#it doesn't it isn't it won't ever be

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Why is it so difficult to have conversations with Bedannibal shippers? I am new to Tumblr and am trying to have meta discussion with Bedannibal shippers but every time I bring up what Mads and Bryan said about Hannibal and Will or even something that canonically happened like Bedelia crying when Hannibal kills Anthony Dimmond and trying to run away. Gideon teasing Hannibal about Will Graham or Hannibal coming to kill Bedelia at the end of the episode when Bedelia ended their patient psychiatrist relationship. I get said that's what "Hannigramers" say. I am trying to be as polite as possible and dismissed, I just want some Bedannibal shippers views but no one is engaging me. How to have meta discussion with Bedannibal shippers?

If you'll pardon me, it sounds like the conversation you're trying to have with them is a "meta discussion" about how Hannigram is more real/deep/canon/loving/something else than Bedannibal, or some variation thereof. What are the "views" that you want from them?

If you come to someone asking for them to justify their non-dominant ship preference with meta, I can sort of see why they're not that interested in discussing it with you. But people don't ship even canon ships because the ship is canon: they ship it because there's some vibe about the relationship dynamic that they like. Beyond that, shippers aren't obligated to provide meta backup for their ship even if the ship is canon.

So if you're really interested in finding out what that juicy Bedannibal vibe is, you might be better served to just invite people to share what they love about Hannibal and Bedelia being together, and then just listen and enjoy them talking about what they enjoy. It's not a meta discussion. Don't try to make it into one.

[teddybeartoji]

it's not often you get to see a sleepy suguru.

it's not like he's not tired – he's fucking exhausted; the dreams just don't seem to like him all that much. but he's usually toughing it out, trying to seem as composed and put-together as possible. the dark skin underneath his eyes betray him, though.

so you don't really know why today is different. is he just more tired? have all of the sleepless hours caught up with him? or is it just you; could it be that your body is the most comfortable place to rest his heavy head? or is it your perfume that's soothing him to sleep?

or is it the fingers in his hair?

he doesn't really let others play with his hair too ofter either. satoru and shoko had been the only exceptions but that was before you came along. satoru uses his hair as a stim, something to play with when he's bored. suguru has taught him manners though – a few slaps against satoru's fingers and chest to remind him to be more careful. and shoko is just more likely to brush a strand from his eyes or help him tie them up in a half-assed bun whenever his own hands are full with whatever.

you like playing with hair, always have and always will. it's relaxing and it's fun and it's calming and you love it. when you first met suguru, his hair was the second thing you noticed about him (his keen purple eyes being the first). an irresistible itch burned in your fingertips everytime you saw him, everytime he wore his hair down. it just looked so pretty and soft.

he takes very good care of his hair, you know that much. specific shampoos and conditioners, masks and all – he's all in. and nobody bats an eye. not that they should but satoru definitely gets made fun of because of his stupidly expensive collection of figurines and shoko gets teased for her silly mug shelf – and yet, neither of them ever comment on the bottles and tubs of fancy products that lay on his bathroom counter.

his hair also smells good. the compliment always hangs on the tip of your tongue but stays hidden in fear of coming off too weird. too creepy. but he doesn smell good. even with closed eyes and ears and you'd find him in a crowd. you wonder whether he knows that.

as you grew closer and closer, the now scorching itch only doubled in need. you never did gather the strenght to outwardly ask him – if you could play with his hair? if you could caress it? comb through it? it was an accident.

a simple gloomy friday afternoon: you're both lazing on your couch, staring at the screen. it's funny – you find yourself muffling your already quiet bursts of laughter, suguru alongside you. he's sitting close by, closer than usual. you don't ask him about it.

he asked to come over; something-something about being sick of his own apartment. you understand that, so you tell him that your home is his home (you'd tell him that even if you didn't understand). you hear the faint smile when he thanks you over the phone.

even when he looks like he hasn't slept in months – he looks good. you can tell he's overexaggerating his smile a bit but don't say anything about it, rewarding him with a grin of your own. his eyes flick to your lips and how they curve and he thinks about how warm it feels to look at you. maybe he's not exaggerating anymore.

your arms open wide, inviting him into you and he obliges, as always. he smells good. as always.

his hands lock behind your back and your behind his neck. your hearts meet and they greet each other with a fastened beat, eager to be in sync – to feel each other again.

he pulls back and the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. he's not doing it anymore and you're happy to relieve him even if it's for mere moments.

he's wearing a sweather and his hair is down. he has lip gloss on; you try to think whether he's more of a mint guy or more of a shea guy. it remains a mystery.

and now you're on the couch with two cups of warm tea waiting for you on the small table. he smells good. he's so close. he snickers at the screen and you can't take your eyes off of him. it's the same small crinkle of the eyes and the faintest pink tint on his cheeks.

you know he knows that you're looking at him. you've been told to have a staring problem and he's just an observant guy. it's a terrible match. or a perfect one.

he doesn't say anything though; instead he leans his head back and little to the side against the headrest (he's even closer now) and you find yourself shifting an inch aswell. perhaps magnets are involved? the iron in your blood pulling you together?

no, that can't be. you'd have to be polar opposites for that to work. warm-blooded and cold-blooded? would that work? you're getting too poetic and he's looking at you now.

it's an accident. it slips out on its own. you smell good. caught off guard by your own comment, you're about to apologize when a hand on your thigh almost makes you suffocate on the words stuck in your throat.

he laughs and it feels so good. he thanks you. he means it, you see it in his tired eyes. he likes the way you blush.

turning his focus back to the tv, you try to collect yourself. a deep breath in and a deep one out and a deep one in and a de—

a weight on your shoulder. he smells so good. he's so close. you peek down, curious as to whether this is a dream or not. but suguru's head is in fact laid on your body, sinking a bit more into you by the second. a deep breath in and a deep one out.

seeking for a more comfortable position, you snuggle closer to him. it's hard to focus but you're making it your sole mission to make him feel safe. your arm curls around his body, his shoulder, and rests right by a flock of his hair.

his cheek is now smushed against the top of your chest and the weight of love doesn't seem as bad as everyone keeps telling you. his hand finds a place around your waist; loosely – as if he's the one who's afraid to scare you off. silly.

his breath against you feels right and the butterflies in your stomach refuse to calm down. so you do what you always do when you get nervous – completely on their own, your fingers caress his hair. just smoothing over it at first but before you know it, they're combing through a strand and twirling the ends between themselves.

you wanna apologize, again, but the soft little grunt that emits from the man keeps you from doing so.

don't stop.

+ this is for @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat just bc it feels right

[hualianschild]

let's talk abt hua cheng and the way his entire *almost* existence relates back to xie lian cuz it's been my current roman empire, his name having the word 'hua' which means 'flower' can be seen as relating to xie lian's god name (the flower crowned martial god), also he's called crimson rain sought flower cuz he was shielding a lone white flower (also represents xie lian) from the blood rain (he can be the said 'flower' in that rain too actually), that red coral pearl on his hair braid ? it belongs to xie lian, that red string tied around his finger, xie lian tied strands of his hair around that finger which represents marriage and ofc the red-string-of-fate soulmate trope, he has xie lian's name tattooed on him in his terrible writing, made an entire city just so his love can come there and rest and build a temple there so he can worship him and remained his only devotee when xl lost everything (that thing abt gods being in existence as long as there is someone to worship them) he gave up on becoming a god cuz then who will be worshipping his god ?? isn't afraid to show his true form to xl which he never did to anyone, destroyed those thirty three gods cuz they ridiculed his gege, took lqq along with him to qi rong's den so he can clear the false accusations even if xl didn't want him to CUZ YOU WILL NAWT BE HATING HIS DIANXIA OVER THINGS HE NEVER DID i mean his entire existence is because xie lian said 'if you can't find any reason to live, make me your reason to live' and oh isn't that level of devotion and love so devastating ?

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[commsroom]

the scene at the end of who's there?: eiffel is cut off mid-sentence (addressing minkowski), minkowski calls his name twice, and hera says, "commander... he's not showing up on any of my scans. he's gone." vs. brave new world: eiffel is cut off mid-sentence (addressing hera), minkowski calls his name twice, and hera says, "he's... commander, he's gone." in idle hands, eiffel regaining his autonomy ("hera, it's me. i'm me again.") is described: "there's a SOFT WOOSH, and eiffel's eyes go from spaced out to sharp focus." in brave new world, eiffel losing his memory is described: "there's a SOFT WOOSH, and his eyes go glassy." in mayday, hera's voice is the last one eiffel hears, the last voice in his head trying to keep him from giving up when he's sure he's about to die. in brave new world, eiffel loses his memory mid-thought while addressing hera, and so she was his last memory, the last thing on his mind. whatever. whatever.

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

Ok I know I'm heavily biased here but like I kinda love that Astarion's romance is one of the few in this type of video game where you basically end up canonically unmarried and childfree in his "good" ending? Just travelling the world??

Like it's honestly the millennial dream lmfaoo cannot believe i chose what would undoubtedly be my favorite option, first try

[little-pup-pip]

Hi, do you also do agere boards for older regressed ages like 11-12? If you do, could I request a year 2000 board with lots of Bonne Bell Lip Smackers chapstick & like cartoons (especially Nickelodeon like um Rocket Power for example) n stuff? I hope that's not too vague or obscure or whatever.

Yes!!

[buckttommy]

I'm not an aro!Eddie girlie because he very obviously experiences romantic love and experiences it deeply, but sometimes the way people talk to him about his life and about his love makes me want to be just so they can fuck off

[soaked-ghost]

rewriting dream sans and getting rid of his aura and his empath powers might be the best idea I ever had tbh

they were ideas that sounded cool on paper, but in practice were just cumbersome, limited dream as a character and were only there to make sure that dream could never have true friends let's admit that

I found it more impactful if dream, incarnation of hopes and dreams or whatever he is, had very low empathy and didn't understand others' emotions at all

imagine being in his place, having ur entire reason for living being the purpose that was given to u before u were even born. dedicating ur entire life for that purpose, and having something wrong in ur core that makes u naturally bad at that purpose

and the sheer irony, of constantly striving for greatness, but having imperfections that reach so deep within ur being, that whatever greatness ur striving for will forever be unreachable

ahhhh he's so autistic

[fallenandrogyne]

Barbie (2023)

[otrtbs]

So you mentioned you don’t like regulily, does that apply to the jegulily ship? Or does having James in the mix just make everything perfect again

,,,,,,, james being in the mix does not make everything perfect again. no. i also am not a fan of jegulily . so.

the vibe of regulus and lily just kinda being cruel to james in the name of being 'cool' doesn't sit right w me. james can kinda be turned into a doormat ,,,, following regulus and lily around like a dog ,,, which if that's ur thing go for it.

but for me. regulus is a LOSER. he's a little PATHETIC and STRANGE. and u lose that a little bit sometimes in a jegulily dynamic and also. there's a very fine line between being defensive and protective and a little grumpy and then just being flat-out mean and cruel. and that line is verrrrry thin in jegulily dynamics w james being on the receiving end of the meanness. more often than not. so . not my thing.

ship ask game!

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[stormyoceans]

We thought Day is confident gay when in fact he is GAY LOSER who blushes easily around his crush and has doe eyes and would like to be manhandled oh i am in love with the layers of him

YOU AND ME BOTH ANON IT'S HONESTLY RIDICULOUS HOW IN LOVE WITH DAY I AM LIKE DON'T GET ME WRONG OF COURSE I LOVE MORK THE GREENEST OF GREEN FLAGS BUT DAY IS LITERALLY THEE MOST CHARACTER OF ANY SHOW IN TELEVISION HISTORY AND I THINK WE SHOULD TALK MORE ABOUT THAT

im so happy you mentioned all of day's layers because he is such a complex character and i find him so interesting!!!!!! he is confident and quick-witted with his friends, he is vicious and resentful with night, he is timid and accommodating with august, he is a mama's boy but isn't afraid to stand up to her, he is stubborn and hard-working and genuine and charismatic, he is a jock AND a nerd, he can be the most polite boy or the cuntiest man alive. the thing is.. we all have multiple selves, and each of these selves is defined in a web of relationships and has particular attributes, so of course day the son is different from day the brother who is different from day the friend who is different from day the student who is different from day the athlete, but ultimately they're all just day

and what kinda amazes me is that mork, by being an external observer, has been able to see all these sides of day, but he also brought out other ones that belong to mork and mork alone, like day's bashfulness and playfulness. day in love is, in general, surprisingly hesitant and self-conscious (and someone who wants to be pushed down and taken care of, but that's a whole other matter), but what a difference the person who he is in love with makes: august is a wild fire who makes day small, while mork is an hearth fire who makes day shine

[blackcatanna]

When you're chatting about Skyrim with the new guy and are looking forward to having a new nerd buddy but then he casually drops that he thinks black women are inherently violent because they have the wild blood of Africa flowing through them.