#is this coherent. no. ALAS

[coredrill]

every time ttgl says that yeah, it’s okay if you don’t believe in yourself right now, it’s okay if you can’t find the parts of yourself worth loving and having faith in, it’s not the end all be all because someone else will be able to find that in you, whether it’s your brother or your friend or someone who you just met - they’ll find something within you that’s rock solid and you can lean on their perception of that until you find it for yourself, and in the meantime you can find that in other people, and believe in them and love them and dig up in them what they can’t find, and this support will help you find yourself and your support will help them find themself because love is conservative, like energy and mass and anything else that makes up the universe it can be passed around and change forms and be moulded into different shapes but it is never, ever, ever destroyed. THAT’S WHAT IT’S ABOUT

[roenais]

you have run out of time

[spicyraeman]

How do you suppose fat would actually appear on Gith? They sort of have that Shrinkwrapping thing with their skin so tight over their muscles and bones.

Especially if we're looking at your lovely flat ladies, because that takes away really the only conical fat deposit we can see.

Like what does soft, retired Lae look like? Or slow-moving scholar Xan?

I've been thinking about this since you sent this (a couple weeks ago whoops sry) and I think I've landed on that their shrink-wrapped muscle appearance is probably more from their intense physical training in childhood and lack of need to eat in the astral plane than any sort of genetic disposition to skinniness.

So if you took a Gith and put them in a situation that removed them from those factors they would gain weight like an average human, which actually leans into my headcanon that Lae’zel gains a bit of weight throughout the game.

Not anything particularly drastic, just a healthy layer of fat, no less muscle, and in fact probably stronger muscle now that it has something to sustainably run on. Id like to think a retired post game Lae would look pretty similar, maybe a teeny bit less muscle because she's not actively fighting every day, but I can't imagine she'd let herself get too soft

As for Xan i've always been partial to him becoming a collage of lore bard after hearing about all the tadfools adventures, so he's definitely on the softer side. Tall and lanky when he gets older but never really growing out of his baby fat

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely think that from a moral standpoint Glenn made the better choice at the end of the trial- in fact I think one of the most tragic things about that scene (where we hear Glenn’s reasoning and all that) is that if you needed irrefutable proof that Glenn is both a good person and a good dad, there it was! But of course by that point it was already too late.

But… Sometimes I find myself thinking about… How to put this… If Nick had learned of his dad’s decision, do you think he might have… Taken it the wrong way? Do you think if Nick Close had learned that Glenn chose to give up being his dad, he would have understood this as the ultimate act of abandonment? Or that his dad didn’t see him as someone worth fighting for? Not that I think Nick would have wanted his dad to fight the dragon either per se, but… Well, maybe deep down some part of him would have, actually.

[captainlexapro]

my brain would not let me rest until i made this! (did it need to be this detailed? no. did i still agonize over the labels? yes. am i doing okay mentally rn? survey says no.💀) where's that post about needing to make a list or perhaps organize things into categories...

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: a lot of the stories/articles i read about the names were essentially "well, we *think* this is what happened but we don't really have any proof or hard evidence." 😐 so take these all with a grain of salt. i did make a judgment call and note those i considered to be the most "uhhh i really don't know if this is accurate but this placement seems the most logical given the information i have atm."

rip to the coyotes 😪 i'm curious where the utah team will fit in here. if utah hc wins (it won't) then i would need to create a BORING category.

hope this is at least fun for some other word nerds out there 💚

[theladyyavilee]

just one thing before I go to bed, something about eddie’s face when carla says that line about how it feels to watch a fantasy actually become reality made me sob, like, that is SO QUEER, what else is there, eddie, huh, what else is there that you’ve only let yourself think of as an IMPOSSIBLE fantasy, because hoping for it to become reality felt too much like setting yourself up for heartbreak, but that might now be a real possibility, something you get to watch blossom into beautiful reality, WHAT ELSE?

[mindshelter]

in my opinion, miguel retaining any relationship with alchemax is incompatible with what his character ethos becomes; operating within an oppressive system as someone with power is... mitigating (not preventing) harm at best, without enacting the real change spider-man has set out to do.

this is in part because the main enemy isn't tyler stone, and it's not even alchemax; it's the institutions and the legislation that allow the line between corporation and governance to blur. let's entertain the idea of miguel inexplicably ascending to the role of a benevolent, philantrophic CEO for a moment. while this puts him in a leadership position, this does not necessarily mean he can axe the other executives. this does not mean he can erase the exploitative, unsubtly colonial infrastructure that is making the money alchemax is hoarding in the first place.

say he somehow manages to restructure their entire business model or succeeds in running the company into the ground. it does away with alchemax as a malevolent entity, sure. but the key here is that it does nothing towards social structures that allowed alchemax to operate like that; what's to say that once alchemax is done, another company swoops in, and the cycle repeats?

the rest of nueva york has the same problem miguel does at the beginning of the series; it may not be that its residents like the system they live in... but they respect it. and operate within it. and while that may have internal meaning... maybe even give someone a personal sense of defiance, to alchemax itself that is as good as deference.

what breaks the cycle, then? anger. people understanding that things could be better; that they deserve better. the cheers from a crowd as a surveillance camera installed at a street corner is shattered.

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

The-Sass-Stance™

For when you gotta let the people know you mean serious business, with an extra pinch of sass for good measure😉

[defeateddetectives]

*cha cha chas into ur inbox* soooooo what is ur horrible exorcists arranged marriage headcanon AU friend!!! INQUIRING MINDS (ME) WISH TO KNOW!!! :))))

i need to preface this with: i thought about this and thought about this and it is not necessarily a happy story!!!

it would likely be an AU where the sight in the natori clan hadn't completely died out like it had in canon and they were in a much more panicked and precarious state and trying to form a desperate alliance as a last ditch attempt of keeping the name afloat even if only symbolically

shuuichi would be begrudging and prickly about the arrangement the whole time but go along with it to ~save the clan~ in whatever shape or form because he's one of the few stronger ones left with the sight and the de facto heir and ultimately feels responsible

the alliance may have been presented initially as an alternative to total clan subsummation wherein the natori clan gets protection as well but it does...inevitably...lead to...more or less total clan subsummation because who are we kidding??? all parties sort of knew this was gonna happen at the outset anyway what with how the matobas roll. exploiting yet another dying clan? is anyone surprised!!!?

and lbr shuuichi and his clan don't really have a leg to stand on which leads to a whole other brand of angst and interclan drama which also gets mirrored in their relationship for bonus fun anguish points :D

i do think it would be more punchy and impactful if they were a bit younger at the time of this marriage...like 19/20ish? something about them being less polished and savvy and settled into their identities and more easily swayed by the forces around them! seiji is also still the heir rather than clan head at the time!

seiji still held some softness for shuuichi prior to all this and was semi-pining for years but cant really focus on that so much anymore once the arrangement goes ahead and he tries to soften the blow of everything as much as he can (which isn't a lot early on and in his current position)

meanwhile shuuichi may have once had some semblance of softness for seiji mixed with insecurity and a thousand other complicated feelings à la canon but now he's far too busy being outraged and devastated in equal parts to feel anything else. like i said. NOT necessarily a happy story!!!!!!

there's a version where maybe, over time, they could approach some common ground but honestly even if they managed to mutually care for/grow into some semblance of functional partnership and "love" for each other, shuuichi very much would fight the loss of his identity as a natori tooth and nail (and grieve and mourn) and it would definitely colour and periodically sour their entire relationship if not overtly then definitely covertly

and the thing is: if it was anyone else, seiji would be able to nicely compartmentalize and barrel on through but because it's this specific person that he's quietly adored since they were kids, it crushes him as well to see shuuichi so stifled and that fire of his (one of the things that had charmed seiji about him early one!!!) nearly burned out

some time passes and the current matoba head dies and seiji takes the mantle. superficially and politically, they end up presenting a united front and rock the power couple aesthetic for a few years but DEEP DOWN THEY ARE CRUMBLING!!! they go days without speaking to each other behind closed doors unless necessary and it becomes more of a hollow, weary, performance than anything that they get good at doing on autopilot

eventually it comes to a breaking point and, hilariously, maybe the arranged marriage divorce--not a decision made lightly--winds up being the great point of catharsis (and the biggest romantic gesture on seiji's part)--ACTUALLY WAIT I'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS!!! I'VE CONNECTED THEM!!!

THEIR LOVE STORY WOULD IN FACT TAKE-OFF AFTER THEY ENDED THE MARRIAGE AND COULD FINALLY FEEL LIKE THEY WERE ON SOMETHING OF EQUAL FOOTING because that would be so important for shuuichi and also for seiji to let shuuichi have that agency and choose him on his own terms rather than because he was Supposed To

seiji offers shuuichi/the natori clan matoba clan's protection anywayyy because he can (to the matoba elders who aren't about it, he goes: shhh it's alimony!) and yes, i'm probably handwaving exorcist divorce law--which i now want to study for fun--and i know he can't just make these decisions unilaterally but, on a level, this would also be a story about seiji growing into his own power and identity as clan head and getting creative with loopholes that let him meet his own ends

so the end is the beginning is the end and shuuichi does wind up back at square one with a dying clan at the end of the day and hated by his family for being ~selfish and burning that bridge in their eyes

but the two of them also get a proper shot now at Being In Love in some shape or form ON PURPOSE!!!!!

once more with feeling: this is not (necessarily) a happy story!!!!!! not in every way anyway!!!!!!!

bonus epilogue: natori shuuichi shows up at the next matobacorp board meeting with a board seat to his name and half the company shares that he was gifted in the divorce <3 love is real etc etc. [muffled sounds of the succession opening theme playing in the distance] they go on a cute little coffee date after.

[mint-merriment]

things about the rhythm doctor act 5 update

just some stuff i noticed/liked abt act 5 !

note: this covers the new content added so there Will be spoilers! also i Just bought the game (despite knowing the prior levels through youtube hee hee) so this is from the perspective of someone playing seamlessly through the acts :)

misc pre-act-5 stuff:

i dont know if the 'simulated' option was there before, but it is very cool actually!

after playing 1-xn (act 4 boss), instead of the credits playing, paige suggests the intern take the day off. the screen fades to black and we are implied to have had a restful day before coming into work the day after and starting the cutscene with hailey and logan

from the steam page, i noticed that you have to play 2-1n in order to start act 5, so i purposefully didn't play 2-1n to see what they would do. (now that i think about it, this definitely is because the boss level uses the 'skip a beat' cue that is introduced in 2-1n's tutorial.) in order to let you know you need to know about skipped beats on svt patients, nicole blocks the doorway to the physiotherapy ward and asks you to go check on cole because he's got a bit of writers' block. it then cuts to 2-1n immediately so you can play it!

before you play 5-1, the ward takes the appearance of the field (which confused me a lil). after the level finishes, the illusion of the field dissipates to reveal the actual ward :0

5-1 & 5-1n:

in the level itself, the background sign counts your hits! other things are also displayed on the lights of that sign when its shown (such as the 'ready get set go' from the nurse, imitation of static during the rainy part, etc)

whenever you have to hit a "two" or "three" or etc, the lights that orbit the patient have that number of beams. nice visual cue there

the beat right before the cutscene where paige is startled awake by lucky, the ball is flung at the screen. even if you hit it perfectly, the animation that plays is lucky's early/late animation- ie, the one where his rotator cuff is tearing :(

speaking of. paige was sleeping/dozing off next to lucky to be startled awake in the first place, and throughout the level and after she notes that he might be feeling anxious

whenever you're cued for "four", lightning flashes in the background. this is just cool to me

in the second half of the level, the hospital ward actually glitches in and out! good foreshadowing for what the actual ward looks like on a first playthrough

5-1n actually starts with ian's hand as a fakeout- you might think he'll take the first few beats, but it immediately fades into the dream where our hand is taking the procedure, and transfers over to real life too

the miner actually has a single held beat in this level, with a unique running animation! foreshadowing his appearance in 5-3 intermission :)

"one slip, too late, three strikes, for me" I LOVE WHEN THE LYRICS COUNT!! AND ALSO IT COINCIDES WITH HOW MANY BEATS YOU HAVE TO HIT THAT TIME. (these lyrics also show up on the sign in the background!)

when logan says 'my hero would never hesitate to take his shot!', hailey joins in from the word hesitate. to me, it reads like he's said this a lot before and she knew what he was going to say, which is quite cute

the second chorus was from the trailer! which. is where they got it from probably lol.

5-2 & 5-2n:

5-2's tutorial has new tutorial music :0

the song itself is called lofi beats for patients to chill to, which is obviously a reference to 2-1 lol

speaking of 2-1, in the level proper, the part after the short cutscene between ian and paige includes that one piano part from it (specifically the part synced to the samurai's heart that ian is doing)!

ahh the classic 'i thought i was getting better so i went back to normal and made it worse' :(

i do like the snickety snick sound of the freeze cue! as well as the texture of the ice, it is very... cool B)

the tutorial (of 5-2n) shows the continuing friction between ian/paige vs edega, focusing on ian. edega is trying to push the rhythm doctor program to be something it's not really, which is just a tasty lore bit (i talk more about the story below)

...okay so 5-2n is sooooo hard for me, specifically me, but maybe also some of you. but it is a banger! and the burn/freeze beats are a very cool concept. (also the burn cue sounds very.. blacksmithy? it reminds me of that one forging minigame in patapon.)

the 'stage' thing is cool, introducing us to the individual concepts, before we get thrown off the deep end. very difficult, very fun. this level will haunt me.

i also liked the background ! oh yes and also: the mythical "5" cue :0

5-3:

5-3 is an intermission! one revolving around held beats haha, fittng for our second character- the miner! i liked the miner's reintroduction, and how his philosophy and views on life and his own health ended up greatly affecting lucky's viewpoint as well. as we see in the future!

the digging through bag to find things and multiple other random things being thrown out was very funny :)

samurai being at the other end of the bungee cord lmao

its nice that miner doesn't even know who lucky is, it makes their interaction a lot more genuine without the veil of 'fan' and 'guy who has fans' :) (even if it is a bit of a hit to lucky's ego oof)

i also really enjoyed the conversations overheard! cole not knowing anything about baseball players was funny, and mr and mrs stevenson reunion was so touching,,,(and also the birds hehe.) i love how they conveniently narrated it so that someone who isn't physically there can know almost exactly what's happening

this also really shows how much the hospital is a community of its own now actually. paige calling everyone over to see the reunion, even wondering where we, the intern finger, are. the doctors work very hard to make everyone's stay comfortable, and i'm glad that everyone's comfortable enough to be reaching out and finding this moment touching.

also speaking of which. its very funny and very in character that the reason mrs. stevenson wasn't moved to mr. stevenson's room earlier.. was that everyone involved forgot about it oops. at least the birds are there too!

annnd as evidenced by 5-x's pre-treatment notes, the miner's words seems to have really helped and affected lucky! good job!

(also. i got an s- on this the first time. dunno if you can get an s+)

5-x:

now. 5-x. the BIG ONE. god its so good but you already knew that

a preface for everything: the window movement is IMMACULATE. IMMACULATE I SAY.

the crunchy guitar chord coming in right as the screen pans up to the sunset-sky and the 'boss stage' fading in was PERFECTION. BY THE WAY.

i like the window moving like a clock! and sometimes, each tick actually ticks over to a different scene at a different time, with different people in the hall (but edega watching from that observation room at all times. unnerving)

the snapshots of people hanging out is also really nice, i like seeing that most have come to visit :) and also in multiple combinations! they are all hanging out :D

i cant get the blast beats perfectly, but i like the timing and occurrences of them- syncing really well with the lyrics/song!

"it'll never be a hundred percent. you have to make peace with that" this line hit me so hard. i have nothing else to say. its a good quote.

this scene is just good actually. it shows that the miner and lucky have spent enough time together, and when he responds to that quote with "i know... it's just..."? that speaks of understanding! and he was also spontaneously willing to share why he strives so hard, which lines up with all of his previous behaviors perfectly.

this cutscene also acts as a checkpoint; if you fail after it, restarting quickly returns you here! (during my initial playthrough i only failed twice, once before and once after)

SAMURAI COMING IN CLUTCH WITH THE "CAN YOU TEACH ME BASEBALL" thank you samurai you've done us all a great service

i really like how when the running sections start up again, everyone who was shown to have been roped in shows up in the next one (ie logan and hailey joining after the box of beans part)

also. the return of beans hopper! nicole's coffee throw being repurposed for baseball! cole and the samurai (who are of course friends since at Least 2-2n) texting each other! cole's "X" response before immediately after being shown running with the rest of them! (interestingly, nicole doesn't show up in the next running scene. maybe because she was designated as pitcher??)

also, lucky is running Behind everyone, the samurai is rolling/skating/thats his run animation apparently, hailey and logan are running together, and cole is running ahead of them all. fitting!

the team!! the people who were roped into this impromptu team include: samurai, logan, hailey, cole, nicole, lucia, hugh (farmer), miner, and the insomniac. thats... almost everyone lol. besides the birds, the stevensons, and the doctors

lucky's 3am thoughts were portrayed really well. imo, even though it doesn't seem like it, i believe that this game does mean something to lucky, though maybe this isn't realized until after the game. the virus kicks in here, and the screen movement is very intense here

glad they included him brushing this negative mindset in the morning to focus for the game though! late night thoughts can be very mean...

the lil graphic of the game playing out under lucky's heartbeat was really cute. glad they didn't go the 'intern, you must now treat Every Patient Here while they're playing' route (though that might be what is implied actually happened storywise rather than gameplaywise? through paige and ian's convo). ayo, hailey scored!

THE BALL BOUNCING AROUND THE SCREEN WAS SO GOOOOOD AUGHHHHH . fun fact the first time i saw it i was so entranced by the ball richocheting that i forgot i had to hit it. i think thats where i failed here lol. also, the parallels between the samurai and lucky here are quite thematic

ahhh lucky's final speech to the team! it resolves his feelings about his coach (whom, as we know, didn't think he could succeed in the role he wanted to play, but from whom lucky still sought validation from), and also helps him portray his own thoughts about his stepping away from baseball for a time to recover.

fun fact: if you fail between the game's start and the final speech, lucky expresses doubts about this being worth, but the players are still ready! they aren't backing down yet!

and of course. they win!! lucky refuses dr. edega's treatment, preferring to stay at the hospital for an extended period of time for his physical therapy :)

fun fact: i talked to the janitor after this (the janitor has some surprising insights actually) and while he was tempted to join the team, he ultimately didnt, instead deciding to cheer from the bleachers! thank you janitor

(also. this poor, poor local university team. they got beat by a cobbled-together team consisting of *checks notes* patients at a hospital who literally All have some sort of heart problem, ranging from some teenagers to people who have been doing hard labor or been incredibly sleep deprived for years. f on their part. but also a big name baseball player was coaching them, so that softens the blow haha. still tho. teenagers. thats gotta suck for them. lmao)

and! even though lucky hasn't been added to the credits (which perhaps the final release might change?), the roof where paige sings still has the net and baseballs strewn around :)

bonus 4-4n because it was also added:

spoiler: it was very cute. im glad they added it, it's very fitting!

the 'skip' cues were quite underutilized before, so im glad that they used them here (especially to signal that the characters were going to speak a short sentence, hehe)

NICOLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR!!! from all the way back in 2-4!! glad she's trying it out again :)

also its SO cute that she dusted off her skills because she was thinking about cole, perhaps wanting to make a song for him.

can't believe that when asked if they were thinking about playing for someone, neither cole nor nicole answered properly.

also. their hearts are beating in sync here. there is no one else to call the other heart's cues, the nurse is enough for both.

((sorry, i love act 2. they are so good.))

logan doesn't have heart eyes on hit, because hailey's out of town :(

leitmotifs!! i like the guitar from 1-2 coming back in for logan and hailey. and also the samurai's part threw in a bit of 1-1 too !

about the story+misc thoughts (this one is WAY more rambly):

this act is about lucky's struggle with his hospital stay, and also brings edega into the spotlight a bit more with the overarching story.

actually, this act is structured a lot like act 2 (which is. my favorite act actually)(all the times is SO GOOD OKAY) but only one person; it uses mostly two-beat rhythms, the first night level is a song with lyrics and the only lyric'd song before the boss, including an intermission, and a moving window final boss (with lyrics!). it also focuses on a singular (2 patients in act 2) patient's struggles for multiple levels, rather than multiple recurring patients for the levels, which i think really fleshes out said character a lot.

and i really like lucky's story! he was so impatient to get out, worrying about losing everything he had built for himself, but through the efforts of everyone at middlesea hospital, he realized that he could take it slow, that he won't suddenly be nothing if he takes the recommended amount of months to heal, and even if he steps away from the game. (i think his friendship with the miner was so good for him, im glad they brought the miner back)

as for the overarching plot, it brings the question of 'if the rhythm doctor treatment is really effective, does this make traditional medicine more obsolete?' and... the answer is actually no. in 2-4n, paige brings up that the rhythm doctor treatment only stops the symptoms, it doesn't treat the cause. and that's what she and ian are actually there for! (although paige does start to wonder if it'll ever get to the point where the rhythm treatment Can solve such things. shelve this for now)

we, the intern finger, are merely throwing a rope to a drowning person. paige and ian (more prominently paige bc ian is splitting his time working on the rhythm doctor program) are the ones actually pulling them back to safety- recovery takes time, and while some problems can be solved with a bit of rhythm defibrillation, Not All Of Them Can. in my mind, the ideal scenario is the rhythm doctor program supplementing a full hospital staff, but...

worryingly, edega doesn't seem to have picked this up, or if he has, he's deliberately ignoring it. as seen before and also in 5-1's tutorial, he's allowing the hospital to remain understaffed while pivoting towards the rhythm doctor program. he's pushing ian to make the rhythm doctor program do more things than what its meant to, as evidenced in the 5-2n tutorial, and in the pre- and post-5-x conversation. (and possibly more but those are the ones i remembered fastest.) ian has actually figured out what's causing the connectifia abortus (and what a shock that was, to learn that the program itself is dealing with inherent glitchiness), but edega making him work on other things is stopping him from being able to fix it. (ian also mentioned edega's plans for a 'miracle cure' which is. hm. worrying to say the least.) i am intrigued about the plan to distract edega long enough to let ian do his job tho...

also. edega's theme is very unsettling. make of that what you will.

if you're down here thank you for reading! tl;dr rhythm doctor act 5 update Good :)

[trainingdummyrabbit]

infected by a terminal case of wants to curl up in a sunbeam

[soupforsoup]

I have to let you know that I appreciate your blog for being one of the few that talks about the 5th Doctor's era at all, but also for making me genuinely want to check out said era for the sake of Adric.

AHHHHVDJSKABSMSK oh my gosh thank you!! Definitely do go enjoy, I love the fifth doctor's era he's a deceptively tragic little fella. There are quite a few really great classic who/5th dr blogs, if you don't already know them check them out: @englandhatepage @corvid-ae @timelordian-disaster-126 @fivebroken @visgae @fivenyssateganadric and tons more!!

Adric genuinely is one of my favourite characters, not just in who but of all time, and as someone who struggles w empathy, not only do I relate HARD, but he's one of the only characters that still reliably makes me recreate this at 3am thinking way too hard about him

he's such a great little guy and I love overanalysing every single little thing to do with him, he's a bitchy teenage boy who's a genius and thinks that makes him an authority on everything but also he's desperately insecure, loyal to a fault, cares so so much and just wants a place to feel loved and where he belongs and him and the 5th doctor are so alike it literally drives me insaneeee

Thank you again for this ask it really brightened up my day!!

[lamortwrites]

SAREVOK TAMOKO DURGE AND GORT PARALLELS!!!!!!!!!! durge and xvim!!!! I can’t

OKAY I HAVE TO PREFACE THIS BY SAYING. I am on team cleric of Xvim Tamoko I have not been active in any bg1 spaces probably since I was a teenager I do not know what the fandom consensus of her deity was but I DO remember that it was never actually confirmed in game (do I think the plan was for her to become Sarevok's Chosen? Maybe. Maybe the original plan after Sarevok's apotheosis was to help Tamoko push someone else off of the throne she wanted. You know, much like a popular durgetash theory ;))

ANYWAY the point is. Tamoko was a cleric of Iyachtu Xvim to me. So imagine being me running around as an amnesiac Bhaalspawn and finding out I USED TO HAVE FEELINGS FOR A BANITE? Already. AlREADY the wheels are turning. Already I am going HMM. THIS FEELS FAMILIAR.

And like...obv this is all up to interpretation and kinda depends on your choices in your own playthroughs but. Gort being so happy for you if you shake off Bhaal's influence? Vs him jumping straight to pragmatism and well guess you have to die for me if you won't be my ally? And then later w the brain, the theory that he knew the stones weren't working and chose to try and take the hit for you even though you don't remember him or any of what you had, maybe even showed up w a new lover? Compared to Tamoko being so willing to die for Sarevok just bc he told her to, even though he'd strayed so far from the man she loved? Did Gort know durge planned to betray him in the end? Would he have been willing to die for them?

And YEAH the durge/Xvim parallels are...SO tasty. Durge being born before Bhaal was even resurrected? Were they supposed to be his ticket back to godhood like how Bane did it? The fact that durge is technically a cambion too... Like, did pre tadpole durge chafe against their leash? WERE they planning on patricide? Was that the real reason for the lobotomy?

There's just. Idk there's something really poetic to me about Sarevok changing so much that he is unmoved by Tamoko's death vs durge having the potential to change so much that they are unmoved by Gortash's...

Also. I would save the man within the beast he wishes to be. You know. Which couple am I talking about here.

[starscelly]

mush back in his second home

dal@sea 3.13.23

[sparring-spirals]

Imogen says that. until Everything Went Down (until Otohan) (until her powers not only failed her but doomed everyone around her) her markings kind of. made her feel good.

Imogen says that: Sure, they were terrible at first, but when she realized she could use her powers to defend, (like she defended Laudna)-

"They felt like proof. That I was stronger than I thought I was."

(The powers and the markings are synonymous, for Imogen. They are physical evidence of her powers, an external manifestation of powers that, so often, plague her in ways that are invisible. The voices, the headaches, the overhearing, the nightmares, the ever-present anxiety all of them bring. Are invisible.

The electricity arcing off of her fingertips in defense. Are not.

The markings webbing their way up her arms. Are not.

She looks at her marks and thinks of her powers, and that is both a blessing and a curse.

Proof, or evidence.)

Imogen did not see her markings- her powers- as a gift, until she found how they could be used in service to others. To help others. Her powers would always be some kind of curse to her, of course they were. But seeing the way they could defend and protect others, seeing the way she could take this curse and wring some good out of it.

That made it worth it, maybe. That made it good.

That made her feel stronger, maybe.

I just. Imogen looks at her marks and thinks of her powers. And thinks of the ways these hands (these abilities) can be used in service for others, in protection of others, in ways to hold on tight and protect things she loves, people she loves. And for a while (for two years, at least), it was enough that she could look down and- they made her feel kind of good. She's so much stronger than she ever imagined she could be- not because of the powers alone, but because its her wielding them, that even with all of the awfulness that comes along with it, she knows how she's been using them, how she's been able to do good. She's so much stronger than she could have dreamed, (in all her nightmares).

And then.

And then-

The problem was not the strength. Otohan whispered that too, of power in her, a spark, a fire, a raging storm. Otohan brought it out, eventually.

The problem was not a lack of power.

The problem was- the defense. The protection. Otohan chased her down- all of them down, for that power raging inside of her. Cut down her friends, one by one, to make a point, to get to her. To get to that storm. To claw it out.

Otohan looked at Laudna, and said to Imogen- "Is she your favorite?"

Otohan killed Laudna, and Imogen let out every ounce of that power she had manifesting in her and levelled a city and it-

did nothing. It did nothing.

Otohan hunted her down- hunted all of them down, and ripped through them for the power that arcs up Imogen's arms and none of it was enough to protect, in the end.

Imogen looks at her markings and thinks of her powers, and if they make her feel strong it is a curse, now, its another layer of guilt, its another condemnation.

Imogen's markings made her feel strong because they could help others, serve others, protect others.

How- uniquely awful, then. To look down and see a death sentence on those you love, instead.

To see all that power.

And see a blast radius, instead of a shield.

[passthroughtime]

so i have two things i've wanted to talk about for a while

the 1st one:

what do you mean, yagami. what exactly do you mean.

actually, i'm losing it at the fact that not only yagami wanted to avoid kuwana resenting him forever, but kuwana ALSO considers his resentment as a good enough insentive for yagami to not do it ever again

like. all delusions aside. a dude, who just thinks the other dude is being nosy and annoying and that he fucks everything up for him, tells him to stop being nosy and annoying, or his opinion on him would change for the worse irreversibly (what a threat). while that other dude figured that he will be threatened that way and went behind that guy's back, did the thing the dude will be upset about, and came back to inform him that he did the thing, because he cares about the dude's opinion for some reason and wants to be the one who'd tell him about the thing. oh, and they are called ENEMIES by others. they hate each other actually.

btw, yagami has never gone to bother kusumoto again. and did it only when she betrayed kuwana, only to say that he doesn't give a fuck about her anymore

they are so normal about each other.

P.S.: tesso honey i'm so sorry that this keeps happening with you

the 2nd one:

or, how i call this, the most romantic thing a protagonist can say to an antagonist

"i know so well that it scares me" you bitchass loser.

...actually, no, i have no commentary to this one. this is just a normal thing to say when a person confesses to the reasons on why he murders people. why am i making a big deal out of this. revenge killing is fine actually

✨bonus thingie✨:

simp behaviour tbh. so cringe of you, kuwana.