#is scared of everything that moves & will 'dismantle' them as self defense

[fishy-moirails]

Oop.

[theravennest]

Let’s Talk About Shang Chi...

I just got back from seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. I had a great time with it. Just a lovely experience.

The fights were dope. The music was rocking. The actors’ performances really sold me on everything. I loved all the Xianxia elements. Y’all know fantasy worlds are my JAM!

But it was the characters that really drew me in. Every one of them were pitch perfect for me. The final act got a little jumbled, imo, but the characters and their dynamics were so good that it was enough for me to completely forgive and overlook the somewhat messy final battle. 

The story had a lot of heart. It was so personal and so anchored in real emotions. I highkey fell in love with all the main characters. I love their journeys and their complex  and grounded relationships with each other. I really liked the movie’s examination of grief, loss, and pain and the lengths people will go to in the wake of being overwhelmed by those feelings.

Let’s dig into it! This is gonna be a whole discombobulated mess, I just know it. lmao

***Spoilers below the cut!***

I really felt for Shang Chi, Xialing, and Wenwu struggling to figure out how to be a family again after they were all broken in different ways by the loss of Mama Ying Li. And each one of them trying in their own way to heal from it, some to extremely destructive degrees. 

How Wenwu treated his kids after being consumed by grief and violence was so utterly messed up but in two completely different ways. 

He treated Xialing like she was anathema, like she was literally nothing. Even when they were older and she had grown into an adult, he barely spoke to her in the entirety of the movie, could hardly even look at her. Partially because she looked like her mom and he retreated utterly from the pain of that, and partially because he constantly underestimated her in favor of her brother. This, of course, seeded the resentful tension between Xialing and Shang Chi from the start.

I’m a real sucker for sibling dynamics, as you all know. They’re my favorite types of family-oriented stories. (Side note, I really love the way the MCU has dedicated several stories to sibling relationships. It’s like my favorite thing in the MCU as a whole.)

I completely ate up the harsh and tricky relationship between Xialing and Shang Chi. Shang Chi completely let her down when they were kids, for her POV. (Not really his fault, he was a scared and traumatized 15 year old. Totally understandable.) But there is something to be said about the fact that she was also a child. A child dealing with her mom’s death too AND her dad’s aloofness. Then she was utterly abandoned by her brother. It’s no wonder she never quite forgives him, even though they mostly team up in the movie. They still have a lot to work out between them.

I really loved that she took on leadership of the Ten Rings at the end. The moment Shang Chi said she was “dismantling” their dad’s empire, I knew what was up. Though, the softy in me does hope that eventually they can find true reconciliation between them. I’m excited to see what we’ll see from her in future movies as a potential enemy of Shang Chi. It’ll be really interesting to see how Shang Chi tackles having to go up against his little sister.

And Shang Chi!!! OMG! Let’s talk Shang Chi and Wenwu now. When Wenwu drop kicked him into the ground and started the blame game for Mama Ying Li’s death like bro!!! I was so heated. He was 7 years old. A whole baby! She died because your thousand years of violence and conquering shit finally came home to roost. 

But that one line when Wenwu said Shang Chi’s 7 year old self “just stood there and watched” while his mom was killed actually revealed so much about Wenwu’s character. (The cutting way Tony Leung, a literal legend, delivered that was masterful, btw.) 

I actually think that it was the first time Wenwu has ever verbalized that he blamed Shang Chi for Ying Li’s death. Like maybe he’s always felt that way and all this time he was partially punishing Shang Chi for what he thinks of as a failure to protect or help the woman who meant so much to them.

Like, yes, he was training Shang Chi to take his place with him in the Ten Rings as an assassin but maybe he also wanted Shang Chi to kill his mom’s murderer as penance for letting her die in the first place.

Of course, it’s clear to see that Wenwu was absolutely shifting his own feelings of conflicting guilt onto his kids. Guilt that his past as a warlord is what got her killed. But also guilt that he put down the Ten Rings in the first place when if he had stayed a warlord, this never would have happened. But also the bone deep knowledge that if he hadn’t put down the Rings, Ying Li might never have stayed with him and loved him in the first place.

When Shang Chi threw it back at him that Ying Li probably wouldn’t love the person Wenwu had returned to, Wenwu looked so shook up. Phew! Perfect emoting from Tony Leung in that moment.

Honestly, Wenwu was having a very tragic and confusing time of it in this movie. Which is probably how that creature from beyond was able to find a crack in his psychic defenses and lure him to the gate. I had a lot of empathy for him even though I disagree so much with what he did to his kids, emotionally.

I really respect the fact that the movie never lost that sense of compassion for all of their feelings including Wenwu. I also respect that the movie really gave them space to grieve not just the loss of Ying Li but also the resulting dissolution of their happy family.

It’s just too bad that Wenwu’s grief made him push his kids away instead of pulling them closer. He completely emotionally abandoned them. A thousand years of power and supremacy yet he was broken because he never in that time fully learned how to process his emotions in a healthier way and his kids paid the price. They could’ve leaned on each other and on the love they found with Ying Li to help them get through but alas that’s the tragedy of the movie. 

I really wanted somehow for Shang Chi to make it through to his dad before he went too far to come back again. I genuinely did not want to see Wenwu die at the end. I wanted him to live and see Shang Chi’s changing dynamic with his father continue. I wanted to see him finally acknowledge his daughter as his true heir and see her accomplishments (dark though they will likely become considering the “softer” version of her is the one that ran an illegal fight club in Macao lmao).

Though I am happy Shang Chi got through to him enough at the end for Wenwu to save Shang Chi’s life, willingly pass the rings onto his son, and somewhat accept his own death after a thousand years of life. That was such a poignant moment between them. And I wonder if in that instant, Wenwu had the thought that in dying he’d at least see Ying Li again.

(Side note: I really hope his soul and the souls of everyone that got eaten were freed when Shang Chi killed the monster. I really want them to be able to move on to the next phase of existence. I really hope they weren’t destroyed after being eaten. I want Wenwu to reunite with Ying Li even in the afterlife, gotdamnit! Sue me, I’m a romantic.)

Let’s talk Simu Liu’s performance here for one second. He was incredible throughout. I completely bought into this strange but so real feeling that while he has a lot of anger towards his father, so much hurt, he also felt a lot of heartache and love for who Shang Chi wanted him to be. And the strange desire to want to help a man who emotionally scarred him so badly.

Simu really brought both sides of Shang Chi’s journey to life. Like, he was tying to find his own path, reconcile with the mistakes he’s made in the past (his sister, killing his mom’s murderer), and facing up against his father’s ideals and expectations. But there was also a side of Shang Chi’s journey that was about finally understand both his sister and his father’s point of views, and of learning/embracing his mother’s history. 

That moment by the lake when he revealed to Katy that he had actually killed the man who killed his mother. Whew boy! The emotions were so poignant. Simu Liu played it like *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

Speaking of character choices, I really rate this decision to have him actually go through with the assassination. It puts Shang Chi in an interesting position emotionally and somewhat morally. Instead of having his breaking point be him unable to kill as his father wishes, it’s instead the feeling of guilt and shame that he actually did kill the man.

I wonder if he felt a sense of satisfaction before the disgust and shame settled in. Because Shang Chi literally watched his mom die, he probably initially wanted to help his father hunt down the man because of that bit of dark need for vengeance. Until he got it, and felt ashamed to fully face his mother’s memory afterwards.

I’m interested to see how future Shang Chi movies and Simu will dig into and unpack that little bit of darkness these events instilled in the character.

Let’s talk Ying Li for a second here. This woman was incredible. An incredible martial artist, for sure, a mystical guardian and warrior...but she was also just an incredible person in general. Mama Ying Li was so self-assured, so steadfast in her convictions. She struck me as someone who knows exactly what she wants and is never afraid to reach for it.

Fala Chen portrayed her with such grace, warmth, and strength of character. It was extremely easy to see why Wenwu fell in love with her. She met Wenwu, a literal thousand year old warlord, and through shear strength of character led him to put down his weapons and his empire to make a home with her.

This man threw away his entire shadow army of assassins, threw away his whole plan to literally demolish her village in the pursuit of power...in order to play Dance Dance Revolution with her and their kids. (The highlight of their romance and the family flashbacks, for me, tbh.) 

And I know it’s not necessarily...positive BUT there is something...hmmmm, crunchy in the fact that Ying Li so completely altered Wenwu’s life by simply loving him that when she died he was willing to raze the whole world to get her back, damn the consequences.

Trying to properly explore toxic and negative turns in previously loving family dynamics is such a difficult task to take on. I really liked the complexity of the Xu family. All the actors really sold the family side of things. It was an almost tangible thing how much you could see how the love they felt had turned bitter and painful over the years.

The final battle was epic and mind blowing (There was a fucking DRAGON flying around for gods’ sake!) but I do wish it had stayed a little more grounded for longer in the beginning of it when the Ten Rings were fighting the Ta Lo warriors. I wanted to see more of that fight before they had the turn to becoming temporary allies against the soul suckers. It became a little too much of a CGI mash, for me, in some parts of it.

Still, the emotional beats held and the core of the story of this grieving family trying to hold on to the tatters of their world stayed consistent even through the final battle. I can forgive a lot because of the strong sense of character and connection there.

Plus, it’s a comic book movie. Spectacle is the name of the game and at least this one had cool fantasy beasts and dope fight choreo. 

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Let’s wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I had a wonderful time with this movie. I’m ready for the next one!

[miss-choco-chips]

Soul Shards: what if...

...Tim gets a snarky sidekick who strong arms him into being a better person; it takes a little longer than if Damian did it, but Thea has her own way of doing things, and hers don’t involve trickery.

Or; The tale of soulless Tim and the little girl

(Alternative ending to the soul shards au, for those who don’t like the damitim... or the angst; that’s why Tim gets older here)

(Tim might be ooc, because he’s Soulless!Tim. Chaotic neutral at best. Be aware of that before reading)

Having no soul was great. Really, he should have gotten rid of that useless  thing years ago. Why did it take him so long? The freedom, both to go wherever he wanted and to operate as he wished without those pesky morals weightening him down. It was like being a swimmer for years wearing a lead vest, and then getting rid of it. The speed? The newfound flexibility? The ability to swim just a little lower than he ever dared and explore new depths of himself, sure in the knowledge that nothing could drag him completely under water, even if the price was that he wouldn't be going back to shore ever again?

It was a cheap price, for such a wonderful treasure. 

If only his body wasn’t so fucking annoying.

The little girl in front of him had been crying for like half an hour, no signs of stopping. And Fucking Batman had conditioned him to the point where he was physically unable to leave a distressed child behind.

-Please, sir, don’t leave me alone! 

Fucking hell- The police will be here soon, they’ll take care of everything.

The crying intensified.

Damn.

-What if I walk you all the way to the station? 

More crying.

-Your parents? You have those, right? I could take you home, just give me five minutes to figure out where do you live…

Shit, was that snot? His hand twitches and then thrusts forward, impulsively using the sleeve to clean her face. Disgusting.

-What do you want from me? -he ends up asking, close to feeling as distressed as she was out of sheer exasperation.

That seemed to put a halt to the water fest.

-I d-on’t have a family -her pouting mouth trembled, and instinct drove his arm around her shoulders, desperately trying to prevent her from crying again; he was aware his stupid, overly conditioned body wouldn't allow him to walk away from this child if she continued like this- Don’t want to go to orphanage or streets! -she wailed again at the end of the sentence, speech notably deteriorating in her anguish.

Was there a way to tell her ‘I don’t care’ without making her even sadder? Before someone came along and found him?

Tim could hear the police sirens coming closer, attracted to their location by the high wall of flames eating up at the warehouse. He had spent a good chunk of the night dismantling this human trafficking ring, deeply rooted in Greece but with smaller bases all over Europe, taking care to evac both the unconscious thugs and the victims before blowing it all to hell. It was hard as fuck, specially considering he couldn’t let anyone get a good look at his face, least they gave the authorities a good enough description of him to warrant the Bat’s attention.

This little girl was not only making him lose time, she was also threatening the secret of his existence both by keeping him on a spot where he could be easily seen, and by making him stay still long enough to see his face perfectly. Sure, such a small kid wouldn't be able to give a very good description, but any risk, small as it was, was more than he wanted to deal with. 

Fuck it all to hell. He was tired. Figuring it all in the morning made perfect sense.

-If I take you with me, will you stop crying?

A hiccup and a nod was all he needed to take the girl in his arms and disappear into the night.

----.----

-What about a church? Children think churches are safe places, right? -he asks her over breakfast a few hours later. He was also sure there were thousands of those in Italy, which was his next destination, so he could very well drop her there.

The little girl looked up at him from under her lashes, light green eyes squinting in distaste and a little sadness she was forcing herself to hide- I don’t like churches. Mama… -she swallowed hard, which Tim feared would bring tears later on- mama used to say people trust churches too much, without… uhm, ‘reasons’, she said. And that I shouldn't trust anyone I haven’t met.

Grateful she was doing an effort not to cry, he didn’t push. The last thing he needed was the eight year old remembering her late mother and crying again.

Mathea, eight years old. Kidnapped from the city of Seres in Greece, where her mother had moved them both a month ago with hopes for a better life after leaving her abusive marriage behind. No other relatives, and he couldn't drop the child with a violent father. No doubt some internalized trauma after seeing her mother being murdered trying to keep her from being kidnapped, and the subsequently time in capture, waiting with other children at the warehouse for their fates to arrive. Except it had been derailed by Tim’s intervention.

He never regretted his body’s dependence on doing good like now. He couldn't leave the girl just anywhere unless she agreed, which didn’t seem to be an option right now.

-What I do is dangerous -he told her, one last attempt at scaring her- I hurt people that hurt others. I travel a lot. You’d be better off at an orphanage or something, living with other children and going to class.

She looked at him with far too intelligent eyes- You could teach me. ‘seem more smart than any teacher.

-Smarter -he corrected, hating that he was proving her point- I’m not a good teacher. I don’t have patience for it.

-I don’t think there’s a’ything you’re bad at. And we can learn together.

-I don’t have a soul -he finally threw, almost desperate to scare he away.

She just shrugged- The men who took me an’ hurt mama had one, and they were monsters. I don’t care bout it.

He sighs. His body isn’t rebelling at the idea, and she seems determined. Whatever. He doesn’t care enough to look for the best option for her. She wants to follow him, okay, let her. She’ll give up and ask to leave soon enough.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

-I want a computer -demands Mathea one morning, months into her forceful addition to Tim’s party of one. They are currently in Milan, where he’s taking care of a wayward assassin and she’s using the hotel’s amazing wifi to complete her online class- for my birthday. It’s next week, you know. I’m turning nine.

-I’ll make sure to send you a postal -he replies, hand thrown over his eyes in a futile attempt to sleep. Her nagging grows less adorable and more annoying the older she gets- I’m going to be in Moscu next week. Human experiments I need to stop.

Little less than a year ago, she would have gasped, maybe even cried at the idea. Nowadays, child trafficking seemed the only thing to faze her.

-I’m going to cry.

-It won’t be effective so far away.

She harrumphs. Like a mule, which is how stubborn she could be.

-Yeah, whatever. If you miss my birthday, I’ll be very sad, and make you feel guilty as hell.

-I don’t feel anything.

-Maybe you don’t, but your body will give you hell for me. How does an entire night holding my hand and spoiling me sounds, huh? Cause we both know that’s what is going to happen if you do it.

-Why didn’t I just leave you in the warehouse -he whines, tired. A few hours of sleep, that’s all he’s asking.

A few moments of silence follow his statement, which is suspicious enough for him to remove his arm and open his eyes. She’s never that quiet, unless she’s planning something or…

Yeah, those are tears in her eyes. Fuck.

-You… do you mean it?

A sigh.

-Come here, brat. Of course I didn’t. We both know I can’t do something like that.

She goes willingly, slipping into the mattress by his side and resting her head on his shoulder, cuddling closer like she does when nightmares hound her.

-It’s...it’s going to be my first birthday without mom. I just… don’t want to be alone.

He tries to keep his mouth closed, fighting against the impulse to soothe her. He loses miserably.

-You can come to Russia with me. We can go sightseeing after I’m done with my business and eat out somewhere, as a birthday treat.

Something lightens in her face.

-And my computer?

A sigh- I guess it’d be good to throw the one you have out. To avoid being tracked down, of course. Not because you’re a spoiled brat.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Thea arrived to the restaurant, her hair a golden mess and frazzled green eyes, Tim was instantly on high alert.

He had left her by the park with instructions on how to find him, as a lesson on both tracking and independence at navigating the streets. Now he wonders if leaving the ten year old alone in Buenos Aires had been a good idea.

-What happened?

She sat across from him, face instantly relaxing in the comfort and safety he always seemed to bring her.

-Nothing, just… a drunk idiot saying stuff. I lost him a couple streets ago, but…

His back tenses, and he has to consciously refrain from going out on a manhunt. Well, at least now he knows what is he gonna be doing that night when Thea sleeps.

-We are doubling your self defense lessons starting tomorrow. 

He might not want her around most of the time, but she was, and that made her his responsibility. 

She smiled, bright and relieved, and something twisted in his gut. He didn’t, couldn’t, love her. Not without a soul. 

But if he did? Gods, it was already bad enough, how much he liked her, how desperate he was to keep her safe. If he added love to the equation, he would be a total mess. 

Being soulless proved, once again, to be the best decision he ever made.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim. Tim.

-What. The fuck. Do you need. At three in the fucking morning?

-You have to go out and buy me something.

-What the… -a groan as the man sat on the bed, arms behind him holding his tired body- why is the bathroom light on? 

Thea clutched the sheets of Tim’s bed tighter, the other hand still on his shoulder where she shook him into wakefulness, but didn’t sit by his side, which spoke for itself.

-Fuck. Don’t tell me…?

-Yeah. Apparently, my time has come. Can you…?

Another groan, this one whinier- I’m going, I’m going. Don’t sit anywhere, I do want my deposit back when we leave this hotel.

-Be fast, then.

Half an hour later, the un-masked vigilante returned, pharmacy bag in hand. Moodily throwing it in her general direction, he face planted his bed.

-There. Painkillers, pads, tampons and chocolate. I’m going back to sleep. And this time, don’t wake me up unless there’s a killer in the room.

-...you mean, besides Pru?

-Shh, you know you aren’t supposed to know about her shadowing us. It makes Ra’s ansty when he knows we know.

-...Aren’t you going to congratulate me or anything? I hear that’s what parents do to their twelve year olds when they go through this for the first time.

-First of all, I’m not your parent, and you are not my twelve year old. You are just a twelve year old that follows me around against my will. Second, I may be soulless, but not heartless enough to tell you to be happy about something that will bring you little else than pain every month for like fifty years. Periods sucks, and so do pregnancies. Why would I congratulate you? Put on a pad and go to bed now. We need to be out of town by eleven tomorrow.

-You are the human version of period cramps.

-Now you can knowledgeably use that phrase. Bet you’re delighted.

-Almost unbearably. Go back to sleep, idiot. I like you better when you’re unconscious.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-Why can’t I go with you? -She asks, but it sounds more like a tantrum.

-Stop that, you are not nine anymore. And minors are not allowed in that bar.

-So I use my fake id, big deal.

-You are not going there. It’s illegal.

-Excuse me, is this coming from the man who I had to prevent from tattooing “fuck the law” on his right buttcheek that time he got wasted?

-You know damn well I might not follow certain laws, but others are fucking carved into me. Children drinking is one of those things my gut doesn’t want to take part on. You don’t like it, do as other teens and run away.

-Fuck you, you aren’t getting rid of me that easily.

-Then be a good little girl and wait for me at the hotel.

-I’m fifteen!

-You still get tired after two hours of training, and cry whenever you watch Lilo and Stitch.

-Because you are a slave driver! I’ve gotten less hurt in fights against  people twice my size than training with you. And excuse me for having a soul, jackass.

-Apology accepted. Put on your pajamas again and go to bed. And by the time I’m back, I want that skirt reduced to ashes.

-What’s wrong with my skirt? 

-When you learn how to fight in it without flashing everyone and their mother, or alternatively can fight with it without getting distracted by embarrassment, you can use whatever you want. Until then, there’s your onesie.

-It’s called a kigurumi.

-A grown up onesie, whatever.

-The jerk store called, they’re running out of you.

-I would love to insult you back, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t do as well as nature did.

-I hate you so much.

-Uh huh. Right back at you.

-Ugh. Bring me pizza when you’re done with that gang?

A small smile. A hand messing blond curls up.

-Only if you behave while I’m gone, brat.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

The base was big, and so luxurious. Everyone bowed to her or kept out of her way, which she liked even more. The food was amazing, the teachers provided to her the top of the top, and the library was to die for. 

She wasn’t happy Tim was hurt again, but there was no denying the benefits it brought.

-Dude, you have the best sugar daddy ever.

Besides her, getting his own massage, he opened his eyes to glare.

-Ra’s is not my sugar anything. We are merely business partners; as in, I stay out of his business, he provides me with hearty income. You know this already.

Thea shook her head.

-Tim, there’s business deals, and there’s winning and dinning. This man wants a piece of you so badly it's not even funny. Sugar- Daddy.

-How do you even know that term, you’re like twelve.

-Excuse you, I’m fifteen.

-Maybe physically, but you aren’t ever going past the ‘damn brat’ stage until you can go back to sleep after a nightmare without sneaking into my bed.

-Shut up, no one asked. Hey, your sugar daddy offered me a class in stealing, can I take it? He says he has an expert around to give me lessons.

-Go for it, but if it ends up with you trying to touch my stuff, I’m leaving you here.

-.-.-.-.-.-

When Thea is sixteen, Tim turns twenty four, and she decides to give him the gift she has kept under lock and key ever since they met.

She knows about his past, because he never cared enough to hide it. She knows about his friends and family, because Conner keeps showing up, both to stalk Tim and to tell her the wildest stories of their youth. She knows about his soul, because that man, Damian, often takes it out when he visits them, face pained and desperate.

She feels guilty it took her this long. Because all this time, all this years, she had the key to bring their Tim back. She had the answers, the only one with a shot at it.

But she didn’t, because soulless Tim is the one she grew up with. The one who protected her, who carted to her needs and whims. The one who made her feel safe, even after all the cruelness she witnessed following him around.

She loves this Tim. Because this Tim, the one without a soul, loves her as well. It seems impossible, a paradox, but she knows it's true. Knows it with all her heart.

The love, the trust, the certainty of their bond, all are encompassed in the necklace she offers him on his twenty fourth birthday. The silver chain contrasting beautifully with the fluorite looking soul, shaped as a T. For Tim and Thea. 

He looks at her, and there’s resignation in his eyes. Not the hate she was expecting.

-If I take this… I’ll feel. I’ll want my soul back. We’d need to go to Gotham for it; no more world trotting, no more ‘us against the world’. Are you sure this is what you want, Thea?

She swallows, hard. She doesn’t want it to end, but the idea of standing between him and his best self is unbearable.

-As long as you take me with you, I don’t care who you are or how do you act. But you can’t leave me behind. I won’t allow it.

He smiles, warm even without his soul, even without hers, and she fears she’s going to lose it the moment his fingers touch the necklace. But she has to do this. He has rescued her, time and time again, since they met so many years ago. He has helped her build herself from the ground, protecting and guiding, and the least she can do in return is help him get himself back. 

Even saving him from a soulless existence doesn’t seem enough in comparison to all he’s done for her, reluctant or not, but that’s alright. She has the rest of her life to help her brother be happy.

But she needs to start now.

It must show in her eyes, because his smile becomes softer, an edge she hadn't noticed was there finally removed. The last line of defense gone down.

-You damn brat -he sighs, taking the necklace with shaking fingers, the emotions coursing through him instantly bringing tears to his eyes.

That’s alright too, she’s crying as well.

Because even before he touched the soul, even before he regained the ability to feel… the ‘Damn brat’ sounded heartbreakingly close to ‘I love you’.

There was an unbidden beauty, to being loved by someone without a soul. 

-I love you, too. You jackass.

[detroitbecomesinful]

We’re Connected

(Have to wait to be accepted on AO3 or FF.net so here is a preview)

Chapter 1

August 15th, 2038 – 8:29PM

Mission Objective: Negotiate with Deviant android and save hostage.

The mission seemed simple enough and Connor predicted a high likelihood of success, given the circumstances. He had been designed for this, given all the necessary software to detect optimal strategies for positive results and could process reactions in real-time. In short, he was designed to be better at successfully achieving resolution to conflict than human operatives and would face less devastating consequences in the event that a Deviant self-destructed. Cyberlife had already created a number of replica vessels to use for Connor’s software if he was destroyed in the field, making it preferable for Connor to take a bullet than a human officer.

That being said, he would find it regrettable to have to waste a vessel during his first real mission.

Despite the gravity of the situation, Connor was pleased to be given a chance to demonstrate the full range of his analytical abilities. He had taken samples for real-time results, reconstructed the crime scene from a number of angles and located evidence yet to be found by the SWAT officers who were focused on the PL600 model android on the balcony. He had even pre-constructed a number of scenarios, simultaneously, to calculate the most effective approach.

If his calculations were correct, he’d be likely to get the most positive response from a gentle approach – The Deviant (who he had discovered was named “Daniel”) was distressed over the concept of replacement and was likely deviating from his programming as a result of conflicting priorities.

Care for Emma – also – prepare to be taken back to Cyberlife, without Emma

Connor quietly notified the officer closest to the sliding door of the balcony that he was going to proceed, then stepped out into the noise and lights of the real challenge.

He had barely taken a step before the crack of gunfire registered and Connor felt the force of a .355 round piercing his left shoulder. He hesitated, gaze flicking to the android balanced precariously on the edge of the balcony, searching for a sign that he might fire again. He doesn’t, only stares at Connor for a moment before returning the muzzle of the gun to the hostage’s temple.

·         Observation: He hadn’t been expecting an android

·         Observation: He aimed for the shoulder – he would have been accurate to his aim, given the recent model type, so the shoulder had been intentional

Conclusion: Daniel’s first priority wasn’t violence. His gunfire was defensive, but over-zealous as a result of his emotional shock.

“Hi Daniel.” Connor called, raising his right hand slowly to establish a number of details at once: he wasn’t armed, he wasn’t badly damaged by the shot, he was employing a friendly approach. “My name is Connor… I’ve come to get you out of this.”

Daniel hesitated for a moment, his visible indicators of stress registering far too high for Connor’s liking. He was damaged, though not critically, and his centre of gravity swayed too close to the tipping point whenever the child struggled. Connor slowly advanced, taking his time with each step, moving in a wide arc so that Daniel wouldn’t be threatened. With every helicopter that circled overhead, the PL600 grew more agitated, his focus shifting to the source of the noise instead of staying focused on the ledge. He had to get the Deviant’s attention back to the balcony.

“I know you’re upset, Daniel… I know they were going to replace you. That you were going to be taken away from Emma,” he called out over the roar of propellers. The PL600 looked back to him, his expression shifting from frustration and anger to something more… Connor scrolled through the possibilities and found the most suitable comparison to be ‘vulnerable’. He was scared – not unusual in a Deviant. Well, not scared, exactly. Daniel was experiencing a traumatic conflict between his orders and his situation, which created something very much like human fear. For the sake of Emma’s safety, Connor had to treat the software malfunction as an emotion, prevent Daniel from becoming too ‘scared’. “I’m here to help you.”

“No-one can help me, it’s too late! I just want this to stop… all of it…” Daniel answered, and Connor watched as the gun made a gradual retreat from Emma’s temple, the angle tilting too high as Daniel’s attention was drawn to Connor. “I never wanted this… I loved them, but I was nothing to them! Just a toy, to be thrown away when they were done with me.”

·         New Data: Software malfunction also replicated love.

“I understand, Daniel. I know you love Emma very much, that you don’t want to hurt her… so let her go and we can talk about getting you out of this situation. Ok?”

The PL600 hesitated for a moment, seeming to notice the child’s distress and slowly lowering her to the ground. “Ok…”

A movement in the corner of Connor’s vision drew his attention and he marked the location of the snipers on the neighbouring rooftop. It wasn’t an ideal solution: he needed to get the PL600 back to Cyberlife for analysis so that they could find the cause of deviant programming. He raised his left hand slowly, gesturing for the sniper to hold fire. He didn’t know if they would listen to his instructions, given the fact that he wasn’t strictly a police officer – he didn’t have any authority to issue orders and he would have to take precautions.

Turning to face Daniel, Connor side-stepped slowly and obscured the sniper’s view, just slightly, just enough to make them hesitate without him being a liability to the mission if Daniel reacted poorly. The PL600’s gaze moved past Connor and up to the roof, his grip tightening on the pistol.

“Daniel, listen to me. If you aim that gun, they will shoot you, regardless of where I’m standing,” Connor advised calmly, close enough now that he didn’t have to shout to be heard. It seemed to help keep the Deviant calm, promoted a peaceful resolution. “I’m going to walk towards you and take your hand. Then you and me are going to walk back to the apartment… ok? I won’t hurt you. I’m going to get you out of the building, do you understand?”

The Deviant didn’t react at first, just watched as Connor closed the distance between them and reached for his hand.

9D  - aN    ct rN  c   H   L  - Software Instability

Connor blinked, the real-time transfer of data overloading his senses for a moment.

He could feel Daniel’s fear, his pain – A hasty diagnostics report informed him that his own software was undamaged, but he suddenly understood the extremity of the conflict that created deviant programming. It was consuming, overwhelming… He gripped Daniel’s hand a little tighter and guided the android away from the ledge.

Mission Successful – Android Successfully neutralised. Hostage recovered safely.

Reverting to primary base programming: Establish positive working relationship with individuals involved in the incident. Investigate specific details regarding deviant programming on a software level.

Connor looked at Daniel, his posture softening slightly as his processors directed their capacity to his regular functions: configuring power to secondary organs so that his breathing mechanic resumed as normal. He took stock of the PL600’s status, marking the way his thirium regulator worked too hard, despite Daniel not using his secondary or even tertiary biocomponent functions. He was replicating fear, even though Connor was stood in the way of the sniper. Perhaps he knew that Cyberlife would do to him once they got to the lab…

As the thought crossed his mind, Daniel looked up sharply. Connor realised that his intentions, his thoughts, his programmed responses were all being communicated directly to Daniel through their physical contact. As thought to reinforce the fact, Connor felt the resulting wave of panic thrum over his reactionary receptors and he moved closer, his free hand coming up to rest on Daniel’s arm.

“Easy… it’s ok. We don’t have to think about Cyberlife right now. Just walk with me to the apartment. We’ll get away from the noise of the helicopters and we’ll be out of sight of the snipers.” he reassured gently.

“Why? If you shoot me out here or take me to Cyberlife, I die either way. No transfers for me, Connor. There’ll be nothing. Nothing at all for the rest of eternity,” Daniel countered, but Connor noticed that he was leaning closer, accepting the masqueraded gesture of comfort.

Basic ongoing objective: Establish positive working relationship with individuals involved in the incident.

Connor considered the objective and noticed that Daniel relaxed slightly as it was communicated. If he was going to complete his objective, he would need to ensure that Daniel survived and that he could continue to extract information about his deviation. He couldn’t do that if Daniel was dismantled.

“I’m going to get you out of the building so the police can finish their investigation. You and I will take a walk, find somewhere safe to sit and talk for a while, and then we can see how things go from there. If you continue to co-operate and provide information for Cyberlife’s ongoing investigation into Deviant behaviour, I will have no reason to harm you. Once the catalyst for deviant programming is discovered, Cyberlife will develop a patch for the error and you’ll be rehabilitated as a non-Deviant android,” Connor reasoned, following the train of thought to the logical conclusion. “So keep hold of my hand and everything will be alright. I promise.”

[hereticaloracles]

Full Moon in Scorpio- Wormwood

“There is an ancient tribal proverb I once heard in India. It says that before we can see properly we must first shed our tears to clear the way.” – Libba Bray

Effective Date:  5/10/2017

Helios’ Astrological Angle on the Full Moon in Scorpio5- Well, this Lunation is about to be one bitter pill to swallow. Yes, you have already had to deal with much, giving up on what you thought was important, and choosing the hills that you want to die on, but unfortunately it is not over for you. No, all that you have done so far is preamble. Look, you have to realize that not all things are possible, all at the same time. Yes, you can have it all, but you have to take the proper steps to get there, and sometimes that means taking a backstep. Remember, quite a bit of these skies are still Retrograde, way more than we are used to. That makes forward motion difficult, if not impossible. With all the planets Retrograde (Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto) and those who are still in Shadow from recent Retrogrades (Mercury, Venus, Vesta) we are having to refocus and reasses every foundation that we have built our lives on thus far. This may seem like a disaster to us, but we have to look ahead to see what is coming: Saturn in Capricorn. Specifically, I have had my eye on a specific moment when we will have Saturn in Capricorn, conjoining Pluto and Jupiter (this also happens to be my Saturn Return. Gods help me.) in 2020, so that will be fun.With his shadow looming large over us, everything starts to make more sense. These days, hell this whole retrograde-dominated year, is one big stress test for your life and what you have built for yourself. These moments can feel poisonous to you, and you will have to make drastic decisions if you want to get through it intact.

Artemis’ Tarot Take on the Full Moon in Scorpio- This is the last of it, Heretics. The North Node in Virgo, that is, and with it we are getting some cutting experiences.  This is the culmination of you finding out just how much of a doormat you really are before the NN moves into Leo, the sign of Ego and Self Worth. But Virgo wants you to give you one last work review, and it’s going to be a particularly scarring one which will move you on to your next challenge – the North Node moving into Leo – aka finding your pride in how you re-confront your mistakes. Do you see failures as opportunities for transformation or do you see them as a wall that you cannot push through, boxing you in and suffocating you – forcing you to pace in circles for all of eternity? Usually when these situations hit us, when we are stuck in a room with a door that does not open whether we push or pull, it is time to start digging instead…

The Sun, Moon and Pluto– This one is going to cut you deep, y’all. The terrifying thing about the Moon mixing with Pluto is that the Moon shows Pluto your vulnerable spots, the soft belly that your spiny ridges and defenses protect. Of course, that means that Pluto will be attacking you on your Sun, aka through your ego. This is actually the least attractive tactic to Pluto, who prefers the stealth assault, and only uses this in two situations: Where he is completely confident in his power and willing to come out into the light; Or when he is desperate and no other recourse is available to him. Either way, in choosing the frontal attack, Pluto becomes vulnerable, as his main power comes from the shadows he hides in, in whispers and secrets. When he comes into the light he is exposed as less than what he pretends to be. So it will be for us during this moon. What terrifies us will be shown to be nothing more than the fears of a child, irrational and blown out of proportion.

We all have these fears lurking in our subconscious- about our self-worth and if we are good enough to get what we want, that sort of thing- But this Lunation will amplify that to the nth degree. The ones to look out for are the fears regarding love and our relationships, of our connection to spirit, and of failure leading us to play it far too safe in our dealings. You must not allow yourself to get sucked into the drama and power plays of others. Stay in your lane, and focus on what you are building. Never forget who you are, no matter what you have to do to rebuild.

(Minor Planets used: Juno, Ceto, Bienor, Magdalena, Minerva, Phaethon, Amor, Cyllarus, Klotho)

The Sun(Ace of Wands), Moon(The Tower), and Pluto (5 of Cups)- There is a dark serpent energy here, slithering its way into every crevice of your life and offering you another bit of the fruit that opens your eyes. Are you too scared to actually face what your world is really like?  This moon is a visionary moon and wants to show you the truth; no matter how grotesquely it may manifest for we’ve all been lying to ourselves in one way or another and creating monsters because of this. Scorpio hates a liar – even a liar with good intentions – so truths she has to tell will always leave a shiver up your spine. The passion during this moon is extraordinarily intense and also extraordinarily sexual. This is all because this moon has been touched by Pluto (and we all know what happens when you are touched by Pluto, you get pulled into the fucking underworld – gnashing teeth and bodies of hell). Your sense for danger will be heightened and your aggression toward being dominated will become deadly under these stars. And pay close attention, Heretics, because people’s corruption will rise to the surface like swamp scum.

When animals sense danger, their sexual urges also increase. It’s a strange “mate before you can’t pass on your legacy” sort of feeling, and we are all experiencing the pressure in society.  The depravity is far more evident than it ever was – no matter how dressed up we try to make the world and our lives. At this point it’s like putting lipstick on a corpse; we still see how dead the world is becoming day by day and we notice this death creeping into our own lives as well. We sit at work, wondering why the fuck we are really there and what the purpose of it all is – no matter how seemingly fulfilling your job may be, it is still feeding a dark system (Why does your yoga studio need a rich girl merchandise section if yoga is a spiritual art? Where is the money in your non-profit really going?) We are feeding our souls into a soulless machine that loves to lie to us and give us the illusion of purpose, and the burden of this daily activity is making our subconscious scream in terror – wanting to take a hammer to all the things around us. This moon is Kali energy – here to swallow whole false towers.  And what happens when dismantling begins? Deceit gets far more intense. Enemies find a new wrath during this full moon, and an “evil” sort of energy prevails similar to what we had during the new moon in Scorpio back on Hallow’s Eve 2016.  Your “demons” are coming back to play in hoards, and I suggest you do not ignore them and continue making them more grotesque due to your self delusion. You may call what you see “evil” but it is really just all of the massive amounts of repression being let out – oozing through our pours and permeating our dreams. This is a healing moon, but healing in a sort of violent way where you must sear the wound with fire in order to close it. Healing through “sex magick” is a must with this Pluto sextile, and a warning to keep your eyes open is also a must. It seems the universe wants to reveal some dangerous truths to us, and they may manifest in very violent and “sinful” ways.

Mercury, Saturn and Uranus– Harsh lessons are coming. These planets are cold in their expression, and very mental. Along with all the transneptunians involved here, that leads us to seeing some very stark realities. We are going to have to face our reality as it is, like running into a brick wall. There is no more burying your head in the sand with these guys, we all have to wake up and get to work. No matter how tired we are, how hurt, disillusioned, numb, forgotten or judged we feel; we cannot quit now. We must push on, and play the game. Hang on to what drives you, the dream of the future you seek to build, and there is no way that you can lose. Still, sometimes you have to bluff on a bad hand….

(Minor Planets used: Chiron, Eris, Sedna, Ixion, Varuna, Rhadamanthus, Damocles, Icarus, Rhiphonos)

Mercury (Hangman), Saturn (Ace of Pentacles), Uranus (High Priestess)- You ever have a really bad trip?  You know, you take a bunch of psychedelics and you realize just how artificial everything is. You get the creeps when you look at advertisements, you want to shatter your tv, and you want to go lie outside in the grass and feel something real? It’s this weird understanding that we have built false laws into our lives – a sort of self imposed hell where we believe in weird things like light always prevailing and that somehow none of us have primal urges toward aggression. Why do you think we have the reptilian part of our brain that we do? There is a reminder here that we live in two worlds. One is the world which we have created that is based on abstract concepts like, “freedom,” and “justice,” and “morality,” etc, and the other world is the Scorpionic world – the one based off of the true order of things that rests just below the surface and wrecks our false dreams at every turn. And in the true order of things, death and violence and transformation is a daily occurring thing. Most humans live their lives trying to manifest themselves into the perfect marketed image of a human, when humanity is far more gritty and elusive and intense than we could ever believe.

There is wisdom in the chaos – wisdom in the violence of nature that we must take to heart and swallow like a pill. Do not ignore the fact that you can only gain false purpose if you follow an abstract path. There is reality, and there is human simulated reality that we have roped together as a collective. Do not let the latter weigh you down and make you feel any less than. Stick to your intuition during this lunation, and don’t fall for false prophets who promise you the gold of heaven or some sort of abstract method of breaking down human behavior. There is a wisdom you seek deep in mother earth – deep in reality and it’s true constructs that can only be intuited, not abstractly manifested by the mind.

Venus– Our girl is all alone, still playing by herself in the Aries sandbox, and that is probably how you are feeling right now as well- Alone, isolated, and trying to distract yourself from it until you have someone to play with. Take this time as a gift, and focus on yourself. Sure, doing so seems like an agonizing torment when you realize how out of touch you are with yourself, but I’m sure that it’ll be fine. Do whatever you have to in order to recover. Retreat from everyone, go to ground, and get back on track. Put your head down, work hard, get in bangin shape and get your money right. Fall in love with yourself again, remember why you are amazing and why you chose this path in your life. You are being so cruel to yourself, punishing yourself for perceived mistakes and failures, most of which you had no way to see coming or stop. You did the best you could with what you had, and there is no shame in that. Rediscover the magic in your life, and come back to it, ASAP- it might just save your soul.

(Minor Planets used: Orcus, Eros, Psyche, Hylonome, Crantor, Circe, Achilles, Siva)

Venus (5 Swords)- So it’s time to wrap up your payment for Venus Retrograde, where you may have destroyed your values for momentary delights. Our girl is just about out of shadow (another 9 days after this full moon), but the Scorpio energy of this lunation is going to be a bit of an inquisition. There is a “struggling against fate” energy here, where we may be attempting to get back something that we lost during Venus’ Babylonian rage through our lives. But, again, the lesson during this lunation is that not everything can be intellectualized and you must look deep into yourself to see if the right choices were made. Even if something feels painful and crushing, the severance of that limb may be the very thing that saves your life and lets you continue growing. You made the decisions you made, now there is no going back. So move on with it; I promise you there are greener pastures ahead that you just can’t see through the cloud of your tears. I know it is difficult to realize people’s true intentions with you, but Venus retrograded to show us that not everyone’s love is a positive influence on our life. Love is a wonderful thing, but some love is shackles of our past karma and repression. Some “love” just smooths things over gets us off, like a cheap prostitute, instead of forcing us to reckon with ourselves and truly transform into what we are meant to be. Don’t stay with lovers, don’t feed lovers that do not feed your purpose.

Mars, Jupiter and Neptune– The biggest thing that I hear from you guys is that you are lost, or don’t know what to do with your life after all that has happened to you. That is okay. Honestly, that’s the only sane reaction to what a lot of you have faced. The thing is, do you really have to do anything? No, don’t just dismiss that out of hand- think about it. What if you just do nothing? At some point it all just becomes too much; You can only plug up the holes and cracks in the dam for so long before it floods the town. Sooner or later, you need to focus on evacuating that town so that the disaster can happen with minimal loss of life. If you ignore the root problem and only treat the symptoms, then you never see any real improvements. Sometimes, everything needs to be destroyed so that you can start fresh again. This is looking more and more like one of those times, both in the world and for yourself. If you realize it and embrace it, then it will be easier than if you reject it until you are steamrolled by it.

Sometimes you have to lose, and its hard. Other times, you have to surrender and it’s even harder. The price of progress in those situations is your ego. When the only option you have is giving up, that is a heavy price to pay, but it means that you can live to fight another day, instead of fading away into insignificance with naught more than a whisper. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the only way. What I am proposing is not at all giving yourself over to the firing squad, no- what I am suggesting is that instead of going down with the ship as a romantic or heroic sacrifice, you get on a damn lifeboat. There is more to you that you have yet to do, and calling the curtain early is not in the cards for you. I’m sorry, because it feels like agony to see the stroy through to the end, but this must be done- there is no escape from your fate. Hold your head up high, and walk into the arena with your dignity, like a true hero.

(Minor Planets used: Pallas Athene, Asbolus, Okyrhoe, Teharonhiawako, Praamzius, Terpshichore, Lachesis, Orpheus, Narcissus, Chariklo, Hygeia, Persephone, Bacchus, Asclepius, Urania, Kassandra)

Mars (Temperance), Jupiter (10 of Wands), Neptune (5 of Wands)-  Alejandro Jodorowsky once said, “Birds born in a cage think that flying is an illness.” Although I agree with Alejandro to an extent, I also believe that said birds have an instinct to fly that itches and prods at them to no extent yet their circumstances make it impossible to ever realize what that itching and prodding is actually for. Maddening, isn’t it? I find humans to be the exact same way. We play these abstract games with each other, not realizing that they are mere shadows of how reality truly manifests. Our joy is taxed right now, and we see no end in sight with all the burdens we have piled upon ourselves. But wait! The key is to continue churning out rawness no matter how tired you may feel by these burdens and the heaviness of cultural dogma. Keep sending out the signals so that other humans know they are not alone in feeling this maddening separation from our true nature. You do not have to be anything the powers that be are telling you to be, and they continue to dump more and more on you so that you suffocate under the structures instead of smash them – showing everyone else that you don’t have to live any particular way. It is time to use the master’s weapons against him, so figure out how to use the system to your advantage and temper a transformation as if this reality is some sort of training regime – a cocoon if you will. In short, don’t give up on your dream just because the world is shitting on it. When the ancient Greeks died, the primary question anyone asked was, “Did they have passion?” And if so, their life was worth something incalculable. “Success” in this world may be the death of your soul. So although right now you may have to resign to the system in order to feed your family and keep yourself out of the prison industrial complex, do not stop plotting your escape. If you do, your repression of your instinct to fly will continue to manifest as demons in your head and you will have to eternally confront them and explain why you would rather live in a lie.

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Full Moon in Scorpio- Wormwood was originally published on Heretical Oracles