#isemilyreal on ao3

[is-emily-real]

In Love With The Boy

Richard couldn't care less that his son was gay. Quite the opposite, actually. He’d had his fair share of dalliances in his day, and he was glad Steve got to be open about that part of himself.

No, Richard Harrington had a problem with who his son chose to date.

“I don’t like this,” he said as he leaned against the doorway.

Helen touched up her lipstick in the bathroom mirror. “Like what?”

“This whole situation with the Munson boy.” 

She fixed him with a glare. “Now, you swore to me that you’d love our son no matter what.” Even after all this time, she couldn’t drop her drawl when she was ticked off.

“No no, it’s not that. I just don’t think Eddie’s a good idea for Steve.”

“Oh. Well, can’t help love, I suppose.”

“I’ve heard some rumors about him from Darlene.”

“Baby, Darlene’s older than Moses. You ain’t gotta listen to her.”

“I do if I don’t want my coffee poisoned. That woman’s mean.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Eddie’s perfectly fine. Steve’s happier than he has been since he and Nancy broke up, and we are not going to ruin that for him.”

He put his hands up. “Alright, but I’m allowed to not like him. Father’s intuition.”

“What was it my daddy said the day we got married?”

“When he told my great-aunt I was dumber than a box of rocks or when he called me a no-good papist bastard in front of the priest?”

“Exactly. And it’s been twenty-three years since then. But,” she sighed, “if it makes you feel better, we can come home a bit early tonight, and I’ll talk to him before he leaves.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Thank you. If we hurry, we can get seats by Alan and Brenda.”

Helen flashed that beautiful smile that’d caught his heart so long ago. “No, sir. You and Alan are trouble together.”

------

It was a lazy date, but one Steve wouldn’t give up for the world. He and Eddie were curled up on the couch, a movie playing in the background that he didn’t give a damn about. Instead, he was distracted by the feeling of the man in his arms.

These moments were so different from how Eddie portrayed himself. Out in the world, he was larger than life, eccentric, untouchable. But here, under the blankets, he shared his softest smiles, undid him with the lightest touches. He told Steve stories he’s never told before, shared the little details of his experiences and questioned the meaning of the universe. He drew the same from Steve, until there was nothing in his life that he would hide from these intimate moments.

He traced the scars along Eddie’s sides. If Robin was his other half, Eddie was his compliment, fitting around his curves and edges just so. They moved with each other in intricate patterns, calming and encouraging in turn, bringing out the best and tempering the worst. He adored Eddie and felt adored.

No one had ever made him feel that way before.

“Stevie?” Eddie asked.

He hummed, pressing a kiss behind his ear.

“Where do you see us in the future?”

“Wherever. As long as you’re there, I’m happy.”

“Really? Anywhere?”

“I’d follow you to the moon if you asked.”

Eddie smiled. “I followed you into hell, so it’s only fitting.”

Steve laughed. “Of course.” He took a beat to consider it and continued, “I mean, we can get a little house somewhere and have a couple pets, babysit for the neighbors, grow a little garden. I’d like that.”

“I would too.” He flipped over so their chests pressed together, faces mere inches from each other. Eddie had a mischievous grin on his lips. “I get to pick at least one fight with someone on our street.”

“What for?”

“Blood feuds are the staple of suburbia, sweetheart. How am I to be properly domesticated if I can’t have that basic right?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Fine, but if it comes to blows, I’m not bailing you out.”

“What if they really deserve it? Not even then?” He pouted, giving him those puppy dog eyes he couldn’t resist.

“You’re a menace.”

Eddie pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Yes, but I’m your menace.”

Steve pulled him close, basking in Eddie’s smile as he kissed him soft and slow. A few years ago, he wouldn’t have imagined that he’d be here with the whole world in his hands, content to let the hours pass by as they clung to one another. 

He was safe. He was home.

Eddie drew back, fondness in his eyes as he posed the next question. “Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

His heart soared. “You mean…”

“Marry me, as soon as we can. Even if we have to run away.” Eddie slipped off the silver skull ring he always toyed with and held it out. “I’ll save up for wedding bands, I swear.”

He almost couldn’t get the words out, the way his heart pounded. “God, yes,” he whispered. The warm metal was snug on his finger, and then, then he was being kissed like the Earth was on the verge of collapse.

They held each other tight, joy and need spinning into something desperate that kept their lips moving against each other, hands tangled in clothes as they let gravity overtake them. Steve felt it snare around his heart, hook them together in a way he’d never protest. 

He never had to let Eddie go again.

The crunch of tires in the driveway cut through his bliss. “Shit!” Eddie squeaked. “You didn’t say they’d be home early!”

“Maybe it’s just someone turning around.” The car came to a stop and cut off. “Son of a bitch.”

They sprang apart, rushing to make themselves presentable. His mother’s heels clicked up the steps.

Eddie’s eyes were as wide as saucers. He grabbed his wrist. “Hey. I love you, okay?”

One short nod. “I love you.” 

The key rattled in the lock. He took a breath, composing his face into casual coolness before the door opened. 

“Boys!” his mom called, wrapping him in a hug. 

“Hey,” he replied, “how was tonight?”

“Oh, it was fine. I’m just a bit tired today, so we figured we oughtta come on home.” She frowned. “We did miss dessert, though. I think I’ll have a slice of pie before bed. Come have some, Eddie.”

She had him by the arm before he could protest. He threw a panicked glance over his shoulder, but Richard’s grip on Steve’s arm stopped any interference. “Steve told me you’ve got family in Tennessee. What part?”

“Just outside Savannah, ma’am.”

“You don’t want to get involved in that.” Richard let him go. “Let’s talk in my office.”

Steve felt like he was going to puke. He followed his dad down the hall, carefully sitting in the armchair across the desk.

Richard fell into the desk chair with a sigh. “You and him are seeing each other, correct?”

Cold sweat dripped down his spine. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Yes.”

His dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why couldn’t it have been a good one like Tommy?”

Steve wasn’t normally this slow on the uptake, but it took a few moments for the dots to connect in his mind. “What?”

“You understand that you being with a man is going to make things harder for you, right?” He nodded. “And him having murder accusations worsens it.”

“Obviously false accusations.”

His dad smiled wryly. “Not the way a lot of people in town see it. And your mom went over those NDAs with a fine tooth comb. They’re watertight.”

“Hold on, are you mad that I’m in love with a guy, or are you mad that the guy is Eddie?”

“The latter, and I’m not mad, just disappointed.” He leaned forward to rest his elbows on the desk. “I’m not losing my only son because of who you fell in love with.” 

The confusion must have been apparent, because he continued. “Your mother and I love you, and nothing’s going to change that. We just want to make sure you’re safe and he’s treating you right.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, um, yeah. Sorry, this… this is not how I expected this to go.”

“You know how to be a gentleman, and you shouldn’t tolerate any less from him.”

“He’s been perfectly sweet. Why— Why are you not freaking out about this?”

Richard gave him a look. “Have you ever really thought about how we call Terry your uncle even though he’s just Mark’s roommate and we’re not really related?”

“Well, yeah, they’ve lived together for fifteen… Oh.” The final piece clicked into place.

“Yep. Kinda saw it coming, to be honest. You’re a bit vain for your own good.” He shrugged. “You boys are being safe, right?”

“Dad!”

“And not just with the sex stuff. You can handle yourselves in a fight?”

Steve, despite never having won any fight against a human person, nodded. 

“Good.” He stood and walked around the desk to wrap Steve in a brief hug. “You’re my son, and you’ll always be welcome here.” Just as briskly, he let go.

“Thanks,” Steve winced at the sound of his voice cracking.

Helen’s voice rang out warmly. “Good night, Eddie! Drive safe!”

He took that as his cue to step out. In the hall, he found Eddie, face pale and eyes wide as they flicked back and forth from his parents’ bedroom and the plate in his hands. 

Eddie turned to face him with a haunted look. “I’m scared of your mom.”

Richard clapped him on the back. “We all are, son. You boys don’t stay up too late.” With that he walked down the hall, shaking his head. Eddie was smarter than he looked. Maybe it’d be good for Steve to keep him around.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

(TW) Hospital (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

A Bullet or Two for You (ao3) - IsEmilyReal

Summary: “What else is a man our age good for in the middle of a war?”

Daniel Howell is conscripted into the British Army at 19. At 24, with the help of a little hot metal, he meets a man who changes his perspective. Maybe hospital isn't so bad after all.

Burned Into My Soul (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: "Sometimes you have to run into this head first," Dan always said. Ironically, that's exactly what he did.

Crossing the line (ao3) - dakogutin

Summary: After billionaire Phil Lester meets an unfortunate incident that ends him up in hospital with no memories, Dan Howell— a mistreated employee convinces Phil that he is Dan's working-class husband to get back at him with the many hardships he faced as an employee. What could go wrong?

Double Macchiato (ao3) - doublevodkalemonade

Summary: No matter how accustomed you are to something, there will always be times when it still knocks you off your feet and leaves you winded, and it's always worse when it takes you by surprise.

Or, the hospital AU nobody asked for but that I wanted to write anyway.

Everything Changes (ao3) - pasteldnp

Summary: Dan and Phil return from the hospital and need to adapt to their life-changing news, but fear stands in their way.

Flight 254 - auroraphilealis

Summary: A special broadcast brings the news; a downed plane, three confirmed survivors, and a missing boyfriend for Dan Howell.

(TW) Get Out Your Damn Umbrellas (ao3) - llamalamp

Summary: Phil's only gone for one weekend.

Apparently that's all the time it takes for everything to fall apart.

Hospital (ao3) - Septic84

Summary: “Holy shit,” a voice, fearful and shocked, cut through the haze. “Phil?”

Yes, that was right, his name was Phil, he lived in London with, “Hey, can you hear me?”

Yes. Phil realized that he hadn’t made an audible sound, he tried again. Yes, Dan. I hear you.

Hurry Up and Wait (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: They met at a bar and went home together for a hookup.

That's not exactly how the night ends, though.

In this together (ao3) - glitterhowell

Summary: Dan Falls on stage during a show ii and hurts himself how will Phil handle it

(TW) Missing (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: "So we have a new update on the serial killer running loose around London-" Dan turns the tv off, he didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted Phil back home, safe and sound.

no way no way (mna mna) (ao3) - phanetixs

Summary: “Yeah, mate?” Phil asks confusedly, a slightly desperate tone about it. “Do we know each other or summat?”

Or, Phil goes to the hospital (again).

(Not) Knowing What's Best (ao3) - DryCereal

Summary: So what DO you do when your boyfriend refuses to tell his family he's 1; ill, 2; in hospital and 3; having surgery in the morning?

Phil doesn't know either.

OR:

Phil's POV of that time Dan had surgery.

See Me (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan gets in an accident, leaving him in critical condition. He ends up stuck in between life and death, watching his own body fight to stay alive- and watching Phil fall apart, but he can’t do anything about it in his ghostly form.

He was confused and didn’t know what to do but he was sure of one thing, he wasn’t going to let himself die.

Someday (ao3) - philsdrill

Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Stay with me (ao3) - lilac_howell

Summary: Dan goes to the hospital and Phil keeps him company

the best slippery slope (ao3) - dakogutin

Summary: "I forgot my history of magic homework so I took a puking pastille to get out of it, but you are actually worried about me and insist on escorting me to the hospital wing and omg you brought me soup from the great hall, I cannot ever tell you that I was faking it."

The stranger who loved me. (ao3) - Septic84

Summary: “Well, that’s nice I guess,” he paused, “but I have no idea who you are.”

“Haha, very funny,”

“I wasn’t being funny,”

“What?” I swallowed hard, “You don’t know who I am?”

“No, am I supposed to?”

Two Faces, One Fear (ao3) - R3ad3r1

Summary: Phil collapses due to his head hurting, as the pain does not subside he has to go to the hospital.

Let's have a look at Phil and Dan's emotional journey until they discover why Phil collapsed.

[phanfeed-ao3]

A Bullet or Two for You

read it on the AO3 at http://unicorn_feeds_back/works/13792551

by IsEmilyReal

“What else is a man our age good for in the middle of a war?”

Daniel Howell is conscripted into the British Army at 19. At 24, with the help of a little hot metal, he meets a man who changes his perspective. Maybe hospital isn't so bad after all.

Words: 1714, Chapters: 1/5, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Louise Pentland

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Additional Tags: World War II, Alternate Universe - Historical, No Major Character Death, just dudes being gay, doctor!Phil, soldier!Dan, nurse!Louise, Medical Procedures, War wounds

read it on the AO3 at http://unicorn_feeds_back/works/13792551

[ao3feedphan]

Don't Hurry Home

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2JRvvfG

by IsEmilyReal

Fire tore through his throat. He picked up the vase and, with a scream, threw it into the wall. It shattered into a million pieces, the fragments landing on top of the broken vase from three nights before.

Words: 1296, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Adrian Howell, Dan Howell's Mother, Phil Lester's Mother, Martyn Lester, Cornelia Dahlgren, OC - Elderly Neighbor

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Additional Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Major character death - Freeform, dealing with grief

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2JRvvfG

[is-emily-real]

Five Minutes

Eddie anticipated his last day of summer break to pass peacefully and quietly. The plan was to stay home, meditate on the awful realities of Hawkins to hopefully give a shit about the upcoming school year (at least enough of a shit to graduate), and prepare himself to save the new sheepies he’d add to the current roster of the Hellfire Club.

There he was, deep into his meditation, accompanied by the wonderful melodies of Black Sabbath, when a frenzied knocking sounded upon his front door.

He paused his music begrudgingly and opened the door. Steve Harrington stood on his porch in all his sweaty, shirtless, unadulterated glory.

Well. 

He pushed past Eddie and slammed the door. “You gotta hide me.”

“What the hell? No.”

“Please.” The panic was written all over his face. “Just long enough so she leaves and I can get to my car.”

Eddie opened his poor, abused front door with a frown. “Get out of my house.” 

Steve flinched at the sound of a girl’s hollering and ducked behind the couch. “Five minutes. Five minutes and I’m out of your hair. Deal?” he panted.

He considered his options. He could kick him to the wolves and have an odd anecdote to share the next day, or he could let him stay and have an odd anecdote to share the next day. Only one of those options let him ogle his middle school crush for longer than a few seconds.

He was a simple man. 

“Fine,” he sighed and closed the door with the respect it deserved. “You owe me.”

Steve stood up. “Thanks, man, I mean it. She was about to kick my ass.”

“Who?”

“Max. We were helping her move in and I pissed her off.”

“Max Mayfield? Billy’s sister?”

He gave Eddie a stern glare. “Don’t bring him up. Yes, that Max.”

Two screams told him things were going to shit outside. Steve scrambled into the hallway with Eddie hot on his tail. “What did you even do?”

He winced. “I may have told her she didn’t get any more help if she was going to be a bitch.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks. “You didn’t.”

“Listen, she was being a bitch!”

“Keep your voice down. I know King Steve’s never been in a trailer before, but the walls are thin, okay?”

“Sorry, sorry,” he whispered, “but she was giving Lucas shit for wanting to try out for the basketball team and it wasn’t helping anything.”

He shrugged. “I don’t see what’s wrong with making fun of that.”

“Hey, I happen to like basketball.”

“I remember.” Any tint of pink in his cheeks was purely due to the heat. Eddie opened the door to his bedroom and waved the boy inside. 

This was not how he’d planned to get Steve in here. He cringed at the thought.

“Anyways, he’s good at it, and if it makes him happy, he should go for it, you know?”

“I’m not getting invested in the social lives of children.”

“But you’d like them! They play that castle game you’re into.”

“The castle game?!” Eddie couldn’t help himself. It came out louder than he expected. “Dungeons and Dragons—”

Steve clapped a hand over his mouth. 

Something twisted in his stomach. This was… too close for anyone’s safety. He swallowed, trying to control the racing of his heart when they heard a pounding on the front door.

“I know he’s in there!” a girl called.

Steve’s eyes went wide. He left a chill when he drew away. 

Eddie tried to wipe the longing off his face as he shot him a glare. “My blood’s on your hands.” Slowly he left the room, throwing on the aloof air he’d spent so long practicing before he opened the door.

Max Mayfield stood on his porch, fire red hair matching the color of her face as she stared at him. “Give him here.”

He rolled his eyes. “Nice to meet you too, neighbor. I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“You have Steve.”

“Hmm.” He tapped his chin as if he were trying to think. “About my height, pretty face, huge jerk? Haven’t seen him.” She huffed. “Listen, check the woods, if he’s not back there, come back and I’ll upend my whole day to help you look, okay?”

“You suck,” she spat before she turned on her heel and stomped away.

“Love you too!” he called with a grin.

He peered out the blinds, waiting until she was several lots down before he turned away. “You owe me big time, Stevie,” he called. “I think I’m on her shit list for life.”

He entered the bedroom to the sight of a muscled back, its owner leaned close to his sweetheart. Steve brushed his fingers down its neck.

The whole situation was doing unfortunate things to him. He cleared his throat.

Steve whirled to face him. “I was just— You play guitar?”

He gave a wary look. “Yes.”

“That’s— uh, that’s… hot.” He shut his eyes tight. “I should— Is she gone? I should go.”

“Um, yeah, she’s gone.”

“Oh, good. Well, I guess I’ll see you around?” Steve hit him with a sheepish grin. It was the most dazzling thing he’d ever seen.

“Sure,” he stammered. “See you around.” 

Eddie stayed rooted to the spot as he left. The picture of Steve’s fingers running down the neck of his guitar played on repeat in his head. That’s… hot. He listened to the crunch of gravel under tires.

He was such a dweeb.

He’d tell Jeff tomorrow. Jeff would know what to do.

(No one would believe him. Not even a little bit.)

“Steve, that’s the lamest thing you’ve ever said.” Robin continued to walk around the empty store, straightening tapes as she went with no particular fervor. 

He rolled his eyes. “If it was cool, I wouldn’t be here commiserating about it, would I?”

“Still. I know I have no game, but that was bad . Criminally bad. He should press charges.”

“Listen, some of us found out we maybe liked boys a month ago.” He started to rewind another tape. “ That’s hot . Who even says that? Also, when did I start thinking Eddie Munson was hot?”

She shot him a look over the counter. “He’s your type.”

He sputtered with indignation. “I don’t have a type!”

“Curly hair, brunette, snarky? Is none of this ringing a bell?”

“Twice doesn’t make a type. If that were the case, you’d have a thing for redheads.”

“At least I know when to admit my flaws.”

“I have flaws. I hear about them all the time from my mom.”

Robin laughed. “She’d be so upset if she knew how totally not smooth you are.”

He glanced at the clock. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? It’s a school night. You have a bedtime.”

Headlights flashed in the parking lot. “One, it’s a curfew, and two, there’s my ride.” She slung her bag over her shoulder and sauntered to the door. “Seven a.m. sharp, dingus!” she called as she left.

“Loser!” he yelled after her. Steve shook his head. He’d be there, obviously.

The rest of his shift dragged. He was certain the store was losing money staying open this late on a Wednesday, but he got paid to be there, so it was whatever. 

Thirty minutes left on the clock. Then twenty-nine.

After what seemed like days, a quarter to ten rolled around, and he started to close up the store. He was sweeping when the door chimed. “Welcome to Family Video,” he said without looking up, “let me know if you need anything.”

“A place to hide would be wonderful.” He looked up to find Eddie Munson approaching the counter, curls mussed and breathing hard. 

Damn it, Robin was right.

“Okay, but we close in five minutes.”

“Something’s better than nothing,” he replied, hopping over the counter.

Steve abandoned his broom. Keith could whine at him tomorrow if he really cared about three whole crumbs on the floor. He walked back to find Eddie curled into a ball, tucked tightly in the corner between the overstock candy and the safe. “Who are you running from, anyway?”

“The cops.”

He blinked. “The cops?”

“Fine, one cop. But this new deputy’s a huge dick. He’s been trying to bust me over nothing all summer, and I really, really don’t want to get arrested tonight.”

“I highly doubt it’s nothing.”

“He saw me talking to Rick one time!”

“The drug dealer?”

Eddie shushed him, one long finger over his lips. “Grandma says it’s not polite to call him that.” That got a laugh out of Steve. “I met your children yesterday. They’re assholes.”

He sighed. “They’re my assholes, though. Are they adjusting alright?”

“About as well as any freshmen.”

“So, terribly.”

“Pretty much.” He attempted a dramatic flourish, only managing to knock over a box of Twix. “I’ll be a gracious super-senior and radicalize them before I hand over custody for the weekend.”

“Oh, good. I’d hate for them to learn nothing at school.” 

He was basking in Eddie’s chuckle, a warm, pretty sound, when a car came to a stop outside. His face fell. “Stay here,” he ordered and spared a glance at the clock.

9:58. Close enough.

He stepped out from behind the counter and met the officer at the door. “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

“I’m looking for someone, actually. Eddie Munson. Do you know him?”

“Only in passing. He’s not here. We actually haven't had a customer in the last hour.”

The officer fixed him with a harsh look. “You’re sure?”

“I’d pull the report, but I’ve already shut down the terminals, and they take forever to boot back up.”

He huffed. “How much longer are you here for?”

“Maybe fifteen minutes? I’ve just got to finish rewinding this tape.”

“If you see him, give us a call.” 

“Absolutely. Have a good night.” The officer nodded sharply and turned on his heel. Steve locked the door behind him.

The air hung tense as he returned to the counter. Eddie sat as still as stone until the car finally pulled out and started down the road. “You’re okay now.”

He unfolded himself and stood. “You’re beautiful.” 

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. “What?”

He flushed bright red. “You do that well!” he said quickly. “You know, lie.”

“Oh! Thanks. Lots of practice, I suppose.” He could feel his heart fluttering. Eddie called him beautiful? What the hell was happening?

“Well, I guess I should get going.”

“We can leave through the back.” He gave the store a last glance before leading Eddie out. 

Eddie paused once they were in the cool night air. “Seriously, thank you. My knight in shining armor.”

“No problem. Just paying you back.” The silence hung for a beat too long. “I can walk you to your car?”

“I’ve just gotta cut through the fence row and I’ll be good. Thanks, though.”

Steve could barely make it out in the shadows, but he could see Eddie debating something with himself. He locked the door behind them, giving him time to come to a decision.

When he turned back, Eddie pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips.

Every semblance of a thought left his brain. Steve decided, there and then, that he liked kissing boys. He especially liked kissing Eddie. He’d never had the whole fireworks experience before, but he got it now. It felt like his head was swimming, mesmerized by chapped lips and tobacco.

Too soon, Eddie pulled back. “Was… was that okay?” 

All he could do was nod.

“Good.” He started for the trees.

“See you later?” Steve called feebly. God, he wanted to.

Bathed in the orange of the streetlight, Eddie gave him a salute. “You know where to find me.” Before he could think again, he was alone. 

Robin was going to be pissed.

[is-emily-real]

the souls who barter their pain for sweet relief

TW: suicidal ideation

Steve was on the edge again, staring down into the murky water and praying the dirt would crumble beneath him. That would be easier, wouldn’t it? It’s easier if it’s not his choice. He just doesn’t have to fight as hard as he used to. 

What was fighting for, if he didn’t have a safe place to return to? If he couldn’t guarantee that someone would care that he was gone?

He didn’t have friends anymore. He didn’t really have parents, never did, and the more he found out about himself, the further away they were. He could get their attention, tell them the truth and piss them off, goad his dad into killing him. At least it would be over. Maybe he’d be free then.

The December wind blew cold. It was pointless anyway. His whole life would just be this, looking over the edge of a cliff and waiting for someone to push him.

“Very lovely morning,” a cool voice drawled behind him. He turned.

The man took a drag on his cigarette, smoke curling like the dark hair framing his face. Red cheeks contrasted against a pale neck, and as another gust hit, he tucked further into his leather jacket.

Steve recognized him from school. “I suppose.”

Eddie Munson peered at the gray sky above them. “Missed you in Johnson’s earlier.”

“Did you?”

“Of course. It’s always a poor day when King Steve doesn’t grace us with his presence.”

He grimaced. “Hardly King Steve anymore.” The nickname left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Maybe.” Tobacco crackled as it turned to ash at his fingertips.

“What are you doing out here?” He wanted to brood in peace.

“I could ask you the same question.” Eddie fixed him with curious brown eyes, waiting for an answer. He was beautiful when he wasn’t standing on a chair across the lunchroom.

And that was the whole problem.

Steve looked away, squirming under his gaze. “Didn’t feel like being there.” 

“Probably for the best. You know how she is.”

The silence lingered until Steve couldn’t bear it any longer. “How’d you know I was here?” he asked.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie shrug. “You’re not as inconspicuous as you feel.”

He frowned. 

“Besides,” he said, “I’ve been here a time or two.”

It shouldn’t have shocked him as much as it did. “Have you?”

“They call me fag for a reason.” Eddie tossed what was left of his cigarette over the edge, watching until it became too small to see. “Long way down.”

“That’s the point.”

Slender fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling him until he no longer faced the edge. The look in Eddie’s eyes was indecipherable as he picked up Steve’s hands, rubbing them between his own. “How long have you been outside?”

He shrugged, consumed by the way his fingers tingled as his blood began to flow into them again.

“Be a shame to die cold, wouldn’t it?” 

He couldn’t answer. He hadn’t given it that much thought, more swept up in the want than worried about the nature.

Eddie laced their hands together. “Come on,” he said, tugging him along, and eventually, they had the treeline between them and the quarry. Before he knew it, he was shoved into the back of a dingy van. Hints of tobacco and weed hit his nostrils as he sucked in warmer air.

How long had he been out there? What time was it? He shivered, coming back to his senses when a blanket draped around his shoulders. A shard of something like shame pierced his stomach. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s alright.” He pushed a flask into Steve’s hand. “Have some. Takes the edge off.”

He drank. The whiskey was like fire in his mouth, making him cough, but it burned as it went down. For that, he was grateful.

Eddie plucked the flask from his hands, taking a swig before stowing it away somewhere. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet.”

Eddie nodded and leaned back against the carpet. His eyes flicked back and forth.

Steve followed them up. On the ceiling, white flecks danced against a dark blue. As he stared, the patterns started to become apparent. Constellations resided above them. 

“It’s pretty,” he commented.

“Took a while to do. I tried to put the Great Wheel up there, but I couldn’t make it look like it did in my head.” When he didn’t respond, Eddie continued. “Stars have always been comforting, just that idea that there’s something else out there and we’re not all alone in the universe.” 

“What if there isn’t?” 

“Then all we’ve got is each other.” He let that resonate, let the silence grow comfortable.

Steve looked away from the stars to study the lines of his face. His eyes were closed, long lashes resting against his cheeks. He traced the slope of his nose down to round, chapped lips. A 5 o’clock shadow ghosted across his jaw.

“How did you know?” The question was out before he knew it, and as much as he wanted to take it back, there was a thrill to leaving it to hang in the air.

Eddie didn’t open his eyes. “I always figured I was different, but I wasn’t sure until a girl kissed me on a dare in the sixth grade and all I could think about was how much better it would have been if she was her brother.”

“Oh.”

“Do you know? For sure?”

Steve flinched. “Why…?”

A smile quirked the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “You wouldn’t ask if you didn’t have questions.”

He stared at his hands. “Huh. Um… no. I don’t.”

“Did you love Nancy?”

“Yeah.”

“But?”

Something inside twisted. “But it always felt like something was missing. Then, when she left, it hit me that I didn’t have to pretend anymore.”

“I, uh, heard that argument,” Eddie said sheepishly.

“Oh, God,” he groaned. 

“I’m pretty sure it was just me, though. The most valuable teen in Hawkins dragging his pissed girlfriend to the bathroom at a party? That’s just free entertainment, as long as you’re sober enough to know it’s happening.”

He shook his head, fighting off a smile. “At least someone enjoyed it.”

“I’d say it’s in the top three best break-ups in Hawkins.”

That startled a laugh out of him. Eddie grinned, propping himself up on his elbows. His eyes sparkled with mirth.

It struck Steve again just how much he didn’t know about himself. It sent a pain through his heart, and his smile quickly faded. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“You always seem so carefree, y’know? You’re able to make a joke out of everything.” Eddie frowned. “Sorry if that’s a weird question.”

“No, I’m good with the weird questions, it’s just… You can’t tell I’m faking it?”

“No? If you’re faking it, you’re the best I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of people try to fake happiness.”

There was that look he couldn’t decipher again. “You’ve looked? Like, truly looked?”

“I’ve tried.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. He watched the emotions play out on Eddie’s face, first questioning, then pleased, then mournful, flicking by in seconds as he tried to retain a neutral mask. Something akin to understanding settled over him. “It’s pretty lonely up there in your head, isn’t it?”

He had a knack for hitting the nail on the head. Steve felt exposed under his gaze, but somehow it was relieving, like someone was truly seeing him at his core. That was answer enough.

“Nobody’s gonna tell me anything I haven’t heard,” Eddie commented, “so why would I get angry? Better to put it towards something else.”

“I guess.”

A little line formed between his brows. “Who are you mad at?”

It was an innocuous question, but it made him think. Was it his parents for putting him here? Was it Nancy for forcing the confrontation onto him? Was it God for making him this way?

“Me, I think.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like this. Because I can’t just be normal.” Tears pricked his eyes. “And I know it doesn’t matter, I do, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He let his eyes unfocus, stared at the shape his hands became. “I could end it. I’m just too much of a coward.”

Arms wrapped around him, held him tight as his chest shook with sobs. He cried until he couldn’t breathe, let himself break down for the first time in a long time, all the while feeling the small circles being rubbed into his back. 

He tried to pull himself together. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, pulling out of Eddie’s grip. “I shouldn’t—”

“No.” It was soft but fierce. “You’re allowed to feel the way you do.”

Calloused fingers swiped away his tears, holding his face until he finally looked him in the eye.

His eyes were steady, more serious than he’d ever seen from Eddie, and the air practically crackled under the intensity. “There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I mean it.”

Steve’s heart raced, too aware of the limited distance between them. “But—”

“Listen to me. You’re amazing. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I know your parents, I know your friends, they’re assholes, alright? You’ve come this far. Don’t give up on me yet.”

It was overwhelming, driving a wedge between his ribs and pushing, splitting him apart. “You don’t mean that.”

Sorrow clouded his face. “I do. I promise.”

Somewhere, deep in his chest, Steve wanted to believe him. He nodded, lacking confidence, then nodded again when the barest hint of a smile blossomed on Eddie’s lips. He wanted the grin back, wanted Eddie to be pleased with him, wanted to show him that he’d be okay despite his moments of weakness. He wanted to lay all his cards out, be honest in a way he’d never been.

“Can I tell you something really embarrassing?” was all he could manage.

Eddie nodded but didn’t let him go, either to encourage him or make sure he didn’t run. It really could have gone either way.

“You’re the reason I even questioned it.”

He heard the way Eddie swallowed, felt the slight tremor in his hands, watched his gaze dance between his eyes and lips. “Feel like testing your theory?” There was a little shake in his voice. It was endearing.

Steve leaned forward before he could second-guess himself.

It was soft, chaste, sweet, made his stomach flip and his head feel airy. He could feel the darkness pull away, sense its tendrils release from where they’d bound his mind and heart. It dulled the pain that had overwhelmed him and sent a tidal wave of calm through his veins. He could feel it in his shoulders, feel the knots loosen and the muscles relax.

He wouldn’t apologize for wanting this, not now, not when he’d finally found out how good freedom tasted.

He pulled back to study Eddie’s face. There was the smile he wanted, looking as giddy as he felt. 

“The world didn’t end,” he commented, and Steve laughed.

Boisterous voices in the distance made them spring apart. He shrugged out of the blanket, setting it softly in Eddie’s lap. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” As Steve reached for the door handle, he said, “Listen, if you need anything—”

“I’ll call.” He could hear the inflection, that little bit of flirt and charm that had escaped him recently, and he felt that things might be back on track for him.

“You don’t have my number.”

He glanced back over his shoulder. Eddie’s eyes were wide, hopeful, hands clutching the blanket and practically begging him to stay.

But they both knew what being caught meant, and the tentative peace Steve had made with himself didn’t need to be broken yet. “I’ll find it,” he assured him. With that, he let the moment fade, stepping back into the winter air.

As he walked back to his car, he noticed the cold didn’t bite as hard as it used to.

[is-emily-real]

Girls, Girls, Girls

Steve stepped into the haze of the club, bass thumping like a heartbeat and giving a little pep to his step. Robin stayed glued to his side as she scanned the room for anyone they knew, but he kept his head high. They were hours away from Hawkins. The chances that anyone from their hometown would be in a gay bar in Chicago for spring break were slim to none. Right? 

Steve sure hoped so, or he’d have to have a very awkward conversation with his mother.

The skirt gave him a confidence he hadn’t had in a long time. He loved the way it brushed against his skin, showing off the legs he was so proud of. The heels certainly helped.

He dragged Robin to the bar, catching the attention of the woman behind it. “What can I get you, doll?” she asked, never losing her rhythm. 

“Two rum and cokes, please,” he replied.

Robin nudged him. “So I’m supposed to go talk to people, right?” She was jittery

“Grab a table first, then I’ll walk you through it.” She nodded and slipped away, immediately apologizing as she bumped into someone.

After a moment the bartender set the drinks in front of him. “Don’t let your friend be a wallflower all night,” she advised with a smile.

“Few more of these, and hopefully she won’t be,” he replied with a wink before cutting through the crowd to the booth Robin claimed. “You’ve really never flirted with anyone before?” he asked. 

“Have you met me? I can’t even ask for ketchup in a normal way.” She took a big sip of her drink before pulling a face. “You’ve seen me try to talk to Vicki.”

Steve put his hands up with a laugh. “I wasn’t gonna say it.”

“Like you’ve done any better. I’ve been watching you strike out for the last year. It’s just embarrassing after a little while.”

“Yeah, with girls. That’s why I’m trying to bat for the other team.” He shrugged. “Maybe it won’t go so bad tonight.”

He gulped his drink, leaving a burgundy lipstick stain on the rim. Ever since he and Nancy had broken up, he hadn’t been able to turn on the famous Harrington charm. And once Robin came out to him in that mall bathroom, he’d let himself ask the questions that had always hovered right over his shoulder, the ones about why he got jealous when certain girls came around his friends and why he liked playing dress-up with Holly. He’d asked them, sure, but he’d never acted on what he found.

Until tonight. 

“If I’m doing awful, you have to come get me okay? Please don’t let me embarrass myself.”

“I promise, Robs. Now finish that. Alcohol makes it easier.” He scanned the room, catching a few eyes and sharing easy smiles. There were a couple people he wanted to dance with, but first he had to get his better half acclimated. 

She drummed her fingers to the beat and shook her hair out once she’d downed her glass. “Lead the way, o romance maestro.” 

He pulled her onto the floor, basking in the energy as they began to move. He felt free here, free in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He found himself forgetting the Russians, the Upside Down, all of it as he shed the worries he’d shouldered over the past few years. He could breathe again. 

The song changed, then changed again as they came to life. Steve couldn’t help but laugh at Robin’s gawky movements. She swatted his arm with a smile and shouted over the music that she was getting another drink. He kept an eye on her as she disappeared into the crowd.

He felt someone slip into her place. “Babysitting tonight?” a rough voice whispered in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. The man was about his height, piercing blue eyes in a tan face scanning him up and down. 

“She’s just not comfortable yet,” he replied with a soft smile. “She’ll be fine once someone catches her eye.”

“And you?” the man asked with a smirk. “Anyone caught your eye?”

He batted his eyelashes. “We’ll just have to see how the night goes, won’t we?” The light touch on his arm told him it worked just the way he wanted it to. He leaned into the touch and kept swaying with the music. 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?”

He chuckled at the complement. “Once or twice.” They exchanged small talk as they danced, a warm hand making its way to his waist. It lingered longer than he wanted. He took that as his sign and claimed he needed another drink, slipping away before the man could protest.

Steve felt his eyes stay on him as he looked around for Robin. She was back in the booth, conversing animatedly with a redhead. Thank God.

The pace had picked up since he’d been at the bar last. He leaned against it as he waited, listening to glass clink and people chatter. 

An oddly familiar voice called out behind him. “Charlie, can we get the girl a drink?”

The bartender’s eyes flicked behind him before she asked, “Ready for another round?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He turned to find a face he’d prayed he wouldn’t see here. 

Eddie fucking Munson.

Dark curls framed his soft brown eyes and wry smile. “A bit of wisdom, sweetheart. That guy’s a jackass.”

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. His heart pounded in his throat, but he fought to keep his voice steady. “And you know this how?”

“A couple bad encounters.” Eddie sighed dramatically. “Some men don’t know the meaning of the word no. But what can you do?”

His heart twisted. “Thanks for the warning. I better go check on my… friend.”

Eddie nodded, a peculiar look on his face, but ultimately let him pass. He sped to the booth.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said with only a glance to the newcomer, “but Robs, I think I’m in the middle of a crisis.” He plopped down onto the bench and set her drink before her.

She didn’t touch it.

Or respond, really. 

She just gaped at him, eyes flicking between him and whoever she’d been talking to. He turned to get a good look at them.

Chrissy Cunningham stared at him from across the table.

“Oh shit,” was all he could think to say. “Aunt Laura’s gonna kill me.”

“If you tell my mom, I’ll tell yours,” she said hurriedly, a threat he hadn’t heard in years.

“Pinky swear.”

“Done.” She extended a hand, and he curled his little finger around hers just like they used to do as kids.

Robin laughed nervously. “Does this have anything to do with your crisis?”

“A little bit?!” He squawked. “When were you gonna tell me about this?”

“I was going to play it off if it was just me, but you ruined that, dingus.”

“You’ve never successfully played off anything in your life. Also, you don’t drive. Who else would have brought you here?”

“Listen, that’s not the point. What’s got you worked up?”

He gripped the edge of the table hard. “I just had a conversation with Eddie, and I don’t know if he knows that I’m me.”

Robin gasped. “First boy crush Eddie? Is here? Now?”

“Who else could I possibly be talking about?”

Chrissy piped up. “Would now be a bad time to say he’s here with me?”

Steve wanted to dig himself a grave right there. A swift death would certainly be better than whatever was to come. He sat with his head in his hands, silently contemplating everything. Robin rubbed small circles into his back as she steered the conversation away from the obvious.

Eddie had called him a girl, and Steve felt good about it. Too good, in fact. His eyes burned as he tried to recall every interaction they’d ever had. They were few and far between, but Eddie’d given him a pet name each time, princess, pretty boy, sweetheart . He’d seen right through his facade in every taunting conversation, every lunchroom callout and run-in at parties. Steve’s bullshit, Nancy had called it, Eddie was able to tear through it like paper, speak right to his core, joking or sincere.

Maybe that’s what Steve always liked about him, as much as he tried to hide it. He’d held on to this “little crush” for so long, knowing full well that it would never come to fruition. For so much of his life, spending too much time with The Freak was social suicide, and so he’d pushed it down, tried to bury it in ashes each and every time that ember blazed to life once more. 

But, fuck, now they were here . Now it could be more than a fantasy, if only for a fleeting moment, until they were back in the hellscape they called home.

He’d let so many chances pass him by in the name of upholding an image he didn’t even like. A max of three people here knew who he was, and not one of them gave a shit that he was Richard’s son, “an all-American boy through and through”. So why should he let this once in a lifetime chance go? 

If he did, tonight would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Steve sat up and squared his shoulders. He needed to make a move.

Robin cocked an eyebrow at him. “Made up your mind?”

He brushed his sweaty palms against his skirt and nodded. Chrissy gave him a crooked grin. “He just stepped out back.”

“How do I look?”

“You are the hottest person here.” Robin clapped him on the back, “Go get him, tiger.”

With that, he stalked to the back door, a bit of sway to his hips. The clack of his heels filled him with a sense of assertiveness. 

The night air nipped at him as he pushed through the door. He spied Eddie leaning against the brick, wisps of smoke curling up from the cigarette in his hand.

Steve walked up to him with an ease not reflective of his mental state. He plucked the cigarette from between his fingers. “Mind if I bum a smoke?” Before he could reply, he took a drag, letting rich smoke fill his lungs. 

“By all means.” The streetlight glittered off Eddie’s rings as he tapped them against the wall. “How’s Miss Birdie?”

“In good hands,” he said with an exhale. “I always knew she had a thing for redheads.”

Eddie took the cigarette back. “And you? You have a type?”

Steve hummed, idly reaching up to twirl one of Eddie’s curls around his finger. “More into brunettes.”

His Adam's apple bobbed as he quickly looked away. “I didn’t think this was your scene, Stevie.” So he did know it was him.

“Well, it’s not quite yours, either.”

“I didn’t think Chris would like the kind of places I usually go.”

He was pleased to see the heels had given him the slightest height advantage. “She’s full of surprises.”

Eddie looked him up and down. “Apparently, it runs in the family.”

Steve felt the tips of his ears heat up as he shrugged, trying to convey nonchalance. “Always wanted to try it, y’know? Just couldn’t do it back home.”

“Yeah. You, uh… you look good.” It was obvious he was balking, the way he wouldn’t quite meet his eyes, instead choosing to peer down the alley, but he could tell there was something there, a nervous air about him, like he was tiptoeing across a high wire.

He’d be lying if he said he felt differently. “Never known you to be quiet, Munson,” he said, looking up at the haze of the city. 

“You just surprised me, is all. Not quite how I pictured my Saturday going.”

“I can leave if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“No,” came rushing out of his mouth, a bit of an edge to it. “It’s a pleasant surprise, trust me.”

“Oh?” He shot him a hooded glance, only to find the man’s lips curled into a soft smile. The amber light brought a warmth to his face, his eyes glittering with emotions Steve couldn’t place.

“This isn’t how things happen. The Munson doctrine firmly states that no incidents of this nature are possible in the cosmic fabric of the universe. No hometown heroes are allowed to contain multitudes. Turns out Dustin was right, the little shit. There is more to you than meets the eye.”

Steve’s heart twinged, a budding hope that this could be something more than some back alley romance springing to life. “I could say the same about you. Don’t get me wrong, Chris is a nice girl, but you of all people taking a shine to her is shocking. I always thought you didn’t care for us preppy types.”

Eddie threw a hand on his chest haphazardly. “My cast iron heart is not immune to sugar, unfortunately. It’s not very metal of me, but we all have our flaws, I suppose.”

He grinned despite himself. “You think I’m sweet?”

“What if I did?”

He could practically hear the crackle of electricity as Eddie threw that lure, gave him an opportunity to make this more than a careful dance. It gave him goosebumps. “That’d be enough to get a first date out of me, if you really meant it.” Good God, did he want it to be more. 

“Then you better call the dentist, baby, ‘cause you're about to give me cavities.”

That got a laugh out of him, bubbling up from deep in his chest and giving him a pleasant buzz. This was so easy , easy in a way nothing had been for years now. Eddie’s tentative confidence drew him in in all the right ways, and he found himself drifting closer, eager to figure out all his idiosyncrasies. The way his bottom lip got caught between his teeth when he was pleased with himself, the rhythms he relentlessly tapped out, the tattoos he knew were hidden underneath his jacket, Steve wanted to learn everything he possibly could before the dawn came.

The excitement sent a shiver through him. Eddie immediately shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over his shoulders. 

The leather was blissfully warm, but more so was the breath on his face, whiskey and tobacco as long fingers remained curled in the collar. He waited on a razor’s edge as dark eyes searched his, flitting back and forth from his lips with a question neither of them dared to ask. His ribs were about to crack under the hammering of his heart. The tension was thick, overpowering, stealing the breath from his lungs like he was at the edge of a high cliff staring down at the wine-dark sea below, watching it froth and churn, knowing the only way forward was down.

“Just kiss me already,” was all he could exhale.

Steve’s eyelids fluttered closed as soft lips pressed against his own, and oh, how glorious was the fall, the rush that passed over him as he sought the touch of the waves. He’d never known what others described as fireworks, but now? Now he felt the blazing heat of the sun tightening his skin, bleaching his bones as he plummeted.

The soft moan that escaped Eddie’s throat plunged him deep into need, a heady, joyous thing that helped his hands find purchase on a lean waist, slotting in place like they were designed by God to fit right there. He wanted to spend forever pressed together against the rough brick, moving in tandem like nothing else existed until all the stars burned out in the sky, until the molecules that formed him folded in on themselves and collapsed under the weight of space.

An unfortunate flaw in his anatomy meant he needed oxygen to survive, so he let that wish slip away, drawing back just far enough to get a good look at the boy underneath him. He looked as punch-drunk as Steve felt, pupils blown and chest heaving like the secrets of the universe had been revealed to him.

“You okay?” Steve asked gently.

“I think I’m having a religious experience,” he gasped.

That was enough to draw him back in, let his hands roam over Eddie’s back as he lost himself in the embrace. He was floating, surely, stripes searing up his throat as hands made their way into his hair, fingernails scraping delightfully across his scalp. 

Steve was determined to kiss him stupid, and he certainly tried his best, letting his lips trail down a pale neck, leaving red smudges along the way. The little gasp Eddie let out when he finally sucked just under his jaw filled all the space in his brain. He slipped his hands under the hem of his shirt, feeling the goosebumps rise as his thumb traced the curve of his hip.

“Stevie?”

“Hmm.” He was a bit preoccupied at the moment, enjoying the brush of Eddie’s stubble against his lips.

“That, uh, that date you mentioned? Were you joking about that?”

“I’d love a date with you, babe,” he murmured against his skin.

“Oh, good.” Eddie caught his lips again, and it was his turn to let his hands wander, leaving tingles in their wake as they traced patterns under the jacket. 

Steve basked in the heat of it all, born again under Eddie’s touch. Time meant nothing to him. Hell, years could have passed and he wouldn’t have given them a single thought. He was wonderfully alive, the electricity in his veins keeping his heart beating its staccato pattern.

His ears pricked up at the sound of the door opening, briefly letting the noise of the club escape, but when a wolf whistle sounded, he pushed Eddie back. Judging by the lipstick he’d left behind, Steve knew he looked downright indecent. “If we keep this up, this is gonna go much farther than I’d like it to in public.”

“Lucky for you, there’s a well-christened bathroom stall less than twenty feet away.”

Eddie cackled when he scrunched his nose at the suggestion. “I’m good for a hotel room, thanks.”

He took Steve by the hand. “Then let’s blow this joint.”

*****

They drove home in the midday light, the radio crooning softly. With a phone number burning a hole in his back pocket and Thursday night plans, Steve hummed along. 

Robin rested her head against the window, the cool glass helping to fight off a hangover. She broached the silence. “So, Chicago?”

“Chicago,” he replied with a grin.

[is-emily-real]

fic masterlist

(all of my full-length fics can be found on my AO3)

Stranger Things - Steddie and associates

Bonfire

in your head (zombie)

scream (until your lungs give out)

Girls, Girls, Girls

In Love With The Boy

Five Minutes

Rest

the souls who barter their pain for sweet relief

Stranger Things - Buckingham and associates

resolutions

[is-emily-real]

The new chapter is up! Go check it out!

[is-emily-real]

The writer’s block hit me hard this week, but it’s something. Hope y’all enjoy!

[is-emily-real]

I want to post this unfinished work soooo bad but its for the next big bang and its not done yet so have a different wip

There he was, deep into his meditation, accompanied by the wonderful melodies of Black Sabbath, when a frenzied knocking sounded upon his front door.

He paused his music begrudgingly and opened the door. Steve Harrington stood on his porch in all his sweaty, shirtless, unadulterated glory.

Well. 

He pushed past Eddie and slammed the door. “You gotta hide me.”

“What the hell? No.”

“Please.” The panic was written all over his face. “Just long enough so she leaves and I can get to my car.”

Eddie opened his poor, abused front door with a frown. “Get out of my house.” 

Steve flinched at the sound of a girl’s hollering and ducked behind the couch. “Five minutes. Five minutes and I’m out of your hair. Deal?” he panted.

He considered his options. He could kick him to the wolves and have an odd anecdote to share the next day, or he could let him stay and have an odd anecdote to share the next day. Only one of those options let him ogle his middle school crush for longer than a few seconds.

He was a simple man. 

“Fine,” he sighed and closed the door with the respect it deserved. “You owe me.”

[is-emily-real]

scream (until your lungs give out)

the prequel

“How much longer do we have to do this?” 

Eddie was tired. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. He’d spent so long in this limbo between life and death, between a ghost and a dream, between loved and mourned. For a long time, all he could do was sit and watch. 

His friends continued on, uncertain futures ahead of them as they tried to remain ahead of the horrors that chased them. Hawkins continued on, shakily rebuilding the foundations that had so easily collapsed under the weight of more than it could comprehend. The world continued on, oblivious to the suffering that lay right below its surface. 

“How much longer?” he’d ask, and go unanswered.

For the longest, Vecna was content just to let him watch time pass him by, happy to enact his sadistic desires on those whose minds he’d kept trapped in the Upside Down with him, their bodies wasting away in hospital beds and motel rooms, saline and heroin pumping through their veins to help them cope. 

Then that wasn’t enough. Then he found new victims, those he could bend to his will, march around like toy soldiers and destroy without mercy.

Then he found Eddie, in all his unending misery.

Oh, did misery love company.

It wasn’t fun to torture Eddie, he’d said. He was a sad child, broken and cynical since a youth fraught with hardship and suffering. So he turned loose those he’d held on to, choosing instead to dig through Eddie’s memories, find the common denominators among the ones that had a sliver of happiness and distill them into the sharpest knife he could.

To drive it through Eddie, he turned it on Steve.

He’d called it mere opportunity, but Eddie knew differently. The rest were too supported to break, had too many scaffolds in place to stop the dread and terror from creeping in and eating away at their stability. 

Steve only had Robin.

The visions were enough. It was hard enough to watch Steve go through so much pain, so much fear. He’d tried to wheedle and coax him through the worst of it, but there was always this imposed disconnect. He’d gotten tired. He’d given up.

“How much longer?”

And then, Vecna found something new. He found that, with the right pressure, he could push Eddie into trying again.

He’d made him see Steve’s vision. 

He found Eddie’s breaking point.

Steve was cracking, his support systems slipping, and it fractured Eddie into a million tiny pieces. He’d always had a talent for indignation, and it frothed so harsh in his chest, biting at the shreds that remained of his belief until he screamed.

He screamed, and something changed.

Vecna flinched when Robin did. If he could push to the point of breaking, so could Eddie. 

It frustrated him to no end to see that same disbelief on the Party’s faces. They had lived through so many disturbing events, so many hushed losses, and when Steve and Robin shared their tiny piece of hope in that perfectly manicured living room, they looked ready to quash it. The rage took over him, filled him with crimson until he had to let the energy out on something. He picked up an antique vase and threw it.

When it shattered, Eddie learned that fury was a weapon.

Wide eyes turned first to the girl he never met. She turned hers to him, and she smiled. “He’s alive,” she declared, “and he’s here.”

That was all the authority they needed. They began to plan their attack, consolidating years of experience with the unnatural to learn exactly where to drive the wedge that would let them slip through the cracks and back into the Upside Down. They planned to finish this once and for all.

He tried hard not to listen. While he was stuck in limbo, he was part of the neural network. Unable to completely hijack his nervous system, Vecna retained insight into his senses and thoughts. Eddie kept himself outside, preferring the hammering of the cold spring rain to the bitter taste of betrayal.

He fought temptation hard. Vecna forced onto him visions of every sweet moment he’d ever dreamed of, of things he didn’t know he needed until now. 

A girl with Steve’s smile jumped into his arms, called him Dada and giggled so sweetly as he spun her around. She led him through the summer sun and up the steps to the front door, where Steve stood, the brightest smile on his face. He was this close to following them inside until a moment of doubt struck him still.

This wasn’t his. This was a dream for a nice woman, someone who could make Steve happy and give him all the things he wanted in this life. All Eddie could give him was misery. 

Sobs escaped his chest, the tears hot and angry as he mourned something he never had. It was a hot iron piercing his heart and rooting him to the spot. Why did it hurt so damn bad? It wasn’t real. Why did this one break him?

Steve opened the door, hushed excuses tossed over his shoulder as he slipped out onto the porch. He took a seat on the porch swing and closed his eyes. 

“You know, you spend so long trying to live up to an ideal. I wanted to be who everybody needed me to be, and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore. I can’t hide me for everyone else’s sake. So I told Robin, and she got it. Pissed her off I didn’t tell her sooner, but she understood keeping secrets.

“Then Vecna happened, and it all went to shit. I had to be the hero again. The kids needed that. You needed that. So I squashed all my feelings and that’s who I became. I thought, ‘It’s just a stupid crush. I can leave it be for now, this isn’t the time to act on it.’ But I had to be the hero. I just had to give you a bit of courage, and you went and died on me.

“I always wondered why you weren’t there. All the awful things he made me see, and you were never in any of them. The one I actually lost. And there was this nagging feeling that I’d left behind something important when we came back to the surface. I just thought it was grief, like everybody else. But it wasn’t. Thank Christ. Now I’m not leaving it unsaid.”

“How…” Eddie whimpered, mind racing.

“How do you know this is real? I don’t think you can. You just have to trust me.” His eyes were open now, staring without recognition, a small smile gracing his lips.

“I don’t know if I can.” Eddie felt something approaching him, but he couldn’t look, transfixed by overwhelming hazel and the pounding of his heart.

“Please, Eds. Please trust me.”

“Okay,” he breathed, mere moments before something whip-thin and slimy wrapped around his ankle and pulled him down. He yelped, scrabbling at the wood, praying for just a bit of purchase but finding none. “Steve, help!”

“Get to the lab,” he said, panic in his voice. “We’ll try to get through there!”

Eddie managed to roll over, catching sight of the dark crack in the lawn. Vines stretched forth, weaving around his limbs as it sucked him in. Vecna’s laughter boomed like thunder as the storm clouds above crackled with red electricity. He twisted for one last look at Steve.

“I’ll get you out of there, baby, I promise.”

The mass consumed him, dragging him through to the Upside Down. 

Fire filled his veins. He clawed at the vines, raging against his bonds until they freed him. Fuck this place. That barbecued motherfucker wanted him insane? Fine. Fucking perfect. Here he was, stark raving mad and itching to destroy.

He stalked through the dim forest for what seemed like eternity. The vines slithered out of his warpath, cognizant of the damage done to their brethren. He was coming apart at the seams. Steve was right at his fingertips, and this asshole took him away and kept him secret for months, used him as a piece of bait to get his friends back into danger. He wanted the girl, and they were just collateral damage.

Eddie would show him what collateral fucking damage looked like.

The chain link fence crumbled under his hands. The trees gave way to broken asphalt and withered grass. He stopped, chest heaving as he considered his options.

Enter a building he didn’t know and try to find something.

Hide and wait for that something to find him.

Cause a scene.

Eddie liked the third option. He’d always been good at making himself the center of attention. It’d gotten him chewed on the first time, but hey, what’s the harm in trying again? 

He crawled on top of an abandoned car. “Hey, crispy dick!” he shouted, arms outstretched for emphasis. “Come out and play!”

Silence.

He stomped the roof once, twice. “What? Big man get his fucking feelings hurt by a teenage girl? You already killed me once! Try it again!”

There, chittering in the distance.

“Sending your flying rats? How original. Too much of a coward to face me in person!”

A cold voice sounded from behind him. “You annoy me.” 

He turned to find a burned form approaching and grinned despite himself. “That’s the name of the game, sugar.”

“Your friends won’t find you.”

“They’ll find you. Just gotta follow the smell of smoke and asshole.”

“It’d be so easy to give up. You could save them the heartbreak.”

He laughed, humorless. “You already broke their hearts, remember? Put poor Red in a coma and everything. But you wouldn’t know what that feels like, ‘cause Mommy and Daddy didn’t hug you enough for you to develop a sense of empathy.”

“You people and your empathy. What has it ever done except make you miserable?” He stretched a clawed hand toward Eddie. “I make it all go away.”

He swatted it away. “That’s murder, not mercy.”

“Mere semantics. I could make your precious Steve happy again, like I did for Chrissy.”

“Chrissy is dead thanks to you,” he spat, the words bitter on his tongue. “ You took her chance at happiness away.” Vecna frowned. Eddie felt something creeping in his head, sliding against his brain as if on glass. “ You took me away from Wayne and Steve and Dustin. Everything good I had, you took away. You made Jason hunt me like a fucking animal.”

“You know you didn’t have a chance. The world would have eaten you alive.”

The feeling in his head retracted as his temper flared. “Well, guess what, dickbag? I’m not the only one out of chances.” He launched himself at Vecna.

Vecna was tall, but he’d had the high ground. He used it to shove him off his feet and send him crashing to the pavement. Eddie landed on top of him and swung. He had thrown very few punches in his life, but none of them landed as solidly as this one. Talons dug into his shoulder as he hit again and again, determined to turn Vecna into a puddle on the pavement. 

Vecna flung him off. His head knocked against the car’s fender. Ears ringing, he managed to stand, only to be pinned down by the neck. The fear that had long abandoned him came rushing in like the tide as the air was slowly squeezed from his lungs.

He clawed weakly at the hand around his throat, desperate for any leeway. He was sure he’d die this time, and being choked out was not the way he wanted to go. Those awful tendrils began to drill into his brain. “Where are your friends now?” Vecna hissed.

Where were his friends? Did he mistime it? Would they even be able to get to him?

Steve promised. Steve got his hopes up, called him baby, and promised . 

Now, that was agony.

Pain shot through him as his spirit broke. He’d put on such a brave face, only to be abandoned in the final inning. His vision started to go black at the edges. He struggled for a last cry of despair, but there was nothing left.

“Let. Him. Go.”

It was the girl, her curls like a halo around her head, arm outstretched as if to drag them away. She had company. 

Steve was a man of his word, it seemed.

The fingers around his throat loosened, allowing him a gasp of sweet, sweet air before he hit the ground. He felt a sharp pop in his ribs and tasted too much blood for his liking, but he was alive.

“Eleven,” Vecna rasped. “Impetuous as always.”

“That’s enough.” She glared, blood running from her nose as she and Vecna locked into a battle of wills.

He never saw the tire iron in Steve’s hands.

He darted forward and swung it hard, planting it firmly in Vecna’s chest. It broke his concentration for just a moment, and then the demobats were closing in, screeching a hellish sound as they sought familiar prey.

Not this time. Eddie wouldn’t be ripped away from life again, ripped away from the glimmering future that was his to hope for. He summoned all his anger and hatred, every shit card he’d ever been dealt and every horrible taunt thrown his way, and he screamed. 

It split open the bite marks in his sides, burning like alcohol in his lungs as he let everything left of him out.

It made Vecna pause.

It was killing him, he was sure, but it gave Steve time to slam the tire iron into Vecna’s knee, forcing him to the ground as Eleven overpowered him. His skin began to split, turning to ribbons as she pulled the heart from his chest. With one last yell, she squeezed.

A great flash of light shot over the landscape as the heart disintegrated, burning out with the heat of a dying star. Around them, hundreds of demobats plummeted to the earth like meteors. A final whimper sounded as the last vestiges of Vecna’s reign ended. 

Then, finally, silence.

Eddie was enveloped in warmth before he could get his bearings. “You’re alive,” Steve whispered, voice cracking.

He squeezed back as tight as he could, ignoring the protest from his ribs. “You’re here.”

A weak cough sounded behind them. He let go reluctantly to find the girl swaying on her feet, looking utterly exhausted. Steve scooped her into his arms without a second thought. “Shit, we gotta go. Can you walk?” 

“I think so.” Steve nodded and beckoned him to follow. They picked their way to the lab through corpses and broken pavement, each step sending a jolt through his chest. “The kids were right about their friend with superpowers,” he said.

“Yeah, Jane’s great. She’s saved our asses a couple of times.”

He let the quiet drift in the still air and let his mind race. He felt lighter than he had since the first attack, but paranoia lingered. Every few steps, he’d look back, watching for the slightest twitch. He saw none.

Would that fear stay with him for the rest of his life? He’d noticed the kids get wary when the lights flickered, and he saw how jumpy Nancy had been over the past few years. She’d turned from bright to grim on a dime. Was that all that was in store for him?

He stopped at the doors to the lab, turning again to scour the landscape one final time. Steve lightly bumped his shoulder, soft encouragement in his eyes. “Eds, it’s over. It’s okay. Let’s go home.”

Home. The thought sunk deep in the pit of his stomach. He was going home. 

He blinked away tears. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

He made it three steps out of the Lovecraftian horror that was the gate before he got ambushed. “Eddie!” a chorus of voices shouted, jostling to be the first to him. Dustin won, hugging him tight.

There was no stopping the waterworks. Eddie let himself be a blubbering mess as each kid got their turn to ensure he was there in the flesh.

Max noticed his wounds first. “Lucas, bandages, right now,” she snapped. The lightheadedness overtook him, and he reeled as they led him out of the room. He rested his eyes for just a moment as they wrapped him up.

He woke up somewhere unfamiliar. He heard monitors beeping as he cracked open an eye. The hand in his was warm. He gave it a squeeze.

“Hey,” Steve breathed.

“Hey,” he croaked. His sides still hurt, but the sheer exhaustion that was weighing him down had faded to a general tiredness.

Steve ran a hand down his face and chuckled nervously. “Thought we lost you again.”

“Not me, baby. Mister Indestructible.” He wanted to hear that bubbly laughter every time he woke up. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

He tugged on Steve’s hand, drawing him closer. “Did you mean what you said? Back then, on the porch?”

“Every word.” Eddie melted at the brilliant smile that was all for him. 

“Good.” He leaned forward, using all his strength to close the gap between his lips and Steve’s.

Fire crashed into him like a wave, not the harsh burning of anger that he’d become so accustomed to, but a warmth that made every nerve sing, made him feel like each inch of his skin was glowing. He was alive again, believed in, cared for. An angel was at his bedside, kissing him like there was no tomorrow, and hell, maybe there wasn’t. But right now, he had the world at his fingertips. The joy was incomprehensible.

He pulled away when one of the monitors sounded an alarm, grinning like a fool. “So when’s our first date?”

Steve’s laughter worked hard to erase all his terrible memories. He tried to write it on his skin so he could play it over and over. “Dude, we are so far past first date territory.”

[is-emily-real]

Chapter 6 is up! Let me know what you think!

[is-emily-real]

i thought of a kinda shitty au

somebody stop me from writing it tonight

i need sleep

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Doctor/Surgeon (2) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: September 10th, 2022

part one

A Bullet or Two for You (ao3) - IsEmilyReal

Summary: Daniel Howell is conscripted into the British Army at 19. At 24, with the help of a little hot metal, he meets a man who changes his perspective. Maybe hospital isn't so bad after all.

between me and you (ao3) - colorblindly

Summary: After falling down the stairs and injuring himself, Phil needs the help of a physical therapist. Lucky for him, Dan is a physical therapist who loves dogs… And YouTube.

Changing Daniel (wattpad) - uncleELswaggy

Summary: "Doctor Lester will be out in a moment, I promise, he doesn't bite," the receptionist laughed.

Code Black (ao3) - starboydjh

Summary: “Code black: An influx of patients so great, there aren’t enough resources to treat them. The average A&E is in code black 5 times per year. St. Thomas’ Memorial Hospital in London is in code black 300 times per year.” Doctors Dan Howell and Phil Lester know all too well that when everything in the busiest accident and emergency department in England and their personal lives goes right, the most incredible of miracles can happen. After Dan bares the struggles of his past to Phil, a member of Dan’s distant and troubled family shows up as a patient in their A&E one night after years of silence, and life starts to feel like one long code black night in more ways than one.

Delirium of Negation (ao3) - DontForgetToPanic

Summary: Dan as a cardiothoracic surgeon a la Kevorkian + Phil as a lost soul without a heartbeat + some self-indulgent nihilistic ramblings + a homage to my 13 yrs in Catholic School + a bit of raunchy hospital bed smut.

Doctors Not Only Heal Physical Wounds - irphanfic

Summary: Dr. Dan Howell, the dreamiest doctor of the hospital is charming, attractive and has a motorbike, all Dr. Phil Lester wanted in a a partner. After a big scare makes them both connect as more than co-workers, how will they manage to develop their new friendship?

Dr. Lester - saturatedhour

Summary: Dan’s just barely 18 with a high sex drive. He loves sex, especially cocks. Those are his favourite. But when his mom finds out he’s been having too much sex with guys in his room, she insists on him getting a prostate exam. When Dan goes to visit the creepy doctor he’s had since he was 6, he’s surprised when he sees a new one in his place. A really attractive doctor named Dr. Lester.

Good Boys Don’t Get Hard During Prostate Exams (ao3) - Lady_Smut

Summary: “Oh, but you see, good boys don’t get hard during prostate exams. And good boys definitely don’t come during prostate exams. Only naughty sluts do. And you know what we do to naughty sluts in the medical business?” Dr Lester’s eyes glinted dangerously. “We punish them.”

grey’s (ph)anatomy (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Understanding Dan was the beginning of the end, as far as Phil’s concerned, but he doesn’t mind too much where he ended up.

Phil’s Hair - amazingphilia

Summary: “my best friend is a doctor and i’m diagnosed terminal” / “the four times dan almost tells phil he thinks he’s hot, and one time phil manages to wheedle it out of him”!

Piecing Together My Mind - paradisobound

Summary: When Dan is the victim of a terrible car accident, he suffers unbelievable trauma to his brain. As a result, only a few doctors in the world can perform the operation that is needed for him to recover: one the doctors being Phil Lester from America. Through the surgery and his recovery, Phil is there for him every step of the way, leading them into a spiral of love no one can predict, which eventually gains attention and popularity through a book written by Dan.

Teach Me To Be Human (ao3) - tiniestbauble

Summary (tw): There were three things, three rules in fact that Daniel Howell had been told all his life- 1) He has to be a surgeon. A very good one at that. 2) Nobody in med school is your friend; they are all competitors. Do not, under any circumstances, befriend them, and, 3) Patients are neither your friends nor loved ones. You can't operate your family or friends without your hands shaking and sweat trickling down your spine. So patients cannot be friends. They are just people you operate upon and treat. And Dan broke all of those rules over the first week of his internship.

[phanfeed-ao3]

A Bullet or Two for You

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2F6qsEZ

by IsEmilyReal

“What else is a man our age good for in the middle of a war?”

Daniel Howell is conscripted into the British Army at 19. At 24, with the help of a little hot metal, he meets a man who changes his perspective. Maybe hospital isn't so bad after all.

Words: 1714, Chapters: 1/5, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Louise Pentland

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Additional Tags: World War II, Alternate Universe - Historical, No Major Character Death, just dudes being gay, doctor!Phil, soldier!Dan, nurse!Louise, Medical Procedures, War wounds

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2F6qsEZ