Cornetto Trilogy is three movies: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End. All three are written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright; Pegg stars, and Wright directs; all three center on a relationship between Pegg and real-life best friend Nick Frost, which makes each film a reunion of the core team behind Spaced (excepting, but for a small role in Shaun of the Dead, Jessica Hynes). The three films span three genres: zombie apocalypse, buddy cop, alien invasion; each features a Cornetto ice cream cone: strawberry to represent blood, original blue to represent the police, and mint to represent little green men; this is a joking nod to Krzysztof Kieślowski’s Trois Couleur films, Bleu, Blanc, and Rouge, which were based on the colors and themes of the French flag (I don’t care what you say, Emily: #TeamRouge); that nod is funny because Trois Couleur is high-art drama and these are comedies. All three are parodies of, tributes to, and actually surprisingly good executions of their respective genres. And the hook, the gag at the center of all these movies, is that Simon Pegg plays a character wholly unsuited to be starring in this kind of film.

Shaun, the burnout, is the wrong person to survive the zombie apocalypse; by-the-book British bobby Nicholas is the wrong person to lead an American-style bombastic actioner; and alcoholic asshole Gary is the last person to save the world from aliens.

And I think that’s where people get stuck. Because “schlub finds himself protagonist of a genre film” is the elevator pitch for like a dozen Adam Sandler movies. The genre trappings may be as mundane as parenthood or mandated anger management classes, or as high-concept as action movie, whodunnit, or time travel It’s a Wonderful Life if Clarence were Christopher Walken as the angel of death (that… that makes it sound good, it’s not, don’t see Click; leave Frank Capra alone, Adam). But all these movies have the same basic shape: an extraordinary situation forces a guy to confront his shortcomings, which always stem from having never grown up. And you probably haven’t seen all of these movies, but if you’ve seen any, I bet you have assumptions about how the rest end: even though “Adam Sandler acts like a child” is generally the selling point of an Adam Sandler movie, they all end with some lip service toward becoming an adult: hey man, grow up a bit; appreciate your family a little more; square your shoulders; clean your room. This is so standard, it was parodied mercilessly in Funny People.

And this was a formative microgenre for my generation! Whole universe turns itself upside down to teach some shitty dude to, like, do the dishes and pay his wife a compliment now and then - Liar Liar, Bruce and Evan Almighty (all directed by the same guy, by the way). So I don’t blame people of a certain age for seeing the first act of Shaun of the Dead and thinking “I know where this is going.” And when, at the last minute, it swerves and goes someplace else, you could read that as a gag, a final subversion of expectation, still the same basic shape. But no! No! Once is a gag - thrice??? Thrice is a thematic statement!

So lemme make my case. I’ma take you through these movies one by one - we’ll talk about the manchildren and the expectations set by the genre, and then we’ll talk about that last-minute swerve and what it means. And then you’ll tell me I’m right and apologize!

Shaun of the Dead:

Shaun is a man in his twenties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the slacker.

What is his problem? He needs to sort his life out. Shaun doesn’t know how to take action. He hasn’t advanced since college - he’s been working the kind of job a teen takes over the summer for like a decade, lives with the same best friend, has the same petty fights with his stepdad, goes to the same pub every week with the same group of people. He can’t make a reservation, he can’t manage a calendar, he’s a washup. This makes his girlfriend, Liz, feel stifled, trapped; he is a weight around her ankle, taking her on the same date week after week, keeping her from living her own dreams, having her own adventures. She gives him one last chance to prove he can sort his life out, and he blows it, and she dumps him.

And then: a zombie movie happens.

The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: to survive, and save his loved ones, he’ll have to take action, make plans, be decisive. This is a common fantasy: when you feel ground down by the mundanity of life, you might imagine, oh, if only a crisis would happen, like a zombie virus outbreak, where my normal-life problems like “am I gonna make rent,” “is my girl gonna take me back,” “is my roommate gonna kick out my stoner buddy who’s crashing on the couch” become meaningless, and it’s immediately clear what’s really important, what matters. Then I’d know exactly what to do. It’s why disaster movies work as escapism: a necromantic plague - or at least the fantasy of one - is sometime preferable to normal life.

Hot Fuzz:

Nicholas is a man in his thirties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the hall monitor.

What is his problem? He can’t switch off. He is a hypercompetant police officer with a rulebook where his brain should be. He’s so good at being a cop that he’s spotting and unraveling crimes even on his day off. He can’t maintain a relationship, has no friends, all his coworkers hate him because he keeps finishing their work for them, and his stats show up the rest of the force so badly that they scuttle him out to the country.

Now you might be thinking, “Mmm. A fastidious police officer who can’t have fun? How is that a manchild? Sounds pretty grown-up to me. You’re reaching, bud.” Ohhhh ho ho, smartass, do you remember this scene? [bar scene] Yeah! Nicholas Angel has a five-year-old’s notion of law and order. He’s still playing cops and robbers.

And that’s a problem, because then: an action movie happens.

It doesn’t happen all at once: he goes out to the country and finds they do things a bit differently there. They are (ostensibly) less concerned with rules than what than the rules are for: if the purpose of drinking laws is to keep the streets safe and orderly, and letting some people off with a warning or allowing kids drink so long as they do it inside achieves that end, the rule can be bent. That’s a judgment grown-ups can make; I mean, they’re the ones who wrote the rules in the first place. So be lenient with shoplifters, don’t hassle people for speeding; this isn’t the Big City, you can use your better judgment. But Nicholas never got past doing whatever Mom & Dad said; obedience, and trusting whoever’s up the chain, is his entire moral framework. He can’t accept that bending the law could be more righteous than following it.

But also maybe there’s a criminal conspiracy murdering people and writing it off as accidents and the police chief might be in on it. Or maybe Nicholas is so desperate for a big case with no moral ambiguity that he’s seeing things where they aren’t. 

The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: either there’s nothing going on and he needs to chill out about procedure, or the department is corrupt and he’ll have to go rogue like it’s Point Break - and this is how he experiences Point Break. [“paperwork”]

No matter what, he’ll have to bend the rules, which he constitutionally cannot do.

The World’s End:

Gary is a man in his forties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the delinquent.

What’s his problem? Pfffft. What isn’t his problem? Gary is a manipulative, narcissistic, lying, self-destructive, ignorant, violent, thieving, shit-talking, unapologetic asshole who peaked in high school when being all those things was still kind of badass. The greatest night of his life was the drunken pub crawl after graduation he and his friends didn’t even finish, and he’s been tumbling downhill ever since. He’s spent his life ruining everyone who knows him until there’s no one left to ruin but Gary King. So now it’s time to bully the old gang into going back home with him to relive that night by finishing the pub crawl, because, in his own words, it’s all he’s got. And he and his friends have to confront how home has changed since they left - the bars have gentrified, not everyone recognizes them; the defining, epic deeds of Gary’s youth have been forgotten. You can’t actually go back because that place doesn’t exist anymore.

And then: a sci-fi movie happens.

Turns out the town’s been taken over by aliens, and all the people who couldn’t conform to their new order have been replaced with robots! That’s why no one recognizes them! And that’s why the pubs all look the same: the aliens are homogenizing everything! And it’s clear, if they can’t get Gary and his friends to play ball, they’ll roboticize them as well! The obvious move is to get the hell out of town, but Gary keeps inventing excuses to stay and finish the pub crawl, and they sound pretty sensible because the group’s already five pints in. The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: sooner or later he’s gonna have to give up on recapturing his youth and do what’s best for him and his friends now, even if it means running back to the city where all his problems live.

So there we have it: the characters cross the threshold into an unfamiliar world where an external conflict cannot be addressed without resolving the tension within. The slacker will have to get his shit sorted, the hall monitor will have to break the rules, and the delinquent will have to do what’s good for him. And, to an extent, all three know this! The movies Wright and Pegg pay homage to exist in these stories - Shaun knows what a zombie is, Danny keeps Nicholas up watching Point Break and Bad Boys II, and Gary and friends know bodysnatcher movies so well they have philosophical debates with the robots about whether “robot” is the PC term.

So, yeah, if you turned the movies off there, I could forgive you for thinking that’s where they’re headed. But you goofballs watched them to the end and then made content about them, what is wrong with you???

What actually happens in the second halves of these movies?

Shaun twigs that he’s in a zombie movie and, at first, tries to play the part - his survival plans are miniature hero’s journeys with him as protagonist, wherein he’ll save the day by neatly confronting all his flaws. He’ll resolve parental conflict by saving his mom from his zombified stepdad, resolve romantic conflict by showing his girl he can come through when it counts, and resolve internal conflict by being a man who saves the day. And all his plans suck! It’s just the same plan he always comes up with! Dragging around the same useless liability of a bestie, collecting the same group of people, and holing up in the same pub! He doesn’t save his mom: his stepdad apologizes, resolving their conflict for him, and then survives in zombie form but Shaun’s mom gets killed; most of the friend group gets killed because the crisis does not actually suspend but in fact amplifies their personal grievances; and he doesn’t save the day, just manages not to die long enough for the military to show up.

But… well, Liz wanted adventure and now she’s had enough for a lifetime, so… she’s down to just be boring with him for a while - sit on the couch, watch TV, hit the pub. Beats running for your life. Tensions with the roommate are gone cuz roommate died, but rent is covered cuz Liz moved in. Zombies don’t get eradicated, just folded into normal life, so Shaun can mindlessly play video games with his bestie forever, and it’s not a problem that bestie doesn’t have an income cuz he doesn’t need food or shelter.

The zombie apocalypse doesn’t make Shaun sort his life out, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.

When Nicholas discovers that, yes, there is definitely a murderous criminal conspiracy inside the police department, he recognizes the only way to bring about justice is to become what Danny has always wanted and go Dirty Harry on the town. It’s either that or just swallow the crimes. But he does neither. He and Danny go on an epic shooting spree, recreating famous movie scenes, taking out the entire criminal organization against all odds, and spouting badass one-liners… but everyone who helps them is a cop, they don’t actually kill anyone, all perps are formally arrested, and they fill out all the paperwork. I think he even properly signs out the weapons. He never switches off, never breaks a rule, does absolutely everything by the book, only… louder. And this violent showdown saves him from the chill town with lax rules he thought he’d moved to. Now he, with his five-year-old notion of right and wrong, is in charge of the police department.

The buddy cop actioner doesn’t make Nicholas bend the rules, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.

Gary knows exactly how a movie of this sort is supposed to go and spends the whole movie running from it. Friends and secondary characters keep sharing these poignant moments with him, because they know this story, too: yeah, he’s gonna reject help at first, but sooner or later he’ll hit rock bottom and then someone will get through to him. And, as the night goes on, and the characters get drunker and drunker, and Gary passes up more and more opportunities to abandon the pub crawl and go home, these moments take a tone of desperation. They start to sound more like interventions; like, Gary, we all know you’re going to come to your senses but could you hurry up with it??? How many of your friends need to literally die for you to shape up? Are you gonna get them all killed?

And the answer is: Gary will never shape up! To Gary the Human Dril Tweet, his friends trying to save him, psychiatrists trying to treat him, and aliens trying to assimilate him are all the same thing. He doggedly makes it to the end of the pub crawl and confronts the alien overlord who tells him all the technological advancements of the past few decades - all the efficiency and homogenization that’ve changed the face of his home town - are their doing. The Information Age is an intervention on behalf of Earth, a pan-galactic effort to save humanity from itself. And the reason they’ve been replacing people with robots is some people are too fucked up to go along with it.

And here’s Gary, King of the Fuckups, brashly declaring that fucking up is what makes us human. There is no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life. We are endowed by our creator with the right to be drunken, ornery pieces of shit.

He tells the aliens to piss off and he’s so fucking annoying that they do, and they take the Information Age with them.

Now… I know… ugh… I know a lot of people love this movie, say it’s the best of the three. Some friends who’ve struggled with mental health or just being an adult under late capitalism really identify with Gary, and the valorization of being a mess. I see you, you’re not wrong, I get it, I really do. But can we just… not “but” but “also” can we… can we also admit that this ending is… this is Space Brexit.

Like, literally it’s an alien invasion but symbolically this is Gary rejecting the adult world of rules and authority and doing what’s best for the community and that’s how Brexiters view the EU. And people keep telling him “Gary, this is in your best interest” and Gary says, I don’t want my best interest! I am registered in the anti-Gary’s Face Party and I will cast my vote by cutting my nose! I choose to do what’s bad for me.

And, like a true Brexiter, he chooses for everybody.

Now tell me that’s a movie about growing up. Gary collapses human civilization in its entirety rather than change, and in the world that follows, he thrives… by being an immature, irresponsible bag of garbage.

To Wright and Pegg, growing up is death, and these are movies about being alive. These characters don’t cross the threshold back into the ordinary world with the ultimate boon of character growth; all three stay in the extraordinary world. The zombies remain, the robots remain, Nicholas is offered his London job back and chooses to stay in the country. These are stories about normal life spontaneously turning into a genre film, and they are made with deep love for those genres; why would they end with leaving those genres behind? Because it’s what Adam Sandler would do?

So there you have it. I rest my case.

“Okay Ian. Why does this matter?”

…what was that?

“You’ve made your point: these movies aren’t about growing up or taking responsibility. So what?”

Uhhhh.

“Bring it home for us.”

…

“Why do you care so much?

[breath]

I wrote the first draft of this script when I was around Shaun and Nicholas’ age, and “so what?” is why I shelved it. Now I’m Gary’s age, this video’s been in the back of my brain the whole time, but I got this far and “so what” is where I got stuck, again. This is why the CO-VIDs came out quicker, cuz I let myself end with “so that’s interesting!” and got on with my life. But there’s clearly something sticky here, more than “someone is wrong on the internet.” (Also, to the YouTubers I’m vaguebooking, who said these were movies about growing up - I’m way more annoyed at the folks I’ve argued with on Twitter about this, you just made a better rhetorical device; you do not owe me an apology!) (Also, to the commentariat: I am not extrapolating this from like two data points, this is chronic and recurring and has been bothering me for years.)

There are a few directions I could take this to give it some “cultural weight.” I could put on my social justice hat and talk about how the “crisis of adulthood” doesn’t play as broad comedy unless you look like Adam Sandler or Simon Pegg, or put on my class analysis hat and talk about how signifiers of adulthood are, traditionally, ways of spending and accruing capital which are, today, often inaccessible to people under 40.

And that’s all legit, but here’s the real deal: I’m just mad at Gary. The world changed around Shaun such that he could stay a child. And Nicholas ended up somewhere he could stay a child. If you missed that, you’re wrong, but whatever. But to say that Gary grew up grinds me, because Gary chose this. The whole movie is people telling him to grow up, and he says no! He says it out loud! He says it to the literal end of the world. To walk out of the theater and say “that’s a movie about growing up” is more than a mistake, it’s a refusal. It’s trying to “fix” the movie by fitting it into a more familiar shape, so it doesn’t say what it says, so Gary isn’t who he is, who he chooses to be.

I’m being cheeky when I say this because he’s a fictional character, but saying Gary grew up is enabling.

Gary says there’s no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life, which is the problem with alcoholics and libertarians: it’s not just your life, Gary! You live in a community, a culture, and an ecosystem! Your actions - everybody’s actions - impact other people! That’s just the way the world is! You can’t shit yourself at the bar without other people having to smell it. We’re all fuckin’ connected, man! You don’t want anyone’s will imposed on you; you spend the whole movie imposing your will on everyone else! You say humans don’t wanna be told what to do, and then you decide humanity’s future by yourself with no input or consent from anyone!

People point to Gary ordering water in the last scene instead of beer as evidence that he got sober, like that’s proof that he did grow up in the end, which are you fucking joking??? Getting sober is a shorthand for maturity the way buying a house is, it doesn’t signify anything in and of itself! Gary drank to escape the adult world of rules and responsibilities! So, yeah, under normal circumstances getting sober would mean he’s made peace with that world and is ready to integrate. But that’s not what happened! The thing he was escaping doesn’t exist anymore! He literally destroyed it!! People died! Probably millions! Now he lives a happy life LARPing as Omega Doom - no I don’t expect you to catch that reference! He doesn’t need to drink! He is literally reliving the best day of his life forever. And even if it did mean personal growth, the idea that a person could make what would be, unequivocally, the most selfish decision in human history, and then spend his life celebrating the outcome, oh but if he overcame a personal demon in the process then on balance that’s maturity? That is lightspeed solipsism! Who are you if you think that way? Are you all Adam Sandler???

And none of that makes this a bad ending, or Gary a bad character. I mean, he is the reason The World’s End is my least favorite, and I don’t like the ending, but I don’t think it’s bad that I don’t like the ending. Rather than watch another addict pull his life together or destroy himself, we watch a downward spiral with so much gravity the whole world self-destructs alongside him. And that’s why The World’s End is the most interesting of the three: it is a bold choice, and I think we are free to feel however we want about the conclusion Gary engineered for himself. I don’t think it’s valid to pretend it didn’t happen.

In the context of the trilogy, we see that Shaun’s immaturity is mostly a problem for Shaun: he would be, at worst, a footnote in the lives of the people who love him; “yeah, I liked Shaun a lot, but I couldn’t carry him through life anymore.” Nicholas is the kind of overachiever that is useful if pointed in the right direction; juvenile code of ethics aside, he is, empirically, helping the community (within the entirely fictional framework where that’s a thing police do). If the world hadn’t changed to turn their flaws into strengths, they would still be relatively harmless. Gary is what happens when immaturity isn’t harmless, and shows us how a world built by that immaturity would look.

There is an appeal to Gary King, a wish fulfillment. Letting your id fully off the leash because you no longer care what anybody thinks - it’s why some people drink, and it’s why some people would like to drink with Gary. But if that’s not just your Friday night, not just your twenties, but that’s your life? There is a destination at the end of that road, and it’s Gary doing something truly ugly. And we see that ugly thing the way Gary sees it: as awesome. But then you see the reality: the Monday morning after the Friday night. We went out with Gary and he did something terrible.

And I’m not telling you to hate Gary for it; I’m not saying Gary can’t be forgiven. In fact, seeing it for what it is is the only way Gary could be forgiven, because, if he “grew up and took responsibility,” there’s nothing to forgive.

I think this is the only way the trilogy could have ended. I mean, you make stories about boys who get older and older and don’t grow up, it eventually becomes a problem. There’s only two ways to resolve it: you either end with a guy actually sorting his shit out, or you go for broke and show what happens if he doesn’t. And I think some of us boys saw that and said, “no, noooo, they did grow up! all three of them!” rather than say, “haha! hahaaa! ……………shit.”

[zombii-ships]

SDJ BOYS: KINK HEADCANNONS

sorry if these are ooc i was just brainstorming and bein a horny nerd

Jack

-World’s biggest breeding kink. Dude’s absolutely got a huge thing for claiming his partner, and he loves to watch his cum spill back out of them.

-Praise. PRAISE HIM. PLEASE. Tell him how good he makes you feel and he’s over the fucking moon. He’s so motivated by praise, the simplest “you’re making me feel so good” is gonna flip such a switch in his head.

-Makeup/Body Paint. Whether it’s seeing his partner in clown paint, painting their body and feeling them up, his own makeup smearing on them, or theirs running on their face, he loves it. Jack’s immediately down for round two if he catches a glimpse of his partner’s liner/lipstick on his chest.

-Foodplay. You thought whipped cream was just for the pancakes? Surprise surprise!

Joseph

-Size Difference. Loves feeling big compared to his partner, whether he’s topping or bottoming, he loves the difference. Loves seeing his partner in his clothes, especially his jackets and pajama pants. Put on something of his and its gonna ignite something in him.

-Voice Kink. He LOVES getting to hear his partner, if they make a noise while they stretch? He’s horny. Moan? Horny. Whisper in his ear? Horny. So so easily stirred if he’s the one who gets you to make noise for him, too~

-Hickies. MARK. HIM. UP. PLEASE. Dude absolutely loves getting to show off what his partner did to him, he wears them like badges of honor.

-Bonus, I know he’s an absolute FIEND for giving head and he loves just knowing that he’s pleasuring his partner. Dude’s a total pleasure top.

Shaun

-A nut for roleplay. Pet/Owner, Slasher/Final Survivor, Vampire/Prey, whatever, dude LOVES playing a little horny pretend with his partner.

-Masks. Ghostface, leatherface, pyramid head, gas masks, he loves the mystery there and he finds it really hot. Goes along with his roleplay kink, but either way, he’s super into it.

-Exhibitionism. Give him the go to make porn of yall and he’s gonna go nuts. Something about filming the deed or just you getting off turns him tf ON. Plus if he can go back and show you the footage?? “Look how pretty you looked here. Fuck- lemme rewind so I can hear that sound again~”

-Monster/Abnormal Toys. What’s a horror junkie without some monster dildos??

Nick

-Begging. Beg HIM. Beg him for whatever, doesn’t even have to be sexual, he just loves it. He just wants to hear you pleading with him, asking for his permission.

-Shibari. Let him make your body into art. The more intricate the better. Whether it’s simple ties or a whole full body production, it’s the artistry and the restraint that really gets him, plus seeing you wrapped up for the taking isn’t half bad either. Bonus points if he gets to do pretty harnesses and collars ✨

- Waxplay/Temperature Play. You or him, but mainly you I think. You’re the canvas and he’s the painter, and he’s obsessed with how you let him paint you. Whether it be pretty dark colored wax, gently touching you with ice, or just warm hands against your skin, he loves your reactions, watching you squirm between the different sensations.

-Oral Fixation. Don’t suck on his fingers unless you wanna rile his ass up

Ian

-Cosplay/Costumes. IF YOU LET HIM DRESS YOU UP he’s going to go absolutely feral. Ian’s a fashion fan, so seeing you in something he specifically coordinated to look good on you and to his personal tastes would have him going over the deep end. He’s literally obsessed.

-Blindfolds. Now I know he’s scared of being left alone, but I think he’d enjoy the rush of giving up control to you like that, letting you touch and trail over his body without knowing what’s next would have him super sensitive and needy in seconds. Plus if you let him blindly roam his hands over you?? He’s about to get SO handsy.

-Also a roleplay guy. He’s an actor, let him get into a role! Not only is he excited to make the bit convincing, but he might slip pretty deep into it, local man gets horny from improv.

-Body Writing. Write all your favorite things about him on his body, and let him put his signature on you?? Dude would be over the moon going about his day with your words of praise written on his chest, tummy and hips.

[mayasaurusss]

Werewolf boyfriend.

A/N: This is a continuation of a fictober propmt I wrote, which you can find here (with another prompt set in the same universe that you can find here)! I had some nsfw headcanons but I decided to split this in two so it was more managable to read. Enjoy!

Contains: transmasc Shaun, slice of life, sexual innuendos, not proofread + grammar mistakes.

Life since Shaun turned has been...interesting, to say the least.

His behavior has gone from tender, introverted but gentle to intense and sudden, sometimes blurring the line between human and animal.

You've noticed that he became much more violent than before. Shaun was already pretty much a hothead, never starting conflict, but not afraid to speak up against bullshit. He had been 'used' to other people's bullshit ever since he transitioned, even before, considering his family's history. But it seems that now, his patience is wearing thin and has begun to be replaced with white hot anger.

While he's certainly not the first one to pick fights, he is the one that ends them. Anytime you're hanging with him and the Yellowjackets at a club, if anyone tries to flirt with you or makes insensitive comments out loud, he will get in their faces and threaten them. He will fight teeth and claws until his opponent is against the floor and he has to get dragged away. This resulted in you getting permanently banned from more than one club.

He became much more proud than he was once, proudly showing off to you or others. Whenever you are tending to his wounds after a bar fight, he pushes his chest out, proud of having protected you. And he knows he shouldn't let his mind wander, but seeing how much you care for him, feeling your hands on his bare skin, touching his chest... makes him feel good. It would take a second for him to push you flat against him, touching and groping every inch of your skin, kissing until your mouth feels numb... "There, done" you say, hands retreating from his chest and he has to ground himself to not jump at you. He is a gentleman after all.

Speaking of bar fighting, Shaun has gotten much stronger than once. Testosterone helps overall with building his muscles, so the newfound strength of his wolf mutation only adds more room for improvement.

You are just going upstairs when you see Shaun working out, sweat trailing down his muscles and grunting. You have to stop yourself from jumping on him and letting yourself be taken right there on the floor.

But his strength isn't useful only for bar fighting and to get yourself off -perv-; it's also a new asset for the house. You have tried everything you can to open that jar of jam for the past five minutes, and he'll just walk past you, seeing you struggle and will simply open it with no effort. Sometimes though, when even he can't, he will accidentally break the jar with his hand and you will have to medicate him asap. The first time it happened you were shitting your pants, but after the fifth time you stopped wincing at the sight of the glass shards in his hand.

As the month progresses to the full moon, Shaun's body and demeanor change. He gets stronger, bulkier but also more prone to anger.

He will also become much more clingier than usual. One moment you will be just laying down on your shared bed, waiting for him to come home from college and the next you find yourself under a 8 feet giant fluffy dog creature. You may try to make him go away, because his fur is getting in your mouth, but no matter how much you try, he will not budge one bit. By the time he's satisfied with your cuddle session, you will be covered in spit and fur, and in dire need of a shower.

His pokemon team consists solely of wolf and dogs pokemon, his favorite being Lycanroc.

After a while, he actually manages to control his werewolf form, meaning that he can transform for a few minutes even if it's not a full moon.

One night you were driving on an empty road when you got a flat tire. "Shiiit" you put your hands on your face, the situation not helping the day you had and currently not making you relax at all. You look towards Shaun, who seems just as panicked as you, until you get an idea. You were coming home from a club, where you had... let's say, 'explored the different horizons of your relationship', alone, on a bed. A lightbulb lights up above your head as you connect the situation you are in to the item sitting in your back seat. "Shaunnn" you say in a sing-songy voice, pointing to the backseat. He follows your finger till he makes the connection, "NO, NO, not a chance-!". Cut to him in his wolf form, wearing the harness he had on when he was under you -you don't want your boyfriend to choke himself with a collar- and pulling the car behind him. "Come on Shaun, put a little more backbone into it!" and he just slowly turns to you, baring his teeth and snarling. Maybe you shouldn't poke him too much...

Shaun gets incredibly hungry, in werewolf form or not. You may find him ravaging through your pantry at 2am stuffing himself with food. He doesn't even completely seem like himself when he does this, and will more often than not snarl at you. You can try to take him back to bed, but you will only find yourself with a bite on your neck that goes deep enough to make you bleed. The morning after, you will find Shaun sleeping on the floor, surrounded by crumbles of food.

He will apologize profusely for having hurt you, but will also make the point that "You shouldn't have. You know I can't help it" when he clearly feels guilty. Throughout the day, he will try to get on your good side without having to apologize by giving you back rubs, getting you a cup of your favorite drink, smooching the pain away from your wound. Then, he just admits defeat and apologizes, swearing he will make it up to you during the night. Prepare to have a wild night baby.

[jessieren]

Ahh I like the beard and am fine with slightly longer hair but I’m not sure about the two together…

Just to illustrate my point

EXHIBIT A

Fluffy hair…

EXHIBIT B

Even longer hair

EXHIBIT C

Beard…

EXHIBIT D

longer hair and beard

EXHIBIT E

WAIT - what???

Who put that there….

Another hat anyone?

It's snowy in my part of the world so here's a warm, cozy hat to round out my fully accessorized Saturday.

©endeavourneverland 2021

[corruptedcaps]

Blast from the past: Redux

Some of my older stories have been banned permanently from Tumblr due to some NSFW images. So every once and awhile I will repost them with new SFW images (look for the #cc unbanned tag). This is one such story. Enjoy!

----

"Hey Shaun what is this stuff?" Chloe called out to her husband while sifting through the few remaining undamaged boxes from their flooded basement. She found one marked 'Shaun and Jordan'. Shaun hurried over but when he saw the box he seemed to go pale.

"Oh. That's stuff from my last relationship, way before I met you." He said slightly guilty as Chloe opened the box and started sifting through.

"Leather jackets? Switchblades? Cigarettes? Keys to a motorcycle? And what's this?" Chloe said pulling out a stack of pictures with the top one being one of a young rebellious couple making out next to a motorbike. Her leg was wrapped around him and his hands were all over her. Chloe realised that this was Shaun and Jordan. She was taken aback.

"Wow Shaun I never knew you had a biker phase." She said half teasing half curious.

"As I said it was a long time ago, I'm not proud of that period of my life. I stole, fought, commited such heinous criminal acts. But that’s not me anymore." He said. Chloe moved onto the next picture which was of Jordan posing suggestively on a bike.

"And what about her? What about Jordan?" Chloe asked.

"She... She died in a motorbike accident. After she died it was like I woke up to all the stupid shit I had been doing with my life. I packed up all our belongings into that box and forgot about it. It's not who I am anymore, don't worry. I should go into town and get some supplies to clean this all up, I'll be back in a bit." Shaun said kissing his wife goodbye.

Chloe, however, had flipped to another picture of just Shaun on a bike and she was fixated. He seemed so in charge, so manly, so tough in the past, it was kind of turning Chloe on. Sure she loved Shaun now but sometimes she wished there was a bit more fire to him.

Chloe flipped back to another picture of Jordan. She was stunning and had the tightest body Chloe had ever seen. Her eyes were so piercing that Chloe felt intimidated just looking at her. Chloe felt light headed as she heard a voice drift into her mind. "He could be that man again." It said.

"But how? How can he get his fire back?" She said in a dreamlike daze.

"He needs his bad bitch girlfriend by his side. You need to become the new me, the new Jordan. I'll help you bring the bad boy Shaun out." Jordan seemed to say from the picture. In her daze it made perfect sense to Chloe.

"Yessss of course, he needs to remember who he was." She said in a trance.

"You want to be me, you've always wanted to be a bad ass bitch and now here's your chance. I'll warp your body and mind into Shaun's perfect little slut then he'll be yours forever and together you will be the baddest couple around. Doesn't that sound good?" Jordan purred.

"Mmmmm fuck yes, Chloe is such a pathetic loser. I want to be Jordan." Chloe moaned in pleasure as she felt her pussy get slick.

"Goooood. Now if that is to happen then you'll need to look the part. Don't worry, this will feel amazing." Jordan whispered as Chloe felt her tits expand out of her sweater. She moaned in pleasure as she groped her new breasts in pleasure.

"YESSSSS fuck yes I want more! Make them bigger!" Chloe demanded.

"Now you're acting like me." Jordan said cackling to herself as Chloe fell more under her corruption. Her tits swelled even bigger and Chloe ripped off her top to better appreciate her new weapons.

"If these don't light a fire under Shaun nothing will. I'm such a hot bitch now." Chloe said vainly touching herself all over.

"You're nearly there. Now pick out a tight outfit from the box to really become me." Jordan enticed her but Chloe was already a willing victim. She pulled out a form fitting leather corset and loved how it barely contained her new tits. The more she admired herself the more of Jordan slipped into her.

"Mmmmm soon I'll have my alpha male back and then we'll show this town a thing or two about fear." She said cackling to herself. Chloe was almost completely taken over by Jordan but there was still an annoying little piece of goodness residing in her. Jordan knew just how to get rid of it and fully take over.

"That's it my little pet, now just one last step and we will be one. You'll be a true evil bitch like me, maybe even badder. Go to the garage, I have a gift waiting." Jordan said and Chloe felt a shiver of anticipation pass through her like it was Christmas. A smile curled up her lips as she entered the garage and saw waiting for her was a motorbike. Not just any bike though.

"Your bike." Chloe said running a hand across the sleek metal becoming more and more turned on as she did.

"You mean your bike? Don't you want to be Jordan? Don't you want to be me?" Jordan whispered.

"More than anything." Chloe said her voice dripping with lust.

"Then climb on and start her up." Jordan said and Chloe stalked over obediently. She threw her leg over the powerful machine and instantly felt at home. She turned the key and started it up. The vibration from the engine made her wet as she straddled tight to the machine.

"Doesn't that feel good? Only thing that beats it is a good hard fucking. Now Rev it up. The more you do the more of me you let in." Jordan said seductively. Chloe revved it again and again each time getting closer and closer to orgasming. She moaned as she felt Jordan's soul begin to merge with her own with each Rev.

"Oh fuck FUCK! Yessss I feel like such an evil bitch. I feel like a hot bad ass slut! I feel like Jordan! NO! I AM JORDAN!" She screamed as their two personalities crashed into one another. At once Chloe had new memories flood her mind. She was Jordan now and it felt perfect. She ran her sharp nails down her transformed body in ecstasy.

"Shaun has been missing a real woman's touch and a real woman's pussy but once he gets a look at me he'll forget all about weak little Chloe." She said tieing her hair up into a mohawk. She loved how it looked. It made her look like a woman not to be messed with. Just then she heard a car pull up outside.

"Hmmmm speak of my devil. Time to get him playing on the dark side again." She said with a wicked smile. She heard him go into the basement with the supplies he just bought and she followed patiently after him. Her high heels clacked loudly on the metal stairs she descended causing Shaun to turn around.

"Chloe? Is that you?" He said certain it was but began doubting himself the more he looked at her.

"Try again lover." She said in a breathy voice and tone he did not recognize her having before. It was like she acting like...

"Jordan? No this can't be real." He said backing away.

"What's the matter baby? You look like you've seen a ghost." She said smiling knowingly while approaching him

"What have you done with Chloe?" He said unable to take his eyes off her body while he continued to back away.

"Me and Chloe had a little talk and decided it was in everyone's best interest if you got a little of your fire back, a little of your passion. That's why I'm here baby, you need your evil muse." She said eyeing him sexily and hungrily.

"No I want Chloe back, I'm not that man anymore I'm a better man. I'm a good man!" He said as she backed him into a corner.

"A good man maybe? But a better man? Not even close." She said and then pounced on him locking her lips on his. He fought at first against her soft warm lips but the more they continued the more he lost himself to her. He was transported back to when he was young and carefree, when he only gave a fuck about one person. After about a minute he was pushing her against the wall and moved from kissing her lips to her neck.

"Oh you fucking nasty slut I've missed you. And I've especially missed this tight little thing." He said as he stroked her pussy.

"There's my man." Jordan said while helping him take off his pants. She undid his belt and his pants careened to the floor.

"Mmmmm nice to see somethings haven't changed." She said licking her lips as she gazed at his huge member.

Original note count before ban: 285